The Digression Sessions - Ep. 209 - Chris Milner! (@EnglishmanChris)

Episode Date: January 24, 2017

Finally! A new episode, everyone is saying! It's a one on one with Josh Kuderna and DC based comedian, Chris Milner! He's the host of the live game show, Specific Ignorance. He's hilarious and doesn't have an appendix. Hope you dig it! Follow the podcast, Josh Kuderna, and Mike Finazzo on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Mike Finazzo - @TheeMikeFinazzo on Twitter The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on iTunes & Stitcher plz!

Hello, this is Nigel from the Tony Kornage Show, and you're listening to the Digression Session. Did I say that right? Do I get paid now? Can I leave? Hola, everybody. Hi. Long time no talk. Josh Katerny here. How are you? How is it going? Yeah, sorry for the delay in episodes, but this is a good one this is a fun talk with the fella that's been on the show before mr chris milner you can follow on twitter he is at englishman chris and he is the host of the game show specific ignorance which is on instagram at specific ignorance uh he's a he's a british fella or englishman as his twitter handle says. And yeah, his show Specific Ignorance is really cool.

And it's a fun live game show that he'll be doing at the Beer Baron in D.C. on the 28th. So go check that out. And on the 4th, he will be in New York City as well. So check that out and go to chrismilnercomedy.com for all that information and follow the Instagram account on there. Yeah, so we actually recorded this episode a few weeks ago and I was just, I was a lazy bum and I didn't put it up and I'm sorry. I got busy with some stuff and then I was kind of lazy. It was a bad mix and I apologize. But this is a good episode. We talk about an episode we tried to record before that kind of got torpedoed.

Chris's show and all kinds of other stuff. So I don't want to ramble too much, but if you want to see me, I will be at Magoobies this weekend on Friday and Saturday, the 27th and the 28th. I will be featuring for mike vecchione at mcgoobies if you want to come check that out and uh this thursday i'll be hosting in the front room of the arlington draft house in the green room uh so come check that out you can follow me on twitter and instagram i'm at josh kaderna the digression sessions has a facebook page of course uh mike finazzo not on this one cause we recorded in DC, but,

uh, I love that guy. And, uh, if you want to follow him on Twitter, he's at the Mike Fonazo. Uh, he has some cool stuff,

uh, coming up. He just recorded a set at the DC improv that will be on a serious XM. So if you have that lookout for that and, uh, yeah, that's it for this, uh,

rambling intro sorry again for the delay and episodes but this was a fun talk Chris is uh hilarious and he actually just got out of the hospital so uh I'm happy for him he uh he uh he was just so heartbroken that the episode didn't come out and he had to go to the hospital but now I'm taking care of him you know and uh I wish him well all right right, guys. Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed the episode. And I will try to be more regular in the future with the episode postings and all that stuff. But stay strong out there. We love you.

We'll talk to you soon. Let's cut to my convo with Chris Miller that I had in my girlfriend's apartment. So, rough day for you? Yeah, just walked around. Literally went to the dispensary and walked home from the dispensary. How does the dispensary work in dc like do you need a card yeah obviously okay uh well i know that it's like semi-legal down here and that you can basically entirely legal well you can have it but you just can't buy it like

without a card right i mean like you're allowed to have up to two ounces but you can't buy or sell it right but there are loopholes like for example before I got the card we used to use this delivery service that you'd pay for cookies you pay 60 bucks for just regular ass cookies yeah and when they drop them off they'd be like you want a free gift right adult man to adult man just a gift yeah just a free gift you know yeah well that would be the weird I love the idea that someone just had no idea about like the protocol and was like no i don't i don't need a gift a gift i don't know you weirdo fuck off i'm not gay get out of here you're fucking homo yeah it's like no you take the gift you

idiot yeah it's a gift yeah i insist right so that you used to do that but then prices on that uh yeah not ideal sure well they do deliver it right to your door so that's nice yeah they do that's true yeah and you get cookies and cookies you sort of a bit fat well when you're ordering you might have weed ice fucking smoke break those just boxes of cookies like piled up by the fucking front door i was just throwing them in a corner right and then if you're super high you're gonna eat those cookies yeah but there's a point of like diminishing returns like there's too many cookies for me to like comfortably eat i was just giving them away the concierge knew every time i come in i just walk past and just drop him off the cookies that's kind of nice though yeah no it's good for him yeah that works out um i wonder

if there was like a whole cycle though like eventually he's getting too many cookies and he has to like give them to his like uber driver you know right yeah there's basically a black market with cookies right building but like so fuck that ended up hayward gave me the info to get the card yeah so went and got the card yeah um that was an interesting process actually that's for a medical malady yeah it's a supposed medical malady yeah so he was just like just telling me you have insomnia i was like okay that's like that's doable yeah so yeah went to this like sort of very sketchy setup in basically in a port was an apartment building like the consultation room was the bedroom right with like a brass plaque saying dr weed that was basically like you're waiting in like

you know the living room right is the actual television is anyway yeah so and i'm there sitting there with like clearly some very sick people oh really like real like real like people that clearly needed it okay and then just clearly another couple of just complete fakers yeah and we're sort of looking at each other like this is so yeah so i went in to see the doc and uh dr weed yeah and so uh because i don't know what the real symptoms from insomnia are other than you can't sleep so i went in and i tried to like you know ham it up a bit and i was like oh do you mind if i don't face the uh the light you know my eyes are quite sensitive because of my insomnia and he was like uh oh that's strange i've never heard of that before i was like oh shit like oh for one there by milner and then dr weed you're a terrible

improviser by the way yes and bro funny you should mention that really we'll come back to that okay right so then he goes okay so what's wrong i've got the insomnia and he's like oh so do you ever get like like leg twitches and i was like no oh unless i should should i should i they're right around the corner and then it was sort of like an awkward pause and i was like oh yeah sometimes i'll get like leg twitches you know like you know when you're waking up from like a deep dream and like you're like like and then i was like but i don't dream so i would have to scratch that answer over too, for two. And then he's just like, what do you do? I was just like, I'm a comedian. And then he goes, oh, I took some improv classes.

Do you see improv? Oh, I was in the bag. That's pretty good. Yeah. So that was it. And then it was easy for an easy four to six weeks later. My card came. Right.

And now I can go to the dispensary. Well, he wasn't too good at improv it's like i don't know how those classes go no yeah he goes uh he gave me like info for a bit at the end he's like uh he goes yeah so now you can't uh own a gun um because you're a medical marijuana patient i was like uh okay and he goes but if you're an alcoholic you could you should write a joke about that. That's like his closing gambit. That's on the house.

Yeah. To the, to the appointment. I was like, okay, doc, never again. I'm great.

So yeah. So then I've got the card. So dispensary is really good. You got to go in. It's pretty militant, like pretty, like there's like metal doors and like, you have to get buzzed through like one door and then it has to like shut and then right like you can't go in the next one yeah that's got to open yeah that sort of stuff like jurassic park or something

like that yeah if yeah if in jurassic park instead of raptors just had really friendly old people that knew a lot about weed sure it's very accommodating and they do not want to leave there's strains probably called clever girl or like t-rex or something called mary and berry okay that was quite good yeah dc based name he's a political dinosaur yeah except i didn't think about that and i was just like thinking about the great british baking show so i was like oh mary berry has a has a weed yeah that was classic um but uh yeah and then I found out today they do deals. So I was just like, so what's the deals of the day? Like a package deal?

No, like just really cheap weed for like that week. Right. And I was like, okay, so what's the deal? And they're like, okay, so you can get AK-47 for $34.08. Jesus. Yeah. And like, what was the other one? Blueberry headband, $38.08..8 wow i was just like well yeah i'm

gonna have two eights of them and so ridiculous and uh so yeah so i've got actually i've got chem dog in my bag chem dog yeah that's a pretty good one that was the last one i got from the delivery service what is chem dog actually is a very good weed that is when you buy it medicinally it's really highly priced sure so you actually have to pay more weed that is, when you buy it medicinally, it's really highly priced. So you actually have to pay more per eighth for that if you're getting it at a dispensary than you would do if this idiot with the cookies just dropped off like wildly more expensive marijuana than you should have done. This idiot with the cookies, terrible business name, by the way. So anyway, I did that, went to, got my weed. And I'm always happy when i got my weed so

i'll just like so i'm walking and like you know just i was i was dressed well for the weather as well you know that feeling when you know you've gone out in the perfect amount of clothes you're prepared feels good smug is the word because i just like looking around at people that are underdressed you know those tiny little skull caps yeah like curled in you know like jogging vests so you're an idiot leggings you're an idiot because here's a thing i i hate is being the most overdressed person somewhere not like like smartly dressed but like for if it's like a sunny day yeah and like everyone's in a t-shirt and i'm there in a jacket right i feel weird yeah for example if there's overcast and i'm the only person wearing

sunglasses yeah i hate that that's too much don't like that take them off so when i'm adequately dressed for this for the elements i feel like i want so i was just walking around yeah um seeing nothing really a lot of people carrying their dogs today kit well i guess like tiny dogs like three people carrying yeah at that point that point, don't have a dog. You know what I mean? If you have to carry your dog, just have a kid. Yeah. Well, yeah, like this guy, this little guy, I can walk him,

but Karen wants to put a coat on him. I'm like, he's fine. He doesn't need a coat. Yeah, he's got long hair. Yeah, but she's like, but it's so cute. I mean, you shouldn't have a dog. Dogs shouldn't exist, A, that could be beaten up by cats, right. I think a lot of dogs could be beaten up by cats, though. Because once you get the nails involved...

Still, you're just talking for your dog here, aren't you? Well, I mean, a lot of dogs. You shouldn't have to carry a dog. In fact, you know what? I look at my dog and you know what I think? I'm resentful of the fact that he's not big enough for me to ride. You want him bigger. Yeah, I've got an 80-pound pit bull bull i don't think you can ride any dog no obviously not at its regular size like

a fucking idiot right walking around like flintstones with both my feet on each side no i'm talking about looking smug you could pull that off i've got it no he's got to be at least 10 times the size it's gonna be an 800 pound the size of a horse that I can just saddle him up and ride him to shows. What's with your complaints today? No, I'm not really complaining. I was just happy. It would just be funny to turn up

at the big hunt riding a pit bull the size of a fucking hippo. That'd be quite the entrance. I don't think anybody would fuck with you. Is that the Wild West? Yeah. Just string him up outside. To what?

Jimmy, water and feed the uh the horse put them out there at the watering hole just tie him to like a light post that gets pulled down you just flick him a hapenny and jimmy's just gone it's just like a pair of boots and a pile of blood right well done jimmy good job you've heard more to the uh well i uh yeah i had a thing with uh dc weed like a few weeks ago where I was walking down the street. What's DC Weed? Oh, right. As far as like getting weed down here.

And I was walking down the street, walking down 14th Street actually. And a guy was like, my man, you want a book? And I look over and the guy has just like a random book with a big bag of weed tape to it. Oh, wow. And I was like, is it a good book? Some type of book that puts you to sleep or and i just kept going i was just laughing because he would have sold you the book he would have sold me the book with a gift tape that's very entrepreneurial yeah and he was just right out in the sidewalk it was just like yeah you want a book that's like no i'm good for

right now the book cost books aren't cheap, though. He could have gone to a Goodwill and just grabbed... Why aren't books cheap? A lot of them are, I think. I mean, if you get some old ones. But I mean, a new book shouldn't cost more than a few cents. Yeah, and why do they cost more in Canada? You ever look at that?

Because the Canadian dollar is worth a different amount. Ah, that makes sense that's a good point but there's so much more is our dollar really that good that better i mean to canadian dollars yeah yeah your dollar is probably the best dollar out there i mean the only other countries that have dollars like unstable african nations yeah that's right the zimbabwean dollar which they can suck it you ever notice how much books are in Zimbabwe? Yeah. What's with that?

They just make books out of the money. This book's made out of a child soldier. Why is it so expensive? What's going on here? Who did this? I got to take my... How to invest. Step one. Running a child soldier army.

How to invest. All right. Well, so we actually recorded a podcast, Mr. Milner. We did. Last week. It was a solid six out of ten podcast. Wow. Yeah.

Because we used all the good riffs before we started. When we were making the couch, we were riffing like a couple of riff monsters. Let's set the scene for people. You were nice enough. You're the scene for people you were nice enough you were nice enough to uh to come up to the to baltimore we're in dc right now my girlfriend's apartment and not easy not an easy trip not what 16 dollar round trip yeah yeah i mean but i appreciate it that got lunch out of it though to be fair yeah i bought you lunch on the gate that yeah i bought you lunch but you also going to gate that. Yeah, I bought you lunch, but you also brought some drugs. I did buy... Not necessarily for me, but for the house.

For the house in general. Because no one actually smokes drugs. No one. No one. So, yeah. So, you came up... I'm so happy that I can now admit that I smoke weed. I'm legally allowed to smoke weed by the highest court in the land, in the capital of the greatest

nation in the world. Right. Right. Yeah. No one can stop me. You're in the belly in the capital of the the the greatest nation in the world right right yeah no one can stop you're in the belly of the beast i don't work for that stupid hotel anymore i don't need to be you don't work for anybody don't work for anyone besides you and god you and me you're a man of by the way i do need a job so uh if uh anyone's listening or hiring i did today i was like so how do you get into this just like looking into anything you know i was looking actually looking into mystery shopping hotels i want to go and have to like judge the old hotel that's interesting you'd be like the hacker the fbi hires you know what i mean you've seen the other side yeah yeah exactly there you go yeah i'd be one of the uh the which the hemsworth brothers you could fit right in absolutely

chris maybe maybe yeah he dies you just go right in which hemsworth brother should i be think about it uh there's just a really like ugly lame hemsworth brother they just keep locked in an attic like there's a third manning brother you know yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that guy. What does he do? What's his name? Who gives a fuck? Right. It is. It's probably his cult, isn't it? I don't know. Poindexter?

Manning. No one Manning. Yeah. Thanksgiving must be terrible. Just like, oh, these are my two Super Bowl MVP sons, and you. Yeah, exactly. You eat at the kids table. Who's going to pass the gravy?

Payton or Eli, don't touch the fucking shit. If we want something passed, we're going to go to the two Super Bowl winning. There's four rings between them. Okay, what have you got? All right. And in fact, if Peyton has to pee, I want him to pee in your hands. Okay? I don't want him getting up from the table.

Yeah, exactly. Even though that's traditionally Eli's job. But now he has two. Does he have two rings? He has two, right? He does. Yeah. He does.

He sneaked them. Well, we're all over the place but do you think it's gonna be giants patriots again this year uh i hope so that means i would have got to see like three giants pages uh no i don't really care to be honest really i've won my fantasy football league my my year is over i beat all the other comics the comic all of you listening you're champion. Just waiting for the delivery of my trophy. That's how I'm going to introduce you on the podcast.

Not comedian, just fantasy football. Champion Chris Milner. Champion, yeah. Chris Hemsworth. Yeah, champion Chris. They've got a very special guest. Chris Hemsworth. Dude, the numbers on your episode are going to be nuts. So where were we?

We were talking about... About everything. No, we were up in the pocket. We were doing up at yours. Go to all right so let's cut back to baltimore you came up for the day took the old train from dc right to hang out with you and roomie roomie room our con my roomie umi roomie and uh yeah i was uh yeah i just bought a house you're coming check that out come hang out for the day and uh i was i was joking and i was like hey i just got a couch from ikea you can help put it together and you're like fuck yeah those are

man legos yeah and i was like this guy this guy gets it easy so uh so it's like yeah the three of us will hang out we'll do a podcast and we'll put some shit together it'll be great we'll record a podcast on the thing we put together all those things did happen however a wild card was in the mix yeah a very strange wild card i don't want to say that every time i come to baltimore to do something with you and umar he always manages to ruin it but he's he's two and oh for ruining things i'm trying to do in your city right right um because he invites over this random girl who he's known for less than a month yeah to join us yeah for no reason that i can discern whatsoever i think okay so uh after getting to know her for the day she might have invited herself over i don't

know that wouldn't surprise me but either way it was it was okayed it made it it made it past several levels of review in the umar khan industries and she was somehow isn't umar's job meant to be what's knowing knowing what's best for people uh yeah constantly he just treads all over that in his own decisions he makes in his fucking life hey come on that's my roomie i know well that's number one on the list questionable decision what's he doing what is he doing no he's got a good thing uh um but no it is nice to be like hey so anyway my mortgage uh uh listen put the couch together basically without fanfare. Let's just call her... X, the X Factor. The X Factor comes over.

Because she is an X Factor because she's probably been the factor in a lot of Xs being created. That's a good one. Yeah. And no, that's very apt too because, yeah, so she came over and we're putting together the couch and it's like the middle of the day.

And people were like, well, let's have a beer. So we had like one beer. But it's not like a party vibe or anything. It's like we're just kind of chilling out. We ate some barbecue. We're going to have a beer and put together a fucking couch. Smoke a bowl. It was great.

Kind of lovely. Despite the fact there was no furniture on the couch that we were putting together, it was a lot of fun. It was. It was. Yeah, you crushed the coffee table anyway crushed the coffee table and it crushed it almost as hard as she crushed the podcast a solid no solid eight lagers or something so we're doing the weird like podcast we're like we should do the podcast you know we got we got we got umar they were like umar we're gonna do the podcast yeah but whoa is us only three mics wouldn't

you believe it wouldn't it how damn it there's four people there's three comedians three mics one mic per comedian you think that someone that works in a you know in an educational establishment would be able to do the math the basic math yeah but no so i go so the four of us start the podcast cut to signals being missed social cues being flounced speaking of bad improv it's just like i was like ah yeah i was trying to set the tone of like uh maybe you don't want to hang it's going to be boring to to the x factors like so we only have three mics too right and only three of us are funny yeah she goes uh or maybe like umar kareni goes oh it's all right we could share a mic and it's like oh yeah good in fact

that's exactly what happened yeah and then i i mean you just like looked at each other painstakingly for literally about 10 seconds right in front of them didn't pick up on that one either and i thought i was like all right well because she was being very cool in the beginning and then it was like as soon as like i was like it might be fine as long as she's like you know not involving herself when lindsey lohan turns up to a party at the beginning of the evening no i don't think so she's trouble out of everyone's like yeah she maybe she'd be right like maybe this is like before people knew lindsey had a problem you know and uh so yeah so she shows up at this uh the podcast recording comes in and uh has some

beers in tow and then i notice we're in trouble when she's like grabbing the mic out of umar's hand yeah like oh not only grabbing out of his hand but then holding it so far away from her face i don't think anything was being picked up it didn't yeah but simultaneously managed to tread on any momentum or hilarity that was like trying to bloom desperately trying to bloom in this arid desert of her just shitting all over anything that could potentially have like you know some funny elements it's a fair way to describe just getting right on my nerves yeah i was uh i was just exhausted from it where it was just it's one of those things where like i didn't even have the energy to combat it like i

knew i was like all right well this is we didn't need to i was doing a pretty good job i started off great job i started off being quite nice for me well yeah i mean you two were like kind of fucking with each other but then when she was just like off the rails we were talking about um just when people are like oh you're a comedian do a joke and she's like you know you guys really just sound like boohoo i'm a comedian it's so hard oh my god i didn't even think i didn't even remember that and i was just like oh cool like it was just like the conversation was flowing and then she's just like fuck you i think you should splice in at the end of this podcast maybe if you tune into the end because yeah because obviously this story has been very boring for anyone that wasn't there

so you're gonna want some sort of right payback on the back of this so yeah josh will go through the old recording and slice to splice together some best bits of how not to be a podcast guest. Oh, yeah. Complete change of tactic. And I think we need to talk about this. Yeah, let's get into it. Dan Ninen. Oh, today.

Because it's a DC DMV podcast. Yeah. You know, today's the day that it's all come out. Daily Beast did a big article. Yeah. He's been called out. He's disappeared off social media and on the internet.

He got rid of his website. Got rid of the website and is going, the cone of silence has descended on Camp Ninan. Well, I'm sure he's in his mansion. He's a millionaire. Yeah, he's probably sitting in his Tesla

listening to Phil Collins in the air tonight. Just like air drumming whilst crying. He can Phil Collins in the air tonight. Just like air drumming whilst crying. He can feel it in the air tonight. Wow, though. So, what... Did you ever meet him? Have you got a Dan story? I don't.

I've never met him. I've never met him. I met him once at Topaz. He did Topaz and Jason Nunez was hosting and brought him up to the typical fanfare. This guy's done comedy for the president. Yeah. And he went and did the same set he's been doing for however long he's been doing it right so he was uh so dc comedian he was at philo's recently what is what is that oh it's a show on it's a show oh it's just like an open mic show okay there's a lot of loud music coming from

dude the neighbors here are nuts i've it's it nuts. I can hear every lyric of that song. Oh, yeah. No, I think they take their speakers and they aim them at the wall. The best part is, so those two, they fight like crazy. So the people next door here, just a lot of yelling. And the other day, I actually put my ear up to the wall to actually, because I could always hear bits and pieces. But i was like i want to know exactly what i just put my ear up to a cup on the wall i did do the small hole that i had drilled and placed the

directional microphone just a little bit yeah the lives of others starring josh kaderna i'm working up a little bit of a ladder i got perisc Periscope going. And I hear this woman. She's yelling at her boyfriend. And I can't hear him at all. And she's like, and I was. This is after. This is the crescendo of her tirade. She's like, and I was almost murdered on my birthday.

And you have yet to apologize. It's like, what? What happened? What could the backstory possibly be? Was he going gonna did he he put a hit out on her together no one can overcome a birthday murdering attempt well you know maybe he was like oh you just drive me so crazy i love you so much i had to murder you you know i had to put out a hit on your birthday don't you get it uh so i have no idea but occasionally i'll hear like little bits and pieces and like i think that guy was like cheating on her too like um based on your

based on the trams transcripts from your audio recording yeah exactly i'm going over the transcripts now you know i got some people out in the field. Just like a small Asian person listening. But no, you could just hear them. They're so loud. I mean, you can hear the fucking music. Like imagine people yelling. One time a woman showed up here and was like, I guess she was dating that guy or whatever. And she showed up and the other chick was in there and she's like, that's mine.

This is my stuff. This is mine. This is mine. And she's like, that's mine. This is my stuff. This is mine. This is mine. And she's like, oh, you stabbed me. You stabbed me. What? And apparently what happened was she was grabbing stuff, and I think the woman had a knife or something like that, and the woman grabbed the knife and then was like, you stabbed me.

And there was blood in the hallway and shit. They're fucking nuts over there. Wow. Yeah. Good times. me and like there's like blood in the hallway and shit like they're fucking nuts over there so wow yeah good times um which i've never had like well maybe yeah i remember one time in baltimore my neighbors were um it's like the middle of the night they were having a party and then like all day they were partying and then in the middle of the night i wake up to this guy screaming at his girlfriend i guess like she kissed somebody else at the party and he's just out in the street he's like you fucking bitch fuck you hello fuck you you know what this is bullshit i should have known because the only time you suck my dick is when you want money

oh wow yeah and these are like people we shared like a deck with and stuff so the next day like hey how are you fun party oh wow how lovely yeah but uh luckily my new spot in baltimore i haven't had any trouble no any trouble actually they uh they turned off our water uh to like fix some pipes or something like that the other night. And I was coming back from D.C., I think, and I was getting out of my car, and I saw all the city trucks working on stuff, and neighbors were outside. And they were talking to each other. And I'm like, yeah, they shut off the water.

I wish they would have told me, too. I can't go to bed until I take my night shower. It's like, what? What? My night shower it's like what what my night shower i mean i they shut our water off the other day and they gave us fair warning they didn't know they said they gave us fair warning they sent a load of emails but it still took me by surprise i didn't think about it i was like fully naked right in the shower turned it on you know and just watched it just you know start strong yeah and just dribble out die i'd

completely forgot i was early so i was just like cursing i was like drafting an email to the thing i was like i'm gonna look like a right idiot here right right right no fuck that uh to wash i need to heat my back muscles otherwise i'll die i've got the worst oh yeah what's up with your back it's just a fucking i'm tall i've got tall man back syndrome you see it on everyone that's what they got it dylan's got it now i went to the chiropractor literally yesterday it was it was it was pretty intense i i would recommend it to anyone that has back problems so yeah where they like work it out and it hurts at the time but then it's supposed to get better no yeah in theory yeah the body's supposed to heal itself that's what

chiropractor is but i had to watch like a video before they treat me i basically say hey we're not doctors and we're gonna fuck with you are you ready let's go we're not legally responsible they're like just leave the door open when you're done with the video i think it's like and you can either stay or go at that point, I think the implication is. Right. But she, like, said I was really tense. So she put a load of, like, electrical pulse, like, vibrator pads on my back. Uh-huh. That were, like, feeding little electrical shots to make it relax. Damn.

And then at the same time, she was putting me on this, like like electrical rack, basically. Like medieval rack that I was like clinging to these like handlebars, my face and like a massage chair like thing. But then my ankles were like strapped to the other end. And then like the table like slowly like lengthened. Whoa. While you have these things on your back? My spine just like getting getting pulled out i'm

just like oh my god this is the greatest feeling in the whole world oh it felt good yeah it felt great it sounds terrible great no it felt wonderful but wonderful it's like if you think about how your spine has just supported the weight of your bullshit body all your life okay i don't have a bullshit body i have like all of our bullshit bodies never gets any rest the spine oh yeah and then and then like you just stretch it out it's like it went on a little vacation really yeah a little spine holiday and then she came and then she came back in spine holiday she came back in 20 minutes i was so relaxed yeah and she's like and take a big breath in and a big breath out and then as i press out she just starts like

cracking my fucking back amazingly good but weird and painful but i'm kind of got a boner at the same time like oh it was great and one of those things too where the sound would just scare you even though it feels good it's just like you're trying to wrap that around your brain. Yeah, she goes, don't worry about the pops. It's just gas in your joints. I was like, what? Are you talking about, woman?

That doesn't sound medically sound at all. No. Also, who knew you had gas in your joints? She's flipping me around and getting me to put my legs up and then cracking. And then she goes, oh, you've got to come back on Friday. I want to do more work on you. I'm like, fuck yeah, I'll come back on Friday. People, like $40 copay.

I felt like I was robbing her blind. Not bad. Maybe I'll go to the chiropractor. Yeah, definitely. But it seems like the chiropractor, they know what they're doing. Like, it sounds like you actually have something wrong with you that you need treated, like, for your back. But I don't. And I'm afraid that if I go, they're going to make me essentially addicted to it.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I don't want to start down that path yeah do you want to do you want to do you want to just put your toe in the water a little go onto youtube right i went on this amazing wormhole where you can find this this australian chiropractor just type into youtube like miracle australian chiropractor indian boy as i normally do right you know it's a standard porn search for a lot of people and it's it's this like great great great video crazy inspirational story about how this like uh indian teenager was like pulling out a tree stump and like hurt his back and i was like hunched over and um just like it goes through him working with this chiropractor and ends up getting him to

stand up and walk straight again wow and it's like really addictive to watch him this chiropractor just basically like just doing like one inch punches to like the spine of someone and like completely like reshaping it and the guy's just like oh and he's like oh my god they feel so good the next day he's like three inches taller he goes back and it's like the chiropractor goes what the hell smashes him again and he's like oh it's great just as a spinning heel kick to the spine he's like i'm helping i'm right so so why are they not doctors well because chiropractic um medicine isn't technically medicine because like doctors are medically trained right in medicine chiropractors are trained in chiropractic healing gotcha so even though they're doctors they're not

medical doctors so a lot of people can get put off by that right okay so they have some type of degree yeah of course they're not just yeah they they have a great understanding i mean but that's the thing you've got to get a good one so i would always find a chiropractor on a recommendation interesting okay um yeah have you ever done acupuncture that's another thing i want to do that i think that's covered in my health insurance yeah and that's something if you've ever got pain like if you twist your ankle or something yeah or like sprain anything yeah you've got like get acupuncture seriously i did it once when once when I tore all the ligaments in my foot when I was playing rugby when I was in high school. And at the time, I had free insurance because I was doing track and field.

Yeah. Anyway, regardless, got transferred to an acupuncturist. And the guy stuck four I went in on crutches yeah couldn't walk couldn't put any weight

on my leg and he put four needles into one like into my calf one into my Achilles tendon one down between the bones

in my foot uh huh that was it actually it was only three and left them in for like ten minutes took them out and I could fucking walk it was the three and uh left them in for like 10 minutes took them out

and i could fucking walk it was the closest thing to a miracle i've ever seen which is three needles three needles fucking three needles 10 minutes do they hurt not really it's kind of like a pinch not even as bad as a shot right less than a shot gotcha they go in far it's not just in like like centimeter they're in like a solid few inches into like your muscle i'm weird about needles between bones and stuff like giving blood i hate that right i can't give blood because i had i've had undocumented tattoos oh yeah prison prison time yeah well you're an immigrant too so you can keep that stuff we like our we like our blood clean yeah we like our blood clean no clean. No gays can give blood in this country. Ridiculous law. Well, immigrants, gays, people that

are below me, essentially. I just had to go and have all my medical for my green card. For America? How's that going? You gonna get your green card? Yeah, according to your government I'm healthy, so already I'm suspicious of how stringent these tests are. Well, the Senate repealed Obamacare today, so that's good.

Oh, really? I'm so glad i've got the receipt of my documents getting in while obama was still in office it's fucking nuts so no trump green card um okay i don't want to talk about that let's talk about nine and again yeah we got to get back to nine right so nine and tell the tell the people who nine and is okay a lot of people will know this um if you are in any way sort of follow the comedy world. And so for those people, I apologize because you probably heard it to death by now. Maybe. But there is a comedian called Dan Ninen who is, without argument, 55 years old.

Yeah. If you talk to anyone except him. According to him, he is like eight or something he's like regarded like in different articles he always says he's somewhere between 25 and 35 yeah solid liar complete sociopath yeah obviously um has an ongoing vendetta with amongst other people friends and colleagues of ours such as as Rob Mayer, Joe Robinson, Nick Mullen, JL Covan, who I don't personally know,

but he would send them like constant emails, letting them know how well he was doing and how much money he was making and how much of a dick they all were for not being successful. He tried to bribe Marin to go on his podcast. Marin called him out. He stole Russell Peters' website and he stole a load of his bookings.

So what he did for Russell Peters was, I think he made the website russellpeter.com or something like that? Or it was with one L or something. Something like that, yeah. It was a very negligible difference. And the only other difference was the contact phone number, which was Dan's cell phone. And he would take bookings

for gigs that russell peters probably wouldn't have done anyway um and he would sort of hoodwink whoever wanted to put russell peters into booking down because he's like you know russell peter's gonna cost you whatever it is 50 grand and you know i'll do it for five and he would lie and be like yeah i'm his opener and he's actually booked but i would do it and you want to know an interesting thing? Side story that, regardless of what you read online, is a personal Dan Nyland story that I told Rob Mayer about when I found out. But the hotel I used to work for did a lot of Indian weddings.

And I worked with this Indian wedding planner who did a lot of the wedding planning. And I said to him, have you ever heard of Dan Nyland? And he just stopped dead, looked at me, and was like, I booked that guy one time to do a wedding for like 500 people the guy bombed so hard he had to get escorted off the stage by security he got his mic cut and as he was getting dragged off he was just screaming at the bride and groom about how dare they take him off the stage and caused like a huge scene holy after like yeah bombing for like 10 minutes straight jesus yeah it's amazing and as soon as i heard that i called robber so like this

is insane yeah well that's that's the thing about this guy like so he's not funny like there is footage of it like he's just very like milquetoast like he prides himself on being clean and all this he's clean but he does hacky racial racial comedy because he's half indian and half japanese right right but so that was my very dated references he hasn't updated his act for a long time so but he does hacky racial racial comedy because he's half indian and half japanese right right but so that's my very dated references he hasn't updated his act for a long time so the criticism that comes at him is actually pretty you know other than the fact you're lying about your age just like your comedy's dated and hack yeah you know you you spout all this rhetoric about how great you are not having watching porn or having you know like

drinking or doing drugs and how much of an idiot anyone that does it does that which means he does both for sure oh man he's just such a knob oh well uh another story this isn't like no so then oh yeah so then the robert schimmel thing he used to, like, call clubs where Robert Schimmel was performing and trick the club owners into booking him as the opener. Because he would say, hey, I'm... What did he say? Like, hey. Yeah, he'd be like, oh, you know, I'm trying to find info about,

you know, Schimmel's opener. What's the hotel he's staying at? And they're just like, what are you talking about? He hasn't got it. Oh, yeah, you're wrong. He's Dan Ninen. He's the opener opener you've got to fucking get him a hotel and meanwhile it's dan nine and speaking yes i am uh dan's rep um man dine in yeah exactly um so but then after shimmel died he would like he was a piece of shit and he would like email his brother shimmel's brother saying what a piece of shit shimmel was yeah like and then like just weird stuff like a normal person

would never think of like like that stuff like i can see there's a video online of him rollerblading backwards down the stairs at the washington monument that is incredible just reposted on his twitter account that is incredible it's fantastic. Do you know Omar Shocket? Yeah. Yeah. Omar was going to make a website, and he went wherever GoDaddy or whatever he was using, he was going to register omarshocket.com, and it was like, oh, this is unavailable. And he's like, what?

There's another Omar Shocket? Like, his last name's really specific. And then he sees who bought it and it's dan ninen wow like dan would do that shit like he's like i don't i've never even met this dan ninen guy but dan probably saw his name you know like topaz or something like that and was like crazy i'm gonna buy the website so he would do that hoping that he could like squat on these and then get paid for them and you're like who the fuck are you like andy klein as well was someone that bore the brunt of nine and ross for a little bit oh really yeah because so dan yeah

he has this like mass email where he'll like send it to like a bunch of comics of like how well he's doing and stuff and like like i'm on a plane yeah exactly i'm on a plane i'm sitting at the train station waiting room yeah yeah like also like like it's not like i can book a first class ticket or like you know what i mean like yeah i mean whatever i mean he's he's basically and then eventually it came to and like so these guys have been have this constant campaign to try and discredit the lies that you know fairly discredit the lies that nine and sort of like reporting all over the place right and then it sort of came to a head when patrick melton had him on his podcast nobody likes onions yeah and it was called questions and dancers and if you get the chance to watch it you really should it's like

four hours long though yeah i watched it for the second time on the way driving back from go bananas with um norman yoki who had never heard of him and i was just like i can't be bothered to explain it i'm just gonna put this podcast on and they were just like enraptured the whole way yeah so that's the best way to get the whole if you want the whole dan nyan story watch just watch that podcast and then he gets put in forbes he gets put in the new york times as this millennial like recently in the last like what like two months the best part was that the headline was like uh what are they called like millionaire millennial comedian yeah like says who like even 9-11 ninen who like what what are you talking i mean he also

doesn't even follow his own he doesn't keep track of his own lies like no he'll tell one publication he's like oh yeah 9 11 i was 18 years old right and like this a different time he'll be like yeah i was like and he brought all his twitter followers and then people were like why don't you have any likes so he just started buying people to like his tweets now so now he'll be like uh just arrived at the train station 104 retweets like why would anyone retweet that there's no way this is any way real you're like hell yeah dude and uh and so they pulled all the articles so they pulled the forbes one they pulled this and then daily beast today just released the big yeah you know yeah the article

i think went viral it's in twitter moments still yeah the the title was great it was uh what did it say your favorite millennial comic is 55 it's like yeah also when you look at him he looks 55 oh dude i just tweeted um uh actually dan ninen has the benjamin button syndrome and you're all being really mean yeah it's pretty fucked up actually he has a condition you guys okay so that's not cool not cool like how does like how does anybody buy into this stuff i don't know but here's the thing i just think his whole audience and the only reason he's had any success is he just targets people that know nothing about comedy right it's like people that are booking corporate gig

comedians yeah they're going to be wowed by your credits you know because if he goes oh i've performed for obama you know which i don't think is technically a lie but you know i think he's in the crowd at a convention maybe right but it's not like not like obama was like you know what yeah the and my final last hurrah victory on a lap around the white house i'm gonna have a series of excellent open mic comedy shows and he opened didn't he open to try to open a clean comedy club in bethesda maryland did he really i believe it yeah talk about one place that is in not in need of a clean comedy club anywhere um but clean as in like recycling environmentally clean as well as clean jokes so you had to like ride a bike there right you know oh of course the most stupid idea

you have to keep it clean ever been oh yeah yeah you have to like you have to compost your own feces while you're there or they're gonna kick you out for sure also like you don't get a mic you just get a big cone of recycled cardboard that's how you have a little handle card handle on it it's just a hole in the ground uh but yeah like obama it's so funny to say like yeah i perform for obama i'm one of his favorite comedians like obama likes kendrick lamar the wire and dan nyan i don't think so like what the fuck are you talking about like it's not even believable like yeah oh jesus christ so i can't wait to end up on his email thread now. I think if this goes out. Oh, I think it's too big now.

It's too big. Everyone is talking about this right now. Do you think he kills himself? What's the move? He either kills himself or everyone on his kill list. Okay. So that's honestly like, that's Rob. I texted Rob.

I was like, oh, you've got your vindication. He's like, yeah, until he kills us all. Right. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty apt. Yeah, that's the thing where it's like he is nuts yeah he's not only steve buscemi dressed up as a kid going hello fellow students hello fellow young people he's also steve buscemi writing the kill list in what the fuck what was the movie yeah he's just yeah instead he's just adding names all the time like i i yeah even in the daily beast article they're like they're like what's the big deal you have a ton of money

just say you're 55 like there's no way he has a ton of money i don't think he does have a ton of money how could he like that's the thing like you can fool him once but it's not like he gets rebooked you know what i mean it's not like he's upgrading his tesla every year no or even like you can rent a tesla sure it's like so you took a picture because you rented a tesla great oh that'd be so funny of course there's oh dude there's just no way but like it just shows in comedy too like the fucking weirdos you meet man oh yeah definitely who's who's like the like the hackiest guy you've ever worked with um present company accepted yeah besides me hacky like uh like on a book show

or maybe i'll extend it to open mics i can tell you one guy i worked with at the harrisburg comedy zone i can tell you that i mean yeah i can tell you one person right off the top of my head but i mean it's mean of me to say it okay if we know him don't say yes we know him of course we know okay all right never mind the guy the guy i'm talking about we don't know he who's that guy he is like uh um he's like a carnival cruise comic so um i just so like he had um really nice guy of course like night or super nice guy but sociopathic nice no to do the same act over and over again on a cruise that's got to be pretty fucking yeah but to him it's like saying us we do the same right yeah just because we're on land we're like yeah what a piece of shit uh but no so this guy can gamble in one deck blackjack and fucking kill a man and yeah what

a piece of shit uh so uh this guy um he went on stage and uh like i think he opened with like a bit about cops he's like who's a cop and nobody made any noise like good fuck those people let's drink so it's like a thing of like, yeah. Like, he's trying to be like, you know, engage the crowd and be the everyman. Whilst also coming across as the worst undercover police officer ever. Yeah, right. Anybody? Huh?

Who likes marijuana cigarettes? Who? Who's drinking underage? Raise your hand. Clearly. I'm so squinting at you. Very high. Write your names down.

Stand up. Everyone guys on the left. I was on the right. Let's see. All right. Let's line up by size. So and then like he would do a I mean party. He would do a bit and then he had like a like a little toy button that was like from like

Spencer's or something like this novelty button. And if you pressed it it goes uh that was stupid so he had like a joke bomb and he grabbed this thing and then he pressed that into the mic and then that gets no reaction too because the crowd's like yeah that was stupid that was worse and you're like oh what is happening oh i i actually do remember i remember and i'm very happy to talk about him because i can't remember his name but you're probably it was a show i did with twighty definitely in maryland sure right and the headliner was this comedian magician

right already in trouble right so he was uh he was like do he was like juggling and stuff. And like, you know, his sort of jokes. He had one joke about like, what's the guy that has his dick cut off? Bobbitt? Oh, John Bobbitt. John Wayne Bobbitt or whatever his name is. Yeah. So long ago. I can't even remember.

God, that was like last 1992. Lorena Bobbitt. There you go. Lorena Bobbitt. Yeah. Right, exactly. very topical i mean god what that was like last 1992 there you go yeah right exactly so that's like his current a material is like lorena bobbitt jokes and that was seriously like 1992 so hard and me and twice you just got up and done pretty well so it's a good crowd good crowd um you know thin crowd you know very sort of no one was there no one definitely no one was there for the comedy and the only reason you would have been there anyway was if your life had just run out of

options it was one of those sort of places like why would anyone choose to come here unless they were being forced to right the bar is called end of your rope yeah in fact the bar was three separate rooms that for some reason weren't separated by walls they were separated by just big panes of glass like they'd be like they'd be like a bit of wall and then they'd just be like these long windows so you could see into the different areas of the bar it's like what is the point is just see if anyone else is having as bad a time as you and you're like oh yep yep they are as well they are in there too right like it's a misery zoo awful right so yeah exactly and headlining the misery zoo was this was this this comedian

me and twice sitting there just like what the fuck is going on right while he's juggling with swords oh no juggling with swords yeah then accidentally drops the sword and one of these swords lands point down handle up directly in the top of the monitor speaker on the angle of the speaker the speaker's on an angle it landed on the thing right stuck in directly up right and the crowd went wild it had been just solid bombing the whole time then all of a sudden this like juggling thing goes wrong the sword goes up in the air there's like this gasp it's like slow-mo just sticks in the thing you go and there up in the air there's like this gasp it's like slow-mo just sticks in the thing you go and there's just silence and everyone's like

and he refused to close on that if i'm there and i'm bummering that hard i'm like that is it i am off i'm leaving that sword there i'm getting my car and i'm getting the fuck i don't even say anything into the mic i just point to the sword and then wave i'm out of there i've been practicing this all week you thought i'd fucked up the sword drilling trick and in fact it was the greatest closer of all time i knew what i was doing i'm out see you later that's what i know he was like i have new momentum to my bobbit material now i got plowed on for another 20 minutes it's just like dude fuck off another 20 after the sword like it was like a third of the way through you're not following the sword no also you couldn't do that again if you tried a thousand times which i'm sure

he did oh yeah i remember the greatest show i had yeah i'll tell you yeah so luck is the residue of design i wish you were talking about i wish you would have said that into the mic. They're like, kill him! So was the Bobbitt material, was that a segue for the swords? No, I don't think. Oh, maybe actually. No, I don't think he was that talented. Okay.

I think it was just like, and now swords. Okay. There wasn't like any cohesive arc in his set. I don't know why I asked. And now I'm going to throw a load of cards everywhere and now hanky's out of my sleep now this the fuck yeah that was that was the hackiest oh my god yeah that was great actually that is i'm gonna call david and remind actually i'll just tell him to listen to this and remind him because i bet he's forgotten about that jesus christ uh yeah it is those nights

too where you're like this couldn't happen in any other thing but comedy and you're like what am i doing and you're looking around thinking if only there were more people here right now if this had been a stadium yeah that would have been the greatest showbiz moment that anyone could have dreamed of and i would have been like i would have opened for it yeah absolutely absolutely but the guy i was working with like essentially like there's guys that just become like t-shirt salesmen because he yeah so his merch um was a t-shirt that he held up to the crowd where it was like two rows of uh of of words but it looked like they were cut in half and then dots in the middle and like so it just

looked kind of like gibberish and he's like yeah so if you can buy one of these shirts after the show and if anybody's uh giving you some flack just tell him to connect the dots and then he connects the dots on the t-shirt and says fuck you oh great and it but it doesn't even have anything to do with his act it's not like he like closed on he's like and i told him to connect the dots at least his album title yeah anything anything so in fact there's no other phrase that you could literally insert anywhere into anything and it would be absolutely fine right right it was it was just so strange to be like all right now i'm gonna take a break and then you're a t-shirt sale like i doubt even came up with that you know what i mean you probably bought like 500 from hot topic yeah exactly like what and it's stuff like that you're like man comedy

all the old t-shirts from the losing super bowl teams check out check out my new fucking bit about the uh 2014 denver broncos right you You ever think, what if they won? Buy a shirt. I don't even know if that is the person. That might be the person. 14? No, maybe I'm wrong. Because they won last year.

Yeah, maybe they lost to Seattle. I'm right. So they lost the, yeah, yeah. I was right. Yeah, well done. Nailed it.

That's why I'm the champion, Josh. That's why you don't win fantasy football against 13 people that barely try you are the champion of the shoehorn too that was well done you know you brought it right back to your fantasy football yeah well done um i was also gonna say i was and that was completely off the cuff i had planned to bring it around again by mentioning that that's initially what set off

nine and joe robinson as joe was Joe was like why selling much when you're hosting oh when you're hosting a show in the basement of a hotel and he's setting up his merch outside if you enjoyed my six-minute host set yeah get my DVD and my book and that's like yes basically like that nine I don't know if you you watch Alan Partridge Steve Coogan yeah basically alan partridge if you think about his book is bouncing back by dan nine and you know he's there driving the tesla's the japanese mercedes right his name is literally dan dan you know you can just imagine him doing all the alan partridge fucking things it's just my driving Driving gloves? Yeah. Where are your driving gloves?

Jet from Gladiators to host a Millennium Bar Dance at Yeovil Aerodrome. Properly policed. It must not, I repeat, not turn into an all-night rave. Headliner Dan Ninen. Headliner, 55-year-old millennial millionaire Dan Ninen millennial man 9 11 9 dan 7 9 11

dan i get my sushi from 7 9 11 9 my parents are that is a fantastic nickname oh that is pretty good i like millionaire millennial too that that might be uh bites on the nickname jamel gives me oh what does he get What's yours He just Just millionaire I never thought about it He just puns on my last name

Not even a pun I'm not Milnerer Milnerer Millionaire Who wants to be a milnerer No one I do

No one would be on that game show I would love to Even my family Even your family Come on No they want to be milners Some of them Some of them

Apart from the Apart from the Well no they could have never been Milners anyway. But there was, on my mom's side, an originally born British uncle of mine decided to defect to Wales and become Welsh and learn Welsh and sends me checks in Welsh. And I'm like, what does this mean? And he's like, oh, $5. He Welched on your family. He did.

Wow. He Welched on his, yeah, we call him judas traitor okay to his face behind his back he's like the welcher it's pretty on the nose welcher the welsh welcher i like that one yeah i think uh jamelle just calls me caderns uh which which i'll take i like that i when i was out in la i love oh did we i love i think he just left yeah i love that guy though such a sweetheart um all right so we got a few minutes here let's uh okay quick question time yeah quick lightning round all right do you prefer yeah go you do me okay boxers or briefs oh i thought you meant the actual physical pugilists um boxers yeah as well and the dogs. Don't like underwear or legal documentation. Least favorite race?

400 meters because you've got to split. You want a racist? Okay, Jews as well. If I catch a Jew running that race, you better look out, pal. You better look out. No, let's just bait and switch

now i like you let's let's just talk about whatever that was pretty good that was some pretty good fun what about you whiskey or vodka whiskey or vodka uh i'd probably go whiskey i guess i drink more beer than anything it's a terrible riff it's well okay let's try it again all right you mean you yeah knife or fork you know i prefer whiskey i'm more of a beer guy i don't i don't know i don't know how you're giving people awful did like like either or but it's like left or right like there's no better answer uh-huh oh i don't know right maybe is that right oh no you would have thought it would have been given the way that it's spelt and pronounced. But in fact, we were looking for love.

And you'll never be a Milner-er. Sorry, you're off the game show. You'll never be the millennial Milner-er. You're just like going, for one Milner. It's just like one of my family members. Up or down? I found a friend. Is it up or down? I'd a friend. Is it up or down?

I'd have to go with up. Is that your final answer? You want my cousin. It's supposed to be down. Get out of here. Get out of here. Name a dog. Alsatian.

Oh, we're looking for Labrador. We're looking for Lassie. We're looking for 800-pound pit bull. Brought that one around. Bringing it back. That's why I'm a good podcast guest. You're good for 800-pound pitbull. Brought that one around. Bringing it back. Bringing it back. That's why I'm a good podcast guest, Josh. You're good.

Yeah, you loop it back. You loop it back. I do miss finazzo, but we've got an air filter sort of sitting there staring at us. And it does oscillate, too. It does. So we could act like it's involved. If it spoke, it was like... Was that a finazzo impression?

That's kind of how Fiannazzo speaks. That was pretty good. Sleep apnea mask on. I love that Fiannazzo. I love him and I wish I could see him. And I kind of wanted to get him on specific ignorance. And then he was like, I can't do it, buddy. You got to get him on there.

He's getting back into the comedy game. Really? Well, I mean, he quit. Well, he didn't quit, but he just scaled it back when he was doing his movie. But now he's like. Oh, he did. He said he wanted to speak to me about a role. Interesting.

I'm guessing it'll be an angry British person because that seems to be the only typecasting. I'm already getting typecast. I'm not even a professional actor. I'm already typecast as a character. God, life's hard for you, man. Look at you. You're not even acting yet and you're getting typecast? I know.

I'm sorry, buddy. Do you want to know something as well? You remember the first time we did this podcast? I wish we had more time, no i don't i was like uh yeah i want the want the show to do well yeah and the show did well oh yeah in between those two podcasts specific ignorance yeah talk about it got signed whoa fuck yeah i want to know about this this uh distribution distribution deal the distribution deal is, there is currently a team of Canadians. You have a team of Canadians.

In the third biggest town in the state of Pashenukuk or something. Oh yeah, I'm familiar with Pashenukuk. Hey, do me a favor. Ask them why their books are so expensive up there. Yeah, I know. Can we get to the bottom of this? Well, yeah, I know.

That's a good question. Hopefully, they won't pay me in Canadian dollars if if they do sell the show but yeah they're putting together a pitch book and they're trying to pitch the show to broadcasting networks uh in the states or in canada all over the world they've got international reach which is in a way not ideal because technically i've signed over rights to them until may they wanted to have it for like 18 months i was like no way you'll sit on it so right negotiated that to may uh and so technically yeah they own the concept but with me as the host so they could reach out to anyone so if a tv company in you know fucking bahrain was like oh yeah we love this concept and we're willing to buy it and whatever. You can be on Bahrain Channel 908

at like four in the morning. I have to go and do the show. Jesus Christ. That would be a great documentary though. Yeah, fine. You can come record the documentary and be going and do the show. I would do that.

That would be amazing. Yeah, it doesn't Bahrain, it Bah-paws. Wow, title too. You're on fire. So that could happen. But they've also got market. They've got netflix and stuff as well but um right right but like if you get too big you can always bar rain it in so boom yeah we'd moved on yeah it was good it was worth it i was trying um but here's the cool thing uh-huh um and i can't actually talk about that oh yeah i'll talk about it off

the air you're going hollywood i'll talk about it off the air you're going hollywood i'll talk about it off the air to you because it's an important thing but i actually like i actually can't talk about it but interesting but bottom line is yeah it's probably going uh hollywood or whatever the equivalent of canada canadian hollywood is canadian hollywood saskatchewan wood what saskatchewood what how would you how would a canadian pronounce hollywood hollywood hollywood hollywood is it because they say hoose instead of house right right hollywood hollywood hollywood i'm gonna do hollywood so is this my best jim carrey impression i'm gonna go hollywood man that's pretty good pretty good uh okay so yeah so your show it's like uh for for those that uh maybe

didn't hear the first episode it's like it's like a trivia game of where you're the host and then there's three comics and they each pick a topic and then the audience tries to stump them in said uh topic correct now exactly right now do you what is that like with with airing it and as far as getting on tv because usually booze is involved in this show in that if the crowd gets it right they get a free shot yeah that's true but i mean that can be you can you can like sub that in for anything there's money or something yeah it could be money it could be a different thing each time you know i mean it could be a mystery prize every time you could win 500 bucks you could win an apple that's had a bite taken out of it i think that would be quite funny

actually yeah um yeah and uh and they they want to do it as a roadshow, so they want to film it in different cities. All over Bahrain. Yeah, no. In an ideal world, if it doesn't get picked up by Bahrainian TV. God, what if you become a Bahrainian celebrity? Like, you roll Bahrainian late night? You have the chance to make millions of Bahrainian dollars.

Yeah. The third best dollar after the US and Zimbabwean dollar. just growing out your beard oh god i was tanning up i would love it hello friends and welcome to a specific i'm chris miller who wants to be a millionaire basically the guy from slam dog millionaire yes exactly yeah be that guy yeah um slick back hair for sure so okay so okay so you can just replace that with anything and they're shopping it around which is fucking so exciting it is exciting and it's nice to not be involved so all i've got to do is basically keep up appearances on the show yeah until it until something happens so i've got one booked for saturday the 28th, first ever Saturday show,

first and only actually, just because the venue was going through some stuff. But Saturday show, the 28th. January 28th. January 28th, Lafayette Wright,

Comedy Central's own. Marty Litwack, favorite of the show and Mikey Larrick. It's a great lineup. Fancy football loser. And that is where? Beer Baron? That's going to be at Beer Baron a beer baron yeah nice and then i got one up in new york lineup unconfirmed yet but cool do you have a website for this or is it just a chris millner comedy.com nice you can go to all

the specific ignorant stuff on there fantastic yeah actually it's a good new website it looks quite nice yeah you've seen it did you check it out uh i think so maybe i haven't seen the new one who's who's who's the picture of uh it it's the president of bahrain clearly that's your boy you're right it was me yeah i knew it i you're gonna run for president yeah you never know how well the show goes trump did it that's right i could be the new trump i could be the bahrainian trump i start off with fucking specific ignorance. I get celebrity apprentice, you know, then miss world Bahrain. Very easy competition to judge. Just burkas.

Right. Yeah. It's just like best burka of Bahrain, basically. Triple B. And then, you know, I run on a platform of Sharia law and I win. And then you can import your wife from America. Kind of like a flip of what Trump did that'd be fun

there you go yeah I like that wow it almost plays out too easily doesn't it yeah I think we just plotted out

your future not bad not bad I'm sorry my future if I I was talking

do you know what I would do if I could have any job did I tell you about this last time no if you could have any job what would it be

any job from past or not future because I don't exist but any job present or past oh i'm trying to think uh i'm in a tough spot uh the real answer i would say is like something creative but i can't like anything involved maybe like writing music whatever like filming sketches something like that that that's my honest answer besides like porn you chief torturer back when you could torture okay medieval time chief torture the guy that could come up with different ways to torture people and then got to practice because everyone was getting tortured right that would be my ideal job why why not you get to sit around thinking of ways best to inflict pain on people that have annoyed you don't you kind of do that already yes exactly but that way i'd get paid for

it and be like esteemed uh esteemed yeah did you know during the uh second world war um they were like um there was a an executioner for um, allied troops that raped or murdered the civilians of the countries that we were supposed to be defending. I believe it. And there was one guy who had the job the whole way through the war from like Georgia.

Right. Right. Wasn't even an executioner by trade. Just said, I used to do it in Georgia. And they gave him the job and he fucked up so many executions. No one gave a shit. No one else wanted the else wanted the job no this guy just botched this drunk georgian was just

botching hangings well back in the day i mean all of these couldn't prove anything great honorable troops that were allegedly raping women in improv class we don't know what they were wearing you know we don't know yeah when i'm king of bahrain yeah dream job i guess be your chief of staff in bahrain that probably is a job chief torture still in bahrain probably somewhere all right well yeah i i don't think i would want to do that but you know just put me in your cabinet somewhere that that is one of my torture methods is called the cabinet it's chris's cabinet god damn you're in a tiny cabinet and you get just one nail on the floor no it's called the cabinet. It's Chris's cabinet. God damn it. You get a tiny cabinet,

and there's just one nail on the floor. No, it's just you and a random drunk girl. You have to put an IK. You have to put it together with some random girl. Oh, and speaking of which, let's cut to audio of that now. I believe we have audio of that now. One second, one second.

Yeah, so we got to wrap up because I got to go to Baltimore. Chris, always a pleasure. Always a pleasure. Let's do this more often. I'd love to. I'd like to usurp Finazzo. Yeah, hey, come on, buddy. No, of course not.

I can never usurp Finazzo. You'd have to change your name to Mike Milner. That's how it goes. That's my dad's name, so that's not going to happen. Well, I guess your dad's going to be the guy.

He'd be really upset if anytime anyone Googled him, like, my turd jokes, like, what? What? What the fuck? I love i love you son i resent the fact that you already have half of my name please do not change and ruin for me yeah turd jokes mike turd jokes milner that's what they call them uh but yeah always a pleasure man so yeah

check out specific ignorance in dc on the 28th. And check out Chris. Follow or swallow. Yeah, yeah. So, as Peter Steele says, follow or swallow. There's the only two options. At Englishman Chris on Twitter. Specific Ignorance on Instagram. Englishman, no, Chris Miller Comedy.com.

All right. DigressionSessions.com. We're on iTunes and Twitter. Twitter is at DigSeshPod. I'm on there as at josh kaderna on instagram by the same name as well finazzo is on twitter at the mike finazzo and what what i just thought you remember in the 90s albums where they used to have the hidden track if like you listen to the music yeah that's what these were gonna be oh so you're gonna that was my plan it's gonna be

and then it's just gonna go quiet and then it's gonna pop up again i've ruined the surprise that was the plan oh in that you know they'd be like just wait they just got finished talking minutes and then there's like yeah what did he do that was great that's but you never you could never see it like they're just gonna give it away because they're gonna see the runtime on the cds you might think no you could see the runtime on cds did they didn't they well i can see the runtime on CDs. Didn't they just not... Well, I guess the track would just keep going. You're right.

But with this, sometimes you get a podcast where they fuck up the edit and they just have blank space. But that's kind of what you've got to do. And that might be what we do. I don't know, but I guess we'll... Yeah, just have... Just really silent as the mic panels are going.

It's a secret. And then it starts. That'd be good. All right. David Koechner take us out Dick Russian Sessions coming to an end Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah oh yeah these are by the way just just so you know eric this is a comedy audience okay they understand

yeah satire and neurons um i'm glad you're like expressing that to me i just didn't want to make i just didn't want to see you continue making an ass of yourself. I mean, there's another 40 minutes on the podcast. I just wanted to let you know because no one did. I'm just a nice guy.

Yeah. All right. Jesus Christ. These two sitting there letting you just make these faux pas after faux pas and you French.

So I know that. So you know what that means. Faux pas. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Get away with it. Right. Yeah. Oh, this is devolving means. You just get to say faux pas. Right, exactly. Faux pas. Get away with it. Right.

Yeah. Whew, this is devolving quickly. I don't think I'm going to put this out. This is what happens when you don't put comedians. Let's talk about Shiloh. I think so, yeah. This is what happens when you put, you know, Umar's friends. Yes.

Josh and I did not know Aerie before today. Yeah, we just met today. I haven't been for a while. And he goes, yeah, we can tell. We can all tell. And I was like, whoa, dude,

that's a bit harsh. That's even too harsh for me. That's mean as shit. Dude, we're not. I don't know you, yeah. No, we know each other, but it's still like, why? Like,

and you just met my friend. Like now you're being, like, it's weird. I hate. Yeah. I know you just walked past the mirror going, God,

I look good today. I really, that gym work really paid off today. As a non-comedian, you guys are just like fucking getting lost in how hard it is to be a comedian. You think so? I don't think so. I think we're just talking about people being shitty.

Like people don't know me for who I am. Like they're just trying to be mean to me because i'm mean you know we only have three microphones it's gonna be tough to know um no one twist as it was her yeah she got pushed into a snowbank. She just was fucking with you. She was giving you an out. I'm not responsible for your feelings. You told us to roast you. So I was like, I even. I love it.

I fucking like. I love it. I love. How many beers have you had? Yeah. You like. I thought friendship were going to hold their liquor. I feel like as soon as the mics heated up, you're like, and here's another thing.

Okay. You know what? You're dumb. As soon as the content, the content knocked on the door. Oh, you're a comedian. Boo-hoo. I'm funny too. Look how funny this is.

Yeah. Well, you know what? We started this whole thing about Umar's dating life. No, we didn't. We desperately tried the whole podcast to avoid talking about

Umar's dating life. Yeah, when I was teeing him up, it was ironic. I wasn't actually trying to tee him up. We did get into a good riff. I think looking back, you'll look into the past and go, there was some of the best content ever.

Interspersed with some of the worst content ever. It was feast or famine, this podcast. Is all of the worst content mine? Let me know if I contributed a bit. But mainly, yeah. Chris, you're not getting a ride back to DC.