The Digression Sessions - Ep. 222 - Eric Glaeser! (@lftspodcast)

Episode Date: June 20, 2017

Hola Digheads, this week Josh and his roomie / tenant, Umar Khan, hit the road with their buddy and comedian Eric Glaeser!     Eric's a dang funny dude and he's talking movie theater jobs, jesus school, and about the upcoming Baltimore Comedy Festival!   Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, and Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on iTunes, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. All right. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast. Josh Koderna here, your faithful host, your intrepid host. And sitting in my kitchen on this rainy day here in baltimore i got my roomie umar khan who's uh decorating the table with a lot of food like we're not about to speak in a microphone but sometimes people don't speak

and that's when you can have some sweet and hot beef jerky. Which brings us to this week's sponsor, Hot and Sweet Beef. Yeah, dude. Not just our dicks. And our guests, Mr. Hot and... As soon as Josh got to intro him, he puts watermelon in his mouth. Mr. Watermelon in his mouth. Eric Glazer's joining us in the kitchen. Thanks for having me, guys.

No problem, buddy. You want to choke on watermelon? No problem. in his mouth eric glazers joining us in the kitchen thanks for having me guys no problem on watermelon no problem umara was like yeah when people don't talk they can eat and i was like oh i want to try this watermelon yeah right yeah it's uh i got really panicky because i bought watermelon today and i chopped it up and stuff but i was was driving home. I was like, oh, fuck. I didn't check to see if it was seedless because I cannot eat watermelon with black seeds. Really? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the problem with black seeds?

You really leaned into that B word there. No, because they just grow up to be like other watermelons with seeds. Oh, my. And what does that mean? Not good things, you know? So let me see. I'm seeing some white seeds on the table here. You don't have a problem with those?

White seeds are fine in the watermelon. They go down easy. White seeds are like the soft-shell crabs. Yeah. Okay. That's how an Asian man explained it to Eric. What a soft-shell crab is. He's like, okay, you have a watermelon.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You're like, the black one. Go on. They no good. at the black seeds at the bottom being lazy doing nothing the white ones over there going to school trying to form a community at the bottom of the Tupperware. Trying to grow in the bottom of a little boy's stomach. Yeah, exactly. Do it all that they can.

Yeah, all right. Well, yeah, this is, I think it's going to be a pretty loose dig sesh, I think, for the most part, because I did a bunch of shows last week. I knew that was going to happen. I fucking knew that was going to happen. This is why we have headphones on my podcast. That makes sense.

That makes sense. Oh, yeah. Eric, what's your podcast? Live from the studio. Check us out everywhere. We're on Laughable. We're on iTunes. Hell yeah. This dog isn't showing me any affection.

No, Boo Bear is not. I'm definitely going to have to, say, refrain from eating food for the rest of the... Because I knew that was going to be a problem. I'm sorry. It's just like, why would you put a loaded gun on the table? Like, I'm not going going to be a problem that's just like why would you put a loaded gun on the table like i'm not gonna shoot it but i'll just put it in like let me get something that's super fucking chewy like jerky yeah just real quick i'll just munch on that real quick sushi coming so no okay it's like jeez i'm trying to think of like sushi is a

terrible first date food because you have to like. Yeah. What if you just put out like caramel and toffee in the middle of the table? Just no. When you're not talking, don't worry about it. It's like. So what do you. What have you been up to?

It's like double bubble. Yeah. You record it. It just sounds like an NPR show. Boom. You got roasted Ira Glass. Wow. My ongoing feud with Ira Glass. well yeah he uh he hates us

he just knows that we're up and comers in the podcast game true real professionals yeah you really can't actually okay well i was trying to show ira glass what a bad boy i am you know what i mean what are you saying eric uh that i'm gay. Whoa. Yeah, that's what I thought. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Bombshell out of the gate. Bombshell, yeah. This is like when Todd Glass came out on Maron.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. This is what you chose. The dig sesh. Yeah, and I chose to not even tell you guys that I was going to do it. That's crazy. Here's the thing, though. Just like Todd Glass, we all already knew. So it's kind of like, you know, we appreciate it.

That's why we had flowers and watermelons. Yeah, Eric said, I don't want to get my fingers all icky and stuff when they came out. I actually made Umar put it in the freezer so it'd get colder. Well, Eric Glazer, our guest here On the Dig Sesh You are You sir Are a godsend For For Umar and I

You are our angel Up Movie Mountain Over the summer Last summer Oh yeah We went to Towson On some good times I got real scared

About what you were About to say Oh over the weekend Yeah Like you bring Yeah yeah yeah Joy Into our lives.

So much joy. So much joy. A table full of joy for generations to come. Generations of Kedernas. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that was a fun Father's Day without going into too much detail. We're all hanging out. My dad is like, man, it's like I'm back in college.

It was awesome. He had a good time good time yeah i fucked up and i wrote because i was talking to umar before you got there we were just kind of like shooting the shit and i was filling out my dad's card my father's day card and i wrote pop and then i was like talking to umar like yes what have you been up to and just absentmindedly writing on the card. I wrote happy birthday. Happy Father's Day. I don't know. Did you leave it? Yeah, and I was like, you know what I meant. He also showed up before I even put it in the envelope and shit too. It was fine.

It was fine. We had a good time. But Eric, do you still work at the movie theater in Towson? No, no. I quit in November. So maybe we can get into the full details of uh uh well i mean i got a new job so yeah uh it was a good thing it wasn't i didn't get caught uh not working like i was doing the entire time i was there right right yeah they didn't catch me when i was

napping in the storage rooms or making makeshift like bringing out of seats bringing hefty bags full of popcorn to your friends for free after you already snuck them in sneaking people in for like fucking vip tickets and stuff right right right it was fucking awesome yeah it was uh we went to see hell or High Water last year. It's a great movie. We were having good times. And the movie theater, for some reason, has like 15 flights of stairs when you walk in. So me and Umar are like, what the fuck? And then Eric just appears at the top.

It looks like he won the job. You're just wearing a big yellow tie and a suit jacket. And you put your arms up at the top. We're coat that's too big yeah oh man it was great just cruising down and like van slip on yeah you look like uh you look like uh um like that kid from uh blank check or whatever a thousand percent yeah every day every day i was like just the cover of that movie yeah he looked like like what do adults wear yeah yeah i wore just a flannel and jeans for like two months yeah and then finally my general manager was like you gotta like you gotta wear the suit. This is AMC. Show some respect to the Cinemark, you piece of shit. Just butter, melted fake butter.

When sales were going up and more people were coming through, he was like, people gotta know who they can ask questions to. I'm like, ah. Why do I have to be that guy? No, but yeah, so then we get into the movie, and then he's like, you guys want popcorn? We're like, yeah, we want popcorn. Yeah.

We're up at the top of the theater. And then again, it's like the same thing, but different because we're up top now. And then you appear at the bottom of the theater. The theater is like pretty empty too. Yeah, but it just is at the bottom of the big bag. Like, ah! What was it? A two gallon bag of popcorn.

We crushed it like before halfway through the movie. Oh, dude, housed it. Yeah. It was probably as big as, like, your torso. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was, God, it was so good. And I just remember, yeah, so we're having good times. And during the film, what were you saying? Umar tried to say, like, because i think we were riffing i think you were trying to say what if yeah oh yeah it would be funny like you got us into the movie theater for free and like you got us free popcorn and like you know but still we have the nerve to write a bad yelp review so it's like i was trying to say what if we wrote like uh a one-star review because uh man after you know we say like it was great we got in for free we got free but he brought the like

he took forever bringing the pop the free popcorn yeah and i'm someone who likes to have it so even in a tub or anything right there's a plastic bag umar he did he didn't quite communicate it that way this is how he got all that free drinks so this is how umar he did he didn't quite communicate it that way this is how he got all that free drinks so this is how umar communicated that then he would start laughing i was like what he just couldn't get it could even get out what it was so hard and then that just became the bit of who and we couldn't stop yeah it's the first time you're hearing this too then josh yeah exactly like so that's what he meant huh that's what he

meant huh a year later almost a year literally almost a year later behind the bit we figured it out full full circle i just got back from the beach guys oh i see whoa just got back from the beach, guys. Whoa! Just got back from that transition. Good job. I like that. You're transitioning the conversation. I thought you were saying, like, I'm a tranny. No!

He went to the quote-unquote beach. Yeah, I thought beach. That's what they call it. When you get your dick cut off, it's like the tide is out. If I got my dick cut off. Yeah, I know. So I went to the beach. He's winking. No.

Went to the beach, guys. Warning at his new vagina. Yeah, my lady parts. Look at my clam that I got from the beach. I dug this up down there. My clam at the beach. That's perfect. That's, god damn, that's a wrap.

Episode title. Yeah. Clam for the beach. That's how I got my clam at the beach yeah yeah oh my gosh thanks for having me on guys yeah no problem yeah we figured it out we riffed it out um but yeah so umar you are on summer vacation yes and so it was so funny on like tuesday i was like hey uh can you check the air conditioning because i know you're at home you're like yeah bro no problem i'm going to ocean city till saturday so and i was like god your life that is so rad and you're like yeah also it's free and it's free yeah then he goes hey can i borrow some swim shorts what the fuck you guys go to ocean city for free got a pill for my closet

oh but so yeah i get to go free because my uh the lady friend that i'm seeing right on that lip there that lady friend i'm seeing is uh she's going for a conference so like her work page for this hotel and everything and uh but it's so funny like if she's a lawyer so it's like i had to hang out with all these lawyers and uh um so it's like a very white event and like a lot of white seeds a lot of white seeds at this event which is great right uh they're easy to swallow and uh what if you said that to a lawyer yeah they know what you're talking about like at an event so a lot of white seats yeah she's like the whitest person but like so she was introduced to me there's so many people and the one like black guy there she introduced me introduced me to him as

jamal and i was like hey jamal nice to meet you and he goes it's jamar and i was like oh my god because that's like the most stereotypical fucking yeah name. But like he didn't hear her say Jamal. Oh, no. He definitely heard me call him Jamal. Oh, what's up, Jamal? I go to like dap him. My man. Did you think about doing your bit?

Change your name, Jamal. Yeah. And then she told me later, she like yeah i totally she was like i totally fucked that one up but i didn't want to say anything right right it's like oh yeah you're the racist one uh jamal like just forget his name god yeah after that event we go to the bar and it's just me and uh her at the bar and um the bartender goes like are you guys lawyers and

i was like i'm not she is he's like can i ask you some questions like do you think you're like again i'm not a lawyer he's like okay cool well i'm getting a divorce and well he asked uh the my friend he was like he was like do you think oj did it because uh i don't think he did it and i'm just like just say you think he didn't do it he Wow. You know, because he's a black bartender. Like, just say no. And she's like, well, actually, I think men who hit their women probably are going to murder them. And I was like, oh, my God. And he's like, see, I don't think they did it.

Because I think they always wrong us. And I was like, and he's like 22. And I'm like, dude, you're wrong. Yeah. Did you ask him about Cosby at all? Yeah, we talked about that. And he was like, I don't know, man, 50 women. That's like what everybody does.

Like, whew, 6 million Jews seems a little high. I don't know about that. Yeah, for real. I don't know, man. My dad acts like he's like, my dad doesn't think 6 million Jews died. So he'll say shit. That is so insane. That is so insane.

That is so fucking insane. Can you even really count that time? But my dad would go saying shit. I know I was African. My dad's like, Listen here, Uma. I am your father. Uma. Everything the son touches.

Besides the juice. It's good. It's good. Damn, dad. OJ is innocent. That's what I do know. Also, these bitches just going after

Cosby money. They all liar. Maybe one or two. But 40? 50? Who can even count that high? How many women are really in the village? Anyway, I'm your father.

Anyway, I've been your father. See you guys next time. I've been your father. Follow me on Twitter. Did you see when Cosby was leaving his trial? I just saw a shot. Yeah, he put his hand up. No, he did, but better than that.

He used his line. Winking his eyes around. Yeah. He just had googly eyes going in circles. Whoa. No, he fucking put his hand up and he did his line from Fat Albert. He put his hand up and he just goes, hey, hey, hey. No.

I swear to God. I swear to God. I saw it on John Oliver and I just goes, hey, hey, hey. No. Yeah, I swear to God. I swear to God. I saw it on John Oliver and I was like, wow. Oh, my God. You've been accused of raping 50 women? And he's like, hey, hey, hey. That's so funny. 50 times.

Hey. All right. Why don't we... We took a selfie, guys. We all stopped talking i thought i know i was gonna try to keep talking but i in the in the picture i didn't want to be like it's a good pick i'm gonna like that pick podcast fans so we know who the real ones are yeah we'll put it on the on the twitter yeah My tongue's in it. Whatever. I like that. The flowers look good. Oh, hell yeah.

You can see the watermelon in the picture. Dude, watermelon, beef jerky, and good. You can't see anything else in the picture. Oh, yeah. Just some good times. We haven't cleaned in a while. That's what I'm trying to say. Some good, good times.

Okay, so yeah. So more beach tales or is that anything else? No, and then, no, no. Oh, buddy. That is really tough though of like when you are, you were trying to be a good guy. You weren't just assuming he's Jamal. No, I thought she, because she said Jamal. It's just like, oh, and this dinner was,

dude, I felt like I was in the top 1% of this like beach trip because. There was only one black guy there. So this is what it must be like. Oh my God. Oh my God. Woo. Oh my God. Looking around. Not bad. Not bad. Pretty good. oh my god not bad not bad so this is what the other half got a walk out of the room

i walked out to the balcony looked at the sunset my god my god i never thought i'd be here yeah so she was like hey we have to go to this dinner or not have to but like we're gonna go to this dinner it's the president's black tie dinner and it's like a and she was like did you bring any nice clothes i was like i brought like a target button down and jeans and she was like everyone's gonna be wearing a suit but you're fine i was like no i'm not gonna be fine yeah yeah yeah yeah so then i went to the j crew oh buddy i'm telling if you are in ocean city maryland go to the j crew outlet i bought uh i bought three dress shirts, dress pants, four t-shirts, two ties, and a little wallet thing. $190.

Holy fuck. That's pretty good, actually. So good. From one yuppie guy to another, that's pretty good. I thought you were going to say like 40 bucks, though, and I was going to be like, man. No, you ass. That's why. That's because you don't have a real job.

I kind of have a real job. I don't have a real job. You have a real job. Okay, it doesn't matter. Well, you don't have to wear a tie to it and shit like that. For sure. Yeah, as far as dress code, it's probably pretty loose over there. Yeah, this is how I dress for work. At Across the Bridge.

Dude, that's great. I don't dress up for work, I'm supposed to, but I don't. Because they don't see me. Yeah, right. My new thing has been not tucking my shirt in for the past couple months. I'm kind of a bad boy. But there's another guy at work that just started doing it. He's relatively new.

So he's now untucking. And I'm like, okay, it's all right. We're getting it going but like he'll do shit like wear just like a t-shirt almost like a polo shirt instead of like uh like button down thing i'm like listen man this is too much too soon all right like you know what i mean like as far as like if it's an untucked button shirt you know what josh is like yeah you know what josh sounds like right now it's It's like when black people became free, but then he saw a black guy dating a white girl.

He's like, come on, man. Too much too soon. Yeah, just like, all right. The back of the bus isn't that bad. We always have a seat. Get your way. You're going. Don't cause a ruckus now.

Yeah. I'm that asshole. Yeah. Come on. I mean, I'm with that but this will get there eventually but it is true i just don't want him to go like too far and then they have to like crack down on everybody oh for sure you know but but i'm i'm still the bad boy of the uh the cubicle world i mean my brother does not oh and he works with you oh yeah yeah so but he's like i might as well be on like a different planet than me though but like yeah what he does it seems like all the it guys can

get away with whatever because they're like kind of hidden all day and they're also like we're the fucking lifeblood of this place so don't fuck with us but yeah i remember seeing your brother in the cafeteria he had like skinny jeans on like low top converse and a t-shirt on and uh and that was what he wore to work and i was like god damn and he's like yeah that's what i wear it's like oh cool my because my brother's been hanging out with me more now and uh and all my friends are like dude your brother's like hotter and cooler than you i was like and then so many of my girlfriend like front women friends have been like oh your brother's so hot i was like all right who gives a fuck he's like you dress it and then my friend was like man you should dress like you're like you should actually

ask your brother for like no wear something else because like he has swag you don't listen and i was like and then because she was like yeah you just wear like a hoodie and jeans every day and i'm like yeah well that's swag dude that's what i like that's swag swag as hell dude yeah do what kind of hoodie is it quick silver no it's target even worse it's uh what's the it's roxy he wears that every hot girl in high school have like a roxy sticker on their car yeah and they would have like the dumb like flower details like every girl who looked good in a bikini had that yeah the new shit is like salt life i see those all the time it's just like letting pedophiles know who to go after i had a uh roxy snowboard your own snowboard it was like a like a freestyle snowboard he's an adult man he's like you have

your own snowboard do you know how much real snowboards cost like 700 really and then you have to buy the boots which are like a extra 250 it's fucking that's why hey you know what i i know this because i used to get a skateboard slash snowboard magazine yeah there was a time too and like yeah i get i get the magazine i get musicians friend okay do i ever buy anything out of it no fucking way there used to be a musician's friend right by my house really yeah i didn't even know you could go there. Yeah. I thought it was just like an online thing.

It was over by the time I was in middle school. Gotcha. It went from Guitar Center to Musician's Friend, and then it was just... Yeah. Circuit City, Guitar Friend. What the fuck is a... And a girl named Hayman Lee was murdered close to there. Whatever.

That's why it's relevant. Well, that's the best buy you can get. Dude, I saved that shit. Yeah, you really did. You brought it up. That's good it's relevant. Well, that's the best buy you can get. Dude, I saved that shit. Yeah, you really did. You brought it up. That's good, yeah. Anytime you can bring it back to murder. Yeah.

Bring it up. You know, I finally finished The Keepers. Oh, my God. Yeah. Have you seen that shit? No, I haven't checked it out. Have you heard of it? Yeah, I have, but also, like, I don't know.

You don't believe it, right? It seems like a lot of girls to molest. Are you kidding me? It's Umar's dad. The Catholic Church don't know. You don't believe it, right? Seems like a lot of girls to molest. Are you kidding me? It's Umar's dad. The Catholic Church could not do that. My dad treats the Holocaust like, if you are a true child of God. Why do they call them the keepers?

Because they keep asking for it. Anyway, that's joshcadona at gmail.com. That was a character. That was a character. How's your dad? Oh, Omar's dad, get out of here. But it's funny to me because

like those, like, well, no, but it's just like, we can't talk about the keepers anymore. Oh, no, but my dad treats the Holocaust like... He blesses anyone who denies it. Look at Umar.

He's like, we're in some hot water. So my dad denies the Holocaust. He's like a customer service person. And he's like, well, do you have a receipt? I need to see proof of purchase. He's just like, Jesus. Because that's what he says. He's like, well, do you have a receipt? I need to see proof of purchase. It's just like, Jesus. Because that's what he says. He's like, well, who did the counting, Umar?

And I'm like, oh, my God. Which is like even more fucked up. He's like, because of all the Jews are dead, who's counting? If all the Jews are dead, how'd they get the money for 9-11? Huh? How'd they do that? How'd they do that? God, that's so insane though yeah uh but no the keepers is like as much as like you want to joke about it like

just watching it's like whoa this is fucking insane oh my god like okay so making a murder i started watching that yeah and it was very slow to get into and i kind of just dropped off so keepers is a little slow but if you stick with it it's i don't know it's weird to say too about like oh is this entertaining because it's like once you kind of like sick and yeah and then once you kind of get to the end you're like oh holy shit this was such an intense thing that i think the people that made it really wanted to give service to these women and like cover everything you know what i mean because basically like the catholic church just harbors pedophiles we all know that

but then actually seeing like what these guys did just like taking advantage of raping girls like in high school that were you know there were like 14 for like years and years and years and then you find out that this guy did this to so many other women and it's just like and then it extends to like cops were doing it too and politicians and like you're like wow holy that was the whole thing in boston too where like mark ruffalo stopped the whole pedophile right right right yeah hawk and then yeah me and finazzo riff on that all the time the overacting like could have, could have been any of us, any of us. I'm like, all right, all right. I'm very, like, glad that I wasn't kind of, like,

I had to go through, like, CCDC and stuff growing up. But I specifically remember having to do, like, a confirmation overnight retreat. And I brought, like, duct tape because I didn't know where we were sleeping. And I was like, I'm about to duct tape my fucking ass shut. Really? Yeah. So I just didn't know.

I was like, I don't know what's going to happen here. Also like an adult would be like, well, I can't rip this off. He's covered it. I was going to do a really good job. You were going to duct tape your butthole? I was going to duct tape the ass cheeks. The cheeks, yeah. Why?

Well, that prevents the... It was like an overnight retreat in this church for a confirmation thing. Oh, did you? Oh, shit. Are you Catholic? I grew up Catholic, and I had to go through Sunday school and shit. Did you have to go? What is that like?

Dude, it was so weird. It's boring as fuck, too. Was it gay? Boring as shit. Oh, dude, it was so gay. How gay, dude? Dude, like... Tape your butthole shut.

All dudes who are just, like, super into God and, like, definitely are just gay and hiding it. Yeah. Because it was for, like, a private Christian school, and the church had the CCDC, and so the students at the school would go to the CCDC, too. Did you go to that school? No, I went to a regular public school. That's like Christian, what is it? Christian Catholic. It's like CCDC is like, I don't fucking know.

It's like Sunday school. But it's Sunday school. Okay. Yeah. What are the age rate? Like you start at what age? You start in elementary school, like in first grade. So from first grade till pretty much i think eighth grade right eighth grade you

get confirmed yeah yeah i think so i never had no i never had to do it but of sundays you have to go to school you did that shit oh my god and i was in boy scouts now i did boy scouts dude i did boy scout i'm like an eagle and everything but you're an eagle scout that's crazy i turned into that's a big deal yeah i mean uh i don't know it really isn't i did like a fucking i think for my project it was like a technology recycling thing so because i couldn't do a canned food drive i just wanted to do a canned food drive but like so many people had done that yeah all right we can't just keep letting these guys do canned food drives even though it is like helping like good yeah they're like boring yeah my brother got away with it because katrina had just happened he's like thank you thank you god thank you doing a canned food driver katrina people are what's your brother's

name alex yeah like people are just like well it happened because there's gays in new orleans like no alex prayed to do a can drive and god answered his prayer that's so like blame this kid just your brother on the news like like your brother's just like riding through a helicopter pelting black people with bags of cans out from helicopter. Helo drops of fucking Bush's beans. CCDC's like, I don't know why we approved this. This is too far. This is too far.

I did a technology drive, which was basically, you can't throw away electronics in Baltimore County because of metal and acids and stuff. I pretty in baltimore county because of like like metal and like acids yeah yeah yeah yeah in it so like i pretty much just put flyers out and made them all everyone drop off their shit at where we had our boy scout troop and then like people with cars just loaded them up and took them out to the dump

nice so i basically just micromanaged people right i didn't really do any work you know it was tight my friend built a bridge oh yeah yeah for his uh he just built a bridge across this stream for his like eagle scout project that's pretty cool yeah like i respect the people that actually like did something in their project that's like lasting and like yeah I mean, yours is still good, though. Yeah. No, yours is great. My cousin went up to Oregon Ridge and cleaned off every single one of their trails and remarked all the paths. Holy shit. It's crazy. Who did that?

My cousin for his little project. God damn. What's he doing now? I don't know. I think he just lost his job. Actually. So guess what, guys? Fuck that, dude.

Doesn't pay off. You got to take shortcuts in life. Take shortcuts. He lives. Good thing he cleaned up those woods because he lives out there now, bitch. Yeah. Hope you found a good spot to sleep at night. It was sick, dude.

So many good ones on this one. He got McDonald's to sponsor his eagle scout project so they just gave him like bags full of hamburgers and cheeseburgers i do remember like being in elementary school and like yeah mcdonald like no one gave me shit they just let kids eat whatever they want like yeah mcdonald's sponsored so much shit pizza they literally still do like one of the top uh things for like high school students high school basketball players if you're really good you play in like the mcdonald's whatever the fuck it's called you're like a mcdonald's all-star whatever a reward for some of my classes oh for everybody like you get a meal if anyone

gets an a on this test they get mcdonald's on friday yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but like now it's funny because now it's like the culture's totally changed yeah yeah and i remember two years ago i was i work in schools i was in a school and and the the teacher did mcdonald's rewards and she she was telling me she was like complaint the teacher was complaining about a mom complaining like hey i think this is inappropriate like mcdonald's unhealthy you shouldn't reward kids and uh and i agree with that and she's like can you believe that bitch and i'm like yeah she sucks but it's like crazy like i would never want anyone to give my kid mcdonald's for reading well yeah

it fucks you up i mean well that was the whole uh pizza hut thing too we might have talked about this before but you know if they did book it for adults like literacy would go way up like the amount that people read if audible like sales would get somebody might have already said that i think i don't know i don't know if i'm stealing that from somebody but god that would be so fucking great dude that's amazing if you're like you're an adult like i read a stephen king book and they're like okay it's a deep dish sign off on that shit somebody dope now i think about it like if i was a teacher like dude can you imagine like how many teachers just do it and gave away to their friends?

Oh, yeah. I would do that shit in a heartbeat. My man's got the bucket plug. Everyone free movies. Every single person. I can't imagine how many of those loose pizzas are out there still. Can you imagine

a fucking 20-some-year-old pizza shit teacher just hungover? A year or so ago like the pizza hut like program came back or something it didn't come back but like you could literally just like put in your email and they'd send you a free one because it was like nostalgia oh gosh gotcha gotcha also i used to think pizza hut was the best pizza ever. It's like the shittiest one. Yeah. It was just cool to go there.

Yeah. There used to be Pizza Hut buffets. Yes! God damn it. We're in sync, dude. I'm Justin Timberlake. Umar called it. I'm Lance Bass.

Nice. Who are you? Can you name another? Yeah, I'm Joey Fatone. Chris Kirkpatrick and JC Chavez? Is that the other one?

You dig heads. You let us know. We're in sync over here. Just a few Backstreet Boys being in sync. Hey, Josh, can you get someone to fix the air crunching? It's in sync over here. Just a few Backstreet Boys being in sync. Hey, Josh, can you get someone to fix the air conditioning? It's 98 degrees in here. Oh, town. I don't know.

I think that candle went out. Can someone pass me the Matchbox or 20? No. They're a boy band. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, dude. oh they're a boy band oh my god jesus christ dude yeah even for some reason uh this morning that carlos santana song was in my head the dude that was in matchbox 20 rob thomas like since it's been so humid i keep just going it's a hot one

and i hate that it's in my head it's a a hot one. Fuck, what were we talking about? Oh, Pizza Hut and giving shit away for free. Yeah. Oh, Pizza Hut pizza. It's okay. I'll fuck with it. Yeah, there was one. I mean, everything's so fucking cheap now.

There was a Pizza Hut by my dad's house when he lived like an hour away. It used to be so expensive. Pizza was like 20 bucks. It was more than that. Yeah, but now it's like 10 bucks for a large yeah and the thing is you get domino's has like the 699 two topping mediums yeah the deep dish jam yeah yeah i crush those plus you get the domino's app now and you get to watch it that's exciting you know uh but the pizza hut to uh the deal that they were offering to compete with i think domino's shit you could get

a pizza with as many toppings as you want for like 9.99 it was like fucking rad digress in a row about pizza i fucking love pizza so much oh my god i bought you a ice cream oh the other night i came home and i fucking uh demolished a small pizza from uh bellissimos yeah and then i saw josh and karen i was like i want ice cream and josh and karen had uh some like cheesecake and i was like i'll just eat this and buy them another one the cheesecake ben and jerry's yeah and it was so not not worth the calories not that good yeah it doesn't really taste like cheesecake no speculosis tight the pizza yeah bitch well you also enjoyed some pretzels too oh i gotta renew your pretzels but you enjoyed my apples i did we ate all your apples you really enjoyed those no uh we were we were fine with it uh but yeah when you're out of town you he had like 10 apples or something like ate all your apples. You really enjoyed those? No, we were fine with it.

But yeah, when you're out of town, you had like 10 apples or something. I'm going to eat all these apples. Look at that. Yo, my man put ham on them apples. He ain't going to eat all these apples. I'm going to eat these apples. Ocean City just felt like Bilderberg, dude. So we went to this dinner

that I had to buy nice clothes for. It was called the President's Dinner. It's like the president of all the lawyers in Maryland. God, I wish that was the name. Lord of the lawyers. What if that was the name of the association? Welcome to all the lawyers in Maryland. I'm the president of all the lawyers in Maryland.

And Peter from House Angelos. Thank you for coming. Yeah, like Game of Thrones. Yeah, but like, but like oh it was fucking nuts we go to this dinner dude it's all you can eat fucking like there's a table of shrimp like raw clams muscles or whatever you're like shrimp raw shrimp more shrimp there's a section of like filet mignon and pork and potatoes. And it's all free. It's all free. It's all buffet style free drinks.

It's amazing. Just the crab cakes. Oh, you can eat crab cakes? Are you fucking shitting me? I eat seven crab cakes. I was going insane. And also, I bought all these nice clothes. I was still underdressed because everyone had a coat on.

Oh, you didn't get a jacket? No way, dude. I mean, if it was cheap, you know, if it's like a $40 or $50. I would have to buy like, I'd get a tailored one because I'm a small frame dude. You just buy it out there and then get it tailored. No, but all the fucking, my shoulders stick out and shit. Oh hear you dope suit anyway nice nice but it was fucking in great like incredible like i felt like it was like in like a bilderberg fucking like illuminati illuminati kind of eyes wide shut shit yeah it was dope and there's totally call girls there and everything it's

just lawyers who are coked out. Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, it was great. Of course. I've been to like, oh, my God. I've been to like one thing like that before. And yeah, like you just binge on like fucking little filet mignon spiders and shit. Yeah.

It's crazy, the food that stuff like that has. And like Flying Dog was just free there. Right. And fucking like the Blood Hound or whatever. I don't even know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every site is like that. Yeah like flying dog was just free there so right fucking like the the blood hound or whatever i don't even know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like blood orange ipa or whatever and ah yeah you'll see like just old ass men with teeny little little girls uh-huh these girls don't even look old enough to be here yeah it's uh yeah it gets it gets pretty dark um makes me think of uh when uh umar's dad yeah reminds me of the time now what would that sound like uh no uh my my buddies uh his brother-in-law so his sister is getting married so his brother-in-law was having a um

uh bachelor party and they had strippers come to the house oh my god it was so awkward you were there yeah yeah yeah we went because we're like maybe like 16 or 17 yeah yeah why are you around strippers at 17 uh we got invited uh that's not normal. 17 or 18. Well, you're a year off from 18. It'll be fine. Oh, my God. I had sex for the first time at 17.

I guess I did, too, with two strippers at a bachelor party. But it was awkward as shit. Like, have you been to a strip club? Never. So awkward. They're really awkward. I have no... Now, imagine that, like, but in, like, your, like, living room.

It was so awkward. And they were doing shit called... They were doing stuff called pussy pops, where they would take, like, a... They would take, like, a little... Lollipop. Yeah, like a little lollipop. What are those? You get them for free everywhere.

Dumb, dumb. Yeah, like a little lollipop what is uh you get them for free everywhere i'm like yeah like a dum-dum or whatever they would put that in their vag and then like take it out and give it to the guy or maybe the guy like grabbed it with his mouth out of there and then in between each one they would just put a baby wipe on their on their vag and like that is not that's not clean yeah like the guy's putting his lips on there like a baby wipe is not taking care of whatever STD or whatever the fuck is on. That's so gross. And then, yeah, the, God, it was so awkward. Because it was funny. It was like me and two of my buddies were like, oh, this will be cool.

It wasn't like, oh, we're going to see tits. But it was like, I don't know, it'll be fun. And they're like, oh, this is dark. This is weird. Yeah, the areolas were dark. They were real dark. The strip club was just so awkward to me. Yeah.

Yeah. Cause it's so, it's like predatory on both sides. Like, yeah, I want to see some kids. Oh, cause they want money.

And it's like, it's all about like, they come up like, hey, what's up? Like a Coors Light is like $18. Can we get one of those? I'm like,

oh, no thanks. we'll give you a dance. Oh, we have to buy a table. Oh, we have to like pay 80 bucks for a case of beer to get this table yeah and it's like the shittiest beer it's like 40 bucks for the dance and then it's like it's dude it's like yeah my friends are just getting suckered into so much shit yeah yeah yeah we and then just to like talk to her about her

batman tattoo or like a fucking like oh it's that's that goldfish. What's that goldfish mean? So what's up with that? Oh, I got a pet goldfish. Anyway, I'm going to go home and jerk off. $400 poorer. Who used to abuse me gave it to me. I keep it as a reminder. Anyway, honey, turn

around. Alright, next song says another 20 bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to keep it's another 20 bucks. Yeah. Yeah. You want to keep this stimulating convo going. Girls, girls. Yeah. When we were in Montreal, I think we were like 17. So we could get into strip clubs.

Or maybe we were 18. That's what it was. But you could drink at 18 up there. Can you not get into strip clubs? You can here, but you couldn't drink. But in Montreal, you could drink. So we're in there. That's dumb, dude. It's so dumb

but uh we walk in and uh yeah it was just there's a chick gyrating to metallica's sad but true on she was yeah it's like yeah and she was like moving her hips to the bass drums like sad but it's like metallica's true and then they had porn on the tv TVs and a chick was just jacking off two dudes onto her face. It was a little intense for me. There are dudes that go to strip clubs and they're like eating lunch buffets. Not bad.

Some people brag about strip clubs. Some people say it's really good. Would you guys go to a strip club again? Yeah, maybe. I guess I've just been a shitty what if we go with our girlfriends uh all right i've been to my i've been to a strip club with my girlfriend it's not that weird okay so it was this is how orgy start right this is how we all become swingers dark mark had a show at the gold club oh okay if you went to the show you got a wristband to go

into the strip club afterwards i think finazzo did a show out there once too it's really weird yeah because like it was a saturday night but then the show let out at like 10 or 10 30 or whatever right we walked over to the main room on a saturday night and boy boy boy boy yeah it looked like a bunch of like uh pole dancing instructors oh no and they all had like little like blue like grocery bags yeah in their pants so then when they get off stage they could get all the money but they weren't getting much money yeah but one of them climbed like to the fucking roof almost and it was like the room wasn't that big but it was like two stories tall yeah she went all the way up and then slid all the way down and

almost cracked her fucking neck. Still working on that one. It's like open mic night. This is why we practice. This is what we do. Jesus. Yeah. So that was my only experience is like when I was like 17.

But I think I was. We're also at like shitty ones in like Montreal and stuff. My buddy Andrew, he was the best man at his friend's wedding. So he had to organize the pastor party. Yeah. So he ordered strippers and he ordered strippers. They were like doing it in Boston, like a suburb in the middle of nowhere in Boston. And so he specifically asked one that can squirt because he wanted to surprise

his friend who's getting married. Oh, also, it's a stripper, but also catering company. So the strippers bring like baked ziti and chicken wings and shit. It's a nice two for one. And for extra, I'll squirt on that ziti.

Talk to me at 50, I'll squirt on that rigatoni. The craziest shit. So they had all the guys lay on the floor in a circle with their heads touching. And the girls went around and squat. Played musical chairs. Yeah. And squatting their pussies on their fucking faces. Oh.

And it's like, is that cheating? Like, you're almost giving a girl oral sex. Yeah. Yeah. Well, think about it if your girl was like, yo, so we all lay in a circle and they dip their balls in our mouth. Yeah.

It was fun. Or even if another dude's, like, generals touch your girl's face that is crazy how would that happen other than like a strip that's what i mean okay i thought you were like even if that happens in everyday life that's still fucked up that's just scooting by at the theater excuse me sorry sorry my dick's out. Sorry. Excuse me. Oh, my God. Sorry about that. Excuse me. So, and then, so then they took the groom into a room and it's the squirter now with just him and her. And he doesn't know. She's surprised.

She goes, yeah. And so she, so she was giving like a lap dance and then she's masturbating over top of him and she goes, where do you want it? On your, like on your face or on your shirt dude dude on my face no fucking way you stranger on my shirt like just like a wet stain on his shirt uh that is a great like no she just pissed all over yeah oh yeah that is a great like gender reversal though she just pissed all over. Yeah. That is a great like gender reversal though. Like how often does a chick go like,

where do you want it? Yeah, for sure. And then... He's like, on my tits. She's just done that enough that she knows how to control it and aim it. Yeah, she's just a real pro. This is the difference between being a marksman.

He's like in that glass over there. Yeah, she's like, you got it. She does squirt shot tricks. Yeah. All right, I want it to be off the backsplash in the kitchen, land in the sink. You got it. Over the fan, off the shot tricks. Yeah. All right. I want it to be off the backsplash in the kitchen. Land in the sink. You got it. Over the fence.

On the backboard. Yeah. So this is the difference between being in a city and in the middle of nowhere in the woods. So my friend's getting, the guy who organized it, he's getting a lap dance. And the girl whispers in his ear, $50 blow job 75 for sex whoa 75 and he and they were hot he showed me their pictures yeah they're fucking 75 to let someone a stranger fuck you that's crazy you're probably like the fifth guy she's fucked that day

thousand percent wait it's okay but do you tell me someone that they will fuck like there's a website where you can fuck porn stars yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a comedian that uh in the scene that does that where it's like they're like escorts as well that's insane he paid like twelve hundred dollars it might have been more than i don't know it was a it was a lot that's wild and then you have to you have to travel to them for a certain amount of time yeah it's like minute time yeah i don't know if you get an hour i feel like i would come so quick with a porn star i'd be like come on come on let's watch uh let's watch master none let's watch you let's check out some of your stuff. Let's go over your early work.

Yeah, no. The whole thing would be so fucking weird because that's so much money too. Dude, never. No, fuck that. $1,200 or $12,000? No, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's still $1,200 to fuck. I forget the exact number.

I'd have to... Unless that's in your head, that's like unless like that's like in your head that's like the only way you'll be happy i guess yeah but what a weird only jerk off to this one girl this person has a kid it's just like so weird all right reel it in here all right let's make it a little less specific jesus christ no wonder you're not the illuminati a little less specific. Jesus Christ. Who are? No wonder you're not

the Illuminati. Revealing secrets all the time. Yeah. Oh, boy. Is there any cool porn stars at that party? No, so many comics of kids.

All right. I almost... Okay. Narrow it down a little more. Yeah, right. Oh, fuck you guys, dude. I have no idea. It's still so vague. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just going down a path of like... Oh, for sure, for sure. I mean, yeah, it's just one joke.

I'm just kidding. You might know him from this joke Yeah but I don't know why We were talking about this at all Yeah I think his joke is like Hi my name's Yeah that's how they open

But no yeah What they'll do is The strippers will do No they're porn stars and they'll strip Right that's what I mean yeah so they'll go to like club it's weird it's comics yeah on tour what a weird existence like so different strip clubs and it's like a special event it's like an event but then you're like strippers actually have to pay to strip you know it's like buying stage time and then you get to keep the tips. Right, so you're like a barber paying for the chair.

But the porn stars that come through, they get paid like fucking when the Jersey Shore was big. It's like fucking Mike coming into a bar and doing an appearance. They just go to the strip club and do a quick appearance but they get paid a couple thousand dollars. Damn, do they have to strip or are they just like,

Hey, everybody buy me a drink? But then they probably make their big ass money banging like dudes of the four seasons or yeah yeah so there's a there is a porn series it's called tonight's girlfriend it's like that's like a call girl comes to your hotel room and stuff uh-huh so this shit is real i guess oh absolutely i mean it's a great i don't i don't know i love it whatever uh but yeah like how god what a weird fucking life that is so crazy i think i would do it what if i made enough money i would fuck a porn star that's what i'm saying how do you make enough money on point like how much are they getting that guy definitely doesn't make enough money to do that like he's dipping into his kid's college fund

well but you know it could be for a good reason that's true maybe maybe she spent money to make money yeah maybe she's an alumni of yale hey she's trying to get in good for sure yeah yeah but uh he was just doing it for the story yeah no i would totally could you write my son a recommendation letter uh i was doing a bit earlier like if you're fucking a lawyer and you're about to premature ejaculate, you're like, I'm coming, and they go, objection!

And then you go, overruled. He's down. He's down. He's down. Umar fell. He's down. Oh my my. You could have caught it.

I don't know if I could have caught it. Your phone was on it. I'm sorry, buddy. That's okay. All right. Woo! Hey, we're having a little too much fun. All right. Umar's got Steve Wilco's throne chair.

Throne chair. Come on. Who got Steve Wilco's throne chairs. Come on. Who's Steve Wilco? He's the bodyguard from the Springer show, but now he has his own show. Oh, yeah. He got his own show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boo, we're sorry.

Being a tough guy. What's up, boo bear? All this action. I was at a Starbucks today, and it was so funny because I was on Good Times. And so everything's funny. Come here. So I'm in line. It's like the afternoon.

And there's this dude at the register taking forever. And he's just like talking. And he's like, yeah, I just got an Apple Watch. I heard you can download an app. And then I can just swipe. I can pay with my iPhone, my iWatch. And the lady's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, that's so cool.

And it's just like, dude, you need friends. Why are you talking to this guy? And then he sees some art on the wall and literally has a two-minute conversation about Starbucks art. Oh, and the way I was introduced to this guy, I was standing in line, and it was like when he asked the cashier, he's like, hey, does Starbucks play music? Because there's no music on. He's like, oh, yeah. She was like, yeah, no, but our PA system is broken.

He's like, oh, I could just like every yeah, no, but our PA system just broke. And he's like, Oh, I could just like, every time I talked, I just felt the whole room vibrate rating. And it's like, what are you? Like, you're like so invested in Starbucks that like,

yeah, dude, I bet he was like a, uh, undercover customer or whatever. Oh, a secret shopper. Those people get sent in all the time.

Yeah. Oh yeah. That's a good call. When he's like, have you ever, I call. I've dealt with a secret shopper. Have you ever dealt with a gypsy at a customer service shop? No. What's that? You ever dealt with a secret gypsy, though?

Dude, until you finally find out they're a gypsy, they're a secret gypsy. Break this gypsy thing down. What do you mean, gypsy? You don't know what a gypsy is? I do know what a gypsy thing down. What do you mean gypsy? You don't know what a gypsy is? I do know what a gypsy is. My dad also thinks not highly of them. My Romanian friend doesn't. He doesn't believe that enough of them, as much as they say we're killed, we're killed in the Holocaust.

What a hater. I'm kidding. He's like, man, I don't know. Umar's dad's coming to the hater Olympics this year. Dude, I guess a lot of... Hate dude i guess hey hey hey yeah my dad look my dad just wants to see your receipt so that's fair very fair where's the receipt hitler do you have a receipt for all these murder god so i'm gonna need to see your books all right buddy you guys not auditing this whole time they didn didn't have QuickBooks back then, dude.

Hey, don't say, sure, sure, sure. One second. My dad is an auditor. How come a lot of these pages look copy-pasted? It's all started to make sense. Are these Xeroxed? He gave it to Kelton just for the Holocaust. He's like, I'll figure this out.

They just need someone to go audit that shit. My dad's a poor fucking Pakistani kid. He's like, I'm going to go to America and get a master's in, I was going to say autism. No, but what's the worst? A master's in autism. No, wait. I'll leave that to my son. Me, accountant.

And then we'll figure out if the Holocaust happened or not with Excel spreadsheets. That's how I will do it. Each podcast is me just trying to lose my job. Your dad is straight up a holocaust. Zane. Why didn't he want you to go in the water? My mom did. Oh, your mom.

Oh, yeah. Oh, in Ocean City. It was in Ocean City. Oh, also, another fun thing was, so I have, like, a girlfriend now, I guess. Brag. And she is a little older than me. And she's nine years older than me you could have just left it at little little i can't say nine you can but it's like it's more

vague when you go little you know oh yeah yeah but so then my mom she was so i told her about this woman before like a couple months ago because we started hanging out i really liked her my mom was like she saw all the pictures i've been posting of us like at the beach and dressed up so my mom goes giving me homework is that the older woman you're dating and i go yeah and she goes no i don't know i think it's too too old and then i'm like well and she's like what does she do i was like she's a lawyer and then does she do? I was like, she's a lawyer. And then my mom was like, ooh, that's good. Okay, keep her. And then my dad

chimes in. He's like, if it's a lawyer, if Umar's dating a lawyer, she's not a lawyer that makes a lot of money. Wow. She's probably like a public defender. Which is like a noble job. I know, but like that is spot on Which is like a noble job. I know, but that is spot on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That like, Umar would only date a poor fucking lawyer. Yeah, but then once my mom found out... She's a doctor. Where? Free clinic, of course. Yeah, but once my mom found out she made a lot of money, was like okay keep her right right right what did she

say about me that one time they're just like he make money he healthy oh yeah i can't remember is he gay or something like why he no married or something like oh yeah yeah my mom was like so she asked about josh i was like yeah no, no, he works where Raheel works, who's my brother. And I was like, yeah, he makes a lot of money. And he's young or blah, blah, blah. He's healthy. He makes a lot of money. Why isn't he married?

I was just like, I don't know. He's like, is he gay? I was like, no. She's like, something doesn't add up here. Yeah. I don't know. My parents are big kids. It's becoming clear. But I do,

I don't know if this is a good idea, but like now, like I think it'd be a fun bit to like go up on stage and ask people, tell them my age and ask them, ask the audience like,

how old is too old for me to date? And I asked my very new girlfriend that which like it's weird when you have a girlfriend because it's like so new it's like do you even call her your girlfriend you know what i mean yeah i mean if you're exclusive we are yeah and we've been seeing each other for like a couple months yeah that's a girlfriend dude yeah yeah but it just feels real but anyway so we were talking i was like i was like is that okay if i do that and i was she said yeah but what if someone yells an age that's younger than her age that would make her feel bad yeah i yeah i feel like you're just forcing a fight but she said that it wouldn't it wouldn't upset her but she like does not look her age at all oh yeah no she she looks she looks

young but it's just i i think you're just I think you're treading into territory that it's like the risk versus reward isn't great. You know what I mean? For sure. Yeah. Especially if she's at the show and somebody's like, I don't know, 32. Yeah. Because I'm going to do it the next gen jokes and she's going to be there.

Woof. I told her about it though. Okay. You might want to try it out like before that. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're right. Definitely. I definitely i'm going it's like i'm saying like it's just like dc a couple times this week so i'll try it out yeah like what's the best that could happen you know what i mean yeah

oh yeah and i have uh oh or what are we are we about to wrap up yeah we're at like an hour okay should we do plugs yeah we can wrap it up so uh er Eric. Well, Eric, you're kind of, there's a new comedy festival. Yeah, Baltimore Comedy Festival. And you're on the, you're like running, you're one of the producers. Another solid transition. We just took another trip to the beach, baby. Hey, we're all fucking women now. Woo!

Boom! I got a tan. Look at this. Submissions are open for the festival right now. It's free submissions. No scammy bullshit. We'll break it down. So what is it?

The Baltimore Comedy Festival? Baltimore Comedy Festival. It's going to be a little bit like an extended weekend of shows all over the city at most of the venues that regularly produce comedy shows. So we'll be at the Crown, the Auto Bar. What are the dates? The dates I think are August 31st to September 4th. Okay.

And submissions are open from June 15th. So now till July 15th. Nice, nice, nice, nice. It's free to submit, free to submit,

which is great. Cause yeah, a lot of festivals, you have to pay a lot of money. It's just, just even, it's like not even worth it for most of them. And then you find out you have to get yourself there.

And you could pay money to submit and then not even get in the festival too. So no, that's really cool you guys. Yeah, it's free. And then we're also going to be trying to get some actual names to come down to. Because we're going to have... Most shows are going to be free for the festival. Oh, so you're getting Umar Khan and Josh Kudron now? Yeah.

Yeah, that's for the hack show. Boom. That'll be the opening show. We got some bigger names coming, possibly. Nice. And I think that might be for either at the Motor House or our closing show at Union Brewery. Cool.

And what's the website where people can apply? BaltimoreComedyFest.com. Fuck yeah. And just find the submission page on there. Fuck yeah. We're on Facebook, Baltimore Comedy Fest. Check out my other podcast, Live from the Studio. Yeah.

Which is great. I'm going to be on that soon. Yeah. Umar's going to be on soon. I was on. It was fun. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I played some of my music on there. It was fun. Oh, wait. I can play music? Yeah, we just recorded last night with Leland and Matt. Leland stuck around. We jammed out for a little bit. Oh, what do you play? The djembe really badly.

What's a djembe? It's a drum. Okay, what is it? Your other dude? And Jimmy. Jimmy plays everything. Okay, cool. Yeah, let's do that.

Jimmy's really cool. He's very funny, funny too i poorly play guitar perfect dude yeah he was shredding the bass last night fuck yeah let's do that i was off when when do you want to do it uh oh we can any time for the summer it was funny i was like uh sexting earlier it was off to the beach again never mind buddy buddy it's a funny story but I'm not gonna go you got some plugs

I do speaking of plugs I was texting Saturday June 24th I am me Eric DeDorian who's been on the podcast Naomi Caravani Denise Denise Taylor, and Jessica Murphy Garrett will be doing a show at the Crown in Baltimore for the Democratic Socialist Association. Fuck yeah. So come to that. It's a suggested donation, so pay what you can.

That's 8 p.m. at the Crown. Nice. Nice. Yeah, I was excited. I was going to try to do that show, but I... And that's... Yeah, it at the crown nice nice uh yeah i was excited i was gonna try to do that show but i and that's yeah it's gonna be a good one there's gonna be a lot of fucking people there right it's like 200 people are already interested on facebook a bunch of people there so uh come well i'm hitting the road with matt bergman this weekend going to uh north carolina for some of my uh uh rare road gigs gonna be featuring for Matt Bergman,

who's really, really funny. And we're going to be at Bonkers, I think is what it's called, with a Z in Raleigh, North Carolina. Hell yeah. This Saturday and Sunday. Should be a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to it.

It's cool. We get like a hotel room and shit. You know, it should be fun. Should be fun. Fuck yeah. And then the 29th, I'm doing Speechless at the dc draft house and that's a show where it's like uh

where you have comedians go up improvisers and they have to do they have to explain a powerpoint they've never seen before and justify it and try to make it make sense and the audience picks the person that did the best job and uh yeah chris millner is a part of that dylan meyer is a part of that and they're both really funny guys that's gonna be a really good one

and uh yeah that's all uh i'm gonna promote for now eric thanks for coming over buddy yeah come over more often because you work right down the street at uh i'm about to move in pretty close oh are you oh yeah he's gonna be living with evan donahue oh that's awesome very Over by Wyman Park. Very nice. Very nice. And, yeah, shout out to Joey at ATB Productions. Shout out ATB.

Yeah, check us out. We're doing really cool stuff over in the Woodbury-Hamden region. Woodbury. Cool. And, yeah, man, thanks for joining us. Rate us and review us on iTunes. And we're on Laughable as well. Thanks to you.

Oh, boom. Google Play. Stitcher, Google Play. Do all that shit. Say hi on Facebook. We got a page. I'm on Twitter at Josh Kodernan. Instagram at Dick Sesh Pod on Twitter.

And David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions. Coming to an end. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah