The Digression Sessions - Ep. 23 Oscar Schindler the Grouch w/ Russell Imwold!

Episode Date: February 6, 2012

Your two favorite ear buds are back, DIGHEADS! How the hell are ya? This week, comedian Russell Imwold drops by Dig Sesh HQ to chat and digress on a whole bunch of topics. He’s relatively new to the stand up game, but we see big things in Russell’s future. And his stand up career will go well too. PLEASE KEEP THOSE RATINGS AND COMMENTS ON THE ITUNES COMING! IT REALLY HELPS THE PODCAST!!! THANKS! Topics for this ep include, but are not limited to – pouring alcohol in butts, drunk inspirational speeches, rolling penises into bodies, apologies, long pauses, tough last names, podcast awards,  Dick Cavett, Cherry Pie, suspect living situations, and much more! Like us on the FACEBOOKS! FOLLOW US ON THE TWITTERS! @DigSeshPod @Jkuderna @MichaelMoran10 @MrFishofLondon (Russell Imwold) ****

oh shit that's a good one josh oh shit you should make an album of all the intros. It should be released on your label. Yeah, an intro to Digression Sessions. An introduction. Josh Kaderna presents. Digression Session intro. You should call your album A Man Who Needs No Introduction. He should show you with a paintbrush. No, I was thinking maybe it's just my head's turn.

He can't really see my face. It's not even facing. It's just my back. A man that needs no introduction. What's going on, Digg? Oh, what is the word out on the street? What is the word? This is the digression.

If you have the word, please post it on the page. Yeah, please do. Send it to our Twitter, at DiggSeshPod. It would be greatly appreciated. Send the word. and it's not bird you smart ass okay come on hashtag lol am i right i don't even know what a hashtag is everyone keeps talking about hashtags what the fuck is a hashtag uh it's you make a statement and then you put the pound sign it's not a hashtag it's a pound sign it's called a hashtag why is it called a

hashtag in the twitter, things are different. Since when does Twitter get to rewrite all of the things that are on a keyboard that aren't numbers or letters? When they created Twitter, they just rewrote the rules, bro. Bullshit. Much like MySpace changed the way we make friends now and know about tequila tequila it certainly changed the way we uh make enemies or make enemies out of former friends i mean the deletion is like the modern kick in the balls yeah it is it's brutal you go to post a comment you're like,

oh, I have to be their friend? I thought I was their friend. Right. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, let's not start out the show on a sour note. No.

It's the Digression Sessions podcast. Yes. I'm Josh Kaderna. And I'm Josh Kaderna. No, no, no. We seem to mess this up every week. Oh, sorry. I'm Josh.

I'm Josh. No, you don't repeat. You don mess this up every week. Oh, sorry. I'm Josh. I'm Josh. No, you don't repeat. You don't say it at the same time. Gotcha. I'm a douche. Nah. Nah. Bull.

All right, we got it. Yeah. Standard intro. I think we got it from now on. We'll just record that and just play it back each time. Sounds good. Sounds good. We should just play another episode.

We should say that we have a famous person on something and just dub their name in over someone else. So it'll be like, performing at McGoobies this week. Well, I guess we wouldn't have to dub our own voices. We go through the trouble to dub our own voices. The saving back stuff. Can I get that one again? I was so close. I didn't quite get the cadence.

But Mike Moran, how the hell are you? I am well. I am well. No complaints here. Yeah? Yeah. Got your Pink Floyd shirt on for the Australian Pink Floyd show. Looking good.

Thanks. I mean, for you, you look good. What does that mean? You know, you look, on the Mike Moran scale, you look okay. You give this four M's? Yeah, four M's. Four Mike Moran. You give it three black t-shirts.

Four sarcastic attitudes. Skeptic Magazine finally came out this week with me in it. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Should bring a signed copy over for all our guests. Maybe I should.

Over where? Here. Like to hand out to our guests for every show just all the stuff you've done. Thanks for coming on the show. Here's a copy of my signature.

Who should I make it out to? At the end of the show. That'd be funny. We should do that. We should hand out digressions. We should try to sell digression sessions flyers

for $250 a piece. Well, with one of our signatures each. $1,000 if we sign them. If we both sign them. Right, yeah one of our signatures each. $1,000 if we sign them. $1,000 if we both sign them. Right, yeah. I like it. I like it.

Man, that must be so bizarre to get to a level of fame where people will hand over piles of cash to you just to sign your name on something. Just, yeah. Just for your signature. Yeah. Can't even prove that you were there. I remember when eBay first started started when people were buying uh celebrity signatures josh is doing air quotes when he says uh-huh air quotes air quotes but it was just one of the one of the funnier things well how is there not a massive black market for fake celebrity

signatures i mean there was it was ebay right it's like hey does it still exist i don't know i don't know i just remember the know. I just remember the beginning. That seems like the easiest bullshit way to do anything. Right. I just remember friends of mine like, oh, man, there's a signed Blink-182 poster on eBay. Yeah, but not by them. Just some guy in his basement just cranking them out. I'll drown this barger.

Yeah. But I'm good as well, Mike. Thanks for asking. But I did. No, no, no. I'm good as well, Mike Thanks for asking But I did No, no, no, I'm pretty sure you did I remember you were very nice and cordial I think you're being sarcastic now, Josh Oh, I'm being sarcastic?

Josh, how are you doing? All right, let's bring in our guest Oh, come on, stop, stop All right, let's hear it Here we go, listeners, on. Stop. Stop. All right. Let's hear it. Can we cut this? Here we go, listeners. Let's hear it. Can we cut this tension with a knife?

Let Josh talk for a little while. Not much to say. It's just pretty good. Right? And I give this session of just Josh and you one hoodie. I'm trying to think of something that's stereotypical Josh Kater you. One hoodie. I'm trying to think of something that's stereotypical Josh Coderna. Handsome.

Hilarious. I'll give this. Attractive. Big jump. Two dark nipples. That's me. Yep. That is me. Two.

Josh is one of those guys that will take his shirt off, like, as soon as the opportunity presents itself. At least when playing music i gotta show i turn around and you're behind a drum kit naked yeah it's pretty you get pretty hot and sweaty back there apparently but apparently i shouldn't be naked before we start playing it's cold up front there with the guitars and all did you say i was behind a drum kit i had a friend when i was little to take off all of his clothes when he peed. And that friend's name was? Mike Buran. No, that was a weird coincidence.

Have you ever met anyone with your same first and last name? No, Kaderna is a pretty rare. I think it's German. Kaderna. What does Kaderna mean in German? Dark nipples. Dark nipple Rising. That's my solo album.

That's my solo album. But I'm good. I was in New York. Went and saw Michael Normile. A dig head up there. It was a good time. Mike was on the show once. Yeah, he was. Looking out for Just One Man's Opinion.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about One Man's Opinion. That'll be coming back. It's him ranting about Home Alone. But that's just One Man's Opinion. Yep. Yeah, it was good, though. Went to MoMA. Went to Central Park.

Wait, wait, wait. MoMA. Oh, the Museum of Modern Art. Oh, that's right. You haven't heard of it. I went there in high school, actually. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm.

One of the few times I've been to New York. Yeah. I haven't been there very much either. I've been, I think, twice, and they were both in high school. I haven't heard of it. I went there in high school, actually. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. One of the few times I've been to New York. Yeah. I haven't been there very much either. I've been, I think, twice, and they were both in high school. I've been field trips. Mm-hmm. That subway system is confusing. Doing a show there soon, though.

Are you? Yep. With who? And where? We don't have any time. I'm sorry. We've got to get to our guest. He's just been sitting over there.

All right. Now, where are you from? No, actually, our guest will tell us about the show. Oh, really? Uh-huh. That's a pretty good sneak sitting over there. All right. Now, where are you from? Actually, our guest will tell us about the show. Oh, really? Uh-huh. That's a pretty good sneak peek right there. A little segue. A little teaser.

He's riding a segue over there. Huh? Huh? A segue. A segue. Ah! We should have the sound of a segue for our segues. I'd be like, what's that sound?

A Segway. We should get sponsored by a Segway company. Is the Segway company just Segway? Segway Co. Is Segway a brand name? Or is it like a cheap imitation Segways out there? And they're all like, they're not real Segways. You need a real Segway.

Like a Xerox, you know? In downtown Annapolis, you used to be able to rent Segways at the store, and the store was called Seg's in the City. You're crapping me. No, it's true. There's no store called Seg's in the City. My hand to Sarah Jessica Parker. Was this business planning on being only around for a year and a half? Like, did they think

sex in the city was going to be popular forever? And did they think segways were going to be popular forever? I mean, come on. Unless you're a campus police officer.

Or just a douchebag. Yeah, I mean, segways just never took off, let's face it. Yeah, and if you're a tourist, is that what you want to ride around in a city you're unfamiliar with?

Yeah, that'll make you look really tough. That'll be easy to fall. But anyway, let's get back to our guest. All right. He's a stand-up comedian. He's bearded. He's got a beard. And a yellow shirt.

Coffee makes him nauseous. And Sarah Jessica Parker makes him cough. His name, Russell Imwall. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, I knew it. I knew it. My last name's also German. Is it?

Oh, wow. It translates to... Zieg Heil, brother? Maybe you guys are related. Yeah. I'm 25% German. Probably not. Hey, I know this I know we're going

Way back here Interesting fact About Fatty Arbuckle He accidentally Raped a woman to death With a champagne bottle And that's why He got blackballed

Out of entertainment That's not really true That was an urban legend What? Well that was The true story Is it wasn't an accident No the true story

Is he like Had sex with some lady and then she died later. Yeah, because he was doing it to her with a champagne bottle. No, that was something that they tried to allege. Was it because he was on top when they were doing it? That's a way cooler story. We have to look that up, but I think that's what they allege. The prosecution ranged from he crushed her to death to he raped her with a champagne bottle.

It's a pretty wide range there. I think she died from alcohol poisoning or something, and it was consensual sex. However, he was still blacklisted nonetheless just from the negative policy, even though he was acquitted of all charges. So she was metaphorically raped by a bottle. Well, was she possibly poisoned with the alcohol by filling her vagina with it? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe.

That's actually a thing that teenage girls do now where they dip their tampons in vodka. Yeah. And then they put them in and they get drunk. That is brilliant. I should have thought of that. Can you imagine being those girls? Not that I have a vagina, but my anal cavity.

I mean, it wouldn't smell that way, you know being those girls? Not that I have a vagina, but my anal cavity. I mean, it wouldn't smell that way. Not your mouth. Oh, yeah, but nobody's going around like, are you drunk? Let me smell your butt. It's dangerous, though, to consume that much alcohol. Wait, they were putting them up their butt? Well, boys would put it up their butts because they don't have vaginas. I've heard of

cotton balls, right? Hold on, I'm going to write this down. Boys don't have... Just put that beer up your butt., right? Hold on. I'm going to write this down. Boys don't have... Just put that beer up your butt. It won't give you a stomachache that way, Josh. You don't think so? Give yourself a wine enema. You know what? You guys are right.

Give it a try, Josh. You guys are right. Give it a try. Podcast exclusive. Wine enema. I'm pouring it up my butt. Oh, God. You got some on me.

I'm fucking wasted. And now he's totally messed up Are you guys going to listen to me Are you going to listen to me The next time we have a bet Your consequence is going to be I respect you We got the drunken inspirational speech coming

Hey man Russell I don't know you that well But like you just got to keep being Russell man And it'll all work out I still want to do a bit about the Drunk friend who thinks you're got to keep being Russell, man. And it'll all work out. I still want to do a bit about the drunk friend who thinks you're going to change your life with an inspirational speech. No, man, because that's what it

fucking is. You are smart. You are funny. When I first met you, I said, this guy is going to go far. You got to throw in a bunch of no-no-no's when you go like, okay, thanks, man. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, man. No, thank you. No, no. Let me shake your hand again.

Come on. You know what? You're right. I was gonna kill myself tonight. Yeah, I know. My life changed that night when you drunkenly repeated the same thing 40 times in a row and puked on my shoes. What if that was your inspirational story if you do make it? So what was the turning point, Mike? Russell, what were the turning points?

My roommate got really smashed when he poured a beer up his butt. And he told me just to keep at it, man. Just keep going. And here I am at Carnegie Hall. He was right. I love you, Chris. It's funny because my roommate's name is Chris, and I wouldn't pass him to put beer up his butt. Really?

Wouldn't that be great if that was like an inauguration speech, too? I'll never forget the day I decided to be president. I was at a bar. Some guy who had been doing shots of Midori all afternoon told me I could be anything. My roommate alligator. That's so trash. 14 shots of Jäger. Three Schmierdoffs.

All right up the tookus, man. It's just, God bless him. Josh, are you drunk? Let me smell your anus. I'll fart later. Get drunk off my fart, yo. I fart great ghosts. What about marijuana?

Can you do marijuana in the butt? I mean, you can do a lot of pills. Can you do marijuana? The kid's doing marijuana in the butt.? Can you do marijuana in the butt? I mean, you can do a lot of pills. Can you do marijuana? The kids doing marijuana in their butts. Could you put a ball in your butt? You can do the marijuana. The chocolates or brownies? In your butt?

Yeah, sure. You know, when I was a teenager, I went through a period of, how do you call it? Putting things in your butt. Let's call it playtime. But someone told me. I can't wait to hear this. No, but someone told me that if you wanted to get the most bang for your buck off of ecstasy, you had to put it up your butt.

Yeah, I heard that too. I never did it though. In the butt. It's like ecstasy in your butt. I chewed ecstasy up once and it was like eating a sweet tart that someone had just filled with chalk instead of anything edible. Why chew it up? Does it kick in faster that way? Yeah, and you're supposed to get more juice out of it.

So how did it go? More ecstasy out of it. I think I remember talking to my dad at like 5 in the morning. Telling him how much you loved him Dad you just gotta keep being a dad man That's when my dad turned his life around Dad you're a dad man Now let me massage you

He started going to work and paying the bills finally I swear to god I had a An instance where I like Drunkenly got this girl to uh tell her parents that she was being molested and like helped her a whole lot in high school oh but she actually was yeah okay i thought you were like i told this prank no i was like mike that's not no it was like really and i remember her like being like really grateful and like you know i just want to thank you so much for doing that did it come up in conversation or were you wasted and you're just like hey i don't really remember i just remember

you look like you've been molested well no she definitely had told me about it before somebody's got a dead look in their eye huh that's like the only good thing that ever came out of my drunkenness ever why why would she tell her molesters that she's being molested well She didn't. She wasn't being molested by her mom. She was being molested by her dad, though. No, it was like a cousin or something. Who was getting molested by their cousin? I'm not saying her name. Nice try, though, Russell.

No, I'm just... At that point, isn't it somewhat consensual? No. Then it's just rape, technically. Well, I don't think there's any P in the V, but I think there's touching. Yeah. That's sexual assault. I mean, we have to say molestation ends at a certain age, right?

No, no, no. Well, I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, I guess you wasn't seen. Six fingers in one, half a dozen in the other. Am I right? Oh, my God. No?

No? Wow. This is a segment of the show we called awkward silence after inappropriate Josh joke. Yeah, I'm not touching that one with your cock, buddy. There's been the same with me, though. I'm not saying that I don't do it. Alright. Molest. What? Is that what you're

talking about? Molesting? No. Causing awkward silences by saying something completely inappropriate. Alright. Do it now. Prove it. Alright. Oscar Schindler was a jackass. Oh my god. Mike, we were having a lot of fun. We can joke about molestation

And putting food up your butt But you're going to make fun of Oscar Schindler I don't know who Oscar Schindler is Oscar Schindler the Grouch Remember on Sesame Street? I'm pretty sure it was that thing that lived in the trash can Oh, and his last name was Schindler? Yeah

No, I'm just kidding He saved a bunch of shoes Oh, that Schindler of the list See, I thought his last name was Schindler? Yeah. No, I'm just kidding. He saved a bunch of chews. Oh, that Schindler of the list. See, I thought his last name was List. Mr. List? Schindler S. List. Yeah. I do feel like there is unfair pressure on people with specific last names to do certain.

Like, if your last name's List, you know, you've got to be making a couple lists. Well, I mean, that's how we got our last names originally. Like, you were Baker. Your last name became Baker. Right. If you were a Kederner, you made Stowe Burners. You said Kederner.

I don't like that. Are there podcast awards? Because we're winning all of them right now. We're winning all of them. What's your last name again, Russell? It's Imwald, spelled I-M-W-O-L-D. But it's been pronounced and spelled wrong my entire life. Mm.

Uh huh. Why? I don't know because people are fucking idiots. Yeah. That's why I can make kind of a big deal out of it because of that though. Right. Right. Did that happen to you a lot in school? Like in elementary school,

did you ever get a substitute when they're like, Russell, I'm wild. Yeah. Same thing would happen to me in class. Really? You have a substitute and they're doing asell i'm wild yeah same thing would happen to me in class really you have a substitute they're doing uh like they call them roll they're like josh oh i'm having trouble with this one uh could don't know really why is like there's not a there's not a single o in there like why like yeah they're just like oh boy this one's gonna be trouble like like no just say it

it sounds like it could be uh japanese kadena yeah anything could be japanese if you say this stereotypical accent like a businessman do you guys know um the way you say ice cream in Japanese? Ice cream-u. Really? Yeah, knock-in. Because it's like an English word? Yeah, yeah.

Really weird how the Japanese, like, we go in there and fucking, like, literally turn them into a post-apocalyptic country. Only part of the country. And they, like, embrace American culture so hardcore almost immediately afterward. They love us more than we love us at this point. I know. Playing baseball now. Like the Tom Selleck movie.

Mr.? Three Men and a Baby. Mr. Three Men and a Baby? Yeah. Mr. Gutenberg. Classic Selleck. What ever happened to the Sal? You know what?

I saw him on Conan once, I want to say in the last year or two, and he told a story about how he had a retarded sheep. Like, he's a farmer now. Really? Yeah, and the story was like, you know, something seemed like was wrong with his sheep on our farm, so we had a vet come look at it. And I was like, it wasn't retarded.

It had Down syndrome. He was like's like yeah this sheep has down syndrome but but yeah i mean it may as well have been retarded i think that's the honest here down syndrome and retardation or what i think it literally is the same thing right i mean you know what i'm saying there was a type of retardation i'm confusing autism with retardation. But the vet was apparently like, yeah, your sheep has Down syndrome, but you won't know it because it's a sheep. And everyone thought that was hilarious on Conan. And you just laughed at it now.

So I guess he's a funny guy. He's more than a mustache, ladies. He's also funny. Is he all gray now? I think he's more like salt and pepper. I always do compare him to salt and pepper. It's dignified, though. It's very distinguished showing him.

I'm sure. I'm sure. He's a good-looking older guy. Sure. Sure. He's been a good-looking older guy since he was an ugly young guy. Yeah. What is Selick's first movie?

I don't know his first movie, but his first show was... Did you really expect us to know that? Well, actually, in 1974, he started a TV movie. Did he have anything before Magnum P.I., though? I don't know. He might have been in small roles here and there. Mustache stand-in. Kurt Russell has been doing things kind of famously for 40 years.

He's been doing stuff forever. Right. And you years. You know, he's been doing stuff forever. Right. And you know it, but you forget it, and then it comes on Saturday afternoon, like movie theater on the WB or whatever. And then you're like, oh, yeah, Kurt Russell was in that movie where he took a drug as a teenager and it made him run faster or something. I think that's actually one of his movies. Yeah. Kurt Russell is on the Jamaican bobsled team. run faster or something. I think that's actually one of his movies.

Time Kurt Russell is on the Jamaican bobsled team. Let's take a break. I love you. And we're back. All right. All right, let's dive into the deep waters of Russell Imwald. I love you. And we're back. All right. All right, let's dive into the deep waters of Russell M. Wald.

Yeah, I heard you were doing research on me. I tried. I tried. I saw you got a Twitter account. Yeah, it's underused. I originally signed up for it so I could just, like, follow comedians. Yeah, I noticed that most of your tweets are hounding famous people. Like, hey, can I do a show with you?

No, well, what it is, it's a show that's coming up. I was like, I've got to book people for it. And I was just like, yeah, I'll just send a tweet to this famous person. What's the worst they're going to do? Not respond to me? It's not like they know who I am. Just blacklist him for it.

But now that I'm doing this podcast, the doors are going to go flying open. That's right. Yeah, we're like the Tonight Show of, you know, blacklist him for it. But now that I'm doing this podcast, the doors are going to go flying open. We're like the Tonight Show of 30 people that we know. Why don't you get in on us? I was hoping you guys would be more like the Dick Cavett Show. I was always more of a Cavett fan.

Oh, really? What's wrong with Cavett? I wish I would have done some research now. Get the fuck out, Russell. Get the fuck out! Now you can stay. Isn I saw Cavett. I wish I would have done some research now. Get the fuck out, Russell. I was on the Cavett show. Get the fuck out. No, you can stay. Isn't Dick Cavett?

Thank you. Sorry, Josh is bipolar. But he's mostly into women. Thank you. Isn't Dick Cavett bringing his show back or something? What? Isn't he dead? Wasn't he on in the 40s?

Dick Cavett. Okay. He was just on board to death. Yeah, i was on board to death with his own show and i i thought that meant it was already back but i don't know what channel it's on yeah me either maybe it's just on board to death i don't know i don't know who he is but i picture him to be a guy from the 70s who sipped bourbon no mustache and had a cigar on tv i mean you're're kind of close, but not. Two out of five ain't bad over there. I think more 60s than 70s.

Yeah, okay. Maybe have like Juggler and John. Do you think I got a really famous interview with like John Lennon and Yoko Ono? Yeah, didn't they guest host for like a week? He must be old as crap. I mean, he's pretty old. When I was in high school, I went and saw a Rocky Horror Show on Broadway, and he was the narrator. Really?

And it was awesome. He gave everyone in the audience the finger. Wow. And that was one of the highlight reviews of the show. It was like, the only show on Broadway where Dick Cavett will give you the finger. And Sebastian Bach played Riff Raff. Really? Yeah.

Nice. I never thought I'd see Sebastian Bach that close. That's the dude from Warrant? Skid Row. Skid Row. The guy from Warrant is deceased. Oh, yeah. Let's take a second for Janie Lane.

Just a moment of silence. Let's go down that memory, Janie Lane. Just a moment of silence for Janie, baby, Lane. And we are back. What's Warrant even famous for? Just a little song called Cherry Pie. Oh, yeah? She's my cherry pie.

Cold drink of water, such a sweet surprise. Tastes so good, make a grown man cry. I always figure that was someone else. Like who? The Wings? The crew, maybe? Can you try and perform that as a beat poet and make it sound really emotional? She's my...

No, no, no. Get real serious. All right, everybody. Coming to the stage now, Mike Moran. Can I get some snaps? Give it up. How you doing tonight? This is called Cherry Pie.

She's my cherry pie. Cold drink of water, such a sweet surprise. Tastes so good. Make a grown man cry. Sweet cherry pie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That was nice timing, you two. Warrant, not you two. Jesus Christ. I never said it was you two. You thought you two sang Cherry Pie. God, Russell, you cannot stop offending. I am totally out of the loop with pop culture. Yeah, apparently you haven't been watching MTV in 1989 any time lately.

You know what? At that point, I don't think I had. Ever? Well, in 1989. I think my first introduction to MTV was by my older brother, and it was like Nirvana. And maybe it was in 1991. Yeah, that was right after the golden years. Yeah.

How old are you, Russell? I'm 28. Just turned 28 this month. That makes sense. Oh, really? Just last month. Happy birthday, Russell. Yeah, 28. Just turned 28 this month. That makes sense. Oh, really? This last month. Happy birthday, Russell. Yeah, thanks.

Right. Yeah, well, Russell, how long have you been doing stand-up? Let's see. Seven months. All right. I mean, to be fair, I mean, I've been, like, saying things that I think are funny to people for a really long time. None of them have paid to come see me.

They just had to deal with it. How do you like it so far? Some of the ones them have paid to come see me. They just had to deal with it. How do you like it so far? Some of the ones had to pay to come see me. I've done one show in San Francisco. Wow. Which was an open mic, and that was the first thing I ever did. Were you out there visiting friends?

Yeah, I was just on vacation. Now you wanted to fly across the country just for an open mic. That's the only one available that night. So few around here. I said, I'll fucking book it. Let's go. But yeah, I was out there and I was like, I may as well do it here

so no one knows me at all. And if I totally bomb, I don't have to face anyone. Except you have to face them for 10 minutes, you get off stage and maybe you have to hang out there. You don't have to face them for like 10 minutes, you get off stage, and maybe you have to hang out there. How'd it go? You don't have to.

It was the day after Gay Pride Parade. Not just the parade, a whole festival, a whole weekend festival of Gay Pride. You're telling me they celebrate Gay Pride in San Francisco? Imagine that. That's not the San Francisco I do. A lot of public blowjobs

during Gay Pride. You see a lot of blowjobs during Gay Pride in San Francisco. Wow. Do they blowjobs? I mean, I'm pretty sure those are the only ones I saw. Okay. Damn. But one of my bits is about AIDS.

Or as they call it, the San Francisco flu. Yeah. And it just bombed. It was hard. The punchline is whatever. It's not like I'm gay and I'm trying to get AIDS. That's usually the one where all my friends would be like

blah, ha, ha, but it was just like tumbleweeds and crickets. People kind of like half-plankly staring at me like what the fuck is this what's going on with this kid he must live in maryland get him well it's funny because right before i went on the dude who announced me was like this guy's here from baltimore and then there was like one other guy from baltimore he's like yeah because one of my other bits is about the wire and got really excited about that right nice yeah cool which i've retired

at this point really yeah yeah i it made sense at first but now it's like yeah it's kind of dated wires been over for years yeah but it's one of the greatest shows of all time i mean people know it when's the last time anyone played cherry pie and yet i have a whole 10 minute routine around it is that true? No. Can we talk about Cherry Pie? Have you seen this? Have you seen the Cherry Pie? You're up there like a blazer that's got the ruffled sleeves.

What's up with Reagan? This dummy. Only topical humor. Of 1989. Well, that's good. How did it go? How was the first show? Eh, it was all right.

I mean, it wasn't bad enough that I completely stopped doing it. Right, right, right. If you don't completely hardly bomb your first time, then you're ahead of the curve. Yeah, I mean, I've heard about guys who are just like, yeah, like I just fell apart on stage and it took me like nine months to go in front of anyone ever again right yeah i hear that all the time when i was in la visiting a friend on that same trip you know i was talking to him about how i wanted to go out and do some stand up there and it just didn't work out but he like he's like oh i was out watching an open mic last week and he showed me a picture on his phone of a dude who was bombing so bad he just like pulled his dick out because he didn't know what else to do. Wow.

How did that go? Wow. I mean, I guess poorly. I wasn't there for it. I think it was an embarrassing penis at that, too. Really? Yeah. That's your piece in the hole.

That's not something that I would go to. It's like, I'm starting to lose them. I know this will get over. Let me break out my micro penis. You're all nervous. Everything's all shriveled up and small like this will get them back i'm totally dehydrated that's what's wrong i was just at a pool before i came here like seriously just jumped out of it oh yeah my penis suction um is only working in reverse right now hey when you guys were little kids did you ever roll your

penis inwards just to see if you could do it? Somebody was telling me about that recently. Into your body? Yeah, like, you know, you can, like, roll it in. It's kind of like you're rolling a condom up. Right, right. Someone was telling me that they still do that.

I think maybe my roommates were saying that. It's been years since I've tried. I don't think I could do it. You guys want to try? Let's take a break. On mine? Yeah. I think Russell and I

could work something out. I'd be afraid that it'd come out of my butt backwards inside out. Well, apparently that's how they make transgenders, too.

They just roll the penis inwards. Yeah, yeah. I know that sounds like a joke, but literally, that's how it is. I thought they cut it

in half, too, don't they? Yeah, I think so. They cut it and then kind of peel it. But your vagina can only be as deep as your flaccid penis, from what I understand. Oh, my God. So you're not going to have a very, unless you're me, you're not going to have a very deep vagina. Yeah. Unless you've got Mike's 13-inch black cock.

Right. Why is it black, by the way? Which is weird. Why do you carry that thing around? That's what they sent me. Yeah, let's Right. Why is it black, by the way? Which is weird. Yeah, why do you carry that thing around? They sent me. Yeah, let's see. Why do you carry that around? It's not like a model car where you can just paint it however you want.

Well. No? Can you buy, like, a model dildo and decal it yourself? You can make a mold of your own dick and turn it into a dildo. Draw some flames on it. Yeah, that's a great idea. I guess you could do whatever you want to it. Right, right.

Dip it in chrome. Would that be hazardous to health, though, if you put, like, 22s in my dildo? People put, like, matchbox cars up their ass, so, like, who cares if you paint some flames on a dildo? We're a bunch of weirdos. Will, are you going to put that thing in your vagina? After you put that candle that was burning and the carrot. What about the dildos that

candle does burn? Are there dildos that shoot lubrication out of the pee hole? They make fake dicks for pornos that shoot what's supposed to look like cum out of them. Oh, those are so funny. They shoot just like gallons and gallons. Are they trying to be funny?

Are people supposed to think that's real or what? I think it's for when dudes blow their loads early on pornos. And they're like, well, we still need a cum shot. Let's pump 77 gallons on this poor girl. They have to act like they like it. They're just drowning in whatever that viscous concoction is. Just get it in her bags. Just get it in her bags.

Get it in her eye. That's why we complain about the acting in porno. They all have to wear condoms now. Has anyone seen Pirates? Yeah, I've seen part of it. Is it? I mean, as far as porno goes, is it is it is it I mean as far as like porno goes is it legit is it hardcore you mean no I mean is like an entertaining like that's

that's what I can't really remember is this the Pirates of the Caribbean like not exactly they made a porno called pirates which I believe had the biggest budget of any porno so that yeah i remember seeing a blockbuster yeah Like an r version yeah there's like two versions of it and then they made a soft core yeah okay and It's supposed to you know have an actual plot there's special effects in it like a ship blows off or something And it's the only thing that blows up a bit We're talking about orgasms, right? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Then yeah, I'm on board. All right. Get it on board the ship. Have you guys seen that show that Etel's doing on Showtime now? Dave's Old Porn? Yeah.

I haven't seen it, but I've heard it. It's pretty good. Really? What's it like? I mean, it's him and someone else, usually another comedian or a porn star sitting on a couch in front of a green screen and the green screen is like whatever porno they're watching so it's sort of like mystery science theater kind of except they're looking at you okay but clearly they're looking at a television watching the porno that you can see. Right, right. And talking about it.

And the porn's just behind them. It's weird because he's done some episodes with, like, female porn stars. And, like, their conversations, like, don't really pan out. It's just, like, clearly he would have sex with these women. Right. And they wouldn't. They probably wouldn't have sex with them. But that's because

he's so self-deprecating. He looks a little weird. Isn't he growing his hair out too? He's bald, but he has like long hair now, kind of.

I've seen a few episodes like that, yeah. Yeah. But his commentary on the porn is great. But the porn stars are always like, oh, I've seen that before.

Oh, that takes me back. Hmm. I've seen that before. Oh, that takes me back. Mike, shut the fuck up. What, are we having? Another moment for Janie Lane? Is that inappropriate? A fallen rock god? We can't have two moments of silence? How many moments of silence do we need for a guy who died like a year ago?

Was it a year? I don't know, but it was definitely last year. How did he go? Time flies when you're not caring. Am I right? Like some kind of drug overdose yeah yeah didn't he die in like a weird shitty motel probably cherry pie like 15 like cherry pies and had awful indigestion crippling tums addiction

all right so what else russell what What else is going on in the world of Russell M. Wold? You know, I've got a couple of day jobs. Oh, shit. Totally impartial about. Most people don't have one job. My man's got a couple. Most people don't have one job? Nope.

You're telling me that unemployment is at least 51% in this country right now? It's common as shit, dog. Wait, can you count being on unemployment as being employed since you're so technically getting a paycheck? No, because it's unemployment. No. I'm going to say no. What about welfare? No.

What about the... Unless you're cranking out kids to get welfare checks, then that's a job. That's kind of a job. That's some serious work right there. Yeah, I know. What about food stamps? Especially if you're a man, because we can't have kids.

No, you're not employed unless you have a job. If you get free stuff. It'd be funny if at the end Russell's like, oh, I don't have any jobs next year. Because I've been cranking out kids getting welfare checks and unemployment. All day I'm hammering them checks.

No, yeah, I got two jobs I'm impartial about. Okay. I read some books, watch a lot of Netflix. Those are your jobs? And then mostly I think about jokes. Okay, okay. Where do you work? What do you do?

I'm a cook at the Golden West Cafe in Hamden. Ooh, I didn't know you worked there. Yeah. Two days a week. I like the Melvis pancakes. Cool. I also like the fried Brussels sprouts. I might have to start calling them.

You don't have to do that. How do you feel about having a name that reminds people of Brussels sprouts? Well, you know what? I like Belgium. I thinkium's pretty cool so i'm fine with it i guess all right continue um yeah i don't know how can you eat those pancakes they're awesome i i can only do elisa marie though russell's got some inside info here well i mean for the listeners that don't know it's a pancake that's got like

bacon in it and then it's covered in fried bananas and peanut butter and butter. You should get one tonight. That's Elvis' syrup. Empty calories, my friend. Empty calories. Empty cows, bro. Whatever. You gotta hit that gym.

You're talking to me. Oh, that's something else I do. I go to the gym now. Okay. Right on. Self-improvement, 2012. Nice. Nice.

Well, you're talking to a guy, Right on. Self-improvement, 2012. Nice. Nice. Danny. Well, you're talking to a guy, Mike Moran, who eats a pint. What's a Ben and Jerry's size? A pint. Yeah. He eats a pint of caramel sutra a night? I kind of have been. Right.

I can relate to that. I was doing a pint of the Breyers Oreo ice cream a night. Yeah, it's not that big a deal. Come on. I can quit whatever I want. Yeah, totally. Last night was my last one ever, I decided. Until you buy that next one, right? Whatever. I'm an adult. I can do whatever I want.

Mike, is that a caramel suture in your pocket? What? No. Do you want to smell my butt? I haven't been eating the caramel. That's how you hide it. So no one can smell it on my breath. I'd put the ice cream on my butt.

Mike, why are your pants stained? Oh, I shit myself. That's what it was. Definitely wasn't ice cream. Nope. It wasn't shoving ice cream on my butt. Mike, is that a pint of chocolate ice cream in your trousers i sure hope so mike what's wrong with you i've got butt freeze oh butt freeze i've got anal cavities i shoved up my butt too quick hey uh speaking of butts and ice cream i uh do you guys remember now my root I have three anal capillaries

Years ago they took this thing on tour It was supposed to be the colon Slash intestines And you could crawl through it To see the various stages of colon cancer What? Where was this thing touring? Was it opening for a major act?

No, it was just like Health awareness Give it up Stage four for a major act? No, no, no, no. It was just like, you know, it was like a health awareness. Colin Kitts. Give it up. Stage four. Coming to the stage in stage four. Well, when I saw it,

it was like in a park in Philadelphia. And you could crawl through it. Did you crawl through it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did it smell in there? No, I mean, it kind of smelled like,

you know, like a lot of kids had been crawling through it you say who farted when he got inside of it yeah right oh i was by myself so cracking yourself but full full-blown colon cancer uh looks like rocky road ice cream smeared along the inside of your colon wow it's gross So if I went to the doctor and I thought it'd be funny to confuse him

if I just smeared Rocky Road all over my rectum. I think he'd probably know it's ice cream immediately. Or ask you to leave. We'll have to find out. This is a strange question, Mr. Moran. You've been putting ice cream up your butt?

Yeah. No, you have? Get out. What's it look like, Doc? Thank you for your honesty. Am I going down a rocky road? Give it to me straight. Don't bullshit me with that, Doc, to speak.

In English. Speak English, doc Oh, man Well, cool You go ahead I was going to apologize for being sick all over No, thanks for coming over Also, I got to say

I thought this was actually in a basement Some of the episodes are recorded in a basement. This very basement that I'm pointing down to. I felt so misled when we got here. What's wrong? Backup plumbing? We can erase this entire thing, and we'll start over in the basement. I feel like maybe we should.

There's been a lot of dead moments in this episode. Nope, I'm going to edit all of it out. Oh, okay. Well, thank God. In that case, you didn't hear me say that to anybody. I'll edit it out. Yep. This episode will be 15 minutes of gold.

Yeah. And you won't be in any of it. Thanks for wasting our time. Well, there's something that Mike mentioned. I don't know. Talk about now the New York thing oh yeah yeah

yeah sure or yeah Mike is going to be in a show in New York Russell we're not doing the plugs now oh

we're not doing the plugs I thought I thought I thought I was getting to go ahead we're not no no

no I'm going to corporate about this no well now I feel like an ass podcast and brothers alright um we can get the plugs I'm going to corporate about this. No. Well, now I feel like an ass. Podcast for others. All right. We can get to plugs in one second, but I have a question for Russell.

Do you live in the... Yeah, I do. How'd you know that? How did you know that? I told you I did some research, Russell. You're going through his garbage. Are we mutual friends or something? I don't think so.

Are we not counting Mike? You're social. Neither of us are really friends with him anyway. Who the fuck wants to be friends with that guy? What's that like living above a mechanic shop? Sometimes I come home from work and my room smells like

spray paint, basically. It's like across from the subway and stuff. The BP. Oh, I knew something about that. For those listening out there. This is that empty lot right next to the subway. I'm just camping out there most nights.

No one needs to find me. No, yeah, it's right across from BP. It's the bottom of a body shop. Trying to get that day old honey oat bread. It's a big art space, right? With like a few... Yeah, so it's a space. It's like... Is it apartments space it's like is it apartments

really or is it kind of like just okay so i don't know how much i should talk about this because i don't know how legal it is really yeah it's pretty obvious i mean people are living there it's not a squat and everyone's paying rent to who though you got To who, though? I can't. I don't know if I can say that either. Wow. Okay. And I do remember it being a very weird day. Can you literally beep out what I say so it's like I'm still telling you? Yeah, I'll just edit all this out.

I won't have like a minute and a half beep. Maybe that would be good. Russell, tell us about yourself. Everyone pays their rent to the downstairs. It's like he just owns the whole building. We live upstairs. So do you have showers and sinks and bathrooms? Yeah.

Okay, the way it's set up. There's some people downstairs, right? Is there two floors? There's like other people living in the building that I know about, but I don't know. I think that's where I spent the night. This sounds like the weirdest thing ever. Yeah, it was pretty weird. You go into the body shop and there's

a gallery next to the body shop. And there's a few dorms in there. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, there is. I stayed in there. There's like a gallery. There's like a library, quote unquote, and like a lecture hall space. But mostly we just, quote unquote, and a lecture hall space. But mostly we just use them for parties and dance rooms

or whatever. Then upstairs, above the gallery, is one of the apartments. And then above some offices and the body painting shop on, was that Sisson? Is this Sisson out here? This is Keswick that turns into Sisson. Yeah, above Sisson is the other side of the apartments.

And each apartment side has its own kitchen and two bathrooms and then a bunch of bedroom and like a huge communal living space and then a bunch of rooms going off of that. So how many people are sharing four bathrooms and two kitchens? Okay, on my side side it's kind of confusing because there's also an apartment that's in there that has its own kitchen and bathroom and three people live in there nice but they come out and use other stuff um sometimes but on my side on my side for one kitchen and two bathrooms i think there's like 11 of us. Wow. And then on the other side,

a bunch of people just moved out slash are moving out and other people are moving in. But I think it's generally like seven or eight on their side or six or seven. Jesus Christ. Well, I think I know a girl

who still lives there. Throw me a name. Can't remember. Jasmine Sarp. No, she has Sarp blonde hair and glasses, I think. She's probably like 22, 23. Blonde hair and glasses.

She worked at the fudge plate, the fudgery that Cisco works at. It might be brown hair, I don't know. I don't know anything about my roommates. I know there's a blonde girl who lives there. Her name's Kate, but I don't think she sells fudge. She mostly just cleans our apartment, which is nice. That's good. Do you guys have heat up there?

Kind of. I've got one of those fireplaces things. Oh, that's right. There's heat, but it seems like they turn it off on the weekends. When no one's in the body shop. Yeah, when they're not working. So it's freezing those kids interesting mix hipsters or like artists and mechanics right yeah well none of

the mechanics live there right but i know the mechanics live upstairs too no no they don't oh but they that's why he meant by none of the mechanics live there oh i thought you said uh never mind i don't know why i heard yeah they live there none of the mechanics live there. Oh, I thought you said, never mind. I don't know why I heard, yeah, they live there. Some of the mechanics used to live there. I'm editing that out. One or two of the dudes who worked for the body shop used to live there. Because the side I'm on, it used to be really different, and then they remodeled it after I moved out.

But when I was living there the first time, it was me on my side, and I was the only person under 30. And then everyone else was an alcoholic or a junkie right and like just like wow like the cops like broke in there one time looking for like someone who had been selling crack out of there like literally selling crack wow there's a recording studio in there too isn't there kind of i mean people yes there's a recording studio in another part of the building that i haven't been to and then people also record in our practice space oh there's a practice space there too yeah it's like across the back of the building like you walk out of our apartments across our roof and in the back there's a practice space okay cool

yeah it's all right i mean yeah it's really I mean, it's really affordable. It's really affordable. How much is it? All utilities included and internet. And I have the biggest room in the place, which is like 20 feet by 15 feet. I pay 500 bucks. Wow. That's really good.

Some people pay. Not as affordable as my place. The people that are in the apartment apartment next to my bedroom pay like $240 each. And they have their own kitchen and bathroom and their utilities and internet included. Yeah, I was about to say, I pay $468 and I live in a house. And it's beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much.

No, but that actually has to be pretty cool. Do you play music too? Yeah, I play music. So do you take advantage of the practice space and all that? Yeah, I have my drums in there and Rhodes that I bang on sometimes. Rhodes? It's like a giant electric piano from the 70s. I don't know what the hell he's talking about, Josh.

Piano. I didn't understand at first. Oh. I thought you were talking about Randy randy i guess that's how you pronounce piano in german yeah roads um but yeah that's cool i guess if as it mostly like artists that live there yeah like everyone that i mean i'm not involved and someone else isn't involved but everyone else runs the gallery downstairs and plans the shows out and stuff like that right i mean they're all like. They all went to Micah together.

It's kind of similar to the copycat in a way, which is like a warehouse lofts in Baltimore. More or less. Except the copycat's awful. You have a door and stuff? Yeah, I have a door.

A lock on it. If you go to the copycat So you have a door and stuff? Yeah, I have a door. Nice. A door. A lock on it. You got all them fancy doors. Well, if you go to the copycat and you go in there, there'll be like 17 guys, one bathroom, one kitchen, and they don't really have rooms. They just have a blanket. No, there's some rooms. There's rooms, but a lot of the ones that I've seen don't really have doors. It's just like a sheet that they hang up in front of the door. Yeah, it's like one side of the building. The've seen don't really have doors. It's just like a sheet that they hang up in front of the door.

No heat. It's like one side of the building. The other side's a little different. I mean, it depends. I used to live in the copycat, too. I lived there with my ex, and it was just like the two of us in one huge place. Oh, that's awesome. It was still pretty expensive.

Really? Yeah. How long ago were you there? I moved out last August. Oh, wow. And when did you start living there? Probably the May before, not the May before that, like two Mays ago I started living there. And why do you think it sucked?

It's like really cold in the winter, really hot. It's like excruciatingly hot during the summer. Really? Yeah. Like upwards of 100 degrees. Yeah. And like no way to circulatingly hot during the summer. Upwards of 100 degrees. And like no way to circulate the air because the rooms are so big. Jesus Christ. I gotta pee.

Should I just grab a bottle or go in this class? Just go. Just go in the chair, man. We're gonna keep potting. Well, let's take a break and then we'll wrap it up and we'll get to your guys' fucking precious plugs and then we can get out of here all right i think josh is a little resentful oh am i no your precious plug i have tons of stuff to plug where is your turlet wrap it up wrap it up wrap it up Russell, would you like to try to freestyle?

Doesn't matter how bad it is. It could be the worst freestyle ever. You want to give me a topic at least to work with? Snow. Balls. My name's Russell, and I like to eat snowballs in summer. And that's okay. It's not a bummer.

I like to eat them. Mostly root beer. It's my favorite flavor. It's a good one to savor. Nice. That was good. That might be the best freestyling we've had yet. Well done, Russell.

I hate freestyling. Thank you. Sorry to put you on the spot. No, it's all right. Seriously, dip this microphone in ammonia when I go. Because I've had a cold since last Monday. Yeah. And seriously, I'm pretty sure I've been running a fever for the last two days.

All right. Well, our next guest is going to get the hoof. Yeah. My mom called me the other day. And she was like, what's wrong? I was like, I'm sick. She's like, I think you've got called me the other day, and she was like, what's wrong? I was like, I'm sick. She's like, I think you've got that bad cold everyone's got. I was like, what, AIDS?

How's your T-cell count, Russell? I'm worried about you. It's really low. Oh, no. It's really low. Really? Yeah, these retrovirals are doing nothing for me. Uh-oh.

It's good to actually know about AIDS if you're going to joke about it, you know? Yeah. Awareness. That's what it's all about AIDS If you're going to joke about it Awareness I do some racy material Everyone's like My mom's like do you have to talk like that Do you have to say negro so much I'm just trying to take the power out of the word negro Pardon me

Pardon me for I was listening to those negro records The colored records. The doo-wop. Turns out Roots isn't just a movie. They're actually an awesome Negro band. They do colored records, right? You know, it's fine for me to call them a Negro band.

I went to see them like six times when I was in high school. It's totally cool. I could say Negro. I've seen the roots before. Do they do that song Warm My Wiener?

Yeah, that's them. They do a song called Pussy Galore. Do they really? Yeah, they do. Can we play Warm My Wiener on this show? It's okay for me to say

that because I don't have any black friends. And I guess we don't have any black listeners anymore. Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to alienate your audience. No, no, no. Like, I don't mind when you wear your Ku Klux Klan gear over here because the listeners can't see it.

But just when the speak, the racist speak comes out. Oh, this isn't going to be a videocast either? No, no, no. Erase it all. I'm not signing it. I dressed up for this. I'm not signing a consent to release my image

or voice form. Or my finest white sheets. All right, enough racist talk if you guys are done. What about the Aryan Brotherhood of the Traveling Tans? I like it. Thanks.

All right. I guess it's time for you guys to fucking plug. Oh, what's time for you guys fucking plugs. What's going on with Russell Imwald and Mike Moran? What's up? I'm sorry to be rude about this. I can get a lot of pressure from someone somewhere else to talk about this.

Who? Who was it? It's the other guy I'm producing this show with. Rudy Giuliani? Me and Giuliani are teaming up to do a shitty tour of comedy show. I've got the mayor

breathing down my neck. He's not the mayor anymore. You know that, right? It really has been a long time since we've been to New York. Who is the mayor? I'm going to see

Deep Throat while I'm in New York on 40 Second Street. Michael Shithead Bloomberg. Oh, Bloomberg. That's a terrible middle name. I can't believe you got elected. I believe it's pronounced Shatade. Sh That's a terrible middle name. I can't believe you got elected.

I believe it's pronounced Shatade. Shatade. What are you Shatades doing in New York? You sound very Borat-ish. It's literally what I said. It's like a shitty two-hour stand-up show in the village. Well, thanks, asshole.

I'm in it, too. I mean, it's nothing. It's a club called the Eastville Comedy Club. Wednesday, February 29th. That is leap year day. Is it really? But once every four years, everybody. So I'm going to have to work on some leap year jokes is what you're telling me.

You don't have to. You could tell a joke about Don Cornelius killing himself. What? Oh, the guy from Soul Train? Yeah. Why did he kill himself? No, I don't have to. You could tell a joke about Don Cornelius killing himself. What? Oh, the guy from Soul Train? Yeah. Why did he kill himself? No, I don't know. I just heard my boss talking about it.

Apparently she was a big Don Cornelius fan. Wow. Some middle-aged white Greek lady from Baltimore loved Don Cornelius. It's a shame he's going to be the caboose of so many bad jokes. You think so? Is he that well-known? You know what's funny? I got on the

circulator after work today to come up here and there's a dude sitting right across from me with a cigar, unlit in his hand. He looked just like Don Cornelius. He ain't dead. He's in Baltimore. Pulled it off. Fake his own death. Yeah, leap year day.

9 p.m. Presale tickets, $5. Tickets at door, $8. And what's the place called? Eastville Comedy Club. Eastville Comedy Club. Two drink minimum, not my idea. Club's got to make its money somehow, apparently.

Fucking Rudy Giuliani, money scrubbing bastard. Do people, how many subscribers do you guys have? I don't really want to brag, but a million, billion? No, I'm just wondering if I'm just telling people in Baltimore this information needlessly. Well, who knows? They might be there on the weekend. It's a Wednesday. We do have listeners.

We definitely have listeners in New York. Yes, we have listeners in the weirdest places, like Kathy Carson's episode. New York. Japan. We had a couple of those in Japan. Are you guys performing in Japan anytime soon? Well, we talked about isokrimu today. Yeah, maybe.

Should be enough, shouldn't it? Oh, there goes that Japanese listener. You want an isokrimu joke? My molestation jokes go too far, but that's acceptable. Mel just broke up with me. Okay. Just kidding. All right, I'm about to edit that out.

Yeah, probably. All right, so Wednesday, February 29th, Eastville Comedy Club. Yep, in the East Village. I don't know the exact address, but, you know. Cool. You all have internets, so. Yeah, figure it out. Do your own goddamn stuff. Do a little legwork. Mike Moran's performing. know the exact address, but you know, you all have internets. So yeah, figure it out.

Do a little legwork. Um, Mike Moran's performing. Oh yeah. Let's hear it for Mike Moran. Mike Moran coming to the stage. Doing topical humor from 85. All right. Um, I'm going to do a set and some other comedians. Oh, yeah? How many comedians? Right now, five or six, and then probably eight to ten by the show. Cool. Still working some stuff out. Maybe, maybe... No, I'm not going to say it because I don't want to jinx myself.

What? Chris Rock's going to show up, isn't he? Yeah, Chris Rock. Chris Rock said he had nothing going on that day. Uh-huh. Apparently, Chris Rock does show up at comedy clubs pretty randomly in New York and bump everyone else.

The last show I performed at Eastville, Todd Berry showed up too. Really? Wow. And it did like 15 minutes. So who were you going to say? Jinx it.

Louis Katz. Never heard of him. He's like, he's not as big. Is he the guy who created the musical Katz? Yes. Him and Dr. Kat Cats worked on it together.

That was my next one. Dr. Cats. That sounds like a James Bond villain. No, it was an actual doctor. There's a comedy cartoon about it. Yeah, I remember. It was all wiggly. Yeah, yeah.

You know the wigglies are supposed to be like what your emotional state is, apparently. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. Interesting. Or just like lazy animators, one or the other. Yeah, they're just like, apparently. Oh, really? I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. Interesting. Or it's just like lazy animators. One or the other.

It's like totally unmotivated Koreans. Ah, whatever. Blob of red shit here. Have you ever met an unmotivated Korean? Come on. I've heard that Koreans spend more money on pornography in a year than any other country, but they have the least amount of sex out of all countries. That's because they're jacking off all the time.

There's a correlation there. All right, you guys plugging anything else? Anything else going on in the future? When's Russell and Mike Palooza? I'll be at work tomorrow. Oh! Well, hold on. Russell, this is dropping on Monday, February 6th. I'll still be at work tomorrow? Oh! Well, hold on. Russell, this is dropping on Monday, February 6th.

I'll still be at work tomorrow. Okay. What's the McGoovies improv show? That is February 8th. February 8th. Josh and I will be there, right? Are you performing? Yeah.

Oh, really? Yeah. With who? Pop Six. At McGoovies? What the fuck you think? I thought it was just training for prom and Gus. No, I'm pretty sure

we'll be there too. Unless it's a different date. February 8th? Yeah, I'm pretty sure we'll be there. Okay, cool. Well, that's awesome. That's exciting.

All right, we'll come out to Timonium, Maryland. Magoobies Joke House, I think is the full title of it. That's a terrible name for a comedy club. It's so bad. It has the goofy writing it. It's a terrible name for a comedy club. It's so bad. And it has the goofy writing, too.

It's like, we're fun. Shut the fuck up. What? About my goobies? Yeah. We seriously can't. We're going to lose our. You want to be blacklisted like Fatty Arbuckle in this town?

Whatever. I'm going to rape a girl. I mean, the management At Magoobies Unparalleled I will say that much Oh yeah yeah yeah Beautiful beautiful people Great

Great facilities I've actually never been To Magoobies I don't have a car So I'm not going to Get this podium I've only been there once We performed

And probably there once Alright Let's get the hell out of here Shout out to Magoobies You're great Let's get the hell out of here Russell thank you for coming by Thank you Russell

The fact that you live so close. We could have walked down together. I don't live far from you. All right. Maybe we get some Burger King after this? You want to take the Subway Challenge with me and not get any Subway for a year and only get Burger King? The Burger King. I gained 400 pounds by just eating Burger King.

My name's Jared Leto. And this is me starring in that movie about the guy who shot John Lennon. Yeah, he did gain a lot of weight, didn't he? Yeah, for that. He was a big fat guy. Yeah, good for him. That's so brave. I know. Actors want to gain weight to make a shitty movie. Yeah, and then they lose it all to personal

trainers. How do they do it? I don't know. Cocaine. Alright. Well, Russell, what's your Twitter handle? At MrFishofLondon. And maybe MRFISHOFLONDON. MrFishofLondon. And maybe I'll tweet something again later this month.

Oh, shit. Keep your eyes peeled for that tweet. All right, guys. All right. Thank you, everybody. Yeah, thank you. Good night and good luck. But we digress. God bless. All right. Thank you, everybody. Yeah, thank you. Good night and good luck. But we digress.

God bless. Digress. Godgress. I literally am in that state right now. I did it on purpose. you you you you How did the cord get so short? I gotta say, I really enjoyed the episode where you called the stove video place. Really? Thanks. I was like, oh, they should do a whole episode where they just call the place, and then right afterwards you did. Thanks.

Yeah, I want to start doing prank phone calls on here, too.