The Digression Sessions - Ep. 216 - Eric Dadourian! (@EricDadourian)

Episode Date: May 14, 2017

Hola Digheads, this week Josh and his roomie / tenant, Umar Khan, chat with their buddy and comedian Eric Dadourian!   We EuroStep our way to enlightenment in this one.   Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, and Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on iTunes & Stitcher plz!

Hello, this is Nigel from the Tony Kornage Show, and you're listening to the Digression Sessions. Did I say that right? Do I get paid now? Can I leave? Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast, everybody. Your faithful host, Josh Koderny here. How the hell are ya? On this week's episode, I'm joined by my roomie my tenant my good buddy umar khan and we talked to comedian eric to dorian and i'll keep this intro brief because most people don't really listen intros and kind of don't need them but i wanted to set the uh stage a little bit uh yeah

i think i i think i've done it so that's that's it. Follow everybody on social media because it's just so important these days, especially in this economy. I'm at Josh Kaderna on Twitter and Instagram. The podcast is on Twitter at digsashpod. Eric DeDorian is at EricDeDorian on Twitter and Instagram. And Umar's on both of those platforms as well with some type of – it's Umar Khan with like 182 in there. Something Blake 182 related.

You'll find him. And find us on Facebook too. Say hello. We like all that stuff. The Dig Sesh has a Facebook page as well. The Digression Sessions. Look that up and get into the episode, everybody. I hope you like it.

This was a fun little convo. Hope you had a good Mother's Day. And yeah, say hi on the internets. Let's be friends in the digital age, the ones and the zeros. And that's it for the intro. All right. So let's cut to my kitchen with my good buddies, Eric DeDorian and Umar Khan. On the plane.

I hate being in airports or planes. Anywhere near an airport without an edible. I can't handle it, man. Do you take edibles into the airport? I eat them. Yeah. I just put it in something else and I just throw it

in my backpack. I thought about bringing them back for my friends from California when I was in Oakland. Yeah. And people freak me out. They're like, dude, you're a brown dude with a beard. Like, don't take drugs into an airport. It's legal in California. Right, right, right.

I was in a place where it's legal. It's legal to have good times out there. It's legal to have good times. There's some comedian at Big hunt that was joking about that that he wanted his friend to bring him edibles and he's like ah dude i don't know i don't want to bring him on the plane he's like they're they're gummies put them in like a sour patch yeah they're not gonna look yeah he's like then he shows up he's like man how did you know that would work he's like i didn't know that would work i just told you to do yeah my my friend um went for benson ball when she came for benson ball she brought like a whole thing like a whole

tupperware full of like what all the rice crispy treats and cookies and brownies like the big stuff like the real hearty like yeah whoa like yeah fish concert edibles like did she make them no no she just bought them from yeah i don't do homemade stuff uh yeah we used to but yeah i don't either scary because like homemade stuff yeah you never know yeah because they never know really yeah they're like well how much you put in one guy i was at a restaurant he was like he was like the weirdest fucking like in the moment uh he like captivated us and we thought he was like he was like the weirdest fucking like in the moment uh he like captivated us and we thought he was amazing he's like this really laid-back dude he smelled really good every time he walked by I was like we were like we gotta ask it was like yeah and I was like

it's probably gonna be some homemade oil and he was like totally it was like homemade patchouli blah I was like I throw a little bit of this in. If I'm feeling mellow, then I throw this in. It helps my blood. He's all into one of those energy things, chakras. The most important ingredient in my edibles? Good vibes. Yeah. He came back. He's like, guys, you don't have to be religious, whatever.

It's cool, but I'm really into chakras. He explained every single chakra to us. And, like, I don't believe in any of that shit. Here, hold your mic a little closer. I'm, like, an atheist. And, like, I don't know what an energy center in your body. That means nothing to me. I'm pretty sure that's just anatomy.

We all have chakras. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And I took Chakra 101. And so then he had these. That is Chakra 101. That's what Ch chakra 101 is yeah

you actually did i didn't want you got charged 495 did you not know that yeah yeah it's so worth it though i mean i love it you get a certificate and everything yeah he pulls out these and he had these glasses on too he's like look these changed my life like these are like uh like uh spectrum glasses and they're like just these glasses on too. He's like, look, these changed my life. These are like spectrum glasses. And they're like these glasses that have different tint, colored tints on them. So you buy a pack. And if you're feeling down, you wear this color.

And it's just like, he's like, I've been wearing these. That makes sense to me. Really? Yeah, the colors make sense to me. Colors affect me. There's some energy thing going on, like the way the sun gets filtered. It's so stupid.

I mean, whatever. Mood is energy. Whatever energy is. I don't know. But different colors affect my mood. That's good enough for me. That's totally true. I think it just puts you in a mindset.

It's like a cue, a reminder, something you see kind of like a cross necklace. Yeah. But we were all like, oh, my God, he sounds so cool. He has such great energy. That guy's on to something. And then my one friend, one friend she was like dude he's a douche yeah he like never asked us any questions about yeah he just fucking talked about himself the whole that's the thing with religion it's like it's always the heavy push it's like always the hard sell there's like no yeah no he would say he's like spiritual or whatever right that's his whatever spirit yeah

i yes yeah yeah i don't get any of that stuff it is really funny to be like god i'm so enlightened let me tell you all about it yeah no you have to hear and then you can't say anything about how you feel about it because you don't know anything i have to tell you everything yeah yeah well it's also funny like because i used to like meditate i used to go to a meditation group and like a lot of people are into that kind of shit and i just went because like like meditation is legit people in the group are like into that stuff yeah like one you're talking about how like uh everyone's behavior has been off because the planets are aligned it's just like what the fuck lady like you're a grown person it's a very funny thing

to throw out to it's like god i'm such a mess and you know mercury is in retrograde and i'm all i'm just all i have no idea a lot of people believe that i have no idea about any of that um and then so like um man i don't know why i started this story i am having a good time we got right into it yeah your chakras are open let it flow man i just feel like this is great yeah my peep the the people people who go to stuff like meditation and need to meditate and read whatever, like Buddhist poems and all that chant every day, they are struggling so hard to hold on to some meaning for life. That's what it is. Yeah.

Because I used to do that shit and it would bum me out more. And now I don't do any of that shit and I'm pretty happy. I just do things that I enjoy doing. That's it. That's the it is. Like, because I used to do that shit and it would bum me out more. And now I don't do any of that shit and I'm pretty happy. Like, I just do things that I enjoy doing. Yeah, that's it. That's the thing. Yeah, I think it being so regimented, it makes it hard. Like, if I left the house, I was like, okay, do I have my rose colored glasses? Do I have my yellow glasses?

Like, it's like, you got to kind of live your life at some point. But if you're always doing these checkpoints of like, how am I feeling? Is my chakra open? You know, it's like, just be in the moment. Or it's like, did I reflect enough today? It's's like who gives a fuck dude just that's like that's like best that's how i for some people like that a lot of people i've met a lot of people who are like that about like fitness who are like like runners yeah like runners are that like that about their bodies like they're like i saw you running i'm kidding i'm kidding i saw you i saw you running on uh in charles village i just remembered that yeah how good did i look you look great you're keeping pace with uh you're running with somebody else got it yeah i was running with my buddy he

was pace with me but the thing is actually umar is running from his problems so that's why but running i mean running is like a lot most It's the most therapeutic thing. There you go, dude. I mean, that's fucking meditating, man. You fucking meditate all the time. Yeah. I'm fucking in. Yeah. Yo, a Buddha can... Also, like, Buddha was such a piece of shit.

Oh, no. He was, huh? He's just like such a privileged piece of shit. No, I knew him. I knew him, too. No, I knew him, too. Yeah. You guys did open mics together, right?

No, we went to Sarah Lawrence. We were at Sarah Lawrence together. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, okay. What did Buddha study? Do you know that movie, mona lisa smile yeah that's about us oh my god no no shit buddha buddha studied philosophy of course yeah of course yeah but like and like sold weed and it was like it was fine he was fine i don't like him because he fucked my girlfriend at the time so yeah she

really bought into that stuff you know that is that is another uh uh side of the enlightened dude is that like when they meet somebody like wow you're so beautiful yeah aura oh my god meanwhile i was like i want to fuck you i remember my ex-girlfriend uh she like she's really into yoga and stuff and she would like keep hanging out this dude who is her yoga teacher and i guess like she called him a mentor which is just like oh god and she's like no it's not like that i don't even think he thinks about sex i was like are you high doesn't even think about it out like the girl with the best ass in his yoga class to hang out with all the time are you insane her chakras are so open it made her ass bigger you know what i mean you gotta make room for the chakra yeah and then so

like uh i guess like he made a move on or like, no, I knew someone else that he was dating. And like, I found out some stuff about this dude and she just like wouldn't believe me. I'm like, all right, dude. That's insane. Oh, there's nothing you can do there. Yeah. So everyone's like, this is why Umar hates yoga and meditation. Because of dudes like that.

I do think there's a lot of those dudes in that scene though, right? I think it's like 99% of the dudes. The Bikram yeah it wasn't like isn't like he's like a fucking cult leader dude but no he's like really and he was really fucked i watched the uh hbo real sports thing he abused like a lot of people a lot of people yeah and then even in the interview he didn't back down he wasn't like oh that's that's crazy yeah in the interview he told the woman he goes uh rape why would i rape women would pay me one million dollars for a drop of my sperm yeah yeah he's insane it's like some jim jones shit it's really it's horrible yeah what the fuck yeah you know but it's like so like when i was meditating a lot people were like whoa man like oh that must be so cool like you're meeting like a lot of cool

people and like you do meet cool people but they assume that you're like this like super happy person and it's like nobody goes to meditation because they're happy and they want their lives to get even better they all go because they're it's like almost going to aa meetings like it's really sad totally is i've been to a couple of like Of AA Like meditation focused AA meetings Yeah And it's fucking incredible Yeah It's like so

I fell asleep though I can't meditate Because I always fall asleep Yeah me too And I can't meditate That means you don't sleep enough I think I don't I've had trouble sleeping

My entire life Yeah Yeah me too Because I was born in a war zone Oh Me I just stay up too late I don't know and also yeah and then like now like this is like the greatest this is we're living in the golden age

of i'm getting excited i put my hand up because i'm talking and then also and if we're gonna like if we're gonna paint a picture of the scenario right now you have i got we have to mention boo the dog boo little baby boo is sitting on my lap freshly shaved very chihuahua looking and he has his head he looks incredible looking like the cutest little guy yeah he knows how he really knows how to be cute it's insane yeah he's awesome he went to handsome boy modeling school he really did wait what was i saying before that you had your hand in the sleep sleep your whole life and now it's awesome. I totally forgot.

Jesus. I totally forgot why I had my hand up in the air. I think it was grew up shitty, but now you're living in a great time. Oh, the golden age of staying up late. What do you mean? Why the golden age? Because the fucking internet and streaming. You can watch every single...

I literally did that last night. I got so excited. I let Better Call Saul stack up. Dude. And I have like six episodes. I stayed up till 2 a.m. watching Better Call Saul. And are you... Do you guys like re-watch it?

No, not really. I'm a thick-ass re-watcher. You're a thick-ass re-watcher? I'm always... I think you're a svelte re-watcher no no no no no my ass you're all re-watching is very thick no you're a buff re-watcher man you look good no you look good i mean thick in a good way i think yeah well what's your shit that you re-watch i mean i always have something i always like i'm like re-watching something um but like that's what i'm saying it's like

if you you know if you have your friends hbo login you can just watch like every single sopranos episode in a night if you wanted to you could watch the entire series i just started watching the sopranos man it's so good oh yeah it's really funny it's like low-key a comedy uh but yeah it's like i've re-watched that a bunch of times i read that was the i watched like the last four episodes after the election because that was like the only oh really don't say don't say yeah i'm not far you know that tony soprano is a ghost the whole time though right yeah dude you know my chumala yeah like us assalamu alaikum yeah movie yep yep he made that movie the sopranos that's right that's right. That's a long-ass movie, dude.

I know, I know. He was crazy, but he did it. He fucking did it, man. But yeah, I find myself doing that. I made mac and cheese, and I ate that and watched TV until 2 in the morning. Yeah, that's what I've been doing. There's a part of me that's like 12-year-old me is like, wow, you're crushing. Yeah.

Dude, I feel like I live like a kid now more than I have ever. You texted me the other night when we were both boozy, and you were like, dude, pizza's the best. Is the ho. I was like, I just finished closing a show a couple days ago, and I was trying to go home, but everyone was like, come on, let's go get a drink. And I was like, all right, okay.

All your friends are like that, like, dude, we got a drink. And I was like, all right, okay. All your friends are like that. Like, dude, we got a drink. Yeah, they're all. Meanwhile, the more likely it's like, you guys want to keep hanging out? I want to. Come on, let's get a drink. But they always want to drive to Daytona Beach every night. But they say it like that.

You want to go to Daytona? Yeah. Let's go. Okay, let's go. Spring break forever. Spring breakers, too. Okay, let's go to Daytona. Okay. Spring Break Forever. Spring Breakers 2. Yeah, that's Umar edition.

I love that. Oh, that movie. It's like the Selena. You're the Selena Gomez. Selena. Wait, what happened to her in that movie? She goes home. Oh, shit. Spoiler alert.

Whoa. Sorry, I just ruined Spring Break. Dude. No one's going to forgive you now. Yeah. Yeah, so I was doing a show, and then we go. There's ruins for you. Dude. No one's going to forgive you now. Yeah. I, yeah. So I was doing a show and then we go. And if I stay up past like 11 o'clock, I like have to eat pizza.

It's like, it's like, and that's what Josh like got me hooked on. It's like when we started living together. Is there something I twisted your arm on as well? No, but it's just like, dude, when we started living together, we would drive to D.C. to do mics and we'd be coming back. We're like, Josh is like, yeah, we're like 20 minutes away. And he pulls out his phone, opens up the Domino app and orders a pizza. So it's ready in time when we get there. That's the ultimate goal for me is I get it delivered to the house.

So if I arrive at the same time the pizza does, nothing better. That's so fucking efficient nothing better dude that's very very efficient and you can track it on your phone it's like yeah oh yeah that's amazing that you can do like technology that's and i use technology for the stupidest shit like that a domino's track yeah to me that's like the height of technology i am db i think imdb is i think imdb is again the arm up explain explain no i think well i mean no nba league pass i for me is like the like the again like the i think television yeah in general is just like when i was a kid who loved television so much i had all these dreams of like of like what tv could be in the future like tv's

delivered on the future for me like it's like the one yeah it's the one there's no i mean there are teslas but like sure like even just i remember being young it's like man i just wish i could just watch what i wanted yeah and that day and you have to wait for shit yeah you're just like it's amazing yeah an hd tv too looks oh my god okay to be clear the first thing we talked about was edibles we talked about edibles for a long time then we talked about pizza no we shit on enlightened dudes and you're like but you know what is cool tv yo chakras are gay oh my god beats is cool no fuck that i will circle i will fucking take tv over meditation any day meditation can suck my fucking dick dude it's all meditate i mean like i put on a fucking uh uh that fucking show about

how women are oppressed um oh girls girls you know that show women are held down and fucked on like dirty couches girls yeah lena dunham she caught a rough one this season huh provocateur no big time she's the voice of a generation. So what is it? Handmaid's Handshake. Handmaid's. Oh, you're watching that? Yeah. I watched one episode and I was like, I really like this.

But man, it is. It's dark. Dark. Especially given. And it's real. Given our president now too. And you're like, oh, we're like one or two steps away from this. I feel like it's not that far off.

I don't know if we're two, but. All right. Two and a half. I'd say a euro step. That's a's not that far off i don't know what two but all right two and i'd say euro step that's a basketball reference oh i don't get it yeah what's a euro step a euro step is like it's like two and a half steps kind of how many steps are you allowed to take two steps two steps yeah so and when you're playing euro euros like like a euro step it's like uh it's a real it's's a real generous way of taking the two steps. You take big bounds. It feels very European, too. It's like two, two and a half, who cares?

I'm glad I can inject the Euro step into this conversation. I don't think you don't like basketball. I follow it a little bit. This is my problem. What's your problem? I thought in the NBA you could take one and a half steps it's two it's you could take i think it's two steps yeah where where do you fall on isaiah thomas uh palming the ball and carrying how do you feel about that oh everybody cares but i don't really care about that you don't really care about that i like the exciting stuff

so you like the nba because what i love the dunks and the hoops shit on nba and it's all about college basketball. And I have to sometimes pretend to care that I like sports at work. Yeah, we don't have to talk about sports. We don't have to talk about sports. I was like, this is, I'm pointing now. This is my problem too. I talk about sports and it's like.

Oh, and you hang out with hipster comics like us. I hang out with a bunch of different types of people, actually. Eric told me all the way over here, he moved to Baltimore to try to make some black friends, and he has Dark Mark, black friend. I have so many. I'm just kidding. Yeah. But as far as sports go, I like the playoffs of any sport.

Oh, yeah, he's so competitive. If I can watch people at the peak of their whatever it is and see that, I think that's fun as shit to watch like golden state and the cavaliers like that's so fun to watch it's gonna be so good yeah do you think it's gonna be them oh yeah god god yeah yeah for sure i think the spurs um no way no no no way it's gonna it's gonna be incredible it's like it's gonna be uh like silicon valley versus the fucking akron ohio it's akron ohio versus san francisco it's gonna be fucking incredible let's cleveland i've never been to ohio have you i don't think so is there anything out there i know lebron's from out there no ria butcher's from out there what the fuck is oh rhea butcher yeah yeah um but akron but nba it is pretty cool at three years in a row these teams are going to

face each other yeah final really yeah three years in a row i love storylines it's just like it just becomes like a television show yeah yeah it is because like the narrative and that's why i think ncaa college basketball is so popular it's. You get to just, over the course of three weeks in March, you get these kids' stories over and over again, and you just watch them. It's cool. Also, now that you watch it... It's like watching Lane Dunham grow as a storyteller.

That's true. Which, honestly, is the most fulfilling thing. She's so good. There were some really good episodes. I've only seen one episode of Girls. Really? Oh, you can talk. I mean, yeah.

I just don't like her personality. A lot of people don't. No, like in the interviews and stuff, the shit she says, it's like, ugh. Yeah. Well, you know, it's tough. These girls eventually become women, though. It's a certain note of artsy privilege that is like, it's so, yeah, it bums me out too.

But I mean, I also like the backlashes and things. That's like every show, right? Even Aziz's show. Louis. Louis is the one that like, I think Louis's the one that like fucking brought started that what brought that back like the artsy like myopic like white privileged artsy stuff i think really yeah louie interesting oh of course i mean like yeah he had some pretty dark episodes but like really good stuff like really beautiful stuff like when the by the way did i say myopic right because i

did not think i was gonna get through that word when I got through. I don't know what it means. Myopic? I think it was a bit of a Eurostep, but I'm going to allow it. I'm going to allow it. That's so good. That's exactly how I talk. I take two and a half steps with words. But I'll allow it.

That's so funny. I'll allow it. That's so good. It was a bit of a Eurostep. Yo, that's that improv thing. I could never do improv. I just don't remember shit, dude. Oh, i just think the stuff that i do i just hold on to it yeah like is that what you do when you do improv you're just like all right that's a one thing i'm gonna bring back maybe yeah and i think it's just

a muscle to bring it back you bring stuff back in improv isn't improv just like one big callback like yes but there's an art to it no no totally no, totally. I'm not shitting on it. I can't do it. I'm not good at it. But especially a Herald. That's what I was saying. When someone does the monologue first, and then it's just like a one big callback. That's what it is.

Is that what a long form means? Yeah, long form. So Herald is the long form where you have A, B, C. This is where everybody tunes out. They're like, please explain in bra. I know. What the fuck? I feel like so far. ABC because this is where everybody tunes out. They're like, please explain improv. Edibles,

chakras, pizza, television, basketball, improv. Between the last dig sesh that we're going to put out where Josh and I just talk about how awesome it is to have jobs with money. I love that, dude.

I fucking love that. Yo, because we like going out to eat and not worrying about how much it costs. $8 beer? I'll take it. Okay. I'll give a fuck. Yes, please. And you fucking earn that shit.

You guys go to work. There is a piece of that where it's like. For Josh more so than me, because I had a pretty cush. I don't know. My parents are middle class. My parents aren't. No, now. My parents are middle class, too.

But you still went to school and stuff all on your own like you had to make all that i'm talking about you and the job that you do and like every day like you get up in the fucking morning you go to fucking work five days a week right yeah that's fucking insane oh yeah you're right you earned an eight dollar beer dude no but i guess it just comes off as like you know like in this like culture of everyone i don't know um yeah so i know anyway i mean i know what you're saying but it's like it seems like it's off-putting as fuck but it's like it's also like you're trying to live your life and it's like it's totally off-putting but let me say it is because i've never had a job where i make good money right it is thoroughly

amazing yeah like just to do whatever and like i don't even make that much money but just the way i live my life just like yeah because i keep it simple and i don't have it's just like yo it's so good yeah like the money we make compared to people that do actually make a lot of money like we're poor but for our like age group we're like whoa oh hell well even dude most of our friends like don't have like quote unquote real right like yeah right right like especially like if you're a comedian like you know if you're in yeah the comedy scene like you know it's so and it's like it's like i had the only time in my life i've ever had a job that like paid that well that wasn't like a like a minimum wage job plus tips was uh for like it was like maybe

a month and a month or a month and a half like because tv jobs it was a tv job and they're like real fleeting it's like you come in like help out or like or whatever get like you don't get benefits for that shit um i don't know not like not right away yeah yeah yeah sag definitely does but you have to pay so much money for that but i mean it was fucking incredible man i was like this is how i want to fucking live my life dude yeah because we were talking about so we did our buddy dennis's podcast which is gonna come out sometime next week or something but but we're gonna release it too because we did a fair amount of talking so it's basically a big yeah but yeah it was really cool but dennis edition yeah the dennis sesh um but but yeah just talking about

like how nice it is to just not worry about shit it's just so great and like yeah so like talking about moving to new york or la and like starting over it's like god i'm too addicted to being comfortable to like sleep on pizza boxes and shit you know what i mean like yeah i can't yeah that's why i know like stand-up is not like endgame, because I can't live shitty. I need air conditioning. Okay, is that a dig in me? No! Josh hasn't fixed the air conditioning upstairs.

It's fine. It works downstairs, and I gave you a free AC window unit. I'm not compiling. Oh, yes. Good, good. I'm not either. We don't have AC ac and i'm pretty fucking i'm gonna die yeah oh wait till it actually gets baltimore hot dude i know you ever had a baltimore summer i've been here in the summer once no i have not had a baltimore summer it is i mean like

it's gonna be so humid right humid as fuck i love how fucking green it is i was wondering about that does crime go up in the summer in every the like like everywhere not just here yeah no i know that no no no i mean it was just i was like i was thinking about crime in general yeah yeah and that's cool another side yeah very cool very cool like uh crime and ice cream sales both go up in the summer ice cream theft too can't wait to walk home with my tips every Friday night. Just waving them around. Yeah, that's going to suck, man. You're right.

I'd like that shit, too, of how green everything is now. It's fucking incredible. What do you mean green? Look at all the trees and stuff. Everything coming in the grass. That color of green does not exist in california that like deep like and like in southern california i mean northern california's got it but it's like it's like that deep like lush yeah and it just happened all of a sudden like there's so much

gross instagram filter on every tree yeah yeah and that's uh another sign that i'm becoming more of a yuppie is like the backyard i'm planting flowers oh dude you have to and i go out you have to i go out and look at them like god this is so tight i love this i like you have to bro if you got it you gotta flaunt it dude you gotta plant that shit i do man it's something i'm like yeah plant your garden we'll go to daytona after dude hurry the fuck up dude like water that shit let's go at least once a week since we've been living in the house josh bought i come home and he's like hey dude check out these plants karen i just picked up yeah which is cool this is like such a funny like i don't you know what i mean like i don't make fun of people who had that i know station like a year and a half ago but it's but about

gardening it's like dude you fucking you gotta aerate that fucking pot you fucking pussy dude what type of mulcher you using you fucking hack come on damn it dude i don't even know anything about gardening to make a fucking riff about gardening i don't think i said that word right i said mulch yeah mulch is a good word mulch yeah thanks guys thank you guys i mean i think it would have been better if i said a certain type of mulch and then shit on another one. But I'm just saying mulch. But I got really into baking and shit. There you go.

I was making pies for so long. That is true. If you're over there fucking knitting a scarf, you're like, hey, nice flowers, faggot. That would be such a funny scene. I'm knitting, you come home like, oh, you got more flowers, you fucking fag? Those are both so methodical. I think gardening is the same. flowers you fucking fake those are both so methodical there's like i think like gardening is the same like i feel like you can't like really like improv like i think you can't improv

with fucking baking that's for sure and or knitting i would assume yeah uh knitting you can if you're super good at it yeah like you have to be so good but yeah not good at all like i'm good and my shit looks good my shit is good yeah i got even stitches all right yeah you're like level four classes of ucb but yeah with fucking knitting yeah for sure amen you you knit like 4 000 pussy hats for the march didn't you yeah yeah i i think i needed uh i if i did the math right i think i needed like 30 of the hats yeah the women's march wow he was just on just cocaine and knitting for like yeah yeah yeah and you were high on democracy right i was really high on democracy i remember you snorted a line then you screamed this is what democracy looks like i remember that in the studio with jay-z

yeah he want jay-z's publicist wants us to let you know that he wasn't doing coke he was hanging out he was hanging out because it was it was like a Budweiser sponsored like for Brandon. Yeah. Dude, I knitted all those pussy hats and I didn't fucking get laid once at the women's market. Why'd you even do it? They were like, you know, it's like out there like trying to talk to women. Like, that's not why we're here. And I was like, well, what the fuck?

The suffering. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, Ken Burns is making a documentary about you. What? And you're suffering. Narrated by some southern guy. A part. Yeah.

Omar went to that march hoping somebody would grab his pussy. Yo. Just a slow-mo picture of you. The march was cool, but it's like, I didn't feel like we were doing anything. I think we definitely were. There weren't enough hats what the fuck eric was that a dig at me i mean yes and no yes in the way that you didn't make enough heads but no i mean they're just there was

millions of people there and was it millions or hundreds of thousands? I think it was 3.4 million. Yeah, yeah. That's a conservative estimate too. Damn, that's an alt-right estimate. And there was a guy driving... What do I think of Republicans? They're alright. They're alright. Yo.

Oh man, someone's gonna like comment, I made that joke, okay? Josh stole that from that alt-right joke from me. Stolen valor, bro. Damn. You stole it from a tweet. I did, yeah. In February.

I'm going to tweet it then. Is alt-right a thing anymore? Do they exist? What? The alt-right was always like 20 people on Twitter, right? I saw a guy in Towson. He had a fucking at the Green Turtle in Towson over there. Wait, wait. Because I'm getting around. There was a douchebag at the Green Turtle in Towson over there. Because I'm getting around. There was a douche bag at the Green Turtle

in Towson? Are you kidding me? You're lucky I'm sitting down, Eric. He was wearing a Reagan Bush 84 shirt. And it had that haircut. He had the fucking shaved on the side. Was he a young dude? Like 20, 30s?

He was alive. I would put him at 24, 25. So he couldn't even vote for Reagan Bush. Oh, God, no. I mean, of course not, dude. It was like a brand... You didn't see those out? That was like...

Sounds like a cop. A lot of that Reagan branding came back out as retro, neo, hipster-y shit. Yeah, it's weird that they're like, this like this is my punk rock ronald reagan right because everything like that gets co-opted it got grunt that's what happened to grunge man that's what happened to our fucking let's say so the alt-right our sacred thing that thing that we started yeah grunge yep dude i'm not yeah we're all holding hands right now everybody we we made eddie with blood with what he is cuts. Yeah, we cut our hands. All of our flannels are around our waist, but tied together. Eddie Vedder's just fucking naked.

Wait, is Eddie Vedder in Pearl Jam, dude? Yeah. Yeah, all right, cool. I got my reference. I mean, you can ask him. He's in the corner naked and shivering. Shivering. Shivering.

Wet. Mm-hmm. Super wet. That was my favorite Pearl Jam album. Wet, super wet? Super wet. Super wet. That was a good one. wet super wet super wet yeah that was a really good one i always confuse pearl jam and that other shitty band well i didn't like pearl jam so i'm

gonna call them well they're not they got some good songs yeah i know but i was uh and what was that one band they had the song jumper dude third eye blind i always confuse okay that's not jumper that one is semi-charm kind of loud. Yeah. Okay. The song Jumper is about suicide. Yeah. Yeah, it goes... Step back from that ledge, my friend. I didn't even realize that song was about suicide until I was in my late 20s. Like, I...

No. It still sounds like a... Step back from that ledge, my friend. Come on. Yeah. You know, like, sometimes kids get too close to shit and you don't want them to fall. No It still sounds like a Step back from that Ledge my friend Come on Yeah You know like sometimes Kids get too close to shit And you don't want them to fall

That's what that sounded like That's what the song was Just safety Yeah Yeah I think it was Yeah that was like It kind of came around

Like the early 90s When seatbelts were a thing You know Do you know who invented I like this very innocent Interpretation of the song It's so cute It's so crazy When seatbelts came around like this very innocent interpretation of the song. It's so cute.

It's so crazy. When Seatbelts came around in the 90s? The fuck is his name? He was the Green Party guy. He's the one who made Seatbelts famous. Nader? Yeah, Nader. But that was like the 60s and 70s.

Well, whatever, dude. I was a kid in the 90s, and Seatbelts seemed like a really big deal. They were a big part of my life when I was a kid. He's 7,000 years old. He's been around for a long, fucking time.'t you remember like seatbelts like there's so much seatbelt safety i remember a big deal i remember getting in like uh my friend's mom's car and they had the seatbelts that went up the side of the door yeah that they did it themselves and they were bad right oh i guess that was like that was the height of technology for a while right there yeah and then and then tv came and like on demand and we were like fuck it that was one yeah that was that was a that was like a childhood fantasy of mine was like i wish i could just fucking record

oh i used to do that with vhs's i'd like oh yeah dude i've recorded over home movies because i wanted to i didn't want to miss like raw and smackdown yeah so literally i'll say like umar's fourth birthday and it's just like the undertaker and triple h cage match but now you can just watch like archives and shit right yeah yeah great i just can't i hope i'm like fucking like yeah and youtube also like oh god it's like umar's first words like give me a hell yeah my kids are just like what the fuck is this i could just watch like a basketball game from like 1995 dude like incomplete like with like commercials probably like the old commercials are fun to see i want to look up like we were talking about like sex ed videos yeah watching

school they gotta be on there oh yeah i bet the one i was talking about Like sex ed videos Yeah If you're watching school They gotta be on there Oh yeah I bet the one I was talking about Is on there I have to find it Yeah Like I remember I remember like the drug ones

But I don't remember Any of the sex ed ones Did you have sex ed at school? Um I don't fucking remember at all Like I must have I did health

In seventh grade Right We talked about a lot of real shit But like Yeah we did Yeah we had sex ed in fifth grade Maybe I just That's early All shit but like yeah we had success in fifth grade maybe i just walked it out all right they just kind of told you how babies were made yeah like but they didn't tell you like that a penis has to go that's it i went to a private armenian school

until sixth grade so they could have just that could have just been like it was like really religious and like yeah conservative religion orthodox mostly orthodox like christian orthodox Yeah. Conservative. What's the religion? Orthodox, mostly. Orthodox? Like, Christian Orthodox. Oh, shit. I didn't know that. I thought Armenians were Muslim or something. Yeah, it's like, well, sex is bad. There's Armenians everywhere.

Most of the Armenians are Christian, but there's Armenians in Muslim countries, for sure. Oh, okay. Why'd you wink at me when you said Muslim countries? Did I wink? Yeah, it was weird. I'm kidding. Relax. Did I really wink?

No, I didn't. No, I think you just blinked funny. Oh. Yeah, it's okay. That'm kidding. Relax. Did I really wink? No, I didn't. No, I think you just blinked funny. Oh. Yeah, it's okay. That's weird. I'll allow it. Yeah. I have an eye twitch.

Yeah? Yeah, I do. Oh, shit. Okay, he just winked when he said that, too. Am I winking right now? Do you really have an eye twitch? I don't know if a bit is happening right now. It is.

Okay. I think it's being birthed. Yeah. We're birthing a bit. I can't tell if this is listenable yet. Have we said anything that's worth? Well, let's get into it. I think we've definitely gone on a journey.

I'm having a good time. I'm having fun, but podcasting is stressful, man, because you're just like, why are we talking? For fun. It is fun. You got to make content, man. It's good. It's fun.

People love content. Yeah. Do people hear? for fun it is fun you gotta make content man it's good people love content yeah you know do people hear like if people hear they're just getting like i just you know are people this far into the podcast yet yes oh yeah people listen i hope so yeah yeah i just get worried about that shit i think people just like hearing i think podcasts have become huge because people just like hearing other voices yeah i think it's like so soothing to me that's why i like if i'm cooking and i'm listening to a conversation i feel great yeah that's true it's a certain thing i think in humans because we want to be a part of a group too but it's a nice way to like listen and feel like you're a part of something but you can chill because you don't have

to interject or anything and you can just oh it's almost meditative yeah it is that was like another thing like i don't know why i'm going back to this but like with like uh my ex-girlfriend like because she was so into like buddhism and meditation she's like why do you always have to have headphones in here like why do you think you have to have like why do you think silence bothers you i'm like well uh i don't fucking know but i don't give a shit like if i found something that brings me joy, like, why stop my, like, I don't like how, I don't think you need

to examine every part of life. Especially if it's not corrosive or bad. It's not ruining your life. Yeah. She's like, I remember like one time like she woke up

and I'm like, when I wake up, I just get on my phone and like, I'll check like Reddit or whatever in bed. Like a human being. Yeah.

And she was like, God, she said something like, it makes me like sick or sad to see you on your phone it was just like god like what is happening jesus yeah i that's too much i will do that though where if i'm like cooking i'll make food i'm listening to a podcast and then i'll turn on the tv and then as soon as like i pull up a show like podcast out yeah like i kind of do drift from

entertainment to entertainment yeah yeah throughout the day totally yeah i yeah like yeah i'll i'll be listening to a podcast while i'm searching for something to watch on netflix i love searching i just love searching i just i just like i love scrolling through all my different like movie streaming things yeah just like like all the options and shit like that is like meditative for me but do you like listen to a lot of music or yeah music and i used to really just do podcasts but since we i started like uh playing music recently i've just been wanting to like consume as much as possible yeah yeah and and uh i've been making music on my phone on GarageBand.

Fuck yeah. And talk about really being up your own ass. I'll just listen to my own songs. I'm like, wow, that's pretty good. I do that. Oh, yeah. I do that. Yeah.

That's fun. It's really, really, really fun to get really high and go on GarageBand and just make a loop. Yeah. And just listen to it super loud in your your headphones uh-huh i do that a lot i do that i do that a lot and it's tricky because it's like not really productive i feel like i tell myself that i'm being productive and i'm like making something but i'm like not really yeah there is a piece of me where i'm trying to trick my brain like i should be working on stand

up exactly i'm still being creative brain. It's like, all right. Yeah. For sure. But I do think it is kind of like you can't get too burnt out on one thing. And then I think it does keep you loose and keeps those creative muscles going. So you can't be too hard on yourself. I got to tell you, I didn't have a phone for a week.

Yeah. My phone. I had an old like iphone and it just fucking died it just like it was like like fitting out and then it died and then i didn't have a phone for a week um and it was kind of nice yeah it was really hard at first i was like to like be away from my phone you're addicted to it oh big time you have the withdrawal and then once that passes you're like okay yeah i, I'm okay. I made it. Yeah.

But it was like the main source of like my music. Like my music was on there and then like mostly like how I received like information. Like that, because I do that. The first thing I do when I get up in the morning is reach for my phone. I don't go on. Reddit to me is like really intense. I don't do so much anymore. I pretty much just... But Twitter, I feel like Twitter has become reddit so it doesn't really fucking matter yeah let's just put headphones right here and

that's i either play music or a podcast and i fall asleep listening to a pod i can't not fall sleep without a podcast me too it helps me 16 years yeah yeah i can do that now and again but usually kind of like a quiet the shit that i need is like i need a fan on or something i need mark i need mark maron just like in my fucking ear as i drift off yeah and he's like i'm just trying to figure it all out yeah like yeah you are yeah yeah no you're cool yeah you're all right mark you're doing okay i don't know why that's my mark i couldn't for yeah yeah yeah okay for four years i couldn't come unless i was listening i was in bed by myself in the dark listening to Marc Maron. Damn, dude.

For four years. Whoa. What broke it? Terry Gross. Louis. Oh, Louis. Louis is why you fell. The Louis episode.

Yeah, that was rich. The friendship episode. Yeah. What? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. I didn't come. You didn't come? No. Wow. Oh, that's funny. I didn't come. You didn't come?

No. Wow. And then, yeah. When you didn't, and then I met the love of my life. Whoa. Louis,

Louis CK. You met Louis. How was that? I did not meet Louis. I have not. I can't, I can't lie. I can't lie about Louis.

Hey, when you, George Washington. Yeah. When you didn't come, did you say WTF Lock the gates My penis locked the gates

Lock the gates I couldn't go Lock the gates I locked the gates You locked them up man Well Eric How have you been buddy I've been really good

Yeah I've been really good I've been digging your Basketball Inspirational picks I got this new phone And I can like Do all this stuff

On my phone now Yeah That I couldn't do On my old phone It is incredible What we can do Like Yeah

You can record a song On your phone Put a video to it Yeah And then upload it To the fucking world It's fucking insane On all like free apps

Too basically Yeah Basically yeah Pretty much So like I've just been like just super into my phone yeah me too um looking up pictures fucking love my thinking up stuff to write on just thinking up funny stuff all the time yeah to say to people uh trying to chill out um smoking a lot of weed damn dude been dude. Been doing that. Having good times.

Having good times. Good times. Having some really good times. Having good times and smoking weed. Some bad times, too. Some slow times. Okay. The bad times make the good times better, though, don't they?

That's what I've heard. I love that. Got to balance it out in this crazy workaday world. You know what I mean? Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Got to make it happen. How do you like in Baltimore, man?

I took the subway for the first time two days ago two days ago never take i've never taken it either i liked it better because we got dope jobs yeah i was kidding you got money like it doesn't exist yeah just because i've never seen it it does if you want to go so i live uh really close to a stop i mean that it's it's a lot like the la metro in that way it's like it's really functional if you live near it but like there aren't enough stops to like for that to happen for a lot of people right um but i live i took it from the the state center stop to the inner harbor and into the verizon store dang and the night before uh we went to dinner at the inner harbor and then we like drove and it took fucking forever and like in traffic and stuff so it was really easy like it took like 20 minutes it was super easy you don't have a car i don't have a car yeah

that must be tough living in baltimore without a car but i live literally a five minute walk away from my the bar that i work at oh that's dope and then i just stay in my house and smoke weed and watch shit all the time so like fits my life perfect yeah you're good man but i'm trying to get out i'm trying to branch out i went to like i said subway verizon store uh-huh what's next on the dock walking around those are all classic baltimore things yeah maybe the bus known for uh marshalls marsh bus. Light rail. Marshalls. Marshalls is dope. At the Mondawmin Mall, yeah.

Dude, we can go after this. I'll drive you over. Oh, and then furniture stuff in Hamden. Let's go do furniture shit. Maybe we'll get some. More Hamden stuff. Yeah. Have you done Hamden yet? Not really.

Let's do it up. Oh, it's tight. I wish I would do it with you guys, but I have to go see my grandma for Mother's Day. Oh, Mother's Day is so lame. Is that tomorrow? It's today. Or is it tomorrow it's

tomorrow oh wait celebrating yeah not me and josh but it feels like a sunday right but it's a saturday sunday it's a saturday it's a little rainy too it's overcast slow yeah i tell you i had so many lofty goals i got up at 6 30 i was like all right i'm gonna write some reports yeah 6 30 yeah got up really early today whoa i went to bed at like 12, so that's not bad. Yeah. I went to bed late. I was watching TV. Yeah, Josh had to perform to four people last night.

One of the good ones. Seven people. Thank you very much. He put a picture up. He texted me a picture. It was just so funny because I was on a date, and I was telling my date, like, we've been seeing each other for like a couple weeks, and was just telling her like how like it's kind of nice to like not be doing shows all the time and like yeah you know we're like at this nice sushi dinner and like yeah it's way more fun yeah i'm like doing like a shitty mic

on a friday night and oh yeah she sends me a text like three minutes later and it's like this is the turnout and it's like this huge firehouse room hall yeah which are like long like dining with like and like like you know like lunch cafeteria tables and there's like four people just sitting scattered it's so sad showing eric the picture yeah josh is like i have to do 30 minutes that looks like night detention yeah that looks that's a depressing photograph right and so i i mean i ended up getting through it but god damn it was fucking it was work i could not like man i should have just had more fun with it like nobody did bad i don't think but yeah it was like it was tough to like be excited about it because i want to go on stage like like yeah this is gonna be fun but this

was like man it's so brutal yeah and then i just feel worse for the people there because it's like we can just call off the show guys yeah well yeah i don't know but then it's tough too because the people that were there there was a couple that sat right up front they're like we're having fun like for them they're having fun that's the thing yeah i couldn't if you were that couple could you imagine having fun but yeah it's in pasadena they they're like we live right down the street. People consume entertainment in different ways. You're right.

I did a show at a club I was featuring. And it was this late show. And literally, there was 12 people at a club. It was nuts. And the headliner had the flu. And right before I'm going up, he was like hey man can you do like 30 35 and i was like yeah sure and uh and then i go and we look out there and he's like i'm sorry man yeah sorry how many people was it it was like third 12 or 13 yeah it was but and they were all scattered and i made them all oh you gotta do that yeah one woman was

by herself she was just visiting on business. And I literally got everyone's name. It was just so cool. And the headliner just made it a person. It ended up being the best show of the weekend. It was great. Yeah. Sometimes the small crowds are more fun because they're so engaged.

Yeah. It was awesome. Yeah. Last night was tough because everybody's kind of spread out. And so it was a benefit for the fire department down there there you go so all the firefighters were like sitting in the back not laughing a little bit here and there they like the dirty stuff yeah more so than anything but uh at the beginning of the night a guy was talking to us and uh it was so funny he was talking about about he caught his son watching porn on his PSP or something like that. And I was like, God, it must be so hard having kids with all that technology.

There's so much shit out there. He goes, oh, man, I tell you, all types of porn are out there. What you can do, you just type any word, any word. And then you put.tumblr.com after it, you see anything. I love that's how he looks for porn. Bro, you know there's actual porn sites. But the best part is he doesn't know how to say Tumblr.

He just figured out that it's T-U-M-B-L-R. I'm sure he's the type feet dot well he wanted that he wanted that that wreck that that recognition of like halfway of like halfway of spelling it of like you like recognizing that he's spelling tumblr you're like oh i know that okay yeah okay you're hip i get it i get it i love that yeah tumblr says porn yeah yeah like that's what he thinks tumblr is poor yeah i also i hope that god what does he think what does he think pinterest is i can't talk but yeah then uh this is before the show's tumblr like people use google i was gonna say like his mind's the google he's like he thinks sex is like is planning a wedding that's what he thinks sex is oh yeah

like young wedding tumblr he um but yeah then uh it was weird he's i don't know how it came out of this but he was like and you know these bleeding hard liberals they uh they say uh you shouldn't hit your kids but it works you know i spank my son and i'm like uh this is before the show starts like this is my audience oh my god and uh but it was like in that moment you can't say anything like yeah disagree you're just like yeah well he goes look i mean my dad my daddy he hit me with a two by four and i turned and I turned out okay. That's the best. And then I was sitting there with another comic, and he just goes, seems like that's a little too far, right? He goes, well, it wasn't a two-by-four.

It was actually a piece of wood that he fashioned a handle on. I'm like, oh, my God. He said because he was a scoutmaster. Yeah, because my daddy was a scoutmaster. Fuck. Yeah, and then you want to point out, like, do you see the cycle of, like, my daddy hit me and then I hit my kid? Yeah. And then you just have to be like, yeah.

But I was fucking with him. I was like, God, well, at least you're, like, softening up. What did your, like, grandpa do? Did he, like, hit your dad with a truck or something? Yeah. And he goes, yeah, I guess not so bad. Just murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All the people in our family were murdered by 14. That's just what we did. I'm just happy as hell I made it. So I can figure out T-U-M-B-L-R. But yeah, it was like, that kind of bummed me out

before the show too. I was like, oh man. That is so depressing. Yeah. And then it's like, fuck, am I going to be able

to relate to these people? Yeah. But that's, I tried. Josh knows up there. He's like, you got to beat your kids, everybody. It's hard. Yo, kids. Get those knows up there. He's like, you got to beat your kids, everybody.

It's hard. Yo, kids. Get those two by fours. All right, we're all going to go to Lowe's. Wait, I forgot. What's the fucking? Lowe's? No, it would have been, the better reference would have been.

Home Depot? Home Depot. Lowe's is fine. It's all about getting yourself to a point of not giving a fuck anymore. Yes. That's like, so you can have fun and relax. Yeah. Because it is fucking crushing, and you're not going to get anything back.

So you might as well just do it for yourself. I know. But also, since you're not getting any laughs. But you have to do it for those people. 30 minutes? Yeah. You're going to burn through material so quick. Because even if somebody thinks

something's funny there's seven people and they're not laughing they're not laughing yeah so you're just talking and talking and i yeah and i did all right i had to talk to the audience a little bit and stuff so i mean it's like it wasn't terrible but it was like god i wish i would have like not given a fuck so it's so hard not to but it was like just trying to get in that vibe of like all right all right fucking fucking let's have fun but like sometimes you can't reach that zen of like i don't agree with these people i doubt we get along with anything but it's like that's kind of beautiful in a way of like fuck it whatever we're all here yeah try to relate but i mean i can't even i don't that makes it so much that's like another level of just like of someone of like knowing that your audience is actively like into shit that you're so

fucking against yeah yeah is it like another level than of the they're just being like four people there yeah and there's oh my god there's a blue lives matter flag behind us no yeah you didn't see that yeah that's great i would feel so uncomfortable they they had fun and like tommy tommy simbazo crushed afterward he just told stories and you know talked about like his mom and her sex toys and stuff and then it turned out one of the women there she had sex toys and like sold them to her son or something so it was like they just wanted to have fun too but yeah yeah comedy is a sex toy it is sex toys are for everyone hi i'm comedy is for everyone for okay children everyone deserves comedy sure that's not true fuck that not everyone i'm kidding i don't

know man some people just don't want it dude people don't like oh so many people don't want it yeah we are like trump does not like. He doesn't like jokes. Nobody in the White House right now, like... No. ...likes art in any way. Oh, yeah. They think art's gay, dude. They really fucking do. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, like, he didn't even go to the fucking White House Correspondents Dinner. No. Oh, my God. That was really good this year. Yeah, he was great. Hasan Minhaj. Hasan Minhaj killed it, dude.

But, yeah, the second best thing he's done this year, next to playing in the NBA Celebrity All-Star Game during All-Star Weekend. Oh, I saw that, yeah. It was fucking incredible. Really? Oh, my God, yeah. Does the Biebs still play in that? No. No.

Who was, like, the big headliner? You know who dominates that game for now three years in a row? Who? Is Wynn Butler, lead singer of arcade fire no i swear to oh because he's fucking god yeah too right and he's good he's got hands and down low he's like he catches passes and just like rebounds and finishes all night all day long yeah wow because he's kind of a big dude too so i guess if you just post up under there he's won mvp like twice in a row whoa yeah it's fucking awesome

you remember when they won the grammy everyone was like who the fuck is arcade but like twitter was just like yeah black twitter was like what the fuck is this um yeah there's 14 white people on stage talking about haiti can we get them off please no no wait stop one of them is haitian one of them is haitian for real one of them is yeahian. One of them is Haitian. For real? One of them is? Yeah. Damn. Aren't they just like 14 hipsters from Canada? No, half of them are from Canada. Half of them are like the Butler brothers are from Texas. Oh, shit.

I didn't know about that. I thought they were all Canadian. I'll be damned. No, yeah, Texas. But he like went to school in Canada, I think. Okay. Okay, Blair. Cool. So now that we've read the Canada, I think. Okay. Okay, Blair. Cool.

So now that we've read that. Celebrity All-Star Game. Fire's Wikipedia page. Yeah. Damn, dude. They're a good band. No, we shouldn't get into that. What do you want to get into?

The drama it caused on Facebook. The what? Nothing. Oh, you're not on Facebook. No, thank God. Oh, that's one thing I have not missed whatsoever. Nobody gives a shit. Was it bad? Is it bad? I was kind of an asshole about things. Oh, that's one thing I have not missed whatsoever. Was it bad?

Is it bad? I was kind of an asshole about things. Oh, no. You had good intent, but the execution was flawed. Let's talk it out. I tried to do like a Kurt Metzger. No, you didn't. Called out a...

Oh, buddy. It went really well for Kurt Metzger when he did that, right? Oh, buddy. Not a rape thing. Why? Why? Why did you do that? I want Oh, buddy. It's not a rape thing. Why? Why? Why did you do that? I want to know in your head what you think I did.

You argued with a woman who was talking about feminism. No. You did not do that. I just called out a local venue for having a cover charge and not paying their comics. Okay. In a really shitty way because I didn't go to them. Oh, that's right. I forgot that's how the Metzger thing started.

It was because it was like, they were like, UCB doesn't pay their comics and the women were like, yeah, they also rape women and then everyone's like, yeah, we don't care about that. They don't pay the comics. We don't fucking care about sexual assault. I need my $18. Okay, so, okay so okay the venue okay

really like started in uproar with a couple people that i didn't think was gonna happen but uh i stand by my thought on you wanted to make sure people were getting paid and yeah should have gone to the source first before like a public of like, yo, this is bullshit. Yeah. And which is like, I don't know why I did it because I do hate when people do that shit. Yeah. That is like the shaming on Facebook and like social media. So and I've been a victim of it.

It never changes. But also it's like this is the perfect example because the people you are trying to get to correct their behavior only lashed out even further right like nobody responds to like hey you're being a fucking idiot like oh tell me more yeah i got in this really interesting conversation about mansplaining yeah uh i was trying to tell me explain it to me i was in a debate with two women in front of mine who are I was breaking down mansplaining

this is the Rube Goldberg machine of our time this is just like watching someone I had to explain to two women how the most appropriate way to respond to mansplaining is because because if you're so aggressive here's the thing dude most people don't fucking know what mansplaining is they don't know they're doing it they don't know like most people

don't know what it is they don't know that they're doing it and like i think mansplaining is like a term that is used by like pieces of shit like us but for the most of america they don't know what it is they don't know they're doing it So then when you fucking come at somebody so aggressive like that, they're just going to buckle down even harder. So I told my friends, I was like, she said she works in construction and she's tired of guys always either complimenting her for picking out the right tool, which is shitty. That should not happen. Or just trying to give her advice when she clearly doesn't need it. her for like picking out the right tool which is shitty that should not happen and or like just trying to give her advice when she clearly doesn't need it and i was oh my god what a nightmare but it is a nightmare but these dudes are probably like not college educated dudes aren't exposed

to like woke culture or even any kind of like feminist theory or i could you know what i mean so if that's kind of classist though like to assume that just because they're not educated meaning that they're like gonna be like more crass because that's not my fucking experience oh really i mean yeah of course like edge like education and money does not mean like true it's gonna fucking like yeah see yeah this is where it gets so tough make you less privileged i understand but yeah this is like it gets so tough. Make you less privileged. But do you get what I'm saying? I understand, but yeah, this is like. If your response to them is just, well, fuck you. I know what I'm doing. Like, you're just, you don't have to mansplain to me.

They're going to be like, what the fuck? Like, in their head. But you don't know, but you don't know what it's like on the other end. And I will always say I don't. Like, systemically, like, oppressively, like, every day in every facet of your life. Your everyday interactions to change i think like if you're just kind and explain to someone like yo when you say that this is how i feel i would prefer if you didn't i think that's where we are at right now as far as like the

progression of of fucking taking down the patriarchy is like at this point it's like it's a really really dangerous scary part that's like extra fucking combative because we have this fucking we have a rapist as a president that's true yeah um and then and so it's like it's a fucking crazy it's a crazy fucking time and it's scary and it's like i mean like the the domestic assault is like is a fucking plague man yeah and it's fucking scary and so like i think that dudes just have to step down at all at all points on it but like that it's a it's that part of like the mansplaining or like on a construction site like i don't know what that's like i don don't know what a dynamic is on a fucking construction site.

You have to feel like prey surrounded by predators all the time. And it's also, like, such a, like, when you think of, like, the cliched, like, catcalling, it's a bunch of construction workers, like, hollering at a young woman. But, like, imagine, like, being on the job site with them. So it's, like, that's progress now. It's, like, it's like that's progress now it's like right yeah it's fucking crazy though women too i see it at my bar like bars are really really bad places and there could be really great places and it surprises me all the fucking time to see like

people the way that they react to like sex and fucking and their dicks yeah it's a crazy thing yeah uh no it's uh especially with like uh the political climate i think it is really tough because it's like those dudes no shit is changing and they're just like holding on so hard yeah like uh sally yates when she testified before congress this past week she She crushed so hard. It was fucking awesome. And somebody tweeted, they're like, man, it's almost like Sally Yates has been dealing with condescending men her entire career. But so she knew how to take it.

It sucks that she knows, like, okay, you're treating me like a fucking asshole. Like when Ted Cruz is like, doesn't the Constitution say? And she's like, no, it actually, this is what, you know, I see what you're trying to do. that like but like that level of like unflappable it's like it only be like it only exists because of like systemic daily like fucking oppression and all right yeah you guys are right i'm wrong i don't know it's not that that. No, you're right. It's not that. You're not wrong, but this is where the thing... It's so much more delicate.

That's what I was saying. In this progressive time, that is the tough thing because there's no black and white thing. So when you go like, hey, maybe just make a joke and kind of chill out. And then it's like, well, no, there's a whole other layer. There's always something for you to be like, you're trying to be nice and be like, well, maybe they're not the most educated people. And then it like well no wait a minute that's not fair to say

that just because they're not educated doesn't mean they don't know every it's the backlash it's the back it's dealing with the backlash of the backlash of the backlash and you have to fucking like rub that shit down with aloe vera like at all at every stop just be like i'm not i'm not like attacking you i'm not attacking you i'm not attacking you yeah well yeah that's so funny like uh which is that's what you have to do with like with met like i've had fucking i've had twitter beasts with metzger and like with other people you've had twitter beasts with metzger yes like what happened i fucking went tony hinchcliffe did my show i've and like did like a really horrible rape joke and i fucking uh called him out on twitter

and then his army including kurt metzger like attacked me for like three days for being a hipster piece of shit who fucking hates comedy um and i want to make everything pc and i want everything to be about disney and aladdin and and teddy bears and that's and like that's that's what they think my extreme is right or like those people who are like pc people and like that's not it man like i fucking love cum jokes all the fucking blood and farting and all that shit like so i mean like that like to get defensive about that stuff is what i do it's like i do. I've been on the extreme. I try to be less on the extreme. And I think at the end of the Metzger situation,

he came out way more understanding. And at the end, he kind of went through something. Yeah, totally. It was really hard and shitty to watch, but it was progress. Yeah. That seems to be the cool thing about him too is that he will say like oh okay i was wrong or now i see this

differently because that happened with the ucb rape thing too yeah like and he was like oh i talked to her like this is way different than i thought it was yeah so man i i can see the tony hinchcliffe thing it was bummer um But it was also like I was on mushrooms and I said a bunch of shit on Twitter I shouldn't have said. And that was like really weird and like escalated everything. And like. Social media. It's the worst. Because it's like.

Mushrooms, man. Also like. Because what my problem. My. The mistake that I made. And the mistake that a lot of people make is because of social media. They take that shit public when it should be a private matter. like talk about this stuff in a private way like yeah if you would have pulled tony hinchcliffe aside and be like hey man what the fuck versus like making it

a public issue you know but but yeah i mean you fucking you're gonna do huh what are you gonna do it's a weird like it's a weird power struggle it's a weird dynamic that uh i mean i don't know how comedy was before i started doing comedy but in like in comedy it feels like it's like ongoing this thing of like the pc anti-pc like yeah it's so weird well it's funny because i think i do fall more on the anti-pc like i love kurt metzger i think he's one of the best working comedians today and uh but then also like like i mean i don't think you're like a disney like i think you're you know like i right like i'm like like i love patrice o'neill i don't agree with anything that guy says but i loved his comedy like yeah it's

funny i i think his views of women are disgusting oh sure his jokes are amazing and i'll laugh at them yeah to me like it something can be funny even if i it doesn't agree with my political that's the big that's the big thing and then but a lot of people aren't like that yeah and and that's okay yeah but it just sucks when you do comedy and you get attacked because you're just not making jokes that are on their side. It's like, fuck yourself. Which then, too, is antithetical to what they're saying. They're like, I'm so progressive, but you shouldn't say that.

It's like, that's not very progressive, is it? It's not. I don't think it is. It isn't progressive. That is progressive. And I don't think it's a silencing issue. I think it's, again, like a reaction to the silencing issue. It's like, you can say that you

can you can definitely i've never i've never said that you like shouldn't make a rape joke you can you have the right to say whatever the fuck you wanted a micro and i have the right to criticize and like then we have to fucking talk about it if you're gonna say if you're gonna say something that flagrant like and that like legitimately actively button pushing like you're but right he it's a whole joke it's a whole thing i don't want to get into it okay sorry but it's like because i've talked about a lot and people like to get me worked up about it in the past like people have done that and like talk about it and they're like oh i'm not trying to get you worked yeah uh no i like but it was like he he was it was at the end of his set it was a very

low turnout show it was my show that i hosted um that's like on the east side of los angeles which is like you know where the hipster comedians are and not like the comedy store like right club comics right so that's like the like the west side story of it um the jazz sharks yeah yeah and so you guys were snapping and he wasn't doing well he was like he wasn't doing like he was doing his he's an insult comic like yeah he did you know like did you have apprehensions of booking him i had no idea who he was i'd never heard of him it was the first show that we had an independent booker um and he just showed up i'd never fucking heard of him. Dang.

And he was not doing well, was not doing well. And then he got upset that he wasn't doing well because he felt the crowd was judging him. He was like, you know, the assholes get tighter the farther east I come and that shit. And then he fucking did this joke knowing it was yeah knowing how fucking offensive was and it was it's really like really fucking gnarly rape joke in my opinion uh he said the sentence um it was good rape jesus christ in the like in the joke and like yeah statistically speaking one in five women suffer sexual assault yeah if there are fucking 20 people at your comedy show guess what guess what the numbers dictate

yeah and like knowing that that's what you're trying to do to someone's night i fucking if i want to i then i took mushrooms which is like a really bad thing to do because i was like was this later that night after the show after the night and we were hanging out partying and like some friends were in town from atlanta and it was really rad uh-huh but i took mushrooms and i couldn't get it i can't get over it because it was like such a bullying thing yeah and i have a thing where i have to bully bullies and it's a thing that i'm trying to get over that i like came through from that whole thing but that's it's a good impulse too though where you're like i want to make this right so it's not necessarily wrong but it's just like yeah but it's again like at a crossroads again it's like it's a very fucking like yeah but male thing and like a macho thing

and it's a version of that that it's like right like i don't have a problem with people attacking people for what they say and holding accountable for it yeah i just have a problem with like trying to get people fired or saying someone's a bad person making all these like character judgments and shaming people where it's like yeah they said a joke you didn't like and it's cool to like try to have an argument with them of why it's not cool right but like don't fucking go after their jobs and shit that's insane also that's some other i mean that's some yeah and that happens that happened to me it was insane like that's fucking crazy and you're not gonna change that person's mind no it's like why why

not try to be like hey this is why this is wrong versus like i want to take away your livelihood yeah that's crazy you think that's gonna be like oh yeah i really did fuck up i want to fucking destroy you yeah and that's the thing that's bothering me like you know like i made a joke i'm not gonna say what it was and i put on Facebook and my grad program found out because somebody screenshotted it, sent it to me. Is this what you're talking about recently? This is what happened? It was a good rape joke, right? No, I did not make a rape joke.

This happened to me when I was in grad school two years ago. It just spread like crazy. All these school psychologists in the city were spreading it and just saying I'm offensive and blah blah blah and you're right you are on a tight rope like the two worlds that you like fucking like live in are so opposite i know and the podcast we recorded saying this one is gonna give me a lot of anxiety i don't give a shit i don't care

i mean like i'm at the point like if i do get fired for some bullshit then it's like whatever because yeah i don't know you're like a roast battle at like oberlin college like that's what like yeah that's tough oh my god i would love to do a roast battle like a very fucking like or even like goucher see i think that's funny yeah dude i would love to do that that'd be so funny uh but so like all these people went after me that sucks and said all this shit about me and i know who some of those people are and now i know them personally because i work with them this is from the comedy side or from the the school side and it's like dude like yeah what okay maybe you don't

say shit publicly but like you have have said some real fucked up shit. And then it becomes an issue about transparency. Real fucked up shit about minorities that we work with. Yikes. Go fuck yourself. You have beliefs that don't even come anywhere near my heart. And that's the crazy... I've heard people say the shittiest stuff

about poor black people. Yeah, it's like, no, you're actually hateful. Yeah, you're hateful, but you just like, I don't know, like mask it, mask it. And like, you,

uh, like fit into your like middle class white mold of professionalism that I don't give a shit about. Like it's, uh, it's so disgusting, man. And that's why,

why I get so worked up about that. Oh my God. Yeah. That's all of, and I see that. And that is so understandable. Like, because that exists and like

that's why transparency is such a big issue but then it's also like too much transparency i'm kind of glad that happened to me because one i think yeah like it kind of made me a smarter comedian and choose my words more carefully but also it like i was going down that like harry kondabolu path and it i was like fuck these people and i'm like so glad i'm not like down that path because uh yeah because like being too political yeah and like not doing jokes too righteous too righteous and political not like you know he can do whatever he wants right i just don't want to be that exactly i mean that's what the it's like the polar opposite of like the other argument like you're gonna like that's the thing i came out with like tony hinchcliffe exists in the world he is a very

successful comedian and he's always going to be successful comedian and i am also going to be doing comedy at the same time where that person exists in that in comedy and like that's just the way it's going to be and there's like enough audience members and hopefully jesus fucking christ you knock on wood that there's gonna be enough audience for everyone but like right that yeah it's also so funny it's like i feel like harry yeah what no yeah he's the tony henchcliffe of the left so it's like you know so yeah you gotta kind of pick your shit as far as that goes like i who do you want to be like like you're saying like i don't want to be that like i'd rather have the freedom because

it's like i'm also a fucking idiot i'm gonna fuck up like yeah but it also like that specifically mirrors so much of like what like tore apart the left like during this election was like we have to fucking find common ground between stop cannibalizing bernie and hillary like we agree on 99.9 percent of things it's the fucking worst yeah i think comedy is the fucking answer and i think that we can like because like oh man i don't know about that no you're right we're gonna change this country this podcast is changing i think if we drink enough coffee and smoke enough weed. Right.

Yeah. And stay on the internet. I don't do that, though. I just drink coffee. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Well, if we have good times. Yeah, we'll have good times.

Yeah. We'll drink some coffee. Yeah, I don't know. We'll fucking save the Democratic Party. We have to actually wrap up pretty soon. Yeah. But this actually got pretty deep and enlightening. It got good.

I liked it. Towards the end. It's a long end. We're going from TV and pizza to like, here's a problem with America. I thought that would happen. Oh, man. Everyone needs a TV and a pizza. Whatever that may be.

Yeah, let's get a TV. Let's start a campaign where every child in America, fuck books. Yeah. Let's make sure they have TV and pizza in their house at all times. That might be the thing that unites to get the right on our side. Like Trump's people were like, hey, fuck books, TV. They're like, yes. Yes.

Pizza? Come on. Who doesn't like pizza? Do they even watch TV? Not what we watch. Right. That's the thing. No new Netflix shows are for them.

Right. They've got NCIS and Fox News, and they're cool. Big Bang Theory. Blue Bloods. Master of None and Girls, and that shit is bullshit to them. That's 100% true. But, like, I mean, there are, like, crossover. Like, Sopranos, I feel like, that's for...

Sopranos and kind of Sex and the City, I guess, maybe. Yeah, if we're feeling a little loose. So let's get America together. Let's get one big pizza, big tv watch some sopranos and you know we'll find some common fucking stop being oh fuck what's his name wait have you watched it yeah okay what was what's uh joe pancellione's name god what is yeah he's uh he's such a fucking dick the big dude no no like this shitty guy oh no horrible stuff yeah uh yeah don't be that guy it's raining so hard don't be that is it yeah it's raining oh yeah it is a lot yeah damn dude all right guys this was so fun

this is so much fun so fun uh thank you for having me yeah come back anytime we'll come to your place again too yeah do it you're around why the fuck not uh which what's your twitter again eric daddorian boom and an instagram too oh yeah yeah yeah yeah umar you're on stuff yeah you just find me yeah we're on stuff too check out gin and jokes every first thursday joe squared so good in baltimore and uh there's another podcast heating up the charts called the baltimore voice i don't know who's involved with it but it's really good it's just a couple it's really good. It's just a couple guys. I gotta check that out. Yeah, it's just a couple guys

using a Baltimore accent talking the whole time. So check that out. And yeah, this was fun. Listen to more episodes. We love you guys. David Koechner. Take a bow.

Bye. Digression Sessions coming to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah