The Digression Sessions - Ep. 170 - Depression Sessions w/ Josh & Mike (@MikeMoranWould & @JoshKuderna)

Episode Date: November 9, 2015

Hola Digheads! It's a no guest, no problem kind of ep...well, there are a couple problems. That's right, it's an old fashioned Depression Sessions episode. Mike and Josh talk about shit that bums them out regarding comedy and family. But, it's still a fun ep and an honest talk between friends. Hope you enjoy it. Come see the boys do a live pod at Liam Flynn's in Baltimore at 8 pm on 11/9! Follow your boys, Mike & Josh, on Twitter and Instagram.  Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Mike - @MikeMoranWould on Twitter The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook For live stand up and improv dates, check out - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week is it um is there gonna be other stuff there that night is it just us it's just us all right that's just what this podcast episode is just us baby yeah yeah no gas no problem yeah it's j Koderna here with my good friend sipping his coffee, Mike Moran. Hello.

There he is. There he is. I thought I was going to get a, hi, I'm Mike Moran. And that's a good cup of coffee. So it's just us. It's going to be a catch-up session. This might be a depression session, actually. This might be the most depressed session ever we're all my depressed heads uh uh so it's a it's a gloomy saturday here in baltimore mike and i are in my basement gloomy basement drinking some gloomy coffee keeping it all gloom and doom all the time that's right uh That's right. That's the radio morning hosts that are depressed. Doom and gloom in the morning.

Got gloom and doom in the morning. Gloom, say hi. And there's just like a sad air horn. Alright. Must be one person's trying to keep them going. Alright. Doom, gloom, and Bob in the morning. Bob's the only guy. Bob in the morning.

Doom, did you sketch the game? What game? The game of life and how it's pointless? No, the Ravens. Okay. Sort of. Yeah. Okay.

All right. All right. Hey, Gloom, what song you got for us coming up? It's Gloomy Sunday by Billie Holiday. Okay. All right. Okay. So let's promote a couple things uh i want to say well first i want to say thank you to people that have uh come on to the show a lot of people listen to the ben o'brien episode yeah which is really cool and i got some speaking of uh uh depression and honesty i got some good feedback for uh both

you guys being so open about like what you're going through and oh really yeah cool which is cool because it's that thing where you think like this isn't relatable or anything and everybody's like yeah i go through that too you know what i mean like nobody wants to be like right putting it out there it's like things aren't going great yeah people have told me they like that about us you know that we're willing to to be honest about our insecurities and uh you know how we're willing to to be honest about our insecurities and uh you know how you're so willing to be honest about your inferior status to me and everything oh yeah yeah that's that's right out i can't hide that i'm not gonna hide that i'm not gonna hide

that uh yeah i told you last night um i had a rider an uber rider who uh was was shocked that i worked for the digression sessions. I love that worked for it. He totally thought we were like a corporation. Dig Sesh Co. Yeah. International. Enterprises.

Yeah, you're like, I'm in research and development. I'm working my way up. It can be tough sometimes. Started in the mail room, you know? Right, yeah. Yeah, you're an Uber driver. Which really should have spoke to the fact that we're not a big

corporation. I guess you thought I had some shitty job. You really thought there were so many levels at Digression Sessions Incorporated that I was at the bottom and still had to Uber drive at night. Yeah, yeah. Or you're just one of those eccentric millionaires like, I just like to connect with people. Yeah, sure. sure no i donate all my uber money that's just the thing i do for

fun mike has not touched a single dollar of his dig sesh money no like jay leno and his nbc money right yeah yeah that's like you let's do it for fun so so you were just like was he just asking you like so what do you do and you're yeah well, you know, I admittedly try to promote myself and the podcast. Yeah. But not in a sleazy way. No, it's not like. People do want to hear about it, you know. Yeah, because I feel like that.

I've done that too. And everybody does it because normally it's like, so where are you headed? What are you doing? You know, my last Uber driver, I was talking to him about he wants to move to Spain and go to school over there. And I was like, great, do it. You know, it's not like he was like, even if he did, he was like, hey move to Spain and go to school over there. And I was like, great, do it. It's not like he was like, even if he did, he was like, hey, I want to go to school in Spain. I'm not going to be like this fucking guy. That's great.

So yeah, just a little bit about myself. He doesn't even start the car yet. Pulls over. So here's the thing. There's a thing where he turns around and looks in the in the back and you're like oh my god um okay so yeah you pick somebody else pick somebody up and you're kind of laying it laying it down yeah we're chatting you know and uh i don't know the podcast comes up somehow yeah and uh i think i said something like i i think maybe we they

mentioned john waters and i said something like, we tried to get him on the podcast. Right. Which I guess doesn't necessarily say I'm the co-host of this podcast. Right. Oh, just say like we, like you could be like a producer or something. Yeah.

I could be like, what's that? I could be key grip. Yeah. I have no idea what that means. Best boy. Yep, that's you. You're the best boy be key grip. Yeah. I have like no idea what that means. Best boy. Yep. That's you.

You're the best boy. Second grip. Uh huh. Um, and, he's like, which, which one?

And, you know, I tell him, uh, WTF, obviously. No, I tell him the digression sessions and,

uh, he, um, he says, Oh, wow. You work for the digression sessions. I know them.

That's great. That's awesome. Yeah, so I felt like a rock star for like 12 seconds when I got to be like, oh, it gets far better than that, my friend. Let me tell you. You are in the presence of greatness. Leave the meter running, by the way. Let me tell you all about it. Let's see here so let's promote uh beyond our our uh our side gigs let's promote uh upcoming appearances we have a live podcast

that i forgot about that we're doing actually today when you hear this on the ninth tonight at uh 8 30 no i'm sorry tonight at eight o'clock we'll be at liam flynn's ale house on north avenue in baltimore and uh we're doing a live podcast and it's part of the fringe festival and uh when when planning this uh me and umar a guy who was on the show a couple times but i think i had to delete his episodes because really one of those guys go to grad school well i mean you talk about masturbating and driving with a guy and all of a sudden he's like oh i can't let future employers hear that yeah i know i had the same problem with my riders i start talking about masturbating and driving and all while masturbating and driving oh yeah look at this how about that uh so uh so yeah umar and i were booking the comedy for the baltimore fringe

festival this year and uh they wanted to do three nights and uh we're like well three nights is a lot of stand-up for for baltimore for one week so they still wanted to do a show on monday and i was like yeah let's just do a live podcast when i said that idea it was in like august and i think i mentioned it to you but it seemed like november was right fucking like decades you're picturing months of promotion yeah exactly like getting flyers i have a big beard somehow in the future right all that stuff i'm married and have several children but still make time to make it out exactly i still love it it's still a passion of mine and then cut cut to last week.

So are you inviting people to the thing? And I was like, yes. There will be people at the thing. The thing I agreed to do. So tonight, come to Liam Flynn's. We're going to have, it's going to be kind of a crossover event for our podcast network, the Thunder Grunt network and uh so we're gonna have chuck green one of the main pillars of the baltimore rock opera society or bros or bros if

you're nasty and uh bob rose of instant screaming podcast and then bros b rose b rose there it is wow that's good that's good and then uh from the hobo trash can radio podcast joel murphy and lars paradiddle i think that's his name something like that and uh i i know his name but i'm not gonna say because they badmouthed me on their podcast did they really yeah what'd they say they're just like they're they're jealous of how great we are you know and it's kind of like i don't even want to dignify it because it's like, you know, lesser people than me. I don't want to bring myself down to their level. Sure.

So anyway. Just say you feel bad for them. Yeah. You'll pray for them. You know, this is what you say for people when they're obviously below you. Bless your heart. Bless their heart. You know, they try.

They try. So I figure. You don't beef down. No. Never. Never. Never. So I figure we'll have them on the podcast, kind of give them stuff to talk about.

Yeah, help them out a little bit. Maybe give them a few pointers. Right. Christmas is right around the corner. Let's be generous. It's like that episode of Fresh Prince where Boyz II Men did little Nikki's christening, even though Will was mean to one of them years ago. It took the words right out of my mouth.

That's exactly like that. Somehow they just walked in the door holding microphones connected to the PA system. Oh, okay. Yeah. I am prepared for this. All right. So come to that.

It's free. It's at a bar. Get a couple drinks and watch us talk smack into microphones and hopefully people show up. If not, we'll edit in like an arena amount of people in post. Booing us. Yeah.

Okay. So then while we're still promoting, on the 10th, I'll be in D.C. at the Songbird Cafe doing stand-up. On the 12th, I'll be watching the BSO and Y-Oak perform together. Isn't that pretty tight? That's going to be... Inviting listeners to come watch you watch them. Yeah, come watch. Yeah, watch me watch them.

I'll be in public. You can see me. Take a look. There I am. And on the 13th, you and I will be back at Liam Flynn's doing stand-up. Yes. And then that's a part of the Fringe Festival. And then on the 14th, there's also a Fringe show that's going down at Liam Flynn. So a whole bunch of stand-up and cool stuff going on for the Fringe Festival here in Baltimore.

So check all that out. Follow us on Twitter, yada, yada. Matt Josh Coderna on Instagram, on Twitter. And the podcast is at DigSagePod. Michael, what other shows you got going on? Well, the 13th, I'll be at Liam Flynn's. I'll be at the theater. Other than that, I don't, I mean, I'm doing something,

The Wind-Up Space on the 19th. Is that stand-up? Yes, stand-up comedy. What show is that? What is that? I forget what the themeth. Is that stand-up? Yes, stand-up comedy. What show is that? What is that? I forget what the theme is. Okay. Exactly.

We'll put it on the calendar. Yeah, all this stuff you can see at digressionsessions.com slash calendar. And I'll be in I'm in the Brightest Young Things, the DC website. I have a new column up about the most mysterious people from Baltimore and DC

whom no one's been able to track down. Okay. Okay. Sorry. I just got a message from, we were going to have our friend Chad, aka 83cutlass on the podcast today. And he just says he has to reschedule his kids have hella homework

he said how's Monday or after 6pm on Sunday can you do Sunday probably you won't have to talk to you about that okay we'll talk off air we'll talk off air discussing this in the intro I just gotta text him back

but yeah I'll be yeah look for me in BYT, Brightest Young Things, DC website. Been doing some writings for that. Nice. And also I'm in the latest issue of the Skeptical Inquirer. Ooh. And yeah, other than that, that's pretty much it. Nice. All right, well, yeah, that's a whole lot of shit going on.

It's going to be a busy week. Follow me on Twitter, at Mike Moran Wood, W-O-U-L-D. Mike's falling asleep over there as he promotes himself. Before we get into the depression sessions, here's a little funny thing that happened this morning. I woke up, and i was stretching you know like a nice little like i just woke up and i farted and uh and then i was like and then amanda made a noise like like you're the worst noise and uh then she's like well let me tell you about tell you

about my dream and i was like all right all right so she was saying that uh she put in your earbuds so i got the fuck out of there and i don't know what her dream was uh she said she was on the phone in her dream she was on the phone with a dog walking service and uh she was asking like where they're located and the first time the guy said it she couldn't really hear it time the guy said it, she couldn't really hear it. Then he repeated it. Second time, she couldn't really hear it. Then on the third one,

as he goes to talk, my fart filtered into her dream. Like she heard a fart while she's dreaming. And then she said in her dream, she's like, it was so loud that even the person on the other end of the phone probably heard it. And she was like, okay,

I got it. And then she was telling me about it and i was like oh my god that's so funny and uh then we were talking about it again over breakfast and i referenced it she's like yeah it's so weird that yeah you're even farting in my dreams like no no i farted dream that i uh i was with a fella from high school whom i haven't really spoken to i don't think since high school or maybe the year after high school and he had the pool his mom had the pool okay so he was the friend you always wanted to like suggest that we go swim in his pool but you don't want to act like you're just using him for his pool.

Yeah. So it was like that kind of awkward situation where I'm all like, hey, you guys want to see if we can swim in Adam's pool? But trying to get somebody else to actually ask. Yeah, like you want to foment change. You don't want to be the leader. You're just like, hey, we should do this. Yeah, I hated. Did you ever have to be the one who would like ask the older friend to get you alcohol

or something like that um no not really never as like a pest the only thing i remember being a pest about uh video game consoles like my friend as a kid he got do you remember virtual boy yes that was uh i think I saw it on TV. I don't think I ever saw it in real life. Yeah, so it was Nintendo's attempt at virtual reality. I remember when everybody was obsessed with virtual reality, like Lawnmower Man and everything. It was like, this is the future.

But Virtual Boy was just like this thing. You had to put your face up to it, yeah, but you couldn't wear it. So you had to, it was on like a little like tripod. So you had to lay down like a sniper with this thing in your face, and then you had a controller. And then what you're looking into is just, it was black, and then everything was in red. Yeah. So it was like Mario in red, but you're playing like tennis or something. Right.

But it's the worst console, because you can't even look at your friend and it's only one player because you have to put it on your face so i remember just being like rusty you want to play virtual boy and then it would just be like one of us playing for hours and the other just sitting there you know what i mean you're just like because you're excited because it's a new thing but it's the fucking worst because there's no like yeah i remember seeing it on tv and being like, that doesn't look very fun. That's not virtual reality. No, not even close. Was it even like if you move your head, does it like...

No, you couldn't move your head. It's stationary. Like you had to stay stuck there with just like... And you can't see... It's awful. Yeah, and you couldn't see around you either because you had a thing that went up to your eyes, like binoculars. Right. Like around your...

I did real virtual reality i guess for the first time this summer oh really freaking awesome yeah apparently they're really making strides with it yeah i remember doing it around that era at the boardwalk and it sucked it was just like wolfenstein but in a head in like a headset and you couldn't it wasn't like 360 it was like no point at all screen closer to your face yeah it sucks can you imagine that wow you just sat down like you couldn't, it wasn't like 360. It was like no point at all. No, they just brought the screen closer to your face. Yeah, it sucked. Can you imagine that? Wow. You just sat down.

Like you didn't walk around. I don't know. It was stupid. But anyway, I did it at the fair this summer in Virginia. And it was just basically like your phone like plugged up to a headset. And it was fucking awesome. I was like fighting with the Avengers. It was so cool.

No shit. Yeah, we were like jumping out of a window. And like I turned my head and the Avengers. It was so cool. No shit. Yeah, we were like jumping out of a window and like I turned my head and the Hulk's like right there next to me. And Thor's hammer's like spinning in slow motion next to me. Oh, that's awesome. It was awesome. That is cool. Now, you know what else is awesome? Depression. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so we're in the midst of having the winter of our disconcern. Yeah, and it getting dark at 5 having the winter of our discontent. Yeah, and it getting dark at 5 o'clock. Why do we do this? It's the worst. Yeah, Thomas always talks about it on Comedy Shoe Shine. Like, why isn't it the opposite? It's already getting darker.

Yeah, the fuck's going on? Let's make it darker one more hour early. Yeah, it's like trying to weed depressed people out before springtime. Yeah, so what's going on? You don't have to say too much, but I know you just said that you wanted to do an episode, just kind of like get shit off your chest. Yeah, I do want to like... Just talk it out. Yeah, just, you know, it's one of those things where I'm just like carrying around all these

insecurities and like trying to hide them, you know, and then I'm like, why am I hiding them? It's not that big a deal.'m just carrying around all these insecurities and trying to hide them. And then I'm like, why am I hiding them? It's not that big a deal. I can talk about them. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like everybody feels the same way.

Yeah. Yeah. This is the first time in my stand-up career where I've been... I don't know. I think I'm pretty good at not being jealous of other people or not caring if other people do better than me. Or not being the guy that's like, why is he doing better than me? Yeah, yeah. But yeah, for the first time, I'm starting to feel those insecurities a little bit.

Hmm. Well, I think it's a natural thing that everybody feels, regardless of the field that you're in. Right. You know what I mean? That they're just like, why the fuck did Ted get get to give this seminar i should be giving this seminar yeah but i'm really not like that most of the time like i feel like i with stand-up i'm just still so i'm still like so shocked and grateful that at like age 28 29 i suddenly got to do stand-up and improv and write and you know like yeah i'm still like riding that wave

of gratitude you know and i am like you know i don't really care like if i don't make money like i don't i don't know like when i do the cost benefit analysis with like the idea of becoming a road comic or whatever i'm kind of like maybe i'd rather just do local shows and uber during the day you know like I don't really care. If you're happy, yeah. I think the driving would kind of be the same. Yeah. So I don't know.

It's just weird. And it is kind of like with you personally, Josh, it is kind of like as much as I always knew. I think I always knew that you were going to be bigger than me, just in that you have the talent. You have more of the whole package. You appeal to the lowest common knowledge. No, I'm just kidding. Low-hanging fruit.

You have like... I'm low-hanging fruit. Emphasis on the fruit. Right, right. You can appeal to every moron in the country. Lord knows there's a lot of them. Yeah. Like our fans.

Bunch of SOBs. in the country lord knows there's a lot of yeah like our fans bunch of sobs no but it is like you know it can be like frustrating like seeing you you know just like blow the fuck up and i'm still like doing little that's the thing it's not even like a blowing up thing and it's not uh you know it's it's it's not like it's like and then then it was, I don't know, like, you know, Josh was a star. It's like. But you are moving up the ladder really quickly. But yeah, I mean, like, it's just, but it's also not a constant thing. Like, it's not always just like a crazy arc up. There's like dips here and there.

I mean, I feel like I had like a pretty, a pretty sharp spike my first year kind of like with going from like doing it for the first time to opening for michael ian black yeah and then but then like and ever since it's like i haven't done anything well i i will be honest in the fact that like um i started going down to dc i think earlier than you did yeah definitely and that just that kind of opens doors right definitely you're with different comics and dc you people listening that don't live in the area, there's this stupid thing I remember a few years ago between Baltimore and DC. Each had a chip on their shoulder of being the better city.

That's so dumb. I don't care. Stand-up-wise, DC is just... Several rappers were shot to death. Several comedians. R.I.P. Alex Broslovsky. So it was like... We all have Alex tattoos.

Got a teardrop for Alex. Every breath I take, chuckle storm. No, so when you go down to DC, their stand-up scene, when I started going down there, there were shows that you could do almost every night. And now there's literally like for underground comedy, which Sean Joyce runs and Max Rosenblum runs Last Resort Comedy. And then Kurt Shackelford and the rooms that he runs. Underground comedy literally has stand- up seven nights a week now in dc and like multiple rooms and then on top of the other rooms that people are running like every single night you can get up at least two or three times right yeah so it's it's fucking crazy so

once you start going down there and like you just get on shows same way it happens here in baltimore it's just like hey i i saw you at this mic or whatever you're funny do my show in dc there's just more of an opportunity for that just simply just by being down there so i've been lucky to kind of like get in down there but it's certainly not like people are like josh you should headline you know it's just like hey do you want to do my show so it's yeah but i do think ultimately you you probably are you have more of the whole package you know like actually i was kind of like uh i was kind of uh voicing my insecurities to our friend mike colligan and he he was like he was like so brutally honest with me when he like other people will just kind of i mean i wasn't like talking shit about you i was just like saying like what you're going

through yeah and uh like other people will be like oh no you're you know mike you're you're great you know like yeah but like he was he was totally like dude josh is just one of those guys like he's just he's just had like the minute i met him i was like he could be on snl or something like he was honest in that he was he wasn't like trying to make me feel better like he was just like yeah some people are just like that you know yeah which is true and i am you know i i am i'm not at all like you know pissed off like i'm not going around like what the fuck is josh getting this opportunity but it but it is like the discrepancy between us is like getting a little embarrassing and that it's like oh dude i don't think you should be like i i appreciate like the the the kind words and what you're saying but it's still like i mean you you inspired me to do stand

up i know that's part of the problem like you're surpassing it worse no it's it's really not that bad but i i am like also starting to think more like maybe i don't because like you know i've been talking to you lately about like how should i alter my act or whatever so i can get in with the clubs more uh-huh but now i'm like kind of thinking maybe that's not what i want like maybe i would rather be a local guy who does like kind of like local fundraisers and stuff like that and just like well it's on my own shows yes you you can definitely do that but it's also if you want it it's what you want like if you what you define as like success and the thing that sucks is that there's always more mountain to climb right every every step like yeah yeah like i realized that with like college or even high school it's like hey you've been working this thing your whole life

and then you're like well what's next yeah and everything you do there's always something else yeah it's like i've been psyched about making this putting in this new floor in my house and making this big room that we have like my little apartment uh-huh and then as soon as like i think about that i'm like well but you know i'll have to i'll have to get cable too like i'm not it's not going to be complete without a tv yeah where are people going to sit if i don't have like a nice couch like you know yeah and then it's like well the walls are kind of boring i should probably put something on there yeah. Yeah, no matter what you do, there's always something else. I mean, I can't invite people over if I don't have a mini fridge. What the fuck?

But how am I going to afford that? And like, will that make my electric bill a lot more? Like, fuck, will that make me happy? Yeah, it's like the episode of The Simpsons where Homer climbs the mountain. And they're like, each one, they're like, you have to climb this mountain. He's like, that one? And they're like, nope, just to the right. And like each one they're like he's like you have to climb this mountain he's like that one like nope just to the right and like each yeah the power sauce episode and uh yeah that's how i feel like each step of the way it's like oh you're getting into a club you get the host and then it's like you have your friends that are like featuring you're like oh

featuring then like had like and then even when you get to the headlining stage there's people it's like oh that guy's fucking, he gets to headline in July. That's like, you know, or whatever. It's like, or, you know, they had a lot of people, why is he headlining? Right. It's just always going to be something. Yeah. Yeah.

I think I'm like usually pretty good with not comparing myself to other people because like I've learned long ago that's not like the key to happiness. And it's's and just people that are like that are just fucking lame you know like people that are always obsessed with like you know this person's doing better than me like why did they get this opportunity because then they use that as an excuse too right oh i wish i was friends with so and so it's like yeah and you know you get that too and i'll be honest that mike finazzo helped me a lot of like suggesting me to places which has been cool.

But beyond that, like you can still get suggested, but I still had to send in a video. Yeah, no, definitely. Absolutely. People can get you to the door, but you have to be the one that walks through it. So it's, you know. But that's the thing is like I'm feeling that for the first, like I've seen so many people become just miserable doing comedy. Going from like loving doing comedy and being like happy doing it to like yeah miserable within a few years right and like

i'm starting to see myself do that a little bit yeah i'm like what the fuck do i do not do that you know yeah um i think that um yeah i think that that's gonna go with any especially like artistic endeavor too is that there's an e go with any, especially like artistic endeavor too, is that there's an ebb and flow of like, like we were talking about with Ben, like that guy's crushing it. And he even has thoughts of like, I'm a fraud.

This sucks. I suck. Everything. I mean, Robin Williams, you know, fucking. Yeah.

Yeah. And yeah, no, everybody that's that even to you, that's like, God, they're amazing. They're like,

this sucks why don't i have that next thing yeah but it also doesn't mean that it's permanent because i go through that shit too like you know you have like a stretch of like bad mics and you're like this sucks i suck right and then you know something opens up so it's not this like steady where everything is just like peaks and valleys yeah totally so it's not just like and it's all gravy from here right now like i i think it'll happen for you like it's just i i went down to dc and that just kind of opened up some shit and uh yeah i would suggest doing that like go down there get up in front of more people and you know yeah yeah and yeah i have been doing that more i've been trying to hit up until like a couple weeks ago when I just had to like fucking concentrate on some shit here.

Yeah. I was going like every week or so. And the thing, what I'm kind of realizing too is that what schedule works for you. You don't have to be like some people like, I try to get up every night. It's like, well, that doesn't work for me. I would get fucking burnt out if I was doing that.

You know, I did that for like almost two years. Yeah. Like at least five nights a week and uh it helped a lot but i guess i'm a little frustrated with that too like why hasn't that like gotten me more yeah i think i think it will i don't know to me and i just feel like hard work's gonna pay off in one way or the other yeah it definitely has and it does no matter what like it is like i said i'm still still just so grateful that I'm living this life. This really has been probably the best chunk of my adulthood

in a lot of ways in the last five years. Yeah, so that's what I mean. It's still moving in that direction. You know what I mean? People still know that you're funny. It's just keep going. And then I would just say spread out a little more. Yeah.

And then thinking, too about like what clubs want like you're you're a super funny guy but then sometimes like some of the sets that you'll do are like like your character is like a little like low energy sometimes yeah so it's tough because to break into the club they want to host mostly like the host i've been told like i remember jess brodkin very funny comedian told me you have to think about hosting like you're hosting a party so you have to be like like you know like if you came over and there are a bunch of people here and i'd be like oh man oh mike's here have you guys met mike you are gonna love mike you know like so you're like your energy you don't have to be like a car salesman like your job's to be funny right but it's also to keep like the energy yeah

i have you don't have to come out and shoot a t-shirt can and be like yeah what's up uh i have i have allowed myself to try to be a little more loud and have fun on stage lately yeah which has actually been pretty rewarding because it can get a little depressing being the depressed comedian guy on stage all the time yeah uh so that's been good but i i don't know i go back and forth with i think ultimately i still want my comedy to be too weird for clubs most of the time okay so i i go back and forth with with that like should i try to have like a club set and then be weird on my own shows or like whatever other you know like alternative shows i'm on uh-huh but uh i don't know i go back and forth with that.

I guess I'm still learning. I don't know. For me, I guess it's more, it's like I wish, when I kind of had that high that first year and then it kind of peaked with Mike Lee and Black cussing me out on stage, I just wish I had more moments like that.

I almost got to open for Wyatt's and Knack and I was riding high on that and working really hard on getting a set together for that yeah and i didn't get to do it you know and it's like i just haven't had like any great shows in a long time really yeah well you know and like i would just say just keep going because that shit does pop up like it's you know it's just like you run a stretch and then you're like all of a sudden this thing pops up and you're prepared for it because you've been working so um yeah and also too i'd say your first year when you shoot up like that it's it's more natural to plateau because versus like somebody that starts out their first year there's their peaks

and valleys their trend isn't as high as yours right so it makes sense that over time you're gonna even out like you know like but i feel like i didn't really even out i just like went down like no it wasn't like i was it was opening for for people after that you know like yeah but you weren't like plugged in the that way though like it was just like i'm just doing local shit and then you know like kind of staying in like the baltimore city baltimore county area so it makes sense if you think about it's like you've kind of done what you're gonna do in this area you know what i mean so i would say that like spreading out would definitely help and that uh just thinking about like like i was saying it's not that your your stuff isn't funny it's just like what people

look for in a host because most of the time like it's just so funny to think like a lot of times when i'm hosting people think i work for the club like they're like hey where's the bathroom like you know and i'll tell them but it's still just like or they'll be like um you're like the uh yeah like i'm a like the host of like a restaurant like they'll come up to me and be like um our table is what i'm like really yeah like we haven't seen our server in a while i've had that at mcgoobies and stuff really it's like yeah and then because they'll be like so you work here and i'm like no i mean you know i work here and that like i'm the host but you know i remember one time i forget where i was but somebody like kind of got snippy with me i was like i don't work here i don't know what to tell like um so so it's just like even when you're at that level

like you're still not like the shit you know like i've had shows too where i'm hosting and at the end of the night people are leaving and uh the headliner has their merch table set up, and the feature's selling shit. We're all kind of like standing in the general area. They'll be like, headliner, you are so good. Feature, oh, so funny. That'd be like, have a good night. You're like, okay.

Right. Yeah, but it's not so much about being the shit. It's just about being able to perform in front of decent audiences, decent-sized audiences. Yeah. Decent sized audiences. Yeah. Well, I mean, and then that shit just, it opens it up for you. Once you kind of get in there, other work be gat. Yeah, definitely.

But I do also kind of think, the thing, I am good at getting people to go to shows and talking to strangers and getting them interested in comedy yeah and so and i i want to do like little fundraiser things so i'm thinking like maybe i should concentrate more on just like putting on my own my own shows in baltimore for now yeah i mean you can do that too like if you build your own thing and if it's good people want to do it yeah then you know i i don't know it's it's such a weird thing because weird thing because there's no direct path for any of this shit. I know. You have to, like, carve your own.

And what makes sense for one guy doesn't make sense for the next. Yeah. Like, Kyle Cadane, I saw on a blog post he posted once, like, I think he hit, like, the 10-year mark in his comedy career, 15 or something like that. And he's just saying how crazy, it doesn't matter like the amount of time that you put in because it's not like,

oh, Mike, you've been doing stand-up for 10 years. Congratulations. You're now a general manager in comedy. It's not like, it's just like, so you could be doing it for 10 years and be featuring and a guy could be doing it for two and he's featuring. But it also doesn't mean that he's better than you or vice versa.

It's just like everybody's path is going to be a little bit yeah definitely definitely and you're such a funny guy you're i mean you're definitely one of the funniest guys i know for sure and you still crack me up i mean your mind is so sharp and you're hilarious thank you you're a great writer so it doesn't you know i i wouldn't think that this means like is this the end of mike moran it's just like you just hit fucking patches yeah i'll never i don't think that this means like is this the end of mike moran it's just like you just hit fucking patches yeah i'll never i don't think i'll ever stop doing comedy like it i just enjoy it too much honestly yeah and the the biggest thing is like i think what's tough too

is sometimes with uh like a comedian that is doing like the one-liners that is like kind of uh like lower energy because you started out doing one-liners that is like kind of uh like lower energy because you started out doing one-liners pretty much for the most part and then it kind of i never did yes you did why do people tell me that i've wrote bits from the beginning they're bits but there was more like kind of like setup punch versus like that's the bits that were like i don't know more conversational you know yeah but there were still bits like the the stuff that i i mean the first few bits that i wrote like they were the you know like the wife beater bit that louis ck pretty much did like point by point on snl after and uh you know like the like the uh uh one about parents

multiple people telling you if it looks like a duck right quacks like a duck yeah it's a one-liner i guess now i i'm with you there were longer bits but it's not like i'm the i'm the comedian that comes out and like says a one-liner yeah another one-liner yeah completely unrelated one-liner yeah i like throwing in one-liners these days gotcha because they're more fun than segways right and nobody cares like nobody they're a great they're a great way to open a set too just like a quick yeah thing to get the audience but um yeah no but you've definitely become more conversational i guess over the years for sure yeah so i don't know so basically just what i'm saying is just that's like and then it just worked because sometimes audiences if you're

like low-key and they're like, oh, we don't want that. You know what I mean? It's just aiming for what type of crowd you want. Because there's guys like, I don't know, you can do really well in an alt room. But then if you go into a club, you're not as good or vice versa. Some people in a club that are a little too polished, kind of like what Ben was talking about, where people kind of see through your stuff. Like, oh, that was off the cuff.

