The Digression Sessions - Ep. 156 - Baltimore Protests & Riots

Episode Date: May 11, 2015

  Hola Digheads! Recorded on April 28th, Josh, Mike, and comedian Chris Hudson discuss the protests and riots that took place in Baltimore after Freddie Gray's tragic death. And since we're dummies, we also discuss going out to dinner for a while. Hope you guys enjoy and sorry for the delay in episodes! We'll be back and more regular soon! Please do the Dig Sesh a solid and subscribe to and rate us on iTunes, or Stitcher! Say hi onTwitter and Facebook.  

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey, everybody. I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes.

Who's the guest this week going out to dinner is great it's just lame how people are so into it having a nice dinner having good meals there's something maybe a little bit, maybe like the white guilt part of me, it like still kind of sees that as like decadent or something. To enjoy the food you're eating? I don't know. There's people starving.

I realize, I know rationally that it's okay. Of course there's people. It's not robbing other people of food, but just, I don't know. There's something in me that just like still thinks that it's like sick or something. But I think mostly it's just a normal people thing that gets to me. It's not that. Like people are so into it.

Because people like food. It's good. It's good to have good food. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's all right. It's all right.

What are you talking about? Going out for a nice dinner. Next you'll be like, oh, I had to get gas. I put gas in my car. No, but that's necessary. That's like part of the- So is food. Yeah, but not like going out for a-

I feel like people are faking it a whole lot. We could all just eat Soylent Greens and be fine. Yes, exactly. I feel like people are faking their severe interest in food a lot of the time. Go out for a nice glass of wine, a nice tiramisu. I like a fresh squeeze. You don't even know what tiramisu is. I had no idea.

And I worked at a fine dining restaurant that served it at one point, too, and I still don't remember what it is. A tiramisu. Do you have a half chardonnay? I remember a woman asking me that once i was like the fuck are you talking about lady what's wrong with that she was she like looked all concerned too like do you have a house chardonnay yeah yeah nice restaurants have their own wine yeah that's what she's lame queen of england went silverware. It's a weird... There's something grotesque about just human eating rituals.

Okay. It's not the 1600s anymore. We don't have to force this civilized... This civil-ness on our... There's something weird about tradition and rituals. Should they just all be buffets? Yes. Fill up your pie hole,

you fuck. Well, no, I mean, you can do everything in moderation, but it's just weird. Now there's like a glass of wine and like different forks. Like who gives a shit? You're doing the thing that like most people do when they hate somebody.

They do. That person does something regularly. Right. It's a problem. It's like, Oh, Mr. I'm breathing oxygen. Yeah, maybe. Well, right it's a problem it's like oh mr i'm breathing oxygen oh yeah maybe well maybe it is maybe it's like i feel like i'm not i don't fit into that world or something yeah that person but i don't i really don't think i want to with garlic bread or a salad you're like jesus christ who gives a fuck it's all gonna turn into shit

i'm not saying that it's like something where it's like you know it's like uh i hate people or or like you know like it's not i'm mostly joking but it is like kind of like why are people just so into it like because it's like dressing up and like going out and it's nice i don't do it all the time but it does feel nice occasionally wouldn't you rather like eat pizza and watch simpsons though there's a time and place for everything. Oh, my goodness. I cannot believe this. Look, at Amanda's birthday, I bought a sport coat, a little jacket.

We went to go eat at Roy's in Harbor East, where the good old boys of the National Guard are protecting our rich white people currently. Right. And it felt good, man. Did they have a house chardonnay? I didn't ask. But you better believe we got some dessert. And it felt good, man. Did they have a house chardonnay? I didn't ask. But you better believe we got some dessert. I just don't get it.

I just don't get it. What's there to fucking get? It's delicious. It's just weird how there's all these weird human traditions and rituals that are kind of saying, like, I'm better than other people or something. No, that's you being totally insecure. If somebody's like, yeah, me and my wife got a great steak. You're like, what? You think I don't want steak?

You think I can't afford steak, Donald Trump? Is that really me? Am I the guy that goes around hating on people that are better off than me? I don't think that's what I'm doing. Yes, you are. No, I'm talking about normalcy. Not like wealth per se. So what if a person goes to see a movie and they get popcorn it's

a problem god let's go see a no not at all that's totally normal you can't look at a blank wall like that's way fun well like candy and movies and stuff are awesome yeah that's how people yeah but like using using a certain fork for your salad and like... No, it doesn't matter. It's just the weird rituals and stuff that go along with it. Because they got to come from like this era of... There's no ritual. Sure there is. No one's sacrificing...

Swirling your big stupid glass of wine. They don't have to do that though. Not everybody does that. It's not like, now we toss the house shot at A. Before we die, this is a fountain. die i get the worst is like when people want to like click your glass to or like toast what's wrong with toasts it's a nice communal thing oh man somebody tried to like uh click my glass i wouldn't do it recently why it's just so weird. You sound like a depressed curmudgeon. I'm not. No.

I love people. Apparently, you just love candy and cookies. You're like a nine-year-old. I'm not saying I hate civilized traditions like that more than I hate racism or homophobia or starvation or child abuse. I'm just saying it's kind of annoying sometimes. So there's a scale. Of course.

Of course. And going out to dinner and homophobia are on the same scale for you. Well, maybe, but they're very far away. They're on the spectrum. Well, they're on the spectrum of things that I don't like. If I told you, let's go out to a nice meal. Right. We like pizza.

We're going to go get a really nice pizza. Would you have a problem with that? No. Let's get pizza bullies. You too good for me now? No. Occasionally, I feel like it's okay. It's just annoying how into it people are.

That they enjoy food? I can't. Okay, if you're like a big foodie or something, if for some reason that's your pleasure. I take umbrage with foodie. Everyone's a foodie. I know. That's what I'm saying.

It's annoying that like everybody's like jumping on that bandwagon and being like, oh, I'm going to join. There are people that are annoying. Especially like working at a fine dining place. You see how many people are just like faking it and have no idea what they're talking about. Yeah. Like I would be if I were to try. Yeah, I know. Obviously, you don't have experience.

This bitch asked me for a house chardonnay. What am I supposed to make a house out of? I don't know what you're talking about. Make a house out of it. It's Bud Light Lime or nothing, you idiot. No, it's just like in that particular instance it seemed like she was like trying to be cool by like repeating something she had heard somebody else say it's very common to ask if somebody has a house wine though it's not like she's she looked like all concerned like after she

finished the sentence like you know like it was a big deal like it's like it was like a is everything okay it's like a face you know like do you have a house, Chardonnay? We are fucked. Now, that look you just gave me is, like, generally like, oh, do you? I wouldn't mind. What's wrong with that? Okay, maybe I'm just resentful that I'm not a part of rich guy society. It's not that rich.

I know, but I'm not even a part of that. This is by choice, though. But I have plenty of... If I wanted to do that, I have enough money to go out and do shit like that. I'd just rather spend it on other stuff. It really seems like you're compensating right now. I got money. I'd go get two fork meals.

I'll know what you do with two forks. I could order two tiramisu's right now, I bet. Tiramisu's? Yeah. Wow. All right. Well, this is a good topic to discuss while our city is in upheaval. Chris, feel free to grab the microphone.

Hey, fellas. How's it going? Hey. I bet you're just boiling over with responses to that. Well, I... Just get it out real quick before we move on to the purge. You know, Mike, you should lighten up and just have brunch someday. Oh, I... Just get it out real quick before we move on to the purge. You know, Mike, you should lighten up and just have brunch someday.

Oh, God. Just do it. Don't even give me start on brunch. Do you have mimosas? Yeah. House mimosas. Yeah. House champagne?

All right, listen. We're doing this podcast in light of the riots in Baltimore. Yes. And how just insane it is. And gentlemen, thoughts? Do you have as many thoughts about going out to dinner as you do

the riots? Also, okay, one more thing in defense of that. It's funnier to point out annoying things that annoy me that aren't super super common you know what I mean okay like if I made some like tweet about how you know drivers are

annoying or whatever like that's that's not as funny as right there but that's my tweet put that in your draft folder right now okay riots you didn't even make a point yeah no my point was that it's funnier to nitpick at weird, annoying things instead of just common ones.

Sure. All right. Now, let's get into this. Case closed. Yeah, so this is Tuesday. What is today, the 28th? 28th, yes. Recording this the night after everything went down.

Yes. You guys went out today to help provide for a... Strip club, yes. Yeah. One strip club that got hit here in the city. One of our favorites. And our sponsor for the week. The Gold Club.

No, what did you do? It was like a food bank? Well, we went out initially to clean up. the gold club no what did you do it was like a food bank or well we we went out initially to clean up but apparently there's so many volunteers have shown up

for that that we were unneeded and unwelcomed yeah but we so unwelcome

we just so we decided on the google doc it was in all caps it was like we have enough volunteers because they put out specifically sent to you

and me yeah it was yeah they sent it right to us yeah no emailed everyone It was like, we have enough volunteers because they put out a Google Doc. Specifically sent to you and me. Yeah, it was. Yeah, they sent it right to us. Yeah. Yeah. Emailed everyone. I was like, don't tell.

We could use a lot of help. No. So we decided to just buy snacks and stuff. And just eat them in front of the people cleaning. Yes, exactly.

Bet y'all was hungry. It was for the kids. Right. Yeah. It was. That's what it was until you know it was no we like donated because people are you know kind of getting like youth programs together yeah for kids to hang out at during the school closings and things like that so yeah and you guys went to red emma's today too right we went to red emma's and dropped off some stuff and we went to the something temple in somewhere it was some temple that you had an address stuff and we went to the something temple in somewhere. It was some temple that you had an address for that we went and just gave food. You sound real committed to the cause.

Real committed to the cause. In the age of, you know, of information, it's kind of like, where do I drop off food here? Okay, I'll be there. I drop off food. You're just at the base level. You're like, me eat food. Me not have to go out. Where does it go?

I just put it here. I mean, you know, does it have to be more complicated than that? Well, a little bit. We just, you know. We asked if we needed to do anything. They're like, no, you just drop it off. Yeah. Although they did seriously give us a look like, we don't need you here, actually.

You think so? Yeah. I was wondering that for a second. Because we were like, do you want us to come in and help? And she was like, oh, I think we're okay. You guys are too annoying for charity. San says not welcome. So, okay.

So what was going on at Red Emma's? Because that's like a coffee house slash book house. Book house? Is that a word? You mean library? No, it's not a library. They book house. Book house, is that a word? You mean library? No, it's not a library. They sell books. House of books.

