The Digression Sessions - Ep. 225 - Aaron Henkin! (@Aaron Henkin)

Episode Date: July 17, 2017

Hola Digheads, this week Josh and his roomie / tenant, Umar Khan, talk to the host of WYPR's Out of the Blocks and Wilhem Wardicus, the Edward R Murrow of the Laugh Finder podcast, Aaron Henkin!    Aaron is a wise, thoughtful, very funny, and talented fella. This was a good talk and he flips the script on the boys and interviews them kind of...this guy is a true radio professional, I tells ya!   Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, and Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti. headphones no no you gotta hold it right to your lippy just glue it to your bottom lip basically jack on that thing there is do you want headphones is it weird for that you don't have headphones ypr's aaron hankin not to hear himself w ypr aaron hankin in the house you don't know where you belong on the microphone if you don't have your headphones on just put it right to your lip i'm telling you you're gonna be good i i see your I see your levels. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. We got another audio head in here. Probably much better than I.

Yeah. We used to do headphones, but then I don't know. Because then you have to split it. And then we'd have to like lean in. And then it kind of feels weird to be like, so what's up with you? We're like kissing. Welcome to Tech Talk. Tech Talk, everybody, by by the way what's going on

hey yeah all right yeah we're just gonna trust these levels you guys are obviously professionals yeah yeah well he is he does all of it i mean sort of a professional i have garage band and i use a free program called levelator and that qualifies you as a professional thank you yeah yeah same way that if you have an instagram account you you're a photographer. Exactly. Everyone is an amateur. Every, like, I would say, like, every... Amateur everything. Yeah. Every fourth, like, post of mine is, like, somebody who takes wedding

pictures now. And it's like, here's what I do. It's just, like, everyone takes wedding pictures. It's because of the proliferation of prosumer-grade merchandise. Alright, let me pull out a dictionary. What's prosumer? Like this Zoom right, let me pull out a dictionary. What's prosumer? Like this Zoom recorder that we're all recording into.

Oh, it's just accessible. Something like that would be the only professional radio journalists would have that kind of gear. But now they market it to anyone who's interested in a microphone. That is interesting. Which is kind of cool. It is cool, yeah. But it just makes it harder to separate the wheat from the it does yeah it's the market yeah saturates the market yeah and then

same thing with like comedy like anyone can be on youtube and twitter and bullshit and now like like yeah podcasts have made everyone want to do stand up and then so you have so many comics you know and now like it's which makes it harder for people to break in the scene and like move on up yeah it's just like any old asshole can start a podcast now in their kitchen you know speaking of which it's a pleasure to be yes it's so good to have you so good to have you yeah um we worked together uh we all did in a way at the uh baltimore fringe fest what was it knights of the fringe knights on the fringe knights on the fringe and uh that was fun that was uh lots of acrobats and modern day circus clown types uh-huh uh-huh there's some poetry yeah those uh acrobats they were very talented yes

well it's really hard uh that that show's funny because they want us to host because i guess they don't you know like the guys that run the fringe that they're not used to being in front of people but it's it's for me it's a really hard venue to be funny at you know they had you do a stand-up act a couple of years yeah last year i had to do stand-up and it was just like your parents are here like kids like they don't want to hear about my Tinder stories. Yeah, it's an awkward setup too because it's like, oh man, it's great to be in Baltimore. Speaking of Baltimore and they're like,

oh boy, is he about to do a bit? The first year I did it alone, I did it solo and they didn't introduce me as a comic or anything. They were just like, okay, here's your host and they're like, we want you to tell 10 minutes of jokes up front. So then everyone's like, why is this fucking asshole telling jokes yeah who are you start the fucking show they're like you know because yeah god and it just feels so artificial too yeah and i'm like so uh anyway

i was driving you guys drive all that is to say it was a lovely event it was fun minus our awkward interjections in between each of the acts. I think it was fun. Well, I mean, we don't do any planning. And I showed up. One time, though, two years ago, this is a great story. Oh, God. It was intermission time. Yes!

And before the intermission ended, one of the people working at the snack counter came back behind the stage and gave to us this guy's ID. Yeah. Said he left his ID when he got a glass of wine or whatever. Right, right.

And so we, between that moment and when we went on to start the second act, we memorized everything on his ID. Oh, nice. And then also found him on Facebook and further determined all sorts of personal information. Then he just got a tattoo, what the tattoo was,

where it was, because he posted all the pics himself. Because I went to college with him, so we were friends on Facebook. Gotcha. At which point we walked out at the beginning of the second half, and I proceeded to let everybody know that I've been practicing my skills as a psychic. I like this. The story unfolded

from there. God, what if that guy happened to be on shrooms or something like his brain is just melting he's like oh yeah well speaking of not shrooms but uh heroin no the the second the this year i showed up to the show late i was uh i was having really good times yeah just so much good times. Uh-huh. And I got there super late and Aaron, like, thank God you were there because he was just like, all right, you're just going to say this, this and this. And it was just like, and then there was a name that was making us laugh and I don't

remember what it was, but I had to read it and I was like, there's no way in hell I'm getting through this. Did we have that because because aaron and i did it friday and then you did it that saturday i don't remember there was just i can't i wish i could remember the name and i was like you had the giggles that's i had the giggles and i was like there's and then you told everybody yeah and then i'm just like because there was some crazy movie where like some Oh, is that where she screams or whatever? They showed a different movie each night.

Yeah. Okay, okay. And it was based on a true story, but it was this date, but they would go through different dimensions. I was like, how the fuck is this based on a true story? Yeah, and I was like, well, guys, I'm... Yeah. On good times.

Barbecued. On good times. On good times. We have to say good times so do you fellas uh do you get in did you divulge much about yourselves and your backstory and your home and your relationship with each other on this podcast i mean how well do your listeners know you and your situation here i think they're probably pretty aware. Usually I say I'm here with my roomie-oomie. Yeah. And we always say we're in the kitchen of my palatial estate here in Baltimore.

And I think that's about it, right? They know we're comics? Yeah. Is there more to our origin story? I don't know. And so what was the day you guys decided, let's make a podcast? Well, Josh has been doing this for years. Yeah.

And I'm like the third installment of a co-host yeah so you're sort of the andy richter character yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so it was like yeah i started the show with uh with mike moran and then him and i had a falling out and then i was just doing the show and uh mike finazzo another comedian was co-hosting with me but then he got super busy because he's making a movie. So he's like writing, directing, and filming and just super busy. And Umar is on the show all the time anyway. And I was like, hey, how about I get a co-host that's in my house?

Convenient. Very convenient. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, that's kind of the incarnations of the show over the years. Wait, that is, you know, when we were talking about how everyone has, everyone's like a photographer now. Is it weird for you?

Because you've been in radio for a minute and you're just like, what the fuck? Everyone thinks they can fucking entertain people over, you know, audio. I listen to more and more podcasts every day. Aaron is giving us the finger actively. I'm having a great time. And now he's writing, fuck you, you Muslim on a piece of paper. No, he is not doing that.

I love listening to podcasts. Yeah? Yeah, you teach a class sometimes, right? Or you did teach a class. You know, I am a podcast convert. I am. It's like the technology for podcasts existed way before the social appetite, cultural appetite for podcasts.

Yeah, definitely. I mean, you could make a podcast years and years ago when it was just like nobody knew what that meant or how to listen to it or why you would do it. And then it wasn't until sort of on-demand services like Netflix became a thing that as consumers we began to understand like, oh, you have these

nuggets of content that can be ripped from the space-time continuum that I can listen to or watch anytime I want and listen or watch five or seven or eight of them in a row yeah yeah or not even finish it pause it come back to it exactly yeah it is i think like i listen to podcasts more than i want i like don't really watch that much tv but i probably listen to like six seven hours of podcasts a week like it's insane what are you listening to i listen my favorite podcast has come down our buddies uh they used to be uh stavros who we like uh we used to do comedy together used

to run a show uh this guy just saw him last night actually oh nice yeah he's in town uh so this guy nick mullen who's super funny he started comedy in dc and he moved back to baltimore a couple years ago i think he started in austin oh okay and then they well anyway so yeah but now they're all in new york yeah they're all in the dc scene so that's how we knew him and they moved up to new york yeah and they just started his podcast and it's called come town and really they're just offensive as possible say the worst shit honestly like i'm so jealous i gotta listen to this if you have to you'll i think you'll love it it's they get to say whatever they want and they have a patreon and i think they make like almost 20,000

a month off of comtown like can you imagine you make that much money off of comtown it's a wonderful world god really it's insane like on paper nothing about it should work but nothing but it does it's they upload their episodes late for even the paid ones like they there's no editing like this podcast sounds way better than their podcast like they're no you don't think it's fine do you think they master it and level it like you do uh i know nick's pretty into tech and stuff so i think he actually has a better Zoom than me where you can actually like edit the shit. The first couple were rough, I guess. But the magic ingredient. Hey. Hey.

Hi. Boo, stop. Stop. Sorry, our dog just. Yeah. This is another professional part of podcasting. Yeah. Boo.

Come here. Come here. Yeah, but they didn't really get started until like the early aughts. No, even late, like way later. But I remember like I would listen to some podcast like in the early, like maybe 2006. Yeah. So I brought something for you guys

to entertain us during this podcast. Okay. It's a prototype. Only one of these is in existence. Oh my God. I created it and ordered a quantity of one after I created it. Okay. It's a prototype. Only one of these is in existence. Oh, my God. I created it and ordered a quantity of one after I created it. Okay. You want to see what it is?

Yeah. Hold on. I'm going to give you my microphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Okay. He's getting his bag out. Aaron is reaching into his book bag.

He's pulling out a gun. Oh, yeah. Don't you get that? Look what I created. Oh, man. I'm a little nervous Okay Okay

Alright So what this is So I do a podcast of my own Also a radio show called Out of the Blocks Which is very good Really good Award winning I always you know basically ask people a bunch of random questions

That get them to tell me stories about their lives Oh shit And so I took like 60 of my favorite questions that i like to ask people oh wow i printed one on the back of uh a deck of playing cards oh that's so cool deck of cards oh gee literally is like an interview in a box interesting hold the mic while i shuffle these cards. You ready? That's also really good counseling, like, to get to know people. You can hear me shuffling the cards. I'm going to assure randomness.

I love this. This is like just making podcasting way easier. He's just doing our job for us. So here's what we're going to do. The first one will be for you, Umar. Go ahead. Let's do it. You pull this card and ask that question to Josh. Josh.

Yes. What was the last time when you worked incredibly hard? What? Oh, worked. I thought you said were incredibly hard. Josh, what is this? This is a call to action. Yeah, Josh, tell me about your last boner.

Some standards here. Guys, we're about to enter Bonerville. I'm the mayor there. When was the last time you worked incredibly hard? Incredibly hard. I feel like that's a tough qualifier. Worked incredibly hard. Probably when we put that deck together.

Oh, my God. That's a nice looking back deck. Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah. We're going to finish it on Saturday. Habitat for hipsters. That's exactly what my dad did, basically. Just a bunch of dummies.

Just like, how do you use a screw gun? And we kept calling screws nails. His dad's like, guys, we're not working with any nails right now. Well, what did he say? He's like, because you're like, oh, man, we're almost out of nails. And he's like, we have no nails. Like, we have no nails. He's like, we never had nails. Yeah. What? He's like because you're like oh man we're almost out of nails and he's like we have no nails like we have no nails he's like we never had nails yeah what it's like these are screws okay okay dad sounds like a patient man yeah never too late for him to teach you something

about life he's good he was great he busts our balls a lot but he was great and he was actually proud of us which was cool yeah it was fun so yeah we're gonna finish the railing on saturday but uh no it was it was really nice that like we started at what like seven eight no eight a.m or something eight thirty and we didn't finish till seven and we're still not done yeah so we just worked all day we had to dig holes put cement in there good sense of accomplishment though yeah it was very nice for a cubicle jockey like myself yeah who knows nothing about carpentry, that was really satisfying to do with my pops. Your dad knows a lot about that kind of building stuff. Yes.

Yeah, dude, my dad, like, I'm the artsy-fartsy emotional guy, and he's, like, the real man. Like, he's literally building a Lamborghini in his garage right now and building debt. Like, he knows so much more about life and everything else. How does he feel about your path? Is he proud of you? Is he a loving dad? He is. He really is.

This is how you do the interview. You start with a random question. Yeah. Then you just listen and figure out, how do I sort of dig in more and more? This is interesting. This is like he's teaching us on a podcast how to do. But I feel like, because he was like,

this is going to be a shit show. Let me bring these cars. I feel like the radio god has come down the mountain he's like let me show you podcast but uh no he is he's he's very uh he's very sweet and uh supportive it's really nice yeah i uh yeah when i listen to this podcast no but he wears a t-shirt that i got him up this podcast and he wears it to work yeah do you ever try to get him to listen yeah yeah he's i think he's listened a little bit before but with tech he's a little uh doesn't understand too much like he has the podcast app on his phone but he doesn't really know how to use it if he's listening to this podcast right now

papa is there something you want to say to him that maybe you've never had the chance to say to him? I'm gay. I was going to say I'm not gay, despite what you think. You know what's funny? Mr. Coderna, your son has an important opportunity. I hope you're sitting down. The whole proud question is funny because I think about that because

I am not sure if my parents are proud of me, but I'm not sure. I think I definitely care, but not that much proud of me, but I'm not sure. I think I definitely care, but not that much. But also, you're not on this earth to make people proud. You know what I mean? So I just hate that question. Like, oh, you think your parents must... Or like that, I don't really...

I don't know. They don't like that I do comedy. But ironically, they're a great source of humor. They are really... Yeah, they're an insane... How do they feel about the fact that they're always the butt of your jokes? yeah they're an insane how do they feel about the fact that they're always your jokes uh they love it my mom loves it my mom is in a tent like loves attention yeah she would come to your shows she got on stage yeah my mom told a joke at my show

and uh and uh but uh i think my dad is just worried i'm gonna get fired because i almost got kicked out of grad school for like shit. And so he worries about everything. But also he doesn't like that I use cuss words. I talk about sex on stage. You know what I mean? He's concerned that you're sort of – It's shameful in that culture. And it's reflective of him.

Your sharing and your candor as a comic might sully your professional reputation. Yeah, like he even said, well, why do you have to say you're an atheist on facebook or in interviews i'm like well gives a i don't give a fuck you know but like he has a mentality of like it reflects bad on him and my mom that like oh you didn't raise a muslim kid but it's like bro i uh i eat bacon i fuck so how many other fucking uh muslim kittens yeah it's like umar just don't do it at the same time yeah i know my mom says dumb shit like that she's like hey well you know uh harris he learned the whole quran by heart i'm like yeah who gives a fuck like he's a virgin he's a 28 year old virgin did he really learn it all by heart yeah i don't know i like to quiz him on page 700 or whatever it is. Tell me what it says, Horace. And how truly self-reflective is he?

Is he neurotically analytical about life in the same way that you are? I think perhaps comedy might give you more self-insight than perhaps organized religion. I don't think my parents care about that, though. No, I'm not kidding. I really don't think they do. But yeah, I don't want to parents care about that, though. No, I'm not kidding. I really don't think they do. But yeah, I don't want to make brawn generalizations. But I think when you're that religious, I don't know how self-reflect. Like, I don't know. Because if you really think about it, you're like, is this kind of bullshit?

You know what I mean? Religion can sometimes be an excuse not to worry about being self-questioned. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Because you don't really have to think. You're told this is what you're supposed to. I don't know. It's got heavy.

All right. Next question. All right. Pull it, Josh. Oh, I'm excited. Who are you going to ask? Ask Umar. Okay.

All right. I'm going to take one from the middle, though. Is that all right? I feel like we're doing like magic. Mix it up here. Magic the gathering? Yeah. Or something crazy.

We'll save that for the Laugh Finder discussion. Umar, what's your favorite song to sing to yourself or a loved one? Oh, I don't have a loved one. Well, I have loved ones, but... It's got to be What's My Age Again, right? Yeah. In the Mirror? Blink-182 is my favorite band.

Let's hear your renditions. No, I'm not singing. Hell no. I'm so bad at it. Ask him another question. Yeah, I don't know. That's a tough one. It's a tough no. I'm so bad at it. Ask him another question. Yeah, I don't know. That's a tough one. It's a tough one.

I don't sing to myself. Yeah, do you sing all the time? Oh, yeah, maybe. Maybe. What do you need help with most often? Singing. Or tying a necktie. Oh, that's something you guys both have in common.

Oh, you did that? Both helped you tie your necktie. He made fun of me backstage last year because I was struggling for 10 minutes. We had to start the show. He's like, let me just tie your necktie for you. Oh, so you have two papas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he gave me shit for it in front of everyone.

It was fun, though. It made for good band. But I'm pretty good at it now. Oh, yeah, yeah. You have not asked for help in a long time. Yeah. So other than the necktie, then, what do you feel you most need? I think I need most help with time management.

I'm really bad at time management and focusing. You know, I tried 80. This is like the anti-interview for a job. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Time management, awful. Real bad. You know, like I'm on my phone a lot, and I don't focus, and I feel like I could be way more productive.

You know, not at work. At work, I'm a monster. Yeah, that's what's funny is that your dad's worried about, like, your job hearing you cuss, but really they hear this, and they're like, what the fuck? Like, this is what sinks you? Oh, my God. It's terrible.

They look at my internet history and they're like, what the fuck? Organizational skills are terrible. So the more poorly you manage your time, then the more sort of stressed out you get. And you get more stress. I take Lexapro for my anxiety. Vicious circle. I take that too. Yeah?

How long have you been on it? I forgot to pick mine up today. I'm actually weaning myself off of it now. Are you? I've been on it since November, and I want to see what... Because I gain weight, and a lot of it, I think, has to do with, well, also, you know, good times and eating a lot. Sure.

Yeah, I just don't like... I don't know. I don't like being on it. I've been on it so long, I don't remember what life was like without it. How anxious were you as a kid? Well, it was actually shortly before my first child was born that I was going into an existential place where it was recommended that I go on Lexapro. Whoa.

What was the- Yeah. In relation to having kids? It must have been that. That and probably a life of clinical depression. Sure. Genetic clinical depression. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha.

But I got on it and it was like, that was 11 years ago. Whoa. How many milligrams are you on, do you want to say? I don't even remember. I can't even look at the bottle in so long. Yeah. So was it like, because for me it literally was life changing. Yeah.

Because every day my heart would be racing and then your body's telling you like that's, you know, your body thinks something's wrong. And then so you're always freaking out about everything. Like any email you get or text messaging. Like it's, yeah, it's not a cool way to live. I would like to try Alexa Pro maybe because I think I'm okay. But I get that too. But I don't think it's like constant during the day.

No, mine's like, so I've generalized, so it's like always, like always. But ever since Alexa Pro, it's been pretty fucking great. Cool. So why are you just? I just want to see like because I've been working out a lot. And you guys are both jacked. I am not jacked. Josh is jacked. I am not jacked. Josh is jacked.

I'm trying to get... I used to be pretty toned, but I just stopped working out for grad school and shit, and I didn't have money in grad school. I imagine that your basement is like a weight pile and a bunch of terrariums with scorpions and tarantulas in them and a bunch of heavy metal. Oh, dude, that's the best workout. Your fast twitch when you fucking wrestle a scorpion. Woo, buddy.

Buddy. Scorpions were, they were around a lot like in kids' TV shows. Like I thought, you do die if you get stung by a scorpion. I think there's different types. Certain ones, I think. Yeah, certain ones. And like quicksand, remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

From Johnny Quest. My cousin, Johnny, he had a scorpion growing up. What? And he's a few years older than me so i thought he was like super cool because he had playstation we played twisted metal and like johnny's the coolest and then he got a scorpion and uh he was joking with his mom that he was such a is he like kind of white trash no no no no i i just think it's like if i get out of scorpion i would have done it but he was joking that he wanted to put it on a balloon. And his mom was like, you're not going to put it on a balloon.

That was a scorpion floating through the house. That would be amazing. And then you're like, where is it? No, but actually our basement has an electronic drum kit. Yeah, yeah. A lot of music. You play the drums. I do.

And guitar. Josh is a very talented musician. a very yeah we have more time we should jam no kidding yeah do you play with other people like in a band uh i do a lot of like uh self-recording and stuff but i've been jamming with our mutual friend miles he plays drums as well i play guitar bass a little bit of a keyboard yeah a little yeah you got if you play drums you gotta find people to play with yeah there's only so much fun you can have playing drums by yourself. Well, I play. Yeah, I play the drums.

Awesome. Yeah, and you got yourself a warlock guitar, too. I've seen it. We talked about that. That was my first guitar. You have a warlock guitar. I do. In a purple velour quilted coffin case.

Hell, yeah. Dude, rock and roll. That's fucking dope. Yeah, that was my first guitar because uh max cavalera from sepultura had one metal band from uh brazil i was like that's what i'm getting that's awesome yeah that's like how you get into everything though like you watch people you really admire yeah and i went to guitar center it was like 140 bucks and i was like all right i'll get it i was like 12 i mean it was a piece of shit but but then I got it tuned up. My guitar teacher worked at PRS Guitars because the factory is on Ken Island.

That's a really nice company. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it's cool. I mean, it's right on Ken Island. But, yeah, he took it to the shop and, like, fixed it up. Oh, that's dope. The Warlock guitar is an example of style over substance. Sure.

A thousand percent. A hundred percent. Well, that was the cool part. Once he, like, tuned it up and fixed the neck and stuff, people would be like, what the fuck? Warlock? Oh, it plays pretty nice. I'm like, up and fixed the neck and stuff, people would be like, what the fuck? Oh, it plays pretty nice. I'm like, yeah. Even like, are Ibanez good?

Because they have that huge metal look, and you're just like, man, I would never own a guitar that looks like that. Well, because unless you're really good. It depends. They're always electric blue. Yeah. They have the weird, like, the guitars, the handles in the body and stuff.

Oh, right, right, right. It's just like, who needs to carry it like that? People in corn, dude. Yeah. I got a show. Should we pick another card? Oh, yes. Okay, yeah.

Well, we need one for you. We're going to ask you one. Yeah. Omar, go for it. All right, Aaron. This is for you. If you could go back in time once and change a single thing in your life what would it be besides uh not marrying jessica

i could go back in time once and change a single thing in my life what would it be i like that they add your life because otherwise if you don't say kill Hitler, you're a bad person, you know? Your own life. Ah, geez. I'm trying to think. Aaron's staring out the window. I guess. He has a half-lit cigarette.

You know what the answer I hate, though? People are like, I wouldn't change anything, because that's made me who I am. Like, really? Nothing? Nothing, huh? There'd be a couple people I wouldn't sleep with. change anything because that's made me who i like really yeah nothing nothing nothing nothing huh there'd be a couple people i wouldn't sleep with i'd be like you know what i mean yeah i definitely make a few different choices yeah also too it's a gimme it's like there's nothing you would change not even like one time you wouldn't be like i wish i would have slept in that day yeah those are people who just read too many quotes on like social the more quotes you put up on social media i think the more you suck at life like you suck at managing life

yeah no that's a great point most people that i see post that stuff it's like god has a plan it's like it's like bad shit is always happening to you and i don't want god to have a plan for me because everyone who god has a plan for, their life sucks dick. It's never like, hey, God's plan for me was to grow up in a well-adjusted home, go to college, and have a job where I'm a 401k. It's always just like, hey, my mom beat the shit out of me. My dad, I don't know. I'm addicted to meth. I have three teeth now.

It's just like, but God's got a plan. He had a plan for those three teeth. Well, he fucking hates you, dude. God hates you. God's like, this story's boring. Let's mix it up. I'm still trying to think. Yeah, these are tough.

These are tough cues. feel like I really wasted so many opportunities like in high school and college to just pay attention in class and learn. I'm 43 years old right now. You look good. God damn.

If I could go back to college now, I would pay such close attention and I would do the readings. Well, you'd be excited to do it too. It wouldn't be a chore. That's interesting. Mine's the opposite of yours. You were a really good student in college?

I was a really good student and I feel like I could have had more fun. Well, that's, see, I fucked off a lot. Yeah. And then I ended up just having this sort of hyper-extended adolescence that sort of creeped on through my 20s,

and I just was spinning my wheels, and I don't know, maybe it was some sort of important incubation period for me. But don't you think that, like, that hyper-extended adolescence is common of people who go into more creative fields? Because I feel like Josh and I, I don't know, I feel like, i feel like i mean like you own a house and we have good jobs and stuff but i still feel like i don't know we fuck off a lot and do oh yeah i ate mac and cheese shirtless like an

hour ago and like but to be an adult i put broccoli in it yeah i put some i put some paprika on top more than I ever used to. Yeah, well, now you probably can, though. Yeah, you have the money and the luxury. Yeah, because I did that in college, too. I went off the deep end of being hyper-focused and all that. But there's a lot of people our age who already have kids and family. You know, they're doing like the... I would say most people that I went to high school with are living that life.

Yeah, I don't know if... I would say most people that I went to high school with are living that life. Yeah. I don't know if my friends that I still talk to from high school are not married for the most part and don't have kids. My friends aren't. I'm just saying in general. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? By 28, a lot of people are married, have kids. Is that how old you are? Yeah.

28? Yeah. I'm 30. My advice to you, fellas, take your time before getting married and having children. Yeah. It's a wonderful thing when it happens. Yeah. But you don't get these years that you're experiencing now

back once that happens. Right. How old were you? Not without completely dismantling your life and everyone. Oh, my God. Oh, Brian. That is what I want. completely dismantling your life and everyone oh my god you and your wife both still are very involved in you know in in like like jessica's involved in like improv and then she has her stoop storytelling and and you do your you've been doing radio for so long and you did the

the out of the blocks which is like an amazing show everyone should check out where you visited uh different neighborhoods in baltimore and you interviewed uh local the locals and business owners and it's just like it's just such a good like i don't know you guys still get to do cool shit like that and you have kids in a family it seems like from afar i know life it kind of seems like you guys have the secret yeah making that work is if you just sorry that's all the time we have I'm really guys sorry again I'm up against it here

the secret is right on that lip I want that secret on that lip bro the secret is to just never see each other or spend any time. Oh my God!

Oh my God! You basically just take turns being on parent duty while the other one is out doing something productive or fulfilling. Right. And then they take their turn and you go out and you have your night. I mean, we literally have different nights of the week when we get to go out and do our thing. a band practice or this or that yep and or stoop

for her or um improv yeah i i remember that because i i met jess through the baltimore improv group and then that was that's the cool part about improv is you you do like you practice or whatever and you work on stuff but then you go out to the bar afterwards and you get real loose. And, uh, yeah, Jess would be like, all right, I got to,

Aaron's going to kill me. I have to go now. You never see the two of us in the same place. Right. So the only time I've been with you guys together is at a wedding. Literally the only time. Yeah. Like that's crazy.

You know what though? It works. Yeah. Because, uh, we hate each other. It's like a divide and conquer kind of thing. You don't get tired of each other.

Exactly. You're kind of tag teaming in and out. Yeah. You know, you spend enough time to basically go over your schedules. Line everything up. Schedule time. That's the time we spend together. Oh, my. So how long have we spend together. Oh, my.

So how long were you guys together? No, no, no. She makes date nights for us on Sunday evenings. Before you had kids. Ooh, that's a nice night. Before we had kids? How long were you guys together? A couple of years.

Yeah. You know, we had a nice life as a relatively young married couple. And then the kids came along, and that was the real game changer. That's what I'm scared of, because I'm not old, but it would be nice. I'm very actively looking for a partner. It would be nice to be young and have those years with somebody instead of just random people.

Yeah. You know what I mean? So if you end up with someone and get married, find a woman who's younger than you so that you can wait longer before you have children. Yeah, I don't care about being married, but I don't know. It just feels, I don't know, just weird to be 28. It's not that old, though. It is.

You're going to be 32 and be like, eh, what was it? You know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. I can't even imagine the world of dating at this point in my life. I just don't even remember what that is. The last person I went on a date with was my wife.

Blind date? You went on a blind date? This was when, if you heard that two people met on the internet, it was like, what? We did not meet on the internet. What year was this? Set up by a mutual friend. It was

end of 2001. Okay, so 9-11 already happened. Okay. Just a couple of months before we met. Damn. Yeah. So, that was it. We met on a blind date. Neither one of us wanted to do it. Yeah. But we had a very pushy friend who

made us sort of promise that we would. And then we hit it off. She was very aggressive. Jessica! Jessica! Trying to lock it down. I went in for a little peck on the cheek. Polite sort of goodbye.

Game on. Alright. We were married the next day. I was going to say, it worked. A marriage and two kids later. I mean, dating is fun. I think for me, it's getting boring. Like old, it's just like... Well, it's routine after a while.

You guys are on this Tinder thing, though? I tried it. I actually didn't get that many Tinder dates, but just because of comedy, I meet people, which is, I'm learning not maybe the best way to meet people. You'll meet a young woman who'll come up to you after she's seen you perform. I don't know.

She's just like, Umar, you're so charming. Aaron's a quick learner. I feel like I can look right into your soul. I want to know more about you. I think, like, I don't know how to answer that question. His voice to know more about you. I think like... I don't know how to answer that. His voice is going higher and higher. How do you answer that without sounding like a douchebag?

Do you know what I mean? I go out a lot. I'm at shows, so I meet people. Yeah. One time I did a show and then somebody messaged me on Instagram. That was cool. I met my girlfriend who lives here at a show and then somebody messaged me on Instagram. That was cool. Yeah. We started hanging out.

I met my girlfriend who lives here at a show. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it is a cool way to meet people. I think sometimes you have to be careful with who it is because I think like, I don't know. Sometimes people are like, they just like the idea that like, you know. You're a comedian. Yeah. You're a comedian yeah you're a comedian there's someone on stage blah blah blah instead of like i don't know do you know what i'm trying

to get at you feel like they are attracted to some sort of persona that you're projecting that doesn't quite match up with yeah you are when you're not on stage. Exactly, yeah. Or they want some sort of excitement. And then they're immediately disappointed when they hang out with you when you're not on stage. Yeah, yeah. It's not as... You feel like you must constantly be sort of on when you meet a girl under those circumstances?

Man, this is tough. These are tough questions. No. This is an interesting podcast. It's just like maybe they care about things that I don't care about. know well that happens in any relationship you have to learn how to pretend to care about oh absolutely and so do they yeah well that's the cool thing like karen like doesn't really care about comedy anymore i mean if it's a cool show she'll come

but honestly i prefer that i really do because it takes it's it's great because then it's like oh this is my thing. Hey, baby, there she is. Speak of the devil. Yeah. Real quick, the dog might freak out a little. Yeah. Karen, this is Aaron.

Josh is talking about you right now on this podcast. About the fact that you don't care about comedy. Oh, well. Yeah. I have learned to not talk about people on the podcast. Well, it was... Never mind. I won't get into it.

But... Okay. Cool. It was really nice to meet you. Hey, nice to meet you. Yeah. What's your name again? Karen.

Aaron. Yeah. All right. Karen. Karen and Aaron. All right. Bye, baby. But yeah, we were talking about meeting girls at shows, Karen.

Karen. What? We were talking about meeting girls at shows. Oh, it's... Yeah can have a room to do your own thing and not like every open mic it's like well i want to come yeah i have that it's terrible yeah because then you know it's just like someone's coming to your job with you. Yeah. And then you want to say awful things with your friends at open mics and you can't. But then you're like, I worry about like, oh, are you having fun? Exactly.

That's the worst, man. I hate worrying if like the person you're with is having fun wherever you are. Yeah. Aaron, are you having fun? Are you having fun, Aaron? Are you okay? Are you guys worrying about whether or not. I'm not worried.

I'm having a blast. That's on the card. Are you having fun, Aaron? It says it right here... I'm not worried. I'm having a blast. That's on the card. Are you having fun, Aaron? It says it right here. I swear to God. I tell you, I love this world of just hanging out and randomly turning a record button on and seeing what happens.

You know, the other crew that I hang out with... I was going to say this... I got to give some props to these boys. Give some props. Yeah, absolutely. Thomas Zimbazo, Jim Meyer. Brian Preston. Brian Preston. Violet Gray.

Violet Gray. Our audio man, Sir Ben. Ben, yeah. So, yeah. So, we do this other, just a couple of blocks away from here, in the basement of Jim Meyer's house, there's a table set up with all these microphones and headphones around it. And these guys get together in the premise of this podcast, Laugh Finder, is that we all sit around a table,

and each episode is just another hour of us playing this ongoing dice role-playing game like Dungeons & Dragons called Pathfinder. And each episode, they bring in a new guest person to sit. I have not been asked yet to be a guest. I've been pulling for you to come on. Yeah, thank you. You're on the short list at this point, so keep an eye out.

You'll get in there. Cool, cool. Kaderna did it. Yeah, I got my 20-sided die. Yeah. I had originally come on as a guest. Yeah, and you crushed so hard. Well, yeah.

So their season ended ended one of the guys left and i got the guy got called up to the big leagues we like aaron got the call yeah yeah yeah yeah so now i'm a permanent member with this crew and it's like the most i look forward to this like nothing else that's so cool well you were telling me about it at fringe because i was like oh that's so cool that it was like two different worlds colliding for me because i know all those guys through comedy and then when you got involved i was like oh wow that's interesting uh because i was like oh he's like normally like a ypr kind of like more formal thing and i figured like dnd podcast would be the last thing you were involved in and you were like yeah your eyes got real big you're like no that's dude's night i look forward to tuesday that's my night when you make a program or a podcast or

something for the public radio world you put so you you were you you put so much you you sort of second guess yourself and then second guess your second guessing of yourself and go through so many sort of layers of editorial revision of what you're doing and refinement you write scripts you rewrite scripts you cut tape you recut tape and then and so everything that goes on the air is so hyper managed andaged. And that becomes a way of life. And that lends things a certain quality, which people appreciate. But then when you realize you can just sit around the table and just fuck off. And do Comptown.

And listen to it. And it's actually awesome to listen to. It's like very reinvigorating. Yeah, this is going to sound stupid, but I was listening to our last podcast we had Dark Mark on while I was working out and just kind of laughing. Yeah. Dumb shit we said. Yeah, I'll do that too. And I feel weird about listening to the podcast, but you kind of have to to know like, all right, well, if we like it, you know, if I listen back to our podcast and don't laugh once, I'm like, oh, this is trouble.

Yeah, because you're still making something and you're with friends and it's not that much effort and it's just kind of carefree it's really and i will say all you guys are really good at it there's uh violets uh the um uh dungeon master yeah and so that means like the game master he's the one who leads the game yes yeah so really it's all just it's like improv storytelling you're all storytelling. You're all sort of acting your character. What's your character? My character is Wilhelm Warticus. I am a 8th level cleric.

Domains, void, and chaos. My god is Azathoth. Ladies, we'll give you time to dry off. Wow. Level eight. I do declare. Wow.

Aaron Hankins. My favorite spells that I like to cast include Screaming Flames. Okay. Which is the name of our improv group. Cure serious wounds. I am a cleric. Yeah, I tried to heal somebody

and aaron was like whoa back off that's my thing i was like sorry i don't know what i'm doing i don't know but the the game was so funny you were so great at it too because you do the recaps as well and i was really impressed because there's so many like character names and things going on so aaron would go add brain is not gonna be able to handle it well i well i was worried it's simple for the guests they really do like jim jim meyer was my angel like when it was my turn it's like he's like all right now roll this add this with this and that is that like okay yeah and then once i realized like oh it's just about riffing and like being in the moment it's like oh this is so fun so i can easily see how you got sucked into that world

everybody is so funny too and it was yeah it was a really fun time it's uh it's a great opportunity for me to do you guys know uh there's no reason why you should but if you're a radio nerd you'll know the name edward r murrow nope yes he was a world war ii era american radio reporter who basically revolutionized the way radio reports sounded because he was in London and he would do these live sort of on the scene. I mean, before this point in radio broadcasting history, it would be dudes sitting behind a desk with a microphone

and the sheet of rip and read news headlines about stuff that's going on. Edward R. Murrow took his portable recorder and microphone out into the streets and would literally paint word pictures of everything that was going on around him. You know, I'm standing here in the streets of London and he would hold his microphone

down and you can hear the, you can hear the people walking by brusquely but in no apparent panic even though in the distance you can hear the alarm bells

the air raid sirens going it was like all of a sudden it was revolutionary yeah and at one point he went on an air raid he was in an airplane

like reporting about what it looked like from above as all these bombs were going and so I always try to channel an inward Edward R. Murrow when we're doing Laugh Finder.

Interesting. So, you know, sitting around the table right now, rolling the D20. You're really trying to paint that picture. I always try to add color commentary to the show. Tommy Simbazzo has done his ninth dick joke in 10 minutes. It is impressive. Brian Preston reaching for another beer.

Jim Myers' wife still hates us all. She wants us to leave. Very badly. Why is my husband, a grown man, playing this fucking game in our basement? I love it when we're down there and one of his kids will come down the stairs needing some parental assistance or something and Jim will be like, go find your mom. He takes his cape off.

He's like, god damn it, I'll be right back. Yeah, lifts his mask up. Fine. Gotta go be a father. This sucks. But I bet Jesse likes that Jim does that too. The same thing you were talking about. It's like, take your dude's night, go to the basement. Have your time.

But yeah, it was so funny. I was nervous that I was going to mess it up. And I was like, oh, these guys know what they're doing. I just have to hang in there. So I think my episodes are coming out soon, I think. End of the month or something. Probably this coming Tuesday. Oh, yeah.

And then I'll drop this on Monday. Nice little tie-in there. There you go. Nice little promo there. That's gross. Gross promotion. Yeah. Should I pick another card?

Are you ready? I'm curious. How much time do you have? I have about 10 minutes, so you guys can keep going, though, if you want, without me. I'm down for whatever. Let me pull a card here for Umar and ask, has anyone ever saved your life? Damn. This guy. Literally or perhaps

metaphorically. My house is a sanctuary city. I brought this young brown man. This young brown man in here. Build a wall. No walls here. You washed up on a beach. I did. I did. And I was like, ooh, a slave. Oh, no, he was like oh a slave no oh no he speaks english

he has a family he's disappointed he's been here make him wear a speedo and walk around throwing fire yeah wait a minute american okay yeah sure all right i'm trying to think uh i don't like physically no i've never almost died you've never been in physical peril no have any of you guys yeah i'm almost i'm uh i almost died uh uh skiing holy shit really yeah i uh i was in vermont and i think i was 18 or 19 and uh i have like zero physical acumen as far as like um athletics athletics just uh being coordinated all that so like music i can do like fingers i can do but as far as like sports and shit like that just awful yeah so uh my and uncle they have a place in in Vermont and they go skiing. And they do like black diamonds and stuff, which are like the highest level to like ski and snowboard.

And I was like, well, I'm going to go because the whole family was going. And me and my dad went. I didn't have any snow gear either. So my dad had all his stuff from the 80s. So I was wearing this bright red jumpsuit that had like blue, like black. Like I just looked goofy as hell. And it was so frustrating too because I was trying to learn how to ski. So you have... Snow plowing.

Yeah. So it was pizza, French fries. And our instructor was like vaguely European. He's like, your pizza if you want to stop and then your French fry and i was like all right and i was trying to figure it was just so awkward because if you want to slow down you lean forward which isn't intuitive but anyway so i was doing the i was doing the greens for a couple days and just like falling all the time but eventually i was doing all right and then you get frustrated because like four-year-olds without poles just carve up the mountain and they're fine that can be humiliating and i'm like pizza french fry they're like gonna be like coked out when they're in high school

rich ass fucking four-year-old you know i just always need a rush still to this day i've never been skiing in my life yeah it was it was tough for me man so and then eventually what happened i eventually on a double diamond yeah and uh no i i did a blue that was the big that was the big one so immediate yeah so my dad was like, well, let's do a blue. It was like a few days in. I was like, all right, I can do it. I'll be all right. So I was kind of getting like stopping and stuff like that.

So if it gets too intense, I'll just stop. So we're going up the lift, and I was like, oh, wow, this is a lot higher than I thought we were going to, because the green is like nothing. And then with the blue, we're going on the lift, and we're like going over moguls and stuff. Not that those are the blue but it's like we're going up there and so my dad's like all right so what we do when we're going to get off the lift we're just going to go right we're going to go left just we go slow we're just going to go side to side work our way down it's like

you got it so as soon as we go to get off the lift i just i just keep going like take off no left no right just straight and i'm and I'm like going fast immediately and I'm trying to pizza but it's like weird and I don't eat is how you stop yeah so you're supposed to put your skis in the shape of a pizza like a triangle right but you lean forward but when you're going fast as shit like the last certain velocity where the pizza is not exactly would it would it be too much just to fall like with that hurt that pizza is not really going to do it for you. Exactly. Would it be too much just to fall? Like, would that hurt?

That's what I was trying to do, but there's so many people and I'm, like, bumping into people and shit. I'm, like, that asshole in the mouth. Are you just yelling, I'm sorry?

Yeah, I was like, sorry, sorry. And I'm, like, bumping into people. Remember the I'm sorry? I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to tell that story.

Yeah. But, yeah, it was pretty much like that. Did you hit a tree or something? So, what happened was, that's why he is braces. Yeah, he's still long story short. My teeth are in Vermont. I was going down and then it came to a turn a left turn and I was and I was

going so fast as like all right. Well, I'm just going to try to stop like a snowboarder does basically like to the side and I did that and i jam my pole in the ground and then i like broke that like i just tumbled into it so my ribs just broke the pole in half my ribs were fine but like i smashed into that and then i tumble and the next thing i realized like i'm in laying in the snow and i open my eyes and there's all these concerned older white people around me. And there happened to be like an orange netting

right where the mountain curved there. And the orange netting was like, like when you see construction on the road, that netting they put up, that's what it was. And I'm laying there and then this like old guy leans in my face. He goes, that thing caught you like a baseball glove. And I was like like oh my god yeah

and so like i got really lucky that my head didn't hit a pylon or something like i just went into the net and it just shot me back out all your ski paraphernalia was like spread for 100 yards exactly and then my dad is like uh so afterwards when we got back i was like did you see what happened he's like no we got off the lift and i was looking for you because we're supposed to go left we're supposed to go right and then it's like where the fuck is josh at least like i get to the bottom and i see a crowd of people looking like in a circle crouched down as like oh there's my son ah that sucks no i never i can't even think of anything where i came close to being saved yeah that was that orange netting saved my life god damn that's crazy yeah it was that was brutal but the it reminded the i'm sorry thing oh yeah yeah on this date and uh i really like this girl it was our second date she's like in

med school at hopkins and she's and she's like so into her yeah uh our first date was great there was a couple of hiccups so we went to clovelle and uh it was a tinder date actually or bum bumble so she had to message me what is that i didn't even know bumble is just like tinder except for some reason people are way prettier and uh the women have to message first oh sadie hawkins dance of oh i see i see yeah so she messaged dude it was funny i put up a picture of me playing guitar to a pre-k class immediately oh oh i knew that yeah it's like way to play to your audience and literally it's uh this is gonna sound shitty the only reason i did it like i saw a guitar and i was like can i play that real quick of course hey uh megan can you take a picture for me this is gonna crush

it's telling today talented on the first day and you like this girl I like well yeah and it was going really well until so then like this group of like hipster sat next to us and I don't know why I have to do this somehow I like I like something came up about comedy and this guy guy was like, yeah, I don't know what happened, but he was trying to say he's a comedian. I don't know. He said I wasn't funny. I have no idea what happened, and it became like a dick measuring contest. Wait, he knew you, and he was like, yo.

Something like that. I've seen you, and you're not funny? Or like, yeah, I don't know what it was, but it was was like, yo, I've seen you and you're not funny? Or like, yeah, I don't know what it was, but it was just like, it was weird. And we kind of went at it. And I can get aggressive quickly, verbally. And then so she had to text me, you're making me uncomfortable right now. While you're sitting at the table?

While we're sitting at the table. While we're sitting at the table. But we worked through it. It was fine. We go on a second date. Dude, we hung out for like seven hours on the first date. Or six, five hours on the first date. Just talking. Second date. You didn't have to fight anyone on the second date? No, thank God. We just go to brunch at the BMA.

And then we like... Usually pretty non-aggressive crowd there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'll fucking punch an old lady. I don't give a fuck. She's like, you don't know shit about art. You're like, bitch. Yeah, bitch.

So then we, I don't know why, but like on the date, she just kept saying how she was like, she's 30. Ew, old. I know, dude. Gross. She kept saying how she usually dates older men, men who are 40. She really likes manly dudes and athletic dudes, and she likes dudes who could kick someone's ass.

You should have given her my number. That sounds like WYPR is aaron hankin out the block aaron hankin what uh uh so all things that i'm not and in my head i'm like what the fuck like one why are you saying this two why are we here yeah and so then i'm like self-conscious and she can tell that i'm like, you know, like, and she's like, oh, you know, no, let's keep hanging out. Like you text her. You're making me uncomfortable.

Yeah. You're hurting my feelings. Yeah. I'm very sensitive. So, so then it's a second date and I'm going, we're wrapping it up. And, uh, I was like, yeah, I'll walk you to your car. And then, so we're walking to her car. And like.

Yeah. And I'm having this crisis that you do we're like do i kiss her do i like what's the move here but she's already sort of oh she's belittled you with her with her declaration of her preferences for a different sort of man oh those radio skills but she's already belittled you like she was like and i feel bad because like i identify as a feminist but i do belittled you. She was like, and I feel bad because I identify as a feminist, but I do like a stereotypical man. I was like, it doesn't matter.

Just fucking, God, it was horrible. So did you go in for a kiss? No, it didn't feel like a kiss-worthy moment, right? Would you go in for a kiss after that? No, I'd be like, well, here's my uncle's phone number. Yeah. Here's my uncle's phone number. By the way, he says the N-word a lot. Maybe you get

along with him. She's like, wow. Yeah. Does he work out? Yeah. Sounds like a man that'll fight a scorpion. Meanwhile, oh, I have another story with this chick. Woman. Sorry, we learned we're not supposed to say chick uh but so anyway so take her car give her a hug i'm walking back to my car

she's driving past me and stops and is like do you want to ride to your car otherwise i'm going to drive by you and that seems weird and i didn't want to because then i have to go through this whole thing again yeah and then so i didn And now you're in the car, too. Because I want her to know that I'm into her. So I get in the car. And I'm in the car. I'm like, god damn it. Like, what the fuck do I do?

Do I kiss? Does she want me to kiss her? Is that why she stopped? Yeah. So then we get to my car. And it was just really awkward. I was just like, OK, bye. And we, like, weirdly side hugged. I got the car. I just just like, okay, bye. We like weirdly side hugged.

I got the car. I just wanted to get away from there. Yeah. And the window's down. It's like summer. I like slam her door by accident because I'm just in a rush to get out. So then as she starts driving away, I just yell, I'm sorry. Those are the last words you ever say.

Yeah, that was not ever for slamming the door I'm sorry for everything and then I had to then I sent her a text saying like I'm not usually that awkward I yelled I'm sorry because I slammed your door

I'm sorry I was sorry and then she called me to talk about it being awkward it was horrendous yeah that's why anytime

me or Umar says I'm sorry we say it like that I why anytime Mir Umar says, I'm sorry, we say it like that. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Wow. God, man. Fuck dating. And then, oh, the funniest part is I took her, like the biggest show I've ever done. I was performing for

850 people when I opened up for the Daily Show's Hasan Minhaj. Because I'm stupid. I thought like it would impress her. She hated my comedy. I killed by the way. Oh yeah.

She hated my comedy. Thought I was like mean and I really liked Hasan because like his comedy like you know there's like a message and it's really well thought out. Did she say this

on the ride home? Yeah. Well she said it like in the green room kind of after the show and the whole ride home at? Yeah. Ugh. Well, she said it like in the green room kind of after the show, and the whole ride home at 1 a.m. just silence. She just enjoys berating you. Yeah.

I know. Why do I like- Why did you keep- She's done. You're done with her now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. We do not hang out.

She's making some other guy miserable now. Oh, my God. She's just like- She dodged a bullet. Yeah, you think so? Imagine getting married and having children with that woman. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

That's why all my friends have to tell me anytime, like, could you imagine that being the mother of your children? Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. So, yeah, you're right. That would suck. Yeah. Yeah, you had a bad experience.

Now you get the good ones, you know? Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah, don't be sorry. I'm not sorry. Fuck her. No, I'm just kidding. She's a great doctor. She'll make a. I'm not sorry. Fuck her. No, I'm just kidding. She's a great doctor. She'll make a great doctor.

A bad wife, though. There you go. Great doctor, though. Josh, where are you off to? What's going on for you? I am off to the DC Draft House to do a show there that I am judging. But it's called Speechless. And we have comedians go up

and they have to present a PowerPoint presentation they've never seen before and try to make it all make sense and like bullshit their way through it and it's a lot of fun. So me, this other comedian Chris Milner who's been on the show a lot

and Dylan Meyer, we all run the show and we rotate being a guest on the show, hosting the show and judging the show. So it's my turn to judge. And we have the people from Church Night on the show, which is going to be a lot of fun tonight. Yeah, it should be a lot of fun. What are you doing this evening?

I'm going to make dinner. Yeah, what's for dinner? I have no idea yet. Yeah, what about you, Aaron? I don't know what's for dinner either. I have to make it for myself and my wife and my children's which brings us to this week's sponsor blue apron do you do blue apron yeah josh and karen do i don't yeah yeah yeah i love it i love blue apron i do too i've done it it's amazing i

just can't afford it it's not too bad well yeah i think for one person it can be a little because it ends up it ends up being like $10 each. I think it's like $30. So it's like $10 a meal. We get the meals for four. Right. Because we get the kids. But the kids never like.

Like for them, Blue Apron is synonymous with fuck that. I'm not going to eat that. Because kids just want like chicken. This tastes like Blue Apron. That's how they describe something they don't like. That's amazing. All right. And we just lost the sponsor blue apron not for kids the grown-ups in our house yeah love it and so yeah we get it for four and then we make it and then we put the half of it in the fridge yeah you get that you get that for lunch yeah well it's great because karen never finishes hers so i

just eat hers oh great it's the best two din. But yeah, I can't see kids being fired up about like, wait a minute, is this black squid ink pasta? Right. Are you kidding me? Oh, potato flake crusted catfish. Yeah. Zucchini salad. Get me my finest juice box. Yeah, like, let's do this.

Thank you, sir. Thank you. It's crazy. Like, what? Kids all just, they just want fucking fish sticks and chicken. Well, they did have that. Mac and cheese. They had chicken tenders a couple weeks ago in the Blue Apron.

I don't know if you guys got it. You know, anything, any sort of Blue Apron authentic version of something, whether it's chicken tenders, chicken parmesan, like homemade stovetop mac and cheese. None of that compares to the frozen fucking Cicco's version. I specifically had... That happened to me because I remember having the frozen crab cakes as a kid. And then we went to a nice restaurant and I hated the real crab cake.

Really? I was like, this is not a crab cake. Because you were like the way that North Koreans are programmed to eat stuffans are programmed totally totally it's like the leader would not eat this what is this yeah yeah dude no that's like seven or nine or something you know dude but also like i don't eat it but mcdonald's tastes so fucking good like mcdonald's tastes so good there are moments when the drive-through beckons. Oh, my God. Yeah. I mean, I'm on a month of sobriety and a diet, but... Yeah.

Yeah. A month of sobriety. Yeah, my life... How's that going? It's going really well. I've been working out every day. I gained like 20 pounds in the last year. Yeah.

Yeah, so I've been losing. You post pictures of yourself sometimes as a young lad. Yeah, I was fat. You were plump. Yeah. I mean, like, in a cute way. Well, to put it in perspective, I was in middle school. No, you know what's funny?

Because, like, Americans and white people, they would never... My nickname was Moto, which in my language means fat. So, they would just call me little fat like fatty like all my aunts uncles and parents like could you imagine that yeah and like that was just like and you have anxiety yeah i know right and i have low self-esteem what come on little uh so i yeah

when i was in middle school i think I wore like a size 38 or 40. And now I wear a 28. Damn. Nice. That's huge. How long did you slim down? I started working out. I joined the swim team in ninth grade.

And then I lost a ton of weight because you're swimming six days a week for an hour. Right. And then I started running the summer after that. So around like 16, I was slim. Then I started lifting. I was doing it all. I used to be way more in shape than I am now. I used to run, lift, and swim all in one day all the time.

RLS, bro. They called you RL Stein, right? They called me RL Stein. Run, lift, swim, right? Yeah. It's an ebb and flow. I'm always worried about my weight. Well, congratulations on your self-discipline.

Yeah. My life has just been, I've been partying too hard. Like I produced a show one time and I was at a wedding. I got a little too fucked up. I left the wedding. I came here to nap for an hour. I was like, all right, the show starts at 8. It's 6.40.

I'll nap at 740. Catch an Uber. Wake up at 9 o'clock. Yeah. People were texting me like, is Umar okay? Oh, I'm so sorry. I was like, I bet he's asleep on the couch. Yeah, because you left.

I was like, just fucked up sleeping on the couch. No, I didn't see that. Karen did. But honestly, what it was, was I was changing medications and I was supposed to take it at night because it makes you super drowsy. Yeah. And I forgot. Yeah.

You said that the next morning. You're like, hey, it's medication. It's like, okay. No, it was. At a daytime wedding. That's when I was just like, fuck this. Like, I'm not taking meds. And then, yeah.

And then I was like, I still made the show and I did really well. And but it's just like, I felt like super shitty and i don't want to be that you know you know what i mean and like good on you man yeah so it feels good i've you know i guess over the past year i've i've probably maybe gone two three days without a beer yeah and that's probably about the longest yeah most of it's vanity most of it is vanity most of it is i don't want a beer belly and you look super slim i don't think you can gain weight right well you know i used to work out a lot i was really into exercising yeah i had i was because i wanted to put weight on yeah me too it was really hard since i was a senior in high school damn holy shit and then i

started drinking all those shakes and shit yeah and i was up i was up to like 179 pounds hell yeah muscle muscle fucking and then i stopped working out yeah i weigh like 165 pounds damn how tall are you six feet fuck i can't i can't keep weight on unless i consciously try to do it and i drank so many those shakes. I went for a physical and they did a blood test and they were like they called me. They made an emergency call. Holy shit. They're like your creatinine levels are off the charts. Like you're either, you know. Doing blow.

Your kidneys are about to fail. You're either your kidneys are about to fail or you're like exercising way too much or something. And that's when I basically cut the label off the supplements that I was taking. Brought it off the supplements that I was taking, brought it into the doctor and was like, could it be this?

Like it has the ingredient creatine, creatine, creatine. Yeah. Yeah. And they were like, yeah, yeah.

Fuck yeah. That stuff. Yeah. Like basically like turning your internal organs. Yeah. Like, but my outsides look tight though, right?

Yeah. I had friends in high school drinking that shit. Like, that's crazy. Yeah, it's really dumb. It'll help you. I mean, you'll put a lot of pounds on. Yeah, fuck that. But you'll dissolve your, like, liver kidneys.

So I don't recommend that. Yeah, but the liver's not a glamour muscle. You know what I mean? Yeah. When's the last time you showed off your liver? Yeah, right? At the beach. Exactly. When's the last time a chick was like, wow, nice liver? You know what I mean? Yeah. When's the last time you showed off your liver? Yeah, right? At the beach. Exactly.

When's the last time a chick was like, wow, nice liver? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. Do you get out of here? Yeah, I got to get out of here. I'm going to wrap this up. This was good.

This was good. It's been an absolute pleasure. Yeah, man. I think we should do this more often if we can, if you have the time. Look, I love hanging out. Anytime you guys want to do this, if you have a guest who bails on you, you know my number. Yeah. Call me. And we're portable, too. Yeah. We know where you live. We should do this if you have a guest who bails on you hell yeah if you you know my number yeah me

and we we're portable too so yeah we know where you live we should do this we should find exotic locations to do this oh yeah and then just get random people in the mix have you ever taken this out of your kitchen oh definitely yeah yeah yeah oh yeah you get people walking by well we did one uh we did one in the car we were doing a gig in haagerstown, me, Umar, and our buddy Eric DeDorian. And we were recording while driving. And we didn't release the first part, but this was during the first part. Yeah, it was just kind of boring. We were like, wow, this is really rural out here.

But we're on the road, and these two bros pass by. Maybe they're like 18 or 19. And they pass by, and they look and they see like three dudes driving with microphones and they like gave us a look. They're like, oh man, they probably think we're so stupid. And then they slowed down so that we could be like driving the same speed. And they were like giving us a point like,

oh, pretty cool. Pretty cool. Yeah, like they had no idea what we were doing and we were just like wave to them like, all right. And then as they're driving away like they're like all right thumbs up the one dude put his fist through the sun roof in solidarity like yeah

awesome most people out there like what are these people talking to dildos exactly I will I leave you with this yes okay and that's that your microphones and your recording gear that you're holding right now are a license to talk to strangers everywhere.

They give you the perfect excuse to just randomly encounter people in a way that you wouldn't otherwise. So I encourage you to use them in that capacity. I like that. But whenever you're too lazy to do that, call me and I'll come back and hang out in your kitchen and be on your podcast. Dude, yeah. I'll do it where I don't have to leave and we can do a longer one too. Cool.

Just let it fly. So check out the Laugh Finder podcast. Yeah, Laugh Finder. iTunes. Yeah, Laugh Finder. Yeah, it's so good. I'm a convert. I love it.

It's really good. You guys have merch too and t-shirts and stuff so get those and then um is and then out of the blocks is that uh on itunes and stuff yeah man itunes everywhere else yeah it's so good it's so good yeah we got to get into your origin story next time i think next time to be continued yeah all right super interviewee show we just want but i but we can i am very curious yeah me too very curious uh all right cool uh so yeah out of the blocks like a sign off what do you what how do you do at the end of the show uh so we plug we plug our facebook and

our twitter and uh instagram and all that stuff check out digression sessions on there i'm at josh gadern on all those platforms i just want to plug a show august 5th i'm doing a benefit uh show josh is on it for living classrooms august 5th, I'm doing a benefit show. Josh is on it for Living Classrooms. Oh, August 5th? Yeah. Yeah, it's a Saturday. It's in Hamden. Yeah, it's a comedy show and dance party.

You can find it on Facebook. Yeah. And it's located above Hunting Ground. Above Hunting Ground. I'll be there with my dance shoes. Oh, nice. Come, man. Yeah, this week we're doing Artscape as well. I'm hosting on the 21st and 20th. Oh, yeah. Nice. Do it when you come, man. Yeah, this week we're doing Artscape as well.

I'm hosting on the 21st and 20th. Oh, yeah. No, next week. Next week. The 21st and the 22nd. You'll be on the show on the 22nd. They're free. If you don't feel like seeing Josh on the 21st, come see me at Riley's Oyster House

in Mount Vernon. Who would feel that? Who would feel that? What happens when you have competing guests? Well, his get cut out in the edit process. I'll be featuring at Riley's. And our patented sign-off is David Koechner. Take us out.

Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah