The Digression Sessions - Ep. 171- Josh & Mike Solo (@JoshKuderna & @MikeMoran)

Episode Date: November 16, 2015

No guest? No problem! The boys' chat this week isn't as intense as last week's "Depression Sessions" but the boys do get deep into their personal lives as always, and discuss this weird world we live in. Some highlights include Josh’s recent attending of the Wye Oak/BSO show, and his somehow, never before spoken story of the time he had several machine guns pulled on him and was called a lady. Mike recounts his attending of the Insane Clown Posse show and his first experience with a chronically vomiting Uber rider. This is a fun one guys! DigHeads, it’ll make you as happy as a juggalo covered in Faygo! Follow your boys, Mike & Josh, on Twitter and Instagram.  Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Mike - @MikeMoranWould on Twitter The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook For live stand up and improv dates, check out - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Who's the guest this week? let's let's get into it we got ourselves another guestless episode but here's the deal no guest no problem right love that two in a row huh oh just so you can you can say Yep. Well, you know, I'm repeating it again. Do I want to repeat it? No. But no

problem. Sure. I'm going to work on that one. I'll maybe edit that one out. Do I want to repeat it? No. But no problem. But no problem. The gimmick there is that you use no choice. Yeah. Again. Well, again, this is why we workshop. This is why we workshop.

Doing low brow good. Low, doing lowbrow good. Lowbrow good. That's us. Gooder. Gooder lowbrow, the digression session. Right. All right, so it's just Mike and I this week. No guests.

And we're actually going to do two episodes this week. Really? We're going to have a live episode come out on Thursday. Yes. So if you're listening on Monday, November, whatever that day is. Probably. Mr. Black. Yeah.

Probably the 16th is my guess what November is. Or Monday, November 16th. Sure. Whew. Monday's going to be the 16th. And that's when this comes out. And then Thursday we're going to have a live episode come out. So this will come out before our previously recorded live

episode yes well that's a little weird i think we're all clear um yeah well i want it to be like a kind of a bonus episode because the audio was it's it's good it's a little weird it kind of peaks in some spots but uh peaks and valleys there's peaks and valleys for sure that the episode takes a minute to get going but i hope everybody enjoys it it's a it's a good one um we had uh four guests on and uh yeah check it out it's good it's good and we're supposed to have someone on today but they canceled yes hopefully we'll have them on monday mr 83 cutlass chad yeah i'm sure that'll definitely happen yeah we've rescheduled like nine times yeah today he was like oh man i forgot it was my baby's baby mama's birthday and i have to uh watch the kids so

she can go out today and it's like okay well that's fine but monday he says he's off all day so we're gonna record that excellent and then we'll get into it so uh i might be painting my room monday all day i don't know it doesn't take that long how big's your room it's pretty big you got a big room yeah it's the biggest room i've ever lived in mr fancy dude i finally got my dream space together after all these years your dream space absolutely what's in the dream space we got the wooded floor for me all it is is a nice hardwood floor yeah some freshly painted white walls there it is that's pretty much it you want them white yeah okay yes it's kind of plain i like my walls like i like my uh

outstanding and white yeah upstanding supporting my ceiling i like my walls like i like my genetic pools white and boring yes right i'm into it yeah uh no i want to live in a yoga studio so that would be mirrors a lot of mirrors now right well there's a couple mirrors there's a couple that would be spooky though that'd be real weird yeah what is the deal with mirrors uh i don't know, Seinfeld. They're scary, aren't they? Not really. What are you talking about?

Why are they scary? I don't know. They just are. Like being in a dark room with mirrors everywhere? Oh, if they were everywhere, yeah. I thought you just meant in general. Well, in general, they kind of are. Because what makes it scary would be the thing that's in it.

Are you scared of what you see in the mirror? Maybe. Maybe it is some sort of weird, like, the monster within. It's weird, too, because, like, you know, think about how long people didn't have mirrors. They had to mosey on down to the crick to... To catch a good glimpse of yourself in maybe a crick. And then hopefully the crick is steady and it's not, like, moving with a current. Otherwise, you're like, where did I get all these ripples on my face? I don't remember having a trout on my cheek.

Oh, my God. There's algae all over my face. Just think about if you grew up living next to a raging river in the pioneer times. Sure. How often would you get to see your face? I don't know i feel like mirrors have been around a long time yeah i guess i guess since then but here's the deal what are mirrors made out of i have no idea make a mirror no clue i heard somebody say the other

day something about i think it was in a movie or show uh uh the flash which is mentioned in the live episode you're obsessed with the flash um not obsessed but i'm enjoying it's on netflix it's easy to watch listeners listen to our live podcast and tell me if josh is or is not obsessed listen barry allen is pretty cool uh but yeah like in all these like cop shows where everybody is this amazing scientist all the time. They're like, so that means, it's this obvious stuff. There's some bad guy or something like that that could control electricity or lightning or something. Electro?

Probably. Oh, wait, no, he's a Spider-Man guy. Spider-Man? Yeah. No, I forget what it was, but it was like, and then you have lightning meet sand, and what does that create? And they're like, glass. And it's like, really? Is that meet sand and what does that create and they're like glass and it's like really is that how it happens is that how we have to get

glass how do we make glass well i think it's from sand and heat isn't it yeah well i guess but the way they said they're like uh lightning and sand or electricity and sand but i guess it's heat i don't know well they were certainly making glass well before there was electricity right that's what i'm saying where i don't know where it comes from i think you also when they heat up sand yeah although i don't know why if you build like a bonfire pit it doesn't turn into glass eventually the whole beach you're like oh no what have we done that's why when i was younger i thought too like that uh you know if you if you throw a toaster in a tub you're gonna electrocute yourself sure now what's to stop me from getting an extension

cord in a toaster and just throwing it in the ocean and just electrifying the whole ocean killing every sea life just like oops now we can bring the toaster down to the shore and then the water comes in you know like when you're out swimming and then the tide rolls in and your toaster goes out there. I think it has to be very much in close proximity to the electrical device for it to shock you. Or a bigger toaster. Yeah, yeah.

Like, why don't terrorists just shock the ocean really badly? Ugh, bad time to bring up terrorists, Michael. Sorry. Bad time. That really fucking bums me out yeah what uh what went down in paris jesus christ yeah terrifying because yeah we did we did a show last night and uh for the fringe festival and uh it was just kind of it was the night that it happened on friday so it's saturday when we're recording this and uh yeah i just heard that

there was like hostages were taken at an Eagles to Death Metal concert. So that's all you hear at first. You're like, holy fuck, that's terrifying. And then each bit of news was just worse and worse after that. So like, because we did the show, so I wasn't really checking in on it. And then the TV was on at the bar. I think you might have already left,

but it was like eight suicide bombers. Like, Jesus Christ, eight. And then death toll, 153 at least. And you're like, holy fuck. I think they were firing into the crowd of the concert. Yeah, yeah. But then there was other locations, too, where they were just blowing stuff up,

like right outside of a soccer stadium. So this must have been like a whole army of terrorists. It was eight guys. Really? That's it? I think it was eight, yeah. So what, did they fire and then blow themselves up? Yeah.

I think, yeah, either. Jesus. Yeah. I try not to read too much about it. I wanted to know what was going on, but I don't know if they were like surrounded by the cops and then blew themselves up or like shot a bunch of people, blew themselves up and then the cops arrived. But God damn, how terrifying is that?

Yeah, it's pretty awful. Because it's just when you go to a concert, it's just this place where you're like, this is going to be fun. This is going to be like, it's totally a loose environment it's just, when you go to a concert, it's just this place where you're like, this is going to be fun. This is going to be like, it's totally a loose environment where you don't think anything like that's going to happen. And then Jesus Christ. Cause everybody's just pinned in there essentially.

It's fucking terrifying, man. Yeah. Yeah, it is such a fucking bummer. It's probably not going to happen to you. I think you shouldn't be scared to go to concerts. Yeah.

I didn't say I was scared to go to a concert.'m just saying it's just it's uh it's just shitty yeah it's hard just yeah i mean it's scary but yeah for the most part it just bums me out it just fucking breaks my heart because it's like then it just feeds on it and it's like well we gotta go get these fucking terrorists like yeah that everybody politicizes it like immediately yeah it's like and that might be part of the plan too that it's like let's piss them off let's get them to go after us even more or you know like in the rhetoric too of like fucking muslims like of course the people that caused that are gonna be like see they hate us this is why we need it more than ever but you

know at the same time i'm not gonna be like well let's all just turn the other cheek like it's you know you should be outraged but to say like you know all of all muslims are bad and like condemning everything and then also they're like yeah well this is what happens when you let refugees in the country you got to close up the border it's like don't you think those are the people they're running from do you think people that are seeking asylum are like whoo glad we made it yeah now let's blow it all up you know most people in the muslim world don't support that stuff even even like the more like ultra conservative types in the middle east are i think turning more and more against the violent types well it's uh it's just such a weird situation. Like, I still barely understand.

I mean, due to my own ignorance of the Sunni-Shiite conflicts and where ISIS falls in that. So, it's kind of like, I forget the group that it was. I think it's the Sunnis that, like, the ISIS mostly appeals to them. But they're super, super, like, they want to make an Islamic state that's, like way way old-school and super super conservative so and the Sunnis are like yeah that's good and they're like yeah you better yeah it's fucking good or we'll kill you like yeah it's good it's good it's good that's really great and then yeah so then the Shiite become the enemy too and then it's just it's and like isis is just that's just listen i'm gonna make a bold statement they're just fucking awful okay well controversial

call me a hero if you want i'm taking a courageous stand but they're yeah but they do shit that's like like super villains do of of destroying old art and artifacts and stuff it's like what the fuck and then they're shooting videos because everybody can you know make anything in their basement to look like slow-mo beheadings and shit like that for recruiting videos it's just a fucking weird time man for as long as i can remember as soon as i realize like stuff like that still happens in this world it's completely like freaked me the fuck out like i can't watch videos like that like people no no no i can barely even watch like i i don't know it's weird i have a weird relationship with the media like where i i'm i'm a little sociopathic sometimes when it comes to

relating to media stories like this be great because off like to people i have this i don't empathize with people it's hard for me to tell like when i should be i mean obviously anybody dying like that is a tragedy it's horrible but like it's it's you know so many people die every day in the world it's like hard to like decide like when it's right right right yeah and then it's like what about like the like terrorism in africa right now or like you know i don't know it's just weird it just happened in beirut a couple days ago yeah and i i just didn't know because it just wasn't reported like it is you know it wasn't breaking news on cnn right and uh yeah i mean it's certainly like yeah definitely it's it's tragic when anything like that happens but it's just i get overwhelmed with like what i

should be you know yeah like feel sad about or whatever yeah because you can't let it consume you either it's just gonna destroy it like because you can't let it consume you right it's just gonna destroy it like because you're like god oh wait this next terrible thing right down that rabbit hole you're like so it happens every day right all the fucking time but we should take comfort in the fact that it's not nearly as bad as it used to be like uh you know the fact that the that the world looks at these things like oh my god that's fucking horrible how did that happen yeah is like progress in some way because i mean like just 60 70 years ago you know the country's like you know there would have been an invasion from like germany to france like that you know what i mean like yeah it's hard to believe just like not that

long ago up until very recently the western european countries were like terrorizing each other like that all the fucking time oh yeah yeah that's basically all of history class yeah like and boy did spain not like france right yeah yeah it's weird like just in our grandparents like there's no way you could imagine that today like germany like invading france or something yeah i mean it's really not that long ago the nazis occupied france and paris and like yeah it's it but yeah on the whole definitely things are trending up but when you see stuff like that it's just fucking heartbreaking i just i like and yeah the concert because thinking of that like you're they're just pinned in there like the yeah it's fucking it's just, you know, the politicizing of it and stuff.

Like, well, wait a minute. France has strict gun laws. How do they get guns? It's like, yes, of course. But this is an aberration from the norm. And I'm sure them having less guns, I would like to see their stats on their yearly gun violence. I hate it when people use anecdotes as, like, proof, quote unquote. Yeah. Or there's, like, a difference between real proof and internet proof. Yeah yeah or when a guy's on the senate floor holding an ice ball he's like

okay so global warming huh how come i have a snowball in my hand it's like yeah just because the sun goes down at night doesn't mean it doesn't exist anymore people are like total sucker it doesn't exist people are like total suckers for visuals. If you have a visual of anything, you can prove anything. You know what I mean? Here's a picture of three women who killed people. That's proof that women are more violent than men. You know what I mean?

If you can show examples, people would just be like, oh my god, that's true. That's it. That solves it right there. People don't think statistically. They don't think logically. Yeah, it just really kind of grossed me out too. And then another thing that was grossing me out is when they use it to compare to other stuff. Like in Missouri where the students are protesting at the University of Missouri.

And they're like, huh, I bet they're taking a hard look in the mirror about their problems right now. It's like, no, they're not. It's not a comparison. What is that? That is so stupid when people do that like yeah oh you think this is a problem well what about this yeah you're allowed to be concerned about more than one thing yeah and like what's this whole phenomenon with being like uh bruce jenner isn't a hero because soldiers exist yeah can't they both i mean yeah

she is heroic to a marginalized people that have had a really rough time. Yeah. And it does, I will say, it does go a little too far, like, in the PC kind of culture. Like, South Park did a really good job of that with an episode this season where anybody that didn't say she was a hero was, like, an asshole or whatever. Right. Like, no, the point is, like, she's a hero, maybe, but not to me. Yeah, she's a hero to people who say she's heroic yeah yeah that that identify with that and yeah what she's doing definitely fucking

uh um is courageous i was gonna say takes balls but that would be not good not good um yeah but it's just i hate the comparison it's like wow yeah but uh the students in missouri are pretty embarrassed right now it's like why what yeah like the students in missouri are pretty embarrassed right now it's like why what yeah it's like you're only allowed to be concerned with one thing yeah and it's completely different too like dealing with with uh racism at your school and protesting has nothing to do with one on over there zero and to blame refugees is just like what this was a concerted this was probably planned for months right and they're acting like refugees show up they're like well now i don't have all my belongings

let me go get a gun and uh strap this bomb to my chest that's what they do and we'll go to eight different locations right yeah it's like that's not what the fuck's happening it's yeah it's everybody just takes these events and uses them to like further their own political agenda yeah just yeah it's just it really fucking bothers me and then uh yeah so we did the show last night moving on from uh the tragedy transition there from one tragedy to another the show last night uh no i thought the show was good for a great time for the fringe fest and uh yeah we uh i brought my pa and we set up the stage and everything show last night. No, I thought the show was good. I had a great time. For the Fringe Fest. I brought my PA and we set up the stage and everything.