House of books. House of coffee. Here in Baltimore on North Avenue. A book hold. Yeah, the book hold. They didn't get smashed by anything, right? No, they didn't appear to be. Their book hold got smashed pretty well.

Did it? I think. Yeah, I mean, actually, it seemed like there was Their bookmobile got smashed pretty well. Did it? I think. No. Yeah, I mean, actually, it seemed like there was a lot of regulars that were there. And then there were some kids in there, right? Yeah. Yeah. But nobody smashed the place up.

No, I mean, it wasn't looted. Oh, no, no, no, no. That's what I mean. I meant the bookmobile got smashed. Oh, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. No, not literally.

They're fine. Yeah, okay. As in, like, they're doing good business? I don't think they actually sold any books today. Like, it's a Broadway play. It's a smash. Yeah, it's a smash. They're fine. As in like they're doing good business? I don't think they actually sold any books. Like it's a Broadway play. It's a smash. Yeah, it's a smash. I got you.

But in the sense that it wasn't looted though. Oh no, it wasn't looted. Like the way the Monster Mash was a graveyard smash. Yeah, in the exact same way that the Monster Mash was. It was a graveyard smash. A graveyard smash. Let's move on. I want to talk about the monster mash in light of recent events let's talk about this i feel like it's pertinent to the conversation

uh so uh but red emma's was supposed to be like open to all the kids today right because school was canceled so were there a bunch there or anything or there's a bunch of kids there families too places packed regulars uh people helping out everybody in the back like putting sandwiches and stuff together cool so it was you know it was heartening to see yeah so many people yeah and it seems like now um before before you guys got here it seems like there's a big crowd gathering at pennsylvania and fulton where like a lot of the stuff went down where the CBS was burned down yesterday and all that stuff so it seems like there's a huge crowd gathering but they seem like they're peaceful it's more of a like let's chill the fuck out right vibe today

yeah is that what you guys saw out in the city well yeah but I mean you know it's still early yeah I know I know that's that's what everybody's like. Just wait for nightfall. I'm like, well, I hope not. I hope that's not the case. Yeah, I think we all hope it's not. Yeah.

you know. And then also downtown, Chris, you were there on Pratt Street. So like the whole night, last night, there are like the National Guards coming. I was like,

when? Yeah. Especially when they were, they were breaking into the mall here, the McDalman Mall, which is one mile away. Really? Yeah mile away and uh yeah when they were looting that and going crazy they're like we have got reports the national guard's on their way like this started three it's like nine o'clock how did how do they get here like helicoptered in or something i think

they were just all driving like carpooling carpool jerry did you bring your van because we gotta go it's just national guard trying to put it together but yeah dude it was it was fucking scary for a minute but now apparently national guard is just in our richest parts of the city thank god harbor east and uh pratt street which is right downtown in the the inner harbor yeah it was pretty crazy to see because i went down there um i went down there originally because i'm actually i'm actually liking slacks and a nice shirt because they were going to film monday night at sidebar uh-huh and that got canceled and then i got stuck in the city because they barricaded my way to south baltimore

so then i originally went down there to go to the goodwill and get some a crappy pair of jeans so i could start cleaning uh-huh and uh they were closed, but I saw, yeah, a bunch of National Guard troops basically just around, like, the gallery and the power plant, and then after that, just nothing. Right. And then Harbor East,

like, around the expensive hotels, there were a bunch of National Guard. Right, and the gallery's, like, our mall downtown. Yeah, it's basically every tourist trap in the harbor has National Guard. Right, right. So the ESPN zone is

safe? Does that even exist anymore? No, it doesn't. It's gone. It's a Phillips now. Oh, okay. Crabby Dicks is okay. I think that's a... I don't know. Is that what it's called? It's just called Dicks. Dicks Sporting Goods?

And yes, yes, it's okay. Okay, good. No, all that stuff was closed. It was just National Guards just holding rifles. But they straight up have M16s, right? Yeah, they all had assault rifles, and they were basically facing the other side of the street, which when I went down there this morning was empty. I don't understand why there hasn't been invented weapons

that can subdue people and not be rifles. You mean like tasers? Yeah. Yeah, but I mean stuff that you can shoot at people from far away too. You mean like rubber bullets or beanbags?

But do those not work or something? Why don't they use them? They work. Shouldn't there be like an E-gun or something where you can just shoot something into somebody and just incapacitate them for a while or something?

Are you talking about the stun setting on a phaser from Star Trek? Yes, exactly. Because that's what i'm imagining right now yeah but like it would be a tiny it would be a smart bullet all right uh-huh with like that doesn't kill you just like pierces your skin a little bit and just like shocks you or something it tases you you're talking about like a bb no it would be more of like a just something that sticks in your pin your skin like a needle super taser bullet yes that shouldn't be that hard like a just something that sticks in your pen your skin like a needle super taser bullet yes that shouldn't be that hard to make yeah no that's fair and then you just like

turn it off when you're done just shuts off it's a fair request let's see why not so you can we really need to be like blasting bullets through people like turn off the bullet after it's in somebody sure yeah it's gotta have an off switch. Yeah, it's a smart bullet. It makes sense. Just pull out your phone. You're like the laziest engineer right now. It's got fucking Wi-Fi. Have you seen what you can do with your phone? That's what I want to do to people.

It has a taser on it. Yeah, they have stuff. They got the beanbag guns. Yeah, they shoot little beanbags. Yeah, I know. I feel like there would be something better than. They shoot like hell. I know. I feel like there would be something better than that. You just want smart bullets?

Rubber bullets? Taser? I want smart bullets. You got those tasers that shoot out? Really? Yeah. Oh, like, yeah. Like the long distance ones that hook into you?

Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, you can't do that from really far away. How far do you want to be? Well, I mean, a rifle goes miles. You want like a sniper taser gun? Yeah. Basically, like we need taser men on the roof.

Yeah, totally. Like why not have like the exact same capacity as like a rifle when you shoot somebody, except for it doesn't kill them? I'm with you, but you're really just kind of Monday morning quarterback. I know, but I don't think that's that. Look, I can't just butt like a happy gun. You shoot it with the gun, and all of a sudden you're happy. Whatever. I'm just saying like it doesn't seem like that would be that's that bad. Look like a happy gun. You shoot it with the gun and all of a sudden you're happy. Whatever.

I'm just saying it doesn't seem like that would be that hard to do. I mean, I wouldn't be able to do it, but I mean, come on. My phone can do anything if I ask it to. My phone sent me a picture of a triangle with five sides today. Your phone sent it to you? Your phone did. Yeah. It's crazy.

It can do anything. Your curved phone over yes okay curves with the earth um so yeah so let's yeah so i this whole fucking thing is just a bummer to me the like what led to it fucking bums me out what happened just everything sucks and and there were there were a week a whole week of peaceful protest yeah yeah. Yeah. That, that led up to this. Yeah. And in fact, the first night of violence during the day, there was a lot of peaceful. Yeah.

Past Saturday. Yeah. Isn't that when it kind of got violent? Like that was when shit like really like downtown. Well, it was because there was, there was also an, an Orioles Red Sox game.

Yeah. And there was some like activity between some of the fans and some people who are out yeah uh late and then it just escalated from yeah yeah it's fucking crazy man sucks yeah so like the whole yeah freddy gray like being basically just beaten up i mean yeah they're saying oh you got injured in the van. Like, really? You're going to say he severed 80% of his spine on like a bumpy ride? Jesus Christ. And Amanda, my girlfriend, she's been working with a program that educates and tries to like rehabilitate nonviolent offenders that are in jail.

So she's been teaching Spanish in the jail of these guys wow and yeah it's a whole great program they kind of teach you how to like interview and put together a resume for you and all this stuff and a lot of these guys have a similar story to what he went through like apparently in baltimore it's not uncommon for cops just to like rough you up one guy that she works one guy that she works with um he got beat so bad almost pretty similar like his neck was broken by the cops and then they they never officially arrested him for anything they just dropped him off at the hospital so once he gets better he has all these bills and then he's like well fuck this the city should pay for

this the cops did it to me they're like like, oh, well, charges were never filed. So there's no case against you. So we're not paying for shit. You're like, wow, what the fuck? Yeah, no, I've seen it before. I've seen people get like knocked to the ground and stuff. And then, you know, they just keep moving. They're not like charged with anything.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, I guess that's where a lot of this is coming from. It doesn't justify looting to me. I hate that yeah that's always kind of a smear on like uh you know an otherwise uh admirable yeah effort and meaningful thing it just ruins it man did you see any of that footage yesterday like i i got home from work around like 5 30 and uh just seeing all that stuff seeing people like run into stores was fucking scary it looked like 28 days later where people just like pour in somewhere and they're just coming out and

whoo it's fucking crazy why is that the scary part to you because entering and exiting stores no they're not like calmly walking he just went through the emergency exit no they're not opening the door they're smashing the entire thing and they're all pouring into it and stealing everything. That's somebody's fucking shop. They don't know what the fuck you're doing. Yeah, it's scary. Yeah, one of the reports

that circulated last night was there was a guy who had taken two TVs who was trying to hail a cab down and the cab driver was like, no, I'm not taking you. And the guy got all pissed off. Now he's following a discrimination lawsuit.

Oh, it's because I'm black. Is that what it is? He's like, come on. I got to get TV stuff. Stop fat shaming me about these TVs. Yeah, all the footage of people stealing stuff from the mall. Did you see any of that? Like guys.

I get a little depressed watching stuff like that, honestly. I know I need to pay attention to some degree, but I don't know. I don't really like watching real footage of people being dicks. Oh, it was terrible. Some guy, he had like 45 pairs of pants. He couldn't hold all of them. It was just like coming out. God, it was just fucking disgusting.

Several people were selling discount cigarettes around Red M's earlier. I don't know if you noticed that. Yeah, I didn't notice that. We made like stolen. I assume. i assume yeah i mean you don't see that normally you know like two dollar mint i was actually uh i was actually out last night um because uh i was trying to find uh trying to find some beer and uh every liquor store was closed down uh charles street and this was like when the violence was happening yeah and i was walking down charles street i didn't go past uh mount vernon park because i heard that there was like stuff on fire so uh i uh i was walking down the street there's nobody on the street but there was one guy on the street and he was like a homeless guy and he like he like looked at me like he was gonna ask

something and i was like is he really gonna i'm the only person there's nobody and he was like he was like sure enough he was like hey man you got any you got any i was like dude you can't even go anywhere to get anything like everything was closed and uh i just i it was amazing that there's still at least one person yeah well i don't i don't think drug dealers closed last night no i think they did i didn't see anybody really yeah there's that guy and me and then whoever was further down the street huh yeah he's probably like i'll chance it what if it is the guy i mean you're the one out looking for beer during a riot like i mean who's like the uh yeah i thought at least one store would be open no he's probably thinking the same thing yeah well yeah it's like

i thought one guy with a mustache would have some drugs. What's the deal? Yeah, no, they were closing places, places that were like 24 hours because they were saying that's like an opportunity for people to loot and all that shit. And so like cops had to close those because they were so spread out. Yeah. They're like if a 24-hour place gets robbed, it'll take us forever to fucking get there. So you should close. Yeah.

It'll take us at least 24 hours to get there yeah exactly yeah exactly yeah weirdly my meeting occurred and I didn't think it would so I didn't go really you're eating yeah Oh hey hey yeah no I it took like five seconds between me saying your meat and then like putting two together yeah I had the I had the thing with amanda that like all parents do like amanda's phone was off because she was she went to teach yesterday at the jail and you can't have your phone in there and all that stuff it has to be off and then i was really worried they're gonna go on like lockdown and then she would have to like stay there or something stay at the jail yeah have a little camp out could have happened

a slumber party look we don't have any yeah where else you can be but yeah shit shit's yeah shit was going down yeah i thought they were like all right you're an inmate now no i just thought like she would stay like in an office or something but uh but uh yeah so she didn't turn her phone on for like an hour and this is when stuff is like going down i'm in dolman and all this stuff and like you know when she finally answered like hey i was, you answer your phone. You turn your phone. I was totally like a parent.

We're like, what are you doing? You bring a charger with you. She's like, what? No big deal. I was like, it is a big deal.

You get home right now. Me and Munza were worried sick. You are grounded, young lady. You have a 10 p.m. curfew from all week. And that's because I love you. You'll understand one day

when you have a girlfriend of.m. curfew for all week. And that's because I love you. You'll understand one day. When you have a girlfriend of your own. When Stephanie Rawlings-Blake put in the curfew last night, it was like, I was actually, I wound up at Mount Royal Tavern. It was the only place open. And they had carryout, so that's where I'm going to be. Got your beer. And when I walked in is when Stephanie Rawie rawlings blake came on the screen

and told everyone that there was like a 10 p.m curfew and it was all of everyone at the bar was like collectively like our stepmom has just been like well you know you got to be in by 10 or yeah it's gonna be well that's the thing our shitty stepbrothers ruined it for us you know like like oh well danny wrecked the car so no one gets the car. Like, all right, fine, fine. Yeah, that's going to be weird with the curfew. Yeah, I don't know. I think we should just ignore it for the most part. That's like what the – pull that mic away just a little bit, by the way.

Okay. Not that far. Jesus, sorry, Dad. No, you're on a curfew now. Put the microphone down. I'm on a microphone curfew. When you're a big boyfew now put the microphone on a microphone when you're a big boy you can get that microphone um yeah the uh yeah the curfew is crazy oh before we started this on the news they were reading some facebook posts from some restaurant in little italy it's like forget the curfew iffew forget about it yeah

he's openly telling them to like protest don't need no curfew yeah little oily's open huh here's your fucking curfew get some gabagool

you want a cannoli oh yeah I don't know what they're gonna do to enforce it well you know it's like

you don't you don't have to follow unjust laws Martin Luther King said what do you do you get a ticket for this I don't know how is it I don't have to follow unjust laws. What do you do? You get a ticket for this? I don't know. How is it?

I don't get it at all. I better not go to jail if I'm coming home from... Yeah. What if they use that taser gun on you? Smart bullet. My smart... They tailor you up with some smart bullets. Well, then I'd say the system works.

Oh, Mr. Curfew doesn't matter, huh? I shoot you with your little taser gun. Well, you know. Wow. What is that? Your curfew? That's my curfew alarm. My sister's calling.

Uh-oh. You in trouble? Maybe. What have you done, huh? I do like how the news has hit the level where they're just reading Facebook pages now. Yeah. And look what happened on Facebook today. Yeah. where they're just reading Facebook pages now. And look what happened on Facebook today.

It's funny to see. They're showing Instagram posts and stuff about the riots. And it's funny to see that news reporters correct their grammar. They won't read the wrong thing. Right. Like, damn, this be crazy. And they're like, wow, this is something else. You can read it.

They're just skipping and making up their own things yeah that was gross too i could see like people taking selfies with burnt cars like burnt out cop cars and shit it's yeah there have been a lot of protest selfies yeah a lot of protest killing it right now yeah um but yeah so with the kids yesterday so this whole thing started um yesterday at the mandalman mall and that was mostly because the kids got out of school and then they shut down the mta like yeah they shut down transit and the only way they could get home so they were just yeah so all the kids take those buses here in the city like they don't have school buses they take city buses then they're all just there and then all the riot police are there yeah well i think weren't they like gathering for a peaceful protest first but then they like probably but

also like you just got out of school you're all hyped up and then you see like riot police then you have nowhere else to go we're not saying they should have attacked these guys but like um amanda's professor said uh she was there and so the thing started like one kid throws like a plastic bottle at the riot police right and then they're like some throw a couple more and then one of the dudes one of like the riot guys uh riot police like goes after a kid and kind of breaks the line and then it just escalates from there and it's like god damn right if you just put these fucking kids on buses it might not have escalated like that yeah and plus it's kids like they throw bottles like

empty bottles at teachers all the time like yeah after school yeah what are you doing you're a teacher you know yeah yeah get a little rowdy i mean kids are kids just do foolish things you know no yeah that's what i'm saying i mean they shouldn't be fucking throwing bottles but yeah it sounds like the whole thing could be avoided and then yeah it just seems like such a mess just from top to bottom, like the way it was handled. Yeah. That shit started at, what, like 3 o'clock?

And then at 10 o'clock, they're like, the National Guard is gassing up their collective Chrysler, and they're going to come down Ritchie Highway, and something will happen. Do you want me to tell the National Guard? Yeah. You just wait until your National Guard gets home. Yeah, pretty much.

Pretty much. You know your National Guard is working very hard. Very hard on nights and weekends. Yeah. You're not my real National Guard, Ted. You're not the real army. Shut up. Shut up.

Yeah, dude. I just hate the whole thing. It just fucking bugs me. Yeah, violence just sucks yeah i mean especially when your city's just falling apart yeah yeah i thought after saturday i thought we were i thought we were gonna be able to yeah just kind of keep it well yeah people were really commending like how baltimore protesters handled it all for a while there yeah yeah and not anymore yeah that's all gone yeah yeah but i mean it really

so far it hasn't been like that bad relatively speaking like there hasn't been deaths yet that's the weird yeah i think two people have but i'm not sure like died really yeah i'm not sure if it's related like i just know there's right two deaths so i'm not sure if like they were shot by a cop or what happened there yeah i've heard that there's two at this point on tuesday the weird part is though like with the la riots that was like after the police were acquitted you know what i mean it wasn't like before the trial yeah well i mean this whole thing it's like uh it's just gathering over years like like what i was saying of just police brutality yeah you know cops killing kids and stuff like that.

So whether it's warranted or not, but that's been simmering for years. Well, it is a violent city. We do need a strong police force, but obviously they need to treat people like humans. Yeah. And also just like i think we focus on the wrong things a lot like drug you know like drug dealers and drug addicts are like you know a problem but it's it's not if you just focus on violent people mainly and theft like that's yeah yeah i mean the the drug thing it's unwinnable People will get sober

When they're ready to Not because they have jail time coming up And drug dealers will stop Selling when they decide That that's not what they want to do anymore Just a change of vocation And if you do want to do it Then they're going to do it

Obviously the law When you remove the incentive that's when well it's that and it like people can get rich off of because it's so illegal like it's uh it's pricey because it's illegal you know yeah like nobody's like bootlegging alcohol and cigarettes and getting rich you know yeah it hasn't worked for me sure sure no one's doing that. What's that smell? That's my still. Still photos. That's what it is.

They're curing in the... That's my dark room. Don't go in there. Don't go in there. That's daddy's private place. There's no booze in there. I'll tell you that right now. Well, I mean, maybe there's a few people

making money, but it's not anything like the drug trade. Yeah. Like how he just convinced you that people would be like, well, yeah, I mean, I'm sure there are like people selling stolen cigarettes or, you know, moonshining and

rural places that are making a living off of it. Moonshine. Those moonshine farms. Yeah, there are like out in rural areas. People make moonshine all the time. Yeah, but you know, it's nothing like the freaking, you know, like drug cartels. Heroin. Yeah.

So what are your guys' thoughts on this as we kind of wrap up this discussion here? Can I take the physical challenge? Sure. And there's going to be a swimsuit competition. Yeah. I mean, the whole thing just fucking bums me out i think today seems to seems to be taking a turn in the other way where people are trying to move in the other direction i would say it is very important in a free society to be very aware of what i mean the the the police the

government line is what keeps a peaceful society together like um not allowing people's rights to be violated is what keeps a free society moving so there has to be like a strong law but it's also you have to keep a very close eye on the law to make sure that it doesn't become corrupt because it almost certainly well um but on the other hand um and sometimes violence is warranted you know like uh slave uprisings and stuff like that are totally you know warranted but it's been proven that non-violent protest gets way better results yeah i mean i don't think you're accomplishing anything by destroying a check cashing place well that, that's almost a whole nother, you know, yeah, like looting is just like that. Yeah, that's just ridiculous.

That just gives the whole thing. But, you know, as far as like violence towards the police or whatever, I think sometimes it can be justified. Sure. But yeah, but in this situation, it's just went way too fucking far. Yeah. this situation it just went way too fucking far yeah and you know it's just it you know martin luther king and gandhi and a lot of others have proved that just non-violent resistance is a great tool especially especially now with like social media and stuff where you can get your your messages all across the world like the you know the civil rights movement really took a turn for

the better when they realized that broadcasting pictures of uh kids and old women being attacked by dogs and being forced to give up their seats and stuff really captured people's emotions and hearts. And you can do a lot of that today with technology. Yeah, and that's the thing too. I think it's easy for us to say, we like to go out to dinner. We're well-to-do.

We like several forks at our table. In a house yard. like we're we're not in these communities sure so it's really tough to to say from that perspective like hey don't be doing that you know like you know i've saw like a lot of people kind of reiterating the same thing like there's not a lot of like rec centers for for kids and you know like the schools aren't great and you know yeah stephanie rollingslings Blake spending all that money on like the Grand Prix and all that yeah it's like yeah yeah it's easy for us to judge right so we should do it because it's way easy it's great it's easy for anyone

to judge especially if they're just if they're not experiencing any of it and just kind of going off of what they see through the media. And what they perceive it to actually be. Yeah, and kind of collecting all these opinions from different corners of the internet and the media and kind of hodgepodging their own opinion

and then putting that out there like, this is what I think about this. With their bias, their preloaded bias and all that stuff. Yeah. And I think it's really difficult to separate the super important message of the think about their bias they're like preloaded bias and all that stuff yeah and i think like it's it's really difficult to separate the super important message of the protests from from um all the violence is going because everyone's going to connect those two yeah of course when um when really a lot of the violence like has nothing to do no with the protest whatsoever yeah yeah it's

just kind of like the police are busy let's go steal some stuff yeah well yeah then that other stuff is bubbling underneath of like you know fuck this and then there are serious issues they're also bubbling under all the violence too and uh and hopefully when it all settles down we can have a serious yeah and try to yeah hopefully like it can get better but it seems like that's kind of what's happening today. Yeah. Yeah. It is cool to see so many people, you know, trying so hard to pick up the pieces. Yeah.

So, you know. Yeah. Because that shit was scary, man. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. It's like, wow, this is what it feels like to not have security, you know. Yeah. It's like martial law or chaos or whatever.

Yeah. No, there were definitely times where i thought about getting out of the city last night it was scary too like you know like a couple friends on facebook were like right near it you know and people were like yelling at them through their walls and stuff and like yeah yeah there's a couple in particular who everybody was really concerned about wow yeah yeah i uh Yeah, our street, like I said, we're like a mile from where everything was kind of going down in Mondalman.

But luckily, yeah, it was relatively quiet besides cop cars and everything going by. But I definitely saw some people walking at one point. I saw somebody sit down right by our steps. And I was like, who is this motherfucker? It just turned out to be a drunk girl. But I was like, I'll kill this fucking person. It was like, who is this motherfucker to murder? It just turned out to be a drunk girl but I was like, I'll kill this fucking person. It was scary, man.

I just catastrophize when stuff goes like that and I'm like, I'm gonna sleep with a knife next to me and then I shake it down. Of course, I don't know how to do anything

if anything were to happen. You implement your zombie apocalypse plan. Yeah, pretty much. Exactly. Watch Night of the Living Dead several times. Yeah, that's how you learn from their mistakes. That's how you get ready.

Yes. Watch a couple of YouTube videos on what to do. That type of thing. So, yeah. Is there a TED Talk on zombie apocalypse? Just some guy with his fingers pressed together wearing a turtleneck. Talk zombies. That childlike sense of wonder have you seen uh this is probably stupid to talk about

in light of this conversation but arnold schwarzenegger's new movie where he's uh he's a father of a girl that's becoming a zombie no is it it kind of looks good is it coming out now or i think sometime this spring relatively soon soon. So after Terminator? Yeah, right around the same time. I don't know if I can handle two Arnold movies in one summer, Josh. Yeah, and then this one looks like a real departure for the Terminator himself. Oh, is it dramatic? Yeah.

Oh, really? Basically, it takes a turn that like, it's funny because it's in the Midwest, and he's like, hey, get the Altafia. They always do that with Arnold Schwarzenegger. They just put him in any role and don't acknowledge that he's a bodybuilder with an Austrian accent. He's also like 70. They put a flannel on him, put him in a corn face,

like, this is my farm. I was born here. Remember he'd be an undercover cop or something in New York or something? It was like Chicago. It was called Red Heat or something like that. It like new york or something like chicago right it's called like red heat or something like that yeah it doesn't seem like you put him in movies where that where like the situation is that he has to get somebody out of somewhere yeah so send in the most

non-conspicuous guy we can yeah and then yeah it was in his last movie he was like border patrol in texas really i'm from amarillo but anyway it's like a dramatic one where i guess there's you know the traditional zombie outbreak and it's it's more of like a slow so it's a classic outbreak yeah there's a there's a widespread outbreak sure and then they're trying to quarantine everybody. It seems like it's less of a quick turn. You get bit, and it's not like you immediately become a zombie. His daughter's starting to turn over a week or so. The cops try to come get his daughter, and he's kind of like, Oh, fuck you. This is my daughter.

It'd be kind of cooler if we died like that. You know you're going to die a week before all the time. You just slowly die? Big death parties. You slowly die or slowly become a zombie? Well, either one. I mean, they'd have to kill you before you become a zombie. Unless they just have a big old hospital full of zombies

in hopes that someday they can cure it all. Yeah. I feel like that's right for pranks, too. You only got a week. And then at the end of the week, like, gotcha! You're still alive! Oh, my God. Convincing someone they're turning into a zombie. And then at the end of the week, like, gotcha! You're still alive! Oh, my God. Convincing someone they're turning into a zombie.

I sold all my stuff! What are you talking about? I quit my job! I mean, you could just do that now with just saying someone has a terminal illness. Yeah, you really could. And then you give them the gift of life. And then you, like, make them think that you're some sort of god who cured them. Now that's a film right there.

Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as god doctor. I wonder if anybody's ever done that. That'd be like the ultimate flim flam job. You mean it's like a doctor? Yeah, or something like that. Just going for a physical? He's like, you got a week left. And then they cure it.

They give you a problem. They cure it. And then you're indebted to them. Yeah, we'll work cure it. They give you a problem. They cure it. And then you're indebted to them. Yeah. We'll work on it. I just think we could rip off a lot of people this way. Would that movie just be called like chart mix up? I'm not talking about a movie.

Okay. I'm talking about a plan. You're talking about the movie of your life. You're talking about real life pranking people with death sentences. Not so much pranking as ripping them off. Okay. Can we talk about what's serious that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie? Yes, I mean, that's kind of all I got to say about that.

What do we think about the new Terminator? Oh, the riots or the movie? I thought, I was like, Terminator, good. I hope so. SkyNet is real. It's been a long time coming. Wait, we were talking about Terminator this entire time, right? Oh, yeah.

Yes. The whole thing bums me out. The writing and us. Yeah, yeah. I just think that in a world where robots are dangerous, we need to have a strong robot law enforcement system. Yeah, and the National Guard is going to make sure they don't get into the Terminator.

Why don't the robots just gas everybody? Get out of the Haagen-Dazs, you fucking robot! Yeah, so we say this before it is nightfall, and apparently everybody's like, wait till the night. So I hope just nothing. Who are these people that are telling you to wait till the night?

They're just warning you. It's mostly me. I just put a hat on and I go, uh-oh. No one's been messaging me lately. No, I got a group text message warning of when riots are planning on breaking out. What? Yeah, someone sent me the drop. Oh.

What group? I don't know. It was weird. It was like this girl used to work with oh yeah I haven't talked to in once like sent out like a group text about winning I I guess you got some information that's the but that's the problem with social media though misinformation you just put anything out there yeah yeah I was those dismissed from work today because Carol's a cunt. No, I'm just kidding. Carol, big listener. Yeah. Yeah, fuck her.

She is listening. Yeah, Security West was shut down the mall because they said that was like the next target. Really? And that was just on social media, basically. So they just shut it down. They're going to turn that into a target? Really? Yeah. It's a big target.

A really, really big target. Really big one. All right, fellas. I really big one. All right, fellas. I smell a tweet. All right. That's been three white guys talking about the riots in Baltimore. Hey, we live in freaking Baltimore. We can say something about it.

Yeah, totally. Hey, we're going to take a little Italy approach to this. Yeah. Hey, if I can. It's the Terminator we should feel bad about judging. Yeah. He's getting older. Hey, only the internet can judge us.

Sure. Not God, but the internet. Well, one exists. You don't think the internet's real? Is that what you're saying to me? All right, fellas, let's wrap this thing up. In conclusion, it's a bummer that it happened, but I hope it doesn't happen again.

And then hopefully some real fucking change will happen happen um yeah i think generally what happens after writing is a lot of white flight and um businesses moving or closing i am flying out to vegas on thursday and not coming back and not coming back um but uh yeah but like we said there was like a huge positive response to everything. So hopefully that will last. Yeah, I hope so too. And we're going to set up some benefit shows and stuff. Yeah, comedy shows.

Just got to find the right organization to donate to and all that stuff. We're going to try to get some positive vibes going. Them vibes. Them vibes. Some vibes. All right. Well, thank you guys. Thanks, everybody.

Thank you for listening. And yeah, we have regular episodes up at thedegressionsessions.com. It's such a weird thing to plug at the end. Yeah, yeah. If we could talk about something serious. We have stupid bullshit off, too. So don't you worry. That's not going to stop anytime soon.

If you want to see pictures of my dick, go to Instagram and look up Josh Kaderna. But yeah, thank you to everybody that listens. And we hope you continue to do that and tell other people about it. And tell them to listen to it as well. Please. What was our thing? Because if you like it. If you like something, tell someone.

Yeah, tell somebody, I think. If you like somebody, tell somebody. Cool. Chris, anything to plug? What is this? When is this going to come out? I don't know.

Some sometime this week. Okay, cool. May 7th. Another everything will be okay at the crown. That's your monthly show here in Baltimore. True. Good show.

Fun show. Good show. You guys have both been on it. We're just waiting with either a true or false answer. Yeah. False. I treat everything like a lie detector. Well, most things.

True. You know? Yeah. That's true. Sounds like my wife. Oh. I don't know what that means. Yeah.

Got Jamel Johnson. He's been on the podcast, right? Uh-huh. Going to be closing out. Good. He's a very funny gentleman. Like Mike mentioned, we're trying to put together a big, big benefit show. Don't oversell it quite yet.

Well, okay, fine. A mid-sized benefit show. Well, a benefit show. I mean, hopefully we'll get a lot of people. But yeah, we're just trying to put something together to benefit whoever's been affected by the riots. We're going to figure it out. Food bank or something like that, maybe? Yeah, probably out food bank or something like that maybe or yeah probably a food bank there are a few

businesses that have already said that they might need some help so okay well cool we'll keep you

guys posted that's good I don't know what to say like I mean it's all so like theoretical yeah sure

sounds good sounds good no we'll keep yeah Disney said that they could they could use a few dollars so we'll probably toss in Yeah, Disney said that they could use the $2, so we'll probably toss it in.

Yeah, they only have a world and a land. Disney's really struggling right now. Let's try to get them an ocean. They got to spread their wings a little bit. Spread the ocean. All right, guys. All right. We love you.

Thanks, everybody. Stay safe. Love you. Bye-bye. Bye. Thank you. you