The Digression Sessions - Ep. 240 - Jim Meyer (@Jimmy2Bad)

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with comedian and writer, Jim Meyer, of the great Laugh Finder podcast! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, and Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Welcome. Yeah, welcome back to the sandy shores of the Dig Sesh. Baltimore's own Jim Meyer. Oh, that's me. Hey, buddy. From the Laugh Finder podcast.

Yeah. Yes. I was listening to this XM satellite radio on the way here. Brag, but go ahead. I got that kind of money, guys. And what's his name? Who's the funny one from the Beatles? Jeff Foxworthy.

From the Beatles. Oh. The other Beatles. The Beatles of funny one from the Beatles? Jeff Foxworthy. From the Beatles. The other Beatles. The Beatles of music, not the Beatles of comedy. Larry the Cable Guy. Larry the Cable Guy was playing. You know, don't come easy. And I realized I was the Larry Cable Guy of Baltimore comedy. You trying to say Ringo?

Yes. Is Ringo the funny one? He was in the original. He was the funny one. There's the funny one, the cute one. Yeah. Who was the one on Thomas the Tank? That was Ringo.

That was Ringo. Such a weird career trajectory. Yeah, exactly. The biggest band to have ever lived, and now you're on a PBS fucking kid show. It's pretty dope, though, because you're already rich, and you're i'll do some nice shit like i'll fuck around even george carlin did it at one point yeah that is fucking absurd yeah this might be a deep pull for you guys but do you know of a rapper named cool moe d i do i don't so cool moe d was an amazing was my favorite rapper in like when i was like 17 he was badass and i And I saw him on the Arsenio Hall show

talking about how AIDS was created by the government to take down the black man. And I didn't see him again. I'll be speaking about this more on Thomas the Tank Engine, which I'm guest hosting. No, Dora the Explorer. What? I didn't see or hear of Kool Moe Dee for like 15 years.

And then I saw him wrapping the clues on Dora the Explorer. That's what happens when you step to the CIA. You go from knowledge is king, knowledge is power, whatever. The whole 15 years, you're like, I guess the government did create AIDS. This guy is fucking gone. Dora, can you help me find my career? Dora, do you help me find my career? Dora, do you see it? The CIA swiped his career.

No swipe, CIA. No swiping. The clues were follow the AIDS-ridden monkeys to Langley, Virginia. That's so good. Except it rhymed. Because he was a rapper. What is the conceit of Dora? It's just like a Hispanic...

She's an explorer. Which actually sounds like a rapper, too. Yeah. Dora the explorer, you know? Mm-hmm. That's how the urban youths like to talk, right? Mm-hmm. I don't really watch it with a real questioning eye.

Yeah, it's just like background noise, too. It's just like what I can do to still sleep. But my kids don't really watch it but they'll get to a point and they'll be like on a map and then they'll have to make a choice yeah it's one of those shows where they wait for the kid to answer yeah i've never seen a kid answer yeah i've seen parents answer i answer uh-huh and i do really well i'm like 70 she's like jim sit this one out you're doing really well but it is funny yeah like the kid could just say like toaster and they're like that well but it is funny yeah like the kid could just say like

toaster and they're like that's right it's right here like it doesn't matter what they say right kid thinks he's a genius how much like bad tv are you forced to watch as a as a parent like with all like the kiddie shows and movies like what movie is on like repeat like you hear about like people that are like i've seen frozen like 95 fucking times uh the one that they were watching like there was well we had um jonah was really into uh uh finding nemo when he was younger i just turned this off and i made it not turn off but um yeah they're not like you know we've been i kind of control that Really? Yeah, so I've gotten them into stuff that I find interesting Jonah loves Mindhunter

We watch a show called Wild Kratts Which is very exciting You might have grown up with Zuba Mafu What? Is that an animal show that's like a funny narrator? Well, that was Yeah, I think I remember that The Kratts brothers who were the funny narrators

and that are now cartoons who explore in a flying turtle with a multi-racial cast of generation like youngsters i know you're saying multi-racial but multi-racial is pretty funny especially like white girls at brunch like we're so multi-racial it It's actually just Rachel from that show Friends, but at the different eras of Rachel. I like that. Different hairstyles. I was thinking Rachel Ray, multi-Rachel Ray. There's like four of her on the screen cooking a 30-minute meal.

So, yeah, speaking of that, it's restaurant week here in Baltimore. Oh, I know. Let's plug it. Go to restaurants this week. In Baltimore. But Karen and I were Yeah. Go to restaurants this week. In Baltimore. But Karen and I were looking for places to go for brunch, and Guy Fieri's restaurant is listed. And oh my God, it's so good.

His two-course lunch for $20. The first course is just a choice of soup du jour, not listed what it is. Okay. And that's all you get. And then the second course is a burger with a Miller Lite. Jeez. Yo, that is... Isn't that amazing?

Goddamn, dude. Like, that's pretty on brand for Guy Fieri. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's restaurant week. I don't know. Give him a beer and a fucking Miller. I don't... What?

I don't know. It sounds to me like that New York Times critique of him has finally taken hold and he switched to the Miller Lite for health reasons. He's taking care of his people. Somebody that Josh opened up for, the guy's feature act, had a good joke about Guy Fieri. Oh, Shane Torres? Yeah, I think he did it on Conan. Yeah, he had a really good bit.

It's about how everybody trashes Guy Fieri, and he's like, I'm sorry, does everybody hate him? Because he's giving free press and free air time to these restaurants that otherwise wouldn't get that advertising that he's um officiated a bunch of gay people's wedding yeah like he's like donated money and then he goes but he has frosted tips so fuck him right yeah oh he dresses like a guy from Spencer's Gifts yeah fuck yourself or Gadzook, if you remember that store. I doubt there's another reality show. It's like people have talked about some restaurant that was on his show. A year and a half later, they had a fire.

And he contacted them and came and helped do a benefit and stuff. And everybody I know whose restaurant's been on there is like, and I've been on his show. You were on the show when they did Alewife, right? Yeah. know whose restaurant's been on there is like and i've been on a show you were on the show for uh when they did a l wife right yeah yeah i tell you of all the things i've done in my illustrious comedy career yeah the thing that i get the only thing that makes people call me and say i saw this i saw that is diners drive-ins and dude people watch the shit of the show and if like he he went to joe squared and their business boomed because of it i sat at the table with the owner of joe squared during the yeah so joe yeah square joe one how was that what the like the it was awesome got to eat really good food yeah interesting

people so you've been on a show twice no oh well joe was coming to eat in aylward oh gotcha gotcha gotcha okay i thought you're on it for joe squared as well okay yeah that's what i thought you said be more clear jim please where i was fucking eloquent we do a professional burgers laugh finder bullshit we run a professional i mean we don't have headphones but yeah it's like a running joke aaron uh hinken who's also on the laugh finder podcast was trashing me because we don't do headphones well he was just so skeptical he's like so you don't all right yeah okay and i'm like no it sounds fine he's like i mean yeah like you say so yeah all right i'm just ypr's aaron, yeah. All right. He's going national, man.

He should. Baltimore block is dope. Yeah. And they play in the mornings. It's fucking like that's huge. Yeah. Well, he just did the he just did out of the blocks in St. Louis. Oh, really?

Yeah. I don't think it's aired yet, but he went to St. Louis. Yeah, I remember him saying that. And then he's going to Seattle. Nice. And so he's doing out of the blocks around. Yeah. Big things.

Yeah. And we, Laugh Finder, our podcast will become an embarrassment for him. And so he's doing out of the blocks, big things. And we, Laugh Finder, our podcast, will become an embarrassment for him that torpedoes his buddy career. It'll probably get to a point where he's like, I can't. The more spotlight you get on, people will check out your podcast and hear the awful things he says on there. It's like, I can't find laughs anymore. I found money now on our the episode we recorded this weekend this week which hasn't aired won't air till

late february yeah uh he promised that he will never leave and that when he gets rich off of all that npr money he's gonna buy us all jet skis which i gotta say would be epic the first diane reem never bought nobody a fucking jet no way there's no way garrison keeler there's no jet skis on lake wobegon terry gross yeah she's like welcome welcome to fresh air i got my whole fam jet ski literally i was thinking about this the other day. Terry Gross has interviewed so many people. I bet she interviewed about 90% of the men accused in Hollywood of raping or sexual

misconduct. So I wonder if every time she sits down with a famous male person now, she's like, do you rape? I'll never forget. I went back and listened. Hi, it's me, Terry Gross. I'm interviewing Bill Cosby. He's in the backseat of my jet ski.

That's how big my jet ski is. She's had Louie on there so many times, at least three times. And just like, I don't know, listening back to it, it's just so funny. Not funny, but just interesting knowing that like

well that's like how could anybody have seen that coming with us just hours of masturbating behind dumpsters material seeing that coming hey everybody thing that people say where it's like you can just say terrible things on stage and not be yeah like that in person i think that's an like a a weird correlation false equivalency yeah because there's probably plenty of like there's plenty of comics who are way dirtier like i think like bobby kelly probably you know he i don't know now you can't like really stick out stick your neck out for anybody but uh oh yeah no they frown on that louis got in trouble

for that yeah he's showing too much neck. Is that what he showed? Yeah. Well, that's what rappers are calling dick now. Neck. Oh, really? Whoa. That's really cool. Mine is kind of like an ostrich neck. Yeah. It's very fast. It's kind of pink. I like it.

That's how I know it's yours. Jim, you devil. And there's an ostrich head at the end of it uh but yeah i mean you know everybody does interviews with like louie and all those people so it's like you know true they didn't i don't i don't know terry gross seems like a nice gal she seems great yeah it's fine i'm not blaming her i'm just saying like it must be weird for her to now think like every time she has to like is really lauding somebody. It's just like, fuck, is this person like actually a good person? Right.

Yeah. She's like, I read your book. Are you a piece of shit? Mr. Mengele, I can't believe we never got to this part of your history. We spent all this time about your Hummel collection. So you did some experiments, huh? Yeah, so how is Laugh Finder? You guys are like...

Oh, it's wonderful. ...blowing up and stuff. And we've kind of plateaued. We get like 40,000. We had a period where we peaked at 50,000. Good God. But now we've kind of been getting a steady 28 to 32 per week. That's pretty fucking strong, though.

No, we were just bragging about 400 last week. Yeah, we average 400 listeners. I mean, it goes up. Edit that part out where we do the number Jim does in numbers. Yeah. I just cut it and sent it to me to run as a bumper. We normally get 4 million listeners. On and off week.

Yeah, exactly. Well, the funny thing is, like, 50 million listeners. On and off week. Well, the funny thing is like, Omar and I put out an episode of us just farting into the mic. Okay. 50 million listeners. We want a Peabody for that. Thank you. Yeah. The first ever smell a cast.

Yeah. People love it. Every dig sesh goes into the Library of Congress. Yeah. To archives. Yeah. They don't like it, but we put them in there. I just have this picture of Umar in a cat

suit, like on a reading from the ceiling. Like Mission Impossible. Hiding a copy of the digression sessions behind some weird book of Sylvia Plath poems. That'd be so good, dude. Yeah.

When Laugh Finder, so Laugh Finder So Laugh Finder Both of you guys have been guests Yeah Multiple times Well, you were on The special edition And you were supposed to be On our holiday edition

But our audiomancer, Ben Who is infallible Uh-huh Lost all of the audio Oh, no Not yours We have yours And none of ours

Oh, no So that would've been a weird That would've been a weird drop Christmas message Yeah Yeah, our message was a little crazy. I still haven't heard it. I thought it was good.

I liked it. I think we just talked about Jews a little bit. Oh, yeah. They're not listening to Christmas messages. Well, and Muslims. Yeah, that was the whole point, because they don't celebrate. Yeah.

But we just out ourselves on something no one's going to hear? Yeah. Sure was a lot of hate speech in 90 seconds. At the last Jutton Jokes, I told this story about a certain news anchor run-in that we had. Oh, my God. Local news anchor? Yeah, we'll tell you off.

We'll tell you off. What local news anchor did you guys double team? That's what we want to know. Oh, my God. I'm thinking it was Richard Scher. Yeah. Wrong. He's retired.

Top or shut. We shut him down. I guess like a girl who comes to the show a lot, she messaged me afterwards, and she was like, hey, what exactly, what jokes did you exactly say about her? And I was like, we don't need to. Yeah, no. I'm not going to talk about it. Because I was vague or what i will we you know but it was whatever anyway so lab finder is this podcast you have we play role-playing games it's like me tommy zimbazo aaron hinken brian preston and our and our audio man sir ben hancock yes and uh but so it started out and it was a different cast at

the beginning and and the idea was we're gonna play idea at first was we're going to play D&D on stage. I'm like, okay, nobody wants to see that, but sure. And then it was like, we're going to do a D&D podcast. And I was like, all right, because I don't have time for D&D, and I like playing D&D. So I was like, I'll do that. No one's going to fucking listen. And then we started talking about it, and I was like, why don't we do this differently? Because the part where we're doing the rule shit is boring as hell.

And they're like, well, that's how the other podcasts do it i was like well that's why we shouldn't do it that way but everyone's like no no no that's how they do it that's how we're gonna do it like all right nobody's gonna listen and so for like eight months we had no uh um like statistics right right we didn't have uh whatever you know set up yeah so finally we get it and i'm thinking we're all thinking 400 people yeah you 400 people yeah you get those numbers and you kill yourself yeah if i was doing this for even a week let alone say five years and i've made no money on it and so then we find out we have like 14 000 listeners or whatever at the time and it's gone up fucking nerds you're the best

they're the most loyal fans you could ever well people shit on them so much they're like like yeah but it shows what i know you know like i'm like this will never work yeah we gotta do it this way yeah we gotta get tommy involved too because he's like oh i put it on reddit and then we shopped it here and this and that and like i just posted on facebook and like listen to this there's a market for that. I feel like if we put our shit on Reddit, people would trash us. Oh, they trash us. But they also like it drives a lot of people to listen.

And then some of them, they might be trashing it, but they're listening. Yeah, I think we should do it. All right, let's do it. I'll put it up there. Okay. We should do a cross promo thing. We'll Reddit you guys. You guys Reddit us.

Sure. Hell yeah. Reddit. Decretion sessions. Boom. We just sound like the oldest people i like i'll read it you yeah me we're gonna read it reddit is so annoying because people take it like so seriously like to me it's just a fucking website yeah and uh there's you know for people who don't know it's like an aggregate site and then there's something called subreddits where like there's a subreddit for anything you could ever think of like there's you know one for that i use mostly is our baltimore and so that's just like you know

people post any links for news related to baltimore what's going on and i started using it early on when i was running a comedy show downtown the pretty good comedy show and i actually got like 10 people to come to a show one time just because yeah I remember yeah and then this fucking like there's admins like people yeah where they're like it's just you know this we don't use this site for and it's like people like literally like every like four or five months I will see a link like where is their comedy in Baltimore yeah so they got on you for promoting yeah it's like we don't really it's like it doesn't bother you that much there's a fucking flyer like all right well we'll come to your shit if you come to ours and i was like i'm

not dude yeah i'm providing a fucking service but also what are you looking for if you're just like i had a nice day downtown like who like that poster you're like upvote upvote like i mean as an employee of the m Office of Tourism, I think that would be an amazing subreddit. I had a great day downtown. Up, up, up, up, up. Literally, it's just turned into people complaining about city schools, black kids.

Yeah, it's pretty racist. Yeah, but what do they post about? Your posts, I understand, are those. But what do they post? You guys don't know. I work there. Anyway, we're not burning bridges. Let's post this on Reddit.

You know what my favorite subreddit is? The Ringo Starr subreddit. You guys might make fun of his work on Thomas the Tank Engine, which, by the way, Thomas the Tank Engine is a fucking xenophobic motherfucking show. Is it? Oh, my God.

Yeah. Oh, there's this whole thing between the steam engines, the diesel engines, and the diesel engines are essentially worthless. And there's like, it is racist.

It is very British. Right. I remember, yeah, didn't Thomas recently complain that there wasn't enough room like on the tracks because they're having all these trains from shithole countries come over?

Yeah, these shithole engines. Shithole diesel engines? Jesus. Yeah, but if you ever want to get a chance, if you ever want to experience Ringo Starr's greatest work, it is not the White Album. It is Caveman. Caveman?

It's a 1979, 1980 comedy film where he is a caveman. Caveman? His 1979, 1980 comedy film where he is a caveman. It is a raunchy, early 80s, late 70s style romp. Really? And there's a great scene that I laughed at a lot. It was a kid where he was peeing, and then somebody's eaten by a dinosaur. Okay. I think you guys should do a live simulcast digression session. This is how we're going to get 14,000 listeners. I think you guys should do a live simulcast digression session. This is how we're going to get 14,000 listeners.

I know. Dude, everybody on the Ringo Starr Reddit will like... We'll go nuts. There'll be me. There'll be William. You know what we should do? What? And this is totally biting off of...

I contacted the Parkway because I wanted to do movie interruptions. Yeah. We should do digression session movie interruptions and have one guest comedian i would love that yeah yeah i think the first couple of times we do it we'd have to rent it out but that would be so fun we should do like we should get good we should have good times but let's do a uh let's do like a test version at joe squared yeah we can get a projector we'll have like 25 people down yes let's make that like one of the nights yeah cool that'd be awesome dope uh one of my favorite uh ringo star things was uh it was on family guy and i forget what it was but you know how it's like just a series of like callback like flashbacks and like

well that went but it was uh it was the beatles they're in in the studio and ringo walks in and he's holding a piece of paper. He's like, look, chums, I wrote a song. Like John Lennon grabs it. He's like, oh, what a good job. We're going to put it right here. And they put it on the fridge. Good job, Ringo.

Yeah, that's awesome. Do you know Bill Collins did a lot of the later Beatles album drum work? Really? He was a studio musician. Right, right. And he would do something. But then also, apparently, Paul would come in at nights on,

I think, Sgt. Pepper's and re-record the drum fills and stuff. Yeah. He would do them. No, I believe, I don't know if it was him or John Lennon that said, like, somebody asked him in an interview, they're like,

is Ringo Starr the best drummer in the world? And he goes, he's not even the best drummer in the Beatles. Holy shit. He was the best drummer in Caveman the movie, though. There's no doubt about that. Damn, that's awesome. The cast was him.

It was John Bonham. It was... What? I was just kidding. Oh, I was going to say, was he actually in it? I was like, damn. That would have been... I was naming better drummers. I get it. That's the only one I could think of. The, I was going to say, was he actually in it? I was like, damn. That would have been... I was naming better drummers.

I get it. That's the only one I could think of. I get it. The dude from Geddy Lee is a drummer. The dude from Geddy Lee? The dude from Geddy Lee. You mean Rush? The guy from Rush who is Geddy Lee, isn't he?

Neil Peart? Neil Peart's the drummer. That's what I meant to say. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And the guy from The Police, Sting's friend. You guys notice that I'm old?

Yeah. Sting's friend. You started comedy in like 1980, right? 1971. I was negative a year old. Yeah. The year of our Lord. Wait, how old are you, Joe?

My mom would have to squat over a microphone, and I would squeed out a little joke. You're 38? I'm 45. 45. Am I dumb? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, never mind. I don't know.

Umar, a lot of people don't know this. People listen to the digression sessions, maybe see him doing comedy, follow him on social media, know him personally, think he's an asshole. But I have actually had an experience with Umar that has made me like, Umar has done one of the kindest things, like one of the most important things that anybody's done for me in years when i was my my little boy jonah yeah odin meyer i was having some problems with his learning disabilities and umar talked me through a lot of it just get no he was a voice of reason and kindness like jimmy your kids are tired and i had never faced it and and i put him in that

retarded school yeah and he's like no no, I don't belong here, daddy. And I was like, that's not what Umar said. And then I said, no, I'm taking your last name away from you. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. Awkward. I think, yeah, it's funny. I think like I just I like annoying people on Facebook.

And people don't know this. A lot of times when I do post a status. It's about you. Yeah, it's about, no, literally. Like, most of my jokes are making fun of me, but then I just put it onto someone. Like, I remember one time, our buddy Naomi, she's a local comic. We were hanging around Hamden, and we were walking around. She's like, holy shit, dude.

Like, your jokes, you're just making fun of yourself. Oh, yeah. And I was like, yeah, I know. Yeah. Well, that's why when uh you were saying something about like white people or you posted like a status you're like all my jokes are about white people i'm like yeah well umar is like the whitest guy i know like absolutely like yeah up early to go to the gym and then you're like well i'm gonna hit the farmer's market too and then i might i might crochet later yeah it's just me making fun of but it but it's just... How many Jim selfies do you have?

None. Oh, that one wasn't you. Okay. That was actually just me making fun of people who take Jim selfies. I actually take pictures of Jim Meyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got one photo. It's grainy.

But it's just so funny to watch. Because if I could trash... Because I make fun of, I think, everyone. I could trash conservatives, Republicans, and make real mean jokes, and everyone's into it. And then I make one, fuck, just people got, I mean, people were upset about that gym selfie joke. Because one girl, she posted a comment. I actually saw it before she deleted it. And she was like, oh, so you can get uh validation through talking but people can't post pictures at the gym and i was just like yeah people get serious about that because

i guess if they're like losing weight and like they put a lot of like value into like taking care of themselves so if they don't feel they need to fact check out umar's bitchy status it's funny you know yeah well people are just so i didn't mean they're just so dumb about that stuff too we're like oh well actually it's like yeah it's a sarcastic joke so i mean i don't care i but i you know i do it on purpose i know i come off as an asshole on facebook and i just don't give a shit i don't hell yeah everyone on facebook is so annoying right now it's always like everyone's just saying things that all their stupid friends agree with, and then they get likes for it.

Or something that they did. When people share, like one girl, what did she say? She was like, I saw a homeless person. At first, I didn't want to give them any money, and then I realized I should, so I gave them money, and it felt great. And then I realized I should. So I gave him money and it felt great. And then everyone was like, good for you. Fuck that person. Her posting that status just makes her a shitty person to me.

Also, I bet while she was doing it, she's like, I'm going to post about this. Yeah, she probably posted it immediately. I had a moment where I looked at my dog and thought. I was looking on Facebook and someone's dog had died and there was like so much love and so many likes and I looked at my dog

and thought, someday. Louie used to have a bit about it and I just remember thinking it was amazing because I used to think the same thing all the time. Like I remember being young

and sometimes thinking like, it'd be pretty cool if my parents died because I'd be like the most popular kid in school. Everyone would come up to me and be like, oh, I'm so sorry. And sometimes thinking, like, it'd be pretty cool if my parents died, because I'd be, like, the most popular kid in school. Everyone would come up to me and be like, oh, I'm so sorry. And I'd be like, I know it's really rough. Damn, I know.

But, yeah, if you want to come over later and play video games, that'd be cool. My parents are dead, so. People have just been donating toys like crazy. We can do whatever we want. When my dad died, I got a ride in a Lamborghini. Whoa. How come? Because my mom worked for Social Security.

Okay. She had all that money. She had all that dough. She was just buying fucking Lambos. And there's a woman who worked with her that her husband was a psychiatrist, and he had a Lamborghini and some Jaguars. Yeah. That is so bananas.

And then so the woman asked my mom, is there anything I could do? And she was like, well, my son loves Lamborghinis. I had a poster. So she's like, can I get a picture? And so the guy gave us three pictures. And I took one of the pictures and had it blown up with my allowance. Nice. Wait, how old were you?

I was 12. Wait, your mom made you use your own allowance to blow that picture up? What a bitch. No, I'm just kidding. I just wanted to sound less privileged. Slightly less privileged. My allowance. I had to use my own money to get that Lamborghini.

I heard by existing. I told the maid, I said, blow this up for me. While you're blowing this. I'm doing puberty in style. My dad is dead. I had it blown up. He found out about it and called my mom one day

and was like, do you think Jimmy would, it was a Sunday, would you like, do you think Jimmy would like to take a ride in a Lamborghini? And I did want to. I did want to.

And I called all my friends and only my friend Greg came out and we sat on my front steps in beautiful downtown Rosedale and every time we'd hear a car coming my buddy Greg would be like that's it and I'm like that's not it

and then finally heard this thing that sounded like the devil's vagina it was just like this wicked beautiful sound as I imagine and then there's like a hill and the thing was like so low and wide it just kind of it just emerged over the hill

this is like space beast and it was it just kind of emerged over the hill. This is like Space Beast. Yeah. And it was pretty fun. What color? Black. Black's good. Black's a good color. People usually probably go red or yellow.

Yeah, my dad's making the Lamborghini kit car currently, which is pretty dope. So, yeah. Yeah, it looks dope. Yeah, I'm excited for that. Is it based on a Fiero? Yes. Yeah, so it's a fiero body we're framed no body well the the chassis probably yes yeah and then basically just put the

lamborghini like on top of it it looks really good he's got it painted like a candy apple red and it looks fucking awesome that's awesome and i was like hey is it gonna be a stick shift because i want to drive it and i don't know how to drive a stick you can learn yeah he's like you can learn i was like yeah let me just learn in a lamborghini no problem you'd be learning in a it's a lamborghini i'm gonna cut that part out i went the other way i bought a lamborghini and then put a neon body on it it's like people are like wow that's a dope neon you don't see in that shape anymore six spoiler on that neon dude being 12 years old your dad died that's a dope neon. You don't see me in that shape anymore. That's a sick spoiler on that neon, dude. Being 12 years old and your dad died, that's like...

My birthday. Whoa, on your birthday. It wasn't until the last couple of years that I realized why I hate my birthday so much. Wow. Sure. It took you to be 45 to put that together? About 40.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 41. About 40? Yeah. Like my birthday, I finally figured out the birthday that works for me is I for the last couple of years on my birthday. I don't do anything. I just I take my kids to the I haven't. I take my kids to the toy store and let them pick out a toy. That's nice. And that makes me very happy. Yeah. How? But then this year we had a party, but not on my birthday. How was that? I was out of town. It was awesome.

Speaking of, what's your movie thing? Because my yard, we have a two-tiered yard. We've got a yard that's in the next door. Oh, yeah. You have a great house. We're going to do a movie screen out there this summer. Dude, that'd be dope. I'm going to definitely do Jaws, but I don't know what else.

I'm going to get some kiddie pools and have people over to watch Jaws. Oh, that's fun. That'd be cool. Oh, so not a family, like not kid-friendly movies. Some of them, maybe. But I definitely want to do Jaws. What else would you get? I don't care if my to watch Jaws. That'd be cool. Also not a family, like not kid-friendly movies. Some of them might be, but I definitely want to do Jaws. I don't care if my kids see Jaws. My wife might feel differently.

Do a Finding Nemo Jaws little mashup. That'd be cool. Yeah, Finding Nemo's the first one, and then when the kids go to bed, Jaws is the second one. That's not a bad plan. Boom. Then you can have families over,

the kids can go to bed. And then you really spice it up and look for Dory after that. Find her too. See where she's at jim has like a fucking holy f palatial estate yeah it is huge yeah really nice yeah it's being on a big busy street it made it affordable and also like my mom lives with us so okay cool which uh you know that's why we moved there like we sold my mom's place and made the down payment

on this but it's got it's an old doctor house, so it's got a place for her. Nobody cares. But it's got a place for my elderly mom. Jim's mom is listening. She's like, I care. Yes, because my mom masters technology. She does. She's a dickhead.

She's one of the 400, dude. She just called my mom a dickhead? No, a dick. I know. We sent her a shirt a couple weeks ago. A windbreaker. That's a good thing on Love Line. We're going. Sent her out a windbreaker. That's a good thing on Loveline. We're going to send you out a windbreaker.

My mom is 85, right? Yeah. And she's had a couple of strokes, and she's had a heart thing, and a car accident, and some falls. She's the Highlander. Nothing kills her. But recently, she's decided she does not care if I see her naked. Wow. Whoa.

I don her naked. Wow. Whoa. No, no, no. We were recording Laugh Finder, and I came upstairs, and my mom was naked on the floor in the kitchen. She fell down and scooted on her butt and was just nude. Whoa. Twice now. Yeah. We got a call.

It was like 5.30, 6 o'clock in the morning they're banging on our front door yeah like yeah and i'm like stumbling out like what the fuck and it's like baltimore police baltimore police did you call 9-1-1 and that's when i hear my mom from the next room scooting make it just like yeah and i go and i find so i've got angry cops here's the thing all right it's 5 30 in the morning i I'm in pajamas-ish things, like shorts and whatever, like fucking ridiculous hair, kids crying all over me, an elderly naked woman on the floor that I'm trying to carry back to her bedroom, and the cop says to me, do you live here, sir?

I was like, no, this is the weirdest home invasion ever. I came in here to father these children and carry this nude woman back to her bed. You could be like murdering a woman, you know, in her home. Very sleepily. But like, yeah, you couldn't find a babysitter. So you brought your kids with you to murder somebody. Make some coffee while you're there. Thanks, Koja.

Hang up pictures of yourself. Yeah, right. You live here. God damn, dude. That is nuts. Is she okay? She had pneumonia at the time. So did she call 911? Yeah. We couldn't hear

her, so she called 911 when she fell. Gotcha. So now I have the medical alert system. Nice. This is what happens when you have good insurance, by the way. Boo! Settle. Who's this guy? That's Boo Radley. Hey, Boo Radley. You're adorable. I agree. Stop!

Oh, boy. He's going to murder me. Yeah. Be nice. What's he, part terrier, part squirrel? Uh, yeah. And 100% badass. He's like a chihuahua mix. I'm going to try to silence this guy.

I won't look at him. He doesn't like that. Don't look at me, bitch. So what have you guys been doing? Comedically, you guys are rising stars. Yeah, you know. Not much. Yeah, I mean, it's been nice.

You know, been getting to do more shows, longer sets. Yeah, it's been fun. Yeah, I mean, it's been nice, you know, been getting to do more shows, longer sets. Yeah. It's been fun. Yeah. It's, I don't know. It doesn't feel like anything good. Yeah, it's just a natural kind of progression of stuff, like going down to D.C., getting some good shows and stuff.

Yeah. I was doing the show after you at the Draft House. Yeah. Who were you working with? I was working with a woman named Sarah Tiana. She, I don't know what people, like she was, used to be on Chelsea lately, I think. And she is a writer for this show, the Josh Wolf show or something on CMT. She was funny, man.

And every show was almost sold out except for the early Friday show. But it was really fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a bummer they didn't let you early Friday show, but it was really fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a bummer they didn't let you guys stay. Yeah, it was so weird. That place, I think it's because the setup, they don't want people hanging out in the lobby,

and it was just like you could have just hung out in the back and watched the rest of the show. I don't know. It was ridiculous, yeah. It was like three degrees outside. We were in the next show, and they made us leave. Yo, they did that to audience members. Really?

Yeah, it was awkward because I'm sitting in the lobby and people are looking at me and I'm like, I don't work here. And so I'd have to open the door and tell people like, sorry, you can't. And then imagine those people coming to the show and then see like, oh, that was a fucking cunt who didn't let us inside

when it was negative three degrees outside. And you're like, but no, here are my observations on white people white people be so funny when they're freezing outside yeah you're seeing these motherfuckers that's always the worst when you have to interact with the audience before a show i hate it uh for the new year's eve shows that uh that we did i had to like help seat people and i just feel like the biggest like like i'm the guy that's like no you have to sit up front yeah and then when you try to like why is this guy trying to do jokes he's just a fucking doorman yeah exactly yeah like i had so i i was not bragging

i was headlining a show at a rundle mills mall 10 years ago what hell yeah was the venue uh in the the big game that game room place they have they have like a they have like a hundred seat little theater and david buster's but it used to be something else yeah and uh the feature um was a guy who did a lot of white people blank like blank jokes uh-huh and i don't remember who it was but i've never seen the guy since his last joke was you know how white people be juggling on the corner? Juggling? On the corner.

And I was like, I usually don't talk about the other, but do you live at Harbor Place? Like, what is this? Where do you live? You see him on unicycles? Are you just talking about the circus? Did you go to the circus one time?

Those are clowns. That's white makeup. They could be anything under there. What? That's the best part about running. I ran my first ever open mic on Thursday. And the best part is, because it's not like a real show,

I just like trashing every comedy account. I do love that about comedy. I love trashing the guy who's just on it. Especially if you're... Only if I was cool with them. I would never do it to someone I didn't know. And you're, only if I was like cool with them. Yeah, yeah. I would never do it to someone I didn't know. And you're at an open mic that's like shooting fish in a barrel. Because people are trying new shit.

And it's like, oh, you thought that would work? Well, just like Mike Quinlan's up there. And he's like, you know, he's like in a fucking, he's in khakis. And he's wearing like, you know, a dress shirt and like a vest. And like, he just looks like a nice, and he's like, just like. And I was just like, he's just like mike you're like you're the you know like you shouldn't be that angry in a vest like just like that and i'm killed it's just like yeah it's just so fun yeah i think i want to do a show uh not yeah i think like a not like a roast battle, but like, that'd be a fun, who gives a fuck?

A compliment battle? I would like that. I would like that. You do your set and the person after you like has to like shit on your, and it just keeps going like a chain shitting on each other. Interesting. It might be hard because the first person will take a bowl. I'll be the first person. I'll start it you make fun of me and keep going does a show at uh

in philly at the uh what's the what's the club up there not the helium at helium yeah he does a show it's called digital graffiti he's so funny where a comic goes up and then there's two screens on the side of the comic comic can't see the screens there are three other comics sitting at a table and they're just posting stuff to the screen sort of like a text thread yeah just trashing the comedian so like you're performing and then like they're just typing shit about you so you have no idea like the crowd's laughing at you but he's like dude people are vicious dude i couldn't do that yeah he. He was like, oh, that's pretty cool. He's like, I'm not going to book you for that. They're going to tear you apart.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that. Philly, too, man. Yeah. I don't know. When I did the punchline in Philly, everyone was really nice. I mean, I was opening up for a guy who was on not even Last Comic Standing. America's Got Talent. So different demographic. not even last comic standing. America's Got Talent.

Different demographic. I just got bumped from a show this week that I was very excited about. Oh, shit. Roy Wood Jr. I'm sure that the only reason Andrew remembered to tell me that I was no longer on the show was because I started promoting it. He heard one of the promotions and he was like, no, I forgot to tell you.

Who were you supposed to be working with? Roy Wood Jr show and just super funny special from last year is one of my favorites i didn't know he was on the daily show he's the funniest part of the daily show yeah i meant the blonde woman whose name escapes me yeah i like neil brennan's bits on there too oh yeah is she on there michelle wills on the daily show yeah or she'd maybe just be a writer dude she's really funny. Anyway, so. And her husband just had a book come out called Fire and Fury. Michael Wolf. Yeah.

Have you seen that guy? That guy is weird looking. Yeah. I think that book is kind of dumb probably. Oh, of course. Somebody, I forget who said it, but they're like, it's basically just like Trump porn. Like liberals are like, did you read this? Yeah. Do you guys know Michael Way? way no used to do comedy out of dc yeah mike way yeah black guy so dude didn't he marry uh jessica and then it doesn't i don't know yeah they were

married yeah way and jessica yeah they moved to new york together yeah they're divorced now though oh yeah well he's just a brilliant dude. Yeah. Follow him on Facebook. He did a review of that book on some website. Oh, yeah? It made me kind of curious about reading it. Is he still doing comedy?

No, he's not doing comedy anymore. But, man, I follow him pretty avidly on Facebook because he's just a brilliant guy. What's he up to? He reads everything. He's reading. What's he do? He reads everything. He's reading. What's he up to? I don't know. Probably something.

Probably like an assassin. Some Facebook posts. It's so scary because I remember, yeah, he was a killer. He's a really funny comic, but he's down in Virginia now. There was another comic. Me and him started together, but he was just funny. Ben, do you remember that kid? Fuck, what was his name?

He won Baltimore. Oh. He's like asexual. He's a writer now. But yeah, no, now he's sexual now. He probably just was not. He's been on the podcast. Why am I blanking on his last name?

He's such a player, dude. He works for BuzzFeed now. Fuck, what is his name? But I think he quit comedy. He was so funny. Did he? No. I wish I could quit comedy. I haven't seen him promoting in a minute. Yeah, what is his name? But I think he quit comedy. He was so funny. Did he? No. I wish I could quit comedy.

I've never seen him. I haven't seen him promoting in a minute. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Fuck, what is his last name? You wish you could quit. Yeah, me too. I've tried.

I've tried so many times. I've tried twice. I was talking to my editor at Baltimore Magazine the other day, and I was in a story. We're going to cut out Baltimore Magazine. They're not friends of the pot i'm just kidding i'm totally we always support baltimore style magazine yeah hell yeah dude yeah the magazine of record thank you been in there too wait so what you're telling your so i she wrote a thing as a forward to their body issue for january and there's a thing there's

like a picture of me when i was like 10 in it and something i wrote on facebook that she so and as i mentioned like it was like this is it and something i wrote on facebook that she so and then so i mentioned like it was like this is the first the second time i've been in there the last time was like 1980 when i was in the background at a blast game and a story about keith van aaron damn that's more blast goalie and she's like you're gonna be in there every 40 years and i was like trying to think what i'm gonna be there and when i'm 85 and she was like trying to think what I'm going to be there in when I'm 85. And she was like, still stand up comedy. God, God, good Lord, I hope not. I fucking hope not.

It's fucking, ugh. Yeah, stand up can be a bit of a drain sometimes too. Yeah, it's tiring. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes you fucking go and you try. I think for me it's better. What's my take here? It's funny like it was sometimes like

the biggest shows i've done i was single and it's just such a weird juxtaposition to like fucking go kill in like a theater and then you drive home alone for like an hour and a half and then just go to bed and you have all this adrenaline. And you're just like, that was cool. And then so it goes from this extreme like high to then just being like lonely. And it's just such weird highs and lows. And it's pretty constant, too. That's how it's kind of always going to be.

It's just like, you know, it's milestones for you where it's like, I crushed feature set or that was great i got in this club and then literally it's like so i'm gonna get taco bell on the way home now and then like it is like when you write like when you're just just starting out and you're like trying to like build a five minutes uh going from that to going to like hosting in a club like that's a pretty big leap that can take some people like a year or two it took me a long time it takes a while yeah it's even a year is really fast yeah and then i went from and then like to go from like hosting to like you know usually if you're hosting at a club you're maybe doing like local feature work maybe maybe and uh then you're featuring at a club and that like that seems

like big leaps but then once you get to the spot where you're featuring at clubs and then you realize to go from the feature to the headliner spot is like massive yeah it just seems like a fucking mountain you'll never fucking be able to climb yeah especially to tour like nationally yeah yeah for me it's been the change of what comedy means to me. I mean, I've been doing this for, I mean, I started in 2000, so 18 years coming up on. God damn. Because when you say 2000, it does not feel like 18 years ago.

Yeah, it still feels like five years ago. But it's like, you know, there's a point where I was like, all I want to do is get into Harvey's Comedy Club in Portland. Then I'll be, that means I'm a success, right? Yeah. And then things start to work out and I'm doing competitions and I'm doing well and I'm like, I'm going to be a star. And then I move back here and things got, but then, like, you know,

there was a period where I was like, change my tack. Like, I'm going to be writing this and I'm doing that and I'm just, I'm doing radio and I'm going to like, just try and be a local celebrity. That's what I want, just be writing this. I'm doing that. And I'm doing radio. And I'm going to just try and be a local celebrity. That's what I want, just a local. And then now I've got two kids and a wife and a mortgage and all this shit. And I'm like, fuck, what is comedy? I feel like the talent is still there. But when am I going to have the time?

Can I be content with this? Can I be content with this you know can i be content with so i just you know i just recorded a new album yeah and uh and video did a three camera shoot and stuff and my buddy just finished editing it but we need to reshoot some stuff because i talked to my wife from the stage and so he's like it'd be really great if you could get a shot of your wife so we got to go out to mcgoobies and get her sitting in a chair with a friend. Make sure she's holding a newspaper from that day. Be like, yeah, we didn't shoot this in post. That was that day where she was in the audience.

Yeah, but it's such a weird thing where you... At this point, is it for me? Is it just for me, right? And if it is, if you're a painter, you can paint just for you. If you're a musician, you can play guitar in the yard, right? If you're a comedian... Yeah, you have to do it in front of people.

You have to do it in front of people. But you're doing it for yourself still. You're not doing it for other people, dude. But you still have to jump through... It can never just be a hobby. On a certain level, you have to put shit into it. Well, yeah. That's the thing, too.

You can fuck around and play guitar three times a week and be like hey i learned i can play iron man now i did that but like you can't really be like i do comedy twice a month like you're gonna suck at it what's funny because what you're saying is you're not a hobbyist and i think no i think i am kind of a hobbyist but national like when i was working with uh uh that sarah tiana uh comic and other comics you hear like i've heard them say like it makes me feel shitty because i do comedy a lot you know but it's not my job i don't i still have a day gig so anyone who has a day gig and but does comedy like i guess to like have you know to people who are actual, they're considered hobbyists.

I don't know. And it's like, I don't actually give a fuck, but sometimes it makes me feel like, oh yeah, what the fuck? It makes me feel like what I'm doing is shitty. You're just not doing it at a cool level. Yeah, but I don't think that's true. I don't think that's what everybody,

I've had, like what's his name? Who's the guy who does something, Raymond, something about Raymond or whatever, that guy on TV. Oh, Everybody Loves Raymond? raymond loves raymond one of the biggest comics ray romano ray romano yeah he didn't quit his day job until his third tonight show spot you know and and i've had i've had when i was starting out i had big comics telling me like don't quit your day job for as long as you can avoid it because what you do all you're gonna write is about his airports you know like you know that yeah you know there's a reality to life i mean i i'd had a couple years where i was lucky enough to be on tour but it was like shitty yeah road gigs right right you know one nighters and stuff

yeah but uh i think it's i think i think that time has kind of passed to have been like you're either all in or you're not. I think that's dumb. It's like, I have a very flexible job. I make good money. I have plenty of time to do comedy. I've never been like, I don't know. My job's never been like, well, it's either this or comedy.

You can do both. And it's smart to do both. I would hate to be 31, have no money, and be doing the same shit that I'm doing now. There are comics that are doing that. They're doing the same mics, the same spots. And hoping that they're getting a break. But it's like, dog, we're in D.C. and Baltimore. No matter how much of a killer you are here, you have to make that move.

And unless you have real good connections or some sort of representation which is very rare if you're in dc baltimore area yeah like you know you gotta hit those fucking mics in new york and yeah you gotta start all over essentially yeah for me i'm you know like i'm in a spot where my kids are getting old enough where i can get out and do some stuff and i kind of feel like ramping it back up not to like where you guys are but just like be a regular because like right now i feel like whatever i'm writing is working you know like whenever i come to with a new bit and i'm always coming up with new bits and they're working the first time out like i i feel like in a like i get it in a way that i never i got i get myself um maybe because i've been away from it there's a

certain freedom yeah um there's also like i know like i'm a 45 year old chubby white guy like what the fuck is gonna happen it's just there's no pressure on it you know right which is actually kind of the best thing too because the the stakes aren't there so then you can have fun and then it's good again you know like because i've kind of taken like a little bit of break like from like as much as i was doing stand-up like in the past month so i've i mean i've been doing it but not as hard of like three or four nights a week. And now when I do it, I'm like, oh, I'm like excited to do it again because you can get like burnt out. Yeah. So I think it's good to take a break as well and then like get some perspective and come back to it.

Do you guys know Marianne Circus? Nah. She's a she just moved here. She's a comedian. She and I are about to start. She's on. She does the 98 Rock Afternoon Show, but she's a comedian with real chops and real comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she and I are starting a monthly show. And I think that's kind of a good way to get back into it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's just like you said. It's basically knowing what you want to get out of it. If you're like, well, I i'm gonna go do this bar gig and i guess tonight shows around the court like you know just go do it for what you want to get out of it it's like okay i'm gonna have fun i'm gonna work on new material like i did 10 new

minutes that was great you know so i gotta say this because uh it's umar umar just stepped out probably a little umar's room yeah and uh but i would keep thinking about like 18 years of comedy and one of my all-time favorite moments of being a comic uh-huh and one of my least favorite moments of being a comic uh-huh involve the two of you guys okay well so umar and i did a road gig in southern maryland yeah three years ago maybe i ended up i ended up doing that same gig like uh like a month or two after that yeah that guy's a fucking weirdo i love going down there it's always a trip and i always kill you know but um but uh the owner of that place it's southern maryland is this like steakhouse comedy club yeah in this barren strip mall on the

outskirts of waldorf yeah what was it it's called uh it's white plains maryland i was like i didn't even know there was a white plains until i got booked in white plains maryland did you know on the outskirts of white plains this is absolutely true there are in maryland and virginia are three little townships poe white poe black, Poe Black, and Poe Monkey. What? Yeah. Which just... Wow. Yeah. Wow. Mm-hmm.

Still there. Still on the signs. We used to have a sign from the Poe Monkey Maryland campground and discotheque in my college house that was advertised. Oh, my God. It was one of those orange and black Dayglo DC Baltimore posters. And it was for a band called Chocolate Buttermilk Funk Experience. Hell on earth is that?

Jesus Christ. Anyway, so the guy who owns it is like the boss hog for like a block around. He owns like the florist, the laundromat, the liquor store, the restaurant, and the porn shop. Yeah, I was going to say, and the sex toy shop. And he tipped Umar and I with this. He was like, you know what? Claudia, or whatever the girl working there is,

take them over, open the porn shop, let them both pick something out and pick out something for their ladies. And for the listener at home, if you're picturing this guy, that's exactly what he looks like.

Yeah. Whatever you think, whatever you think that like the boss hog of White Plains, Maryland looks like, that runs comedy shows and a sex shop,

that's exactly what he looks like and uh umar didn't take anything so i took two things but um oh he's good for you the joke i do on stage about it is like and he said pick out something for your lady and i think my wife is going to love uh this pocket pussy we're talking about uh the white plan show and then we gotta we gotta wrap up here so Well, can I tell my sad story? Yeah, absolutely. You and I did a show, and this is where I first met your dad. Yeah.

And it was a fun show, and you and I drove out together. Yeah, Tawny Town, Maryland, baby. We were driving home, and I'd forgot my wallet. And you had to pay for gas. And I, to this day, think about that and be like, Really? Does he still hate me for that? I like I felt like such a loathsome little creature that really, you know, I honestly don't even think about like when you brought it up.

I was like, oh, yeah, but that's not the part that sticks out. I'm like that motherfucker didn't give me ten dollars. There's other shit you did, Jim. No, I just. yeah, that was fine. It was, you're like, yeah, can you drive? And it's like, sure. And then you're like, I just forgot my wallet. I wasn't like, man, fuck this guy.

I know we got to close. Can I leave one bit of Emo Phillips wisdom that taps into what you were saying earlier, Umar? Yeah, of course. We were talking about like, you can shit all over the Republicans and people are like, yeah. And you say, maybe you guys are wrong about this. And they're like, boo, Hitler.

But Emo Phillips used to do this. You could look it up. He's like Emo Phillips heretic joke where he's talking about walking across the Golden Gate Bridge and there was a guy about to jump and he's like, hey, brother, what's wrong? I'm a Christian.

Let's talk about it. He's like, oh, you're a Christian? I'm a Christian. Protestant or Catholic about it's like oh you're a christian i'm a christian like a protestant or catholic protestant oh me too uh baptist or baptist oh me too northern baptist oh me too and then he's like a great lakes region oh me too congregation of 1872 or congregation of 1868 congregation of 1868 and Congregation of 1868. And I said heretic and pushed them off. Yeah, like people want everything to be a lot like, you know, oh, you don't think

this way, then it's just like. Well, also they like can agree same way. It's like, yeah, shit on those people. That's really funny. Hey, don't make fun of me, though. Yeah, don't do that. It's really interesting. Even at the women's march, I remember people were making fun of me though yeah don't do that really interesting uh even at the women's march i remember people were making fun of the way trump looked it's like he can't control that like why is that like i think we should be able to make fun of the way people look but if you made

fun of the way obama looks yeah or the way that that person posting that what looks like like oh you ugly brush like how dare you yeah yeah it's really uh it's just it's just i don't know people are stupid insensitive and annoying that's how we normally close the show like we say here at the dick sesh people are stupid sensitive and annoying so only 400 listeners huh yeah just soft people man i can't be around them. They're just ugh. Yeah. Well, yeah. Let's close it out here.

Jim, plug anything. Laugh Finder podcast, of course. Laugh Finder podcast. Look for my writings. Got some stuff coming out. So, you know, keep an eye. Yeah, you're a great writer. Yeah, keep an eye out.

I'm doing some stuff for City Lab coming up. How are you releasing your album? That I haven't figured out yet. Because I'm like, yeah, that I need to figure out. Maybe I need to talk to an expert. Or an expert from Mexico is called a Mexpert. I don't know if you know that. I've never heard of that.

Tex Mexpert. Yeah, so, Omar, anything? Yes. um yeah so uh umar anything yes uh january 26th i will be hosting in the dc improv lounge come to that january 28th i'm doing probably not gonna be a great show but it's free variety show at 13.5 in uh hamden the wine place oh yeah january 30th i'm headlining the colony colony club in dc adrian rodney and pd steel do that show i think very funny dc comics uh february 2nd um no february 1st gin and jokes and uh jason weems is headlining uh i didn't do this on purpose but i realized that i booked all black comics nice for uh Jokes in February, which is Black History Month.

So I had to text them all. I'm like, guys, total accident. Don't read into it, but it's an all black show. I think that's perfect. January 20th, I'm doing a Women's March benefit show at Joe Squared. It's pay what you can. All the proceeds will go towards the Women's March benefit show at Joe Squared. It's pay what you can. All the proceeds will go towards the Women's March movement. That's an all-women

lineup. I'm just producing. I will not be performing. February 18th, I'm recording my album at Creative Alliance. Please buy tickets. Please. January 27th, there's a Laugh Finder show, and Aaron Henkin will be doing stand-up for his first time. Holy shit.

It's a Mike Quinlan room that's just opening, and I can't remember where it is, and my phone is closed off. Somewhere in Baltimore. Look for that. We'll plug it on the next show, because there's time there. Let's see. I am, after, what do we got here? I am on the 9th.

What is it? February 9th. I'll be a beer baron for a show down there. And then the 18th of this month, my band, Tremendous Athlete, is playing at the Crown. So come out to that. I'm very excited for that. Go, go. And yeah, thanks everybody for listening.

Jim, thanks for coming by. Thanks for having me, James. Yeah. I hope everybody's enjoying their day off, right? Yeah. Monday, enjoying the day off? Hell yeah. Okay. Yeah, I have to go enjoying their day off, right? Monday, enjoying the day off? Hell yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I have to go. Shout out to that dude. Yeah, I'm getting my car fixed on Monday because somebody rear-ended me. So that was nice. So Geico's finally paying for it, which is nice. Oh, they got a hold of them? Well, I had to upload pictures. Speaking of Facebook, well, we'll end real quick.

But speaking of Facebook, I kind of like it because you can see what's going on. So the guy that hit me, I looked him up and all his information, like how it's like so-and-so studied at, went to works at, where it says works, he said, wish I had one. I was like, wow. And then it said college, never went. And I was like, oh, this guy's not going to pay me. Damn.

But they got a hold of them? No. So I had to upload pictures to the Geico website. And they're like, okay, so judging by this, we are going to pay for it. Which was like a weird loophole because they're like, oh, we didn't get a hold of the people that hit you. So it's kind of your word against theirs. So if they don't answer the phone, I'm like, what? That's a perfect strategy. Yeah, like what? That's unbelievable phone i'm like what that's how perfect strategy yeah

like what that's unbelievable yeah so luckily that's getting done but uh yeah thanks everybody for uh listening all 400 and uh yeah jim thanks for being on man we'll have you back on excellent and uh yeah get us back on laugh finder too i had a good time absolutely yeah you guys are the two of the you guys are two of the best guests we've ever had. Hell yeah. Who's the worst? I'm kidding. Don't say that. I won't say it. Ringo Starr. It rhymes with Schmon Schmokes.

Schmon Schmokes? Oh, I know. I think off-mic we will. Yeah. All right. Well, look for our episode next week with Schmon Schmokes. All right. David Koechner, take us out.

Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah