The Digression Sessions - Ep. 159 - Rahmein Mostafavi (@CoolCowComedy)

Episode Date: June 22, 2015

Ay Digheads, the Dig Sesh is back! Josh interviews his friend, comedian, and producer of the fantastic Cool Cow Comedy shows on the East Coast -- Rahmein Mostafavi! Rahmein is a hilarious dude and incredibly nice. That's why this episode was a shocker, as Rahmein let's Josh know that he's separating from his wife. It's brutal, but things are ending amicably. And as Rahmein said, "It's not the script I wrote, but it's what I got." This ep was recorded in the green room of the Maggoby's comedy club and DC comedian Max Rosenblum of Last Resort Comedy chimes in for a bit as well. Thanks for listening and write us a review on iTunes and Stitcher, if you're nasty! Also, come say hi on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! WE'RE NOT DESPARATE. YOU ARE!

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Ramin Mastafavi is the guest on this week's podcast. He is the man behind the Cool Cow Comedy Empire and a very funny comedian, but he also produces a bunch of shows.

Go to coolcowcomedy.com. He has a bunch of shows all over D.C., Maryland, Virginia area. Brings in a lot of funny guys to do stand-up. I've done some shows with him. Did a run, and he's one of the first guys to hook me up with shows at the Draft House and stuff like that, and he's just a really, really good dude.

And yeah, I liked him a lot, and we've been friends for a while. So he was doing shows at Magoobies, where Mike Moran and I sit right now in the green room. And, yeah, so Ramin was featuring for my old pal Bobby Slayton. The Pitbull of comedy. And so in between sets, we sat in the green room and I talked to Ramin and Max Rosenblum, a DC comic. He was hosting, so he's on the episode a little bit. And yeah, at first it was just Ramin and I kind of catching up and busting our balls a little bit. And then he lays the bombshell on me that he's getting divorced from his wife or he's currently separated from his wife which i had no idea prior to the podcast

so it was insane hey catherine um uh one of the staff just walked by i'm not crazy it's not my tick that i ever go hey catherine every two minutes but uh yeah i know ramin and i know ramin's wife and uh i just couldn't believe it, man. They have three boys together who are all pretty young, and yeah, Ramin just goes into it, I'd say, maybe about like 20 minutes into the interview, and it's just weird. Like, it makes everything else seem trivial, saying like, so, when did you start comedy,

and all this stuff, and he's like, hey, man, some shit's going down, you know? And it's just like, Jesus Christ. But yeah, I don't want to step on it all but it's a really interesting story and the reason why they're separating and you know it all it's ending on a good note like they're still very very close so it's cool to hear that they're ending amicably and their plans for their kids and stuff but holy shit like you know i i get stressed out when i'm like man i got a full-time job

and i gotta go home let the dog out and then like i gotta go do some stand-up and then i'm gonna be tired tomorrow and you get your clothes dry cleaned occasionally and yeah i gotta go get my dry cleaning and it's just man to think about it from his perspective as being like the provider for three kids and having trouble with your wife and then he still has a day job too it's just he's uh he's such a funny good dude so i hope everything ends up okay for him like he said he goes well you know man like this isn't the script that i wrote for myself but here i am so yeah it was a really interesting episode definitely kind of a digression sessions first i would say so uh and mike moran was not on

the episode because we had to i think you were working or something oh no you were in virginia i believe yeah i was in virginia yeah so everybody check out ramin uh online uh cool cow comedy.com and he does shows all over the place so go check those out love that guy to death and i hope everything ends up okay for those guys so now let's get to what's important, my Twitter. That was another thing at the end of the episode, too. You're just like, you know, you don't want to be like, well, good iTunes. Well, for a good time. Yeah.

He's such a good dude, man. So same with his wife. She's awesome, too. So I hope everything ends up cool. And, yeah, Jesus Christ, serious shit. So you know what else is serious? We got some shows. What's even more serious?

Yeah, so let's plug a little bit of stuff and be the assholes that we are and plug our shows that seem inconsequential to what I just spoke about. Oh, also, real quick, we were on Height's podcast, Mr. Height Keech. We were on Height Zone World, which you guys can check out. I think all the podcasts are up on SoundCloud, so you can listen to them there. And we've been tweeting links out. Follow us at DigSeshPod for there. And then, Michael, you got some shows you want to plug?

Let's see. We're doing the mashup show on the 3rd, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to have some stand-ups up in D.C., July 3rd. I'll be hosting that. There'll be stand-up and improv. I'll be doing a little stand-up and hosting. Hell yeah.

Let's see. I'll be performing at the Single Carat Theater on the 10th of July at 8 p.m. Nice. And on the 11th, we will be doing a pre-Wyatt-Sanak show at the same place that he's performing. Right. But not really opening. Right. It's a separate show, but if you come early.

And it's free, right? Yes. Nice the auto bar uh i guess we'll probably start around eight and uh yeah and then you can go downstairs to watch why it's an act yeah so show up early have a couple drinks upstairs dark mark will be opening nice as a and a couple others yeah yeah robert andrew will be there as well so that'll be a solid show go check that out um yeah i will be opening nice as a and a couple others yeah yeah robert andrew will be there as well so that'll be a solid show go check that out um yeah i will be i think either doing stand-up or improv on the third at the mercury theater for the mashup show in baltimore awesome on the ninth i'll be doing cured comedy in uh hamden baltimore so come out to that that's a pretty stacked lineup very excited for that on the 10, I'll be doing some improv.

This is all in July. Ooh, I skipped over an important June date. On the 28th, I'll be closing out Cellar Door in Frederick, Maryland

and very excited for that show and come see me try to stretch out and do longer than a half hour. So, no,

that should be a lot of fun. Is that your, is that your first headlining show? No, I've headlined some like some other bar shows and stuff so uh but yeah it's not not too many i can still count them on one hand so come watch me try to figure it out and josh only has three fingers on yeah please don't stare at my weird um hawk hand i have talons and i'm excited to say i'll be doing artscape this year i'll be doing stand up on uh the 18th of july so come out to that follow us on twitter

i'm at josh kaderna i am at mike moran wood mike's getting this whole technology thing figured out so uh yeah thank you guys for listening i know we skipped a week in between podcasts but i have just been so busy the girlfriend's been out of town and you know now i'm doing the laundry and all the cooking and i it's something i've been busy um so yeah so we're gonna put this episode out have uh with ramin and then uh hopefully seaton smith will be the week after that will be our guest. Awesome. Yeah, so we'll try to stay regular.

We'll be like the fiber of podcasts. Well, we'll be like we're taking our podcast fiber. Podcast fiber. Yeah, exactly. It's not like we're the fiber. Right, right. We could be if we try hard enough. Yeah, we could be the moral fiber.

Yeah, we are the moral fiber of the podcasting world. So thank you all for listening. Thanks, everybody. Thank you, Jesus. Let's talk to Ramin. And yeah, man, thanks, Ramin, for doing the show. And thank you to everybody for listening again. I don't know why I repeated that.

We love you. Thanks, guys. Bye. That's cool. I guess, but I don't have any questions ready for you. You have questions ready for me? Yeah. I thought we were just going to talk.

You piece of shit. No, take your time. No, let's go. You're going to eat on the podcast? Are we recording? Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to eat on the podcast. You don't...

Oh, don't chew into the mic. Jesus Christ. See, now I need... You know, I won't even chew. I'll just swallow. Classic Ramin Mastafavi. Ah, yes, sir. That's his calling card.

All right. Let's talk. Well, you're staring at your fish taco. Yeah. All right. So now I need to ask like a lengthy question for you to eat and chew at the same time. No, no, no. I won't.

I won't eat and chew. Go ahead. The year was 1990. 1990. No. Is that the Shawshank situation? Oh, yeah. Take a bite. So, Mr. Ramin

Mostafavi, we're in the green room of Magoobies. Those are going to be all your answers while you're chewing. Just lots of mmm. So, Ramin, very funny comedian. Okay. All right. I was waiting for an mmm. Oh, I'm sorry. The bit was over.

Come on. Okay, you're producing the podcast too. Tell me when to move on. No, no, move on. All right, now he's giving me the wrap-up sign. Thanks for coming on the podcast, Ramin. It was a great time. My pleasure.

We've been trying to do this for a while. It's been a minute, but you live down in the boonies. You use that word a minute. What's wrong with that? It's not a minute. Yeah, that down in the boonies. If you use that word a minute, it's just... What's wrong with that? It's not a minute. Yeah, that's the whole point of it. A minute has a specific definition. It's 60 seconds,

which also has a specific defined period of time. All right, if you're going to get up... When you say it's been a minute, you just sound dumb. Okay, that's not how I talk. I don't go,

it's been a minute. That's true. You say... Was that a braces joke? No, it's because you sound dumb when you been 60 seconds yeah seriously it's been a minute son yeah uh so yeah because you live down in fredericksburg and you like to uh down in the boonies of virginia you like to work on your limestone foundation on the weekends i don't so much like it but i was uh obligated because the house was falling down okay okay okay and uh i remember you you had some brush problems like you live in the boonies for I don't so much like it, but I was obligated because the house was falling down. Okay. Okay. Okay.

And I remember you had some brush problems. Like you live in the boonies for sure when you employed the services, not of like a landscaper, but you got a goat to eat up your backyard to clear some brush. Incorrect, city boy. You can't just have a goat, okay? They're a herd animal, all right? Okay. So I got two goats. You can't just have a goat, okay? They're a herd animal, all right? Okay. So I got two goats.

You got two goats. And eventually ended up with five or six. Whoa, those two goats, they was fucking. They did a nice job. Yeah, I might put the pee-pee in the JJ, yeah. And babies come out. And it's fun, you know? Watching goats have sex?

Yes. Uh- sex? Yes. Uh-huh. Yes. Uh-huh. I should have taken a bite right there. They're great animals. I actually don't have them anymore. Yeah, you got rid of them.

Because they cleared everything that they could. And I didn't want just pet goats. I wanted them for a purpose. I don't believe in just keeping an animal. So once they were done, I gave them to someone else who could give them a nice area to live. Have sex, clear some brush. Yes, sir. That's all you want in life. Live in the dream.

Right? Those goats, they got it easy. Yeah. No, it was fun. I enjoyed it. I birthed two sets of twins. Really? Yeah.

Jesus Christ. YouTubed it and got it done. Wow. So comedian, limestone foundation layer. Now is that animal husbandry? Does it fall under the purview of that? I wouldn't go husbandry. No? No, it was more of a what's it?

What's the thing when you're birthed at home? Midwife. Oh, good for you. Thank you. You're multifaceted. Yeah. You got to in this economy. Yeah. I did. So yeah, you got rid of the goats. I did. And how long have you been in Fredericksburg?

Almost 10 years. Wow. And then you started comedy five years ago? It'll be five years in October. Wow. I'm four and a half-ish years in. Geez. So you gonna wrap it up soon? Yeah. I feel like I'm four and a half-ish years in So are you going to wrap it up soon? Yeah I feel like I'm coming to a head

I've said everything I need to say No, you're crushing it, man I remember the first show we did and you were so funny and you were so nice I remember you pointed at me and you go, you are funny, Baltimore and I was like, oh, thank you, that's my name Did I say that on stage? Yeah, I think so, you pointed at me and you go, you are funny, Baltimore. And it's like, oh, thank you. That's my name.

Did I say that on stage? Yeah, I think so. You just pointed at me. And I appreciated that. Yeah, well, you were funny. Thank you. But so when did you, why did you decide to get into comedy? Because you and your wife have always been like, fuck it. No, I'm just kidding.

Like performing, right? Because don't you have a theater background? I do. Yeah. Yeah, I was right out of college. I majored in theater, which was really smart. And lucrative. like performing right like because don't you have a theater background i do yeah yeah i was uh right out of college i majored in theater which was really smart and um lucrative right out of college i was i was lucky enough to have uh you know good professors and good contacts from george mason university what what and uh shout out got uh right into the old uh shakespeare theater and um under

the guidance of uh great Michael Kahn and did some really great shows there. Right. And then worked with the Kennedy Center a bit on a children's theater tour and then spent basically the remainder of my

theatrical career doing the great Sheer Madness production at the Kennedy Center for six-ish years. Uh-huh. So then, yeah, you got the,

you're used to being on stage. You got the stage presence you're not nervous by that well like when you start well comedy is a different animal it's it's a completely different animal you know i when you do these are obvious things but when you do theater you have rehearsals you have a director you're prepared for four to six weeks and then there's opening night and everyone's in there together unless it's a one-man show of course there's not a director at your open mic. Like, Ramin, take it from the top.

Eye contact next time. Let's go, buddy. That's right. That's right. Do that bit about your kids. But no, it's... When you talk about your wife and jerking off. I mean, yes, indeed.

I think what it did for me was it calloused me to failure, maybe, ahead of some people that would take a loss on stage as a traumatic affair. Yeah. I'd failed so many times before. I was like, eh. One more. Well, you know, you audition and you audition and you audition. Oh, yeah.

Auditioning is brutal. You just go in there and it's just you by yourself. You just got to get used to it. Right. You audition and you put it out of your head. But I had very good luck. I was very, very lucky in this city. I was employed as an actor for many, many years.

Really? All year round. I worked at the Shakespeare Theater year round for three years. And Kennedy Center tour straight up for six months right off of that. Sheer madness for several years. I never really had the struggling actor aspect. That's crazy. As a theater actor.

And then you said, fuck all that. I'm going to do comedy. Well, I started having children out of. Yeah, you got a whole brood. Yeah. Got them boys. Three boys. Three boys.

And once I started doing that, I was like, I just wanted to be home more. The schedule was brutal for raising kids. And I had eight shows a week within six days. Damn. And you're doing okay pay-wise, but it's not really raising a family-type money exactly. And then you come home exhausted too and can't really hang out and be there.

Yeah, I mean, it had its perks because I was home during the day, especially when I was doing Sheer Madness because I didn't have rehearsals like I would at a normal theater. You go through a rehearsal period and then do the show, but because I've been doing it for so long, we might have a brush-up rehearsal every once in a a while but essentially i was home during the day all the

time oh nice um and uh but it just it got to be really difficult for uh kendall uh at night because i was never there and we had babies at that time and that's work so eventually i was like you know what i'm good i've done what i've wanted to do and uh let me do the one other thing that i'm decent at and that's build stuff so i got into construction which led to cabinet making which led to museum exhibits and uh that's uh i still do that during the day and do comedy at night and produce these uh amazing shows that i do yeah way better than anyone else's uh side rooms the D.C. area that I know of. Yeah, yeah.

What is it? Like Last Resort. I don't even know the name. I don't even know either. I don't even try to know the name. Yeah. Last Resort. We should comment.

We're joking because the great Max Rosenblum. Max Rosenblum. Max Rosenblum. Max Rosenblum who leads Last Resort Comedy, which of course is a highly respected brand in the area too. Yes. He's hosting this weekend. He's Bobby highly respected brand in the area, too. Yes. He's hosting this weekend. He's Bobby Slayton this weekend.

That's right. You can see my old buddy who's going to be on the podcast. So he says, we'll see how that goes. I might have to do it in the bathroom. What's that? Might have to do the podcast in the bathroom. Me and Bobby? Mm-hmm.

I can do that. Okay, cool. It's better acoustics in there. He's a professional. Yeah, that's true. Weird Al Yankovic recorded his first hit in a bathroom because the acoustics were primo. Was that another one rides the bus? Was that his hit?

You know, I think it was, actually. I think it was. Yeah, I hate to swear to that, but I believe that's true. Well, I'm not going to hold you to it. So I'm just saying, if you're getting a professional, iconic comedian, you want to give him the best acoustics possible. And Weird Al's listening, too. Obviously he is.

I'm fine with what you're saying. He may take you to task. That's fine. I love me some Weird Al, but I'm a big fan. How old were you when you started doing stand-up? How old was I? Well, whatever I am now, minus four and a half years. So 33 and a half, almost 34.

Did that seem daunting at the time to start? No, because I'd been to open mics. I'd seen you guys perform, and I was like, there's no way I'm that bad. So I took it on like, this industry has room for mediocre comics. And so I strode right into that motherfucker. Right into that mediocre spot. Yeah, no big deal. Yeah, not daunting.

I just thought I'd test it. It was one of those bucket list things. We had had some financial crises in our world. And I thought, now or never, what's the worst that can happen? And I'd started missing the stage. I'd been off stage for a few years at that point and i thought well this is this will be a fun little hobby and then it became this animal yeah that is kind of you know i put a lot of time into it now because yeah i mean how many how many shows do you run in the in the area uh five or six that's Yeah, you got like a whole mailing list

and people coming out to all your shows. You're a little cottage industry. Yeah, I got a thing going on. You do? Got some headliners coming through, some funny people. That's crazy. Sure, yeah, yeah.

So yeah. Coolcowcomedy.com. If you dozen people jump on that website, buddy. Say it all you want, but I'm going to bleep that out every time every fucking time you understand me this isn't some fucking fluff piece cool cow comedy

say it all you want beeps they're all hearing beeps beeps beeps beeps might as well be beep cow comedy dot com let's move on oh should we thanks for producing riff over moving on uh-huh uh no i just asked because 33 like uh i started when i was 26 so even then i felt like oh i'm behind uh like

that's late to start sure most people are starting in their early 20s and all that stuff yeah but that didn't even i didn't actually know that it wasn't it wasn't a conscious thing because i hadn't been around comics or yeah even a lot of open mic comedy when i started so i just thought i don't know i think i just want to try i think i say 20 things i guess and i guess you weren't like forecasting the future either it's just i want to go try it it's not like oh i'm gonna keep doing this for years and you know and i going to develop all these shows and stuff like that. So I guess when you start, it's not as this monumental thing. It's like, oh, I'm going to go fuck around and hopefully I get some laughs.

That's kind of what it was, yeah. Right. And then when I got into it, I think the fact that I was older, I had a different perspective on it. And then I had kids. And once I came to find that I really liked it, I thought, well, I can't do this for free all the time. I got kids. I feel like an irresponsible father going out and just testing out dick jokes and not bringing home any money. So that's when I thought, well, let me start running rooms because it was clear that there was a very strong comedy scene in D.C.

And I thought, well, i can probably host so yeah after i was in it for a month when i started my first room because i realized there's so many funny people around all i got to do is set up a room and have them come in and be funny yeah i don't have to be funny yet i need them to be funny which they were and i was exposed to a lot of the area's greatest comics week in and week out and um you know it benefited me in several different ways. Absolutely. And I think the carpentry background really helps with, like, the shows, too. I'm being honest. I'm being honest. Why is that?

Because they look good. Like, your shows, they're presented well. Thank you. I think a lot of people don't think about that as far as when they're presenting a show. Like, you know, you'll do a show or, like, a mic or, or like a book show that doesn't have like a spotlight or anything or you're not on a stage but when you set up your stuff you got some logos you're you you take everything into account like sight lines like the show that we do at rag time every wednesday in arlington make sure you put the curtain up i don't want to see in the back and

yeah all that stuff and i think that actually helps it sounds really lame the brand but it's like a professional show i appreciate that yeah i mean it is sort of a culmination of of my background and when i started producing shows i thought hey this is the perfect thing because i have a theatrical background so i'm interested in lighting and set pieces and everything but i have construction so i can build the stuff too right and i work in a shop that allows me i can use the shop uh when i want to so right right right so even in the front room of the draft house did you build that stage yeah that's awesome yeah yeah it's cool but don't be don't be mr modest about it i think it's awesome appreciate it yeah i'm interested i mean a big part of why another big part of why i started doing rooms is

because when i got into comedy i realized that that a lot of rooms would disrespect the craft, disrespect the comic. And coming from an artistic standpoint of being an actor on stages, when I was part of a union, those unions were created to protect the talent. And there really is no protection in the comedy realm. So I thought, well, let me just respect people and give them a nicer canvas.

Funny how that works. If you just show respect to people, it's going to go well. So that's what I did when I dressed my first room. Let me give them a real thing to perform on. Do you still have your first room? Which one was that? It was Ragtime. Oh, really?

Yeah. It was an open mic, and it went well. And then it went so well that the people over at the Arlington Cinnamon Draft House heard about it and asked me to take over their Thursday room to try to amp it up a little bit. And that's when I moved over to the Draft House. That's awesome. And then as I expanded the cow, cool cow comedy brand, just recently went back to Ragtime for a book showcase that one Josh Koderna hosts every other week and does a, you know, he's fine.

Yeah, I make sure the lights are on. Lights are on. Yeah. I'm not too bad at that. Yeah, it's a great job. So the room is, you know, it's good. It's starting to flourish and hopefully the comics like it so uh now you're faced with the problem of what you were trying to get away with uh get away from i guess as far in the theater world like if stand-up starts going

well you go on the road more and you're not around and that type of thing yeah some of that like you went down to uh you're in atlanta right for a little bit and you went on to like ohio and stuff so is that is that like a champagne problem at this point where you're like, it's good that comedy is going well and getting out on the road, but then it like kind of messes with the home life a little bit. Well, yeah, I mean, it does a little bit. The kids are so used to me doing shows at this point. It doesn't jar things too badly.

Their mom is also a performer. So she has theatrical performances many times in the year. So they're kind of used to when we leave at night to do a performance. But as far as being gone for like a weekend or something? Yeah, I don't like it myself. I'm a big family guy. And if they ever showed any resentment or failure in their social life or school as a direct result of me yeah i would drop it without

a second thought immediately absolutely they are the number one priority for me i'm a father first comic second absolutely yeah and you have three boys and how old are they nine eight and six damn so yes that's that's a crazy handful like i respect the hell out of you too for that like that work ethic there like you have a job three kids yeah and you're out there doing stand-up yeah and i have i have a dog and a girlfriend and i'm like in no particular order right i don't want her to note that you mentioned dog first well you know we'll fix it in post that's rude yeah but i mean i i even just get burnt out like driving down to dc from bal from Baltimore and then having a day job and stuff. But somehow you manage to have the energy.

Well, you also have to a little bit more when you have kids and bills to pay. So my hustle factor has to increase beyond yours. If I didn't have to, believe me, I wouldn't be hustling around as much as I do. I'd like to just chill and be hired to do shows. Producing shows is work. Hire to do them is just there's nothing right right right tell your dumb jokes and max there's a microphone here if you want to chime in not too often this wasn't part of the deal this i know i know i'm sorry

uh uh so i chime in now oh i'm sorry yeah perfect right in there right in there i don't do this a lot i don't do this hey max i just started comedy yesterday you just want to give me that microphone back yeah just gonna plug that real quick uh i'm enjoying this conversation by the way i've been listening the whole time oh yeah you're over there eating your salad you look to look like you're having a good time i'm bored what's going on uh no i want to ask you what do you think of max how's he doing he's great charming uh-huh crowds like him he fools them that's about it two things yeah not a bad list yeah no i i was working up to the rest of it needy that's on there no he's good comic what are you gonna do funny dude uh

so the the element of uh when you have a kid is and you're saying you have to hustle uh like i hear like louis ck had that and like a bunch to hustle uh like i hear like louis ck had that and like a bunch of comedians like a lot like louis ck yeah yep yeah exactly that's what i'm getting at um your show is going to be on fx this fall right absolutely ramin yeah great show good for you you edit too absolutely direct yep pull my dick out controversy wow i do like to pull my dick out though no is that terrifying when you have a kid like and then you're kind of doing comedy like that like oh i need this for me like going out and doing a mic like oh i gotta make some laughs but you you're trying to make money to provide

does it like is the pressure weird you just not think about it like that i mean and at this point it's sort of yeah i've been doing it long enough to where uh you know i i depend on it uh but the i feel like the shows are good and the following is strong and they keep coming so yeah everything to worry about necessarily this right i guess i meant like in the beginning as far but then no because if it didn't work out i just dump it and go work at a hardware store you know right i have to have a second job regardless so i am glad that yeah it worked out to where I can do this on the side and have it be my second job. And the story you tell on stage of one of your boys finding a vibrator.

Yes. Is that true? Absolutely. Do you mind telling me that? Well, the story goes, here's the thing, here's a here's a thing josh i hate to do this to you live but i'm having a hard time saying the wife because what you don't know is we recently separated are you serious live on air telling you right now holy shit yeah soak that in max how you been i'm also recently right now right now God, dude. Whoa. Yeah, you want to talk about that?

Sure. What happened? New topic. Well, I mean. I got tired of her talking about you so much. Really? I was like, no, this is done. That never used to be a problem.

I like this live reaction thing. I'm just looking at you like, what's happening? Yeah, Josh was messed up in the head. Jesus Christ. Josh knows both of us, by the way, listeners. Yeah. At this moment, he's getting ready to text Kendall and go, Hey, what are you doing now?

Yeah, what's good? What's cooking, baby? What are you trying to do? Out of nowhere. Yeah, man. I hope the kids don't listen to the podcast. I won't tag you in it. I'll just say, starring beep.

Just beep all around. Number one, they're not old enough to listen to podcasts, too. They wouldn't choose this show. Well, let's try to expand the audience a little, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your median age for this? It's getting lower.

Six to nine, somewhere in there. It's getting lower. It's like a Milton Bradley board game. No, and here's the reason. Lots of moving parts. I don't want it to feel like I'm telling strangers, so to speak. I'm telling friends before I'm telling the kids. But here's why.

She and I are best friends. And we just got to where it wasn't. The way we saw marriage was intrinsically different. Okay. And the way we saw our future was intrinsically different. did it always start different or did it be, did it start to diverge

over the years? Gosh, it's a, it's a tale. It's a tall tale, my friend. Yeah. A true tall tale.

I don't know what I said. But, Triple T. We, this is a lot of information, but we, we were, the wife was,

was bisexual, which I knew when we were dating. And then when it came for like marriage time, it was like, you sure about that? And yes, I'm making a choice. We'll be with one person and you two and yes, me too. And cool, let's do this. And then about eight years in, there were a few times throughout the eight years where I was like, what's going on sexually here? Got some awkward moments. But we were having babies, so I wasn't sure.

Between the two of you, it was awkward? Sometimes. Okay. Not awkward, but just like I felt like a piece of the puzzle was missing. Okay. And about eight years in, we were done having babies, and she had clarity of mind, but I could tell there was something in the mix that I couldn't quite put my finger on. So I asked her again, what's going on? Are you sure about this only being with me for the rest of your life? And she essentially said, no, I feel like

maybe I need to be with women, too, to feel whole for myself. I'm very open-minded. I'm understanding to a fault. And I support anyone's right to be happy, even if it sacrifices a piece of my own happiness.

So I feel like... You sound like you're reading from a script. No, it's that? You sound like you're reading from a script there. Oh, oh, oh. I support. Yeah. Robby's doing that thing where he points with his thumb.

That's right, that's right. This is it. So in light of that, when I saw that she needed that to be happy, I thought, well, I'm not going to stop that. Regardless of what it does to me, I can't stop it. Yeah, that's a really tough thing. I don't understand how people do that, the open marriage thing or that type of thing.

Well, it got to be that. It got to be, she said, originally it was this one woman she was interested and intrigued by. And I said, look, I i'm not gonna suppress you because you know i'm very i i it's called gay rights but i'm very pro just civil rights number one and i'm also pro whatever you got to do to be the best you that you can be right whatever that thing is pro people and for her uh an expression of herself is bisexuality to be happy right to happy. It's just in her. I liken it to being gay. But I think bisexual is the hardest one to be. Maybe transgender and all that stuff too.

Right. A lot of people that are transgender though, they feel confused within themselves. But they have a direct idea of what it is they're attracted to. Bisexuals kind of live in the middle. And it must feel i would i would imagine uh just just confusing sometimes or like you want to be able to just firmly identify because you know while while gays are are becoming more and more accepted in society bisexuality is still seen as like oh she's just a college chick that wants to be popular yeah it's

not seen as a real thing somebody hasn't figured popular. It's not seen as a real thing. Somebody hasn't figured it out yet. Exactly. But it is a real thing. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we always wanted to have kids. So that was part of it. Yeah, yeah.

I'm sure that drove some of it. Yeah, then it has to be tough too because I feel like with the bisexuality, you're not always focused one way or the other. It's like I'm just always attracted to women. I'm sure it kind of increases and decreases over the years. You're not necessarily gung-ho one way or the other or 50% on each the whole time,

so it kind of vacillates a little bit. For her, sexuality is just like an entire feeling. It's different. And that became the the thing that that we couldn't survive together within yeah we love each other right absolutely yeah uh but the sex part just got to be like you know she she wanted to be with other women and i was starting to be okay with that uh through therapy and heavier medication than I was on previously. And we went

through, and I had rights to be open too. Two and a half years I didn't do a dang thing. I was just uncomfortable. It just felt against the grain for me. Even though I started to accept more and more that that was a lifestyle that people could be happy within.

It just never really sank in for me that that felt right. And even when I began to find a partner or two, it still felt just kind of empty and like I didn't need it. Well, it wasn't innate in you like it was with her. Exactly. She's looking to fill a hole in your just like. What did you just say? Like in her heart. A vagina in her heart. vagina hole interesting yeah no but what i'm saying and then you're like well i guess i

could go try it yeah which which is exactly how i was and i was so fucking nervous you guys i know that doesn't sound manly it doesn't sound like the bro thing to do but it's bizarre shaking like a leaf the only the first time the other woman that you've been with the majority of the time is the mother of your kids right and then you're like hey here's some lady yeah yeah and it just felt and i and it was fine and you have the sex but it was just like i just didn't need it you have the sex that's the sex and it just i just didn't need it yeah i didn't need it yeah it's almost like. You have the sex. And it's just, you just didn't need it. You didn't need it. Yeah, it's almost like you had a full meal and somebody's like, hey, there's free pizza. You're like, well, I don't like pizza.

Fine. It's out there. Yeah. I'll have a couple slices. Yeah, I'd have preferred if that woman had brought me pizza. That would have been a better night. Yeah. I mean, like I said, it's fine.

It's just not something that I have to have. Yeah. And. It might change over time. Maybe. I mean, I'm 38, so I don't think I'm going to go peaking anytime soon. You're not on the down. Perhaps.

No, I believe I am. I believe I am. Or at least I believed I was. It's interesting because, you know, in the midst of the four years, and it was four years that we were doing this open marriage thing. Wild. I had like a decreasing sex drive. And now that we're separated, I sort of feel it coming back a little bit. So I think maybe you're right. There was some measure of depression in there.

Yeah. Do you get that on recording? I might be right? Yeah. I'm going to bleep that out too. I might be right. So anyway, so what it came down to was eventually uh she started to be uh interested in adding guys to the mix and i was really uncomfortable with that no um but again i was

like look if it's a if it contributes to your happiness just give me time i need time for this i'm trying to understand this and iron it out so i've got kids and i'll fight like hell to keep my family together right um we finally got to where i was like okay look if i'm out of town for a comedy gig dude because at that point i'd been with like four other people so i sort of felt like she earned it and i was like is that there was this one dude and he was cool and i was like all right no you knew him yep i was like if i'm out of town then uh all right we'll try the thing so uh and so then suddenly she became my road manager right and she's like carnival cruise called you're gone for six months um i was gonna bring your gigs no no yeah right i gotta say you know you're out of here it's um very interesting listening to this

how how it would you handle this in a very mature way. I had to. It's my family on the line. It was either divorce right away, which I couldn't even begin to want to do at all. I couldn't muster the, I don't know what. I just couldn't do it. I can't even find the words right now. I just couldn't think, I can't be with my kids every day, and I can be without this woman every day well i couldn't do it and there's there was a progression

of things and you love her right so it's not it's not like you can just turn it off right there so it was either divorce suppression of her yeah which i couldn't do is either because i love her or let me try i tried like a motherfucker two four years. And then it just got to where I finally said, it's too much. I can't do this anymore. But it's amicable. We're really good. And what I was getting at, the reason we haven't told the kids yet is because we still live in the same house. We still sleep in the same bed.

We're not doing a thing. Is that tough? That has to be hard, right? You know what? It's fine, man. Believe me, I've been better I feel a bit freer I don't feel like I'm forcing

my circle into that square I'm sort of looking forward-ish to finding the next big love in my life which just seems strange because she's been the love of my life for 14 years. And you never thought it would be like this. No, of course not.

But you got to change, man. Life goes on. But it's great. If you're going to separate with somebody, if you're going to end up in divorce with somebody, it's a really cool way to do it. We're peaceful. We're helpful. She still takes care of me like a wife does.

I still support her like we haven't even talked about anything to do with custody or yeah what i'm gonna do with my paycheck like i go home from a comedy gig i still give her my check i still if i if it's cash i still just give her the cash we don't even talk about that shit right she's because she's still my best friend so um eventually we we do want to move we were talking about moving prior and uh so when we move is when we'll tell the kids because right now and we go to therapy obviously uh and the therapist said if you tell them now then it'll build in them as they'll dread what's going to happen yeah i mean christ if you're having trouble wrapping your mind around it we would not explain

that part of it but any of that but but we don't want to say mommy and daddy are getting a divorce but yeah but we're still sleeping in the same bed because then and the kids might it's just gonna fuck it's a total mind fuck so the therapist said and she's totally right wait till you move because at that point we're looking for a place where there's like a mother-in-law suite where i can live and then the boys and mom will live in like the main area so we'll live it'll be like having condos right on top of each other kind of interesting because we still want to be the parenting team that we are now because she's a great mom yeah and i'm a decent dad you do and uh and we want to uh be able to be there with them as much as possible now is that a long-term answer? Maybe, probably not. Because someday if I end up with somebody

that I get that big love again, is she going to think it's weird that my ex-wife lives upstairs? Fuck yes, she is. But for now, I put up with this shit for four years. I'm sure as hell going to fight as long as I can.

And if it means an awkward, condo-esque living situation, I'm going to fucking do it. And if anybody doesn't understand that, it's not going gonna be the next wife or whoever she is yeah so well you got a sitcom on your hands coming up there you go bro i was thinking moth podcast i was gonna do a moth uh oh yeah yeah storytelling so this is you this is the dry run yeah maybe you could send it off to the people i could do that appreciation no wow that's

it's a lot brother i've been told in listeners josh is a friend of mine and he's hearing all this right now. It's blowing me away because I've Max learned it just yesterday, but I didn't understand all the details. Yeah. Cause he heard me say separated on stage for the first time. Well, you meant, yeah. And then I asked you about it in the green room. This is the first weekend I've done where I've been able to say separate, actually say

it. Cause a lot of my jokes are my wife is when I've just been doing them. Yeah. This is the first weekend where I'm saying used to be married, recently separated. And it feels fucking weird. And in my jokes, I'm like,

then my wife will say, and I gotta be like my, I can't even really say it. Not your ex wife. Not technically. Right. Right. I just can't even say the word.

Is that hitting you in the heart a little bit? Oh man. I mean it's not how i wanted it to be but you know the older you get the more you realize life life is good and it's gonna be okay yeah you know and i just need my kids to be okay i need i need that moment where we tell the kids we move they're still okay i want my just my kids to be as fucking awesome as they would have been. I don't know if that, you know. They're going to be fantastic kids. Is this going to be a rift somewhere in their psyche? Absolutely.

Yeah. But I need that to heal, move on, and get them back to the greatness of the path that they're already on. Yeah. And I think the fact that it's not ending for something terrible is going to help too. There's no animosity in the house. It's not that typical shit where people are screaming at each other. You guys are cool with each other and they're going to understand

that you just love them just as much and all that. Yeah. Did you think Bobby was wrapping up? Yeah. I got time on him. God damn. That means it must be from the bar. That's intense.

It is intense, but the kids are and and the one good thing about not telling them yet too because of because we're going to be moving and changing the living situation at that point is that we can say to them you know hey guys it's been you know x amount of months since this happened and you may note and we just hadn't told you that's not not going to fuck with them, though, you think? No, what I want to tell them is, look, nothing terrible has happened. We've been separated for six months, and it's still been good here at the house, right? And they'll say, yeah, it's been good.

So, you know, the only thing that's going to change is Daddy has a room downstairs, Mommy has a room upstairs. Right. And I say that simply simply but for the kids sake that's what it is but you know we need to separate our cell phone accounts and get different bank accounts and all that stuff that you got to do the logistical shit but but for them i'm i'm just i don't know i mean did the therapist weigh in on that because i'm just thinking yes if that would be a total mind fuck to be like six months has been going on we didn't even know what else do

we not know or it's like uh it's a lie interesting i mean you know you tell them about santa claus and jesus so why not a few more lies um but uh no you're just gonna unload on them then just get santa claus out of the way too just just just a fire sale on childhood while we're at it yeah just ruin everything why i got you in this vulnerable state i mean no i think we'll keep that one up there for a bit yeah like look i don't want to prolong this let's just get it out of the way yeah god it's uh it's gonna it's obviously it's going to be different but but different doesn't mean worse right that's that's our that's our goal is to remain real tight as a family you know and she and i just have separate uh lives romantic lives right yeah right well i mean that's that's kind

of the best way to do it as far as divorce go i mean it's a good one to stay and be happy for each other hugging and yeah i was out doing my limestone mortar today she brought me a glass of water and a sandwich you know right so she's like your buddy they got limestone mortar today. She brought me a glass of water and a sandwich. Right, so she's like your buddy. They got limestone at your new condo? She's way more than a buddy. I mean, way more, but... Yeah, that's good.

Yeah. It's good. Obviously, I'm going to miss a lot of things, but she's happier. And when I say happier, there's asterisks to that. We're both happier for our own state of minds And when I say happier, there's asterisks to that. We're both happier for our own state of minds and our own new sense of self and freedom.

But obviously we're united until the day we die because of these kids and for no other reason. Yeah. I want to say it's a bummer, but at the same time it seems beneficial kind of for both of you then is a little bit yeah it still hurts but doesn't mean it's yeah it's a good thing but still hurts life ain't over bro which is uh damn dude well a little different i'm curious to have how your family her family has been there are very select members at this point didn't know and you know uh and the way i put it to them the way we put it to them is how i put it to you guys and hopefully you feel a sense of serenity and that we're taking some pretty mature peaceful steps right and it's not like

holy shit you guys are crazy now some people hear the thing about splitting the the home and that does seem a little crazy but with us we have a very special chemistry i feel like number one and two more and more families are doing it actually i did a bunch of research on it and it turns out because of the divorce rate which we all know is 50 probably better than that but sure i use the word better families are uh better meaning more more in that situation um awesome. It's a great thing. Wanting a situation where the parents are visiting the kids versus the kids visiting the parents. And I think that's – and society is going that way.

We're all living twice as long as we were 200 years ago or whatever. So these people grow differently. People just do. So the old formula may not work as well as it used to for a greater percentage. Sure. So, you know, if people can learn a different way where divorce doesn't mean move out, and that's better for the kids. Yeah.

Better for everybody involved, too. Yeah. I mean, when my parents divorced, that was the hardest thing for me. Oh, okay. That was the hardest. I don't know that I remembered that. Oh, yeah. That was the hardest thing for me. Oh, okay. I don't know that I remembered that. Oh, yeah. That was the hardest thing for me is realizing that your parents don't like each other. Because you're just like, dad's awesome.

Mom's awesome. We all seem to like each other. Why can't we hang out? Oh, that's right. And I just couldn't wrap my head around it as a kid. You know, like dad drops you off. You're like, well, come in for a second. That's adorable. you know, like dad drops you off, you're like, well, come in for a second. You know, I can't.

That's adorable. But to understand, I think for your kids to see that, you know, everybody still loves each other. It's just we're kind of. Yeah. And we won't be bringing like significant others around unless they are serious. Yeah. Like they've been together a minute.

Or we've been together a minute. My parents actually separated this past month. Just happened. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's one of those things where I know the podcast isn't about me, but I'm going to have to dip in a few minutes to check on Bobby. But, you know, it's one of those things that's been long going. So as an adult, I can't even imagine what would have happened.

There were times as a kid where we'd hear them fighting and they would, my parents would yell, Jake, Max, you know, come in here. And my dad would be like, yell jake max uh you know come in here and my dad would be like choose which one of us you want to live with now yeah so it's like not a good way to handle it obviously so i just i'm looking at you and i'm just like thinking like obviously i don't know everything but it sounds like i wanted you as my parents in that in the way they handled that because sure and i'm thinking the reason i asked about your family is that you say that they've been handling it okay. It's not that type.

That generation didn't really get divorced. They didn't do it like that. And so that's why I'm curious. My grandfather, he took care of my grandmother while she had MS until she died. Then a couple years later, had a new girlfriend for 10 years and then she passed away. Like he, you know, stuck, you know, with it and, you know, through thick and thin disease and she had a disease. It's just a different, it's just a generational thing that my, you know, now as an adult, after all the fighting that my parents did, it was easier for me to handle it because

I knew it was imminent. Right. It just took a long time. Thinking back, do you think that it may have been healthier for them as individuals oh yeah yeah yeah it definitely would have been but it might i mean my life would have been totally different you know i mean who knows not bad no it wouldn't have been bad but it's one of those things where i definitely like i definitely believe in the concept of like a pebble in a in like a you know you drop it in like a ripple effect you know like maybe i didn't go to that same high school and then maybe i didn't go to the same college maybe i didn't maybe i didn't move to dc yeah my trajectory

would have been different not necessarily and i like yeah i like where i am at now and so it's hard to imagine what that would have been like but i know that my parents would have been happier earlier on splitting up and figuring stuff out but it was you know those weird dynamics that we can if i'm ever on your podcast again you had about. You had parents that sort of probably sacrificed a lot of their happiness for us. For you. You had parents that separated and you're both stand-up comics.

So who's the winner? Who wins? I don't know. The audience. I am going to dip out you guys to... I am going to drop from you guys. You guys continue on. Thank you for letting me chime in about

this stuff. If Mike Kaplan comes to and wants to do it, you can co-host. Actually, he's going to be in town. We'll talk more often. He randomly chose a comedian who may be passionate. I like how you hint that at me. If he's in town soon.

Oh, he is oh okay good alright thank you guys bye Max yeah man I'm just god taking it in

yeah I'm trying to wrap my head around it because cause yeah you guys yeah cause you guys are more than just like

you're married but she was such a part of like the comedy too like she would come with you to shows she's your business partner

kind of still is like damn the kids but yeah it's better for you man and her too but yeah you know we get it's a different script than i than i wrote but yeah hopefully it's still a good play this final edit yeah yeah it'll still work but jesus dude i'm uh i'm rooting for both of you guys then appreciate you that's intense, man. Yep. So you started comedy.

This is the worst transition. What are we talking about now? Where'd you get that shirt? If you could do that vibrator bit. All right. You're going to have to come to the show to see the vibrator bit now. Yeah. God, man.

You want to talk about a digression session? Hang out. Shit. God damn, dude. Digress like a shit god damn dude oh wow thank you for sharing that that's intense man it is it is but uh it seems like you guys are dealing with it it was funny last month i was on jake johansson's podcast the jake this podcast yeah i listened to your first appearance on there it was very funny you didn't listen the second thanks not yet that's whatever but on that podcast was

the first time i broke socially and talked about being in an open marriage after four years you've alluded uh to it before with me and when i was banging your girlfriend yeah there was an illusion yeah yeah a big illusion because she wasn't even there uh no you said because one time i think uh to do shows or something like that, you said, oh, you can stay at my place. And I was like, oh, my girl's going to be with me. You're like, hey, watch out. My wife might try to make a move or something like that.

Well, the bisexuality has been more of an outed thing before the open marriage. But I didn't know if that was. I was like, is he kidding? Oh, no, she totally would have fucked her. Right, right. I take that as a compliment. Well, you should.

So, yeah, that was the first time that I was like, you know what? It's an okay way to live. Because, dude, when you're in an open marriage, you feel like a freak. That's why I made a point of joining meetup groups, getting to know people, talking to people that have been in relationships for a long time. And it did make me feel like okay there's a way people do it i i know it's very i know some people do it but yeah some people they all have rules and stuff like that it's so good the the the like the standard marriage that we see on tv yeah or some tv shows is to me at this point from what I've seen and what I know.

Antiquated. Not antiquated. That's like the exception. Right, right. People have their own unique marital contracts all over. What is the norm? Right. Yeah, quote unquote is not the norm.

I needed to be around more people that were doing it to make myself just feel like, all right, there's a way to do this. Yeah, because like you said, that's not what you grow up with it's not like you know right but i but i also challenged myself how much of this is social programming and how much of this is intrinsically me right like how much of this is in my dna versus what i've been trained like nature versus nurture because i did have days where i was like i got this this is fun we do but it was fun. She's happy. I'm happy. That was the exception. Those days were the exception. It's a tough thing, man. Jealousy.

All that stuff. I can't. I could never do that, man. Props to you for trying. Yeah. It was a thing. In the meetup groups, do those get a little fishy when you're like, I'm just looking for support. You should like, oh, you should come over.

I'll support you real good. It never got. Well, there's a misconception. It's not just a big fuck party. They're just normal people. We go to bars and hang out. Make love party. Just be friends.

Yeah. You'd hear about little things happening if somebody hooked up with somebody or da, da, da, da. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not like get together and throw your keys in the basket. A lot of it is just wanting to feel normal. Right. You're not the only one. Right.

And I liken it to closeted homosexuals. It's a little better now, but when you're in open marriage, you just feel like you're a freak. Right. You do. And that's why when I was on Jake's podcast, it took me a while to drag it out of me because Jake already knew. And he was looking at me like, are you going here? Because it's a live podcast as well, right? No, no, it's recorded.

Oh, okay. But the first one was live, right? The first one was. Okay, but this one wasn't in front of an audience. No. Okay, I was going to say, that's even more balls. Yeah, no, but I was hinting that I was ready to go. And he was looking at me like, you sure, buddy?

Mics are hot. And then we got there and I me like, you sure, buddy? Mics are hot. And then we got there, and I was like, all right, look, here's the thing. God. And I finally went into it. But I also felt like, you know what? This shit needs to be said. Because those people that are in those open marriages shouldn't be made to feel like freaks. Yeah.

As long as they're socially responsible, people are being safe. Because a lot of people are like, well, the STDs and this and that. But most people are socially responsible. Yeah. You want to go sell some shirts? Well, let's wrap this thing up. Let's talk off my

shirt. This has been a journey, man. Thank you for sharing. My pleasure. I hope everything's going to turn out okay. It is going to. Put it in the universe, bro. You got a good fam. journey man thank you for sharing my pledge and I hope everything's gonna turn out okay it is gonna turn out it is gonna it is the universe bro yeah you got you got a good fam so thanks man

yeah cool cow comedy.com seems weird to promote good night everybody yeah thanks if there's any single hot chicks out there I got an email link on the cool cow comedy website just hit me up and yeah it'll be it'll be nice. Cool Cow Comedy is just going to

turn into a dating service. That's fine with me. That's fine. Peace. Alright. See you, man. Thank you.