The Digression Sessions - Ep. 229 - Sonny Fuller! (@SonnyFuller)

Episode Date: August 24, 2017

Tage Network. That's a cutty. What's up, man? Are we starting already? This is how it starts? This is how we digress? Yeah, this is how we digress. This is how the session starts? The digressions have started. Ah, and they left a legend out front in the rain. I want you guys to know that. Oh, no. How long were you out there?

25 minutes. No, you weren't. If David Tellin showed up, another legend, you guys would have been out front. Oh, they'd be on a red carpet out there. Umar would have baked a batch of cookies. Or some other kind of Pakistani snack. Whatever they do, you know. Yeah, Pakistani cookies.

Or as we call them, weapons of mass destruction. Did you text Josh? I just saw it. He was out there a couple minutes. I was out there like two minutes. The legend likes to exaggerate. The legend is a pussy. How are you, man?

I can't complain. Just had to pick up some money from somebody who owed me some cash. Oh, my God. How'd that go? It worked out right on the way. Well, a show I was supposed to do for, let's say, African-American show. Okay. Okay. They tend to get canceled.

Do they? Hold on. Do shows get canceled? You're talking about Chinese people I think Okay alright I get it I get it

I'm reading them Between the lines here Yeah I'm a smart cookie I'm a smart Pakistani cookie But they call me anyway Say hey You can't do the show

You know For whatever reason That's fine with me Oh the show's not cancelled You got bumped Yes I got bumped off the show. Who bumps the ledge? I don't know.

Unbelievable. African Americans. I was supposed to be on the show with Huggy Lowdown, if that gives you any clue. I have no idea who that is. It is amazing. There's a whole separate scene that I am not privy to. There's a million separate scenes. It's like, you guys, I might

see y'all twice a year yeah but you're always working exactly you're always i'm always doing something yeah yeah but i might not see you guys but two times in a motherfucking right and i enjoy it when i do you should enjoy it all right so you go to this place well i get the phone call today hey uh unfortunately uh this is happening oh my god i'm ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Oh, my God. I'm like, no big deal. Happens all the time. You know, shows you can. But the guy's got $150 for you. It's supposed to be $350.

He's got $150. I'm like, hey, who's complaining? I don't have to tell any jokes. Best comedy show I've ever done. I've had that happen a few times where I don't have to show up. Feature spot. Yeah, that's great. Don't have to show up.

Still get some money. Perfect. So I end up getting in touch with the guy today. Uh-huh. And he says, hey, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Just letting you know I got your money. I'm around here if you want to come pick it up. Mm-hmm.

Now, when you're owed money. Mm-hmm. Oh, God. By a specific group of people. Yeah. And they call you and tell you they have your money. Uh-huh. You fucking better go get it right now.

Right away. Yeah. Right away. they have your money. You fucking better go get it right away. Yeah, right away. I was on the eastern shore of Maryland. I was on the eastern shore. This guy said, I got your money. I said, I will be there this afternoon, sir. You were on the Bay Bridge. You pulled a Yui.

I threw it directly into that solar eclipse. Yui. I wish you could see the camera in here so you could see how hard I'm lying. I drove directly into that solar eclipse. Fuck it. I don't give a shit. I shot right in there. I need this $150. Sonny sees a pizza man pull up at the same time. He tackles him.

No way. Me first. Give me that money. Oh, shit. So long story short, I got my cash. There you go. Awesome. With you guys.

Digressing. Digressing. What a strong day. This is a strong day. So because, yeah, if you don't pick up your money then, then it's on you. It's like, hey, man, I told you I was. You know how these Asian people are. That's Asian culture right there.

I called you yesterday. Deem some. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just a Roger. I'm just a Roger. Clearly, I only hang out with white people. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just a Roger. I'm just a Roger. I don't know. Clearly, I only hang out with white people.

I don't leave my white bubble in Baltimore, in Hamden, where we're recording from. Yeah, exactly. Our liberal echo chamber. It is. That's where we're podcasting from, actually. I was here like two weeks ago. I was partying in Hamden. You were?

Where were you? What? I should have called you guys. You should have. I was hanging out with a m'lady and a gay friend of mine. Contrary to what people believe. Okay, so you're hanging out with a milady And a gay friend of mine Contrary to what people believe Okay so you're hanging out with Umar You could have just called me

Contrary to what people believe I had to I had to We all know Umar is a great pussy hound It's all known It's a well known thingound It's all known Oh Jesus Yeah that's true Man about town Umar Khan

You know I Date just like a normal person You're deep in the game He's getting some of that exotic puss They see an exotic man Or they think this is the most liberal thing to do Is to fuck a guy from uh the middle east yeah even though he was born in like catonsville yeah i date women from jersey from san diego

dude if i was you i would be amping up that accent at all times oh really i'd be stereotyping that shit the fuck up hello i'd do all that stupid shit yeah to get in there. I don't think an Indian accent is sexy. I think it's the least sexy accent. It is, but anything works on white guilt. You just walk up to her and you say, everybody thinks I'm terrorist. And then she sucks your dick.

Let me terrorize your pussy. I've got the tower for you. Oh, shit. Thank you tower for you. Oh, shit. Good turn. I got on hard, huh? Thank you. Thank you. God damn.

Thanks, buddy. You know, it's funny. I should leave after that. It makes me feel terrible. There's this stop sign in front of our house where there's light. You're not allowed to turn right between 7 a.m., 7 p.m. And this car, it was like 7.30, and this car wasn't turning right when it could have. And then this dude in the SUV behind that car rolls his window down.

He's this indie dude, and he starts yelling at the guy. He's like, hey, you can turn at 7.30. And I can't do an Indian accent as well as Sonny. It's shitty. I have a better Indian accent. Yeah, way. I don't do accents. And it's just like, dude, you – I just laughed because, like, no one takes –

And I tell my dad i'm like dad you can never yell at anybody because as soon as you do everyone's gonna laugh in your face because literally have a gun customer service people my god they must fucking just think my dad's a joke the worst part about me for doing an accent is if it's not one that i've done a thousand times if i try to do it off the cuff yeah immediately fuck it up like if i'm like oh i was talking to this african guy and he was like hey holmes what's going on why can't i do it i was fine at home doing it right do it and as soon as i get on stage it goes from uh i see now i can't even do the african accent well you were good i don't know it's pretty good that was that was to america that was

ethiopian right have you noticed people like pulling back on accents lately and any because that was the question I wanted to ask you because you, I mean, if you haven't seen The Legend, which I'm sure all of you have, man, you go hard on stage and it's great. You're hilarious, but I don't know if some, like, I know you've gotten things on Facebook

with certain other comics and shit about, like, I don't know, like, you need to be responsible and change your material or something didn't that happen with you it's all it only started happening uh when you fags pussies that you are all right well i guess we'll bleep that out in post jesus christ oh my god oh uh well it's uh it's definitely different it's it's a completely different thing like in the last like one or two years you've noticed it over the i've noticed it

happened over like five or six years oh really it's been slowly slowly slowly getting worse and worse and worse yeah some worse and worse yeah i don't even know but i don't give a shit but i did pull back i used to be like if you see you used to be nuts. Yeah. I used to be fucking insane. What I do now is tame. Yeah. When I saw you at Mugubi's, I was like, he has really cleaned it up. But still, you're pointing at white girls and like, come on, you have had a black dig. Man, somebody even lost his ass.

God, he's going PG now, huh? You like laughing at Mexican accents? But the thing is is now that's actually something that people would be like before it would have been nothing yeah it would have been just nothing dude i remember i started in 2010 and there's some jokes that you know i wasn't like a good comedian back then but even there i got away with stuff back then that there's no way in hell i could get away with now even if the delivery was perfect and my joke you know yeah now do you enjoy that though why why why people allowed this fucking fuckery i don't get it i don't because it's comedy like i don't get it either i don't agree with it uh yeah some of it

i don't like one one time in dc we've talked about on this podcast but uh i said uh i was like yeah my girlfriend she's smarter than me and that's the whole conceit of the bit. I go, yeah, me and my chick were walking down the street. And this girl up front, she goes, ugh, chick. I was like, we can't say chick now? You can't say nothing. You can't say chick? How's chick offensive?

And then later, well, then I was like, well, sorry. I'm sorry about that. Me and my bitch were walking down the street. So I went in because it pisses you off because you're not trying to be an asshole. And then later, I was like, oh, this white girl is not going to like this joke. And then her. And it's funny. It's the white girl.

Yeah. And then her white boyfriend goes, why? She got to be white. Like, she's literally, I'm looking at her. She's white. She's white. Oh, was that the night you got accused of being racist too? That was a different night. But yeah, it's happened a couple times.

At Big Hunt also got, because DC crowd is going to be super uptight. At least the rooms that we do. The back rooms. But yeah, even if you say a thing like, my co-worker is black, they're like, I don't think you should say it. You're not even allowed. It's like, no, that's just a fact. Dude, there's a Baltimore show that I'm banned from because my humor is

racist. You know what I think a lot of that is? It's not just the sensitivity shit. Yeah. There's a lot of comedians, like nerds have taken over. For sure. Nerds are huge in comedy. I think a lot of it is people who aren't funny. Yeah.

Trying to determine what's allowed to be funny in order for them to maintain. Yeah. Very true. But that's what's so great about watching you because you really don't give a fuck about that stuff. You're like, I'm not going to push it to the edge where it's ridiculous but like i want to go to where it's ridiculous though that's when it was fun yeah but you're still already there it's even different because people try to ruin your life now like dude if you push it to the edge and then somebody like took a screenshot of something you said on facebook or a video of you you know an out of

context video like you could get fired from your job and shit like that would suck it would suck that would be terrible i'd be over here living in japan well speaking of you have a special coming out don't you you have a whole video of all this stuff special okay i'll say i recorded all my shit there's a video of me that's what i don't like when people have a special. Really? Where's it going? I know. I know.

There's just not a better name for it. That is true. Yeah. You just want to document. It's special to me. It's special to me. Damn it. Are you premiering it anywhere?

I'm going to premiere it at any show that I can sell it. Nice. Yes. Okay. I'm going to say, hey, here's the grand premiere. When will you have a physical copy?

Or are you doing digital? Probably no physical copies. I'm going to take my time. Yeah. Because I still got to write more shit. There's one thing about the legend. mirror when will you have a physical copy or are you doing probably no physical copies i'm gonna take my time yeah i still gotta write more shit there's one thing about the legend he doesn't like writing jokes they either come to me or they don't i'm the same way dude i'm i don't ever see i don't think anyone sits down and writes jokes well no let me take that back i think some people do you sit down and write jokes not really no i i used to and it was actually effective but i just got lazy i'm like me too i'm lazy as hell so i try to force i'll have like a couple ideas that i'll jot down and then try to talk about those on stage to try to force something to come out because my

back's against the wall yeah and normally that doesn't go well you get like a good 30 seconds you're like well that sucks i'm just gonna do the old stuff like when i was when i was like first like the first three years, I would write everything word for word and try to memorize it. And then you're just like, whoa, you sound stupid on stage. Yeah.

And then, uh, but then now I'm like the extreme opposite. I'm like, if it doesn't come to me, then nope. Don't fuck it. Yeah.

That is a slow way to work though. That's what I do. I get the main idea. I get the main idea. And then I'm like, okay, exactly. Here's the main punchline, the main idea.

Let me see. I'll do it once. Then I'll try to add something the next time. Add something the next time. Then we'll see what happens. Sometimes nothing happens. Check out his special in like seven years. It'll be out in 2027.

Look forward to it. It's called Sometimes Nothing Happens. It's going to be called Topical. Ten years later perfect uh well yeah oh go ahead no well i want to stick on this topic let's do it like have you done any shows where like don't like you just like man this audience is not gonna feel me like lately not not lately uh because i have a i have a charm no you totally do you totally charm about me you do you do works on the ladies works on the one that one of the crowds i'm sure sure yeah i'm in motherfucker i'm a charming you are but in the

same way that you'll be like hey sir how are you sir you ever do anal sir how about her she ever had anal say sir? How about her? She ever had anal? Say I'm fucking your girlfriend, right? What was the story where you guys were hanging out at the fire station before the show? Which one? And they're like, hey, there's a kid here. Uh-huh.

And they're worried about Sonny's kid being at the show. Oh, yeah. The benefit we did. Oh, that's the young savage. That's Carlo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Sonny's son will come with him to some shows sometimes. We were doing this show at this like firehouse in wherever the fuck Maryland.

And there weren't that many people there. And then you had six people in a massive hall to nothing. And then you hate comedy. Yeah. So you brought your kid with you and they're like, he can't come in. Like, why? Like, well, he might hear something untoward. It's like, oh, your kid with you, and they're like, he can't come in. Like, why? Like, well, he might hear something untort. It's like, oh, really?

You know that's his dad, right? Do you think he's like spouting Bible verses in the car when he's not on stage? If he would have said untort to my son, my son would have called him a fag. Yeah, exactly. It's like, this is ridiculous. So they made him like wait in the office or something while you're on stage he's probably looking at porn in there anyway so who knows what he was doing yeah exactly and the funny thing is it was a place full of firefighters like yeah they're supposed to be the

the men's men we don't give a shit bring the little kid in here let him hear it he's gonna hear it eventually there's alcohol in here you can't be here yeah what's he gonna fucking drink a beer you're not giving him beer. He's just chilling. Yeah. Listening to jokes. Oh, man. Yeah.

Yeah. That was a great show. No. Real bad. It was terrible. By the way, I'll be headlining that show in three more weeks. Hell yeah, dude. You're also going to be headlining Gin and Jokes December.

First Thursday of December, right? Do you remember? I booked you. I don't remember, but I'll put it on. I booked you at Magoobies. Oh, in December. I don't look ahead that far in my calendar. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Let me check my calendar to see. Oh, you don't have to check right you at my goobies oh in december i don't look ahead that far in my calendar hold on let me check my calendar oh you don't have to check right now

i just want to see doesn't that feel like it's forever away when people do that they're like two months went to a show you're like sure yeah that's never gonna happen that's with my next available date yeah uh you guys don't have any available dates oh sorry man there's too many comics with glasses yeah it's a that? It's the first Thursday. So, yeah, December first. No, seven, seven. December seven. Mark it down.

What was that? $600? Nope. Wreck. We could talk about the price off mic. Don't want to ruin booking for other people. Oh, I'm excited for that show. That show's going to be great.

That'll be interesting. I'm excited to see how my crowd's going to respond to you. They're going to be fine. Yeah, yeah. No, they'll be fine. I'm going for that show. That show's going to be great. That'll be interesting. I'm excited to see how my crowd's going to respond to you. They're going to be fine. Yeah, yeah. No, they'll be fine. I'm going to massage them slowly. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what you got to come out right away is just let's set the tone immediately. Yeah. Yeah. You motherfuckers. Yeah, you just come out

there immediately. No, they do like when you go at them and they like being talked. I mean, I guess every crowd likes being talked to. Yeah. Like I did.

Yeah. I'm not. Never mind. I don't want to talk about that show. No, you have to now. Which. Like I did. Yeah. I'm not. Never mind. I don't want to talk about that show. No, you have to now. You can't bring it up and not talk about it. At Creative Alliance. Oh, over the weekend?

Yeah. It was just like a featuring. And it was a very quiet crowd. But they would only respond either to Greg or I really when we went at them and did crowd work. But, you know, like as an opener, you can't do too much crowd work so it was a bummer yeah because like there would be pockets just like because one time i went because i you know i was setting up a joke i was like hey who's on tinder and it was just silent and then the audience like went nuts just because no one responded i was like fuck you guys there's a fucking line and like then they

exploded and i wanted to wanted to really find someone. In my head, I've done this before. I wanted to find someone who's on Tinder and then go through their profile. But there's no way you can do that as a feature act. You would ruin the show. Yeah. Then the next thing you know, the headliner doesn't like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you hate that if you're headlining and people do a lot of crowd work ahead of you? No, because I don't really do crowd work. So I don't care. And I don't care anyway. My thing is, if you can't follow somebody, you shouldn't be fucking headlining. You know a lot of crowd work ahead of you no because i don't really do crowd work so i don't care and i don't care anyway my thing is like yeah if you can't follow somebody you shouldn't be fucking headlining you know what i mean yeah like greg was cool he didn't do shit he was like do whatever you want to do make me work for it that's literally what he said before i went on stage you're supposed to be you know yeah but some uh i've opened up for some famous comics and they're like no don't you any don't talk to the crowd i was like okay no the

legend gave me a bunch of rules over the weekend yeah it was no crowd work don't talk to the crowd. I was like, okay. The legend gave me a bunch of rules over the weekend. Oh, shit. What rules? No crowd work. Don't talk about anal. You did give me one. I asked you one thing. What did you say? What was it? This piece of shit.

What did he say? And he has to bring it up now. You have this. No, no, no. No, no, no. There's no going back. There's no no. Oh, I was kidding.

I have a little person in my family. A little elf. A little elf. Oh, my God. Okay? She came out to see her my family. A little elf. Oh my God. She came out to see her cousin perform. I said, hey, mop top Josh. Do me a favor. Please do not mock my little person cousin.

I'm going to hear shit about you. And what did I do? I ripped her apart. I went long. He acted like he was going to spin her on his finger like a globetrotter basketball. I said, this is uncalled for. I said, ma'am, you ever done anal? He sat his beer on her head the whole show. Yeah.

No, I was like, of course. No way am I going to do that. Yeah, you had nothing to... Well, maybe that opener, but no one else... You never know. You never know, because I've said so much crazy shit. I have fucked up real bad in real life recently. I say dumb shit.

I mean, I offended a woman just two days ago on my birthday party. Oh, yeah, it's Umar's birthday today, by the way. Today is my birthday. Yeah, yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you. Happy birthday, Umar. I offended her because I used the word retarded.

I was just telling a story and man, this girl fucking hated me and it was just like such a bummer and then I was like, all right, let's go do a show now.

Oh, that was before the show. Right before the show. I didn't know that. Yeah, no, I'm super offended right now. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Yeah, I don't want to deal with that shit. I'm sympathetic to it. Like, I don't care to deal with that shit. I'm sympathetic to it. I don't care what anyone says, but I get it. If you're offended by something, I'm not going to say it. I think most of these people aren't really offended. I do believe that.

They're just pretending to be offended. They don't care. They think they should be offended, therefore they have to be like, I am. For the white people, it's like a contest to see who's the most fucking accepting person on the planet. I'm sick of that shit. And behind your back, they're calling you all kinds of shit.

Oh, dude. I mean, I work with people. What if she was like, can you believe what that fucking Paki just said to me? Can you fucking believe? What? That fucking camel jack, he just said retard. He thinks he can say retard to me? And he ate that fucking brown piece of shit that he had a chance with me before that?

She throws her NPR tote bag over his shoulder. I'm out of here. Get me my Prius. No, but in real life a couple months ago, I was hanging out with this girl that I was seeing. Was she a retard? No. Well, I mean, she was seeing Umo.

So I mean, folks, folks. He beat me to it. But we were walking around Artscape and we ran into this girl and she introduced me to it But we were walking around Artscape And we ran into this girl And she introduced me to her She's like hey blah blah blah And they kept bringing up this dude's name Chris

And then the girl I was seeing turned to me And was like oh that was my ex And I was like oh I know We used to fuck And I was like oh yeah dude we fucked all the time And I just went on this stupid bit this, like, stupid bit for, like, a minute. And then we walked away. If Sonny's confused and disgusted, you're in trouble.

I don't know. What do you mean? She said she was fucking him? Yeah, and then I was saying, like, I know him, too, because I used to fuck him. Okay. And then. Maybe there's a secret side to this. I didn't know.

My apologies. But then, like, both of them looked horrified. Yeah. And we walk away and she's like, hey, remember about that ex I told you that killed himself a year ago? That was her brother. Whoa. My God. Holy shit.

He just really leaned into that. Yeah, you really leaned into leaned into it let's go to a comedy show now i felt like such a piece i don't i'm just so dumb that i'm so like the things i'm like oh this is gonna be great like yeah yeah it's just it's and then i'm like oh i should have seen that coming from a mile away that it was not gonna to be great. How did he kill himself? I don't know. I fucked him to death now. I think it was either suicide or OD.

I can't remember. Oh, yeah. How would you kill yourself, Josh? Me? Don't pull off that beautiful head of hair. Whatever you do. What would I do? Probably something easy.

I'd have to do like pills or something, right? Like sleeping pills? No, I don't know if that kills you does it I mean if you take too many sure You take 500 How would you do it Sonny How would I do it I mean we don't want to lose a legend

You know what I mean How would I do it You gotta go gun You gotta blow your wig off You gotta leave a piece of abstract art On the back of your wall A Jackson Pollock on the wall You of uh uh abstract art on the back of your wall jackson pollock on the wall yeah at least abstract art i've actually thought about this drywall put it up in the fucking museum

sunny always an artist even in death i like that he says museum instead it would just be mcgoobies joke house that's a museum of comedy you know at the end of the year Ian Salyers And then a bloody drywall Hanging next to him That in a frame That bloody drywall is funnier than anything Ian said I'm just picking on Ian Because he's a liberal He's the worst

You guys got in a fight on Facebook That's not a fight But Sonny's the best because you're neither. I mean, you have aspects of both, aspects of everything, as everybody should. If you're like, hey, I'm all this all the time. No, you're not. Or you're an idiot. I'm a man of the people.

You guys want to suck each other's pricks? I don't care. Umar, you heard him. Let's get out. Okay, let's do it. If they want to put a ring, if you want to chop off, here's the thing. If you want to chop off your penis, I'm with it, okay? The problem is they took the word tolerance, which just means, hey, I tolerate you sucking

that prick, Umar. Yeah. Into, not only do I have to tolerate it, now I have to love it. I have to cheer you on while you're sucking. I have to rub your back while you're sucking that dick. You're awesome for sucking that cock, Omar. Go ahead. Suck that cock.

And if you don't do that, you're a bigot. Yes. When really, I don't care. Suck all the cock you want. Eat them, swallow them, cut them off. Do what you want with them. I don't care. It's not mine.

I don't give a shit. What you doing? Well, yeah. It doesn't mean you have to be a part of it. No. I'm all for it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I guess I don't know if you are the kind of people they have a problem with. Oh, no. They have a problem with everyone. You think so? They have a problem with you, for fuck's sake. Just for saying retard. Yeah, that's true.

They have a problem with everyone. They have problems. Yeah. That is the worst part because it's like I've dedicated my life to working with children with disabilities. And you can't even fucking say little retarded kids. If anybody can say it, it's you. And I don't know.

You're making light of a serious issue. I've dedicated my life to having sex with black women and I can't even make racial jokes. Yeah. That's insane to me. No, but that's the funniest thing. I was at my goobies. The people who are laughing hardest are black people at your your joke like that's and that we've talked about this on the podcast how like black women are the best audience members the best always true because you

know i think like josh and i for the most part we do white liberal rooms so it's like mostly white people and then like a smattering of black people and they're always the best fucking audience members you guys got to get out there into these ghetto rooms i would they will train you i know i would love to actually do it there ain't no left you can do it it's nothing it was funny like when i got off stage i brought up greg fitzsimmons um he was like man i really like do more i think i want to bring him on the road to feature and he like brought me like i went back out he was like you want to do it and i was like and i came back out i was like yeah and i was like super pumped yeah to do it? And I was like, and I came back out. I was like, yeah. And I was like super pumped. Yeah.

And he was so, I should have seen it. He was setting me up. I'm like just setting me up. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I'm going to be in Louisiana and Kansas next. Do you want to come? I was like, oh, dude, totally. He was like, I was kidding.

They would hate you. You're fucking liberal ass fucking humor. That little dick. Yeah. But he actually was serious so like he does want me to feature firm but like that's all because I was like I was like yes because this is what like as an opener you hope for is someone like you That the ledge will pop up and say, hey, do you want to open for me in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania? You know, like 20 of my friends in the audience, they just see me like, oh. You want to open for me at this firehouse? It was packed last time. But, I mean, I would – that is one thing like I should do rooms like that again.

Like it was like high tops and all the Dave Schofer rooms. No, no, no. No? No, that's child's play, my friend. Oh, black rooms are way harder. I'm telling you. Yes, you go in there. I've done one before.

I bombed so hard. You got to keep going at it. Oh, my God. Have you bombed in black rooms? I got booed off. Booed? Booed? I've seen one person get booted off and it was at the comedy factory i got booed what happened yeah how long were you yeah is this when you first started wasn't when i first started okay probably five years in okay that was good that was good yeah i would say five years is a good amount of time you feel like you know what you're doing yeah and that's where you and that's

where you learn shit when you get booed off stage and shit like that oh my god yeah break this down i want to hear this i'm at a room it was a it was a hall like one of those like american legion hall type of rooms yeah which are you hate those anyway yeah this was packed yeah 300 people probably jesus one white guy that would be i was gonna say was it you that would be me damn so they're not even in the audience? None. Nobody. Which is fine with me.

I see that, and I'm like, now I see that, and I'm like, cakewalk. Yeah. You know what I mean? I would love, next time you do a room like that, let me know, because I would love to watch you. That's when the legend is at full force. Yeah. I would love that. I want to see that, too.

All that crowd is amazing. Because they want everything. You can say anything. That's why I enjoy doing those rooms. That's why I don't go to D.C. and do the sickle pickle or whatever. Well, we're doing commie night, so if you want to come through to that. Yeah, what is that? That's the sickle pickle.

But I come up there, right? They have the host goes up, does his thing. Next guy goes up, does his thing. And they're like, oh, next comedian, Sonny Fuller. Boom. Now, here's lesson number one in these fucking ghetto rooms. God. You go and you go immediately and you don't take a break.

You get in there and you say, hey, motherfucker. Ah. And you just do your jokes and you go. Do you know how many white people are going to be listening to this? You go and you do not stop. I got one and I was like, hey guys, who's from around town? There's a lot of nice looking

ladies in here. Sorry if I sound a little weird. I have allergies. Holy shit. I'm slow rolling a crowd of 300 black people. Not the move to do. And as i'm slow rolling a crowd of 300 uh yeah black people not the move to do and as i'm slow rolling it i hear one boo and i look around and say hey sir that was rude and then i hear another the one white guy going, hey, sir, that was rude. I didn't actually say that.

But I just felt that inside. Like, oh, there's the boo. Hey, everybody. I kept doing the same slow rolling. Next thing I know, one boo turns into two, turns into 10, turns into 20, turns into about 200 people going, boo. Oh, my God. Boo. Boo. 200 motherfuckers. I just look over at the guy who was hosting the show and i just did the shoulder

shrug like what do you want me to do i'll keep going what do you want me to do and he came up and grabbed the mic and then he's and what if you bomb like that the next person that goes up is jesus christ oh yeah yeah and they're gonna destroy you oh yeah it's and they kind of have they have to not knocking them at all you gotta acknowledge what the fuck just happened when i first started like uh i fucking hated stavros for like two years before we became friends because i bombed so hard and uh do you remember um hampton yunt yes yeah so hampton that was headlining this was like right before he moved to la and he was i mean he was a monster and uh i bombed so hard and i had like jokes about like giving girls aids and making fun of kids and we i was you mean funny jokes yeah they were probably

jokes i would have been in oh you yeah but i gave a bitch aids And she was in a wheelchair. And man, Stav, like Stav, he had to say something because I was just a guest bot. And I like, I didn't know what I was doing. I wore flip flops with jeans on stage like a fucking asshole. You should have been beat for that. Yeah. Yeah, right? And then so he made fun of me. And then Hampton goes on and is like, it's cute.

Does anyone here believe that Umar's ever had sex? And like he made fun of me for like 10 minutes. and he's like, it's cute. Does anyone here believe that Umar's ever had sex? And the place went, and he made fun of me for like 10 minutes. Jason Weems made fun of me for 15, no, he did it for like 10 minutes straight and then kept re-referencing. At UMBC? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I was there for that. Oh, God. You were heated, I remember. He kept re-referencing it every fucking time because i remember i got off stage i was like man i never do well here and i was just not good at comic and he told the audience i said that like it was so brutal dude at that point you just gotta eat it oh for sure yeah i had that the the old the old hex shit with uh this is my first time probably first two years i go up there and i'm going i'm saying crazy shit like yeah like you

say give him i gave him a bitch hey yeah yeah just laughing and whatever and so i bombed i didn't get booed off stage but it was a less than a less than stellar experience yeah sure as soon as i get off stage the host goes up and he's like hey if you guys don't laugh i'll just bring the other guy back up of course they love that and they're like oh yeah yeah fuck the other guy and i'm sitting there like oh thanks buddy cool really appreciate that yeah thanks a little insult to injury thanks i did a i did an all black room once and it was not it was not fun like from start to finish yeah so bad it was just like a showcase show yeah it was at loafers yeah uh off of uh oh 40 no i live by that one there's another loafers

off caton avenue okay do you know what i'm talking about buddy i walked in yeah and uh oh no i have dinner with my family and uh i walked in it's all black people and like i knew it was gonna but it was like black you know like not like tv friendly black people not like not like black people that liberals hang out with and think they're diverse you know what i mean like not that kind of not their. Yeah, that went to college with them. And like, oh, my friend's black. This is a room full of people that all have nicknames. Oh my god. Yeah, pretty much.

Before the show, I was being made fun of by audience members. I told this woman I was there to do comedy. And immediately she was making fun of my pants for being too tight. And she hovered her hand over my crotch and was like, where's your dick? Oh, shit. I was like, what the the fuck this chick is a lesbian and then she got three other black women who were just not part of this conversation like hey umar's gonna do comedy you guys just stick around and then like the so much conversation was focused

around my dick and the women were like well how big is your dick i was like no i'm just completely average like come on don't say that about yourself. Come on, baby, don't put yourself down like that. And they're like, no, seriously. And I was like, well, I don't know. What do you think is big? Did you ask her,

has she ever seen a Greek statue? And she goes, oh, yeah. No Greek statue. That is hilarious because they're so buff with the tiniest dicks. The littlest dicks. It gets covered up by like a maple leaf.

Yeah. A little baby leaf. And then the one woman goes like, I don't fuck with anything under 12. I was like, who? That is bullshit. Wow. That is bullshit. Because who do you fuck?

You have like three people in the world. It's a very limited group there. As the resident expert in here, I'm assuming on black vaginas. Sure. That's bullshit. Okay. I'm not saying that they're not packing a little more heat. Yeah.

The legend is average or maybe slightly above average. Sure. I still never had a complaint. Here's a lesson I learned. You got to fuck them like you have a big dick.. You gotta fuck them like you have a big dick. Wow, it's kind of the same rule with the audiences too. You go up there

and you're like, I got a big dick. Yeah, you let them know. You take whatever material y'all normally do and instead of doing it at a six, do it at a ten. You gotta shout and be animated. Be in the moment. You'll be the something of comedy by the end of the night.

Yeah, the something. It was just a nightmare situation from the start. The host starts the show. I mean, the show, not to be stereotypical, show started two hours later than the post. Really? That's earlier than I would expect. Dude, one time, I mean, I'm just not.

You guys want another one? I'm not trying to stereotype, but another time I was booked on a show by the same people, and I had to leave the show. It's not a stereotype if it's true. Before it started, because I had another show, and I was like, look, I thought I was going to be offstage by this time.

Like, this is insane. So I didn't even perform. And I was like, look, I thought I was going to be off stage by this time. Like, this is insane. So I, like, didn't even perform. And I was like, look, I'm sorry. I have to drive to D.C. I'm gone. Anyway, so the first show I was talking about, the host goes up on stage. And this guy has done comedy probably for, like, two months. He is bombing his dick off.

He's, like, doing the whole, like, oh, thanks, buddy. He's, like, he's doing the whole, like, you know, black people black people have roaches and like where my women black women and black women are sexy all that shit but bombing you talking about my material and uh and then he's bombing so the table of three women and then that one woman who like introduced me to them. So it's four women. They just start yelling at him like, we want to see Umar. Bring up Umar. Oh, no.

No, no, no. And he's like, oh, okay. All right, I'll bring him up. All right, guys, give it for your first comic, Mr. Umar Khan. And then that situation's the worst because now it's all built up. It's so built up. You didn't even want to go on stage. Did not want to go up on stage.

Oh, man. I was wearing skinny jeans, a fucking flannel shirt with my dumb glasses. I looked like an idiot to them. And I go in with my first joke, bomb, second joke, bombs. And then that girl who kept talking about my dick just yells from the side of the stage. She's like, show him your dick. Here's how you need to go up in them rooms next time. Be like, hey, man,

you ever walk into them motherfucking Pakistani stores and that bitch-ass motherfucker wants to watch you the whole time you're in there? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm talking about, Raheem. Just start calling him. You know what I'm talking about. That'd be a fun documentary, like a quick one

to see you do that in a liberal room in D.C. Like the same exact set, same style. I think this would be a fun show where you book a bunch of alt comics or nerd comics and spring a black audience on them and watch them struggle. Struggle or watch them cry?

Both. It would be hilarious to watch them. Well, I don't want to walk like well i don't want to go first i don't want to go first you know like oh i would i think that'd be you know what let's make that show happen surprise black audience show yeah let's like get going the apology tour spend the first five minutes let's get the most apologizing i'm so sorry yeah existing i'm sorry I'm white. Let's get the most hip, alt, lefty comics in the DMV and just fucking book them

at one of the shows. A type of show that you bombed at. Dude, we would get over a million hits on YouTube. They would change their whole political status. You know what? I was wrong. I support Trump now. These people are terrible. They grab a tiki torch on the way out you

know what fuck this uh and the crowd would be the funniest part of the night too they would crush oh and we would tell the crowd like hey if you hate him go in go hard oh my god i mean you don't even need to tell they would destroy yeah it would destroy but the flip side is if you do well they will give it up though oh for sure yeah what's like the best reaction you've had in a black room i can't think of anything weird i mean i've gotten like you know crazy ass where you destroy rooms and shit yeah where they can't think of nothing weird necessarily happen well josh recently got uh. She goes, I need oxygen. I was like, yes, yes. Remember one woman also got up and was like, I need a minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So most recently, yeah, it was all black show. That went well. That was great. And then one time it was just a black woman in the audience. She got up and walked away and she goes, he's stupid. He's too stupid. I was like, it was just like the biggest compliment you can get. You got to put that on a T-shirt. He's too stupid. Which is like the biggest compliment you can get.

You got to put that on a t-shirt. He's too stupid. That should be like, here's your sign. Just her face on it. But yeah, I got lucky with the show last week because they ask you. So it's called Black Card Revoked. So you go up and you have to answer three questions about black pop culture. And luckily I nailed it three for three.

Oh, that's amazing. And the last question I... What were the questions? Let's see if I can nail it. Oh, yeah. You would get it. Let's see. So it was...

I didn't know any of them. This artist, his mind is telling him no, but his body is telling him yes. R. Kelly. There you go. My body. My body. I'm old. Kelly. There you go. On my body. My body. I'm old. Okay, second question was, what artist says this?

If young Metro doesn't know you, he's going to shoot you? Oh, too new for you. That's some new shit. That is new shit. That was Future. How about you quote some Wu-Tang? So it was Future, and then the third question was about living single. And then I sang the theme

for Living Single. Check, check, check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There you go. Yeah, because I was like, in a 90s kind of world, I'm glad I got my girls. The people right there,

they're like, yeah. David Allen Greer. She'd be like, them white motherfuckers stole Living Single and turned it into Sex and the City. And I hate them for it.

Motherfuckers. Yeah, you would have destroyed. Oh, it. Yeah, you would have destroyed it. Oh, yeah. You should do that show. Yeah, we'll tell her to book you. You should absolutely do that fucking show. I'm on it. Really good show in D.C.

Michelle Gray runs it. Check it out. D.C. draft house. Is that Michelle Sometimes Gray? Sometimes. I've seen that lady. I know her, but I don't know her. Yeah, that's the thing with if you're a comic.

People friend you and you've probably never... There's so many people I've never... Especially when you're the ledge because people just hear your name. Yeah, yeah's the thing where if you're a comic, like people friend you and you've probably never, like there's so many people I've never... Especially when you're the ledge because people just hear your name. Yeah, yeah. The world. And they're probably nervous to contact you, you know?

Yeah. You're the legend. Yeah. I don't want to... I was going back and forth with her online one time just talking shit. Who?

What the hell was this name? This girl's name. Was she a comic? Yeah, she used to date, I think, a kid's name was Stefanos. Oh, Stefano. Stefano Stratikis. Stricatus. Yeah.

We all said it differently. I don't remember. Stricactus. But I remember that guy. What the fuck happened to me? I don't know. Yeah, I don't remember. I mean, he wasn't that good.

We're going to try to book him next week. We'll see what we can do. Anyway, so what you were talking about. I was getting into it with her online, and it got to the point where I got annoyed, and I just started like, all right, I'm just going to troll her. What do you mean getting into it? Just stupid women, blah, blah, blah. Oh, really?

I'm like, whatever. I think she was playing victim and shit. I'm like, you're a cute white woman. You're not a fucking victim. You're literally the most protected thing on the planet. Shut your ass up. But then it got to the point where she just wouldn't stop going back and forth. So then I just started doing ridiculous shit like, you know,

shouldn't you be making a sandwich anyway? Just dumb shit. Just a troller. Just at that point, I'd had enough. Yeah, for sure. Obvious dumb shit. I'd had enough enough and i'm like i'm just gonna fucking troll her yeah i just kept going on and on and she was like i feel threatened

oh my god from facebook comments from a thread people are so stupid man that's hilarious so sonny when you started did you like were you going to black rooms on purpose or is it just like those are the shows that like you knew about or so how did you get into it I mean you can hear you tell my style uh-huh and it's just more I would do all that that's the difference all I can I can do pretty much any room yeah I mean most part right there's rooms you're better in you're okay in rooms you're good yeah but i figured that out that it's better to be able to do everything yes for sure you just stuck in one little room yeah and that goes for anybody

and not judge the audiences in different rooms and plus my material like a lot of my shit like the stuff you guys see me do isn't really half of my shit i got another 25 minutes of shit y'all probably never seen right only do it in those rooms really you know what i mean so it's like you'd be able to do that you're more versatile and plus that's more fun for me you know yeah i can go in those rooms and just say crazy shit yeah yeah it is a way more it is a really good feeling to know if you go in a room and you're like oh i have that one thing i haven't done that in a while that would be great here and have like a different to know if you go in a room and you're like, oh, I have that one thing. I haven't done that in a while. That would be great here. And have like a different weapon for wherever you go.

Yeah. And so that just comes from overtime. Just kind of working on stuff. You started in Baltimore City, right? I started in the legendary comedy factory, the old factory. Above Burke's. Yes. They had a contest.

I did the contest. Yeah. I did the first week. Killed. Damn. Yeah. Because it's three they had a contest i did the contest yeah first week killed damn yeah in the car three rounds the contest yep on the way home i'm like shit i'm gonna have my hbo special next week yeah god no one is more dumb than a young comic go back the second round nothing dude yeah people staring at me for five fucking minutes and then i just was like oh god i'm gonna have to i think i'm to have to work on this. So then I would go to this room.

And it used to be a room in Annapolis. And I would go there every week. Really? In Annapolis? Yeah. Where? This was years ago. It was called All Stars or some shit.

Oh, I heard about it. Yeah. So I would go to their open mic every week, every week, every week, everywhere. And then eventually started to get a little bit funny. And then I met a few people you know how it goes you meet a guy here a guy there you go this place you go that place years later you're a fucking legend yeah you're hanging out in hamden high class beers hang out a couple handsome gentlemen living the life well yeah i mean you just headline magubis you did a

whole weekend man and you fucking well that's not your first time, right? The second time was because, well, the first time was because, I don't know if you know, Joey Cola. Yeah. He almost died. Yeah. Which was a blessing for me. Yeah, yeah.

For sure, dude. Hey, stage time, however you get it, who gives a fuck? His near death was a great experience for me. Yeah. He almost died, so you could kill. Yeah. You know what I mean? I got that joke.

And your midget cousin was happy about it too so you could see you headline for the second time at mcgoobies at that time i didn't have to worry about bringing anybody because it was like a last minute thing right whoever's there is gonna be tickets already sold yeah i'm like whoever's gonna be there is gonna be there and that's gonna be it yeah but fucking um oh some shit happened the next week i headlined that week recently the one that i just headlined i did the whole weekend yeah then i get a call thursday from andrew and he's like hey owner of the guys the owner of the goobies yeah hey the the headliner for this week is trapped in richmond it was some storm or some i forgot what the deal was okay he's in richmond he can't get here he's like sonny can

you come out i'm like yeah right i'll come out yeah i go out and he does the announcement before the show hey folks ready enjoy your show just want to let you know that uh your headliner is uh he's unfortunately trapped in richmond and he's not going to be able to make it tonight and you heard a couple people going oh and he's like but in his place we got the uh the legend sonny fuller and i I heard somebody go, yeah. And then I heard two people go, boo. Oh! No! What if it's the same guy from the Elks Lodge or wherever you performed? He's like, I hate that guy.

Oh, my God. You immediately address that when you want to be like, who fucking booed me? No, because it was such a fucked up situation when you're replacing another guy that people came to see. Well, those people should honestly get their money back. They did. The ones who wanted to leave got their money back, and I'm sure the ones who wanted to come back could come back for free.

Exactly, yeah. Maybe four people left before the show started. Other than that, everybody stayed, but it was a none too fun of a night. That was an uphill battle. I got it it was fine but yeah it's like it wasn't like the week before yeah that is how comedy is too like you're like well i got it all figured out i'm at the top of the mountain and like immediately it's like nope fuck you oh dude yeah it sucks yeah but i think that's what's good, though, about it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It keeps you, I don't know, it makes you realize that, like, oh, this can go away any fucking minute, you know? Like, the little that we have. Yeah, yeah. Except for the legend, you know? He has it all. And it's always changing. It is.

One minute, you're able to make jokes about giving people aids. Yeah. The next minute, you can't even say the word. Next minute, I got to talk about quinoa and shit. Yeah. shit that's the thing that's what i mean by the nerds have taken over yeah they want it to be where the only thing you can joke about is hey you guys had any good uh any good craft beers and if you haven't that's okay too that's all right they're a little expensive i know everyone can afford a craft beer so so if you drink Schlitz, that's okay. That's also cool.

I didn't mean that racially. By the time they get done apologizing for the setup, it's 15 minutes fucking later. I just got the light. I'm really sorry. I got to wrap up. Yeah. I mean, I think that's going away, though, actually. I think Trump is a reason that's going away.

Thank God. Well, it goes in cycles, too, because the nerds, they take it too far. Like, they become the people they hated because now they're dictating all the rules. And, like, they can't even, you know, they're like, they can't even, like, have an argument with someone who disagrees with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, like, too threatening for them. It's, like, how much of a piece of shit do you have to be? don't know like i i don't i am not i don't and i know some people think i'm like an alt comic and i get grouped in with that but like i fucking hate that shit so much dude i like yeah you know like i wouldn't say i'd say you and i can actually perform most

places i can perform i mean i don't know if i can perform in these uh black i would i would love to dude you have to dude i'll come out with you for like in these black. I would love to. Dude, you have to. Dude, I'll come out with you for real. No, I would love to. And that's the thing with Greg. When he said those Kansas, I will still come and do it because I want to be able to perform. Because if you can kill there and then you go on a safe, whatever, white hipster, you destroy. You fucking destroy because ultimately crowds even if they think they want that pc stuff they want somebody that's a good comic you know what i mean

so if you have those reps like you're pretty much undeniable anyway it doesn't matter statements that they agree with yeah like uh we should have police reform you know what i mean like just make a goddamn joke about how the police are shitty. You know what I mean? Yeah, you have a great joke. The gun bit. Huh? The gun joke.

Yeah, it's really good. Sonny, you just shout Blue Lives Matter over and over again. I get in the first black guy's face. Excuse me, sir. I just scream as loud as I can for five minutes. So eventually I'm like, yeah, I was just

joshing your buddy. Who's in a relationship out here? He gives him a noogie. Just joshing guy. Let's get this guy shot at Hennessy. Come on.

Oh, man, I'm going to lose my job. Every podcast is me really testing the limits of like, let's really hope my coworkers... A bunch of different aspects too because it'll be like... You can get fired from being a doctor for things you say

on a podcast? I'm a school psychologist but yes, for sure you can. People are really sensitive in my field. I mean, I get it. I work with kids with special needs, so. So do I. Do you? Yeah.

What do you do? I'm not telling you, you piece of shit. Sonny's like, you're not going to get me fired. What's your place of business? I'm going to write them so all our listeners can write them a letter. Yeah. Do they know that you do comedy? Yeah. Okay. A bunch of them came out to that show. Oh, really? Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Do they know that you do comedy? Yeah.

Okay. A bunch of them came out to that show. Oh, really? Awesome, awesome. So they're cool, yeah. Because I definitely have some people that have come to shows, but there are people I work with

that do not want to come to shows, for sure. Yeah. For sure. I don't think anything would happen, but it would just be more awkward than anything. Well, you guys have much better jobs

than me, too. If I lose my job, I'll just get another one. you guys have uh well you're a well-to-do gentleman well-kept beards look at mine it's all i don't know i don't have a beard dude he doesn't have a beard at all he can't fucking whoa whoa whoa hey come on hey come on i've been growing this five o'clock shadow for three days how dare you how dare you sir um no i can totally lose my job but i don't you know if i do i do you know it's fine yeah it's all for comedy yeah you're not willing to lose your job umar is not i know i'm saying that now but then i'm just like but it's fucked up that that's even where it is

though yeah that's what sucks that people can't read past intention i remember i was right me and josh were producing a show at a bar. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, fuck this bar. Here in Baltimore. Here in Baltimore. It's an Irish bar on North Avenue. Whatever.

Oh, it's called McDonald's. It's called McBlackie's. Okay, so you've been there. An Irish bar on North Avenue. I know. That was so hack, but I had to say McBlake. Oh, it's silly, but they are really friendly towards the performing arts community. So we hosted, and there were two nights in a row, packed shows.

The first night was just like a showcase, and my buddy's on stage. He tells offensive one-liners, but he's funny he's a medical student super smart and uh his his mom has it has cancer and she's going through it and he has a joke about uh his mom having cancer right and his mom's in the front row fucking dying at this cancer bit that's like literally yeah we're talking stage four laughs right here and her hair's falling out it's so funny and then seriously guys she must have lost five pounds sweating during his set she's laughing so hard she's puking it's's amazing. And this girl,

these three group, this group of three women who just were like talking the whole fucking show and I kept shushing them and I'm like friends with one of them on Facebook and she like sent me a Facebook message. She was like, man, you'd make a great librarian.

Just like a passive. You're at a fucking con. You can just go to another shitty bar dude like yeah and talk we're running a fucking show just go somewhere else and then so he starts doing the cancer bit and she starts booing him like out loud booing him and i man i can get heated real quick but yeah watching a friend get booed i if it was a dude man i i might have put my hands on that person like not really punch them i might have like touched him you need to shut the fuck up that's where me and you well booing yes i'm sorry yeah you're right i was gonna say that that's a little bit of where i might uh differ oh what do you mean now booing

you're right you do want to slap somebody yeah but if I'm sitting back and Josh is bombing, there's never a greater day. No, that is the best. Right. Watching your friend bomb for just having an off set. I think the difference is it wasn't a deserved boo. It wasn't a deserved boo. People were enjoying his fucking set. She had a problem.

Instead of being an adult and leaving yeah uh she started booing and then i got real mad she decided it was her job to determine for everybody else what was okay oh we should tell the other story too oh yeah yeah for this uh but um same bar same same like event but um so i got heat and i just looked at them i was like shut the fuck up i was like so mad like it's not right i was like i don't give a fuck shut the fuck up and like right and then like they walked out i felt bad and then like i walked out there and i was like look i'm sorry you don't no one deserved to be talked that way like that wasn't nice of me and i apologized and i said like and we hugged and then because i'm you know that's how And then, cause I'm, you know, that's how, and then, uh, I just fought.

So I can see some of his face like, here, pussy. Well, I'll tell you why. I had, uh, recently at a show, I was, uh, it was at one of the black rooms. Yeah. And people might be getting that. Like it's why they keep saying that. Cause there's a fucking difference. There's a difference.

It's a goddamn difference. Comedy is segregated. There's alt rooms. There's red. There's whatever you want to call. I don't want to say regular rooms but uh mainstream mainstream mainstream rooms there's all kind of different rooms out of that black room i mentioned a specific neighborhood in baltimore that's not too nice of a neighborhood cherry hill this lady she starts getting angry because i mentioned it right really so i let it go at first and

but she won't shut up yeah so i i don't have the a lot of times when i get a heckler i don't try to get clever i just get mean and the first thing that popped out of my head and i'm the only white guy there and i'm like listen shut up you fat bitch nobody fucking came here to see your fat ass say shit shut the fuck up and sit your fat ass the fuck down god i hate that shit i just get angry sometimes yeah which at that point the crowd immediately went silent yeah yeah yeah like one motherfucker on my side who's like yeah fat bitch that was her husband. He's like, get this guy shot in the head. Hell yeah.

I used to try to be clever with them. Now I just find their flaw and I just get as ignorant as possible. And just keep going at them. So did you talk to her after the show? Did she leave? No, they had to like forcefully take her out because she wanted to fight. And I was like, look, you've touched me. I will slap your fat ass. While you were on stage or after you got...

Yes, I had the microphone in my hand. She walked up by the stage and I'm like, listen. I'm telling you now to chill out. I'm not footy shit. Do not fucking touch me. I will fucking retaliate. Unbridled passion. I will retaliate.

How much time do you have left in your set? 15 more minutes. How did the rest of your set go? It took like five minutes to get them back into comedy mode. But they had to escort her out. I guess that's what happens when you call somebody a fat bitch. There is like a line, because I've had that.

But then so I go out and we start talking. And I was like, look, I know him. This is what he's going through. And he means well. And then she just cut me off. She was like, I don't. This is what he's going through. He means well. Then she just cut me off. She was like, I don't give a fuck about intention. It's all about impact. Intention is the

only thing that matters. I think in a comedy atmosphere. He wasn't just yelling this on the street. He was on a stage at a comedy show. It's just frustrating. Yeah.

I mean, those people, they just want to be upset anyway. Because they weren't paying attention. Then they hear a couple buzzwords. Exactly. You're talking the whole fucking show. And they hear a couple buzzwords. And they're like, too mean. No.

She was like, my mom had cancer. I was like, well, I hope she's dead. No, I'm kidding. I'm totally kidding. But literally, the comedian, his mom who has cancer. His mom had cancer. Yeah. Or I don't know if she still does, but she definitely did.

I mean, God rest her soul. I mean. Yeah. She died. I run into him. I'm like, hey, man, I had fun fucking your mom the other day. I had the flu. Does that mean I'm not allowed to make flu jokes anymore?

Get the fuck out of here, bitch. Shut your dumb ass up. Did you always not give a fuck, though? Because the first time I saw you, I was nervous. I was like, I don't even want to be around. He's going to make fun of me and destroy me. I did make fun of you. You did.

But I wasn't even doing comedy. I was just at the show. And I just remember, I was like, God damn. I thought you were really funny. But I was like, I am scared of this guy. He's going to make fun of me and destroy me me that's part of the legend's persona yeah but i put fear in your heart yeah then when you meet me i bring you in with my loving charm you do you know you're you're a sweetheart you're a sweetheart yeah try to tell people all the time yeah i don't

want to listen because i call them a fag well yeah we did uh i guess like when you have to say it yourself people because i have to say all the time like i'm a nice guy just to try to let it sink in yeah all i'm seeing right now it's like you know the fact that you have to say that is not good you're like look i know it's not great but i am a good guy but i'm sorry your friend i said retarded like one of the like few times in the year we crossed paths on a show we were in dc doing one of shackleford's rooms and you're like oh man i didn't want to do this show and then i saw your big dumb hair and i got so excited i was like oh good to see you too we're uh and another

time we were hanging out in mcgoobies in uh andrew's office and you're like josh i don't care how it happens i hope you lose your your hair. And I was like, thanks, buddy. Whether it's cancer or old age. That's literally what he said. He's like, I don't care if it's cancer. No, it's like, oh, you don't care if it's cancer. I still feel that way. I'm not going to lie.

I'm going bald. I feel the same way. That's what they used to be. It used to be fun, ball busting. Oh, and I loved it. You know what? That is the best. And be fun Ball busting Oh and I loved it You know what That is the best And at the end of the day

I respect funny I'm like Josh is a funny motherfucker Umar is a funny motherfucker Yeah So I don't give a shit I'm like I assume I can say anything to you You can say

Literally no And it won't matter Literally you can say anything Yeah I probably can't say Can I fuck your mom Yes you can Can I fuck her in the ass Yes you can

I see nothing Literally Because if i know you're coming from like a good i had to have this conversation with a friend recently where she would say fucked up shit to me uh but she meant it like it was a it wasn't a much of a joke as this as much as she found a weakness that or she found something about me that annoyed her and then like and would find a really clever you could tell she was pissed about it too or like trying to hurt me from an innocent good place you don't like yeah i just want to have a good time but

again that mom's butt that's under the umbrella of good times if i if i can feel that there's something real behind what you're saying then it would hurt my feelings you know what i mean like i don't care if like yeah if you exploit any of my insecurities as long real behind what you're saying, then it would hurt my feelings. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care if, like, yeah, if you exploit any of my insecurities, as long as I know you're making people. Yeah. I've been calling Mike Farnozzo Muppet Face for eight years. Okay?

And it's fun, and it's true. But we have a good time, and he's a pal, you know? Yeah, Mike's a great dude. No, it's kind of the best, too, when somebody's busting your balls like that. Like, oh, they like me. They really like the way they're destroying me right now. Robert Kelly always says this.

He says, like, one of the – knowing, like, a trait of a good comic is someone not who can give it out but who can take it. Like, being able to take a joke. Like, that's how you know, like, you're a decent comic because you understand humor and you're not a little scaredy-pants. Right. Scaredy-pants. I was going to say bitch, and I was that's you know that's demeaning to women that's demeaning the bitches them bitches that's the best i remember one time josh and i i don't know what we were saying but remember we were at zizimos and we were just going back and forth riffing and then some girl was like oh yeah it's real cool to be a woman right now in this conversation. I was like, well, first of all, you're not in this conversation.

Yeah, second of all. It was just me and Josh. Shut the fuck up. Second, we're making a joke. We're comics in the back of a comedy room. I think it was like period jokes or something like that. Yeah, something like that. It was dumb puns, too, of like, hey, let it flow.

I get it. You got it. Or whatever it was. And she's like, this is not cool. It's making me uncomfortable or self-conscious. And i was just like which i do understand it's a problem and like being a woman and in a comedy show i do understand i can like sympathize that like it must be hard to be a woman at a comedy show but i don't know if you're if me and josh yes are your problem jesus christ you're in trouble yeah you're like everyone must be your problem, Jesus Christ. You're in trouble, yeah.

Everyone must be your problem. Yeah, I hate people. I hate that bitch. I don't even know her. Oh, no, you know who. I'll tell you after the show. Who is it? I'm not saying it on mic.

Come on, man. Bring it on. No. Don't be a pussy. Too many people in Baltimore already hate me. I'm not going to say that shit on mic. Bring it on. No.

God, come on. Don't be a puss. I am. This is bitch's name. No already i'm a yeah sonny this is funny uh i've been told by multiple baltimore comics uh i'm a bully and which must delight sonny that's amazing yeah yeah i'm just looking at it as a bully really i must be and cocky i can understand the cocky part but but I don't understand why I'm a bully. But, hey, you know, so I'm not going to say the name, but yeah.

It's probably because you're funny and they're not and they don't like it. I don't know if that's true, but yeah. It's just weird. It's weird. Everybody wants to be a victim. But I remember being that way. I remember being like super jealous. And yeah, you just can't.

I don't know. You can't worry about that shit anymore. No, the ones that are jealous and the ones that talk shit, they don't have anything going on. None of the really successful dialed in people. I never see them. They're like, man, fuck this guy. And the people who have the most opinions on comedy

and what it should be, what it shouldn't be, are never comics I respect. No, they're always the worst. Yeah, that have have all the rules it's the nerds that i said yeah you're right they want to try to pull the game in to where they can be funny yeah no you're right yeah it's like okay so i can't operate in this world so let's just restrict the rules and that it's easier for everybody it's the i don't know if it was Rich Voss or Keith Robinson. It was the back of the bus theory. What's that?

They're the people that on the school bus, if you're on the back of the bus, they would have been the ones getting destroyed while you're sitting there having a good old time at their expense. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not funny on the back of the bus. That's the scenario.

Right, right. So were you that kid growing up? Were you like in a group of friends? It was like very ball busty and joking around all the time. In between selling crack, I was telling a lot of jokes. Wait, for real? You sold crack? I sold crack all over the land of Maryland.

Holy shit. That's actually why he's the legend now. Not for comedy, just for selling crack. He was a Johnny Appleseed of Maryland. Holy shit. That's actually why he's the legend. Not for comedy, just for selling crack. He was a Johnny Appleseed of crack. All over Maryland, putting down a little bit of crack here and there. It was honestly the best probably five years of my life. Really? It was an amazing time to sell crack in the 90s.

Where were you selling? Baltimore County on the east side. East Baltimore in the county. It was a great time. Five years is a long time. I got caught twice, but that's what you're going to do. Yeah, but you're white, so you know you're speaking. Exactly. I'm here. I'm taking my white privilege to the bank.

Yeah, that's like your bit where you're like, I'm sorry, sir. Was I selling crack? I didn't even know. So how did you get into that? How old were you? 15. So from 15 to 20. Yeah, 15 to 20. No wonder you think everyone's a pussy. You were selling crack at 15. Everybody I know was selling crack at 15.

Jesus. That's the thing. Whenever I tell people stories of shit from when I was younger, they think it's crazy. I'm like, it's literally. And I'm not making a joke. I literally was still wearing SpongeBob SquarePants t-shirts at 15. Oh, yeah. I legitimately love that shit, but I was like a weird punk Hot Topic kid. Oh, yeah. I legitimately love that shit, but I was like a weird punk hot topic kid.

Oh, yeah. No, my mom was buying my metal band t-shirts and stuff. Yeah, same. It was like, yeah. I would make my mom work at the mall. I'm like, Mom, there's a new Slipknot shirt out. What grade is 15? 10th or 9th, depending.

By 10th grade, I had already robbed people. What? Yeah. I had already robbed people. What? Yeah. So what was... Home invasions. Wait, what? Okay, hold on. We, I wish...

Yeah, we got to start the podcast over. We got to start the... This might be a two-parter. What time is it? We got... Let's see. It is... I need someone who's versed in law before I can tell any fucking...

How long has it been? Just say the word allegedly before I... I may have. I may have. I may have or allegedly. Say allegedly. And ledge is right in there. I think we're good. What's the first story you want to hear? Okay, so let's say it's 15. It's 635. Let's go another

half hour. Can we do? Yeah, I have dinner at 745. So I'm good. Okay, yeah. I got to roll at 7. I got to roll in like 5-10 minutes. Oh, fuck. We should have got to this crack zone shit way earlier We have to have you back Yeah definitely What is a home invasion?

That's when basically you walk around This wasn't a plan Like sometimes you would plan to rob people Like we're going to rob Umar's got a nice Ounce of crack We're going to rob Umar Which I would have definitely robbed you.

But isn't that the best way to get killed? Yeah. No, because like... It's the best way to get an ounce of crack from Umar. I was listening to Aaron Hinkins' podcast, who was a guest on this show. Out of the Blocks. He did a great podcast called Out of the Blocks, where he just went to different neighborhoods in Baltimore that most white people who listen to NPR wouldn't visit.

He interviewed local business people and locals. He interviewed this guy who went to jail for selling crack. Well, he went to jail for murdering somebody because one of his buddies, he would just fuck everyone up if he knew that they had crack on them. He would just go and rob them. That's an easy way to put a fucking target on yourself. We had two guys in the neighborhood. One was a... I can't say his name.

He had a nickname. He had a nickname. He was at Lofers, guys. He fooded me. This guy's Steamboat's uncle. This guy Steamboat had an uncle. Oh, my God. Steamboat's uncle.

Steamboat's uncle. They were notorious. The whole Steamboat family. Yeah. Shout out to Steamboat's uncle. He's a huge fan of the podcast. We're going to send you and your whole family t-shirts. Maybe a windbreaker.

Steamboat's uncle would rob everybody. And he was a big athletic motherfucker. He was like 6'5", all muscle, would just knock people out and take whatever was in their pockets. Right. So you avoided Steamboat's uncle. Sure. But you didn't want, but no, but didn't someone just want to fucking kill him? Yeah, but at a point then Steamboat's got, you know, his nephews, which are.

Right. So there's retribution there yeah it's not easy and then plus you're going to kill somebody then you're risking doing 40 years all right i'll tell a quick story yeah we'll go out on my brother who's in jail right now for 15 years damn i know my brother's doing younger older older Younger? Older? Older. Okay. He was attempted murder and robbery. But they dropped the attempted murder. He's doing 15 years right now for the robbery. So this when we were younger, though.

Yeah. This dude from the city was robbing everybody. He came out like he was robbing everybody. You know what I mean? He's coming from the city to the county. He moved from the city to the county. Okay. He's robbing everybody. Now everybody in like drug dealers or just okay he's robbing

everybody like you said everybody has them he was trying to rob them right so he he ends up putting a knife on my brother so my brother gives it up whatever boom the next day the guy uh my my brother's home and we're talking about whatever's going to happen. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then the guy whose shit it was, was a friend of mine. I'll use another nickname, Big Bolo. I love this.

He had bolo ties. Just imagine like a fucking hipster with bolo ties. Just massive bolo tie. Big Bolo is a massive motherfucker. Sure. It had nothing to do with Bolo ties. His fists are the size of this fucking table. God.

I'm not shitting you. If he punches you in your arm, you're like, I'm done. I want to go home. He's that guy. Oh, my God. And he's my man since we was little. He's my dude. So we were in the house house and my brother and him,

because they were both older than me. So they're like, all right, this is what happened. Boom, boom, boom. Bolo's like, I know where he's at right now. So they're like, my brother's crazy.

Like I said, he's in jail right now. He's done so much shit. It's unreal. So they're like, all right, I know where he's at right now. They go over to the guy's house

at 1 p.m. broad daylight. Bolo knocks on the door because if my brother would have knocked, nobody would answer. Yeahm broad daylight bolo knocks on the door because if my brother would have knocked nobody would answer yeah yeah bolo knocks on the door the guy peeks his head out of the screen the screen door because there was a door and then there was a screen knocking on the screen guy opens the door bolo punches him through the screen oh my god what a tight move through the screen that guy from fr Friday everyone was scared of. Deebo?

Deebo. That is who he was. Yeah. That is literally that guy. So Bolo smashes him through the screen. Damn. Pulls him out. Bolo puts him in a little headlock.

My brother, who's not a small dude. I'm a small dude. My brother's like 6'2", 200-some pounds. Jesus fucking Christ. So Bolo's got him in a headlock. Uh-huh. My brother is just pounding himlock uh-huh my brother is just pounding him uh-huh like one after the other yeah just right right in the face

at least 20 30 fucking times like broke his fucking fingers just pounding him ambulance picks him up and this guy's never heard from again he never came back god i mean he's probably special needs like he's still alive is he i don't i think he's like witness protection or some stuff like that no no it wasn't that he just fucked up that yeah because that kind of shit happened all the time that's okay that's like one of the 50 000 different things oh my god this is an insane world and so you really got attempted murder just for punching someone? No, no, no.

That was when I was 15. My brother was like 18. Yeah, that's just like a story. The attempted murder thing happened like five years ago when I was 32. A guy accidentally fell on a knife a few times. Allegedly. Some clumsy guy. I think it was raining that day. Raywis was around he didn't see nothing yeah guy clumsily slipped on a knife this shit happens yeah it

really does god damn so that's insane like all right so we only have a few minutes but so getting into comedy was it a whole different world because i i've heard like a few different comics that have like kind of come from that world and then when they get into comedy and people are like making fun of them they're like you know i'll kill you right like i'll beat the shit out like was it a tough transition into that or was it like a natural kind of evolution into that no because i was never like uh i mean i will smack a motherfucker but i was never like i'm gonna kill this person or that but. I was never that kind of and I'm not acting like I was super gangster.

I just sold drugs. Everybody did. If y'all was where I was from, you would have sold a fucking truck. Just because that was around. Did you go to shitty schools and broken homes? Yeah, shit like that. I sold crack to my dad.

One of my main people. Wow. Yeah, because that's good. You don't have to travel too far. It was slappy. Dad's nickname was Slappy? Yeah, you can't call your dad Dad after you sell him crack.

We need a little space between. Imagine getting a good text message like, hey, I need to re-up on crack. And it's like, from dad. What are you going to do? Punish me, bitch? Throw me $100. Have my money or I'll slap the shit out of you. Slappy. Man,

that is... Fuck. I had a question and then you telling me that you sold crack to your dad just fucked my friend. It's normal though. I know so many people that sold crack to their mom, to their dad, to whoever. It's a normal thing, really. God damn.

Woo. I know. That's fucking intense, man. I have so many questions. God damn, I wish we got into this way earlier. You got a few minutes. I can extend to five or ten. Okay.

So you started selling crack at 15. Yeah. What was the impetus? Like, your brother got you into it? Like, a guy named, nickname Slate. I love these nicknames. I love. Not one is disappointed so far.

None of them disappointed. Big Slate. Perfect, sure. People had already been selling crack and wherever from. But, you know, Slate comes in town as my man. Got a little relationship with him. we played basketball as my man he was from uh douglas projects yeah um so i was i was from claremont projects i moved out to the county when i was young like probably like five okay where in the county uh town called east rock okay yeah a little neighborhood called east

rock yeah very shitty place there's some okay places and some really shitty places out there right right right slate comes out there from from douglas and he he fucking uh you know he was making a couple dollars nothing and i didn't sell before i'm winning back i wasn't like some kingpin and i was making money it wasn wasn't nothing crazy. Yeah. So he comes out there and he's like, hey, come over to my house later. I got something for you. I'll go over there. He's got it in little, he's got crack and vials. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I'm like, well, all right, what are we doing? So he gives me a ton of. What are we doing? What's the plan? Yeah, what are we doing? 15-year-old Sonny, what are we doing here? You got to do what you got to do.

You want them sneakers? Yeah. Sonny Hawks a loogie he takes a drag off his cigarettes. What's the plan? We're in 10th grade. What's up? He's like, hurry up, man. The street lights are coming on.

The street lights are coming on. I got to go home. Come on, man. Give me that crack. He gives me what's called a 100-pack, which is just $100 worth of crack. And you go on a 60-40. I'll give you your 60 back. I'll keep $40.

So I did that about two times, and then I said, fuck that. I'm just going to buy my own crack. How did you even know who to sell to, where to sell, how to do it safely, without getting caught? Because back then, everybody smoked crack. What's back then?

What year is this? I was 15, so 95. I had no idea crack was that big. It just had to be like... I knew it was big in like black projects Well this was a black neighborhood And all the white people smoke crack too I think that's a misconception too

Yeah I read a book on The history of the drug war And addiction And it's still true to this day That the majority of people Who do drugs in this country are white people But the reason that the majority of people who do drugs in this country are white people. But the reason that the majority of people who get locked up for it are black people is just because black people can't afford lawyers.

So cops don't want to deal with having to go to court and litigation. It's just too much of a hassle. And then laws, too, of crack versus cocaine. Exactly. That's what got me off. Because I got drug raids. Two drug raids. Once with a SWAT team. A full-blown SWAT team.

How old were you? 16. Oh my god! What the fuck, dude? You're like, I'm going to be late for school. I got a term paper due. 16. Oh my god.

And then how'd you get off? That's a whole other story. I got a term paper dude oh my god and then and then what how'd you get off that's a whole nother story okay i had i i got a lawyer i was always i'm smarter than people think yeah i was always in like the the smart classes and yeah but once i started doing fucked up shit i was like i fucked school i'm not even going to school like 10th grade i didn't even go to school yeah because if i went to school then i was losing money $300, $400, $500. You know what's funny? I work in Baltimore City Public Schools. One of my supervisors, he used to work in a high school his first year.

He's a 22-year-old kid. We counsel kids. They would tell him all the time all this crazy... He's like, you can't tell me the shit you do like that because if you do, I have to report you. Like legally. A lot of his kids would only come to school just to sell drugs. Yeah. That's like, you know.

Yeah, your clientele is there. Yeah, I'll tell you this and then I have to leave. Okay. Let's do it. Let's do it. If you're selling bubble gum in middle school, you sold crack in high school. Damn. That's what it was.

Wait, wait. Hold on. One thing though. Like how come you don't talk about this in your comedy? I used to. I used to talk about selling crack to my dad. It was an old bit, but, hold on. One thing though. How come you don't talk about this in your comedy? I used to. I used to talk about soundtrack to my dad. It was an old bit. But it just gets... It's a little dark. Yeah, it's a little dark.

You can do it, but I don't even know if people know what crack is anymore. Crack's gone. Yeah. When I do that gun joke, it used to be I would leave a treasure trail of crack outside and switch it to Percocet. Yeah, switch it to Percocet. Yeah. Yeah. Switch it to Percs. Yeah.

The legend knows how to change with the times. Yeah. I'll switch it up. I'll change with the times. I don't say faggot anymore. I say fag. Yeah. Out of respect for those guys.

Out of respect for these fags. Well, thanks for stopping by. Do you have anything you need to plug? Do you have any shows coming up? Just find me online and then we'll work on it. What's your Twitter and all that search sonny fuller and you'll find me you'll find it you'll find why yeah s-o-n-n-y not that punk shit with the u-s-u-n-n-y s-o-n-n-y or the i-e bullshit bullshit uh yeah same for us we're

online you can find us and all that all that similar stuff uh i don't have any shows. I'm doing the Facebook monologues this Thursday in D.C. at the Draft House. 24-25th, I'll be at the Beer Baron in D.C. The 30th, I'm headlining The Black Squirrel run by Petey Steele and Adrian Rodney, who are dope. Nice. And then Mike Kaplan headlines Gin and Jokes on September 7th. So come to that. Yeah, that's almost sold out. Yeah, there's only like 20 tickets left.

One thing, I am going to do my own podcast. Yeah. And I will be telling stories. All my crack stories. Oh, my God. I'm going to need

Joshua in there to tell some stories. I'm going to get Umar to tell some stories. Yeah. We're going to have like the pussiest story. It doesn't matter.

I allegedly broke into a house once. Really? It doesn't even have to be a legal shit. Oh, it's not illegal. I mean, alleged. But it it was also like let's drink their soda out of the fridge i broke into a friend's house when i was 12 because he was at baseball practice i said i'm getting all his baseball cards motherfucker dude i go legit when pokemon cards were huge we knew this piece of

shit like kid that everyone hated because he was just i mean looking back on it like yeah bullies but uh he was just a weird kid we call him quasimodo because he had a weird eye oh and uh his dad bought him all the rarest pokemon cards and he left his binder out during a birthday party and we snatched well not we my brother raheel and uh and matt who have like no soul back then yeah snatched all of them this kid's dad marched down to us and was like you have my son's cards and we all were like no we don't and and like yeah and the kids like yeah they do they stole them and we're like no we didn't and then like he turns like son i don't know what to do they're saying they didn't take them and then he walked away and we're like, Oh,

this fucking fact. Oh my God. I had a fucking, before I get out of there, there was one guy in my neighborhood since you brought up Quasimodo. All right. There was this fucking kid. He had to hump back.

Young Quasimodo. He had to hump back. He had to hump back. He didn't have any neck. Yeah. Now, for some reason, this motherfucker on a baseball field Had the power of Mark McGuire

For some reason He would take his no neck And just swing the fuck out of his entire torso His no neck He had the greatest nickname of all nicknames Are you ready? Head and shoulders Alright the legend

That's a mic drop Thanks for being here we gotta've got to have you back. Thank you. Anytime. We'll tell more cracky stories. Perfect. And David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Oh yeah, oh yeah