The Digression Sessions - Ep. 223 - Happy Fourth of July! (@JoshKuderna @Umar_A_Khan)

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

Hola Digheads, this week Josh and his roomie / tenant, Umar Khan, talk about building a deck like the men they are and celebrate America as the homegrown Smiths they are! Fun talk.   Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, and Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on iTunes, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti. stronger i guess i guess but like when i went to physical therapy uh they would work on my back at the end and i always preferred the dude who's so much better than the chick yeah because he was so handsome too right he was a good looking guy he's a good looking man right yeah uh hey everybody welcome to the digression sessions podcast josh good dinner josh good dinner josh good dinner uh josh kaderna that's my name. I know. I've only said it for 30 years. Yeah.

Well, maybe like, I don't know. But you've been saying it wrong. It actually is Josh... Josh... Josh... You have to say it with that distrust. People who don't know you, they always like, Oh, you know Josh Kuderna?

Kuderna? Kuderna. Every time. Yeah. I like how people get to know me. They're like, Oh, you're just Kaderna now. You're not Josh. Because you have one of those names.

One of those like... Your last name becomes your first. Non-generic. Yeah, like if you were just Khan. Yeah. That'd be weird. Because there's a lot of Khans out there. There's too many Khans.

Yeah, it's like Smith. Yeah. I think there's more Khans than Smiths probably. I don't know about that you know and we better we're gonna make america great again oh yeah we're gonna make smith great again take that con yeah hey everybody we're uh yeah it's the digression sessions podcast josh could be in here and uh so to my my good buddy umar khan and uh it's julyth. We're celebrating our independence by drinking several ice coffees. We put together a deck yesterday

on my beautiful home and pictures of that are on my social media at Josh Caderno on Instagram. Hell yeah. What is yours? At Umar Khan? 821.

It's my birthday. Hey now. Everyone thinks it's a Blink-182 reference. I did too, yeah. And I understand why. Yeah. But it's my birthday. Hey, now. Everyone thinks it's a Blink-182 reference. I did, too. Yeah. And I understand why. Yeah. But it's my birthday, guys. So August 19th, I'm opening up for Greg Fitzsimmons two days before my birthday.

Whoa. Saturday. Maybe I'll make it a birthday party. 819, baby. Yeah. So, yeah. We put up a deck yesterday from, like, 8 o'clock until until like, I don't know, 6 or 7. It was brutal.

I think we wound down around like 6 maybe, somewhere in there. And then I cleaned up a bunch of stuff afterwards. It was a fucking mess. But it was fun, man. It was super fun. It was nice as a guy that is not good with carpentry or anything, and my job is in a cubicle. It's nice to be like, oh, we built something.

It was cool. It was the first time I used a tool besides a drill and a hammer. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You were using that big-ass one, too. There were so many tools. My man put some through bolts in there. Yeah, I learned what a through bolt is, a lag bolt.

Uh-huh. About making a post plumb. You got to make it make it plum made that post plum as fuck dude yeah it's so plum it's sweet as a peach that is what they say in carpentry if it's so plum yeah it becomes a that's what it says on a blueprint p-a-f and uh yeah and speaking of like blueprints like my dad here look i'll show you like basically this is his blueprint was just like a sketch on a notepad yeah okay on fucking lined paper yeah yeah like this is like a notebook from work that he just sketched out he's like okay so we'll go about this yeah you know he measured everything before we did it it was almost like he was just

also just like he was making it up as we went not that like but in like uh like i was so impressed yeah because so it's like oh my god well like in a vacuum he could just put up a deck as is you know okay so post here post here everything's even but i mean this house was built in 1900 i think or something like that something crazy like 1910 something crazy yeah and uh hey when america was great and we're trying to get back to that place you know everybody that owned a house had the last name smith that was the rule you couldn't get a house if your last name wasn't smith because you couldn't be trusted you're probably an immigrant you had to be a direct descendant of john smith yeah who not only dominated america but the indians women as well whole industry was

alive and well oh yeah everybody loves certain people weren't allowed to vote or wait were they i don't know i don't know when black people were allowed to vote and uh well well technically they were allowed to vote like i think in the 19th century basically like after like during reconstruction and all that stuff yeah and then in like the 20s they're like should we let broads vote too oh my god black i didn't am i stupid i forgot that black people were allowed to vote before women yeah that's well that's it well i mean black women too yeah that's also interesting because we had a black president and we haven't had a woman president yet. Oh, yeah.

Well, my dad told me that a long time ago, I remember. He said that women just aren't fit for the job. What if they get their period in the middle of a negotiation? You're right. Every month we're going to war. Could you imagine? I know Trump's tweets are bad, but could you imagine what a woman tweets when she's on her period if she was a president? Can you imagine

yeah can we get some dark chocolate in this oval office come on i'm just kidding guys umar is not kidding he said let's podcast just so i can say that yeah that's the whole reason we're here yeah but also too if we ever have like uh uh a female president they're gonna their periods are gonna be so long gone oh yeah dude like age goes and all that stuff which makes it worse you know men that's what i want archie's the first period oh it is what's uh that's what they carry menopause is like the first hold on hold on the first period has the word men in it yeah it's menarche that's menarche or something amazing i guess menstruation has men in it too that's so funny it's like oh blood comes out of your pussy huh well that's uh

man stuff menstruation we own that too menstruation we're probably so stupid that like uh that like prefix means something in like some other like in like latin i love yeah yeah totally yeah exactly we're so dumb yeah but i'd like to envision too with with manarchy it's like dudes that are like big fans of sons of anarchy yeah okay what if we were sons of manarch manarchy like manarchy sounds like manarchy sounds like the worst metal band we should make that the podcast name man like and then anarchy yeah Yeah, manarchy, bro. They're like, so you guys just love periods? That's a good pun.

Specifically the first period, bro. Hell yeah, dude. Manarchy. Yeah, that's a first. I mean, technically, we all are sons of manarchy. Yeah. I mean, you think about it, you know? That's true. I'm pre-manarchy.

I guess all men are pre-manarchy. Pre-manarchy? Pre-manarchy. Pre-manarchy. I'm pretty sure that's how you say it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I think's malarkey? What? pre-manarchy. Pre-manarchy? Pre-manarchy. Pre-manarchy. I'm pretty sure that's how you say it. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I think's malarkey?

What? Pre-monarchy. Pre-monarchy. What are we talking about? It's all malarkey, I tell you. It's all malarkey. I don't even know, man. Yeah.

So, yeah. Shout out to our buddies, Ron and Schwab, who came over. And Mace. Mace. Mace was fucking awesome man shout out to um your dad shout out to my fucking dad seriously matt was so incredible man it just like crushed oh yeah we were talking about like like the house just like okay so like we built it into the side of the house when i say we i mean him but he had to put that huge board on there and then of

course there's like vents and other shit like shooting off the side of the house that he had to like fix and then like work around and then basically improvise the whole time yeah and then it was so funny too because it's like like i'd be like okay we can't get the washer on here you can't get the nut there's no way and he's like no no we're just gonna move this back and then you fix that and like oh you're like a genius he's like no i'm not a genius it's just common sense i was like okay but you know i just don't know anything about carpentry so it was really cool of him to uh take the time and uh umar's on his phone sorry don't worry hey it's okay i'm like nervous my friend dropped her car off at my place and I have to go pick her up at the airport,

but I don't want to do it tonight. I don't want to watch fireworks. Now there's an audio evidence. She doesn't know how to listen to podcasts. I don't think she does listen to podcasts. Whatever, bro. It's my mom. Listen, as a son of manarchy, I don't even care.

Sons of manarchy. Oh, my God. I just put that together. Yeah. Sons of anarchy i don't even care sons of manarchy oh my god i just put that together yeah sons of anarchy yeah god damn it i'm so tired get with me come on let's focus up focus up i thought it was funny when we were building the deck yesterday it would be funny like i was saying like uh because we don't know how to do any of that shit yeah like it would be a really funny web series if we uh if we tried to build a deck but with no it's just us and our friend no no math sport loft in the mix yeah just no no one who has any experience just like how long would it take us to build the deck i honestly don't think it would

happen i don't think we would ever get it done even if we youtubed it even it well i mean like literally 10 hours of the web series would be us on youtube oh yeah yeah the web series would be dudes watching youtube eating pizza yeah all right let's try again tomorrow you just see like the sun come up the sun goes down the seasons change and like a post might be in the ground maybe we work for like and we wouldn't have those tools either no oh my god i don't even think like and we wouldn't have those tools either no oh my god i don't even think about that part we would have zero tools that's like they're very expensive like like like four thousand dollars in tools at least at least at least oh my god i guess

you could rent them too but i don't know although i like that matt your your dad like knows that we don't know what shit is called. But he kept naming it just so we feel like pieces of shit. I think he was trying to teach us. No, I know. I know. I know. He's like, Umar, grab the horse.

I'm like, he's like, no, the horse. I'm like, what the fuck is a horse? Saw horse, bro. Yeah. Saw horse. Come on, man. Or like I kept calling the screws nails. You're like, well, I kept calling it a horsey. Yeah or like i kept calling uh the the screws nails you're like well i kept calling it a horsey yeah he did not like that i kept calling the screws nails and

then matt was like guys we don't have any nails here yeah i was like oh shit should we go get nails are we out of nails papa yeah yeah he'll he'll do that i mean he isn't wrong but yeah i'll say that too like because he's way into cars and i'll be like oh man like check out the tires on this but i really mean the wheel yeah he's like what do you like about the tire the tread i'm like no you know i mean the wheel you know what fuck you i don't even know the difference between a tire and a wheel tire is the rubber and then the wheel is just the the inside thing that sits on the yeah yeah so like so when you look at a car so literally you don't see a car wheel you just the the inside thing this sits on the yeah yeah so like so when you look at a car so literally you don't see a car wheel you just see the tire you do see the wheel from the side

that's the wheel anything that is metal and the tire is just all rubber anything that's rubber is the tire so like hubcaps hubcaps are separate rims so rim is a part of the wheel hubcaps are like you add that guys welcome to car talk 2.0 yep just a couple sons of manarchy trying to work it out a little bit of shop talk we're just like the tires the wheelie go part last night after we finished i went out to auto bar which is it was fun but it was weird because i'm not drinking I'm doing a no booze, no other stuff, and no sugar month. Yeah, no booze July. Yeah, no booze July, which is a hard month. No get high, no booze July.

Yeah, no get high. Well, you know, other stuff. No good times. No good times, yeah. No good times, July-ms. No good times, no booze, no sugar. It's really weird going out. March of no good times, Julymes. No good times, no booze, no sugar. It's really weird going out. March of no good times.

It's really weird going out and not drinking. Yeah. Everyone is like hammered. Yeah. It's like a dance party. I was thinking about that the other day, like how much alcohol is involved in just like everything. Everything. Dating, hanging out like

it's insane like if you're with a group of like three or more people it's like should we get a drink we should all right exactly let's go grab a drink it's almost like if it's like you don't like well what the fuck else do we do yeah well i was thinking that so okay so like i went out last night and uh you know i'm like a single dude i was like let me go out there everyone's off tomorrow there'll be a bunch of people out and then like you just feel weird being sober trying to hit on women who are being yeah that's drunk so then i'm like you know what i'm not gonna do this yeah and i just i just ended up talking to friends the whole time good on you because then i I feel like bros would be like, yeah, dude, I thought being sober would suck, but it's like shooting fish in a barrel

with these drunk chicks. I'm so alert. I'm like a lion out there. I'm just hunting. I'm just carrying chicks back to my car, piling them in there. Yeah. He just has like two chicks and one over each shoulder

like, bro, what is this a sale where are we going like don't worry about it it's all right yeah all right fine yeah and then like one girl she was like hey come dance with me and like well one i don't dance anyway but i was like i'm like so sober and she was like we'll drink some of this i was like no and she's like wait why not i was like i'm just doing a no drinking month and she's like oh that's so lame and i was like no and she's like wait why not i was like i'm just doing a no drinking month and she's like oh that's so lame and i was like i know but honestly it feels so good dude because i was having a too much fun yeah i was staying out way too late all the time yeah you're you're a party boy i was uh yeah i wasn't you know that's summer break like partying but i think it was just it was too much it was just uh

leaning into it oh for sure all right yeah that's just like the dangers of being single i think because like you want to stay out you want to meet people right right but uh well last night when i was out uh we the last student jokes we did there was a guy there who was wearing a hat and when i went up first oh i made fun of him a little bit yeah and uh and then uh every literally you did every other comment and then ramin like went into him because um i think yeah he was the guy on his phone yeah remember that yes but also it became it's just like then it's just a frame of reference for the audience, too. So it's like, guy in the hat, like, we're all unified on this. Yeah, he wore this, he wore a really, like, eccentric outfit.

And he had this really big hat that looked like a... It wasn't too, was it? He had, like, a scarf, like, a handkerchief around his neck or something. I think so, and a big hat. I think it was just, a fedora like he just looked like um no it was like it was like a straw kind of scarecrowy hat that's why i made the joke i was making a joke about like suicide and he had this look on his face like and i was like hey you look soft you should go stand outside and scare the birds or something oh right that guy like a laugh and he thought it was funny yeah yeah yeah but then i ran into so two people that i know brought him and they said

he's like insanely sensitive and he was super offended by rami like oh yeah and uh yeah and uh but last night it was like this weird situation where like i wanted to respect his beliefs because he was just like you you know, I apologize. Like, dude, I'm sorry if you didn't have a good time at my show. And that's the right thing to do. But then, like, dude, he just kept trashing. Like, our friend. Really?

He just kept trashing around me? Yeah. He just kept going on and on about, like, you know, it's 2017. I don't think there's a time. And I'm like, and I was really nice the whole time. But at one point, I just wanted to be like, dude, fuck you. He's a good friend of mine. He's an awesome person. Like he's one of the coolest people I know.

Yeah. He's just calling him like, well, I just don't get like, I, you know, it's hard for me to separate like sexism from your act and your real life. And I was like, God, dude. Also, it's like, no, it's not. I wanted to take my apology back. It's such a weird position to be in where you're like. It'd be such a funny, sober reaction. It's like, no, it's not. I wanted to take my apology back. But it's such a weird position to be in where you're like. It'd be such a funny, sober reaction.

It's like, you know what, sir? He's a good friend of mine, and I rescind my apology. Good night. I said good night. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it just sounds like he, I think, has probably been replaying the events in his head.

So it's more. And I know how that goes, too where you feel like slighted by something. You're like, motherfucker. So it's like, I think when he finally saw you, it's probably been building up since like last month. He was cool to me.

He was like, I thought you were great. Right. But I mean like that, like process about Ramin and then like, you know, he gets to unload his thoughts on you. Yeah.

It just sounds like he's kind of overcompensating. If people knew like how much people did not care for their opinions yeah yeah especially like with with comedy and stuff too it's like sometimes it can be valid i don't mind it but if it's like you know if you do the it's 2017 it's like okay i agree but also ramin killed that night. He's so good. He's fucking hilarious. He's so good. So that's what people always say, too. It's like, wow, I mean, okay, so this type of joke is okay?

No one thinks that's okay? Yeah, people, he just went for low-hanging fruit. He's like, no, Ramin is like a fucking, like, it's insane the way he can, like, weave in and out of like uncomfortable moments go like from silly to serious stuff like it's yeah and he's a great performer so good and the whole thing is it's like like i know that his idol is don rickles like if somebody like on paper if you saw what don rickles said to people he's like oh this guy's a monster it's like yeah it's the whole joke of it is right it's so fucked up to say this and that you know he's coming from a good place. Yeah, that's what...

Yeah, Rami, it's like, okay, so I'm going to fuck with people. He also makes fun of himself a ton too. It's not like he's a fucking dice man up there. And then the whole crowd was laughing. You know what's interesting is that guy last night said that Ramin only... He was the only comic that night that only talked about other people and other marginalized groups and never talked about himself i was like dude you're in like oh you missed it

you weren't listening because you weren't listening everything he kind of brought back to him and everything was satirical like he's talking about his divorce he talks about getting older and dating and stuff like that it's you know being bald getting a belly like not being good at sex anymore yeah yeah i'm gonna get hot oh yeah yeah dude he's talking about his little dick and it's like honestly he has so much courage to talk about his micro penis yeah listen god took away flesh from his penis and put it on his heart because that guy has a huge heart huge heart little dick really wow small small dick he can really i mean it's great for him because his pants fit better yeah i wouldn't know i mean i got a big dick and he's

like a really nice guy he's a really good guy he's really nice yeah probably because his dick is so small he got overcompensated yeah poor guy anyway you know what's funny like ramin's dick yeah oh yeah well how come like when people have like those really like shitty big cars or something like he's probably got a small dick it's like well i drive a civic bro my dick not that great you know what i mean it's like a very average dick it doesn't go the opposite i was gonna say it should like be the equivalent it's like i have the honda civic of dicks. It's dependable. It's going to get you there. Maybe not as quick as you would like.

You could put 200,000 miles on this dick. It looks okay. Yeah, it's not going to impress everybody. But, you know. It'll do the job. It'll get the job done. Yeah. I have a Prius.

I'm like, mine has a battery. It's very quiet. Yeah. Well, that's also I was thinking about like with the whole Bill Maher thing. You know how he said like the N word? What? Bill Maher. Bill Maher.

He said what? My father, Bill Maher. No, when people got offended and like liberals wanted him fired. Yeah. And then I was thinking of like, what was that magazine or whatever? The satirical French magazine. Oh, Charlie Hebdo? Charlie Hebdo.

They, in a lot of their magazines, drew the Prophet Muhammad like made fun of him and made him gay which is insanely one of the most offensive things you could do yeah to a muslim you're not even supposed to draw him you're not supposed to draw him at all you're not just taking name in vain and look i'm an atheist i think all religions are dumb yeah i tolerate them but like why did people defend that like people defended the shit out of that and then bill maher says the n-word and liberals like he's gotta be fired there's no place it's like and also like that's their satire it's a shitty mag it's not i mean good comedy i've never i mean it's in french too so i've never they translated go look at it it's not so it's just it's so hypocritical to me that

like you defended charlie hebdo's free speech and you're attacking bill maher it's not so it's just it's so hypocritical to me that like you defended charlie hebdo's free speech and you're attacking bill maher it's so interesting to me yeah i mean it's it's yeah i don't know if that's really uh apples yeah apples to apples i mean it's definitely similar but i feel like what bill maher did was just like i don't know i think that they were trying it it is the the way they executed it is well poor choice of words there but oh my god the way those muslims executed charlie was the best execution but the way that they did it they were trying to make a larger point of saying like how ridiculous that it is like religion in general and that they were going after them

is like really shitty kind of in the way that they did it yeah bill maher was doing it just to be shocking just to make a dumb joke he had no other he had no other greater point behind it but i would argue that like but still a joke is a joke whether like like steven colbert people went after steven colbert his whole show is satire when he did all the asian jokes or asian voices but his thing also was a was a a larger thing too he was making fun of dan snyder so no but people still went at liberal still went after him yeah and that's and that's dumb too i think that's yeah and i think it's just i think the bill maher should have been punished too and i think the charlie

hebdo thing it's kind of like well you're playing they knew they were playing with fire but they were trying to i'm not saying anyone deserved to be killed yes but but i think that uh to me they're purely equivalent because like to me charlie hebdo they're making a joke. Yes, it's for a larger purpose. Bill Maher, he's a piece of shit. His show sucks. But his show is also like too... It's a political talk show. It's a political talk show.

But in that context, I understand he was just making a one-off shitty joke. It didn't even have anything to do with anything. It wasn't even on the topic of race. He wasn't trying to make a larger point with it. The only thing that he was trying to do is be like it'd be shocking right by just saying it's like look at me i'm a white guy saying the n word which is stupid but i think it's like it's really it's not super equivalent but i don't know there's just two people making it's two people making a joke and i don't know like yeah i i agree there is there's a little like nuance to there but i

think with the charlie hebdo thing it was a little more calculated in the way of like all right let's try to actually use this for good hopefully but of course you know they pushed it like incredibly far and then even the next issue they put it again on the cover yeah god so yeah yeah it's uh yeah i thought the bill maher thing because i my uh my dad and i used to watch it just kind of like for the uh i never liked that guy i didn't i yeah he's always kind of smart me but the panels would sometimes be good and then i realized oh the panel is just like four liberals and one like conservative punching bag yeah they're just like it's so shitty they'll just it's like all the stuff that we hate

about fox news but that is on that show like you know the panel be like okay well you know i think murdering poor people's wrong jeff as a conservative i know you disagree now anyway and he's like no i didn't say they're like okay yeah he's like hey why why does your side it's like i'm a dude i'm an individual yeah it's like no no and then you know the only way a conservative could really like get anywhere on that show is like i think trump has gone too far yeah but uh yeah and then yeah we watched the episode after that where he had to like apologize a bunch and he didn't even really apologize too much like he was kind of like kind of said like look like uh i made a mistake but i

like i don't know it's it's kind of weird like i think in that situation you just have to say like i fucked up i'm sorry instead of being like you know i'm i i'd have a good i have a good track record you know blah blah it's like oh he did fuck up and it was a shitty thing i just don't think he should be fired no no no i and i don't think that that uh anyone learns their lesson that way with anything it's like yeah the right thing is to have him go on the show and have ice cube be like hey bill you're a fucking idiot and he's like oh no ice cube is that what happened yeah oh ice cube kind of went at him pretty good he was like i'll be watching your show and uh i mean i like you but you make a lot of jokes about black people. Whoa. Are him and Ice Cube friends?

I don't know if they're friends. I mean, they probably met before, but like. Shit, I'm going to watch that. And then it got kind of weird, too, because then it was like, anyway, my new album drops on Tuesday. It's like, you know, trying to take the moral high ground. And then it's like. Yeah.

Well, why? No one. Everyone's on TV is a piece of shit. Do you know what I mean? Like, I was. He's been on that show. Our good buddy. A lot. He's out. Well, I didn't want to say tv is a piece of shit like do you know what i mean like i was think alahi's been on that show our good buddy alahi is out well i didn't want to say she's a piece of shit piece of shit and uh she has a micro penis huge heart though yeah huge art huge micro dick uh so yeah there's good people on tv i i'm i don't know i think i'm like cynical but okay every single person on tv not every single

but i think if you're like a celebrity all celebrities are pieces of shit i think so i really do think that i think that for sure i think they are wow why uh i just think like your whole life is about you you You are constantly thinking about yourself. Yeah, but it doesn't mean, I mean, like, you know. It doesn't mean you're a piece of shit. Yeah. I'm just being hyperbolic. But, like, it's just, like, it's just a shallow existence to me.

I think it can be. But I get it. You found an art form you love and, like, that's part of the game. You got to go on TV. But, like, I was talking to, but even in the vein of like you know i don't really care that charlie hebdo is satirical because honestly comedy does not change people's minds for the most part like yes every now and then i've heard a joke i'm like huh i've never thought about that way like i definitely have heard women comedians tell shit and i'm like but i'm already on your side you're

talking to the uh yeah you're preaching to the choir yeah so like who do you think any cons like conservative picks up like charlie hebdo or tunes into bill maher's like you know what i'm wrong my fundamental values and belief systems are wrong um so i think like uh i was having this conversation with somebody i ran in on the street um in hamden and they were like oh i this such and such comic is coming to town i know that you've uh you've worked with them before yeah and uh and uh i know god this is a yeah it doesn't really matter yeah but i was just saying like yeah he's a cool comic cool dude but like i don't think he's changing the world because or anything she was like well don't you think like he's making an impact with his comedy

no because the only people who go to his shows are people who already agree with him and then we all sit there and nod and laugh but we already agree with him yeah and it doesn't matter like you he's not converting anybody yeah i think maybe not so much in like the um more like apparent way like somebody goes to a show and they're like wow that's like that changed my mind i think it's more so like it's cool to have people up there like voicing their opinion in a way that's like maybe even a little more subtle in a way where it's like oh like that's still a part of culture like yeah deep down you know that there's like people out there like on a stage saying like yeah stuff that's like not like like it's like a fucking like resistance uh like protest rally but in a way where it's like oh

like this person thinks sort of like i do and they have this opinion like it's cool to have that it's cool to have your feelings and values validated yeah yeah yeah or like pushed maybe like a little bit further or like seeing stuff a different way like you were saying so i think like yeah stuff has changed my mind like uh the bill burr bit like i never thought it was okay to hit women and after watching that i was like you know what he makes a good boy i wouldn't do it as a son of manarchy hell yeah i'm into that hell yeah hell yeah dude but yeah i think like the the days of like that shit of like you know like super impactful on culture like like lenny bruce like for as much as like i i don't know how much of his material like uh holds up but the shit that he was doing without him there would be no modern comedy today like no he got arrested just for saying fuck and stuff like that like yeah like all the time right he

was actually in baltimore a bit and uh yeah he used to do club charles yeah yeah yeah he wrote that in his book. Isn't that insane? Mm-hmm. It was like part of the circuit. He's like, yeah, it was at Club Charles. He's just there like a fucking Micah student. I'm just kidding. Yeah.

Micah's like one of the oldest colleges in Maryland. Is it? Yeah. So Lenny Bruce is smoking a cigarette. He's like, you know what? Art's gay. Wow. Cool.

I wonder what Micah students looked like back then. I wonder if people saw the Micah students walking around around i bet they look identical same beret striped shirt yeah yeah yeah they never change exactly yeah like hairy armpits because razors were expensive and now it's a statement yeah people just look at them like look at these hipsters nothing changes nothing changes but yeah us uh us hipsters ourselves we'll be looking good on that deck out there you know dude we'll be seeing us looking tanning looking good yeah i think i got i got pretty tan yesterday in some parts getting so dark oh yeah i can kind of see your the line on your i know i used to get so when i lifeguarded i'd look black it was awesome what my mom hated it black life matter guarded lifeguard i don't

know it's in there so it's around there so yeah we're tired guys oh i'm a sleepy baby i'm really i'm gonna take a nap later uh yeah and yeah. Yeah. And then the night before. No, not the night before. But yeah, like Saturday, Karen and I, we did a little like. Oh, yeah. You guys went to the hotel. Couple's little getaway. And we went to a hotel in downtown Baltimore.

It was really nice. We went to the pool. And I mean, it wasn't like the nicest hotel. It was cool to just be like, yeah, like, let's just stay at like a spot. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was i mean it wasn't like the nicest hotel it was cool to just be like yeah like let's just stay at like a spot and then i'll have a great yeah it was cool um stayed a spot downtown and go to the pool and like we were it was weird we were like a magnet for like people talking to us like this one chick she came down she was from philadelphia i could have swore she was from dundalk before she said philadelphia she's like we all we all's doing down here like because the accent's like basically the same oh my god did she look she looked kind of trashy like like bleach blonde hair

a lot of makeup and uh was like complaining about how stuff closes too early around here so we got a nice start last night around like midnight and then we get to the club and they're like we're closing soon i'm like what it's my birthday and y'all closing soon it's like how late does shit stay open in philly new york is like the only town where shit stays open super late right i there's probably like new orleans probably late too i think yeah probably some other places but yeah i wouldn't think philly i think philly's too as well but who yeah it's also it's like well you start your night at midnight yeah at midnight what were you doing it's not like the club knew like okay it's jessica from

philadelphia's birthday yeah we have to stay open birthday and she was just like it's funny she's like talking about like i think like not drinking or something she's like i'm on a perk until i took a perk and blah blah it was just like it was like weirdly i couldn't tell if she was like racist or just didn't like kids because there were a ton of like little kids in the pool playing there they were like really loud but they were having fun but they were all black and she was like like looked over at us look at them rolled her eyes and she's like i don't gotta tell y'all and i was like oh she's racist dude she's fucking racist i don't gotta tell y'all anyone who hates i used to work at a pool and uh i remember this old dude was like can you tell the kids this i was splashing and i looked at

him and i was like no dude you're sitting he was sitting on the side of the fucking pool trying to read a newspaper and then so i went over the kids i was like guys keep doing cannonballs and if he says anything to you i'll take care of it like. And even now, I just don't give a shit if I'm at a pool or if I'm anywhere, if I'm at the mall and kids are being loud and having fun. It's like, that's what you're supposed to do. They're fucking kids. I could give a fuck. Yeah.

At first, I was kind of like, geez, I wish they could be a little quieter. And then it's like, oh, yeah, they're little kids at the pool. Nah, dude. That's what they should be doing. And also, it's like, it's not going to last forever. It's fine. Let them do their thing. And then so she left. And then some rain's not going to last forever. It's fine. Let them do their thing. And then so she left.

And then some rain clouds rolled in. So we went and got dinner, did that. And then we went back to the pool. And we ended up talking to this couple from St. Louis. Nice. It was weird. I had my earbuds in because Karen went upstairs to change and take a poop. And I took my earbuds. Change changes bowels yeah change your diaper

and uh this girl she goes uh is that a craft beer you're drinking so i was like i guess i don't know yeah and then so we started talking about beer and exchange beers and karen came down we were all talking and uh we were talking about uh the sandlot which is like yuppie mecca here in baltimore it's like right on the harbor there's fucking uh volleyball there's um there's a bunch of like hammocks yeah like life-size it's just a bunch of sand like you're at a beach yeah yeah but you're at the baltimore harbor yeah like it's a bunch of uh fuck what are those things called like not carrier things the things that are on, like, trucks that they, like, built all this stuff into. Shipment containers.

Yeah, but they basically made those into, like, little, like, taco stands. And you can get beer out of, like, an airline streamer and stuff. You know what's funny? Like, that place is, like, it's, I mean, I haven't been there. We went there and it was closed. It looked cool. Yeah, yeah. But it honestly, it is, like, it sounds like something like when you're like 15 you're like you know what dude

we just bring a bunch of sand to the harbor that'd be pretty cool that'd be basically at the beach yeah it was nice because like we got there when the sun was going down i was like oh this is very yuppie but it is pretty cool yeah who gives a shit like we went to that five star hotel oh yeah also i learned that uh we did what's only for guests yeah we must have yeah there's no way they would allow that wasn't on us because that woman she was a manager we're like hey is the bar back there yeah so we went probably assume we were guests so we went to this five star so this new hotel opened up in fells that the the like owner of Under Armour opened or something? Yeah, it's the third five-star hotel in Baltimore. So what is it?

The Radisson? Four-star. Four-star. Okay, then there's Four Seasons. Yeah, I think my brother said it's only the third five-star. There's only three five-star hotels in Baltimore City. Yeah, it has to be Four Seasons that and I don't know what else. Oh, it's... Fuck. It's the one that really nice indian restaurants in the amster uh ambassador okay i think it's the ambassador there's also another thing too where it's not a

hotel per se but it's sort of like bed and breakfasty but it's like i think it's like three thousand dollars a night or something like that but it's like they pick you up from the airport. They drop you off. Like they pick you up in a limo and all that shit. And like the rooms are like crazy nice. So we go. So we go. We were trying to go to the Sandlot.

Oh, my God. Remember the Uber driver? Yeah. Oh, my God. So we. All right. All right. So let's restate.

So Chris Milner, our buddy, came up from up from dc and then we had like the day and so we uh what do we do we wanted we want to go to the sagamore was that the plan all along let's go to sagamore my plan yeah my plan was to go to fells point walk around the shops and then go get a drink at that hotel we're just talking about right sagamore yeah sagamore so i call i call an uber for all of us from hamden and we're in the u right sagamore yeah sagamore so i call i call an uber for all of us from hamden and we're in the uber and what do you remember his name uh i don't i want to say i ivan but that's not right no it was something he was it was a cool dude yeah he had an accent and we were just like fuck not too much he was just like kind of like a nerdy middle-aged

black dude god yeah so we were just making fun of him what i like no we weren't making fun of it we're just like fuck with him how like we're from corporate uber because well because like we're already like kind of giggly when we got in the car we're on good times good times and then uh he was like oh where are you guys going and i think we were like oh you fucked up or like joking around or something like that and he's like oh okay and then we're like yeah so we're from uber corporate yeah we just kept making jokes about what we just kept making jokes about like how we're like because he it was like yeah you know you guys could like walk from here to there it's like whoa whoa whoa what are these other means of transportation you're bringing up uber only oh yeah because we were asking about like how you uh like i was like how do you like

being an uber driver just to make like small talk talks i had to sit in the front yeah and he was like don't not a big fan yeah i was like oh well you know what neither am i i'm an uber corporate what's up bubba hey hey your phone's probably in your bag most unlikely oh yeah and then so while we're on our way to Fells Point. Neighborhood here in Baltimore. He brings up the Sandlot, which is that like beach thing we were just talking about. And we're like, yeah, you know what? That sounds perfect. Take us there.

Yeah, it was like the middle of the day. The sun was out. So it was an extra five bucks. I changed the whole like thing on my phone and he takes us there. It's like way like I don't even know how to get there. It's not that far. It's on the way to Fells. It's in like.

No, no, no. It's just like all these weird. Oh, off of Harbor East. Yeah. Yeah, like I wouldn't know how to get there. Yeah, the parking garage thing was dumb too. So on the way there, I was like, yeah, I don't know if it's open. He's like, no, it should be open.

And I was like, okay. Yeah. And then so he dropped us off, and he leaves and uh it's totally not open nope and then so we were joking how like he totally did it on purpose because yeah when i called an uber to take us actually it was ended up being we got him again yeah oh well i was so glad we got him again because we had his phone number yeah because he called you when he first picked you up and Mm-hmm. And we were just fucking around. Like, that's how he makes extra money. Yeah, yeah. Because Uber's not paying him.

He's like, hey, let's just go to this place. Turns out he's the owner of Sandlot. How about the Sandlot? Yeah. Want to check out Sandlot? Or he just takes people to places that are closed. And then so they have to call an Uber immediately again. Yeah, he's like, hello.

Yeah. So then we get to the Sagamore. Yeah. And the bar was like, the bar area was full or something. We were like, Hey, is there like an outside area? It was just Milner and I were wearing tank tops.

Oh yeah. And we were like, is there a way to go outside? And they're like, one girl just said no. Oh yeah. Yeah. He was like,

Oh, well there's like a pool. There's a bar by the pool and a good view. And we're like, yeah. And we know. And then the, the dudes, they were like sort of like busboyish guys.

And they were like, oh, yeah, there's a bar out back or something. You can go in. So we went in. So we go and there's this amazing courtyard that we walked through with all these statues. But even before that, there was the woman that was the manager. And we asked her, so are we just back here? She's like, yeah, bar right back there like okay and i think we just had the dumb guy confidence in that like we were too ignorant not to note so like we didn't look shady like we just look like guests

because we're like we're walking around like we're supposed to be there yeah because you guys probably look like like you just came back from your hotel and we're gonna sit by the pool because your tank tops on i had shorts and a t-shirt yeah yeah it's very casual so yeah walk through this like illuminati looking courtyard there's like a giant brass bull out there like yeah fucking wall street or something it was amazing yeah it's really like uh glass it almost looked like we were in like a uh like an atrium or like a green like a cool greenhouse or something yeah a really really nice one then you get out to the back and it's right on the baltimore harbor god and i think what helped too is that the our point of contact out there they had like a little guy that was like not little guy but a guy that was at a little

stand like a host stand when you come out to the pool right and i have my rick and morty tank top line he was like i love that show he's like i don't know anyone else i watch it i was like dude get better people in your life yeah he's like i try to show it to all my friends and they say it's too weird i'm like that's the point of the show yeah it's so good yeah it's the best and then so we go to the bar and it's like it's whatever eight bucks for a beer but but when he well real quick when he took because he had to walk us this is like very like fancy stuff it's like we could see the bar but he just walks us 15 feet over there like we needed like an escort but then when we get to the bar he goes enjoy your stay and i was like oh he thinks we're staying yeah and then so we get drinks yep and then we're like oh dude let's just go lay out

on the uh like the charge him to the room yeah let's just go lay it on the on the like whatever like the pool side yeah like long laying i don't know what do they call lawn chairs yeah and uh deck chairs yeah they're like facing the water yeah and i brought my beer and my water there and uh after my i drank all of my water and some dude just came out of nowhere and refilled it it was like here you go sir i was like holy shit to be fair if you go to the shittiest diner somebody will come over and refill your water i've never been at a pool yeah where someone comes and refills my water have you been at the pool where there's been a bar though no yeah oh that's so it was dude we have to do that i mean it was very nice next time you're off this summer oh yeah dude let's do that shit yeah oh me and uh eric didorian were uh looking up prices too he was seeing prices for like in the like 250 to 300

range for a room for one night i think so yeah dude i would do that yeah that'd be nice yeah i mean if you make make a trip out of it because it's fucking beautiful man it is really dope anyway our this week's sponsor sagamore pendry and muslim people muslim people and bill maher and yeah oddly enough bill maher it's weird uh bill maher and muslim people made an unholy alliance against black people so that's that's why they're friends that must be the the enemy of my enemy is my friend is the name of bill maher and muslim people's new special on cso oh buddy being a black muslim must be the it's the worst thing you can be in America.

Oh, yeah. And then you're a woman. It's like, everything's against me. Could you imagine? No. Honestly? As a guy named Smith Smith, I could not. That's how white I am. Dope.

My name is Smith twice. And I'm a junior. Smith Smith Junior here. Has anyone named Smith as a first first name i don't think so that's kind of cool i'd be a cool dog named smith yeah smith smith smith jewelers uh you know i don't know whatever dude smith smith whatever whatever oh and then just real quick uh circling back to like our hotel night where we met that couple. And they were visiting Baltimore, obviously. And then they were asking us about places.

So they were like, what about this place at Sandlot? And we were all buzzed. We've never been. We should all go. It'll be fun. And then we were all hanging out. And then eventually it was like, I don't want to hang out with these people. They were the nicest people ever.

But it was sort of like, you guys are dominating a lot of our time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That that's but they had a dog so karen's like let's keep hanging out with them and their dog was really cute because you could bring a dog to the hotel oh shit yeah their dog was really cool but uh yeah it was just funny where it was like you guys are like the nicest people but i want to get away from you i hate when that happens it's just like my personality too where it's like i can go i can be like extroverted to a point and then like all right and then also so we're drinking too so it's like naturally like you're just gonna do yeah yeah that happens well what are you gonna do you know yeah i mean it was still fine they were still cool they're nice people we follow each other on instagram it's cool what though do you know

joe para the comedian no i didn't get your joke when you sent it to me i gotta show you that guy talking versus joe para they sound exactly the same that's awesome exactly the same but yeah they were they were so fucking cool and so nice so uh yeah man that's that's been the july 4th weekend we're gonna go to karen's parents later today. Boom. We're going to hit up some fireworks on the harbor. Can you see them from there? Yeah.

Oh, that's going to be dope. I'm pumped. Totally. And what else we got going on? It's funny. Karen's dad, a very particular guy, Bob. Robbie, Bobby, John Beliah. And he wanted to make orange crushes i think not for maybe on

the maybe today but i think uh mostly for his uh his wife's friends having a going away party so he's gonna make orange crushes tonight uh no i think like coming up he might make a couple tonight but uh so he had to experiment with them with like fresh juice so we go over there just to pick up the dog and he's he's like okay uh do you guys have some time he's like so he's like all right so i have i have the grapefruit so first he does orange then with with orange vodka then a little bit of triple sec then a little bit of sprite it's like okay this is okay let's make another one and then before you know it there's like three fucking vodka drinks out great he's like so how do we feel about these yeah good also it's like new and just like experimenting that's funny and then like we go to leave and he's like do you need a

coffee like oh all right oh yeah he's really big on giving people he's like don't drink your drive don't drink a little bit of coffee. You got to get a coffee. You got to get a coffee. Grapefruit vodka or orange vodka? All right, man. He's so cool, man. Yeah. Yeah. The whole time we were just like joking around and stuff.

So it should be a good, good time, man. It's a weird year to celebrate the 4th of July. Well, yeah. That's the thing. There's fucking people out there that are like, hell. Oh, yeah. This is our year. Finally, baby.

That travel ban's going through. Boom. That Muslim's not in office anymore. Thank God. Thank God. Huh? And yeah, man. Yeah, let's do it.

All right. All right. Let's go nap. I want to nap. I totally want All right. Let's go nap. I want to nap. I totally want to nap. Let's nap together. Yeah, that'll be the pod for this week. Let's do some plugs.

Hopefully, we'll have Aaron Hankin on very soon. YPR's own Aaron Hankin and of the Laugh Finder podcast, which I do. And I think that'll be out in a couple weeks, I think. Dope. Dude, I had a really good time on there. They were really sweet. It's like the first time I ever played D&D as well. But it was like mostly just fucking around.

So it's like Violet Gray, Jim Meyer, Tommy Sambazo, Brian Preston, and Aaron Hankin in the mix. I think he was just a guest, and he ended up having so much fun. And they liked him so much. They brought him back. Dude, he's the best. He's great. He's like hanging out with them. It's great. Yeah, and the show was was so fun it was so sweet at the end you you uh

they give you as like a gift for doing the podcast you get your own 20-sided die oh yeah it was really cute we should do a gift what should our gift be for the podcast well i'm just gonna keep going on the laugh finder podcast and get their 20-sided die and then just give that to people that'll be our thing okay cool dude you know what i mean let's make some lemonade out of these lemons hey oh it's the ice rack uh yeah yeah let's let's let's plug it all right come see me uh this thursday i don't know if this will be out uh yeah i'm gonna try to put this up joe squared but gin and jokes thursday uh on the eighth i'm doing the drunk verse faded show it's a spelling bee where some people are high some people are drunk yeah and then we do a spelling bee the 22nd my man josh is hosting artscape

on the 21st and 22nd but i'll be on the 22nd show yeah august 5th i'm doing a benefit show for living classrooms and august 19th as i mentioned earlier i'm featuring for greg fitzsimmons let's see here so i have uh i'm gonna do specific ignorance alongside the very funny pete bergen and michael johnson at the dc draft house on the 20th hosted by uh the lovely Chris Milner and co-hosted in a way by the very funny Dylan Meyer. Hell yeah. And then, yeah, like Umar said, Artscape, I'll be hosting on the 21st and the 22nd here in Baltimore,

America's largest free festival. And we'll be doing the comedy portion, LOL, at Artscape. And the shows are really good. And the best part about the shows is they're inside and they're air conditioned yeah and they're free so are free uh the week after that i will be at mcgoobies the 27th through the 29th featuring for dove davidoff on the 5th i'll be at bethesda featuring there um i think i'm featuring for Bent Washburn, I think. Nice.

That may change. But yeah, that'll be the fifth in Bethesda, Maryland at the Positano something grill or something. Sounds great. Oh, sorry. Keep going. Oh, and then on the 12th, I'll be featuring at the Auto Bar for our good buddy, my little brother, Nick Oldershaw is going to be back in town visiting us

from la and he's going to be headlining the shit show i believe on the 12th and that's free as well we'll keep you updated little nazi little yeah fucking nick's one of those guys where yeah we is he actually alt right no he just thinks it's so funny it is so funny dude his post crack me up oh my god he's hilarious i wouldn't care if he is he's such a cool dude yeah he he's not well it's funny he uh so it's his birthday the other day he's sending me some screen caps of uh his friend texting yeah so i guess he was talking about uh about donald trump like to like a crowd not like a crowd of people but i think it was like a party so it's like a few people yeah and his friends that it gets people so mad he said what he's saying he's tech savvy or that he's that good

he's like no you said the man is good on television he said haha i don't even remember that he said when we were watching him in that snL sketch, and he said, I've said so many good things about Trump. Oh, I forgot one date. July 15th. I think it's a 14th. It's a Friday. I will be at the DC Draft House doing Catherine Jessup's show. It's a story.

Off the rails. Off the rails. I tell a story, and she kind of, like, fucks with me the whole time. And it should be fun. Hell, yeah. And then maybe the 15th, we might finish the deck as well well we'll finish the deck on the 15th let's fucking do it yeah and then that's gonna be karen's birthday so guys uh july 15th come watch josh should i finish the deck yeah almost die again this time it should be a lot so quick yeah a lot easier this time uh

dope you know and uh what else what else uh yeah follow us on instagram and twitter and all that shit um i'm at josh cadern on both of those uh facebook page we have one of those for the dig sesh boom say hello digression sessions.com rate and review us on itunes and all that shit cool and uh yeah umar you want to plug your social media and then we'll uh let's go take a yeah twitter umar underscore a underscore con uh instagram umar con 821 and then just uh find gin and jokes on facebook find it boom all right david kechner take us out happy july 4th you friggin digression sessions coming to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah