The Digression Sessions - Ep. 17 - Human Centipede 2 Commentary w / Scott Macklin & Jason Schwab

Episode Date: December 27, 2011

Hey now Digheads! One half of your favorite pair of ear buds is back! That's right - Josh Kuderna takes the reins on this one while Mike Moran is off on gender reassignment surgery! He watched Human Centipede 2 (Voted the feel good movie of the year at Sundance, btw!) with his handsome friends Scott Macklin and Jason Schwab! And you can listen to their hilarious reactions as Martin puts together his 12 person human centipede! So pop some popcorn, pull up a nice sized vomit bucket, and listen in Digheads! @Jkuderna @AKISauce @MacMurder [e-mail]

Hola, hola, hola, hola, hola. What up, dickheads? This is Josh Coderna. One half of your favorite pair of earbuds that comprise the digression sessions. Hope you all are doing well out there in podcast land and you had a lovely holiday. We certainly did. So much fun that we could not record an episode this week.

But good news! I watched Human Centipede 2 and I brought a couple friends along with me. My good friend Jason Schwab and my good friend Scott Macklin joined me as I watched and experienced the joyous feel-good movie of

2011, Human Centipede 2. So as you're, maybe you had a great time at Christmas and the holidays make you feel all fuzzy and now that's kind of wearing off, this episode should just bring all that back with gusto put you in a nice happy happy spot so i watched this movie human centipede 2 like i said

with my good friends jason schwab and scott macklin and we recorded our commentary on it throughout the film so i'm going to share that with you guys today and for as long as this stays posted on iTunes. Our commentary starts at about an hour in once the film gets really, really gross. The whole conceit of Human Centipede 2 for the main character. Sorry, this is getting confusing. The main character, his name is Martin. And in the film, Human Centipede 2, he watches Human Centipede 1. Very meta. I understand. I know. I know. Pause if you have to. I know this might be blowing your mind. Rewind it back. All right. So

Human Centipede 2 takes place in a post-Human Centipede 1 world where our main character, Martin, who has a beach ball in his stomach, watches Human Centipede 1. And that Human Centipede in Human Centipede 1 only has three people. Martin says, nuts to that. I'm going to make a Human Centipede with 12 people. And no, he doesn't discriminate. He enlists a pregnant lady, some MMA guy. I don't know. A bunch of other assholes. Carved out assholes that are stable to faces. Am I right? You'll have to listen to the commentary to get an idea. So anyway, so the commentary in this episode starts about an hour in. It gets pretty graphic.

So hopefully you'll enjoy it just as much as we did. And if the dig heads are clamoring for it, we'll release the entire commentary. So maybe you can cook up some popcorn popcorn invite your friends and neighbors and family and your third grade teacher over you guys can pop in human centipede too and i'll listen to the audio track and just get that warm fuzzy feeling all over again all right dig heads i'm done with this rambling intro let's get to the film roger ebert calls reprehensible dismaying ugly artless and an affront to any notion of human decency oh doesn't that sound fun so get ready for our audio reactions to this reprehensible dismaying ugly and artless affront

to any notion of human decency dig heads heads. I hope you dig heads enjoy. This is Josh Gerdernis signing off. And Mike Moran asked me to say this. Say what you will about Stalin. He had a great mustache. Commentary starts now. Do you think he left his mom sitting at the kitchen table with no face? Yeah.

So rude, I know. Mom, what's wrong? I can see right through you. All right. The MMA guy can't break through some fucking duct tape. Have you? I'm going to bring some duct tape. I'm going to duct tape you.

Okay. Call me crazy, guys. Crazy. You're crazy. I think some of these dudes are just checking out the naked chicks and being like, all right, all right. Nice side boob. I can see up your vagina.

That guy has a hand free. Which guy? The guy with the hand free. I saw him. He was wiggling. He had his hand by his side and his other one behind his back. So clearly the centipede to be would be the front centipede, right? Definitely. The front position?

You get your butthole cut out. If you had to be, you know, in a human centipede, you would want to be in the front. What about the one at the end that's sucking in 11 people's shit? I don't think it matters much where you're sucking in shit. I think the fact that you're sucking in shit. If you're the first person to suck shit or the 12th person. Shit sucking is shit sucking, guys. Okay, well, here's a question for you.

Shoot, tiger. You want to be the first because you're the first. You get your butthole cut out. You get your butthole enlarged. But if you're at the end, the first you get your butthole cut out you get your butthole enlarged but if you're at the end they don't touch your butthole they just cut open your mouth a little bit more i'd much rather be the first one i think okay you like the butthole chopped open because i think i could get my butthole fixed or if not i could still walk around in life with like a beat butthole but if have the giant staples on your face

and the giant scars on your cheeks. This guy, do you think he's going to use some painkiller or something? This is not going to work. Martin. Martin! Logistically. He has kitchen

utensils and a fucking hammer. What are you going to hammer? He's got like a pair knife it's weird because any any minute i'm expecting cole to walk in and just and just this whole situation to go awry cole and tommy tommy that's what i used to love martin yeah i used to watch it too when he did the characters What about Shanae? What's the little kid's name? The little guy It was so obvious when he had the shoes on his knees

It was still so good though I love that show Guys, Human Centipede 3, Martin Lawrence Human Centipede 3 Starring Martin Lawrence Gina! Why your asshole so small? We need to cut that shit open.

I'm going to carve it open. That pregnant lady is completely capable of getting out of there. And she has not moved. Totally. No, she's in a fetal position, so. Yeah. All right, guys. It's about to get gross.

God damn it. No, that was fake. Her feet are still up. Then they just went down. Oh. Fuck. Alright, Martin's running around the room hitting people with crowbars in the face. Tag, you're it.

This is the worst game of DuckDuckCrews I've ever seen. Save the best for last Oh he's getting stylish Where does this guy get off Walking around with no pants on God damn it It's a good look though Just the open lab coat With a huge belly

Gigantic belly MMA guy You had it coming Oh Balls are on top of his face. That's the least of his worries. Oh, here we go. Martin's got a hammer. Oh, no.

He's about to smash his teeth. He's coming to. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. God damn it.

Oh. This is tough. We're watching some teeth get smashed. No. We're watching some teeth get smashed. Ah! Oh! Oh. Oh, shit. This is all fun and games up to this point, folks. Oh.

This is not even the half of it right now. This is not. This might have been a mistake guys I've made a huge mistake Munce is not even like looking No Good choice Munce Munce's normal excited self is somber

Scared Oh god damn it Does he go around the room and do this? This guy's not very good at surgery, it seems. Let me see your medical license, sir. He doesn't have a pair of skilled hands. He doesn't even know what to do. Sure, you're pretty good at duct taping, but the way you knocked out those teeth.

Pretty shoddy. Oh, no. Who's that one? That's the pregnant lady. Oh, she's dead, I think. Oh, she's dead now. Oh, no. Well, what's going to happen to the fetus?

This is going to be fucked. Well, when's going to happen to the fetus? This is going to be fucked. Well, when you keep hitting people in the head. Yeah. What do you think is going to happen, Martin? You can't play God, Martin. No, no, no, no. You can't play God. The baby's still alive.

Her nipples are hard. That's weird. Fuck. Can you have hard nipples when you're dead? The answer is obviously yes. She found a way. This movie is 100% medically accurate. Yeah.

Good idea. Just put a tarp over her. Now there's only 11, though. Yeah, he's fucked. Uno mas. Maybe he'll get the other chick from the first movie. She dead, too? Her eyes are moving, so I would think not.

I didn't see her eyes move. All right, they're closed. Yeah, I didn't see them move either. Oh, God. I think she's just dreaming. Oh, he's going to fuck up her knees. Why? Because that's part of the human centipede part.

What does he do to him? I don't know. For some reason, you can't have functioning knees. So you just got to square them. You'd be able to square them out of it. Right, right, yeah. So he'll probably just cut the tendons. Well, Scott has seen this movie before. Everybody's coming to. No, right, yeah. So he'll probably just cut the tendons. That's... Well, Scott has seen

this movie before. Everybody's coming to. No, I'm just really medically gifted. Oh, yeah. I forgot you were Jewish. Oh. Oh, my God.

Is that the actress? No. Yeah, that's her. Jeez, Louise, why are they showing that? That's her? That's her. Why are they showing that?

Oh, God. Oh, he's cutting her kneecap staying awfully still i'd be fucking flailing Oh my god Holy fuck This is not fair Holy shit Who's it not fair to? I don't know Oh no This is not fair. Holy shit. Who's it not fair to? Us.

Oh, no. This is tough. Holy fuck. This poor guy. That's the worst thing I think I've ever seen in a movie. The guy pull out a kneecap. Oh, fuck. He's Louise.

What? This guy's just acting like he got tickled. This is really hard for me to watch. This is seriously disgusting. That guy got his teeth knocked out and his fucked up knee. They all get their teeth knocked out and they're fucked up. Oh, my God. No, yeah, this front doesn't get their teeth knocked out. There's only one person that doesn't get their...

No, is he cutting their butthole open? I mean, he has to eventually, right? I would be wishing for death so hard. Oh, my God, yeah. I'd want to kill this guy and then myself. I would just kill myself, I think. Oh, no. If you show this.

Oh, my God. Why is he cutting the cheeks, though? I don't know. Why is he doing any of this? How are these people going to survive this? Oh, you're not even kidding me, you've got to be kidding me. You've got to be fucking kidding me. He's ripping out entire

ass cheeks. That guy's dead now. Right, with all the blood loss. Martin, how do you think this is going to happen? Martin! You're not a medical professional, Martin. People are going to die.

Yeah, you're killing people. You might want to rethink this. Martin's frustrated, you guys. Look, you know, he never intended to hurt anybody no he just wanted to make a 12 person centipede starring starring the the actress of the first she's not well she had like a supporting role it's not really she's starring martin the centipede the human centipede is starring her right Right. Yeah. What do you think happened to the other chick? You think she just said no? I would probably have said no.

Oh, he's stapling faces to asses now. He is not doing it right. No, I don't believe it's right. Oh, fuck, man. Jesus Christ. Oh. She. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. Oh. She. Oh, fuck.

Ah. We're all going to be shells of people, right? Like, we're not going to be normal after seeing this. Oh. Ugh. So this is almost over, right? I would assume so It's gotta be We're only an hour in How long is it?

We probably have a half hour more, I'm guessing I'm thinking a half hour Are we a full hour in? Because we did kind of take a break I paused it though Oh, that's right, okay So we're only an hour and, like, five minutes in. Oh, my God.

Use your puffer, Martin. Use your puffer. Do you even have to shake those? Is that real? He's going to die, right? No. Yeah, you do. You do have to shake your puffer.

Oh, yeah. But he's going to run out of his... His puffer medicine? Yeah, and then he's just going to have a doctor. Everyone's just going to die of starvation there. Right. And I think everybody's just going to have a doctor. Just die of starvation. Right, I think everybody's just going to kind of just fall on the... Holy shit.

He did it. But why? Is everybody wearing duct tape? Yeah, like on their heads and stuff. And in their butts? I don't know. Oh. Yeah, like on their heads and stuff. And in their butts? I don't know. Oh, fuck. What's it all for, Martin?

Imagine what they're taking. What's it all for? This is it. That's all I wanted to do. Oh. Martin's dancing. A gut move. Oh, Martin's dancing I got move Oh, the human centipede is moving It's like a horseshoe

Jesus fucking Christ Ugh This guy has a vision And He saw it through You know You can't be grudging for that No you really gotta

Give him his propers Right Oh he's combing their hair You can take You can take a lot out of this You know You set out to do something You do it

You feel good about it Breaking down Oh can you imagine that Your face is ripping off Somebody's ass Yeah Oh, can you imagine that? Your face is ripping off somebody's ass. Yeah, I can. Can you imagine that? This is really not good. Well, the good thing is most of them haven't been eating.

So, probably not pooping. Look at yourself. What does a director do with himself after a day of shooting this stuff? I think he takes lots and lots of volume. Wait a second. Who's the big bald guy? I thought that was the MMA guy. That guy had a little bit of hair, though, didn't he?

Oh, you know, it's probably the guy who was in the front seat of the horror place. Yeah, that dude's dead. Because he was shot. That dude's dead. Because he was shot. That dude's dead. Okay, Martin is feeding the front of the centipede dog food. Is it dog food? It's beans. Some type of beans. Oh, yeah.

You're grossed out by the beans. Can't. Kidney beans. I think she's grossed out by what the beans mean, Jason. I studied film in college. Scott, get deep. I took a Woody Allen class. Yes.

Is there such a thing? Oh, she threw the bowl. She said, fuck you. You don't have to be so mean about it. Jeez. If I were her, I'd ask him to use his phone. Is she smiling? Oh, my God, Martin.

Holy. Martin doesn't get it. He's like, I tried to feed you. I put a roof over your head. I stapled your ass to someone's face. Granted, I cut a big portion of your ass off. Right. But you're going to treat me like this?

I got nothing but the finest beans for you. Canned beans. Man. Uh-oh. I knew it was going to come. Fuck. Oh, Martin's bringing the funnel. I think he's about to.

Why do I take so many blows to the head? Is Martin going to shit in the funnel and put it in this chick's mouth? Oh, that would be really good. Please don't hurt me. He already did. It's a little too late for that. Hey, lady, I'm pretty sure he cut your asshole open and sewed a dude's mouth to it. What about the knees?

Don't forget the knees. Please don't hurt me is probably... Oh! Somebody just shit in somebody's mouth. Ah! All right. The thing is, it's not, like, he didn't connect, like... Ew!

Oh, yeah, he's all the way in there. That's the oldest trick in the book. What happens is they just put the thing on the side where you can't see it. And then... Is that what they did in Woody Allen's movies? Scotty, you all right? No, it's disgusting. Holy fuck. But it's not like he went...

I don't know. People would starve. You can't eat shit. No, they all die eventually. That's what happens in the first one, right? Well, the middle one. The middle one died. What we saw, right?

The chick on the end was the only one that was alive. No, the end one died. The middle chick. The middle chick was the one end was the only one that was alive. No, the end one died. The middle chick. The middle chick was the one that survived. Oh, that's right. That's right. I'm sorry. Guys, don't be rude.

He's got a phone call. I have to take this, you guys. Human centipede, be quiet. Lady, that was a fucking message, not a live call. No! The tongue! No! No! Don't show that! No! It's coming out. It's coming out. I'm not watching. The tongue No No Don't show that

No I'm not watching It's coming out I'm not watching It came out The tongue is out He just ripped out her tongue She's just gonna bleed out now

Oh he just ripped out her tongue Munson looks so worried right She's like what the I have a headache People are shitting I have a headache. People are shitting. I have a headache. Scott, are you hungry? Did you finish your gyro?

I appreciate that. Okay. You got any pudding? I have some soup in a funnel. Are you hungry? Are you hungry? Oh, they're there. It's okay. What was he forcing?

Food? Yeah. I feel like these people could have fought back a little more. Yeah, absolutely. If it were me, I'd be... Is he making the noise? Did he make... Yeah, he is making poop noises.

This is not something people should watch. I think that was the tagline for this movie. Human centipede 2. This is something people should... This is not something people should watch. It's working, Martin. Come on, poop. Poop, everybody.

He's doing the poop dance. He's thinking about something. Laxatives. Ah, Jesus Christ. He's giving them laxatives. How the fuck did he get a hold of laxatives? Or a syringe. Yeah.

Maybe he took them from the good doctor. Nobody's wondering where any of these people are. No one cares about them, guys. Is that just going... I guess that's just going into their bloodstream. Yeah. Well, the chick in the front's going to die soon, right? Why are they moving? There's no need to move.

Oh, good thing he's putting it in her butt. Does laxative work that way? I don't think so. Well, I guess if it goes right in your bloodstream... Yeah, don't you have to eat it? I thought it was, like, yeah, ingested. No, he's putting it in their butt. Either way, if you eat it, somehow it still goes in your bloodstream, I'm guessing.

I thought it just kind of like... I don't know. I guess I never wondered about laxatives. I'm pretty sure I'm throwing up soon, guys. I almost feel like I want to kill myself.

Oh. If I had a choice to either watch this movie again or kill myself, I'd watch the movie again, but I would consider killing myself. Tough pick. Yeah, absolutely.

Very tough choice. And we're not even done with the movie. No. Yeah, I mean, what else could happen? I don't think we've seen the worst of the worst. I bet you somebody's going to get ripped off from somebody else or something like that. Well, yeah, Staples won't hold it. They're industrial strength.

Okay, now everybody's going to start diarrhea-ing in their mouths. And then I guess I'll be done. Doesn't Martin care about hygiene? Oh, this is going to be so fucking messy. Uh-oh. He did use a lot of duct tape. He did use a lot. Oh, fuck.

Are we going to see this explode on people's faces and shit. Oh, jeez, Louise. This is not... All right. The human centipede is currently diarrhea-ing. Diarrhea into their mouths. Oh, shit just flew on the screen. Oh!

That's what I thought would happen. Scott almost threw up. You okay? I don't think I can watch this. Scott almost actually threw up. I don't have a good watch this. Scott almost actually threw up. I don't have a good gag reflex. I have a really bad gag reflex. It's not real poop.

The human Xenobite is real, but it's not real poop. I'll be fine. Oh, projectile. Oh. What did the actors do with this? They had a mouthful of it, and they just kind of spit it all over the other dude's ass? Also, like, this scene's awfully long. He didn't think about the smell, did he?

No, he didn't, Martin. All right, well, anyway, this scene's really long, and everybody's, like, face to mouth. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Even filming this. Even filming this, yes. That's pretty awesome. I would not.

I'm a struggling actor. I can't make rent. I can't eat. You've got to figure that. I'm not doing this. No, you've got to figure that. There's a way where they don't have to be right up on the butthole. In order to what?

Even if there's... Oh, for the filming? Yeah. Oh, I don't think they're, like, directly. They're still right there, even if they're wearing underwear and whatever. You mean to tell me you've never... Never what, Jason? Go on.

You know. Never what, Jason? Go on. You know. Never what, Jason? Never what? The holding hands. Uh-oh. Is it the pregnant preggers? Somebody that he thought was dead is alive. She's pregnant.

Of all times to do that. Pregnant chick is up. She's giving birth. No, she's bleeding from her vagina. Oh, my god. Oh, the key's in there. You're gonna ruin the upholstery. Keep moving.

The keys are in there. Of course, the key's in the ignition. The pregnant chick is in a car. She's trying to start it. Get away, please. And she's giving birth as well. Oh. Definitely giving birth. The battery's dying.

No, those aren't just horrific Oh She did just give birth It's alive Did she just like Oh no She just squashed the fetus She killed her baby

Holy fucking shit Alright What's he doing Oh he's getting Oh fuck Jesus I can't I can't like this is fucking crazy Oh he just ripped it Oh he just ripped his lips off

Oh but Like, this is fucking crazy. Oh, he just ripped his lips off. Oh, but the guy's still connected to his ass. This is fucking... I don't want to talk about it. I feel like... Oh, Jesus. Oh. Jesus. Yeah, dude. Your butt's gone. Is he laughing?

Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. My knees. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. My knees. Oh, my God. Why did we decide to do this? Martin, you're losing it, man. I can't believe she fucking crushed her baby's head. Just kill them, please.

Okay. Like, would you want to live after this? No. You're mutilated. All right, he's killing everybody now. Yeah, he's just shooting them in the dome. I'm pretty sure you're dead, girl. Yeah. Good.

Bring it on. Shoot me in the head. Uh-oh. Yeah, we knew it was coming What do you think What are you going to do Just like chill out You're not going to make a run for it That's what I don't get

What is that I don't know Does that just open the door Oh lights Now I'll never find them in there Yeah What is that? I don't know. Did that just open the door? Oh, lights. Now I'll never find them in there. Yeah. You won't find the smelly...

Dumb... She's cruising. Oh! We just saw a destroyed butthole. No! Jesus Christ! This guy is serious. He's sawing through a neck. Oh, God.

This guy, Martin, he is... He's something else. He's one messed up guy. Holy fucking shit. Ah, fuck. Oh my god. And now there's just one. Oh my god. Ugh. This is awful.

This is a mistake. This is a really bad mistake. Holy fucking shit. You know who we have to blame for this? Mike Moran. Exactly. Fucking Mike Moran. Where is Mike Moran?

Fucking asshole. Disgust me. Would Mike Moran. Where is Mike Moran? Fucking asshole. Disgust me. Would Mike really like this? No, I lost the bet to him, so I had to watch it. Oh. Oh. I'm not going to want to go to sleep. Uh-oh.

Wait, what did she just do? I think she just punched him in the balls. Oh, the centipede's going up his asshole. I like this. Yep. Centipede up the ass. Wow, good for her. You know what?

I don't believe it I do I like it I love it I want to believe it Yeah, I love it Centipede up the ass, Martin I'm so like Sid, you can tell

Killer Martin Oh Oh Oh fuck Oh my god So I hear We're getting a cold front next week huh They're talking about snow tonight

Yeah Really Oh no How's your guys Christmas shopping going I love it Yeah? Oh yeah Hey

Yeah, Jason? What are you doing for Hanukkah? You forgot what it was called? No, no, no I didn't want to I don't know What I was trying to say exactly I'm not offended that you asked me about Hanukkah

No, I'm not trying to offend you Actually, I would like to If I could Why are you trying to offend me you, actually. I would like to actually, if I could. Why are you trying to offend me? If I could, I'd like to go to temple with you. You don't go to temple on Hanukkah. Yeah. You don't?

When you were in here, Jason called you Menorah the Explorer. I did not. I left because Hanukkah. But you don't go to temple for Hanukkah? Not on Hanukkah. I mean, don't go to temple for Hanukkah? Not on Hanukkah, but like... People can go to temple for Hanukkah, but we just say prayers in the household. Oh. Do you think I could go with you sometime?

Yeah. You could definitely go with me to temple if you want. Okay. I would like to. Do you go to temple? Like religiously? No. This guy.

There's a reason he's in big. Come on. All right. So anyway so anyway Wait what? This just never happened This never happened? This was just a long weekend? Nuh uh No this has to be before

Yeah there's no way that whole thing didn't happen We're at the end of the movie and nothing happened Nuh uh Or is the baby still there? The baby's still there happened. Nuh-uh. Or is the baby still there? The baby's still there. Who is this Tom Six cunt? I want this guy dead. Lawrence R. Harvey

is disgusting. Wow, they actually have numbers. Ro, I'm playing Human Centipede number 10. It's tough, Ro. I got my big break. It's playing Human Centipede number 10. It's tough, bro. I got my big break. It's for Human Centipede number 6. I'll separate from the pack but promptly get shot in the head. I didn't like that film.

Well, guys. That was not a good movie. Out of 10 stars, Scott, what do you give the film? Negative a billion. Okay. Tough. That's a tough review. Jason? Out of 10 stars, Scott, what do you give the film? Negative a billion. Okay, tough. That's a tough review. Jason, out of 10 stars, what do you give it? It wasn't bad.

Was that like a 6? Like a 6 out of 10? 6 or 7. 6 or 7 out of 10. It wasn't bad. Wasn't that bad? Josh, I'm going to concur with Jason. Okay. You know what? I'm sorry. I with Jason Okay You know what

I'm sorry I want to interrupt you Jason please That movie Some pretty bad stuff happened in But you gotta look at it this way It can always be a little worse No I don't think it can be That chick crushed a fetus's skull

To press the gas pedal. And you know what? She's alive. Oh, my God. You can always have another baby. That's the thing. I'm pretty sure she's always going to be dead inside. We're still listening.

Oh, that's a good point. That is a very good point. But we're still listening to a baby cry over the credits. A baby whose parents got shot and taken to be in the human centipede and Martin just left him in the car. Why is this baby still crying? Obviously this chick should have gone to the police. I think it's for a fact, Josh.

That's that movie magic. The baby should have gone to the police? No, the lady that escaped when she drove away should have gone to the police. That last scene was before the human centipede actually happened. Or, I mean, you know, before he put it together because he's not dead. Jesus Christ. He didn't kill himself, did he?

No. He just keeled over because there was a centipede in his colon? In his butt. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that already. Wouldn't the centipede die real quick because of all the poop? I think it would try to eat its way out

very fast and freak out and chew up. Filmed on location in London. London. Why did they have to do it in London? London, England. I hear that

they play this movie on a constant loop on the solar coaster. Wait, fuck. Damn it. What is that? I ruined the joke. R. Kelly's solar coaster. I was going to talk about the R. Kelly cruise.

Solar coaster is the name of R. Kelly's new biography. Damn it. Sorry, people. Anyone. All of the two and a half people who could possibly be listening to this. Wait, this has three and a half stars? Four and a half? Three and a half stars? That's three and a half people who could possibly be listening to this i think this has three and a half stars four and a half three and a half stars three and a half i'd say three and three fourths it's not the worst yeah it is three it's the worst thing i've ever seen it's not the

worst movie i think i've ever seen right visually though there was some pretty not terrifying but just soul deadening things I'll say I've never seen anything like it A. I'll never see anything like it again because I won't allow myself B. That's B and then number 3 is that I'm glad I got to share

one of the worst movie experiences of my life with you guys I feel like my soul has been hollowed out a little bit I'm glad there wasn't any tzatziki sauce on that gyro the worst movie experience of my life with you guys. I feel like my soul has been hollowed out. A little bit. I'm glad there wasn't any tzatziki sauce on that gyro. Right. You asked for that, though. Now, when you say hollowed out, do you mean like a butthole that's been carved out?

Much like a human centipede. Uh-huh. I feel like there's shit in my mouth. I just want to say I hate Lawrence R. Harvey. I hate Tom Six, the writer and director of Human Centipede 2. I never trusted anybody with a last name that's a number. I think Lawrence R. Harvey could be the fattest person I've ever seen in a movie. But only in the belly, which is weird.

Disgusting belly. Seriously, it looked like a beach ball. Remember it was like wanking? With sandpaper? With sandpaper? I heard it exfoliates the skin. I bet he had the smoothest cock around in a couple weeks. With the nightmares I'm going to have, I'm going to feel like Katniss Everdeen.

Hunger Games reference, guys. I have no idea, no. You can reference that all night. Is Hunger Games a gross movie? No. No, it's a great trilogy of books that's becoming a movie in the spring of 2012. It's not really a game, though, is it? No, the Hunger Games are a game, yes.

Oh, about being hungry? No. It's about survival. I hear they play Hunger Games in Africa a lot. Is that supposed to be funny? They have the best times. They have the best times doing it. People in Africa are actually hungry, Josh.

There's people here that are hungry, Scott. This is America, Jason. This is American? No, this is America, Jason. This is American? No, this is America. Oh, it is? They did it themselves. It's North America. This is part of North America. If you're hungry, it's your own darn fault.

Just ask. Who was the politician who said that? Herman Cain? I think Herman Cain. No, no. I think it was Rick Perry. No, the other one. It was Herman Cain, I'm pretty sure.

No, it's the Gingrich. I'm pretty sure it was Herman Cain. No, you're wrong. No, I'm right. I remember. Guys'm pretty sure it was Herman Cain. No, you're wrong. No, I'm right. I remember. Guys, final thoughts on Human Centipede. All right, let's get back to the subject. Human Centipede 2.

Final thoughts. My weakness, man. I'm not unhappy that I saw it. Okay. But. I'm going to have to disagree with you there. I am unhappy that I saw it. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah. Like that I saw it. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like the experience was okay. You liked experiencing it. But the actual movie makes me sick. Yeah. Jason? I think this is a great date movie. Especially a first date.

For anybody that you don't want to date anymore. What do you want to do? I got us two tickets to a movie. Let's watch Human Centipede. Afterwards, he's like, what did you think? I hated it. I was like, well, I hate you too. Get the fuck out of my house.

You're just eating popcorn the whole time. Like, ooh. That was pretty bad, huh? Look at that. Us breaking up won't seem as bad now. No, this is pretty bad, your attitude. Don't miss this part. Martin is literally cutting open your knee, pulling the tendon out.

Oh, and then snipping it. I forgot about that part. I really did. How can you forget about that? Because the baby crushing was the gnarliest thing. And it had like the fake... But you know what? The baby learned at an early age that the world's tough.

I bet those pro-choice people will say that baby wasn't even alive. Stupid jerks. Liberal jerks. Politics. All right. Well, I'm going to agree that I wish I'd never seen it. I enjoyed the experience for a little bit I wish I'd never seen it. I enjoyed the experience for a little bit, kind of making fun of it.

And then the joke, I think, was eventually on us. Yes. Oh, yeah. Definitely. Mike Moran won? Yeah. By far. Easily.

I would agree. Easily. Thanks, Mike Moran. I'm exhausted. I am, too. Yeah, I need some therapy. When I walk out the door, I mean, I think the world's different now. Like, you know, like after 9-11, the world has changed. After Human Centipede 2, the world has changed.

One day there's going to be a memorial in my room. I don't think things will taste the same anymore. I'm not going to be eating anymore tonight, I'm pretty confident. I could go for some ice cream. The next time I shit in somebody's face, I'm going to suck it. Red Velvet? Yeah. Some chocolate.

All right. All right. I'm done. Thanks, guys. Again, rap name Mac Murder. At Mac Murder on Twitter. Hey, by the way, we're making pitches. Go ahead and stop by and pick up my...

Never mind. Add Aki Sauce on Twitter for real. And soon to be... My pickles. Get my pickles. No, I don't know. I'm pitching pickles that I don't make. Aki Sauce.

What is it? Add Aki Sauce. A-K-I-S-A-U-C-E. Make sure you edit that part out.