The Digression Sessions - Ep. 256 - Josh Umar & Alex

Episode Date: June 24, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their writer, improviser, and sketch performer and dear dear friend of the pod - Alex Braslavsky! Alex used to do comedy with the boys in Baltimore but headed for the Big Apple a little while ago. Listen to a fun catch up sesh with the boys. And check out the track, Brown Paper Bag, from Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete! Click here! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti. You were there? Why would that happen? Like, we don't have hand-eye coverage. What, you were born have hand-eye coverage. What, you were born without hand-eye coverage? We could.

Yeah, I don't have any discs. I'm loving this low-key roast. So why don't you think you can play Dennis? Are you inept? Physically? Maybe I'm, like, frustrated. Pick up that microphone. We just get going, huh? huh yeah yeah so this has always been the case uh-huh yeah uh-huh we actually switch it up we're the podcast hosts and we ask we're

like oh my god have we started yeah we start so we started yeah i don't know it's my first time you're setting up all the equipment you're like just why am i doing fellas give me one second i have no idea how to operate can i get get your levels? That'd be a great podcast. You make guests do all the work. Set it up. Turn me up, bro. Yeah. It wouldn't work.

Put some snare in my headphones. Well, hey. I'm going to be the straight man this entire episode. It wouldn't work. Not even straight, man. Unrealistic. Just the downer. That's stupid.

Let's move on. Did you change your pants? No. Oh, those are nice. You got to look down sometimes. You always make eye contact. Sometimes you got to see what's underneath. Yeah, that's stupid. Let's move on. Did you change your pants? No. Oh, those are nice. You got to look down sometimes. You always make eye contact. Sometimes you got to see what's underneath. Yeah, that's true.

I slept at Umar's last night. Oh, wow. Is this a little bit of an awkward morning after? No, I slept on his couch. Oh, okay. I was like, get out of here. Go sleep on the couch. Couch is over there, you frigging hoo-woo.

I got a little paranoid at some point as I was going to sleep because I was like, it's just like you're right by the front door. Can people hear me masturbating? People can definitely hear me masturbating. You were fine with that. I was fine with that. The whole time you're just like, I'm masturbating. Hello.

I hope no one breaks in while I'm masturbating hello i hope no one breaks in while i'm masturbating but i uh no i just like uh i i kept like picturing a scenario where like somebody would like this would be the night that like somebody tries to break into i think about that a lot like when um even when uh our buddy john jacobs came over he just walked in i was like holy shit our door wasn't closed. And you walked in here. Yeah, I left the door open on purpose. But it's daytime.

It's not like John Jacobs can have it on the stoop every day. Karen has this fear that our ADT alarm, we set it to... Probably shouldn't say this, but we set it to stay, so this way like boo can roam around and the sensors don't go off she's like so what if like somebody is in the house and then we turn the alarm on and then they like okay so somebody's just in the house yeah all day

yeah you'll hear about that it once in a blue moon where like somebody's just like hanging out i'm just picturing somebody there in the attic in the basement i'm just like did somebody just flush the toilet like no dude like all right is that you this is so crazy like i brought a friend to a group of friends and i i can't remember who these people were but anyway this girl was telling this story about she lived in this house and uh one day she was like going to bed and she uh she thought she like heard something or somebody and she was like mom mom and then like some dude like opened the door like peeped in her bedroom and like and it wasn't her mom and she just like pretended to be asleep whoa and then they just moved after that and they've discovered that there's like this weird

tunnel that like goes into the basement of their home so this dude has just been in their house they don't know for how long what the fuck and then in that group of friends that i brought this girl to uh um the guy was a part of the friends he's like holy shit this other guy was like wait is that the house and blah blah in another state and was like yeah i remember that house because some famous person bought it i guess like uh after they moved out anyway and like before they moved in this kid and his friends used to sneak in that house through that tunnel how crazy is that wow was it uh burt reynolds yeah the famous person i don't get it was it tom hanks oh who bought the house i don't know who bought

helen mirren yeah oprah yeah it was helen miran that that fella didn't oprah start in baltimore she started stand-up in baltimore yeah she used to hit she's hit sidebar every night she's hosted uh the wits end uh yeah open comedy night yeah yeah under 10 i think she's under 10 she used to be a news anchor in baltimore right really yeah okay a while ago okay and then chicago yeah okay and then uh are we are we thinking of monique by the way is that okay no no all right no no oprah definitely horrible if we were thinking of monique i don't think was ever a talk show host right no monique used to be i just know she's in stand-up yeah i just know she's started here right My co-worker used to go watch her Cause my co-worker

Was like in her 60s And she you know Grew up in Baltimore And she used to go watch her perform At They used to do shows At Martin's West she said Wow

And like Monique and them Like Monique would always be there Yeah It was just like I think it was like a black room Damn I saw her She did a

Prison show Like a women's prison. Whoa. You went to the prison? I did not see it live. You were doing time. Was she good? I was doing time in a women's, she killed.

Yeah. She's got chops. They ate her up. Really? They literally ate her up. Damn. Oh my God. Yeah, they ate her alive.

Alive? That's fucked up. Damn, dude. So how's New York, Alex? Yeah, our buddy oh yeah do you want to introduce me yeah our buddy alex broslovsky ex-buddy yeah now foe now foe when you move it's so hard to keep in touch you know like you think you're gonna like you know we were like really good friends and like we barely talk yeah it's true because it's just a

lot of effort like what are we gonna text each other you know i will only like reach out if something like pops up or if i see like one of your store like or like a funny thing i was gonna say it's mostly instagram i think where we uh interact like it's like a story that i'm like haha that is the the beauty of social media that's like the good stuff where it's like you don't see somebody very often here's a little message to just keep it and also it's like here's what i'm up to and you're like hey yeah that's cool what's the negative uh are the the negative is i'm comparing myself to other people and their success this is the first i've heard of a negative uh aspect of social media interesting open your eyes interesting it seems to all be very positive and engaging. You compare yourself to other people.

We still haven't introduced him. I totally cut you off. My bad. Oh, Umar. Yeah, let's get to that. My new foe, old friend. I want two foes now. Unbelievable.

God, we're fighting a war on two fronts on this podcast. Before you finish the introduction, let me just say that at any point, we could become foes. Right now, I enjoy your company. I'm having a good time, too. I feel good feelings only, but let's fast forward five years. We could be really angry with each other.

What do you think would lead to that? I don't know. Money. Money. I borrow $500 from you and I never give it back. I would never give you $500. Umar, please.

I'm struggling in New York. It's weird, though. Umar asked me for $500 and apparently it's for you. Now I'm mad at both of you. That would be great. Hey, gosh. I'm kind of tight.

Can I borrow $500? Hold on. Alex, let me give $500. All right. Please give it back okay so alex uh you got a mustache now i like that a little bit of mustache this is probably temporary you think so yeah how long it take you to grow that thing uh i'm gonna say a couple weeks a few weeks looks good thanks dude i i uh i think this is the max that it can go no i think i think you keep going but not in a good way right i think it's gonna get like pretty are you stimulating the uh follicles i hear a few like oil yeah well like if you just like brush up on the follicles

a little bit it like stimulates growth uh i have not heard that i've never heard it doesn't sound no it's real you got to stimulate You got to brush up a little bit. Why would I listen to you? You have zero mustache. How dare you? How dare you? The listener at home, they can hear my mustache. That's Chris Hudson.

Yeah. Famous mustache. Yeah. I was thinking about dyeing it darker, but I'll let you finish this introduction. I was going to ask you, do you think you're going to dye that thing darker? Were you actually going to ask me that? No. I was just hoping.

Look at the color of his beard like no it's perfect yours does look a little lighter compared to the hair i have some grays in my chin but i like it i don't mind oh yeah i would i would trade i would take a full head of hair gray hair gray yeah well over over losing i'm losing hair i'm kind of excited to have a salt and pepper look later it's very hand like that tan fella from a queer eye in france i guess i don't know his last name i like when girls have like a gray streak in their hair that's fucking sexy as shit sure i mean just gray in general like what about body hair gray body not so much gray armpit hair what if like really dark head of hair and then like put a girl's body you know i feel like i can't complain because i

have body hair but not my thing you're shaving your arms like look at this gross bit yeah disgusting i'm like clean yourself up dude come on come on i put a lot of effort into looking less hairy you know you can uh yeah make the same thing girl man uh some effort. Let it grow, man. But yeah. Alex is... Let's get to our introduction. Alex Broslowski. What do you guys know about me? You're Jewish. Uh-huh. Uncut.

Uncut. Oh, yeah. Just like my personality. He's raw, dude. Unfiltered. Okay. Jewish, uncut. What else?

You love what ifs. You love... I do love hypotheticals. Hypotheticals. Yeah, I really do. So much so, dude, I ran into somebody who used to date Katie, the improviser. Uh-huh. What was her ex-girlfriend's name?

Are we just saying names? Let's do a hypothetical. It's her name. What if her name was a vowel? I don't think she knew we were friends. And we were just standing in line at like a festival at a porta potty she's like man that Alex guy huh he really gets under people's skins well that's a little different right like I like hypotheticals but then I think I also take them

too far well I think it's two different things though I think it's i do like hypotheticals but i also like a little bit of chaos as far as uh the conversation goes sure but you you always think people aren't being honest and a quick another caveat you already know the answer to the what if yeah yeah like somebody somebody be like i do option b you're like okay but option a real quick am i a guest on this podcast or is this an intervention about my hypothetical? You're our foe. You're our foe. I'll give you an example. We used to have a really fun hypothetical.

I'll just do the quick version. Like you're on a business trip. You want to impress these like Asian people. You're in Asia somewhere. And it's a little racist. You're eating Asian food, you know, whatever it is. You're in a different culture. Just like different culture.

It doesn't have to be Asian. You know, it makes more sense. Something like completely nuts, an asian culture yeah you know it didn't fucking eat any garbage do you speaking of we'll get to the dogs later uh do you see the dog festival videos no oh my god in china there's like some like festival where they eat dog oh fuck that was uh That was a plot line on Vanderpump Rules or something. She was like, we need to get rid of this. Josh, I hate that you're referencing

that show. Yeah, sorry. But that's my frame of reference for that. Fuck, what's it called? I'm not going to remember. So anyway, they eat dogs, but they don't even like... There's a video of them pulling a dog out of a cage with big tongs, smacking it on the head and lighting a fire

to get the fur off. A lot. In front of everybody. Okay, well, we don't know what that dog did. You know what I mean? That's true, right? We didn't hear the audio, you know? Would you be comfortable with Boo having that treatment? Depending on what he did. And I know the answer. So don't try any shit.

Don't answer wrong. Okay, so this type of thing is you're in an exotic country on a business trip, and you're these business people. You want their money, and so they're taking you out to dinner. You want to impress them. You want to impress them. And you're at a restaurant, and every table you see is eating this thing. The most popular signature dish.

The signature dish. And then it comes to your table, and everyone's going for it, and you ask what it is, and it's like it's um and then it comes to your table and and everyone's going for it and they and you ask like what it is and it's human human so in this culture they eat their dead which is a thing in some i don't know if anymore if it is but it is and it used to be like probably no i yeah there because i remember in philosophy we learned about it but But anyway, so it's do you eat it? Mm-hmm. Because you don't want to offend them. But you're also maybe have some reservations, obviously.

Yeah, sure. Cannibalism. Yeah, I mean, it's not healthy for you, right, to eat your own species. I don't think there's... Isn't that what mad cow is? Like cows are eating cow. That's what happened?

Yeah. Is that mad cow? Yeah. Really? Yeah, Is that mad cow? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Species, it's not healthy to eat your own species. Really? I'm sure like monkeys eat other monkeys.

Chickens eat chickens. Sometimes sharks eat littler. Right. So really it's good for you. Whales eat other whales. Well, this is what I would explain to them at the table. I'm like mad cow, right? You know what I mean?

Can't do that. Mad Chinese, huh? Don't want those. Whatever Asian culture this is. I personally would. I would want to try it i would try it but i remember i forgot who i don't remember who it was but i think our friend sean or someone said he wouldn't would not and you just like wouldn't take that for an answer okay so we're talking about me like eight nine years ago i think i've mellowed out with that yeah no you need to atone for this that's the thing but i Okay, so we're talking about me like eight, nine years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a piece of shit eight, nine years ago. I think I've mellowed out with that.

No, you need to atone for this. That's the thing. But I like stirring the pot a little bit. I don't like small talk. I hate small talk. And I like to go deeper, and some people have sensitivity to that. Oh, sorry, Bubba. Yeah, I think the people I look up to as far as like interviewers are the

ones that like to really go for it and who is that like like a howard stern i think howard stern is great yeah even though obviously some of the stuff is super problematic and if you look back at his cattle it's like it's like amazing that he's evolved with the times he has sure but yeah he has like video evidence of a million me too's you know like his whole show on he was like you want to take your shirt off you should take your shirt off it's really like amazing that he hasn't gotten any flack for it um i think because it was already out in the open you know but yeah but it also seems like he's that way but it like in his personal life he's seen everybody says he's a sweetheart.

Like a decent... Yeah. From, you know, because nothing's come out. Right. A decent dude, maybe. Right. Yeah, I think he's an amazing interviewer. I love him as a guest on talk shows.

Yeah. I've watched Letterman interviews. Yeah, but he goes for it, man. I know. He's really good at... I really respect that. At sneaking it in. Not being sneaky, but it's like they're just in such a comfortable conversation

that it's easy to be like well that probably bothered you i mean that would bother me did that bother you know they're like i don't have that but he also always pretends to be on the side of his guests yes but sometimes he's so clearly not and like i can't wait till louis ck comes back and he goes on stern he's just like so louis you know he's like well i mean i don't know what the problem is you want you asked if you could show him your dick? Are you mad at these women? You're mad at these women, aren't you? Yeah.

I mean, you asked for it from me. My favorite example of that, my favorite interview that Howard Stern did was Gallagher. Oh. Famous watermelon smashing comedian, Gallagher. Wait, which one? Not Gallagher 2, Gallag one? Not Gallagher 2. Gallagher 2 is his brother, right?

His brother. And they talk about that. But Gallagher is an insane person. He has these crazy beliefs of the world. He feels like he should have been Jay Leno or Dave Letterman on his own show. Yeah, he walked out of a WTF interview once. He walked out on that interview. Because he asked him about being racist or something. Come on man homophobic and racist yeah yeah yeah he's got some like pretty risque

material that like does kind of punch down and he would not own up to it yeah but howard stern like you just described he would be like you see this guy has all the ideas he's got he's the only one thinking of these things and then gallagher just keeps spewing out this bullshit. And you know deep down inside, Howard Stern's like, this guy's insane. Yeah, and he's just drawing it out of him. He's just sporking him.

Yeah, exactly. There's a great video of Patrice O'Neill and Gallagher. Gallagher, I love that. Patrice O'Neill's telling Gallagher how to save his career or whatever. It's so fucking good. Josh, can we link uh these two

yeah two clips sure well actually i'm just gonna run those interviews for the rest of the podcast great right here but i used to also i mean i'm still like crazy when it comes to like like not knowing boundary well i mean i know them i just don't care i think when i'm talking to people who are like we would like to push the boundaries a little bit yeah so uh like uh but i was way worse years ago same i was like 22 i just started this job at kennedy krieger we're you know we're doing autism research so it's like it's like a serious setting and um but we were on a on like one of those spirit cruises in the harbor and we're all sitting around like the conversation was so fucking boring and

like these girls are so it's just girls because i work with mostly women because i work with kids and uh and i was like you know what because they were doing a okay like as if that makes yeah i don't know it's mostly girls because i work with women i don't want people to think like oh you know girl it's just like when i say girl is because that's what i work with population right okay so because you work with kids they were doing they with kids. They were doing a hypothetical and theirs was like, let's say you're adopting a kid and you find the perfect kid you want

but he has a really stupid name and you have to keep the name. Would you still adopt him? That's a horrible fucking... I was like, guys, I got a great hypothetical. Did you give him this one? Not this one. I gave him another one that we came up with was like, okay, let's say you're like walking

down the street with your significant other and like a wizard or someone pops up, turns your significant other into an animal. And the only way you can bring them back is have sex with that animal. Sure. What animal would you most likely or like most would you choose? Would you want to have? Yeah. Would be the best.

Right. Which is really just your way of asking which animal would you have? Yeah. And yo, the look on everyone's face because I'm brain. I'm two weeks into this job. Yeah. And I'm just like, huh? Right.

It's also they don't trust you. Also, it's a different dynamic when you're asking a woman that question because you have to get fucked by an animal you know what i mean i didn't even think about it i was like oh yeah because for a guy it's like man i'll fuck him i'll fuck a sheep yeah i'll fuck a goat whatever but like a bear has to penetrate yeah yeah exactly like you didn't even think about that mount you you know what i mean what animal would be the best to be fucked by oh uh oh uh like a woodpecker ant eater for sure man look at that snout yeah you don't talk about that snout snout for days damn dude uh they say uh

isn't like the sheep sheep vagina Very similar to a Human woman's vagina I've heard Sheep vagina They're so similar It's crazy If you're a woman Yeah

I can't even imagine And I wouldn't even imagine Next time you have a female guest on. We don't do those. That's what we open with? Yeah. Hey, great. Thank you for joining us.

Before we introduce. Excuse me. We're going to get to introductions. Just test the mic. Just test the levels. One, two, one, two. What animal would you get fucked by? Check, check.

Check, check. Can you answer the question and just get in the levels? That's great. Yeah. So, Alex Berslavsky. Not yet no i don't think we're gonna go the whole podcast i'm a shitty conversationalist no you're good you're good you're great you're you're good no you moved to new york to do improv magnet theater that's right how's that going uh it's good um new york is very difficult i haven't heard that. What's your rent like?

And the pizza. The pizza is good. The rent is a little high. Some might say too damn high. Are you serious? Yeah, totally. You should run for governor or mayor. I've heard people say that.

If you hear something, say something. That's your campaign slogan. I've heard rent's pretty high it's it's uh it's good it's you know it's like um it's a cool community it's like you're you're surrounded by some really funny performers some uh some of the funniest that's not so funny yeah well sure i mean in in every in every uh art form right yeah the ones that can hack in. Should I stop doing that? Well, yeah. Just don't crush the vent.

I think the chair is on the vent. Buddy? Alex? Am I crushing the vent? You might be. Just move the leg off the vent. There you go. Thanks.

You guys don't have to worry about this. All right. So you're surrounded by funny people. I just want to point out, you guys don't have to worry about what I worry about. What? No, I am worried. Was there ever a point like that? Yeah, it's my bad.

Because I think about moving to New York. I mean, it's way too gone for me. Very, very difficult. Was there ever a point where you're like, fuck, I have to move back. I can't do this. I think that every year when my lease is up,'s this um uh itch in the back of my brain that it's like oh i don't have that's cancer oh the doctor's looking at your chart oh that's a pretty big itch on the brain huh don't scratch it it will be malignant if you scratch it. It's benign now. Put a finger on it.

Cancer will get you. Watch out for a strong breeze. Yeah, it's like an easy way out. It's like, oh, I don't have to worry about the things that make New York hard. You can just choose to move away and move back. But I think it would not feel satisfying. Would you feel like you were giving up if you moved back? No.

Okay. I don't think it would be that. I just think my lifestyle would be, every time I come here, it's like nice to see friends and my family. Is it nice to see your family? I just get bored. I get like restless. Yeah. And I also just hate, like I don't have a car here.

I don't have a car anymore. Yeah. You need to have a car in Baltimore. Yeah yeah i feel totally stuck i love being able to like just unless you want to walk to open mics every night right right yeah uber yeah okay shout out to that human being is it a human being is it a bear yeah either way you gotta fuck it you know it's interesting to me because like i think about going to, it's like if I went to New York, it just feels like I have such an anxiety of like, you know, you got to build for the future and plan for the future.

And I think when you're in New York, that's so hard to do because you're blowing through money. Like, what do you, you know what I mean? Like, unless like you can nail down a job. You're spending a ton of money just to survive too. Exactly. And the adjustment period is what I hear down a good job. And you're spending a ton of money just to survive, too. Exactly. And the adjustment period is what I hear about a lot, too. Because you had that where you're like,

all right, my apartment is this far from where I work. If I'm leaving for the day, I essentially am gone for the day. Otherwise, I need to bring my shit with me to do stuff after work. Or by the time I get home or the commute home, it's so long that you're like, all right, if I go back out, it's going to be too much time. And well, right now I live and work in the same neighborhood.

Nice. So that, that is really nice. And it's like a 10, 15 minute walk to work. Um, so if I have an hour break, I can like go home,

eat, take a nap, whatever. Yeah. Uh, but the theater is like an hour away the theater that i perform at so like coming home late at night if i like go to the bar afterwards and hang out it's such a it it's such a bummer right um and where you live on commute in uh sunset park brooklyn gotcha the

theater is in chelsea manhattan so what's gonna happen when the l closes down for doesn't affect me at all doesn't no nice okay no different part of brooklyn got it yeah but you don't feel like you a lot of people are gonna be do you ever get nervous of like oh like what am i gonna be doing 10 years from now yeah yeah yeah that's the constant that's the constant voice in your head telling you like dude what are you doing get out of here i think that's what most don't scratch that itch don't do that most people like who they i guess they just don't realize you know like when you like when they think of like oh you're in new york like that's so great but it's like for a lot of people it just ends up becoming like this like five ten year vacation you're like all right i gotta fucking do something now you're constantly so we were talking about social media earlier you're you're looking

at your peers doing stuff i'm seeing a josh kaderna buy a house and burp into a microphone every single episode but uh people getting married having kids like hitting these like regular like life milestones and you're like well what am i doing why am i not doing those things see but yeah i think those milestones can still happen like i think it gets shitty when you are uh like trying to be like all right well i'm this age i should have x amount of dollars i should be doing this like as long as you're trying that shit's gonna happen like maybe yeah as long as you are like saving up and i mean i if you get married at like 38 or instead of like 32 who gives a shit yeah yeah i want some it makes like with planning for family like raising kids when you're 40 is probably a nightmare sure but it's still doable

it's probably not it's probably i was gonna say i was gonna say you're probably um like you probably have more money saved you You're more mature. Yeah, exactly. I remember I had a kid when he was like early 60s. He's not raising that shit. Are you kidding me? He's just there for the good times. He might be now.

He's so fucking rich. But I went into New York. What's your name again? And I didn't have anything lined up. It was a huge thing for me. I was terrified to move to move yeah and uh but you did it but i did it but i also like landed a job pretty much as soon as i got off the bull bus i got an email god what a relief well i remember we were uh we're we're doing a game night at

umar's old house and you got a call. Yes. During game night. And you're like, oh, I just got a job. I think. Yeah, I was like, I think I have a job. But I didn't, it wasn't official.

And there was a certain point where I was like, oh, I think that probably is not going to happen. Right. And then got the confirmation email. Nice. It was 11,

like 1115 PM. I got off the bus. I have my little suitcase. I'm like trying to find my way to this picture a little alex with like his bindle it's like oh the big apple uh and uh they they were like you got the you're officially hired and the orientation starts tomorrow morning at 8 a.m jesus so i didn't even know where sunset park was i didn't know if i was like super close to it or an hour away right luckily i was like a 20 minute walk away where i was like subletting uh wow you got really lucky with that

i had to like rush home set my bed like make my bed and then and then uh go to sleep and then just wake up and go to work damn but originally it was just like go there for a few months just grind it out like go for auditions and do other comedy auditions yeah i think so uh and i've done no i mean no i mean oh like what i think that's that was in my mind was oh okay i feel like i think i went on acting auditions i'm like what i think that was are you here for the commercial you're like i don't know that was the original idea gotcha was to yeah try to do that because i did that a little bit in bal idea gotcha was to yeah try to do that because i did that a little bit in baltimore and dc and grew to really hate it and some commercials and

yeah did some bullshit local commercials yeah just like such a bummer like some of those by the way once you finally get like josh and i were talking about this on the ride home from a shit like couple of the shows yeah in dc and it was like okay it was just work you know yeah no it wasn't it wasn't fun wasn't fun like because you're yes you get to a level where uh there's only a couple people on the show every no one talks there's no hang you're just on your phone for the most part yeah and and we talked like a little bit a little bit but also it's a showroom where you're either watching the show yeah exactly so you're either like in the hallway up yeah you're not watching the show or you're in the back like hanging with like two or three people there's a conversation for a couple minutes dies down and then you go on facebook yeah and

then you go on stage yeah whatever you have an okay set the crowd's a little weird each show like something weird happens yeah and then uh we're driving home and we're just like all right cool you know but like years ago i would have killed to do that show like yeah and then uh we're driving home and we're just like all right cool you know but like years ago i would have killed to do that show like yeah and to get paid to get paid yeah to get paid to do both shows like this is fucking awesome but you just don't enjoy it so are so are we jaded or is it not actually as fun i think we had a yeah i think like everyone builds this thing up in their head yeah and then once you do it and we've just been doing it for a while yeah you just get bored you and like i don't know i don't know what it is it feels like you guys are on like the next level

where where bigger things will excite you like yeah that is true yeah you you had a uh like a big album release yeah that was great i'm sure that was a huge stress to like organize but once you do it it's like oh great yeah i had like 200 people yeah come see me and we recorded something yeah you always need that next thing you do because it's and there's always like just more mountain to climb with comedy there's always something you should be doing too. Even if you do that, you do the special, it's like, well, now I got to write. And then every day, if you're not writing, if you're not doing mics, you're like, I'm a piece of shit. But meanwhile, you're like, dude, if I could record a special and it sells out, that would be insane.

But then a week later, that wears off. You're like, man, I fucking suck. And there's always something you could be doing. And so I feel like New York would add to that stress too where it's like there's tons of people going for the same thing as well and like that whole like comparison thing. Yeah. I mean, I am not doing any stand-up. But I mean like comedy-wise.

Well, improv is a different beast. And I feel like there is a – Would you have sex with that beast? Maybe. And I don't – I'm in a different community than like ucb yeah uh um which is funny that you said that because there's ucb east ucb ucb yeah um so you know for the listeners at at home that's just like a fun that's fun connection we're having fun we're having fun and we're having fun and now therefore you're having i hope you're having fun. And we're having fun and now therefore you're having fun listening. I hope you're having fun listening.

When people have fun, you have fun. Totally. But, so UCB, from what I hear, is a little, like,

there is more competitiveness. You can feel it. You can feel that people want those things. Yeah. And I'm in a smaller network that, where there's like a little bit

more of like hey this is fun right we're all doing this and right it's not about the the chase it's not about the yeah the chasing anything we're just we're on stage we're making people laugh it's great yeah but then you know for those of us who do want something out of this outside of just like a weekly show right you know that want some kind of career out of this outside of just like a weekly show. Right. You know, that want some kind of career out of this. There is a little bit of like,

yeah, but yeah, I want these things. I know, but it's, it's a gross thing. Cause if you want it too much and you're in a class with those people, or even like being around comedians that are just all about like networking

and shit, it's like, you can feel it. It's, it feels, it feels gross, but those people are gonna usually excel yeah yeah they're the crazy i mean honestly like i i'm convinced if you if you get to

a level where you're a household name you have to be kind of a crazy person yeah like you're a crazy for the most part yeah you're not stable you're probably not really a good person i i'm convinced you're probably not a good person in the'm convinced you're probably not a good person in the sense of what we think of a good person is someone who doesn't like think about themselves all the time selfless self-interested conceit you know what i mean like because you have to think about yourself all the time and like how to position yourself and how to be better than everyone else it's it's really weird yeah you essentially, it's somebody that makes it and they're like on the magazine

and they're just like, hey, I'm broken as fuck, huh? It was really hard to get on the cover of this magazine. Then you portray this image of like, I'm a good, you know, like whatever. Like Anthony Bourdain died.

We don't know who the fuck that guy is. Like we know he made great work, but he could have been a piece of shit. Right. No idea what he's like. Okay. So you guys are pretty, I would consider you guys pretty well adjusted. you would you consider yourselves pretty well adjusted yeah

um and are doing a lot of stuff here sure you're going to dc a lot uh-huh but you're getting like uh pretty cool gigs you're like uh featuring for for like these clubs and these like big names uh but you are staying here right like you've you've made an active decision to be like i like what my life is i have this job yeah pays the bills pretty well yeah something i mean something could happen but i would have to have a job lined up like i couldn't just be like you know what i'm moving to la next summer you know so so you know let's think back a few years yeah there was a lot of talk yeah with you and me where we were like yeah let's go let's go somewhere else let's go yeah and i still i don't know i still kind of like that idea i liked uh your idea it was you're calling the cool people exodus you know like let's just get like all the cool people that we're friends with and everybody moves to a

city which i think is a really good idea because then you have a built-in kind of like social support uh network or whatever you look at wham city i think they all just they came to baltimore more than a decade and just set up shop and just did all these cool pretty much shows and that's like what single carrot did too coming from denver yeah yeah setting up a theater dude um i mean a little different but like uh future islands yeah i was just thinking about deacon brought was like you guys should come to baltimore this scene is like doing well it's on the up and up and yeah come up from north carolina it's cheap as shit here yeah and they made a name for themselves in a yeah in a cool city yeah small city. If a group of people from New York were like,

hey, let's go to Topeka. We're going to set up a shop over there. I think I would jump on that very quickly. Yeah. There's something very exciting about that. Yeah, I like that. And I think the big city stuff, I don't know, I'm just too pampered here having a house and shit like that

and doing everything on my own schedule. You've got a nice house. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, just the getting around in New york bothers me but like starting over to starting over yeah uh like with like with comedy or everything life with everything my comedy too my grandma at her funeral a few years ago her whole eulogy was just about how she kept doing that she had to move from country to country and just basically restarting.

A lot of it was like financially. A lot of it was like the world war two and the Holocaust and having to like flee. Well, it really puts our bullshit in perspective. Very different circumstances. And you guys are like, I just like my house.

I really like having a house in hampton but she i have to find a new artisanal place every single like time like every few years how many countries is she i don't know in in total but there were definitely like like a handful can you imagine she's on this podcast. She's like, oh, yeah. Genocide was my motivator. Yeah. Oh, okay, cool, cool. Umar, what keeps you going? Like, I just want to write a new 45 to an hour. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, so, yeah, I mean, New York was moving out of Baltimore a couple years ago. It'll be about two years next week, I think. That's wild. Time flies. It was very, very, very scary. I kept putting it off and kept being like, no. Then I did this psychodrama thing

which I can explain really quickly. Basically, the simplest way to describe it is improv using real life scenarios for a therapeutic purpose. Who did you do that with? It was this woman in Laurel who's amazing. Sorry. She was in Yanni, you said?

As soon as you said, excuse me, I felt it coming. I had to. It's great. Imagine the people of Laurel, Maryland and what they have to deal with. I know. No longer, I think. Yeah, it's past. It's weird because sometimes I hear Laurel, sometimes I hear Yanni.

That is weird. I was a Yanni. We could talk about that for the rest of the damn that's damn dude yo i was i was a hardcore yanni guy for a minute oh i was laurel 98 of the time i can't remember what i you were laurel i was laurel yeah sometimes we have older ears is that what it is what the fuck bitch i've had no disrespect god damn um so anyway so that's how it is in new york though you just you know you move quick yeah but he got old ears it's a psychodrama right it's like uh if you have an issue you're dealing with like you and your partner or a parent or

a co-worker you're fighting with or something, you sit down with an empty chair and you pretend they're there and you talk to them. Clint Eastwood did this. Yeah, with Obama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He worked out his issues. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can do it.

I'm sure people do it. That's so funny. And then a director kind of coaches you through it and then has actors step in and play those parts. So you can be like a third person perspective. And it was really cathartic and really like moving. I was like, I wept.

Somebody plays you eventually. Yeah. Wow. So, so like what scenes were you working out? Um, well, like moving to New York was a big thing and like,

so who were you talking to? Uh, I was talking to a lot of people like my sorry sorry yeah yeah my parents my girlfriend my friends um yeah sean we can't live together forever uh yeah so there so that really like pushed me to like after that i was like yeah i can totally do it yeah and like, yeah, I can totally do it. Yeah. And I.

That's the thing. Anyone can do it. Right. Like anyone can kind of do it. Anybody can do a lot of things. Yeah. I feel overwhelming. You guys could go skydiving.

But if it terrifies you. You could. I know. But why? Let's do a psychodrama about it. All right. You talk to the parachute. Let's go.

A psychodrama would be interesting. Like. I think you'd like it. I think I should do it. Yeah. Yeah. With my parents. Yeah. I cannot talk to my parachute. Let's go. A psychodrama would be interesting. I think you'd like it. I think I should do it, yeah, with my parents. Yeah. I cannot talk to my parents at all. It's like getting to a point where it's like hitting a wall. Because every time, like the last time I went home, I snapped at my mom and I made her cry.

Yeah. And that was for Father's Day. Just like, yo, because they just say the same shit to me over and over. We can't relate to each other. There's no no casual conversations. It's always just so forced. And most of it, we just sit in silence. And it's like, ugh.

And they want to see us all the time. And it's like, I don't want to go home. Because it's like, ugh. It's just so uncomfortable for me. So I told myself, I was like, I'll go once a month. It's just, it's not worth the stress. What are they asking you? Just, I don't know.

They just give me anxiety like uh like okay so like i've been having some like like stomach issues and uh i forgot the name of my gi but my dad knows him so i was like fuck i don't know is it is it joe yeah there it is i was gonna say so i don't want to ask listeners at home i was. So I don't want to ask. Listeners at home, I was a killer joke. I didn't want to ask my dad because he would freak out. He'd be like, why do you need to go see him? And that's exactly what happened. And my parents are all telling me, you should be eating this and that. I'm like, guys, I know how to take care of myself. Also, you probably eat better than they do.

And I eat better than most people probably. And then my mom just is on and on. Like, why are you waiting? Just go, blah, blah, blah. Like, you're always sick. It's just like, all right, first of all, no. But yeah. Always sick.

And then my mom asked my dad. I mean, it's going to make me look like a piece of shit. But my mom asked my dad for a dollar. And then she gave me the dollar. She's like, hey, go put this in the jar upstairs. And then your problems will go away. It's like a super religious superstitious thing because you're giving a donation to like a religious organ. Like to like the Muslim community.

That's how you pay your GI? And then I was like, I was just annoyed. I was like, mom, I'm not doing it. It's not going to do anything. She's like, come on, please just do it. I was like, mom, no, I'm not. And then I snapped at her. And I was like, i can't do stuff like this i hate stuff like this this gives me so much anxiety i can't handle this and like it was not fun it's almost like you go

because i i i think especially with foreign parents yeah because you guys both have yeah immigrant immigrant parents you go into well yours aren't foreign, but they're like retarded. I'm just kidding. I forgot I can't say that word anymore. Jesus. He's working on it. Hey, go put a dollar in the retard's. But they're like the same thing. But you go into like, you almost go into like teenager mode

a little bit. You know what I mean? They push you and push you and push you. I just think like probably we have, they have like this overbearing thing where they feel like they can help fix your problems right they just worry so much yeah it comes from a good place a good place but it's fucking annoying and it's it's even jokes come from a good place you know you're trying to make people laugh but they don't always hit go put a dollar in the rape but uh but yeah so i'm sure and it's also like the same buttons they've been pushing your whole life yeah too so eventually you're just like that's not well it's not gonna happen

you know you in therapy you see like where my i saw where my anxiety comes from then you kind of blame them then you kind of realize like oh they're just humans and they got it because of their life circumstances and also their parents too like life was way harder than mine like my dad lost both his parents yeah when he was 16 and he was the oldest of like six kids or seven kids and you have to take care of them wow you know so like he worries a lot and uh but it's just like he passed that on to like me and uh you know so then you get mad at him, but then you're like, ah, he just cares. I don't know. But it's a tough spot because then you're like, now I don't want to see them.

Because we fight. You feel obligated. Yeah. Definitely. I mean, that's why I'm here. I'm in Baltimore right now to see them. Oh, yeah? But you could probably go the rest of your life without seeing them uh i mean i think that if they were if one of them were to die i would feel bad i would feel really

horrible but uh i know that when i do see them i tend to get my patience is just so already thin so thin yeah like walking in the door i do kind of there's a lot i i criticize a lot and i think out loud yeah yeah yeah i'm very vocal where i'm like you know i call it out i also like i'm like just go go talk to somebody go see a therapist yeah and there's no interest there yeah same with mine uh but i'm uh i'm very uh yeah pro therapy yeah just recently i well just the last visit i was telling you about my parents like because a lot of like my gi issues are from like anxiety and stress and uh and my dad's like i don't get it what's this stress and he was like he was like i have stressed my my whole life i don't have to i don't have these problems like okay dad like and then just the comments like

that it's like that everyone's fucking different, you know? Yeah. And then it's like. And your stress manifests differently. You know what helped me? God. He's like, two things. And he did throw a joke. And he's like, God and staying away from women.

I was like, all right. But it's like. And then we get this conversation about God. I'm like, dad, I don't believe in God. I can't. There's nothing in me. It's not like I actively try not to believe in God. That's just how I am. And he just like. He's like, thinks that try not to believe in god that's just how i am and he just

like he's like thinks that like i'm just it's like a i want to be cool or something that's why i'm an atheist i'm like still yeah bad boy like get you know that like i can't come like like that works for you he thinks just like everything and like you can't come ask god to help you come no and then my dad's like come but and then my dad like he put come in the dollar bucket yeah a dollar come in the god bucket he's like you should eat oatmeal and i was like why the fuck should i eat oatmeal he's like because that's what helps me i'm like okay that's what helps you but it's right and then he thinks i'm just being uh uh like hard-headed right he's like okay i'm like, okay, that's what helps you. And then he thinks I'm just being hard-headed. And he's like, okay.

And I'm like, Dad, shut the fuck. See how mad I'm getting right now? It's just so fucking frustrating. Yeah. Well, because there are constant issues, too. It's like you're always having the same argument. It's the same fucking conversation every fucking time you go there. It's crazy.

Listen, guys, I don't talk to my biological parents. How's that, huh? I own own a house you know what i mean man i wish i didn't know my biological parents yeah no i mean you have to just do the shit that is healthy for you like eventually like it seems like you're out of state so you have some space there yeah but it's been really great yeah it's probably could be better too or it's been really great yeah it's probably could be better too or it's like all right i love you guys but you're frustrating the shit out of me yeah i'll see you now and again you know so i don't know and then it's tougher for you because they're what like you're 20 minutes 20 minutes away and that's the thing it's like you and then

you can't tell them like guys like i've told them a couple times like like being here is like really hard for me and then they're like well why what? Like, oh, it's so hard being around us. They turn into Jews. I was going to say. Hey, movie. Alex's parents are like, you tried out law? It's just hard. So I just, dude, I lie so much.

You got freaky Friday. My parents think I do comedy way more than I do because every time they're like hey we're having dinner i'm like ah i got a show you know that's a great excuse it's a great excuse just in your boxers at your house watching netflix oh and they also come to see when you have like a really amazing show they come with the good ones so now i bet they're like super like impressed they are they think i'm on like uh some sort of precipice but i'm not but like uh you could be though you don't think so i don't think so okay okay that's this is a question for you for you uh stand-up hooligans uh yeah we'll beat your ass if if you could if you had that

crazy thing that we were talking about for successful, successful people have, yeah. And you like, you were comfortable giving up the things that make you comfortable here. Do you think you could become really popular and successful? No. Yeah.

I don't know. You both don't think so. I don't think so. I think we know too many people who've even hit like huge milestones and they're nothing. There is so much, uh, luck in stand-up right like bent bent washburn you know him right uh-huh did you ever see him he's a dc guy he's hilarious i gotta book that guy he's so good so yeah he went up last listening yeah is it ben bent bent yeah he's so funny really really funny but he has done uh he's been on conan i think he's been on

twice and last night uh he did rag time and uh super super funny really good joke writer uh little old he's in his 50s and uh really we're doing doing the thing of like they're like hey what have you been up to blah blah and uh he's like yeah i'm uh i'm gonna be gone for he's like i'm trying to do some sets because I'm going to be gone for nine weeks. And I was like, holy shit, that's, were you going on tour? He's like, ah, kind of. I'm doing cruise ships.

And it's like, for nine weeks? And he's like, yeah, I'm just here to warn all the comics that this is where you end up. You keep doing stand-up, you're going to end up on a cruise ship and get out while you can. No, it's good advice to get out and it's have a good career yeah and he's like you know it's my son's gonna come out and be on the cruise with me for like one of the times but essentially it's just like an east coast uh cruise like they just go up i think like up to canada and come back and he's just gonna stay on the boat for nine weeks like new people are gonna get on they get off new people get on he's on there for a week and he has to do two shows so it's not too bad

he has to just do his show like once a week he does two shows but still like that's you're just on a cruise you're 53 years old you're entertaining you have kids that's like that's that's the thing dude it's like people think like okay you, you got this Comedy Central special. Things are going to happen for you. It doesn't mean shit. Yeah. People who have Comedy Central half hours, Netflix half hours, they're trying to get on my show, right? Yeah. And it doesn't pay that well.

Well, my show, but even the half hour specials. Sure. And then you still just constantly if you want to make money gotta grind baby you are on the road all the fucking time and you're always trying to figure out new ways to make money and to get that next thing like everyone's always worried about that next thing like i open up for this guy he's very funny i don't think you'd mind me saying uh taylor williamson he got like runner up uh on america's got talent and he was riding that way for a while and i was helping him and we went out to lunch on that weekend we were

in philly and he was just kind of like he was telling me he's like yeah man like you know less and less people are coming out to shows and like i have to find something i have to hit like that next thing to keep stay relevant well to get that heat still like that heat and it's just he's like i'm kind of scared it's not gonna happen you know and it's just like and then you when you work with these comics you're like i don't want that life right yeah it sounds like an exhausting lifestyle horrible yeah especially as you get older too you're like what the fuck like you're paying out the ass for health insurance like that's it's like shit sucks and like i know we sound lame saying this but that's just like i don't know that's just like what you have to worry

about and so to me like i i just think it's so much luck there's so many fucking funny people like really really funny really funny way funnier than us like so funny oh yeah and i mean i'm just saying even the people you run into like like that taylor guy who's probably super hilarious but and even people that are just uh club comics that don't have a tv show can murder for 45 minutes to an hour outperform probably most comics you see on tv right but then they don't have a special or they don't have a tv show or something like that and they're not like why don't they have that just luck might not be meeting the right people being marketable like say you're just like an average dude you know like the what's what's your white white guys now i feel like they're not no demand nobody's fucking with them i just did a show with dc benny so fucking funny i mean just fucking murdered yeah just annihilated and

amazing stories but like he started with Chappelle, dude, and he's doing bar shows. I don't want to be doing that when I'm 50. He also took a break from comedy for a bit, I think. It was like a realtor. You don't want to tour with Chappelle? I don't want to live that life. He's funny. Who?

Chappelle. Who? Dave. Dave. Chappelle. Is he new? No. Huh.

I'll send you a link if you could post the link yeah yeah i'll put it at the end of this podcast yeah that's why i would never move i just don't yeah i don't see a future in this business there's there's two yeah there's too many um unknowns you know yeah and it's yeah what there's no clear path for anything either and if like you know if you have that heat for a while too it's not guaranteed and then it's like so say like your whole like quote-unquote brand is like whoa it's like this like young guy and here's his perspective and then like you're like all of a sudden you're 43 you know it's like nobody really cares anymore yeah and then what do you do you're too old to really like start a new career you know yeah and then it's like you're gonna retire yeah i think

about that shit all the time too like saving for retirement and that type of thing it's you're old most of your life unless you die young that's true leave a pretty corpse you know that's what you want to do and a popular funeral yeah the younger you are the more people will be at your funeral yeah right right right yeah it's because your friends are still alive it's because your friends are still alive exactly yeah so you do you want you get up there at your funeral that really like that's really sad like you're uh let's say you're 85 90 years old and yeah all your friends are dead holy shit yeah it's weird watching like uh has to make you feel really old celebrities like go like you're oh, that person's not around anymore.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. What's weirder, like, the old ones that die or the suicides? What's weirder? Like, is it weird because you feel like you're getting older as these celebrities who are semi-young when you were young? You know what I mean? Just that this person has existed in my, you know, in the corner of my eye like an anthony bourdain it's like oh yeah that's the that's the guy that does that show that yeah it's you know he has that certain vibe

and i see him like when i look through the channels and now he's like not around anymore right yeah i had that with uh robin williams i was like whoa that's weird just you thought that guy would just be around yeah like just he would die like a natural death or yeah exactly you're just like oh he'll just get old and be like a funny grandpa i still have yet i i just in the movie funny grandpa whenever celebrities die like the reactions on social media oh yeah just make me hate everybody with bourdain it was so much it was way too everyone talked as if they were personal friends with this dude and they were so sad. And it's like, you can respect his work, but you don't know that guy. You don't know him. He could be a fucking asshole.

It probably kind of was to get to that level, be in the restaurant business. He used to throw plates at people and shit. If it's in his books. Yeah. But sometimes those people have a greater impact on you than people like in your actual life you know what i mean like yeah for sure you read yeah exactly if you read somebody's books and you watch their shows you don't know them but they're like making you think about something differently to make you feel some way and yeah as a lot of people were pointing out he was exposing a lot of people to

cultures they would never be exposed to and stuff so it's like if you're going to be in entertainment, at least there's some value in that. And I think a lot of chefs can be dicks as well, like throwing shit and yelling. You love Gordon Ramsay. I do love watching him. I don't know how he is as a person. If he died, I wouldn't be like, oh, my God. If it wasn't for him, I would have never eaten that blah, blah, blah. I saw posts like that. And it was just like, ugh would have never eaten that blah blah blah i was he i saw posts like that

and it was just like right it's like that changed your life can you imagine if gordon ramsay died and he's like damn yeah expose me to so many kitchen nightmares uh yeah we should uh uh doesn't he have a restaurant in baltimore at the horse the horseshoe. I think he has it at the horseshoe. Let's do it, dude. I've never been. What's his name, too? Who's the guy with the frosted tips? Oh, Guy Fieri.

Guy Fieri has a restaurant there. Yeah. Damn. Who has kind of won me over. I watched an interview with him. I'm into him. I don't get it why he gets made fun of so much. I get why people make fun of it, but I also like him.

Have you ever seen uh shane torres's bit on him yeah uh everybody listening watch that it's so good he's like we'll link below click the link here um but basically he's like i don't get all the hate you want what this guy uh yeah fuck him because uh he exposes all these restaurants to tons of viewers they would never get otherwise. But this guy has frosted tips, so fuck him, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, it's just so weird what is okay to make fun of and what's not. My roommate and friend of the pod, Eric Glazer, he's blowing through this office, the American version of the office.

Funny show. yeah he's blowing through this office you know uh the american version of the office uh-huh like funny show but essentially what you're doing is it's you're laughing at like mildly retarded people like those characters are playing like they're doing the behaviors that like mildly retarded people would do and no dude like go back and watch that show like yeah every character is just like two quote-unquote like normal functioning people are making just fun of idiots like yeah every character is just like two quote-unquote like normal functioning people are making just fun of idiots like yeah it's a weird thing like that's okay but then like uh tom segura said retard in a special he can't do that well he had to put a dollar in the jar and he refused to do that you know you can have a show where you're essentially just laughing at stupid people that's what it is yeah yeah i think they try to have more heart on that show

though and like show like it's not just like what a fucking idiot one of the storylines in the office was when a new hr employee came she thought that fat guy was retarded and she was treating him right yeah that's that show and it's just so interesting that we as like a society think that's cool but god forbid like a comedian makes a racy joke. I have never liked The Office. Really? Yeah. For that reason.

I'm just kidding. I just think it's so formulaic. Yeah, me too. I'm just so tired of Jim and Pam looking in the camera. Yeah. I hated on it. And then I watched it with kid like i never watched it when it was on i watched i think like some of the first season but it's basically just note for

note uh uh the same as the british version for sure so i was like why would i watch this is stupid yeah but then uh i thought it got better i like there's so many parts the jim and pam stuff gets a little played out and like the super love-dovey stuff is a little whack. But when Steve Carell does improv on that show, that is really great. Steve Carell is an amazing actor. He just keeps having a gun. Do you watch that? Yeah, for sure.

He's like, no more guns. And then he just whispers it in his ear. Here's another thing about Jim. Jim is just not a good person. Oh, yeah. He's a fucking asshole. Yeah. He's a fucking asshole, but he he's a fucking asshole but he's like

the normal dude and he's like cute and so like he's just a bully he's a straight-up bully to someone like dwight who's like uh but so are we yeah and dwight's kind of a dwight's kind of a dick too he is a dick but it's just like you're taking advantage of someone who's like clearly something's wrong with him yeah and it's being a dick yeah but it's just so funny we think that's okay we're like so anti-bully you know like and the message is anti-bully yeah i just don't i hate hypocrisy i just think it's so phony everybody's a hypocrite that's true yeah it's yeah yeah you're not gonna get rid of that but also they play up the the jim and pam love stuff quite a bit yeah uh. Which I understand,

but I've also thought about, does every show need to have a love component to it? Yes. Why? People won't relate to it. I don't know. I personally don't care, but it seems like that is a component to get people to watch.

Can you name a show where it isn't? It would be very hard for me to think of an example. You know what? Silicon Valley doesn't really have that he he he likes the what's her name uh they tried that yeah oh yeah not really a dry it's no like this last season they didn't address it at all yeah yeah there wasn't like an underlying love story just about the business and the joke yeah yeah well good on them yeah great show master of none um i have only really enjoyed the episodes that don't feature aziz going on his love quests yeah like second season has a few episodes where we focus on other parts of the world like we see well we see the um

his friend like come out to her mom yeah the thanksgiving episode thanksgiving that was great you can probably watch that as a standalone episode it's really good standalone episodes that work really well really bothered me i didn't watch all of it it was just boring it's like dude we get it you're like a rich dude who's in yeah yeah it's like i don't give a fuck about this at all of him and uh that guy eric Wareheim. Yeah. Eating like pasta. It's like you do like what you look terrible. Yeah.

Well, like not like physically, just like what you're doing bad, what you're presenting to the world. I'm a rich guy. It's like who gives a fuck

did you got broken up with and you went to Italy? Go fuck yourself. Why is this relatable to anybody? Yeah. I know how when you get broken up with it,

you just go make pasta in Modena, Italy. And everyone's oh my god aziz is a genius yeah is he yeah what a brave look if i think back to the things i really enjoy watching it's usually like people who are poor and like struggling in life that's why lucky louis was so good the first one yeah yeah oh i love that so good and that was mostly jokes, too. It was all jokes. That was the cool part, because it was like, the set is bad. Who cares? Everyone's ugly in that show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Francis Ha is great. Yeah. If you've never seen Francis Ha. Uh-huh. What's that Coen Brothers movie, Inside Llewyn Davis? I love that movie.

It's just, I love that like are just trying to make it in life and the love stuff is just i feel like a little played out yeah for sure i mean i thought it was played out with cory and topanga but oh that's a panga right topanga topanga if you're listening i'm single when uh we went to shingles topanga you're listening i have shingles i can't scratch that it'll spread if shingles. Topanga, if you're listening. I have shingles. I can't scratch that. Or else the cancer will spread. It'll spread. I have shingles in my brain.

I don't think you could ever now pitch a show where love wasn't... It also seems like a desperate move of shows that have gone on too long. Like you're in your third or fourth season and you've already like... They're going to get married. You've tackled the arc and you're like, all right, what if they are in love? Because everyone... What it is is is like when you watch the and this is i think the worst part about shows like the office and um parks and rec is you see yourself in these characters and and and uh and so you want that like love interest like you know it's that cutesy cute yeah like you want that and then the

so the worst part is like every i feel like the office influenced the way millennials talk and like flirt and it's always like this like sarcastic you always got to be this witty banter it's it bothers the fuck out of me when i talk to someone and they like talk it's like dude just talk like a normal person like you don't have to always have some like shitty witty thing to say you know what i mean or like cutesy be a cutesy like a fucking oh that's interesting yeah i wonder how much it has affected every i feel like anytime you go on a date so many people talk like that yeah sarcastic they're like and then like like everyone says guys and girls like i love sarcasm why do you love you love being a fucking piece of shit were they people were they being sarcastic

when they said that yeah i love it yeah yeah like that's all sarcasm is is like you shitting on people like you it's it's like a bad way to do comedy yeah it's a defense mechanism too yeah oh i'm supposed to care about this. Give you my real feeling. It's the lowest and easiest form of comedy. Because you're just going negative the whole time. Yeah. I like me some sarcasm.

I don't like fake conflict. I think it's tired. Between Two Ferns is doing that a lot now and it's turning me off. It's just Zach being shitty. I've just been watching old ones. Old ones are great. They're so good. The old ones are...

Michael Cera's when he took his hand. Yeah. I do that to Karen all the time. Because the line where he goes, fuck, what did he say? He's like, did I tell you that I liked Superbad? And Michael Cera goes, no. He goes, okay, good. So I'll do it. do like little bits little doses of

that but now it's just like so over the top it's like i'm mad at you that you're my guest and everybody's like kind of in on it too speaking of steve corral his is great uh

with uh with zach alphanackis didn't they start fighting or something yeah it's like it's like uh steve corral's like uh they they say the uh camera adds 10 pounds

zach what'd you do eat five cameras it's great yeah i'm taking a class right now and the guy said uh my uh my second ever um improv teacher was steve carell and we're like whoa holy shit steve carell was his teacher he's second ever improv class he He's so good. Have you guys watched the Dana Carvey documentary on Hulu about the show? The Dana Carvey show? I've started watching the show itself, but I should watch the documentary. Did they ever mention Louie on there?

Because he was a big part of it. I bet they cut him out of it. I bet he was interviewed. They don't interview him, but I bet they probably sat down with him. That's what I mean, but they had to cut it. Yeah, so they talk about him, and then they'll show archival footage of Louis doing an interview or Q&A talking about the show, like old footage. But yeah, the writing room or the writer's room, the actors they had on that show were so good. And yeah, Steve Crowe's great.

Robert Smigel. Yeah. The best. Dino. Dino,ino yeah who's crazy unbelievable yeah yeah i gotta watch that i never watched the dana carvey show or in living color i watched living color as a kid yeah we just uh uh introduced uh in living color to umar yeah you didn't know there was a black snl i didn't know it was like a sketch show dude that's where i fell in love with uh jim carrey i was like he's just the funniest guy became my guy yeah like fire no longer my guy really yeah yeah he went disowned him yeah because he's disowning himself you didn't like the documentary no i didn't see it oh it's great i mean he's a he was

a real piece of shit what's the documentary it him trolling the entire production of man on the moon yeah as as he he took on andy kaufman and a bunch of people said like i knew andy kaufman and he didn't act like this wow yeah like uh in the documentary yeah like jerry the king lawler uh who actually had like a fake beef with WWF. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. So he, he,

yeah. Um, Andy like wrestled him and they would like do bits to get like, they went on Letterman and they were doing bits like, like, like fucking with each other and stuff. But then backstage are really friendly. They sold it really well. They were enemies.

Yeah. But everybody believed it. Yeah. But so then, uh, Jerry Lawler was in man on the moon playing himself and then like in the dressing room and shit like that where like jerry would be in like the makeup chair and jim carrey would come in as andy and be like fuck you and like

mess with him and like throw shit at him and he's just like hey uh could you not do that like jim carrey like you're a human being what are you doing that was another weird thing because the response to that documentary was like yo because so i can't a couple people were like you gotta watch this it's like you know it's just this is like it kind of it kind of like taught like what it is to be an artist no no that's such a perversion of yeah and that's it's just it just sounds like uh i don't know it just sounds like jim carrey's like taking himself so seriously yeah yeah who gives a fuck if we had more time to talk about this i would love to It sounds like, I don't know, it just sounds like Jim Carrey's taking himself so seriously. Yeah. Who gives a fuck?

If we had more time to talk about this, I would love to talk about anti-comedy and performance art. Go ahead. We got time. Well, real quick, I just want to mention, too, the director of Man on the Moon was Milos Forman. Milos Forman, yeah. Yeah, who is just this older European director who directed some of the greats of all time, like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and just this actually really good old school director.

And then he's having a deal with Jim Carrey. So Milos had to call him. He's just like, Jim, please, don't do this anymore. He's like, well, I'll see you later. Call me Andy. Yeah, I'll talk to it and as andy's like all right i was holding the entire shoot hostage exactly and like fucking with people there's this

amazing moment in that documentary where um they're yeah i think you guys mentioned the makeup room yeah he's getting makeup done and the actor who plays and's father. Oh, they get into a fight. Yeah. And they made the makeup girl cry. Yeah. She was picturing her own fights with her father. Yeah. That's her psycho drama.

She's like, what? In the background, you see Paul Giamatti in the other chair, who's like an accomplished actor. Yes. Super talented guy. Yeah. Who doesn't do any of that method shit. Yeah. And you just look at the look on his face and he's just like jim knock it off he just has that look on his face like

this shit again can i just get my makeup done right right and uh yeah i'm just i'm just very over jim carrey i liked watching it just seeing what it was i wasn't like wow this is funny it was just interesting to see what a mess that was i guess i mean it's like i'll ever re-watch it but it was just like it was it was anyone just taking like show business super seriously just like yeah i don't know man you're just fucking playing pretend like shut the fuck up yeah and you're getting paid way more than you know what i mean you get paid a lot of money um do you in show business yeah you know what I mean? Right. You get paid a lot of money. Do you? In show business? Yeah. You know what? What do you think Carrie's pulling in?

I'm going to move to New York. His whole thing is that he put a, when his father died when he was young, he put a- Check. A blank check. Not a blank check, sorry. A check made out to his dad, and it was for like $10 million. God damn. And then years later, when he got his first

big movie it might have been the mask or ace ventura yeah it he got paid 20 million so he got paid 20 million for cable guy cable guy yeah it's crazy to think that 20 million 20 i like the cable guy but that was when he 20 million but that's when he was doing shit like ace ventura in the mask and they thought cable guy was gonna be like Ace Ventura and the Mask, and they thought Cable Guy was going to be like this hilarious movie, and then it was sort of like this meta. It didn't do well. Yeah. But it's like a cult classic. I like it a lot.

Me too. But it's not like a straight up comedy in a way. No, it's very dark. Yes. So then he got $20 million. He got $20 million, and I think in his mindset is like, oh, well, remember that thing I did with my dad where I wrote that check and i i said i was gonna make 10 million dollars it's like the secret he like believes because he he

manifested it he manifested oh yeah he is crazy i mean he for a long time was on the whole like autism anti-vaxxing oh yeah because he was married to jenny mccarthy yeah and then his ex uh killed herself right and he was uh what suspect. His ex-girlfriend. Yeah. Well, basically, like, yeah, saying like they broke up and then like she killed herself because of that. And Karen's dad actually had a theory. And I think it's been reported, too, that Anthony Bourdain might have killed himself over a relationship, too. Yeah.

Yeah. Because he got out of it. Well, this he was dating strange asia yeah i don't know asiago cheese lady genio yeah like a famous person yeah she's an actress and they were dating and then like pictures of her and like some guy being all like cuddly in europe or taking it he saw those and then theoretically yeah he might have killed himself because that's wild while they're filming the show in france yeah the whole crew is there imagine you like booked this this thing like if i was like oh oh mom dad i got this great gig i'm gonna they're

flying me to france i'm gonna be a production assistant parts unknown they're gonna be known i'm gonna i'm gonna see them so and then. And then three days later, the star of the show that everybody flew out to film kills himself. Jesus. And the person that found him was one of his best friends, a French chef. I'm blanking on his name. Oh, yeah, yeah. The guy. I think I know who you're talking about.

Bobby Flay. Bobby Flay. Guy Fieri found him? Bobby Flay. I like that guy. He seems like a huge dig. Handsome guy. Handsome guy. Handsome guy.

All right. Let's round this out. Let's shut it down. Well, did you want to talk about anti-comedy for a second? Oh, yeah. Let's do that. Because you are... I feel like you were...

I feel like you kind of were into it for a while. You were a big anti-comedy guy. I feel kind of anti-comedy. Really? There's spaces for it. Do you want to explain what it is to you? I probably won't be able to articulate it well, but I do like the idea of curbing people's expectations

when they come to a comedy show. What about their enthusiasm? I knew you were going to say that. You're looking at me the whole time. It's like I've been seeing you the past two years every single day. uh well real quick too let's go over your uh your pedigree because uh you had chuckle storm in yeah in baltimore last week was the eight-year anniversary of uh chuckle storm a show that i co-hosted with dan friedman and then you joined us yeah later later on and uh yeah that i think that started out as just like a stand-up showcase show right

yeah but it actually started out as a mock show it like was um we we were like frustrated with what shows were happening or what the lack of shows happening in baltimore and the ones that were happening we were a little bit like um we we thought we were like young college boy big shots young punks young punks and we were like hey let's uh let's make a show and let's like make fun of comedy shows so we picked like a very like hacky name like chuckle storm and we were like we'll do these like dumb bits yeah um and then it like we were like oh we like doing this and let's just make this a real show yeah so even like the name chuckle storm like when people would like make fun of it we'd be like hey shut up it's a great name yeah but it's interesting because the first couple like the first show was just a straight up stand-up show

it was stand-up just yeah yeah it was like you and dan doing like stand-up goofy bits but you guys kind of had like your i don't know like the tim and eric vibe right we would do like uh an eating contest as a bit we would like uh i was a ventriloquist dummy sitting on his lap yeah uh we would play like dumb like little songs and stuff like that right yeah i mean it was we didn't want to do stand-up really i think it was like goofy sketch comedy slash yeah so fuck with the crowd a little bit the crowd fuck with the form a little bit and then, then it kind of evolved and it was like sort of like a talk show,

but so with like variety show. And then you and I were doing the wake up, which was like Chuckle Storm, but in the morning, essentially, like afternoon. It's supposed to be like Baltimore, like Good Morning America kind of thing. It was like supposed to be a morning show, but it was Saturday at 1 p.m.

Yeah. And it was super fun. It was fun and uh yeah we had we had some really good turnouts we had some big names come in like michael ian black and like neil hamburger and brian posain yeah it was awesome it was a real fucking headache to and those the super troopers guys super troopers guys yeah uh kyle dunnigan yeah yeah a parna kyle dunnigan who's uh killing it on instagram is he really yeah you got to watch some of his stuff trump stuff yeah he does trump stuff and then he does a smart

guy he does a lot of uh caitlin jenner stuff which is pretty good like he does like the face swap stuff and uh his bill maher impression is incredible he's a very talented dude yeah yeah anyway so so we in tech comedy yeah yeah so anyway so you i'm just yeah i'm saying all that to tf that you were very into it so i'm just not like i did not like stand-up comedy right i thought most of it was was boring and uh there were like definitely some people that i i loved but i thought most of it was just like predictable or formulaic. And so I was really into Andy Kaufman as a kid. I loved trolls.

I love like the Tom Greens and the Eric Andres and the Andy Dicks of the world. And I think I still want to do that stuff. Yeah. John Glazer, people like that. Messing people. Yeah. Those guys are like my heroes. There's just something fun about... There's like a big YouTube prank culture going on right now.

Yeah. And most of it is garbage. Yeah. Most of it is just straight up being mean and hurting people's feelings. Yeah, I hate that. Scaring people. Yes. And I don't love that.

And like making a mess to where somebody works. I hate that shit. Or it's like, oh, I'm going to jump in all the balls at the Walmart and just like spill everything. Right. Somebody has to clean that up, you fucking dick. But I like when people react with like either confusion of like what's up with this guy or like what's happening here yeah or like this is funny yeah like they don't know that it's a prank but they're like yeah i saw last night one of the earlier like sort of viral videos did you ever see the

video of the guy uh somebody's like selling a car and a guy walks up to this yeah i watched that last night and i bass master oh right right and i i hadn't even thought of it and then it just popped up in my facebook feed and i was like oh my god this was like one of the original like kind of like fuck with people but really but really there's no harm in it you just kept going while you say you would say look at that take a look at that yeah and i'm also like i think i look at the like craftsmanship of it. He is so committed to his character. And the repetition is unbelievable. He says, would you look at that?

Just look at it like a hundred times. It's a great video. It's so good. And he gets the guy to kind of say it at one point. And it's not mean. No. It's just playful. Not at all.

It's playful. I love that. It's really's playful. I love that. It's really fucking funny. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. The one thing that bummed me, I don't like about anti-comedy is, especially when it just is kind of like a response to stand-up.

Yeah. Stand-up is really hard to do well. Yes. Totally. And I think, to me, sometimes it's a cop-out to get up on stage and do jokes. And it's like, yo, you can't make fun of this thing that you suck dick at. You can't do. You can't do it.

You suck at it. Tim Heidecker has that character. I hate that character. If I see anyone make fun of stand-up, because he does that character where he goes up and he's fumbling with the mic. Anyone who's like, you're such a fucking phonyony and that's also like anti-comedy becomes predictable alt comedy becomes predictable so like i don't know like funny is funny and create you know like you're creative and you can if you're funny in a creative way like yeah i don't know like to make a distinguished distinct to distinguish between like all this is like stand-up it's like to me like if

you're funny and you're creative it's funny like that doesn't have to be like oh this is like stand-up it's like to me like if you're funny and you're creative it's funny like that doesn't have to be like well this you know yeah and i don't like looking down on other stuff too it's like oh you're really crushing the clubs it's like yeah you try doing that it's like like because every like you know like it's just like bad improv is bad improv bad comedy is bad comedy so it's i know. It's just like a frustrating... To me, it's like I'm not a fan of Tim and Eric. That kind of comedy doesn't move me, right? When I watch them, I can't... Some of it's really good.

Yeah, I think it can be done really well. Some of their episodes are so goddamn funny. For me, it's just like a personal thing. For me, it's just... For me? It's not an aesthetic that brings me to laugh. Right. But I bet there are things that I could show you that you'd be like, oh, this is great.

Right. Because you take an interesting spin on it. Like that example of would you look at this. Yeah. Just the sheer repetition of it is super funny. Yeah. And that's something, too, where if you read it on paper or somebody told you the idea, you're like, that's stupid as shit.

But then seeing it executed is really funny. But that's what my beef with Wham City was for a while. And they're way different now. And I'm glad you guys settled that beef, by the way. Well, it just felt like a lot of when they would do their shows. Because Wham City is this group, this collective that they would put on. They weren't stand-up comedians per se. They weren't true blue stand-up comedians per se but they weren't true blue stand-up

yeah which is fine but they wouldn't do you'd go to these shows and like they would just shit on stand-up comedy all the time and it's just like what are you doing like you first of all you're only making your stupid fucking friends laugh and you do it you do it like once a month like right the fuck are you like in like in their head they built up this idea that comedy is like rape jokes like that's what it is it's just like oh rape nothing but rape jokes or it's just like hack like airline material because i've seen like them do characters of what they think men and women are different it's like oh you just don't go to comedy shows you just like have this like idea of what stand-up is in your head right or like like the other day

like i had a conversation with like a neighbor and we got into it and he was just kind of like um i don't know just like he was just like he you know he's like the whole like punching up or oh yeah well you know it's easy to punch down i'm like dude have you ever told jokes he's like no i was like so then you don't fucking know it's still really hard to be funny even when you're also like that person doesn't shit on like a co-worker or anything like that you still don't like it's still really hard to be funny if you're being mean or if you're it doesn't matter it's just hard it's just like that's what annoyed me that's fair yeah i mean i think it's fair when you're like in something and you actually see the full landscape of it

and somebody shits on it. I mean, I do feel that way about improv. There's a lot of things I dislike about improv, but there's a lot of great stuff out there. And I think it is, you see the caricature of what it is and you're like, oh, it looks so stupid. Like, you know, Broad City did an episode where she went to see her her

boyfriend's improv show and it was garbage yeah snl just recently did like a chicago improv show really yeah yeah yeah it's it's uh there there's a lot to make fun of any of these like specific art forms but there's also like if you like really like dig in you can like find like yeah stuff and I think that's the same thing with the anti-comedy too yeah I think so and I think also like to to credit those guys like they probably started out that way yeah wham city and then they started to like develop these

cool yeah and any and Ben O'Brien started doing stand-up in earnest yeah even did he did the contest of Magoobies and i think came in second i think to uh to donnie so like yeah so yeah um runner up i hope that heat lasts yeah stay warm he's in la now stay oh is he i thought he's in new orleans he was on the he was he was like when last time i talked to him he was like i don't know i like baltimore and yeah maybe

i'll just keep going back and forth but damn i think they finally came around to that's enough work he recently got out of a relationship and right right right right fresh start first start um all right well we've been almost like an hour and a half here so let's round it out talking to you guys it was fun it's fun catching up with you buddy let's do plunge uh should we do a lightning round real quick of stuff we didn't get to of uh you washing your clothes with the fabric softener yeah so i don't get this bit for the last not a bit okay so i live that's where we just ended it i live okay all right bye everybody live with two dudes evan donahue friend of the pod eric glazer we mentioned before friend of the pond and uh

dear friends evan came home he's like hey where are we with uh uh um laundry detergent i was like what do you mean he's like yeah we're kind of running low should we get some more i was like dude we all have our own he's like what he was like and i said and i was like yeah we all have our own he's like dude where's your detergent and i'm like it's up there he's like what he was like and i said and i was like yeah we all have our own he's like dude where's your detergent and i'm like it's up there he's like the blue thing and i'm like yeah and i'm like he's like dude that's fabric softener my god and so we go up there and he's like dude this is fabric softener i'm like holy shit i've been using this for like the last three years no detergent no detergent just fabric So what does that do?

It just makes your clothes smell and feel softer. But not actually cleaning them. There's no cleaning. I'm sure there's something going on. There has to be something. You always smelled good. Yeah, I don't ever smell bad. My clothes never look bad. Like, fuck. I felt so dumb. Did you do research

after that? Yeah, it's fabric softener. No, I know but like did you look into what no i was just like fuck it i'm just googling what is detergent yeah what what that's a nightmare of mine is like to to realize that i've been doing something so wrong for like years forever used to um with toilet paper oh yeah that's fine i'll i'll i'll say this on the podcast all right yeah we'll close it up i my family i think it was like the i think it's a very like outside u.s yes world view that you just don't flush toilet paper yep in the toilet because in a lot of countries you can't plumbing you cannot do it yeah and so for the most of my life my family was

just like you're you throw it in the trash yep you like ball it up and you throw in the trash yep and i did that and then uh uh my ex was like like this was years ago when we started dating like eight years ago yeah uh she saw that and was like why do you guys do that that's gross and i was like what do you mean what are you doing she's like we flush it in the toilet and and was like, why do you guys do that? That's gross. And I was like, what do you mean? What do you do? And she was like, we flush it in the toilet. And I was like, really? Because you're like in your 20s. Yeah, I was 22. I was 22 and discovered that

most of the people flush it down the toilet. And I was like, whoa. Even if you have like a really gnarly wipe, you just put it in the toilet. It would smell so bad. Yeah. And we did it.

It's all in the game. It's all in the game. You didn't even have like a diaper jean. You come at the king, you best not miss. Yeah, dude. That trash can. That's in my hometown Baltimore, The Wire. Season two was not the best, but season four was.

I love season two. I know, yeah. Why do people shit on it? You're both boneheads. What? It's great. It's not great. Why? It's a great season. Ziggy's so stupid. Ziggy sucks. Why do people shit on it? You're both boneheads. What? It's great. It's not great. Why?

It's a great season. Ziggy's so stupid. Ziggy sucks. Ziggy sucks, but it was a... It's the least interesting storyline. I thought it was very interesting. I like Frank Sabatka. I like the whole clock thing.

I met him the other day. No one fucking cares. I can show the listeners at home a picture. I swear to God, if you two are holding up gnarly, balled up wipes of poop... It's a fat guy. Yeah, well, while you find that picture, let's close it out here. I've never done anything embarrassing in my life, so I don't have any stories to share.

I have zero embarrassing stories. Umar, what do you got to plug? This, I don't know. Damn, he looks younger. Let me see. He kind of looks like a cholo but like a low brim la hat he's a tall dude uh this year or this weekend i don't know 22nd 23rd i'm featuring at the draft house dc july 5th i will be uh gin and jokes and uh very funny noah garden

shorts oh awesome he's really funny writes on um uh uh fuck uh the marvelous miss mazel oh cool very funny guy yeah he's uh i saw him what he did a guest spot at the green room and at the draft house he was really good but yeah he's gone on like uh he has an album with uh comedy central he's he's a half hour he's been on the conans whatever yeah he's super funny so that's what you should come so check that out uh what do i got um on the 26th i'll be doing an apartment show in dc don't know the apartment but if you live there oh buddy i'll be there you'll find it you'll find it uh then i'll be in arizona for a bit and but on the 7th i'll be in reston doing stand up there and on the 13th i will be at uh the beer baron downstairs doing a stand-up there. And on the 13th, I will be at the Beer Baron downstairs doing a stand-up show.

So come out to that. Oh, and sorry, on the 28th, I'll be at the DC Draft House doing Speechless. So come to that. Oh! Are we just doing June? Yeah, whatever. I mean, I'm going to put this out on Monday, I think. So this will be the episode for next week.

I just can't remember. Who cares? Yeah, whatever. Yeah, follow us on social media and look at our well-curated and crafted lives and we'll share all of our dates on there. Alex, you got any plugs? Instagram, just look at my full name, Alex Berslovsky. Look it up.

And if you're ever in New York and want to see an improv show, Magnet Theater, Wednesday nights, just look up my name. It's all on there. It's on there. I don't know what you want from me. Yeah. You know.

Get it, man. Yeah. Hopefully you'll get to see me. Let's get some lunch. Should we eat? Do these plugs work? Do these plugs actually work? Yeah.

That's right. Yeah. They're good plugs. I don't know if they do. I don't know. No. I think it's for our egos to be like, we're good plugs. I don't know if they do. I don't know. No, I think it's just for our egos to be like, we're doing stuff, so come out. We're doing stuff and getting paid work.

We look better. Somebody actually came up at Mike Fonazzo's movie premiere, came up and was like, hey, man, listen to the podcast. Guy did not know at all. Mike Fonazzo. Trader Joe's told me to listen to the podcast. Just by your voice there. Yeah,

yeah. Mike Fonazza, if you're listening, let's work it out. We can be friends. I think you're good now. I think you guys are good. Young and dumb,

everyone, you know. Yeah, you were full of cum. Now you got it out of you. No more. No more. All right.

Speaking of no more, David Koechner, take us out. Digression Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah