The Digression Sessions - Ep. 191 - Chris Milner! (@EnglishmanChris / @SpecificIgnorance)

Episode Date: July 18, 2016

Hola Digheads, this week Josh sits down with comedian Chris Milner for a conversation about America, drugs and comedy, and his show live game show Specific Ignorance! Chris is a DC based comedian by way of England. To make America great again, we recorded this episode the weekend of July 4th. Also, comedian Mike Finazzo joins Josh on the intro. Josh will be a guest on Specific Ignorance when it comes to Baltimore on Aug 16 at The Crown! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do us a favor and rate and review the pod on iTunes & Stitcher plz!

thunder grunt podcast network chris milner freddish sorry that flowed hopped right in there just we're playing a game here on the digression sessions just first word that comes to mind when i say a name chris miller british glad i asked you to be on this intro i'm glad to be a part of it joshua america brexit breakfast what are we doing aches oh sorry uh hey everybody josh good during here with my good buddy mike fanazo hello and uh we just did an episode together and uh i figured why not get on the intro for this current episode i need more attention yeah with uh with my my good buddy chris milner who is a dc based comic uh by way of london england

heard of it that's how you have to say actually i don't know if he's from london he might be somewhere in there it's all the same i like to think he's from not america that's what it's called yeah that's that's what my globe looks like it's like america and a bunch of other chunks including oceans and they're just not america yeah exactly uh but no uh chris is a super funny guy and uh i wanted to talk to him for a bit and i'm actually gonna be on his show uh called specific ignorance which is uh which is a game show that he developed where uh he has he's the host and then there's three comedians that form a panel, and they're each an expert in some subject

or something like that. Do you know what you're going to be an expert on? I want to do The Simpsons, but he says I can't do The Simpsons because Herbie Gill already chose that. And I'm like, well, what the fuck? That's stupid. So I might go Arrested Development or 30 Rock

because I'm a child. I'm going to do Codependenceence yeah oh let me answer that one or you can i'll help you answer it i can help you uh so so yeah so uh and then three comics uh they each have a specific subject that they are knowledgeable in and then the audience puts together questions tries to stump the comedian and uh every answer the comedians get wrong the audience gets a free shot and uh i'm gonna be doing it with uh my future roommate and comedian umar khan i've heard of him and uh my friend bridget caviola who's a baltimore-based improviser and that's going to be on augustth at the Crown here in Baltimore. Oh, he's doing Baltimore.

Yeah, yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah, he actually just did it in Cincinnati at Go Bananas and had like Jeff Tate on there. Oh, because Jeff Tate did it here. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. So yeah, they did it at Go Bananas

and I think the, I forget the other panelist and then one woman was, she's like the head of like the National Spelling Bee or something like that. So it's a cool show. It's mostly, it's usually comedians, other panelists and then one woman was uh she's like the head of like the national spelling bee or something like that so it's a cool show it's mostly it's usually comedians but yeah they're expert in whatever subject and uh yeah and you can riff around and then whoever has the least amount of points at the end they have to do stand up like a five to seven minute set on their subject or something like that so cool yeah. Yeah. It's a really fun show. So come out to that,

uh, August 16th, 8 PM at the crown here in Baltimore. And we actually recorded this interview after doing a July 4th theme show on July 3rd in DC. So it was kind of interesting to talk to a British guy right around that time. And we recorded it, uh,

and the like upstairs bar after the show and so we had the window open there were like fireworks going off and i'm such a good interviewer that i didn't ask him one question about brexit not a one not a one well you didn't let it define him and i appreciate that yeah he's more than that i think there'll be too many people that tune in expecting that so let's you know let's veer'll be too many people that tune in expecting that so let's you know let's veer the other direction yeah change it up exactly i'm sure chris is also sick of being asked questions yeah you british tell me about the british thing can a quick uh milner anecdote absolutely please when i was at the improv i saw the uh

in the lounge they did the what's the head-to-head show the comedy oh kumite kumite he would had to have a jason weems oh yeah and miller opened up his set by don't trust this man he's going to tell you that he has kids they do not exist right that's smart yeah she's on a weaves comes right back with oh yeah are you gonna let these people come in and take our job yeah he goes we need to make america great again don't let this nanny mcphee motherfucker come in and win this contest nanny mcphee motherfucker that was the greatest line i've ever heard fucking funny so good i like that they did that though like turning the kumite into like a wrestling basically yeah yeah that's that's fun what i did it was like here's my stand-up jokes like me um i think uh

rob mayor tried to do that too he tried to do that to natalie and was like she's not whatever blah blah and they tried to trash and the audience is like we love natalie what are you doing this for uh sorry uh but yeah milner is one of those he's so he's so funny and i love his show uh specific ignorance which he does in dc regularly but uh he's trying to take it on the road and uh if you want to find out about it or go to it if you're in the dc area check out specific ignorance uh there's a facebook page and i think instagram as well not sure if there's a web page but uh look into it all right and uh yeah and uh chris is on twitter and i know what his twitter handle is do you know i'm not looking it up right now i'll tell you i think i know that he's at specific ignorance for the show

yeah we've dm'd okay so maybe that's and then i call him there he is chris he's at englishman chris which makes sense makes sense i get it because he's he's a man and he's english he's a man and he actually is uh all jokes aside hilarious on twitter oh yeah he's great on hilarious dude in general and uh one of my favorite i don't know if we get into this on the podcast we might because we recorded this a couple weeks ago but one of my favorite times of seeing chris was uh and maybe he doesn't need this out while he's looking for a job i don't know but allegedly one time he was on acid and, uh, went on stage at the, uh, the beer Baron and, um, which is crazy to me.

Like I never, like even going on stage high to me seems like a little crazy. Like, man, I don't know if I would be able to handle that. But, um, he was on acid and he took a chair from a table up there with him, like sat down and it's at the beer Baron in DC where the lights are really bright and you can't really see the audience at all. Even if it's like 10 people, you can't see him. So he's up there and he's like sitting down and like,

wow, this is crazy. Like if I'm on acid, I'm like up in my head. Like I've never done it. Like I've done mushrooms, but I've never done acid. I'm like, God, then to be on stage and judged by people. And he starts talking and this woman goes, you're not really British.

And he goes, well, you're not really real. So who cares? And I was like, wow. Like didn't even hesitate. Just like, you're not real i told him this when i saw him he did a set like he was going through some shit with his job and his relationship and stuff and yeah he like kind of had like a little bit of a meltdown on stage yeah but it was still like the most likable charismatic performer right right right i was like you know i've gone through a quarter of that and have been in the fetal position on stage i was like meanwhile you're

the most likable person on the planet he's so good yeah he's great so i had a blast talking to him so i hope you guys enjoy it and uh he is uh he's my sunrise that fella my sunrise, that fella. My sunrise. So without further ado, Mike, let's go to my interview with Chris Milner. Enjoy it. Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Chris Milner just farted. Oh, yeah.

That's it. We're just starting. Independence Day. Start us. How I like to start every Fourth of July weekend. So independent, man. It's just shitting my pants, just like we did in 1776. Shit the bed.

We just performed at a very America-centric show. And you were the only British guy here. I was, but not the only foreign person. No. Very inclusive lineup for DC. That's true. A Peruvian, someone born in Japan, you. Yeah.

How were you referred to? As the diversity hire. That's where we are in 2016. We're the white male cisgender guys, the diversity hire. What did he say? That you were the... What did Dana say? No, I said you were the white male cisgendered guy is the diversity hire. What did he say? That you were the... What did Dana say? No, Ahmed said you were the white paint.

What did he say? He's like most beloved white guy. Oh, yeah, most beloved white guy. Yeah. And I'll take that. I would agree with that. Also, Russ Green commented... Let me see what Russ commented.

Least beloved white guy. No. Russ wrote on Ahmed's status, because he shared that on facebook he wrote the black delegation concurs oh wow and if you get the stamp of black people as a white guy yeah i mean that's all we're trying to do that's all that's all we're trying to do all we're trying to do he said we have loved josh even despite his terrible haircut yeah speaking of your terrible haircut it's less terrible at the moment yeah i gotta cut again so what do you ask for when you go in you're just like what what happened was

so i had uh for those listening i guess they've seen me probably but uh no i josh's hair for those listening looks like you put the hair on a lego man on backwards i got in a convertible but i sat the opposite way so the hair so the wind blew it forward you're reversing very quickly down the highway exactly and the convertible wasn't a cool one it was like a miata i got a monster it did have a top but you went under a really low bridge because you were going the wrong way exactly yeah and then you arrived then you arrived at every open might you ever been to so it was longer and i had like the kind of white dude like whatever haircut and i went to a barber shop in my neighborhood and the white barber black

white but it was a chick and she goes uh she's like what do you want and i was like just trim it just like basically just trim the dead ends she's like okay so my hair was like below my eyes she goes do you just want me to bring up to the eyebrow i was like yeah exactly and then she trimmed it like near the top of my forehead and i was like we are fucked right out of the gate yeah and then she just cut my hair like the same length like all over my head should have gone to a black barber i should have just gone no i should have gone to like a salon for ladies like that's true you have a lady's hair that's exactly gone no i should have gone to like a salon for ladies like that's true you have ladies hair that's exactly what it is umar goes you have a lady's hair because dude you gotta go to a salon you have bitch hair well i mean i wouldn't say bitch

hair i'd say uh i'd say you know um i'd say uh 30year-old professional lady, pantsuit, Hillary pantsuit. That's your hair. I could be on the staff of Hillary's campaign. Absolutely. They're like, oh, let's check it on social media. What's Josh up to? I'm like, hey, girls, let's get a couple smart cocktails. Hillary's just a beautiful lesbian.

So I went and I got a cut again. And then my friend who cuts hair, she she was like what did they do to you and i was like i don't know she said she did what she could it's unfortunate it's not terrible you for brown straight white hair it looks impossible impossible to manage like look at this beard this is the longest beard i've ever had it looks okay so it doesn't look good josh don't fucking patronize me. No, no, no. So we got to break it down for the listeners too because they can't see either of us.

So picture a sculpted Adonis. Bronzen. Picture King George III himself. Picture Jude Law but slightly better looking. Yeah. Picture that uggo Jude Law. But if he were handsome that bitch named jude and that that is chris milner right now so what i'm jealous of you shaved head you look good with

the shaved head thank you because i have a shave if i shave my head looks terrible because i have like bumps and shit on my head because i felt when i was a kid i fell off my couch and landed on my dog's bowl dog's water bowl which is made of stone bowl yeah balls i landed on my dog's balls which are made of stone which is really weird we had a pit bull what why is your dog's bowls near the couch it was just waiting all right i drew a bullseye on my dog's balls and i just fell right on him no so we had a like a water bowl my thing was i would walk on the couch like a tight rope and one day i like fell off of it my head landed right on it needed a ton of stitches so my head is like bumps and shit all over it it looks gross i can never have a shaved head

i thought how old were you when you did that? I was young, like 25. I was like, I don't know, like eight. Yeah, I did exactly the same thing. Really? Not exactly. I was a little smart. There was a laundry room in a friend of mine's house. Right.

And this laundry room basically consisted of like nine washing lines. They were rich enough to have a room only for drying laundry, but not rich enough to buy a dryer. You know what I mean? Oh, okay. So they just had clotheslines. They had a room with clotheslines in it, right? What a weird rich thing to do.

It was very strange. We're not poor. We're not putting this shit outside. We're going to put it inside. Yeah, right. And one day they had all their sheets drying yeah so they had like nine lines of sheets right and as a young kid i'm like i'm gonna run fucking through this shit that's pretty much what they set up pretend i'm like a ghost you know just like okay okay so i just put my head down and charge straight through all nine rows of sheets.

Right into the wall. Right into the corner of a marble table. Oh, the corner. Right there. Crown of the head. But you don't have a bump. Oh, I do. I do.

Do you? I mean, it looks dark. So also, we're recording this at the top of a bar that's closed. Right. Yeah. In DC right now. Yeah. In a fart.

I farted just before the podcast started. In a fart. And it was one of the worst ones I've done this year. Yeah. And we're both wearing muscle shirts. We look great. Which is hilarious because neither of us have muscles. Even if you combined our body mass, we'd still be an average-sized man. We would be.

Put those two together and they're not so bad. Right, exactly. No, but we're... Yeah, no but we're uh yeah so we're wherever we did the show we're at the top level of the bar and there's the show is it was in a fire station a firehouse you call it i guess but it's called fire station so do we call it a fire house yeah you call it a firehouse i don't know about that um be like alert the firehouse i wouldn't say that no but you call them firefighters. We call them firemen, which yours makes more sense. It sort of implies

they're all the human torch. Yeah, no. He's the worst person to bring. Bring the waterman. Why are you bringing the fireman? He's trying as hard as he can. The fireman just shows up and jerks off.

He's like, yeah, this is good. Why don't we bring him? He's the worst. Yeah, exactly. Who's the new employee at the lead mine? king midas oh great no that's gonna work out very badly in here perfect yeah so it was in a firehouse um it was the usa uh i don't know when i'm gonna post this but uh yeah it was the fourth of july weekend it's the sunday before fourth of july it's yeah fourth of july tomorrow yeah yeah uh but no the show is good sunday at six o'clock normally comedy not good while the sun is out correct especially in a room where the windows show correct the sun is out yeah

and also comedy generally not good if you're an american theme fourth of july show and you're a british guy who turns up in a full revolutionary red coat uniform. No, that was perfect. That was perfect. Except the bit that you did was like a pre-recorded bit. Yes, it was. And it went well, but the only thing is that people are like, is he really British? Yeah.

Is he really? But I've told you this happens. Even now. People are like, is that your real hair? Or have you stuck a Lego man's head on it? It happens. Are you a real lesbian? Or is that like a skin to you?

It's like, why would I make my life harder than it is? Stand-up's hard enough as it is. Why would I want to make people initially hate me? Nobody hates you. It sounds good, man. Dude, I was at a show the other week at Songbird. I opened my mouth. I said, hi, everybody.

How are you doing? This guy in the front row goes, are you British or are you gay? And you're like, well, I'm both. Well, I was like, well, it's a fair question, but you know, inside voice,

you know, don't shout it out. Inside voice. Right? Yeah. And so people will, they'll just heckle me. It's just like,

what have I done to you? I mean, other than all of the centuries of atrocities that I represent. What have I personally done to you? You know? Yeah. As a white guy,

I think I have it bad. I don't have a british accent and i did some crowd work and you're in dc right but this guy's from alabama i don't know yeah that's just this was a very undc thing you normally don't get that intro in dc yeah i found out he was from alabama i was like okay that makes a bit more sense yeah and then i was like are you with the girl that you're with because she was looking a bit embarrassed that he was sort of being a big mouth or whatever right and then she goes uh no no i'm his cousin right and then without missing a beat he goes second cousin wow i was like wow you know what that's the exact response of someone that wants to fuck their cousin absolutely that's from alabama like he's in dc's like let me make it clear just walked into a

fucking wall shake like a face palm you know what i mean there's not much blood there it's not weird okay so i'm just telling everybody all right yeah and her mom my mom or cousin so it's not it's fine yeah i mean i came out fine our kids would be barely retarded. Okay. Right. Exactly. For Alabama, just not even on the fucking scale. Our kid could be made. Yeah.

Exactly. No, my, we talked about this earlier. My, watching you here in DC at an open mic, my favorite interaction

you've had with the crowd is when you had a propensity for about a month to take mushrooms. Several comedians in DC would take, hold on. comedians in D.C. Oh, we've got people coming up. Yeah, we do.

Hello. Hey, guys. Just doing a podcast. Just doing a podcast. Hello. All right. Okay. All right.

Don't care. I'm going to be on the podcast. Definitely not a drug deal going on. No, right. Speaking of. Anyway, so let's talk about me. Enough about them. Let's talk about me. Enough about them. Let's talk about me. Enough about people doing drugs.

Comedians in D.C. had a propensity to do mushrooms for a little bit. They did whenever they were around. Whenever they were around. And that bled into you doing mushrooms and going on stage. And I'm the type of comedian, like, I like to be pretty much sober when I go on stage. Not even smoke pot. I like to have a little bit of alcohol. Not like to be pretty much sober when i go on stage not even smoke pot like to be all like i like to have like a little bit of alcohol not enough to be because i like to stay sharp this open mic blows my mind because i've never been on stage not high really yeah unless it was

unless the show was at 11 in the morning which it never is yeah i'm gonna have smoked beforehand so like tonight the show is at six so i guess you went up around like seven i smoked this morning but i ran out of weed today so i smoked this morning so technically i'm technically high but not yeah i wouldn't pass a couple drugs test but okay but yeah but still you weren't like you didn't smoke right before either way when you showed up to the open mic here in dc that night your pupils were the size of uh i don't know quarters yeah they're pretty big and you went on stage you're on mushrooms you brought a chair with you they're not normally a chair on stage i was tired i was tired it was so much effort even to

get the chair on stage halfway through i was like do i need this yes i do because if i'm too tired to pull it on i'm gonna need it in a second you're in the midst of a trip and went on stage and uh and started to do a set. You told the audience you were on mushrooms. And then the woman... I mean, we say audience. All I could see was just bright, different colored lights. Okay.

So for Beer Baron, for those... Yeah. If you're on stage, you can't really see the audience. The spotlight is so bright. There's several of them. You can't... Like the whole audience is darkness. Yeah.

And you're on stage and you start talking. I you talk about being on mushrooms and a woman yells out your accent is fake and without missing a beat you go yeah well you're not real and if a woman would yell that to me even while i was sober i'd be like oh man my whole life's a lie she's right do i even talk like this for real you know that's what i was thinking you didn't but you didn't say that you're like well you're not real man mushrooms are fun um i don't think they're good to do comedy on fuck no um in fact i don't know if there are any drugs really that's good to do comedy on i mean it depends on your style though it doesn't but pie right yeah if you got the pot style yeah right i guess yeah if you like one of those like some people

look like they're on coke when they're on stage you know out of the gate not naming any names eddie morrison um but like you know it's just like okay i can see that you've done an eight ball before before this five minute open mic on a Monday. And it suits your style, right? Some people get super high. And I mean, what's the... They used to do... I'll tell you what,

they used to do the Under the Influence show here, but it was drunk. You had to be drunk. Remember they got you fucking wasted? Do you ever do that show? No, never. Because I live in Baltimore. So it's like, well, what am I going to do in dc like i could stay somewhere but i like baltimore baltimore's

great because it doesn't discriminate between homeless people no no it's like you'll see just as many white homeless people for sure you know dc is racist against the homeless gentrify they gentrified the homeless in Baltimore. It's good. Property prices are staying equal. We don't have a home. The white homeless people down here have iPads that say, like, need change. I'm a veteran.

You know? Exactly. Just swipe card. Tip allowed. I have a square reader. On my iPhone 2. It's fine. It works. We're coming up baltimore soon we're coming up to me and you yes yeah yeah so we're doing specific ignorance your show baby yeah uh august 16th at the crown

it's a tuesday we need to still go up there and check it out i'm gonna go up to it's really good man i'm doing two shows in baltimore i think on the 14th and the 17th what do you do on the 14th i'm doing uh riley's oyster bar uh with quindlen, and then I'm going to headline the Cellar Door for Laser. Oh, nice. Have you been to the Cellar Door? Yeah, I did once. It's really good, right? Yeah, it's a good room.

Low ceiling. Yeah, I like it. Yeah, you'll like the Oyster House too, which is very good. And then the Crown is really cool. I'm not sure what room they're going to have us in. Either one is very good and then the crown is really cool i'm not sure what room they're gonna have us in either one is really good they have i think it's like the red room and then they have a blue room but either way they're really blue is like a little bit smaller but it's good yeah so we're gonna do that and we're gonna do because it's a bolt is gonna be the road so for the listeners i run a show um that has been going on for just over a year now and it's every month at the beer baron

in dc um josh i've been wanting to get on for ages uh but i was always telling him i want to wait and do a baltimore-based show um which i took it's like yeah i'd love to get you on well no because i wanted to get you and i wanted to get finazzo and i wanted to get simbazzo yeah right and i think that would have been amazing but then it just all rhymes too right finazzo simbazzo kad But then it just didn't work. It all rhymes, too. Right. Sinpazo. Sinpazo. Coderna. But it didn't end up working out just because, you know, so many, so few shows you can put on in 12 shows a year. It's not really enough time to get up.

Right, yeah. It's a month. You want to get on. Yeah. So we're doing the road show now because I'm recently unemployed. Are you? Yeah, hence the beard. That's why I got the beard.

I can wear it. This is the only time in my life my beard's been longer than my hair employed amish beard right yeah i don't know if you're churning butter or you didn't have a job how the length of time i haven't had a 401k or health insurance you can you can measure it by length of hair i'm sure your fiance is thrilled about both yeah you're not having a job and you're having a she's a breadwinner now she's a primary breadwinner on 38 grand a year you having a gross estimate. She's a breadwinner now. She's a primary breadwinner on 38 grand a year. You're a good couple.

So, unemployed. So, now we can do the roadshow. So, I've been reaching out to cities and we're going to do

Cincinnati on the 12th of July at the Go Bananas with Jeff Tate and Josh Sneed and Corey Leffler who's the head of the US.S. Spelling Bee. Yeah, she's very interesting.

Ahmed was very happy to meet her. I'm sure. I was like, Ahmed, tell this woman about your show. He's like, I have a show. It's about spelling. And I was like, oh, Corey also has a show about spelling. And he's like, oh, really? And he's like, yeah, I'm the head of the National Spelling Bee spelling bee i just have a tiny show i don't know if you've heard of it

so yeah she's gonna be on it and then the month after that is going to be in the crown with you and umar khan and bridget caviola caviola caviola so who's bridget caviola because i don't know it's an improviser based in baltimore and i used be in a troupe with her. And she's one of the funniest non-stand-up comedians that I've ever met. Wow. That's high praise. Yeah. And me, Umar, and her have a really good rapport, too. So I think it'll be good.

Now, let me ask you this. Umar, her, and I. No, you guys are going to be terrible. Let me ask you this. I was just correcting your grammar. Oh, fuck. I thought you said her. Dude, whatever. I speak American, bro. guys are gonna be terrible um let me ask you this just correcting your grammar oh fuck i thought you said dude whatever yeah i speak american i know you're in a muscle shirt it's supposed to july fuck grammar grammar's on the list of dude i gotta celebrate fake tattoo right here all right

to celebrate can you hold on glitter you've got a glitter tattoo let me start flexing you probably can't read it that looks like a british No, it's supposed to be a firework. Yeah, it says celebrate, you idiot. All right. Let me ask you this. Herbie Gill had the subject of The Simpsons. Yes, he did. Can I have that?

No. What? No. Really? Yeah, I don't replace subjects. Any subjects? God damn it. Well, Umar has it easy.

What's Umar going to use? He's going to do Blink-182. Oh, is he? Yeah, of course. Why would he do that? I don't know. Does he love Blink-182?'s going to do Blink-182. Oh, is he? Yeah, of course. Why would he do that? I don't know. Does he love Blink-182? He's obsessed with...

Umar is the whitest guy I know who is Pakistani. Yeah, even white people don't like Blink-182. Still. Like, he's obsessed with Blink-182. I love Umar. He's my best friend. Wow, that's an eye-opener. You know, that's like finding out that someone supports Trump.

You know, you're just like, really? I never would have thought. And him being Pakistaniener you know that's like finding out that someone supports trump you know you're just like really i never would have thought and him being pakistani you know no like he wears the tightest jeans he gets like the most uh probiotic yogurt like he's the whitest guy i know listen to blick 182 no i love umar death he's actually uh moving into my house soon which is good why don't you two both move down to D.C.? We should, though, right? Well, I work in Baltimore. Good point.

Don't rub it in. You've got a job. Oh, you work? Well, you're a beard model, right? I'm a beard model, yeah. You're going to be the before picture. Yeah. The before picture of a beard commercial or the after picture of a meth addiction.

That's what my beard looks like right meth addiction it's your headshot it's the best picture possible first photo was me three years ago and i had long hair and clean shaven and now i've just got a shaved head and a grizzly shitty beard so what what's with the beard can you not grow a beard or this is the furthest you've taken it so like your face is still figuring it out yeah i'm you know this is like when you experiment with uh with with with same-sex stuff in college sure i assume well i mean college goes on for a while yeah i mean i didn't even have a beard in college that's really weird actually when i could have had a beard i shaved did you go to college here no i went to the university of nottingham where robin hood is from it sounds like the most english thing ever yeah it was actually the university of nottingham and uh sherwood forest is real are you talking about sherwin santos forest showing sherwin santos forest uh it's a very small forest um uh yeah show a forest is real and i didn't

realize this until i went to college in Nottingham. And they were just like, oh, we need to go and smoke weed where Robin Hood hung out. Interesting. First day. Drove into Sherwood Forest, got lost, smoked weed. Right. Very thick forest. You couldn't fire an arrow further than 10 feet.

You could barely steal from the rich to give to the poor. That's how thick this forest is. It's like, shoo, fuck. It's like, oh, shit, I just hit the tree three feet in front of me. Yeah, I went to Nottingham, studied Hispanic studies and film studies. Why Hispanic first? Well, I was always good at languages and art and no good at anything that could actually make you money.

Sure. Do you speak Spanish? I speak Spanish and French. Interesting. Look at you. Yeah. And English. And English, yeah. And American. you money sure do you speak spanish i speak spanish and french interesting look at you yeah um and english and english yeah yeah an american let me hear your american accent uh i can do a good southern american accent all right let's hear it um hey mom what that's it that's it did you just say hey mom is that jamaican

no i put on my southern accent and it's sort of a gay southern accent. Whenever I go on a road trip, new comedy out of town, and I go into, like, a service station, I'll be like, I'm not speaking anything other than my gay southern accent. I'll say that you say service station. I trip up with all my vocabulary. I'm just like, hey, mom, how you doing? I'm just going to leave my car right there in the car park.

I'm just here to get some petrol. I'm just here to get some petrol. I'll see you on the pavement. I'll be outside on the pavement. Here's a couple loonies and toonies. Is that Canadian? That's Canadian. I don't know.

I think it is Canadian. All I know is I also try and say meow as much as possible just to pay homage to super troopers. So I go into like pancake houses in Cincinnati and go, how you doing, meow? All right, I'll get a table of one, please, meow. Right, meow. Thank you, thank you, thank you, kind of, meow.

And no one's ever going to call you out, right? And say, that's a weird accent. But if I speak in my normal accent, people are going to go, oh, that's a weird accent. So i speak in my normal accent people are gonna go oh that's a weird accent so i might as well it's just i can't be bothered you know yeah i can't be bothered to be the fucking freak show all the time let me hear that if you're gay southern accent that sense it's easy because you just got to talk about the lectrics because everything runs on the lectrics look at the podcast it's all going on electrics

you watch your netflix on electrics and that's how that works it's basically ripping off david twitey steven kowalski oh character uh-huh um and uh yeah and that's what i did david twitey comedian david twitey lives in new york now he's in new york now i moved him up there you moved him up there yeah it was really funny because uh when we moved we moved him i helped him drive up there helped him move we we settled him in you could see he's like i'm in new york now you know this is this is where it's going to happen for me yeah we went to the first restaurant to eat of all the restaurants we're sitting there yeah and uh we were the only people there and the bartender's like, oh, how are you doing? And I was like, oh, we just got here.

And this guy's moving up here to be a comedian. And the waitress just goes, oh, the guy washing our dishes is a comedian. Do you want to meet him? Amazing. He just watched his face drop to the floor. The dishwasher's Mark Maron. He's like, hey, how are you doing? You think you're going to it check out my bug yes follow me on instagram hey man boomer lives yeah so then i was because i

didn't think how debilitating that sort of knowledge yeah to receive that quickly after getting there must have been so i was just like oh let's meet him let's find out if he knows some shows and he's like no no i don't want to no you're like his terrible mom oh my son's a comedian bring him out here i'm sarah armour's mom basically did you hear that story about her and uh col in Seinfeld? Yeah, no, I haven't heard it, but I saw the picture. Yeah, when a comedian based out of D.C., Sarah Armagh. Now in New York. Yeah.

Very funny. I guess her mom's in New York, too. She has to be, right? Yeah, she is. Because they live together now. Yeah, they live together? Yeah, Sarah moved back in with her parents. And apparently she said this to me whilst on stage at New York Comedyork comedy club because i was watching she goes oh yeah chris you

don't know this my mom started doing stand-up no yeah i was like what and apparently her mom goes sarah i've started doing stand-up but i just want you to know i'm not doing it to the people that you do it to i'm doing it to people that really need to laugh so I'm just booking hospices hospitals so my arm was just going up to do like open mic comedy with no experience in like a hospice Jesus Christ yeah so this woman was uh she was getting her haircut uh my arm, lovely lady. Yeah, Sarah's mama. Yeah, me too.

And Jerry Seinfeld was filming the episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Stephen Colbert. And they drove past the salon. Myra Armour's got hair in curlers. Got the whole thing on, you know, the cape on the front. She runs out and just goes, oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerryerry jerry it's myra like like they know each other it's myra armoire you maybe know my daughter sarah she's a very famous comedian in new york and uh she doesn't work the hospice circuit like i do that's how she got the photo i got the selfie with colbert in Seinfeld. Which is amazing. Imagine being Sarah and getting that fucking selfie.

Yeah. I mean, I would be so pissed. No way. My mom was like. I would take that as a good sign. Oh, there's my mom with Stuart Lee and fucking. Yeah. No, I would take that as a good sign and be like, all right, my dad just met Stephen Colbert.

Like, this means I should be a comedian, right? Well, maybe. I would take it that way would you or maybe it's just like oh this is what you'll never be able to achieve just drove past probably okay so do you take it that way when you see like a really good comedian do you either get excited or bummed out that you're like oh i'll never do that um bummed out yeah right every time i watch scovel i get depressed i pay 20 to feel depressed like i laugh and laugh and then i cry you're talking about roy scovel who was here in dc for a while but like yeah no you get excited because you're like this is so amazing and then there's a very sharp drop off on that bell curve and the fuck and the so good and the funny flip side is if the comedian

is someone that you think should be good yeah and you feel you could do better than them you don't feel happy because you're better you're immediately jealous because they have success and you think you're better than them so it's like a lose lose god it's so tough with because oh you're great i hate you oh you're too famous i don't like because you're so excited all right but here's a person i don't think anybody hates on jamelle johnson fuck jamelle fuck jamelle i've waited long enough and i'm gonna say it now that guy steals all my material every single thing that comes out of his mouth i ghost wrote all right i let him have his fame because he's a minority and he was gonna do more successfully than me anyways yeah i mean i was the guy that fucking had the conversation with

the homeless guy about the bagel i told him about it was a bagel it wasn't a danish initially it was a bagel yeah the whole thing about butt plugs and the raccoon yeah that was a real life story and he's just ripping it all up now jamal i spoke to him today actually i called him in uh because he had um really yeah he had On Deck it's his show at the Nerd Melt well let's tell people

Jamel Johnson Jamel Johnson Jamel at Nonprofit Comic yep on the Twitters and I think he's at Broccoli House

on Instagram and my old he used to do Specific Ignorance with me so for every show he did specific ignorance until the one-year anniversary show that was being filmed for a pilot.

He had to go. Yeah, you always have like a man kind of in the crow's nest as like your sidekick. Yeah, my Andy Richter. Yeah. And so Jamel, one of those guys that like, whenever you watch him, you're like, he's going to blow up.

So good. Like you could see him at an open mic with like six disinterested people in the audience and he would always win them over so funny yeah but seeing him open for louis ck like i never like watching him the whole time i was like man fuck this guy he doesn't do it like nobody feels that way about jamelle you're right and that's the only you're right that's the only thing when i saw that photo of him handing off the mic to louis yeah louis just being like well i was just like i'm good for that guy yeah seriously You're right. And that's the only, you're right. That's the only thing. When I saw that photo of him handing off the mic to Louis, Louis just being like,

well, I was just like, I'm good for that guy. Yeah. Seriously. Fucking good. I was at that show. I was third row.

Alahi is Adi, another DC comedian got tickets and she's like, Hey, do you want to go? We were third. You're like, nah, I've got,

I've got a Vendetta starring at eight. I think I get a tight five up there. Sorry. Who's this? I'm a little busy. Uh, how do you pronounce it uh yeah so then going to that show uh sold out show for louis ck and then my friend jamel is opening the show and he's wearing a full fucking sweatpants suit sweat sweatpants fucking uh like sweatshirt he has a backpack on you're like god jamel you fucking idiot like wear pants like wear real pants but he did great man and then uh louis brought him

aside like when he was getting off stage jamel was like are y'all ready for louis ck brought him up and louis brought him aside and i asked jamel the next day i was like hey what did louis say to you no bullshit don't be like good like i don't want any fucking like too cool for school like oh you know he just said like hey what did he say to you and louis said you're very funny stop smoking weed and you'll be a superstar yeah i think that's a bit of a backhanded compliment kind of i i would i would have said you know what louis i'm opening for you i'm fine i'll be all right yeah but still like to be opening for louis ck and then as he's as you're bringing him on stage he pulls you aside like yeah you're just like hey don't do drugs kids it's like how much

do you believe in your brand like no one would have even have heard that yeah also it's like i did drugs to get here right exactly my whole brand is built on the fact that i'm a huge stoner and sell weed on stage to anyone in the crowd like that's what's in the backpack and he mentioned that yeah of course i must remember with uh i just like i was i just like to imagine that he didn't say anything he just pulled him aside and then just whispered in his ear, Derulo, and then just got off the stage. What does that mean? Jason Derulo and the Illuminati?

Was Louis in the Illuminati? Once, Mello and I, because I used to, when I did have a job, I always used to finish quite early in the afternoon, and obviously Jamel never did anything, so he and I used to hang out a lot. Obviously. Between like three and five five like our witching hour in the afternoon when no one's doing anything right and one time we were down um you know where

he used to live diner's place yeah yeah pleasant yeah we were there sitting outside smoking a joint um jamel is wearing uh his rangers hockey jersey uh i think utah jazz basketball shorts and then like always wearing jerseys and then like you know sports shop but like dress shoes for some reason you know what i mean it's just like the most bizarre outfit like he got dressed in the dark or lost or lost a bet or something you know i mean or was you know dressed dressed by his children or something like that he's like okay i'll wear that um and we're sitting there. It looks good. Thank you. We're sitting there

smoking weed. Yeah. Right. And all of a sudden this woman sees us from across the road. Yeah. Right.

Heavier set, black woman. Sure. Short hair. Also wearing a hockey jersey and basketball shorts. Right.

Just from over the side of the road who goes y'all smoking weed and we were like yep so she just comes over and just goes what's up y'all what's up y'all what's up y'all what's up y'all there's pounds around what's up y'all what's up y'all and uh and we were just sitting there like okay okay okay and then uh she just goes yo uh if you need weed i'm selling uh whatever you need i got it here and i was just like uh okay cool this is interesting this is interesting and uh we sat it out chatted to her for a few minutes and then she's like i gotta bounce you i gotta do some bits and then just left and there was this big silence and i was just like jamel did we just meet the female version of

you he was like right what the fuck was that about and it was the weirdest twilight moment it was like if she'd been wearing glasses i would have just been like literally doing double takes yeah that was my next class i was just doing my next question did she have harry potter like circular glasses yeah like pensioner glasses and a weird scraggly beard yeah it was really funny that's amazing really funny i have to go do bits yeah if anybody listening go look up what jamel looks like yeah and then just picture it and then picture no glasses no beard that was the woman uh she was great all right so what is uh what's your plan as far as comedy goes plan yeah fuck off as you said that thunder and lightning

not a good omen what's your plan not a good omen not be struck down by god my plan is pretty simple try and become famous through any means other than stand up comedy

because I'm not a naive fuck um i could make it in new york those guys just didn't have my jokes no i'm not gonna make it cut to you washing dishes yeah right exactly 20 shows up again check out my podcast yeah um yeah it's like uh i i honestly i i believe in my stand-up but i don't believe that i'm a good enough stand-up to just do stand-up. Isn't that the scary thing? Well, also, too, most...

I think that's a good realization to make because too many people don't realize it, you know? And you see all these newbies that have been like a year and a half in, two years, like, you know what, man? I'm thinking of going up to New York. I don't know whether you realized what I was doing with that impression, but...

Do tell. You know, I'm just thinking it's time you know I just don't feel like I can get any better here you know

I just feel like I should go to New York and I was like that is the worst thing you could possibly do I like that with chicks they're like well I've done

nine open mics I'm going to LA like good luck and it's just like dude in DC like it is such a good scene right now for stage time

for audiences for like goodwill for people for stage time for audience saying for like goodwill for people that are laughing for no hecklers the fact that you can do multiple mics a night in DC and they're good is nuts and then people just willing to just go you know what I think I can do better than this yeah I think I'm better than this it's like you're not better than this yeah you're lucky to fucking even be part of this yeah don't get it don't don't punch above your weight.

I talk about that all the time. Like friends that moved to New York and then they come back and you're like, Hey, how's New York? And their eyes are like wide open. They have that 10,000 yards. They've seen too much. Yeah.

They've seen too much. It's hard. Yeah. It's really hard. And you're like, shit. Yeah. Every time I think of New York,

all I hear is Ryan's shirt in my head. Just going, man, man, it sucks but the thing is right look at marty litwack right marty litwack local comedian very very funny easily one of the best in dc moved up to new york yeah has ended up just moving between new york and dc well that's what most comedians from dc or baltimore do when they they go to New York they not as often not as often they come back eventually they don't come back every other week I don't know I think that's a good way to start featuring though like yeah I live in New York

oh cool you want to feature in the draft house yeah maybe um I want specific ignorance to do well I I like the idea of um it being like a a a road show basically like well explain what a specific ignorance is because i will in the intro of course but all right so just kind of reiterate specific ignorance is a trivia show um that uh uses stand-up comedians as a panel and the panel of comedians compete against comedians three comedians uh compete as a panel and the panel of comedians compete against three comedians compete as a team against the audience and you're the host I am the host because I'm British

and that's what we do and comedians will pre-select a subject they feel they have knowledge on like you said you wanted to do The Simpsons and you cannot do The Simpsons so there will be three subjects and then on the night of the show the audience will write the questions for the subjects.

And if they can write down a question that the comedians cannot answer, they will win a shot of whiskey. And then at the end of the night, whoever has the least points, um, loses like in most sports and games. Sure. Um, but if the comedians lose, uh, the crowd selects one of them to, uh, perform an improvised standup set based on the subject they chose, which is called the punishment set, which no stand-up really wants to be doing.

No. And it's funny and it's awkward. And the show's been very successful, surprisingly. It's been great, man. And, yeah, and everyone that I speak to about it says that it's a really nice concept and it works really well and everyone that's done it enjoys doing it and everyone that's been says they had a good time.

So I'm kind of worried that the first negative review I get will be from the one person that could give me my big break and be like, well, I don't think it's very good. Oh, okay. Thank you.

The biggest thing I've heard is like people that dig it and the best thing you can hear from comedians, like Ramin was like, oh, I wish I thought of that. Like, which is the biggest compliment for comedians. Oh yeah ramin told me he's like god i want to have something like milner has oh wow that is a big compliment yeah isn't it like the best thing you can hear from a comedian it's not like hey man good set it's like i wish i thought that's the

worst thing you can hear because it basically just means hi i wasn't listening and uh yeah i'm up next you're passing me right now so good set i've had that shit before it's like hey man like thank you it's like oh i didn't say anything just earlier tonight in fact i've done the same yeah i've had that like what hey thank you oh no you're on the phone thank you yeah there's someone behind me okay cool um yeah but that's the thing that i like is that kevin said kevin seyfried said that it was the most fun he's had on a stage in DC. Yeah. And I think that's a great,

because I think the reason that stand-ups like it is because we're so used to just regurgitating the same material over and over again. It's sort of like muscle memory that you don't really get a chance

to flex. And you're not in the moment either. Yeah, you don't get really a chance to flex your riff muscles that much on stage. Right. We do it around each other and in the back, but you never really get a chance to flex your riff muscles that much on stage. We do it around each other and in the back,

but you never really get a chance to riff in front of a crowd. And so if riffs go well, it's great. And the crowd feels that they've created the laughter because they gave the prompt of the question. And you're in the moment, and it's obvious too. Yeah, and they feel like they control the narrative of the show because ultimately they are in charge of the content um and i think that that sort of interactive um sort of concept is is the way that entertainment's going you know like at midnight like that sort of stuff

everyone jumps on board yeah and if i could say with podcasts too not that i'm a part of like the podcast revolution but people are part of the community i'm on the outskirts hey guys like shut up podcast shantytown on the outskirts of i wish i was in the shantytown i wish uh no but as as far as that goes like i think people are just with the internet in general are more used to like kind of an honest conversation versus like the two minute thing of like oh man tom hanks is the best let me tell you a little story it's like okay we'll be back from commercial like they want to have a fun moment where it's obvious that we're all right like it's organic organic that's the word that is organic comedy and organic content

i think is going to be the future of entertainment and And if you can create a product in which the viewer feels like they're an active participant in the narrative, then people are going to want to keep watching it. And hopefully that's what the show does. And it's fun. So come out to the Crown in August on the 16th to see me, Josh, and Umar, and Bridget. All right. I don't know how much battery we have left here. Bataraziz. Bataraziz. So p.m. All right. I don't know how much battery we have left here. Batraziz.

Batraziz. So let's wrap it up here. I want to do like kind of a lightning round with you. Okay. I want to know best moments, worst moments on stage. Oh, okay. That's easy. Yeah.

Can we do worst first? Absolutely. Okay. Worst first was Sonoma's. In Columbia, Maryland? Yep. Sonoma's, Columbia, Maryland. Yeah.

It was a Mother's Day show. I've never done a show since on Mother's Day because there was no one there. This was a bar that was entirely empty except for three guys in Lumberjack shirts, trucker hats, completely with their back to the stage watching one of the 24 screens showing sports that they didn't turn off.

Right, which is a nightmare for comedians. You don't want to have any TVs on. Oh, yeah, but at least the TVs were muted. Here's the bad part. They had a video game 10-pin bowling machine. Sure. And every now and again, regardless of whether anyone was using the machine it would make the sound of a strike and then just go strike so go strike so if you were

really lucky when you're on stage bombing super hard to no laughter yeah just after one of your punch lines you'd hear strike it was the worst it was the worst twice you had to do 20 minutes uh yeah chauffeur who ran the show wouldn't let him david chauffeur yeah david chauffeur wouldn't let him oh fireworks starting yeah yeah fireworks oh well we're on north capital so it could just be gunshots um it's kind of cool i can see the capital building from here and then best moment on stage um probably the two sets that i've done at the limestone comedy oh sorry laugh your ashville of comedy festival oh yeah those are the two best sets i've ever had yeah because festivals too it's so it's like you're

around your peers and then you're also around people you don't know you're aware of their comedy and you're like oh my god like they're in the room holy fuck i want to do well everyone's judging everyone secretly that you know and you know they'll say oh it's great we're all fine but they're like hey what's up man yeah but they're ultimately thinking this is my competition these are the people that are considered as funny as me because you're all let on the festival right i want to see if they are yeah and they did the diana worthing theater in in asheville which is like a 200, 300 seat theatre. This thing was packed, proper arena seating,

huge stage. There was a car on the stage. What? Like a pyramid of beer kegs, fucking TED Talk-esque screen with your name on it and Twitter handle. It was the most insane production I've ever seen. It looked official as shit.

Yeah, and not putting too fine a point on it, I fucking destroyed both years. And I feel like you're a guy that's objective about your sets. Thank you. I don't know if you're being sarcastic. I know how to suck a dick, buddy. All right. If anyone here knows how to suck a dick, it's me.

I mean, your hair would make a very good case for you, but it's definitely me. I drove me out of here backwards. I think I knows how to suck a dick yeah it's me well i mean your hair would make a very good case for you but it's definitely me out of here backwards i think i know how to suck it yeah um yeah it was definitely that that yeah next question okay so that's it that was the quick fire yeah it was a good set well the other best time i had was you ever did you ever do comics against humanity no that was the show rich bennett had years ago it was basically cards against humanity on stage stage with comedians. That was also really fun. Yeah, that's another good way to like, oh, I'm funny in front of people. I'm not burning material.

Yeah, exactly. I think that might have been where I got the idea for Specific Ignorance. Let me, how about I ask you a question, Josh? Oh, boy, hit me. If you were naked, what animal do you feel that you could kill without any weapons or protection i could probably kill a deer fuck off i could kill a deer how i'd choke it out i'd punch it real good in the ribs and then i think when it's down i would just twist its neck until it's got antlers yeah you're not worried about antlers no i dude honestly i don't think if i'm naked i don't think

i could take a cat well cats have nails deers do not deers deer do not they got hooves all right yeah that's true i don't think i could fight a deer honestly you totally could not if it was ready for you what do you mean like if i'm like roaming in the woods and i'm like deer honestly you totally could not if it was ready for you what do you mean like if i'm like roaming in the woods and i'm like deer yeah you're not sneaking where are you the deer is being brought into a ufc octagon in a in a silk robe ready ready for you coming out to mama knock you out he's got an entourage yeah he comes out to Rudolph. Yeah, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. He said, knock you out. No, I would go at him, dude.

I would grab those fucking antlers and I would choke him out. I love that question. I think I could do that. How about you? Honestly, not much. I couldn't take it. And I just started thinking about this recently because I just got a pit bull. How old?

Two. Ooh. Very nice dog. Yeah, but the dye is kind of cast at two yeah but it's very sweet okay okay very sweet but 80 pounds have you ever been jealous of a dog because of how in shape it is dude pit bulls are ripped out of the gate like they just stand there and like they're just like i wish i just like, I wish I had your arms. I wish I had dog arms. Their definition, their shoulders, like, them just standing there at ease. Let me take a picture of this dog. So, and I was thinking, because obviously you've got to be, like, well, alpha, right?

You've got to be an alpha, otherwise the dog's going to, you know, take advantage of you and stuff. So, I'm trying to be alpha with this dog. Secretly, I'm just shitting my pants. Of course. Because I know this dog could just rip my fucking face off. You're faking it till you make it. Last night, I was lying in bed and the dog tries to get on the bed.

And whenever the dog gets on the bed, I have to very quickly grab it and choke slam it back onto the floor. So I was asleep and I just felt him getting up. So I was in my sleep, turn around, grab this dog by the throat and just throw him back out on the floor. I just hear him whimper and run out of the room. And I woke up and I just felt him getting up. So I was in my sleep, turn around, grab this dog by the throat and just throw him back out on the floor. I just hear him whimper and run out the room.

And I woke up and I was like, look how far I've come. I was scared of dogs before. And now in my sleep, I chokeslammed a pit bull. I was just like, get the fuck out of my bedroom. Also, it's some dog. It's like, hey, Papa, hello. And you're like, go to hell.

You're like, wow, look at how far I've come he's like all i did was love you yeah that was my biggest mistake he's great we call him prince because his real his first name was he had a name but he doesn't respond to his name and this is the worst name you can give to a pitbull oh here we go vick legit name that was his name vick In fact the full name Was Lord Vic Of the house black What Right His owners weren't white His previous owners

Weren't white They were friends of ours They were drug dealers Who ended up Going One of them went Into the navy Sorted his life out

Good for him But he couldn't Take the dog So he ended up Adopting the dog And I knew the dog From when it was a puppy So I had a decent

Report But yeah We took this dog on It was like Fuck this This dog isn't Responding toick i don't want to call my dog vick yeah also it seems like corny as fuck like if you're out in public and you're like hey vick yeah vick exactly sorry it's vickalus it's short for vickalus it doesn't know i name after the fucking catalan sausage it's not no that's what i'm not that guy. It's the fucking dog fighting quarterback.

That's who, no one's saying, oh, I'm named after the VapoRub. Like, no, it's named after the fucking guy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, because he likes a chest rub. That's, you know, so call him Bip. So we thought it'd be, no,

you're walking, okay, I'll see you later. He's got sinus problems, you know, and, he was born with a deviated septum. Yes.

So he, we got him on the same week that prince died so we were like well if i can call him prince okay so his name's prince now and we bought him a a purple leather collar with like bedazzled of course purple leather because people are afraid of pitbulls yeah so if you get him get him in fucking glitter yeah i figure that's the best way to go about it just to disarm the public i. I put him in a tutu and a glitter cape. See, that would scare me more. Like, what a badass.

He can wear a cape and he's not worried about it. Yeah, he's like, oh my God. And he did get humped twice by two dogs at the same time in the dog park and just sat there and took it. So I was like, oh, you are Prince. That kind of sounds like Prince. Sexually ambiguous dog. I would have thought you liked women, but maybe you don't. You wrote't you wrote a song i'm not judging you but yeah your name is prince you

can do whatever you want ultimately you're uh absolutely you're no longer on this mortal coil true all right so uh you got a dog you're gonna when are you getting married october the 9th interesting you're invited by the way am i not to the reception obviously i'm paying for that sure i'll go um yeah you're not coming to the bit I'm paying for, but you're coming to Wonderland for the after party afterwards. Of course. That's the part that counts. And we're having a guerrilla ceremony in Malcolm X Park.

Yeah, we're supposed to book it, but we're like, fuck that. Guerrilla ceremony in Malcolm X Park sounds racist. FYI. It's not. I'm marrying a black woman. Okay. Just so you can have a gorilla sure um so yeah we're gonna get married in malcolm x park gorilla ceremony we're just gonna tell everyone to turn up do a really quick ceremony church night are doing the ceremony

oh that's so cool in character church night is a show here in dc comedians that do a sort of faux satirical church service and we've got um the guy you know the the the big black singer from romaine and lettuce is really beautiful voice yeah evan i think his name is i can't remember i think so yeah he is going to sing uh she's your queen from coming to america from the wedding scene from coming to america right at the beginning so it's just gonna be the most crazy fucking thing then we've got food trucks from surfside and martin amini's ice cream truck is catering our reception dc comedian and then uh and remain and let us are playing oh god i love this because it's so many like comedians coming together to like and then

wonderland ballroom shauna said we can have the room for the night and everyone's just gonna meet there and party all night. Dude, fucking amazing. So, yeah, October the 9th, if you're in D.C. Your actual ceremony is just like in a park. Yeah. Look at you guys. Just everyone turn up.

Saving money. I bought the most expensive shoes of my life for the thing. How much? Adidas custom superstars. What? Yeah, white snake skin superstars with like a beige leather, gold stripes. Right.

It's beautiful. I'm not wearing them. I'm only going to wear them once on the wedding day. Because Sharice, we're doing very untraditional. Sharice has got a wedding dress that's basically a tutu, but she's going to wear like a studded leather jacket over the top. That's tight. Like Darth Vader shoes, like all this sort of.

We're not into sort of traditional shit. Yeah. No, it makes sense. I hate the couples that spend like, you know, thousands of dollars on their wedding it's like why you need that money yeah get me a fucking down payment on a house yeah put that towards a house or something fucking like real versus like rather than rather than replicating everyone else's special day yeah with the same shit same fucking room same table set up, bought dinner, dance, reception, fucking three course, blah, blah, blah. You want fucking chicken or salmon, fuck off.

Fuck off. Chicken or salmon, fuck off. Right? You know what I mean, though? Yeah. When is that? What? The wedding.

October 9th. You've forgotten already. Yeah, I did. I'm there, though. Oh, we're going to show you the flyer. We made a flyer. I would like to see it. It's like an old school rave flyer.

And anybody that's listening is invited as well, since it's guerrilla, right? Oh, we're going to show you the flyer. We made a flyer. I would like to see it. It's like an old school rave flyer. And anybody that's listening is invited as well, since it's Gorilla, right? Yeah, as long as you bring stuff. Like, bring me... I'll accept most drugs, any alcohol. The flyer I'm looking at looks like you guys have a punk rock band. Right. And free access to a photocopy. Unlimited copies on a photocopy.

Yeah, your dad works at a newspaper. And that's how you work that out. It was one of those old school flats. Dude, that's so exciting. So yeah, it is exciting. I'm very excited. I do need to pee. Yeah, let's wrap this up now.

There's many fireworks going on. And I can hear people closing shit downstairs. And I don't think they know we're up here. Yeah, we're going to have to go out through the window. Yeah, we're going to spur Lunk down. We'll figure it out. We should probably get the fuck're up here. Yeah, we're going to have to go out through the window. Yeah, we're going to spur Lonk down. We'll figure it out. We should probably get the fuck out of here. Yeah, absolutely.

All right, Chris, so Specific Ignorance is on Facebook. It's on Twitter. It is, it is. Instagram now. Nice, nice. And personally for you, what are you on Twitter? EnglishmanChris, EnglishmanChris.com. No Facebook because the book is bad.

Books are better. Got those shows in Maryland. Check out the website for shows. Please come to Specific Ignorance. Go to all of Josh's shows. Do that. Because he is the great white hope. I'm working on it.

And yeah. And that's it. God, there's so many fireworks going off right now. That's because it was a good podcast. It was. This is the way to end it, right? And that's how, yeah. I had a great time.

Yeah, so yeah, most importantly, August 16th, come to the Crown. Come see Specific Ignorance in Baltimore. Only $5. Yeah, dude, it's such a good show. And you probably get free whiskey shots. You're going to get free booze. So if you get one question right, you immediately make back your money in free booze. And I have a feeling they're going probably get free whiskey shots you're gonna get free booze so if you get one question right you immediately make back your money in free booze

and I have a feeling they're gonna get more than one question right I think that's probably so uh yeah we'll see about that and uh so yeah

everybody come to that uh Chris thank you for doing the show thank you for having me go to digressionsessions.com yes for uh future shows

and all that stuff uh the calendar has all of our live dates and all that stuff Chris love you, buddy. I'm going to pee out of this window. Could you?

Yeah, because honestly, I'm not going to make it downstairs. I don't know. All right, I'm excited for this. This is a podcast first. Also, Chris is peeing out of a window, not onto the street, but onto the roof.

Yeah, and I'm aiming at the Capitol building with my piss. On the 4th of July while fireworks are going off. America. Take that, USA. Give me my tricorn hat. David Koechner, take us out.

Dick Russian Sessions coming to an end. Thank you. We'll be right back. Oh yeah, oh yeah