The Digression Sessions - Ep. 186 - Krish Mohan Hang Sesh! (@KrishMohanHaha)

Episode Date: April 18, 2016

On today’s episode we have the very talented stand up comedian/writer, Krish Mohan! Krish has been touring all over the east coast and will shortly be recording his very own stand up album here in Baltimore!   Follow your boys, Mike & Josh, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Mike - @MikeMoranWould on Twitter The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook For live stand up and improv dates, check out - DigressionSessions.com/Calendar Thanks for listening, all! Do us a favor and rate and review us on iTunes & Stitcher plz!

Welcome to the Digression Sessions Podcast. Hey, everybody. I'm Josh Koderna. And I'm Mike Moran. And you're listening to the Digression Sessions Podcast, a Baltimore-based comedy talk show hosted by two young, handsome stand-up comedians slash improvisers. Join us every week as we journey through the world of comedy and the bizarreness of existence. As we interview local and non-local comedians, writers, musicians, and anyone else we find creative and interesting. Yes.

Who's the guest this week krish mohan is the guest on this week's program in that uh krish uh he's a comedian and he was just supposed to stop over and promote a cd recording that he's doing in may and we're gonna do a quick little thing kind of like a little interstitial and we just got to to chatting and this kind of just turned into a full episode. But we had a really fun talk about comedy, about ghost ejaculations, in that when you ejaculate, or I guess when you have the sensation of an orgasm and then you don't ejaculate. Comic books and what else do we talk about? Myths. Me and Mike get into a little tiff in the beginning about skepticism. You know, this episode has it all.

But no, Krish is a good guy, funny comedian, and he came over to promote a CD recording that he will be doing May 26th here in Baltimore at Zissamos. Go to that show. You can check out Krish online as well for more details. If you go to ramennoodlescomedy.com and the CD recording will be at nine o'clock Thursday, May 26th. And our own Mike Moran will be on that show. You can follow Krish online on Twitter as well. He is at Krish Mohan. Ha ha. I believe.

Let me confirm that. Yep. At Krish Mohan. Ha ha. And yeah, so check him out. Enjoy this episode. And if you're a nerd, we talk about nerd stuff and probably inaccurately. So feel free to reach out and let us know what we messed up.

We have a Facebook page. Always love to hear from people there. Hit us up on Twitter, at DigSeshPod. Me, Josh Coderna. I'm at Josh Coderna on Twitter. What are the odds? And also on Instagram, at Josh Coderna. Mike Moran is on Twitter.

He is at Mike Moran Wood. And if you want to see us live doing our own dates, go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar. Bunch of stuff coming up. In fact, this week I'm doing a lot of stuff. Wednesday I'll be at Ragtime in Arlington doing a longer set. Thursday, where am I i gonna be on thursday thursday i'll be at the pinch in dc doing a longer set as well let's see here let's go and then uh the 22nd friday at 10 p.m i'll be

at the ideal theater in baltimore uh doing an event uh i forget what it's for it's supposed to be an april fool's thing but got delayed but But I will be there, goddammit. And then this Sunday, I'll be at the Creative Alliance in Baltimore featuring for Kurt Braunler. And if you go to digressionsessions.com slash calendar, it's going to have all the info about tickets and all that stuff. So come out to some shows. I really appreciate it. And if you want to follow me on Instagram, guys, you can see that I got to hang out with some fucking pigs yesterday. It was great. Went to a goddamn petting zoo. I don't know. I don't know if you know, but I want to get a pig so bad. I have a pig calendar. I share the picture every month of the new pig on the pig calendar. And yesterday was pretty amazing. Got to hold a baby goat.

It was really, it was nice. I had a really good week. Oh, shout out to everybody that went to the 202 Comedy Festival in DC. It was the first annual 202 Comedy Festival. And it was really great. Over 100 comedians, tons of shows, bunch of sellout shows, and I just had the best time. And then cap it off by going to a petting zoo and seeing little pigs and pig races was great. I had some family stuff this week, which I will get into maybe in a later episode, but that went well. And I closed out the week by hosting. Last minute, I was asked to host a benefit for Planned Parenthood, and I did that. So it was quite the week. And so yeah, if this episode's a little late, I apologize. But it's going to be up on a Monday, so we're close.

Maybe not first thing Monday morning, but you know get get off my dick all right and uh let now uh with all that said i appreciate you listening and uh come out to some shows uh follow us retweet our shit spread the news god damn it spread the word about the uh the podcast and uh yeah we appreciate it so uh check out the rest of the thunder Grunt Network if you're nasty. And that's all I got for this little rambling intro. Let's go to my basement and let's talk to Chris Mohan, everybody. We're just going to start. We're sitting here with Chris Mohan. But, of course, Mike is doing his skeptic thing.

Well, most people think the sun comes out during the day. Do you know that's a myth it's actually uh the uh the shine of my brain that's actually my ego in the sky that's always my thing it's like anything that we believe to be true i like to question stuff but okay say say a statement i will do what mike moran does to me something you believe to be true that is a commonly held belief ready and try not to come too quick when he does it yeah please oh man now i'm being put on the spot just anything anything winston churchill was one of the best leaders that england had okay winston church you know that's not true you know he never existed.

I wish the listeners could see the eye roll. My eyes actually rolled. They rolled out of my head, and my smirk was cemented into my face. You're socially superior to me. I'm allowed to. I have a license to overkill. It's just such overkill. Just the comment, they're like,

ugh, idiot. I don't think people are idiots. I just like skepticism is my thing. And so I just know a lot of factoids like that. I understand that. But when you're like, okay, where'd you hear that? You're like, I read it. I'm like, okay, where'd you read it?

Well, yeah. That's always the question that everybody asks. You don't trust me that I know how to find reputable sources. I do. But there have been some times where you've shown me stats on current day, and I'm like, well, I'm looking at stats from 2007 here on Africa, Mike, not 2016. Just, you know, I don't want to relive the Africa episode. Nobody does.

Yeah, no. So we have Krish Mohan here and uh you're you're uh you're promoting some stuff and just before we sat down here with our coffees i had to go through that with mike welcome welcome to a small beef sesh i i enjoyed it thoroughly i i'm you know it's one it's funny it's just like one of those things Where whenever you Challenge something Yeah That's usually the reaction It's like

Fucking bullshit Uh huh That's not what it is Yeah Like I bet Whenever the first time Somebody was like You know Ring Around the Roses

About the Black Death They were like No Yeah It's a child's poem And then like They research And they're like

Oh shit This might actually Jimmy Hendrix Wrote that song and he traveled back in time he was such a good guitar player he went back in time and played it for him duh god my uh my ex used to do that to me all the time where like i would hold that thing right up to your lip yeah i would bring it up i like these articles and stuff and i'm like no i read it on like think progress and she's like well that's not like a a real news thing like you gotta find it on like cnn i'm like

well this the shit that i'm trying to talk about yeah cnn isn't gonna talk about that stuff cnn talking about the black plague yeah they don't they don't even believe that the Black Plague happened. They barely mentioned Barack Obama. Oh. Oh, God. Because he's African American. Right. And he'll be gone soon. He's playing on America.

Now, Chris, you get pretty political. You're here because you're promoting. You're going on a little bit of a run of shows, yes? Yeah. I'm doing a tour and a CD recording. One of them in Baltimore. The old ZZ Mo's mic is going to be on that show. Nice.

And that is when? On May 26th at 9 p.m. 9 p.m. CD recording. Nice. That's exciting, man. Yeah, I'm excited about it. This is like, I think to me, this is the material that I've wanted to, like the type of material I wanted to write since I started doing comedy.

So I'm excited to do it. And I've been touring pretty much nonstop for the last year and a half. Just working on getting this thing tighter. Shaping it up, yeah. Yeah, so I have two or three more runs left at this point. I have one that's coming up in two weeks. And then a couple more before the CD recording. Exciting.

The four shows that I'm recording. And it's a free show, I'm assuming? Because most are at Sissamos, right? Most are, yeah. This one's five bucks. Five bucks'm assuming? Because most are at Zissimos, right? Most are, yeah. This one's five bucks. Five bucks? That's worth it. Yeah.

That's worth it. I mean, five bucks, that ain't much, you know? No. And it's better to actually have people pay and want to see it than have people kind of filter in and be chatty and that type of thing. Yeah, I feel like when you do a free show, sometimes are just like it's a it's whatever to have a good time because they don't want to feel like they paid and then they're not having a good time mm-hmm there's also the the sense of like make me laugh

clown yeah that's always fun tell me a joke there you comedy tell me a joke I don't do any guys like I still haven't come up with a go-to for that question, which happens daily. I just want to do my opener and I'm like, buckle in, this is, it's going to be eight minutes.

Pull out a cordless mic out of your jacket. Well, all right, I'm not really prepared, but okay. I just say, your fucking face, lady. Whether it's a guy or not,

and that usually crushes. Really? If they have a face or not. Yeah, yeah. I'm working with somebody without a face in a conversation or like a really fucked up face i think it's funny yeah just like your face like what i was in a war yeah exactly well how did you why did you say that there was actually one of the guys that got a face transplant a couple years ago uh i read about because i remember wonderful sentence yeah it was like one of the guys that got a face transplant a couple years ago, I read about it. That's a wonderful sentence.

Yeah. It was like one of the first successful face transplants. Who did he find successful? Well, he has skin there. It didn't look great. But I haven't seen him now. I don't know if it took either. But I was reading the article on it.

Sometimes when you're on Google like little shit would pop up. It's like first successful face transplant. I was like, well, I got to look at this. Yeah. And then I was reading the story. The reason he needed a face transplant is because he was, I think he was a volunteer at a church and he was helping re-shingle their roof or something like that. And, of course, their power line's up that high. So, like, he got up too fast or, like, turned his head and, like, hit a power line and, like, melted his face.

Oh, that's awful. Yeah. But, I mean, it's got to really shake your belief in God, right? You're fixing the roof of a church and then he's like that's pretty cool melt your face with like the second human face transplant was like some guy who was like peeking in some girl's window or something yeah like would they still do it yeah right right some asshole yeah he was driving like a school bus full of kids drunk and like flew through the window or something yeah yeah exactly

yeah well we gotta save him we gotta we gotta work on his face 36 hours around the clock this is a tragedy but we gotta make it worth it somehow right there's a silver lining to this story science for it like what would you do what would they do in that situation seriously like well they they have to work on you like uh um that's the Hippocratic Oath, right? Yeah. Like, save him even though he's a shit human being. Yeah, but do they have to give you, like, the second ever face transplant? Maybe.

Can they just make you one of those no-face people? They'll put you on the wait list for a little while. One of those no-face people. There's an urban legend in Pennsylvania of a man who walked the streets at night. Nuh-uh, there's no urban legend. It turned out it was real. It was a man who had his face burned off and only felt comfortable the streets at night. Nuh-uh, there's no urban legend. It turned out it was real. It was a man who had his face burned off and only felt comfortable going out at night.

Is this the Mel Gibson movie? No. No? I don't think it's based on it. Is it The Green Man? Is that what the legend is? One of my friends from college lives like maybe a quarter mile away from that bridge.

Really? I've driven underneath that bridge. What's the bridge where his face got zapped off? Yeah. Oh, wow. Got zapped off? Weird tunnel. Similar circumstances as your boy.

Hmm. Yeah. Thank you for being so kind about my son, comparing to the green head. Billy Kudurna. Yeah. But yeah, it's- It's creepy. Well, there was also that story a couple years ago about that lady that

got her face ripped off by a chimp yeah oh that shit's heartbreaking i heard that 9-1-1 call i can't fucking yeah well she shouldn't have a chimp and like it was so sad like i was real pro owning a monkey until that story well yeah i mean they were a pro monk i was a pro monk you identified i was like yeah we should have monkeys as pets. They would be able to cook for you. They're basically like almost people. They'd have fun, you know? Yeah, they'd be just super awesome.

Have them wear a little bow tie now and again. Yeah. But no, they go for you. They try to break your hands, rip your genitals off, and rip your face off. They go for your jaw. They don't mess around. No. That's the way to go, I guess guess if you want to fuck somebody up well basically it's like all the shit

that could harm them they're like i'm gonna take care of all that you're not gonna bite me you're not gonna fuck me and you're not gonna grab but they waste a lot of time like biting your invisible tail so that's what you yeah like oh where is that you just back kick him in the chest god damn it chimp yeah and apparently she she was giving this chimp tea or something like that. She treated it like a child. It was a famous chimp. We saw it on TV and shit all the time. Yeah, and I think it had some

freakouts before. It got loose once. But that's what happens with pre-pubescent chimps. Right as they hit puberty, they're like, all the aggression is going to come out on your face. Michael like gave his chimp away to like some nature preserve or something yeah once it reached puberty yeah well yeah i mean they're fucking brutal like and they're so strong too like bill burr has a great bit about how he might have just said it on his podcast i don't

know if he did it in his stand-up but how he would not fuck with a monkey or a chimp right he's like they're so strong like think about if you went to a bar and there was a guy hanging from the ceiling by his foot you'd be like i am not gonna fuck with him you get to do just you can do what you want i'm not gonna yeah no you could you do what you want you know what get him a drink on my tab yeah that's what and chimps fuck each other up too like and then they take pleasure in. Oh, yeah. They have tribal wars. And they take pleasure in it and shit. Yeah, they have tribal wars. But there are also the alternate bonobo monkey,

or apes, whatever the fuck they are, that are, like, cool. Yeah, and we share, like, what, like a billion percent DNA with them or something? I think almost all of our DNA is almost the same as every other ape. But bonobo, we're, like, super, super close to bonobos. I think it, almost all of our DNA is almost the same as every other ape. But bonobos, we're like super, super close to bonobos.

I think it's like 98, 99% of bonobos. They have gay sex with each other too. Oh, incest too. Really? They be fucking all the time. So that I'm not wrong.

No. Well, that's that 1%. Like the 1% is literally what is holding us away from just fucking everything. Yeah. And throwing our poop

against the wall like that's how close we are it's crazy though isn't like are we like three pieces of dna away dna away from like a walrus or something like hey your mom is bro burn yeah there's yeah there was a i forgot she got that walrus surgery. I apologize. She had that walrus face. What's the... Tusk. Oh, yeah. I never saw that Kevin Smith movie. Yeah, it sounds ridiculously terrifying to me for some reason.

It's Tusk, and it's like a podcaster that gets turned into a walrus. Yeah, literally. It was Kevin Smith's... It's Alan and Dr. Moreau. Am I tripping on cold medicine right now? No, that was... A podcast gets turned into a walrus? No, a podcaster.

A podcaster. Oh, okay. A fella. Yeah. It was Kevin Smith's last movie. It was sort of like a horror movie. Really? Yeah.

Is it Justin Long? Mm-hmm. Justin Long plays a podcaster, and he goes to interview some guy who is into weird shit, and he's going to interview him about it. And then the guy captures him and turns him into a walrus. Yeah. That oldrus. Yeah. That old tale. Yeah.

How many times do we need to see that one? It's basically Islet of Dr. Moreau with a podcast. Yeah. That's what the film is. Yeah, I've seen a still image of Justin Long with, like, the walrus teeth and stuff, and he looks, he's like, ooh. And I was like, I don't need to see this.

That's all right. It is interesting, though. It is creepy. Humans being, like, transformed into things against their to see this. That's all right. It is interesting, though. It is creepy. Humans being transformed into things against their will is scary. Don't like it. I saw the end of Superman 3 the other night, where a woman is molested by a computer until she becomes a robot-human hybrid. All right, now that was a fever dream for sure.

That actually happened? I don't remember. If you guys were a few years older you would have had yeah everyone i know that was like a kid in the 80s had nightmares about this scene oh really it was also the one where superman's evil uh-huh like beats the shit out of clark henson had two really scary sequences yeah yeah yeah is that the one richard pryor is in yes okay i i think i do remember this one it's not a it's not a good movie no it's not but it does have those two terrifying sequences yeah yeah which one is the one where he throws that weird thing that they talk about a family guy that's like two two where his emblem like

flies off his chest or whatever but it's still there crap yeah it's like i i believe that's highly debated among super fans what the fuck it is why yeah yeah like what a pointless thing to do it just seems like like how to like move planets oh he could melt a guy with his eyeballs he's like how about some shrink wrap and they're like what was that uh that just seems like some 80s coked up director or writer Like yeah yeah yeah What if he just like threw the fucking thing off his chest Like great great great Yeah yeah yeah Write it down

Love it I used to do a bit about that when I was 17 Really? Yeah I used to talk about The Omen And I talked about Which is a prequel to The X-Men The Omen Right

Sorry Zero men I got it Hey It's Which is a prequel to The X-Men. The Omen? Right. Sorry. Zero Men. Zero Men. I got it. Hey. It's the... Not zero. O.

The alphabet, sorry. O goes to X? Who was the... Element O-P? Wouldn't P? O. Oh, X. Oh, tic-tac-toe.

What? That's the reference. No. We just broke it. In the alphabet? It was before X. I know, but it doesn't follow it directly. You've got to skip a lot of letters.

I know. In my X-Men fictional universe, we cover all the letters. Okay. We start with X. Okay. So W, men. We started with A, men, which was religious themed. Sure.

So there's 26 men. D, men, which is like UFOs. Uh-huh. Yeah. C, men. Do tell. They're just cocks. They're just cocks. D, men was the horror one. Uh-huh. All right. Do tell. They're just cocks.

Seamen was the horror one. All right, we'll stop there. I'm sorry, Chris. We'll stop there? We'll stop ruining this podcast. That's okay with you, Josh. I apologize on behalf of Josh. I'm sorry I'm out of line today.

I used to do... It was not a good bit because i wrote it when i was 17 uh-huh uh i don't even remember what like i think one of them one of the things i talked about was uh they talk about how like uh what's what's the woman's name lois julia julia had more no she wasn't no she was in the reboot of the omen oh she wasn't in Superman. No, she was in the reboot of The Omen. Oh. She was also in 10 Things I Hate About You. Oh, what is her name? Fuck.

God. Jewel. She was in Save the Last Dance, I believe. Yeah. Which was filmed in Baltimore. Was it really? Yeah. It was huge when I was working in a movie theater. Early Channing Tatum.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Early C. Tate. What is her name? But she Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's right. Early C. Tate. What is her name? But she was in it. Yeah. And there's a part in the movie where they talk about how he's the son of the jackal.

Yeah. And then they dig up the bones and it's a literal bones of a jackal. And I'm like, what is... I've never seen the remake. I always wondered about that, the old one. It just doesn't make any sense. That is a good point. Yeah.

Like, I remember my dad had... He has a ton of, like, VHSes that, like, he would record movies off, like, movie channels back in the day. And when I was getting... When I was, like, 13 or 14 or maybe even 12 and you're like, ooh, what are horror movies all about? He's like, oh, you should see The Omen. It's the son of the devil.

And I was like, that's pretty cool. So we're watching... Sitting and waiting for half an hour yeah i know we're watching it and then yeah that whole jackal thing happens and like like so what is that yeah so his dad's the devil and his mom's a jackal and i was like oh okay that's why he looks half jackal yeah bestiality yeah but we're talking about but they never like talk about how that works. Did the jackal give birth to a human boy? I thought it was kind of symbolic. Maybe I'm just making this up now, but I think that I thought that maybe

they buried the jackal in the place symbolically. Did they kill the jackal and just buried him? No, but don't they... How could he do that? But don't they dig up his mom's bones and then they find the jackal's bones or whatever like mom's supposed to be the jackal yeah we all thought like oh it's gonna be like human thought that was the symbolism is calling her the jackal but then it just turned

out to be a literal jackal and me and my sister went to see the movie together and we're sitting in the theater and we were just like what the fuck just happened yeah what are they gonna address any and then they just and they're like there it is yeah it's those are jackal bones that's that's his mom it's even gonna be like no there's no like archaea archaeologist it's gonna be like yep he's gonna come out and explain it all. No. Give some forced exposition. All right. Just took it in face. You're probably wondering about the jackal.

Even just a doctor in general, like, how the fuck does this work? Yeah. That's where skepticism is. So we can be having sex with animals and making babies? Yeah, wait a minute. But also, what about the devil? Of all the things he could fuck, he's like, you know what's going to make me an heir to the throne?

Fucking jackal. This jackal over here. An obscure dog creature. Yeah. This jackal. Out of all the metal band groupies he probably could have hooked up with, you know what I mean? Very true. I think he's setting his standards too low.

He is the devil. That is kind of like a thing. In old-timey devil stories, like the devil has sex with the goat or something. Right. There's a rabbit that is a devil or I don't know. A lot of animal, human, forest creatures. Correct me if I'm wrong,

but I feel like Christianity is one of the only religions that took bestiality to be a really terrible thing. Because didn't the Greek gods just like fuck everything? Probably. Zeus had sex with just everything and everybody was just saying, oh, that's Zeus.

That's how he rolls. Let him do it. You gotta let Zeus be Zeus. Let Zeus be Zeus, dog. No one questioned it, but then the devil does it, and they're like, oh, this is how the end of the world happens. It could have been early Christian propaganda, though. Yeah. A lot of the misconceptions we have,

if I may revert back into skepticism mode for one minute, about the ancient Roman Empire, come from early Christian propaganda, paying them out to be cruel, sex-trazed heathens. Yeah, I do remember that. That was the interesting part to me about the whole religious stuff is like how much Christianity makes other religions and people of other beliefs an outcast. But then you go back and you're like, wait a a second weren't you guys faced with these exact same issues like 200

years ago young Fidel Castro becomes old Fidel Castro yeah exactly that common phrase but it is true like yeah once they became the cool kids they're like fuck everybody else we're the shit now that happens again and again throughout history

that's just a repeated thing yeah yeah and the repressed take over and then they become the oppressors yeah even when their book says like love everybody and like you know but unless you're gay yeah oh yeah yeah i mean there's a lot of parameters there's a big asterisk next to everybody for sure that whole book is that like at this point there's just a bunch of like fundamentals that are just going up put an asterisk on that Asterix next to everybody, for sure. That whole book is, like, at this point, there's just a bunch of, like, fundamentals that are just going, oh, put an asterisk on that one?

Yeah, yeah. Well, he couldn't mean everybody, right? We'll italicize it and put it in quotations. Probably too much sarcastic. Everybody. And Jesus said, blah, blah, blah. All right, guys. Anyway, back to Superman real quick.

The Jesus figure. Sorry to get off topic. Yeah. Back to Superman. Jesus. We saw the Batman versus Superman film. Correct. Did you see it?

I did. Chris? I did, but feel free to spoil it. I'm not. Well, these two fellas, they don't get along so well. I don't know if you. They really don't. They have not. Well, these two fellas, they don't get along so well. I don't know if you... They really don't. They have differences. A lot of differences.

Except their mom has the same name. And that saves everything. Boy, is that crazy. Why'd you say that? Why'd you say that? It's a good thing he apparently sometimes calls his mom Martha, too. Yeah. Ma Kent. Yeah.

That's what brings them together? Batman's literally about to drive a kryptonite spear Yeah. Ma Kent. Yeah. Yeah. That's what brings them together. Yeah. Batman's literally about to drive a kryptonite spear into Superman's heart after beating the shit out of him. Right. And Superman's like, Martha. Martha. And then Batman freaks out.

He's like, why did you say that? Why did you say that? Why did you say that? And then Lois Lane comes in. He's like, that's his mom. And then he's like, oh, that's my mom, too. So their moms have the same name., that's his mom. And then he's like, oh, that's my mom too. So their moms have the same name.

And that's why they stop fighting. I could just see some screenwriter being like, oh my god, we found it. Yeah, right. Their mothers have the same name. Right, right, right. It's not like the commonality can't be that Lex Luthor might be trying to destroy the planet. Well, Lex is. And shouldn't be. It's sort of similar.

Like Lex is trying to. He planet. Well, Lex is... And shouldn't be. It's sort of similar. Like, Lex is trying to... He has Superman's mom held captive. And the only way he was going to let her go was if Superman kills Beth. But still, none of that is clearly explained when he's like, Martha. You know, and he's just like, oh, I suddenly get everything.

Like, wouldn't he be like, fuck you. Like, mention my mom while i'm about did you kill her yeah exactly you the murderer yeah exactly what did you do um but uh that just saves everything yeah i think they have the same name like yeah he understands they're different people right oh my god yeah uh a good friend of mine in pittsburgh who's another comic zach funk and i will will uh my buddy derek will go see these movies like we'll exclusively go see comic book movies together and we were messaging and he was like have you seen this movie and i was like no i was like to be honest i'm not super excited about it but the only reason i want to see it is i know some shit

is going to play out for the suicide squad and i really want to see the suicide squad yeah i don't think there was anything yeah there really wasn't they certainly introduced the other justice league characters but i didn't see a lot of right there was a whole lot and there's some shit that just isn't explained like the cops don't like batman now and they never explain why. Yeah, one like nearly murders him with a shotgun out of everybody at this point though. No, not really.

I mean, he's still beating people up like he was. He goes a little further. Yeah, he does a thing where he like burns a Batman in a balloon.

He starts branding criminals. And then apparently they get killed in prison. Yeah. But still, whoa! Yeah, but still

like the cops show up. It's not explained it's like ever since the incident it's just like oh there he is and they shoot him and you're like what the fuck don't they love batman what just died yeah what's the incident yeah they're setting up a prequel batman movie like standalone for affleck or something but yeah um but uh so you and i had different takes on it you enjoyed it i didn't enjoy it i thought it was okay i didn't enjoy it very much oh okay yeah um but uh you know i'm a andrew dice clay fan oh of course and uh he he was on the tonight show recently and what did he have a fresh take on you better better believe it. Batman versus Superman. Of course he did. It was so, it's not funny on purpose,

but just hearing him talk about it, and like, he's like fat, and he has all this leather, and he's smoking a cigarette, and he's like, and he's like going over the conceit of how crazy this movie is,

and he's like, you know why they call him a Superman? Because he's a Superman! And you're like, who are you? I didn't even write the joke. You just said his name with a different impression. He's a Superman. And he talks about how Superman could easily kill him and stuff.

But it was just so funny. But that was the thing was like everybody's just like, yeah, Superman can just break Batman's back. And then spend the rest of his life being the worst thing for the planet. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's just a morality question. That's why that story was so interesting.

He uses kryptonite on him. Yeah, that's basically how Batman beats him, right? Yeah, of course. What else is he going to do? Throw a batarang at him. Right. I don't just throw his... What's your mom's name that's what every every time he has a disagreement yeah with the super you better hope that what's your mom's name you better hope that we have the same yeah you're dead it's like jesus i just i what i wanted to get lunch with you i'm sorry sorry we disagreed

on where we're gonna get lunch yeah jesus christ i like the i'm a big fan of the animated movies that they have like i've always liked the batman animated stuff like i'm really like excited about the killing joke and oh yeah i saw people on facebook are excited about that mostly for me because i'm a big i'm a big like animation nerd gotcha so and i and i got really into like voice acting oh nice and uh john dimaggio did that documentary oh yeah yeah yeah i know that voice whole yeah it's just a whole world that opens up yeah i was like there's so much more that goes into it and hamill will always be like my joker oh yeah i remember learning that that like luke

skywalker did joker's voice and i was like that is so cool because i love that cartoon that batman cartoon it's still so good you know uncle phil did shredder's voice he did no i did not way r.i.p r.i.p think about it makes sense doesn't it yeah i get it yeah um blew your mind uh but yeah john dimaggio does the voice of bender and a ton of other people but yeah he's one of the best yeah actors but that's what they're bringing all of the original cast back nice so kevin conroy's back doing bruce wayne and batman and like you know so so i'm like i'm really excited i'm like this is the batman i know when does that come out i can't remember i think it's like sometime later this year oh okay they just released like a 10 minute sneak peek which is just basically like

uh like a mini 10 minute documentary talking about the production and everything and what they did with it because the killing joke is basically joker pushing batman to the edge yeah like it's just like what can i do to get you to kill me yeah because if you kill me then there's no coming back for you yeah right so to me i'm like that's fucking what a like what do you do like as a superhero to me it's like that's a morality question and he does everything he can to try to get him to just kill him now is that the one where joker kills robin no okay the red hood right i think so i don't know the red hood talks about that 2011 which jensen no they killed him way before that yeah but not in the card and like

the movies no i mean the comic the they killed him in the 80s. My sister had that book, and it's like, for the 80s, it's like a brutal comic book. In this one, in this Batman, they have Robin's old suit with ha-ha-ha. Yeah, and there's a cool theory about Jared Leto's Joker, because that Robin was possibly not killed just like beaten so much and so fucked up by the joker that like batman takes his revenge on the real joker and then the robin is so fucked up he becomes the next joker which would be really cool because then you could still kind of have heath ledgerger's Joker and then it would make sense why Jared Leto's Joker is like young

and has like dumb tattoos and shit like that. You know what I mean? The same world is like. I know. It's a different universe, but it would still be cool to like have its own lane like that. You know what I mean? And I was hoping we would get to see some of that in Batman versus Superman, but there was none of that.

So there's no. Yeah. There's no yeah there's no joker or anything no no you just see you just see the suit and you just see it has like the ha ha ha spray painted on it well that was like the red hood he comes back like jason no one in comic books ever dies yeah yeah i'm just like always just like they come back yeah whenever somebody dies in a comic i'm just like well in three issues they're going to be back. Like, I think Uncle Ben and like...

The rice guy? No. Aunt Jemima. Aunt Jemima and Uncle Jim. Uncle Ben from the Spider-Man. The Breakfast League. Mrs. Butterworth,

I believe. When the Uncle Ben franchise went down, Parker snapped. Yeah. I gotta be a superhero. He went crazy. But like,

he's the only character that like always will stay dead. Right. Yeah. Because it's a superhero. He went crazy. But like, he's the only character that like, always will stay dead. Right. Yeah. Because it's such a fundamental. Other than shitty characters that nobody cares about.

Yeah. Right, yeah. Even Batman versus Superman, Superman dies in the movie. But of course, he doesn't really die. Well, didn't they,

didn't they introduce the Genesis chamber in the first movie? What? There was a whole big, like... Oh. Oh, for the Superman? Superman?

Yeah, Man of Steel. Didn't they introduce the Genesis Chamber? Is that what Doomsday comes out of? Yeah, that's basically what they make Doomsday out of. Okay. But I think that gets destroyed. I'm not positive. I think in the comic books, I my friend Ryan like why Superman gets better

like basically he gets exposed to the sun again or something like that he gets sun poisoning right yeah and then he was super sick he needed to take a couple days off but now they show him

they show him in the casket at the end of the movie and then the dirt that they throw on top of the casket you see that start to like float and they're like oh he's not dead and you're like of course there's like no tension i don't even remember that really yeah justice i think i was done with it by then i think i was just kind of like come on yeah that that was the very end like 30 false endings yeah i kept thinking like yeah this is it there's so

many goofy parts too like lois being uh trapped under something and like in like a puddle of water basically and like she had to go get remember in the building where she's like trapped because she has to go get the spear i forget yeah but she's she like dives like it's in the bottom of this building which is flooded and then like this kryptonite spear they need to defeat doomsday so she's like oh i guess i'll go get it and like goes under there and then somehow gets trapped under rubble and it's just such a like missed opportunity for aquaman like shouldn't they have you know what i mean it's like oh yeah yeah my friend ryan brought that up and it's like why wouldn't he just have like aquaman pop up yeah and like and the way they show that who is the

most worthless superhero i i think of all time i i don't know enough i'm not a big aquaman fan i don't know enough about him my other friend ryan be a big fan but i think doing a movie with him it just seems so ineffective because the way they the way they introduce each character is basically like a quick time file that somebody gets an email wonder woman looks at like little like movies of each of them and it's it's pretty lame but uh the way they show the way they show aquaman is he's literally underwater and there's like a camera coming at him like some type of like little like underwater like drone thing or whatever okay and he punches it but he still punches it like a human man underwater you know what i mean like

there's like he can't like it's like yeah like he yeah like he's punching as hard as he can but he's still underwater you know but when he taps the thing it like flies like 10 football fields and like that looks pretty lame that's it's gonna be really hard to do an aquaman movie and make it look cool i just feel like you know you have he's got all of superman's powers right he's got really invulnerable like have, he's got all of Superman's powers, right? Really? He's got the invulnerability. I think he's pretty, he's invulnerable. But how did he lose? I don't know if he's got the shrink wrap ass. Yeah.

But doesn't he lose his hand? Like later Aquaman has like a harpoon. Yeah. Yeah. He has a hook. Yeah. He chops his own hand off. Yeah.

He has a hook or whatever. I think you're thinking of Hannibal. What's that? Hannibal Buress or Hannibal? Hannibal Buress. Does he chop his own hand off? That's his closer, whatever. I think you're thinking of Hannibal. What's that? Hannibal Buress or Hannibal? Hannibal Buress. Does he chop his own hand off? That's his closer, yeah. It's really tough.

It's really bizarre. It comes out. Can you get him something better than a hook? This is like the world of living robots. That's the height of prosthetic technology. They were like, well, we got robot robot hands up above but we can't do electronics in the ocean that's crazy and he already breathed he can breathe underwater he has enough um you know yeah so uh shit i forgot what i was gonna say oh yeah how many how many

superhero movies do we need to bring in like the icarus myth too you know what i mean they always have to have that oh flew. Flew too high. Yeah. Yeah. Unborrowed wings. Yeah, like, yeah, yeah. I mean, how many fucking times do we need to see fucking the Waynes die?

Like, I get it. That's what, you know. I get it. I was kind of. I'm tired of seeing Damon die. Yeah. I'm tired of it. Enough scary movies.

But yeah, you're right. It's just, we know the story and especially if you're gonna bring up a really old like bro like just on the verge of just yeah moral bankruptcy batman yeah why do you need to show his parents we already fucking know we know yeah you know like that's what i like about reintroducing spider-man into civil war yeah as long as i don't see uncle ben die again yeah but i hope yeah solid i i got to see louis ck uh last friday and he did a bit of he he did sort of like a side tangent bit about spider-man was so funny he was talking about about stuff that's fucked up in the world.

He said, but we don't care. We just want to make Spider-Man again. And he's talking to no one. He's like, what? Do you mean make another one? No, start it again. Again with a younger boy. An even younger boy.

But in like 10 years, it's going spider baby yeah no that's that's the thing it's like i i don't like that he's so young i get that he's young in the comic books but the kid they picked to fucking play him he's like 15 yeah yeah yeah yeah it's pretty weird but he's also like he's 15 and he's kind of a badass at 15 yeah Yeah. Already has breasts. Yeah. He's already blossomed into a man. He's just chiseled. And I'm just like, when I was 15, I was 5'2", kind of chubby. I had the same lung capacity that I do now.

You could barely climb up a wall, let alone be an Avenger. The rope was just a disaster for me. Oh, I love the rope. I was pretty good at the rope. Me too, I love it. Not just because it made me do a weird orgasm type thing. Yeah, I was going to say, what is that? I don't know.

I didn't get to that level, guys. Really? No. Yeah. Like a physical feeling. No, well, that wasn't my first, but climbing the rope, I didn't mention it because it's that age

where nobody talks about beating off and stuff. But whatever it is, inner thigh felt really good. And I thought I was the only one until I saw Wayne's World. Yeah, me too. And when Garth mentions it, he's like, she makes me feel funny, like climbing the rope in gym class. And I was like, ah, I'm not the only one. What is that? Same thing when other people started talking about deja vu. That was so when i when like other people started um talking about

deja vu yeah like that was so weird to me that other people experienced that like i thought it was totally just me yeah yeah i've i've experienced it a few like especially going on the road i've experienced it because there's times like like usually like that's my time to catch up with friends when i'm on the road is like i'll listen to like podcasts or i'll listen to sets and run over material but then on a six hour drive it's like fuck i still have two and a half more hours to go yeah same road then you know i'll catch up with buddies and like sometimes i'm calling them when i'm on the same road yeah i'll pass a sign and i'm like i've done this before yeah i've had this have i had this conversation with you yeah on this exact highway you probably have that point you might have just literally done that

before yeah i just like looped through time and then i have to question the state of reality yeah right don't don't they think they theorize that deja vu is uh lack of iron really yeah that's what i've heard i haven't experienced it in a while so maybe i've been getting a lot of iron. Really? Yeah, that's what I've heard. I haven't experienced it in a while, so maybe I've been getting a lot of iron. Iron. Since my veggie shakes and soylent. And baby formula. Have you been eating the baby formula? I left one at my mom's accident

and she was like, do you know what this is? Michael? What are you doing? Eating baby formula. Okay. Let's move on. Don't make it weird. No, no, no.

I'm very curious. Why are you eating baby formula? Is there like a health reason for it? No. Well, you're gassy and you're fussy. Right. Yeah, it is specifically for gassiness and fussiness. Josh doesn't rub your back enough.

No, I need to burp him more. He's trying to get up too. His hands always just go down. I know, I know. Always go below the equator. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's a classic Josh move.

I know. That's his move. Hey, if it ain't broke, Chris, you know what I mean? Don't fix it. You know what I mean? It's what he does whenever I see him. It opened my ass. Where did the urban legend of the penis and the popcorn come from?

You would actually do that. It doesn't seem comfortable. You'd have to be fully erect to begin with, first of all. And then maneuver it. I'm guessing you'd get off on that type of thing, though. It wouldn't be for the timid guy who's like, okay, I gotta maintain.

I wouldn't be able to pull that off. And who's like digging their hand all the way down the... Well, also, yeah, you can't like jerk it off properly.

You'd have to get the small bag. You'd have to like cup it, you know, and even then you're like crushing popcorn shit

into your dick, you know? Getting shells down your urethra. Yeah, the first guy would be like, I did not think this through.

Let alone that the chick would go with it and be like, the fake butter's like dripping. But not only that. Yeah, yeah first guy was going to be like, I did not think this through. Let alone that the chick would go with it and be like, the fake butter's dripping. But not only that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's hot. Not only that, that's like three, four bucks

just for a small popcorn. Oh, at least. And if you're going to make it effective, you got to get the, like you can't get the big tub because it's going to look ridiculous. We should do a bit of a search or something on that.

It's like, oh honey, there's a dick in this popcorn I'll take it back It's mine Did you mean to put that in there? I mean logistically It doesn't even work

Yeah and if you salt it Salt in your urethra? No bueno Unless that's your thing Someone's got salt in his urethra Now Michael Tell our guest Why you're eating baby formula

Yeah Well on the last podcast Which isn't out yet correct Yeah it'll be out tomorrow As we record this Josh announced that he had been Given free samples of baby formula I showed up

I was doing some shows and uh wasn't home for a day or two or something like that or even when i was i was like wasn't checking my mail i'd like come home go to work and then like go to dc for a couple days or whatever and uh i came home friday night i think it was like late friday and there was a blue box on my doorstep and it's just like a you know a little, not even like a foot big, looked like a Kleenex box kind of. And I was like, what the hell is this shit? And it said baby formula samples.

And I was like, what the fuck is this? Are people, like, I thought it was some company is just like giving away free baby formula. So we talked about it. We talked about it for a while in the podcast, just like, what's this marketing campaign? How that work how did it possibly be i was like i would never feed that to my child and mike's like i don't know i would i'd probably eat it myself or something like that i was like well you said you brought up coffee like if it were free coffee would you

drink it i was like yeah i probably would oh yeah yeah yeah coffee samples and stuff i would yeah it's just i don't know it's just weird to have something show up on your door, just as a parent, you know what I mean? Like, have something show up on your doorstep and be like, I'll give this to my only child, you know what I mean? Like, something that came in the mail from a stranger. Anyway, so. Like the word baby formula is just written on it with a marker.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poison is crossed out. That's when you got to get a little skeptical where you're just like wait is this sharpie on a box it's like the gerber baby but a skull yeah the mr yuck stickers like tried to be ripped off um so so ignore yeah no longer valid uh so yeah mike was like yeah if it was coffee i would drink it i'd be like yeah would you drink this formula and he's like sure so i went guy it was just powder oh mike almost fell out you haven't had your baby formula i'm sorry i'm pretty high on claritin and like some other medicine you're riding that wave totally perfect uh so yeah so mike sampled a baby formula yeah i don't know if it was one of our best moments

or one of our lowest moments on the podcast. He loved it. Flavored? It was fine. Yeah, it just tasted like a protein shake, like an Ensure or something. Oh, that was, if it tasted like Ensure, I'm all in. Well, first Josh made it for me,

and it was like milk water. Well, I didn't want to, he didn't put nearly enough in, so it's like fucking, see how fussy he is? He needs his formula. You smell how gassy I am too? You gotta make that food. It's been the whole time.

It's just been one long stream of gas. I know. I know. But yeah, so I didn't want to put too much in because I was like, this is probably gonna be gross. And I bring it down. He's like, what is this shit? Like, like I'm a pussy.

Like, add some more formula to this fucking water, you pussy. If I wanted water, I'd ask for water Give me the fucking formula Make it strong baby Yeah Give me a stiff That's the exact same reaction I have when someone like

Offers me an e-cigarette Uh huh Where I'm just like Give me the real thing Why are you being a pussy about it i want well i want the real offer you e-cigarettes there's like comics that'll smoke e-cigarettes whatever and i'm like no i don't because i'm a real man and smoke real cigarettes and we're proud of you yeah and i have real lung cancer this is real ph phlegm from the deepest reaches of my lungs.

How old are you, Krish? 27. Okay. So how long have you been smoking? It started when I was in college, and then I quit at the end of college for about two and a half years. And then I quit for a girl. This is usually what happens. It's like when girls are like, we'll be done if you don't.

And I'm like, yeah, I need this validation. Yeah. But yeah, so I quit for two and a half years. I dated a nurse. And then when that relationship ended,

I was like, you know what I really enjoy? Yeah. Are cigarettes. Sure. They're super fun. Yeah. So I started smoking again

and again, got into another relationship when I quit for this girl. And then I just, once that relationship ended. So like on and off since I was in college. Well, you gotta quit those things. Yeah. You know who you should fall in love with?

You know who you should fall in love with? That's a bold stance to take. Thank you. I haven't researched it, but I feel like you should stop. You know who you should fall in love with? Your health. Yeah. Forget a lady.

Yeah. Let health be your lady right that is instead of joe camel that is a or marlboro man spirits i'm a fancy cigarette guy i like how people like somehow think that it's more natural or earthy or something to smoke american spirits yeah no yeah you're burning it so you're getting the same amount of like any anything you burn releases carcinogens like that's why do people think that like people from a thousand years ago were healthy they worked outside i think yeah mostly wouldn't do i mean if you're eating more natural stuff and

probably more active that was probably healthier than what we do than our cooking is one of the things that like actually helped our brains evolve yeah because we got more nutrients out of it when we cooked it so it's like pre-chewing your food interesting if i may briefly interject i recently heard that just cooking just the You just sound like... We just went so formal. Let me go back to the black plague. Apparently cooking allowed our jaws to get smaller. Because apes spend like 30 hours a day chewing. That's all they fucking do.

And it allowed our jaws to get smaller so our brains could get bigger. These apes need to get their shit together. Yeah, they do. Think about it. Picture an ape right now. What's it doing? It's chewing. It's chewing or masturbating. He's got a hat on. One of the only two things that apes they do. Think about it. Picture an ape right now. What's it doing? It's chewing. It's chewing or masturbating.

He's got a hat on. The only two things that apes really do. They've established dominance in this world. Mike's now standing, asserting himself. Yeah. I believe it. It's interesting, though. The whole natural thing was like, I have had the quitting argument before, and I've talked

to a couple people that, you know, a lot of the comics that I hang out with will end up smoking. I do get to a point where, like, certain days, I just won't smoke. Yeah. Like, if I take a night off from comedy, and I'm just, like, doing work or watching whatever, I don't smoke.

But there are certain triggers. Like, anxiety is a big trigger for me. And then like driving. If I'm in the car. I used to love to drive and smoke for some reason. That was my favorite thing to do. Oh, it's super relaxing. I don't know why.

Yeah, I think it's that way for everybody. That's like Amanda, when she smoked, that was when she chain smoked the most, just driving. Yeah, me too. Yeah, yeah. I try not to. The thing with american spirits is i like the taste of them and this is the thing um i talked to my friend stewart huff about it and we got got in this whole conversation one i have an addictive personality that's we both did

and the other thing was like he's thought about quitting but he's like i i just like it i enjoy the i enjoy the taste yeah i mean. Until you get that health scare, I think, that's whenever you're like... I do kind of believe you should enjoy life. I look at Lemmy, and I'm like, that man loved his fucking life.

I know, but I would like to know what his last few years were like. I don't think they were that good. But then, the argument is what his last few years were like i don't think they were that good but then the argument is whose last few years are good but did you ever hear his wtf now he was on wtf yeah he sounds he sounded really bad like he just sounded like his body was quitting yeah he just sounded like an old dude he was yes i don't think cigarettes were the only thing that was his problem i don't know what else do you think he partook in?

I think he did yoga every day. I think he was a vegan for decades. Oh, yeah. I believe so. Yeah. I had the craze, too. Apparently, he honestly didn't eat a vegetable for several decades, he said. I believe it.

The only time he ever drank water was when he would put ice cubes in his back and coke. So he would just accidentally get hydrated, maybe. Yeah, he said during shows when he would feel dehydrated, he just asked for a few ice cubes. That's awesome. I feel like shit. Could you put some ice in my alcohol? See, but that's the thing. I don't drink very often.

So my only two real vices are cigarettes and coffee. I'll drink three or four cups of coffee, and I'll have cigarettes throughout the day, but I don't do anything else. Mike asked about pornography, Chris. Pornography, it's a constant. Constant. It's constant.

Wow. Just a stream of it. I sometimes just keep it in for the background. Yeah, I like to. It relaxes me. Yeah. I like to put it on while I'm driving. I don't like to get desensitizedes me. I like to put it on while I'm driving.

I don't like to get desensitized to it. I want it to be special. If I'm seeing a guy's shit on a girl's chest, I want it to be fun. You want it to mean something. Yeah, exactly. Not even bare boobs. Boobs and bras.

That was his shit when I was 12. I remember there was a busty picture of Sarah Michelle Gellar. I was like, this is pretty great. I'm a big fan of those. Go ahead. The movie Now and Then, I believe it was called, which featured Christina Ricci. Oh, such a babe. Showed her in her bra and taping her breasts down oh you better believe i

watched that scene you better believe that she always seems like like messy hot to me yeah but she cleans up nice though she's she's cute yeah um fuck what was i just about to say masturbating what were we talking about? Oh, yeah. My friend. I just start masturbating. That's what I wanted to do. You guys talk amongst yourselves. Talk amongst yourselves. Give me five minutes.

My friend Ramin Mastafavi, comedian. Yeah, I know Ramin. Yeah, who's been on this podcast. He has three boys. And they're all kind of roughly around the same age. And I think his oldest is like 10 or 11, maybe 12, somewhere in there. But, yeah, he's like – Right around the age.

Yeah. I think that's how old I was. I mean, yeah, I was pretty young. I was way too young. When you said first sexual experience for me, it was at daycare. We slept – I think I've told you this before, we had to sleep on cots for nap time. And I was laying face down

on my belly and I got a boner and then I was just kind of Yeah, but I just kind of rubbed on it. Just kind of moved side to side and that felt great. That was the first thing and then that went into climbing the rope.

Yeah. But Ramin's son, like he noticed they were hanging out the other night, and he's like, hey, wait, we're missing somebody. And then he goes to the bathroom, and his kid's in there, and he's like, ah, kind of like nervous. And he's like, what? It's okay, buddy. He knew he had the iPad in there or something like that and uh he wasn't like masturbating he was

just looking so he's like checking it out went through his search history and was like super nice with him and just like you know man we all do it and was just very down to earth and uh but his search history um just to see like the mind of a young boy trying to figure out porn so like he i forget the site that he went to but he came across like a video of it was like girl shows boobs in apartment or something what's the title of it right nice so in his young mind he thought that all adult shit goes down in an apartment so all of his searches from there would have in an apartment it's funny it was like like you get a false correlation from his first yeah yeah yeah so he just kept looking it was like you know like girls kissing in an apartment and that type of

thing and uh yeah it's so funny and then i think his other kid was looking too and he had a conversation with him and it was kind of like you know let's just get it out in the open don't want to make it weird just anything you would say and uh yeah which is cool yeah which is great about it and uh he said uh he was like okay dad um like i've seen some penises that are like really big like they're not that big right they also called the vagina the pugina nice it's on the right track i know just like what a nightmare that must be to have kids when like porn is just in their pocket right you know i mean there's certain things you can do i think but like there's not much i mean if you go to a friend's house or like they have enough money to buy like an iTouch And just get on wifi That you don't know about

You know what I mean And they'll just Yeah Fuck I had I think the weirdest experience I had With the whole like

Getting a search history On an iPad thing Was me And So I was dating this girl It was a nurse that I was dating Uh huh And uh

We were fooling around And like I came but I didn't. Okay. Okay. Just a little bit? Not a lot? There was no proof of it.

You know what I'm saying? Oh, nothing came out. Yeah. So we were like, what the fuck just happened? Uh-huh. And I was like, you're a nurse. Yeah. Am I dying?

What's happening? Mm-hmm. So we Googled it. Uh-huh. So the Google search uh literally said can you feel an orgasm without ejaculating yeah on her ipad on her eye no so so lamest facial ever just like nothing this is odd i was like i've never happened this has never happened before yeah so i i like we searched around and we like we went to

multiple pages to try to figure out an answer and just couldn't yeah find an answer so we're like all right let's just say it's a fluke this is a just a fluke experience a weird thing if it happens again we'll have to consult a doctor yeah uh so later like a day later day later, we used to hang out with her dad late at night. I love where this is going. Same thing happens to him. We would shoot the shit, eat pie, drink coffee. And we got on some weird topic about something from the 60s that he used to watch as a kid. Okay.

And I was like, I think I remember like... Flying nun? Yeah, it was like this weird thing that we were just like, I think I used to watch as a kid okay um and i was like i think i remember like flying done yeah it was like this weird thing that like we were just like i think i used to watch that when i was a kid like india used to get 60s television a whole lot so when i grew up in india i would watch a bunch of 60s tv i dream of genie yeah i dream of genie like the old batman stuff right right get that like in the afternoon like yeah summer days yeah so i used to watch a whole bunch of that right and he was like yeah yeah i'm gonna i want to pull up a clip so he grabs her ipad and pulls up the browser and hits the search and the first thing that he sees is terrifying can you have an orgasm without ejaculating and we were we we like didn't realize what was happening until he was just like, yeah, let me see if I can find.

And then he looks at it and sets the iPad down and he goes, I'm not going to ask any questions. And I was just, and I didn't know what to do. And she just went red face. And I, and then I just like panicked and just started laughing. Yeah. Like maniacally couldn't stop laughing at what was happening because I'm like panicked and just started laughing. Yeah. Like maniacally couldn't stop laughing at what was happening because I'm just panicked. So then he was just like, we're just going to look for the thing.

We're just going to Google search. Wow, he's committed to this. I'd be like, who gives a fuck? The world is a lie. I'm going to go to bed. At least he didn't put it down and look at you and go you too yeah that would have been great yeah or you could have thrown her under the bus be like what is this shit uh you know what girls don't what ejaculate right girls i don't know i've

never experienced aren't you a nurse it's kind of weird it was it was definitely a strange experience yeah and then like a few days later it was just like me and him hanging out oh good times and we uh we just we like nonchalantly brought it up uh-huh we was just like look i know you guys are you guys are having sex. I'm aware of it. Can you just do me a favor out of respect for me and just not bring it up around me? Yeah. And I was just like, okay, that's cool.

And he was like, I just don't need to know. I don't want to know the details about it, even if it's on accident clear your browser history and i was like i'm getting a lesson from a 40 year old man about clearing my browser history yeah like that was i think he's like and i just can't stress this enough delete the cookies i don't know what they are but they're gonna come back to haunt you okay just please delete the cookies get rid of it yeah i was like i'm getting tech talk from a 40 year old man this this might be the most embarrassing well i mean at least you had sex you know with his daughter yeah it was like still pretty cool

that i'm getting laid right where does the uh then where does the conversation go from there He's like so It's gonna rain on Tuesday Like we went back to weird political shit That we talked about Okay Yeah And he was like The black plague Yeah went back to black plague

Yeah Wikipedia articles He's like did you know Right around the rosies What Was not around Just The rosies Oh my god none of those kids had rosy

cheeks what they were all black kids whoa geez to a weird spot um yeah well um uh did you did it ever happen again you you're firing on all cylinders now right now yeah i've had that happen before i've heard i've heard about it on loveline before apparently yeah like some for some reason it gets like sucked back in yeah like once i think a couple times like when i'm whacking it and i don't want to finish yet i'm just getting going mentally and then like i realize i'm gonna come and i'm like no and all like kind of have an orgasm yeah but you don't that's kind of what it felt like

not so fast Mr. Penis we're getting a little too excited I had a weird experience where I like I was having sex with a girl on her couch and we went to go upstairs and I looked out and there was like white cummy stuff on her couch, and we went to go upstairs, and I looked down, and there was white, cummy stuff on my toe. On your toe?

Yeah, I don't know. It really freaked me out. I was wearing a condom, too, so it was like, what is this, and where did it come from? I don't know. Sometimes chicks have that, where it's like a little white stuff. I take it as a compliment most of the time. Yeah. I'm usually like, huh?

Huh? Look at that. In a lot of cultures, that's considered a compliment. Pretty cool. Yeah, she's just like, no, no, no. I have a urinary tract infection. I'm like, I probably did that too. So no, you're welcome. A lot of cultures, they bow before you and put semen on.

It's traditional. Semen on the toe. Only in the highest regard. All the kids do it to the statues of the saints. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have the white toe. Yeah, it's beautiful. It really is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the white toe. Yeah, it's beautiful. It really is.

It's a beautiful tradition. It's good to keep the traditions alive. It really is in this modern age. Well, let's wrap up on cum toe. Should we? There's nothing where we can go from cum toe. I think we've maxed out here. Yeah, this might be the dirtiest I've been.

Really? Right towards the end of the podcast is probably the dirtiest. You want to ramp up to it. We'll ease into it, you know? But no, thanks for coming over, man. Thank you guys for having me. This was a lot of fun. Where can people find you on the internets?

Where would you like them to go? My website, which is ramennoodlescomedy.com. It's R-A-M-A-N. And I'm on the Facebook and Twitter. Twitter handle is at KrishMohanHaha. Nice. Nice. Well, cool.

Thanks for joining us, man. Thank you for having me. This was a blast. Yeah, it was a good convo. I had a good time. Mike, you're on the internet. Indeed I am. And I'm on the internet.

Yeah? Michael, where can people... Yeah. Since when? I don't think this internet's Michael, where can people? Yeah. Since when? I don't think this internet's big enough for the both of us. Great. I get on the internet and you have to get on the internet. I crap my pants and you have to crap your pants.

Oh, can I tell a quick story before we wrap up? I shared it on Facebook yesterday, but it actually happened. I went to go pee at a gas station. And I wasn't sure if it was just like a one-person bathroom or whatever. Right. But I go to open the door and it opens. I'm like, oh, thank God. I have to pee so bad.

And I open the door and like right in front of me, the baby changing station is there. And it's open. And it's four dudes like parsing out weed. And like some of them. Oh, yeah. Did I hear you? Yeah. I posted it on Facebook yesterday. four dudes like parsing out weed and like some of them oh yeah did i hear you yeah i meant i i posted on facebook yesterday but uh but yeah it was like it was it was a weird collection of dudes it was

like maybe like two kids that were like 13 maybe then like one old white guy and he had he had bullets that i guess that they were putting the weed in or something like that it looked like a bullet so they don't get arrested they hide their weed in their guns yeah yeah no i mean i don't know what it's like a fake bullet windows officer yeah nothing illegal here uh but yeah just like young kids an older guy and then like a weird haggard white guy with long hair and they just like look up and uh it's like i i just really have to pee sorry and the one kid he goes it's all right man it's a communal bathroom he's like go pee so i went pee and spirit of community is a lot it was i felt a very strong sense of community and then i'm like washing my hands and this 11 year old's

like you like weed man it's like yeah and he's like look at this and it's like cool looks good you guys have a good day like it's such a weird plan like i guess they just forgot to lock the door maybe that was their plan they're like this guy's not gonna narc on us no no i thought about making a joke but i was like no no like you know yeah exactly like yeah like you like weed? Like, yeah, of course I do. I'm a cop. Or, you know, something. What a nice sense of trust that you brought into it. Yeah. I feel like the world could learn from this restroom, this gas station bathroom.

It was actually kind of cool. We all just had a little laugh, and I was like, oh, you boys. All right. Have a good day. Responsible. But, yeah, follow Mike on the internet before he dies of consumption. He's on Twitter. Mike Moran at Mike Moran Wood. Excuse me.

W-O-U-L-D. Yeah, that's it. I'm kind of on Instagram, but I haven't been doing much with that. Yeah, you should change your name to at Mike Moran Wood. Good idea. Synergy, man. I'll get on it. Branding.

Branding. 2018. Do it up. Do it up. Do it up. And I am on the Twitter and Instagram, at Josh Coderna on both of those platforms. The podcast is at DigSeshPod on Twitter. DigressionSessions.com has all of our episodes as well as iTunes and Stitcher. Like our Facebook page.

Say hello. Always nice to hear from people. And digressionsessions.com slash calendar has all of our upcoming dates. We're all doing a bunch of shows

in the coming weeks. So yeah, come out and say hi. Chris, thanks you for coming by again. Chris and I will be performing

together the 26th. Yeah, the 26th at ZC Moe's at 9 p.m. Yeah, and so yeah. $5 for a whole bunch of comedy.

Yeah. And you can hear yourself on an album eventually. Yeah. You can maybe try to pick out your laugh. Yeah. Do it. Or your heckle. Yeah.

It encourages. I don't. Heckles. Chris, could you let Mike Moran speak? You're kind of heckling him. You're a citizen of the heckle-friendly comedy show. The heckle-friendly. Oh, God. That should be. Yeah. That'll be a theme show. kind of heckling him you're a citizen of the heckle friendly comedy show heckle friendly oh god

that should be yeah that'll be a theme show that seems like a seems like a fucking nightmare nightmare all right guys

thank you for listening and yeah thanks for being here David Koechner take us out Dick Russian Sessions coming to an end. Thank you. Oh, yeah.