The Digression Sessions - Ep. 257 - Josh & Umar!

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with them gosh danged selves. Audio got messed up on this one because the batteries died and he forgot his computer on vacation. He's writing this too. He's a dang dummy. Such a handsome dummy. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

I need you to run upstairs and show you the phone man Look what I got, you're such a bragger I think he just wants to share his joy Yeah It is funny though, like he's like Hey check this out, you know And I see he's like get the fuck off of it I'll fucking kill you

I'll fucking touch my bone It's like when you're a kid, you the fuck off of it. I'll fucking kill you. It's like when you're a kid, you have a new toy. You're like, look, but you can't play with it. You can't play with it. I remember that. Kids would do that. You're like, come on, man. But then conversely, if you're on the other side, you're like, let me fucking play with those Legos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm at an adult party. You're the son of my friend's mom. I don't know you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get a hold of them G.I. Joes, though. Right? And they're like, yeah. That was always kind of weird where, like,

you would go over your mom's friend's home. Yeah. And, like, they're like, all right, these are the kids. Go play. And you're just like, yeah. It's weird. It's like an A.A. meeting kind of. You're just, like, getting to know everybody.

Yeah. Everybody's had, instead of, like like coffee, they have a juicy juice. Yeah. Hi, I'm Josh. Hi, Josh. And it's like, all right, let's play pretend. Yeah, right. Yeah.

It's just like so, you're so vulnerable. Which is AA as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's pretend like we're not alcoholics. I remember that like all the time like you're like alright all the kids are in the basement

and you're like I don't know anybody why am I walking down it's almost like it's like the equivalent to being an adult would be like walking into a bar

and just hey guys what's up there are people that do that not like hey what's up but you ever see

those people alone that are reading at the bar yeah or a lot of people go alone and try to interject themselves into conversations. I don't like that. I hate those people. We got to tag those people and watch them.

Yeah, I know. Because that's weird behavior. It's weird. People do it all the time. It's very common. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't know. One time, my friend Marie and I went to go get some food.

And I opened the door for this older couple. They were really nice. And they were like, game nice. And then so. And they were like, game on. And it was a very small restaurant. And we ended up being seated next to each other. Like I said, it's a very small couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they bought us a round of drinks because the guy was like, you know, thanks for like, and we got seated before you guys because you guys let us in first. It was nice. And then this dude would not stop talking to us. And Marie was just like, I knew that was going to happen. She was like, I've worked in restaurants long enough to know the people. To spot the people.

They go out just wanting to get in. And she was like, it was a bummer because I just wanted to talk to you. And now we're fucking talking to this guy. I don't mind it for the most part. I think it depends. Karen and I did a thing where we did a little mini staycation where we stayed at a hotel in Baltimore.

They have a pool. It'll be great. And then there was this couple there that ended up being pretty cool. And then they had a dog there, and it was over. Karen's like, we should hang with them. And I was like, God damn it. And they ended up being fine. I was like, I should hang with them. And I was like, God damn it. And they ended up being fine. I was like, I don't fucking know these people.

Yeah, one time when Karen and I first started dating, we ran into a couple and it was great. It was just like we had been friends for like 10 years. And it was just cool. We were just like shooting the shit. And they lived in D.C. and they were in Baltimore just hanging out. And I never saw them again.

See, that's the way to do it. See, I would have been fine with this couple. It was like, hey, I kind of paid for this hotel so we could go to the pool and fuck. You know what I mean? Yeah. So we could wrap up this dog talk. You know what I mean? Fuck at the pool.

I'm trying to fuck in the pool. Damn. You know what I'm saying? I paid good money to be at this Radisson. I want to fuck in the pool. There's just a kid with floaties on next to you guys. I'm like, don't talk to me. I don't think I've ever seen anyone fuck in a public pool.

Well, that's probably a good thing. I feel like fucking in a pool is probably pretty gnarly for the gal. Yeah, but it's not a good thing, right? Getting some water in there, you know? Some chlorine and stuff. Yeah, probably not the best. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast.

We're here. We're doing it. the country is falling apart. It is, I try not to be that bleeding heart liberal that's like, it's bad, we're on a really bad course. But it is very scary. It's scary, I don't think it's... Like, were there people in Germany that were like, alright, chill, all right, friggin' libtard, it's fine. You know what I mean? It is weird.

On the ramp up. Because it's not, like, World War II, not that far away in terms of, like, you know, if you break down, like, the history, like, you know, look at, like, time in, like, you know, because... 60 years. Yeah, because when you... Well, it's weird because when you talk to scientists, they're like, oh, that's, like... Oh, that ain't shit when you talk to scientists they're like oh that's like oh that ain't shit yeah yeah they're like that's nothing

that's like a like a fucking blink yeah and um but yeah world war ii is not that far away but at this or at the same time it does feel insane to think that we could ever i don't it's not a it's it's stupid to think that because it wasn't that far away but it feels insane that it could go back to like something like that. It's but it's not

really that hard basically. I mean it's the same way of discrediting the press and then you discredit the people that are against you

as like nah they're liars they're haters you can't trust those people. Yeah. And now like getting two Supreme Court justices, like, that shakes the... Oh, the Supreme Court's going to be conservative until we're, like, 50 years old. Oh, at least, or more.

Like, it's possible he might be able to appoint three judges as well. Because, I mean, there's some other ones that are pretty old. And the fact that they stole a seat from Obama is so insane. Yeah, and we can't do that because we don't have the numbers to do it. Yeah, well, that's why we've got to ride this blue wave in November. Well, we do. We've got to ride the blue wave, and hopefully you can pass legislation to add more justices.

But then it's going to get really scary, too, where – what do you mean add more justices? You can pass legislation to add more justices to the Supreme Court. Really? More than nine? That's what – I was talking to Owen. He's the lawyer. That'sices to the Supreme Court. Really? More than nine? That's what I was talking to Owen. He's the lawyer. That's what he was telling me.

Really? Yeah, we were talking about it yesterday. Because I think, yo, there's a good podcast you should listen to. My buddy, she told me about it. It's called More Perfect, and it just goes through the history of the Supreme Court. It's fucking cool as shit. Interesting. Interesting.

Yeah, and they did that. Hmm. So they went from what? Before. Something like that. Right, right. But, yeah, did that. Hmm. So they went from what, 89? Before something like that. Right, right. But yeah, so I don't know. But that's the scary thing, too, is that you have such...

Yeah, because everyone just keeps doing it. Yeah, but then you have such a dummy in the White House that it's like, it doesn't matter what legislation is passed because he can veto it. You know what I mean? So he has to make it a law. And then, yeah, it just gets really scary, too. And then say we do, like, liberals or Democrats do win in 2020. What if he's like, no, I don't believe it. It's fake news.

And then, like, half, you know, like, 45% of the country is like, yeah, this election's rigged. It's all bullshit, man. Yeah, well, because we've never had, like, a dude who's refusing to leave. We've never had a person this crazy, I don't think. What happens if you refuse to leave, you know? Yeah, exactly. Does the military take you out? Right.

Who controls the military at that point? Freaking scary. Yeah, exactly. Because then if the military, I mean, that's where it gets to be like, like they had that in Chile, basically, where it's like, this guy's a dictator, we need to take him out, and the military takes him out, and they're like, yeah. And in Chile, basically, where it's like, this guy's a dictator. We need to take him out. And the military takes him out. And they're like, yeah.

And in Egypt, too. And then the military is just like, so we run shit now. Yeah. So, and then that's like, when the military is running the country, that's really scary. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's, you know, that's why I try not to be like this, like, you know, the sky is falling. But it is very scary.

It is scary. It is fun, though, to make fun of people. It's fun for me to make fun of people in any side. Sure. Because I saw people like, oh, we're going to be handsmaid's tale next year. And it's like, I don't think so, dude. Like, Maryland, we're going to have abortion. They will overturn Roe versus Wade.

That's terrible. It is terrible. Yeah. But then it's back. And then gay marriage will probably be back. It'll all go back to like states decide for a while. Which sucks. But it won't be Handmaid's Tale.

No one's going to be harvesting women. I think the point that they're making in the second season of Handmaid's Tale is they're trying to show the incremental. Like how it builds to it. How it's not just like one day all of a sudden we're like rounding up women, but it's like the little stuff you get used to. Like every day Trump is doing something that would have been like sunk any other candidate or presidency.

But these gears were in place before Trump. So like with the Supreme Court decision on unions where you can opt out of paying union fees. I mean, conservatives have been trying to dismantle unions for a long time. It's not like it just happened. It's not like it happened because of Trump. These gears were in motion. That's what Scott Walker was trying to do.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that podcast, podcast More Perfect talks about like how cases get to the Supreme Court. A lot of them are rigged. Excuse me, a lot of like, because you need like you find these perfect cases that like, that you're like

oh, this can go all the way to the Supreme Court and this is what like black civil rights leaders used to use. Like they would put people in places where they know something was going to happen and then they're like alright, now we're going to take used to use. Like they would put people in places where they know something was going to happen and then they're like, all right, now we're going to take it to court. You know what I mean?

Like they knew the Rosa Parks thing. Like that was intentional. Yeah, exactly. Like, okay, now that this happened, we're going to, you know, like press charges, blah, blah, blah. And then hopefully it'll go all the way to the Supreme Court. And that's what happened like with gay marriage, blah, blah, blah. And so like that

guy who sued the supreme court like it was probably like a setup and they knew you know and then this was the time to do it right right but uh yeah exactly but still it's we've never had anybody that's just like doesn't care about the norms essentially like unreal like george bush like for he played the game yeah for as much as he sucked, like, he wasn't going to be like, I don't trust the FBI. Like, that would be insane. Or to be like, the deep state of the FBI and CIA are trying to take me out. Everybody's like, what? You are insane.

It's amazing. And openly, like, attacking the DOJ. And, like, George Bush was never like, I'm going to lock Al Gore up. Yeah. Like, that's seriously. And then to trash the prime minister of Canada and be like, Justin Trudeau is a piece of shit. But you know who I do like? The guy from North Korea.

Yeah. Like he said Kim Jong-un. He's like, he said when he talks, his people listen. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Because he's a dictator. Like what are you doing? We're joining the axes of evil. It's like, yeah, because he's a dictator. We're joining the axes of evil.

It's us, Russia, North Korea. And the same week he met with the Koreans. We just hate Iran, though, because those are brown people. Get out of here. And the same week, he shit all over all our allies and started a trade war. It's hilarious and scary at the same time. Yeah. is hilarious and scary at the same time. Yeah, and so because of the tariffs that he enacted and the counter tariffs from other countries,

like Harley Davidson is having to let people go and they're talking about moving their factory and he's like, well, I'll tax the shit out of you. Metal is dumb expensive right now. Yeah, just picture these Harley Davidson, middle America guys are like, oh, man. Yeah. I really like Trump.

Oh, man. Oh, nuts. Yeah. I saw someone post on Reddit there. They said it's funny because their boss is a huge Trump supporter. He owns some like metal manufacturing, whatever. And he can't buy metal right now because it's too expensive. Yeah.

And it's really dumb. Yeah, and it's really dumb. I mean, you just have somebody just making stuff up. He's like, we have a four quadrillion billion deficit, trade deficit with Mexico. And everybody's like, yeah. But the beauty is these people, they're too dumb to understand the complexity. Nike, I'm too dumb to say say this word I'm fucking dumb

complexity of these issues and they'll just blame democrats or liberals or other countries Trump's trying to do the right thing and you know liberals we probably I try to think about it this way there's always waves of

like conservatives in power it's a pendulum that's why that's why it was so hard regardless of whether it was hillary clinton or whoever it's very rare that there's three terms of any party that's in the white house like under obama i think a lot of people felt like they were losing their country and that energized them yeah yeah oh totally yeah i said that uh the the way that Obama energized, like, all the cool people in the country, Trump energized the worst people you knew in high school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, this is bullshit, huh? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I think it brought a lot of those people out. And then, like, wanting, like, their theory, too, that, like, America, we've got to be tough. I want this guy in there.

It's like, do you really? You don't know what that really looks like, do you? Yeah, too, that like, America, we got to be tough. I want this guy in there. It's like, do you really? You don't know what that really looks like, do you? And now you have this dummy that is fucking up your life, like actively trying to take away your health care. That is a funny thing, too, that there's enough time has passed since then that they're like, well, I better not fucking touch my health care. But at the time, they're like, fucking Obama, this is socialism. It's crazy. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think it's funny because it's like, it just blows my mind, though. Like, under Obama, like, yes, things are changing, but it's like people are getting more rights. No one's taking things away from you.

Just other people are just getting rights. And how does that bother people? It blows my mind well they pick and choose too so it's like well I gotta pay for your health care why do I have to pay for you to have police

most of our tax dollars goes to defense so I'm paying for our country to kill people who look like me sure now that I'm paying for our country to kill people who look like me. Sure. Now that I'm behind. Yeah, yeah. You know, a better example. No, but, yeah, that's, it's like, yeah, that's also how government works. Like, I'm not like, hey, don't pay Jeff Sessions out of my tax money.

Yeah. Yeah. It's also, they're also the same people that when, like, Social Security was around, like, getting passed, that they're, like, Republicans were like, this is going to bankrupt the country the country this is terrible why should i have to pay for somebody i couldn't save for retirement it's like imagine that there's no safety net yeah and so it's like people just had to work until they were dead oh that's miserable yeah there's gonna be a lot of people a lot of a lot of people that's yeah that's why this whole incremental where it's like I'm saying where you don't want to be like

man this is scary they're like hey pump the brakes Shouldn't our vote count more like we're fucking educated Our vote should count more I don't know why we don't have the popular vote You know what I mean? Why are we using the electoral college?

That is so ridiculous to me. The fact that Hillary Clinton had nearly 2 million votes. Because they're saying, because the argument is... It's not fair. It's not fair, right. Because we're more populated

and whatever, but it's ridiculous that nearly 2 million more people voted for a candidate, and they're like, nah, you lost. Yeah. Well, I mean,

I guess a lot of them were undocumented as well. That's true, yeah. That was another thing. Trump was like, yeah, I would have won, but, you lost. Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess a lot of them were undocumented as well. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was another thing. Trump was like, yeah, I would have won, but 5 million people voted illegally. It's like, where's your evidence? He's like, I don't have any.

Yeah. But I'll just say some shit. Well, do you think about, like, we just had local primaries. Do you know how, like, I can't, what was the turnout for it? Was it like 30%? Yeah. It wasn't great. It's terrible.

It's terrible. Dude, like, there were four people when I went to go vote. Vote, like, in the booths. That's horrible. I went in the middle of the day. So did I. I went at like 1230. I asked them, I was like, was it busier earlier? They're like, no, it's been slow as shit all day. Did you see that there was a quote-unquote

glitch, too? No. It had to do with the MVA, which is like the DMV here. Basically, there was a glitch, and I think it messed up people's addresses or something like that, and 81,000 people couldn't vote. Oh, my God. Oh, I saw that.

Yeah. What a glitch, huh? What? I didn't even know 81,000 people wanted to vote. I'm good. I'm good. But, yeah, I wonder. It's like,

ooh, what a glitch, huh? Yeah. So, yeah, it's just, it's,

yeah. I really got worried like when it first started, like the day of the inauguration when they had Spicer go out there and he's like, this is the biggest

inauguration period. And we were like, what? So that's your first press conference to be like, he had a lot of people there. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. And he's clearly alive. Yeah. It were like, what? So that's your first press conference to be like, he had a lot of people there. Shut up.

Shut the fuck up. And it's clearly a lie. Yeah. It's like, okay, so if you're going to lie about this, like, what else are you going to lie about? I remember posting, I was like, this is how, like, dictatorships get started. And somebody's like, hey, come on.

All right, yeah, let's pump the brakes. It's like how, like, shitty, like, comedy promoters and people who book shows are like, Pat! And it's like, dude, we all see the picture. There's no one. There's like 10 people there, and they're all spread out across the... Yeah, I'm talking about a very specific person. Yeah, I was going to say.

So they had a... Yeah, Donald Trump had Dave Schofer take pictures of the inauguration. He's like, holy shit, it's sold out. Yeah, it's so... Dude, I see it all the time. Like, Pat! And it's like, yo shit, it's sold out. Yeah, it's so, dude, I see it all the time, like, pat, and it's like, yo, there's four people sitting in a kitchen. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, and the TV's on in the back, like, damn, another fire show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or like, and also, like, during the summer, it's, you can tell, like, this is how you know a show was not packed, when you post only pictures of just the comics, and no, because if there's an audience, you want only pictures of just the comics and no

because if there's an audience you want the shot of the audience and the stage right if there's no audience you're only gonna put up pictures of

just the comics you'll get maybe three heads from the front row it's just like it's like dude we all know we all know what you're doing

it's like an Instagram picture taken from like way high up you're like really feeling myself today I look good from this angle uh yeah did uh moving on um but yeah did a uh speaking of comedy shows i did a fun one in dc it was an apartment show and uh the uh the apartment complex was insane it's yeah it's three buildings what What part of D.C.? Shaw.

Where is that? Is that northwest? I think so. Yeah, it was northwest. So it was like 9th and P or something like that. Okay. So I went, so the show is in their

whatever group room that they have or they can have, I guess people can have. Yeah, their common lounge. Yeah, like they're like a common lounge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So there's a grand piano in there, of course, just sitting there. And then like there's a mural of Jimi Hendrix across all the bathroom doors. And it's like this huge like glass everywhere, this huge like beautiful like panoramic view of the city.

Then on the roof they have a fireplace out there, grills for everybody. And I was on the roof, and Natalie McGill was on the show, and she came over, and she was like, oh, man, I found you. I was on the wrong building, because I thought the show was over there. So I came over.

I was like, oh, they're connected? She's like, yeah. So I had to go through a corridor. I made a left at the waterfall. I was like, a waterfall? Yeah. They just have a waterfall outside. They're like mini cities.

Yeah. These complexes. It's crazy. But like really nice. They're like, what the fuck is going on? Ended up being a really fun show, though. Could have been a nightmare. Yeah.

How many people were there? Dude, it was packed. It was like four or five people. Yeah. I'd probably say like 30, 40 people. Nice. That's not bad. No, for an apartment show, it was great.

And it was actually pretty cool. Like with all the windows and stuff, the sun was going down as the show was going on. But it did seem like it was going to be a rough one because, yeah, there weren't that many people there like right before the show started. And there was a woman there, an older woman in a wheelchair. Yeah, not bad. Set the tone. right before the show started. And there was a woman there, older woman in a wheelchair. Which like, yeah, not bad. But it's like,

when that's, Sets a tone. Yeah, it was just like, all right. When Jason Weems went up, he called her Eve. That was so funny.

But yeah, it was, dude, it was a really fun show. That's great. Weems broke a beer bottle when he started. By accident? Yeah.

So after my set, everybody got up to get another beer and go pee and stuff. So everybody's moving around and throwing beer bottles away. And it was loud as shit. And so he goes up. He's like, I was so disrespectful, y'all out here. And he grabs a beer bottle, making fun of what they're doing with the noise. And then breaks it. And I was like, whoa.