It was good. It was a good crowd. For me, it was one of those shows where the first two or three jokes just didn't hit that well. It's like my soul is just falling into the abyss. Just like, no! See you, Amanda. Bye, Amanda. Amanda's going to work, everybody.

Have a good night. Oh, babe, can you start the dishwasher? Yeah. Thank you. There's like nothing fucking worse than when everybody else is killing and the crowd is hot and the first few jokes kind of fall flat. Like a gill.

But then it came back around. It came back around for me. Yeah, it was a good night. And yeah, I felt good about my set. There was a part where it kind of dipped in the middle where I say somebody facetiously killed themselves and they got really sad. What? The joke about the kid I put on the phone. Oh, Big Head Brian.

Yeah. Like in the joke I say that this kid who did not, obviously I'm kidding that he's dead. And they're like, oh. Like he's not real. Well, he's real. He actually. Yeah, it's weird how people react to things like that yeah it was fine I had a good time but there was a phenomenon not a phenomenon but the people that it's happened to me twice and in the past two weeks of doing shows the the guy who comes up with this

brilliant line you better be funny you better you better be funny it's like okay you know what do you mean like before you go on yeah oh you're a comedian you better be fun yeah all right it's like what do people do you're a poet you better fucking you better move me emotionally yeah who does that so there was a guy last night who uh who i had just met he goes oh i heard you're not funny it's like what it's like no you didn't no no he's joking yeah yeah that's a joke like wow you're a comedian well i heard you're not funny okay you got me and then and then his friend was like no i've never talked about you. I was like, yeah, I assumed. But of course, surprisingly, that guy turned out to be a huge asshole.

He was the one that was chatting during everybody's set. Oh, okay, yeah. And then Tommy Sambazo, in his set, he was talking about Dundalk, which here in Maryland is usually the punching bag for somebody stupid. Like, where are you from? Dundalk? And so Tommy's talking about Dundalk which here in maryland is usually the the the punching bag for somebody stupid like where are you from dundalk right and so tommy's talking about the uh poland of maryland yeah exactly and uh somebody said it was tommy he's talking about dundalk and the dundalk accent and how bad it is and of course that same guy was like hey and then I look over and he's wearing an orange Superman shirt, which is another thing, too. I love guys that wear the Superman shirt with the big S on it.

And they're usually like out of shape fucking adults. I'm like, yeah, okay. You're clearly Nietzsche's Ubermensch. Yeah. And then he was like offering me beer. He's like, do you want to finish this beer? I hate wasting it. He's offering you old beer. It was like a half of his beer. Do you want to finish this beer i hate wasting it he's offering

you old beer uh it was like a half of his beer with this half-eaten pretzel yeah it also it's beer it's like oh yeah there's starving children that would love to have this beer i hate wasting it yeah yeah it's okay there's sober people right now that would love that beer josh i just hate wasting it there's people in islamic countries who are forbidden by by law to eat they would love my half drink beer from dundalk it'd be really great um yeah and then yeah the other show i did it was a security guard like right before i was going to go up like a bouncer he's like you better be funny like how does that encourage me at all like that's just so annoying

like oh you're right holy i'm glad i saw you because i was just gonna go up there and fucking read from the yellow pages i think maybe maybe people just assume if you're a performer then then you're like the shit you know like you're mr like confidence like uh yeah like they don't see like how insecure and nervous and anxious we are you know yeah yeah like How we're human beings who are just devastated when we don't do well. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're one joke away from, like you said, falling into the abyss of self-hate and doubt. It's just like, and you still like me now, right? That's pretty much every joke.

Even last night, it was one of those shows where I felt good about my set, but I still felt like shit afterward because the anxiety was through the roof. Still carrying, yeah. Not that it was some important show or something per se, but it was just your shitty show that you put on. No, I'm just kidding. But it wasn't like it was something where the consequences were real big. I don't know. Just for some reason reason my anxiety was so high that like yeah even though i did well like afterward i just didn't

feel good oh oh yeah because it was still kind of just surging through yeah i get that sometimes after the uh michael lean black show like you know looking back i should have been like really like proud and happy and everything and like i remember just feeling horrible that whole night just really yeah because my anxiety just like wouldn't go away interesting yeah because it can work both ways with the uh with the excitement and nervousness like you can be like oh that wasn't that great or if it wasn't that great and you're still just excited like pretty good huh yeah pretty good what are you trying to tell me? Nothing, man, nothing. You were pretty good. Hey, hey, hey.

Voice goes up nine octaves. It was great. Hey, you know, it takes a lot of guts to get up there. You look like you were having fun up there. You look like you were having fun. I couldn't do that. Yeah, it's definitely what you don't want to hear after a stand-up set. It takes a lot of balls to do what you do. Thank you.

Do you get nervous? I'd be really nervous. The way you go up there and just plow through, no jokes, just terrible jokes and no laughs. It's really, the way you do that, it's really good. I admire that you can give yourself such a self-inflicted beating. Every night, night after night.

It's really impressive. You're like the Stoics who whip themselves for God. Yeah, and there were uh yeah so somebody was like booing not during my set of course but i forget there was there was like a table of girls that uh i think it was more more things something they don't like to like oh boo but there wasn't like boo fuck you right and uh that really set umar off he's like why the fuck are they booing i'm like it's not really a boo like and everybody else was having a great time so it's like you can't worry about that one person yeah you can't get too uptight about those i think it was more

like a boo like oh geez you shouldn't have said that i forgot what joke somebody made like uh sometimes when i i say that my set is training for dc i'll get like a boo but yeah but i know it's like you know you get fun yeah exactly it's like oh come on man come on man uh yeah some some of us just get too uptight about stuff like that i think oh i'm way i'm way too up in my head about uh like sets sometimes well like well yeah not the not so much like the one person being like man what's the fucking problem but like so tuesday i went down to dc and then i was gonna interview somebody for the podcast that just kind of came together that day and uh then it turned out they couldn't make it and uh so i like rushed down early to dc

and they couldn't be there so i hung out with another comedian max rosenblum uh because she was gonna do his show later that night he's like oh i'm sorry i was like ah shit happens but i was gonna be down there to do a show anyway so he bought me a burger and then i went to go do this show and uh i went up first and there weren't a lot of people there and so but people kept trickling in during my set and uh it was just like i couldn't get a momentum going and the show was supposed to be kind of weird this dc comedian andrew bucket uh he was saying he wants the show to be weird like he started out the show was really funny he played the music from saturday night live and then was on the on the microphone at the sound booth and uh he's like tonight we have and you know naming people it's like josh kaderna

yeah and then he kept going it's like and dan akroyd and just kind of went on forever and then he's like and now your host andrew bucket and the music's still playing when you see him run from the booth and be like wow wow what a great intro you know so it's like this silly kind of thing but then he started playing music during my set and i didn't know he's going to do that and i was like all right so it's already there were like five people there and a bunch of comedians and i was like okay whatever okay, whatever. We're kind of fucking around. And then I was trying to get him to do it on cue, but he wasn't paying attention, I think,

and the music wasn't happening. So it was like, okay, all right. Well, I guess I'll move on without music. I don't know what we're doing. And then people just kept coming in. And my closing joke had a callback to a joke that the other people, the new people, did not know. And so combined with podcast didn't happen. Shitty set.

I was like this fucking. I was just like. Yeah. In a shit mood. And so the comedian Ahmed, he's like, yeah, it was. I mean, for what it was, it's fine. It's not like it was an audition or anything. But then, of course, as more people came in, like the show got better.

And I was like, God damn it. Yeah. Yeah yeah i had that experience a couple weeks ago yeah like i just like i guess kind of died like when i was hosting just because well there just weren't that many people there and they weren't laughing very much and then like the laughy people all pile in as soon as i'm done with my set and start introducing people yeah yeah it's uh yeah when you're just like all right fuck it i'm resigned to be like all right i'm just gonna get out of the way now just whatever yeah yeah it's uh yeah when you're just like all right fuck it i'm resigned to be like all right i'm just gonna get out of the way now just whatever so yeah it was just the night where it's like all right comedy gods are uh keeping me humble yeah yeah and that's fine that's fine they gotta do that sometimes um so let's see what what else was going on this week

what ellie mike you hear about this you hear about me going to the orthodontist? Have you heard about this? Did you? Yeah, I went yesterday. How was it? It was fine. It was all right. I have this tooth that's a little bit further back from my other teeth. Sure. I don't want to start bringing that fucking thing forward. Yeah.

And my orthodontist, Dr. Nguyen, she has a very thick Asian accent. She's like, oh, no, we got to make space. Got to make space. I'm like, we've been making space for like six months right just fucking bring it forward the last time i was there they shaved my teeth to like make like literally like in the middle shaved it and i've had my teeth like filed down yeah so i had like a actually thanks to someone who uh awkwardly showed up at the show last night oh yeah i have uh like broken front teeth that had to be shaved down. What happened?

Assault. Whoa. When I was like 20. For what? Insanity. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was the, let's pray. Well, I don't think this person will be listening,

but yeah, I uh uh kind of an abused uh boyfriend back in the day oh boy yeah i was a piece of shit too in a lot of ways but uh can't believe oprah treated you like that's who we're talking about this was like the second before i got sober like when my life was just total shit just the absolute worst getting punched in the teeth might make me reassess my life too yeah i was uh so i was a pretty crappy boyfriend in person in general but right i was with a woman who uh you know like to get violent like i say it like they like to get sexy like you know let's get violent ladies oh you know how the ladies be when they be beating you up a little bit. Come on. Yeah.

So I got punched in the face a lot. A lot? A lot, yeah. Like hard? Yeah. Like she was a black belt. Wow. No kicks to the face?

Oh, there's kicks occasionally, I think. Jesus. Yeah. How long? Not under the face. I think I remember getting kicked in the gut. How long did you put up with that? Just a few months, I think.

What's today? But, yeah, that's one of the darkest periods of my life. Yeah, fucking A. Like I said, I was pretty shitty, too. I would lie about drinking all the time and act like an asshole when I was drunk. Yeah, but it doesn't sound like you deserve to get punched in the face. Yeah, I'd like to think I didn't. It's one of those things where

if she were okay now, I'd be like, look, we were both crazy back then. It's cool. I'm not resentful or anything. We were both fucked up. But apparently she still not only gets violent with people on the reg, but has some sort of, I don't want to say obsession, but. Yeah, I saw her last night and she looked crazy.

Yeah. She had that 10,000 yard stare. Yes. And it was weird. Right. And she was with another fella. Which enraged me. Really?

No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, I didn't think so. I just feel bad for him now, knowing that backstory. Yeah, I think she, from last I heard, she went to jail for beating her last, I think she got married or something. I don't know if it's the same guy or what. Oh, well, I'm glad they're making it work.

It was something where by the time I got to my my late 20s i assumed we were both cool now and like would just kind of like laugh it off like yeah we were both fucked up back then right right right but uh then i heard that she was still like kind of making threats it makes sense and making up like lies about me like oh saying weird things about me like that i was yeah still drinking and stuff that's yeah but anybody that knows you knows that's not true yeah i know yeah i mean you're strictly yeah i'm not worried about you're a math guy from here on out like you i'm not worried about people believing her i'm just it's just scary you know that somebody's that delusional yeah and out there in the world but i totally interrupted you what were we talking about

oh yeah the orthodontist so uh so it was the morning after uh i went to go see uh y oak play with the bso that was really good and uh but uh had had a couple beers and then it was one of those things where i didn't drink water like i didn't get like crazy drunk but uh we went to the auto bar yeah y oak drunk got y bso drunk You know what I'm talking about. Spunk drunk, PS, BSO drunk. Yeah, so, but waking up, being a little hungover, and then going to the orthodontist. Good mix. Sure.

It's a good time. So, yeah, next time they're going to have to shave other teeth to make room. Really? It's just really hard. How do they pull a tooth to the front row? They're going to have to put a wire behind it sandman comes out with a cane my tooth's getting booed yeah the apollo bring out sandman so they put a wire behind it like yeah so it's just like pushing yeah it's pulling so like it So it would go on the front,

and then the two teeth in front that are surrounding it, it would go behind that middle tooth, and then those two front teeth would pull it forward. The whole wire would up top. Wow. Yeah. It's going to take a lot of effort. You think we'd come up with something better than that by now?

That sounds kind of medieval. At this point, I just want to be like, just yank it out and then put it in. Just replace it with a... Yeah, that's the weird thing they do, too. They can do that where if they have to pull a tooth, what they do is they pull it out, of course, at the root and take the whole thing out. basically put sort of like uh when you're putting a like a picture frame on your wall like a sinker basically with like a a screw on it indie where your uh your uh nerve is or whatever it is the uh or like whatever little like canal is in there that your tooth is in and then that goes in there and then the fake tooth screws on to that part weird yeah so like twists on i don't know or it like sinks yeah it's weird Wow my

friend I think I would constantly be like playing with it my friend Daniel has one and it looks it looks weird too because when you take it off you have like this little kind of like screw looking thing where you're supposed to you can actually take it out I think so yeah I don't know if you put in like funny teeth like different money sign like like the guy in last action hero with his glass eye? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, have a nice day on the tooth or something.

I don't know. I don't know if it's supposed to come off, but maybe it got knocked off at some point or something like that. Josh, I got to tell you, I kind of like your tooth being back there. Well, it's coming forward. Yeah. It's been in the back for too long. And don't expect to blow me anytime soon.

I don't. I don't. I will. I mean, not soon, but down the line. Yeah. At some point when I get desperate, sure. Yeah. I remember when you're like, well, I hope you don't look weird with good teeth.

It doesn't happen. No one's ever like, oh, you seen that guy with perfect teeth? I just don't. I don't want you having another fucking advantage over me. At least you had fucked up teeth before. Not anymore, man. Not anymore. Well, I still have like a year and a half of these.

Okay. It'll be a while. Good. Maybe you'll get really ugly when you hit 30. Maybe you'll be one of those people. Yeah. I just go blind and get a bald spot, but I have perfect teeth, and I can't see them because I'm blind now. Yeah, well, that's how it works.

What else do I got on my list here? Oh, we had DDM on the podcast a few weeks ago, local rapper, Bond Street District. And I posted something on his Facebook wall today, and I saw that somebody who I didn't know posted on his wall, like, hey, great interview with the digression sessions. And I was like, oh, well, that's really nice. So I friended him, messaged him, and was like, hey, thanks for the kind words about the digression sessions, and just sent back a thumbs up. What do you feel about that, how people just answer with a thumbs up? I kind of do it sometimes okay well i don't like it okay if someone were to to say something like that to me like thanks

for listening to my podcast or whatever i would probably feel obliged to say hey yeah no problem man or whatever like yeah wouldn't you be like oh like yeah thanks yeah but i think sometimes i i i think sometimes the thumbs up is fine enough it's just like a like you know yeah yeah but it's just like can you imagine it's just like hey um i know we've had our troubles but i love you thumbs up i smell a bit uh well yeah there's a time for a thumbs up and there's a there's a time for yeah because we've been in chains about like a show or something and like multiple people are in there it's like hey here's when you arrive this is when we're gonna start thumbs up is fine they're like message received but versus like will you marry me there it is thumbs up like sure that yeah just

no comment i guess there is also the fact that it is over Facebook. I mean, if you are going to send a message like, hey, man, you mean a lot to me and I really care for you. Well, you are sending it on Facebook. I don't have his number. What am I going to write him a letter? No, it is okay. He sends you back a carrier pigeon that just has a thumbs up. Or a bloody hand that's been ripped from someone.

Thank you. Thank you. But if they're listening now, I still appreciate you listening. It's all about efficiency. And maybe that's been ripped from someone thank you thank you uh but if they're listening now i still appreciate you listening it's all about efficiency and maybe that's on me too like you know i'm like like what the fuck you can't say sure i love it i listen to every episode you guys are fucking great right uh and i do want to thank people for uh the feedback we got on the last depression sessions people uh enjoyed enjoyed that and yeah a lot of people don't know my kind of backstory with family stuff so that was that was

nice to get out there your Batman begins story your prequel yeah the Joker man he guy you really messed with my family a little bit and but I think I'm better for it sure my young white billionaire at the end of the day no i'm doing okay uh i wanted to talk about this because um i was thinking about doing it as a bit but i just remembered it the other day uh i forget what the story was um but i saw something like thinking about like people to get mugged or something like that or have a gun pulled on them like wow that's fucking crazy like getting a gun pulled on them. I'm like, wow, that's fucking crazy. Like getting a gun pulled on you. I've had it. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I was like, yeah, Mike's had it. And then a friend of ours, an old neighbor, this guy, Corey, he had a shotgun pulled on him one time. And I was like, wow. And I was just thinking about that stuff. I was like, oh, wait, I've had a gun pointed at me. Have you?

Yeah. A machine gun. Several of them. What? Yeah. It was the military police. No a machine gun. Several of them. What? Yeah. It was the military police on an Air Force base. What? When did this happen?

It was years ago. So it was my friend Shane was in the Air Force, and I hadn't seen him for a while. He was in basic training, and then he went to a few places, and then he was in panama city for a while in florida so his girlfriend at the time who was a good friend of mine we both wanted to see him so we're like let's just drive down from maryland together yeah and it ended up being terrible i hate it was back it was before like gps is in the car is where you had to like print out yahoo maps or google and uh yahoo maps was just fucking terrible like we could have just gone 95 south the whole way but it had us going through small towns and i was like why am i at a stoplight

in georgia why the fuck what's happening right now and my air conditioning stopped working and all this shit so i was like driving without a shirt on and shit it's just just generally just kind of pissed off and we're gonna try to do it in one day and we had to do it in two and uh but i was still excited to see my friend shane who i i've known since i was in uh elementary school and uh so we we get all the way down there much later than we thought we would it's at night we get to the base you pull in and then there's like that uh little not like kiosk but like the thing where they have like like, the guards kind of at, like, this little station. And you have to say, like, hey, what are you here for?

And you're, like, oh, we're meeting a friend. And they're, like, okay. And it's, you know, it's the armed military police. They got the guns and the whole fatigues thing going on. And, like, yeah, what you're going to do is see this building here to your right. Pull in into that parking lot and go inside. Then you have to, like, sign in and sign out and all that stuff so it's like okay and uh but as we're doing that they have a gas station on the base so i pull in i was like well i'm low on gas no fucking two for one

i'll just get gas right here so i go to pull into the gas station and uh we pull in and then just lights are going like cop lights pull in dudes with machine guns are pointed at the in and then just lights are going like cop lights. Pull in. Dudes with machine guns are pointed at the car. And then this was the best part. The guy was, I had my windows down because the air conditioning wasn't working. The guy, to me, he goes, ma'am, ma'am. With your shirt still off? No, no, no. I had a shirt and I said like a little bit of stubble.

Not a lot, but I was like, yes, ma'am. It's one of those worst. It's like when somebody tries to cut you down and be like, hey, Mike, you look like a lady. But versus it hurts so much more when people aren't intending to cut you down. He's like, ma'am, ma'am, let me see your hands, ma'am. I was more mad that he was calling me a woman than having guns pointed at me and uh and it's just so funny to me because obviously like he took a good look at me his thought process was all right this woman's pissing me off and if she doesn't show me her

very feminine hands i'm gonna murder her raise your delicate soft hands immediately yeah and i'm just like good for child rearing and i'm like what's for all this uproar all over little old me just a lady from maryland and uh yeah i just i just remember that because i was like i was like i'm a guy and he's like oh sorry well let me see your hands. Let me see your dick. So why? Just because you pulled into a gas station on the base? Yeah. And I'm guessing it's just for military use only.

Do they think somebody could blow up the... I guess that was their thought that you have to... If you're this car coming from the outside or whatever, that onto the base that they don't know you and you're i don't know i guess well why are they so protected for the gas station i don't know i guess it would be like they they just told me to go to one location and then i went to another so that just sets off a red flag there i don't yeah i mean it's a bit of an overreaction for just a lady like me what do they what do they do after they explain it to you yeah and i explained i was like i just thought you guys like no you can't do that you need to go here now right it's like oh

all right so it's just this like two-day fucking road trip that took way longer than i thought it would and car troubles and then having machine guns pointed at me called a lady at the end of it it was just like good lord yeah it was just really really uh upsetting was there a second where you thought you were going to be shot to death no because i was just i was more focused on him calling me a woman i didn't even think i was i was just more mad about that and yeah and so yeah i completely forgot about that of course there was a lot of ball busting for the rest of the hang of that. But yeah, I'd just be like, ma'am, let me see your hands. Ma'am. I'm a guy.

Yeah. So that was rough. But you actually got mugged, right? Yes. Yeah. That's terrifying. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was your ex-girlfriend that did it, right? Yes. Pistol whipped you? Wouldn't be surprised. It was her and drag. God. Yeah. But you don't walk as much around the city now.

Not much safer than I used to be. Yeah. I didn't really have much of an option back then, though. Yeah, you pretty much walked everywhere. Yeah, I was like, I can either not live life, or I need to walk places to have a job and do things. Just stay home forever that was like kind of part of my like coming out into life though i was like you know i just was like

fuck it whatever's gonna happen it's gonna happen like before i probably would have been scared to walk around baltimore city i was like yeah i can't do anything you know like i have no money i have like nothing i can't afford a car or something so yeah um well you you're doing the Uber now. I am. Out in the world. Oh, yeah. You hit a milestone as an Uber driver. I did. First vomiting in the car. And they were sitting up front. Up front.

Which is really weird. It was... Yeah, the whole thing was already annoying. Like, they were already annoying before the vomiting started. Was it just one guy? No, it was a guy and his girlfriend who he graciously allowed to sit alone in the back while he sat up front. Yeah, why would he do that?

I don't know. It's still weird to do. The move where you sit up front with the Uber driver, I feel like you need to ask. Right. Because some people might enjoy it. It does feel kind of weird sitting in the back sometimes because you feel like you're too good for this person or something. But I don't know. We never questioned it with cabs. But all of a sudden sudden when it's not a cab you're like oh i'm

sorry should i sit up front but yeah the protocol with the ubers and the lifts you sit in the back for the most part yeah and not everybody knows that which is fine you know it's not a big deal yeah but it is weird when like you make your girlfriend sit in the back alone that's that's real douchey that should have been the first sign yeah but anyway so they're just like wasted and so is it late night too last last ride of the night you know like uh going all the way from baltimore city to white marsh yeah which is like not bad it's good to get a long one in a night when like rates are up you know yeah i hate to be uh pulling a mike moran on you but i feel like that would have to be your last ride of the night. You wouldn't get vomit in your car and then be like, well, I'm going to pick up a few more riders.

It's always the last one that vomits on you. Exactly. Good point. No, I'm just fucking around. But I feel like it's a Moran thing. But I had planned on it being the last one before they vomited. Gotcha. But yeah, so like...

You flew a little too close to the sun you pushed it too hard in there like one much like icarus one more ride sure yeah and let that be a lesson i ate from the fruit yeah you did and i paid the price and vomited all over your car yep just like god yep um so yeah we uh so like the first the the girl, like, rolled the windows down, like, the back windows down, like, on the highway. Both of them? Yeah. Okay.

So it's, like, freezing and, like, windy and, like, it has that weird, like, effect, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like, you say anything, it's like... And it, like, kind of feels like you're hallucinating or something. Yeah, and your brain's bouncing in your skull. So there's already that. And then...

And the dude's like vaping which you know i was like all right fine these are those are both things you should ask beforehand well no he did ask okay and he like rolled down his window and vaped uh but the weird part is like okay so i'm driving them and we're almost there we're like two minutes from their place in white marsh and the girl goes don't turn here the gps is telling me to turn she says don't turn here just go straight i'm like okay so excuse me my boyfriend hasn't vomited yet so if you could just circle uh the block for a little bit yeah um so i so like i just go another you know a few blocks or whatever and i'm like should i turn like the gps like is still trying to get me to turn around and everything she's like no just keep going straight and then

after a while she's like i don't know where we are jesus christ and then and then the vomiting begins and uh it's you know it's it's like it's not a one and done type of deal. Okay. You have a Versa. Yes. Which is a compact car. Correct. So the dude vomits a lot and does it again and again and again. Is he trying to talk? He's like, I'm sorry.

Not really. He's kind of passed out before. I think he's fallen asleep. And then he wakes up and starts vomiting. Well, it's kind of good he was in the car because it sounds like he could have died yeah maybe yeah that would have been too bad if he died i felt really bad no so like uh and i'm begging him to open the window this whole time begging him oh he won't do it he rolled it back up or it's not down all the way okay so he vapes yeah and rolls it back up right passes out uh I'm begging him to do it out the window.

It's getting on me. It's like splashing all over me, just fucking everywhere, dude. Splashing. Oh, my God. It's the worst. Like, smells horrible, like food and vomit and alcohol. Yeah, and it has that hot smell to it. Oh, God.

What's the girlfriend do? She's like, Jesus Christ, Kevin. Yeah, she's trying to get him to open the window. He won't do it. Why would he do it? Well, later in between vomitings, he gets mad at me for not opening his window. When we very clearly conversed over the fact that you have to roll it down yourself. Yeah, you have the old school.

Literally, you have to roll them down manually. He knew that. And then he's like, why didn't you roll it out of the window? And then he's mad that I didn't listen to the GPS. That's perfect drunk reasoning, too. Like, it's not his fault. You didn't roll out a window. Right, yeah.

And then he was pissed that I didn't listen to the GPS and wasn't close to his house. Yeah, and he's like, I was listening to your girlfriend. Yeah, exactly. And so we're, like, fighting pretty, like, we're, like, screaming at each other and shit. And are you still driving or you pull over? Yeah. at first i'm just like dude come on please and but then it like turns like full-on like screaming at each other yeah and uh and uh so finally i just like fucking pulled into a gas station and kicked him out basically and uh he was kind of a like he kind of like after a while his belligerence kind of shifted to apologetic, you know?

Yeah, probably figuring out what's going on. I'm sorry. But then he still kept being like, but look at me. These are my good clothes. Yeah, but he threw up on you. Yeah. He was kind of apologetic. But overall, I think he was probably just an asshole.

And then he starts stripping down in the gas station parking lot. I would too, probably. Yeah, but he's just like topless down in the gas station parking lot i would too probably yeah but he's like just like topless like the freezing cold yeah and it's really cold out and then i just i'm just like like the girlfriend's like you know i'm really really sorry you know you'll get paid for it right blah blah and uh and then i like pulled out and the last thing i hear him say is like well you're just gonna leave us here i'm like yeah dude uh sorry you're gonna have to like i think the girlfriend was calling somebody else to pick him up or something yeah He's like, well, you're just going to leave us here? I'm like, yeah, dude. Sorry. I think the girlfriend was calling somebody else to pick him up or something.

