The Digression Sessions - Ep. 22 If You're Not Learning, You're DEAD w/ Kathy Carson!

Episode Date: January 31, 2012

Your two favorite ear buds are back, DIGHEADS! AGAIN! How the hell are ya? This week, the very funny stand up comedian and improviser Kathy Carson joins the Josh Kuderna and the Mike Moran to talk turkey. Well, we don’t talk about turkey too much. We mostly talk about little kids in gangs and what a total jerk Mother Theresa was…and Mike Moran reveals he’s been closeted TUBTHUMPER for years and years! And please keep those ratings and comments on the iTunes coming! It really helps the podcast. Topics for this ep include, but are not limited to – gangs, picture day, dropping iTouches down storm drains, apologies, bad sci fi, jaws, and news flash – MIKE MORAN IS A TUBTHUMPER!, etc Here comes some polite begging! Like us on the FACEBOOKS! FOLLOW US ON THE TWITTERS! @DigSeshPod @Jkuderna @MichaelMoran10 For all things Kathy Carson - http://kathycarson.net/home.cfm @Kathy_Carson

Pre-show chat. Pre-show chat. Pre-show chat. Pre-show chat. The cheap version of Forrest Gump where he meets really lame people. The guy that invents the pet rock.

What do you got there, son? This here, my pet rock. That boy's a show. You should have some more of that sugar, Mr. Brimley. Well, eat up the candy, it's free. Poor skunk came over Brimley and I beat his... You can have all the ice cream you want. Well, if no one likes your music, Mr. Manson, you should just kill people.

That's what I'd say to do. I'd say you start the race war now. Oh, my God. I smell a bit here. Race war won't start itself. Mama always said race war just needs to get up and go. Well, maybe you should just try

and be a little more friendly towards them, Mr. Lewinsky. All right. Let's start the podcast. Oh, do you like cigars? I don't like cigars. You can have that one. Oh, yeah.

Oh snap. Oh sookie sookie now. Here we go. Snooki snooki. Snooki snooki snooki. Snooki. Woo. Woo. All right.

About to get buck wild in here. Yes indeedly doodly. Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast. Number 13, I think, right? No, this will be 22. Number 22, I meant. I was close. I understand how you can get confused.

They're very similar. Yeah, I mean, they both have, like, curves. Right. They're both numbers. Right. You know? There's straight lines and twos. Yeah.

If you think about it. Well, I just want to make clear, this is the Digression Sessions podcast. Oh, I thought I was appearing on Nazi Talk. They recorded the other room. Oh, that's why. It kind of smells like almonds. And that's why you wore that brown shirt, isn't it? No. No.

No. But yeah, I just wanted to make clear because I think when a lot of comedians post this, like we'll ask them to post episodes, like, hey man, I was on this podcast. Check it out. And you're like, it's in the name of a podcast. But I don't think we explicitly make it clear in the beginning. I don't think we make anything clear. Anytime. Ever.

Well, let's make it clear. We're going to make this fucking clear. What podcast is this, Mike? This is the... No. The... No. Now... Jesus Christ.

Catholic stuff you should... It's Digression Sessions. Ah! The Digression Sessions podcast. The Digression Sessions podcast. The Digression Sessions podcast. Starring the always Josh Kaderna. Josh Kaderna. Hi, everybody.

I'm Mike. I mean, Josh Kaderna. Sorry, we're off to a shaky start. Shaky, shaky start for the new listeners. That's actually accurate. I'm Josh Kaderna, one half of your favorite pair of earbuds, and sitting to my right is the always glamorous, always to my right. You might say I'm your right-hand man. You might say I'm sitting at the right hand of the father.

You might say that I veer towards right-wing politics. You're right. Hi. Hi. Mike Moran. Mike Moran. How the hell are you, Mike Moran? I'm well.

I'm very well. Good. Life is good. Yeah. Life is good. Yeah. Life is good. Oh, I can't speak for you.

Not your shit life. But I'll tell you what. I listened to a few Red Hot Chili Pepper songs today, and I am feeling good about this. If I get knocked down, I mean, have you seen me getting mighty? I think that's Chumbawamba. You know, I meant to download. I really want to download that song. I think that's one of those songs that I just realized that I liked,

that I couldn't admit that I liked until my 30s. Because I wanted to be cool before. Mike's secret shame for all these years. Well, I'm glad you admitted that. Todd Glass was on Mark Maron's podcast. And he came out that he was gay.

I know, and I'm hoping we get something similar today. I know, with our guest. Hopefully we can drop some stuff. Well, already you came out of the chumbawamba, tub thumper. I came out of the tub? You came out of the tub. I thumped out of the tub. You're a tub thumper.

You're willing to admit. You've always been a tub thumper. Pissing the night away. Well, listen, you get knocked down. Did they censor that on the radio? Pissing? They didn't change it to like sleeping the night away

or dancing the night away? It was pissing because I remember when I first learned that that's what she's actually saying. Right. Yeah. Well, to our British friends, pissing means urinating. Oh. Alright, yeah, we got some listeners over there.

How are you doing, Josh K.? You know what? I'm doing pretty good. And you mentioned, you know, how good your life is. Right. I had a really shitty thing happen to me this morning. Really? Really dumb. I was walking to my car, going to work, 7 in the morning.

Right. And I'm like, I'm going to listen to a song on my iPod before I get to my car. So I go to get my iPod out, drop it on the ground at the end of a sidewalk. I watch it slide. There's a storm drain not too far away. Oh, God. Is this going to end up with a killer clown stalking you and your friends? And then this clown hand comes out, grabs my iPod, and gives it back to me.

Can you believe that? Wow. Now you owe him a favor. I do. I do. He'll be a guest on next week's Digression Session 5. Just like the godfather meets it. Uh-huh.

Exactly. So did you lose your iPod? Lost my fucking iPod down a storm drain. Is that not the biggest kick in the nuts that one can have in this day and age? Yeah, especially on your way to work. First thing in the morning, like, well, oh, good. Now I get to listen to me. And the boring, boring office.

Instead of downloading Digression Sessions, I have to listen to myself. Sans Mike Moran. It's the worst. Yeah, so it's one of those things where you can see it happening before it happens. Like, as soon as I dropped it, it's like, oh, fuck, that's going to be on the storm drain. That was too slow to react. Right. And I go to look for it, trying to, like, get in there and grab it.

But the storm drain, the bottom is curved, and it curves right down a pipe. So there's no spot for it to just sit flat. So, yeah, that fucking sucks. Did you consider calling the water treatment plant of Baltimore City? Yeah, to dig up the road and then pave over it? Well, just be like, hey, if your medicine thing comes in, we're just blowing it up. My iPod. I mean, I'll go in there and get it.

Just call me. No. Luckily, I had a spare iPod, actually. Oh, saved by the extra iPod. Exactly. Like the old saying goes, saved by the extra iPod. I love that show. Jesse Spano.

Yeah, but Amanda, she bought a Nike book bag from a thrift store not too long ago for a dollar. And it had an iPod in it. Oh yeah, I remember her telling me that. So I'm using that bad boy now. So that was good. Were you able to get it before you went to work? I came home on my lunch hour. So what exactly did you do

on your way to work today then? I tried listening to the radio, which was god awful. Danny Bonaduce was on 98 Rock. It was really bad. I tried listening to the radio, which was god-awful. Oh, man. Danny Bonaduce was on 98 Rock. Oh, God. It was really bad. Wow. You know, he just sounds like a nuclear bomb went off in his throat.

He's like, hey, man. What was he promoting or doing? I have no idea. He was making really bad jokes, though. Like, hey, Danny, do you have any tattoos? He's like, well, no, but I want to get ab tattooed on my stomach, so I'll have some abs. Wow. It's like, wow, morning radio is the worst.

Pick up a bass and pretend to play it, Danny. That's the only time we loved you. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. But then I came home during my lunch break, got my fucking iPod. So you came all the way home. And I was able to ignore my coworkers once again. That is how dependent we are on our iPods these days.

Oh, yeah. I will tell you, though, I think the iPod has been the greatest technological resource in my life in the last, for as long as I can remember. Especially the iTouches with the internet's capabilities, which is nice. This one, the new one, does not have the internet. I mean, for me, it's, you know, I need my music. For, you know, for like a decade, I walked around with a disc man listening to music and listening to books on CD. 2000 to 2010.

Pretty much. 2009, yeah. And, you know, the iPod has just been a godsend for people like me. Shout out to Steve Jobs. Apple. Yep. iTunes. I mean, it just goes to show you, you can talk about the good old days all you want.

Uh-huh. But you couldn't have a fart app on your phone just like four years ago. How did we live? How the fuck did we live? Well, speaking of things that are heaven sent, we have a guest today. A lady. Wow. Yeah, I don't know how this happened.

I'm going to talk to our booking agent, but she slipped through somehow. Wow. She's not even wearing a dress. Jesus Christ. I'm wearing nothing at all. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. She came in for clothes while we were bantering.

Oh, no. She's an improviser, a stand-up comedian, an all-around good gal, Kathy Carson. Hi, Kathy. Hey. How are you doing, Kathy? Hey. Is it okay if I call you Kathy the catheter Carson? I just thought of that today.

Sure. People call me all kinds of things. What about you, Taffy? Cat. Cat. Cat's a good one. I could see you going that today. Sure. People call me all kinds of things. What do you call it? Taffy? Cat. Cat. Cat's a good one. I could see you going by cat. Cat.

Actually, never mind. I don't like that. Don't do that. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of a weird thing for me. So there's cat. Some people call me cath. Very few people call me cath.

What about the? What if we got the the? No, no. T-H-Y? K-dog. Carson, just K-dog. Some people do call me K-dog. Uh-huh. Just Carson. Johnny Carson. Some people do call me K-Dawg Uh huh

Just Carson Johnny Carson Some people call me Carson Carson The Cars Uh no But that I wouldn't mind that What about Arson

Nope Arson That'd be awesome No yeah That could be your name That could be your stage name Kathy Arson Arson

She's gonna burn the stage Yeah right Oh yeah Burn it up Oh yeah Yeah Oh my god That was kind of funny stage down tonight. Oh, yeah. Burning it up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. That was kind of funny.

That's a perfect review of this show. It was okay. It was kind of funny. Yeah, I answered at most things. Right. Hey, just don't call you late to dinner, right? We got Danny Bond and Dusha together over there. Yeah, just don't call me late to dinner.

Honestly, though, you probably should because I will probably be late to dinner. Right. So that will actually be on time. Well, if we're calling you late to dinner and you're late for dinner, we're not really calling you late for dinner. Exactly. You're just calling me for dinner. Right. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. So do it. Okay. Do you guys eat dinner still? I don't have a set time. Right. But I love eating dinner. I eat throughout the day.

I'm a grazer. Ever since I've become an adult I think I've completely thrown the regular human cycle structure of existence. Sometimes I just completely forget to eat. Yeah, me too. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I just completely forget to eat. Yeah, me too. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm too busy or if I'm just not thinking about it or if it's inconvenient. Right. If eating is inconvenient, why would eating ever be inconvenient? I know. There's starving people right now. What? Exactly.

I just don't have time for it. Food? No. I'm too busy in this workaday world. There's some Indian kids like, what the fuck right now? They all listen to their iPods. They're all listening to it. They stole an iPod from one of the piles of trash that they dig through in India for precious metals.

I don't think it's really theft if they found it in trash. Well, some slave owner that owns all these children is probably taking all of those things as his personal property. Stop saying bad things about him if he's listening right now. Sorry. Kathy, my father is a slave owner, and I find that really offensive.

That's okay. Apologize right now, Kathy. I can't. It's not in my being to apologize. For anything? For nothing. I apologize for nothing. I'm sorry.

Oh, no. I'm sorry, but I will not apologize. That's just a colloquialism. That's not a real apology. That's just a filler. That's just a space filler. That's like the first three songs on the second half of the album. Oh, can I please

say something about Chumbawamba? You guys were talking about Chumbawamba earlier. I don't think so. Let's move on. We've already covered the Chumbawamba segment. My mom bought that for me like the year that it came out as a Christmas present. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the rest of the album after

that fucking song It's very bizarre because you have to understand that Chumbawamba was around forever Part of weird fringe like anarchist group. Yeah, their first album had to be sold in brown bags because they're like crazy pornography On the front of it. Yeah crazy crazy pornography crazy Yes straight jackets, just fucking, wow. Just straight jackets? Sounds like you have a girl I've never dated. Yeah, that's how crazy it was.

I learned something new today. That's right. That's right. Crazy pornography. If you're not learning something, you're dead. This is an educational podcast as well. That's the words to live by right there. If you're not learning, you're probably dead.

What you're saying is that if I ever catch myself not learning, I'm likely a ghost. Like sixth sense. Yes, it's like sixth sense. Like, oh my God. Or you're just stuck in the place that you want to be. Right, but that doesn't mean I'm dead. I'm pretty sure it's when your heart stops beating. Oh, whatever.

I don't think they're in the hospital like, this man's not learning. Let's take him to the morgue. Hey, listen, I was just taking a break. Little kids in school are like, I don't understand. Like, oh, God, he's going to die any minute? Children, I have something terrible to announce. Stephen's dead. There are no children named Stephen anymore.

Really? Why? Was there some horrible dictator named Stephen in the last 10 years? They're all named, like, Connor and Justice and Hunter. Connor and Justice? Like, the two opposites? Oh, my gosh. You don't understand. Con man.

I've worked with a lot of children, and it's all these really, like, everybody's trying to, like, one-up each other without being, like, without naming their kid, like, Blue Ivy. They're trying to, like, find Blue Ivy. I think it's funny. There's a lot of kids named like Cooper, Hunter. So it's like heavy metal bands from the 80s. No, they're children named after dead cottage industries,

if you think about it. That's what it is. Steel mill. Yeah, exactly. There's a kid named Stevedore somewhere. Like, it's weird. Railroad. Yeah. There's a kid named stevedore somewhere like it's weird railroad yeah there's a kid named yellow pages coal mine yellow pages oh yellow laser disc yellow pages

myspace there's a kid shut up myspace no one likes you there was there was a kid named... Shut up, MySpace. No one likes you anymore. There was a kid, and I really feel like his parents tried to name him The. Or something bizarre like that, because they just wanted to do it to do it, basically. Do you think they'd be like, is The president? And be like, it's The. Maybe. I wouldn't doubt it. Kids are assholes now. I'm not going to talk about it a lot, but they are.

Kids today. And I love kids that's the that's the saddest thing of all but man they know too much too soon like it's totally true because they have internet in their face like a million times a day so they just know so why is that a bad thing why is it a bad thing because like kids are sarcastic now i had a seven-year-old kid be like sarcastic to me and like roll his eyes at something I was saying when I was just trying to get him to smile or something. And I was like, listen, seven-year-old, you've not been on this earth long enough to be sarcastic or cynical about anything. Could we get the seven-year-old on the show?

I hope not. He sounds charismatic and fun. Yeah, I'm sure. You're thinking it open for me. So, Kathy, you work with the Chitlins? I used to. America's youth? I used to.

You used to take photos of them. I used to be, like, picture day, I was that person. Oh, did you work for, like, Life Touch? Give me a smile. I worked for Life Touch for a while as a preschooler. You can't give me one smile, dear? Oh, my God. Yeah, no.

I can give you, like, the spiel. Let's hear it. Break it down. Okay, so it depends on what age that you're working with. With LifeTouch, I worked with preschoolers, which is zero to five-year-olds. You worked with zero-year-olds? Zero. Well, that was what it said on the little.

I cannot work with this fetus. He's not giving me anything. Listen, there were newborn babies, and parents would literally ask for their newborn babies to be awake and smiling. And it's like this kid, he barely knows he's alive at this point. Let alone smile on command. He's still pissed off from being taken out of that really warm womb at this point. He's not going to smile about anything. He's full of resentment and anger at the world.

He's sleeping all the time because he's like, oh my God, my body's just growing and I have nothing else to contribute to this world. He's depressed already. He was just born and he's totally depressed. Taking his baby food and making anarchy symbols on his table. That's right. That's right. But, yeah, so little children, it's always like, oh, God, it's just ridiculous nonsense. It's like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing makes kids smile? What? Like, I don't know. What are you doing? I don't know, man. I don't know, man. Get out of here.

I literally just got here on this planet. I don't know, man. You're crazy. I figured it out. Yeah. Come on, girl. When I was a kid, I would just kind of like, you know, I would just be myself. Right. Because I have the mindset. Did you ever get, I would just be myself. Right.

Because I have the mindset of an elementary school kid. Did you ever get a rebel who just refused to smile? Yes. All the time. All the time. And I always got them to do it. I always did. Because I was just stupid non sequitur kind of stuff.

Did you ever threaten them? Like, listen to me, you son of a bitch. Not them. I will ruin you. I'll cut your balls off and beat them to you. I will destroy you. No, never. I will make your life a living hell. Never. But the people that would work

at the daycares or the schools, they would do that for me. So I didn't have to. Listen up, you little pukes. Get your picture taken. I went to a lot of Head Starts. And Head Start is the pre-K program for low-income families. Okay.

I went to a lot of those, like in Baltimore. So Head Start on failing is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get a free meal so they can fail. I got you. I got you. Break it down. But I went to one that was in an old high school in West Baltimore, like in the ghetto.

Right, right, right. And it was in the same building as a battered women's shelter, which was. A high school is in the same building as something else? No, it used to be a high school. It used to be a high school. And now it's this Head Start program slash battered women's shelter, which I guess is convenient for the women. Two birds, one stone. Two birds, one punch. Wow.

Jeez. Oh, boy. All right. Got to edit that out. But it was weird. Because I have no prejudices against people in general unless they prove to be assholes. You know what I mean? Sure.

Right. Give the benefit of the doubt. So I get there, and I know I'm in the ghetto. I hate people in general. Sorry, continue. It's okay. And I know I'm in the ghetto, and I'm okay with it because I've been in the ghetto before, and it's fine

because when you're getting there at like 7 o'clock in the morning, I don't think people that are going to steal things are necessarily up at that point in time. Late sleepers. Racism over there. If they weren't late sleepers, they'd have real jobs. Yeah, you know, it's fine. Late sleepers. Racism over there. If they weren't late sleepers, they'd have real jobs. Yeah, exactly. They'd be, like, up going to work.

So I get there. I'm setting up. Oh, my goodness. And the parents start to come in with their kids. Uh-huh. And I notice a pattern that everybody is in blue. Everybody is in blue. And I'm like, that means something. So you're telling me this is a Crip

battered shelter in preschool? Crip? Wait, what? The Crips, the gang that wear all blue. Crips would be blue. Sorry, blood's red. I'm there. I'm with it now. I'm hip. I'm with it.

I'm hip. I'm cool. I know what the kids like. I know what's going on with the young Negroes. Kids like Perry Cuomo, right? That's still a thing, right? They love him. But yeah, it was very awkward because at one point, one of the people working at the Headstart had to tell the children no sign language, which literally means stop throwing up gang no way no i'm not

lying at all what's the crypt gang sign it was bad they were doing like west side so it was like you know like the okay okay but yeah okay but like the west side yeah yeah so they would like throw it up wow and the and the teacher had to be like no sign language yeah. Yeah. I kind of like that, though. He's like, yo, my man, I got you a chocolate milk. He's like, good looking out. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Throws up the sign. That's my boy right there.

It was fun. But now I work in an office, a stuffy, stuffy office. No, it's not that stuffy, but it's an office. Yeah. But I appreciate it. Is it a cubicle? You work in a cube? I mean, technically it is a cubicle.

You got a cube, Kathy? You got a cube? It's like a three-sided shape. Oh, we got two cube heads over here. Yeah, it's a cube of sorts. I got you. I'm kind of in this area of just openness. It's a very...

A commune. I'm in that area too, spiritually. Yeah, exactly. We're just all open and free. And then 3 o'clock is massage time. Oh, great. I wish I would be making money i know whenever when i always hear about like google and how they have nap time like at the google headquarters and adobe and stuff like that i know it sounds so fucking awesome i would get so much more worked out if i could take a nap during the day i don't know that i

would really i wouldn't be able to fall asleep i'm already distracted as it is i would probably just sleep for a really long time then get up and look at the internet like i do when i take other naps that's true i say i think i say it just because i want to take a nap just like you know i'd be more productive natural human cycle is to to wake up when you wake up without an alarm clock and to nap shortly in the middle of the day. That's what humans are supposed to do. Who says? Who says, Mike? Brian Dunning from Skeptoid.

Oh, like I fucking believe him. See, I'm skeptical. You get it? We got a Skeptoid in the house. But yeah, that's how they do it in like España and parts of South America. They have the siesta. Right. And that sounds fucking great. Which is Spanish the siesta. That sounds fucking great.

Which is Spanish for... Siesta. Not giving a fuck. Wait, what? It's not give a fuck time. That's the up speak on the end. The question. Not give a fuck time?

It's not give a fuck time. It's not give a fuck time, man. It's not give a fuck. So what's no give a fuck time, man. It's no give a fuck. So what are you doing in an office now, Kathy? I work at a law firm. We do. Is it anything like the John Kershaw novel? No.

Well. There I was up against a bunch of hot shot lawyers. Just me. Just me? Just me. Just me and my iPod. About 150 years of experience in the room, and then there's just me. No.

It's not anything like that. Nothing like Matt Damon and John Grisham's Rainmaker? I wish. Holy crap, I wish Matt Damon worked in my office and did a really shitty southern accent. That would be awesome. You've never seen that? The Rainmaker. John Grisham's The Rainmaker?

Danny DeVito, Matt Damon. Never heard of it. John Voight. Oh, a while ago. I'd say late 90s, early aughts. Early aughts. But personally, I like The Client. Yeah, The Client's good.

The Client was good. Had a young Brad Redfro, if you remember that. Yep, I remember. A young, what's her nuts? Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones.berts was in it no she wasn't it was mary louise parker you're thinking of the pelican brief oh yeah yeah which i also enjoyed susan sarandon was a client susan sarandon those are like great movies for me at

that age when i like middle school like they weren't r you know i could go see them and they're like somewhat intelligent you know right they would. But they weren't completely boring either. They would be on TV all the time too. Like Cinemax would always rerun it. I love the Pelican Brief. That's a good movie. Which one was that? That's Denzel.

What happens in that one? So she writes, Julia Roberts writes a brief about her theory on who killed these two Supreme Court justices. Oh, right. And it turns out that it's Wright. So they're trying to find her to kill her. Because she's the only one who's put it together. I think I like the client better. Somehow, there's

really intelligent people, or I would think intelligent people, working on these murder cases, and this little two-bit, two-lane law student is the only one who can figure it out somehow. There's been things like that that have happened before. I guess. I just don't like Julia Roberts,

but I enjoy that. I had such a huge crush on her when I was a kid. Really? She's got such a big mouth. She does. And I don't mean like she's just a loud mouth, because I've got a big mouth. She physically has a big mouth. She physically has a big mouth. There's nothing wrong with that. That can be attractive sometimes, I think. On the right people.

Just a big soup cooler. I feel like she could... Lots and lots of porcelain. I feel like she could fit a softball in her mouth with no problems. I'd like to see that movie. And I think that's a problem. Yeah, Julia Roberts, she's pretty, but I don't think she's hot. I don't have much of an infatuation with her or any other Hollywood starlet in my adult years.

But as a young teenager, or maybe preteen, I remember being completely infatuated with her for a long time. Is that a pretty woman thing, you think? No. No? I don't think I ever really saw a pretty woman all the way through. Oh, really? I didn't actually see it for the first time until I was mid-20s

or something. As a kid, I just thought it was boring. I was like, oh my god, George Costanza's an asshole. Oh my god. Did you see that Jason Alexander has hair now? Like he wears a toupee? How do you know he didn't get plugs or join the hair club? Well, either way,

he has fake hair on top of his hair. What about the hair club for Mennonites? He should just own it. He's owned it for so long. Just own the fact that you're bald. Right. Look at Patrick Stewart. Well, Jeremy Piven got away with it. No, he doesn't, but he owns it.

He's an attractive bald man. He is. Jeremy Piven was bald for the longest time and then got hair, which was suspect. But Jeremy Piven wasn't on one of the biggest shows of all time. Yeah, and Jeremy Piven with a bald head is probably pretty ugly because he's kind of like middling at best right now. Maybe he feels like he's been typecast because he hasn't really had much of a career since Seinfeld.

But you don't really need one. He has so much fucking money. He could do whatever he wants. So what? You still don't want to be typecast. But he was on Broadway. I was about to say, he can do as much theater as he fucking wants. He can finance his own movies

and write his own scripts. Why isn't he pulling Kevin Smith? He could make little independent movies. He probably couldn't just pitch some big budget movie. The thing totally fucking backfires because he's like, hey, I have hair. I'm ready for that big budget movie. They're like, no, you're weird.

America thinks you're weird. America knows you're fucking bald. They don't want you to star in a movie with hair. I'm just saying there's nothing wrong with being the desire to not be typecast no matter how famous you are. Yes, but it's a bit extreme when everybody knows you as bald George Costanza. Like when Cisco changed his hair color to silver. That's right. Nothing wrong with that.

Shout out to Sisko, Baltimore's own. That's right. I think they're playing at Bourbon Street or something soon. I saw it in the Baltimore Sun. Let's all go. Let's go. Fuck yeah.

You know Sisko got discovered because of that singing fudge place in the Inner Harbor. Yep. Entertainment. Let's all go. All right. Let's go. Fuck yeah. Fuck. Cisco. You know, Cisco got discovered because of that singing fudge place in the Inner Heart. I knew he worked there. I wasn't sure. I didn't know that's where he... Yeah, supposedly that's like where he got discovered. I don't know if that's true. Oh my gosh. So there's like a talent scout going through this like...

I've heard that too. Okay. Yeah. That place is awesome. Is it? Yeah, just because of the fudge. I don't care about the singing. Is the fudge really good? I don't think I've tried it.

Fudge is fudge. I mean, unless it's really shitty like your grandma can't cook fudge. Fudge is pretty good no matter what. Fudge is fudge. Fudge is fudge. That's what I live by. Remember the books about fudge? Yes. Super fudge. Did you love them? I never read them. Oh, they're awesome. Dude, at that point in my life

I was totally on to bigger and better things. What? Like what? I read Jurassic Park when I was eight. Nuh-uh. I did. What?

And then my mom rewarded me by taking me to see the movie in theater. Did you understand it? No. There are very big chunks that I could not understand because it was science. I tried to read adult books when I was a kid, like Lord of the Flies. Yeah. And I would only really tune in for like the the action parts and the parts where they've fucked with the fat kid yeah yeah like the parts where there's cursing

and or violence right right or something of that but like you know simon's conversation with the pig yeah really keep my interest really i wasn't doing it for you actually you know what i think maybe i did tune in for that because it was just so bizarre. And I still think it's pretty bizarre. As well you should. I never had to read that book either. What book? Lord of the Flies.

Nope, never had to read it. I never had to read it and I never got around to reading it. The reason I liked it is because I saw the newer film version of it in like 1990. Yeah. And it like shocked and horrified me in ways that I had never been shocked before. Really? Yeah. It gave me nightmares. I was kind of past the age where like scary movies

freaked me out a whole lot. I was watching horror movies pretty young. yeah, it tapped into a part of my psyche that I was not familiar with and introduced me to depraved new ways of thinking. You know what did that for me? Glitter with Mariah Carey. I couldn't sleep for a week.

You know what really freaked me out as a kid was Hey Dude. Do you remember that show? Did we go over this before? Are you thinking of Are You Afraid of the Dark? No. It was the camp show. Yeah, that was Hey Dude.

No, Salute Your Shorts. Salute Your Shorts. That's what it was. There was an episode about an evil plumber that anybody that touched this plunger would be visited by an evil plumber. Wow. And that scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. Was it like the Halloween episode or something? Yeah, but it wasn't even that scary.

It was just one night. I think it was Buttnick was going to to the bathroom and I was just a creepy guy like plunging a toilet and he was like that scared the shit out of me I remember that like like catching just a glimpse or an image of something as a child that would just like stay imprinted in my mind yeah I've never been a big horror guy either so do you remember that show eerie Indiana by any chance it was on like five it was on Fox it was at the time of is it based off a I've never been a big horror guy either. Do you remember that show Eerie Indiana by any chance? It was on Fox.

It was on Fox. It was at the time of, is it based off of Goosebumps or something? No, they had a show that was based off of the Goosebumps books. But this was a whole, this was like this kid from New York moves to this town called Eerie Indiana with his family. And it's eerie. And it's full of weird things that happen. My favorite episode ever right no my favorite episode is when because indiana doesn't do daylight savings for some reason i don't know why

neither does arizona yeah i don't know i don't don't understand why but they just don't i think it's awesome yeah whatever we don't fucking need i mean yeah who cares about daylight savings people think that's like people think that's a thing that was actually like invented. Right. It's, isn't it like just more to keep stores open and like get people shopping? I think it was something to do with farmers when they first started. I think that's a myth. I'm pretty sure I heard recently that that was a myth.

What? That it had anything to do with farming. Oh, really? Yeah. Because I mean, you just can go out and farm whenever the sun comes up. You don't need there to be time. I feel like it didn't start until, like, the 40s or something. I think so, and I think it was to keep businesses moving.

That's probably true. Because in the winter, people would come out less. Yeah. But wouldn't you want to just do that all the time, then? Then have more sunlight all the time? I mean, I understand you're going to have less in the winter. Well, you can't control the sunlight, Cash. You're going to have a little bit less in the winter.

And yes, I can, Kathy. All right? I'll show you and everybody that I can control the sun. Prove us wrong. But yeah, you would still have more sunlight, though, right? Wouldn't you? What do you mean? Into the later hours, you would have sunlight still.

You would have more sunlight in the... Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. You know, like it gets dark now at five but it would get dark at six versus five in the winter like there would still be you know what i mean right yeah because it gets darker earlier right because we went an hour back now if we go if we just keep it the same throughout the year it would just get dark around six but if we i don't know i don't want to think about yeah i don't even really understand how it works. But anyway, the point is... Somebody write in and tell us how Daylight Savings works, please. digression.sessions at gmail.com

In this episode, he thinks it's bullshit that they don't have Daylight Savings. So he turns his clock back and he gets sent into this parallel dimension that is like the lost hour of time. That must have been so awesome. Like the Langoliers? Yes, exactly. That's what it reminded me of and i thought it was i i love i love situations like that where it's like you're the only one left and it's exactly like it was but there's nobody there i think that shit is awesome i want to get to the langoliers thing because i don't know what that is but first of all how awesome must have been to be a writer on that show it must have been so easy

It's like he goes back in time. It's like how it's like. Oh, I just sets his clock back. Yeah When they do something like that in the horror story Absolutely no explanation Just run with that yeah, or even actually no explanation is okay sometimes, but like a really really lame explanation that makes Explanation is better than like a really shitty lame explanation that makes no explanation is better than like a really shitty like shoddy right because you could just say okay this is their reality versus like oh he accidentally set his clock back like what if somebody forgot to that's what i like about sci-fi honestly they set their alarm wrong and they're like oh fuck i'm in the

revolution that's why i like sci-fi because if want to, you can just make it like that's the way your universe works. You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to. Stephen King rarely explains phenomena. Oh, and that's what The Langoliers is, Josh. It's a Stephen King novel that they made into a TV movie. Balki Bartokomis is in it. Bartokomis. Good pull on the last name.

There's a lot of random people in there that you would recognize. So I'm guessing this must have come out in the late 80s, early 90s. Yes, exactly. When Balky was hot. Actually, like, 94, probably. Yeah, yeah, 94. Early 90s. I would call that early 90s.

Was that when Balky's kind of... I think it was after Perfect Strings. It was after, I think. I think this may have been his big comeback. A TV film. Well, He was in Beverly Hills Cop Yeah he was Serge He was the guy selling machine guns No no he worked at the art

At the art gallery He worked at the art gallery I love that movie So The Langoliers was What was the plot of that? They flew into yesterday, right? They're on a plane, and the plane goes through some kind of weird wormhole time disturbance thing.

Right. And they end up in a parallel universe where the Langoliers are these monsters that eat you. Well, I thought they wound up in yesterday, and there's these monsters that fly around and eat yesterday. So it disappears. That's it. That's it. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they fly into like their own time except for it's yesterday and no one else is there. That's right. And all the soda's flat. Like nothing has a taste. No, I thought it was like everything tasted really good. No, no, no. It's the opposite. I feel like this is the best soda ever.

No, it's the opposite. Really? I swear they're like, wow, this beer is so good. Crystal pe good. No, no, no. It's the opposite. Remember, I feel like this is the best soda ever. No, it's the opposite. Really? I swear they're like, wow, this beer is so good. Crystal peck. No, the beer was flat. The beer was flat, but when they get back on the plane, everything's normal. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. So then the Langoliers are the things that fly around and eat everything. Yes. And don't they eat Balki's legs? They eat Balki, I think. Okay. And the other people. Spoiler alert.

Excuse me. Bronson Pinchot. Bronson Pinchot. For anybody who doesn't understand what Balky Bartok is. Yeah, of. But you know Bronson Pinchot. What was that VH1 show? Of the Surreal House fame or whatever it was.

Oh, was he on that? Surreal Life. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. He was Vince Neil in Flavor Flav. He was probably so mad that he had to be on that show. No, I bet he was thanking his lucky stars. Because he hadn't done anything for over a decade.

I mean, there's got to be a piece of yourself. If you find yourself on that show, there's got to be a piece of yourself that is just dying inside. Oh, sure, sure. You're like, oh, I have to do this. You're not on the A-list anymore. Yeah. It's a real life. No, not even close.

You're on the D-list. Right. Yeah. Vince Neal, he was a giant drug addict, right? He's a drunk. He's a drunk. I think he's a massive alcoholic. Yeah, he's gross. He's never gotten sober. He's gross looking.

Forget those guys. He even killed a guy while drunk driving. That's right. Wasn't it a friend of his or something? Yeah, it was a guy from a band called Hanoi Rocks. Was in the car with him, and then they ended up killing – they injured an old couple. They caused permanent brain damage to someone else.

Okay, I thought somebody got paralyzed or something. Yeah, might as well kill somebody, though. You know what I mean? Permanent brain damage. I don't know how severe the brain damage was. Still, it's brain damage of any sort. But that pretty much revokes your license to drink after that, I think. I think so.

And he got a DUI last year. Good lord. Yeah. Yeah, and he has that tattoo of his daughter's name. Please tell me it's misspelled. No. It is really white trash. It's like a fake necklace that he has tattooed, and then in the middle is a

heart with her name. I thought it was a crucifix. It's either a crucifix or a heart. Either way yeah let's just chalk it up to white trash but the best yeah the best is that he's still like super wasted all the time and he's like fat bloated there's this tattoo for his daughter who died of cancer and he's just a total mess the video there's a video online of him uh at a show where he's so drunk that he can't sing. And so the guy who replaced him in Motley Crue in the 90s gets on stage and sings for him. They got a replacement singer? Yeah, they kicked him out. Yeah, the replacement singer was way, way better.

Motley Crue used entirely too many umlauts in their name. Superfluous umlauts. I did not appreciate that as a German student. Right. Guten tag. That's right. Guten tag, bitches. Guten tag. They got a singer who looked like the rest of the band for a while.

Right. They had the drummer for Hole was the drummer for Motley Crue for a little bit as well. She briefly replaced Tommy Lee. Which was weird as well. But I guess she's probably used to hanging out with fucking train wrecks. Yeah.

So it's an easy fit, I guess. It's kind of her thing. That's her thing that she does. It's what I do. Yeah, after you deal with Courtney Love, I'm sure anything is easy. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like the Saw movies.

You could almost say she lived through this. It's like Fight Club. Like, once you face Courtney Love, you're free, you know. Really? Yeah. I don't know. That's how I found out. Dude, have you seen Frances Bean Cobain lately?

Because she's kind of hot. Yeah, she is. She's pretty hot. She looks like a female Kurt Cobain, which is a good thing. A little bit. Instead of a female Courtney Love. But she looks like, she's got some Courtney Love features. Yeah, she does have some flaws, I will admit.

Yes, exactly. Heroin addiction. Yes. Crippling, crippling heroin addiction. Yeah. Yeah, she's okay. Have you seen her? I've seen her. How old is she? She's like 20-something. Really?

No, she can't be that old. She's close. Yeah, I guess so. She's gotta be pretty close. Yeah, she's gotta be. She's like early 20s. Yeah, she's a model. Of course she is. What else is she gonna do? What else is she gonna do with her time? Like, go to college? Yeah. Her parents have already proven that you cannot go to college or whatever and be a fucking train wreck of a human being and still make millions of dollars.

Yeah. Right. And there's already tons of money there. Yeah, she's a trustafarian for sure. Like, come on. Right. Yeah. The royalties on that Courtney Love solo album probably are just rolling out.

Was there a solo album? Yeah, from, like, 2002 or something. It's horrible. Who cares? Courtney Love, I'm going to say, not that bad of an actress. Her and the People vs. Larry Flint. Never saw it. I never saw that either.

It's good, guys. I like some of her music. The lyrics are horrible. There's a long list of movies I should have seen that I haven't seen. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Josh has never seen Jaws the Revenge. Or even Jaws. Really?

Nope. Never seen Jaws. Never seen the Jaws. You know, honestly, you know a fact I learned is that... It's good. You're still alive. I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make sure.

Thank God. Thank God. I learned it. Jaws. That was terrible. You're still alive. I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make sure. Thank God. Thank God. I learned it. Jaws. Oh, my God. Did that just, like, shoot forward like a shark? I don't even understand what just happened. I don't either, but it hit me in the face.

I think, well, you're definitely alive. I'm smooth. Yes. I learned that I just. Are we in eerie Pennsylvania? I hit myself in the face. It's Indiana. Sorry.

God. Okay, continue. I think there is an eerie PA. Give some respect to that shitty show. Josh is okay. Let's continue. That's Indiana. Sorry. I think there is an eerie PA. Give some respect to that shitty show. Josh is okay. Let's continue. That's right. A fact I learned about Jaws and Jaws 2 is that Jaws

on RottenTomatoes.com I'm sorry, Kathy. We ran out of time. Fortunately, I didn't set my clock back. That's savings. No, wait. On Rotten Tomatoes? Fortunately, I didn't set my clock back. No, wait. On Rotten Tomatoes? Okay, we'll make this up. The first Jaws has a perfect 100%. I know where you're going with this.

Jaws 2 has a zero. You're wrong. Is it really wrong? Yes. Damn it. Let me explain this factoid to you. I'm sorry, Mike. We don't have time.

I wanted it to be right. I wanted it to be so right. And I wanted Jaws 3 to have like a 50. Here's the perfect rendition of what you just said. This is my... Are you going to do a song now? You just have to one-up me, Marin. Really? The first Jaws has 100%.

The last Jaws, Jaws the Revenge, which is the fourth in the series, has 0%. Oh, it's the fourth one. Excuse me. I'm sorry. I forgot that there were even four. And you can make the argument that the Jaws series has the sharpest downward turn of any series. It starts with an awesome movie, goes to an okay movie.

The third one's a pretty bad movie. That's the one with Michael Caine, right? And the fourth one is one of the worst movies ever made. The fourth is with michael cain yes the fourth one has michael cain because i heard a little story about that oh yeah i did not for michael cain but it was from an irish dude so it almost close enough if it's somebody from the uk i feel like they all know each other somehow yeah uh apparently michael cain when somebody asked him why he took that role he he said that uh his agent told him about it and and he was like oh you know i don't know if i want to do this and then his agent was like it's this much money which it was a decent amount of money

for him and he's like and it's three weeks in the bahamas and he's like sign me up i heard that that his quote on the movie was i've never seen it i hear it's three weeks in the Bahamas. And he's like, sign me up. I heard that his quote on the movie was, I've never seen it. I hear it's terrible. But I've seen the house that bought me, and that's quite nice. There you go. Yep. Some men, Mr. Wayne. Some sharks just want to watch the whale burn.

They do. I'm actually, I think I'm going to try and write about Jaws Revenge for crack.com in my list of really bizarre horror movies in popular franchises. Would you consider Jaws a horror movie? I would consider it a thriller. It crosses genres. If I owned a video store, I'd probably put it in the action adventure. Yeah, but video stores don't exist except for that weird blip on the screen in Roland Park. Video American.

There's two of it. Video American. That's right. There's two locations. I've heard that the owners don't even understand why they're still open. They're just like, we're just going to keep going until it's over. I don't understand why they're still open. It's probably the way they treat their customers.

Yeah, and the late fees. The bullshit late fees that they have. It's like no one really has late fees anymore, you guys. Do they have late fees? I think the late fees are keeping them in business. I'm certainly not paying mine. That's what's keeping the libraries in business because I owe them a bunch of money. Oh, shit.

I love libraries. Because if you're not learning, you're dying. That's right. Yep. Oh, shit. I love libraries. Because if you're not learning, you're dying. That's right. Oh my God, that's going to be my life motto from now on.

If you're not learning, you're dying. If you ever pick up a new motto that only sticks for a few days. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to tell myself

this every morning. I don't believe you should live your life by a motto. You can live your life by principles. I think there are certain slogans

here and there that help inspire me and remind me. Inspirational is fine. Right. But if you're going to like if it's the end all be all you can't have

that can't exist. Yeah. You can have principles that you like to stick to. It's got to change. Yeah exactly. You can't be one of those people that has an inspirational quote

on your email signature. Oh Jesus. Those people always make me feel bad. Be the change you want to see in the world yeah then why do you keep bitching about facebook person why do you keep bitching that's a good point that's a good point because most of the people most of the people that are quoting gandhi or mother theresa or whatever wilford brimley they're the. They're like the worst people ever. I'm serious.

I know. Because anytime somebody uses a quote as their basis for how they feel about life, it's like, get your own fucking quote. Do something for yourself. Right.

And don't rely. You know Mother Teresa didn't even believe in God towards the end of her life? Nuh-uh. I swear to God. What? Ha-ha. Nuh-uh. I swear to God. What? Ha-ha.

Nuh-uh. Well, apparently Kathy Garson does. I don't know. But honestly, I don't know. You're telling me Mother Teresa became an atheist towards the end of her life. No, well, what she said was God stopped speaking to her. Well, that's a little different then. Oh, so she got saved.

No, no, no. I really do believe. She went on anti-psychotics. I really do believe that went on i really do believe that she stopped believing in god towards the end of her life wow yeah dude mother teresa people don't understand about mother teresa and i don't completely understand about her but she wasn't like she wasn't just this like pollyanna kind of oh gosh i'm just doing this because i feel she couldn't even really fly could she no she couldn't i didn't think so she kind of, oh, gosh, I'm just doing this because I feel good about it. She couldn't even really fly, could she?

No, she couldn't. I didn't think so. She kind of, like, it was like a chicken or, like, a peacock where she could get, like, a few feet off the ground. Right, right. Yeah, yeah. Like a predator. It wasn't really anything. If an atheist was attacking, she could, like.

Yeah. Exactly. She used her claws. Yeah, I saw a thing about her. Penn and Teller, when they had a show, Bullshit. Oh, I love that show. They did a thing about Mother Teresa. And, of course, you know, they went out to, like, Mother Teresa's a fuckhead.

You're like, oh, what? It's like, all right, Penn Jillette. But apparently she wouldn't heal people. Like, people would come to her church and be sick. And she's like, oh, you need the healing power of God. And, like, didn't use medicine all the time or wouldn't bring people to hospitals. Yeah, Ghani was the same way, actually. I actually want to write another crack.com column

called Bad Things About Good People. Oh, that's good. I should include... Yeah, well, that was on Penn & Teller's bullshit as well in the same episode. They did the Dalai Lama, Gandhi... Oh, they did Gandhi? Yeah, they did Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and... And the Dalai Lama? Fuck.

You know, I heard... This is an anecdote coming from a Secret Service agent that I personally knew. He's the father of this girl that I went to college with. And he said. What's his name? I'm not telling. I don't even completely remember. What's his code name?

Yeah, exactly. Falcon. He told me this story about. I can't remember. I think it was George Bush. I don't remember which one. Yeah, I don't remember which one. The story's getting more and more suspect by the minute.

I know, I know. It was a president. I had a dream. Because he's been a Secret Service agent for a really long time. Right, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. So he's talking about, he was telling us about this president wanted to come see Mother Teresa at one of her clinics or whatever.

Yeah. And you have to do all these security checks for all these places before the president goes there. Yeah. And the place where they were going to, it was in India and the really shitty roads like getting up there. Like the road going up there wasn't even really a road. It was kind of just like a dirt trail. And she refused to meet him anywhere else.

And really, her end game was getting them to pave that road so that they could get a caravan, whatever you call that. There's another word for it that I'm blanking on right now convoy convoy

something like that so they could get cars up there right her end game was for them to pave that for her so they like took the time to pave that so they could get the president's like convoy up there okay so she's kind of a crafty bastard or she was right now she's just dead now so she stopped learning stop learning do you think she's just dead. So she stopped learning about it. Stopped learning. Do you think she's pulling fast ones like that in heaven right now? I hope so. Dude, I hope she's pranking God like so hardcore.

Jesus, come visit me. But only if you cushion on that golden throne. That's right. It's really hard to get to cloud. We'd love a new ladder. Why does she sound like a New York Jew all of a sudden? We'd love a ladder. I mean, I'm not trying to complain or nothing.

Is it too much to ask for cable? I like to watch my stories. That's all. That's all. I mean, you don't have to be strange about it. I mean, everybody has their things. Don't be rude. Don't be strange about it.

And don't be a stranger. I committed my life to you. Who cares? No big deal. You don't owe me a thing. Don't worry about it. It's just the thing that I did. Why does Jimi Hendrix get an elevator?

That's all I'm saying. All right. Well, let's take a break and we'll wrap this thing the fuck up. Wrap it up. Time to wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it this thing the fuck up. Wrap it up. Time to wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Wrap it up.

Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Kathy's going to bust a freestyle. Go ahead, Kathy. Hit that. Cars. Sometimes I like something. Sometimes I like nothing.

But Mother Teresa, I can't do this. Oh, yeah. Damn. Damn, girl. No. Why are you rapping over there. Oh, yeah. Damn. Damn, girl. No, I really can't. Oh, yeah. Honestly, I wish I were way better about freestyle rapping. I feel like I am like a couple minutes a day.

Like every now and then if I try. Yeah. I feel like I'm creative for like a few minutes every day and I never know where that's going to be. But like the other day I was kind of rapping to myself and I was hitting the beats and I was hitting the rhymes. You sound like the whitest guy ever. Shut up! I was hitting those beats, guys. I was getting down.

I was really getting down. I just get the zone and I just flow. I don't know where it comes from. I don't know where it comes from. I felt like a regular GM Master James up there. It's just a thing that I do. You know, I don't question where my hip-hop influence comes from, but I might be the next to frame me.

I enjoy the hip-hop a little bit. You do? Yeah, here and there. I enjoy it. Certain artists. I do. I'm not a huge fan, but I certainly have some on my pod. Fair enough.

I like the Public Enemy. Fair enough. I like A Public Enemy. Fair enough. I like A$AP Rock. A$AP Rock is good. A$AP Rock is pretty great. I used to like KRS-One. He's a little, you know, for someone who was so into black empowerment and just education of the people, he certainly

has become a pussy. Really? Yeah. He's just on MTV shit sometimes. Really? Weird. Yeah, yeah. It is kind of weird. I saw him in the audience

of Wildin' Out once. Do you remember that show? I bet he got paid a lot of money. But that was that fake improv show with Nick Cannon. Yeah, that was the show with Nick Cannon where they were trying to insult people.

So what you're saying is that he's selling out. A little bit. And I don't like using that term because I feel like that term is just thrown around a lot and people don't even really know what they're talking about when they see that.

He sold out, man. He sold out because he wanted to make a living doing the thing that he loves. He's wearing shirts now, man. He never used to wear shirts. Seriously, as people that do comedy, I mean, Mike, you're a stand-up and Josh, you've done some stand-up. Yeah, he's getting his feet wet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as people that do comedy, I mean, Mike, you're a stand-up, and Josh, you've done some stand-up.

Yeah, he's getting his feet wet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, as people who would like to see something come of that, you know, and maybe even get paid for it sometimes. That'd be nice. You know, the term selling out doesn't mean anything anymore. Yeah, I never really understood the whole sell-out thing. It doesn't actually mean what people think. My thing is, like, just put out something

I will like. I don't really care. Either I like it or I don't. And if I don't like it, that's not that huge of a deal either. It's more just going against, like, your morals. Well, yeah. If, like, Metallica was advertising for Claire's that spot in the mall or something like that.

I would totally believe that they would do that. I don't see you. I don't understand. But that's, well, now you would. Now you do. What about when the Slayer guy was in the SR-71 video? Oh, Lord. Now he's in the Sum 41 video.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Who cares? Either way. I like Sum 41. Do you really? Yeah. I've been listening to it. My mom should have had it in the bullshit.

That wasn't my favorite song, but they got some good jams. I'm sure there were a couple. But my point is, I understand what you're saying about the principles. Right, right. You know? Yeah. But people just kind of make it this blanket statement like, oh, he sold out, man. You don't even know what that means.

Yeah, I used to do that too, though. Just be like, oh, Korn sounds a lot different than they used to. They sold out. Yeah, that's one of those things where I feel like I should care, but I just don't really. They took a different direction. It's just like, I either like your new album or I don't. Yeah. And quite honestly, there's some sellout albums out there that I actually like, I have to admit.

Right. Well, we'll have to get to those at another time because we gots to go. All right. Kathy Carson, is there anything you'd like to plug? This will come out on Monday the 30th? Oh, I would. Yeah, sure. I will plug.

Monday, January 30th. Unscripted. It's a two-act improv play that I'm doing. Oh, shit. We have like. Baltimore Improv Group represent. Baltimore Improv Group. We have a full run.

There's going to be three weekends of shows. Nice. Starting in March. Each one different from of shows. Nice. Starting in March. Each one different from the last. Absolutely. Like snowflakes. Always, always. We make it up.

We make it up. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, check it out, bigimprov.org. Awesome. Awesome. Mike Moran? Well, I believe the new issue of Skeptic Magazine is out with a book review by me. You can find that at Atomic Books and probably other places.

And also read my new column on Patch. It's about the Poe Toaster and him being no more. And it's the North Baltimore Patch. Correct. Oh, yeah. And I will be performing at Magoobies in Timonium February 8th. Oh, yeah. And I will be performing at Magoobies in Timonium February 8th. Oh, snap.

Check that shit out with the other Baltimore Improv group troops. What day of the week is that? That is a Wednesday. February 8th Wednesday at Magoobies. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And I think that's about it for right now. But, yeah. Kathy, thanks for being on the show.

Love you, Digg Heads. Thanks for having me, Gary. Send us messages. Say hi. Whoever's listening to us in the UK, say hi because we really appreciate your time. We really do. Anybody that listens to this show, we really appreciate it. If you want to send us an email, I would love to have, like, a listener mailbag that we could address questions or complaints.

I really didn't mean that thing I said about UK people all knowing each other. I know that's a stereotype. Please say I can because we'd love to know what Michael Caine thinks about the show. Yes. Bring back the we want tons of Kathy Carson hate mail. We could make that a segment. That'd be great. It's digression.sessions at Gmail.

We're also on Twitter at dig sesh pod. And we have a Facebook page and a bunch of other social media junk. But, yeah, we appreciate everybody that listens, so thank you very much. Thank you, everybody. Good night. But we digress. We certainly do. And we'll see you next week.

About to get buck wild in here. Okay. Eat your burrito. Closing statement. Signing off. We'll be seeing you, America. Okay, goodbye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, America. Okay, goodbye. Bye. One more thing. Before you go. Before you go. Before you go. Nah. Just real quick. Nah. No, you know, but just real quick. Okay, okay. So, yeah. Yep. No.