The Digression Sessions - Ep. 153 - Solo Ep & Roadkill Comedy Tour (@JoshKuderna & @MikeMoranWould)

Episode Date: March 30, 2015

Josh and Mike are back for a solo ep! Also, stay tuned until the end for an interview with Dana Moon, Jessica Michelle Singleton, and Lisa Curry of the #RoadKillComedy Tour! See them on 4/4/15 at the Torrent in Towson - Get tickets here - http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/1337249 Follow us on Twitter! Josh Kuderna - @JoshKuderna Mike Moran - @MikeMoranWould Podcast - @DigSeshPod Like the Digression Sessions page on Facebook. Rate and review us on iTunes & Stitcher! And check out the rest of our network at ThunderGrunt.com 

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Are recording yep this is it this is the thing this is a quick episode quick show this is a quick cast the quick sand cast we're sinking into it you know sinking into the comfort where is there quick sand by the way uh if you would ask me when i was five, I would have said everywhere.

Everywhere. Michael? Yes. No guest. What? Quick episode yet. Again, there's no other person in this room besides you and I and Jesus. Slow down here.

Who's our first guest on tonight's podcast. Jesus. He's a comedian out of Mexico. I look down and I realize Jesus was podcasting the whole time What's that saying where you're walking on the beach Yeah like the footprints in the sand I never quite understood that

Yeah is he carrying you Yeah it's something like You're walking And you're like searching for Jesus Or God Or gods Notice how much lamer like how much dumber it sounds when you say gods than god right right right that's like what's really okay we all know there's only one okay come on what is this the roman empire okay harry potter all right

uh i think it's like okay so i was I was walking with Jesus on the beach, but I questioned that because I looked down and there was only one set of footprints. And that's when I realized that Jesus had been carrying me the entire time. Got it. Which is probably why I was floating in the fetal position for most of that trip. Everybody else is on the beach like, gee, what the fuck? What is happening? And you're like, yeah, I don't know. I'm questioning my faith right now.

Because this is pretty spooky. This is pretty crazy. Also, it's pretty arrogant to just assume it's Jesus. What if it's just some ghost, some weird, weird ghost? You don't know if it's Jesus. Isn't that what Jesus is? Weird, weird ghost. Yeah.

Kind of is, right? He's like, oh, I thought thought i was dead but i'm not i'm a son of god weird weird ghost jerry seinfeld son of god uh so yeah no no guess no guess this is gonna be a quick little uh catch-up sesh uh try to get todd berry on the podcast he responded on twitter by saying thanks but i don't think I'll have time. And I was glad that he responded, but he's a big fan of this podcast, so his face has got to be pretty red right now

while he's listening. He's going to feel a little embarrassed. Good. David Allen Greer was in town. No response to my tweets. So we tried. We tried this weekend and got nothing. Got nothing. So you're stuck with us ass assholes that's all right that's okay with mike that's okay but uh we did have a quick phone call we're gonna plug a show

here uh the roadkill comedy tour michael is coming through town a bunch of dizzy broads got in a van and decided to do comedy all across this fair nation. Come on now. No, it's true. It's true. The road killed comedy tour. Let's see. Are they going to bring out their male writers? Well, I don't know if their husbands even know what's happening.

Wow. I hope they're not listening because I'm sure they wouldn't allow us. I hope these women aren't neglecting their children. You and me both, pal. Or their chores at home they better they better do this show in towson on saturday and get home and do the goddamn laundry uh no the way the weird ghost wanted it praise be the weird ghost it's not that different i mean they got like the holy

spirit i mean that's like saying the special ghost and sometimes they call it the holy ghost too yeah but yeah it is true to the uh like every And sometimes they call it the Holy Ghost, too. Yeah, but yeah, it is true, too. Like every sports game, they're just like, I'd like to thank that ghost in the sky. Really? They say that? No, but I mean, if they replace Jesus and God, the ghost is great. I'd like to thank the invisible phantom with the power to send people to hell. At least he showed mercy on me today.

Yeah, that's the weird thing is that they can't like objectively think that God's that great of a person if he's making everybody burn in hell. But they just have to kiss his ass anyway. And what about the other team? They're like, oh, fuck. You don't like us, God? Well, I think generally when a sports team loses, it's because they held Satan before they... Like on accident? The coach is just like, all right, take a knee.

Hail Satan. Ah, fuck. God damn. They held Satan before they like on accident. The coach just like all right, make a knee. Hail say, ah, God, is that what's like going through the minds when they're praying? Like hopefully they're not praying to God. Yeah, the other side, right?

It's that thing where you're like, okay, like if you're in a meeting, you're like, don't say fuck, don't say fuck. Let's not hail Satan. Let's not hail the great dark Lord.

Ah, shit. God, on a serious note, it must be like how people with Tourette's really live. Speaking of, there's a great tour coming. Great segue. No, I just want to plug this up front. And we're going to play a little bit of, we did a phone call with these three very funny comedians. Dana Moon, Jessica Michelle Singleton, and Lisa Curry.

They are the Roadkill Comedy Tour. And they'll be at the Torrent Nightclub this Saturday, April 4th, 830 in Towson, Maryland. Go see that. We tried to talk to them on the phone. It was me and you on one side and then the three of them on one phone. And I think they were somewhere like in the middle of Indiana. Right. And proved to be nearly impossible.

And they're inside of a phone booth somehow, which is weird. Yeah, that's what they said. So once you tell them they don't have to just use their cell phones in phone booths, it's not required. Yeah. Well, dizzy broads.

Again, dizzy. Somebody, they're out, they're by themselves, probably scared. That crazy zombie ghost in the sky has a plan. Why is he a zombie all of a sudden? Because he was dead. Yeah, that was Jesus. We're talking about the Holy Spirit.

Again, another point of confusion. The father, the son. No, it's not. Actually, they decided that at the Council of Nicaea or something. Of your what? You know how they decided all the official Christian rules in the early days of Christianity? When everything was all willy-nilly.

They had to pull all the fan fiction together. That's exactly what happened. The Roman Empire made it the official religion and they got together and there's these huge debates over, no, the Holy Ghost doesn't count. Stuff like that. They had to decide what was canon

and what was fan fiction. A picture of a huge chalkboard just says, has laser eyes. It's gotta go, guys like come on it's bullshit we all know jesus had laser eyes maybe they'll do like multiple universes like star trek or like they have like ultimate jesus or whatever yeah the new 52 we're gonna reboot this whole thing yeah for a younger hipper generation this one's a soft reboot. This one's a reimagining. Yeah.

I heard DC is going to try to make him black in the new one. Oh, Christ. You know, it's fine. That's the time we're living in. I guess so. What's next? A gay Jesus? If Comrade Obama has his way. A woman can be piloting the Star Trek Voyager.

You still have a gripe from 1994 yeah uh so yeah go see that tour this is why we don't do ads but now uh real quick i just want to say it was nice talking to them we were going to try to do a fuller interview but um it felt like i think i even say it at one point it felt like i was in middle school again. We're going to call Julie. Oh, man, I want to listen in. You're really selling this interview, Josh. It's really great. It's really great.

No, the content was good. It was just an awkward setup. Well, there's three people on one side, two on the other. Yeah. Yeah. Hello? Hey. That was actually a snippet of it.

That was a preview of the conversation yeah and i was like restraining constant sexual comments as much as humanly possible i do mention boners which is why i barely talk i'm that's how it goes most most episodes mike anything to say cock all right thank you thank you uh i just sit here with my head down holding my my forehead um the gay jesus thing made me think of uh this recent like law that was passed in indiana have you heard about this uh maybe you heard about this you heard about it not to not to say have you heard about this but have you heard about it but have you heard about it it sounds like it's starting to ring a little we don't get too political on this show.

And I don't know. This is what I read based off a Yahoo article today. Yeah. Some Yahoo writing article. For the New York Gay Times. But they passed some law where businesses can discriminate against gay people, basically. Yeah. I've heard about this i always love when republicans try to

flip it and uh like what they're doing like what's being said about them because everybody's saying like this is terrible how you do that he goes hey hey i think he called it what's coming in from the liberals is an avalanche of discrimination towards him and indiana's need for freedom or something like that it's like it's like hey we should be free to discriminate against whoever we want now you're discriminating against our discrimination and that's just un-american yeah it's like wow wow good times good times in indiana yeah yeah shout out to uh to our fans out there you know good times bill good old gay bill uh michael um i'm gonna ask you this do you have any shows to plug uh as a matter of fact cut to six hours later i do i like stuff uh i'll plug a couple things here in the uh before you while you search for your

thangs this wednesday uh april 1st no fooling guys i will be at a coco lane in ellicott city around nine o'clock this show is going to be a set list show bunch of comedians i might be on that too actually oh good oh okay yeah that'll be fun so yeah the uh the show is uh we're doing stand-up but without a net uh there's usually a net there which is great because there's no floor so it's gonna be a real mess yeah uh stand-ups performing on uh and doing material that we've never seen before. Basically, a topic's going to pop up on a TV, and then we just have to riff on it. So it could be really fun or really bad. But luckily, it's free.

So Mike and I are both doing that. So that's at Coco Lane on Wednesday. Let's see. Friday is my lady's birthday. Have you ever not had a good time at the Coco Lane open mic? No, I don't think so i think except for maybe that time you got stabbed oh yeah i still had fun though still had a lot of fun that was uh it was a nice uh nice stabbing actually it turned out it stabbed a piece of cancer in my stomach and

i was like thank you thank you zombie ghost in the sky uh my piece of the true cross uh then let's see it holds friday friday's my lady's birthday so uh come on out to that you guys and um on saturday the 4th i'll be hosting at the hyatt in bethesda the 11th i'll be doing improv in dc and i forget where and just ask someone on the street i'm sure yeah these will all be up at digression sessions.com calendar and then the 15th i want to plug chuckle storm which is happening wednesday april 15th eight o'clock at the auto bar we're gonna have stand-up uh interviews sketches all that stuff a A lot of fun. Five bucks. Be there or be painfully square. Michael?

Yes. What do you got to plug? Let's see. 31st, I'll be seeing my doctor at 1.30. What's going on here? 4.30. You're going to be okay? April 3rd.

We'll find out, won't we? Stay tuned, Diggits. April 3rd, I'm hosting the Mashup Show, right? Yes. Yep, that's right are we is it pop six performing too right yes no you're not hosting uh matthew manning's hosting okay but pop six is performing all right now tell me about my next one just kidding the next night there on the fourth population six will be performing it performing performing improv at the Mercury Theater, 8 o'clock. For April 10th,

we will also be performing improv at the Mercury Theater. I'll be doing championship comedy at Zizimo's on April 10th. Also, my 12th year sober. Wow. And I got some other stuff after that, but we'll leave these dickheads in suspense. Oh, yeah.

And go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Follow us on Twitter. I am at Josh Kaderna. Also on Instagram is at Josh Kaderna. The podcast is at Dig Sesh Pod. And Michael, you are on Twitter as well. Yes, I am. At Mike Moran Wood.

W-O-U-L-D. Mm-hmm. So. Wait, so is a part of it? No. Mike Moran Woodso? No. Like Woodso.

That's not bad, actually. Woodso. So follow us there for tweets, guys. Great, great stuff happening there. I have a tweet, you know, got some faves. Oh, yeah, What was it? It said, still waiting on Mambo number six, by the way. So follow me there for gold like that.

Sounds a little bit like my top pinned tweet. What? Yes. What's your tweet? Never give up. It took Lubega four Mambos before he got it right. Wow. We should do a podcast together. We are really

syncing up. I feel like somebody else had a Lou Bega one recently. It's Lou Bega. He's like, hey, wasn't Lou Bega great? But I spelled it Lou Vega. I thought that was his name. Several people corrected me. Who gives a shit though? Lou Bega gives a shit. That's who. No, I don't think so. And Lou Vega

who is trying to live his life as a librarian in West Texas. Remember like back in the day with with cd stores sometimes there'd be bands that would like cover another band song and have a name similar to theirs in hopes that you would buy theirs yeah just being real sneaky yeah what a bunch of bullshit that was quite a that's that's a really large uh wager for a record label like right this probably isn't gonna pay off let's print like a million of these fucking like what if that's your claim to fame is that you had a fake band called like smack mouth and walking on the sun or whatever smashing uh muffins you know good times uh so michael uh while while we have another uh what time do you have to go i don't know sometime

probably in the next 10 minutes. Okay. Well, we have another 10 minutes or so. Okay. How's it going, man? Pretty good. Pretty good. I can't complain. Very tired lately, though. Sleepy? Yeah.

A lot of long days, long nights? Not taking any me days? No, I never take me days because they end up being I want to die days when I don't do anything. Okay. No, I mean, I've been doing a lot, but it's not like super strenuous. You know, like driving to a club every night isn't like all that hard. Yeah, you're just up late. Yeah, I guess so. Not getting enough sleep.

You know what I think it is? I think I'm just finally acknowledging that I'm just chronically fatigued. And I'm not just fighting it all the time. I'm just kind of like, wow, I could really go for a nap. Right. Like, what if I'm just a guy who needs a lot of sleep? Yeah, that could be. You could need 10 hours.

I'm afraid I'm that guy as well. I'm just like, but I'm never going to get 10 hours every day. Right. So it's fucking Obama. We need some anti-gay laws. No, yeah, yesterday I took, whoa, Mike just farted, everybody. So yesterday I took a little me day. Oh, yeah?

How'd that go? Well, it was fine, but I kind of did the same thing. I got some stuff done. I wrote a little bit and then did laundry. Wrote like what? Comedy? Yeah, like stand-up, working on bits and stuff. And reviewed some game film of one of my sets that I did in Frederick two weeks ago it was

like the most hungover I've ever been in my life drank until 530 in the morning Jesus Christ yeah so and then I performed that night it was what like I woke up I was supposed to go to a chuckle storm meeting too at like 10 and I just blew right there I just slept and like i think i think they called they called me dan and alex called me and then they called amanda and then my friend's girlfriend woke me up where i stayed at uh i stayed at their place and uh brendan had gone to work my friend and then erica was there and she woke me up at like one or two and she's like uh i think people are worried about you and then i drove home and i was still hungover or drunk.

I don't know. It was really windy, too. And I was like, I hope that's wind. And I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. But I just, dude, I felt, I thought about canceling. So, like, I had to sleep. Your life.

Yeah. I'm calling out of life for a little bit. What about punching out for good? So, yeah, so I went up there, and then I watched it wasn't it wasn't as bad as i thought it was it was actually it was a really good crowd so i got lucky with that but uh it started out pretty rough really like uh did you acknowledge your hangover on stage yeah yeah well yeah for some reason my voice was really deep too i don't know i was just like i'm uh well yeah i mean that comes along with like being groggy and sleeping.

Yeah. And I was first to go up after the host, too, and I was like, pussies be stinking. Am I right? Because I think he made some joke about, I don't know. It was like, what was his joke? It was like, sometimes you go down low and it be smelling low. Or something like that. It be smelling low? or something like that he's smelling low or something like

it'd be low on the scale of good smells it was cracking me up but it was uh i forget what he said so i was like hey pussies be stinking there was actually a fun moment where uh i was like you know pussies don't be stinking and some some woman applauded. I was like, oh, yeah. Call me a feminist, but I don't think pussies be stinking. She stands up slowly. Thank you. Thank you. So yeah, I watched that and then did some dog sitting for a friend.

And yeah, it felt weird just being lazy. Really? Yeah, I was also doing a little dog sitting this week. Really? I was indeed. That is fun. That is fun. Did you get some organic vegetables as well? No.

What does that have to do with anything? You got organic vegetables with your deal? Yep. That's some bullshit. That's what it came with. No, it just came with the sense of knowing that you did good. Yeah. No, really.

What did it come with? That's it. That's it. Well, really, it comes with debt because now with our friends, we are two. Now we have them on a leash. Wow. They're our dogs. Right. Who let them out?

Not me. Right. Until I feel satisfied. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So we have watched our friend's dog two to zero. So we're just letting that debt stack up. Wow.

Hey. You know? Might just give them months for like a year. That is guilt in the bank. You owe us, bro. You owe us. So that's good. Went to the orthodontist on Friday. Oh yeah, you're getting braces, aren't you? Yeah, I'm going for it.

I want to brace yourself for this announcement, big heads. Edit that and put it before I said that. You got it okay i'm not editing anything not gonna do that not gonna do that um the uh yeah so i had had braces before when i was like 15 really for a little bit yeah that's that was the orthodontist reaction that also how did that work for a little bit yeah well like the normal amount of time like year year and a half or something and then uh i had to i had retainers and I wore them and then I thought I was fine after a while.

I just stopped wearing them and lost them and then everything went to hell. Wow. And yeah, so I saw my orthodontist. Well, I went and saw a orthodontist for a consultation and it was an Asian woman. And not that that's bad or anything, but there was like, not a language barrier, but it was an asian woman and uh not that that's bad or anything but there was like not a language barrier but it was just funny how blunt she was like uh she's like have you had before i've braced it before and i was like uh yeah she's like really wow like that's i really like that about asian people i just laid into me like people that are really like from that culture you know like yeah so there's like no pleasantries no there's zero bedside manner like you know it's like well

i was kind of hoping to get invisalign she she goes oh no you're too bad and that's like awesome uh well you know i mean they're not too she's like oh no no way just really double down like with an american it would be kind of like the opposite like you're like oh they're not two. She's like, oh, no, no way. Just really doubled down. Like with an American, it would be kind of like the opposite. Like you're like, oh, they're terrible. Like, oh, they're not that bad. You know, it's just you could be a candidate. It's just I feel more comfortable giving you the, you know, the traditional. But her, she was like, oh, no.

You crazy? So it's like, fuck it. I should get good teeth. So, yeah, I'm'm gonna try to do that they're gonna be like the old so it's not gonna be invisalign because mine are too awful her words not mine i think she said they were just pure dog shit that's what her words medical terms uh so uh so i'm gonna do do that and try to get the ceramic ones so they're not as noticeable. But, you know, why not? So I'll have those for like a year and a half to two years.

Hopefully by the time I'm 30, I can get these chompers straight. All right. I hope you don't get like one of those weird faces. What do you mean? Because it changes your whole face, you know? When you have braces? Well, like when your teeth are corrected, it kind of like changes like your jaw. Yeah.

Like structured. Yeah. Like the shape of your face. I'm only going to get more handsome. Don't worry about that. All right. I'm just making sure. Maybe I don't want that either.

Yeah. It's on. Maybe I prefer you have like a weird horse face or something afterwards. Hey, snaggle tooth. Oh, what are you kidding me? No. I'm tired of you getting all the dick sesh puss. Yeah, lots of puss.

I'm going to have so much puss with these braces. You think so? Yeah, well, that's the cool thing. She actually said that. It actually comes with three puss. Yeah, she said that literally, you ever hear about pussy magnets? Each tooth is going to have a pussy magnet. Really?

So that's like 37 pussy magnets. I don't know how many teeth I have. Wow, wow. Yeah. Well, I don't have that, but I do have several monster magnet CDs. You put those in your mouth? No. In my ears. What?

In my ears. Oh. Well, that's not good. Space Lord Mother Mother. Those guys are awful. I kind of liked them in high school. If I were to revisit a band that I was into in 1999, I would put them on the maybe list. They seem like garbage. They were kind of liked them in high school. If I were to revisit a band that I was into in 1999, I would put them on the maybe list.

They seem like garbage. They were kind of self-aware little guys. I think so. They just look like meth heads in the desert. Guys that wear no shirt but a leather vest. I think it was kind of a parody on that. Like sort of a... Okay. Maybe more of an homage, but I don't think it was kind of a parody on that. Like sort of a... Okay. Maybe more of an homage,

but I don't think it was just straight up like... We're garbage? Yeah. I mean, there's no way in 1999 you could get away with doing that straight. You know what I mean? It was well past the 80s. It happened.

It was a wild time. We were all doing it for the nookie. There was like that tiny... Surge was in our veins. There was... Oh, I thought you meant the system of a down guy for a nookie. There was like that tiny. Surge was in our veins. There was. Oh, I thought you meant the system of a down guy for a second. Yep. Him too.

There was like a tiny, tiny like brief return to the 80s there in the late 90s. You remember that? Mm-mm. There's like Buck Cherry, Monster Magnet, and that's it. Yeah, where it was kind of like the like balls to the wall rock. For like five minutes, but it really didn't last very long. Yeah. In fact, those are the only two bands i can think of i guess national pussy was kind of in that oh yeah yeah yeah buck cherry rode that wave for a while too with that then they had that

weird song that ended up being a hit that like crazy bitch song yeah but fuck so good i think i think any like irony was gone at that i think it was just because at that point like rock like kind of you know 80s classic rock had returned and they were um yeah it was back at home bad bad stuff yeah so uh so yeah it's gonna be around may when i get these get these old chompas put in yeah and uh yeah so that's gonna be it's gonna be a new me brand new j Josh. A sexier me. So it's going to be a fucking mess for a while. But, you know, in two years when I have my beautiful smile. They'll just fly by. They really will. Especially on that raft of pussy that I'm going to make.

If it's any consolation, I'm going to get a haircut soon. So I know how you feel. Woo. Good. Good. Are you really? It's already pretty short. Okay. Good. Good, because... Are you really? It's already pretty short. Okay, good.

Good. They can't see me at home. Okay. Also, as we come to a close here, more about me. Yes. Michael. We've seen in movies and sketches and things,

the person comes out of the bathroom, they got toilet paper on their shoe. Sure, classic comedy bit. Right, or if they're really going for it, the more farcical toilet paper hanging out of the pants. Turning it up a notch. Now, this actually happened to me.

I was leaving work, and a woman in front of me had basically almost like a small tail of toilet paper. Really? You sure it wasn't just a small tail? Yeah, I hope so. I hope so.

So it's an important crossroads, I think. What would you do in that situation? If you saw a few of us. Yeah, it's a crossroads that we reach. Oh, you're saying you're at a crossroads of what you should do? Oh, I was. I see. Now, what would you do?

You know, I would probably say something. i see now what would you do you know i i would probably say something really yeah i mean let me caveat it real quick it's the end of the day we're both on our way to the parking lot okay so probably not a lot of people are gonna see her exactly maybe i would let it go right that's what i did okay i also took a picture of it and put it on instagram because i'm a good guy well that's the thing. Because if a tree is in the forest with toilet paper hanging out of its pants and no one sees it, that's bad.

I think it's the phrase. Well, yeah. I mean, that's probably, you know, there's probably been hilarious stuff that's happened with trees and nobody was around to see it, you know? Tree stubs its toes. It's like, anybody see that?

Anybody? Yeah, so it was the end of the day. We're both on our way like out the door. Right. And so I just didn't say anything. Right.

Because it's close enough to the end of the day where she could say, well, what I would do in that situation would be like, oh,

fuck, no one probably noticed. It's the end of the day. Right. And you try to fool yourself. Well, why wouldn't you just take it out if you realized it, though? But when I got home, like, if I wanted to, like, change out of my work clothes, I'd be like, holy crap. With this toilet paper.

Well, she would probably notice once she got in the car, wouldn't she? You think so? I don't know. You think it just gets worse? Maybe not. It gets worse and worse, and, like, it gets stuck. Yeah, it keeps growing. She probably has an entire roll down there.

It gets stuck in the car door and causes an accident on the way home, but nobody wants to say anything still. Like, oh my God, what happened? Like, nothing. Nothing. Because it would be so... She's in her casket and still there. They're going to bury her and then a pallbearer trips on it. You don't want to embarrass the family a pallbearer trips on it. Say something.

You don't want to embarrass the family. Doing that neck cut off thing. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Oh, boy. So, yeah, I just didn't say anything. Yeah. And, yeah, it's tough because I think of myself as a good person. Sure.

But what would you want done to yourself in that situation? You're on your way out the door. You're going home. I wouldn't give a shit at all, I don't think. Really? Yeah, but I'm not a normal human who has dignity and cares what other humans think to that degree. That's fair. I mean, even if it's just something silly and stupid,

even if somebody took a picture, I'd still be okay with it. I feel like that's your origin story into becoming a cantankerous old man. silly and stupid even if somebody took a picture like i'd still be okay with it yeah but i feel like that's your origin story into becoming a cantankerous old man like that's where you really turn the corner like yeah who gives a shit it's toilet paper whatever you think you're better than me we've all i mean we all do like stupid silly things like that sometimes let me cast the first toilet paper roll who has not walked out but if i do something stupid and it's funny yeah like i'm i'm okay with other people like snickering at it like i'll just be like oh sorry like i don't i don't care like i don't uh-huh need to fit into like the world of like high society where stuff like that

is apparently embarrassing you know that's high society to me it is sure people who don't have toilet paper hang out oh excuse me future queens and kings princess no i mean people that would be really embarrassed by that is your tuxedo not allowed toilet paper sir uh yeah so i just didn't say anything i kind of felt bad but what if what if she caught you taking the picture i would pretend i'm texting well what if there was like she just turns around what if she caught you taking the picture? I would pretend I'm texting. Well, what if there was... Like she just turns around and just spots me. And she demands to see your phone. I wouldn't give it to her.

I forgot that's an option. Let's focus on this. How does that happen? How does what happen? What we're talking about. Oh, okay. Well, let's back it up for one second. I've seen the softer version of that gag once in my life, in real life.

It doesn't happen often. That's why I took a picture of it. I believe it was the shoe. I'm trying to remember right now. It's a vague memory. It's the shoe because sometimes there's just toilet paper on the floor. Even if you didn't put it in there, it wet you step on it exactly right um tail good question tail is it okay is it possible that it's going that it's like protruding from her butthole like

right like she she goes to. She just stopped it up. She assumes that it falls. Maybe she's like one of those weird people that like wipes on the toilet. Hold on, hold on. Is that how normal people wipe, by the way? Wait, what do you do? I stand up. Why?

But I don't think most people do. Apparently, a lot of people do not. Yeah. Where do we learn this? I don't know. I guess my mom. We got to sue our mothers. Apparently, a lot of guys pee sitting down, too. And some people wipe their penises after they pee.

How? How does that work? You take a piece of toilet paper. I wouldn't mind doing that because I can shake and shake that thing. I can shake and shake that thing. And there's always a little bit of reservoir of urine in there. But, I mean, you know, it's still wrong for some reason weirdly do you remember damon at the moon oh okay they said gay men it's like what do they do when they pee

a fella a fella named damon very like uh not not thuggish but probably like kind of grew up he was boisterous and loud yeah Yeah. He was funny. He was intelligent, too. Very smart, but he wouldn't acquiesce to much. It was his way. Right, right. And just kind of a little tough and rugged. And he explained to me that he wipes his penis when he pees.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember he told me. He talked to me about boxer briefs. He's like, because if you don't, man, your balls Yeah. Yeah. I remember he told me, he talked to me about boxer briefs. He's like, because if you don't, man, your balls just be hanging. They'll just be hanging. Because my uncle, he's 70. His balls just hanging. That's. Hanging.

He's hanging. That's so weird. Because, like, when you said gay men, it reminded me of a thing that Sam and Thomas were talking about that involved boxer briefs on uh comedy shoeshine podcast and like he was pointing out apparently like louis ck has some bit about how great boxer briefs are like before there was just like right one or the other yeah and like like sam was pointing out like why like it's they're they're very careful not to be like homophobic but they're kind of like isn't it like kind of homosexual to have these little skirt things

coming down your legs? Why not just wear briefs? Why do you need to have this cool style? All you need to do is control your balls and your penis and your butthole. That is true. You got to control those things. There's also something called one-wipe Charlies.

Now, have you heard of these? I have not. They're butt wipes that are peppermint scented, you can leave yourself smelling fresh let me tell you why do you need your butthole to smell fresh number one and number two where's the one wipe come in why not uh well i think it's when you're done uh michael i see you wearing jeans yes yes you never wear jeans i know look at you yeah dude i totally're a new man. You're a new man. My sisters forced me to revamp my style. I ran into your brother-in-law on Thursday, by the way.

Really? Yeah. Weird. Where? He was at Science Club in D.C. That's crazy. You didn't tell me that. Yeah.

He was, yeah, apparently he works not too far from there. Yeah. He was hanging out there for happy hour, and then he just went and hung out on the show. And I was like, oh, what's up? It's Dean, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He was like, hey, man. out and i was like oh what's up it's dean right yeah yeah yeah he's like hey man wow i was like hey and uh he was talking during a comedian set really

no not bad not not bad somebody made a a reference to something and i think he was trying to be like what and uh and he's like man this guy talking during my set and i was like oh shit i know that guy oh really the comedian said yeah it was haywood turnips he was fine with it it wasn't like he was heckling or anything right yeah so wait what are we talking about oh uh wipes yeah okay so so you i just want to go back to your theory that you the gesture for the people listening they they might not understand but you you gesture you gesture that i've been working on your theory you gesture that she wiped and then just like let it drop yeah she's probably like you know what i'll let gravity take care of this i'm tired it's the end of the day i don't feel like doing a pulling motion with my hand i mean every other

time it's falling into the toilet i don't see why now it'd be any different and then she does probably the conversation she's having with herself she doesn't look she just pulls the old drawers up yes and goes well it's quitting time yep and then wow yeah okay perhaps jumps in the air but uh i've been trying to make a concerted effort effort to uh wipe sitting down. Because I feel like you get more separation and you really get in there. I feel like standing is probably not the way that a lot of people do it. Well, you know we're doing the whole pooping thing wrong anyway. Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But if I could, if I had my druthers, Michael, I'd like to have a bidet everywhere I go. Everywhere you go? Everywhere I go. I've never used a bidet everywhere I go. Everywhere you go? Everywhere I go. I've never used a bidet, but I don't know. I haven't either, but Russell Peters brought up a good point. He said, okay, say you're at the toilet and you get some shit on your hand, on your finger. It's all happened to us once in a while. Of course.

What do you want to do? Do you want to wipe it off with a piece of toilet paper? What do I want to do? Do you want to wipe it off with a piece of toilet paper? What do I want to do? Well, I would likely wipe it off and then upon, of course, if this is an at-home thing, I could probably lean over

into the sink. Either way, you're rinsing it off, right? Sure. All right. So why not do that with your butthole? You want to just smash

some poop? Well, because it's your butthole and it's like supposed to be. No, it's not supposed to be. No, it's not supposed to be. Well, it's not like, yeah, but you're not going around touching everything with your butthole. But I'm just saying, if you want to be as fresh as possible. Sure, your ears should have a bunch of wax in there. If God, if the ghost zombie upstairs had his way.

Yeah, and I clean them out with a Q-tip. I don't spray water in there all the time. Yeah, but it would go in your brain. Now, I don't know where your butthole is. That's how people get wet brain. Yeah, and Michael, you know I hate wet brain. I hate wet brain. I had an uncle that died of wet brain.

Really? Yeah. Wow. Wiped his ass with his ears. Sitting down. One time I actually did have such a massive wax buildup that the doctor had to spray my brains, it felt like. It was just like... He didn't say that.

It was the most incredible thing. Now, Michael, I need to spray your brain. No, dude, it fucking felt like your head was being erased or something. It was like a mind melt. He's like, well, it's a lot of wax. I'm going to have to erase your brain. There we go. You're just going to have to re-teach your life without hearing.

You have insurance, don't you? I'm going to wipe your brain. We're just going to have to re-teach you life without hearing. You have insurance, don't you? I'm going to wipe your brain. Then I didn't know what dinosaurs were for like a year. Still not really sure. All this shit talk is making me burn for a churning. You got a poo-poo's? Kind of, yeah.

You got to go anyway, right? Okay, so before we say goodbye uh go to digression sessions.com calendar yes there's all of our shows follow us on twitter we have a facebook page we've been getting some traction with that i think that's the best way to uh to say hi to us you know i like whenever we put up an episode and people have comments on the episode i want of course i want good criticisms nothing bad don hold back. Unless it would hurt my feelings. Yeah, exactly.

Nobody could say anything bad anyway. They're great episodes. Yes. Rate us. Review us on iTunes and Stitcher. Check out the rest of Thundergrunt.com. We'd really appreciate that. Go see the Roadkill Comedy Tour on the 4th.

And on the 3rd, go support the mashup show at the Mercury Theater. And I think that's all we have to request right now awesome Michael anything to say in closing before we get to our lovely interview with the roadkill comedy tour I'd like to say thank you

everybody this has been a great thing I don't know when you can't think of anything funny try to be you know sincere right Everybody has been a great thing. I don't know. When you can't think of anything funny, try to be sincere, right? I'd like to say keep on keeping on. Yes. Fight the good fight. Can you take me higher?

My sisters, my brothers. Space Lord Mother Mother. In closing, Space Lord Mother Mother. You You know I bought that CD And it still said Mother Mother On the actual CD Oh yeah They didn't even say

Motherfucker You got the parental advisory version Yeah it was the real thing And it still didn't say it Well let's Let's try to get them on the show We'll see what they're up to See if he still wears

A leather vest With no shirt underneath Or do you got a poop bag That's your That's your signature clothing And remember I'm Mike Moran And I got a poopan and I gotta poop

and I gotta poop real bad alright so let's talk to Dana Moon Jessica Michelle Singleton and Lisa Curry thank you guys thanks everybody

alright bye bye bye bye Dana? Hello. Hey. Hi, Dana. Can you hear me? Yeah, can you hear me? Yeah, I wish I could FaceTime you and you could see where we are.

We're in a small phone booth. Phone booths exist. A phone booth in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Oh, wow. Wow, you make a... It's glamorous. Yeah, it's just kind of... We're really smushed.

We're videoing it, so we'll have to send it to you later. This is so stupid. This is Jessica Michelle. Hello. Hi, this is Josh. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just staring out of this phone booth. Hey!

She's hovering over us, and Jessica Michelle's sitting on a tiny ledge where the phone should be. This is Mike, by the way. There's two of us. Oh, okay. Hi. Hi. Hi, guys. So, interview's going great so far. Lots of highs.

We got that out of the way. Now let's get to the lows. And I think I heard somebody say, this is so stupid. That's how a lot of our... That's a lot of how our podcast started. Not you guys. Just the fact that we all thought it would be good.

I need to smash into a phone booth. Oh, no. It was like literally... I can feel the heat from her breath. That's how close we are. And it's probably stinky. I don't know how... Wow.

This is getting very Howard Stern of podcast now. I'm enjoying this. This is fun. Yeah. Hey, now. What are you wearing? This is fun. Oh, yeah. Hannah. What are you wearing? What are you wearing in that cramped booth? Lots of leather coats.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I have four leather jackets on right now. Don't ask why. By the way, the guy that booked us on this show is looking at us from outside the phone booth. Like, we're so curious. That's what we're going to book us. He looked to me and was like, hey, how are you? And I was like, oh, thanks for having us. And he was just like, I didn't have you.

It's just a random guy. I'm just kidding. Oh, you thought that was the booker? Like, hey, thanks for having us. I thought it was the booker. I don't think it was. It doesn't look like him, but the way he approached us, I was like, oh, I guess he looks different in his Facebook photos. Well, at least you're making, is he coming to the show?

Did you make a fan? I have no idea what you just said. I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay. Well, anyways, moving on. So where are you guys? You're in Indiana? We're in Fort Wayne, Indiana.

We added an extra show. Somebody asked us to come do a show, so we were like, all right, cool, man. Do you think it was that guy and he's just playing it cool? He's like, I didn't have you. Definitely not. No. And he's a girl and that was weird. Every person I walk

by is glaring at us, by the way. Well, they're probably amazed that a phone booth still works. Yeah, they're probably glaring at the phone booth. Well, we're in here. Are you using the phone in the phone booth? No, there's no phone.

It's just a cell phone. Oh. You sure it's not a porta potty? Yeah, my butt is against this glass, and I'm so tempted just to pull my pants to the moon. Everybody knows. And I'm standing on this seat in here, so my head is literally touching the ceiling right now. Well, listen, guys. We're only going to do like a tight two hours, so just

get comfortable. We're going to have fun. So, yeah. So you guys started out in L.A., right? Is that where the tour starts? Well, we're from L.A., but we started this tour in Milwaukee. Oh, okay.

We flew out to Milwaukee, and then we go all across the Midwest, and we end in D.C. on Easter Sunday. And actually, Baltimore is our second-to-last stop. We're in Towson. Is that how you pronounce it? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It's on the left side of Baltimore. Yeah, Google Maps will call it Towson, and then you're like, come on, Google Maps.

Will it really? Get your shit together. Oh, weird. Yeah, Google Maps. Yeah, we're really stoked shit together. Oh, weird. Yeah, Google Maps. Yeah, we're really stoked for that show. That's going to be a big one. We're at Torrent Nightclub at 830 that night. That's Saturday.

Yeah, April 4th, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited for it. What the fuck is so funny, Dana? What is going on over there? All right. We have to off the phone. I feel like I'm back in eighth grade

and I invited my friend Mike over. He's like, dude, we're going to call Dana. Dana's friends are going to be there. And we're all just giggling on one side don't know what the other is saying we all have boners all five of us have boners oh good the three of us have boners as well

that's what I'm thinking five boners it's a gritty remake of three musketeers and we just kind of upped the ante okay so yeah the show is April 4th, and that's, where is it? It's the Torrent Nightclub? What's it called?

Torrent Nightclub? Yeah. It's a side room, and it's a pretty big room. It seats like 250 or 300. Damn. Wow. That's cool. So yeah, it's going to be an awesome show.

It'll be a good way to go out of the tour. Yeah. And this is your guys' second tour, right? That's correct. Yep. We did one in November in the fall.

We called it The Lock of Shame in the 19 cities. Mm-hmm. And it was wonderful. We decided to do another. Nice. I think that's awesome.

That's like one of the coolest things I think about comedy or music is just getting in a van with your friends or whatever car you guys are driving and just going across the country and doing shows and stuff. I think about comedy or music is just getting in a van with your friends or whatever car you guys are driving and just going across the country and doing shows and stuff.

I think that's awesome. Visiting different phone booths. Yeah, it's so fun. Yeah, hanging out in Fort Wayne in a phone booth. Cool when you're creeping out the window. Yeah. I think that's the theme. Everywhere we go, we just creep out the locals.

We walked into this diner yesterday and it was a scene from a movie where everyone's talking and eating and they just stop and look over at us yeah anybody yeah like hey you with the purple hair, are you a witch? Yeah. Were the words we don't take kindly uttered? We're like calling places asking for Wi-Fi, asking if they have Wi-Fi, and they're like, they either don't know what we're talking about, or they're like, what you need that for? And we're like.

What you going to do with that Wi-Fi, girl? You're a witch terrorist? Is that what you are? That's basically. What are you going to do with that Wi-Fi, girl? You're a witch terrorist. Is that what you are? No, I won't be able to. I'm doing a show in Bethesda that night, but otherwise I would be there. I might be there. Mike Moran will be there. Well, I might be there. I didn't say I will be there.

Mike Moran is going to be front row. How's your guys? Yep, yep. He's going to maintain his erection and not call his doctor. I'm committed. He's going to have it for more than four hours. He's going to have it for more than four days. I'm committed to being the boner comedian.

Always with the boner. You guys got to sign his boner. He's going to have more than four days. I'm committed to being the boner comedian. Always with the boner. You guys got to sign his boner. He's a big fan. Sign his boner. Sign his boner. Sign his boner. So how does your guys' show work? Do you guys,

how long does your guys' show? Like are you guys all each doing like a half hour or do you switch up who headlines each night and all that? Like 30 to 45 minutes and we do, the show lasts like an hour and a half to two hours and we just bring one another up. Like we just go one after the other.

Well, that's cool. So you can save money that way. Like you guys don't have like local openers and all that stuff. Just kind of do your own thing and then get out of there. Yeah, exactly. So it's the three of us, we do our show, and then kind of roll out. So what's the hope for these tours? Is it more just trying to get out there and get your guys' names out there, or are you

trying to, like, because you guys are shooting with them, right? Yeah, it's a couple of things. Like, we want to expand our own, each of our individual fan bases, and, I mean, really, we want to get out own each of our individual fan bases and i mean really we want to get out on the road and do more time because you know if you're in your own city you're even if you're on the best show if you're the best comic in your own city you're doing maybe 10 nights maybe and so like we just wanted to get out and be able to do 30 over and over and over yeah i can't imagine living in la, especially trying to get your name out there when everyone's out there already

trying to do the same thing. We'll have comedians on here that are in LA or they go up to New York or they make the move. And even people with credits, they're like, oh, great, yeah, you were on VH1's Best Week Ever, so we're nine people here, back of the line. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, like when we had Jared Logan on, he was basically saying, everybody's like so i think yeah like when we had jared logan on he was basically saying like everybody's like yeah yeah we all have credits we've all been on comedy central you know like and we're like yeah yeah sure of course we have and uh yeah yeah like you have to get out to do more time right no we are how do you guys travel a lot before these tours? Like just individually? This is Jessica Michelle. I've done a little traveling, a little bit of road work, a bunch of festivals. I got to go to

Europe for a festival and I traveled around there with the school. I think all of us know that this is kind of like our bulk of traveling. It's all totally good. That's good. Which is like, you know,

we're doing just such a big tour and then people are, like other comics are asking us like, oh yeah, well who booked you? And we're like, we did. And they're like,

yeah, but who did all the bookings? And we're like, we did. Like, we literally did every bookie thing. You know? Yeah.

And all the media outreach. It's a lot of work. No, yeah, that's what it seems like too. I mean, even just booking, like, yeah, like the job isn't even over. It's a lot of work. No, yeah, that's what it seems like, too. I mean, even just booking, like, yeah, like, the job isn't even over. It's like, well, we booked Fort Wayne. It's like, well, now we've got to promote it,

and then what's the venue going to be like? How are we going to get there? And, yeah, a bunch of other details afterwards that I'm sure are a pain in the ass. Oh, yeah. Well, and then when things, like, if there's something that's miscommunicated, like, we showed up in Des Moines, and, like, on our and then when things like, if there's something that's miscommunicated, like, we

showed up in Des Moines, and like, on our way to Des Moines, we start seeing these tweets from local comics, and they're like, three different people were like, we're so excited to be a part of the Rock and Shame, or the Roadkill Comedy Tour, and we were like, what the fuck? And we found some miscommunication with the booker, and so they had added three guest spots to our show. Oh, man. We were like, what? And like we did right what's happening we ended up having one person

host and one person had a guest spot which actually worked out really nicely but it it's all too long i think with that yeah yeah because it's definitely over two hours yeah i just made the show a little bit uh yeah it was nice to meet the local comics they were after you guys shit talked him in the car like what the fuck fuck these guys oh hey there's just like weird shit that happens in every city yeah it's like always something that little thing goes wrong you're like wait what like what's happening yeah yeah so next time you guys should get like a tour manager or something. After you're rolling all that sweet Fort Wayne, Indiana money. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know. I mean, if we had one person, if we had one extra person doing promotions, that would be like... It would be hard to believe in God. I mean, that's not a great story. Maybe it will be God. You know,

it'll be like that old thing where it's like, I looked down at the sand and there were footprints next to me next. You know, it'll be like that. But with a tour bus, Jesus was driving the bus the whole time. Yeah. Yeah.

Jesus was our tour manager the entire time. All right. Well, cool. Thank you guys for calling in. I appreciate it so we're going to try to put this in thanks so much

yeah sorry it's kind of like a clusterfuck this way but I think we're going to do our best to get the word out and sorry I can't make it to the show yeah there's a lot of fucks out there clusters are the good ones just like cereals

anyway I'm going to try to make it out to your guys show there's a lot of fucks out there. Clusters are the good ones. Just like cereals. With the clustered fucks. Anyway, I'm going to try to make it out to your guys' show if I get done in Bethesda on time. But if I don't meet you guys, hopefully I'll see you guys on your next tour. And good luck. Thanks, guys.

Thank you. Thanks so much. Thank you so much. Yeah, is there a website or Twitter or anything you want people to go check out? Yeah, we can direct them to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash roadkillcomedy. That's got

all our shows, the fun posts, and our hashtag is hashtag roadkillcomedy. People can post crazy stuff along with us. Yeah, they will. Awesome. Alright, well, thank you guys. Have a good show tonight. Don't get murdered. Bye. Bye.

Bye. don't get murdered alright bye bye Thank you.