He didn't mean to. He was just banging it on the counter. And then he held it up. And he's like, if you motherfuckers don't laugh it was great that's awesome that people like that yeah yeah oh man i sometimes try to channel weems when i'm in a situation like that it's it's so hard yeah i think uh i think when he broke that bottle too it made everybody pretty uncomfortable yeah then he But then he, like, doubled down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to commit. I did.

It was a pretty rough weekend. It was a very lightly attended show. Oh, yeah. You did the draft house. Oh, I don't want to name the. But, okay, whatever. You know, it could be any draft house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was maybe, like, 20, 30 people the first night, the Friday in the early.

And the place holds, like, what, like 200? Yeah, I think, like, 199 is the official number I saw on the door. It was, you know, they had to post a fire code. What a weird fire marshal. He's like, 199 and not a soul more. Yeah, it's like, you better have a group of three or someone's going to be here alone. People do come alone. Every show there was someone who came alone.

It was very interesting. You gotta, you know, you gotta do stuff. Yeah, one chick was married and she was just, I was like,

what do I wish? She was like, yeah, just, he's at home. And I was like, oh. She's like,

I'm looking to fuck around. Yeah. You know. One dude, he was just like, yeah, my buddy. One dude was like,

that's my wife. I'm not talking to her. We're both doing our own thing. It was so like, light that like, every show, I had to make everyone come sit together.

Ugh, I hate that. And it was such a bummer because the Saturday Late Show, the crowd was horrible. But I thought they were going to be great because when I made everyone move to the front,

we had so much, that part was probably the most laughs I ever got. Really? Just fucking with everyone. Let's get everyone to come to the front. We're clapping.

Everyone's in a good mood. And then it was just like, I thought I had like, I was like, fuck. It was almost a bomb, not a bomb. I had to completely abandon the joke. And I felt so shitty. And I'm like texting Chris Allen, my buddy. While you're on stage. You're like, guys, I'll be right back.

Fuck, man. Like, ah, this sucks. Like, I don't know why. Like, I'm so inconsistent. I shouldn't be doing this. This is, I'm terrible. And Chris is like, this is so funny. I was like, this sucks. Like, I don't know if I, like, why, like, I'm so inconsistent. I shouldn't be doing this. This is, I'm terrible. And Chris is like,

this is so funny. I was like, what's funny? He's like, cause I, he's like, I feel the same way, but it's just funny watching you doubt yourself so much.

And then it was, it was great. Cause, uh, the headliner at first, he got a, like, he was getting a lot of pops and I was like,

damn, I suck. And then it was, buddy, it was rough for him too. And then I texted Chris. I was like, oh, thank God. I still got it.

He's bombing, too. So whatever. Isn't that funny? Yeah. As a comedian, you're like, if they're doing well, it's like, you know, good for them. But if they're, like, bombing, you're like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't suck.

Misery loves company, dude. And because, like, you know, like, the club man, like, Pete's cool. But, like, you know, you don't want him to report back to the bookers and be like, oh, Umar sucks. Oh, yeah. No. Right. And so, and Chris was like, God, like, you know, you don't want him to report back to the bookers and be like, Oh, Umar sucks. Oh, yeah, no. And so, and Chris was like, God, that's so funny.

Like, we don't want to, you know, we don't want to be alone in that bombing. Yeah, it's weird because before a show, it's like hyping each other up. It's like, yeah, we all want to do well, but if you bomb, it's like, I hope everybody else bombs. Like, I want them to have shitty nights, too. Yeah, but then I had a thought. I was like, ah, he could just say he bombed because I didn't do my job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that crowd was, fuck that. Like, they were so bad.

They just sucked. And, like, the early show was great on Saturday. Like, they, I was. That one's usually the most fun of a weekend. Always, yeah. They were, like, I was going to go into like my, the jokes that I have,

like the, I don't know, like they're like, I'm kind of making fun of like fat conservative people. Right. And DC does not like those jokes. So I was like,

I was not going to do it. And then they're like, no, do it. And I did it. And like, it was great. They didn't like the last punchline.

Right. But yeah, they were great. They were on board. And then I, yeah, and I gave them shit. I was like, oh, fuck, you guys wanted me to do it, and now you're pulling. They were so fun, and I was like, all right, cool, good mood. Oh, on the way to the show,

dude, oh my god. Because there's no restaurant there or at the venue, so I had to I got a sushi bowl, and I was like, oh, I'm going to eat this backstage right before I go on. I'll feel great. And then traffic came to a sudden stop. I hit my brakes, and half my fucking sushi bowl was all on the floor of my fucking car.

