The Digression Sessions - Ep. 228 - Nik Oldershaw! (@NikOldershaw)

Episode Date: August 17, 2017

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. A little late on this one. I wanted to put out a podcast on Monday, but we didn't have a permit. You need a permit to do things in this country now. Hot take up top, Kaderna. Larry Hogan came to our house like, no more podcast. He's like, a lot of good podcasts on both sides, many sides to this. And we're joined by a fellow proud boy, good boy, Nick Oldershaw. Alt-right prince. Alt-right prince.

Carrying the flag out in the West Coast. Moved out to L.A. and saw what was happening there. I was like, I'm alt-right now. I wake up every morning with a raised fist. He really does. It's clinched as soon as he wakes up. He was at UVA. Yeah, that's why he's in town.

That's why he's on the East Coast. A lot of good people out there. Oh, my God. Okay, too far. We're going too far with this.'s why he's on the east coast a lot of good people out there oh my god okay too far we're going too far with this no no he's right there's many sides it's a gray area that's true everyone has problems on both sides what a fucking dumb argument there's literally like you could just because you weren't the guy shouting like uh fuck the jews and blood and soil like doesn't mean you're're one of the good ones. It's like you're still hanging out with that crew. I love that.

It's true. It's like, there were good people there. Like, really? Yeah. Good people? It's fucking, I don't know. All right. I mean, you should call them great people.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Baltimore for two weeks, and I'm glad to be back. LA can be pretty exhausting. Can it? Yeah, it can. It's like nonstop. Can you get ground down out there in Hollywood? It's better than it was the first year.

Yeah. It's a first year kind of like everyone says when they go to New York, like the first year is like definitely like a pivotal point. Like you've got to just get through that year. Yeah, because you're re-acclimating. You have to start all over. Which is really hard. It's expensive.

You have to get used to everything. Is LA like that? LA? I mean, just from a living standpoint, yeah. I mean, I'm very, very poor. Oh, for real? Yeah. But I don't need a lot.

But from a comedy standpoint, like... I'm rich, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got so much wealth in that area no from a comedy standpoint um i almost like i'm shocked i didn't quit because that first year that i got out there was just like you get out there everything that's your a material out here they hate doesn't work they don't really like you because it's like too aggressive yeah why do they hate it it's i

think it's just different like like comedy in la it's not as um well on the east coast we love that la bashing humor we do that worked out there and and they and they like i don't know what they like they i think that i love this the best thing that i could have done uh before no i'm not gonna say that say it dude no one in la is gonna listen to. If I had gone trans before I went to LA, I could have had every advantage. It would have been a different story. I wish I didn't make you say it. I thought you were just going to trash

on LA comics. Brown guy bullies white guy into making transphobic comments. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. I think woke comedy is probably more of a thing out in LA than it is here. Yeah, and that's not to say,

obviously the Comedy Store and the Latin, there are places where the comedy is more similar to East Coast comedy. Yeah, you're going to have your pockets of UCBs and things like that. Yeah. But I think that's kind of everywhere. It seemed to me in the brief time that i was there like it seems pretty analogous to dc

and right that type of vibe where it's like you can get away with stuff but people are already kind of on edge like yeah i don't know if you should say that it's still it's different though because i almost like i think there's a lot of stuff that would fly in dc comedy that they wouldn't be okay with in l.a but also think that after figuring out what they like, I think that they're less uptight than DC crowds too. I think that they're more ready to laugh as long as you don't veer into one

of the unspeakable topics. Gotcha. Which are your opener and closer. Middle. I do a tight 20 minutes on phrenology and all of its merits. I mean, you gotta look at the shape of their head folks you know what i'm talking about but no like it's funny like the first year i got out there like all the stuff that i thought was like my alternative material they're like that sucks we don't want to hear that and for like

for a year i was like i don't know what's funny like i would just go up and bomb right constantly yeah and it only feels like in the last four or five months, I've actually figured out what is good and what works. And it's made me a better comic everywhere. That's kind of, really I was going to say that's kind of a bummer because LA is probably the least like any other place in the country. Right.

So like you go, you can come to, if you go, I don't know, like fucking like if you go to like any Midwest state, are they going to relate to LA humor? Well, but I don't think that my humor, like I'm not getting on stage. It's not like LA humor you have though, right? I mean, you have comics who go on a stage with like a boom box behind them and it's like a character thing and they crush.

And I think that's funny. You're right. It wouldn't work in the Midwest. Right. But I think that what LA, it taught me how to take my brand of humor and kind of like meet that city in the middle which just made me a better like a more likable performing in dc like once i started going to dc regularly it just completely made me like a way better comic because you have to make your your brand of comedy digestible to like the average person yeah which yeah a lot of times if you're doing mics in baltimore you're

performing to like your friends and it's a small town and other comics and they're not a good gauge of like sensibilities of the average american because they're like anything goes with you know yeah and it's also that you have to just be a better performer because the crowds are bigger the crowds are different so you have to up your game that way too. So it's like even if you have good jokes, you might not, they're like, all right, well, you kind of have to prove it, so you have to up it to that level. And I can definitely see that being a thing in LA.

Especially in a city in LA where it's like you have to earn their attention because they could go down to the comedy store, the Laugh Factory, and see an actual comedian. Yeah, or some of the best in the world right yeah that's what like blows my mind like people pay like 5 10 15 bucks to see us here yeah like if people here knew that like in la and new york yeah like five like the same money you can go see like aziz bill burr yeah all those fucking people like that's what you're competing with. Also, in one night, you could see all that stuff at the comedy store. But yeah, the time that I had out there, it was a lot of fun.

You and Isaac took me to Mike's. I think I told it on the last one, maybe, but where I didn't know about the on-deck system or whatever, where they announced two names. I went to get up, and the guy's like, Hey, act like you've been here before, guy. on deck i was like oh all right i had to explain that to uh johnny black at town tavern lot he was like because we were talking about mics i forgot dc is all like email sign up which yeah is insane to me yeah there's no there's hardly any show up

sign up like you sign up ahead of time yeah but d's also, there's no true open mics in DC. Right. Well, that's what we're saying. They're showcases. I think they're, like, showcases in a way. Yeah, but you're still doing, like, shorter sets. But they're, like, five-minute sets where, yeah. But it's, yeah, but it's not a showcase in the way that it's not,

people aren't, like, paying to get in. People aren't paying to get in, but it's a curated open mic. Line up, yeah. But what's crazy is there are good mics in LA that are still show up. There's a mic, if you ever visit on Fairfax, Genghis Cohen. Nina Tarr and Max Baumgarten run it. It's the greatest show in the world if you go there. And there's usually three booked spots.

It's packed like a show, like standing room only. That's fucking awesome. And it's show up sign up. It's a bucket system. Because I was talking to this comic last night. He's like, don't you need like TV credits to get up in LA? And I'm like,

at a mic? He's like, yeah. I'm like, no, not at all. Mics go from like five to 2 a.m. And you just show up.

It's great. Yeah. And you will be there with people that have TV credits, but they're not usually getting deferential treatment. Because the one that I went to with Isaac, they're like, oh, this guy has a really good Conan set. And he just just went up like ninth and he still had to put his

name in a bucket yeah jesus christ yeah well i mean it means nothing anymore yeah and the whole and but we get spoiled in dc like you're saying like they're like showcases because there's like an audience wants to be there oh it's great it's crazy uh the mics that i did were like pretty much all comics i did one that was like five o'clock literally the whole room was just comics they're like god damn this is really hard and then we did the other one that was at like a cafe or whatever where outside no remember it was me you and isaac and uh fuck it was uh it was the cafe and uh oh oh the cafe oh yeah the cafe the one in the cafe no i have no idea i'm making fun of you. Oh, no.

I'm just saying we all went to a mic together a year. You don't remember that? No, I don't remember that at all. It was at a cafe. I don't know what the fuck the cafe is called. Jesus Christ. Who else was there? You were there.

You're like, hey, asshole. How the fuck do I know? Look, I see a lot of people. I go to a lot of mics. I shake a lot of hands. You're a very popular guy. Rich and common. But anyway, yeah, there were two people that were paying attention for the most

part and then it was all comics that i went up literally dead last well what i'll tell you what i'll take your word for it oh thanks buddy but yeah i mean yeah of course there's like of course they're like awful mics there's awful mics everywhere but i do think that like what's crazy is there's still a shitload there are more good you could like what's crazy is there's still shit. They're more good. You could like pretty much you could. There's like a good mic every night in L.A. I think. Yeah, it really is. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You just have to. Are they like very spread out, though? You have to like hustle to get out there. Yeah. You're right. Yeah.

Sorry. I just I mean, I don't know. Are your windows open? What's wrong? I just realized it's going to rain. I want to go for a run. Yeah. I have to drive to D.C. soon.

Oh, no. I've got to squeeze this in. Yeah, it's okay. I think you've got time. Guys, I'm fit, okay? You know? You don't need to run. You can take a day off.

Nah, dude. I fucking need... I'm not sit down. I'm not sit down in shape yet. I still put a shame pillow over me. You know what I mean?

But who is? Well, that's what he calls a sit down. That's what he calls his gut. Josh is leaning. I'm leaning. No, but he doesn't have a gut when he sits down. I got a little.

I mean, it's not. No, that's insane. Are you retarded? That's nothing. For the listener at home, I just showed him my 12-pack. 12-pack, baby. So we all are going to fuck after this. Oh, we're fucking.

Oh. Evan, he. Well, Umar has to run. Then he has to get to DC. So we got to fit the fucking in there. Yeah, we could just before it. Yeah. What if you're like, dude, you look good.

Like, I know, man. I'm fucking every day. Dude, I started fucking dudes losing pounds like crazy. I doubled the amount I fuck. I fuck dudes and shit. I'm fucking every day, man. I mean, I'm sometimes I'm doing two-a-days when I can't. Oh, my God.

Yeah, Evan Donahue, he texted me. I posted a picture of just me doing a big hunt or something. And he's like, and, you know, Evan's like kind of like toes the line of like, bro, hipster. It's like really funny. He's like, bro, you down weight? It's like terminology, Jim. I'm down weight, man. Yeah, I'm down weight, dude. And, yeah, he gym like i'm down weight man yeah i'm down weight dude and uh yeah he was like looking good man and uh and uh yeah and i and he's the one who told me about

the wall because i do do that like if i'm sitting down like i get self-conscious i'll put like a pillow over me and i was like yeah how does that work if you're at like a restaurant like it's like oh i've let this pillow come from and uh and well i was like yeah man but i still have like a restaurant like he's like oh i've got a pillow come from and uh and well i was like yeah man but i still have like a like a belly when i sit down he's like oh dude sit down in shape is a whole nother level i don't like but i don't understand how you think like carrying or putting a pillow in front of you makes you less uh noticeable you know what i mean like if i saw a guy front of the pillow has abs on it. So it tracks the person. Like a tuxedo shirt, but like an ab shirt

pillow. If I saw a dude just put a pillow in front of him every time he sat down, I'd be like, oh, I guess that guy's not fat at all. I can say that. Bro, first of all, you wouldn't notice. It's funny because I'm just open about it, but I still, it just, I personally,

it bothers me. And it doesn't look bad. It's not like I would ever be like, whoa, get this guy a shame pillow, will you? You are crazy. This is a crazy thing that you do. Well,

I do have like, I honestly have like body dysmorphia. That's what I was going to say. You have that? Oh yeah. No, a hundred, a thousand percent.

I used to be fat, but I was at a party recently. Whoa, whoa, whoa, used to be. Gaslight, gaslight. Who's this guy? Who are we talking recently. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We used to be. Gas light, gas light. Who's this guy?

Who are we talking to? It's like, yeah, bro. That's the body dysmorphia. You think you're skinny. You're a piece of shit. Yeah, that's what we're trying. That's what we're getting at. Oh, watch the vent.

But I was at a party. This way. Even more. My bad. I was at a party recently. And I was sitting on a couch. and I did the whole pillow move, and a girl totally called me out on it. She was like, why do you have a fucking pillow there?

I would think that you're hiding a boner versus that you're hiding a gut. No, you know what it was? I was talking about being self-conscious about my weight, and she was like, dude, fuck that. Move that pillow. She's like, you don't need to sit. And and i was like yeah yeah but this is making me comfortable and it's just like god you know what i mean but it's it does i think this is where it is like the most conspicuous thing you can do yeah to put a pillow where a pillow never belongs yeah you've never sat down and just like kind of sat with a pillow no people do i've definitely done that

i've done that no i don't think it's more of like an anxiety thing like yeah oh yeah no it's like yourself but yeah i've uh no never never done that and i do think it does draw more attention if everybody's hanging out yeah you're right clutching at a party and i was i was my sober month i was the only sober person you know so we were playing drinking games and i was drinking water. Oh my God. Clutching a pillow. I know, my life sounds really sad. And she's like this gorgeous girl

just like, dude, move that fucking pillow. Okay, alright. I'm like, okay, yeah. Speaking about the gym, talking about that the other day at the gym at work somebody locked my shit in my locker with their lock yeah and it's happened to me before and like because

one time was like it was the guy whose locker was like right next to it i don't put a lock on mine yeah and so i went around the gym and i was like hey is this anybody's lock and then the guy was like oh yeah it's mine so we figured out most recent time though nobody owned up to it and i was like all right and uh the guy that works there he's like oh we got bolt cutters dude yeah i kind of think he did it just to use the bolt like i before he even got his attention he's like we got bolt cutters he's like all right he just went and snapped this he like wipes blood off of them so this is why i work here i love this shit i use bolt cutters on a lock recently at my high school it was so fucking fun dude yeah some kid like it was the last day of school they left and there was a lock on it still oh man it's like and it

makes you feel strong as shit but bolt cutters just make it like anyone super easy yeah yeah yeah it's like it's dope yeah you could tell he enjoyed it because then he like threw it over his shoulder like a cowboy walking into the sunset yeah exactly exactly job done good yeah i don't know it's it's funny i've like actually never used a tool really no really of course i have i'd be like okay all right no i've never seen that that kind of humor is coming back where like it went away where uh you know where like when the whole like i think like the nerd culture is kind it's like a thing but it's still but it's kind of going away like yeah and and the pc culture is dying a little bit it goes in waves because then it's like the nerds were oppressed by these guys nerds rise up and then the nerds are oppressed.

Because I've been getting made fun of a lot more for not liking sports and shit. And I'm like, what? I don't miss this. I'm like, hey, I have control now. You don't say that to me. You have a shame pillow? All these comics into sports and I'm like, yeah, I don't watch sports. Like, yeah, you wouldn't.

Like, literally someone said that to me. Like, yeah, it's because you're a fag. Well, I'm for that. Yeah, and i was like all right i guess this humor is back now and uh and you said ma'am yeah you do not talk to me like that frankly i missed it i was just i was like in a similar i was like just having a conversation about like because nerd culture is like mainstream now like it used to be like uh you know only like like deadpool is like a thing that weird people liked and now like your dad everyone likes right

right the guy from two girl two guys a girl in a pizza place is deadpool loves deadpool yeah oh yeah that actor ryan reynolds yeah um but i think there's like a weird backlash i see from like they're like nerd comics in dc who i still follow and their man's like well you know you guys think you like iron man i've liked iron man since i was iron man's my thing it's like dude don't be mad that like people figured out how to like iron man and also have a life like be like a functional functional person the ultimate superpower yeah it's like look i gave up everything for my love of iron man it's like you didn't have to yeah yeah like it's not like also don't be mad that because now like because it's mainstream, you can start fucking now probably. Yeah, it's great.

It's like, oh, you like Iron Man, I like Iron Man. I can talk to you about it. It's incredible. I'm not considered autistic anymore because I can only talk about one thing. Thank you. Thank you. What is that thing where you read comic books when you're seven and you're like, I have no room for a personality now uh i don't know i didn't thank god i was never that way yeah i read comic books but uh i was still super cool so i don't know i can't relate to that

at all that's what i do man yeah i was super rad wake up every morning uh-huh watch a little pokemon go out fuck non-stop seven hours come home tap it off with around a yugioh hell yeah well you know it's funny like the whole like nerd like because chris hardwick yeah i think he was legitimately a nerd growing up yeah um and now people give him shit like oh he's good looking and it's just like it's like yeah dude he got fucking rich and famous yeah he can clean himself up you idiots like yeah that's what was he was on that show singled out right yeah yeah he had a fucking bad haircut he looked terrible like he wasn't always like yeah when you have money

yeah you'd be amazed at how much better he also got sober too yeah that's a big part of it but you'd be amazed oh sorry anybody looks hot in a nice suit like literally anybody yeah except for me when i'm sitting down i just have a pillow attached to it pretty good suit huh no but that's the one thing like like dc when you go everyone is like attractive like yeah dudes like women well yeah i i felt that way until i went to la like i was i was in dc last night i was like a bunch of fucking yeah wherever you have like pockets of wealth you it's just they can take care of themselves like having a gym membership is a luxury like all new york has that yeah even the kids look like you know they're all pretty dressed up and it's like weirdly sexual lots of sexy kids yeah it's

fucking weird as shit are you a joke because i fucking weird as shit i just like you agreed way too fast like oh yeah sexy kids lots of sexy kids tons of i don't know i i'm like finally an outlet for me what are they growing sexy kids on trees i was like talking talking to my friend robbie there's like YouTube person named Poppy. She's literally 16. She's this YouTube? What? I don't know. She's this internet personality that's being pushed.

Pull her up. Yeah, pull her up. And she sings songs. And she's just like, I don't know what she does, but she's this LA person who's being pushed by the internet. Just like, this is the new celebrity. You know how I like the Illuminati fucking grooms? Sure.

I got it. Yep. I said that. The Illuminati are all the open mics. fucking grooms. Sure. I got it. I was like, they're moving on here at all the open mics. But I was saying to my friend Robbie, I was like,

what the fuck is with all of these like young children, just like these, these like attractive, like airbrushed, sexy young kids like being pushed in my face. Yeah.

It was sexy. He's like, why did you? You didn't have that. When you use the word, you just mean sexualized. Like they are made That is what I

To look that Well like That's a Actually that's been a problem In the show business For a long time For a long time Forever

Like since the beginning I mean like Britney Spears When that video Her first video She's What like 16 Oh yeah And then like she's

16 years old There was one music video She's 16 I When MTV used to do Making of Remember Oh yeah It was like that Oops I did it again video Where She's six. When MTV used to do Making Of, remember?

Oh, yeah. It was like that Oops, I Did It Again video where there's like fire and shit. And she was just in a bra laying down. The camera was over her and she's like dancing. Yeah. And I remember the director going like, this is every 16-year-old boy's dream. I was like, oh, what a weird thing to say. And Britney Spears is like, is like thank you yeah she's 17 she's like so gross right all right now this girl's six tell me this isn't fucking like some

mk ultra like yeah this is what the cia is up to this is absolute like she was grown in a tube she's like groomed to murder like a fucking like a politician in a third world country yeah like they invite her over to be the dancer or something. I love puppy. Puppy's so talented. Dance for me, puppy. She looks creepy as fuck, dude. I watched this

documentary on body image issues. Wait, why did you watch that? It was actually held at shepherd pratt's eating disorder clinic oh wow where you were stationed for a while or it was an inpatient 5150 there and uh i wish i could remember the name of this it was such an amazing documentary but they showed um like a timeline of kids commercials for kids toys and like shit and like back in the 80s and 90s just

look like little normal fucking kids and as it gets closer to the late 90s 2000s yeah make up like so much makeup skinny as fuck like like wearing skimpy clothing it's it's just to sell like a video game right right a board game it's really weird or like a toy and it's just yeah just a kid he's like oh, oh, I like this. This is nice. And you're like, yeah, I like it too. It's just,

it's like insane. It's so funny that a marketing team is like, look, kids aren't just going to want toys. It should be toys. We've got to put some broad in there.

You're in the office. You're like, can I have these Uggamugs? All right. Let's get some hot gash. But whose job is it to determine who's a hot 10-year-old?

You know what I mean? Has to be somebody, right? Of course there are people. I mean, look at, who's that guy, Terry Richardson? Who's that? Oh, that guy's trash, yeah. He's this famous photographer, and he's got pedophilia accusations against him. Oh, and many sexual harassment stuff.

Yeah, he'll be taking pictures. He's like, all right, now I'm going to jerk off on you. He has photos. He makes the models dress sporadically, but he also has photos where he's just fucking the models. He's got a book where there's literally a page where he's holding one of the girls he's photographing and he's got his dick up her pussy.

You know, sex. Show business is the worst thing in the world. It is, and you know what's crazy? I'm going to get my head shots with this guy, I think. He sounds good. I shouldn't be talking out of school about this, but you move out, you hear all these crazy stories about Hollywood,

about weird Eyes Wide Shut parties. Yeah. And you get out there, and you realize that my room, this is not my story. Oh, okay. I'm not going to use his name. My roommate...

Tom Cruise. Yeah, my roommate Tom Cruise. He went to a party in Agora Hill, like fittingly named Agora Hills two weeks ago. Agora Hills sounds like a YouTube pop star too. Dude, have you seen Agora Hills? Yeah, dude. She's sexy for a nine-year-old.

I don't want to say whose party it was. He was a producer on his television show and it was like this big, like Pete came, oh fuck, that doesn't,

bleep that out, bleep that out. My roommate came home in the morning. Tom, Pete Cruz. Yeah. And he had like, I'm not going to believe it.

There's no way. So he had like an Indian hand with an eye on his face. He had like a pentagram on his leg. What? He's like, yeah, I got there and they were doing like henna tattoos. I don't know what they put on me. It was like initiation rites.

Whoa. I was thinking they like tagged him. They're like, all right, if you got the eye on your hand, that means you're open to anal. No. It's just like. It was just like the most stereotypical like Rosemary's Baby like, you know, stuff. I love that shit, dude.

But so he's like, so it was like a weird party. Everyone there was like real handsy with me. Guys were like checking me out and they were like, the people whose house it was, they had children there

and around 11 o'clock the kids like had to go to bed. Yeah. What? And also like they were introducing me to their live-in boyfriend and girlfriend who like the kids

did not seem comfortable with. At 1.m everyone started fucking just like like a giant orgy in the living room in front of each other that's what an orgy is yeah right and he and the girl he was there with left but like he said he said that it was like the most i didn't think this was real and it's absolutely real dude you know it's funny like i just imagine your friend like everyone's fucking in clothes and him and his girl are like should we get out of here so he walks into the living room where i was like okay guys all right thank you had a really great time someone goes to shake his hand and he's like i think'm good. I left a couple beers in the fridge. You can have them. Those are yours.

Those are yours. He walked in in the morning. I think it was like 7 a.m. He was white as a sheet, and he just sat down at the table and went. It's pretty intense. It was the most intense. He's still shaking up about it. That bad?

How did he get invited? I would just be like, man, that's fucking weird. Is he a comic? Does he work in the industry? No, he's a writer. He works for DreamWorks. up about it that bad how did he get invited like man that's fucking weird is he a comic does he work in the no he's a writer he like works for dreamworks um he worked on i guess i can say he worked on boss baby okay yeah yeah um so i would like to imagine this is the rap party for boss baby that's exactly what it was no no no no no we did a really good job with boss baby everybody let's start fucking starts like what does what is up with people with money?

Because I was visiting my buddy in Oakland, and he works in San Francisco, so I was getting an Uber there from the airport. And my Uber driver is – I did an Uber pool, and it was me and these – the color of their skin doesn't matter. No, no. It makes the story better. Let me know who I'm supposed to be angry at. Come on.

It was just me and two black dudes and Nick Tunzel. So you were nobody important. Oh my God. Okay. Dick Sash is not endorsing Nick's alt-right views I'm sorry go on Anyway so I don't know how I just

Nick's just making a jerk off motion now At the time I had been like pretty much dating older women And I was like yeah man older women are like The best like cause there's no bullshit In the dude next to me Who I was sharing the Uber with like totally doesn't get laid he's like i know right dude he's like they don't mean they just they don't fuck around you get a blow job on the first date and i was like okay yeah anyway so then this other dude who's my driver is telling me all these like he um he was recently divorced me and he uh he just cucks

like uh like people's wives. That's amazing. That's fucking awesome. It's a good idea to be like an Uber driver too because he's like going from location to location. He's like, why don't I drop off a few people? He was like, dude, it's crazy out here. Like people, rich ass people just have sex parties

and they'll invite you to them. And like everyone that he, his wife, he fucks, they're rich as shit. And this isn't like him making up he showed me pictures like he showed me pictures of like like dudes will send pictures of their wives to him there's like a specific dating site a camera what it was called cucker c-u-c-r uh-huh exactly and uh and then like through that he's met rich people who just have sex parties at their mansion like you have to pay 50 bucks to get in

And people are fucking everywhere Isn't that insane? I will say That is definitely a rich man's game Because when you have everything The thing that is exciting is having something taken from you Just to watch a black dude fuck your wife That's so gross

Looks like a commoner snuck in That's the That's what it, dude. Looks like a commoner snuck in. Like, that's the, like, that is what it is. Like, it's disgusting. I mean, you know. And this was, like, he's a really buff, like, good-looking black dude. Like, he was, like, and he was, like. How do you fall into that, though?

He went through a divorce, and he was, like, I kind of just was, like, over being monogamous. Right, right. a divorce and he was like i kind of just was like over being monogamous and right right but i mean like how does he get a like how does that first start like being like hey would you like to fuck my wife like i have no clue dude can you imagine floating that at the restaurant like no i couldn't help but notice uh you should be fucking my wife yeah well i have friends who get asked uh by couples a couple times i've had a friend who's been asked by couples to go home with them. And it's just like, ugh. It's just weird. Because it also takes balls for the couple to, you know.

Yeah, also, too, it's not just a rich man's game. I worked in Centerville, Maryland with this dude that was like 400 pounds. He's like, me and my wife, we're swingers. And I'm like, okay. Dude, it's either like really gross, like ugly people who are into that shit

or super rich people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like very far in view in between. Yeah. But it's definitely, I mean, there's a different caliber.

I love the fact that it's like three dudes who like, we don't participate in this and we like, you know, like, yeah, I have no fucking clue.

I just remember thinking it's so funny. He's like, oh, yeah, me and my wife, we fuck yeah we fuck all the time we bring women home we'll fuck them i work with a person he's like have you seen his wife like no he's like no you don't want to yeah i worked with a person who said uh uh this person said uh like um it was during, like, the snow days that she was like,

yeah, you know, I fucked my husband and then I had my boyfriend come over and fuck me. It was a great day. I was like, excuse me?

She was like, oh, yeah, yeah, like, we each have other partners and stuff and I was like,

wait, so, and they know? I was like, what was your husband doing while you were being sexed on? Sexed on?

And she was like, oh, he was just playing video games in the living room oh no yeah man every man people are different maybe maybe we're not evolved like i think that's what it is maybe it is i don't know i'm just like a pussy but there's no way there's no way i could not such a jealous person dude oh yeah i don't know i don't even know if it's that because i don't i think that i used to be very jealous, but I'm not anymore.

Just through going through having life experiences. People fuck each other, right? It doesn't have to be special every time. But there's still something about that where I'm just like, yeah, that's weird. I don't just... Maybe it's because of the merit.

I don't know why I have that reaction. But I also know that... I do have it too. Yeah, you're right. It shouldn't be weird if it's because of like the merit i don't know i don't know why i have that reaction but i also know like getting i do have it too yeah you're right it shouldn't be weird like if i think about getting cheated on it doesn't fucking destroy me i think it's oh man it destroys me i think it's a trust thing so it's like if they went into it and they already are on board it's cool but if it's like if that shit was going on behind your back and you know then right but if it's already like kind of an agreed upon thing but there's something in my brain that cannot handle the idea of a like i would never be okay being in an open relation if there's somebody that i'm in love with i could

never handle that person yeah fucking some other person i'm gonna i disagree with josh i think that cheating seems more normal than a pre-agreed upon thing actually yeah i think that it like that's what it seems more normal but less uh it seems cheating is more egregious yeah no people i think people want to cheat like of course like that's why it happens like you have those inclinations but i think what i'm saying is like if you are in a relationship and you're like okay i've agreed upon like you have rules like from the onset about like what your dynamic is and like the rules of it no makes sense to me i don't think it would work for me if my wife was gonna fuck somebody else i'd be like all right just do that just do another room i don't want i don't need to like be privy to like uh the fact that you have another emotional connection with this person i think that's what would be the weirdest thing

especially if i was in the same house like what you were talking about i don't think it's an emotional connection i just think it's somebody you fuck. No. But even if it is. But I know about people who are like polyamorous. Yeah. But do have like multiple emotional connections. Like they're fucking,

like they're, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big love. What was that show? The Mormons or whatever? Yeah. That would be weird.

Because like, you know, what if your husband's like, what if you want to go cuddle with your husband and he's like cuddling with the other one? Do you go, how does it, I just don't know.

Every couple has like their own rules and some people don't get jealous or feel any kind of like they think that humans aren't meant to be with just one person right you know and i can see the argument for that i mean it's not this still it doesn't feel like jealousy this feels like a logistics thing with me i don't understand how you like divide the time jealousy for me a hundred percent yeah same same i i think it's weird too when couples are together and then they're like should we open this up like uh i think you gotta have that like at the onset of like this is what the dynamic is because we recently worked with somebody a promoter that is like that but like her and her husband like have they had rules already yeah yeah yeah yeah so you're like well

does that work for you guys like yeah works for us because she was like i don't find anybody like sexier on this planet than my husband but if i want to bring a girl home he's like all right but the fact that they're setting up rules still feels like okay but we are like teetering on the edge of jealousy here right if there are things that you can do that would be considered offensive to your partner yeah i mean but there's also rules in a regular relationship too yeah yeah i don't know it's weird yeah i mean the rule is don't fuck anybody and you you know you already have rules there so yeah i guess you're right hey listen um i was at uh... This actually did happen to me.

I was at a party when Sean Preston, who's a comic and... He's really funny. Yeah, yeah. He was in LA with us for a while. We went to a party. We were invited to a party. It was like some older couples. Yeah.

And there's this woman there, Tracy, who was like making out with me and Sean. And her husband was like five feet away. Wait, both of you guys? Yeah. Well, she would come over and put her arm around me and kiss me on the neck and stuff. Then she'd go over to Sean. It was very, very strange. And you just kept doing this all night?

I was drunk. Sean was drunk. And we were like, these people loved us. We were the two youngest guys. Oh, my God. This Japanese woman, Aya, was like, how old are you? I was like, I'm 22. She's like, yay.

She couldn't believe there was somebody so young. Goddamn, dude. But Tracy was kissing Sean. Old women don't fuck around. They don't. So Tracy's making out with Sean. I've got some pictures to show you, man. Yeah.

And her husband is just standing forfeiting going, honey, honey, I love you. Oh! It was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen in my life. Honey? Oh, God. God. Not right now. I'm with my 24 year old toy he's 23 yeah damn dude oh that is i could not handle that shit at all so then did you just keep going

after that no we actually started to feel bad and then we left that's good jesus christ i didn't mean to turn this into a big fuck conversation this is uh this did turn into a big i don't know what happened i don't know it's more of a relationship conversation no i think it's uh nick's raw sexual energy oh yeah yeah nick nick moved out to l.a he's always getting in the way i don't have any of that he's raw juice got those raw juices going going fucking uh-huh yeah man raw juices again from fucking from hell yeah dude you know what i mean i wore a condom never mind i shouldn't i don't want to talk about you actually fuck that lady no which lady tracy no no no no no i was because i wore a condom for

like the first time it'd be great if you're like we felt bad, so we went to our own room. So that guy couldn't watch anymore. Her husband was just peeking out of the door, just like, honey? He slips a note that says, I love you. Three separate notes. One just says, honey. The other one says, honey, and just says, I love you.

All right, well, I'll be in the car. Okay. That is terrible. You boys thirsty? Need anything? Fluids? I got you. I'll be in the car. Okay. That is terrible. You boys thirsty? Need anything? Fluids? I got you.

Look, everyone is different, guys. We have to respect it. Yep. Many sides. Well, Nick doesn't, because it's all right now. I do. Can we talk about minorities for a second? I have a list.

I have a list. Nope. Moving on. No, I'm kidding. Nick, now I understand you wore a condom recently no i this is i don't want to talk about fucking anymore yeah i just like how excited you're like oh i wore a condom well i just i wore a condom for the first time in like four years the other

night oh and i was surprised four years are you single i have well yeah yeah my man raw you just fuck in without raw juices raw dog you'd be surprised most girls i find don't really want you to wear a condom either it's a bummer i have found that out too but my god i always wear a condom whatever risky business yolo baby yeah remember that from a couple years ago that's been around as long as you know what my condom's called abstinence okay there you go honestly it's weird as i like I become more, sometimes I do feel like all the fucking that I do, I'm just like, this is bad for my soul. Sometimes I really, I'll get these religious, where I'm just like, I should stop.

I think it's just like a leftover. Yeah. I feel guilty. Oh, is it related to religion or is it just like your being? Sometimes I find myself wanting to live a very pious life like i don't think that you should and i think people should live whatever the way that they want but like when i think about like aside from all the religion shit like the way that like christian people like lead their lives with restraint i'm like yeah i think that's cool god the next time we see nick he's gonna be

scientologist i know it's right there la dude it's right there yeah as, dude. It's right there. Yeah. As soon as we see Nick, he's like, hey, have you heard the good news? Like, oh, no. He's like talking shit. Who's that chick who came out against it recently? Oh, Leah Remini. Leah Remini. Yeah. She's like that fucking bitch.

Nick's like hired to kill her. Yeah. Oh, dude. Keeps talking about the cool Scientologist. You know, Beck's a Scientologist, huh? Is he for real? Oh, yeah. Beck is, yeah.

Yeah, Beck. Damn, dude. That's a bummer. Who else? Will Smith. Will Smith? Will Smith also in the closet, I've heard from like 10 different people. No. Yeah, that he and Jada are both gay. Huh. And they just kind of figured it out, huh?

You know, they've got those fucking test tube babies running around and clearly I can go, well, Jaden's wearing a dress and the other ones... Obviously, there's... Do you remember they were doing a movie together, but at the same time they were on this press tour, like Jaden's wearing a dress and the other ones... Obviously, there's... Do you remember they were doing a movie together but at the same time they were on this press tour

like Jaden was tweeting like the dumbest shit and then so Will Smith had to like defend... Yeah, it was just so funny. Well, he kind of made fun of him on TV but it was just like,

damn, dude. Well, I just remember when Jaden was tweeting about wanting to cut his dick off which is like... What? Are you just making that up? No, look that up. Look up Jaden Smith.

I'm on my work computer. I'm going to Google Jaden Smith cut dick off question mark. Yeah. Again. I'm not going to type it again. I know I'm going to do it. That's awesome. Yeah, he had some sort of enlightened moment where he was like, yeah, my dick is bad.

Which, very woke thing to say. I got to be honest. Sure, yeah. They cause a lot. Which, very woke thing to say, I gotta be honest. They cause a lot of trouble. Especially for you. No condoms over there. No condoms over here. I've been living life by the fucking seat of my pants. What made you wear a condom? The girl? The girl wanted me to wear a condom.

Jesus, the resentment in your voice. I tried to. No, but you know what? It was okay. I didn't think it was going to be good. It's not that bad. I mean't think it was going to be good. It's not that bad. I mean, it's definitely nowhere near as good. Hot takes on this podcast. Alright, let's move on.

So, LA, huh, Nick? Nick, you fucking out in LA or what's going on out there? No. Do you live in a shitty place in LA? We used to. I'm actually drifting right now. Really?

I just crash with people. You're legitimately homeless. You don't have an address. No, I don't have an address. No, I've got very good friends. That's what homeless means. A lot of homeless people have no friends. He's crashing at the Scientology Center for wayward youth.

For sure. It's all full circle. Tom Cruise is your roommate. This is starting to make sense. Exactly. Exactly. No, we were living in like South LA for a while, near like USC. And then we were up in Burbank.

Oh my God. So that's Koreatown, right? Yeah, yeah. It's right by Koreatown. It's gross. It is. It's grimy as hell. It's so grimy.

That's where when I visited my buddy Fish, he lived in Koreatown. Boy, it is a hellhole. But you know what? I liked it more than I liked Burbank. Like, I liked the people. Yeah. I liked the people there more than like. People were nice, yeah.

Yeah. When I came out, were you living in Burbank? Or where were you living? No, no. We were still over in, yeah, by USC. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, also, have you been on that campus? It's nice. Yeah, yeah. I dated acha. Yeah. Oh, also, have you been on that campus? It's nice. Yeah, I dated a girl who went there for a while. God, everybody on the campus is hot as hell. It's just a bunch of rich-ass people. Right. I know.

Dude, my Tinder, we were within three miles, so my Tinder was nothing but USC girls. Oh, right, right, right. Just so good. It's unbelievable how good-looking people on that campus are. Yeah. It's really crazy. Sorry, I brought it back to fuck. It's okay.

I'm always down to talk about the Slits. No, I don't even fuck that much. I've never fucked. I lie about that. But yeah, so Burbank is all right. And then I was staying over in Boyle Heights for a while, which is East LA. It's largely Latinx community.

What? Yeah, that's the woke thing to say about people of Latinx. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. You don't want to assume the gender. Oh, I never would. Isn't it Hispanic? I guess Hispanic.

I don't know. I have no idea. There's too many. It doesn't matter. Latinx sounds like a cool rapper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm telling you, that's the preferred. You can Google that.

That's not bad. No, I don't think so. I will not. I will not. Wait, so are you just open micing it? Are you getting on showcases? I've been on a couple showcases. I was on a really good showcase with Tiffany Haddish.

Oh, that's awesome. That was exciting. She's hilarious. Where is she? She was in that movie Girl Strip. She's about to blow up. Speaking of Jada Pinkett. Yeah, look up her recent appearance on uh jimmy kimmel okay so good she's awesome panel

yeah and she actually tells a story about uh hanging out with jada pinkett and will smith and like going on like a fan boat tour they shot new orleans and they thought it was like just the three of them and she's like uh i'm not rich i got this on groupon then jada pinkett smith was like i don't know what groupon is for real yeah so they had to do a fan boat just a regular fan boat tour with like tiffany haddish like nine people on vacation and then the smiths and everybody was just like staring at will smith that's great like you mean like they brought fans to no no no no no no no so a fan boat tour like you know like when you go to the everglades yeah no like in new or yeah new orleans but yeah yeah but the swaps yeah so like you literally sign up like you get to go on a fan boat tour and she was and so they were shooting a movie

in new orleans and tiffany haddish was going to go by herself. And then Jada Pinkett Smith was like, oh, we'll go with you. And she's like, okay, you guys can come. And then they show up, and they thought that Tiffany was rich, too. And then she was just doing her own fan boat tour. And then there were normal people there. That's so fucking funny. And they're like, no, this sucks. Yeah.

And they're like, I guess we're here now. And she's like, I told you I got it on groupon she's like i don't know groupon i'm rich i but yeah she tells the whole story like god damn she's so fucking funny her headline it's like she was just so funny she's really yeah she was at mcgoobies uh recently really yeah is she la based yeah yeah damn dude maybe there's there's probably more female headliners in la oh yeah you know because that's been an issue here is booking female headliners people have been getting shit yeah i mean i will say that like i don't know i don't know i mean here we go here comes the prince i think like because i look i'm like absolutely absolutely a misogynist, bad, not a good dude.

But when I think about the funniest people in L.A., they're all women. Female comedians in L.A. are amazing. Who are we talking about? Maria Bamford. Maria Bamford. Ali Wong's really good. Maria Bamford's really good. Tiffany's really, really good.

I think she just moved. Clara Kane was really good, but i think she just moved clara kane was really good but i think she just moved um this uh just even like on like a lower level uh like nina tar this woman who runs the mic that i guess is hilarious awesome yeah yeah there's i mean there's a lot i could like rattle off but it's probably because la is probably a scene that's way more friendly to women than new york oh absolutely i'm sure new york is really not cool for a woman to be a comic there. So I guess that's one of the positive things about the way that they are, is you foster these voices

that would otherwise probably be scared away. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's definitely positive aspects. You just don't want it to go all the way to the other side, where it's so liberal, it's conservative, like we were saying, where you can't say certain things.

Oh, absolutely. And actually, honestly, that's why there's way more women comics in dc it's i think it's more friendly of a scene it's it's probably uh i don't know it's like the mics in baltimore or like it can be like really atrocious in terms of what people say on stage oh yeah i found that like a woman yeah audience or waiting to go up on stage and you just hear like people laughing at some of this shit or even like someone just saying something awful and you're like all right well i guess this is what my life is right now right you know we're like in dc i'm sure those mics exist but for them i i haven't really experienced so much of that no i don't think the crowd's gonna

give it to me the crowd won't exactly so yeah that's why there's probably way more women comics in dc than there are baltimore yeah i don't know both scenes have changed so much since i've like been gone it's it was weird to come back yeah what have you noticed like the biggest i don't know anybody doing comedy in baltimore anymore and it feels like yeah it feels like everyone also like just started last week right like sidebar was unrecognizable um and i mean i guess dc i guess i feel like it feels like dc has just become even more um segregated in terms of like show not not racially like you know what i mean like you i'm gonna do like this dude's rooms or i'm gonna do these you're kind of in a camp yeah there is definitely two there's like camps right now and

it's like yeah they've got two concentrated camps uh yeah which is great. Really great. Really great. No, yeah, but I try to, I go in between all that stuff. I try to, but I'm just going to do the good shows, you know? I'm going to, hey, I'm going to do all the good shows. Do all the good shows. Only good shows. Or pay. I've only been pretty much doing paid shows recently. Oh.

I haven't done a mic in a long time. There you go. Didn't you just do Big Hunt the other night? Oh, yeah. That was the first time I was in D.C. doing a mic in a month and a half damn long time yeah yeah when is i want to i just want to go watch big hunt when is it is it on saturday yeah what is today thursday yeah it's uh monday thursday friday no thursday friday saturday yeah monday wednesday thursday friday saturday look at this look at all this free promo you're doing for sean joyce yeah well he needs it he's struggling really hard uh you know he has to book people like michael che

and uh yeah garbage slumming it idiots like jim jeffries dropping yeah louis ck hannibal burr i heard about that that's awesome yeah it was fucking annoying i literally because i was performing i go home because i'm i have to drive an hour and a half or an hour and uh i'm leaving and uh naomi texted me it's like yeah hannibal burris is doing 30 minutes i was like jesus fucking christ i'm so pissed apparently oh go ahead no i actually don't like to finish that sentence and ruin potential bookings. Even like Patton Oswalt dropped into Wonderland, I think, last year. Yeah.

A little while ago. I remember that. It's fucking crazy. It's so weird. The DC scene is like really good, though. It's too good. I think it's like. It feels like it's becoming like. I guess obviously the big ones are like New York, LA, and Chicago.

But DC feels like it's coming up as being like. Yeah. It's probably one of the best ones next to New York and LA, and Chicago, but DC feels like it's coming up as being like, it's probably one of the best ones next to New York and LA. Because I think New York people know, like the word is getting out. People know about, I forgot who, I was talking like Tim Dillon or somebody, everyone knows about Sean's rooms. Like people know about Big Time. In DC, that's the spot to go, like his rooms.

Yeah, that's incredible. And he just partnered with the DC Draft house too to get like even bigger people down so like when uh dan soda came down for the weekend that was like a joint thing between sean and the dc draft house like it's fucking great it's so cool it's nuts it's i mean i'm sure it's gonna implode at some point oh it has to yeah it has to maybe not implode but rescind a little bit i don't know well how far do you how far off do you guys think we are from this bubble finally bursting because i feel like it's beginning we're very close yeah will you say like a year or two it's okay it's different now than it was in the 90s because now cultures of just anything the way you consume something is niche the way you consume something

was like uh it was like you know the monoculture like this is comedy this is music that's how it was when we were young like TRL like you know what I mean like you were sold what's good but now you find what you like no I wasn't sold I called everyday and voted I had a voice

that's what the R stands for thank you thank you thank you i put baby hit me one more time at the top on my own my own damn self my friends and i legit went freak on the leash by corn was huge because it was on tira it would always be in the top three yeah yeah and we would call and vote to try to make it number one all the time. Because we just wanted cool music on TRL. I remember being so mad it was on TRL. I was like, dude, they sold out. They sold out, dude.

I do remember calling to get a Tom Green song on TRL. Oh, the bum song or whatever? That's fucking dope. I remember calling. Do you remember Tom Green's internet show? Yes. Do you remember why it stopped? No.

Well, people like me and people on the forum I was on, we would just call Tom Green's show and just spam him. So this is where Tom Green made a studio in his house. Before podcasting was big, before having a webcast thing. It was post his fame. Yes. Yeah, yeah. But it was crazy. Yeah. So, but it was crazy.

Yeah. So he spent all this money and made a studio and like broadcast live and literally you could call his house. Anybody could call him on Skype. It was on Skype. It wasn't on his phone. Oh, okay.

And people from like, there was a forum I was on called bro fist and like fortune. They called him every night that he broadcast and said, and they would say things like do a barrel roll, barrel roll. I remember that until like, if you were to watch like a time lapse of like, you know, broadcast and said and they would say things like do a barrel roll barrel roll or blow fist until uh like if you were to watch like a time lapse of like you know just a comp you could you watch his spirit like break before your eyes yeah he becomes so sad i was fucking 13 i didn't know

any better okay like oh i'm talking to tom green i'm upsetting tom green what am i a god i felt like i had the powers of a god. God, that's so fucked up. Yeah, I remember he was like, all right, let's go to the phones. And he would just have a look of like, I know what the fuck's going to happen. Like, oh yeah, this is a really great conversation between you and Tom Arnold.

Can you do a barrel roll? And like every time, and he knew it was coming. Why just not stop that segment of the show? Like stop going to the phone. Yeah, I think, yeah. Was Twitter around too? I don't know. Twitter wasn't around yet. Why just not stop that segment of the show? Like stop going to the phone. Yeah. I think, yeah. Was Twitter around too?

I don't know. Twitter wasn't around yet. Oh, okay. But I feel like there's some way you can. Was this like really early 2000s? Yeah. This was early mid 2000s. I remember, yeah.

I was, yeah. Cause I was at a UMBC. So it was like 2005. Honestly, that's when comedy died. It was like 2007-ish or something like that. After like Jackass and Tom Green. Well. That shit was so great. The thing that always made me feel It was like 2007-ish or something After like Jackass and Tom Green That shit was so great The thing that always made me feel bad

Like in retrospect Like we were making fun of this old fucking hack But it's like nah He started the thing that we were doing Oh yeah Tom Green is the first troll Tom Green would have been calling the Tom Green of whatever era His show was amazing

Oh yeah It was hilarious I even going back and re-watching his old internet show, it was a pretty good internet show. We were just ruining it. Oh, it was great. It was like the first of its kind. It really was.

But time is a flat circle. Tom? Tom Green is? Tom is a flat circle. Also, he just seems like a legitimately nice dude. Well, I guess he did make a career out of being annoying. Yeah. But at least he was just annoying to his parents for the most part.

No. He fucked with people so hard. He painted his mom's house with a gay flag. No, when he painted the hood of his dad's car and said, Sleptmobile, and it was a guy eating out a woman. Do you remember that? No. It was the hood of his car.

It was the whole hood of his car. It was just a zoom in of a dude eating out a woman and said, slept. Oh my God. Dad, I painted your car. He's like, Jesus Christ,

Tom. God, like what? And he's Canadian. He's Canadian. Like what the fuck? Like how do you grow up or you become like this? He was like a rapper at first.

I remember. Yeah. And he was a, he's a skateboarder. He was decent at skateboarding. I mean, I, I point to like, Tom Green is cool as shit. He's great. Freddie got fingered. first i remember yeah and he's a he's a skateboarder he was decent at skateboarding it's i mean i i point to like freddie tom green is cool as shit he's great freddie got fingered i said oh it's a masterpiece one of the greatest art films of all time i put it up there with like john luke goddard

but it's legitimately a good movie it's really funny funny it's really funny but people hate that movie i was on board when he yelled at that woman, which apparently was an ad lib when he was in the car. He goes, get the fuck out of the way. And that was just an extra. My favorite thing is when he's jacking off the horse. I'm a farmer, daddy. That predated Tim and Eric, you know, Extreme, all that stuff.

It was so ahead of its time. Yeah. Fucking having Rip Torn play his dad in the movie is amazing. Fuck me. Fuck you. MTV used to have some good ass fucking shows. Yeah. Fuck me.

God. We were talking about the comedy bubble. Oh, yeah. I feel like that was interesting. Well, Tom Green's coming back and we're going to be okay. I think it's different now because it's a niche culture. Like everything is like people find their audience right so like that's why like bands don't really sell as they used to but they don't need to because they will have a consistent stream you

just have to work harder exactly you have to work more essentially like yeah sure you don't you're not gonna be doing arenas but you can be doing like small if you have like a good following on a podcast why can't you be doing you know what i mean comedy like at places like autobar or 9 30 club yeah it's just it's just gonna suck to get older like like having people like you're in your 50s you have a family and you're like well i'm going to oklahoma this weekend you know what i mean but maybe i don't know you think people are gonna get tired of seeing like live local comedy of people who they don't know? No.

I don't know. In the same way that people go see music nights at bars and stuff like that. I think it's just going to be reeled in a little bit. There's not going to be as much comedy everywhere. There'll still be spots, though. I do think that there is too much comedy. Yeah. Netflix releases way too many specials. There's so many specials. And they think that there's like too much comedy. Yeah, like Netflix releases way too many specials. And they're not good.

They're not ready to be filmed. That's kind of why I like that they did the half hour thing though, which was smart. Yeah, I think about this a lot. I think like... Instead of giving somebody like a full hour, you know what I mean? When I think about my material right now, like the half an hour that I could do,

I don't think any of it's worth filming. And I don't know how much I even like the idea of filmed or recorded stand-up. I've heard stand-up talk about stand-up recorded and stand-up when it's at. It's a totally different art form. And I think that I just kind of like letting my stand-up exist as something. But that's a thing now. Like material is second to personality now, right? So you need to be a personality they need to be a brand you need to be a brand like aziz or like hassan minaj they

have us and like people want like storytellers now more than they like like they want someone with a cool interesting story more than they want to hear bits or jokes like i feel like right that is going away if you look at like the most popular people now like they they have like a different perspective on like american life you know whether they're immigrants or some like like a woman or like you know like voices that haven't been heard in media you know right yeah mainly and so it's a it's really story based but like the jokes don't matter as much as like who is telling the joke. It's the voice. The person that it's coming from.

And which is a bummer because I like telling jokes. Yeah, I like the jokes. I like jokes too, but I think there's definitely a spot for that. But the better storytellers are the ones that have the jokes in there. You know what I mean? Because like Burt Kreischer is a storyteller. Even I would say Tom Segura is in a way. Tom Segura is definitely a storyteller. But he knows it's like boom boom boom it's just all jokes in there so but there's some people

like like like hassa minaj is blowing up yeah and uh like that's a one-man show yeah it's also transitioned to almost doing like his madison square garden was like a one-man show almost like i discovered feminism let me talk about it for an hour it was like so bad but it doesn't matter and he's still but he already had a name but yeah thing is is like he like started doing thematic sets right so he did his first two specials where there were just jokes all over the place and then ever since then it was like that he did thematic sets where it was like like it was a whole hour based on one theme but that's also that's like that's how like europe does it too yeah that's a lot of their stuff like it it's all around like a concept you know like it's you know stewart lee yeah yeah it's

great yeah or like eddie izzard stuff would all be on one thing and then like everything that's in the um edinburgh festival it has to be a theme yeah you know who's great from um from london oh my god now i fucking blanked on his name he used to do that talk show pop i wish i could remember the brexit guy's name that would be a great reference right here the guy that started brexit oh oh simon amstel yep have you seen him no i haven't seen him dude simon amstel is an awesome british comic and i don't i like he tried to get popular in the u.s he did some residencies in new york theaters and he just never hit he's been on conan and betterman i think he is he's one of my favorite comics he's so

fucking funny yeah you gotta look him up he's so good yeah he has two one hour specials and they're both like just fucking amazing and they're both they based around themes. I'll check that out. Nice, nice, nice. But anyway, I think comedy is probably going to... I think it'll stay. Of course it's going to stay. It has to. It's going to ebb and flow. It sucks. It's scary.

Nothing can continually just keep growing. It's definitely growing too fast. And that's another problem. Everyone wants to do it. That's why scenes, there's so many new people yeah and i guess i shouldn't get mad because i also like do you hold the belief that i think that anybody can do stand-up as long as you just like stick with i don't think it takes i don't think that's true i see i when i look at like my own stand-up where i started i'm like i was really bad for a long time i was bad too for a long time yeah sure everybody's gonna be bad but i'm sure even when you were bad there

were inklings you know what i mean that it's like it's gonna get better yeah i i literally do think it's like 90 just like don't quit and eventually you'll figure out how to do it that's a big part of it but you also have to be funny in there like if you were like if you were 90 shitty there has to be like that 10 that's pretty good you know but that's the one thing that's and they were talking about this on the real last podcast with tim dylan and that's where i like quoted tim dylan right got mad at me on facebook where he pretty much was just saying and like and he told me this when i met him he was like one of the first things he said when he found out like i had a real job and shit he's like oh my god you're a good person don't move to new york literally everyone in show business is garbage yeah and he started just name i'm not gonna name who he named but he started naming comics that

everyone knows he's like dude i've met them like they're all garbage people yeah they surround they think about themselves all fucking day they'll step on on their friends backs to get what yeah i remember that because we uh because we talked about it uh because he stayed at our house that night. So we were on the couch. It was so fun. We stayed until like four in the morning just trashing everyone. Yeah, just like that New York accent or whatever.

He's like, they'll step on their heads. They'll step on your head. They'll step on a friend's head. But one thing that they were saying on the podcast is like how, I mean, there are people legitimately just ruining their lives trying to pursue this fucking thing they have no business pursuing because you're not investing in your future dude like you're not saving for your future you're not you don't have benefits and then once you fucking get to an age where you realize like oh shit comedy's not for me you're fucked like are you really gonna like what scares me too is even if it is for you like we talked about this

earlier it doesn't it doesn't uh last no nothing's guaranteed it's not like you can have a hot three to five years and then what you're 37 and then people don't want to see your shit anymore yeah exactly dude like even yeah like with like comtown like that that that could go away any fucking day yeah you're really good and it will. We're gunning for them, right? That's right. She's going to take them down. But when they sell them, they're like comedy.

It just sucks you in. We're the new Comptown. We had a lot of fucking talk. And you get trapped because it becomes your life, right? Your whole socialization, your whole internet presence, everything is comedy then.

Your friends. Even if you get little successes, the amount, the little success like will keep you for way longer than the success was even worth like you like it doesn't it doesn't measure up like if you get like a cool like if you get like a set at gotham or whatever that will make you go think like you know for like years like all right well i have the potential to like be on tv where it's like maybe but yeah probably also that doesn't guarantee you anything but and that's what they were saying like luis gomez was like it doesn't mean shit nope and but it's enough to keep you keep going to keep you holding on right yeah oh sorry no no go ahead go

ahead well i was gonna say even the same milestone for you. Like if you got Conan, that'd be insane, right? Yeah, but it means nothing. Nothing, nothing. In the grand scheme, it means nothing. Doesn't mean you could like headline nationally or anything. You know, like you might just be like a really good feature. I remember four years ago or five years ago, I was talking to Stav and I was like, God, I just like want to open up for like a famous comic.

And like you think that'll help you. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I mean, our buddy opened up for Louis C.K. Uh you think that'll help you it doesn't know it doesn't matter nothing matters i mean our buddy opened up for louis ck uh-huh you know what i mean and i'm sure it helped him somewhat but it's still honestly no one gives a shit yeah you have to to be successful i don't know i i also feel you have to have your hand in a bunch of different pots like you can't only it's like you said your life if your life becomes comedy yeah then you're not and you're not exploring any other avenues. When that falls through, you're nothing.

You're so fucked. In LA, I'd say that half my friends are comics. Also because hanging out with comics all the time is toxic. It is really toxic. They're bad people. All we did before this podcast was shit on people. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, to be fair, they're bad. They're not. They're bad. They're very unfunny people. So I try to split my time between like comics actors and filmmakers in la and i'm and i'm trying to be involved in like all of that yeah which i think is a better way to build your social network than like i thought you're gonna be like comics and like you know like social worker but it's not everyone in show business i know it's like

hovering around the same thing but it is true like, even if you branch out a little bit, like to like musicians or something, it's like, it is a kind of a different world where it's like, not as, uh, cause to be a comedian, like Tim Dillon was saying,

you have to make it all about you. You're always thinking like, this is a bit, what am I doing? What am I doing? You know? Well, that's,

and that's the whole thing is like when you do like, you've been hanging out, let's say you like hanging with your comedian friends. And then you, I go to hang out with like dom or tim or my film buddies and realize what fucking psychopaths the people i was hanging out with last night were like that is fun too though like knowing that like whatever you say is fine you know what i mean like i'm never gonna say anything to you and you're like josh that's a little out of line yeah i was just

telling it to the girl i'm seeing i'm just saying it's good for a bit like it you don't want that to be all the time but it is nice to have that outlet but i i didn't have that in my other outlets it's just like there's a it goes back to this the narcissism thing like there's a there's like a level of narcissism that i like feel when i'm hanging out with nothing but comics that i don't like it really bothers me interesting i uh yeah well just like this morning it was interesting like uh you know i have this show that I do once a month that's been, like, successful. And I sold, like, 60 tickets in, like, two days, which is awesome. Right.

And so there's 30 left. And I was just, like, talking out. She was like, this girl I was walking to work that I'm seeing. And she was like, that's really cool. You sold, like, 60 tickets. I was like, yeah, I know. But I really want to just sell these 30 more. And I was finishing my sentence. And at the same time, I was saying, she was like, oh, for peace of mind. But I was like yeah i know but i really want to just sell these uh 30 more and i was finishing

my set and at the same time i was saying she's like oh for peace of mind but i was like for my ego that's what i said because if i'm being brutally honest that's what it's for oh yeah you know me and dylan my we're talking about it too like stand up straight up is a drug that's all it's a drug like we're all all just addicted to doing well, having good sets. It's a drug. I fucking dare someone to look me in the eye and be like, oh, I... That'd be great if you just ended it there. I don't know. I do it because I like making people...

Oh, really? Fuck you. You like making people happy, you idiot. If you chose stand-up, no other helping profession, you're a fucking idiot. That is what every delusional person... That's what I've heard TJ Miller say. I don't care if i fucking say something better he's a crazy person he's a crazy person he was like he's our guest next week we'll see how this goes he was on some it might have been an old podcast but he's talking about how it's like oh yeah i do a

service to the world when i bring people no you don't what are you kidding servicing your ego that's all it is and if i think you should recognize it like i recognize yeah yeah and uh i try to keep it in check and sometimes it gets the best of me you know but like of course but yeah like we are we just we all do that like it is just a drug where you're like oh that felt good all right dude like you have a good set and then you're like oh i got some breathing room now that feels good and i got some space to that next set good i mean i will say that like when i'm on a first date with a girl and she asked me why i got into stand-up i'm always like i just love connecting with people you know i go i i go

brutally honest i'm picturing nick leaning in and he grabs like puts his hand on top of her hand well if i'm being honest really yeah you know i racked my brain thinking about how i could make the world the brightest possible place. You have glasses that don't have lenses. You take those off, put them in your mouth. People bite on their glasses while they're thinking. I hate people who think they can change the world with a joke. Fuck you.

It's like, no. You're just preaching to people who already think like you. It's so stupid. Comedy is ridiculous. it is like it is for we went full circle on this podcast good job we figured it out i think we should all just be fucking in in mass i love doing it i really do of course yeah you're addicted to it i think you should recognize it's pretty goddamn silly it is it is It is. I will say it is kind of like as self-serving as it is when you have a crowd with you and you do feel like unified with that crowd.

It feels fucking amazing. That does feel cool. But what's kind of driving that is your own shit. But I feel like the best performers make it a communal kind of thing, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think it's a semi-healthy way to stroke your ego yes exactly that's like i don't know there's i'm sure there's way unhealthy like way more fucking in a

mirror wait you guys don't do that dude i don't ever want to see myself naked if i'm fucking you know what i mean well once you get once you're in a healthy place, you might like it. Oh, dude. I wouldn't want to see you do that either. I put a pillow between me and the girl. Sorry. It's a fat day for me. I do have those. There'll be days where I'll look in the mirror and I feel great. And then just the next day,

it's just like, what happened, dude? One day? One day. Too much sodium? What's going on? You look great, man. You do. You're a handsome young day. One day. Too much sodium? What's going on? Yeah, I don't know. What's going on? You look great, man. I don't know what light you're. You do. You're a handsome young man.

Thank you. Got a nice beard. There's a little red coming in. I know, right? Looks tight. Looks tight. Yeah. That said, I did crush last night.

I'm amazing. And let's just go out on that, shall we? Yeah, let's do it. Why not? I was in a black room last night. Yeah, it was so oh yeah they love you you want to know why because you do their voices so well yeah yeah well you told like oh yeah yeah a comic uh afterwards was like oh that was the best i've seen that uh the voice wasn't as racist

when you did that's like did i quote a co-worker and like i don't ever think it's been ray okay and then also like why didn't you tell me you thought it was too like you know what i mean like when it first happened be like hey you should not yeah anyway but it was so fucking fun i got the crowd to sing the living single theme with me oh yeah it was so fun well because that was like the conceit of the show is that uh it's called black card revoked so you have to go up and answer questions about uh black culture if you get that right then you get more time on your set and my last face is like this show sounds terrible i think it's good it was so fun so my first question was an r kelly question crushed it and uh hero oh of course yeah i would never say anything bad he's the one who discovered that chick that YouTube saw. Yeah, Poppy.

Poppy. Bring me Poppy. But yeah, it was fun. So yeah, it was pretty much all black audience. So as soon as I got up there and I got to the microphone, I was like, build that wall. Okay, sorry, guys. I'm just so used to in a microphone screen.

So like they, I thought that broke the ice well. But then they asked me about Living Single. Oh, it was so good. And I was singing a theme song. I was like, well, you got to keep your head up, right? Keep your head up, right?

And then a woman off to the side, she goes, that's right. Dude, I don't care if this is racist, but like black women are the best fucking audience members. Every fucking time there's a black woman in the audience, feel comfortable knowing that i like that there will someone be someone who's always laughing and on your side and that yeah if you're a good cop yes they're honest they're honest

it's not like they're gonna they're like a light touch if you're good they're gonna give it up if not they will not oh i yeah so when i was at big hunt there's three black women sitting in the front row and this comic ahead of me and they were just not feeling this dude and like their faces read it like just and so i was watching them yeah same way that they're gonna give it up if they hate you they will let you know yeah and then he tried to ironically call his girlfriend and his girlfriend's mom a bitch in a bit and the whole crowd pulled back yeah and then i go up on stage and i was like i was watching these three black women watch his set and like the whole time they're like just you could see on their face they're like trying to figure out if this dude's a serial killer or not yeah scrawny

white look dude and like that got a laugh and then i was like and then when he tried no when you know he tried to call his girlfriend like a bitch like the women, all their faces were just like, no, you can't get away with that. They all high-fived. It was so funny. They literally high-fived me. It was amazing. They're the best audience members. The best.

Hands down. Easily. I also think that they make the funniest comics. I don't know. Black women are amazing comics. They're the funniest people in the world. Yeah. I work with black women.

They're so fucking funny. I'm one of the good ones that's right i get it i'm on my one of the good ones comedy tour ladies and gentlemen you know him he's one of the good ones give it up for yeah that's a great name for a show yeah one of the good ones maybe i'll do it yeah a little prayer hands up that would be cool too uh a black comic host that show and it's just they only book white comics that are allies yeah yeah that are woke that are like all right all right one of the good ones like all right i vouch for this guy yeah dude yeah but the crowd loves that oh yeah there was a woman she just goes i need oxygen oh my god one woman literally had like an old school fan oh god it was incredible dude and that's another thing white i was talking with

my friend she uh white people like stifle their laughter because they're embarrassed yeah because there's a certain way to act in public if you're white like you're not supposed to be loud right yeah no that's like no i agree it's like like a middle i remember my friend's parents saying shit like that to us like you know you're not supposed to be loud but you go you know and then like uh like uh you go to you go to like a black show just people fucking being loud as fuck so impolite literally i remember i did the comedy factory one time what did you say? I couldn't just let that go. What did he say? He said,

then you see black people in public and they're so loud. And I said, yeah, I know, they're so impolite. Oh my God. No, the clowns,

like literally just like throwing their fists in the air, like getting out of their seat. Oh yeah. Dude, oh my God, one time I did a show, Ramin was booking and uh it was mostly white it was but there was some black women in the audience and this dude made it like

ramin was just fucking crushing on stage like hosting and this black woman in the back like literally got out of her seat yep and was like circles and then sat back down like unbelievable yeah that's great oh i love it the best you had the most fun yeah because you're at a comedy show to have fun yeah so it was goddamn fuck that was like i love that fucking woman that was yeah they're the best yeah they're the best there is something i mean it does feel knowing that you told a joke that was so funny that somebody had to go do physical activity.

Yeah. Amazing, dude. They couldn't even process it. And then like, they're the best after shows. Like, they give, like,

they know how to give it up. Yeah. Let's just let, we'll let black women run everything. I think we should. I think so. Yeah,

I'd be fine with that. Okay. I'd totally be fine with that. All right. I think that's a good note to go out. That was our new sign off. It's been a great podcast. Black women

should run the world. Alright, Carlene, take it away. That's what I was going to say. I was stopped at a green light the other day because there was a black woman just walking in front of me. There are bigger problems. Who cares that you're walking in front of a green light?

Why do I have this bigger problem? It's like her race. She has bigger problems. Who cares that you're walking in front of Greenlight? I'm not doing this. Like her race. She has bigger problems. I wasn't mad. And I could have been. I had every right to be mad. But I wasn't. I had every right to be enraged.

But I did. I was in my car and I was going, come on, Carlene. Oh my God. I think about you every time. Oh, yeah. Well, Josh is... No, I don't. I don't know what he's talking about.

That's just what he... Wow. Josh's go-to black woman name. No, I'm just kidding. I just want to make sure. Have I destroyed my career? I don't think so. I think you're just going to be like a powerful fuck god.

I think that's what you're going to be. You can edit that down, by the way. I can and I won't. I don't edit anything i'm sorry a lot of work to edit no yeah i just uh it's just a lot easier just to put it out there and then that no dude that wasn't bad i don't think that was bad at all i think it's fine people get the irony plus if people are this deep in they're already fans they're into it they're into it uh do we do more than an hour yeah we're at like hour 15 oh shit we should wrap it up uh no i don't know let's keep going really yeah who likes who likes to fuck no uh let's wrap up uh yeah because you got to go for a run i gotta go for a run yeah it didn't rain so that's nice it did actually rain it did yeah did you not notice it was raining no yeah yeah it

totally was raining and then it came clear again. Yeah. All right. Yeah, went through a lot of emotions. Yeah. It mirrored the podcast. I know, right? Nick, plug your stuff. Do you want people to find you on the internet? Yeah, but you can just find me on Twitter. It's just at Nick Oldershaw.

No C in Nick. No C. Yeah. You can figure out Oldershaw. Figure it out. And then I'm actually, I do a bunch of stuff with like these like youtube filmmakers i'm gonna be in a short film coming out called content in a couple months content yeah content it's premiering at buffer fest in canada in september that's awesome congrats dude

yeah yeah it's exciting and it's on my friend uh dom ferris channel and then we got another sketch coming out that um this is all just like youtube shit it doesn doesn't matter. No. You'll see me if you see me. Okay. All right. Omar. Best way to plug. August 30th, I'm headlining Black Squirrel in D.C. When's this going to come out? Probably today. Today or tomorrow.

Saturday, I'm featuring for Greg Fitzsimmons at Creative Alliance. And on the 25th, I'm at Beer Baron. It's a benefit show for kids to help them get school supplies. It's like $10. You get four beers and comedy. And it's for a good cause. That's tight as shit. I have some

stuff. I forget what it is. The only thing I can remember is I'm doing Facebook monologues the 24th at the DC Draft House. I think it's at 8 o'clock uh check their website draft house comedy yeah dc i think it's the website and that's that's really fun where they go through people's facebooks like way way back so you have to explain a post from like 2009 could never do i know i'm pretty terrified they already liked one of my statuses from 2009 it's like oh it begins

god damn it's gonna be a fun one but the one that they liked i just wrote like what did i say my name is jonas brother or something like that that's funny yeah but it also comes from work one of the guards there uh when i first started the jonas brothers were popular and i was like when i first started i dressed like very proper. I would wear like vests. I remember that. I would wear like vests and ties. And I was walking by the guard station and this woman, she goes, there go one of them Jonas

Brothers. Really? Yep. Hey, there goes one of those racist ass voices. That happened to my friend Chris. Really? He was in Pennsylvania. He was walking across the street and a black guy from across the street goes, hey man, you look like Jonas Bros. See? That's really fucking funny.

So yeah, come out to that show. I'm thinking it's going to be really good. Oh wait, Mike Kaplan is headlining Gin and Jokes September 7th. Russ Green is featuring. There's like 30 tickets left. So for my ego, please buy them up.

Get in that shit. Yeah, we're going to have him on the pod. Yeah, he's going to pod with us. Fucking A, man. And all right, Nick, thanks for joining us. It was a lot of fun. Thank you, guys. Hell yeah, so fun.

So, so, so fun. I fucked up. That's it. We're starting over. You fucked up. Yeah, and follow us online and all our social media. The people figured out. David Koechner, take us out.

Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah