The Digression Sessions - Ep. 19 Rollercoaster of Blood w/ B Cav!

Episode Date: January 8, 2012

What up, Digheads! Your two favorite earbuds are back! This week another member of the Baltimore Improv Group joins Josh and Mike on their journey to Hilarious Town! The guest must remain anonymous in the description this week because or he/she drops knowledge on the chitlins on a regular basis. But, listen in and you'll uncover the secret identity of our wonderful guest! Topics for this week's show include: Swipey cards, cat paws, cat pause, cat  fragments,  new xmas outfits, juggalos, Greece II, Baltimore Improv Group, haste, Santorum – the frothy mix of lube and feces, stoves for rent, videos for rent, 3D arrows, 3 burner stoves,  teacher politics bullish, activities under tables,  Look Who’s Talking, Look Who’s Talking II, Acme Stoves & Video, up high, a pie, SUPPER, Splatterhorn, and so much more! Check out bigimprov.org for upcoming Baltimore Improv Group (BIG) shows! Follow us on Twitter - @DigSeshPod

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah,, yeah. What up, earbuds? What is going on out there? It's your two favorite earbuds. That's right. Mike Moran. And? Josh Kaderna. And?

Oh, right, two. Just us. Oh, sorry. Just us. No, I forgot we didn't have a third host. Nah. Nope. Nope.

Never will. Never? Well, I mean, might have a replacement or two for you, but... Right. I don't think we'll have three. Okay. What's going on in podcast land? What is going on out there, folks?

Come on. What's going on? How's your new year been? Brand new year. Keeping with those resolutions? Yep, yep. So you say you want a resolution. All right, this podcast train is taking off. Oh, yep. So you say you want a resolution. All right, this podcast train is taking off.

Oh, yeah. Hop off with a bang. This conductor says, ju-ju. Self-fulfilling prophecy, I can smell you emerging. Hop on the caboose if you have to. It ain't the caboose that kills you, Josh. It's the coal. Yeah, the burning coal.

Do you think anyone was ever... Do you think they ever got so desperate back in the day they had to throw human bodies into the fire to keep the train rolling? Probably. Poor people. Dogs. Irish. Poor dogs! We're out of dogs. Move to the Irish. But, sir, we have all this extra coal.

No. The Irish burn longer. They used to sell Irish on the market just for that purpose. They don't have souls so their skin burns longer. Will you tell that dog to shut up, please? I will not tell Bridget to shut up. Give her a second. She's laughing

into the bike. I understand. We have very strict rules around here about it just being us. Yes. And normally we don't tell the guests that until we just get mad at them when they start talking before we introduce them. She will not shut up. I apologize. Bridget, quit barking. Anyways, let's do a quick mic check.

All right. It's time for the mic check. Mic check. Do you have a new song for me this week? Because I didn't like your other one. Okay. It goes like this. Mic check.

That's even worse. I try. That kind of sounded like a, like, what was that band? The Crash Test Dummies? Mic check, check. Mic check Mike check check They should have dressed like Crash Test Dummies on stage

It would have made it a lot more fun I bet they did Did you ever have the Crash Test Dummies toys? Yeah They were super fun Yeah they were I had the motorcycle that would like flip them off Nice

I would give them a finger It's a transformer that went from a motorcycle To a middle finger Yeah I would have the seat that would throw them off? The ejector. The ejector street. The ejector street.

I had a car. It was so much fun. That was probably like one of the funnest toys that I had as a child. Oh, yeah? I kind of think so, yeah. Uh-huh. What about the Barbie Dreamhouse? Well, that was good until there was a murder in mine.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, it was a mystery. We still never solved it. No? Woke up and found Ken's penis that was missing. Wow. Yeah.

So Ken was murdered. Yeah, well, he fled to death, I assume, because he wasn't moving after that. I thought Ken didn't have a penis to begin with, though. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't think either of them had genitals, really. Oh, man. Maybe I owe my sister an apology. This whole time.

This whole time I thought it was her. Terrible. Terrible. All right, so you're good, Mike? Good Mike Moran? Yeah. Can't complain. Had a few days off here.

Have to go back to work tomorrow. Oh, boy. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Sundays. Oh. How about you, Josh? Let's do Just Joshin' Ya. Here's a segment we call Just Joshin' Ya. You know what, Mike? That was pretty good.

I'm going to give you credit. See how that feels? A little positive reinforcement? No. I'm just giving you verbal positive reinforcement okay now you're just talking over my section oh yeah sorry okay just joshing you begin i am doing great i didn't ask that oh well what do you want what's going on here what's the worst thing you've ever done to someone i probably when i cut off that penis and put it in a dream house at one time. Oh, yeah. Penis in a dream house. Yeah.

Yeah, things are going good. Went and saw a live podcast with you last night. Oh, wow. Went and heard his podcast. And then my car overheated in D.C. Yeah, we had a little bit of an adventure getting home. Yeah, we were going to meet someone, and they said, meet us here. It's at 1200 H Street.

So we go to 1212 H Street, and then we go to 12... Oh, it's 1212 H Street. And then we go to 1212 H Street Northwest when it should be Northeast. I feel like they do that intentionally just to screw with me. They need to do the Northwest, Northeast thing. Just have, like, different numbers. You know? We have to duplicate

the numbers and just throw in the Northwest, Northeast bullshit. Yeah, I remember reading about when they did the layout for DC. They said, specifically, we have to mess with Mike Moran when we set this up. Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sure it's in the Bill of Rights. Yeah. George Washington was not

a fan of you. I know. I'm sure you. I know. It's because I made fun of his teeth. And his slave holdings. Look at you and your wooden teeth and your slaves. Idiot. How old was George Washington? He looked like pretty elderly.

When he died? Or just, what are you trying to say? How old was he when? Are historical figures just one age? Yes. The British founding fathers were ranging between 40 and 42. I'm pretty sure George Washington came over here at one age and died at the same age. He was created in a lab, too.

Yeah, I think he was. I couldn't picture a little boy George Washington walking around chopping down cherry trees. Because that's a myth. That whole story is a myth. Washington. And I think it's because he was the same age. Did you know he's seven feet tall? Made of radiation.

Really? Yeah. radiation. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's true. Wow. Was he created, like, during the nuclear blast? Like, all those monsters from Japan? It was part of the Big Bang.

And then he just kind of orbited for a while. Well, I think we're all created by that, aren't we? And that's your belief in creation. And of course I do. Mike, I don't even know why you had to. Sorry. I really want to go different. Mel and I were talking about going to the Creationist Museum.

Who? In Tennessee. Who? Mel or Kentucky or some shit. Who's Mel? My lady, I think. She's definitely my lady. I don't know.

But Mel is being a little hasty about the Facebook announcement. Uh-oh. Is it official? No, it is not. So, dig heads, if you want to badger Mel about that and harass her mercilessly, please do. Okay. So, you don't want her to make the announcement? No, she doesn't want me to.

Oh. I thought hasty means she's being a little too quick. Oh, I'm being hasty. Sorry. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I still kind of think hasty means pasty in my head. She's being so pasty.

It's like I think overzealous means overjealous. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, things are good, except for that homeless man who... Condemned us to hell. Condemned us to hell. Condemned us to hell. Yeah. Didn't give a... He wanted us to take him to McDonald's.

Right. Around the corner and use our debit cards. He's like, y'all got them swipey cards? Walk me over to McDonald's? We're like, nah, man, we can't. He's like, I hope when you meet your maker, he plays his shit back for you. And then you're going straight to hell. Yeah.

Yeah, that was pretty intense. I was a little scared of him. I thought he might get violent with us. He got pretty serious. that was pretty intense. I was a little scared of him. I thought he might get violent with us. He got pretty serious. He's pretty intense. I mean, does he think we've never been hustled by a drug addict before? He's like, what?

I'm asking you for money, and you're refusing? What the fuck? Oh, my God. Yeah, it certainly didn't help when he was walking away, when he said, when y'all meet your maker,

and all that stuff, you go, I don't believe in God. All right, Mike, let's end it here. Yeah. You don't believe in Jesus Christ Almighty? God, I'll kill you. Do you think he heard me say that? No.

Okay, I don't think so. All right, good. Because I don't want him coming back. I don't want him, like, you know, writing on the Facebook page. Well, that's too bad. Crazy homeless guy, come on out. Just kidding. He's not here. He'll be here next week, though. I'm like, you know, writing on the Facebook page. Well, that's too bad. Crazy homeless guy, come on out. Just kidding. He's not here.

He'll be here next week, though. I'm kidding. Y'all got him, Bridget. Next week, crazy homeless guy. And after that, the creature. Basically the same guest three weeks in a row. Yeah, but we escaped from D.C. after my car overheated. Made it back to beautiful Baltimore.

And now we're here to podcast after watching a podcast and talking about podcasts. It's not how many times you get hit, it's how many times you podcast. That's right. Yep. Yeah, we saw The Nerdist last night, and it was good. It was good. I had fun. I had fun.

Sold out the 930 Club. I was shocked by how, I mean, just scores and scores. That's like a bigger audience than you'd see. I mean, how do you think that compared to like the Michael Ian Black Show? There's probably... I wasn't at the Michael Ian Black Show. Well, it was the auto bar sold out or pretty much sold out. Well, the thing about the 930 Club selling out with chairs, it's not the same as selling out without chairs.

They could have fit a lot more people there, but the amount of chairs lessened the space dramatically. Well, the Autobahn didn't have chairs, though. Yeah, that's what I mean. I think you could have fit more people. Yeah, but still,

it still felt like two or three times as many people. Yeah, yeah. And 930 Club's a pretty big venue, too. Right. But yeah, it was good.

Watched some stand-up comedy. Yeah, yeah. It was bizarre to see the line Wrapped around the block To see people talk I know To see people have a conversation That shows you the power of the podcast Power of the pod, man

Power of the fucking pod Wow Anyway It'll be us someday Yep, anyways Look for us at the 930 Club in 2020, y'all The world doesn't end in 2012. Quetzalcoatl.

But anyway. Those guys are in their 40s. Then we'd get pretty inside. Yeah. All right. Let's not talk about the end of the world. Let's talk about the ray of sunshine on the podcast right now. We already went over the...

Oh, that's true. I'm sorry. Anyway, I guess we can talk about our guest then. Okay. All right. The rain cloud of the podcast. She's an improviser. Uh-oh.

She's a teacher. Oh, snap. She's a juggalette. Her name is Bridget. Bridget. Caviola. Raviola. Bridget Raviola. I think it's Casson. No, you're both wrong.

Carolina. Okay. Caviola. Caviola. I think you did that on purpose, but that's fine. Bridget Caviola. It's really hard for me to be quiet for that long. I'm not good at that.

Well, that's too bad. We've got to take a break. Oh, okay. And we're back. And we're back. And we are back. What's up? I was really enjoying watching your dog.

Yeah. Please do not speak about Mike Moran like that. Sorry. You can't use two dog people. No, we both can't be dogs. I can't pair us in one podcast. Well, I mean,

I keep Mike Moran on a tight leash on this podcast, you know? Oh. You know? And I pet his butt during the podcast. That made me uncomfortable. What, when I was petting his butt? No, after.

After I pet his butt? Yeah. During your fine. It's just when it ends? After he looked really depressed. And when he didn't wash his hand. Right. Yeah.

And I sniffed my hand after. Mike looked really depressed, and I just felt bad for him. I do find it, like, I always have to smell my hand after I pet a dog. Do you guys do that? No. Because you want to know what your hand smells like or what the dog smells like? Well, both. I mean, I want to know if my hand now smells.

Your hand will smell like dog. Right. Inevitably. Not always, though. Every now and then you'll get like a dog that was just cleaned. Or a dog that doesn't shed. A dog that just came out of the dishwasher. Fresh from the dryer.

It does not smell. My parents' dog doesn't really smell. Oh, really? No. Oh, yeah. He's a poodle. So it doesn't have a nose. No, he doesn't smell.

At all. Not really. I mean, sometimes, but not really. Right. He's small. Cats don't smell. I prefer the cats. Some cats smell. Cats smell. Cats do not. Yeah, they, but not really. Right. He's small. Cats don't smell. I prefer the cats. Some cats smell.

Cats smell. Cats do not. Yeah, they can. Yes, they do. You've never been in a cat house. I've never been around a cat house. You know what I mean. You know what I mean.

I've been down at a cat house. It really stinks. It's a good stink, though. I have yet to encounter a cat that smells. Maybe like when they get that kind of litter box smell on their paws or on their tail. You sniff cats' paws, just the paws. Yes, occasionally. Take a pause for the cat paws smell.

Can we make that a segment, cat paws? Yeah, sure. Let's all take a cat paws. We're talking about cats. But yeah, when you say that litter box smell, that smell is piss and shit. That's what you're talking about. Well, it's piss and shit mixed with kitty litter, which has its own smell. So it's not quite as bad as piss and shit.

But it's not a pleasant smell. You said they don't smell except kitty litter. When I say smell, what I mean is smell bad. I mean everything smells. I'm still confused because cat pee smells really bad. I'm saying that's why I made the concession that sometimes parts of the cat, cat fragments, may have an offensive odor. That's so gross. However, there is no gross cat smell in and of itself.

When you pet a cat on the back and or head and or belly, but not the genitals or anus, you will generally not smell. All right. I'm sorry. Mike's sponsored by the Cat Council, and he has to try to add that stuff in bridget how are you i'm good thanks for having me here you guys thank you for coming yeah thanks for coming just walked right over yeah that's right you live in the neighborhood right down neighborino right down the street yeah yeah that's true that's true so you had your christmas vacation from school christmas vacation from school Are you back at school yet? Yes.

It was awful this week. Yeah. Except for Tuesday, all the kids were really well behaved. Why? Because they had new Christmas outfits. So that makes them very... Really? Like they're wearing new things from head to toe.

New juggalo shirts that they don't wear. You're making a sociological statement that wearing nice new clothes makes people more social. Yes. Not social. Quiet. Well, less... Conservative. Quiet. Quiet. Conservative. I wouldn't say conservative. But they're behaving. They're not

quiet because new clothes make you shut up. They make you conform and follow the rules. Like, feel good. Right. Right. Interesting. And also, they don't want to mess up their new threads. Exactly. I the rules. Like, feel good. Right. Right. Interesting. And also, they don't want to mess up their new threads. Exactly. I don't think I've ever worn new clothes.

Ever. Ever? Well, what are you talking about? Not even, like, a new shirt? You never just... New pair of pants? Well, nothing, like, fancy. They're just all hand-me-downs your entire life? Kind of, yeah.

Like, I can't remember the last time I put on, like, a nice new suit. No, I mean, yeah. Underwear. Socks. T-shirts. No fresh socks? like i can't remember the last time i put on like a nice new suit no i mean yeah underwear and socks t-shirts no no fresh socks i've never like had like a fresh new snazzy suit on and feeling good my kids weren't wearing suits they didn't come dressed in like suits from the 50s with big wide ties and holding like glasses of bourbon with giant ice cubes some do that but most don't they're spinning caneses. No, not this time. Put their hats on the rack. Not for Christmas.

That's an Easter gift. Smoking a cigarette, calling you doll. How's your break, doll? Let's talk English. I teach at the Mad Men School of 1950s clothing. Right, right, right. Can I get you a drink? You thirsty?

Yeah. Do they allow colored kids in there? Quite a few, actually. Good. They're progressive, right. Can I get you a drink? You thirsty? Yeah. Do they allow colored kids in there? Quite a few, actually. Good. They're progressive then. Much to Bridget's chagrin that she told me off mic. That is not true. No, yeah.

The mic was on. Yeah, that's true. We recorded it. Yeah, yeah. So Bridget, also a member of the Baltimore Improv Group. Woo! How long have you been in the Baltimore Improv Group, Bridget also a member of the Baltimore improv group How long have you been in the Baltimore improv group Bridget? I have been in big for about seven years. I think yeah That's almost from the beginning. Yes. Yeah, so I'm a old timer. Yeah

You're a senior member. Are you are you one of the oldest members? I mean as far as being not age-wise Yeah, I mean do you get senior discounts i get senior discounts at um denny's you're a classic member yeah i'm a classic member gold gold bond gold bond powder member and i have to drink from the cup what got you into improv originally yeah what's your improv background break it down i don't have an improv background, and this is why people always get annoyed. Next subject. I literally just, I mean, I've always just talked a lot. And, like, I have two older brothers.

So in order to keep up, in order to, like, stay alive in my house, I sort of had to be quick-witted and talk. You've got to be strong. You've got to be quick. You've got to be wiser. Right. So I did that, and I just auditioned for Big. They had an open call and I saw them at Arts Week. So you never took classes or anything?

No. And you weren't an actress at all? Nope. And you just auditioned for improv and you made it? Yeah. Wow. Are you the only person that's ever done that? I don't know. I've never heard of anyone not doing anything improperly. That was actually before

Big did a whole series of classes and stuff anyway. So there wasn't And I probably wouldn't have taken them if they were there. Right. Really?

But that is pretty amazing. You just jumped right in. No, I just don't. I have been a teacher kind of for my whole life in various aspects and I just, I don't know.

I wouldn't want to take a class in that. I like to teach improv classes but I wouldn't want to take a class. All right I like to teach improv classes, but I wouldn't want to take a class. All right, then. Miss too cool for school.

I'm not too cool for school. I just, I don't know. I just showed up. It's 80% of success. I'm just me, baby. That's all. I just do me. You don't like it?

Whatever, whatever. Take a hike. Well, so you never acted or anything either? Well, like in high school, I was in a couple of things there. And then not really, not professionally, not on stage. I can't memorize anything. Right. I couldn't memorize a thing.

Yeah, I can't either. So did you learn some improv theory and whatnot as you were? Yeah, I mean, I still don't even read a lot about it. I don't do a lot. I'm more of a doer than a reader. There's some people in Big and other troops that sit and read improv for days on end.

I just can't. I don't know. I gotta hide that improvised book I have behind me. I don't think she's going to judge you. Are you going to judge him? Judged. I'm judging you right back. Judged you right back. I can feel it. Good.

Good. I feel judged. Does not the good book say, judge not, lest ye be stoned to death? Didn't you just say you didn't believe in God like three minutes ago? Didn't say I don't believe in the good book. Oh, okay. That's different. Yeah, totally different things.

But you are a director of plays at your school. So look at you. How do you have all this time? Never taken an improv class. Do you wake up at like 4 in the morning? No, in fact, I hate waking up early in the morning. I can't do anything. I feel like that's why i could

never be a teacher it's awful i do not want to relive that experience of waking up at like 5 30 on a freezing cold winter day and going to school it's awful yeah this week was awful every morning was awful yeah i went to work one morning i think it was it was either tuesday or wednesday it was fucking 12 degrees outside it was it was really cool it was nice my eyes would water and then it would just like freeze my eyes shut and i had to like just keep wiping where you get that thing chisel them your eyes are leaking and then your nose starts and it just coalesces and you eat it in the car yeah yeah yeah well a lot of political talk helps you wake up in the morning doesn't it that's whatget? That's what I've heard. I've done some research. Yes, I like to listen to NPR on my alarm clock.

