The Digression Sessions - Ep. 184 - Josh & Mike Solo (@JoshKuderna & @MikeMoranWould)

Episode Date: March 28, 2016

Hola DigHeads! The boys are back discussing their old faves: depression, performing, depression while performing, and movies! Enjoy yourself a classic Josh and Mike discussion with lots of wacky humor and uncomfortable honesty.   Follow your boys, Mike & Josh, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Mike - @MikeMoranWould on Twitter The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook For live stand up and improv dates, check out - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar Thanks for listening, all! Do us a favor and rate and review us on iTunes & Stitcher plz!

hey everybody i'm josh kaderna and i'm mike moran and you're listening to the digression sessions podcast a baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes. Oh, yeah. Who's the guest this week all right i think we're good no go ahead perfect timing go ahead go ahead michael no you go ahead we're already here absolutely i'm not gonna hit re-record i'm not gonna say there's not a re-record button

what would you like to say nothing no all right well no guests this week yay yay it's just it's just the boys the old dick sesh boys the old dicksters how they gonna get out of this pickle the old dick sesh boys jumping over a ravine uh so hi everybody josh katerna here and i'm mike moran hi and uh we uh we got some dates for you if you want to see us live doing some stand-up. We will both be at a venue called Bread and Circuses in Towson this Tuesday, the 29th. I will be closing out the show at Kisslings in Canton, Baltimore. And then I'll also be doing a show at midnight which seems stupid on a Thursday at the ideal theater all these on the same night uh no so Thursday is kiss links uh if I didn't say that

yeah the 31st I'll be at kiss links in Canton on Thursday then later that night at midnight uh so the kiss link shows at eight uh then let's see the ideal space at midnight, which is Joe McCloud. It's his idea. Is that how you say his last name? I forget now. The guy that used to write the Mr. Wrong column for City Paper, Joe McCloud, who also won a bunch of money on...

He wants to be a millionaire. Yeah, yeah. He does. He does. And so I guess he's a rich guy now and he has these crazy eccentric rich guy ideas and he's like let's have a all fools eve uh like get together party you can do that when you're rich yeah so he's like we'll have the show start at midnight thursday night so

12 a.m friday and i was like i have an orthodontist appointment the meeting or in the morning so fuck it let's do it i don't care that sense. But I don't know who else is going to come. So, we'll see. A lot of people are up. Yeah, they should be. And then, like I said, I'll have an orthodontic appointment that morning, April 1st. And that night, I will be

at Martini's, and that will be up on the website. I forget where that is, but bumfuckmaryland. And then, on the 2nd of april at 1 p.m we will be at the bamf cafe i'll be hosting uh uh wake up with my good friend alex proslavsky and my good friend mike moran will be doing stand-up yes mike lowry will be on the show drummer of future islands and many other bands allison little of the band sweepstakes will be performing as well.

And we'll have Jessica Murphy Garrett doing stand-up and a couple other surprise guests. And it's a free show here in Baltimore at the Banff Cafe, so come out to that. And then if I could plug just one big thing towards the end of April, I'll be at the Creative Alliance on April 24th, opening for Kurt Brauneler. So get into that.

Excellent. What do you got, sir? The Bread and Circus thing, like you said, on the 29th. Yeah, yeah. I'll be appearing at the Venice Tavern on the 1st of April at 8.30. Breaking your sobriety. Is that what that is? Okay.

And then on the 2nd of April, I will be at the Edge Fest as part of a little thing called foreplay that involves sexual topics. Is that what it says on the poster? Yeah, it spells it like that. That's a lot of letters. Yeah, it's like five L's. That's a lot of ink. A lot of ink on there. Yeah, well, you know that. That's a lot of letters. Yeah, it's like five L's. That's a lot of ink. A lot of ink on there.

Yeah, well, you know. Mm-hmm. They can afford it. And that's at 8 p.m. at the Creative Alliance. Nice. And yeah, that's kind of all for me there. Okay. And so yeah, all this stuff will be up on the website, digressionsessions.com slash calendar.

And if you fast forwarded to this part at least follow us on twitter and uh i am at josh kaderna on there the podcast is at dick sesh pod michael you are at mike moran wood w-o-u-l-d hey now i'm also on instagram at josh kaderna so follow us and uh rate and review us on itunes the podcast that is and say say hello on Facebook. We got a Facebook page. It's been fun hearing from people. A friend of ours, Shannon, that we know, tweeted at us that she was listening to us, that she was driving cross-country, and we were keeping her company.

Wow. So that was really sweet. It's really nice. So, yeah, I love hearing that shit. And then longtime listener, big dig head, Ryan Cornwell, also shit on me for the intro for last week's episode because I was like, oh, we'll be hosting or featuring or headlining. And he's just like, who cares?

No one knows. No one besides us know the difference between any of that stuff. Well, that's good for me, then. Good for all of us. But yeah, no, we both have a lot of good shows coming up. So I hope people come out to those. Heck yes. And thank you to everybody that listened to last week's episode with Connor Graham.

That was not supposed to be an episode, but it ended up working. We play by our own rules around these parts. Yeah, and I seem like a big douche in that one, too, because I'm like, what you got to do for a good podcast is not eat on the podcast. You got to have good sound, and it should come out the same time every week. Yeah, and then I was like, and you need Mike Moran. That too. That's it.

So I feel like I was probably the bigger douche there. Yeah, well, that was the subtext of all of it. But on that impromptu episode, I broke all those rules. It was like eating a bagel, and it was like, you know what's funny about podcasting? And then the sound wasn't as good because we just had the recorder in the middle of the room. And it came out on Tuesday.