Yeah. Fucking get another Uber. So I'm interested in how that works behind the scenes with the Uber side of it. What you do is you take a picture and you send it to someone working at Uber. And they take $200 from the person who vomited and put it into your account. Oh, good. But this was no ordinary vomiting. This took some serious...

I had to get this super deluxe cleaning. They cost $150 because it was fucking everywhere, huge chunks embedded in everything. Yeah, this wasn't just like a... I think I saw some post pictures, more of the stain but not the vomit right that you posted on like first i tried to clean up the big chunks myself because it was like late at night i had to go home and park my car and leave it there

and oh and i thought i could take it to washworks down the street for me the next day and of course they're closed i end up like having to drive back to life march they were having fuck you mike day right yeah exactly yeah we're were having fuck you Mike day, right? Exactly. We're closed for fuck you Mike Miranda. The employees all get paid for it and everything. All their kids are excited. Papa, will you be home for fuck you Mike Miranda?

And I had to wait like three hours at least at the car washing place. So I really didn't make any money off of it. Yeah, you just come out even based on like yeah the the cleaning yeah and what you know how much money would it would it is like even for like being puked on and driving around oh no no i don't mean it's a good thing like how much money would you need somebody to be like i'll give you this if you drive home from white marsh covered in my puke. I would need a fucking ton. It was just fucking awful. I had plans to hang out afterward and I just had to call people

and be like, I'm covered in vomit. Yeah, that's just a wrap on the day. It's just like driving home. I can't touch anything without... Like your gear shifter or anything? The radio? Dude, my radio, the little panel is now perspirated on the inside.

Ew. Yeah, somehow it got inside the radio. Holy fuck, man. I mean, it was like epic vomiting. It wasn't just a little like bleh. It was like this guy's guts just flying out of his... And then it just kept going from there? Yeah, just over and over.

Oh, my God, man. So you hit the Uber milestone. I did. So now, of course, you gave him a five-star rating. Absolutely. But you leaving him at the gas station, which you're well within your right to do. Sure. He can still rate you, though.

Now, does that affect your rating? I have a feeling when you report an incident like that, they delete the rating. Okay, because you tell Uberber who it was yeah yeah because they have a record of all that stuff too right okay so that doesn't affect you i don't think so okay good i would seriously hope not do you know what your uber rating is uh yes i have a pretty good rating 9.86 that is strong thank you that is strong thank you i uh That is strong. Thank you. For the most part, you run into good people though, right? Definitely.

Definitely. I mean, I think with anything in life, you run into good people most of the time. Yeah. It's the assholes that stand out. I might have said this on the podcast, but the Uber driver we had that took us to Penn Station here in Baltimore because we had to go down to D.C. to catch our flight to New Orleans. So we had to get up super early. think it was like 5 30 in the morning and uh we had her take us take us to penn station had somebody pick us up and she was super nice and she was talking about wanting to be a nursing uh student all that stuff and become a nurse and uh totally just drove

through a red light it was a blinking red light, but it still means stop, of course. And drove right through it and was laughing. And I was terrified because when she drove through the red light, it was a one-way street and the traffic was coming on my side on the passenger door. So it's like I would have been dead for sure. And so she drives through it. And she's like, oh, man, y'all were laughing when I drove through that red light. It's like, not even close.

Not even close. I might have laughed like, oh, what the fuck? Yeah. I think a lot of people take those blinking red lights as like just drive through it. I just don't think she was just paying attention. Right. I don't know. But yeah, it was terrifying.

But I still gave her a five star rating. Really jesus maybe a four yeah i'm that type of guy like since working in the service industry yeah i know you're always gonna get 20 when i tip there's right you have to fuck up pretty bad for me like ned flanders when uh the the episode of simpsons we watched the other day with the the faux scientologist when they break into his house he's like oh i, I'm so mad. I'm still going to pour you a beer, but it's going to be mostly head. Right. Yeah, I'm like that, too.

And it's not even so much if they fuck up. It's more if they're a dick about it. Rude, yeah. If they feel stupid and apologetic, then I feel bad. I'm like, all right. Yeah. If somebody is nervous or accidentally knocks a drink over, I'm not going to be like, well, that is going to affect your tip. It's like, yeah, they're trying.

They have to be a real asshole to get a shitty tip. Even then I'm like, oh, man, you're going to get 15% or 10. This will teach you. Yeah. Yeah. I never get the people that are like, well. I remember going out with coworkers to get something to eat. It was like some celebration lunch, like birthday or something.

So everybody's like, we're going out. Sure. And I was leaving 20%. I was trying to make sure that we're all leaving 20% because I know what a pain in the ass that is too when you have like nine people and everybody's like, what are you going to get? And then the server's like, i just want to take your order you know and like people are asking is it gluten-free the uh the nachos what do you have to drink yeah that was always the weirdest one for me like what do you have to drink like you want me to list every single thing we have i get that all the fucking time too it's just like sodas like every other fucking place i'm all

i would always be i would always condescendingly be like oh actually we have those on the menu here that's awesome yeah i always love the people that didn't look at the menu never opened it you guys ready yeah let me get waffles turkey bacon and cranberry juice okay we have zero of that uh or like the people that are like so you guys ready yeah okay and then just keep staring at their menu like okay all right all right but uh yeah somebody was like oh josh you you tip after tax and it's like yeah who cares the tax is like five dollars anyway who gives a fuck yeah they're like well i mean they didn't really earn that money and blah blah blah and i'm like well that's where i like felt like i was not really high-roading but that's

just i hate that like petty mentality it's like these people their checks they make 235 an hour or whatever the fuck it is just give them an extra dollar you work at the goddamn government you're fine you know and uh she's like well i mean i was in the service industry too and because i'm like well you know we're in the service industry i understand she's like well i was too but we just never tip on blah blah like yeah whatever what the fuck is your problem i hate that petty shit hate it and they're like well they do a good job bitch really that's how you want to just treat fellow humans right you can't give them an extra $1.50, you fucking assholes. Makes me sick. Makes me fucking sick. Now, how does that work?

People with Uber, you get a certain percentage, right? Like people when they sign up for Uber, they always give a percentage tip? No, there's no tips. Okay. Every now and then somebody will. But I think it's much like the backseat thing is generally accepted that that's just not how you do it. Gotcha. I think part of the appeal is the cashlessness of it all.

Have people given you cash? Absolutely. Interesting. I'd say probably 2% of people do. Now, let me ask you this. Those people giving you cash, does that fuck it up for the rest of us that are not giving the Uber drivers cash tips? I would say no because it is enough accepted that you don't. It's not expected.

Correct. Gotcha. Okay. If it were more of a thing, then yeah, I think it would. But it's like a 99% thing. There's some rebel assholes out there. And they probably just don't know.

Yeah, just treat it like a cap. Or if like, I mean, I have had a couple people that are like, you're freaking great. You deserve a tip. Oh, that's awesome. Of of course it feels really good fucking a man well that's great what do you what do you got going on in there as far as a country ma you got some uh um some mints i was doing teddy grams that was my thing for a while okay uh that's probably how i

was able to start off with a pretty high rating uh-huh um and then i had halloween candy for halloween that's good now i have nothing i'm actually i'm in a weird place where i'm i'm not sure if i can afford to keep doing it so i really need to cut costs and see if i still have a high enough because i feel like i've built a high enough rating that i can like relax a little bit right um but you got to maintain you can't rest on your yeah i know mine Mine did go down one hundredth of a point today. Uh-oh. And I think it's because I'm growing facial hair.

I've noticed that. Like, if I grow facial hair, it goes down. You know, like, oh, this guy's trash. He can't even afford razors. Well, at least they're not like, excuse me, ma'am.

Ma'am. Do you have any Teddy Grahams? Ma'am. Excuse me. But there should be a good amount of Halloween candy lying around now for discount prices. Maybe? Yeah, I think I need to go cheaper than Teddy Grahams.

I had little packets of Teddy Grahams. Oh, individual packets. Yeah. Yeah, not just a bunch of Teddy Grahams in my cup holder. Random people keep reaching their hands in. I pull them out of my pocket. Yeah, you just have a burlap sack of Teddy Grahams. Reach in there.

I just fill up my entire trunk with Teddy Grahams. You take what you want, huh? What time is it? It is 5.12. Yeah, we can wrap up. This is a nice little catch-up sesh. Nice little catch sesh. Oh, I went to ICP, too.

I forgot about that. Oh, let's get into that. Okay, so quickly, i somehow um was was able to to get in on a on a plus one on on the guest list for i think it's like going to the white house like by some miracle i was able to see icp yeah that controversial story where like a husband and wife somehow snuck in on the uh icp guest yeah and you're on the red carpet for the icp show cnn's covering it like how do these people sneak into what does this say about our security at icp shows in these modern times so yeah um it was cool it was like you know i left i think feeling a little more not respect but like okay this is fun you know

i can i can get down you understand the appeal you you understand why people get down with the clown i to some degree i mean you know i don't quite get that it is a weird niche like it's like goth meets rap kind of yeah and like i don't quite get that but i can kind of you know i don't know it was a fun time i'll tell you though the thing I was most shocked about was this Faygo phenomenon. They love the Faygo. They are not messing around with the Faygo. If you go to see Kiss or something, Gene Simmons is going to spit fire in one song. Yeah.

He's going to spit blood in one song. But the Faygo is nonstop. Yeah. It's basically a fire hose full of fago it's coming at you yeah like the entire concert that's all they do is and they have employees come out and spray fago which is even weird okay so for those that don't know fago is just like a really cheap soda but i think was uh i think it's everywhere now for the most part but it was mostly just in detroit i don't think i've ever seen it in real life i remember seeing it like a couple gas stations but wherever you

see it it's like you get like five liters for like a nickel or something like that it's just like this really cheap soda and for some reason people that go to these shows love it when icp or icp staff apparently throw soda on you which is uh next to vomit probably one of the worst liquids you want on you yeah so fucking sticky yeah i feel like i would just break out immediately too just clogging if you were in the front row you definitely would like but they love it yeah i mean like yeah like i said like i could i thought it was going to be like one song it was just like the fago song and they throw it everywhere. But it's like constantly. Like you've never seen.

It's like fucking Charlie's Chocolate Factory or something. Like the whole place just fills up with the smell of soda. And it's just. I'm surprised there isn't like flooding concerns. Like does it drain somewhere? Like how do they do that? Yeah. It's literally liters and liters of soda.

It is fucking like crates of liters of soda It is fucking like Crates of liters of soda Listen to this Josh Not only are they spraying it constantly Not only the two guys Shaking up and spraying it Shaggy too dope and violent shit At least once or twice per song

They have their staff of clown Masked gentlemen and ladies Come out and spray And then they have breaks In between songs that are just devoted to pouring. They have buckets full of Faygo. What the fuck? It's nonstop. It's crazy.

Buckets. Yeah. And they have to have clowns come out and literally restock the leaders of Fayago with cardboard boxes full of that's that's a good gig yeah like i'm going out on the road with icp really what are you doing you're rapping nah i restocked them crates with fago man and they're they totally like take them out in the cardboard boxes that they bought them from like sam's sam's club or whatever yeah i guess they wherever town they stop they have to buy all that shit because it's not like they're like, well, we're going out on tour. Load up 95 18-wheelers full of them.

I think they do, actually. I remember seeing some weird thing with them behind the scenes. And they have a truck full of... They just have one 18-wheeler that they have to rent to load up with Faygo. I think so. God. What the... How weird is that?

Yeah. Were people wearing ponchos? Yeah. Like security or in ponchos? Security, but not the fans. Somewhere. I was going to say, you're probably a pussy if you wear a poncho. That's looked down upon in the ICP community.

It's like wearing pads on your roller blade. Look who's got a helmet on. And the club had to put plastic bags over the TV screens and stuff. That was my next question, that the equipment, like monitors and stuff, must get ruined on the stage. They were definitely hitting lights with it and throwing bottles everywhere.

What the fuck? It's just weird to me that that was the main thing. Yeah, and how long did they perform? An hour? I don't know. We left before they were done. Yeah, so probably an hour at least. I bet they an encore probably and there's just soda everywhere what the fuck yeah that's a great point where does it go do they have a drain in the middle like it's like a

fucking gym or something like that like a locker room with just a giant drain in there it was more soda than you would imagine what the fuck yeah yeah it'd be like if you went to go see kiss and like they just spray blood the entire time you know like please keep it coming thank you um well if we do the next uh live digression sessions maybe we'll start tossing out some royal farm soda oh that'd be great that'll be our thing all right guys well we let's uh let's let's wrap it up. I want to thank everybody for listening. Yeah, we're going to have two episodes this week, one live episode.

And the sound quality is a little weird, but I think it's good. It only peaks in like a couple places, but for the most part, it's pretty solid. And thank you guys for listening. Of course, follow us on Twitter and Instagram on both of those things. I'm at Josh Kaderna. The podcast is at Dig Sesh Pod. Mike Moran's on Twitter. He is?

At Mike Moran Wood. Yeah. W-O-U-L-D. Go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar for upcoming live stand-up and improv dates for us. And go to our Facebook page. Say hello. I love it when people give us feedback on episodes. And if you could rate and review us on iTunes,

that would be huge. That helps us get up in the standings and kind of gives us some legitimacy on iTunes when booking guests and all that stuff too. Very nice to see all that stuff. Thank you guys for the feedback and all that. Yeah. I think that's going to wrap it up. We love you.

Love you. We'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye, David Kekner. Take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, coming to

an end. Thank you.