Yeah, like when some professional comedian comes to Sidebar and does their wife jokes and stuff. And just kind of eats it. Like, folks, what's going on? And they're like, eh, okay. So I would say this. You're hilarious. Thank you.

Thank you for the kind words. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for... Traveled down the road and back again. Thank you. Thank you for the kind words. Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for, I mean. Travel down the road and back again. My man. But yeah, you're such a funny dude. Thanks, man. So just keep doing, man.

Okay. Like Alabama once said, keep scribing. You remember that? What? He came to Sidebar and he told everybody to keep scribing. No. Was I there? I think so.

It was years ago. I don't even know if I was doing it. Keep scribing, y'all. What does scribing mean was i there uh i think so it was years ago i don't even know if i was keep scribing y'all what does scribing mean like writing uh like a transcribing yeah like you know keep writing bits yo man keep scribing dog and uh you know there's just so like last like this week on tuesday man um i'm getting really congested as we're going here. On Tuesday, I did stand up for four people in D.C. And it's not like, yeah, I'm crushing it. I went up to and there were four people. It's like towards the end of a show or end of a mic.

And I just asked them, I was like, why are you here? What are you doing? I was like, I know this is a terrible way to start a set but what are you you're the only four people here why are you here they're like we're having fun and i was like oh all right yeah you know so it's just i don't know this this shit happens just just keep writing keep scribing dog yeah um but yeah i mean you're such a funny dude. Everybody knows you're funny. You get on shows and shit. It's not even so much an ego thing because it, I mean,

nothing has like fed my ego more than doing comedy. Like, you know, having people like regularly tell me that I'm, you know, I mean, not regularly, but occasionally tell me that I'm like a genius or that I'm like their favorite local comedian or whatever. I mean, I've never gotten anything like that in my life, you know? Right, right, right. Or even just being like the cool guy in the room that everybody wants to talk to and stuff. I mean, I'm not saying that happens.

It happens like every once in a while, you know? Yeah. And it's not even so much an ego thing because probably, if anything anything my ego needs deflating maybe that's why i'm like in this space is that i've like uh i've gotten this like ego and and i'm like pissed that i'm not and like trying to put it in check yeah maybe maybe it's a good thing for me to uh you know not get too confident in all of it because i definitely i've gotten to i remember like you know writing and like agonizing before like a little tiny open mic when I first started. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thinking about it all day.

Making sure I have everything. And now I'm just kind of like, yeah, whatever. I'll just remember some shit. Right, right, right. But yeah, I mean, that's the other thing, too, is that your perspective changes as you go where, yeah, the first mic, you're like, oh, my God, I'm going to do six minutes, six minutes. But now you're just like, well, if I can do six minutes,

how come I'm not doing 60 minutes? It's just each step of the way, then you just kind of lose sight of where you were when you started versus where you are now. So things are still going really well, man. And I really appreciate the kind words you're saying and stuff. So it's just a natural flow of shit and then i think it was just kind of coupled with you kind of going through

some shit like personally yeah there's when when like four why do like like when four or five little things and one potentially big thing all come together yeah right on seasonal depression month you know like the kickoff like it's like yeah they all combine your shields actually i got the fucking like worst physical depression i've ever gotten the other day like physical yeah my my depression's like very physical like where i fucking like couldn't get out of like the head on the fist position you know the thinker yeah it was awful like i was like no like my friend was all like you want to go lay down and i'm like no and then you just rolled out of the room yeah i just like

wanted to be it's weird i get like this like i wish i could be somebody who just like freaks the fuck out or like breaks down and like cries on a in like a ball on the floor but instead i just get this like awful discomfort that just won't go away really yeah it's like not a it's not like a terrible like breakdown type thing it's just like i just get so lethargic that it's just fucking you might have to just like work on coaxing it out of yourself or something or yeah that's my whole life it's i think i know enough today that sometimes i have to just let myself be miserable right instead of beating myself up over it just be like all right i'm gonna feel like shit for a few days or pretending like you don't

like no everything's good you know yeah it's like you don't have to go to either extreme of like yeah i'm gonna pretend to be happy or like everything's ruined i may as well kill myself yeah just be like i feel like shit for now and i'll you know i'll get over it in a few days and be okay yeah and this will pass yeah i i ran into into I kind of feel like yeah it's just this time of year like um I ran into uh a comedian's girlfriend last night and uh she's super nice and um I was like I haven't seen you in a while what have you been up to she's like I don't know this is kind of my first night out in a while I was like oh really like what have you been up to like I figured she was like busy or something she's like just depressed i've been depressed

for like two months and it's just it's it's refreshing to hear that type of thing because it's like oh i totally get that yeah where it's like i just want to stay home you know and she's like yeah i just had a friend tell me basically like you should come out tonight like just just come out because sometimes when you like you allow yourself to feel that feeling, like, all right, this sucks. I'm going to stay home. I'm going to watch nine movies, eat all my feelings.

And then you can go through that, and I feel like that can be healthy, too, where you just kind of need that. You can forgive yourself for it. You need that little hibernation where it's like, all right, was that, like, technically negative to be, like, just eating all day,

you know, for several days, probably. But at the same time, that shit feels great sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes you gotta, you gotta, and you need that where you're like,

okay, now I've kind of got back to even, you know, and then like I can get out there versus like just wearing yourself down. Like, no, it's all good. Like there is,

you know, like, like sometimes going out with friends and stuff like feels great but then other times like man that that sucked all my energy out where sometimes you just need to be by yourself yeah yeah watch goodwill hunting for the ninth time or something still i've never seen that really people have been telling me to watch that for like 20 years oh man and you you love robin williams right i mean yeah i like him i he is amazing in that movie he makes speaking of like crying like getting tears out that dude makes me cry in that movie for sure yeah i will say though

like the the depression these days it's so much better than like when i something a new product like apple's new depression is so much better than when we were kids. New look, same great taste. Do you know their depression is waterproof now? It's great. You can actually download your depression and send it to a rich person. It is so much better in the last five years to like know that i'm doing that i'm like living my passions you know uh-huh like when i used to get depressed it would be like well i feel like shit and i'm not doing anything that i want to with my life you know yeah and now it's like at least you know like who how lucky am i to like have something like this where we can i can like come and talk

about my feelings or whatever i honestly people will listen you know yeah like this shit is so fucking cool that we can yeah that we can do this like i i'd fucking love it that yeah like um yeah we're very very fortunate to have like all this stuff yeah like even just just hanging out is fucking great and then doing stand up and having that because when it does go well i mean it's such a fucking cool release like yeah i um nick oldershaw recommended it uh patten oswalt's second book and uh when i went down to new orleans i got the not book on tape but uh the whatever book the what the fuck do you call them now like an audio book there we go and uh a long podcast yeah basically yeah um and uh he was talking about the the air in a room when comedians are like riffing and hanging out and how he's talking about like

the coolest part about once he started doing open mics was the hang like before and after and he just said there's just like an electricity in the air and i think he said like it's probably similar to like when soldiers are all connecting you know what i mean like in in battle or something like that but not saying like that comedy is a battle but it's just that so basically you're saying i'm a war hero yes exactly no that it's just like once you are in that shit and like you know that nothing is really out of bounds and you actually are hanging out with like some of the funniest people around that it just feels so fucking great yeah no i remember the first time i experienced that i think with improvisers like when i when i first took an improv class and it was like uh john ulrich uh our friend nicolette and this other dude patrick

and we went out and this was like when i was hard with my life fucking sucked and i sucked and i felt horrible all the time and we went to like some mexican restaurant and like yeah it was just so much fun like the energy was just flowing so hard like other tables were kind of getting annoyed you know yeah but it's like oh my god this is fucking great i haven't felt like this in so long yeah no there's such a fucking release to that where it just feels so good and that's kind of one of the the coolest parts about comedy is that i'm sorry i keep getting like all kind of phlegmy um yeah kill mr over there yeah that's me and then uh yeah i'm phlegmy from motorhead you heard it okay i'm actually gonna pause real

quick because i either need to hock a loogie or blow my nose so we'll be right back and through the magic of the podcast we are back we are back I blew my nose I brought a hanky down

just in case I get in some hot water dude you brought a freaking dish rag down it's a hanky whatever I went to the kitchen to blow my nose my dad used to keep a hanky in his pocket yeah so disgusting it is weird that is what that is not something you use and then keep for later you throw it put it in your front pocket it's the worst hello hello my lady

uh all right so besides besides the depression what do you what do you what do you do when you're um trying to get out of it though um when i'm trying to get out of the depression yeah uh well hopefully i talk to people yeah i've learned that it's better to just open up and be honest exercise is always good for me although that's one of those things too where it's like why where sometimes your body's kind of like why the fuck are you forcing me to do this right now yeah so i don't know like sometimes like you said sometimes it's better to like kind of just let yourself chill yeah just let that wave crash on you but then also that can become a drug too and like yeah and then you feel terrible like if you do it too much because like that when i younger, that's what I would do all the fucking time.

I would just fucking lay around and watch TV and eat junk food. And that's a fucking... It's so easy to do. Yeah, and that becomes a tomb unto itself after a while. So I try to balance it out, get in a little chill time with a friend. But keep active. Not hold myself to the same standards as i would normally i think but like you know if i gotta if i got a show go to the show if i got a podcast go

to the podcast yeah you gotta allow yourself to get out in the world a little bit yeah i um yeah no i mean with all like the the shit that like i went through as a kid and stuff there's still like some residual feelings there and then i think kind of it sounds so stupid to be like as a creative person but like if if i'm not doing something that like feels creative or i'm like putting something out like even if it's a dumb like 15 second like sketch i make for instagram like oh i did that versus like yeah you know what i mean like there has to be something like i'm sure when you're writing a piece even if you're depressed or like oh like comedy's not going well but i wrote this right you know what i mean like you're creating something something whatever level it is still feels fucking great it is weird how it's

like it's almost taboo to say that like your work makes you happy you know or something like that or like you live to work because it sounds like you're a slave to like the corporate system but it's kind of like it's i have to do certain work things regularly yep to be happy yeah no i do too even at my job if it's something that like i'm like oh this is stupid but when somebody's like hey good job you're like thank you you know like definitely i think that it's great to take pride in that shit even if it's like i remember uh i heard an interview with henry rollins when he was talking about working at haagen-dazs he's like yeah it was haagen-dazs but i was the best fucking employee haagen-dazs ever had they wanted to clean it was the cleanest haagen-dazs yeah man he totally

inspired me to like uh be the best best dishwasher i could be back today it's like why the fuck not take pride in your work. And I knew that, like, I don't know. I kind of felt like if I could do this right and give it 100%, then maybe someday I'll be able to give something I'm more passionate about 100%. Yeah, exactly.

Because it's like, I already have those skills. I want to do well. Realizing, too, as I'm getting older, my mom was not a neat freak, but I just remember, like, she would come home from work and I'd be, like, you know, watching Fresh Prince, eating a whole pot roast or something like that, you know. And she's like, and I'm like, what? You know, this is when I was in, like, middle school. It's like, I work all day and you can't take the trash out, you know, and that type of thing. It's like, all right, well, take it out now. It takes, like, two minutes. Like you can't take the trash out you know and that type of thing it's like all right well take it out now it takes like two minutes like that's not the point yeah but as

i'm getting older like i it sucks because i feel like that stuff's creeping in with me too like yeah needing shit to be clean to kind of feel good like i'm not like there's dust on the ceiling fan i can't sleep but like yesterday i drove amanda crazy because uh part of part of the basement that we're in now the storage area area, there were just boxes everywhere. And I was like, we need to organize this. And she's like, why? It's fine. We never go in there.

I'm like, but if we do, I want it to be organized. So yesterday, it's weird the dog to the park. And I felt, like, such a yuppie, but at the same time, I was like, what a nice little day. It's weird how it's, like, as you get older, you realize you just, there's just objective things that you have to do to be happy, and you don't necessarily get to choose what those things are. No. There's no reasoning. If somebody's like, well, why do you play music? When I'm totally all like, yeah, I'm not very good at it.

It takes a long time. It's hard to do. Yeah. But I just have to do it. There's no like good reason it's just like your reality like sets up just a series of things that you have to do to be happy and you just have to do them and yeah it's like well your brain's just like them's the rules okay yeah and it kind of drives me nuts like i don't know i it sucks so i'll have that with like amanda sometimes or i'll

come home and there's dishes in the sink. I'm like, what the fuck? It's like you got to chill out a little bit. Try being at my house right now. There's a dog pissing on the floor everywhere. There's these... What? Yeah, dude. What's going on?

That's another thing that's driving me insane. I have a badass roommate, though. By that, I mean a good roommate right now. He killed several people no he's a great dude and i'm grateful to have him but like otherwise but our our house life is you have a new room you have a new roommate or is it his dog he's been there like a few months five or six months i think and a third person a third person just kind of bailed on us okay um and so there's a bunch of bullshit with that.

And then we tried to bring in another person who had cats and dogs. Well, two cats and one dog. That's a lot. And she... But she was going to take the middle room with no windows. And I'm going to move to the big room and hopefully I'll finally be happy there. Uh-huh. And so I was going to be cool with her being there as long as she took care of the animals

and stuff and took the middle room. And then she disappeared. What? Like for real disappeared? Well, I mean, she didn't evaporate in front of my eyes. No, I mean, people know where she is. I think it turns out she's been incarcerated. Okay.

Yes. And she didn't use her one phone call to let you guys know? Yeah. The hell? So wait, are her pets in your house? Yes. What? Yeah.

So somebody moved into your house, got incarcerated, left two cats and a dog behind? What the fuck? Yeah. Fortunately, my roommate has taken care of them since he brought her into the house. Oh, okay. So a little responsibility there. But he only has so much time, so there's still like fucking angry cats following me everywhere. Are you guys getting food for them and stuff?

He is. He's taking it. I think she had enough food stocked there. For her sentence? This should do 8 to 12. Yeah, I was going to say she got enough cat food for 8 to 12 yeah six on good behavior jesus christ right do you know what she went to jail for i have no idea oh my i'll just say my roommate's such a nice guy that he probably tried to help somebody out who's

going through some troubled times right right right as, right. As is often the case, it did not play out well. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he tried though, man. That's a fucking bummer, dude. Well, I didn't know. You're now a dog owner, kind of. So that's like another depressing thing is like coming home. And like the dog just like fucking destroys the couch and shit.

Yeah. There's like blankets and stuff. How old is the dog? I don't know. I have have no idea i don't even know what his name is really or if it's a he oh and two cats yeah i bet your house smells terrible yeah it does i'm just i'm hanging on to the hope that i can make the big room my own little apartment. Because it is a big fucking room. It's as big as some people's apartments. Yeah, so I'm going to put a new floor in. That's cool.

And my roommate said he would paint the walls since I'm letting him borrow a whole bunch of money right now. That's another thing. It's a whole mess. Oh, man. Damn, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I almost moved out. I was looking around.

But if I can get my little room, or big room, the way I want it, I almost moved out. I was looking around. But if I can get my little room, or big room, the way I want it, I'll be happy. The Fortress of Moranitude? Totally. That'd be great. Just got to figure out a way to block out the windows. Put aluminum foil on them.

But it would be cool to have a nice little workspace, have my music equipment set up, have a desk and be all right. Stead TV. Mini fridge. Now you TV, mini fridge. Now you're giving me anxiety. Mini pool table, foosball. Probably should get foosball insurance.

Put up empty beer bottles of all the beers you've drank over the years. Yeah, some caution tape on my door. Yeah, sick. Jimi Hendrix blacklight poster poster a picture of a woman's ass with like a dollar in the thong that says current assets yeah yeah see this sounds pretty tight yeah yeah that's pretty good maybe like write 420 and like glowy star things on the door yeah yeah like and then a caution sign on the door that says, like, caution badass inside.

Badass at work. Cubs parking. Cubs fans parking. Lamborghini parking only. The Pink Floyd poster with the naked women painted with the album covers. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Get a waterbed. Sounds sick as hell.

That sounds so good, man. All right. Well, let's kind of wrap this up here. I think we're at about an hour, if not right up to it. Is there anything else going on that you want to talk about? Okay. What about you? Sorry to be the...

No, man. I know how it goes. We should talk about your upbringing sometime. Sometimes you drop little hints. Little hints. Yeah, I mean, I could talk about it now. We were kind of at the end of the episode. But yeah, maybe we could get into it

in more detail one time. But basically, so like... Everybody that I normally tell the story to, they're like, why aren't you more angry? That's the weird thing. It's like I'm the messed up one, and my upbringing was relatively normal. And you're like the all-American boy. You grew up in an orphanage eating porridge and tying cans to dogs. Please, sir.

Stealing pies off of sills. And I shared them with the other orphans. Fighting kangaroos for money in the boxing matches. Oh, what? You didn't box kangaroos? That was a normal growing up. For a can of sardines. Makes me think of one of David Twight's bits.

Comedian DC was really funny. He talks about being depressed on stage. And he's like, yeah, and I know that I shouldn't be depressed. He's like, I'm a young white male in America, and I'm depressed. And that depresses me more to know that I'm losing at life on the easiest setting. No, dude, that totally hits the nail on the head. It's not even necessarily the white male thing that's part of it, but being alive here now totally fucking won the lottery on that one.

Yeah, exactly. And then being a white male who on the outside has like nothing wrong yeah it's like how do you explain to people like i'm miserable yeah i'm kind of going through some stuff right okay what's going on it's like um i had to do five minutes the open mic and i think i should be doing 10 right oh really i can't feed my kids yeah yeah yeah totally perspective is that which, lends to the idea that even when we get what we want, we're still going to find something to like, yeah, exactly. It's like, Oh really? That's you're having a, you're having a tough time, huh? Well, uh, cops are murdering my people. You understand? Oh, okay. Um, yeah, no, I, uh, okay. So quick, uh, towards the end here the end here, I'll give a quick recap.

So my mom and dad, I don't talk to either of them, my biological parents. So I was, grew up, mom and dad, mom and dad got divorced pretty early. And another thing, too, that blows your mind, like, I realized when my mom had me, she was 26. So it's like, I'm three years, like, If I was her, I would have a kid that's three years old right now. I'm not cutting people's slack. The generation before that was having kids at age nine or something.

Yeah. They're in sixth grade. They're like, Louise hasn't had a child yet. She's a little old maid. She's going to die alone. He's 14 and he hasn't settled down with a nice girl. You know, he'll be dead by 20. You know what that means.

Okay, so they had me and it was the 80s. Everybody's going crazy for what was in the 80s. It was the height of the Cold War. People love the Cold War. Yeah, we were murdering Russians in the streets. Oh, it was good times. And Ronald Reagan was hosting SNL every week. Yes, Mr. Papadopoulos.

Mr. Papadopoulos. Introduced us to a new brand of Coke. And it was the best. so uh so yeah so they had me and uh my my biological father had um he had his own business his own construction business he was a contractor and uh they had their own house and things were going well and then he was doing drugs and drinking pretty heavily what kind of drugs uh i think coke was the big one so like you know as it was the 80s sure new coke real new so i think they were partying like before i was born right like quote-unquote partying and then uh my mom got pregnant i think she was pregnant a couple times before me and just you know i had like miscarriages and shit and uh so she had to kind of clean up her act of course when she got pregnant and then uh i think he kind of kept going and i remember nights

uh like he was like super drunk like would come home like now when you realize you're like oh like dad was being kind of fun you're like oh he was wasted yeah like one of my memories is of i was at a neighbor's house hanging out with a friend and I came home and my dad was like rocking out to that song. Rock on down to Electric Avenue. No way. I still have like a soft spot in my heart for that song. Was he wearing, was he all like decked out? No.

Like 80s R&B, like red shiny jacket? No, no, no. He just had like a beard, like big 80s glasses and jean like faded jeans and a t-shirt and uh i think a beer in his hand i don't know my memory i just definitely remember like i came home and he's like oh like he was like dancing to it had this big stereo and i was like this is cool this is great and then you're like years later like oh he was wasted just like at the stereo yeah um was he ever like scary drunk yeah he was wasted. Just like at the stereo. Was he ever like scary drunk?

Yeah, he came home and I remember. That had to be horrible, like see your dad. Well, because you don't know. Like I've heard Adam, like I was big into Loveline. I've heard Adam Kroll and Dr. Drew talk about it. And like seeing your kids lose control is like, I mean, as a kid, seeing your parents lose control is like a pilot. you're on a plane and the pilot's like i don't know about this and you're like you're flying i don't know i'm just here like i don't know what the fuck we're doing so it's like the people that you think have the world figured out when they start to spin out of control like that's like as a kid it just

blows your mind up but no i remember he came home and he hit my mom, and I had to call 911. No way. Yeah. Holy shit. I was so young that I didn't know our address, so I called 911. They're like, well, where do you live? And I was like, I don't know. And I think they had caller ID back then, like, before anybody, so they figured it out.

But yeah, dude. Star 69, Jew. Yeah. No, I remember it like shit like that and uh yeah like they they showed up i remember him being in handcuffs and holy fuck yeah like not understanding shit and um yeah and then so they they got divorced and i remember my dad like after that incident or i don't the timeline's weird right i don't think i think it happened like multiple times but uh yeah eventually they got divorced and uh i was supposed to see him on the weekends

and i remember him like not showing up there's a there's a denny's in annapolis where was like the drop-off pickup point like in between houses and it would it would be like a friday and you're like okay you're gonna go to your dad's this weekend and it'll be friday friday night i think we'd be there like five or six or something like that and uh he just wouldn't show up jesus and so like my mom asked a lot like oh he got busy with work but really he was probably like fucked up you know what i mean like drunk or whatever and so and then i remember too um he had a truck and we would drive around he had a six-pack on the floor like while he's driving and like i'd have to smell his breath and stuff like if a cop drove by like oh does my breath smell like and i'd be like oh my god so i

mean that's just like a little bit of it and then yeah so they got divorced and trying to like figure out all that shit and eventually he lost visitation rights and yeah so all that stuff happened so that it was like me and my mom for a few years and then my stepdad came on the scene when i was like i think like between like six and eight somewhere in there and uh hated him at first he was the worst and uh but now to me like he's like what like when i say dad like that's who i'm talking about which i love now when i meet people and i go hey this is my dad they go oh i could see the resemblance really people say that yeah i think you look nothing like him i know exactly that's why i think people are trying to be nice because they're like you can see the wheels

turning like that's your dad you don't know okay yeah i see it right because we work together now too because he works at SSA. I've heard that's actually a biological thing where people say the child looks like the dad more than the mom all the time. Well, actually, it's because, especially when they're born, they look a lot like the dad because the child has such an innate connection to the mother already. The child kind of looks like the dad, so the dad still has a reason to love the kid, which is so weird. Well, I've heard it's evolutionary.

Yeah. But I've heard that when, percentage-wise, people will say he looks like his father more than his mother because they're saying she didn't cheat on you. Gotcha, gotcha gotcha um yeah so yeah all that should happen they divorced uh my my biological parents then uh my mom and stepdad uh got together and they were married and like i was very close with my mom of course because it's like once you go through something like that because then it was just her and i for a few

years so we were super close and so when uh a third party comes in i'm like who the fuck is this guy yeah and uh yeah then eventually like kind of over the years as i got a little older and kind of a little more mature kind of understood his position and uh and then my mom towards like i think it was like 17 or 18 like got into like drugs and drinking pretty bad like she was like borrowing money from me like as soon as i could as soon as i started making money at like 13 and 14 and she would always pay me back or pay me like a little bit more and so i it was cool it was like oh you know like my mom you know like giving me a little more money and it was like you're loan sharking your mom exactly yeah it was like you know and she always gave me more money

so i was like oh it's cool and i figured it was just like you know and she'd be like don't don't tell matt don't tell your dad i'm like okay you know it's like our secret and then you know like you know and like was like smoking pot with me and shit when i was like way too young and of course once you realize like that as you get older, like, oh, that's fucking crazy. It's so weird. You don't seem like one of those kids at all. I feel like we should go see your parents in Columbia

every now and then. And they have a nice house. And you get excited to see your old dog. And you show me your old room. I ask if my nanny's around. Is Consuela here? Oh, she's like oh mr joshua you show me your old like uh fort in the backyard yeah like this is the this is the car me and the old man built together when i was 13 it runs on good feelings uh so yeah so that should happen and then uh so i opened a bank account when i was 17

and i had to co-sign with her because i wasn't an adult so she had access to my account but it was supposed to be this temporary thing so um so yeah i had this bank account and i remember one day i was checking it i was at i was going to community college because i was splitting my time when i was in when i was in 12th grade i would do half at high school half at community college yeah and i was checking my online statements and i had four different withdrawals for a hundred dollars from my account i was like i don't remember making those and uh i asked my mom about it and she was like like i didn't think she stole it right away. I was like, what's going on here?

You know, I think this might have been, like, the beginnings of, like, identity theft online and shit like that. And I was like, well, what's going on? And she was like, what? I don't know. And then I could see, then I looked at it again, that you could see that they were withdrawals from an atm on ken island where we live so i'm like this is the uh most uh close proximity of identity theft ever or you took it so so she took the money and it turned out she did it like to buy drugs like and so she yeah she would drink and have like you know like, like I guess what's normal, like a drink a day or whatever, but then like smoking pot and borrowing money and then taking money.

And then she got in an accident where she was in a parking garage and she was in some parking garage, like on the perimeter. It's that concrete wall, you know. She was going to leave and she thought her car was in reverse, but it was in drive. And she pushed the gas and like drove into the wall and cracked her sternum. Jesus. So she was on painkillers. And then I think got into those like too heavy. Like I would come home and she'd be passed out. Like TV's on, like food on her face and shit.

And I'm like, Jesus Christ, what's going on here? And I remember her telling me too. It's like, you know, if you see me going a little too far just let me know and then again it's like i'm 17 it's like that's not my fucking job don't tell me to do that reversed yeah exactly like you you don't lean on me for support at this age that's not how that goes but you know i'm like okay and then that's compounded with her stealing money and then she got fired from her job and she claimed she was laid off and then you find out later it's like no no you weren't showing up for work you got fired so uh me me and uh my stepdad we had an intervention with her and she's like crying and i was like you got to get your shit together this is you know and she's like

okay and we told the family about it and told told her grant or told her dad my grandfather all that shit and then so um she went to uh rehab outpatient for three days and everybody's like well problem fixed three days yeah and i was like guys i don't know and then along i don't know if it was before that or shortly after that she was diagnosed with breast cancer so it was like this like weird compounding of like serious shit going on and then as she got better then matt and my mom got divorced my stepdad and so like everybody on my mom's side of the family blamed matt and i don't think that he's blameless in a divorce it's usually 50 50 but like she was just spending a lot of money and shit like that like i i could go there's there's so much of the story but like just so much

was going on like getting fired from jobs and drinking and all that kind of stuff and drugs and uh so they got a divorce and uh Matt was like kind of vilified by them. And I was like, well, that's not exactly fair. And they're like, well, you need to like respect your mom. I'm like, well, she's also the woman that stole money from me and is doing drugs. And, you know, I don't think, you know, the reason the way you're sweeping everything under the rug here

is the reason she probably ended up like that in the first place. I'd like confront this and so i moved out and i live with my uncle for a little bit then i live with my grandma and like all this shit was going on and so once she kind of got better i just remember um you know i would go i would try to reconnect with her on some shit and each time something else would pop up. So when she got divorced, she got a bunch of money from the divorce, like spent it all. And she moved in with my grandpa and spent all this money on her new boyfriend

and clothes and getting her nails done and shit like that. And never gave me any money for college. Never. I remember one time she tried to reconnect over Christmas and bought me groceries. And you're like oh that's cool but uh no money for college or anything you know or anything like that she goes well well matt and i we had an agreement that he would help with college like yeah but still i'm your only son you know i mean

it doesn't matter it's like it's so weird to be like uh we had a contractual agreement that I wouldn't support you. Oh, okay. That's fine. So it'd be shit like that. And then I would hear from friends back home that were at a bar or working at a bar like, oh, your mom came in. She said she wants to talk to you. And that is just like the epitome of what the problem is.

First of all, you shouldn't be at a bar. Second of all, don't get my friends involved. Third of all, if you want to talk to me, talk to me. Don't fucking, you know how embarrassing that is to pull in a third party? And like, I'd love to talk to Josh. And it's like, well, you know, you can do that. This isn't like the 1400s and I live on one common you live on the other where it takes like six months to know if we're alive like so i mean dude and that's just kind of like

a sort of quick version of what the fuck like all that shit that went on so there's definitely still some residual anger about all that shit and like more that's going on but i just kind of realized that you can't live off that shit or it's gonna fucking crush you you know like just just fucking eat you up so so yeah there's definitely days where it's like you know what fuck you how fucking dare you do that and then other times like well that's choice. So how do you deal with resentments like that? Because I have, like, a serious resentment problem. And it's, like, not, like, I haven't had that much bad family stuff, you know? Like, my family's pretty cool. Like, we've had our issues.

But, like, overall, like, I'm pretty happy with them. Yeah. But, like, just, like, people I've, I don't know. Like, I just, like, just, like, friends, basically. Or even, like, you know, people I've, I don't know, I just like, just like friends basically or even like people I've worked with or stuff. I have such fucking bad resentments that they like creep up on me almost every day. Yeah.

Well, somebody said, I forget who said it, but they said like the best revenge is to live your life well. Yeah, definitely. So that's kind of how I feel where it's like you know you that those people regardless of what or whatever it is it's like made their choice and then from there like it might not be the next day but years down the road they don't get to be a part of what

you made you know and it's sort of like that that's your choice. So that shit that went down with, uh, with, with my mom, uh, her dad, my grandpa vehemently was on her side and, uh, they would tell me stuff like, Oh, well, you know, they would, they would treat it like Matt was like poisoning me. You know what I mean? Like telling me, it's like, no guys, I saw this stuff firsthand. You understand? And like, like, well, she was there for you when you were, you know, really little. It's like, yeah, no, that was great great but that doesn't give you an excuse for the rest of your life like believe me i i'm you know what you did i'm indebted to you for that for sure but beyond that i think debts are kind of paid once you steal from me and you know become a drug addict

and don't take responsibility and then lie and try to manipulate me ever since you could you know it's like yeah so that's got to be a total fucking like mind fuck to like yeah like i feel so bad for people that like see their parents change you know like oh yeah well it's it's got to be totally weird to like have like the you know the madonna of your life like the the woman that's like everything to you like the way a mother is like turn like a werewolf into yeah yeah you know like it must kind of be like that like because you know you'll have like i'll have like nightmares and stuff where like my parents turn evil or something you know and it's like the most horrifying thing ever yeah yeah like oh my because you'd never envision that happening like what it's like the worst fear like i feel so bad for people that have to like watch their parents turn into different people well i think she already was

kind of that but like when it was just her and i share back was against the wall and like had to take care of it and then kind of over the years just slowly slipped and like kept going and then so but it does suck it's that person your parents are your supports like to have somebody that you had on this pedestal and then realize like oh my god like you know it's not fair to be like oh you're not a superhero anymore but also beyond that like you are actively negatively impacting my life now and like i just had to cut ties it's like i the times that i try to reconnect just too fucking painful and like i i just can't turn a blind eye to that shit and be like you know oh okay do you think there'll ever be a time if she if she like truly like cleans up and like

take genuinely wants to make amends and take responsibility yeah i mean i and i talked to my therapist about that like i started seeing a therapist a little while ago i guess it's been over a year now um just because like these issues like i feel good for the most part but i just didn't want it to be like down the line like somebody's like hey josh you want to read the newspaper and i just start crying for some reason or whatever it is like josh you want to want ice cubes in your drink and i'm like oh my god my god never loved me you know what i mean like just one of those like where you break down when you're 40 because of no reason you know yeah and uh like i think if somebody's like hey nice truck like my father had a truck oh my god right yeah do you think that's

part of why you uh work so hard to be successful at things is like despite them like yeah maybe or like i i because you like realize you have to make yourself happy like yeah i honestly i think that's a part of it so it's sort of like now you have to make if it's going to be just you and then but the thing is too that i've kind of realized is like like the stuff that we were talking about earlier like having like you in my life and friends and amanda and it's like sort of like the the friends and the company you keep i think is like that's your family to me and like those like relationships like the other day in therapy i was talking about my friends that i know from ken island i might even start crying now but like knowing people from when you were 14 to like 15 years later and you're still just as

close like i love that man like just to have those people i think that means like so much so especially going through stuff with like immediate family like even my half brother now like my dad had another kid and i tried to reconnect with him and my dad doesn't want him to see me really yeah because he's probably afraid that i will like tell him what he did but i would never because to him you know that's his dad he what what he did with me and what he does with you know my my half brother has nothing to do with us and it's sort of like i just want to connect with him like it's not like i'm actively seeking him out to destroy his world. And he could have changed.

I haven't talked to my dad since I was 16, my biological father. So it's like I'm not a fucking villain. I'm not going to be like, well, he did this and blah, blah. And there was times that it was great with him and times it was great with my mom but you know like all kinds of shit has just kind of deteriorated from there like my mom i remember just i would tell her stuff i wrote her a letter once saying like this is bullshit i fucking hate it and she showed it to my grandpa like look what your grandson wrote jesus it's like i wrote that for you i didn't write that and you know yes it's nasty but i was in a shit mood. All this shit was going down, and I didn't think anything was getting better. I wanted to connect there.

And instead, you turned it into a woe-is-me party and then actively turned other family members against me. One time, my aunt told me, she's like, well, despite what you think, I think your mom deserves to be happy. And I was like, oh, really? That's what you think? Yeah, that's the worst when people do that. You think that's what I think your mom deserves to be happy. And it's like, oh, really? That's what you think? Yeah, that's the worst when people do that. You think that's what I think? I think that my mom shouldn't be happy. Like, I'm this super villain that lives in Baltimore.

It's like, how else can I ruin Judy's life? I think that's called, like, an ad hoc argument when you try to, like, make somebody say something that they didn't actually say, you know? It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Where the fuck do you get that? What the fuck are you where the fuck do you get that what what the fuck are you talking about like i don't mind like if she wants to date somebody great but is that person gonna challenge her and tell her and say you should get better or

hey you don't talk to your only son what the fuck's going on there like you know and so it's just like okay but uh all right you know i'm the bad guy you got it like and so with my grandpa my grandpa's getting older and my cousin asked me she was like hey uh i think it was last year she was like hey it's gonna be his birthday i want to get the cousins together and surprise him at uh at a diner for his birthday and i said no she goes well i don't know you should think about like he's getting older and if he dies would you regret it blah blah and it's like maybe i i would be sad sure but it's also he chose his path as well i'm i'd hate that every that it's like well what are you gonna do it's like no what are they gonna do because when it comes to me it's like he is the adult several times over in that situation when this all started i was like

17 to like where i am now and the whole time he's been a grandpa you know what i mean so his level of maturity should not be compared to mine especially in that situation where it's like she goes well he'd love to talk to you it's like he knows how a phone works you know it's like either he is all the operators yes exactly so it's like he he's a smart guy he would love to talk to you okay it's a two-way street it's not all on me and just because it's your birthday i'm not going to pretend like that we that us not talking for the past eight to nine years hasn't happened right you know and that's just not fair and like i hate that shit where it's like ah bygones be bygones how are you grandpa it's like no you treated me like i was a bad guy yeah and that's your path you chose

that and i don't it's not on me to apologize for that you know and if stuff could work out i'm all for it but a lot of shit would have to change yeah so like this pat and my birthday was a couple weeks ago and it used to be that my mom would try to reconnect on like the big you know thanksgiving christmas birthday shit like that boxing day yeah we flag day was a staple of our family the day heath ledger died yep that was a big one um and uh anniversary of josie's death yep three foot nine um with a 10 foot dick and uh but yeah and over like the the past weekend i didn't even think about it so uh the reason and then i was gonna try to we'll we'll wrap up soon too because i feel like i'm rambling about it so uh the reason and then i was going to try to we'll we'll wrap up soon too because i feel like i'm rambling about this but uh take your time uh but my therapist when i first

saw her she was saying so it's sort of like you are in the stages of grief and you're like oh shit i didn't even think about that and there's actually a theory that all of us throughout our lives like every day we're somewhere within the five stages of grief of like anything. Because you normally think of grief as like someone dying or whatever. But when you stop talking to a person, they are essentially dead to you. So first you are in these like denial, like, no, no, no, we're going to work it out, blah, blah, blah. And I'm trying to get to that acceptance part where you're just like,

this person, they did their thing, I'm going to do my thing, and that's just kind of where we're just like this person they did their thing i'm gonna do my thing and that's just kind of where we're at like does it hurt below all that sure but i can't let that fucking envelop me or it's gonna destroy me yeah and what do you get out of it you know like there are yeah there are times where you're mad it's like well fuck you how fucking dare you do that and then other times where it's like that is just too much and i just have to let that shit go and uh no and it does feel good too to be like i still have my friends i have this great support system i'm doing shit that i love it feels good and it's like and i'm building that shit on my own but with my friends too right so and then down the road if you want a piece of that you

can't yeah because you chose not to invest essentially in josh kaderna industries you know what i mean kaderna enterprises yes so when when kaderna enterprises is having a good quarter and you're like hey i'd love to invest go fuck yourself yeah is how i feel yeah i'm yeah i actually like uh i'm kind of having that with with a girl that like really i think fucked me a lot nice dude in crazy crazy ways like reverse cowgirl actually that that's that's the worst part is that there wasn't any of that, so I didn't even get that. But who I think is insane and is horrifyingly able to make up facts that didn't happen. Right. And that's a very scary place to be in,

so I've had to be really nice to her so that the lies don't get more severe. You know what I mean? Right. And now I'm in a place with her that the lies don't get more severe. You know what I mean? Right. And like now I'm in a place with her where she said some really nice things to me lately that I really appreciated and like kind of apologized for something. I'm not even sure what. Right.

And it's weird. Like I want to be like, no, you were hurtful to me. You don't get to be a part of Mike Moran Enterprises. Yeah. But at the same time, like, number one, I'm scared she'll, like, make up some weird allegations. Yeah. And number two, like, it's just, I don't know. It's hard to, like, not forgive somebody when they're, like, I mean, but it's one thing.

It's one thing if she, like, truly wanted to make amends for the things she did and then said sorry for each one and, like, really to make it right like then i'd be totally cool i'd be really impressed but like i don't know to just kind of give like a vague sorry and like expect me to like just keep joking around with her and being like it's normal yeah it's really bizarre i don't know that you got to do what's what's healthy for you like don't worry about she's trying, I should be like. No, no, no. Is this actually going to make me feel good? Don't fucking worry about that shit. You could even say I

appreciate that, but it's going to take some time for... Yeah, but I don't think it's that deep of a friendship. That's why I was pretty impressed that she said sorry. A lot of people don't do that no especially when they don't have to like i was already still being nice to her you know like i wasn't uh yeah she didn't have to like you know i don't know and she said some really she said some

really nice things to me too you know so it's it's really weird but like yeah i do think she kind of ruined my life in some ways that like seriously still fuck with me christ yeah dude well cut that shit out because it's like why and she's fucking funny too that's the problem like we have you know how like you have a little niche with somebody where only you two can kind of joke about that in that zone yeah she has one of those with me yeah so like i like texting her yeah randomly yeah so it's i don't know it's weird well just be careful man don't let it like fuck you up too much yeah i kind of already did i think ah see see but yeah i i think

you're well within your rights to be like okay but i need to take a time out for that shit because it's not healthy for me yeah and it's one of those things where i could have like asked around and be like did this person say this about me but like i just kind of like okay i'm not engaging in this childish behavior yeah because that's not going to get you anything either right so it's it's a weird position to be in though because it's like do these people think some weird things about me that aren't true because you know like but you don't want to walk around asking he said she said questions paranoid all the time yeah or just engaging in that high school because i honestly think like like the bet like what i was saying like the best way to just not give a

shit is just do well like yeah if that shit's not even on your radar right that's like the biggest that's the biggest fuck you you can oh absolutely indifference because you're just so happy with yourself yeah or like just not like not even concerned like if it's like did you know so and so said blah blah blah it's like well first of all so-and-so said blah, blah, blah? It's like, well, first of all, it's not true. And second of all, I don't care. I did not hear that. Yeah, that's the attitude I've tried to take with it.

Yeah. But it's just a weird thing because there's nothing more terrifying than somebody who will just make up shit about you. And you don't know where these allegations are going to go. But the thing is, this person, obviously, that's not the first time they've dabbled in this. So I'm sure they probably have a reputation of being a liar. You know? I guess so. But it's weird to just...

I don't know. I felt like singled out from people. Oh, really? I think it's maybe something where she only gets like that with somebody who she was like relatively intimate with, you know? Okay. Even though it was never like a you know okay uh even though it was

never like a full-on thing like it was just i think she's just one of those people that gets a little crazy when it comes to things like that well cut that shit out man yeah i did years ago good it's still uh residing now keep it keep it cut keep it cut but i guess it's i don't know i was pretty touched by the thing she said so i just kind of like I'll just leave it at that you know yeah take take you know just take it slow don't be like okay that's great now we can be tight again right yeah man

huh do we feel better at the end of this I do I feel a little better do you okay yeah I feel like I got a lot of stuff off my chest the only thing I didn't talk about was like I did we kind of talked about this in text like I don't want to this is like a whole nother fucking talk show but like yeah we got time like sometimes i i worry that like i'm gonna drag you down with the podcast like i don't want it to be something where it's like here's this like working regular

comedian and he has to bring his friend along with him you know like oh dude but i mean it could be cool to to have like one of us be the club guy and one of us be like the diy like local guy but i think it's too early to even like think about that and put the the constraints on like who each person is because it's sort of like you know like i said like i'm like barely into like clubs or whatever like yeah i know but you. But you will be big, I think. I think you probably will be on the radar of like... I appreciate that. But I think it could happen to you too.

In some ways. But the thing is too, you run into people, you're like, this individual is so fucking funny. Right. But they're just a guy you've never heard of. But you could destroy any room. And I'm pretty happy with that. When I look at the mountain of stuff that you have to do or at least for someone like me would have to do like i'm kind of like maybe i'd be happier just being a baltimore

guy who right that's you got to think too like because sometimes it's like the fucking rat race is gonna maybe just chip away at your soul right up to where you're not happy like why am i striving for this yeah like when i interviewed the artistic director for the single carrot theater she was kind of like yeah early on i realized i didn't want to be a performer who was like just standing in line hoping i'll get picked by somebody you know like i'd rather just do it myself yeah and i'm kind of feeling like that's maybe where i am right now nothing fucking wrong with that man so it yeah it's just kind of looking at like what you actually want but as far as like us still going oh i think amanda's coming down stop talking about it okay there she is so the thing about the stock market is yeah when you

got your nasdaq decimal down five points. Amanda, say bye. Bye. You're going to Trisha's house. A friend of ours just bought a house, right? Yeah. You saying bye-bye? Bye-bye. Tell us briefly about your encounter with the band Anthrax.

They came in, had dinner at the restaurant I work at. Yeah. Great story. Yeah. They story. Yeah. They were nice? No, they were actually super nice. And everyone, well, the head chef and one of our prep cooks absolutely love Anthrax. They were both in heaven.

They were cool. We just bought them a bunch of drinks. Awesome. Yeah, and the head chef took down a bunch of food for them. But they could not have been nicer people. That's great. Yeah, you said Scott Ian was down a bunch of food for them. But they could not have been nicer people. That's great. Yeah, you said Scott Ian was a sweetheart? Yeah.

Yeah. Was Flavor Flav there? No, I don't think he was. There were enough people drooling over them that I kind of stayed in the background. Wow, that's kind of funny. I would think they'd be a little bit anonymous. Anthrax was never that huge of a band.

I don't remember ever seeing them on MTV or anything when I was little. Yeah, I don't know. So explain to me. I never really listened to Anthrax, but I honestly think if it weren't for everyone else being so excited they were there, especially the head chef. He's been idolizing these guys his whole life. I'd be pretty excited. I might have not even reckoned i wouldn't even known who they were they'd just

been like dudes with crazy hair yeah yeah yeah i think it's one of those bands that everybody knows too like even if you didn't listen to them you're aware of anthrax right you know so it's like oh a famous band is in here yeah and then there's one or two people that are super excited that are like make you excited too you know right yeah but uh no they uh didn't their guitar tech come back or manager or something and gave you guys a bunch of picks right he did he came back in for like some late night food and um he was like yeah i'm only in town for like polo and i was like let me guess you're with anthrax and he was like yeah and he gave me a bunch of their guitar picks like nice um well like they're like individually made or

whatever for like specifically for them but yeah and i use them now actually i think i lost them they're somewhere in this basement somewhere but uh yeah mike and mike and i are in the middle of our depression session yeah this has been like the deepest sessions ever it's been long too i feel like this should be a two-parter no i think we just keep going like a joe rogan-esque three-hour podcast okay well i just got a call back from a company that i actually applied to nice not just like one of those scam like telemarketing like hey we could really use you yeah i got one of those recently i totally got like roped in my resume is up on like online now so i get at least a call a day

about some call center wanting a job. This is actually something I applied to. I don't think I want it, but it's cool that I got a call back anyway. You above it all. I don't even want it. On that, enjoy your depression session. I've got to get going to my

friend's new house. Everything's great. Have fun. Tell Trish I said hi well real quick before you go I was just I was talking about how like other family shit sucks but it's really nice

to have friends and people in your life that are awesome and uh if you could step up your game and be like Mike Moran nah

I love you very much and uh I'm sorry I farted in your dream I don't know it was kind of in real life and in my dream it was just yeah well but it was nothing surprising it was like well there you go go back to sleep sleep paralysis with josh's farts is it fair to say it was the fart of your dreams tell tell trisha too i tried to tag her on Facebook last night When Jessica Murphy Garrett

Brought up Ben and Jerry's flavors On my page And I wanted Trisha To tell her exactly Which flavor is the best And I couldn't find her You gotta write put Trisha I did I tried everything

Maybe she defriended me She might not let you tag her in I think she's... I did. I tried everything. Huh. Maybe she defriended me. She might not let you tag her in photos and stuff. Oh, okay. Because she's got big girls out there. So she's probably... Oh, yeah. That's probably a setting where... Oh, yeah. People can't tag you.

Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because we have many drunken pictures floating around the internet and I don't think they pop up anymore. Right. All right. Well, I love you, lady. I love you, too. Say goodbye. Bye. Bye. drunken pictures floating around the internet and i don't think they pop up anymore right all right well i love you lady say goodbye bye bye um what the fuck were we talking about

oh yeah just the podcast and how i don't want to drag you down oh that's stupid you're not okay it would be freaking awesome if like if you get big and then like how cool would it be to have like this fucking like diary of a comedian oh yeah yeah that's totally cool i think it's just cool for our lives in general yeah like it's sort of it's a it's a diary yeah in a way of like shit you can always listen to which is kind of terrifying at the same time of uh like if you have kids or something like oh let me see what dad was up to. You're like, you know what's funny about boners? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. No, but I think people do appreciate how we balance the boner jokes with real life,

you know, exposing ourselves. You got to balance the boner in real life. Boner versus real life. Requiem. Oh, yeah, we had the basement door closed so the dog couldn't get in but um yeah i don't know man i feel good i just don't want you to you know feel like you're like heart like being too down on yourself for yeah i know shit because it's it's cyclical and then it also

at the same time like shit's right around the corner that you don't even know about you know what i mean yeah terrible terrible shit yeah so get prepared i know so um so then why the fuck did we have this so what's your fucking problem man uh no i think we should uh let's wrap let's wrap it up here i feel good we got some shit out of the way um we both talked about shit that depresses us A nice depression session We hope it depresses you too We hope it depresses you too Chad texted me by the way So we're going to try to record tomorrow So if we can do that So for those listening We're going to try to have 83 Cutlass

A rapper here in Baltimore And he's blowing up a little bit And we used to work with him at Paper Moon Diner And that's actually where I met Amanda as well and and you all of my all of my lovers and yes we're gonna have him on he's getting some Dan Deacon love oh oh you got to get that that Dan Deacon ride that Deacon train that Deacon I'd say that ride that pony song that genuine song that deacon um all right man let's say yeah let's wrap it up here because i i feel like i feel good we got some shit out of the way thank you for indulging me of course man any fucking time like i don't i don't want you to ever feel like you have to pretend or you know i know so so yeah you the man huh huh? I believe it was Jesus that once said, no, you the man.

No, I'm not. How could I possibly be the man? You the man. Okay, I'm the man. And so, yeah, let's wrap it up here. Thank you to everybody for listening. And we'd really appreciate it if you could come out tonight to Liam Flynn's at 830 and see us talk about our depression in a bar. Yes.

And hopefully microphones and everything are set up and check out the rest of the fringe festival there's a bunch of shows going on in baltimore all week and uh yeah we'll be doing stand up on the 13th at liam flynn's here in baltimore come out to that uh we love you thank you so much for listening and uh if you're depressed just know that it's gonna stick with you forever there's no None. You're the first person to ever feel like that. Yep. And it's not going to pass. It's your fault. Ever. Ever. And on that note, we love you everybody.

David Koechner, take us out. Digression Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. you