The Digression Sessions - Ep. 158 - Another Solo Ep! (@JoshKuderna & @MikeMoranWould)

Episode Date: June 1, 2015

Hola DigHeads! We have this week, another great Josh and Mike only episode just like old times!   The boys catch up on all things local comedy this week as well as what’s going on in their own lives (spoiler alert: Josh’s cousin tries to destroy his pysche and Mike is confused by technology). Plus Mike unveils his creepiest childhood encounter in the final segment.   Thanks for all the support everyone! We love doing this show! If you get a chance please rate the  Digression Sessions on Stitcher or iTunes, and maybe give us a follow on Twitter @DigSeshPod. We love you!  

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week hey now no guest no this does back that mic away just a little bit thank you yeah just a little bit you talking to me or the mic you talking to me huh uh hey guys it's just uh it's just it's just josh Michael. Just Josh and Michael? Just Josh and... Just Mike and...

Hi. We're the digression session. We got some dates to plug. Indeed we do. You're hearing this on a Monday. I believe it's June something or other. I am in the Outer Banks, a.k.a. White People Mecca,

making a pilgrimage down there. White people love the Outer Banks. OBX,.a. White People Mecca, making a pilgrimage down there. White people love the Outer Banks. OBX, bro. Yeah. OBX. You heard of it? Why is there an X in there? Outer Banks.

They spell with three Xs. That's the dirty little secret. Well, even if they do, you don't add that to the initials. Oh, yeah, you do. Oh, yeah, you do. White people would add X to anything. Maybe that's all people. I never understood that either.

Like, Christina Aguilera was x tina well i think it's supposed to be like you know how like they they put an x for for christmas for the christ part yeah so i think it's supposed to be like that except for it would be x ena like there yeah it wouldn't be another t yeah christ ena yeah Chris Ena. Yeah. It'd be X Ena. Yeah. X Ena. Or Xena. Xena warrior pop princess. Yes. Okay. So let's plug some things. So this Saturday, I will be doing a show at some place.

And I forgot my phone. I'm pulling a real Mike Moran here. Mike, you need- Now you know how it feels. Yeah. Let me go grab my phone. You do yours first. All right. Let's see. Coming up on the 5th,

I am hosting the Improv Stand-Up Mash-Up Show at the Mercury Theater. That will be 8 p.m. That is in Baltimore, Maryland. It's on Charles Street. Big improv.org for tickets. Who do we got on that one, Josh? So far, we have two confirmed comedians.

We have Nick Oldershaw and Umar Khan. Try to get Ben O'Brien. He can't do it. Jessica Murphy. Garrett can't do it. I'm trying to get a lady in there. All right. But it might end up being Peter Moose, who is a very pretty, pretty man.

He could be a lady. And then we're going to have three improv troops, too. That's going to be a fun show. Awesome. And let's see. On the 18th, I'll be doing Zizimos. I think I'm doing a headlining set. I'm not sure.

Only one way to find out, Dick. Show up. And so this will be a fun one. On the 11th of July, I'll be doing like, I won't technically be opening for Wyatt Cenac, but I will be in the opening show before the Wyatt Cenac show at the Ottawa. Now, the people in the audience, are they going to be there for Wyatt Cenac? I hope so.

Or is it different tickets? It's free. It's upstairs. It's free. Okay. So come for Wyatt Cenac. Come a little bit early for Mike Moran. Come a little bit early.

Stay late. Come early and often what i'm saying is don't don't just show up just for mike moran and then like this why it's an act by leaving before just stick around for yeah i mean his show already got canceled because of the riots just do mike a personal favor. If you could. Stick around for Wyatt. He's a good kid. He's a good kid. The 6th of June, Saturday, the 6th, I'll be doing stand-up at the Home Slice restaurant. It's a pizza place, I believe, and they're doing comedy there. Sounds good to me. It's at 900 South Kenwood Avenue in Baltimore. So it's a stacked lineup.

Come out to that. And then on the 11th, I'll be at Magoobie's. I will be in my underwear doing stand-up for a cancer benefit. In your underwear. Now, I don't have to explain to you. And not much else. That makes sense. It's not like underwear and clothes.

Yeah, yeah. Normally, I'm in my underwear and clothes. Right. But this one, just underwear. Yeah. And maybe flip-flops. Actually, I don't think I'm going to wear any shoes. What if you get a spontaneous erection?

You got to talk about it, right? Yeah, you can't ignore it. You just keep moving on. At least not mine. You could. What else is going on? Just knocking everything over. What else is going on?

Politics. This Obama character, huh? Should i get special underwear you think you think i should get like uh american flag underwear or uh some wacky underwear could be in order sure like on the back you could say if you can read this the bitch fell off something like that yeah something like that okay Yeah, something like that. Okay. Or like exits only or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like the one with the arrow where it points to your face. It says the man and then the arrow down to your crotch says the legend. How does that fit on underwear?

Well, I normally sleep on your ass. My penis is the man and my ass is going to be the legend. It's going to be an arrow that just goes around my taint. You're the man, your penis is the myth, and your anus is the legend. Yeah, my penis doesn't exist. It's a myth. We've heard great tales. The penis was in the back of the car the whole time.

Follow us on Twitter. I am at Josh Coderna. I'm also on Instagram, at Josh Kaderna. And I am at Mike Moran Wood. On the Twitters. On the Twitter. And digressionsessions.com has all past and future episodes, as well as thundergrunt.com. It has all future episodes.

Yep. Wow. Get into it. Go past future. Technology these days. Neither site has current episodes. Right. But it's past and future well is there

ever really a current i mean it is pretty much always past or future except for right now you're blowing my mind yeah you're blowing my fucking mind you know paradox baby oh michael michael michael uh um so let's see here i i wrote down some things to talk about oh man you got a whole page full of notes i I got a whole page. I just pulled up a few PowerPoints in my brain that have probably been erased. Well, I had some time to kill at work today. I got a nice new pen, got a nice new notepad, and that's what it's for. That's what it's for there.

So let's see here. Let's see. This past weekend or last weekend, I was at, I guess the time you're listening to this, two weeks ago, whatever. I was at the Arlington Draft House and I was hosting for Fortune Feimster. Yes.

And she's very funny, super nice lady. Really? Had to pick her up from the hotel twice. Both times her ride fell through. She like had a friend, like local friend. They're like,

hey, can you go get her? And I'm like, yeah, sure, no problem. So you have to get her and then like park and then get ready for the show but she was super super nice cool um i just whiffed on having her on the podcast just didn't even

think about like i left a little bit late saturday and then i was halfway there and i was like oh fuck i didn't even bring my equipment like a like a goddamn dummy so maybe when she comes back by a radio shack and you get new equipment yeah okay okay just kidding i'll take that into advice how was she on stage very funny very funny uh a lot of her fans it was kind of a slower weekend because of memorial day and uh but a lot of her fans are older white ladies uh lesbians for the most part as as fortune is and uh not my crowd the older older really i feel like you could win them over i yeah i did a little bit my my first joke i say pussy sure and uh some crowds love it when you say pussy yeah some crowds really much uh but some like it some love it some gotta have it gotta have the pussy jokes

only three types of people in this world um and uh yeah so i remember uh one of the shows we did four shows and uh i do the line and the punchline has pussy in it and this woman up front she goes oh that's a damn shame yeah like such a lovely boy boy yeah like yeah it's like your friend's mom like overheard a conversation just like such a shame such a shame i made that boy dinner on thursday and that's how he talks when i'm not around and uh yeah some one of the one of the nights there was a double lesbian bachelorette party or something like that. Of course. They were chatty.

And I couldn't see them. But I was like, oh, we got the drunk moms over there. Because I was like, hey, how are you guys doing? Just the initial like, hey, welcome to the show. And I could just hear like murmurs of like, yeah, we're fucking, it's going to be a good time. I was like, okay. What? All right.

All right. We got the drunk moms over there. And I was just kind of riffing on that. Like, this is a party. We're cutting loose. This woman goes, we're not moms. We're lesbians. Oh, so you can't be a mom and a lesbian, lady.

That's what you said to her? Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't like to discriminate like you, lady. And I got a nice little reaction. But for the most part, they were just there to see Fortune. Right. It's like, yeah, you know. Yeah.

And then it made a joke making fun of Ray Rice and another, yeah, one time a woman is like, oh. Like, what? Are you on his side? Like, what's that? It's weird. It is weird how, like, even when you're going against something that people don't like, they don't like to hear you joking about it sometimes.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no, he's the butt of the joke yeah like my college my my joke about black colleges and how white people won't go to them no matter how cheap they are like people get offended by that like just for saying it you know even though i'm attacking the racism right right yeah like this uh this comedian andy klein he has this really great bit about uh girl scouts and their cookies like girl scouts like their whole their whole thing is that they are an organization that's supposed to be helping women and giving them like young girls giving them positive role models right they do this like outreach and the only thing we give a fuck about is their cookies you know enforcing the stereotype right and uh like yeah as he's saying that he's like yeah and we're all just like get back in the

fucking kitchen we don't care little girl like you know sometimes audiences are like oh yeah it's like no that's the point like you are a part of it yeah i guess i guess people just don't like get the unless you're like really i i think they just don't like some people just don't like making a joke of it even if you're attacking it yeah yeah and then sometimes people are like yeah it's like if you guys would just chill out like i'm not up here giving a ted talk and i'm right pussy where does it come from like then i can understand the groans like where does pussy if you were giving a ted talk you said the word pussy right now webster's dictionaryictionary defines pussy.

Can we bring up my next slide, please? I'm wearing a black turtleneck and I'm doing the thing where your fingers touch, your fingertips touch. A childlike sense of pussy. You're wearing the headset. I'm wearing the black suit on. I'm sweating a little bit.

The audience is just confused. What the fuck is this i wonder what like there has to be some videos of like disastrous ted talks out there oh just like going south you're just bombing probably i could see mine doing that i actually kind of want to do one at some point i have to admit what would you do it on uh i had this whole like kind of theory slash idea that probably isn't all that brilliant, but it's never really. The whites are perfect. This whole racial eugenics program that I'd like to propose.

You would say as a society we have problems. Well, I have a final solution. Or if it's like I just accidentally keep using language like that, but it's for something completely different. Yeah, yeah. It's like positive. Yeah. Or it's like a rat problem or something that just comes across apparently that these rats are garbage just to bring it out apparently the uh what's that group that like uh

uh keeps a watch on all the hate groups like the southern poverty law center or something the aclu oh wow is that what aclu stands for no wait no because it'd be an ass no one of those groups it's like civil liberty it's not that's not it there's some southern poverty something something that like is a hate group monitor or something leonard skinner yes yes 38 special zz top hold on god i hate southern rock from the 70s except for the sad ones for some reason those are good oh yeah but anyway um they listed david ike as uh as like being a the leader of like a hate speech guy because he has those crazy conspiracy theories about reptiles like controlling the world and how like the presidents are really reptiles and oh he's a reptilian guy yeah yeah and like they won't believe him that he's like really talking about reptiles

they're like oh come on we we know reptiles code for jew and he's like no seriously i'm talking about reptiles yeah it could be anybody yeah there are people that believe that all of the people that hold power in this in the world are reptile reptilian overlords that have come down yes like uh did you ever hear louis ck talking to donald rumsfeld no on uh he was on uh opium anthony and uh donald rumsfeld called in to promote like his book like his memoirs or something and louis ck brought it up that he's like you know there are people in the world that believe that you're a reptile. What do you say to that? You're not a reptile, right?

And Donald Rumsfeld would not answer the question. He was just silent? Well, he was like, oh, well, you know, there's some people. Come on. You're telling me he danced around the question? Yeah, you have to hear it. Was he like intentionally trying to make it funny? Like, maybe I am a reptile? Sort ofile sort of no like he wasn't playing into it it was more like

oh where do you find this guy right right it's just like just answer the question yeah and open anthony you're like louis stop he's like it's an easy question if it's not a reptile he should say no it's awesome yeah you have to hear it it's on youtube and i think it's on itunes too but oh my god it's amazing uh yes okay so let's see oh and i want to give a shout out to the the feature from that weekend chris lamberth a very funny guy and he has a podcast called the mundane festival and he gave us a nice shout out on his podcast thank you chris can i call you chris Sure. Thanks. Sure. That's how Chris sounds.

So yeah, it was definitely a fun weekend hanging out and I'm feeling better. I got over the food poisoning. Thanks for asking. Well, I asked you last time I saw you, didn't I? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you don't look quite as deathly now. Thank you. But I'll tell you,

I feel like once you hit your late 20s, every time you get sick or something, you kind of stay like that forever. No. Once your face gets a little shrively, it doesn't just bounce back. I have been losing a little bit of weight, which is actually not too bad. But I'm very tired as usual uh so am i underslept um and i don't like you saying that i don't look as good i didn't say that i definitely did i applied it definitely yeah you did look mike what is this podcast we're just

gonna take shots we're getting old here we're growing up we we're breaking down 28 years young in the right of the precipice i'm in the prime of my life okay just because you're wearing black socks above your ankle like an old man yeah um no but once i'm telling you once i started pooping regularly again felt like i was a superhero that got his powers back yeah like i was like superman that got in the sun yeah and then pooped himself when he got in the sun but like a nice poop yeah so yeah oh and then okay um i remember uh uh remember when i told you about the the time i talked to jordan my long lost half brother yes uh so the first show on Friday night the fortune Feimster show wraps up I'm going out to the lobby I'm going out to the front bar and this woman goes are

you my cousin and I was like I don't know what's your what's your name she like yeah she goes Genevieve and I was like I do have a cousin Jenny I guess that's for Genevieve and then she goes yeah you're yeah you're you're my cousin because she goes I pieced it together like you said you're 28 your name and I was like yeah Josh would be 28 and I haven't talked to her in a long time she's on my mom's side of the family that I don't talk to right and uh at first I was like wow this is kind of cool like we haven't talked in a while I remember she came out a few years ago and it was like this big scuttlebutt or whatever. As a reptile?

Yeah. Yeah. Her and Donald Rumsfeld. So and she's there with her girlfriend and Jenny was a little drunk. And so we're kind of like catching up a little bit. Right. But sort of in the vein of what you just did but more overt or i'm insulting you yeah she kept bringing up shitty stuff really

she goes like uh she was just like yeah so uh is your dad still in jail it's like no he never he never was and like just kept bringing up stuff like that like really girlfriend who was sober wow and like would cut me off in stories too and like like i was like well i was trying to make it like this cool thing like i was going to relate it to jordan like getting my half brother and same thing like because her being like are you my cousin he did the same thing like are you my half brother right and i was trying to tell that story and i'm like trying to tell uh her girlfriend and then genevieve's like meanwhile she's like right in my face doing like that like drunk person close talk thing she's just like remember when your mom tried to kill grandma i'm just like hey jenny man we should catch up more often this is

great so uh yeah it's just one of those things where i was like trying to be positive the whole hey, Jenny, man, we should catch up more often. This is great. So, yeah, it was just one of those things where I was like trying to be positive the whole time and she just kept bringing up terrible shit. And like, she's like, yeah, I heard your mom remarried, but like tried to stab the guy. And I'm like, great, Jenny, this is awesome. Like, also, I have nothing to fucking do with her anymore. And then, you know, she's like, yeah, you know,

grandma beat her kids. I'm like, Jenny, what are you doing doing was she uh did you talk to her afterward like no sobered up no like well this is after the show so they were leaving right yeah but you didn't like reconnect on facebook or anything no i i talked to amanda about it like i kind of wanted to just be like what the fuck was your problem right you know but i think it would just go down this path like yeah just further down she probably feels stupid about it though i don't think she would know like she's that drunk yeah really like maybe not in her mind like sometimes you know like they think they have more tact sure if she was just like in her mind she's probably like so how's your mom how's your

dad versus like remember when your mom regaled joshua with a charming story about our exploits as children yeah then she goes on the eve of saint shism's day yeah every she would just say shitty stuff about every person she brought up like she would go uh you look just like my brother and like oh yeah i mean our family you know we got some he's a dick yeah no she goes he's 40 and married to a 20 year old like okay she's like yeah like yeah that's awesome yeah okay at least she had that positive thing to say yeah it's just like jesus christ jenny you know and then she's like you should call grandpa I'm like yeah okay jenny well like i told other people he can call me like just this whole family story like yeah kind of fucking bum me out between shows too it's just

like what the fuck are you doing like i haven't seen i haven't seen you since my grandma's funeral and then before that i hadn't seen you for like a decade yeah and then you're just like hey you remember this shitty thing yeah yeah to catch up jenny drunken people i'll have to get your phone number so we can do this again yeah i guess i'm kind of like empathetic towards drunk things like that because like no matter what drunk story i hear like i've always done 10 times worse well yeah i mean i can i can empathize with that like i'm not not so much like the i don't have a problem with the drunk thing but just like the overtness right of of like the statements yeah just like but maybe it's just like stuff that's been like bubbling up in her and like she has issues with and like she just didn't have a filter

kind of but she was like i couldn't tell. It was tough to get a read on her. I was like, are you trying to fuck with me? Or are you just not on the same plane as me right now? I was trying to bring a lighthearted story because we were talking about grandma and her girlfriend was there. And her girlfriend was doing the thing of subtly trying to tell Jenny

she's like repeating herself too and like yeah yeah like uh our grandma like yes she was fucked up and all this stuff but i was like she just kept bringing up terrible stuff and like her girlfriend's there so i didn't want to be like hey how about some more bad stories for this person i've never met before so um yeah my uh my grandma she would like feed you a bunch and all this stuff and then like she would like make cupcakes and milkshakes and shit like that and then like the women in the family she would be like oh you're looking a little doughy or like she would always kind of comment on your weight so that would kind of fuck with people yeah um old people were like that yeah

yeah and so when i became a vegetarian my grandma would always be like you're so skinny you need to eat something you You should eat. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I will. I will. And one time she was really sick and she was in the hospital. And like we thought this was going to be it. Like she was going to die. So everybody's going there to see her and kind of pay their last respects.

And so I'm trying to tell this story. I'm like, everybody thinks grandma's going to die. And I'm talking to tell this story. I'm like, everybody thinks grandma's gonna die and I'm talking to Jenny's girlfriend and I'm like, so I go in there and my grandma, she's just looking really sick and she's like, Joshua, come closer.

Like out of a movie, like no, closer. And I'm like, oh my God, this might be it. My grandma's gonna die. And I go and I go, yeah, grandma?

And she goes, you're so skinny. And I'm trying to tell that story. And in between, Jenny cuts me off. And I go, and I lean in. And grandma goes. And I lean in, and I'm like, oh, my god. My grandma's going to die.

What is she about to tell me? And Jenny just goes, but she didn't die. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing yes i know i'm mildly autistic jesus christ yeah so it was that type of thing where i was like it just came out of fucking left field sure so i it's weird like i yeah i don't know i could i couldn't tell if she was like trying to hurt me or just, you know, like you were saying, like actually talk about stuff. And I was like,

I don't have anything to do with you fucking people anymore. And she's like, Hey, remember when this terrible thing happened? Like Chris Farley, but of like being a dick. Stop it. Does she have like some issues, you think?

I don't know. I don't know. She might have like... In her mind, maybe she thinks I'm a dick. I mean, besides homosexuality. Besides that one. You know, Michael, if she'll do that, she'll do anything. Anything devious.

The American Medical Association. You know it was categorized as a mental illness until the 70s? For a long fucking time. Yeah, that's insane yeah it's insane so okay so those are the major things i wanted to bring up but god damn it was just uh yeah regardless it could be anybody that did that like if somebody came up to you and just say hey you still drinking mike you know like no i'm sober like yeah but you did you know like i kind of get that occasionally but then like if it's your family right yeah like what the fuck are you doing yeah same team here yeah i don't i don't say shit to you right yeah oh yeah people are weird i'm

pretty like stunned by how strange people are yeah i could understand if the last time i saw her and i was like jenny fuck you you know like when i'm like 12 in italian accent yeah fuck you you finish that cannoli and you can fuck out i never want to see you stupid goddamn jerk go get your fucking shine box jimmy i mean i'm 12 jimmy jimmy jenny so um shout out to jenny do you know tupac's last words were fuck you to a cop really that recently came out yes like where were you hit he's like fuck yeah that's kind of what happened like the cop like cat was being like who shot you who shot you and he was like like in and out of consciousness i think uh and he was like fuck you and slipped back it's a really stupid cop and he's like all right put on apb for last name you first name wait hey focus on uh chinatown yeah mr fuck who fuck you

uh yeah so uh so So that was the weekend. And then this week I've been trying to do some stand up before I go on vacation for a week in the Outer Banks. The Outer Banks. Are there inner banks? Yeah, probably. No one ever talks about the inner banks. What is a bank anyway? Like a river bank.

Okay. Why not just call it a river then? That's where... I don't know, but this is on the ocean. So it's an ocean bank. Ocean bank. Ocean bank, yeah. So what's been going on with you?

Same old thing, mostly. My phone died the other day, just inexplicably. Just out of nowhere. We weren't expecting it you know it hadn't it hadn't showed any symptoms right uh just a sudden your team of experts hadn't come to you earlier in the day and said michael there's a strong chance no your phone could eat it today um just out of the blue and man was that traumatic uh-huh there's there's like nothing worse than your phone just disappearing, just losing all power.

Yeah, you had to do the lowly thing of going to Facebook and say, reach me here if you have to. And nobody did. No one reached me there. I was pretty disappointed when my phone came back on. I had like one text message. Right. And it's from Verizon. It's like, my phone came back on I had like one text message right and it's from Verizon it's like your phone is back on

like fuck yeah that thing like where you get off a plane you're like ooh what's daddy got nothing I had three Facebook messages at the end of my shift today though

I was pretty excited about that whoa from three separate people oh yes sir look at you blowing up what can I say blowing up can't believe your mom your grandma and your uncle all had a question for me in one day Oh, from three separate people? Oh, yes, sir. Look at you, blowing up. Oh, no. What can I say? Blowing up.

Can't believe your mom, your grandma, and your uncle all had a question for you in one day. It was my cousin. And I was all like, what the fuck is your problem? Why were you asking me those weird questions the other night? It was my cousin, Jenny, and then two fake accounts she made. Josh, did you ever tell you about the time he asked Josh about something else traumatic from his life? When you can, please. Josh, did I ever tell you about the time we had to put down his favorite cow? Yeah.

His prized mule. Yeah. Remember when his mom made him kill his own prized cow and then eat it? Remember that time he got left on that island with those other schoolboys? Thank you, Jenny. Great talking to you. Great time. Yeah, so that sucked.

It was one of those days where I was trying to not go insane, not for any good reason, but for several small reasons, you know? Okay. Isn't that just the worst when you just have three or four things just go completely wrong in a day? Yeah. What do you mean? Just small shit?

Yeah. I couldn't get on. I left my list of codes somewhere, so I couldn't get on the laptop with my mom, so I have to go to her house right now to use it. And the game Genie was broken. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Before I forget, this is really bizarre.

Apparently, I got a MySpace message this week. Was it Tom? No. No. Hey, man. You want to hang out sometime? Where you been? What's up?

He's personally messaging everybody now. You ever feel like coming over and hanging out? It's cool. Yeah. MySpace. Yeah. It's weird. It's weird.

It's just like a social media graveyard. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, look at these pimped out pages. I know, I know. Of the past. Chains and everything. Yeah, this is it. No, I didn't really.

Limp Bizkit's playing on your profile. We already went over this. Limp Bizkit was not popular in 2006. Was that when MySpace was big? Yeah. Sure they were. I was well into my adulthood. No, they were not.

Hot dog flavored water? That was like 2000 at the latest. I watched a concert of them recently in Russia. I think it's from 2012 or 13. In their prime? Yeah, yeah. That's actually my favorite year. Let me tell you, Biscuit is back.

Are they? No. It was really weird. There's a ton of fucking people there, first of all. It was probably some festival or something. Yeah. There's no way it fucking people there, first of all. It was probably like some festival or something. Yeah. There's no way it was just like their country. Yeah.

And then in the middle, they did a medley of songs that weren't theirs. Really? Like they did Smells Like Teen Spirit. Weird. Like with vocals and everything? Yeah. Yeah. And they did Smells Like Teen Spirit.

And I think they did Enter Sandman. Weird. And just weird shit like that where like you know like i don't know and he's like russia well there was that big monumental like uh metal fest in russia that was like the first like yeah but concert there but it wasn't there but i mean like they were playing like the hits from like the 90s yeah but maybe they were maybe they were selecting those bands for that reason. Nirvana wasn't there.

No, they weren't. It was really weird. So anyway, the biz. The biz. They're biz-ack. I can appreciate that they have a self-deprecating sense of humor, it seems. Yeah, it seems like they know. They kind of know that they're silly.

We just kind of enjoy it. Yeah, it's shit, but it's our shit yeah yeah um the guitarist always talks about how stupid the band is west borland yeah yeah it is kind of cool they have the original members and it's like good for you guys i think the dj lethal is no longer with them right right right i'm saddened to say yeah well they got that they got that Smells Like Teen Spirit cover going. So that should fill the void. God closes a door, he opens a window. What do DJs do in rock bands when they're not scratching? You kind of do this head bob thing.

I mean, are they playing the band's record? Put your arm out. Oh, you mean like... No, I don't think... Maybe. Maybe. I think what you can do is like in this day and age, you can get a record of just a bunch of different,

like you can load it up with samples and all kinds of stuff. So something that normally you'd have like 50 records, you can just get on one. So I think that's what they do. Wow. I think you could just do that with a computer or something. That too. That too.

That too. It is funny. I have seen videos of like guys just completely that with a computer or something. That too. That too. That too. It is funny. I have seen videos of guys just completely faking the EDM music and stuff. Yeah, I hear now it's kind of tempting to not do anything. Yeah, like you're pretending to flick their wrist and spin a knob. Yeah, there's nothing going on. Their hands are just hovering over stuff. Yeah, what's up?

Yeah, it is kind of, you know. They got to learn to do something on stage like dance or something yeah you're just pressing a button there was yeah when we were in vegas it was really sad there was a girl like wearing like basically like a bikini and like furry boots and she was like djing and then she would like go out and dance but like that sad kind of like axl rose wiggle where it's where the back is like stiff with anxiety well she wasn't yeah she was okay but it's still just weird like you're playing you know just like pop music on your laptop and you're like now i'm gonna jive right yeah yeah

let's go guy everybody whoo yeah you could find something to do you know trying to have a good time you could like shoot water guns or something or spin streamers. You're right. I'll let the people of Vegas know. I will let them know. Do some wood carving. I don't know. The faux stripper DJ women of Las Vegas.

Maybe do characters. Sexy character artist. Okay, so what else is going on on what else is falling apart in your life uh nothing major just like a few a couple i can't even remember now what they were but just a few things didn't work out and it just like two or three little problems yeah just make me want to go insane yeah and then the phone dies and it's like all right well i may as well just be dead now like there's no point to living yeah yeah it's like, all right, well, I may as well just be dead now. Like there's no point to living. Yeah. Yeah. It's like being lost on an island or something.

Yeah. I'm with you. So I went to the Sprint store and it took forever, but it just kind of came back on eventually. But now I have like the girl's hair like in my screen. What? Yeah. See how there's like hair.

As like a keepsake? Yeah. It's like under the screen. You it oh yeah yeah you can't say is it not just under the cover like you're yeah maybe that's a good point it might be good point you are the worst at technology that's not even like tech i guess it's that's like technology from 500 years ago just like the just the case yeah yeah yeah exactly uh how are the tattoos going michael i i see more pictures people like the tattoos i see more and more pictures of you in in photos on facebook with young women yes who with digression sessions there's some fellas too not often not often yeah but

ladies like fake tattoos i wish the people could see you like you mike ease back into his chair flick this arm out like what are you gonna do he's like hey ladies love that love that what can i say you know listen if they didn't like temporary tattoos, that'd be fine. There's two things broads like, shoes and tattoos. I tell you what. Shoes, booze, and tattoos. I tell you what, you get a fucking shoe full of booze with a tattoo on it, oh, it's over. It's over.

It's over. I like that. It's a nice ploy for you, these tattoos on the ladies. I like that. Well, it's not like I get to have sex with them because I give them a tattoo. I just assumed. Because you're lucky enough to be given a tattoo.

You can have the tattoo, but you're going to have to have sex with me. Okay. It's such a great tattoo. I like it. It's a great marketing campaign. People love the magnets and they love the tattoos. Uh-huh.

So if anybody sees you, do you have tattoos on you? Sometimes. Sometimes? When I saw Alex and his friends at Chipotle, I happened to have some on me. Uh-huh. Now, what happens then? Are you licking them or are you just wetting them? No, I just give them to them and say, go put this on and let me take a picture.

Do you follow your own advice and travel with a squirt gun? And like just kind of wet it a little bit? No. Wet it and peel it? Like I said, I'm not having sex with everybody. Okay. But I give tattoos. You need a squirt gun to have some sex?

I get it. I get it. No, I instruct them to go into the bathroom. And have sex with me. Yes. You dirty. And let me get the tattoo. You dirty, dirty boy.

Dirty dog. Oh, man. and have sex with me yes you dirty get the tattoo you dirty dirty boy dirty dog oh man so yeah i gotta get going because i gotta go to this show soon but we got a few minutes here oh man uh yeah amanda had her graduation that was fun nice oh i saw uh mad max oh yeah what do you think uh i thought it was pretty awesome yeah i thought it was like kind of unlike any other movie i've ever seen like it yeah it was definitely non-stop violence and action yeah which normally would be like you know like lame uh but somehow it worked in this one like like it looked really cool yeah which is great like the cinematography and everything was amazing um and like the art it was like somehow artsy within it.

I don't know. Yeah, that's kind of what I mean. Like the colors and everything. Like the desert when it's orange or then when they did it at night and like the blue. Yeah. Really cool. Yeah. But the, no, I really enjoyed it.

I just feel like, I felt like Thomas Hardy, like his Mad Max voice was very close to a Bane voice. Sure. A Mad Max. Kind of like, okay. Right. And you're referring to the Batman and Robin Bane. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, Mad Max and Max Mad. I thought the bad guy was awesome. I thought everything looked really cool, but just, I don't know. It's tough. It's like when you're doing an improv scene, they say not to start at a 10 because it's tough to maintain

that degree of insanity the whole time because then if you start gradual, then the highs are higher and that type of thing, and there's more payoff. Peaks and valleys. Yeah. It started out so crazy that just retaining it and then- Sometimes movies can do that, though,

and I feel like they did. Maybe I have to re-see it, because that was the day also where I started to get food poisoning. Right. I mean, I still really liked it, but I think the buildup, everybody's like,

this movie will fucking make you want to die, and you'll love dying. Fucking cut your own dick off and eat it what who's telling you that roger ebert cut your fucking dick off and eat it and you'll love every minute that's a quote from a guy from from inside the actor's studio or whatever. Here comes the film. That'll make you cut your own dick off. Every decade. And eat it. Every decade or so, a film comes along.

In which self-castration is an option. Not only an option, but preferred. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. But yeah, just everybody's like facebook was like fucking go see it i don't know i kind of think it lived up to the hype for me really yeah i'm not it's one of those things where i'm i think like a lot of stuff like that it's it's like that you can't really figure out why it feels it's so great to you but it just is you know yeah that intangible yeah like some of it i couldn't i don't it just had the right mix of artsiness and intensity and just like...

Insanity and violence and stuff. Yeah, I like movies and media that kind of focuses on the primitive nature of man or something. Okay. Or what people resort to when they... That titty milk the grotesqueness of it like kind of like the star wars-esque like you know freakishness of a lot of it i wasn't that into like the titty milk scene yeah like when it gets like kind of cartoony you know like uh like you know goblins and shit okay like that's a little i'm not into that so much like that fantasy world kind of like you know okay yeah i got you where it's like pretty like not as based in reality as much yeah or there's just

like sort of a cutesy like hobbit grotesqueness or something like a harry potter type deal i don't know but you know how there's just like a cartoony sounds like you just hate goblins yeah like that gobliny like big nose big nose, like big ears. Jews? Reptilian, you know, like kind of Jews. You know, like in Schindler's List, like that type of fantasy. He's trying to free all those goblins. You know what I'm talking about? Sci-fi movie, Schindler's List. Yeah. yeah i i like like um it kind of it i don't know movies and books and stuff about

man's like inner violent nature is intriguing to me and i feel like the survival aspect of it where it's like bare bones yeah or just kind of like resorting back to paleolithic life like where you know people were believing these myths like perpetrated by this leader yeah when mad max is like uh gluten no thank you i'm paleo i'm on the paleo type yeah um yeah you know just like people like believe you know i don't know just it was an interesting the little story that it did develop was interesting yeah that's the thing too like there's not much story i know but somehow it works and then the uh what what bothered me and i brought this up on the last podcast and it's fine it worked for the movie and then i thought the third act was really great like the final like kind of fight chase scene but the whole movie they're like we gotta get to this fucking green

zone sure whatever the fuck it is they find out spoiler alert if you haven't seen it you're probably not gonna see it if you didn't see it in the first week then you're probably never gonna see it for the rest of your life so they're looking for this fucking green zone they get to this supposed green zone

Charlize Theron's like they find the freaking cast of the golden girls yeah Betty White's Bettyeron's like They find the freaking cast of the Golden Girls Yeah Betty White's freaking cocoon over there Betty White's like hey bitch Ain't no green zone no more And she's like So you're like okay well

Go back to water world I guess what we're gonna do is keep moving toward them salt flats And then Mad Max goes Now what we gotta do is Undo the shit we just did for the first hour and a half of this movie. What's the big deal with that? I don't see why. It drives me nuts.

Why? Because you're like, the whole time you're like. You're chasing one thing and then it's just thrown out the window. Yeah. And then they just. But stuff like that happens in life. But they undo it in 20 minutes. They just drive back.

But it takes for fucking ever to get to where they're going but nothing happens in the next 10 minutes they're like oh wait there they are like yeah but they time lapse listen i don't it just did you think it was going to be like another two hours long at that point if you can time time lapse that time no no because the whole no you don't do that because they weren't being chased on the way back until they got to the place. But that's the thing. For a while, they weren't chased either. They were just hanging out.

Well, that's how movies work. Drinking mother's milk. They pick and choose which moments they want to show. They're going to skip when they're looking at the map for an hour and a half. I saw nearly one map. They never slept.

They're going to skip. I never saw. That's what movies do. They skip those parts. I didn't see a bowel movement, Michael. If they made a movie about you. Nobody was on Facebook. No, I'm with you.

I understand. Nobody's phone broke and then they had to go get it fixed. Yeah, Mad Max wasn't like phone broke. You can only reach me on Facebook. Get at me here if you can. Yeah, I dug it. Maybe I had to re-see it, but it just wasn't this like,

oh my fucking God. I kind of think it was. What did you think about the guitar playing blind? I loved it. Mad man. I loved it. Okay. I think, again, it's kind of like music.

I think a lot of where we get our musical instinct comes from war songs. Well, even just like tribal shit. Yeah. Just like a positive thing. Music was always kind of like a part of getting people riled up. I kind of like that, too. Because militaries used to do that. They would have a band, and then they realized, oh oh that's fucking stupid yeah it's weird how like up until like i guess like world war ii like

they had these big ceremonial like marches onto the field these colorful uniforms i think they pretty much figured it out like the revolution and then like when the english came here to fight like the native americans you think that would have tipped them off the same way we're here to fight like the native americans you think that would have tipped them off we're here to kill people yeah it was really weird like they still did it the civil war i guess world war one they were kind of but even then the germans had like big spikes on their helmet yeah and they're fighting in trenches where that's like the last thing you'd want on your head oh you mean like to be seen yeah have your spike i, it's not like they were jamming out on guitar, though. They reeled it in a little bit. Yeah, that's true.

Get the band to the trenches. Yeah, that is it. But yeah, I can see. I was fine with that, guys playing the big drums and all that shit. I was fine with that. I mean, that is kind of how it is, I think, still in some warring nations. Not that anyone's playing guitar, but they'll have the music blasting and the pickup truck with the soldiers.

What are you talking about? Talking about Canada? Yes, Canada. Yeah. The developing nation. The wild, wild north. Sure. Okay.

I have to re-see it, but there's another movie on my mind. What's that? They made a third Human Centipede, Michael. Oh, you know, I heard it was terrible. The trilogy is complete. I heard it was not just terrible by normal human standards, but even terrible by human centipede standards. Really? I haven't heard anything about it yeah shout out to one of my favorite podcasts now playing uh who reviewed it recently and said it was hard one of the worst movies they've ever reviewed possibly the worst really what they think of human centipede

too uh they they thought it was like a a horrible good time you know right they thought it was like good yeah it's pretty insane yeah It's like a guilty pleasure. But this one didn't even deliver in that capacity. What's the plot? For the second one, they go to Human Centipede was a movie. They do that again. Both of them are movies.

You can't go back to the well on that one. That guy was watching a movie. Now that guy's watching a movie yeah yeah that's what they did yeah i think it's like um they mentioned something in the not playing review where it was like uh they were trying to make it like a centipede where it's like three separate ones but connected you know oh okay um but anyway so in this one i think it's like a jail warden um decides to turn his prisoners into a human centipede. All right.

Okay. Which could happen. Sure. Surprised it doesn't happen more often. Yeah. I would be shocked if that was like a scandal in Baltimore City Jails. Yeah. Several people have been turned into a human centipede.

Because a warden going over his to-do list like laundry, human centipede. I'll get to it tomorrow. There's just not enough time in the day. Alright. Well, maybe I won't see that one then. Maybe I won't see that one. They said it's not even like that gory. The second one was pretty gross. Yeah. I mean, I think

they're supposed to be some of the most like disgusting movies of all time. Yeah. And the second one, I told you, a woman crushes a baby yeah it's under a gas pedal and it's like yeah that's disgusting yep yep women drivers am i right come on ladies come on come on all right so you got anything else going on um not really i posted a uh creepy true story on reddit yeah i want to talk about that did you read it no because it wasn't there it's there now okay it was just classic yeah i don't mike moran technology yeah i don't know if they like needed to review it or what but it like wasn't there for a while and now this mike posted something on facebook he's like hey check this out

on reddit and then the first comment is, it's not there, Mike. Yeah, I don't know how that works, but it's there now. Can you talk about it? Sure. It's just a simple... I was reading... You're making me nervous that you're standing. Sorry, but I need to. Okay.

I feel like you're about to... I don't like sitting for too long. I feel like you're about to leave or something. Just try with the mic and leave? Yeah. All right, fuck this. I'm out of here. Yeah.

We can wrap up pretty soon. No, I'm fine. I like to stand up sometimes. No, no. Let's wrap up after and leave. Yeah. Like, fuck this. I'm out of here. Yeah. We can wrap up pretty soon. No, I'm fine. I just like to stand up sometimes. No, no. Let's wrap up after this story. Yeah, so it's just there's a section on Reddit for creepy encounters, like creepy true stories. Okay. And I posted mine.

Let's hear it. I don't want to give it all away. Why? Not that it really matters. Yeah, just tell us. It's not like I get anything, like no matter how many hits. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah tell me the story uh well i i when i was uh you know i moved from virginia to maryland when i was 13 almost 14 i think about it every day the first day of summer

after eighth grade i moved from virginia where i'd in the town that i lived in my whole life and and came to parkville maryland and uh my mom and my aunt were going to get a house together, but until they found one, I was stuck living in the basement at her house. Of your aunt's house? Yeah. Okay. We just moved in there for the time being

because they both had families. Okay, I'll just go over it real quick. I basically... You got time. Okay. Mike's sitting down again. so i go to explore the local park on my bike a few days in the summer picturing a big site just says local park actually it was double rock park okay and weirdly somebody just randomly posted a picture on facebook like exactly

where this happened it's like oh it's beautiful here at Double Rock Park. Not for Mike Moran. Anyways, I was approached by a gentleman wearing a T-shirt that said Fag on it, written in magic marker. And you're like, Dad, what are you doing here? He appeared to be, like I misread it as Dad. No, that's just your dad. You're not my father. Oh, Fag, sorry. He appeared to be crazy and homeless, very dirty.

He called me babe and proceeded to show me his anus. Now, how'd that work? Well, okay, so I said hi to him because I wasn't really, like, looking at him at first. How old were you? How old were you? Like, 13. 13. Yeah. wasn't really like looking at him at first i was kind of like on the trail how old are you like 13 13 yeah um like going deep into not i mean a little deep into a woods that i was completely

unfamiliar with yeah like on a dirt trail and there's just a man standing there uh-huh and i'm just like hey just awkwardly like hi yeah uh like still kind of looking down and then i hear hey babe and i look up and it's a big dude from what i remember and fag across the chest really scary looking like looked looked more crazy than threatening you know just like disorientate and like yeah you know and like uh so i made it by him without incident i thought he's gonna like grab me or something did you say anything you're like hello yeah i'm new to the neighborhood the name's my i don't have any candy i live in a basement you know what i could go for right now a ride in a van right this way young man um i would do anything for a snickers bar right now there's a big van that just

spray-painted fag on there too fag one on the license one uh okay so so i go by him and i'm like all right and then i'm you know i'm like going deeper into the woods and i'm like i'm like putting it together and i'm like yeah that guy's probably some sort of sexual assaultist and uh i look and then i had to like get off my bike because all of a sudden it's all muddy and rocky and hilly. So I'm pushing it. And I look back to see if he's following me. And he's got his ass out. Now, is he bent over? I believe so.

It's hard for me to remember. But I think so. The butt cheeks pulled apart? I think so. I think so. And he seemed happy about that. Yeah, go on. And then so I'm like, all right, well, I might be raped in these woods.

I don't know. He's showing you his butthole. It doesn't sound like he's doing it. It sounds like he wants me to. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I guess I feel a little better now.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And it's like the only place for me to go is to continue to push my bike deeper into these woods because I can't turn around. I thought you were like, I had to go into his butthole. The only place for me to go is his butthole. A little bit further down these woods. Sometimes the only way to go is straight in. You can walk 10 miles around a problem or one mile straight through.

It's like Mad Max. You're like, we got to turn around. The only safe place is the ass we're trying to get away from It's unguarded Sometimes you just gotta accept inevitability Uh huh So I'm rushing into these woods And then I encounter a bunch of scary looking teenagers

Like older teenagers Ah teenagers always terrifying Yeah like a group of them who appear to be like You know smoking weed or something And so I think they're gonna kick my ass But they're actually really nice Looking at titty mags. Maybe. I got out of that.

I ended up calling the cops. I didn't want to, but I was scared he was going to rape some kid. I did that. I don't think they called him. In my head, he followed me home and wants revenge for calling the cops and knows where I live. I'm sleeping in a basement every night.

All of a sudden, he becomes this mastermind, this guy who's showing you his butthole. He's like, I know what you did, and I'm going to follow you. He's leaving clues everywhere around the house. And then I have to sleep in a basement next to a sliding glass door with the woods right there.

Scary enough. So every night I'm convinced he's going to break in and do something to me. The couch must have thought you were making it up too. Like, this gross guy. He's got his shirt said fag and he showed me his butthole in the woods. I'm like, uh-huh.

Okay. Now, it sounded like they were looking for him. They called me back a few times. I don't think they called him though. Yeah. Like, Mike, have you seen any anuses? You doing okay? You doing all right?

Can you describe the butthole? They gave me like a lineup of buttholes at the precinct. So you think they took it down? His butthole? No, the Reddit. It was on a Reddit page. I think they did it first, but now it's back up. It's back.

Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, thanks for sharing that story. I'm trying to think if I have something relatable and no. I mean, that's a pretty unique story.

Yeah, yeah. That's one of the creepiest things that's ever happened to me. Yeah, I saw a guy in the woods and he says queer on his shirt and he stretched open his pee hole. I do remember I do remember a time

when in like fourth grade when my friend and I convinced ourselves that a man was waving his penis at us. But I remember thinking, are you sure about that? My friend was convinced

and we started running. He was like taking a pee and we were laughing because it was funny because he's peeing in the woods or like the trees or whatever. Right. And then he turned around and my friend was convinced he was funny because he's peeing in the woods or like the trees or whatever. Right. And then he turned around

and my friend was convinced he was waving his dick at us. Hmm. Might be. Yeah. Might be. Sure. No way to find out now.

On that note, let's get out of here. Let's wrap this thing up. Follow us on Instagram and Twitter and all that stuff. Dig Sesh Pod is the podcast Twitter.

I forgot to mention that in the beginning. Come see us live and follow us and say hello. We got a Facebook page, all that stuff. Get a tattoo. Get a tattoo. If you're a lady, line up, fellas. Maybe.

Maybe. Support all the other podcasts on Thundergrunt.com. Thank you guys so much for listening. We're going to try to stay consistent and try to put out one a week but uh you know sometimes it's tough in this workaday world sometimes life gets in the way uh yeah thank you everybody for listening thanks guys mike got anything else you good to go i am good all right guys have a good week we love you bye Thank you. you