But thank you to everybody listening. Do as I say, not as I do. Absolutely. You know? You know? Golden rule. Michael, thanks for bringing over coffee. You're welcome.

I feel good. I just pooped, showered, and you brought me some fresh coffee. This is a nice trifecta nice little saturday if this is the worst that it gets then heck this is the worst oh my god oh no uh well how are you sir uh i'm all right i'm all right hanging in there you got springtime coming in how's that treating the seasonal depression uh going right in a spring depression it's weird how it's like when it when it turns spring like yeah i i still feel shitty if things are going shitty but like i don't feel like i don't know there's like a there's there's a certain type of despair you can only feel in the winter. Yeah, because, I mean, especially, like, East Coast, you look around, it's just gray, and everything looks dead, and the trees are just all barren. It just looks like a wasteland, and you're like, yeah, well, what's the fucking point?

But at least in the spring when you're bummed out, you're like, oh, the sun's still out, and it's, like, 7 o'clock. That's nice. I enjoy that. Yeah, I do. Yeah, it does suck how it's like dark at 4 p.m. Everything's cold and dead. But you're doing all right? Yeah, I'm okay.

Yeah? Uber game treating you all right? Yeah, I'd say so. Let me think. I feel like I had a good story from Uber, but I can't think of it right now. Uber rock. I did drive a fella to a small town in Virginia. Wow, from Baltimore?

It took three hours, and I made $180. Holy shit. Nice. Not bad, huh? It was double surge. Whoa. And he was going all the way to Virginia. Uh-huh.

Wow, nice. Did he comment on that at all? He's like, oh, boy. No, he was totally cool. Was it Joe McCloud? He was a rich guy. Was it Joe McCloud? I think so, yeah.

Yep. Makes sense. Yeah, he tipped me with Was it Joe McCloud? He was a rich guy. Was it Joe McCloud? I think so, yeah. Makes sense. Yeah, he tips me with one of Regis' shoes. Everybody gets a Regis shoe. Don't spend that Regis shoe all in one spot, mister. Nice, man. Yeah, I've been good. I've been trying to get out and do shows and trying to work on new stuff. And I had a really fun show in Easton, Maryland,

at the Avalon Theater. Eastern Maryland. Eastern Maryland, eastern shore of Easton, Maryland. Because I grew up on Ken Island. And then Easton, if you're headed east, it's maybe like 20, 30 more minutes past that. So it kind of felt like a small homecoming, but this time I didn't really invite as many people.

So it was just, I don't think I knew anybody there except maybe the bartenders because I've been there a couple times before. But it was a Thursday night. It was St. Patrick's Day, and I was kind of worried the crowd was going to be rowdy. And then I saw the crowd, and their median age was like 45. Like there were a couple grandmas in there for sure like legit like you look at like not like oh like they had kids when they were young it's like no no they've had kids and their kids they've probably had small yeah exactly probably drank out of separate they still hate the kaiser you know still refuse to recognize missouri yeah it'll be a cold day in hell before they do that but uh but uh i had a

i had fun man it was uh it was a little tough like i was like well because i had to do a half hour and i was like there's no way i can be clean for a half hour so i was just cussing right out of the gate right so they they were they were fine with that there were just some moments you could tell they're like oh boy but uh so yeah but it was cool it was opening for tim miller and uh he's hilarious so getting to watch him work for an hour was always cool or is always cool and uh yeah the show went well i felt good about it wasn't like man i fucking smashed that but it's still like i was pretty good for what it was it was nice to like stretch out and do that long and i was going to my car and uh i heard a car after the show i was headed to my car and i heard

another car like driving up slow behind me and i was like oh here we go because i was like i didn't know what to expect like what do you mean like you were gonna get shot or something no just like it was just weird it was just creeping i was just like what what is this like if they're gonna yell something or anything and then i hear this woman go like hey josh and i was like all right and i turn around and uh it's this like old beat-up ford taurus and it pulls up next to me and it's a woman just holding a teddy bear she's like fun show have a bear and i was like what what you got a bear from the bear lady yeah no you didn't have to give your address or anything nothing nothing she uh and i was like what it's like can i take your picture and i did because she gave me an official nascar uh dale earnhardt jr teddy bear it's like a teddy bear

wearing a dale earnhardt jr uh fucking jersey and uh and yeah she's like no it was fun you should have it and it was really weird but oddly super it. And it was really weird, but oddly super, super sweet. Sure. It was really nice. And when I look back at the picture, I saw that there were like stuffed animals all over the dashboard too. And like in the back seat, they're like tied up. That's what I was wondering if like she cursed me or something like that. She's like, here, have it.

Have a good time. What would you do if somebody had like a teddy bear like roped up with tape on their mouth in their car i'd say check out my podcast i mean better to have a teddy bear than anything else i guess yeah but it'd still be really weird it'd be i mean this is still pretty weird so like the stuffed stuffed animal people because she was with uh like her boyfriend or her husband, and they were both into it. Well, maybe that's their thing. Yeah, they're just very smiley, and I don't know. I've realized lately you don't really get to decide what your thing is.

If you're really into teddy bears, that's just how you are. You can't change that. Yeah, it wasn't just teddy bears, but it was just stuffed animals in general. She strikes me as somebody that was maybe in on the Beanie Baby craze, just teddy bears but it was like just stuffed animals right general just like maybe she strikes me as somebody that was maybe in on the beanie baby craze and maybe like invested all her money went tits up went crazy but she's like i still have them right so this is my life like how dumb do those people feel that that bought an insane amount of beanie babies do you remember that yeah they were like currency yeah it was like cigarettes in jail or something.

Yeah, like people lined up. Instead of silver, people were like buying beanie. Like, who cares about cigs, man? Where the beanie babies at? Yeah, like white people were lining up in the streets to buy them. Yeah. There's a similar Cabbage Patch craze in the early or mid-80s. Really?

Just like all different types of Cabbage Patch dolls and stuff? Yeah, it was like they were going, they were like super rare. There's like a shortage for some reason. So they're going for like really high prices around Christmas. But I guess it was different in that it seems like with the Beanie Babies,

people were like investing in them. We're running low on Cabbage Patch Dogs. Yeah, yeah. Remember like in the 80s, that was kind of a thing. Like sometimes they just wouldn't have enough of something. There'd be a video game that everybody wanted, and you had to wait a month to get it.

Oh, like going to fucking Blockbuster and being like, do you have the... Damn it. It's that anticipation when you would go up, and you're like, okay, the cartridge is there, but is the fucking Blockbuster thing behind it? Right, right. And then waiting, because they had that little return spot, too.

Oh, yeah. You'd let go through them. I remember knocking a kid over to see if terminator 2 was behind the box get out of the way literally happened i think it's the only time i've ever done that i apologized to the kid and my dad yelled at me but uh i got terminator 2 so was he like going was he even going for it or is he just in the way there was just a family walking in front of me. A family! Yeah, and I tore my way through. Oh, my God.

Yeah, well, you know. Did they understand that? They're like, oh, it's T2. No, I think they were like, what the fuck's wrong with that kid? I said sorry. I was like, sorry, sorry, sorry. Like, immediately. Yeah, yeah.

I really didn't mean to. I mean, it's not like I pushed him in the head and knocked him into a curb. A freaking, you know, home alone display. Yeah. No, it could have been worse. You could have knocked him into a home alone display. Right. Yeah. But he's fine.

I didn't like, you know, push him over the cardboard Freddy Krueger. Right, right, right. That happened to me once. I might have told this story on the podcast a while ago but um my my friend rusty and i when we were like maybe like nine or ten i don't know i think we were still in elementary school for sure but uh i was staying at his house on friday night and i think his grandma picked us up from school and then we're gonna have like a sleepover but we stopped this uh video store called mom's video and then one of it's one of those things when you're in elementary school you're like it's the weekend i weekend gonna have a sleepover we're going right to the

movie store yeah video games yeah we're so excited for you so excited and i think there was um like uh not quite a porn but like sexy like a soft core yeah it was was out and i think we were like jokingly like wrestling for it like he had in his out and I think we were like jokingly like wrestling for it. Like he had it in his hands, I had it in mine. Right, like joking around

and he did the move where in the tug of war move where you just let go. Right. The other person falls backwards. So I, yeah,

I go flying into a shelf of tape like knock the entire shelf down and as, as, as I land, I farted so loud so loud it was just like and i remember laughing so hard i was really embarrassed but it was one of those things

you're like this is just too funny like just knock the fart out of me literally and uh i don't remember what happened next but it was i bet you guys were like laughing about it the whole night just dying that was the best when you get all punchy at like one in the morning yeah everything was funny yeah it's like cracking up over everything yeah exactly and i used to hate the person that was like no yeah we're gonna stay up and then they'd be like around like 12 like i'm kind of tired like yeah blowing this right right and they'd be like no i'm just gonna rest for a minute i'll be up i'm'm going to rest my eyes. That's the worst.

I used to hate that. It's like, what do you mean rest? That's how you sleep. That's literally sleep. I'm going to rest my eyes. I'm not sleeping, man. I'm resting my eyes. Now, dude, the perfect middle school Friday night for me was arcade at the Valley Mall.

Arcade, sure. Across the hall to the movie theater. Like a freaking Tommy Boy or something like that Yeah At like 9 o'clock Right Go home Have video games and videos rented

So good Soda, ice cream Oh yeah And a good friend Jesus Christ is who you're speaking of? That's what I thought Yes Yeah, I had a little mini fridge you're speaking of? That's what I thought. Yes.

Yeah, I had a little mini fridge in my room. What? That was nice. You used to keep that stocked with soda all day, son. Oh, that's bullshit. Yeah, because my dad had a small vending machine business for a second. He bought eight vending machines and had them at local businesses. They had Beattie Babies in them? Yeah, it was very expensive.

But, yeah, he had one for sodas and then he just took like the uh like eventually when he stopped he kept a couple of the fridges it was maybe like two or maybe like three feet tall but uh took out all the shit on the inside so there was room and uh yeah i would buy like a case of soda like 24 cans and be like look at all this shit look at all this soda man that's awesome right in the closet wow it was amazing man i'm jealous did you ever like find the one vending machine that would sometimes give you something for free oh of course there'd be like a legendary town one you know like outside of the legend is you

just shake it and a Lay's potato chip will fall totally be like no you shake it once and then you like pound on the button two times and then sir you'll get yourself a Kit Kat bar I remember at the Acme video which we called on a very early yes dig sesh yeah because they had an oven or something a part of their side yeah they were like a weird oven slash video store right right they're like yeah they had uh they had like the weirdest soda vending machine i've ever seen where it's like you pull a little drawer out at the bottom uh-huh and every now and then you tug on that bad boy come right out that is the conversation that would be the style of the conversation if you were grown up and like i tell you what man you can pull on that damn thing like between you and me right all right

i trust you all right now i'm giving you some big information here we're not letting this out to joe anybody do the right thing because i swear to god there's no goddamn coca-colas in there it's your ass right teddy you understand because I'm putting my ass on the line here. Also, I'm going to tell you which video you can see boobs on the back of. So I'm pretty much giving you my whole playbook here. I'm trusting you. All right, man. You understand?

Man. Yeah. So, yeah, I've just been doing shows, working on music with my friend Rudy, which has been fun. How's the music going? It's going pretty good. We've just run into a little bit of just scheduling conflict stuff, but it's been cool. He's been coming over and working on music and stuff. Nice.

It's kind of nice. It's like I'll be at work and be like, hey, I'm at the house. I'm like, oh, that's good. I'm glad you're at least working on shit. So that's been going good. Wait, what? I'll be at work and he'll come to the house and work on music. Oh, your house.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like work here. Yeah. I'm like, well, you know, everything's here. Why the fuck not? Yeah, sure. Yeah. So, yeah, I got that going on.

And Gary Shandling died, which is sad. Very sad. Did you watch the Larry Sanders show? show no it's really good yeah i think i maybe saw a couple episodes and i believed i liked it yeah i don't quite remember i think like the first couple seasons are pretty good but maybe around like the third they really figure it out and uh just the way that it's done it's it's so 90s so there's a fun nostalgia vibe there but um but it's so fucking funny man and uh hank kingsley uh the character that jeffrey tambor plays he's the one that does that hey now and uh goddamn it was just such a good show such a bummer that he's dead

how'd he die just some heart attack i think yeah he. God, that's so scary. You could just die out of nowhere. Yeah, and apparently Gary Shandling was a very zen kind of centered guy, big into meditation and stuff. Well, that just proves it. Meditation kills. It really does. Yeah, should have meditated maybe a little harder. Who knows?

Should have worshipped Christ, not Buddha. But there's one episode my one of my favorite scenes is uh so the way that it works it's sort of like uh gary shanley played larry sanders sort of the uh johnny carson of the show and then his ed mcmahon was uh hank kingsley and he's the one that he had a catchphrase it was hey now and he was like kind of this like self-obsessed uh kind of like hollywood loser but always trying to like keep up with the joneses and so they they would fight about like his catchphrase like can you stop saying hey now he's like that's just that's my catchphrase he's like well he's like

what does it mean he's like you know hey now he's like you can't just say what it is and that's how describes it but um so he was was always kind of the punching bag, and there was an episode where Hank just loses it in Larry's office, and he's like, I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of people talking behind my back. And he's like, and I want to know what the fuck is so funny about me cracking my tooth in the bathroom. And he goes, Hank, it was one of your back teeth on the urinal we just don't

know how you did it yeah it's just so good so funny just when when people say dumb shit earnestly it fucking kills me man yeah totally uh the fuck is so funny? Me cracking my tooth in the bathroom. Have you seen Grizzly Man? Yes. It's on the theater. Oh, 2003 or something. Unintentionally funny. From the guy's bipolar behavior?

So funny. Yes. God, is it funny. The part where he gets eaten by lions. That's the odd twist of Grizzly Man and see who's eaten by a lion yeah uh no it's the doctor the warner hersong documentary about the guy that uh lived with bears and in alaska and then was eventually of course eaten by a bear um but he's just such a crazy character like he's bipolar i guess but beyond that like just his mannerisms and the way that he talked and like the way that he interacted with animals like they're like all

the footage uh what's his name uh treadwell timothy treadwell all the footage in the movies for the most part is footage that he shot while he was living in the wilds of alaska and the scene where uh that fox comes up and he's like oh hey fox and he has names for everything he's like how you doing ghost ghost he calls the fox one of them's ghost i thought you meant he thought he had a ghost friend no no no he calls the fox ghost and uh they're mummy and the the ghost her ghost takes his hat and he's like oh you're nibbling on my hat oh And then, of course, ghost runs away with the hat. And immediately his cutesy cute talk goes, he's like, ghost, you get back here.

God damn it, ghost. And he's like, that's a very important hat. A very important hat. And then, but towards the end, he loses him. And he goes, if that hat's in a den, I'm going to fucking explode. A fox den? And then, of course, he gets to where the den is. He's like, oh, it's in the fucking den.

Oh, God. Yeah, I don't quite remember. I'd have to watch that again to remember those parts. Yeah, yeah. I do remember him exploding, going from being Mr. Cutesy, like, animal guy to exploding with vitriolic rage. Yeah, against park service. He goes, fuck you, motherfuckers. He's like, what does he do?

I think he goes, like, animals rule. And he kind of walks off screen and then comes back. He's like, what does he do? I think he goes like, animals rule. And he kind of walks off screen and then comes back. He's like, and another fucking thing. Well, the funny thing was, yeah, he like unloads and then he walks off camera. And he's like, oh, boy, that was my happy take. He's like laughing. He's like, but seriously, fuck them. No, fuck them.

Fuck that he's back in front of the camera. And he calls him a bunch of nobodies. He goes, you fucking nobodies. Who are you? I'm out here defending these animals. I kind of liked that, though. I was kind of like, right on. Yeah.

I feel like that a lot of times about people and things. Sure, yeah. I mean, it probably felt good, but I mean, God, so many funny moments. Part of his point was that he was willing to do a lot of the stuff for free and they would give him shit for it because they undercut them. But kind of. But his point was, so his big thing was he's the protector of these animals.

And he thought the bears were being poached. But they interview a guy that works for some type of grizzly conservation. Works for Grizzly Adams. it was a nice tie-in um but he's like yeah poaching's really not that big of a deal up here and blah blah blah so that was like treadwell's mission was like i'm defending these animals i guess i mean they're fucking bears i like that's just ridiculous that's like a top in themselves that's like a toddler being like look i'm gonna protect mike and josh okay well not necessarily i mean pretty much humans can kill bears if they want to like yeah but i mean not a ton of it like he's like i'm protecting

all of these it's not like there's a bunch of like paleolithic tribes out there that don't have guns that are like no they could if they want but the point is there's not this epic onslaught onto them that's all it's not and also but that's is there's not this epic onslaught onto them. That's all. But it's not like... Yes, of course humans can kill bears, but what I'm saying is there wasn't... Every day, he wasn't fending off hunters. Right.

You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's just a little overblown about what he was doing. But from what I recall, at least some of his blow-ups were over him kind of competing with the environmentalists who were trying to make money off of certain things that he thought they shouldn't be making money off of. No. His big gripe was that the whatever... I think they passed a law. He said it was a federal law but uh it seems like that's kind of weird for congress to take up but basically you couldn't come within

like 100 yards of a bear uh you had to move your camp didn't come in a bear yeah you could yeah it's just you know welcome to obama's america yeah um now you had to like move your camp every day your camp couldn't be within a mile of like known bear grazing territories so it's just shit that makes bear town bear text but yeah there was uh but it's just stuff that made sense and he's like fuck you motherfuckers i'm the only one out here defending them and i'm sure he probably i bet in his day he probably did fend off like they do show some footage like some footage of fishermen that like throw rocks at like a cub bear and stuff like so i'm sure he did do some stuff but like you know he's not like fucking braveheart right i mean he

was like faking a lot of it too that he was alone yeah dude his his dick game must have been so strong in that he convinced a woman to live in the fucking woods in the middle of nowhere of Alaska where a plane has to drop you off and then a biplane has to pick you up. In angry Beartown. Yeah. You're in Beart town for four months and uh werner hersog who i love by the way he's just like in his diary timothy treadwell says his girlfriend amy hated bears like what the fuck is she doing there like how does he convince this chick to be like look just you and i will go out to the middle of alaska beautiful it's pretty. There's a shit ton of bears everywhere. But you and I will be together.

We'll be just like into the wild. I need you to pretend that I'm there by myself. Can you do that? That's kind of big for me. But that's what I'm saying. We'll be just like Lord of the Flies. And then, I mean, there's multiple women that they interview in this movie that are just like diehard fans, like way into him. He's a good looking fella

yeah i mean but he said he had like this i mean it wasn't no it wasn't ugly but he like was very femme in his talking about he was he was attractive in his speech pattern you don't think he was feminine he's like i'm here defending these bears no one else is how did he sound do an impression of timothy treadwell for me no um i don't know i just don't remember him sounding feminine like i think he has kind of a high voice and kind of a squeaky voice yeah that's not feminine like kind of a you're right that's very masculine he said girl a lot but no yeah he was just, the way he would talk to the bears, he was like, and naming them all.

One day it was raining, but it wasn't raining enough for the salmon to make their trek down the river so the bears could eat. Salmon trek. Yeah. The next generation. It's a boldly go where no salmon has gone before.

And there was... So he's like in his tent, like kind of doing a confessional. He's like, it's only rained 0.02 inches and we need it to rain at least two to three inches so these salmon can move and these bears can eat. These bears are hungry. And he goes through their names.

Like I forget the first bear name but he's like sergeant brown is hungry tabitha is hungry melissa is eating her own children really jesus christ bears will do that yeah oh dude fuck yeah i knew like the the male will sometimes kill the cub so that he can get laid some more. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know the mom would kill him. I think in like a starvation scenario. But also bears eat other bears too. Like if there's like a bear that dies from whatever, they'll feast on that carcass.

There's nothing wrong with that. Why are people so like freaked out about like necessary cannibalism? I don't know. I mean it's not – can bears bears do that like if humans eat human we get sick right like our bodies aren't made if we did it enough i mean it's like mad cow disease right right and there are like paleo there are like tribes that like every that's still like cannibalized people and like every now and then somebody will get like mad human disease or whatever mad human dog um but it's like the human

equivalent of mad cow disease right like having like seizures and shit and yeah and that's embarrassing too at work and they're like what's wrong like i've been eating a lot of human i'm sorry uh but yeah if nobody has seen grizzly man it's on amazon prime for free and uh it's it's really beautiful actually you gets some really cool shots yeah yeah um and it's sad that he died but the saddest part is this girl dies as well with him like and uh the characters in this movie i mean they're all real people but like the fucking uh the coroner he described like what a weird guy he is he's like's like, I wanted to get to know these people. I want to know who they are.

It's like, here's a fucking coroner. Just tell. Through their corpses? Yeah, exactly. Mangled corpses? Yeah, exactly. Their fucking dismembered bodies. From what I can tell, he screamed a lot.

He had very wide eyeballs. And apparently his heart was located on the outside of his body. Really wore his heart out of sleep. I've never seen this before, but the top of his skull, he kept it wide open. I don't know why he did it. I guess he just wanted to air out his brain. I don't know. That is the thing.

People drill holes in their head to relieve headaches. Let demons out. Sure. No, seriously. Yeah, I know. It apparently will make sure you never have a headache again. No, seriously. Yeah, I know. It apparently will make... That's how I get... It will ensure you never have a headache again.

Oh, really? Yeah, some people with terrible crippling... How big a hole are we talking? I don't know. There's a video of a woman in the... Listen, Mike, I need a hole in my head. I need a hole in my head. Oh.

Okay. This is a fucking coroner, though. So this guy, Timothy Treadwell, was obsessive about recording, I think, and had a ton of footage. And the bear that ultimately attacked them at night came into their tent. And maybe they were recording already, or he turned the camera on when the bear was approaching. But there was a cap. The lens cap was on the front. Yeah, so it's just audio.

Yeah, so the coroner listened to it and was basically describing everything that happened. So like the bear, I guess went for Treadwell first and then she tried to save him and then eventually died. But, but yeah, but the bears,

it's a very sought after a piece of lost footage. Yeah. Well, I mean, Werner tell Werner, her song tells, uh, uh, the guys, uh, I guess ex-girlfriend who has the tape to destroy it and that no one should listen to it but the uh but yeah describing

like the audio uh the bear basically because you think you're like oh the bear's gonna maul me like he's just gonna go right for my throat and then i'm dead like the bear like was like ripping open the top of his head yeah and then went for his legs and it's you know because the bear's just like oh i'm just eating i'm just gonna kind of pick at this and that and you're just being fucking mangled yeah bears are assholes yeah and then uh and they just slice your throat with her like paul first yeah yeah be nice about it yeah uh uj had this common sense to do that. Common courtesy. I think he beat them up pretty good, though, before he... Well, yeah. I don't think it was like a death blow.

I think he was just like, I'm going to beat you up pretty good. Did you see The Revenant? No, I have not seen The Revenant yet. I saw a bear attack in that that looked pretty realistic. I hear they have sex. With the bear? Mm-hmm. No.

You're... Okay, excusehmm. No. You're... Okay, excuse me. Sorry. You're thinking of the bear from 1987. Hold on. I think it's phrasing. Leo makes love to a bear. Okay, thank you.

I didn't mean to downplay what happened in that film. No, I haven't seen Revenant when it was... Before it came out, when I saw the trailer for it, I was super excited. And I was like, oh, this looks good as shit. I really like that director. Dude that directed Birdman and 21 Grams. Whatever his name, Iñárritu or whatever. And then after seeing, like, more and more clips, and it's like, oh, this just looks fucking depressing.

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I mean, life was pretty depressing back then i had known about the true story before too right impressed with it right right but i saw a clip i think from the oscars uh it was like best makeup or something like that and uh okay for some reason i was thinking like best scene where people make up with each other. No. Leo and the bear make peace. They do dap.

You're not so bad after all, bear. They've been married nine years. They have little cubs. Best looking cubs in the forest. Yeah. But no, fucking Leo's crawling on his hands and knees. And then it shows that he's all like cut up and scarred. Like his neck is cut.

So he takes something that's like hot. Like a, I don't know, a hot coal or something. Like his mirror image. No. No. Like a stick. I meant like he's so hot. Sorry.

I get it. I get it. Okay, good. Uh-huh. But no, he's like trying to basically uh cauterize the wound and it just looked like he's like cauterizing a wound on his neck he's like i don't need to see this he's a tough mountain man in real life the fella uh found a bunch of maggots under a log and put those all over his wounds so that they would uh dry the blood up and that work yeah apparently he's the guy's still alive today so oh my god no he's not but he did fucking like

survive the like his story is insane yeah just insane like they almost didn't even do it justice in the movie because it would have they would have really had this show just like days and months of just like crawling you know yeah doing nothing else that's what i thought the movie is basically like they skipped it around so that it was like action packed enough right in real life it was just like crawling and crawling through mountains and forests and streams for like ever so this is like grizzly man too exactly right yeah so uh i kind of know what happens in the movie. He's like a fur trader

or something. Yeah, they're like trappers. One guy turns on the other guy. Yeah, kind of. Do you want me to give you the movie synopsis or the real life synopsis? Let me get both. Let me hear the history versus Hollywood.

Sure. History, I believe he was a fur trapper with a group Let me get both. Let me hear the history versus Hollywood. Is that what we're doing here? Sure, yeah. Okay, so history, I believe he was a fur trapper with a group of other fur trappers. Right. And they were attacked by a tribe of Native Americans who stole their furs. And so they were kind of like already isolated and messed up. And they're trying to go back home. And then he's attacked by a bar who uh a bear that's how we say bear it was an angry bar i seen this bar and uh the bear

you know what okay i think in real life it was just him and the two other guys. Okay. And the rest of the group was like gone or something. Okay. And the bear attacks him and they think he's dead. And so they leave him and they take his rifle and his coat and maybe some other stuff too. But they don't betray him. They just think he's dead. I guess it's a matter of opinion. I think he thought they could have done a little bit more

than take his shit and leave. What a polite way to say it. He's like left for dead. I think you fellas may have been able, possibly, maybe, to do a little more. So then they abandoned him. And I think also they were worried about hostile Native American tribes around, and so they didn't really want to stick around and care for him and make sure he was dead and bury him and shit.

Right. So they just kind of left him there, and they got out of there, and he woke up and was like, what the fuck? And couldn't move his leg. I think he was just so torn up from this bear. Did they have the decency to leave maggots behind for him? I think he had to find his own maggots. Wow. I think it was just so torn up from this bear. Did they have the decency to leave maggots behind for him? I think he had to find his own maggots. I think it was a BYOM situation. I hate BYOMs. I know, me too.

Especially when I'm left for dead in the forest. That is not polite. I know. Those are the worst kinds. Mm-hmm. That and when they don't start on time and you get there and they're still setting up lawn chairs. Right, right, no so he he had to literally crawl through just like hundreds of miles of terrain just surviving off of like carcasses now is this comparable to grizzly man in that

you're led to believe timothy was alone the whole time but his girlfriend was there so i'm guessing this guy's girlfriend maybe if he did a really did a really, really good job of hiding it. And so he just kind of had to crawl across several states, I think. Just literally for months and months just eating. He found some coyotes eating some deer or something, and he had to throw rocks at them and then go eat the deer. You get out of here. And he's and then go eat the deer and he's you get get out of here and he's like pulling fish out of the stream and stuff and like and then he and

then he like he's like almost home and then he realizes these like angry native americans are in this one valley or something so he's like fuck and i just go all the way around it like 500 miles just my luck god damn so then he finally gets home and uh and he's like all right where are these two assholes what so this story so far like it's crazy that hollywood was like yes this is going to be our next big picture right crawls for miles that's what i'm saying i'll give you the the version next. Okay, cool. So he crawls forever, and then he goes and hunts down the two guys that left him with the intentions of murdering them both. Absolutely.

But instead forgives them and just takes his rifle back. Wow. Jesus Christ. wow jesus christ possibly because i think one enlisted uh maybe on purpose to avoid getting revenge killed yeah um and there's like a hefty fine like you don't kill soldiers apparently in that era okay so that way he's like hey i'm a made man basically can't kill but i think according to him he did it out of forgiveness and he ended up making a career out of this thing i like telling the story yeah yeah i think he was like involved in like wild bills west show or whatever right right just go around and like recreate it and all this stuff so it's possible that he embellished some of it right right right so the story like the story

you're telling may be from his story yeah yeah, yeah. So, okay. I dug a tunnel under Oklahoma because there was a tribe. I was subterranean for three years. Yeah. Sounds a lot like Rambo 3. Well, here's the thing. They drew first blood. You know, like Rambo 3,

like in the beginning dedication is dedicated to Al-Qaeda, basically. Is it? Yeah. Oh, wow. uh the group that became al-qaeda they're like so what does it say like the mujahideen or something or i forget what they were called like the that was that was them really yeah yeah that was who was fighting against the the russians right in afghanistan yeah wow i mean yeah i mean we trained and armed them. Holy shit. Rocky III is with Drago then?

Rocky IV, but I think you're confusing Rambos and Rockies. Oh, I am. You're right. I'm sorry. How could I do that? Apples and oranges. Totally. Rambos and Rockies. I saw Creed, by the way.

It was really good. Nice. Did you see it? Yeah. Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, it was really good, wasn't it? Yeah. Spoiler alert, I like he doesn't win in the end. I was really good. Did you see it? Yeah, I loved it. Yeah, it was really good, wasn't it? Spoiler alert, I like he doesn't win in the end. I like that he comes close.

I don't know if I actually liked that, to be honest with you. But he shouldn't win. I mean, if that's real, this guy that is barely professional facing one of the baddest dudes who's undefeated in boxing. Well, here's the thing with the Rocky movies. Sure. First Rocky, Rocky doesn't win yeah and that

totally made sense right he went the distance underdog the legacy sequel rocky balboa which also doesn't win right because he's an old man yeah and it makes sense so yeah what again goes the distance that's the uh log line for every movie after it's like rocky 2 he again goes the distance well no rocky 3 through 5 he wins every time right right okay uh well he still goes the distance then yeah but you know the point was he you know he tried yeah he tried his best right the creed i i feel like he should have won that's too much though it though. You think so? It's too cheesy. He comes so close. They do it so close to the point where it's like, oh, if this round went 10 more seconds, we'd have a new champion.

And I kind of like that. It's like he got within an inch, but it makes sense that that guy would beat the fuck out of him. Yeah, yeah. But they could have thrown something in there, like in Rocky 6. I mean, he knocked him down a couple times and stuff so well okay well the audience that i saw it with they were like so revved up through the fight like yeah it just got like the audience going so hard that i would have like just loved to see them okay yeah that's a different

perspective like i know finazzo saw it uh with a predominantly black audience yeah me too yeah and they were just like like theyo! They were just fired up and yelling at the screen. Yeah, and it was just kind of like a bummer when it was just like, okay, split decision, you didn't win. Yeah. It was just like, no.

Yeah, I don't know, man. I liked it. I respected the decision just to not be too cheesy because the story already is a little over the top. Right. But, dude, it was done so well. It was really good.

I thought they could have had some Carl Weathers cameos toward the end there, too, while he's fighting, maybe see his father's face or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been interesting. Yeah, there wasn't that much Carl Weathers in it. I think there was no Carl Weathers other than stock footage. Yeah, like pictures. Yeah, yeah.

And we finally find out who won in that fight in the gym. But was Rocky telling the truth? You think he was fibbing? Maybe. You ever... You didn't want him to know that his father was a has-been by that point? Well, I went back and I watched that scene. And very homoerotic.

Yeah, Rocky III is known for being super homoerotic. Yeah, Rocky III is known for being super homoerotic. And does that one also have the training montage where they're running on the beach? Yes. Okay, that's the same. Slow motion and they're hugging each other. They're pushing each other like, oh, you're silly. And they're just oiled up. Yeah, yeah.

So they go to fight by themselves in the gym just for fun. Yeah. And I don't get how they're alone. It's like, who fucking taped up your hands and did your gloves? You could do it for one guy. Good point. But then the other guy has got his gloves on, and he's like, well. I never thought about that.

Yeah, it's a good point. So there had to be a third party there. Fan theory. Yeah, there's a third party there. And they're all just oiled up, and they're like, can you go? He's like, why? Just like, can you leave? It must have been weird for that guy, right?

That's a good observation. I never thought about that. Thank you. But also, the amount that Carl Weathers calls Rocky Stallion made me uncomfortable. That's kind of like calling OJ Juice. I guess, but- Oh, but the homoer yeah stallion is what you're uh uncomfortable with men uh yeah i think them and immigrants should go right and they should

stay on that other side of the wall mexico's gonna build right all right that's what i think we're putting a wall around san francisco too right? Sure. Excellent. Sure. Sure. Gay Cisco is what I call it. It's very original. Thank you. Thank you. I came up with that. San Francisco. I think it's a little more appropriate.

San Francisco. All right. This has been a fun little movie minute. Yeah. Is there anything else you've seen lately that has knocked your dick in the dirt? You know, I kind of wanted to see Batman v. Superman last night so we could talk about it today. I'm going to go see it tonight at 7 o'clock. Are you really?

If you would like to go. I would like to, but I don't think that'll be possible. Okay. Why? Because I just don't want to be around you. Okay. Fair enough. I get it.

No, because I'm probably going to go see my little nephews my dad's in town see the fam and i need to uber i haven't done any ubering today well i think if you're like guys i'm gonna go see this movie that's sitting at like a nice solid 31 on rotten tomatoes be like oh go ahead son and it's in 3d michael. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you. Three dimensions. Since I have had the freedom to see movies when I want to see movies in theaters, I have not missed a Batman or a Superman. Yeah. So this, actually, I'm glad we're talking about this as we close because it's been a point of contention.

I've been excited to see it, but the reviews have pretty much all unanimously been real bad. Yeah, which is a bummer. I read a little bit of spoilers, but not enough, but just kind of basically like they said there's like zero fun in the movie, and that for basically... What else is there in a superhero movie? Yeah, like it's just really dark and depressing,

and basically for an hour, superheroes just talk about being superheroes. And the only action scene you see within the first, they might even say 100 minutes of the movie maybe, comes from a dream sequence that's obviously a dream sequence. So you're just like, couldn't we move the story forward with real action? You have Batman, Superman, fucking Wonder Woman. What's his name Flash is in it and then Aquaman's in it it's like you have five huge superheroes

there and you're like but what would they do in a dream do some real shit I've heard some people like eh it's alright but I haven't seen or heard like nothing on my Facebook wall or Twitter

of anybody being like, pretty good, I liked it. Have we seen as many reboots in our lifetime as we have with Batman? No, and I think that's another shitty part about this movie that people are mad about. You see Bruce Wayne's parents die again.

It's like, we know. We have seen these people die so many times they should have brought back michael keaton they should have brought that that that man interesting because he is supposed to be older in this yeah yeah i'm before that yeah yeah he's got a lot of heat he's good in spotlight he's good in a bird yeah absolutely maybe he didn't want to maybe but uh there was there is a fan theory that this we're gonna find out that ben affleck is not really batman and that this is actually still the christopher nolan batman universe and so but who the fuck is ben affleck then yeah like fake batman you know how like there's a thread in the original

in like the batman comics that was very popular where bane when bane broke batman's back yeah there was a fake batman oh okay to make it seem and like let all the criminals know like batman's still alive yeah i guess so i don't know exactly what the motivation was but somebody like filled in for batman for a while right i bet uh ryan cornwell who's listening right now is going nuts because he's a huge comic book fan. But we're just like, I'm pretty sure Bane was like, whatever. And then there's a fake Batman. His name was Fake Batman. But yeah, no, he saw it.

And I was supposed to see it this morning because I normally don't like seeing movies now, like on opening weekend at like prime time for a pack theater. Because last time we went and saw we saw deadpool which i liked a lot and uh but we saw it i think i think it was like a friday or saturday in the middle of the day and i think i talked about in the podcast but there were kids in front of us that just had their phones out the whole fucking time and it's like brighter than like staring into the fucking surface of the sun and they weren't even doing anything like they were just like hold their phone up there yeah and then one kid drops their phone so then the other

kid turns his flashlight on for to find the phone which they shouldn't even had out in the fucking first place so we'll we'll see how it goes tonight but basically the way everybody is talking about batman and superman it's not like i want to do a sketch about this and uh have like a support group for it because basically everybody's like what the fuck was that like it's like hi i'm my name's josh and i i saw batman versus superman like hi josh like everybody's just like what do they do to the character batman kills someone like everybody's so fucking upset yeah yeah there's always those rules with like you know our Batman Superman allowed to kill somebody I think this this version of Superman

because this is a sequel to a movie from a couple years ago called Man of Steel yeah yeah that's like the Superman origin yeah and apparently that guy was really pissing off a lot of the hardcore comic fans uh the director well like just this incarnation of superman oh yeah just because he he killed uh zod spoiler yeah and probably like thousands of other people too like the whole like last half hour of the movie is like 9 11 times 50 oh yeah like a million somebody added it up like he did over a trillion dollars worth of damage to metropolis like the amount of buildings that fell and like, what the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me?

Couldn't they have just done like, well, here's the abandoned part of town or something like that? Yeah. All right. Well, we got to wrap this up because we're going to get some photos taken by the very talented photographer, Travis Marshall. And thank you guys for listening. And I hope you dug it. Follow us on Twitter and Instagram. I'm on both of those.

I'm at Josh Kaderna. The podcast is on Twitter, at DigSeshPod. Michael? I am at Mike Moran Wood, W-O-U-L-D. On the Twitters, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Again, for all of our shows. Got a bunch of stuff coming up in April. It's going to be a lot of fun.

And yeah, check out the rest of the Thundergrunt Network and we'll let you know what we thought of the Batman vs. Superman movie next time. I think that's it. David Koechner, take us out. Digression Sessions! Coming to an end! Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah you you you you you you you you you you you Thank you. We'll see you next time. Daygrass Sensations

coming to an end. Thank you. We'll be right back. Oh yeah, oh yeah