She loves the... That'll get you going in the morning. Every time I woke up this morning, I was thinking about Rick Santorum. It was like every morning he woke me up. Some frothy Santorum. So the sound of his voice doesn't make you nauseous now? No, no. It's just the hearing talking about him.

He makes me nauseous. But, yeah, I had the experience of ruining some of my favorite songs by waking up to them. Oh, yes. Yeah. That's why I can't listen to music at all. Honestly. Honestly. At all?

No, I have to wake up to NPR. Oh, okay. I thought you meant you did the same thing and now you just can't listen to music. Any music just reminds you of waking up. I mean, in the morning because I don't want to hate music. Right rather hate rick santorum oh if that makes you know that's that's not a bad idea you could do like some association exercises where you pick something that you don't want to be involved with anymore and and involve that in your morning routine so it reminds you of waking up early exactly like smoking right you should wake up to a cigarette in your morning routines. It reminds you of waking up early. Exactly. Like smoking. Right. You should wake up to a cigarette.

In your face. Like somebody smoking in your face. Right. Right. Some people might like that. They should invent an alarm that smokes a cigarette when you tell it to. Right. Or like shoves a chocolate cake in your face.

Right. Yeah. You don't want to eat. You associate that with waking up. Right. And you won't want to eat it anymore. I'm thinking kill two Birds, One Stone. Have Rick Santorum blow a cigarette in your face every morning.

Yeah, well, that's already happening. That's done. Oh, wow. I hope that doesn't get out that you guys are. Oopsie. Oopsie. I noticed you're wearing a lot of sweater vests lately. Yeah.

I was like, what is up with that? I have been wearing a lot of sweater vests. Say Rick, number one fan right here. Ricky. Ricky. And there's an arrow that points to you. Yes. Yeah, I've seen it.

It's weird how an arrow can point to me on a t-shirt. It just points out. It points backwards. Yeah, it goes out. That's how much of a fan you are, though. Like out, and it's 3D. Uh-huh. You have to have glasses to see it.

Right, I give everybody a pair of those glasses. Not the new ones, the old ones. Right. Cardboard ones. The red and blue. Yeah, the red and blue ones. The cardboard ones. The red, blue, red. Yeah, the red, blue ones. Like Jaws. Right.

The big foam number one. Right. Some Frick Centauri. But I point it back towards me. Let's take a break. No way. Let's forge ahead. Okay, let's forge ahead.

Let's take a break. Play some forge ahead music, please. All right. All right. Got a little forge ahead music, Paul. And we're back. And we are back. And we are back.

Let's take a break. And we're back. All right. Bridget, so what else is going on, huh? What's going on with you? What's going on in Bridget Caviola land? What's going on in the Bridget's of Madison County? Caviola?

Yes. Bridget Caviola. I just, let's see what's going on. I just booked a spring break trip, even though you didn't want to hear about it. But I'm really excited Because I like to book things in advance Like a trip That's a good idea to book them in advance

No, to have something fun to look forward to I usually book them retrospectively And that never works out Retrospectively Anyway, I'm really excited I'm going to take four flights in a week Wow That's just your trip?

You just planned a bunch of flights? I'm going on an airplane. BWI. All different kinds of airplanes. Yes. BWI to Florida. To Dallas. To Canada.

Back to BWI. Close. I'm going BWI to Denver. To Portland. Portland. Oregon or Maine? This is five flights. Oregon.

To Phoenix. To Phoenix. To BWI. It's five flights. Yeah. I forgot about the last one. So what are you doing? To Phoenix. It's a BWI. It's five flights. Yeah. I forgot about the last one. So what are you doing? What's the last one?

BWI. Back. Oh, okay. So what are you doing in all these exotic locales like Denver? Denver? I've never been there. Have you guys been to Denver? My sister used to live out that way.

Everybody says it's cats meow. That's like the cool place to move to these days. Everybody's moving to Colorado. Trendy. Yeah. They got medical marijuana, bro. Do they really? Oh, yeah. That's where I'm going. it's that's like a cool place to move to right everybody's moving to colorado yeah so i got medical marijuana bro do they really oh yeah that's where i'm going no my uh sick oh my god i'm sorry i wanted to come in here to tell you cataracts we might get cataracts from you cat cataracts cataracts forgot that in yourrax. Bridget's also a cat owner, everybody. Oh, yeah. I'll bet.

That's good. How many cats do you have? Just one. Just one? She's awesome. Wilford Brimley, right? Yes. Oh, okay.

I remember you telling me that like years ago. Brimley. No, you told me it was Wilford Brimley. No, but she's named after Wilford Brimley. I'm mad that other people are referencing Wilford Brimley comedically because I was doing that years ago. You can't own that. I was doing it before the Liberty. Before I named my cat. Yeah. Josh has a band called Wilford Brimley comedically because I was doing that years ago. You can't own that. I was doing it before the Liberty. Before I named my cat.

Yeah. Josh has a band called Wilford Brimley. Yep. Well, I mean, it's a pretty cool name. Yeah, but our band is named after Bridget's cat. Oh. So. Right.

Then it would just be called Brimley. What was that show? Like Our House? Yeah, Our House. Was it Shannon Doherty on that? Yeah, I think so. Before she was on 90210. Now she's hawking

commercial. Yeah, I saw her on something. It was weird. What is she doing? She's trying to sell you at home college. Right. She's very awkward. She's wearing lots of different outfits for different occupations. Like a nurse? Like a Barbie thing? for different occupations. Like a nurse. Like a Barbie thing. It's like, maybe you'd like to be a nurse.

Astronaut. Paleontologist. Corbinert. She's doing more realistic. Boxer. Banana salesman. She has a giant banana suit on. But it comes on really early in the morning when I'm getting up for school.

So I've seen it a few times. Well, you've got a good mix in the morning. I've got a lot going on. I know. I've got a lot going on. Also, I can't. I have to watch something, like, really. Like, I watch, like, Full House or, like, Family Matters.

In the morning? Get the brain going. I can't watch the news. It's too depressing. Like, I have to listen to the news. Right going. I can't watch the news. It's too depressing. Like, I have to listen to the news. Right. But I can't watch the news. Right.

Why is it more depressing to watch the news than to listen to the news? Because I just show pictures. Too much stimulation. Too much. Too many sweater vests. Yeah, it was starting to make me really sad. So you listen to the news and watch Full House. Yeah.

It's a good mix. Spice things up. Like, oh, Danny Tanner. Watch Full House. Yeah. It's a good mix. Spice things up. Yeah. Like, oh, Danny Tanner. So it's like, have mercy on the poor refugees in Darfur. That's kind of what my morning is like, every weekday morning. So why Full House? Why Family Matters?

It's just like something about having this background noise that's not offensive. I mean, some people would say it's offensive. I'm not a fan i mean that was one not family not family members matters members family members family members i forgot to say you were related to urkel i should have put that in your intro too cat owner jaleel white crossover yes jaleel white he's weird looking. Who? Who? Who? What? No, I said, do you remember the Full House Family Matters crossover? When Earth will stop by. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course I do. No, I don't remember that. Classic. Yeah. Don't remember that. You should have heard the applause when Jaleel White burst through that door. It goes something like this.

Woo! Oh, yeah. They had to do the awkward, like, not saying anything. That's the kissing sound. Oh. That's when people kiss on sitcoms. Okay. Yeah. It's more like the,

I know that person! We're on a different show! And then they have to awkwardly make gestures until the applause dies down. Yeah, I always like that. Yeah, when they can't say their line, they're like, hey! And then the applause is like,

oh, now I got it. I love that I get to do that sometimes in improv. It makes me feel like a sitcom star. No, not every time. Maybe once a year. I don't think that's ever happened to me. No, people don't applaud when I enter the room. But you know how sometimes you're doing something and the applause or the laughter is long enough that you have to force your character to put whatever thought they have on hold.

You're always playing the wacky neighbor in all your improv scenes. So that's why you're always getting the applause. No, you play Jaleel White in every improv scene. Mike Moran. Got any G's? Not Steve Urkel, just Jaleel White. Nazi Urkel? Nazi Urkel. Jaleel White.

You play Jaleel White. I ain't these Jews. Got any G's hidden? Because we'll kill you for it. Got any Jews hidden? Master plan. Oh, dear. I remember the Flintstones

Jetsons. That blew my mind. Was that a theatrical film, or was that like a TV movie? I think it was like a Hanna-Barbera made for TV. Yeah, I think it was made for TV. I definitely rented it once. On VHS. Yeah.

Definitely. From Acme Video in Harrisonburg, Virginia. They also sold stoves. Yeah, it was really bizarre. Stoves and video rental? They were like a stove store. Don't like the movie? Cook it in your stove! And then they started renting videos.

Could you rent a stove? I don't know. But I believe they're still around, and they've gone back to the stoves now that the video craze is done. Did you say rent a stove? Yeah, rent a stove. Should we call them and ask? Yeah. That might have some good Frank Hall premise.

Asking to rent a stove. Yeah. All right. We'll get to it later, digheads. Diggheads. Asking to rent a stove. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We'll get to it later, dig heads. Dig heads. You can be like, do you have the cutting edge and a three burner stove? Gas or electric? Electric.

Beta or electric? Do they have three burner stoves? I don't know why I said that. Three burner stoves. Like a triangle. A triangle. For all your triangular cookware. Do you have anything with no burners?

Maybe one and a half. Whoops. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dearie. So, Bridget just got done directing Grease. I did. Grease.

Grease is the word. High school. Oh, should I not have said that? Uh-oh. Some guy was explaining last night how you can be banished to another country if you are a teacher who is on a podcast or something. I know. I was actually thinking about that a little bit. What is the deal with that?

It's, I don't know. There's so much privacy stuff. And, you know, if I say something that's right a little off he was saying that he could like get arrested and shot in the back of the head if he was well i wouldn't i can't say anything specific that's what he said they did a whole question and answer thing and he asked a question from the entire 9 30 club he's like well i really want to get a podcast or a blog but i'm a teacher so i can't i can't do that you know if they find out get a podcast or a blog, but I'm a teacher, so I can't do that. If they find out that I have a blog, I'll get fired.

I don't do any of that stuff because I don't want anybody to misconstrue something. It kind of sucks that that's... You know what we're doing right now, right? Well, I know. I know. But no. I'll at least do something else. So what's the danger there?

I don't understand the whole thing. I think it's more like if I said something that was a confidentiality breach or they found out something about me. Like, I watch Full House in the morning. Yeah, that could be dire. You know, people like to hold stuff against teachers. Yeah, I know I did. What about the going to the bar thing, though? He swore that he could get fired if there was a picture of him taken at a bar.

Well, that's ridiculous. The teacher said that? Yes. No. Yeah. Maybe they're DC rules. He would not let it rest either. He's like, well, if I want to start a podcast, what should I do?

Use a different name. In fact, I've had so many drinks at bars with my coworkers and my administration. Yeah, but there's no photo evidence, right? Yeah, sure there is. Well, we'll be calling. What was the name of your high school? What was the name of your principal in high school? Shlemwood High School.

All right. And what was the name of the school? That's what I said. Oh, what's the name of the principal? Prince. Prince Ipple. Harry? Prince Ipple Prince. Ipple. Harry. Prince Ipple.

Principal. His first name is Ipple, and that's it. And everybody's like, oh, Nipple. Like, they always make fun of him. Oh, yeah, he must have had a rough time. It's probably why he became a principal, so he could start calling the shots around him. Have a little bit of authority. Right.

Turn the tables. Right. The head honcho. Turn the desks. The head nipple. There are tables in schools, too. No, there are not. There's desks. It's just des honcho. Turn the desks. The head nipple. There are tables in schools too. No, there are not. There's desks. It's just desks. It's all desks.

The tables were easier to masturbate under though. I will admit that. Oh god. That's gross. Are you talking about recently or this is when you were in school it was easier to Well, I was in school. I was in a school recently. Masturbating under a table?

You know what? Let's just move on to something else. If Apple's iTunes finds out about this, I could be fired. Apple's iTunes? Yeah. That free podcast that they don't know about, I'll be fired from. Apple could fire me for this. Thanks to you.

Don't masturbate on your tables in middle schools. It's elementary schools. Two decades. Kids, yeah. I don't know. Keep leaving little nuggets of wisdom at the end of your sentences there. That's what you do. You want to leave people touched,

moved and inspired. Yeah. You want to touch them doing right now. Inspired to what? Masturbate under tables. Well, it's, you take what you want.

I give you, I can give you the tools, but you're going to have to build that dog house yourself. And masturbate in it. You build it. They will come under it. That's right. Bridget does this as a teacher.

That's the kind of thing I probably don't want to talk about. Kids are gross. They do gross things, but I don't know if I've ever seen that. And what age are we talking about here? High school. Oh, wow. Yeah, so they're like 14 to 22. They must be god-awful then.

Oh, yeah. Some of them are awful. I'm sorry, did you like 14 to 22. They must be god-awful then. Oh, yeah. Some of them are awful. I'm sorry, did you say 14 to 22? Really? There's a 22-year-old? Sure. Nuh-uh. Yeah.

Wow. I think that's it. I've heard stories of like that. I think you have to leave after 22. 22 is obscenely old. It's so old if you think about yourself as a 22-year-old. I've heard things like that. I've heard about like 18-year-olds in 8th grade.

Yeah, well. Jesus Christ. Probably not recently. So why would you choose to stay in high school, though? Well, some people don't have anything else to do. I mean, if you're not going to graduate, you don't want to go get your GED. Right. So after 22, they will kick you out of high school.

I think that's it. I think you're done. What if you just, like. So if I wanted to, I could have just stayed in high school after my senior year and just taken classes. No. No. Well, I can retake my classes and get straight A's until I'm 22. No, you would have had to have really failed.

Yeah. Or like had an extenuating circumstance. Oh, so if you fail, you get to stay. That's really fair. There's special education laws that allow people to stay in high school, kids to stay in high school longer too. 22. You think they're buying booze for the other kids? Hopefully.

Driving convertibles, wearing leather jackets, smoking cigarettes, you're baiting on your tables. All the cool kids stuff. That sounds like Grease. That's what Grease was like. You've been to Grease? No, I've not. I want to go though. You said it to Greece? No, I've not. No.

I want to go, though. You said it sounds like Greece. The musical. I saw the. The what? The musical. Never heard of it. Oh, Greece?

Greece 2 I've heard of. Is that. That's also a country. Associated. That's a musical, yeah. It's like New England, just Greece 2. Right. Right, right.

Greece also. New Mexico. Yeah. I prefer the classic Mexico myself. The diet Mexico. They use real sugar in a classic Mexico. That's what I hear. So.

Grease too. You directed Grease. I did. Yes. But there won't be a Grease 2. What was it like working with John Travolta? He was old. All Scientology on you?

He was all Scientology on me. Oh my God. Scientology. Did you hear that? John Travolta just walked in. Did you see that? Did you hear that? Oh my God.

Hey, look who's talking. Look who's talking too. Look who's talking with animals. Yep, classic. Is that what that one's called? No, it's called Look Who's Talking Now. I saw it in the theater in eighth grade. Okay.

Don't get upset. One was Danny DeVito. The other was... Bruce Willis. No, who was the other one? Was it a girl? Yeah, it was a female. Was she old? I feel like it was Roseanne, but I think she was the voice of the girl in the second one. She was the voice of the baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was the voice of the baby. I loved Look Who's Talking Too when I was a kid, I have to admit. The second one? Yeah, I thought it was great. I remember watching it. It was so weird. Yeah. I had it on VHS for some reason.

You borrowed it from the stove store and never gave it back. No, I think we owned very few VHS films. I'll take it. Sunbeam and Look Who's Talking Too. I wouldn't be surprised if I did ruin it from Acme Video at some point. Was it called Acme Video or was it called Acme Stoves? Well, I think it started out as Acme Stoves and then it became like Acme Stoves and Video. And then I remember very distinctly when they redid their store and it became Acme Video and the video was huge.

And they still had a little space that had some stoves. Leftover stoves. But it was mainly a video store, I think, throughout most of the late 80s and early 90s. That is the natural progression. Stoves. Videos and stoves. Video cassettes. Videos.

Yeah, all right. And then maybe there was a time in the early 2000s where it became stoves and videos again. But now, as far as I can tell, it's stoves. That's quite a progression. And they even had a big, massive sign out front that was shaped like a stove. That had plexiglass with wood inside of it. I'm picturing one of those mechanical things. It's probably just a stove opening and then there's movies inside. No, it's just a big, massive, structured sign.

See what's cooking inside. That was like 3D. You know, it was like a big... Did you wear glasses to look at it? Most stuff in the real world is 3D. No, not at that age. Contacts. No, but it was like, you know, four walls. A four walled sign. A cube. Like you could get inside that thing and

sleep if you wanted to. Was it stove shaped? Was it up high? It had a chimney type thing coming off of it. Up high. A pie? A pie! A pie! Was it a pie stove?

A pie? It was on the ground, but it rose into the air like a chimney. Like a crane? No, it was on the ground, but it rose into the air like a chimney. Like a crane? It was up and down? No, it supported itself. No, it didn't move mechanically.

It was a big, massive 3D stove-shaped sign. A pie. That had a plexiglass stove in it with probably actual wood within the sign that you could see. It was a pie. Is that what you're trying to say? As far as I know, there was never a pie business going there as well. That would have made sense, though.

Yeah, that's true. If they went for a video, cook a pie. That is kind of the missing link there. You've got the stove, you've got the video. Now you need something to put in the stove so you can enjoy it while you watch the video. They should have had frozen pies. Maybe they did.

I do remember they had a soda, one of those old, like, 80s soda machines that were often easy to open. Did it have the syrup and the water and mix the soda? Like a Royal Farm. No, I love that. It's your own soda. I used to go to a soda machine like that really that existed so good so it's like an awe oh yeah and you'd pick what you wanted like grape orange whatever and it would create your own soda like a styrofoam cup would fall down into this little like channel and then the syrup would come out of one side and the seltzer or you know yeah it's a fresh seltzer

mix it together over crushed ice it was so good i'm a fan i love crushed ice i like their old stuff kind of lost me when they got on a major label crushed ice crushed ice they went all like keyboards and shit and they went all rap metal yeah yeah that industrial album they made in the mid 90s so what do you think they're selling now do you think it's space heaters and DVDs? No, I think they went back to... I think they were like special stoves. They weren't just like any... They were like wood stoves.

Why don't we look them up? Why don't we give Acme Video a call and be like, Hey, I used to come there when I was a kid. Do you still have Look Who's Talking To? They'll look and be like, No, it was taken out in 1986 and never returned all right and i'm like oh oh you're gonna go wait a minute what about it was made after that but i don't what about those tri burner stoves y'all still got those i need to cook up three things at the

same time do you still have the pie out front is it still a pie is it still a pie all right let's take a break and look up this shit. What is it called? Acme Video, Harrisonburg, Virginia. We'll be right back. Time for a phone call. Acme 7 Fireplace Center. Hey, how's it going?

Good, how are you? Good. This is Mike Moran calling. Hi. Do you remember me? No, I don't. Sorry. My parents had...

You might be thinking of the other girl. That's okay. Hey, that's what my girlfriend always tells me. Oh, you're funny. Thanks. Do you need to

talk to somebody? Acme Video used to be a video store, right? Yes. And before that it was a stove store, right? Well, it was both. It was a combo. And now it's just stoves. Have you been there throughout the entire... It's just stoves now?

It's just stoves now, yeah. So, okay. But it started out as just stoves, right? Originally, yes. And then it became videos and stoves. And stoves. And now it's stoves again. And now it's just stoves, yes.

And what era was it? Was it ever just videos? No, it was never just videos. Okay, so it's been stoves. It's been Stove Solo twice Yes It's like Crosby, Steele's and Nash And then you have Crosby, Steele's, Nash and Young

Yes And then Crosby, Steele's and Nash again Yes, exactly Gotcha Okay, so how long have you worked there? Um, I did, I did the video when I was in college. Did you really? And then I left and then I just, since I moved back, I just work on Saturday.

Where did you go? Harrisonburg? Did you go to Harrisonburg High? No, I went to Spotswood. Oh, so I went to Spotswood Elementary. No, I went to Spotswood Elementary. No, I went to Spotswood High School. I don't know about those people. Just kidding. Okay. So I don't want to get myself in any trouble here, but it's possible.

I remember having a copy of Look Who's Talking 2 in my house as a child, it's possible that I may have kept it after renting it. You may have kept it. Possibly. I can't really remember. At least it was a good one. It was. I watched it repeatedly. People are always giving me grief about Look Who's Talking 2, and I think it's probably the most superior entry in the series. It's really the Empire Strikes Back of the trilogy. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm.

And so, yeah, I just wanted to get that off my chest, number one. And also, I need to know about your sign out front. What about our sign? Does it still exist? Because I remember there being a big... See, I grew up in Harrisonburg, but now I live in Baltimore. Okay.

And my dad still... I'm trying to figure out why you're calling. Well, I'm telling you. Well, number one, the look who's talking thing. Number two, I needed to know if you remembered me or not What was your name again? Mike Moran

How do you spell your last name? M-O-R-A-N Okay I went to Thomas Harrison Middle School Did you go to Harrisonburg High School? No, I moved to Maryland To Baltimore I know a lot of people from Harrisonburg What year did you graduate? In 99 No, I moved to Maryland, to Baltimore.

What year did you graduate? Really? Me too. Did you know Jonathan Talley? Jonathan Talley? He gave me a ride today, weirdly. Anyway, seriously. Okay, so the chimney outside, the chimney sign? Yes.

Is that still there? Yes, it is. Wasn't there like a plexiglass fireplace that you could see with wood in it? I don't remember now. It's kind of like a stone fireplace that has the sign on it. But it's a big 3D sign, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a stone fireplace. Big.

Big stone fireplace? 3D, yes. But you don't have videos. You've got 3D fireplaces, but not 3D videos. That's right. No videos. We phased those out. Was there ever a time when you had DVDs?

Yes, we did have DVDs. So what year are we talking here? Are you writing an article? I'm just, I'm trying to get to your point. I'm trying to get to your point. I'm trying to figure it out. Actually, I do write articles for a living, and no, I don't need help. So what year are we talking here as far as changing back to stoves completely? I can't remember because I wasn't living here at the time.

Where were you living? I was in DC. District of Columbia, eh? Yes. I was there last night and a homeless man condemned me to hell. Okay. You've been very helpful. If you'd like to find me on Facebook, you may.

I'm sorry, what did you say? I said you've been very helpful. If you'd like to find me on Facebook, you may. Michael Joseph Moran. If only I'm that lucky. What? I said if only I'm that lucky. Well, there is a small amount of skill involved.

Thank you. You've been very kind. Did I get all your questions for you? Yeah. What about you? Do you have any questions for me? At this point, I really don't think I do. But you did at another point.

But was the purpose of your call maybe? That's even the only one I know. What's the purpose of anything? I was wondering about something and I wanted to find answers. It's not like you exactly have a Wikipedia page up explaining to me the exact history of Acme Video. We're not there yet. Right. Well, maybe I'll create one in your honor.

Thanks. All right. Have a good evening. We your honor. Thanks. All right. Have a good evening. We have a good weekend. All right. You too. Okay. Bye.

God bless, Acme. All right, Mike Moran. You made a real connection there. I know. I know. I'm in love, I think. Don't tell Mel. She has such a pretty voice.

Someone should have been a little less hasty in making me her Facebook VF. She should have been more hasty. No, he's using the word right. Yeah, it was like hasting. If you say do something post-haste, that means do it without waiting. After waiting. After waiting. Okay.

Shouldn't it be like... I mean, don't you do everything post-haste? I mean, you do it without waiting. After waiting. After waiting. Okay. Shouldn't it be like... I mean, don't you do everything post-haste? I mean, you don't do anything before or during... But you're like, please bring me that water post-haste. I'm so thirsty. Right. It's like, okay, I'll get there when I'm done hasting. All right.

Hasting is waiting. Don't haste. Shouldn't it be pre-haste? Like, do this now and haste later? Don't. Don't be a haste. Don't drink the haste raid. Don't be a haste. Don't drink the haste raid. Don't be a haster.

Wait, you're saying haste is waiting? If you're a player, haste. I think it's waiting. No, I think it's when you speed up. Let me say make haste. Yeah, like, hurry. Right. So, you know, like they say, haste makes waste when you're going too fast.

You've got to slow down. I don't know about that. I think it's used both ways. No. I really doubt that it's used both ways. No. I really doubt that it's used to be the exact opposite. No, there are words like that. Words that mean the exact opposite of the same thing. Like ciao.

You could say that when you say hello and goodbye. Aloha. Yeah, but that's... All right. It's not like ciao means... Dinner. I'm arriving. It could be like lunch or dinner. Su arriving. It could be like lunch or dinner.

Supper. Dinner could be like lunch or dinner. A hamburger could be like a hamburger or a cheeseburger. Or a burger made of ham. Right. So, there you go. Did you know cheeseburgers originated in cheeseburg Germany? No.

No, I did not know that. True fact. Did not know that. Cheesebug. Cheesebag. That's not a German accent. Yeah, not know that. True fact. I did not know that. Cheeseburg. Cheeseburg. That's not a German accent. Yeah, it's not a German accent. Yeah, it was like cheeseburg.

That sounds pretty British. Sounds like you're saying cheesebug. No, that'd be cheesebug. Bug. That's how you say bug. That's how the Germans say bug. Cheeseburg. Look at all these.

They say cheese. Look at all these. Look at all these bugs. There cheese. Look at all these cheese bugs. There's tons of bugs. No. Das und cheese bug. That's better. That's better, yeah.

That's German. German is a scary accent. It's scary. It's a written language. It's very scary, I think. What do you mean? It's very capitalized. Yeah, Russian is strong.

I think Russian is the scariest. They have numbers in there. very capitalized. Yeah. Russia is strong. I think Russia is the scariest. They have like numbers in there. Yeah. Backwards letters. Yeah. Weird shapes. Yes. It's cold.

Horrified of any place in Europe that's cold. Am I right? Yeah. Well, Scandinavia. I think so. I don't know. No. Like Sweden.

Sweden is nice. Yeah. Sweden is probably really nice. Sweden wouldn't hurt anyone. No. Iceland. Denmark., Sweden's probably really nice. Sweden wouldn't hurt anyone. No. Iceland. No, they're puppy dogs. They just want to be your friend.

Switzerland. Hello. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Neutral. They could go either way. Like haste. Or dinner.

Dinner. That is true. Or feminist and lesbian. Right? No. No. That is true. Or feminist and lesbian. Right? No. That's not true. Or feminist and armpit hair. Nope.

Right. Okay. That's also not true. Not right. Not right. Or, yeah, I don't have any solid examples. I could throw out a few mediocre ones. Like dinner.

Right. Just stick with dinner. Yeah, I think that was the ones. Like dinner. Right. Just stick with dinner. Yeah, I think that was the best one so far. Dinner and lunch. All right. Supper. I hate it when people say supper. Me too.

I was always confused what supper was. Me too. And like a friend would invite me over as a kid for supper. Yeah. It sounds tiring. I think my dad calls it supper. It's tiring. Why is it supper?

Why is it tiring? I don't know. It just sounds like, oh. Supper. We my dad calls it supper. It's tiring. Why is it supper? Why is it tiring? I don't know. It just sounds like, oh, like we're going to have supper. Isn't it just like an early dinner? That sounded sexual. Well, if we're going to have supper. If we're going to have supper, you're going to need to wear a condom. Right.

You need to have a condiment. It just sounds like 70s to me. Like everything would be orange and sort of hazy. Orange or avocado. Right. Orange and hasty. Orange and hasty and sort of hazy. Orange or avocado. Right. Orange and hasty. Orange and hasty. I said hazy.

Big frizzy. Orange and hasty. I said hazy. I know. Massive beers. Hazy. Singing drummers. Right.

Concept albums. Let's have some supper, everybody. Lay down. I feel like it's more like a. That was more Valley Girl. I feel like it's more of a Southern thing. Can I have some supper? Stop by for supper.

Like, can I have some supper? Supper. Valley Girl. No. like it's more of a Southern thing. Can I have some supper? Stop by for supper. Can I have some supper? Valley Girl. No. What were you saying? Redneck supper? Yeah, I feel like that's a redneck accent for you. Supper. Supper.

I sure would like some supper. No, that sounds inappropriate and racist. Well, my dear lady, I sure would enjoy some supper. Right, like not if you're a redneck. I guess there's two southern accents. There's more than that. No, there's two stereotypical southern accents. There's like the romantic, like, I sure would enjoy some supper.

Why does yours... That's not romantic at all. What are you talking about, my dear lady? If you would just take my hand for supper tonight. No, no, no, no, no, no. You read it like a desperate homeless person. Let us get in my covered wagon. You said it like a desperate homeless person.

Roll around in blankets that are only infectious to Indians. I am but once from puberty. Yeah. Can you join me? I'm getting an erection. My fair maiden. My fair maiden. I can say for a fact that several of our listeners are experiencing sexual stimulation.

Supper. Probably having supper. So what were you saying? There's two accents. I was thinking that there's one. The romantic one and then like. Twang. And then the depressing right there.

Right. So yeah, the romantic one is kind of like the, anybody that reads a letter from a Ken Burns Civil War documentary. Exactly. Exactly. Martha. It's been two weeks and several days since I've Exactly. Martha, it's been two weeks and several days since I've had your supper. It's been two weeks since I looked at you, clasped my arms

and said, I'm sorry. Five days since I... What was that? Barenaked Lady songs. Three days since you looked at me. It's been a fortnight and twenty... I still got the rug burns on both my knees. Stew out here doesn't compare to your supper. See, I told you.

I do declare. I do long for you to stroke my mutton chops. It makes you tired, though. Supper. Close your eyes. No. We're all going to do a supper meditation now. Supper.

I feel like people who eat supper have big glasses of milk with their dinner. Yeah. Big glasses. Big glasses. What about adults that still drink milk or order milk in a restaurant? That's always bizarre. Yeah. Although milk and cookies is a delicious treat every now and again.

Sure. It makes me feel like I'm five, but. But that's not drinking milk with, like, a spaghetti. What about, like, apple juice and crackers? What? Oh, okay. Sorry. I thought you were talking about like what little kids do no like an adult like going to a restaurant and eating spaghetti and having a glass of milk it's gross yeah wash it down like cake uh well that's dessert that's not well it's it's still like a little it's still like indulging the the like the first grader in me that didn't get to eat as much cake as he wanted to.

That's sad. That's because you never cleaned your plate at supper. I feel like I'm still the best thing about being an adult. I think Jerry Seinfeld ripped on this. You can eat as many cookies as you want to. And I feel like I'm still experiencing that. You can eat all the cookies. I'm excited to be able to eat what I want when I want to. And I feel like I'm still experiencing that. You can eat all the cookies.

To be able to eat what I want when I want to. That's good. I'm glad you're still experiencing that. So you're just lashing out now? It's just all the desserts all the time? Pretty much, yeah. Did you eat cookies this morning? I had a donut. That's basically a cookie with a hole in it.

I'd say it's like five or six cookies stacked up on top of each other. Was it a plain donut? It was chocolate with cream in the it. I'd say it's like five or six cookies stacked up on top of each other. Was it a plain donut? It was chocolate with cream in the middle. Boston cream. I guess so. I didn't ask the city of origin. Cream is some young guy?

You didn't ask? Did you ask for southern donuts? I'll be saving this for my supper. Dear George, I miss your southern donut. Please come back soon, love Martha. That George, I miss your southern donut. Please come back soon. Love, Martha. That delicious Boston cream. I will wait so long to once again hold your cream-filled donut.

How do we even really know what people in the Civil War talk like? I mean, they don't have voice recordings for that. Oh, yeah, but, you know, stories, legends. Oh, but then you can say sup. Not like, hey, sup, but like, let's sup on that. For we shall sup later today. Cannot wait to sup on that. Exactly.

It's our return home to our lovely estate. I'm going to sup all over that. All over your Boston cream. Can't wait to sup your Boston cream. Once this wicked war ends, these Yankees realize there are other ways to bury myself in your bosom

of supper. We're going to have our chocolate servants to bury us up. Our chocolate servants. Okay. Oh, you said chocolate sevens. I don't think so. I think it was an accent. Chocolate sevens. That don't think so. I think it was an accent. Chocolate sevens.

That's what they called sevens. Sevens back. So you guys don't like milk in the restaurant? Oh, gross. Do you guys drink soda? Nope. I love it. I think that's part of the whole still being excited about eating whatever I want is that I can, like, make every meal if I to, a fun, delicious, soda-worthy meal.

If I was going to drink soda, it would have to come from that machine I was talking about. Right. I never drink soda naked, but with a good Fat Boy meal, I enjoy soda. Fat Boy. In fact, I can't really, really enjoy eating something unless it's with soda. Really? Yeah, I mean, unless it's like a dessert or something. But it kills your taste buds.

It's sort of like... Well, I do the Coke Zero usually. What is that? You still taste it. I still taste it. It's like zero taste. Zero taste. Shut up.

Zero taste is zero calories. Well, how do you feel about people that drink soda before noon? I don't care for them. I don't care if they do it. I just would never do it. I don't care if they do it. I just would never do it. It bothers the shit out of me. I just wonder how they could do that. There's a girl in the cube next to me at work every morning around 10.30.

You hear that can open, and she pours it into a glass. She's pouring it into a glass. That's civil. I could see myself. I think it's like a styrofoam cup, to be honest. That's not civil. That's destructive to the environment. I could see myself doing that at a younger age when I didn't ever consider my health.

She's 30-something, married and has a kid. Well, if you can do it. I mean, everybody has different levels of... Well, it's addictive. I mean, she's got to have her morning fix. I mean, I drink coffee every day. She should wake up to soda splash in her face. Rick Santorum.

Rick Santorum just splashing it. Hey there, wake up. Like holding a two liter over her face. Glug, glug, glug. Drop. In that video. Like in football when they throw Gatorade on the coach afterwards. Just like holding a two liter over her face. In that video. Like in football when they throw Gatorade on the coach afterwards. Phil Collins video where he gets woken up by something being thrown on his face. Or no, it's just like a puppet.

Ronald Reagan as a puppet. I'm obviously very confused. This is a dream you had. I think it was a dream I had last night. I think you're mixing political rhetoric on NPR. Phil Collins in the air tonight. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was Land of Confusion.

Yeah, Land of Confusion. Was there a video for In the Air tonight? Give a shit about Phil Collins? Just legend. Yeah, there was a video. Was there? Yeah. That's a sad song.

It was before my time. Sad. I know, because that guy died, and then Phil called his killer at the concert. You know, that really happened. No, that's not true. No, it is. That's a myth. No, I heard it from someone.

That is a who? Bill. Bill Collins? No, Bill. Bill Collins. Trusty. If it's anybody except Phil Collins, I'm not going to believe it. No, Bill Trusty knows the guy who used to do security for Phil Collins.

He said it was all true. Bill Trusty. Also, did you know the scream on Love Collins. He said it was all true. Bill Trusty. Also, did you know the scream on Blood Roller Coaster is a woman being murdered in the studio? True story. What the fuck are you talking about? What is Blood Roller Coaster? No, Love Roller Coaster. You totally said Blood Roller Coaster.

I did not. Didn't he? Yeah, he said Blood Roller Coaster. I thought that's... I was like, well, that makes sense. That's what some women call that time of the month, I think. A Blood Roller Coaster. Yeah. I'm on my Blood Roller Coaster. I call it that., that makes sense. That's what some women call that time of the month, I think. A blood roller coaster. Yeah.

I'm on my blood roller coaster. I call it that. Roller coaster. In PMS. Of blood. Say what? Remember that horrible Red Hot Chili Peppers cover of that? I remember the cover.

I don't remember it being horrible. Oh, right. Mike, do you think when the ladies have PMS the week before, they say they're waiting in the line for the blood roller coaster? Yeah. Bridget, what do you think? Yes. I knew it. I knew it.

Did you have to be so tall to ride the blood roller coaster? Yeah, you do because you don't get it until you reach a certain height. That's why gymnasts don't get their periods. Do they not really get their periods? Because they're not that tall? No, not really. What? Why? Not like super gymnasts. Do they not really get their periods? They're three foot? Because they're not that tall. No, not really. What? Why?

Not like super gymnasts. Because they're so like... You stunt your body. You can't really produce... And they never get it? Well, after you stop being a gymnast. Oh, okay. And it's built up for years.

So there's things you can... So it's like the shining... It's like a blood luge. It's like a firehose. Also an Olympic sport, the blood luge. So... The Matterhorn. So you're telling me the blood boosh. The matterhorn. So you're telling me.

The splatterhorn. You're telling me that a female can put off her first period indefinitely if she just. They might even have their period and then stop for a long time and then get it again. Because they've been been what is this based on this is true this is you put your body through so much physical unless you heard this from phil collins i heard it from bill collins bill trustee is that what his name was old trusting trustee that's what we used to call him trust so wait how does that can happen to any woman, actually, if you're that stressed out. If you put your body through any kind of stress, you can stop having your period.

Wow. So you're saying I should stress out my girlfriend once a month? Fellas know what I'm talking about. Fellas. Right? No. Period is the weirdest thing in the world, if you ask me. What?

I think it's pretty weird. Oh, sorry. When I first heard about it, I was like, what? All this period talk is shorting out the mics. Yeah, it can do that, actually. If a woman gets stressed out around her period, not only can it kill the crops in a field, it can also short out microphones. Anger is the gods. You ever heard that urban legend?

That a woman on her period walking through a field of crops will kill it. And I swear to God, I knew people in the deep south. Or, like, in, like... What kind of accent did they have? Not the deep south, but, like, deep southern Virginia. What kind of accent? Not the romantic one. Who would surely, like, believe that.

What's the other one? Shout. Let me hear it. Like, give me... Now my uncle's trying to say that I owe him $200. No, use the period story with the accent. Okay. No, because... Like, here I come.

I'm coming through your field. Yeah, that's good. I'm going to put my period through your field. You're going to kill a goddamn crop. We're not going to have nothing. Then we're going to have to sacrifice somebody and a wicker man for next year. So the traps will work again. I can't help it.

I have to be out here. I have to be in the outdoors while I'm menstruating. Menstruating. We need to get you a red-painted tent like in them Bible days. Guy writing home from the Civil War. And Martha, please, when you're riding the splatterhorn, please do not walk through our fields. When you're on the blood rollercoaster. Martha, please do not sit in my evening chair.

Those rollercoasters have yet to be invented in Coney Island. I'm just glad that I get to have my period in 2012 and not in the Civil War times. What do they do? I was asking someone about this the other day. Big cloth. You just dripped over a pan. Civil War time probably wasn't even that bad when compared to other points in history. You just have a pan this Sunday just walking.

Well, your dress was so big you could put the pan hanging from your waist like a belt. They had a period pan belt. Period pan belt. Pee. That was extremely painful. Excuse me. I have to empty my period pan. Right.

And you go out back. Out back, you know. They have the slaves clean them. Oh. In the crick. In the crick. In the crick. My period pan clean yet. I think that's, no, I'm pretty sure. I heard that from Phil Collins.

He told me that. About the cloths? Having your period in the Civil War era probably wasn't relatively bad compared to other eras in history. Like cave people? Yeah. Or like. They didn't care. Well, yeah, they didn't care.

But like. Cave people probably one of the better times. But like biblical. Yeah, that's true. But like biblical times and stuff. I think you really had to go to like a red tent for a few days. Probably. Oh, yeah.

There's still some cultures that. Yeah. There's laws in like Leviticus and shit that are like. If you touch a woman when she is unclean, you must chop your head off. Right. Feed it to a calf. That's upsetting. For who?

Everybody. It's so stupid. Yeah, I know. Everything. Period. It's so stupid. Why do you guys do that every month? Isn't that part of your punishment for eating the fruit from the tree?

Yeah. It's because it's at eating the fruit from the tree? Yeah. It's because it's at the same color as the apple. Right. That's what I learned, at least. Really? Well, it wasn't really an apple in the Bible, though. It's a good thing it wasn't a green apple. That'd be weird.

It's so gross. That'd be weird. Yeah. But it'd probably come out of a different part of your body, then. All right. Which one? Name ten. Body parts?

One. Nose. Two. Ear. Three. Eyeball. Four. Nipple. Five. Belly button. Six. your body then all right uh which one name 10 body parts one uh nose two ear three eyeball four nipple five belly button six butt seven mouth eight four nine um corner of your eye 10 scalp oh that's it that's it sorry good job i like that you go butt to mouth on the uh do you go butt to mouth green period juice well i thought nose first and then i thought butt to mouth on the green period. Do you go but to mouth? Green period. Juice. Well, I thought nose first, and then I thought but to mouth. Yeah, that's usually where I go. But to mouth. But to mouth. But to mouth.

But to mouth. But to mouth. But to mouth. But to mouth. That's so gross. Yeah, it's like apple juice. But there's some. What if we started a brand of, like, period juices, and it was, like, just juices from,

like, other times? Like, this one's from medieval times, you know? And we called them period juices. That would have have been really hard like a chastity belt situation right yeah what what was a chastity belt exactly you wore it and then your suitor got the key to your crotch you wore that like for years yeah must have gotten really smelly i mean by the time you opened that thing corroded just hairs just and then your suitor got a key to it? Yeah. How do you pee that entire time?

Out of your nose. Out of your butt. Out of your mouth. Out of the corner of your eye. Out of your nipple. Terrible t-shirt. So, how did the chastity vault work exactly? Listen, this is just me speculating, but I'm assuming your dad held the key to your crotch and then...

And he would give it to you every time you had to pee? He'd have to unlock it. He'd have to wake up in the middle of the night and be like, oh, god damn it. Dad! Where's the key? And then if he was out hunting or something... Honey, have you seen the key? I can't find it.

You'd have to go to the neighbor's house because they had the spare key wow they left it under the welcome mat of the castle like a fake it's like in a fake rock outside or like under the horse it was like a magnetic thing and then i think that they had the magnets back in the day. The magnetic horse. The entire horse was magnetic? Just the underbelly. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh.

All right. I'm glad that we got to talk about periods. Yeah, me too. Me too. We've been hoping to talk about periods for a while. I mean, we've only had a couple ladies on the show, but we haven't broached the subjects. We've got a lot of things out of the way. Supper.

Look who's talking, too. Yep. Period. Which is a good. We finally talked about Full House on the show, which I'm happy about. For the first time. Yeah. You know, always in pre-production, we say, this is what we got to hit.

We got to talk about these certain things. And again and again, we fail. Right. To cut it out. What about time we got it, dude. What about Alanis Morissette and Dave Coulier? You mean Alanis Morissette. Yeah, that is weird. Okay, why can't I say Alanis? Wasn't he like 35 at least and she was like 18 or something?

They were Canadian, so it doesn't matter. Really? They do that up there? Yes. That doesn't seem like that type of culture. Michael Buble. And whom? And, you know, Wayne Gretzky.

They all slept with Alanis Morissette. Mike Myers. Mike Myers. Yeah, Mike Myers. Oh, Justin Bieber. Is he Canadian? Yeah. I don't appreciate all these Canadians pretending to not be Canadian.

Taking our jibs. Taking our comedy jibs. Coming down here and Just ruining everything. Oh, Jewel. No, she's Alaskan. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah.

Above Canada. What about Celine Dion? Oh, yeah. She's the ultimate. She married an old man. Oh, yeah. He's really old. Brian Adams.

Yeah. That was a really gross situation. They're still married. Yeah. Really? I'm surprised he's not dead yet. Oh, they had another kid. Twins.

Yeah. Really? From Frozen Spam. Really? Celine Dion. I went to... On New Year's, my landlord was having a New Year's Eve party, and he invited all his tenants to come over, and we met some of...

Celine Dion? We met Celine Dion. Oh, my God. She rents right down the street. It's unbelievable. Shut up. Yeah, she just wants to be normal. You shut up.

You shut up. You shut up! He was in Baltimore? He's lying. Anyway, I met some other tenants of my landlord at a different house. And this guy, he spent some time in Syria. And he was saying, in Syria, Celine Dion, megastar. She's a megastar all over the world.

She's just, we're too cynical and mean to really. She's a megastar here. What are you talking about? She sold millions of albums. She's had like one of the biggest. She did here, but she's like adored there pretty much she's she's maintaining her level of success like michael jackson like david hasselhoff in germany oh yeah she could sell out a stadium i don't think she could sell it i bet you she could no way well maybe not a stadium but an arena she has a show in vegas she

sells out every night yeah in vegas but i think anywhere in syria i don't know oh syria yeah it's just bizarre are you serious i am serious serious but uh he was saying that he was talking to his friends over there and they're like wow celine dion that's amazing you must see her in america i don't know why i'm using a french accent for syrian people but he said the guy was like almost heartbroken when he's telling them that in amer, it's kind of like, eh, take it or leave it with Celine Dion. He's like, no. What are you talking about? She does have one song that I really like.

Oh, yeah? What is it? I think it's called The Power of Love. The power of love. Not Huey Lewis. It's not Huey Lewis. Yeah, but I feel like I could just tell you that song, how it goes, even though I've never heard it.

It has a violin in it. It's very pretty. Because it's the power of love. I like to listen to that when I'm PMSing. When you're waiting in line for the splatterhorn. You should listen to Love Rollercoaster. Blood Rollercoaster? Yeah.

Blood Rollercoaster. Which version? Blood. It's your choice. I don't care what you do, honestly. As long as it has that woman dying in the background. Did she die in every version? I don't know.

How many times did she die? That's a risky murder. Like the Tom Cruise movie. The Tom Cruise movie. Double Jeopardy. You can't get arrested for the same murder twice. Didn't you ever see that movie? I did with the Judd lady.

Yeah, that's her name. They gave away... I remember them giving away so much of that plot in the trailer that I never wanted to see it. We already knew what it was going to be about. It ends with her... It shows in the trailer her confronting her husband with a gun and being like, I can't get arrested for this twice. Did she pull the trigger, Bridget?

Did she kill him? I don't remember. Spo this twice. Did she pull the trigger, Bridget? Did she kill him? I don't remember. Spoiler alert. Sorry. Yes. No. Yes. No.

No. I don't know. I don't know. Yes. Ashley Judd. Yeah, she's lucky. Why? She was the prettier sister.

Who's the other one? Winona? Oh, Winona. Were they really sisters? Yes. I thought the Judds were like Winona and... There's a mom. Yeah.

Dumb. What's her name? Dumb Judd. Dumb Judd. Dumb Judd. But there's their... Scary Judd. What is the mom's name?

Ginger Judd? Yeah. She's gingery. Really? Well, it's fake. I'm Ginger Judd. I'm Ginger Judd. Let's sup.

Those are the two ladies that just look like big balls of makeup and plastic surgery, right? Yeah. Are you sure Ashley Judd is related to this family? Absolutely. That's why I was saying, good for her. She's the pretty one. I know. I know.

That's what you think. And I have no reason or evidence to say otherwise. Believe it. All right. Believe it. Believe. Believe in this. Beaver it.

Beaver it. Ginger Judd. Winona Judd. Ashley Judd. All right. What's the mom's name? Sporty. Sporty Judd.

The Judds were the mom and Winona, right? Yes. And why did they break up? I think they got into a fight like all moms and daughters do. Fighting over the same man. Yeah, probably. Winona had supper with some guy. Supper.

Supper. Then they were sleeping. Supper, my dear Winona. That's how I spent supper with you. China? No. But Ashley Judd isn't like. China Judd.

With an H and a Y. Well, I would have an H either way, I guess. But China. And a C and an A. Menagerie Judd. Janice. That's what I'm going to name my daughter. Janice Judd.

That's what it was. What is her name, though? Do you know? No, I would have blurted it out by now if I did. Strawberry. Maybe if I heard it, I would. Why don't we just look it up? Nah.

We can look up that, and we can look up the end of Double Jeopardy. I'm willing to bet that the end of Double Jeopardy. Emilio, I think, is the third one. Oh, yeah. You're right. Emilio Estevez Judd. Now, The Mighty D Ducks that's a trilogy I can get behind

that is a good trilogy I love that I saw the third one as an adult weirdly I own the third one really I thought it was actually pretty good

from what I remember oh yeah it has it was better than the second one Joshua Jackson in it who's Pacey from Dawson's

he's in all of them isn't he Pacey what a great oh yeah he's in all of them but he was like he was like grown up and I had such a big crush on him.

Yeah, every female did, I think. Big crush. Is D3 the one where they play in the Olympics or something? Or they're like a USA team or something? I thought they did it in the second one, too. I don't know. It's definitely an international thing in the second one. Okay.

Well, D3, they have to get new players. They get new... They kind of scaled it down a little bit in the third one, right? It made it more of a drama again. It was very dramatic. And I remember being, like, pretty impressed with it. Like, wow. Oh, no, no, no.

The second one is the Olympics one. The third one, they're at a private school. And they're playing against the varsity team for because they like come back from their olympic fame and they all get sent to this ritzy private school but of course it's very wasn't it something where amelio like was probably on the set for like two days and it's one of those things where he's in the very beginning and he's in the end yes he's like absentee coach right right kind of like in scream three with nev campbell yeah exactly they only had her for like a few days so they just like filmed the beginning and end with her that's what that's what it was and she kept saying quack over and over again

quack quack quack oh right right right flying v i thought you were talking about uh uh doctor uh what was that movie with Robin Williams? Oh, where he's a doctor? Yeah, Patch Adams. No. No, that's right. It is? Oh, okay.

This is Doubtfire. For some reason, as soon as I said Patch Adams, I thought of a golf movie. About a zany golfer that dresses like a clown? Who wins golf games with the healing power of laughter. Or Happy Gilmore. I think I've seen Happy Gilmore. Oh, yeah. Happy Gilmore, yeah.

I saw that in the theater. Patch Gilmore. Yeah. Starring Ginger Judd. She wins golf games with the healing power of laughter. I remember when I saw Mighty Ducks 2 in the theater, my neighbor, there was a Nirvana poster in the movie, and my neighbor informed me that Kurt Cobain killed himself.

And I was like, no, you're thinking of a – like, I was like, no, he just had an overdose or something. Because I remember, like, a month before that, he had some kind of overdose. And he just overdosed on a bullet. You were talking about this during the movie? Yeah, my friend was like, you know that guy died? And then I went home, and in the newspaper, I saw that Kurt Cobain was dead. Oh, and it just happened? Yeah.

Wow. Overdosed on a bullet to the brain am i right come on everybody huh everybody has their limits you gotta know what probably ruined the mighty ducks for you well i didn't believe him i was because i was confused because like a month before there was like some big thing where he like almost died from like taking too many pills and drinking or something. Which should have been a warning. Yeah. Yeah, it is a little ridiculous when people have these Kurt Cobain murder theories. That guy was trying to kill himself over and over.

Very much so. That's all he talked about. Well, that mighty sucks. Want to take a break and wrap this thing up? All right. But first, it's time for some Phil Collins related pre-wrap chatter. I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Winona Jett.

Oh, Lord. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, Lord. No, I didn't say that. I said hold on. You didn't hear me right. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. No, I didn't say that. I said hold on. You didn't hear me right. Oh, Lord.

Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. I said, oh, no. Sassy. Oh, no. I don't think so. That song is about somebody getting decapitated on a boat. I just want to put that out there.

I thought it was about someone drowning. Well, they got decapitated and then they drowned. I remember. That song's about him. I think once you're decapitated you you guys don't normally drown you drown for your throat opening i'm sorry the song is about him getting a divorce with his wife no yes it is now i'm remembering that you think that and that's not true you're remembering that i think we know that? I think if you like Wikipedia, he'll be like,

no, I didn't actually see someone drowning. It's about getting a divorce from me wife. Yes. It has accents over the letters to make it sound.

I forget that Phil Collins is not American. American? Really? American. He's not American. I wish we could claim him.

You know, Genesis tried to have a third singer at one point when he left? Really? Yeah, they had a big failure. Peter Gabriel. No, he was their first singer.

I like Peter Gabriel. Peter Gabriel. Peter Gabriel. In your eyes, the light, the heat. Were all those funny seats. Jun Sen. Big time. Something, something.

I'm on my way. There's a chicken. I was doing his chicken face. He's a Muppet chicken. He's experimenting with farm sounds. He had an album called Back on the Farm. Pig time. All right, let's wrap this up alright

oh yeah oh snap well Bridget thanks for coming over. Thank you so much, Bridget. We had an excellent time. Do you have anything you'd like to promote? I would like to promote...

No social causes, please. Myself. Okay. Because I'm awesome. Okay, what about you? I just want to promote that I'm awesome and... Where can people find you? What's your address? Social security number?

Driver's license number? Do you want to talk about big stuff? Sure, why not? We've got an improv show coming up next week on the 13th. What? At the Creative Alliance. January 13th at the Creative Alliance. Bad luck improv show.

What troops are performing? Well, I know that Gus is performing. Goose. Goose is performing. I'm not really sure. Some other troops. Maybe. Should be a good time.

Who gives a shit? Come out, support Baltimore Improv. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Population 6 has a show the 21st of January. But I can't remember where or with whom. I believe it's at the Fells Point Corner Theater.

Okay, I think you're right. I might not be at that show. But yeah, do you have anything, Josh? No. All right. We have the Polaroid Raid show. Yeah, well,

the big show at, what did you say, January 13th? January 13th. Creative Alliance in Patterson Park area. They have two bars. Really?

Dos. Dos bars. And, yeah, I think that's pretty much it. Mike, are you doing stand-up

anywhere soon? Just some open mic stuff? Yeah, I'm just doing open mics. I'm going to be hitting Mike Fianazzo's open mic at the sidebar on Monday nights at 9. I think it starts, right?

No, I think it starts at 8. It starts at 8. January 9th. So people should come check that out. And also, Mike Fianazzo will be doing a CD recording. March 4th. No. Yes.

Really? Yes. I have February 18th here. Well, that's incorrect. Really? Yes. I have February 18th here. Well, that's incorrect. Really? All right. Well, he and I will have to have a little discussion there. And I will be opening for that.

Look out for that discussion, Diggheads. Yeah, we'll tell you the definite date next time. It's March 4th. Okay, you say so. I do say so. I know so. That's the day I requested out from work, but all right. Still time. Well, you better talk to work. And do say so. I know so. Today I requested out from work, but alright. Still time. Well, you better

talk to work. And work it out. Alright, we have a big show January 13th and you have another Pop 6 show coming up soon as well. It'll be 21st. I may not be there though. Yeah, we have

an unscripted play coming up. That's in March, too. First week, second week. How long is that going to be, the play? How long is the play itself? Like two hours long. Damn. Yeah.

Intermissions and shit? Yeah, intermission. Costumes? All improvised. Costumes, props, sound, lights. Phil Collins? Phil Collins will be there, I promise, at least one night. All right.

Awesome. She's not going to tell you what night, though, guys. I'm not going to tell you. She's not going to tell you, so you've got to show up to all of them. All right. Well, thanks, guys. Thanks, Diggheads. Thank you, Diggheads. We'll be seeing you soon.

Thank you, Bridget. Thank you, Bridget. You were lovely as always. Good night and good luck. Good night and good riddance. Enjoy your burrito. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah Did I feel, did I feel bad? And now, the comedic stylings of Brad Neely.

I'm Washington, Washington. Six foot eight weighs a fucking ton. Opponents beware, opponents beware. He's coming, he's coming, he's coming. Let me lay it on the line, he had two on the vine I mean two sets of testicles so divine On a horse made of crystal he patrolled the land With the mason ring and schnauzer in his perfect hands Here comes George, in control Women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll

Ate opponents brains and invented cocaine He's coming, he's coming, he's coming Women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll Eight opponents' brains And invented cocaine He's coming, he's coming, he's coming Washington, Washington Six foot twenty, fucking killing for fun Spread, spread, Delaware He's coming, he's coming, he's coming Sue me if I go too fast

But the sons of his opponents wish that he was their dad Got a wig for his wig, got a brain for his heart He'll kick you apart, he'll kick you apart He'll save children, but not the British children He'll save children, but not the British children He'll save children, but not the British children He'll save children, but not the British children He'll save children, but not the British children He had a pocket full of horses, fucked the shit out of bears

Threw a knife into heaven and could kill with a stare He made love like an eagle falling out of the sky Killed his sensei in a duel and he never said why Washington, Washington Twelve stories high made of radiation The present beware, the future beware He's coming, he's coming, he's coming Did I mention his four nuts?

Well he also had four dicks If you took off his boot you'd see the dicks growing off his feet. I heard that motherfucker had like 30 goddamn dicks. He once held an opponent's wife's hand in a jar of acid at a party. I'm out.