The Digression Sessions - Ep. 168 - Dax Jordan! (@Dax Jordan)

Episode Date: October 19, 2015

Hola Digheads, we are back this week with guest, comedian Dax Jordan! Dax got lost on the way to Dig Sesh HQ aka Josh's house, so the Mike and Josh talk for a bit in the beginning. But, we still had a great time with Dax and he will be back. Check out his new album, #1 Grandson on iTunes, and follow him on Twitter & Instagram - @DaxJordan Also follow your boys, Mike & Josh, on Twitter and Instagram.  Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Mike - @MikeMoranWould on Twitter The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter For live stand up and improv dates, check out - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar  

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? Let's just start the podcast. Dax Jordan is not here yet.

He was walking to my house and walked to the wrong house. I live around a park, which is then around a lake, and you walk to the completely opposite side of the park and or lake. Sure. And now he's going to take an Uber over here, but I have a hard out around 6, 615, and it's about 530 as we record this, so we're just going to get the podcast train rolling.

Let's just do it. Let's just roll. Dax can hop on. We can edit in Dax later using sound bites from the internet. Ain't that right, Dax? Pulse. Yes. No, we're using sound bites later, Josh.

We don't have to just pulse. This is where we find out that I'm sound bites too. Dax, I apologize for the unprofessionalism. It's okay. God damn it. You're not getting this at all. All right. Oh, Dax, Dax, Dax. professionalism. It's okay. God damn it. You're not getting this at all. Alright. Oh, tax, tax,

tax. What's the deal? Pancakes. Pancakes. They're not a pan and they're not a cake. Have you seen this? Have you seen these pancakes? They're not served in a pan. They're not cake. There's no icing. I'd like to see you put candles in one of those.

How many candles can you put in a pancake? I'll tell you, the peasants would have been pissed if the queen told them they could eat those. Well, he wouldn't say pissed. Or let them eat pancakes. Sorry, move on. Pancake or death? My bad. Yeah.

Give me pancakes. That should be IHOP's slogan. Pancakes or death or eventually if you eat here too much you'll probably die soon too but that's not a very catchy slogan all those in one pancakes or death or except the whole tv screen that is always weird with like old-timey movies and plays and stuff they would have like two titles sometimes you know it'd be like frankenstein or a modern prometheus yeah what the fuck is that yeah like they tried to do that with birdman really the last michael keaton movie was called like birdman or a modern study on acting yeah basically really yeah or it's

like yeah like a modern breakdown of a modern man or something like that what was it like a subtitle or was there an or no literally or wow and. Wow. And I was just like, so we're all going to call Birdman, right? Okay, good. So did you see Birdman or a modern breakdown of a... Or? So Dax is on his way. He's got a deadly combo of not knowing where he's going and his phone is about to die. And AIDS.

And AIDS. Or we could go pick him up, but then again, if we get back here, we'd have like 10 minutes. Right. We'd have to stand. Oh, gross. Gross. Pretty comfortable. So Mike and I were just chatting in the basement, as we're wont to do.

Sure. Here at the Dig Sesh HQ. Yep. And who knows if Dax makes it? This might just be a guest list episode. It's up in the air right now. Yeah. I really can't say at this point.

Yeah. I feel like we're doing a live podcast. Will he or won't he show up? Who knows? Anything could happen here on the live dig sesh. Will our guest make it or not? The live pre-recorded podcast. Everything's live at some point,

Josh. Yeah, it really is. So, we probably have shows whenever this comes out. I'm just going to use this as the intro. Don't, whatever. Check the website. I've got like pretty much nothing anyway. All right.

Check the website, digressionsessions.com slash calendar. I know we're doing the mashup show on November 6th and then November 7th. You're going to headline the big improv show. Yeah. Well, it's not improv, but it's going to be the all stand-up night, and that'll be at the Mercury Theater here in Baltimore. And then I've got crap coming up too, so come to my crap as well. And we're doing music on October 29th upstairs at the Auto Bar.

Yes. In a very Halloween-themed music set. We'll be playing the Misfits songs. Yep, all Misfits. All Misfits all the time. It's like Jack FM except for Misfits. And it'll be like one hour. Right.

Yeah. So if we want to do some stand-up or something, we can do that too if you like it. So come to that. It should be what, like 8 o'clock? It's kind of up in the air right now because I think we need to be done by like 9 that too. Yeah. If you like it. So come to that. It should be what, like 8 o'clock? Or is it going to be before 8? It's kind of up in the air right now because I think we need to be done by like 9.30. Okay.

So yeah, like before whatever shows downstairs starts probably. Well, yeah, and there's going to be a DJ upstairs after us. Ah, okay. So, and bring a canned good if you can. My sister's collecting canned goods for her canned food drive. Oh, that's cool. Have you been watching, you would really like this show. It's called Adam Ruins Everything.

I have heard of it. I do not believe I've seen any of it. It is on the True TV network. Ah, yes. It's quickly changing from the OJ station to the prank, hidden camera prank station. Yeah, they have that one magician that does stuff. I don't really like that guy. Really?

I think he's great. Really? I think he's pretty darn great, yes. I find him annoying. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's most magicians I find annoying. Well. They feel so clever.

Right. Just because they. They always have that smug, I can defy the laws of physics. Yeah, exactly. Feel about them. The laws of the universe don't apply to me. It's like, hey, I don't care about God. I make my own rules.

Sure. He made rules for a reason. Exactly. The occult is not something that I am okay with. Exactly. Color inside the lines like the rest of us, you piece of shit. Absolutely. That said, he's probably really talented, and I saw like two minutes of the show.

And if he wants to come on the show we would love to have really love to have them you know we could maybe we can work our magic with him yeah anyway the atom ruins everything is it I think it's had two or three episodes and so far they've been really good it's all about kind of uh uh debunk not really debunking but just going over stuff like uh that we think about like oh that sounds awesome yeah it's right up your alley stuff that like you don't even think about but it becomes gospel like right uh so it's it's really cool like the sun being yellow yeah right what's with these no that's true It's like the sun's not yellow.

Everybody thinks it is. What do you mean? Like orange? No, it's white. I swear to God, if you tell me it doesn't have sunglasses on right now. If it's not enjoying two scoops of delicious raisins. Is two scoops really all that much for an entire box of cereal? Probably.

Depends on the size of that box. And the scoops. Yeah. It's two massive, massive scoops. It's on the size of that box. And the scoops. Yeah. Massive, massive scoops. It's just breaking the box. Okay. So, yeah.

So, the show, yeah, it's done from like a narrative. They did like, you know, there's like, oops, we made the Lucky Charms all marshmallows. Yeah, our bad. Like, what do they do that with Raisin Bran? Or it's like, oops, we did all flakes. Oh, no. It's just corn flakes yeah all right sorry um yeah so the show starts with like it's cool because it's done in a narrative format but it's also like he looks at the camera and it's sort of like documentary style so the people in it are actors but they're pretending to be real people so like starts with uh uh this guy proposing to his girlfriend and then he's like uh why why we got a ring huh why'd you do that it's like uh what's your fucking problem like

trying to propose to this girl here so it's not like like it's a mix of like documentary and then also kind of show nice and then like that one person he sticks with them and like shows them a bunch of bullshit of like of how life is bullshit and the stuff you think like uh basically what would you do with a wedding ring though like we're well basically how they're worthless how we spend all this money on diamonds and then even wearing an engagement ring is uh like something that was made up by the diamond oh okay stuff like that so we think it, oh, it's always been a tradition. It's like, well, no.

Yeah, no, I've known that since I was like a kid, though. Yeah, yeah. Everything's stupid. But then it goes from there. So then the woman that's being proposed to, she's like, ugh, I need to go. I'm late for school, okay? Just leave me alone. I'm a teacher.

And then so she's teaching the class, and he still shows up. He's like, oh, what are you doing here? And then they're doing something, and they're talking about shoes and like uh i forget why they're talking about it but uh keds you know kids apparently no is it toms it's toms apparently uh it's it's similar it's just like a slip-on shoe and apparently the big thing about toms is that if you buy a pair of shoes they donate donate shoes to Africa or something like that. And she's like, do you have a fucking problem with that, too? He's like, well, actually, yeah, because the shoes don't really help anybody.

It's like if you need to help Africa and like they talk to a guy that's living in Africa and he's like, yeah, we have shoes. It's OK if we write shoes. And also, you know, like screws with their economy. Yeah. He's like, yeah, you giving free shoes away doesn't help out the guy that's already here selling shoes. Yeah. And then also what they charge.

It's like competition. Yeah. And then what they charge for the shoe is way overvalued than what the shoe actually costs. Like they're like, this shoe costs like 14 cents and you're selling it for $14. Right. And then the guy that started the company sold the company for like millions of dollars. And it's like, well, you could have just given that money to people or organizations.

But anyway, so then it keeps going. And then they end up at a canned food drive. And he was talking about, surely you can't have a problem with canned food drives. And he's like, well. But it's cool because everybody, even on the show, they talk to experts. And they talk to people that run. Like I was saying, they talk to a guy in Africa that's like, yeah, I sell shoes. I wish you wouldn't give away shoes for free.

And then they talk to people that run food banks and they're saying, like, yeah, we don't really need cans. Like, canned food, it's a ton of sodium. It's not good for you. And then they're like, what do you eat? Do you eat out of cans every day for every meal? no well yeah i mean no it helps it helps but he was really just saying it's like you know what really helps is is the money like it's like you really want to help a food bank give them money and then they can spend it on actual food and then get it out to the people right right but anyway that that whole thing you said about bringing cans is what got me started

on that so it's still it's still a good thing to do but yeah it's just all these little things you don't even think about yeah no i i definitely think about that stuff a lot like you do have to be pretty selective in how you give to charity because like a lot of times it either goes to like the fucked up people that are keeping people impoverished for in the first place yeah or can screw with their economy by you know creating uh a product that nobody can compete with over there or you know things like that yeah but you know there's certain things that are you know generally good all around like sending a kid to school or you know just giving them money so he doesn't starve to death yeah yeah it worked on me i just i donated money right to the maryland food food bank right after that i was like fuck it i'm right i'm gonna donate and that's why i'm better than most people listening

you understand right you understand i'm a good good person yeah something happened last night that broke my heart michael what's that i was uh i was coming home from dc and i stopped at the gas washington dc yeah you heard of it yeah yeah i think it's our nation's capital. I doubt that. It's either that or Omaha, Nebraska. I'm not positive. So I stopped at the gas station, and I don't know if this happens to other people where they live and where they're listening, but sometimes there'll be kids hanging out at the pump, like, pump your gas, and they expect money in return. Yeah, so last night, I think i got there like 10 45 and this kid who like he just looked like a sweet kid he was like

i think he had like kind of like a superhero like zip up jacket and he had uh and he just had like this sweet look and i could tell like even before i got out of the car he was just like eyeing me right in the window right it's like all right here we go but he just had this sweet look he's like do you need help pumping your gas and i was like nah man i don't have any cash and then i'm sorry and he's like like made that noise kind of like walked away and i was like well i want to get him something it's 10 45 he's by himself and like he i don't know it was really weird like something about him didn't seem like oh this kid's a shithead you know and then i watched two other people do the same thing to him but you know just completely disregard him

and uh and i was like all right well i'm gonna at least bring him inside and get him something so i was like i was like all right i don't have any cash do you want i can get you something and he's like oh okay yeah uh what what can i get i was like you can get up to like like two like two things like up to like two dollars he had a like big like his eyes are real big like oh my god you're gonna spend two dollars on me and i was like it's like no i was like well we'll see let's not go crazy but yeah whatever whatever like two things you want and uh so he goes for a rofo soda and then starburst and i'm trying to joke with him but i think he just thinks it made me feel old too he's just like what's this why is he trying to joke with me that's like because he's looking at everything i was like all right tough decisions

here you got you got your soda you got chocolate you got chips yeah and he kind of like yeah i know um and uh so he picked starburst and a rofo soda and then we're passing uh this look like the stand where they have all like the fruit and the pre-made sandwiches and stuff and like the pre-packaged fruit and it's like man it's like if that's your dinner i feel bad do you sure you don't want like a sandwich or something and uh you saw a naked juice he's like oh if i put this back and he's talking about his soda he's like put this back can i get this it's like the naked juice. He's like, oh, if I put this back. And he was talking about his soda. He's like, put this back. Can I get this? I was like, the naked juice is like a lot of sugar in it too, but at least it has vitamins and shit.

And I was like, yeah, of course. And he was like, do you want any fruit? And he was like, oh, yeah. And then he got grapes. So I got him grapes and Starburst and then like a naked juice. And then we're at the counter. And I did get him on the way out as we were leaving i was like all right you got any cash he was like no and i was like nice but uh yeah his name was

davante and i just i just felt so bad because then it's like well go back out into the world yeah and then how old did he look i'd have to say between 10 and 12 wow and he had like he kind of like a cut above his lip and just had like and i was trying to talk to him and he was kind of talking a little fast i was like so what's going on like why are you out here on on a school night what's going on he's like oh you know i just can't you know then it's like all right you know so i wasn't gonna push it but i just wanted to like pick him up and take him home yeah like amanda look what i brought home a little black boy for us to raise and uh but it and i was talking to

her about it too it's like well then i wanted to take him home and she's like well obviously home can't be that great if he's at the gas station looking to get money at 10 45 and it's just so frustrating it's like what what do you do yeah there's just nothing you can fucking do it's like yeah i got him grapes and a juice and Starburst. Yeah. Then what? Then where's his next, like, is he going to go to school tomorrow? You know? Ah, it was just so fucking frustrating.

Yeah. Yeah. I think you got to, like, you know, just do just little things like that, you know? Like, there's no way you can live your life, like, feeling guilty about people that have less all the time, you know? Yeah. Just try to be, like, a decent person. that have less all the time you know yeah just try to be like a decent person yeah that's it you know and he might you know he might like use those that like might be a good thing for him ultimately not not like you know like some some good hard homelessness will take care of this kid but like you know someday he might be able to like

help other people get out of situations like that or right you know he might learn a lot about how to take care of himself or whatever yeah i like think that like there are people that would want to help him or something you know it's just god damn just fucking broke my heart man yeah like fuck dude you know you're like you're hanging out at a gas station at 11 o'clock on a weeknight and you know it didn't look like it was his first time doing it either it just felt so bad man yeah yeah and uh yeah it just sucks yeah there's just nothing you can do it's like and then it makes me mad too like the people like to pull yourself up by your bootstraps people there is something to be said about like taking care of yourself and like

persevering and stuff right actually you know that type of thing but this kid like it doesn't seem like he had a chance from the beginning yeah like the problem with that is that like so many other people will pretend to be that kid to try to take advantage of you you know right but uh yeah definitely like you know somebody like that you definitely want to help and yeah no he didn't see it like he was completely sweet like it wasn't like you know he didn't have an attitude about it when i was like yeah you can put that drink back like he had generally like he like had like eyes of wonder like oh i want this juice you know it's like yeah right and like he was super excited to get fruit wasn't he was like it wasn't like he's like take a pack of marlboro and uh some magnums and uh do you have Black Tail Magazine?

Yeah. Let me get a quarter pound potato wedges. I like the mac and cheese. I wouldn't be shocked if you asked for something like that. I kind of wish you did. I felt bad. I was like, that's going to be your dinner. It's just fruit and Starburst.

So I was like, yeah, do you want a sandwich? He didn't want a sandwich like he wasn't even trying to push it you know yeah it genuinely does suck though like how many people are just trying to manipulate you like when i see people with a sign on the street you know it's like i know a small percentage of them are crazy and because they we don't have a good uh system for dealing with mental illness anymore, like kind of since the 80s, you know, I want to help them. But it's just like there's so many people out there just trying to get drug money from you. Oh, totally. Dude, when we were in New Orleans, we were walking down Bourbon Street, and this guy, he's holding a rag, and he's like, oh, I like them shoes, man.

I like them shoes. And I'm walking with Amanda. And it's like, oh, thanks, man. He kind of stops us, puts his hand on my shoulder to kind of halt us, basically. And so we're having a couple drinks. And it's the middle of the day. And we're like, oh, just being friendly. We don't have anywhere to go.

So we're like, all right, what does this crazy person have to say? And he's like, I like them shoes, man. I bet I know where you got them. I bet I know where you got them shoes. And I was like, you can say Amazon if you want. But Amanda's there, too. And she's like, all right. And he's pointing at her.

He's like, watch this. And if I say it, if I say it, you got to tell me I'm right. You got to tell me. And I'm gotta you gotta tell me and i'm like all right all right he goes i know you got them shoes on your feet all right and then he goes well look i like them shoes but you gotta shine them up and then he like squirts it with like whatever shoe cleaner and gives it like this completely half-assed like just rub around the shoe and then does amanda's shoes too and and then he goes like all right now i'm just trying to get a couple dollars and blah blah for whatever and i was

like dude i have zero cash that's the one thing i hate is when people do shit that you don't ask for like you wouldn't spray your windshield it's like i did not ask you so you gotta turn on your windshield wipers yeah no no i just don't give him anything i'm like yeah yeah but so then this guy he goes uh he goes all right let me just get uh five dollars for each cleaning like so you want you want ten dollars for that are you fucking nuts so he'd be making like how long did it take less than a minute oh dude yeah absolutely he's asking for like what six hundred dollars an hour to do this basically yeah that's a great way to think of it Exactly

Both Amanda and I It wasn't even like oh well We were just like no It was probably shooting high Real high Well let me just get five Dude you're getting like two Or one

He's probably happy with that He did the thing The angry have a blessed day. He's like, all right, then. Y'all have a blessed day. And he walked away like, all right. Yeah. I'm thinking like, what if I just keep like a bunch of nickels in my pocket or in my car?

And hit them with it. And just give everyone a nickel. Like, they can't say anything. Although, I did have a dude recently who like. You would seem like the most archetypal evil uh white guy like wow here you go well it's like he's a shiny nickel for the efforts well it's like but they i don't know man i've had some like doing uber i've i've run into people all the fucking time like you know street corners and stuff yeah like one guy was like nodding out like in the

middle of the street like not even at an nodding out, like, in the middle of the street, like, not even at an intersection, just kind of, like, just in the middle of, like, a busy street. And, like, I gave him some cookies because I keep Teddy Grahams in there for riders. Oh, that's nice. And he, like, still was fucking asking me for money. He's like, thanks, man. I just need to catch this bus. Like, nodding out, like, on my car. Yeah.

And, like, dude i like almost i like kind of cussed out a guy too interesting yeah i didn't mean to but like it was like he he was just like go fuck yourself i'm sorry i have temporary Tourette's double t they call it now like this guy was just like being a dick just like being really aggressive you know like uh come on man and i'm just like no dude no and i finally like moved my car up a This guy was just being a dick, just being really aggressive. Come on, man. And I'm just like, no, dude, no. And I finally moved my car up a little bit to get away from him. It was at a red light in Charles Village.

And he's like, are you a fucking asshole? Fuck you, man. So I rolled down my... I don't know. I just got a burst of anger and just rolled down my window. I was like, you fucking junkie motherfucker. Nice. And then I almost kind of got in an accident because i

i turned the wrong way down a one-way street like not thinking and then i like quickly had to turn and like almost hit the car that was parked there oh and then i yelled at him some more as yeah you still have your anger going yeah that's the worst yeah like you'd say something and then you trip you're like ah god damn like i was trying to close on a cool moment. Yeah, I remember working at a pharmacy. You can turn down a one-way. You can fuck yourself, you idiot. Goddamn it. I remember working at a pharmacy once, and this guy got pissed at us for some reason,

and he ended the conversation with, give me the goddamn thing, referring to the prescription. And then he forgot his gloves there, or his keys or something. I was going to say, if it's gloves, I'm leaving them. Keys. Yeah, I think it was keys. He had to like walk back up to the counter and be like, yeah, and like grab his keys.

Fortunately for him, they were like still sitting there. So it would have been funnier if he had to ask for them. Before you go fuck yourself, can I have my keys back? Please. Yeah, no, it's those type of people that yeah definitely ruin it for everybody where they're such shitheads or you can tell they're trying to take advantage of you which is just fucking despicable yeah i hate that shit man yeah hate it but yeah that that little kid man whoo yeah broke my goddamn heart yeah i'm sure it did yeah so uh yeah i think if i if i i have to like keep

my guilt at a distance because it'll fucking overwhelm me if i don't you know like i still like had this moment that changed my life when i was a kid i think when i realized people were starving to death in the world yeah and like it just like completely like blew my mind and yeah like louis ck has that great bit i think, about a niece of his or something like that coming to visit or a friend's cousin coming to visit them in New York. So they went to go pick her up at the bus terminal. And she was just from some small town. And there's a homeless person. And when she saw him, she was like she's like oh my god it was like so

like went up to him it's like are you okay and they both looked at her like she's crazy like no no no we don't talk to those people but you know then they're like in the moment they're like can you believe what she's doing right they're the ones that are so jaded they're like no no it's not a human anymore like we just and she has the right the perspective to be like no we should be helping this person but there are so many of those people who are just like nope yeah i'm just going right by yeah it does i mean you do get pretty jaded after a while with like you have to just because the vast majority of them are trying to con you yeah i think and there is a whole mental illness issue with it as well yeah like even the moment if you

were trying to help them, you couldn't. Right. You know? Right. Yeah. I mean, I think it's like, you know, it might seem weird being that I come from like a background of alcohol abuse, but like I think we have to stop putting so much money into like alcohol and drug treatment and into the jailing of drug dealers and drug addicts and put it back

into actually helping mental illness yeah no it's it'd be way better if all the money we spent on jail and and imprisoning people versus spending it on actual like rehabilitation programs of some sort whether it be mental or physical addictions. I do think a lot of the money that's gone to drug and alcohol rehabilitation is kind of unnecessary because there's so much free stuff available out there. Yeah, some people need a program, though. Yeah, but forcing it on people I don't think really works. Oh, yeah, that's true.

All right, well well dax is here so dax watch continues and i believe he's here so dax we'll be right back yeah man real man nothing but the best dax watch continues and i believe we found him michael it's over he's in the basement he made it yes my phone was almost dead right i had a lift driver who showed up on a horse um didn't really know his way around. I was showing him how to use the Google map on his phone as we were driving. The last Lyft driver who couldn't find me just called. Right.

This guy did. I don't think he knew that was an option. I could see him driving by from the wrong way. I was just waving, flailing at him. To be fair, it is weird these days using your phone to call people, though. It is, yeah. But this guy was old enough to be more comfortable with

calling than not. Yeah, and everybody does it now. No one knocks anymore. All the time, it's like, hello? Domino's? I'm outside? Or like, I'll be there in five? They call me every time. They don't knock anymore. They'll be like, yeah, I'll be there in five. They call me every time. They don't knock anymore. They'll be like, yeah, I'll be there in five.

You're like, okay, cool. Wow. Knocking is passe. There should be a knocking app. Yeah. Where you knock on your phone and it texts the guy on here. Yeah, you see it on your phone. Why not just press a button and have it knock?

Yeah. That'd be fun, just knocking right on that thing. Yeah. Now, for some reason, too, my house, when you first texted me, when I take Ubers, for some reason, every time I take an Uber now, they think my house is in the alley behind my house. Yeah, that's what his map showed. The GPS thinks that alleys are streets. Yeah, it's really weird. I guess because sometimes houses are in alleys in Baltimore.

Yeah. Or maybe other places. Google just has it in for this city. I think so, because it didn't used to be like that. Yeah, it fucks with me all the time. Is this town sponsored by Bing? Oh, this is a Bing town, Dax. It's a very Bing town.

Very Bing. And this is where I try to remember their slogan. Bing it. I don't know what their slogan is. Just Bing it. We got bong. Yeah. Nobody does it like Bing. Bing bong yeah nobody does it like bing bing bong

do they even have one bing bong bing bong bing bong bing bong the imaginary friend from inside out um so dax welcome this will be the quickest podcast appearance we we got we got a little bit of time yeah and then you got a jet. I'm sorry, man. But you are friends with our friend, Jim Meyer. Hey, we started comedy back in Portland. You started comedy. They put it together.

You invented comedy. We started comedy. Out in the Wild West. Wow. The Wild West. I didn't realize that was so new. It is. People were playing tic-tac-toe and bingo in public.

They said, why don't we tell some jokes? Nothing was funny before that There really wasn't Even Mark Twain was serious So we invented comedy and then they revisited Twain Yeah you went back and like re-edited things George Lucas style Remix

He just wrote that on all of his books So yeah That was about the year 2000 or so I've been touring around And in and out of comedy Nice. So, yeah. That was about the year 2000 or so. Oh. I've been touring around and in and out of comedy. And I moved down to L.A. three or four years ago. Never heard of it. Never heard of it.

Yeah. It's like New York, but worse. Really? Oh. Yeah. But it's sunnier, so I'll stick with it. And there's no water. No, not a whole lot.

You guys are due for a giant earthquake at some point. I'm drinking my own pee. We were having a California falling into the ocean. Growing up, I heard about that all the time. Yeah, that was a big thing. Yeah, even Bill Hicks got on board with that. Arizona Bay, right? That whole refers to California cracking off into the ocean.

Oh, yeah. And then, yeah, the San Andreas movie, the latest rock vehicle. That's what that's all about. I'm familiar with the rocks. Okay, so you're in L.A. now. I am. Oh, by the way, speaking of the drought, this is a fun thing.

People have been really good, actually, about using less water. Each municipality has been charged with specifically getting its people to use less water. And it's working. But unfortunately, the L.A. sewer system is built to handle a particular amount of water in order to function properly. And now there's not enough water to wash your diarrhea out into the ocean. Jeez. So you have a river of diarrhea. We have, yes, a somewhat putrid... Staggish.

Staggish. Cracking through the streets and spewing up like a volcano. Like a Ghostbusters 2 style river of evil goo. The drought must be helpful with facilitating car chases through the LA River though. Oh, absolutely. That's true. Along Sepulveda Dam

there and around there. Get some more Terminator 2 style. They should just go ahead and film like three or four Terminator scenes right now and just thank them. Now that there's nothing there. Plus the whole LA River, which was this public works project, it was just kind of a make work thing. Really? That they decided, well, why don't we just

cement up this whole natural river. Ten miles an hour. Exactly. That comes through the middle of town and completely botched the entire ecological function of this washway. Wow.. So they're actually going to bust out parts of it throughout the upcoming

decades. What a great plan for work. So we're just going to concrete this river, make some jobs, and that'll fuck stuff up. And here's the kicker, we're going to make jobs in the future by destroying what we just built. That's right. In between now and then, people would just carve out raping holes.

Which is actually, it'll help facilitate the breaking down. It does keep it. It's from turning into a Grand Canyon over eons, if you think about it. That's true. That's true. It's not going to dig itself any farther out. Then it'll be a rape canyon. That was my nickname in high school.

The rape canyon's here. Oh, look out. I don't know what that means. I would look The rape canyons here. Oh, look out. I don't know what that means. I would look out. You should say that. You would look out. Well, it's like a canyon of rape, so there's no rape. Yeah.

There's a lack of rape. You're devoured. Well, I suppose if you were looking at a statistical graph of rapes on campus, yeah. Sure. There's a bell curve. Yeah. Rape nerds. We have a lot of them.

That's our audience. That is the audience You came to the right show sir Wow that's the thing about podcasting You can find a niche for anything You really can Very And even if they don't want

They don't want to listen We force it on them Am I right? That's right We'll be right back Rape nerd basement Yeah So yeah man

Tell us Tell us more about The comedy adventures You're on the east coast now Yeah I'm passing through town I did Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh last week, so come see me last week, everybody, who's doing this podcast.

And with Jesse Joyce, who is one of the roast kings, he writes for all the roasts and wrote for Seth MacFarlane. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen him on At Midnight a few times. Yes, yeah, he works on At Midnight as well. So he's not really there, along with my old, the guy who used to sleep on my floor a lot, Ron Funches. He's currently like At Midnight champion.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yep. They give him a wrestling belt and everything because he's into wrestling. Yeah. I'm on my way up. I'll be in Philly this upcoming weekend at Helium up there.

Nice, man. JB Smooth. Oh, man. And then out in Buffalo at Helium the weekend after that with Rocky Laporte. Nice, man. So that's cool. That's got to be fun. So you're basically kind of featuring just all like.

Yeah, just middling my way up the East Coast. That's great, man. Yeah, because they're all booked by the same guy. And I lucked out being able to weasel my way into the three-week run. And I'm going to stay in New York for a few days in between. Cool, man. And try to do some independent shows around there. But I just want to see comedy in New York

just to feel like with the pace of comedy with a gun to your head. What's that like? It should be fun. Sounds fun. You haven't done stand-up in New York before? I have not. No.

Really? So what are you going to do? Just bounce around a few mics? I mean, I have one show I'm booked on because a former L.A. person runs it. So what are you going to do? Just bounce around a few mics? I mean, I have one show I'm booked on because a former LA person runs it. So at the cake shop. But otherwise, yeah, I'll just bounce around the mics and take it in and try not to spend too much money.

Nice, man. Yeah. I've done a couple mics up there. Well, one was like kind of a book show and then a couple mics. But yeah, it was fun. But it's definitely a town where you feel it's just like that they are i don't know if la has this too but where they're spoiled by the amount of talent or it's like yeah everybody's funny just come on keep going like the crowd they're jaded funny yeah everybody's hilarious so it's like all right get to it there's none of this like all right let

me uh what's the next bit here you know what i mean it's just like move the fuck on yeah everyone's bringing their a game all the time exactly stand out. It's like laugh, what's next? Laugh and the energy is like. That's only doing a couple mics. I don't know if that's representative of the entire scene. It probably is. Is LA like that?

LA is pretty similar to that. It's a little more laid back. It's also clogged with actors who are doing stand-up just to get seen or trying it out or whatever yeah it's an exercise their acting coach said they should do yeah absolutely um and i guess you know it can't be grudging for branching out but it definitely clogs the works for guys trying to get actual work done sure sure yeah they have that with improv too. Mike and I do improv.

But yeah, I'm sure that happens a ton with improv in LA. It's like, well, you know, I'm just taking one class. Meanwhile, people are waiting like six months to get their class. But it's weird. I feel like it's kind of trendy for other businesses to encourage people to take improv these days. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, improv will change your life in a positive way, no matter who you are. That was one thing I learned in Portland. There wasn't a lot of crossover between the stand-ups and the improvs. I mean, we'd stab a bitch for coming into our stage, you know,

trying to do their improv thing. Once a year, they might come in and try and get embarrassed and leave and stare at them. Now, was this an actual stabbing? Oh, absolutely. Or did you really throw them off

even more like, whoa, it's a real knife! Yeah, absolutely. We don't fuck around. They're the ones who pretend knives. Comedians bring real knives. Don't bring an improv gun to an improv knife fight. Nope.

Pretending, yeah. Pointing your finger. What? Terrible object work, bro. The worst. But then this comedy theater opened up that was built by some second city people who had moved to town and they reached right out to the stand-ups and said come

do improv also put on stand-up shows here yeah we want to be a part of the scene we want you to be a part of our scene so now every stand-up in portland has improv chops that's great yeah yeah i feel like they're yeah they're that's kind of fading away, like the division of like Jets and Sharks, improvisers and stand-ups. It has to. I remember one time Jim Meyer, before I started doing stand-up, he was like, wait, you do improv?

You're funny. How come you do improv? He was like completely, like he was busting my balls. It was still that way when we started. Right, yeah. He kind of said something similar to me, like, well, you know, you are funny, so you have that working against you with improv well what jim is we were talking about this

yesterday jim was mad about when he took improv um how they were like he would make the joke and get the laugh and i'm like well the funny is different in improv it's not about the joke because then you're that's getting in the way of the scene yeah and the relationships and yeah there's other things that are funny about it that you have to get to. But he has a joke brain. Yep. And it's hard. That was the hardest thing for me was to shut off the joke brain.

Yeah. But that's good practice, especially stand-ups. There's no such thing as a stand-up comedy star anymore. There's never going to be again. You have to be good at acting or playing a character or being in a scene. You have to have the skills or else no agent or manager is going to want to yeah like even kevin hart the reason he's blowing up is because he does a million different things exactly his stand-up sells out because of the movies that he's in yeah you have to be a multi-purpose threat yeah and nobody's yeah

you have to have all those skills yeah we do, we do a show here where we have, um, three standups and three improv troops and we'll have a standup go up for like six or seven minutes. And then we use that as the input for the scenes. Right. And it's a lot of fun. So we'll have like the troop improvise off of that stuff.

So it's a good way. I feel like I've done a couple of those shows. It's on the standup part of different shows. And I love merging the, the two because like what we were talking about so many times it's like i feel like shows be like a stand-up and then an improv troupe and then it's weird because the the stand-up has a microphone and it's just a different dynamic and then the improv troupe comes out and they're like are we out of lemon like they feel like you have to like

yell and like it's just a weird i don't know it's a weird juxtaposition so i like seeing the two merge yeah possible they're doing a show at the Nerdist Theater though called Improv Versus Stand Up where they have great stand ups and a little like

improv troupe but then they also switch roles really so like they each do their thing but then the stand ups have to form together

into an improv group just the stand ups? yeah just the stand ups that's kind of a great idea and then the improvers have to do stand-up. Oh, that's fun. And then at the end, the audience votes on

who pulled off the better show. Do the improvisers, do they write ahead or are they improvising their stand-up? Yes, they have their writing stand-up ahead of time. Nice. That's fun. We should try that sometime. Yeah, let's steal that idea.

Improv versus stand-up. Look it up. Done. Done. All these ideas. I'm going to all these towns. Improv versus stand-up. Look it up. Done. Done. All these ideas. I'm going to all these towns. They're like, oh, we do this crazy show. I'm like, oh, yeah, they do that in LA.

Yeah, everybody does it. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, no, we have a projector, and we just throw random stuff up there. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it's like a fake TED Talk, but we give them pictures. Yeah, they do that in LA. Yeah. Yeah, trying to be original anymore is just like, you'll drive yourself insane if you try to do something no one else has done before.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. So what are... As we... As we near the end of this session. This sucks, yeah, we just got started. So what have been the highlights of LA for you? Is it everything you hoped it would be? Well, you know, it's just

kind of like going to Burning Man. You can't know what it is until you get there. And then it's its own particular beautiful beast. I like it because everyone is doing something. It really is the pursuing your dream factory. And no matter what kind of

weird project or ideas you have, you can find people who are like-minded who each of who have some skills and you can build a team and you can try to make that thing right so um and for some reason people aren't creating that stuff that they could be creating somewhere else but you go to la and you get that extra bit of energy and oomph to to make it happen right yeah my yeah i've heard that about new york too like my friend taking improv classes and then like what we're talking about like it's like a director or somebody that mostly does sketch is doing improv it's like oh i'm writing this sketch i would love for you to be in it and then they film it it's just you're you have a higher concentration of

those people yeah of ambitious people who are focused on the thing and love what they're doing and talent and everyone's building a team and everyone has multiple talents too so you might only be holding the boom microphone and be the guy who's good at sound in this sketch but in the next sketch you'll be a co-player and then you'll write the next one and then you'll be back to holding sound but it's like you have to be multi-skilled even within a production team right so it's like oh you know how you're good at editing and not just good at editing, you don't mind staring at a screen for eight hours? For free.

For free. Like my roommate, loves editing. He just, I can't tear him away from his computer. Really? Yeah, he's just.

God, I wish I was addicted to something productive like that. I know, me too. I'm like, fuck. I mean, he's ADHD as shit. It's the only thing he can focus on. That's a very high commodity too.

Oh my God, yeah. People shoot shit all day and they'll be like when's that gonna come out like oh i'm working on it yeah any is a good comic sensibility and it's hard you can find an editor occasionally but then they don't know how to cut comedy right no sense of comic timing so to find a guy who's funny and doesn't mind sitting there and staring at the screen yeah that's great man. So, you're involved in movies a little bit and making some movies, right?

Are you still doing that? I mean, when I was in Portland, the movie industry in Portland was starting to pick up so I would get like super small little side parts. Enough that I'm eligible

to join SAG but I haven't had a reason to actually join yet. Gotcha. But I'm starting to audition for commercials and stuff in LA and you know, you jump through the hoops

and it's fun. I drove a woman who does commercials last night in LA and jump through the hoops and it's fun I drove a woman who does commercials last night and she lives in a fucking mansion. Who? Some woman who's in commercials. Really? Yeah you know if you get in with the local commercial scene here. That's what she was telling me you can like really make money it's like the

best acting gig apparently. It totally is yeah. If you don't care about the art or the craft at all. Yeah no it's fun if you're an improv person, they definitely especially want you. Because they don't want to have to write commercials anymore. Exactly. She was explaining to me they have to

use language that doesn't imply that you're actually writing so they don't pay you as a writer. They have to just be like, just kind of have some fun. Yeah, have some fun with it. And then you end up i've auditioned for commercials and like improv my way through it not gotten the role and then seen the commercial and they use lines that i like wrote during the my audition yeah

oh that's my bit with the q-tip i think i've kind of had a few experiences like that where with writing where i've submitted ideas to different places and not gotten a response and then seeing my idea but then again you know who knows like yeah like we're saying everything's parallel being done right now right yeah exactly i've done a little bit of stuff around here i did one um at a casting office uh it was an audition for um it was like a baby food commercial or something like that i don't even know what it was but like a giant baby i came prepared yeah and uh but there's no baby of course and then you paired up with a woman you just met like a half a second earlier and you're supposed to improvise together we have zero chemistry and then also they're like okay so the camera's here

then the baby's gonna be here and then there's like five old people who are responsible for the commercial just staring at you yeah with their apple laptops there and they're on their fourth coffee and yeah yeah yeah okay now be funny and you're just like okay baby that's not there and this woman that i just met like i feel like that the acting challenges are very like yeah just boom go yeah so that's the more practice you have at that yeah the better off you'll be well that's cool man I'm glad you're doing that that's like it's fun it seems like a brutal thing to get into but it seems like you're you're it's one of those things where it's like some people find it brutal and some people just have fun with it and those are the people who last are the ones who that's the trick to enjoy it but that's the thing about being a comedian in L.A.

as opposed to going there as an actor. It's like, so what if I fail at these auditions? I have my act. Yeah. I'll always be able to entertain a crowd for an hour. It's like, I don't give a fuck if I get these roles. It would be nice. Yeah.

But honestly, it's just all icing on the cake. And isn't that the key to success? Not giving a fuck? Yeah. And not getting it's just all icing on the cake. And isn't that the key to success? Not giving a fuck? Yeah. And not eating too much. Not getting too much icing. Right. Wait.

So more cake, less icing. Oh. Cake doesn't play a role in this metaphor. Okay. Wow. We're totally going full circle to our pancake talk. Yeah. We started talking about pancakes.

Yeah. I was talking about pancakes while I was waiting for my Lyft driver. Whoa. We were just having the same conversation exists separately yeah i think that's proof god exists we just proved the existence of god i mean it didn't take us that long nope all your podcasts should be this short a lot more efficient we got to get right to it you know yeah right to it uh yeah i think that's a good note to go out on don't give a fuck so much don't give a fuck because god exists yeah exactly and if god sees that you want it too bad, he doesn't like you. You got to play hard to get with God.

Just like a chick. Just like Job. And God is a woman. I don't care what you say, Dax. For sure. For sure, right? I'm totally going to bang her as soon as I get to hell. Yeah.

Because you ignore her. You're like, whatever. Dude, you had sex with God? Oh, my. How was she Dude Rape Canyon Yeah

No there are Bring it all full circle There's a lot of scandals in heaven With like the saints Having sex with angels You know Oh boy Like older saints

No doubt You hear about it Like teachers and students Yeah Sure It's inappropriate So if you can bag God Then you are the man

You're the man The man Speaking of the man Dax what do you want to what do you want to promote here at the end which we will oh hey well this is an easy one my uh my new album number one grandson whoa just came out last week oh congrats thank you um and it also features my 75 year old dad playing jazz drums along with me awesome at uh at times uh because i had like older bits and newer bits and newer

versions of the older bits. I'm like, how do I jazz up the older bits so that I still feel good about having them on the album? My dad always wanted to be involved with my comedy somehow. I'm like, hey, let's practice some bits where you lay down a funky groove and we do it together. You literally jazzed it up.

We jazzed it up and we recorded the whole album in a recording studio with 40 of my best friends wedged in there and relatives. Oh, that's awesome. That's the way to do it. Not have to worry about

comedy club waitresses and whatnot and people you don't know being in the audience. That's a great idea. And it's, you know, $100,000 worth of recording equipment.

It's gonna sound good. Yeah, they say the acoustics are perfect. Was the audience like sound big enough or oh yeah absolutely absolutely yeah because we had microphones everywhere steal that idea actually you know people have already stealing it so go right ahead just give me credit but that's an idea i intended to help like this is a great idea people should do this

so hopefully it'll happen more cool yeah it is a really good fucking It's like, why not just cram these people in here? It's going to sound huge. Yeah. It's great. It's a great place just to put on shows. That's how I got the ideas. In Portland, this lady was putting on shows in her husband's recording studio because they ran out of room to put them on in their apartment.

And I did the first one of the series and I was like, oh, I should record my album here. Yeah. And at the end of the summer, I did. Fucking A, dude. Last summer. That's great, man. So is it on iTunes and all that jazz? iTunes, Amazon, DaxJordan.com. Yep.

I'll have some physical copies coming if you're not into downloads. Cool, man. All Niner. Yeah. Congrats on the album, dude. Thank you. That's fucking great. So if you come back through, we'll do a longer one.

There we go. Play some chunks. I see you got a drum set here. We'll do it it we'll jazz watch dvds we got everything going on here and uh next time you won't be on the other side of the lake yeah i'll get it right i'll get it not not your fault dude it happens it does also follow me on twitter dax jordan yeah do it at dax jordan follow me i'm at joshna. The podcast is at DigSeshPod. Michael? And I am at Mike Moran Wood.

Yeah. W-O-U-L-D. Hey, now. Whoa. Hey, now. And digressionsessions.com for all our episodes. Thundergrunt.com, our lovely podcast network. Check it out.

And come see us live. digressionsessions.com slash calendar. We love you. Bye-bye. Bing, bang, bong. Great canyon, okay? David Bing, bang, bong. Great Canyon, Canyon. David Koechner, say goodbye. Digrashinsessions, coming to an end. Thank you.