The Digression Sessions - Ep. 246 - Dual Pod w/ Live From The Studio

Episode Date: March 22, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down for dual podcast aka crosscast with Jimmy Solesky & Eric Glaeser from Live From The Studio / LFTS Podcast! This is another group hang and it's a lot of fun. Check out their pods too! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Who's your worst guest? Probably like a musician or someone Yeah Musicians don't know how to tell a story They really don't They also don't know how to talk in the mic ironically

Come on It's weird Yeah I interviewed the dude from Why And he has a podcast too So I was like Oh it's gonna be easy He knows how to talk

So I'm like So why did you decide to record the latest record in texas and he's like because we got a good deal on it that's a good story thanks dude amping the ratings of it yeah norm mcdonald on the couch you got a good deal that's so cool yeah i thought it'd so cool. We know the producer. We used to tour through there. It's cheap. The studio is legendary.

A lot of history there. We got a Groupon deal. The studio. You look like a steal. That's tight. Do you guys have to prepare interview questions? Never. I had a few. let's say you guys have to prepare like like interview questions when you never right no i

mean i had a few just because i wanted to i with the comedian i think it's easy to just go free form exactly they probably prefer that but then with a musician like i wanted to be like this album and blah blah blah and this tour and yeah but i don't think i've ever been on the podcast when we did a musician but then i think because comics get tired of talking about comedy and why you got into it, how you write, and blah, blah, blah. So musicians probably feel the same way.

I don't know. Do they just want to talk? A comedian is kind of inadvertently promoting himself by having a free-form funny conversation. He's like a musician. In order to promote themselves, unless they're literally playing a song in studio, has to literally just talk about music

and be terrible at it, I guess. Fuck musicians. Say all podcasts, all right? Are we recording? Yes, we are. What does a good podcast sound like? Utmost respect for musicians. I love to hear behind the scenes stories.

The world needs them, you know? It's how you connect. It's universal language, dude. Music. Dude, that's true. I was trying to pull that and I was like, what is this saying? Music, man.

People talk it. Dude, people love it. It's everywhere. Everybody understand? Ringtones, you know? You hear a ringtone, you're like, okay, we can hang out. So's everywhere. Everybody understand? Ring tones, you know? Baby. You hear a ring tone, you're like, okay, what's up? We can hang out.

So what is this built as? Like an official crosscast? How does this even work? Oh, this is a cross. It's a dual podcast. A dual podcast. In that we are all holding guns. I want everybody at home to know we're all guns pointed at each other the whole time. Giant Mexican standoff.

Who's going to post it first? Very casually have guns out. So what have you been up to? Not much. Yeah, man. How was your guys' weeks? I mean, I just want to start off just with a preliminary obligatory

shout out to UMBC basketball. Are we all UMBC alum? No You're the only Indian guy here Oh, Indian guy? What was that?

I'm Pakistani, motherfucker You're the only Indian guy Is UMBC known for Indian people? Definitely, dude You must be Chinese, right? Yeah, well, China isn't India. Well, it's Asian. They're all Asian.

Okay, all right. You're Pakistani, so you don't know that. You don't know. You got to go back to UMBC, dude. You don't know shit. All kidding aside, that was like one of the most amazing games I've ever seen. Yeah, I missed it. I totally missed it.

I didn't even know we were playing. Dude, I don't even, nobody, it nobody it was i mean i couldn't believe it i knew that they got in and then i had no idea that they were playing virginia which was like the number one ranked team in all of the tournament and it wasn't even it wasn't even like a good it was just a blowout they beat the shit out of them fucking blowout by 20 points do you think the coaches had money on it they're like guys just blow this game we. We're going to be rich as shit. My brother was saying, he was like, dude, if you bet like a hundred bucks on UMBC, you'd be

a trillionaire right now. Like who the fuck had them winning? It's never happened before. Some people did. I saw some video on Instagram that said nobody's having more fun in Vegas than these guys. And it was like dudes in UMBC. For the record, they are from UMBC. They're probably still not having fun.

But the whole country is like what is umbc and it was really weird too because it was four indian dudes just doing math in the middle of the casino yeah we don't know who knows chinese i don't know i also like that like umb, well, they refused to get a football team. They refused? Yeah. I don't know. I mean. No, Hrabowski said he doesn't want a football program. Oh, okay.

Because he wants to focus on academics. Oh, my God. Which I love that about UMBC, because they PR themselves as a nerd school. But not anymore, because their Twitter page is blowing the fuck up. It really is. Dude, they went from 5,000 followers up to like 60,000 in one day. Oh, yeah. They're trending.

They're still trending. And the guy running their Twitter account is a fucking savage. Really? He's like the guy running the Wendy's account. Like what?

Hold on, I gotta look at it. Dude, he's tweeting, like there was this one, I mean, they're just tweeting heat right now. It's insane. They're getting like tons. He tweeted this one picture

of this Maryland fan that had a sign that said UMBC, University of Maryland backup college. Yeah, and then he would retweet it. He was like, I remember from this game back in December. Hopefully you enjoyed this game from your couch, dude.

It just fucking went viral. Dude, he was crushing everybody. He was slaying people. UMBC Athletics or Basketball? I think UMBC Athletics. Yeah, I saw some. Not like as spicy as that, but somebody was tweeting like, what is going on?

And the quote tweet was like, we're beating the shit out of Virginia. Can you imagine being at 5,000 followers yesterday? This time yesterday, 5,000 followers. They're at 70K right now. Well, they're trending. Non-stop blowing up. Yeah, they're like all over SportsCenter, Bleacher Report, all that shit. UMBC probably should get a football team now.

I'm like the side of Facebook and shit. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking insane. It's never happened before. It never has. And it probably never will again. And what sucks too is this podcast is going to come out after their second game. And what if they lose? We're like, dude, it was crazy. They beat

Virginia. And then Kansas State's going to destroy them. I can see you going all the way. Yeah. Someone tweeted at them, your 24 wins were probably in a YMCA league, though. And then UMBC Athletics responded, nah, they were against college teams. You might have heard of

the team we beat for win number 25, though. Dude, Larry Hogan, the governor, I remember on the radio I was listening and C4 was like, Governor Larry Hogan, pick UMBC to win. Ha ha. Like laughing. I was like, that's cute. That's nice.

I guess if you're the governor of Maryland, you can't not do that. He's like, man, fuck them. Virginia, what's up? Everyone's bracket is fucked, except for Larry Hogan's. And those four Indian guys in Vegas. That's actually the team of UMBC. It's Larry Hogan and Ford. Those are our starters.

He's starting five, dude. Larry Hogan, it's like a greater comeback than Armstrong because Larry Hogan, he had cancer. Yeah, he probably had cancer. You know. I remember when he just became governor and he's like, hey, I have cancer.

Is that a deal breaker? He's a Republican governor You know. Dude, he has a fucking Asian wife. I remember when he just became governor and he's like, hey, I have cancer. And then like, because he's a Republican governor. Is that a deal breaker? He's a Republican governor in a very liberal city. And I think everyone's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Dude, people are happy when he got cancer. All these progressives are like,

okay, cool, cool, cool. We're like, let's see what happens. Let's play this out. Dude, he got cancer again, didn't he? Yeah, well, it was a skin. It was just like a small skin, like mole thing he had removed. And then he made like a tweet, something like cancer zero Hogan two. And I'm like, dude, you are getting cocky.

Yeah, right? I had to fucking calm down. Yeah, it's just like you NBC, like we're going to keep winning forever, dude. Yeah, seriously. But it's also like, you know, like a lot of people, when they have cancer, they get rid of it, comes back, and they die, motherfucker. It's so funny that you tweeted that to him. Yeah. I mean, that's cool and all, but you got to chill, fam.

Yeah, dude. Here are the real stats, Hogan. So somebody, I guess like people have been shit talking at UMBC Athletics. Absolutely. And then UMBC will respond, but then the people delete their tweets. So a lot of the tweets are unavailable. They're just getting roasted. These are one of their last two tweets from UMBC Athletics.

And we just beat the number one team in the nation in the second tweet after that by like 20. And the fact that that's a separate tweet is pretty cool, too. The guy's a freaking savage. It's probably some 19-year-old nerd. Absolutely. His personal Twitter probably has like 34 followers. It's like, awesome. This is his peak.

Totally. This is his NCAA tournament. Just crushing sixes. Oh, my God. In between playing World of Warcraft, he takes breaks to tweet. Yeah, I think even in the interview in the locker room, somebody was like, wasn't UMBC known for winning chess championships

before this? And the guy just goes like, not anymore. Their fucking point guard looks like the manager at Season's Pizza, dude. And he might be, actually. And their uniforms look like they're LTRC or something. I think they look rat. What's LTRC?

Lutherville Timonium Recreation Council. Who the fuck would know that? Who they may have lost to earlier in the year. Deep cut. I'd love to play there. Deep cut. Who would know LTRC? My bad, dude.

Look, we don't know how many. You guys get a lot of listeners. Do we? We do. Oh, I thought you said you did. Eric's like, what? What? Is it weird? Do people ever

come up to you that you don't really know? They're not your friends and they tell you they listen to your pod at shows or something? It's been happening recently. Isn't that weird? It's super weird. I've only been recognized for stand-up twice in my life. One was when I was holding a door

open for someone walking into a theater at the movie theater. They're like, hey okay you do call me like yeah CPP whoa stand up at CVP that sounds like a nightmare no the open mic remember that's back when the call me funny people were doing it oh yeah yeah okay and then the other time was when I was parking in Hamden and someone pulled up to my car and was like hey I think I've seen you do comedy at Sidebar. Can you pull up just a little bit so I can park behind you? You're just as bad at comedy as my parking, asshole.

Can you scoot jump a little bit? That's the best when people do recognize you and you think you're about to get a compliment, but they just leave it there. They ask you for a favor. One time I was at a coffee shop. Just one time? One time.

One time at a coffee shop. Well, you know, whatever. Was it today? Omar's like, one time I was breathing oxygen. I was at a coffee shop with my girlfriend at the time and her friends. And this waitress came up to me. She was like, hey, I know you. And I never would go like, well i do comedy yeah but i

just was like well where else would this fucking person know me from i've never seen her before i don't recognize her or anything so i just go oh well i'm a comedian she's like no definitely not that and then she comes back and she goes, oh yeah, I see you at every coffee shop. It's like every time I go to a coffee shop, you're always there

and I'm like, why is this guy always at a coffee shop? We've been there one time. Yeah. I was like, man, that is so embarrassing.

By the way, is that your car parked outside? Because I thought like, because dude, like, you know, when you get recognized, especially if you're on a date or with friends. It's always nice. By the way, is that your car parked outside? Because I thought, like, you know, when you get recognized, especially if you're on a date or with friends. It's always nice. Because it happens more. It happens in Baltimore because it's a small town.

Yeah. And it's a great feeling. That's just so funny. Just picturing you in line. You're like, I'll take my coffee to go now, actually. Yeah. Get out of here. I'm going to kill myself.

Yeah, wrap my scone up because I'm going to kill myself. Use a lot of extra twine, please. Yeah. I'm going to kill myself. Wrap my scone up because I'm going to kill myself. Use a lot of extra twine, please. I'm going to need that. I had that at work once. It was really early in the morning and I was down in our cafeteria getting coffee and I was toasting a bagel and somebody came up to me and they were like,

Hey, were you at Magoobie's last night? Do you do comedy? And I was like, Oh yeah. And she goes, I thought so. And then walked away and I was like, my god okay yeah it's worse than being like not too good she was just like pretty mediocre huh i didn't want to believe it but also it's like not a shitty thing for them you know what i mean it's like you're not a bad you're not being shitty for not giving a compliment but it feels like they're being shitty it's like just don't bring it up you know yeah yeah i mean at least they recognize you i don't yeah i thought it was fine i yeah it's better to be humble too i think like somebody to keep you humble versus

like you're so great oh yeah yeah because dude i mean i couldn't imagine what like famous people go through i don't know a nice compliment would be sick every now and then. Dude, would you get it? I got just like a small piece of that the other day. Pete Bergen posted a picture of me and him at your mic, Umar, on Instagram. And he was like, hey, me and this fellow at the mic or something. And then people commented. And they're like, that dude's skank.

And I was like, what does that even mean? And then somebody wrote, what was it like meeting, quote unquote, Jimmy Fallon? And I was like, damn. even mean and then somebody wrote what was it like meeting quote-unquote jimmy fallen and i was like damn oh and i read that i was like pissing at a urinal it's like oh that hurts oh my god dude one time uh somebody tried to that's the first time i've ever heard anybody pronounce it jimmy fallen yeah but that was the joke i think oh that like like fell off okay yeah that is one thing I've learned like from doing comedy is like I don't shit talk anything publicly like if a comedian has a special that came out there oh good I don't go to like Facebook like that's really the last blink album releases an album that I'm like, I might have did with the last Blink album,

but it's close to me. I feel like we're friends. Yeah, that was worse because you were like, it doesn't suck, I'm just disappointed. Blink went to their room and they're like, we're going to bed, shut up. Fuck, Omar hates us. Omar's like, do you want me to drive you

40-year-old to the half pipe? They're like, no! We're going to bed. Yeah, because so much work goes into recording it up. Just getting there. The fact that someone released something that you fucking have heard of is insane. Even if you don't like the band or the comedian or whatever, still, they put in so much work

so, like, why just put that out in the universe of shit on people? It makes no, like, I remember this fucking,

you never look good doing that kind of shit. No. Like, everyone reads that shit and they're like, oh, this guy's an asshole.

Yeah, what a petty prick. I'm like, what set him off today? Like, being a fucking nobody, it's just, like,

tempting to just post shit up but I think about like all right one day if something happens like it does it does it looks it looks bad and it just and what does it accomplish because like sometimes those people see that shit too you know I'm tweeting at celebrities in general yeah except for Danny star. I'm like really convinced that I could potentially Is she Stormy Daniels' sister? She's one of my faves. Danny Daniels?

Mm-hmm. She's one of the best. She's one of the greats. Who did, what about Allison Tyler? Is that? No, don't. Aisha Tyler's sister?

I know what you're going to say, though. I can't? I wouldn't. We know someone who had sex with her. Nice. Oh, no.

I wasn't going to say that. I wouldn't. But this is what I would't. We know someone who had sex with her. Oh, no, I wasn't going to say that. I wouldn't. But this is what I would say if I weren't me. What were you going to say? No, I was going to say, so Tommy Sambazo, him and I were talking about her. And I was like, oh, yeah, she's a babe. And then he messaged me like a few days later and was like, yeah, Umar likes her too. Can you imagine?

You guys could have shared so much. You're probably beating off to the same point starting the same house what a weird fucking tommy knows that about both of us individually we've had that conversation and he stored that in his mind being like all right yeah so anyway umar had sex with allison tyler and uh i don't think i've ever seen allison tyler i gotta check her out she's i think is she australian no no she's american she's like tall she's a big she no, no. She's American. She's like tall. She's a big girl. She's new to me too. Is it like a person I would know?

She's been around. I'm sure you would recognize her. No, I mean like the person that had sex with her. Maybe. Maybe. That's definitely a life checkbox. I'll tell you after the podcast. Thank God. I need to know. That was perfect.

Well, we can't talk about this. Because, well... Wait, well, back to the public shitting on things. I remember there was this fucking guy who did comedy for, I don't know, like six months, and he sucked, but he would talk like he was so good. And I remember when John Mulaney's special came out, like New in Town. That's a dope special.

It's one of the best specials. It's pretty much perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. Every word is hilarious. That Home Alone bit is so good. I just don't get it. John Mulaney isn't that good. And he literally thinks he was better than John Mulaney,

which John Mulaney is amazing. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Is this guy still doing comedy? No, he's fucking, he sucks, he's a hack, and he like, I mean, I'll say to his face, I don't give a shit.

I'm not going to say his name. I won't say his name on the podcast. That's a hack. If he came up to me, I was like, yeah, because you sucked and you acted like a dick

all the time at shows. Yeah. It's also just, it's not beneficial to anybody like also people that are doing well i never see them shitting on other people like even like in the local scene like people that are doing well are never involved in drama it's amazing how many people don't even understand the concept like dude being a dick doesn't like i don't understand how you think being a dick is beneficial to your life yeah i just don't know how else to be for some

reason i guess when you do stuff like, like if I was a dick like in my school psych job, like what would I accomplish? Like, it's the same thing. Like everyone will hate you. Tough love and more. Get the fuck over it, kid.

Alright? Do your fucking homework. There's definitely a weird thing with comics though where like, I don't know, like some of them feel like they're the fucking like,

they're the truth and they need to fucking let everyone know cause this is what everyone's thinking but they're too afraid to say it is that where like the delusion is so deep in themselves that they're like I'm the best they suck like they have to do that otherwise if they admitted that they're not that good they would just crumble

I think it stems from kind of like a but it's a sense of entitlement cause you think like oh why you'll see someone who's like getting booked more than you I think it stems from kind of like a bully. Because then they just stop doing it. But it's a sense of entitlement. Because you think like, oh, why? You'll see someone who's like getting booked more than you. You see someone who's like, and you think you're funnier than them. And you think you work just as hard. And you're not getting the breaks. And like, yeah, maybe that's true.

It could be true. Let's say it's true. But like there's so much luck involved. Yeah. And then you think like, I don't know, know, someone's actively trying to hurt your career. Yeah, and it's never like the club is like, should we book X or Y? It's never that way.

It's like, well, fuck that person. They're not taking anything away from you. I think it stems from an insecurity because I think certain people, if you're trying to advance yourself in a career, try to become the best you can be and stand out, while other people that may be subconsciously aware that they're not as good as the competition,

their way of lifting themselves up is to drag other people down. Kind of like how girls in school and shit like that just talk shit about each other, because that's how they... If I call Lucy a whore, then Tommy's going to think I'm the better... Yeah, not a whore. Or at least a cooler. To be fair, Tommy banged both of you. I'm a truthful whore, then Tommy's going to think I'm the better. Not a whore. Or at least a cooler. To be fair, Tommy banged both of you.

I'm a truthful whore. Tommy's like, by the transitive property, she's not a whore. I feel like there could have been a way better, less misogynistic analogy. There could have been, but it wasn't going to be me who said it. These gals having it up.

I tell you, these broads, you know, they're crabs at the bottom of a barrel. You know what I mean? All after Tommy's dick they are. Oh, these Tommy Lucy. You know,

because that's all girls' lives are is wondering how they can get laid by a dude. That's why they do everything. Yeah.

It's about a man. And all the other girls are in the way, man. Yeah, exactly. Because they're all trying to get laid, you know? Yeah, dude. And us dudes are like,

whoa, wait a minute. Let's have a conversation first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to get to know each other. Yeah. We just met. Yeah. You got to get to know Tommy, okay?

Unbelievable. Do you even know what Tommy's short for? What? Thomas. what is it what is Thomas Thomas yeah

Tom is Tom he was a long version of Tom I like the long version you know Tommy long for Tom right

that's the respectful version hey my name's Tommy my friends call me Tom yeah yeah oh my god the long version like oh shit

your dad's home. Hello, Mr. Tommy. I'm sorry. I don't want to call you Tom and be disrespectful. I've been thinking about making a transition from Jimmy to Jim lately. Because I think Jim is the more adult thing. How do you feel about Jimbo? No.

Not going as Jimbo, but if I was like, hey, what's up, Jimbo? I feel like if you were fat, if Jimmy was fat, Jimbo would work. Oh, okay. If I was fat, that would definitely be what I'd ask for. I feel like that would be hurtful, but you're a handsome, good-looking man. I don't know if Jimbo works for you. Like Jim Meyer, we call Jimbo. Oh, yeah.

Well, we actually call him Jumbo, but I'm kidding. It was right there. I had to do that. I had to. Oh, buddy. I had to. You did. You did.

They don't listen. We're having fun. He's a big fan of our podcast. He's a jumbo fan. No, I love Jim. Love Jim. Wait, so what sparked the change? You got a lot of options. James is in the mix.

See, I've gone through a lot of identity. His real name is Demetrius. I've gone through a lot of identity crises. Are you Greek? Yes. Greek and Italian.. Are you Greek? Yes. Greek and Italian. How did you pick? You are so mafia, mob, fucking.

You look like a Reservoir Dogs character. Yeah, totally. You were born with a necklace on. You came out and you're like, oh, milk's flowing like mud around here. His father unfolded like a fucking Ad adidas tracksuit like a baby version they have a bright pink tracksuit or a bright blue one the gender reveal party they have another big cannoli i thought about going with Dimitri when I was

like 19, 20. I was like, I can't take that fucking shit seriously. It just doesn't work. I had a friend named Dimitri growing up. But you gotta start out as Dimitri. You can't just transition into Dimitri. It's just like, fucking, what are you doing? Yeah, it's tough. So is your middle name James? No, Dimitrius means

James in Greek. Oh, okay. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. If you know, what does that word mean? I have no idea. Could not even be true. That's just my parents told me. Demetri, the American version is Jim.

Yeah. What? Totally. That's some Ellis Island shit. Like, what's your name? Like, translates to Joe Smith. Is that... Hey, yeah, my name is Umar, but call me Matt.

Yeah. In Urdu, that's how it translates. It's actually Big Dick Matt, but you can just call me Matt. Yeah, whatever you want. I mean, that's our language. It's a family name. Oh, boy. All right.

Okay. You're so young. You're like 23, right? No, I'm 25. Oh, dude. Eric and I are like a month apart. Actually, Eric's a month younger than Okay. Yeah. You're so young. You're like 23, right? No, I'm 25. Oh, dude. Eric and I are like a month apart. Actually, Eric's a month younger than me. Yeah.

You guys are both young. I feel like, like Eric, like you, like I thought you were maybe my age or even older. Really? Yeah. And then you just somewhere along the line decided I was actually just 23? Well, then when I found out, like when we were talking, because we have a mutual friend that's your age, that you guys went to school with. Oh, yes. We won't talk about that.

Allison Tyler? So then I was like, oh, wow, Jimmy's young. And then, like, but the way you talk, like, the way you were like, see, this is, like, you'll break stuff. Like, he'll try to break, Jimmy was trying to break stuff down like this the other day you see this is a thing about women i'm like you don't know anything about women like i don't he's like no listen these broads you know they don't want to fuck right here's the thing no matter what they say

they're trying to lock it down they want kids and like like, you know. I'm like, Jimmy, what the fuck? I don't know the kind of woman you're describing. I mean, maybe like if you went to the 1950s. He's somehow eating lasagna and disassembling a gun. He's like, now listen here. All right, I'll tell you the thing. What's going on with these brutes?

He then moves on to cleaning his ravioli I had no idea this is how I was being perceived That entire night Yelling at his mom in the other room Ma! See I dated this girl I'm like you guys are 18

Who gives a fuck You can't use that for any fucking Looking back on So I take this broad to see Toy Story 3 You understand? Now I don't expect anything out of it, but you know, she could be respectful. My mom brings us

in the Toyota Sienna, you know, a nice little ride. She spilled her soda on my mom's Toyota Sienna. I didn't even apologize. My mom's using her TomTom. We're taking the best routes there. Yeah, avoid all the potholes.

Okay, alright. What's this bitch's excuse? Maybe a little kiss at the end of the night would be nice is all I'm saying. Sure, my mom's hair is that weird? Yeah, but still. Come on. You're gonna be a fucking prude. Hold my hand. Come on. He smacks her on the ass as she's getting out of the van.

See you in second period tomorrow Sweetheart Yeah 13 year old mafia Yeah Wear something nice In biology Yeah

Not too nice We're doing an experiment tomorrow Bunts and burners And shit You know How old are you? 29 And you thought I was the same age as you Before we had that conversation Yeah Bunsen burners and shit, you know? How old are you? 29. And you thought I was the same age as you before we had that conversation.

Yeah, and then you showed your age when we were talking. I was like, God, damn. In one conversation, you subtracted fucking five years from my age. Yeah, because I used to talk like that when I was young. And I still am young. I don't know shit about anything. But I remember thinking, talking like, this is the way it is. And now you're just like, it could be that way. I don't know. about anything but like i remember thinking like talking like this is the way it is and now you're just like you're just like it could be that way i don't know maybe who knows

literally every like as you get older you're just like who gives a fuck let's just you know have fun and die like that's it like hell yeah that's what i'm trying to get punk rock yeah that's true like looking for like dude that's why like when you date like i don't like dating people who are younger umar just goes like here's the thing about dating. Now here's the truth about one. Let me educate you young whippersnappers. Like talking to like younger, like early 20 right out of college. It's just really difficult because like I remember I was dating someone over the summer and I think she was just out of college and she was like, we would be talking.

I'm like, I'm just having fun. She's like,'s like she's like yeah but what do you think that means i'm like bitch i don't know what's so fun we don't have to break down everything like who gives a fuck or just like like well like i'll say something she's like interesting i want to hear more about that later i'm like who why it's fine but just bring it up naturally we don't need to like make like notes about like try to force a deep conversation Planning a conversation That is kind of cute Basically using stuff you heard in your internship

Because she's just like Can we put a pin in that? You know what? Let's table that and take that offline What? Stuff like that I don't know, maybe people do it when they get older we're just dumb oh yeah yeah there's a major gap i think the 21 to like 25 gap is humongous dude yeah it's like a lot it's yeah it starts to slow down around 25 are they considered

a different generation like where's gen z start we're all we're all millennials i'm like right on the high school right now right yeah probably i don't know we're millennials 40 is the cutoff millennials right like my no 35 my girlfriend is a gen xer really right yeah so what is what is it because i'm i was born i was born in 86 so so i'm 30 so 82 i think 35 96 is the cutoff for millennials right let me look it could be like oh so 86 to 96 or like 82 but it's such a weird thing because it's like all right so you know if you were born in if you were born in let's okay so 35 is the cutoff let's say so 83 would be the year so if you were born in 84 do you really have more in common with somebody in 94 than born in 82 like it's like the generations it's like it's just like a sliding Yeah, I mean my girl's three years younger than me

and I was talking about Loveline and she was like, what? And I was like, you never listened to Loveline? No, but a lot of people our age didn't listen to Loveline. Dude, I didn't listen. I didn't even know it was. Karen didn't even know it existed though. I think it's a specific type of person. I feel like we had very similar things we were into. But I thought you had to

at least be aware of it because it was on MTV and then it was on the radio every night. Last time you were here, you and Eric were talking about love. Oh, I love it. I learned that it was a thing. Oh, really? Yeah. I love Adam Carolla. Adam Carolla is like a breakout thing.

He's a bummer now. So I googled millennial age cutoff and this is what came up. Manpower group uses 82 to 96 and others it's like, like yeah why even quote a group called manpower that's what this podcast is that's what this podcast is called though right yeah jimmy's manpower hour yeah the crossover one just four podcast. That's our Voltron. It's the manpower. I love that. I think it's from like the 80s.

82 to 96 sounds legit. I can get down with that. That sounds right. I can get down with that. So what is the next generation? What's 97 on? That's Gen Z. Gen Z.

So we're technically, I guess. Do you start over? I think we should call it Generation Y. Because they just, I don't know why. We were Generation Y, and then they got changed to Millennial. I thought Y was before us. I don't know. It's Gen X, Baby Boomer, Gen X,

Millennial, Gen Z. What did I do after this? Where are they going to go? These all sound like terrible wrestlers, by the way. Baby Boomer versus Gen X. Wouldn't they be Gen W or some dumb shit? That was Baby Boomers, technically. They just keep fucking shit up. And then the one before the Baby Boomers

was the Greatest Generation. They locked that one up real quick. We're the Greatest. Nobody's taking that. Negro all the time? But that was fine back then. That was the preferred one, though. That's why they're so great.

Why'd you have to change all the words up, man? These words were the greatest. Where are we going to go from Gen Z, though? We got nowhere else to go Is it double A after that? Do you start over? I guess so That would be kind of a bummer You're the minor league generation

My kids are gonna be in an undefined generation Some asshole's gonna come up with a stupid-ass name It's gonna be dumb What I think is interesting is I hope I don't become that old person that shits on the younger generation because that is such a hack thing to do to look at a generation before you're like, oh, they're such pussies.

It's just like, dude, they just grew up different than you. They're almost existing in a different culture. It's going to happen. Because technology proliferates. Culture changes so much. Our children are going to be holograms. Every generation, their goal

is to make it better for the next generation. It's like you spent your whole life doing that and now you're pissed that it worked. Wait a minute. Oh, we turned them into pussy! Oh, man. I worked a fucking job for 30 years

so I could pay for my kid's college. Do you think because of technology, the gap between a 25 and 20-year-old now is bigger than it was 30 years ago? It's not just technology. There's so many changes. Our generation, we get people like,

we don't get married. We're starting a family. We don't have homes. Speak for yourself, bro. Bought us straight cash but you know you have to look at like the the landscape of of the of the culture of the country like a lot of us first of all a lot of people are getting married and have kids but more people are going to college than ever before careers are starting later people are in fucking debt so it's harder for us to do that and these jobs that you used to be able to walk into with like entry-level positions you can't anymore it's a lot harder

certifications you need all these degrees you need all these licenses to get in to do to jobs before you didn't need any of that stuff i think college also kind of in a way prolongs the state of adolescence yeah are you and i think you're like i wonder if like the college bubble is gonna burst it is because it's so big right now and no one is like it's bigger than any other bubble that's ever been yeah the housing bubble wasn't shit compared to this yeah you can't have a you can't a middle class... Student loan debt exceeds credit card debt. Student loan debt exceeds every other form of debt. Yeah, it does.

And you can't default on it. You can't bankrupt. The amount of people that miss loan payments, like I heard on NPR, it's way higher than you think. Even car loan payments, people just don't... It's bad.

Yeah, that's wild to me. I just got my first credit card. NBD, you guys. But people that don't pay their shit month to month and just let interest build on that. Wow, that's crazy. Our generation... How come every podcast we just turn into pieces of shit?

Oh, my God, yeah. Josh and I will always just be like, Woo! Oh, man, these benefits we got. Oh, I tell you, yeah. It's just like, I woo, oh man, these benefits we got. Oh, I tell you, yeah. It's just like, I had a really great IPA the other day. It was really nice.

But yeah, I mean, that's what it is as you get older. Me and my buddy Blake, we went to the Sagamore Pendry Distillery and did like a tour and we had like this really nice whiskey. Is that the one down in Fells? It's in Port Covington. Yeah, yeah. Oh, there's another Pendry in Fells.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the Pendrian Fells yeah oh yeah yeah that's the yeah that hotel but yeah same dude that owns that Kevin Plank guy so this is like yeah

but yeah the whole ride home he's like so we got a new house and I think actually I'm gonna go geothermal on it because we're gonna get a tax credit and I love the whole conversation

it was great I was like so did you do your taxes yet the amount of time I mean I know I work in schools and stuff but the amount of times like i've been having conversations about mortgages and like mutual funds but also like like like what school districts are good like where you know what it's like i don't even have fucking kids like what am i doing at a party i

was yeah i was talking to a dude at the bar yesterday uh he was a lawyer i mean he had kids and stuff like that but he was saying he lives down in Roland Park He was talking about Sending his kid to private school And shit like that I was like that's gotta be The worst part about Living down there You kinda like

Yeah well Roland Park Elementary middle Is a good school But then after that It's kind of a gamble Yeah So you gotta go to like Poly or

But at least At least for me I understood that I had no place In that conversation Like this dude Had his own firm He's fucking

Drinking a Guinness I'm drinking like A fucking orange grudge Like a pussy You. He's fucking drinking a Guinness. I'm drinking, like, a fucking orange grudge. You know who would love that conversation? Our mutual friends. No, I'm just kidding. He was a cool guy. His name was Patrick. A Guinness isn't that impressive, I gotta say. It was a day before St. I mean, I don't know. Guinness drink beer? Like a beer. Yeah, no, that's

It's not impressive, but I think it's mature. Talk to me when he's drinking a $14 old-fashioned, alright? Old-fashioned is legit. I try to get old-fashions when I got paid that week. I'll get an old-fashioned. Oh, Jimmy, I'm sorry. I'm like, you know what? Well, we know who's not paying off their credit card.

By the way, fuck you for that. What'd you say? Oh, fuck you. It's like these people, they don't even pay off their credit. They just let it ride. Jimmy's just sweating bullets. I don't have any money. I don't even pay off their credit. They just let it ride. Jimmy's just sweating bullets. I don't have any money. I don't know if you comprehend that part.

If I had money, I would pay it. If I had another credit card, I'd be able to pay that one off. That's why I got the credit card. It's like comparing your plight and whatever to the next generation. It's like comparing apples and oranges. It's just different. It's not comparing your plight and whatever to the next generation. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

It's just different. It's not better or worse. It's just different. And people always want to like... I guess it's that thing where it just makes you feel like your life, you worked hard to get where you are and blah, blah, blah. I don't know. I mean, they say millennials have a sense of entitlement,

but it's like, what do you expect? Because they've been told their entire lives, like, you're going to do this, you're going to do this, and you're going to get what you want if you go to school. And then once those things start not happening, God, I thought I was going to be a PhD. But I thought I was supposed to get a nice job. Well, we did tell them for 15 fucking years

that this student loan was going to be worth it. We have an audience member, guys. Yeah, we got a... I don't know if I wanted to say his name. It doesn't matter, but he... How old do you think he is, by the way? Hold on. John, what is that in Greek? That's salviatorio.

That's his real name, right? So John, I mean, dude, this guy is esteemed. He's esteemed. He's accomplished. He's young. I don't even know what he talked about, but he talked for six hours. He's got to be legit. He talked for six hours to a group of people who didn't want to be there.

All right, let me take a crack at your age. I'm going to say he's deceivingly young, I'm assuming. Younger than you think he would be? Yeah, that's what Umar was saying. No, I thought... Nah, just let him guess. Now I fucked it up.

I'm going to say 31. Okay, hold on. Let me guess. Wait, you guys don't know? No, I don't know. I'm going to say 31. Okay, hold on. Let me guess. Wait, you guys don't know? No, I don't know. I just met John this morning. So I'm going to say 12 and 3 months. John, how old are you? So I forgot yesterday how old I actually am, but I'm 39.

39? Isn't that crazy? You look great. You're 39? I noticed a little bit of salt and a pepper, just a couple gray hairs, but you look good, man. Dude, so John, he's a school psychologist. He has a PhD.

Pretty huge dick. I'm kind of liking how this little podcast is going. Yeah, your big dick in this little podcast is going. Your big dick in this little podcast is going great, huh? It's actually Umar's holding the mic to his dick. I'll speak for him. So he came to Baltimore City

to give a talk on this reading intervention he's created and it's used across the country in schools. It's a big deal because I've heard of his intervention before I met him. They talked about it in grad school to us.

What does that mean, a reading intervention? Here, John, you want to explain real quick? Six hours go by. Well, that's the pod. Yeah, this would be great. I'll let Umar describe it. You did a good job yesterday. So there's a lot of skills that are involved in reading

before you even can start reading. So being able to recognize a word and know that it makes this sound. You have to know letters. You need to know the letter sounds. You need to know how like, you know, you need to know letters. You need to know the letter sounds. You need to know how to blend them together. So those are all precursor skills

to reading called phonological awareness. And then when you're actually reading, that's where his intervention comes in. Some kids read slowly. They stutter. So his improves what's called reading fluency,

where you read quickly and accurately. That's what I need, dude. What age group is that for? Because Jimmy's like, I could be 25 or 35. Yeah. So he came, he talked. And then, so usually when people come to talk to us,

they're selling things, right? And these programs do help and they're good resources. But then at the end of the six hours, I'm like, I was pretty tuned out, John. No offense. I was on my phone. I was like, oh. I walked out for like 30 minutes at a time.

It's not your fault. It's just a long week. Umar, you could easily leave these parts of the story out. What are you doing, dude? I do it every professional development. I know. What, do you just cut those parts out? Yeah.

Or edit and post. Hold up. So did you guys just meet like this weekend? We met last year. We have a mutual friend and he emailed me. He's like, hey, I want to be in town. Can I crash? And then we went out.

We had a good night. Yeah, it was fun. Where are you coming from? Raleigh is where I live. Raleigh. Dope. Dope. That's my uncle used to live.

Nice. Did he murder someone? Is he in Mexico now? He is insane. He is insane. So he's all over. I think he's in Arizona now. Yeah, yeah.

But so then at the end, he's like, yeah, so you know this thing? He's like, we've donated millions to schools and blah, blah, blah. I was like, what the fuck? But that was just because it's something you were reading on Instagram. Yeah. I'm like, what? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, this thing costs like, yeah, yeah.

You can download everything for free, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or if you just charge us, you pay us 55 bucks. We'll send everything to you prepackaged. And 100% of that goes to helping Title I schools. I'm like, what the fuck? So you're not even making money off this, which is horrible. He's walking the walk? No, he just made something and gave it away.

Yo, what an idiot. Capitalism, dog. What's up? Are you trying to help people? Dumb, dude. Got to get on that millennial tip, you know? Take, take, take. So are you pitching this to like school districts like did

you come and like pitch this to city schools no no we don't really pitch it at all i mean we we're sort of hoping that people find it more kind of bottom-up change grassroots type stuff and we find that more often than not if schools find it on their own try it out they like it they obviously they can use it for free and then we're finding that they're like, oh, this is actually working really well. Now we've got a few classrooms using it, then maybe the whole school, the whole district. I like that. That's really kind of, yeah, it's more of an up change than trying to go to the top and saying, hey, we've got a product. Why don't you go sell all this?

Grassroots. I like it. I like it. It's kind of a drug dealer mentality. First one's free, baby. Tell your friends where you got that product. Like to see more of that product in school. Maybe that's actually where that came up.

Dude, the best part about his presentation was so he had his laptop hooked up to the big screen. You know, sometimes you get email notifications or Spotify notifications pop up. A cannabis one popped up. Oh, really? Oh, that's tight. Name of a band or something like that.

It happens to be on my Spotify. But clearly Umar noticed right away. Calls it out. No, somebody else texted me about it. Like, did you see that? I was like, mm-hmm. Well, I also thought, I thought the real reason

they were texting me is because while he was showing his, first of all, he was showing his, like, some videos of him doing the reading intervention

and you looked older in the videos and they were like a long time ago. Yeah, it's crazy. But the kid kept stuttering on this word

and it sounded like he was saying the N word and I was like, could not stop laughing. Oh, no. And I thought that's why my friend and I, because we made eye contact, was like, yeah! Oh, no.

So maybe it's a different clip, you know? Jesus. Anyway. Wow. Oh, my God. Oh, this is great. We'll send this out to the whole district. John, on my podcast. Spread the word from the bottom, you God. Oh, this is great. We'll send this out to the whole district. John, on my podcast.

Spread the word from the bottom. Yeah. Get that product, dog. Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. What were we talking about? Millennials? I don't know.

We were, dude. We were. I fucking, I matched with a 20-year-old on Tinder yesterday. Don't do that, dude. How old are you? 25? Just too young. Yeah, I thought the same. I was like, ah, fuck it.

I'll go for it. I was like, I'll entertain it. Because I'm only getting a match every other day, which is actually kind of pissing me off. Oh, it's so bullshit. It's brutal. I thought, dude, when my girlfriend broke up with me, I thought I was about to get on Tinder and just like... The floodgates are opening.

I was like, fuck yeah, dude. I was like, dude, and now I'm just like i was like fuck yeah dude that i was like dude like and now i'm just like all right whatever dude whatever so i messaged i messaged a girl slow and steady wins the race no need to tie yourself out that early jimmy stupid ass joke and she responds and she was like oh yeah i used to go to auto bar all the time until they took my fake and i was like oh awkward fuck that dude she probably lives at home you have to go on a date where you're not drinking And then if you are drinking with an underage girl

That's not a good look It's not a good look We can smoke cigs Yeah you can blast cigs It's just a bad look I feel like I'm taking advantage of a child Yeah me too There's a power dynamic

Age differences create power dynamics, I think. Yeah, that's true. But maybe not. Who knows? I mean, you know. And Jimmy's like, I love it. I dominate. My 37-year-old girlfriend is taking advantage of me, you know?

The girl I lost my virginity to was 26. She's like, paint my fence. And he's like, yes, man. Yeah, she reads a lot of Tom Sawyer. Oh, how can I get this motherfucker to paint my pants? It's so fun, Umar. I'm like, oh, it does look fun. I like fun.

I'm a millennial. I only have one paintbrush. That's so fair. Wait a second. Weren't you just talking about talking to a 21-year-old girl the other second? What? Like two conversations. Were you talking about talking to a 21-year-old girl?

She was like, oh, let's save that for later. Over the summer, he dated a girl. Oh, she was 25. Yeah. She was like, oh, let's save that for later. Over the summer. He dated a girl, yeah. Oh, she was 25. Yeah. Oh, okay, okay, okay. So, I mean, I guess at what age does age difference not matter anymore? Drinking age? I don't know.

I mean, who fucking knows? I think what you... See? That's what happens. Who knows? Who knows, yeah. I think you have to take it on a case-by-case basis, because you can probably meet a pretty mature 25-year-old, and that would be fine.

Dude, I feel like once you're in your 20s, it's like, I mean... 20 and 25 is different, dude. Obviously, it's different. Yeah. Obviously. I think 22 and 25 is different. Well, they are different numbers, yeah. I think 23 and 25 is different.

Eric? Hey, what's up, dude? I didn't want to bring this up, but 24 and 25 is different. Now, that's where I'm going to draw the line. But 27, 28, pretty same. Pretty same. Yeah, pretty same. Yeah, it's wild for me, too. You'm going to draw the line. But 27, 28, pretty same. Pretty same. Yeah, it's wild for me too.

You just need to finish the eight on that. That little S. Yeah, and you flip that, then that's infinity right there. That's forever. Let's get my mom Sienna and get out of here. John, you at 39, you could definitely swing in bars and Mack on 25-year-old girls.

Easily. I don't know if that's something he wants to... Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to want to put that in the podcast. Not something that you want to do. He's saying in theory. But something that you could do. If we all went out last night. Theoretically. All right.

You don't have to answer that question. All right. I'll take that as an observation. Yes. I like that. That was very media training. I acknowledge you said that. Yes. I like that. That was very media training. I acknowledge you said that. Yes.

You did speak. Absolutely. Oh, man. I'm going off the rails right now. I like it. I like it, man. You got a blast of Sig, dude. Yeah.

Set your mind straight. That's true. That's true. I need to get myself back in the game, dude. I thought you guys were going to hit me with a wave of overwhelming support. For? For matching with a 20-year-old, dude, because that's what my brother and his friends did.

Your brother and his friends are like 20. No, my brother and his friends are 21. They're 21. Yeah, that's one year different. And he was like, dude, I know an 18-year-old who's banging a 36-year-old. Go for it. I was like, all right. Oh, that person is gnarly. Yeah, that guy's fucked up. That's gnarly. That guy's fucked up.

Not fun with teens, but like... Yeah, I mean, I guess that's legal, but that's weird as shit. I think the age of consent in Maryland and this is weird. I'm pretty sure it's 16. Pretty sure it's 16, but I think there's like fucked up shit about it. I don't know. I think you got to be like, why doesn't the slider

on Tinder go down to 16? This is a weird conversation. It's a weird conversation. States rights. Okay, states rights. You don't want conversation. States rights, okay? States rights. You don't want to act like you know too much about it. You know what I mean? Exactly. Because then that reveals something about you.

We just had this very creepy guy come into Seasons when I was working there. And he would talk about this. He was in his mid-30s at the time. And he would talk about how like... Age of consent. He would literally say... He literally said this. He was like, you know, if you're in Ocean City, just remember the age of consent in Delaware is

15. So if you wind up with a 15 year old, just take him over the state line. And I was like, duh! That's a cool guy to party with. Still got Maryland tags on the guys. You take her down the boardwalk and get her some fries, you go over to Doomy Beach, you know what I'm talking about? That is legal, baby!

Jesus! That is g, baby. Jesus. That is gnarly. I don't know who made this joke. It might have been Evan or maybe Evan told me he heard it from someone. But he was like, who was the person

when they were like, hey, when they're like trying to figure out like the age of consent and someone's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This should be a states rights thing. You know?

Like what weirdo just like, you know what? Maybe people in Alabama want it. It'll be a states rights thing. What weirdo. Maybe people in Alabama want it. It'll be a little younger. Who's Uncle Sam to tell me I can't fuck 15 years? This is why I hate big government. Yeah, dude, but Maryland's definitely 16,

which I think it's kind of young. I think that's young. Do you think there are people that look at the legal limit when they choose where to move? You got a great school district. I'm going to make a change in my life. Yeah. They have an app.

Well, they take both into account like, well, we got to fuck smart kids. Yeah. I set the bar pretty high for myself. Okay. You got to treat yourself. They gotta know what they're doing. Yeah, that is gnarly.

Anyway, guys. Good times. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, bummer. Yeah. I'm bad. I'm gonna take the blame for that. So how recently are you single?

The beginning of February. Oh, so that's very new. Very new. Have you been on dates since? No, no. I feel like you must crush with the cougar women at the bar. Yes, that's the problem. You're playing acoustic, and they get a little sloshed.

What's that go for, dude? Yeah, I mean, when I was fucking- You're playing Drops of Jupiter, she's like I'm taking this kid home Fucking dripping in my seat When I was like 19 I used to hate it But now when women in their mid 30's Are like about me I'm like Oh dude mid 30's are

I think I have like a thing for that That's when women are at their sexual peak Your girlfriend's a champ Well that's because they gotta get it in They're like just about to go over the hump Here Jimmy goes they want babies what's their number one priority babies these who all talking shit all trying

yeah dude is that 20 year old in college still uh Yeah, she goes to Towson. Do you want to date someone who has homework? No, I don't want to date her, dude. He wants to go get drinks. Well, I guess soda. Have a couple pops and a milkshake. He's like, hey, that's your second Mountain Dew. Why don't you switch to Diet Pepsi?

You know they got a Coke freestyle machine with noodles in company. You can mix it all up, huh? She pulls out a search if you want to get nasty. You're too crazy. I think I got a Red Bull. That's why I play the game differently. Tinder is notoriously more known

for just hooking up. Not anymore, dude. It's more prevalent. I think Bumble is more widely accepted as the more serious one. I don't know, man. How long have you been on Tinder? Long enough to have an extremely passionate opinion about it. Oh, okay.

Cool. So two weeks. Two weeks. I've been on Tinder for two weeks. It might also be like five your profile gives out. My buddy would meet chicks and just the night he met them have threesomes with them. That's awesome. What?

That's awesome. That's what I thought it was going to be like. No, no. We're not good looking enough. Well, you might be. I thought for sure. I don't want to throw you in that boat with me. Well, you're handsome.

Thank you. I thought for sure. I don't even know how a threesome would work. I'm not a threesome handsome. I don't even know how you'd arrange that. Well, they make apps for that, actually. Threesome apps? Yeah.

I don't know what it's called, but Brad... What's his name? The comedian? Little guy? Brad Williams. Brad Williams. That's how he met his girlfriend. Really?

Yeah. That's how Henry met his girlfriend, Tinder. I thought he met a threesome app. He met her on a threesome fetish app. I went on a date with a girl who's on a fetish app and she showed it to me and I was like, I want to end this date now. It was gross. Not to make anyone feel bad about what they're into,

but I'm so glad I don't have it. Not to kingshape, but I'm so glad I don't have one of those. It would just be such a bummer to be like, God damn, so horny. Let me go get the tarp. You set up the chains. What was her specific fetish? I don't remember but i think there was like i think she really liked being like roughed up and tied up and like blood maybe stuff of all the fetishes that's the one that i could most see myself like being okay with like all right you just want to dude if you would

have asked if you would ask like me uh when i first started having sex like how many girls like being choked i'd be like i don't know like one in 2000 but you were and you asked me now i'm like oh 100 but you were a different guy when you were 27 you know yeah yeah they're big fans of it, dude. John, do you want to talk about hitting women? I'm just kidding. Consensually. Now you lived in Mexico City for a while. I would have to really trust a girl to do that.

You'd what? We had a comedian on here. I'm not going to say his name because I'm starting to get in the habit of not blowing up people's spots. Sure. But we had a comedian on here who was going to meet up and live out a rape fantasy with one of the girls that he hooked up with. And I was like, you better really try. She wanted him to play out the whole thing,

like come into the house, do the whole thing. And I was like, I don't want to say it. He doesn't want to say it. He's a very close mutual friend of ours. Okay. But you remember this, dude. We smoked with him literally the other night. I'll figure it out.

Yeah, you'll figure it out, dude. That's really dangerous. Yeah, it is. That's dangerous, too. Luckily, I drank both of these coffees. What if she's really hardcore going into it and he didn't know, but she's actually going to fight back and punch him in the face?

He's like, Jesus Christ! No, really, come at me, bro! He's like, I don't know, but she's actually going to fight back and punch her in the face. He's like, Jesus, bro. No, really, come at me, bro. He's like, I don't know. I don't know you. And that's when he discovers rape is hard. Wow. What a coming of age tale.

I mean, rape is hard, I imagine. It's not easy. No, dude, Jesus. You're the one who fucking said it. I know, and then I felt bad for immediately making that joke. And I felt bad for you, so I tried to cover your ass. Norm MacDonald has a bit... Can we timestamp that?

He has a bit about that, actually. Timestamp it. Norm MacDonald's like, he's like, hey, you know, rape and just say, I have trouble coming as it is, let alone some lady clawing me in the face. Oh my God. Jesus Christ.

God. Oh, now I feel bad. You guys want to end on that? No, no, no. Let's go five more minutes. You have to leave at 2.30 though, right? Bury that in the mix, John. How long have we been going?

Oh, shit. It's 1.55. Going about an hour? Working on an hour, yeah. Yeah. Do you want to do like five more minutes? Five more minutes would put us at a perfect hour. Ooh.

Boom. I like a perfect hour. Plus, we're going to cut a little. Yeah, so like, yeah, 59 minutes. Yeah, you know, I mean, let's go six minutes. All right? Let's do a hot six minutes. Hot six.

All right. What can we riff on six minutes. Hot six. All right. What can we riff on? What do we want to talk about, guys? Oh, there's so much going on in the world. Trump fired two people in one week. That is some petty shit. He fired McCabe two days before he was going to retire. Right before his birthday.

Damn. Really? That's big news. But yeah, you can't get his benefits. No, he's definitely not. No benefits, no pension. Oh, my dumb deal. That's fucked up, dude.

Yeah. Well, it's weird, though. Trump's been great otherwise. Maybe we cut him a break. I don't know. I did a show on Thursday. Give him a pat. Yeah.

I did a show on Thursday for a New York comic. And pretty much most of the audience was his family and they're all like from parkville like harford county kind of like baltimore county yeah they were like you know like i think a lot of them were conservatives and uh i was trying to feel out the room i was like where are you guys you guys live in the county like you guys uh where do you lean politically and like when you don't answer you're like okay so you guys are trump people yeah and then so i had like uh like this five minute chunk of where i just make fun of fat conservatives and uh it went okay they loved it yeah all of them have

diabetes where they all over weight and uh yeah so but uh individual references you're like those A lot of them were overweight. Individual references. You're like, those two. Those are like the Twin Towers. I actually skipped that part. They're not going to appreciate this part. It's just so funny. It's just so... Where jokes...

Then that night, you just feel like, God! It was a hard crowd because uh there's only like i had to paper the room and then uh so 40 people showed up it was fine but like most of them were his family and they all sat in the booths and they were eating so they're off to the side they're not so we were trying to get the show started and they like i was like dude you gotta tell your i was like do you want to like he was like hey should we get started and i was like dude no one's sitting down like I was like, do you want to... He was like, hey, should we get started? And I was like, dude, no one's sitting down in the chairs.

Yeah. They all want to eat. And I was like, why don't you tell them to move or something? So I got on the mic. I was like, hey, we're going to get started. Why don't you guys take seats? And they're like, oh, we want to stay here. And I was like, please just take these fucking seats.

It'll make the show so much better. Yeah. And then so i you know like i'm like running around setting up the room like trying to get people to move and then so then i have to go tell jokes and no one is looking at me as if i'm a comedian yeah well just like you're like the tv on in the corner while they yeah yeah and then so they all did most of them moved and uh and then like i think it was like their first time being at a show they're fucking talking and I'm like

man I can and I literally had to stop my set I was like I can hear every word you're saying like please stop talking then these like

group of young people who just walked in like they were talking I had to do the same thing so like it was just such an up and down set where was this show?

at my venue at Joe's Squared yeah I booked the comic and it was whatever it was fine okay yeah it wasn't your typical

Monthly showcase First Thursday But just those nights where you're just like I hate when I can't make people That don't like we aren't on the same You know like social strata Laugh sometimes I'm like fuck You know like am I a comedian

I think it just takes work It was fine Yeah I'm thinking just like through reps times i'm like fuck you know like am i i think it just takes it just takes work yeah so i mean like it was not that like yeah i'm thinking just like through reps of coming off is not like i'm speaking down to you i don't know yeah i think when you call them yeah they're right if they don't respond they probably are conservative but like the minute it's got to be difficult going down to the city where like you're just outnumbered completely right you're just like like dude i just want to see comedy like i they're probably okay with and i don't want to see comedy They're probably okay with you And then also People come up to you after

I did a show at a country club How did that go with Sonny Fuller? Sonny Fuller crushed Did he? That's amazing A lot of his jokes play on stereotypes I guess that's what they wanted to hear My set was very lackluster but I also had to open

and it was just like in this ballroom that looked like somewhere you'd have a wedding there was no setup no lights just a fucking chandelier microphone on the table it was just a bad setup I had to drive like an hour and a half to get there I was the only comedian there at the time

only person of color there. And it was just, people were really nice, though. Like, even after I came off stage, like, I thought I bombed. Like, they said, please and thank you. Like, we need more hors d'oeuvres, please. Yeah, yeah. But even after I thought I bombed and I got on stage, a lot of people came up to me like, you were really funny.

Thank you. You're so articulate. Very well spoken. Now get the fuck out. The owner wants me back or he could just be being nice. I don't know. That's cool. Yeah, it was fine, but Sonny crushed. Yeah. And then

I didn't stay for Timmy Hall, but I'm sure he did well too. Yeah. It was a, oh man. It was a, ugh. Yeah, but that night also I was like, fuck. Like it sucks when you can like, yeah, you can crush well in like a city. It sucks when you can... Yeah, you can crush well in a city room, but when you leave that and you don't do as well, you're just...

Yeah, and you're like, oh, they don't even care about my references. Oh, yeah. It's a whole different ballgame when you go out to the county. Yeah, true. Any other county shows to plug? Yeah. I feel like it was in Parkville.

It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville.

It was in Parkville. It was in Parkville. It was okay. That's all right. That's all right. Filled in the gaps. That's all right. Yeah, man.

You really buried that last comment. Deep in there. You're going to work hard for it. It is funny, too. Even age can be a thing. Oh, yeah. I host this room, Ragtime, in Arlington, Virginia. And I won't say the guy that was on stage,

but he was just doing a guest spot and just was not connecting with the audience. It was so funny. He did bits about weed and kind of what? And the crowd, I think it's a lot of government people. It's also like a clean show, right? No, it's not clean. No, it's not clean.

How old was this guy? In his 40s. And so the crowd is like yupp like yuppie 20 to 30s white people i thought it would have been the other way around to not be laughing at weed jokes yeah me too i thought it'd be a young kid performing a kid performing to older people no other way around yeah so so they were just freaking like people they were just a little it was just so funny they were just like a little uptight and then then he's like uh any uh anybody above 45 in the room? Nobody raised their hand or clapped.

So he did some old age jokes. Then he did a joke about how his dick doesn't work. So I went up after him. I was like, oof, man. You're like, hey, who smokes weed? No one? I'm old. I'm losing. I'm going to get them back. My dick's fucked up. They're like, we don't like this either. Arlington is kind of a yuppie city, aren't they?

Million percent. Everyone I know who got a job now lives in your arlington but dude but that show that show is great oh the crowd can be the crowd can be great i'm just my favorite sets at that show yeah no the crowds can be great i mean it's a really good room you probably crushed there didn't you i i do all right i mean i host like two times a month. What's your profession? Oh, pussy. Yetter. Budget analyst. So I work for the government. Jesus Christ.

So you are a yuppie. Oh, a million percent, dude. I drive a Prius. I own a row home. Pay off your credit card bills. Well, I just got one. I just got one. Yeah, exactly.

It is. Yeah. I mean, I'm in the most debt I've ever been in because I bought a house and now all these credit card companies are like, that's cool. You want more debt? Can we get a piece of that? Yeah, exactly.

I didn't even realize. Eric and I are fucking chumps compared to you guys. Well, I'm also six years older than you. Yeah, I'm 29. I'm a 31-year-old man. I'm not a man. I'm a 31-year-old man. I feel like in six years I'm still going to be a child. I mean, I'm not a man. I'm a man child, but yeah. Yeah, it is weird.

Well, yeah, because I knew I wanted to do something in psychology, but then when the first thing didn't work out, and then I'm like, oh, boy, I'm doing a shitty job. And then grad school, you're poor for so long. It does still seem late. But then I look at other people my age, and I'm like, I guess I'm okay, you're poor for so long. It does still seem late. But then I look at other people my age, and I'm like, I guess I'm okay. Yeah, I think I'm okay. Better than a lot of 29-year-olds.

Living pretty comfortably. Yeah, it's good. Well, let's end on that. No, let's not. Pretty comfortable. Guys, we are pretty good. Right? Yeah, life's good.

Just got the oil change in the Prius. Have a nice time. But a lot of my colleagues, like, dude, they have, like, homes and kids, and it's great. And they're, like, my age or younger, and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, how did you do that? It's not hard, though. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you could have had a kid if you wanted to.

Yeah, it's not that hard, I don't think. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people having kids aren't doing it on purpose too. Yeah, like Eric. He has four kids. He just doesn't give a shit. He's cool. He's chill. And they kind of like that he's not all up in their business.

Spoiler alert, the person that opened the door for, that Eric was opening the door for was one of his kids. Dad, I saw you do comedy! Get out. What's your name again? It you do comedy. I was like, get out. What's your name again? It's not me. It's like Eric Jr. Right.

I was going to say that. Dad, you hook the car. Fuck you. Find another spot. That is another thing you and I really recognize for comedy. It's just kids trying to find me. But that's another thing. Umar and I really recognize for comedy it's just kids trying to find me but that's another thing Omar and I are terrible I was remembering name Oh buddy the amount of times people have been like we've met and like okay yeah nice to meet you like you say that every time I'm like every time this happened

multiple yeah I hate hitting people the nice to meet you I've already met and then you can't take it back. It's this awkward thing. It's bad. It's like other comics, too. Oh, yeah. I met like a Mike or something. They're like, hey, what's up, dude? And I'm like, who's that guy?

Yeah. I fucked up hardcore one time because I walked into sidebar and I'm like, what's up, Mark? What's up, Josh? What's up, blah, blah, blah. What's up? And then I came to the last person. It was Jesse Coomer or whatever. And I forgot his name.

I was like, I don't know your name. But I think he just got me for like two years at that point. It would be so funny if he just left like, I'm out of here. Don't need to perform tonight. That's a wrap. I didn't see you. I have that at work, too, because there's so many new people. And then we can telework.

So you only have to be in the office like two to three days. That's dope. Oh, it's fucking great. But then you'll see people. And they're have to be in the office like two to three days. That's dope. Oh, it's fucking great. But then you'll see people and they're like, hey, what's up, Josh? I'm like, oh, there he is. Wearing pants again, you old son of a gun. You don't know my name.

Like, no way. Come on. See you later. I think that'll do it. Do we have any actual plugs? Like what do you guys got going on? Hair plugs So we're going to try to do

A live dick sesh Probably in like May At Joe's Square So no date confirmed But yeah look out for that All of our episodes are available on Spotify now If you guys want to peep that. How did you pull that off?

How did you do that? I got to know. So who's your server or whatever? Who hosts you? Yeah, I don't know. So we use Lipson. So basically you just click a thing and it's like do you want this to go to Spotify? Lipson? Yeah. Do you have to apply to that or can you just be on that? We pay for it.

So they host. It can be from like 10 to like apply to that or can you just be on that uh they we pay for it so they're hosting so yeah they host uh it can be from like 10 to like 50 bucks like 15 for soundcloud as it is yeah well we split so it's like for uh this is such a boring pod but we have 400 megabytes of space and that's like 30 bucks a month okay you guys just split it like we just started i didn't even know you i would have been paying you yeah i know i know i felt know. I know. I felt like a dick. I was like, I don't want to ask. Well, I know. And then when I found out you were paying, I was like, well, I feel bad for you.

No. Yeah. I didn't know you were paying for it. Yeah. I don't mind either. I don't know how this works. Yeah, exactly. I've just been letting Jimmy go into debt.

I don't pay him back. Yeah, that's the credit card debt. Jimmy's like, it's okay, Papa. I love you. I'm one of your four sons if i have to pay for us to hang out so be it i love you papa oh my it's 15 bucks a month he knows his name's dimitri but he's like uh jimmy's like sure papa it's okay call me what god i gotta keep a calendar instead of relying on Facebook event pages for my shows. I definitely have shows booked.

I can't remember what they are. I put it in my notes. Oh, I do usually do that. I just need to update that. I just got booked for stuff. I don't remember. Oh, DC. I'll be doing next Saturday.

I'm actually really pumped. I'm hosting for the Underground Comedy Festival in DC at Big Hunt. Saturday the 24th at in D.C. at Big Hunt. Saturday the 24th at 8 p.m. at Big Hunt. It will sell out, so I would buy tickets. Oh, hell yeah. And you're hosting, too, the night before, right? Yeah, yeah. On the 23rd at 7 p.m. I'll be hosting at the Draft House.

Like Umar said, the D.C. Draft House, a part of the Underground Comedy Fest. Probably will sell out, too. Yeah, the night before, I'm excited. I'm doing a casino gig in like Western Maryland with Matt Bergman. So we'll see how that goes. I'm going to be out in Chicago in late March. I'm excited for that.

I'm going to try to do a spot out there. And then I'm going to be back at the DC Improv April 5th through the 8th, hosting for Taylor Tomlinson. So yeah, it's like six shows. I'm excited for that. And yeah, check out our podcast. We're on the... Digression Sessions.

Digression Sessions, baby. Oh, and every first Thursday, come to Gin and Jokes. April 5th is the next one. I'm super stoked on the lineup. And then in the future, I got Carmen Lynch coming. Ooh. Got Judah Freelander's going to probably do a week in Nicheo Square. Wow.

Nice. Got to get him on the pod. Yeah, we will get him on the pod. Yeah, we will get him on the pod. And then Noah Garden-Schwartz is going to be there in July. He's super funny.

He's so good. He just has a Comedy Central special you guys should watch. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, trying to get some big names. Yeah, come out to shows. Follow us on the Gram

and the Twitters and all that shit. You guys have plugs? Yeah, I'm going to be on that show that you're producing on March 31st. The Three Sheets Lecture Series.

At Joe's Square. Do you want to explain what that is? It's going to be kind of like a live drunk history in a way. So you have to give a presentation. You're giving a real presentation on a real subject. Real facts. No jokes.

But you're just hammered. There's going to be a PowerPoint slides and everything. You should do that, dude. John. Yeah, six hours of being hammered. Four slides for six hours. Anyway, I invented some shit. I don't know.

Yeah, I invent shit. Yeah. With my big dick. Buy my products. Yeah. Check out Live From The Studio all over the place. Laughable. LFTS podcast on everything. Yeah With my big dick Buy my products Yeah He's slut But yeah check out Live from the studio All over the place

Lavable LFTS podcast On everything I'll be at the horse On Sunday My plugs always suck dude No I'll be at the horse

You came in on In Fells Point On Sunday One to five Catch me And High Tops March 29th That's a Thursday

I'll be there for happy hour Definitely swing by I'll be singing some tunes and making some awkward comments. Buy this guy an Orange Crush. Yeah, give me an Orange Crush. I think it's a special that day. It's something. Whatever it is. You don't have to break the bank. LFTS podcast on everything

except Spotify. So fuck these guys. Woo! Oh man. David Keckner, take us out. Digression Sessions Coming to an end Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah