The Digression Sessions - Ep. 249 - Josh & Umar w/ Eric Glaeser

Episode Date: April 23, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down for with Eric Glaeser of the Live From The Studio / LFTS Podcast! This is another group hang pod and we're talking earth day, aliens, and murder podcasts. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

page network day bro earth day welcome to earth day hey will will smith at the opening ceremony for earth day wait what is that a thing yeah remember independence day when he punches that alien oh welcome to earth does he now i had this conversation with someone does he say bitch did he say welcome to earth bitch or he just says welcome to earth welcome to earth oh i thought he said bitch no pg-13 bro oh it'd be way cooler if he said bitch independence it was so good i like that he punches an alien in the face like but you should say bitch yeah call that alien a bitch let him

know what's up you know fucking with earth dude this arian's like don't fucking give me a pronoun wait that's not a pronoun whatever a label did you call an alien an arian no arian arian arian dude no i don't know dude is it fucked up that alien sounds like arian uh i don't know why would that be fucked up i don't know let's follow this yeah okay let's hear it aaron let's expand on i think that is fucked up. I was walking down the avenue home, and I heard these two kind of white trash Hamden dudes talking to each other. He's like, you think we're the only ones that are here? I'll tell you right now, we aren't. I was like, does he mean Earth or right now in Hamden?

He's like, these other people, they're real yeah i see him he's like the evidence is there man i've seen it it's like you've seen it uh-huh yep why do you more of us than you think yeah i can't get down with aliens you can't or can i know i believe that there are yeah but other people in Hamden Yeah No but I don't know if there's like aliens Like we think there are aliens Like human like Yeah like Independence Day or whatever

I hope not Those aliens are dicks Yeah they were not nice Yeah We need cool ones Well it's funny Cause I went to go see Cause you know you're always just like

Is there a movie about aliens where they're nice? Uh yeah Like Casper or something Uh huh Yeah Alien the Friendly Ghost He's sort just like is there a movie about aliens where they're nice uh yeah like casper or something alien the friendly ghost movie yeah uh k packs what's that uh that's uh this movie where uh kevin spacey uh gets inappropriate the young boy he's like i'm an alien i don't know the rules i didn't know Just to clear things up, guys. I did try to fuck a boy, but I'm an alien. Hey, if you could give me a K pass, that would be great. Credits roll. I'm intergalactically gay, so it's okay.

It's just so crazy that, like... I've come to terms with the fact that I'm universally gay. It's just so funny that, like, or crazy that Kevin Spacey, like, essentially raped people and, like, really made people's lives harder. Yeah. And his worst punishment is like you can't be in movies anymore. It's like what? Oh man. He'll be gay somewhere else. You get to keep all your mansions in millions.

You go back to your mansion. You think about what you did. Yeah. You don't ever have to work a day in your life again. Oh you think you're gonna go to Baltimore to shoot House of Cards? Stay in California in your life again. Oh, you think you're going to go to Baltimore to shoot house of cards? Stay in California, your mansion pal. Stay there. Order another margarita and think about what you did.

Kevin Spacey, you make me sick. And like, who's that dude from Nickelodeon that they're talking about? Schneider. Rocco from Rocco's Modern Life. Rocco, yeah. Yeah, lots of suits against him. He never wore pants never wore pants yeah that is weird he also worked on like a phone sex hotline

very adult oriented yeah there were a couple jokes that uh they aired once and then people got mad there's a lot they made some sex references and stuff yeah no dude there was a cow and chicken episode that got banned because there is a female motorcycle gang called the carpet muncher a bunch of like bull dykes and like didn't even try to cover it up like they just like ran up on cow and chicken's house and just started eating the carpet off their floor and shit it was so funny that is not real where did cow and chicken air on that was cartoon network oh i never watched that chicken yeah that was a little after

my time that is so fun dude uh i remember so the ren and stimpy cartoon creator he got me too as well that's a real bummer yeah and uh but um i didn't even look into it. He was like fucking interns. Yeah. So, you know, the old David Letterman. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Do a public apology and a monologue and it'll be okay. No, but teen interns. David Letterman, all he did was cheat on his wife.

Like, that's not illegal. Yeah, but with people that worked below him as well. So, you know, that's interesting because if that happened now, he'd be fucked. But back then, people didn't talk about power. Also, back then is literally like four years ago right you can pull up the monologue on youtube yeah i know so i had to talk to the fbi because i was getting blackmailed for cheating on my wife and then the audience is like yeah and paul shaffer paul shaffer has glasses like shaped like stars like oh wow yeah sexual

yeah oh geez yeah sorry you can't brag about that pussy. Can't brag about getting that pussy. Can't do that anymore. Power dynamics off. Can't do that, no. Good times. No, so, well, I don't know. I think it was more than four years ago. I think it was like seven, eight.

Really? Yeah, let's look it up. Either way. But seven, eight years ago, people, power power dynamics people didn't talk about like they do now i think they did but i think it was like that's why clinton got off the hook uh well sort of everyone called monica lindsey a whore and a whore yeah i mean that still happens to this day it still happens like all the people that have come out and said like trump has actually abused me they're like you attention seeking line-seeking, lying, fucking bummer.

But I listen to, I don't know, some... A bunch of rape podcasts? Yeah, I listen to rape podcasts. No, I listen to some, I guess, some feminist... That's the natural evolution of all these murder podcasts. My favorite rape. Like with Karen Kilgare. There's just so many to choose i posted this on facebook but it is so funny that these like

the same chicks who listen to these like murder podcast they can listen all day to actual murders but you tell a joke that makes fun of women or gays or something like what yeah you're like you're getting entertainment from people's families that die yeah yeah i saw like three girls like that status yeah i'm like oh you're his demographic for this joke yeah are you pretending like it's not you that you're talking to yeah well you know they know they we're all pieces of shit sure but it is so funny to be like i'm into murder yeah i like murder it's such a cliche like uh like so many girls on their Tinder profiles or Bumble, they say they're into like... Investigation Discovery.

Yeah, Murder Podcast, Investigation Discovery, and IPAs are all the things that girls are into today. It's like they all saw an ad. I feel like I need to get on Tinder as a girl. That's like all my shit. Literally all girls on Tinder have the same bio. Yeah. It's insane.

I feel like they all like read like a girls say that about guys too though i mean i'm sure i'm sure like the same type of people but every girl now is like looking for my gym to my pam i have the office if you don't swipe left and it's funny too there's like i've only seen like certain stuff on like instagram but but like like fitness models and stuff that are like scantily clad certain stuff on like instagram but but like like fitness models and stuff that are like scantily clad they're wearing like a workout bra like they have like six-pack abs and like i love pizza yeah yeah they're like if i i saw one like that or her post it posted was like a selfie she's so hot but she had like a cookie in her hand. She was like, if I'm not working out, I'm eating or something.

It's like, God, go fuck yourself. And if I'm eating, I'm throwing up. I'm sure she didn't even eat it. She just held it up and just threw it in the garbage. It was actually plastic. It was a prop. Yeah, just like a foam burger. She was actually fucking three feet tall.

She was 600 feet in front of me. This Instagram post sponsored by Guillermo del Toro. What's up, guys? I'm in your palatial estate today. Umar and Eric Glazer. But you're house sitting. I'm house sitting. Yeah, yeah. So this is big moves.

Yeah, you just got done house sitting for this guy, which was very much appreciated when I was in Chicago. Karen was like, do you think Eric could send pictures of Boo? We just woke up. But Eric was happy to send them. All you asking for this. I was like, man, Josh is really protective. He's in this boy.

It's like, see if he'll send some pictures. Okay, I'll ask. I mean, I want to see him too but you know i gotta let the guy oh man um damn there was something we were talking about that i wanted to ask was dating murder podcast murder podcast dating and then should we make this a murder podcast we should do we should uh like you should just invite a bad comic on every week. Yeah. No, wait. This isn't what this is, right? Of course. Of course not. We just lower the shades.

Wow. We really stumbled onto something here. Yeah. So next week's guest is going to... That's a good idea. Wow. What do they even do? I've never listened to them.

So our new podcast is we eat pizza, we gossip, and then we kill Eric. We eat pizza and we talk about murder. I love murder. Fuck, yeah. What did you want to... I don't remember. We were on Tinder and I had something. I was like, this is going to be good pod radio talk.

Good pod radio. Good pod radio. Is it too late to change the name of the podcast? Yeah, pod radio. Good pod radio talk. Good pod radio talk is great. Oh, my God. Can we put that on our shirt? When we make our shirt, we'll put good pod radio talk. Good pod radio talk is great. Oh, my God. Can we put that on our shirt?

When we make our shirt, we'll put good pod radio on our shirt. Good pod radio talk. Good pod radio. That's pretty good. That just sounds like somebody, like an FBI agent trying to infiltrate a podcast. Hey, man, good pod radio talk. You know what I mean? That's what I'm all about.

That's what I'm into. Fuck, I don't remember. Oh, you're on Tinder, Eric. How's that going? Yeah, Tinder. Oh, because you went on a date with that chick. Yeah, well, not really even a date. She just kind of showed up where I was.

Yeah. Eric matched, and they met that night. Hold on. She just showed up? Yeah. That's promising. She's fucking hot. She's a real go-getter.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Have you talked to her since? Yeah, I did. Why? uh because i'm just you know i feel like i'm probably not even ready to even yeah you just got out of it yeah yeah so it's like fun it's like oh i'm getting attention you're like oh wait you're here you're a human being this isn't a bot are you just a bunch of ones and zeros what are you doing here girl what are you doing this is a game yeah this is real life shit so yeah you're back in the tinder game too though right no okay

i'm not getting on i'm not getting on well you went on for like a day i went on bumble for 20 minutes and i was like this is horrible and i deleted it like it's not good on them to be honest yeah i have them on my phone and then like for a week i was like all right this is what i'm supposed to do now and then it just like wasn't fun yeah it's dumb i'm not i'm not gonna do it yeah that's what it seems like with like i'm keeping them with like any matches i put a lot of time on the back burner yeah yeah no that's what it seems like most breakups are now it's just like well i'll see on tinder i guess dude yeah that was that was weird what that was weird yeah really

and i was like i guess i'll swipe this tinder fuck with you too it's like you guys are 110 match no they don't give you but since i went on for the first time in like three years yeah i still had like i had like like 30 or 40 matches that were just like you matched two years ago three years ago four years ago i'm like now should i say something time to rekindle the magic i think what's going on apparently like three years ago you thought i was dope so and i've only gotten better with time baby how you do it that's so funny oh uh also the last podcast we talked about that i told the wedding story yeah did you catch any uh flack for that no but well the bride and groom uh rachel and pete they yeah they rachel listened to the podcast and she texted me she thought it was really funny nice she was like i didn't think she was like yeah i don't care they told it and it was funny she was like oh my god i, yeah, I don't care that you told it. And it was funny.

She was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's so awkward. But also, I'm so glad it happened at my wedding. She's like, because it made for Kill It Pod, good radio. So that's good. They're not mad. Hopefully they didn't tell her about it. Yeah.

OK. All right. Yeah. Just leave another breadcrumb. Let her listen to this one. Maybe she'll go back. I blocked her from the post. So if she's listening to this one, I'm sorry.

But she's such a good story. She's like, what? Yeah. Holy shit. She starts with this one, goes back. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. She starts a podcast about murdering you. Yeah. Yeah. I've never listened to a murder they just talk about murder uh i've listened to my favorite murder and they just kind of go over yeah like serial killers and stuff like that and their comics yeah yeah karen kill gareth is and then the other co-host what's her name uh something i don't know i don't know yeah i know his last podcast on the left oh yeah that's more of a silly one too oh okay henry zabrowski does like characters and

shit yeah we've had him on this show actually we interviewed him over the phone but yeah like he's way into like aliens and stuff so they go into like the occult and stuff like they believe in like okay like there's not just aliens but different types of aliens like tall occult and stuff like they believe in like okay like there's not just aliens but different types of aliens like tall grays and whites and stuff yeah we'll do like serial killers and stuff though too yeah and then be like you know break out into characters of those killers yeah just make fun of all the people they maimed and murdered and molested for real it's fun they make fun of them sure yeah oh my god that's so sad well like uh i wonder if they're gonna do another serial podcast i mean that's like a murder podcast essentially yeah like the oh absolutely absolutely yeah well speaking of uh dating apps and murder uh podcasts

uh friend of ours i probably talked about on this podcast before i'm just so blown away by it that it's a question i think she was doing match.com uh and they ask you a bunch of questions make your profile for you to like match up with other people and one of the questions was do you think adnan did it oh right it's like match.com is like there's two types of people yeah that's so funny it's crazy i completely slept on the entire serial thing really no idea what the fuck oh the first season's really you should go listen to it it's honestly i don't really want to i guess it doesn't matter it is good it doesn't it's really well produced too so it's yeah it's it's good but it's cool because the trial's happening he got a

retrial so he murdered his chick people say like the trial was fucked up and it kind of was it was his lawyer was his lawyer was terrible now he's hot and people are like but he couldn't have done it yeah yeah yeah prison bay he couldn't have done it yeah i don't know you know you know what i mean you know what i mean like every other word he hasn't had sex in 20 years that's crazy crazy. Well, consensual sex. Consensual, yeah. I know, yeah. With a woman. God.

And it's like, what will your life be if you get out? Weird. He's just going to fucking murder someone. Yeah, you have to... I would change my name and shave that beard. Because everyone's going to know, at least in Maryland, is going to know who you are. He's going to give talks to high schools. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's going to sell books afterwards. That sounds horrible dude. Yeah. Definitely a book for sure. Oh yeah yeah yeah. He probably already has like a whole fucking backlog of books he wrote. What if he wants to make like a cooking book though? And they're like oh god no. You need one. And it's all Asian food.

How to kill in the kitchen. You really got to get your hands around this chicken bone. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Sharpen your knives in the kitchen. Hey, welcome my friend Jay, guys.

He's going to show us... He's going to show us how to hide the stuffing in this turkey that would be so good i think dude they should let prisoners do cooking shows oh my god yeah i would check that out most of the cooks anyway so yeah get them started soon i think adnan does work in the kitchen i I think I remember. Well, there you go.

Yeah. I think we should get a hold of them. Dude, we should make that a cooking show. It's just prisoners cooking. Oh,

my God. Or doing like a wine thing. Yeah. When I make Pruno in the toilet, what I aim for. Now, this is a 32 day.

Yeah. Just like swilling it around in like a dixie cup oh that's almost too old the mold's kind of growing up the sides of the but but if you get that off it's very complex taste that mold you smoke it i'll kill you i'll fucking kill sorry excuse me so what we have here in the toilet is a rose do you think that's the mold talking baby i'm sorry do you think it's like think it's true when they do it in The Wire and they did it in that show?

I thought you were going to say The Wild. When they're making wine in toilets. No, the night before, the night after, where the brown guy murdered a girl on HBO. Do you watch that show? Oh, I heard it. The night after, the night before. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Night of. Sorry. I thought you were talking about On The Wire on an episode. You're like, the night after. The Wire, the night after oh yes yes yes yes sorry sorry i thought you were talking about on the wire on an episode you're like the night after the wire the night after oz they all like we're like you know like big big drug dealer dudes like they get playstations in their cells do you think that ever happens 100 that's great that happened in baltimore yeah oh right yeah family or some shit sure yeah they're like knocking up they're. They knock the correctional officer. Dude, it's unreal. Yeah.

Unreal that you're a correctional officer and you're just fucking a prisoner. That blows my mind. I mean, that's a weird job to be drawn to as well. Yeah, for sure. And you're just like right on the cusp because they're probably also from the same community and stuff. Damn, that's crazy.

It's insane. Just getting... God, pregnant by someone who's locked up sounds miserable. Yeah. It's insane. God, pregnant by someone who's locked up sounds miserable. It's like, what are you going to get, child support? Yeah, no. Well, at least you kind of work together.

You see each other every day. Yeah, take your kid to work day. You got someone to watch it. Don't shit where you sleep. No, don't shit where you sleep. You shouldn't do that either. It. Don't shit where you sleep. Okay. No, don't shit where you sleep. You shouldn't do that either. But yeah, definitely. It's don't shit where you eat.

No, it's don't shit where you work. Don't shit where you work. Omar, where do you work? What repressive regime. Don't work where you eat. Don't eat at work. Don't shit. Don't make eye contact with me.

I just don't get... Just fucking say what you mean. Don't say... You don make eye contact with me. I just don't get... Just fucking say what you mean. Don't say... You don't have to go... This guy... He hates... I do not like saying... He hates...

I don't pick up on... He's a real stick in the mud over here. Yeah. It's always like, oh, wet blanket. Yo, we're kicking tires over here. You know, just kick the tires and see if you want to get impregnated

by a prisoner. You know? You know, a fly feather in the eye two for the stone what the fuck one for the bush baby this is all umar's commencement speech you know he's got to get out there put the feather in the eye and fucking you know if you see a tire kick it you are the future thank you everyone else got me too and they're like i we gotta go with umar for the graduation he's brown he has glasses it's very hot right now he's blowing up i would love i actually was chosen to be a commencement speaker for uh my master's graduation ceremony and um and uh but And, but I fucked it up because. I wish you just left it.

I love that saying too. I fucked it up. Yeah, I was making a ham sandwich earlier, but dude, I totally fucked it. Yeah, so I had to have an interview. I didn't want to do it because like I just didn't care. And I felt like I got me and the people who got elected from our program. Actually, someone, a girl from our program that got elected, she actually did it. I don't know if we got... We definitely weren't the best students.

I was a good student, but I didn't get a 4.0. I know other people did, but they were white. So I think I was asked and this other girl was asked. She was black. And it just felt gross. And also, I didn't want to do it like i don't have anything to say to college kids i'm just picturing like a counselor or a professor just like okay yeah no wow with the weighted grades you have a 4.2 but it says here

you're white so you can't do it i'm so sorry and some of them are like so we're gonna have umar do it you're just like huh and it's all like all right what would look best in the catalog next year yeah let's say white black brown no white brown black yeah and it's also like a weird position to be in because when people found out we got nominated yeah uh you know a couple people did say to me like oh that's interesting that you guys got it which is like like, they're right. But then I'm like, ugh. You know what I mean?

Yeah. No. Well, especially because there are people that it matters to them, you know? Right. They want to be the commencement speaker. Oh, I think a couple of them did. Yeah. And, like, I just didn't give a fuck.

Sure. And so when I had to, I had to interview with the dean, and I didn't want to tell my professor, dude, I don't want to do it. Yeah. Because it's just rude, I think. Right. And so I had to meet with the dean, this's fucking cool ass old lady who actually lives down the street oh nice and uh get her on the pod yeah that'd be dope i don't know we should fuck

all right eric you're not invited to the wait i can't be on that one sorry no we're gonna murder you after this logistics I can't be on that one. Sorry, no. We're going to murder you after this one. Logistics. They don't work. Only three mics. Dude, only three mics. Yeah. She asked me what I would say, and I was just like, I think I would, and I just didn't know what to say.

I was like, I don't know what you tell, I would like, I think maybe tell college kids like they're not special or something, you know, like, and that like they should learn that like the most of the reason they're here is because they're the lucky ones. And she was like, yeah, I think they do need to hear that. But no one at a graduation ceremony, parents don't want to hear something. Parents and grandparents. Fucking 28-year-old guy. Yeah, some grandparent, like World War II veteran.

He's just like, whatever, it's all dumb, doesn't matter. Nothing matters. The only reason you're here is... New Blink-182 record is out this fall, so that's exciting. Get into it. Guys, Hasan Minhaj will be here in a couple months. Go see him. Speaking of stuff that does matter. Gin and Jokes,

first Thursday. I got a new amp. I'll see you guys later. I play guitar, guys. I taught myself. I'm not good. I'm riffing. Riffing. Working on 4-4.

Hey, this chick's into it. Yo, my man in the front row. What you wearing? Is that a cap and gown? We got any couples out there? Yo, this dude's cap and gown is tight as shit. Where you get that cap and gown? Baby's all right. world war ii veteran he's like my man like okay i like this guy

so funny to get someone like jason weems that are like no no even like more like black like like uh like t-rex or like who's the other alabama al. Alabama or the cop. Timmy Hall. Timmy Hall. He's a retired Baltimore City cop and he does stand up and you can't understand half the things he says. Just to see him at a graduation ceremony

just making fun of white kids. He's still in crowd work the whole time. Yeah. He's like, ooh, they would eat your ass up alive in jail son like oh my god um yeah timmy's an interesting guy he's very yeah what is like that yeah he's super funny but he talks real fast so yeah like what and he's just like it's like hey man you want gig salad you get a lot of a lot of stuff through gig salad it's like what is gig salad mark told me about that dark money.

But it's actually a thing. But it's just funny. It's a birthday party. But it's not paid. It sounds like a made up thing. It was me and Colin got booked to play this cigar bar. I would never do. Yeah.

Sounds awful. Well, you and I did a wine bar that was a nightmare. We drove the fuck out there, like hour and a half, got there. Okay, not in Columbia. I'll assure you. I don't know where it was. It was in rush hours. We drove the wrong way.

Okay, got it, got it. It was far as shit away. We pulled up and we walked in. Far as shit away. It was far as shit away. Far, dude. Far as shit away. Our podcast varies so much.

One is just so dumb. Anyway, sorry. And this isn't one of them. Nope. This is just so dumb. Anyway, sorry. And this isn't one of them. Nope. This is a serious one. Dude, we walk inside. They're like, oh, yeah. The person who booked that isn't here.

I don't know what's going on. We're probably just going to cancel it. Yeah. Did you get paid? Are you still getting paid? And they're like, yeah, I don't know if I don't have the authority to do that. There should be like i bet you have a free cigar i'm sure there's some contract god that's not yeah fuck that dark mark told me he's performed like birthday parties in living

rooms that sounds horrible real bad not worth what unless they're paying you like five hundred dollars yeah maybe three but even then you're just gonna hate yourself yeah no mike yeah and it's some weird like yeah grandparents are sitting on a couch like oh we're ready to be entertained family yeah yeah why would that you're not even doing a show you're just standing in front of an entertainment center funny in that scenario you probably could yeah he could yeah yeah true all right but she's like yeah what do you guys want to know about prison? I was like, ah! Everything!

Yeah, but Timmy Hall is like, so he's this like black comic. And he's very funny, dude. He crushes. I mean, he's been on Def Jam. He just headlined Mugubi's for a week. Yeah.

He's been on Def Jam, but Mugubi's and... To have a headlining weekend at his club is cool. No, he gets a headlining weekend every year. Dang, there you go. And then he's been on HBO and stuff, so he's solid.

But me and him did a show recently together. It was me, Timmy Hall, and Sonny Fuller at that resort or golf resort. Country club. And I was wearing my blue Asic Unisuko Tigers. And he's like, ooh, I like you. He's like, I like you, man. I like your pronunciation there. Unisuko? How do you say it? I like your shoe. He's like, I like your man. I like your pronunciation there. Unisuku?

How do you say it? I don't know. I'd say, let me see it. I would say Anisuku. Is it Unisuku or Anisuku? I think I heard my brother say it and I feel like he would know. He's a shoe guy.

Unisuku. But when he said it, he was like, Anisuku. Oh my God. And Raheel said it like that. It was offensive. Yeah.

Taguerre. Asics. Asics. Issy. We're never having a podcast again. Is it running shoe? Made it Spanish, isn't it? Oh, my God. Again, Raheel said it.

Yep. Dang, Raheel. Oh, yeah. So said it. Yep. Dang, Raheel. Oh, yeah. So I was wearing these. And Unisuko Tigers are running shoes. They're old school. And he's like, yeah, man, those are wrestling shoes.

I was like, nah, man, they're running shoes. They are wrestling shoes, too. Oh, they are? They make a pair that are wrestling. They kind of have, like, they go up a little higher. Oh, okay. But these are not wrestling shoes. Those aren't. But it looks just like those, but they're like a high top kind of. like they go up a little higher oh okay yeah these are not those arms but yeah yeah

but it looks just like those but they're like a high top kind of oh interesting because he was like nah man the wrestling shoes i was like dude i've been wearing these shoes for like 10 years he's like they're wrestling shoes so this whole time i thought he was just that dumb no but i guess he's right but that's it it is dude i've never wrestled once yeah but it is kind of dumb to see somebody with like nikes and be like those are basketball shoes you're like no these are sneakers like nah they're basketball shoes like they can make different types of one you dude if you run in these shoes today you're a fucking idiot oh they're super flat kill yourself yeah speaking of uh kill yourself i

uh we went and saw black panther yesterday yeah awful no i'm just kidding uh no but uh did you see it i haven't seen it yet it was good good i liked it yeah we went to be still out yeah i mean it's crushing so hard uh apparently it's the first movie like one of the newer movies they've had in saudi arabia uh for the first time um it was like heavily edited but after seeing it i'm like oh that makes sense because the movie's essentially like man we have a king and the king is cool. We love the king. Saudi Arabia is like, yeah, kings are cool. Watch this shit. They edited it so it has nothing to do, like being black is not a part of it at all. Yeah, they just color graded it to make them all look Serbian.

Just like a really bad voice. It's like Saudi Arabia forever. But it's right by mom's organic market. Yes. And they had like to the Rotunda. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's in market. Yes. And they had like... To the Rotunda? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's in a bistro.

In a bistro. Did you get food? I got popcorn, but not food. Got a beer? Okay, let me ask you. Is popcorn food? Popcorn? Yeah.

Is popcorn bottomless there? No, it's not. No. Yeah, my friend thought it was. It's $8. Everything's expensive. It's a tiny little bag. Everything is expensive.

It's a bowl. But it's not even a bag little bag. Everything is expensive. It's a bowl. But it's not even a bag, and it's like a weird-shaped bowl. Yeah. And, like, kind of fall. Anyway. But, yeah. So, Mom's Organic Market is there, and they were doing, like, a little, like, kind of open, like, farmer's market thing.

Yeah. There was a woman walking her cat in front of it. Young bull. On a leash. I'd say, like, like late 20s early 30s yeah it was bad huh walking a cat like come on as a white person i was like what are we doing what are we doing it's so dumb also because like uh i feel like a cat like when it gets freaked out we'll fuck shit up you know what i mean yeah could you imagine if you like attacked a kid

it'd be so horrible cats are scary and then the girl she's like what i'm not supposed to walk my cat yeah i can't walk my cat that's a weird impulse to walk your cat yeah i wonder if cats like it i doubt it right yeah because there are outside cats like joey's cat yes is an outside cat i'd be so scared of letting my cat go in the city and coming back outside cats house. Outside cats are kind of badass. Like, they leave. He's badass, but I think he's, like, too cool for me. So I'm like, dude, are you even going to come back?

Right, right. I don't even pet you that. But it is weird, yeah. They come back, like, 26 hours later with, like, a scar on their face. And they're like, when's dinner? He goes, like, where have you been? Four hours.

Dude, when I was growing up, my neighbor, their cat killed a whole family of rabbits and left it on their porch. Wow. You must have really liked that family. Yeah. He's like, look at all these gifts I got for you. What's up, bro?

Yeah. It's actually Adnan's cat. I'm really into cat murder podcasts. Yeah. My dog caught a seagull once when i was little yeah because they would kind of fuck with her too they would like dive down and then like go back up yeah so i was like yeah yeah yeah i know yeah it's like okay did you live in a mcdonald's parking lot as a kid well no we would buy seagulls to feed them to my dog nice but yeah she caught it by the wing and it's like woof that is brutal damn do you let

it go no you fucked that thing up she caught it that's awesome have you ever seen a my dog caught a squirrel one time whoa and he just like i don't even know how it happened. Yeah. But like the power is out. Me, my cousin, my brother were hanging out in the living room. And all of a sudden my dog just comes up to the door happy as shit. And he has this like giant what it looks like to be a rat in his mouth. Oh. Like blood is everywhere. Blood everywhere.

Yeah. He like drops it and we're like, oh, that's a squirrel with all of its fur ripped off its tail. Whoa. That's just a big rat jesus do dogs eat squirrels or they just kill him he just killed it i think he's just like chasing it and then caught it like a parking lot that's such a weird impulse to kill something and they're like all right cool dude my dog is yeah my other dog's caught birds out of the air like

that's awesome. Dogs just want to kill. Dogs just have a property, and they're like, all right, nothing's getting on them. Hey, so do humans. But the whole reason there's squeakers in dog toys is to simulate something dying. And it gets them excited. It's like, oh, I'm not dying. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to fucking die.

Yeah, that's what it is. So we're like, oh, he likes to squeak. It's funny. It's like, I i'm gonna fucking yeah that's so that's what it is so we're like we're like oh he likes the squeak it's funny it's like i want to fucking murder that yeah toy bear or whatever that's why men choke women during sex sure you can correlate those two things there's a clear line there i'd say more i feel like you're like hey bitch let me grab your squeaker all of a sudden these bitches yeah still talking about dogs yeah yeah no but i feel like all women initiate the choke usually yes it's fucking weird right uh no i'm whatever yeah i'm totally you're not cool with it i feel like it's weird i mean you don't have to be into it i'm i'm a fan super into it eric's like i'm too into it i'm super into it. Eric's like, I'm too into it. I'm too into it.

I mean, dude, they want it. Yeah. That girl showed up at his work and he choked her out. I don't like it if they're asking for it. Oh, really? No, no, no. Are you scared of a woman's sexuality, Eric? Eric's like, it's about power.

You understand? Yeah. I don't like being choked. That's happened to me before. Oh, yeah. No fun. It's no bueno. I don't know why people like it. Slot's happened to me before It's no bueno I don't know why people like it It's uncomfortable When I have the feeling like I'm gonna

Cause I'm doing all the work I need the air Eric you have such an old fashioned relationship I don't have a relationship I'm doing I'm bringing home the bacon bitch i will not be choked what i gotta do all this breathing that's so funny dude yeah but that's what the wall street guys like though like i bring home too much bacon like like dominating dominated that's crazy that's

so with the mind is that's how rich i want to be like god i'm so rich i need oh dude have you watched the um john mcafee documentary it's on netflix so do you know made this anti-virus yeah you've seen it before yeah the guy that uh made that and moved to mexico and he moved to belize yes all right don't ruin it too much i have to tell you one part though because he became like a drug lord right yes no he is absolute absolute no he like went from being watch watch watch it it's very dark but some of his is so um i think it's just called mcafee okay but if you look on netflix it's like kind of trying it well he's a real the deep end no he's a real piece of shit so really yeah so he uh made all his money with the antivirus stuff and then moved to belize like a super villain dude literally yeah he's like a real life super villain so he

went to belize and then he did the rich guy thing of buying the cops stuff of giving them a bunch of money so basically kind of like hey i like literally bought them a million dollar boat and was like kind of like don't fuck with me i'm gonna do whatever i want has like a security team and then he finds all these girls that are like teenagers like 17 18 19 years old moves them into his compound he has five different women living there super young and uh you're like whoa this is really dark what the fuck and they interview them and they're like i was john's favorite he loved me and you know and they're like, I was John's favorite. He loved me. And they're like, okay. And then they all have a similar story that he had a hammock out back, cut a hole in the hammock.

The girls would sit in the hammock. He would get underneath of said hammock and they would shit in his mouth. Oh. And then the interviewer goes, did you ever have sex with him they're like no so he never had sex with him but they all had the same hammock story that's the price of living there oh my god also hammocks have holes already he made a bigger one he wants to make sure it's getting in there oh he probably had one of those like uh a lot of fiber i don't so that's what like me and karen were like well how would he know like this picture of him he's like too bashful breakfast he's like you feeling okay or those bananas go down all right or yeah

as a girl like what is that because like shitting i because are you laying down are you sitting you're sitting in the hammock lips puckered? Why does it have to be a hammock? Is that just like, do you think he had multiple other techniques? Oh, I'm sure he was guessing and testing a lot. I'm sure the R&D had no limit. There's a lot of zeros and ones. At first, he's like, sit on this lawn chair. You know, the ones with the straps you can pull.

He fucking busts through and falls on his face. I missed it. Foiled again. Damn it. Like the ones like the straps you can pull. He fucking busts through, falls on his face. Yeah. Ah! I missed it. Foiled again. Damn it. Oh, my God. Yeah. And they all had the same story.

Like, oh, I'd sit in the hammock. And they were like fine with doing that. Oh, well, he was like giving them tons of money and stuff too. Oh, my God. They're all living like princesses and shit after like being brought up in a mud hut. But the dude was awful. From there, like murder and torture. Murder?

Yeah. All right. I've got to watch this. I love shit like this. It's pretty fucking dark. But when it got to that point, I was like, what? And he was under investigation for a lot of shit. He still is.

Yeah. But then he came back and ran for president as a libertarian candidate. Here? Yeah. Yeah. How far did he get? I mean, he was a libertarian. He was going to live in the US for a couple of candidate here yeah yeah how far did he get i mean he was a libertarian u.s for a couple years but yeah also they're like he's in the top three of libertarian candidates like oh so he's in like the bottom million of other candidates like right behind gary does he eat the shit i think so probably probably what and then they eat the poop

it's really like ice cream it's really dark it's really dark dude i um i had a buddy my mom's uh my mom's friend's son he went to africa to go like eat the poop they're like what are you traveling business or pleasure he's like little bit of both uh no so he went to go like educate people about hiv aids and. You don't want HIV. Listen up. Eat the poop. Yeah. All right? So he would say village leaders would tell people not to have anal sex because that way you don't get AIDS.

But that's the worst way to get it. All of it. It's so backwards. It's the easiest way to get AIDS. Or if you have sex with a virgin, they'll cleanse you. It's really fucked up. Wait, to not have anal sex because that won't get you AIDS. They think you'll have anal sex. Do have anal sex.

Because you're less likely to get AIDS. Unbelievable. A lot of tearing going on. Yeah. Yeesh. Man, dude, that sounds horrible. Would you ever go to Africa? Hot take. Yeah, for sure. What part though? I don't know. My friend went there.

A bunch of my friends have been. I totally want to travel. I'd go to like South Africa probably. I'd go. I think I'd go anywhere. Well, not anywhere. You wouldn't go to Liberia. No.

Anywhere they let us go. Like not Liberia. You could go to Liberia. Oh, no. You don't want to. My friend went over there. I forget what country he was in ah fuck gambia no i feel like what if i was like what if i was like yes gambia

um but uh but yeah he went in that capacity too of like so he's a biochemist so went over there for kind of like helping people in labs and tests for aids and stuff like that and just how like desensitized they all are to aids and everything that's going on like uh well they still have to like worry about lions eating them and shit yeah yeah well elephants in some parts i mean sickle cell and shit i feel like that's more prevalent than aids over there no aids is no yeah it's yeah it big. Yeah, it's still popping over there. But you can live with sickle cell. But the guy... You can live with AIDS now. So the...

But over there, it's a lot harder. Right, for sure, for sure. But so my friend was over there, and he was kind of helping them with their lab. And he's like, it also feels weird to be like, I'm the American, like, here's how you do it. Oh, I know this friend. Yeah, yeah.

So he's trying to help out and somebody left a sample on the table like unopened or left it open basically of well of blood so but they didn't know what was in it and uh he was like hey you can't leave those open the guy's like oh don't worry she died like it doesn't matter you're holy shit. Like the blood of the person who it was. It doesn't matter. She did. She died. Don't worry. Yeah.

No, we're good, man. It's all right. We don't even need to test it. Maybe we should put a lid on it. She did die. There might be something in there. Yeah. I don't know.

Just throw it away. It's fine. God damn. It's fine, dude. Yeah. I haven't traveled. I want. I feel like I should travel.

I want to go to Europe. I haven't been to Europe. I have so much time to do it. I have money. It's ridiculous I just spend my money On stupid shit You should get

Well now's really the time To get a Southwest credit card Yeah Yeah because you can Rack up the points and stuff Dude I'm fucking dumb I have to buy a flight For California

For next week I haven't done it Next week? Whoa Oh my god Buddy I don't know if I want to go Like to this wedding dude

I don't know if I want to But now I I don't know if I want to go to this wedding, dude. I don't know if I want to, but now I... I don't know if you can. Even if you wanted to. You're going to spend all your travel money even saving up. It's a lot of money, probably. But I have credit card points I can use for tickets. It's such a bummer, a destination wedding, because it's like, dude. Yeah.

And I love them, and I feel bad that I RSVP'd right away, because he's one of my best friends. I know since kindergarten, but dude, it's in Sacramento. So there's a free shuttle to the hotel. You get a discounted hotel. I'm sure there's none available anymore. You didn't book anything. No. I bet if you get an Airbnb, that even might be expensive now, too so the thing is is like uh hotel tonight dude that's a good app yeah anyway so i'm gonna

if i go like i have to go get a hotel for friday and saturday because the wedding's at like a campground and they're like like yeah we're just gonna camp there so but bring your own gear and it's like dude i'm coming from across the country like i'm not bringing camping you would be the most annoying passenger to you just have your full like canteen and sleeping right so i fly out there to go to a campground yeah so then it's a like a 45 minute shuttle ride from the hotel to where the wedding is and then i have to shuttle back and then shuttle to the airport it's just a lot and i wish i didn't rsvp because uh i really fucked up oh that's that's that friend he's like hey man you're talking shit on my way yeah so you know yeah i have to go to fucking san diego in june

or july for a wedding i'm not looking forward to it actually i'm kind of looking forward to it eric's like i have to go to san diego i have to get in a canoe yeah i have to go out to the middle of the ocean i was just doing the math like when i first got the invitation i was like fuck this is eight it's gonna be like eight hundred dollars yeah destination weddings are a lot to ask of people i think so right now i fucked up like i i think it'd be really shitty to bail even inviting people to your wedding i'm just so uh low self-esteem like that's a lot to be like hey come celebrate me but then even being like fly to jamaica to celebrate like unbelievable like but they live out there i get it oh okay okay but all their family lives here right from here right right right

all right well humar and er Eric are both on their phones. I'll hold it down. I'll hold it down. So I'm doing a, you know, like those ATB meets that we do? Yeah. We're shooting one of those after this. So I'm just texting Matt real quick. Sorry.

Who are you guys meeting with? We're meeting with this dude who makes like sweaters, but he was like featured in the New York Times recently recently but he works out of like catonsville i think oh nice let me look up his name real quick give him a shout out oh hell yeah his name is sam barksy shout out shout out to that guy and he has sweaters oh hell yeah well yeah we got a few minutes left here on the pod yeah like 20 minutes 420 just passed guys you guys uh did you guys uh have a good 420 you guys get lit af fam snapchat i did i just i uh and then i went to go eat and then uh we sat at the bar and right next to us is a teacher from one of the schools that i worked at

this year i just did like one test i tested one kid there and i was like oh hey but they were totally cool as fuck yeah weird yeah like oh hey umar and you just scream for a minute straight i'm chill i'm chill i'm chill uh yeah my dad uh he got his medical marijuana card you guys yeah he's legit and uh cardboard ferrari no no we didn't pull up we pulled up in a um pulled up in my hybrid which is nice but it's such a weird time to be alive it's like i'm driving this half robot car to go get medicinal weed with my dad yeah it's amazing you get to go into the dispensary no you have to you have to have a license to go in the actual thing so i just sit in the waiting room but uh i just love them my dad like my dad just classic like can

find a way to like kind of complain about anything so he goes and he gets weed like by the state like you're allowed to legally buy it and have it and he's like we get in the car he's like i forgot my fucking paper i I'm a fucking idiot. I got it. Fucking dumbass. I'm like, you just got free weed. Chill out. You're okay. You're all right.

Awesome. You're all right. So we did like circle back to get this piece of paper. He didn't really need. But so where do you go? The one right here went to Maggie's right down the street. Yeah. Two blocks. I want to.

You can't even go in there, right? Unless you have. Yeah. So you can go in there to like set up at a point. They'll help you find a guy to give you your license or whatever. Yeah. There's one. There's.

So my dad went to Canadax in the Townsend. And that was. Somebody told me about that one. Yeah. That was really good. Doctor. I don't think they're real doctors. They're like medical whatever.

Yeah. They're like medical. Like you just consult. Would they consult with you or something? Yeah. But they ultimately have to approve you. So also what I can do, the woman said, she's like, I can't let you in, but you can file to become his caregiver. Yeah.

So if I become my dad's caregiver, like approved by the state, I can go in there in the dispensary and buy weed on his behalf. It's unbelievable, like the stuff where you have to go through. Like it's just, just legalize it. It's so stupid the stuff where you have to go through. Like, it's just, just legalize it. It's so stupid. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's coming.

Yeah, it's gonna happen. It's coming. I think on 420, like Chuck Schumer introduced a bill to federally legalize it. I'm introducing a bill,

public law, blaze it every day. My, my, my niece, Amy, she loves this stuff. She's turnt. Sean Savoy, who we all know is a big weed head. Yeah, yeah. He was telling me how he goes to Colorado and does shows in mansions for billionaires.

And I'm like, cool, sounds cool, sounds it i believe it 100 uh and then he also said that um there is a bill that is uh trying to get passed in their you know i guess in their state whatever senate senate i don't know i don't know how laws work. There's a bill that... Oh, okay. There's a bill that is... Hold on. You can say that on mic if you want. I was going to say I might have to dip out. Yeah, that's fair. How long have we been potting?

We've been about 50 minutes. Oh, okay. Cool. So we can wrap. Like 10 minutes or so. Two hot riffs. We're two hot riffs away. Two hot riffs. Two hot riffs. Anyway, there's a bill that's, I guess, on the floor in that state that is trying to

legalize weed use for kids in school to help them be calm. What? Yeah. I was like, either you're stupid and you misinterpreted what someone told you, or that's a horrible idea. People go too far with it. That's what makes it look stupid. I was going to say, it sounds like a Republican put that forward.

Like, oh, it's all right. Well, fine. Everybody's going to do it. Let's just give it to kids. Draw up the bill. Fine. I like your Republican accent. Here we go.

I live in Vermont, America. Dug-a-dug. Dug-a-dug. Is it Vermont liberal? Yeah. Sort yeah sort of like very hippie well they also have like a lot of guns up there well they're the water here they're also uh libertarian too though uh what's the yeah libertarians are interesting because they're just i guess i don't like them yeah me either yeah it's yeah there's like government doesn't matter anyway i'm gonna get get on these public streets that we all pay for and then go eat some meat that's not tainted because they're expected.

Yeah, they're going to get my tax refund back. Yeah, exactly. They're all like, my house catches fire. I'll call the fire department. Oh, dude, it's been a great week. It was payday Friday and tax refund and getting those brown paper ticket checks in the mail from the Judah shows. Feels good.

On 420 too, dude, all that went very nice so pretty cool life guys yeah and so uh speaking of the good times uh dc it's decriminalized down there where you can have it you can't technically you can get donations yeah yeah you can't buy it you can't sell it but you can have it. By the way, guys, just for my job purposes, I don't partake. He doesn't partake. I just love talking about it. Let's keep walking. Well, yeah. You're just such a good co-host.

You understand. You're like, all right, we're discussing it. Just keeping the flow going. Yeah, keeping the ball in the air. Yeah, I don't do that. Yeah, and your 420 story, it was just completely made up, right? Yeah, this podcast is fictional. It's a comedy podcast.

Yeah. You know, we're just joking around. We're just joking around. We love doing improv. Yeah. We're all improv comedians. And? So you're in D.C.

Keeping the ball in the air. So, yeah, in D.C. you can have it, but you can't sell it. You can't buy it. It's so dumb. Like one time we were walking down the street, me and Karen, and this guy's like, my man, you want to buy a book? And I was like, what? And I look over and he just has a bag of weed taped to the front of a book.

I'm like, holy shit. So you can technically buy the book and then it comes with, quote unquote, free weed. That's awesome. Did you buy the book? Well, I was like, is it a good book? How expensive is that book? Josh buys it, rips a bag off, throws it, and is like, oh, I got a nice book. Lord of the Rings.

I never read it. Let's get into it. I have not. Have you read it? No. Dude, I would never read that book. It's just too long. Not it.

Yeah. I couldn't keep up with the names and the characters. Too much detail. Yeah, exactly. They have their own language. But yeah, they have. I could finish a Harry Potter book, dude. Oh, that's crazy.

Super thick. But yeah. So yeah yeah you can go into these shops now where you can like buy whatever it is like oil gummies pre-rolled joints and they're like yeah just you know give us a donation of this amount and exactly yeah okay yeah that's funny because it's like well if it's a donation i only want to give you like 30 dollars yeah well it's 50 donation we recommend like i'm to call the cops. You're not taking my donation. You're discriminating. I think you could technically do

that, right? Well, it's a good way to never get security in there. That's a good way to never get invited back to that store again. For sure. I'm kidding. I would never do that. How did you do that? It doesn't even matter. This is all hypothetical. Well, like when you go to a theater or something and they do suggested donations for drinks because they don't know. This is all hypothetical. Well, like when you go to a theater or something and they do suggested donations for drinks

because they don't have a license. Yeah. You could just be a complete dick and be like, I'm going to take this. I'll tip you, but I'm not paying for this drink. No. Let me ask you about tipping because I'm getting frustrated with tipping culture.

Interesting. I am so for tipping people who are waitresses or servers i don't know if i want to tip people who work behind a counter because they're making minimum wage at least and that's enough for you i don't think that should be between me and the customer yeah making 750 yeah because i don't tip someone at best buy when you know they ring me up it's the same thing not necessarily because they're doing $750? Yeah, because I don't tip someone at Best Buy when they ring me up. It's the same thing. Not necessarily, because they're doing work too, though. Somebody works at that counter,

they're still making drinks and stuff. Yeah, they're getting paid for it by their employer. Just like that person's getting paid to be the cashier. Right. They don't specifically get all of it, too. I think they split it all up. Yeah, between each other. No, I get that.

If you're making minimum wage, why am I tipping? Yeah, but so are servers. No, they make like $3.25. No, I know they make less, but that's the minimum wage for a server. That's what I'm saying. But either way, it's still not a lot of money to get $7.50 or whatever. But why not then tip a cashier at like Walmart? They're not getting paid a lot.

But by, yeah, and that's by your logic too that you shouldn't tip a server though. Because like... No, I understand tipping a server because like that's just that, how that... But you're talking about going to like a coffee shop. But when I go to like a coffee shop and like someone just hands me a coffee,

like I do it. I give them a fucking dollar. Yeah, but even there, like a dollar, dollar you know it's not 20 sometimes you know like you're not giving them 20 it's like 30 40 yeah or or if it's like you know your thing costs five dollars or five dollars and change you give them six dollars then you just put like 90 cents in there yeah you know like i do it look i do it just for social courtesy yeah every time i do it i'm like god fuck really yeah it's like that dollar yeah i don't like it feel the same way about giving homeless people money i don't give homeless people money i do some if i

have change yeah it it is weird it's like whoever like looks the worst i'm like all right i'll give you yeah i'm giving food away more than money yeah i'll give food away for sure. I don't think they like that. They don't like it, though. I tried that once, and I was like, hey, man, here's like half a pizza. And he's like, do you have like $10? I was like, no. Yeah, I hate when some are so aggressive, too, because my go-to move is just, hey, sorry, buddy, you don't have cash. You acknowledge them as a person.

And then I was right by a convenience store. He's like, you want to go buy me something? Yeah, yeah. He's like, I got an ATM right here. Yeah, and I was like, nah, dude. Yeah. I'm not going to do that either. Yeah.

I don't know why. Yeah, that's like the struggle on North Avenue, dude. Oh, yeah. It's like there's always ATMs everywhere. There's the McDonald's across the street. They're like, just go buy me something at McDonald's. I'm like, no. I say no.

I don't want to walk across the street. Yeah. Yeah. No, thanks. It's okay to not do it yeah no i i get what you mean about tipping just like at the counter but they all split that and it's a dollar i don't care well you know most people all split their tips too oh yeah yeah of course of course they're all working together at the end of the night wait they have a car actually honestly for some of the people in the county they get like bussed around and shuttled and dropped off on those corners no shit yeah yeah yeah that's crazy it's fucking all government dude go straight to texas yeah deep conspiracy man deep state deep state yeah uh yeah i hear you sometimes it can be a lot where you know yeah

something is like three dollars then you tip a dollar. Yeah, it's just weird. Like, I'm like, God damn it. Like, this is, I don't know. Like, if you make me like a fancy drink, don't mind tipping. Yeah. But if you're just handing me like a coffee, a drip coffee, it feels weird to lose a dollar because of that. Yeah. I know I sound petty, but I don't give a fuck.

Yeah. See, I don't mind. But most of the time I pay with my card and now they have the thing where it's like, do you want to tip 15%? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, guys, I haven't tipped since I got my taxes back, so I might feel different.

A little flush right now. Yeah. You're flush with cash right now. So flush, bro. Are you? Nice. No, no, no. No?

I mean, it feels, yeah, it's fine. This is my first year getting a return owning a house. Nice. Oh, really? Very nice. Dude, I mean, I have loans, so I got that written off, too. yeah, it's fine. This is my first year getting a return owning a house. Nice. Oh, really? Very nice. Dude, I mean, I have loans, so I got that written off, too. Oh, so do I. I don't own my house.

But I get a nice refund for it. Very nice. Yeah. Yeah, it was like literally when I put it in that I own a house, it was like, oh, okay, you get like double what we thought we were going to give you. And I was like, oh, yeah, TurboTax. I hope I didn't fuck up because last time I fucked up and I owed the IRS $900. Well, yeah, your first fuck up was saying your name is Umar Khan.

You're like, well, let's flag that. Yeah, let's audit. Let's randomly audit this guy. Yeah. Steve Smith, he's cool. Yeah. Umar Khan, huh? Let's take a deeper look. Such a bummer.

Why is he making so much money? Let's see what's going on, man. I can't believe they came after me for $900. That is nothing in the grand scheme of things. No, especially with government. Yeah. Yeah, like my job, I'm like, oh, pretty good. We spent everything.

We had about a million dollar surplus. Like, that's a drop in the bucket. Yeah. Holy shit. Holy shit. All right. Well, I we can uh wrap it up here because you got to go soon anyway right let's do it uh any plugs plugs eric any plugs check out live from the studio lts podcast on my social media yeah whole itunes all that shit hell yeah

as are as are we and we had a crossover episode a few weeks ago, so check that out. Very successful. Very successful. I got a dope first week in May coming up. There you go. I'm going to be at DC Improv at DuPont Underground. I'm going to do their Kumite show. It's going to be a good time. Yeah, it's a comedy competition. Comedy competition. And then May 2nd, so that's May 1st. May 2nd

I'm doing the Overachiever show at Drafthouse Comedy Theater in DC.C. Great show. May 3rd is Jinden Jokes for a Thursday Joe Squared. And then May 4th, I am doing a feature set at Town Tavern for their showcase nights on Fridays. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah, bitch.

Yeah. It's going to be a good first week. Yeah. Got to write jokes. Oh, and then May 10th is the Time Machine Roast at Joe Squared here in Baltimore. Yeah. It's going to be a good first week. Yeah. Got to write jokes. Oh, and then May 10th is the Time Machine roast at Joe's Square here in Baltimore. Yeah. So we're all, Josh is going to open it up with just stand up. And then the Time Machine roast is we all play historical figures and roast each other.

Do you know who you're going to be? I'm being Socrates. Oh, interesting. I love Socrates. I wrote a fucking long ass paper on that guy. Oh, really? Yeah. I love that guy.

Do you know who else is going to be on the show? Yeah, let's see. While you guys... Yeah, I'll do my... Oh, yeah. Go ahead, Eric. I'm at some sort of brewery in Ellicott City. These are the type of...

It's a Wednesday. Oh, is it a judge's... No, what is that brewery called? Fuck. I'm not sure. Yeah. Yeah, but it's on that main strip. Someone like nervously asked me to do it is it a judge's bench

is that what it's called it might be a different bar so this is going to be i don't know most of these people so dylan is dylan myers is gonna be grizzly adams denise is gonna be emily dickinson i know that grizzly adams is a golfer it's a sports lumberjack boy i'm socrates jessica murphy garrett is mark twain that's hilarious eddie uh is gonna be kurt cobain that's good that's gonna be fun no eddie morrison or yeah and then max i don't know who max is hunter s thompson and then benji is gonna be uh i don't know who this is hernan cortez cortez court oh cortez yeah he was a conquistador oh okay cortez i know cortez i didn't know who this is hernan cortez cortez court oh cortez yeah he was a conquistador oh okay cortez i know cortez i didn't know his first name cool pretty sure that's him nice yeah so i'll be

there i'm gonna do stand up in the beginning and then uh yeah the roasts are really funny um there was one they posted a clip on on their instagram and it was uh a guy playing tesla and he was roasting steve jobs he's like, Steve Jobs died of pancreatic cancer. They tried to put his pancreas in rice, but it didn't work. Funny. Pretty good. That's really funny. Yeah.

So they all like, it's cool to see everybody kind of roasting each other. I need to watch it because I don't know, like, are we supposed to be actually brutal or does it matter to keep it light? But yeah, I think be brutal, but you're being brutal to the character. Kurt Cobain. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's going to be fun. Yeah. So no, that's going to be fun. It's a great idea for a show. But yeah, I think be brutal. But you're being brutal to the character. Kurt Cobain. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's going to be fun. Yeah. Kurt Cobain's going to be fun.

It's a great idea for a show. But now I have to do research. That's going to be the hard part. Oh, the worst. Yeah, so I'll be there for that. And then on the 12th, I'm headlining the second Saturday shit show at Auto Bar here in Baltimore. The show starts at 7. Come on out to that.

Let's see. What else is going on? I'll be at the Avalon in Easton, Maryland on the 18th with Mike Fonazzo. A little two-man show there. And then, what is that? Memorial Day weekend? Is that what's coming up?

Not Labor Day? No, Memorial Day. Memorial Day, yeah. The 25th through the 27th of May, I'll be featuring for Mr. Ramin Mostafavi at Magoobies. Speaking of Labor Day, Baltimore Comedy Festival, this Labor Day. But up, but up, but up.

Not that year. But up, but up, but up. Labor Day or Memorial? Labor Day, September. Oh, yeah. Well, me and Omar would love to do it. So, you know. Let us know.

Let us know. We just got to send a video. It's free. Yeah. It's free submissions. I'm going to send a video of me just looking at the camera saying, fuck it, put me on. Dude, an artscape is

I love summer oh yeah yeah yeah LOL an artscape easiest money ever in comedy alright yeah this has been a good one guys yeah dude

thanks for having me alright hey thanks for doing it 420 bros bros David Koechner take us out Dick Russian Sessions

come on to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah