The Digression Sessions - Ep. 162 - David Koechner!

Episode Date: August 3, 2015

David Koechner joins us this week! Yes, that David Koechner! Champ Kind from the Anchorman films, Hershell from Talladega Nights, Clay from Run Ronnie Run, and sooooo many more! He’s an improv student of Del Close who has performed with Second City, the Improv Olympics, and with the UCB! Josh and Mike had an amazing time time interviewing David, he kept things interesting all the way through and even suddenly wrestled Josh to the floor of his hotel room in the middle of the interview. Mike gives commentary as the violence ensues! In between outbursts of masculine dominance, we get intense discussions on the nature of improv, the trials and tribulations of climbing the comedy ladder (including David’s heartbreaking dismissal from SNL) and even some hot embryo talk! Truly a fun ep! BE SOCIAL ON MEDIA! Say hello! @JoshKuderna - Twitter & Instagram @MikeMoranWould - Twitter @DigSeshPod - Twitter Also, like our FB fan page located here!  

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? David Koechner is the guest on this week's program. Wow.

The David Koechner of a ton of different movies, including Anchorman, of course. His role is Champ Kind. Anchorman 2. Anchorman's 2. Talladega Nights. Thank you for smoking. Just in everything. In everything he's in he's hilarious uh he's on twitter and instagram at david kechner and this was so cool this was

something just kind of came together in the the past two days he's performing at the arlington draft house michael yes and uh he popped in last night i was hosting a show in the front room that he was not on but he's already in town and he's such a cool guy and loves performing so much that he came to the show and did a guest spot and uh he could not have been nicer he was so cool very cool so yeah i asked him to do the podcast and he was was totally down to do it. So we're in the car now, headed back to Baltimore. Yes. And, yeah, he talked to us for an hour in his hotel room about improv, acting. History.

A little bit about Missouri. Yeah, a little bit about history. We talked about Lyndon Johnson a little bit. I think that's before the podcast started. We did a little Lyndon history. A little on there. And then he showed us the video of some baseball player talking about shitting his pants. And he seriously could not have been cooler. Yeah, he's amazing. Yeah. And when I met him last night, he was immediately busting my balls, which which I kind of liked

actually. And for the first time josh was physically assaulted during the recording of this podcast it started yeah it started with just uh just a riff last night um he was leaving the show and i tapped him on the the shoulder to say like hey see you later and try to invite him on the podcast and i tapped him on the shoulder and he just immediately turned around and grabbed my head he goes you're trying to fight me we can can fight right now. I'll fight you. And of course, he's a tall man, over six feet. But yeah, you'll hear it. He comes at me, but I hold my own. I hold my own. He kind of had the height and weight advantage.

He's like 20 years older, too. Well, there's that, too. He's got a bunch of wisdom. He's got wisdom. That's what it is. A lot of people think wrestling is physical. It's all about the mental wisdom. He's got wisdom. That's what it is. A lot of people think wrestling is physical. It's all about the mental game. Very, very smart.

So, yeah, this is fucking cool. I hope you guys enjoy it. He's so awesome and shares some stories about improv, a little inside baseball, but I think anybody can kind of understand it. But it's cool to hear his thoughts on it and somebody that's so good at it and, yeah, just how they operate.

And, yeah, it was, yeah, just so fucking cool. Such a nice guy to take some time out. So I had a goddamn good time. Me too. But now we are in the car and the air conditioning doesn't work. Yeah. And we are sweating already, getting sweaty. But, yeah, you want to plug some things, Michael?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As a matter of fact, I should have a new column coming out for Brightest Young Things soon. Nice. B.Y. Timor. This one will be about the single-carat theater. Okay.

Theater. Theater. And I will be performing at Zissimos and uh on the 6th of august yeah and we have the mashup show on the 14th i'm hosting that right yep i was hosting that and then the yeah the mashup show of course is where we have stand-ups go up do their act and then improv troops use that as input for scenes and it's a good time i'll there. I might be doing stand-up at that one. Awesome. Not sure.

And then on the 15th, I'll be doing stand-up at the Hyatt in Bethesda at the Hyatt Hotel. It's always a good show. It gets super packed. I'm not sure who's headlining, but it's usually somebody good. So, yeah, come out to those. Follow us on Twitter. I am at Josh Coderna, also on Instagram. Michael? I am at Mike Moran Wood,

W-O-U-L-D. Hell yeah. And yeah, follow us there. The podcast is on Twitter at DigSeshPod. DigressionSessions.com has all of our past and future episodes. You can go to Thundergrunt.com as well and listen to the other

podcasts on our wonderful network. And yeah, come see us live. We got shows. Go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Hell yeah. I think that's it, yeah? I think so.

Hell yeah. Well, let's get into it with Mr. Awesome, awesome episode. Yeah. I think maybe one of my favorites ever. Yeah, he was just, yeah, just so on board to talk about whatever.

And yeah, we're joking about the wisdom, but he has a ton of it. He really does. He had some really interesting insights into improv. Yeah, which I think just carries over into life, too, actually. Very cool guy. Unless you live a scripted life. Yeah, then this isn't for you. Not for you, pal.

Get another podcast. But yeah, or listen to this one. See how you like it. Tell a friend about it. Anyway, all right. listen to this one. See how you like it. Tell a friend about it. Anyway, all right. I think this rambling intro is over. Thank you guys for listening, of course. And, yeah, we'll talk to you soon.

Enjoy the episode. Thanks, guys. Let's talk to Mr. David Koechner. Best shit the next morning. And then he just transitions right to how many pictures we got in this game. True story. Oh, my God. Fingers. George Brett shit his pants.

Well, he's good for it like twice a year. Sure. Apparently. Have we started already? This is it. We're in it. Yeah, we're almost done. What's the name of our podcast?

It's called The Digression Sessions. Okay. Tell me about it, guys. First timer. Yeah. Yeah. First time caller. Long time listener.

So we started a few years ago in Baltimore, and we were interviewing a lot of our comedian friends, and we're in the Baltimore Improv Group. Oh, really? Yeah. Long form? Yep. Yeah. Group. Oh, really? Yeah. Long form? Yep. Yeah, we have a whole mix. Mostly long form.

Yeah, there's one short form troupe. And every now and then we'll do something fun with short form stuff. Oh, you still do games? Yeah, occasionally. Not so much on stage, but sometimes. Oh, not on stage? Sometimes. More like warm-ups.

More of a warm-up or whatever. For your group. Like Sometimes. I'm more like warm-ups. More to warm-up or whatever. Oh, for your group. Like what games we do for a warm-up. Zip Zap Zop's a classic one. I hate Zip Zap Zop, and I want people to stop doing it. Are you familiar with Big Booty? Because if you like Zip Zap Zop,

you will love Big Booty. What's Big Booty? It's even more obnoxious than Zip Zap Zop. What is it? You get in a circle, and then you get the clap, and then the leg pat and how's it go it's like big booty big booty big booty oh big booty yeah oh yeah big booty and then everybody

has a number and so if somebody says your number like uh number one or somebody calls you out so you're like uh big booty number one and then if you're number one you have to say real quick you have to go number one and then call somebody else out in the circle. Number one, number five, number five. It comes from the school of improv that believes the more obnoxious you are backstage with each other, the better you'll be on stage. The goofier you get. Yes.

Well, I guess it's designed like zip, zap, zap. It's designed to make you focus and give attention to your partner. But it's not true. If I stared at you, I i'm gonna get more from that than playing zip zap fucking zup sure i hate it yeah i think it's pointless and i want it to stop well what if you and i stare each other for 10 seconds and then i notice a few things about you it's meisner and we'd start doing that a little bit more that's gonna give me a better sense of what i'm gonna do with you on stage than zip zap zap, fucking zup. I don't have an opinion. So you think

we should all just stare at each other? I would. If I look at you and if I say how you're feeling, then I can tell if it's a lie or the truth. Or you look away, I've got something to build on because the only thing that fucking matters in long form is the relationship we have on stage. It's not zip,

zap, zup because that's nothing I'll ever fucking use on stage. Zip! What the fuck are you doing? I'm not a child. What improv warm-ups do you endorse besides the staring contest? Why don't you, here's my improv warm-up. Think what's going, read a fucking book in your life, always be reading, always be writing, and then observing human behavior that you love and enjoy.

Use that on stage. Use your life on stage and your life experience. Look at your partner and respond honestly to whatever he just said. Okay. And just all you have to do is listen and respond to the last thing that was said on stage, and you'll never fucking fail. All right. That's good advice.

But everyone comes up there with a monologue, or they start writing or scripting. It's like, get off. Get out. Get out. Have a fucking good stage presence and picture for the audience. Don't turn your body. And then listen to the last thing said.

Anyway, again, no opinion from me. How long did it take you doing improv to narrow it down to that? I don't know exactly, but I came to it pretty quickly that really you just had to It was just yes and It was the very first classes of heightening and yes and

That's all it takes Everyone makes The more classes they give you The more opportunity you have To get in your fucking head And not know what the fuck you're doing They've been able to Monetize classes,

and that's what the thing is. Yeah, classes are so expensive. How many levels do you guys, where do you study? With the Baltimore Improv Group. So we have three classes each. So that's pretty much the biggest Baltimore improv collective. So they do shows. So we're in it now.

So we do shows. We're in a troupe. And then I think there's four levels of classes, and then a special invite-only class, which essentially becomes like you're auditioning at your showcases and stuff. Only four levels. That's pretty good. Now in Chicago, every theater, whether it's IO or Second City, has ABCD and then 1, 2,

3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Then you do some dance. They're all packed to the rim all the time, right? Yeah. Oh, the wait list is crazy. UCB has that, too. I know. I remember looking up UCB and being like, oh, right, well, this is never going to happen for me. Yeah, you're discouraged.

Look, man, I was on stage within eight weeks. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I think I was, too. You had to be on stage. Is that with IO? Yeah. Right.

I mean, that's probably the best experience you're getting with improv is actually performing for real audiences, like being out there. They'll let you know if you're any good. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I mean, that's probably the best experience you're getting with improv is actually performing for real audiences, like being out there. They'll let you know if you're any good. Yeah. I always like, too, the classes. I think it's so weird. You do it for seven weeks, and then you have a showcase. It'd be so much better to do a showcase maybe in the middle,

so you're like, okay, now let's actually work on something versus like it's all theoretical, and then you do it, and you're like, well, on to the next one, and then you wait seven more weeks. Right. Yeah. It's not possible. Yeah. How do it, and you're like, well, on to the next one, and then you wait seven more weeks. Right. Yeah. It's not possible. Yeah.

How old were you when you got into improv? 24. Oh, wow. I started late. I didn't start until I was like 20. I don't think I started improv until I was 27. Yeah, I think I was 25. And now I'm 24.

You had less accessibility. I moved to Chicago to study that. From Kansas, right? Missouri. Missouri. Yeah. From Missouri, right? Missouri. Missouri. Yeah. From Missouri, right? That's for the edit point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gave it a little pause there. Check edit point. Five minutes in.

Got it. Got it. So was the goal to go to Chicago to do improv? Yes. Join Second City. So you started improv in Missouri? No. You'd never done improv? No, no. I hadn't done anything in Missouri City. Okay. So you started improv in Missouri? No. Oh, you'd never done improv? No, no, I hadn't done anything in Missouri ever.

Watch this. Oh, you son of a bitch! Dear Lord, I don't know. I have no idea what's happening, but Josh is being taken down in some sort of homoerotic downward. There's some sort of Nelson going on right now. Whether it's full or half, I am not clear on. But this is not what I thought I was getting into right now. When he started at IO, what was your experience? This is not what I thought I was getting into right now. I'm a professional. Wow.

When he started at IO, what was your experience? I told this fucker I was going to fight. Wow. Man. All right, that's the first minute. That's the first minute. I feel like I held my own. Well, that answers my question.

We'll see how long it takes me to catch my breath. All right. I feel like that was the first minute. What level of Nelson were we talking there? I'm not an expert. He was going for full. He an expert He was going for full He was He was going for full

He's got boots on He might have trampled my feet He said he wasn't ticklish But I'm But I think it was a lie Jesus Man I'm a good 22 years older than you

Man So I did pretty good Yeah I mean I told Josh He was I said we're gonna fucking fight Yeah Yeah

I'd take an opportunity and bum rush the guy. Yeah, that was sneaky. I mean, you started high. You had the advantage there. Now I'm on my feet. I'm ready. Shoes off. Well, I'm not going to go again.

And I'm a guest, so you can't attack me. Oh, yeah. That's what fucking Patton Oswalt said. We can attack you emotionally. Oh, I'm going to try. The emotional wounds are going to hurt. They're going to hurt. You can try.

What is your first memory? My first memory... What became of your lamb? I was thinking that today, Clarice. Quit pro quo. Quit pro quo. Quo quo, yeah. Pro quo, yes. Quit pro quo.

I had a little stage thing where I did a live, and what became of your lamb, Clarice? And her response was, oh, actually he survived. He moved to Baltimore and became a psychiatrist and, oh my God. But no, he liked it. Was it a stand-up bit? Yeah, yeah. I tried a little thing

where I was just throwing in act-outs randomly just for the hell of it. Didn't really work. Is that somebody asking about the fight? No. Okay, alright. I didn somebody asking about the fight? No. Okay. All right.

I didn't know this was live streaming either. Do you want to talk improv? Is this an improv podcast? It's an everything podcast. Okay. Whatever you want to talk about. It's called Degression Sessions for a reason. I just think you're an amazing improviser.

Oh. Yeah. Especially when it comes to wrestling. I'm okay. I think every scene should be able to work And people get in their head A scene stops working when someone starts writing Or stops listening

And they're both the same thing So what head space is ideal for you When you are in an improv scene Just listening Relax and listen and respond When you start going Where's the scene going to go You've missed something When you start going Where's the scene gonna go You've missed something

When you're lost You didn't listen But you always have the chance To catch on to the next branch That happens Because things change in life And they change in scenes Sure

So you gotta look for that That opportunity for the change But really listen And then I just try to jump on Whatever gets said Right And make that important whatever it is versus like okay yeah he said that but where's the funny part that we're going to get to like three three minutes down the line well you don't know let's get to me doing my james spader

impression how do we build my george w bush impression to the audience but if you're doing that then i'm a fucking pigeon in the scene right i've seen some guys do incredible riffs on the other person in the scene who gives a shit right you're not a good scene partner great do stand up i've got no fucking problem with that just don't do it with me don't make me a prop in your fucking shit in your scene sure even if you're really good at it i mean i've seen it's kind of where things i've seen are going a little bit i'm not think so? I'm not necessarily down with that. Write a sketch, great. Wherever I can, on the straight man or whatever.

But you better give me an opportunity to respond. The only thing that's engaging the audience is from where I'm taking it, is I want you at the edge of your seat if you're an audience member. And I'm not going to get the edge of the seat if one guy's just narrating what's happening in the scene. And the other person is being incredibly funny. But the other person i'm like i don't know what's what's going on so do

you subscribe to the don't try to be funny school you don't have to you i assume you're already funny because you got there if you're trying to be funny it usually comes off like oh right yeah it's why are you doing that yeah it's gross Just you gotta be funny If you're not Then maybe this isn't your thing If you're not funny Then be a great fucking straight man Right

In every scene Right sure What about like you know I feel like you kind of look For the funny sometimes You do a scene You establish character Relationship

What's the O in that Objective And location But you don't know all that stuff. Right. You don't know all that stuff. But I feel like it can be good to just try to establish those things as just a regular scene and look for the funny game to present itself.

But who's establishing it? Right. All I know is what you're doing. I can justify it. If I comment on it, now we're in trouble. But here's what Del used to say. Yeah. The scene has already started. Have you and dropped it dropped the name dropped a fucking huge name

he's got his he's got his boot on he's remember once you walk on stage you two people the audience already aware of what's happening are you what do you mean by that all right you leave the flat you walk on stage you get busy not looking at your part of doing something all i know is all the audience knows is that guy's really busy or that girl's really busy doing something now they start narrating it the other person has to stand there and go okay what scene have you just written for me to be part of or respond and the truth what's going on right because if you're up there doing the dishes yeah it's like oh where are we doing the dishes in the office i can do the dishes, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it's like, oh, where are we doing the dishes? In the office? I love to fucking do the dishes. Dishes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, all I know is there's a lot on your mind. Right. If you're focused on all this shit, all I can say is, wow. Right, yeah. There's a lot going on with you right now. Right? And the audience is going to go, I see it too,

and that's why they're going to laugh. Yeah. Well, you love doing those dishes. And writing on a pad, I've noticed, too. Oh, is that right? For me, love doing those dishes no writing on a pad i've noticed too oh is that right for me yeah standing up writing on a pad oh yeah because you've never done that once in your life never i don't even i've never even seen a while smoking a cigarette and peeling a banana that's a go-to and digging a hole yes yeah you're doing funny business right i don't know i just i just get i just get i get a little bit, you know, just bored of all the teaching and techniques in class

is when it really comes down to a conversation. That's what you should be having on stage. And that conversation, if you're listening, will be interesting. You don't need to invent shit. Right. Okay. Right. Yeah.

You don't have to worry about pulling things out of nowhere. You don't. Because if you're focused on the person, then something's going to happen but i'm really good at doing robert de niro so oh yeah no nobody's saying that um are you still doing improv regularly yeah we actually have well not regularly but we still we have a show beer shirt mice is doing a show in chicago 13th 14th 15th of august's the first time we've actually Booked Sharna's room We did it last year for the opening of her new theater And so we thought would Sharna

Fly us out, put us up and put some money in our pockets And she said yes, absolutely Wow So we'll probably make that a yearly thing If not every so often Because it's guys I love Hanging out with in life And love being on stage with And if people will come out and support that then that means there's a you know

a means for us to do it because i can't i can't go do free freebies guys i got five kids but you know plus my wife's like where are you going for what for what just mess around on stage for a couple days yeah okay i'll be here with the five kids. You have fun. Just tell her you're cheating. She'll be way better with it. And we're going to teach. We're going to teach a workshop.

Nice. All six of us. Wow. So that'll be fun, too. I think we have something valuable to communicate. Sure. Everyone's going to teach something different. For me, personally, what I teach is the scene's already there.

It's already started. Yeah. And the other thing is, you know, you can use archetypes, commedia archetypes, or anything that you can create an archetype for whatever the suggestion is and use it as a character in the scene. So what do you guys normally take for a suggestion? Usually just any word. Okay.

So we'll get somebody like, hey, what's the first letter you think of? And then the next person, what's the first word you think of And then the next person What's the first word You think of That begins with that letter Uh huh So just random What was the last one You got

Going to the beach Or something I think I asked like What's Okay let's take What do we want to do With the rest of the song Look for an archetype

On the character Going to the beach Okay So the one that's simple And you probably want to avoid Is overzealous lifeguard. All right? We've seen it a million fucking times.

How about flip that on its ear? Timid lifeguard. Okay. Who's overly cautious. Right. You know, like, did you get sunscreen? All packed? Good, good, good.

Get something to do? Or look, status will never fail you. Right. Right. Status will never fail you. Mm-hmm. All right? will never fail you all right i can tell you're a good swimmer i'm not gonna have to watch after you so you think playing with the archetypes always serves you super nervous gives you something to do so what do i have to do the

rest of the scene you know you can be out there flailing i know i don't have to worry about you uh-huh we already know by the end of the scene you're gonna be fucking drowning not by the end of the first scene right but by the end of the show you should be drowned there should be a fucking funeral and i'm another lifeguard right who says thought he was a better swimmer yeah i gotta tell you yeah and the lights have got to go out thought i read it's as simple as that now that's just one idea what else is at the beach day at the beach what else is the beach? Hot Sharks. Sharks. Okay. Can you make sand a character? What does sand do? They did it in Spider-Man 3.

Thank you. But what does sand do? Sand is, what's its qualities? It's annoying. Gets in your pants. Great. To you, sand is annoying. All right?

It gets what? Gets stuck in your swim trunks. So now, how can you play any of those things? Can you play annoying? Mm-hmm. And that's your only purpose in the scene. That's the first thing, the three things that came to you. Right. It gets stuck somewhere.

All right? Right. So, you can play annoying. Uh-huh. Great. You can play something that's getting under someone's skin. That's something for you to do already. You don't have to worry about a fucking thing now.

Interesting. You're going to do one thing, and you only do one thing at a time. I'm going to get under your fucking skin, or I'm going to annoy you, or you said gets in the crevices. Yeah. Now, can I play something

that's just going to get into crevices? Right? Now that gives me something physical to do. Right. Like no matter what you say, say anything to me. I enjoy the latest Rolling Stones album. Yeah, me too.

I'm getting closer to, tell me your name again. Mike. I'm getting closer to Mike, and I'm going to get into him. Yeah, you almost have a squirmy kind of physicality. Also, to me, when I think of sand, I think it's shifty. Oh, yeah. So say the same thing to me I enjoy the latest

Rolling Stones album Oh do you Okay Sure sure sure Rolling Stones Yeah I met those guys Looking down the beach Yeah

All those things Shifty What's going on here You know Or lumpy Or whatever You can use the quality Of thing from the suggestion

That gives you the archetype To play You don't have to think Sure You do have to be consistent if i set out being that yeah play the rules that you yeah because that can deflate a scene too because if then you're like oh yeah i love that album or something you're like what when i drop it it's over right now if i'm getting too close to you what are you probably going to do uh back away. Thank you. Which helps us do what? The audience knows what? Conflict.

Yeah, there's conflict. Well, he's annoyed. It establishes a relationship, basically. But you don't go, hey, man, stop getting so close to me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because if you do, guess what I'm going to do? Stop getting so close. Exactly.

Yeah, and then that ruins it. Well, no, I'm going to make the scene work. Right. Sorry, buddy. I'm taking your mic. I'm going to do what you say. Right. I'm going to listen to every fucking thing you say. I realize I'm going to make the scene work. Sorry, buddy. I'm taking your mic. I'm going to do what you say. I'm going to listen to every fucking thing you say. I realize I'm yelling.

I'm going to listen to everything you say and do it. But I'm still going to be shifty. Or I'm going to try and get under your skin. But when... It seems like these things, like these different layers, require thinking to some degree. I argue they don't.

Is this something you think about afterward? Do you review your performance? Two things. So let's say, all right, I'm going to take an archetype from the suggestion and use it. That gives me my character that's going to carry me through. And the only other thing I have to do is listen and apply it. That's it. That's it.

Okay. Always listen. to do is listen and apply it that's it that's it okay always listen so when do you do you spend time in classes or afterwards examining these things examining as a group yeah we always talk about moves basically that we missed or worked okay like oh we should have brought this thing back or this would have tied that together kind of what you're saying about like lights down on this life so and so would have drowned oh my god that would have been great so you think it's a good idea to uh go over with your teammates if you've got personalities that can take it okay if you've got a coach all the better sure because they can break down the game film and try to be objective about it without being like dave would you make this yeah sorry

would you make the same suggestion towards stand-up? For? Reviewing, going over, discussing it with people. People you trust. You should tape your sets. Totally. I'm lazy. I do and I don't. Yeah, it's tough for me too.

Tape them and listen to them. It's just so hard to press a button. Listen to them in the car. Just put them on your phone. Yeah. If you're a very physical person and you're working in a physical bit, that's a different story, but you could just listen to the podcast that was your show. Right.

Right. When did you start doing stand-up? Five years ago. Really? Yeah. Wow. And in LA? Just because there's so many opportunities?

Well, LA is where I developed an act and then took it on the road. What really happened was I do have five, and the reality is that I needed to always make sure there was income. And there was a point where I always got third, fourth, fifth lead in a movie, right? Character piece that I was going to have. Yeah, you had a ton of great stuff. I could count on that.

Now, then I started seeing stars taking jobs I used to get. Really? And this is after the crash, and I figured, oh, I've got one house. They probably have three. Right. This guy, some guys that had been leads in movies took parts that i was up for i was like oh shit's changing

i better make sure i have another business so i called my agent and she hit me 11 gigs the next day damn i've stand up yeah wow so i worked in town and developed an act because there's so many places like out here too there's so many places you can go up and uh put together an act i'd always done character pieces i've always done live i've done i did a show called the naked trigger and t-bone show for nine years in la yeah uh i've always done character pieces outside of that and improv and all that stuff so it's like i've got you know plenty of stage time uh then you put together an act and you know you can always get better you can always get better at that yeah so absolutely so how did those first

shows go were you doing characters or were you doing i did it was more of a one-man show i had five changes costume costume changes it was crazy and clubs and i think people are going what the fuck is going on what what happened in between your changes i would talk oh okay so you're talking during the changes during the change after the change i had hair pieces i had fat suits i had oh man i had all of it sweating did you have one of those ear mics that's what i'm picturing all right folks no no i'd have to get on the mic yeah yeah uh but it was it was an interesting show i don't know if i've got some tape i think i do have some tape of that stuff. Yeah. That was interesting.

And I'll get back to that eventually, but probably without the changes. I'd rather do the changes. Eventually, what I'll head toward at some point is a one-man show that's a theme of a... The one I want to do is called the Missouri State Fair, because I used to go there every year with my dad, who would exhibit in the area. Okay. Because there's a fire machinery area, and my dad sold some farm implements. So we'd'd go there and he'd give me a dollar a day and say dave don't come back to have been lost at least once and i'd go explore the fair and it's you know it's two or three

miles square so you had fucking all the stuff you know hog horse sheep barns diving mules uh cattle barns uh uh you, the grandstands. The Midway, I was supposed to stay out of the Midway, but I didn't. I'd sneak in another place. What's the Midway? Oh, the carnival. Okay, gotcha. We had those in Virginia.

Yeah, where it's kind of like a catch-all. You had farm animals and also a Ferris wheel. Everybody got us for the tractor pool. Yeah, hay rides. All that shit. Occasionally, a formerly famous rock band would kind of perform. Or several members

of a famous band. Retain the rights in court. Leonard Skinner. Yeah. Creedence Clearwater Revisited. Close enough. So yeah, so that's just really good

people watching, I'm guessing. Yeah. So I mean, I think eventually I'll probably do a show like that but now my show still has characters in it i still do yeah okay but they're they're better segues and i think they they're more organic than they used to be right and usually stop and start and blah blah blah right and you just love performing right yeah and because yeah i mean the reason we're doing this podcast is you're performing at the arlington draft house uh this weekend and we were doing a show in the front room of the draft house and the manager called me aside he was like hey i gotta i gotta tell you something

and i was like oh shit i'm getting fired or something like they called me up to the the office on the second floor of like i've never been up there before i was wondering what happened or whatever and he's like we got somebody coming in tonight i was like oh no to replace me i love how you kept thinking yeah it wasn't gonna be good it's not good close the door behind you and then he said david kechner i was like david kechner's replacing me no and uh he's like yeah he's doing shows but he just wants to come through and hang out like well does he want to do a spot he's like i'm not i'm not gonna ask him like i'm gonna fucking ask him are you kidding like boy i'm not gonna pretend that david kechner's in the audience and then just treat it like well that's our show what'd you think guy he's here for

the mozzarella sticks yeah he loves them really into him he really wanted a quesadilla and he had to get it from a comedy you did end up in the kitchen however right here sure yeah no i like to meet the staff that was the coolest thing is everybody's walking by they're kind of they're doing the double take like holy shit it's him hey can you take a picture of my son i think people were watching finding nemo in the theater so all the families were coming out like oh my god it's him and dave was nice enough to hold the door for everybody as well yeah i got kids i know what it's like yeah just let's get through it let's go come on let's move move so you you love like meeting people and know what it's like. Yeah. Just let's get through it. Let's go. Come on. Let's move. Move. Move. So you love meeting people and meeting fans. It seems like you're that type of guy.

Yeah. Do you ever get annoyed? Of course. Everyone gets annoyed, but it's usually by somebody that's insistent in a wrong way. Like, I don't necessarily want to hang out and talk to you. I don't mind meeting people, but for instance, if I'm sitting eating by myself, that's not an invitation for just anyone to come hang out with me. I mean, I'll choose my, if I'm choosing to eat alone, that's alone.

If I want to eat with someone, you know, there's plenty of people in town I can grab and go have a bite to eat with. But it's, you know, I'll tell you, like once I was shooting a movie, I think in North Carolina, uh it may have been during uh the nba playoffs so i just wanted i was done with work when shooting and you know the bar was not closed yet or they whatever i just wanted to get a good pub burger have a couple of beers watch the game and go back to bed yeah go go to bed whatever yeah and i was sitting there i've got a table that was purposely pointed away from people looking at the monitor watching the game some guy comes over goes hey i know who you are i was like oh good how are you yeah i know what you've been in well good thank you i'm david great to meet you yeah what else you've been in i'm like

that's annoying so okay i'm clearly not i'm watching the game you're trying to show all your pals right i'm not afraid to tell. Not impressed. Yeah, you're not impressed? Great. Exactly what his move was. And I could tell it. And also, he comes over to announce that he's not impressed with you. Exactly.

Hey, I don't care. Yeah, it's not like you went to their table. You're like, guess who's here? And he goes, what else have you been? I got a lot of stuff. You can look it up. I'm like, well, hey, don't be ashamed of it. What have you been in?

I'm like, okay. Ashamed of it? Yes. But no, the point is, dickhead, I'm not going to fucking list my credits. You don't really know who I am. You came over to talk to me. I didn't invite you. I said hello.

That was my job. You didn't ask for a picture. I'm not going to invite you to. I would have taken one. But I'm having a meal by myself. So that's it. But he hung out. The other thing is, you don't want to leave them a story.

Right. Because the next day, like, dude, he's the biggest asshole. How was he? Nice guy. Quiet. Yeah. Great. Really into basketball.

But otherwise, I don't. Didn't know his own movies. I don't mind. But, you know, there's always going to be someone annoying yeah and it doesn't matter he's a bigger pain in the ass to the friends he has than he is to me because that's going to be gone you know sure yeah but you know i could have fun with it too i guess right and go yeah great yeah i've been a lot of stuff yeah yeah oh man but to me i was like i really want to watch the game yeah sometimes you just want to be working but stuff like that can be annoying but it's our choice to choose how we take things sure yeah yeah it takes it takes effort to be like look

man get the fuck away but you can just be like hey how are you but it also takes effort to be annoyed yeah right you know so it's wherever you want to place your intention we uh we interviewed brian husky because they shoot veep in baltimore so we interviewed a lot of those people and he's another one of those guys. I feel like he's the consummate. Like, oh, you're that guy kind of thing. So you must get that a lot. Of course.

It's like, oh, it's you. What were you in? I get mistook for Rob Corddry a lot. Really? And I've said this story more than once, but I'll say it again. I've had people watch me for an hour on stage. Afterward, I'll talk to them.

They'll want to come up and talk. I love you on Anchorman, and I also love you. We love we love you and hot tub time machine well i'm in one of them you just watched for an hour and you still couldn't tell then are you tempted to be a dick just to fuck with rob corddry no no no it's to make rob corddry look my name is rob corddry and you need to get the hell out of my face lady yeah have you seen my copy of mind comp anywhere yeah but uh that that's a little bit like oh okay but i don't want to get into it sure i have i i did uh actually i was somewhere a week ago and some woman came up knew i was somebody and all her friends were there she's the one who pointed herself to come up and say say hi you're in hot tub time machine right i said no and that was it and then i just turned

and looked away because i was with some other people and just kept talking to them and she just stood there i was like it's not my job to correct and educate her no yes but i wasn't trying to be a dick and she goes okay obviously not then but i don't have to i don't have to no yeah and also like people you're a person it's rude to be like you're that thing i'm not an but I don't have to. I don't have to. No. And also, like, people, you're a person. It's rude to be like, you're that thing.

I'm not an animal. But, you know, look, I don't mind, you know, it's better to be recognized than not, so it doesn't bother me.

It's just... No, it sounds like you're friendly to people generally. Sure, sure. But what it's like, okay, you don't know me,

you tried. I said no. I was polite. I did my part. My part isn't, I don't have to tell you then who I am do you ever get people like sneaking photos

like yes so Bill I'm just gonna meet you yes that's well or interactions if I'm doing bits with somebody you know and you got somebody over here doing filming I guess it bothered me the other day but we're at the airport with my family and I could tell this gal was

filming. Do you not like your kids being photographed? Who does? They're not in danger, but it's like, come on. What are you going to do with that? It seemed like there was a time when media respected that boundary. Not really, because paparazzi has always been a thing.

It used to take a lot longer when there was just sketch pads. Or you had to stay still for an hour to have your photo taken. Yeah, you wanted to be the nice actor. Like, I'm not going to move. Did you get my sketch? Thank you.

Yeah, it's whatever. To me, you invite part of that into your life and I'm fine with that. But then there's a point. So now I've noticed everybody has to take two pictures. Okay, one more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, well, one. Hold up, one more for safety. No, you don't get one. You get one. Come on. There's a director now. Can we check the gate? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can we get one for safety? Yeah, it's a good one. Let's do that again and this time be mildly amused at my funny face. Have fun with it. Well, people go, let's do something funny. Right, right. Well, if I like you, I'll find something funny to do. But if not, like, people go, let's do something funny. Right, right. Well, if I like you, I'll find something funny to do.

But if not, like, no, let's just take that picture. Otherwise, let's look like a death photo from the 1800s. Yes. Well, I do that too.

That's the funny one. If you want to take a funny picture, act like you don't want to be in the picture. Just have a blank expression and fake. To me, that funny thing is,

why do these people agree to be in a picture together when clearly they didn't want to be in a picture together when clearly they didn't want to be in it that's that's the one i that's the funny one i liked it when did that that start for you like getting recognized and all that did you have that in chicago after snl uh originally uh but in chicago you only have people really into the scene or something yeah yeah yeah or came to Second City or something like that. Yeah.

But yeah, after SNL, you'd get it. Yeah. And then increasingly so after that. Yeah, I've heard you talk about it on different interviews, but SNL, you just did the one year, right? Yeah, I was not invited back to my first season. That's so cool. It's crazy, but it's political.

I had a couple of things. They'd asked me to do some stuff, and I said no, which't do uh they sold out about a gerald tippins talk show and i said that's a terrible idea that's what's wrong with this show we do too many talk show parodies we need more scenes they weren't fucking asking me right that was a very polite way of saying it and i should have done it a gerald tippins talk show would have been great because he would have been you know rude and arrogant and invasive into then we're talking about a scene not live folks in into their life and that could have been fun you know yeah but then you just come off come across as not being a team player yeah exactly exactly no i had a great

season but it was west coast had decided that i was the guy the fops they thought should have been bigger and didn't take off the way they wanted them to uh no one was able to crack that nut i could have done it a year later i didn't realize it at the time there were courtesans who should have been working their way up to the top of the nbc chain you know late night with lauren can you let us meet norm can you introduce us to the uh to to the host the host can you introduce to lauren lauren can we meet bob wright who's the head of nbc bob wright can we meet jack welsh who's the head of ge you know that's because that's what courtesans do. They curry a favor.

But that game in the scene, that's the other thing we need to do in improv, find the game in the singing, keep playing it. That game wasn't discovered with the characters. And I wasn't a good enough writer or didn't have the intellectual property at the time to go, oh, it's as simple as this. Remember what's the game in the scene. That's what's consistent with these characters. But whatever, that's fine.

The year after I was off the show, I met my wife. That's where my life was supposed to go. Right. Which is fine. Yeah. Honestly, I'd never planned to stay five years anyway, or six. I was going to stay three and then find something else to do that's my intention was right so they say the universe will hear you and it did yeah that's yeah and apparently nbc did too yeah but you know i mean that the thing

is that was it was good yeah you know yeah absolutely it hurt like a mother really yeah fuck yes like what did you get a phone call or did you get a lack of communication? No, apparently it was published. Someone leaked it to the Post or something. And I was like, why didn't I talk to those guys? Lorne wanted to keep me. Oh, really? But NBC West wanted changes. Yeah, yeah.

And I was, for whatever reason, it seemed arbitrary to me, the change that was made. Then there's more politics, but I'm not going to get into it. I know that there's a certain person that I had ruffled his feathers, and I still think that person is not necessarily worthy of anything, but might still have a job. But whatever. Sure. You know.

Take that, Rob Schneider. Yeah, that's how I feel about Josh in this podcast, too. But look, I've had a great career. Hell yeah, man. I also went back to L.A., and I started taking acting classes for two years. So I probably would not have done that if I was still on SNL. Right. Yeah, I think those moments are just so interesting in the moment where you can't really think about the future.

You're like, what the fuck? I'm not going to be on SNL. This is like the end. What am I going to do now? And then not knowing that it's going to open up so many doors for you. Yeah, I've known that it's always going to work out. I don't have fear about... Do you just have faith that it's going to open up so many doors for you. Yeah, I've known that it's always going to work out. I don't have fear about it. Interesting.

You just have faith that it's going to be fun? I know it's going to work out. Did you always have a plan of this type of success, or were you kind of like, whatever happens, happens? I just want to entertain people. A little bit too much of whatever happens, happens, and I know it's going to happen. Yeah, I kind of have that too, I think.

The more of a direct plan you have, the better chance you have of succeeding, because then you at least have a path. Now, it might go in a different direction, but if you're on a path, you've got a better chance of getting somewhere than not. Right. Setting a goal and then aiming for it versus like, I'll just kind of bounce around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.

And so was it always the plan to be in movies? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just assumed SNL was going to lead to movies, going to lead to everything else. I wasn't a big fan of television. I was like, oh, these sitcoms I always thought were bad, so I kind of avoided them for years.

And then I got more than one chance to do a couple, and they've worked to different degrees. Right, right. How'd you end up in a Final Destination film? Money. I've got five kids I auditioned for it And

I was doing stand-up You didn't die in it though, did you? Yes, everybody dies twice You die in the premonition And then you die again In what then is your real life I haven't seen it, but how'd you die? First one, I died in this guy's

Premonition And the bridge Collapsed On the bridge A bridge collapses And I run away And I make it Almost off the bridge

And then I slip off And I'm holding Under the bridge railing And then a tar truck A truck that was Pulling a tar Coiler A truck that only

Exists in movies When they need Something like that No no Those are tar trucks Those are things That you know People that

Are smaller companies That re Retar roofs Sure Gotcha It tips over And scalds me to death Wow

Yeah So you were tarred But not feathered Correct Wow Yeah there wasn't A feather truck Right behind it

But also tipped over Machino's a terrible way To die Because people That were tarred And feathered Wasn't just a funny thing You know

It was a torturous death. Brutal. I don't mean to contradict you, but I was reading about that recently. And apparently the impression that we have of it is not exactly accurate. Okay. They were using pine tar generally, which probably does not kill you. But still wasn't very hot? I don't know.

It's still going to burn you, right? It certainly was unpleasant, but I think it was more about humiliating people and parading them through town. I thought it killed you because the tar doesn't come off and your skin is your largest organ. I've read that that's a common misconception. Like a modernized misconception that is untrue. Maybe it happens sometimes, but from my research, it was more of a humiliation thing. That's a good digression. Folks, you get a lot with this podcast.

Yeah, I'm the guy who randomly throws in the useless facts. The tar and feather. And talks about them as long as I possibly can before I'm forced not to. What was the second death? Second death was I was the manager or something of a paper company that we made paper. And these guys, the kids were down. And a tar truck just comes in. They were down there talking about other people that had died.

And I kind of break up. I'm like, what are you guys talking about? And they're like, huh? And there was a wrench that was on top of an air compressor. And the air compressor's got this wheel that kicks into gear. And there's a wrench on top of it, and it caught the gear and goes through the air, flying through the air, and embeds three inches into my head.

Wow, man. Right across the eyes. Wow. Was it fun doing makeup and stuff like that? Oh, yeah. I enjoy prosthetics. Both applications were over four hours. But you just watch a movie or listen to a good podcast,

something like that. I did Scouts vs. Zombies that's coming out in Halloween, around Halloween. And I was, to give it away, I do become a zombie. So for after the first or second day of shooting, for the next two weeks that I shot, I was a zombie. And that was a three-hour application and then one hour to get it off. But it's fun because you see your artists are working on you. Yeah real artists are applying things on you it's really cool and they're so good yeah it's gonna be insane and we would we would listen to podcasts or watch movies sure yeah what uh what podcast do you like uh i well i don't i don't have one that i want listen to to be honest

i don't have a consistent one okay i kind of jump around a lot, too. We'd listen to Stern, This American Life, Actually Love. Yeah. That's another great one. Yeah. There's so many. Yeah. But I don't have one that I listen to consistently.

Yeah. You do now. Now you do. The digressions. Oh, really? Is that what it is? Yes. That's what happens.

Big fan. How many movies do you do a year? As many as I can. Okay. I mean, I don't say, I'm going to fan. How many movies do you do a year? As many as I can. I mean, I don't say I'm going to do three this year. I take whatever, clearly, if you look at my resume, I pretty much take what comes my way. Yeah, but you're always so good in them. Thank you, sir.

Folks, listen to this guy. Listen to Josh. Hi, I'm Josh Goddard. He's fucking, he's got it. Well, I appreciate that. You know, I've done, this year I've done one. Did I do one or more? I've done one. Did I do one or more? I've done one.

I did Krampus. I was in New Zealand for two months. I've heard about that. It's going to be fun. It's very creepy. That was two months in New Zealand, which is a bonus and at the same time a curse because I'm away from my family. Yeah.

Sure. But it's fun. You get to go, you know, across the world to shoot a movie. Sure. Did I, is that all I did this year? I think so. Yeah. Is that all I've done this year? I think so, yeah, yeah. But I also do tons of voiceover. I think I'm probably in four or five different cartoons.

I'm not a regular, but they'll call me in. I'll do two or three of those a month. TV appearances right now on other periods on. Yeah, awesome show. I love it so far. Those are all friends. Yeah, those are great. That hair piece is actually, was another sideburn

that they just fashioned. Really? Yeah, it was so good. She fashioned that into a nice little hair piece. Wow. That's awesome. Good move.

Yeah, that's a great show. Because they didn't have one and they were low budget. Like, how about this? Like, yeah, let's try that. So it was fun. Yeah, what I was getting at, like any movie that you pop up in,

I feel like you fully commit. Is that kind of your improv training and commitment? Does that carry over into acting? Or are you just such a craftsman and just kind of enjoy doing something well? You know what I mean? No matter what the project is. I have a good work ethic. I've always worked.

I worked for my dad since I was seven years old. So I've always done stuff. And I don't mind work. I like it. So yeah, if you get an opportunity to be in a movie why wouldn't you do the best right that you can yeah do you see other actors not doing that phoning it in not really i don't i don't know i'm not going to comment on it either they're phoning in it or maybe they weren't very good in the first place and to me it might not be interesting but then on screen it might pop

you never know some people you're like wow you're gorgeous on right yeah when you hear about like the way marlon brando acted on the set it's like how was he that wonderful right he's such an asshole like he would and he just like his he wouldn't read the script a lot of times he'd show up like change the script that yeah like no no no he had an earpiece so they could read his lines to him like while he's performing. In the later years. Yeah. I just watched a documentary on the making of The Island of Dr. Moreau. Oh, boy.

Was it just a mess? Total mess. It's like Hearts of Darkness was for Apocalypse Now. Every step of the way was a total mess. So apparently Brando, they had a guy in the movie, since they had all these animals and weird people, beasts and stuff like that. They had one guy on the film that I think he was 17 inches tall, the smallest man on earth.

And they had him in the movie. And Brando was trying to talk to somebody in German. He's like, hey, you're German, right? And he says something in German. And the German guy is like, I don't know what you're saying. He gets mad and has to repeat himself. And then the 17 inch tall guy i think he speaks spanish he's like oh you speak spanish and then he does his brando thing and then the 17 inch guys like laughs and then brando's like i love this guy i want him in every scene and they're like oh they're like uh no he's supposed

to be in every scene they're like no no no, no, no, just rewrite it. Really? So they had to have this guy in every scene. They dressed him just like Brando. There's even a scene where Brando's playing piano. So they build a tinier piano to put on top of the piano and have the little guy play it. So he's taking the 12-inch pianist joke to the live-action screen. That's where Mike Myers got it.

That's what they were saying. That probably influenced that. Mini-me. Wow. I had no idea. And it was funny, too. They said the little guy started to get a big head about it, too. He thought he was the shit.

Wow. He walks around like a little godfather demanding favors. He returned. Yeah. But yeah, I can't imagine you ever being like that. Maybe, though, right? No. Because you're way too tall.

I can't. Yeah. I would feel way too uncomfortable being an asshole to people. Yeah, you seem like a really nice guy. You seem genuine. Yeah.

For the most part. Seems right. Seems. We did get in a fight earlier. Oh, we're going to get Yeah, but it was a genuine fight. Yeah, it wasn't

a genuine one. I thought about later it should have just gotten dark. I didn't know that you had a partner. Yeah. So I thought it was just going to like,

I was like, what did you say to me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Get into a nice, uncomfortable world where your listeners are like, oh my God. It's compelling. We can add that to the beginning. Hey Dave, we're here for the podcast. What the fuck are you doing here?

What the fuck are you guys doing here? How'd you get up here? Security. You'll never work in Arlington again uh what was uh what was the uh like the first big movie that you thought was like a like a big break big break was clearly anchorman i i thought it was going to be several before that well thank you was thank you for smoking before that it was after it was after uh but you know out cold um run ronnie run i thought was going to be big

yeah and it wasn't that's one that you watch and you're like god this is so funny but it didn't pop like MacGruber like you go back

and you're like oh this is amazing and yet it didn't pop so some of those things I thought were going to pop I mean there's a couple times I was in four or five movies that were going to be released

in a year and I thought here we go and you know for one reason or another or when we were doing the Naked Trucker show it got really hot in LA And I thought okay here we go

And then we went to Aspen and won some award And everyone's like get ready Buckle up, buckle up And then you know I didn't have the right management At the time to capitalize on some of those opportunities And I didn't have the wherewithal I didn't have the plan like here it's going to go A, B, C, and D You know whether it goes that way

Having the plan is at least half of it. Interesting. Interesting. I got to get a plan. Yeah. I've been working on a plan for a while. For a while. Thank you for smoking.

Your character likes the apple pie with the cheese on it. Right. Did you actually eat that? I think I had a bite or two. How was it? It was fine. It was fine. That's kind of a southern thing, isn't it?

Maybe Midwest? It's not Midwest that I know of. It might be southern. Did you notice that the cheese gets flipped? No. Yeah, something happened. Is it a movie flaw? Maria Bello takes a bite of my apple pie, and something happens with the cheese, and then there's a shot

from the top that doesn't match what's going on in the scene, and they didn't realize it until later, and they couldn't have fixed it or something like that. Something happened. Oh, interesting. happened oh interesting i'm gonna look for that that big a deal but uh apple pie a la mode is probably more then the cheese was on there for a reason yeah because then there's the senator from vermont right and he uses that argument that yes cheese clogs arteries and the american flag on there was a nice touch yeah the american flag toothpick um man so yeah so if you, I don't know,

it's like having all these movies, I just think it's so, it's incredible, like your work ethic and output. Like, is that something you think you're just going to keep doing? Like stand-ups just like, you just love performing just in general. And I want to make it a bigger business.

Yeah. Who wouldn't? I mean, you know, the opportunity is there. I don't know what the biggest theater here in town is, but're dc there's plenty of big ones dc improv and then there's the draft house which are like the two biggies i would have i would say but there's a larger arena yeah like you know when other guys come through the you know you can the lyric or whatever there you go you know play play 8 000 there's the warner theater and stuff like sure i mean because that's a big that's a fun payday.

Do you have a dream project that you want to... Yeah, I'm writing the Gerald Tibbins movie. It's not the Naked Trucker anymore because Dave's kind of moved on and he's moved to Utah, and so that's not probably a viable option, but I'm writing a movie with my buddy Norm, and it's the Gerald Tibbins movie, so that's what I'd like to get done.

Awesome. Cool, man. And when you say always be reading, how long have you had that? Well, I always think you don't read enough. Yeah. I try to always be reading a book, but a lot of times I'll start three and like, oh, which one am I going to get? I bought the Judd Apatow book, which is pretty good.

Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. Because I saw it in the airport and i was like oh shit i don't buy that don't buy that don't buy that i felt like i had to um why because it's too expensive at the airport or no no no because i was reading a book on the wright brothers like well are you gonna finish that book or start a new one i'd forgotten my book so i'm like okay i'll grab this one yeah yeah gotcha yeah i i feel the same way. I recently bought two books by John Ronson. I'm like, I read now.

That's what I do. That's good. I think it helps. You know, and you'll find, I'm also reading a book of short stories, which are great because you need to digest those in 10 minutes. What kind? It's great.

Where is it? That's the one I've had. Oh, there it is. It is short story masterpieces Cool And it's got Hemingway Joyce

Steinbeck Fitzgerald Faulkner Nice Somerset Maugham Does it have the Six word story By

I think it was Hemingway No Six words Yeah you want to hear it Sure Someone challenged him To write a story In six words

That would have A beginning Middle and end and be emotionally potent. Ready? Yes. For sale, baby shoes, never worn. Nice. Damn. That's good.

Damn. That's good. I was hanging out with a staff last night in the parking lot. The fellas, I said to them, I said, I'm the only minority here now. I said, now I know what it's like. And one of them said, I'm sorry. And I thought, wow, that's fucking poetry.

That was powerful. I said, I've got to come up with a haiku by the end of the weekend that uses that idea. Wow, interesting. That was his response i'm like holy fuck just hit you yep yeah i thought that was pretty powerful so one day i'll get that haiku so i got some writing to do yeah you got you got until sunday yeah no i don't have a show until saturday till tomorrow but are you leaving saturday night no but if i want to get it into a

show oh yeah into the show okay yeah got gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I haven't ciphered on that enough to figure out how I'm going to do that. Have you considered publishing a book? I haven't. I don't have a desire to write one. I don't know what it would be. I'm not...

I don't think about me enough to write a book. I see a lot of those out there. I know it's another money opportunity. The memoir. I guess if I really, I have no desire to write a memoir. Yeah. But if I really, because there's so many more people that are, so many people that are much more fascinating than me.

You know, I just do this thing. When you really, there's so many lives out there. Right. That are worth discovering. And I'm not trying to be self-deprecating. It sounds like you have some real deep insights on improv and performing and stuff. Oh, I guess. But there's a lot of improv books, too.

So mine would be a couple of pages. That's it. The Keep It Simple book. It'd be the six-word improv story. Yes. It's really, to me, it's this. Have a conversation. Because typically in a conversation,

do you really just stop that conversation and start talking about something else? Typically, you have a full conversation. So the Rolling Stones. There you go. My guy met him. What? Met him.

You met him? Well, no. That's the scene. Oh, okay. No, Mike's just that real right that real uh so how how many uh weekends are you out on the road now doing stand-up i will book one a month okay and then if if i because i do quite a few projects and i never know yeah you know i don't know what my fall is going to be necessarily so so I'll book shows. So at least there's that.

Right. And then if you're 30 days out, you can cancel. Gotcha. But if you're inside 30 days, you don't want to be a dick and cancel. But if you do, you just book another one right away. Right. So I try to keep it lighter. Plus, I've got five kids.

I don't want to be on the road all the time. Yeah. And how old is your oldest? Charlie's 16. Okay. 16. Margo's 13, almost 14. The twins Boy girl twins

Sergeant Audrey are 9 And Eve is 4 Damn Wow Wow 5 kids Joyce

Want to have a big family No Oh Just happen And you still don't We had them because My wife lost her uterus And we had the rest

Through surrogacy Because she still had her ovaries And we created embryos And worked through those embryos And got it I just told that story this morning on the radio oh okay so your listeners may have already heard it if they listen to elliot in the morning but basically my wife lost her uterus when charlie was born she was bleeding to death so they had to take her uterus and so she's still at her ovaries so a year later we investigated gestational

surrogacy we get matched with an agency so we created embryos which is they pull embryos from her uh ovaries and then i pull come created embryos which is they pull Embryos from her Ovaries and then I pull come from my cock Which is a clinical medical term sure And then they use those to fertilize the embryos And then we work you hire a surrogate you go to an Agency there's a 25 page contract You pay all the fees

And then you insert The Well no you insert the The embryos on the tip of your dick And put it inside the surrogate That's a perk You talked your wife into this No wonder this is fun

They do the medical procedure So that's how we had our other four kids Is it weird What do you masturbate to Knowing that it's going to result In the birth of your children I only had to do it once In your life

And then we created We only did the Embryos once So I delivered my batch She They pulled the eggs So they fertilized

Thirteen embryos Only eleven of them Became viable So we were lucky That we didn't have Thirty or forty Used three to get Our daughter Margo

Froze the other eight And they were frozen in two different whatever tubes or something yeah so after margo was born then we decided to do again we froze the thought they thought out the first set of four only three were viable because they'll they'll when they thaw them they'll either keep multiplying and growing or they'll start fragmenting so one of them started fragmenting wasn't going to be a viable and went anyway put the three in and got the twins and then we had four left over and by the time we got to those uh they thawed them out only one was viable and clearly our problem's not fertility sure uh then eve was born so that was it wow so but yes to get back to your question Did I think about bringing life Into the world while I was jerking off?

I don't know what your podcast Is rated, but no I thought this is a free one Sure, yeah I'm doing this one for my family Yeah You're jerking off to procreate For once

Now would the Bible be okay with that is the question You didn't spill any seed did you i don't you didn't have to scrape it into the cup that's you know that's that's as good a folk tale as the virgil or or you know yeah or or the iliad yes yeah i'd say it's up there with those yeah the epic of gilgamesh yeah all epics. But I don't think about that kind of thing. At that point, it's a scientific concern. Yeah, right. Yeah.

But here's the interesting thing. All four of the last four kids were all conceived on the same day. They're all conceived on the same day and then born over a 10-year period. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty interesting. So do you love it though having five kids yeah there's no other choice you better love

it yeah it's trying it can be it can be very difficult but yeah right you know you've got you've got your choices yeah the thing is there's a quote i like that i read from michelangelo or michelangelo depending what region of the're from. It's genius is eternal patience. And so to me, in my head, that's what I try to apply with my intention to the children. Eternal patience. You've got to be patient, because, God, we all have our agenda for the day.

We want to get this and this and this done. The kids are going to take that agenda away. Try to destroy it, yeah. Try to be present right right yeah uh yeah gaffigan i think has five kids as well he has that bit about uh they're always like what's that like having having five kids it's like imagine you're drowning and somebody throws you a baby that's good yeah but i think he's living in in a two-bedroom apartment in New York.

Yes. Is he still not upgraded? He's like an international superstar now. There are 5,000 square foot rooms. I have no idea. I don't know what he's doing. Yeah, that is crazy. He takes his family on his tour bus.

It really makes me put moving to New York into perspective. If that's all he can afford. Yeah, absolutely. Does he take them across the country with him? That's my understanding. we have the same manager So yeah he puts them on the bus Have you ever done that With his kids

Yeah exactly No he said it's okay get on the bus Sure yeah I hang out with Jim all the time I babysit his kids regularly They all call me uncle Oh that's cool Oh this guy's a pedophile he does that voice but yeah i think that's what they do but i think they just go out for a month

or so i'm not sure yeah for a whole details well well yeah i think we're kind of winding down here man all right we did pretty good got in a fight this is great man yeah i think this is like one of the best we've done yeah i mean it's not shit, you guys need to step up your game. Why are you downplaying it, Josh? Like, yeah, yeah. It's not bad. It's just, you're all right. Yeah, okay. You know, it's...

You know what? For me, it's all past things. It looked like you're having fun. Yeah. That's the important part. You're just kind of giving me a look right now, though. I'm going to get you, my friend.

Oh, God. I feel another Nelson coming on. Do you have a problem? Hey, guys. I know. I tell you, you do. Look, he knows I'm on Michael's, Josh. Can I tell you what your problem is? I think if say personality excuse me yeah you're my fucking problem how about

that well i'm leaving so you won't have a fucking problem god i'll be gone i won't be get out of my own fucking room get out get out of your goddamn room you can't get me a fucking drink too hey get out of here you can't tell me to get out of my go get out of here all right let's go through thank god he's gone finally we can show oh he's back hey hey dave why is my toothbrush up your ass i was just making sure that was quick that was the first thing you thought of i was making sure it was making sure it was a good one what do you think of my view you got a pretty good view of that i see several housing projects you got it you got a highway and uh looks like you got a good view of virginia it's a nice we're in virginia we're in virginia right on i grew up in virginia

this isn't real virginia though this is this is like pretty much dc virginia yeah so those are some older houses over there. Uh-huh. Last night, I was down here and someone pointed out to me exactly where Reagan was shot. Where? Outside of some hotel. I forget what it was. Just some random hotel.

Oh, okay. Okay. Well, any more visual stuff we want to end on for the podcast? When you do your tour of... Places where Reagan was shot. That's the guy. It's a quick tour. But it's a good tour. It's a really good tour.

Reagan tour. Anything you would like to plug? I don't know. When does this drop, guys? This will drop on Monday. The shows were great. You crushed all weekend, man. Yes.

Yeah. No, just got Scouts vs. the Zombie Apocalypse around Halloween, and then Krampus in December. It's December 4th. Yeah. And real quick before we... And you're David Kackner on Instagram and Twitter and all that stuff. Correct. Thank you.

But yeah, before we end it, I just want to say how cool it really was for you to pop in last night. Thanks. And still, somebody that has done so much is still just excited just to perform for free and like, I'm going to try out some new shit. You know what I mean? The auctioneer having a breakdown. Yeah.

It was a fucking great bit. There was some laughs. No. It was one of those things where it was so long. You're like, oh my God, it's still going. And then it just picks back up. Yeah. Yeah.

Josh was telling me about that on the way down here so i like that it did have its thing in the middle yeah people are like what's going on and then there's because you see which sadly i didn't record it to see which jokes were hitting yeah but some of those make me laugh i'm like oh here's a good one coming up and that might get a laugh or might not i love the weight lifting one i put a weight lifting video on youtube it got zero b Seven billion people on the planet got zero views. He's having a really bad day. And I felt so bad because you were in the middle of that bit. And you said, like, give me the light at eight.

And I was like, all right. And I was giving you the light. And you look up and you go, I don't care about the light. Six million views. Six million views. And I was like, ah. It's such a weird thing. It's like, hey, you're going to light David Koechner? Yeahchner like yeah you should do yeah yeah you told me you were going to uh and

then i didn't realize i did 20 i didn't mean to go there well i think yeah what happened to is you were talking to the audience and that one guy was saying yeah funny yeah would you have a heckler or just just sort of he's like i'm gonna i'm gonna have sex with you or something. You have something weird. Yeah. That's awesome. You got me. You got me. But yeah, I just want to say how cool it was. Thank you for doing the podcast.

Thanks, man. This was great. When I asked you last night. Thank you for beating the shit out of Josh. Thank you. I've wanted to do it for a while. I tapped Dave on the shoulder

when he was leaving and I would be like, hey, would you mind doing the podcast? You just grabbed my face and you're like, are you trying to fight me? I'll fight you. Wow. Oh, that's right You just grab my face. You go, are you trying to fight me? I'll fight you.

Wow. Oh, that's right, because you tapped my shoulder. You're like Lyndon Johnson in more ways than one. That's right. LBJ. That's a role you were born to play. They're doing two movies right now. You put the BJ in LBJ.

Bing bong. I just came up with that. Thank you. Who are they? They're Woody Harrelson's doing one. I think there's two LBJ movies. Strathairn? Didn't he do the stage play?

Strathairn? Strathairn? I don't know. I don't know. Someone else is doing the other one. Brian Cranston did the Broadway thing for a while. And they might be doing that as like a mini series, I think. I know there's two LBJ projects going on right now.

It's so interesting how they always call us. Yeah, the two Volcano movies, two Earthquake movies. Right, right, right. Two Godzilla movies. Two Wyatt Earth movies. Yeah. Why does that happen? I don't know., right, right. Two Godzilla movies. Two Wyatt movies. Yeah. Why does that happen? I don't know.

It's like there's just too much market for this one. Ghostbusters are trying to do that now, too? But that's the same franchise. They're all participating. No, he's saying like when they released two at the same time. Oh, no, I got it. But I mean, I thought they were competing. They're in the same universe, the Ghostbusters?

I think so. Yeah, it makes sense to do it that way. They're trying to make it. Oh, I see. That's weird, though though because i remember when i was a kid there was the real ghostbusters and the ghostbusters there's like two competing cartoons on at the same time one of which had a gorilla i think it was some weird thing where somebody bought the name to the ghostbusters in the 70s or something and then right and still had the rights to it yeah and the real ghostbusters were the movie ones. It'll be interesting to see what the theme song is.

There definitely was one. And I can picture the opening, but I don't remember the theme song. Ghostbusters. Well, for the real Ghostbusters, yes. Oh, you mean for the... Okay. I mean, for the new one, that's what I was musing. And even that song was a ripoff, right?

Was it? It was a ripoff of a Huey Lewis and the News song. It's basically the same riff and everything. They wanted to use the song The New Drug in the Ghostbusters, and he said no. Why they would want to use a song called The New Drug in a children's movie, I don't know. Kids love drugs.

You shouldn't discriminate. Yeah, you're right. Everybody loves drugs. People get put on them early. Right. Take your medicine. Yeah, the song's about Prozac. Yeah.

And the ever-increasing creeping of pharmaceuticals into our lives. That's what the movie's about. That was the subtext. That's the real ghost. That's the real ghost. That's the real ghost. Creeping in. In our machine.

I've heard that there was a pretty heavy conservative subtext to Ghostbusters that a lot of people have... What, the first one? Yeah, I've heard that a lot. What is it? They kind of leave the... They join the private sector. Anti-government. Yeah, like they kind of get kicked out of academia and then they hire a minority and those

are all the parallels I know. Right. But that's not conservative. Well, you know, it's like... Well, like libertarian you mean right yeah i guess so but like yeah oh yeah it gets shut down by the electric company they're like what you're doing is destroying right isn't that what it is i don't remember that part because that's where they shut it down remember it's been a while since i wonder if those were intentional themes or they threw them out of them later yeah who knows there's so many movies where people do that like uh the original halloween you know and the the night of the living dead

everybody assigns these great meanings to them and i think the creators are like i just wanted to make some money right or you know it could have been that he didn't even know what he's putting out and that may be part of part of his thematic personality yeah his real worldview right well i guess you always do that no matter what that's another thing you could use an improv if you decided you're having a conservative agenda as a character that's how you've got something to do in the scene yeah i wanted to mention that i know we're wrapping up here we keep going but what you're saying like when i think about objective it's normally like i want to grab this object or

something but objective could just be i'm the annoying guy that's my objective that's all you need because if you have an objective outside your partner i'm not quite clear what's going on right right it's it's about the other person to try to affect yeah that person if you have an objective outside of them why are they there then then plus an improvisation, I can't. I guess you could have that, and it might fuel this. They say coin of exchange, all that type of dogma, which is fine. Yeah. But really, okay, so if your objective is to fill the dishwasher, then his objective is to, what, make more dirty plates, right?

Right, right. I guess. Yeah. But I just think it's... I really want you to write this stuff down And put it somewhere so I can read it I don't know To me just I just gave you

You thought you were doing a podcast Now you got an assignment Now you got a book Yeah I don't have desire to write an improv book We'll transcribe all this Yeah it'd be very short You just put out a pamphlet The lesson is

Watch people when they walk on stage Okay See if you can discern what's already happening in the scene it's already happening right did you get it yeah that's because the audience saw it that's what dell would say they've already seen what's happening are you seeing it right right you know people go out there and then they start they come out and see their partner then they start right no when i saw my partner you have an immediate visceral response. Right. You know, a lot of people go out there and get really busy because they're so nervous, right?

Yeah, like you walk out. You can use that. Once you get to the middle, you're like, okay, now we're firefighters. Okay, here we go. Now we're firefighters. Jesus. Here, fight this fire. Well, there's nothing worse to watch. Now let's struggle with something That's not real

Right Let's fight about First let me put my hand on you Yeah Right Make a connection Alright man Well thank you so much

For doing this This has been so fucking cool We appreciate it Thanks for having me We crushed this weekend Because this comes out Monday So you did great Yes

And offended a couple of people But It's my job You had sex with that guy You finally got to it Finished that haiku And thank you everybody For listening

We appreciate it Thanks guys Go to digressionsessions.com Slash calendar For all of our upcoming Stand up and improv dates Follow us on Twitter The podcast is

At digseshpod I'm at Josh Kaderna Michael At Mike Moran Wood That's W-O-U-L-D Yes Like what would Jesus do Yes

Yeah Digressionsessions sessions coming to an end Thank you. you