I had to pull all the way over on 95, scoop what I could back in. Jeez, on 95? Yeah. Damn. It was scary, and I was just in the worst mood ever. It was so mad. And you don't want to go out like that either like a truck hits you it's like oh my god umar died doing what he loved yeah

cleaning up a sushi reto jesus um yeah man those uh it with comedy it's just uh every show it's just like yeah it's either like you know what i? I got this. I'm good. Let's keep this momentum going. And all it takes is like one pretty shitty set. And not even like terrible where you're bombing, but just in your mind, you're like, I should be doing better. Yeah. I suck at this. Yeah. Even before the show that I did on Tuesday with Jason Weems and Natalie, we were all

talking on that Illuminati roof. And I'm like, so so how you doing, man? Talking to Weems. He's like, good, good. Thinking about quitting comedy, you know. Was he kidding? I don't know. I bet he was, but I bet like You probably just had a couple of hell gigs. Yeah, or just

like joking around, but you know, it's a thing that I feel like we're all anywhere from 15 to 35% serious about quitting. Yeah, 50%, 70%. Yeah, depending on the day. But it's always in the mix. Yeah, oh, this weekend, dude, I was very serious.

Because you're like, yeah, what am I doing? This is my life? This is what I'm... Yeah, it was a way. Dude, I missed a party that I really wanted to go to. Yeah, it was just like Friday night. And you're like, what the fuck? Why am I driving?

But if the show was great, you'd have been like... Then you love it. Then you go, this is my life. Yeah, I think we just have to look for that next... Like last week, we were talking about the next level. Yep. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I think it's headlining,

but it's far off. But I'm realistic. I shouldn't be headlining, you know? Yeah, yeah. I'm nowhere near headlining. Not now, but I mean, eventually. Like, if you get to that spot, you know? Yeah.

But, yeah, it's, yeah, it's hard where it's like, yeah, I'm fucking good. Dude, I've been watching, I won't name names, but I've been, I've just been having a lot of fun watching. Here we go. I've been watching a lot of comics that we started with that have now since stopped. Yeah. Or some who still do it. And I've been watching their YouTube clips on. You could say they never started being funny.

Yeah, I've been watching their clips on YouTube, and it's like, dude, it's so fun to watch. It's so interesting to watch the progression of people or just like, yeah, it makes sense they quit. And it's just like, why? It's so interesting. Well, yeah. I have a hard time relishing somebody's bad stuff. It's not even relishing that they're bad. It's just me and Alex were watching videos.

We were breaking them down. This is where he went wrong. This is what they could have done better. It's so interesting that they chose this style of comedy. Right. Breaking down the game film of seeing like you're learning like a bad set is more educational than a good one sometimes to where you're like

that's where it went wrong or don't do that. Yeah. Or like do like Camu Bell. How do you say his name? It's like I think it's Camu. Camu. Camu. Camu. Camau. That's Camau. Camau Bell. It sounds like there's like an L kind of. Camau. Camau. Camau. Camau. Camouflage Bell. Camauau. Kamau Bell. It sounds like there's like an L kind of. Kamau. Kamau. Kamau.

Camouflage Bell. Kamau, guys. Kamau Bell. But he has a new special on Netflix, and Chris Allen was like trashing it via text message. And he was just because Kamau. Is it very like preachy? Yeah. And like, you know, he talks, and at one point in the special, he's like talking about how powerful and strong black women are.

But meanwhile, he's married to a white woman. And I was like, oh, that's so funny. Did he make that a joke? And he was like, no, of course not. And I was like, damn, he missed such a good opportunity to make a fucking killer. That would have got a huge laugh. Yeah, because ultimately comedy, and that's another thing, too, I think, where it's easy to get down on yourself. A lot of our comedy is putting either other people down or ourselves down like nobody can go up there and be

like i'm the man and even if you say you have to be ironic about it yeah otherwise you get like a dane cook situation or something yeah but people used to love that shit and i think people are getting tired of self-deprecating comedy now yeah it has to be a like it can't be too much like i'm a loser yeah you can't also be to the point where you're like i'm a you see that like australian lady the i think she's like uh she just had a netflix special she's like uh i think she's a lesbian um and she she kind of it has a joke about how she's against self-deprecating humor. Okay. Because I guess it just perpetuates, like, you know, that whole idea that you have to be mentally unhealthy to be an artist.

Oh, to do stand-up. Or any kind of creative. Yeah, but it's also, yeah, it's a mix of, like, no ego at the same time, too. Yeah. You know, but whatever, man. Comedy sucks. Comedy's dumb. Let. You know, but whatever, man. Comedy sucks. Comedy's dumb. Let's quit.

Let's stop this podcast. Yeah. I'm going to fucking throw away this recorder. Do it. I don't know. It could be, yeah. No, it's great. It could be fun.

It could be fun. Yeah, what else are we going to do? What's going on with your special? We have to reshoot. I didn't like the intro. Oh, really? Yeah, I'll show it to you after we finish this. It's just too long and awkward, and there's no context to it.

I was pretty bummed. I wanted them to shoot the marquee, and then my idea, I like Michelle Wolfe's special where it's just the marquee, her backstage, right on stage. Two seconds, and that's all you need. I don't like the cheesy skits in front of specials. That you need. I don't like the cheesy like skits in front of specials. That's outdated.

I don't like, you know what I mean? It's like you're smoking a cigarette in the alley. Yeah. They called your name two minutes ago. Even like Louis got

really bad at it. Like at one point he drove up in like a fucking Rolls Royce into like the back of an alley. Was it a Rolls Royce? I don't know.

It wasn't a Rolls. What was it? It was a shitty car. And that was for chewed up too. So it wasn It was a shitty car. And that was for Chewed Up, too. It wasn't like a shitty car. No, I think it was for Hilarious, right? That was Chewed Up. Because I remember, yeah, because he goes backstage

and he just looks like an average dude. He's got like a big coat on and a hat. Yeah, but anyway, and all of that stuff to me is cheesy. Like Bill Burr, he's like on the subway looking at notes. It's just like, really? He's doing that right before his hour special he's on the subway right right he's not getting makeup and hair done in a car service you know what would be cool um without seeing well i saw like it when it was recorded i saw a little bit of the playback the night so it's supposed to be like you walking in right yeah what if you did it where you're

showing all those simultaneously to like cut up the time? You know how like sometimes you can do a split frame? You could do like six split frames of you walking and then like the frame above it is you like ahead of yourself. You know what I mean? So it's like you're still showing all that footage, but it's simultaneous in a way. And then it all can coalesce when you get on stage. It's so long. And then like they, I don't know, we're just going to do some establishing shots of the city and we're going to, Creative Line said

that they'll redo the marquee. Oh, just to put your name up there and shoot it. Put my name up there in the lights at night and so we're going to reshoot that and I think we're going to use where we pan over the crowd. That's going to be the ending. Okay. Yeah, because I don't, you know, like, there is no good, there was no good ending because I left stage too quickly. Or I didn't do an encore.

I didn't come back on. I should have, like, paused a little bit. Just held it for a couple seconds. But, yeah, we talked about it. You don't want to seem like you're milking it. Yeah. And then so we can't film until July 9th. And then so I'm guessing August.

Yeah. And it's like there's for me, there's no rush. For me. For me. Yeah, exactly. It's not like. I want to put out something that I like and I'm like not ashamed of. Yeah.

Something that you're proud of. Yeah. In its final form, you're happy with it. Yeah. We'll just do download codes and that's about it. Yeah. Just put it up on like Vimeo or something. I'll put it on Amazon Prime. Yeah, we'll just do download codes and that's about it. Just put it up on Vimeo or something. I'll put it on Amazon Prime.

I'll put the audio on Spotify for free. Cool. I think the only thing I'll make people pay for is the video. If they want the audio, they can just have it. I don't care. Yeah, yeah. I might even just throw it up on YouTube.

That's kind of the way to do it, I think. Yeah. I'll do all of it. I'll throw up on YouTube. I'll throw it. And then this guy, Taylor Williamson, was telling me, he's like, you know what? You should, like, splice it up. Yeah, I was just going to say.

He said put subtitles on it and put it out on Instagram, YouTube. Facebook. Facebook. And you just hope people share it and you hope it catches on. Yeah, people are always scrolling through. If there's a video of something funny, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're going to click on it

to hear the audio either. Right. So you have to put the subtitles on. Yeah, he said make sure you put the subtitles. And you have to label it too where it's like, man, things, pants are weird or whatever. You know what I mean?

So it's like, they're like, oh, I want to see what this guy thinks about pants. He's like, yeah. Like, Oh, he was like, he was like, even like, he's like, I'm sure it will, you know, it won't come, but like tweet like Kumail.

Cause you mentioned him a couple of times, like make the video of the joke where you mentioned the big sick and like tweeted. And it is like, it's like, it won't do anything, but just like, he's like,

I'll share it, you know? So it's like, but it could, it's like somebody could share. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

meanwhile, he's emailing me or he's texting me to help him get booked at the draft house. So no one's career is going well. See, that's the part about comedy that I'm like, eee. Yeah, people don't get it. Yeah. So, oh, my God. Yeah, that's the thing.

Yeah, I mean, we talked about it last time with Alex. But, yeah, you get established or whatever and you think you're crushing it. And then that wave crests and you're like, hey, can you get me booked here? Yeah. Good times, huh? Good times. Yeah, you just got to hope for a come town. Yeah.

They're doing it, man. That's all you can hope for now. But yeah, I mean. He's making $200,000 a year, Nick Mullen. Wow. Wait, the podcast total or just him? I think just him, right? If he's making 15 grand...

He's making like 20 grand a month, probably. Is he really? Well, they probably get taxed a lot, though, right? Oh, yeah. I feel like they get taxed a lot. Because you're in a bracket where you're not really rich, per se, to where you're getting those breaks. So I think. Yeah.

Well, they're our company. Yeah. So maybe they're getting some breaks there. But still, I mean, they're taxing that shit a lot. Like my paycheck, I'm supposed to get $15,000. No. But yeah, whatever. Have you ever looked at your paycheck of what you're supposed to get net versus gross?

I don't. I try not to. Because then I feel like it will make you become a Republican. Oh, I definitely. As soon as I saw my checks, I was like, damn, is it too late to be a Republican? Right? You're just like, oh. How much do I need to be in a union? Thank God, the Supreme Court.

All right. So, yeah. So if he is making $20,000 or $15,000, you said, a month, theoretically, it should be 180 grand a year. Hold on. Let's look at the Comptown Patreon. Let's do it. Let's do it. I want to see what they're pulling in.

Probably a lot. But then Patreon takes money off the top, too, right? Yeah, for that service. They take a percentage. 5%, I think. Which is a lot. That's a fuck ton. But he was saying it's way less work for them to...

Yeah, no, it makes sense. Versus having your website where you have to fix the website and make sure the bandwidth is there. They're making $35,000 a month. He gets half that. So he's making $17,000 a month. So he's making $210, making 17 000 a month so he's making 210 a year but that's like not before taxes like cutting yes that's still insane unbelievable for four hours of work well let's say more you're sure no they don't edit it at all not really no i mean

there's not even like music or anything no supposed. No. It's just posted. God. God. Yeah, but that's the thing. I mean, they didn't set out to do that. It was like, well, let's just have a podcast where we make each other laugh. Yeah. And then it catches on. And that's, you know, a lot of people put in a lot of effort to podcast, and they're like, you know, people are like, who gives a shit? But it's like, hey, our podcast, we call people fags and retards.

Yeah, and apparently. People are like, I would like to? But it's like, yay, our podcast, we call people fags and retards. Yeah, and apparently. People are like, I would like to pay $5 a month for that. Yeah, and apparently people are really jealous of them in New York. I would be. Because there's people who have been doing comedy for years, and they have these huge podcasts and that. We're like Legion of Skanks. I don't think they're making what Comptown makes.

Not even close. Not even close. I think Gas Digital, the entire podcast network, doesn't even make that. Doesn't even make. Not even close. They're, you know, and it's like... I think Gas Digital, the entire podcast network doesn't even make that. No way. Like, now Robert Kelly's trying to emulate Comptown. Like, he started a Patreon and he's trying... But it's just

like... Yeah. Well, that's the, again, the thing with comedy. There's no right way to do it, really. No, but Nick is a genius comedically. Yes. No podcast really does what they do, I think. People think they do, but I don't think any podcast comes close to what Comptown does.

Yeah, no, Nick, definitely. I mean, it's a great product. He is hilarious. But on paper, it's just like three dudes making each other laugh, usually saying the worst things. But it's great because even like Legion of Skanks and Real Ass Podcast and us, we're not doing bits. Comptown is doing bits. And they are real. Yeah, this is just us talking about our opinions on whatever.

We're dumb as hell. Where Comptown, they know, this is just us talking about our opinions on whatever. And we're, like, dumb as hell. Where it comes down to, it's like, we know, they know they're dumb. They also know that the whole interview thing is stupid. Like, Marc Maron, that whole shit is kind of getting outdated already. Right. Or there's just, there's always going to be a place for that. And it's already full. Yeah.

Marc Maron's that dude. Yeah. And so they're just like, let's just be fucking stupid. And no one, you know, this humor has been kind of like black box or mainstream, you know, from the mainstream. So let's just do it. And there's a market for it. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. You're making $35,000 a fucking month. Un-fucking-believable. Yeah. It's insane. Good for them, though, man. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You're making $35,000 a fucking month. Fucking believable. Yeah. It's insane. Good for them, though, man. Yeah, it's great.

Yeah. That said, this podcast. How much do we make a month? We lose money on this podcast. Oh, shit. Yeah, we pay. Yeah, we got to pay to have the podcast hosted. I mean, it's not a lot.

We could get a fucking sponsor to give us $30. I think so, too. Yeah. Yeah, I wanted to get Sugar, the sex toy shop on the avenue. Yeah? Yeah. Like, you know, go buy a dildo. Say the dig sesh thing.

You know what I mean? I'm into it. Dig dildo. Yeah, but then it's just like work we got to do. Right. See? How much work do you want to do for a $30 sponsor? You think we got to do work?

I don't think it's that much. But I think we could get a sponsor for sure. All right. see? How much work do you want to do for a $30 sponsor? You think we got to do work? I don't think it's that much. But I think we could get a sponsor for sure. All right. Talk to your whiskey company bros. I'll ask them. Union? Yeah. I'm cool with the Union dudes.

Dude, that would be sick. Even if they were like, we'll give you a free six pack of Tall Boys. Yeah, Union wants me to do shows for them. Oh, at the new spot? Yeah, I don't know how the whiskey company would feel, but that'd be cool. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't. I would say, who gives a fuck?

That's what I would say. I don't know. You don't have a contract with them, you know? Yeah. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. I think it'd be cool to do, like, something with, but I don't know. Yeah, dude, fucking A. You should. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. I think it'd be cool to do something with that, but I don't know.

Yeah, dude, fucking A. You should. Yeah. And put me on it. Yeah, sure. I haven't been. Have you been? No, no. It looks huge.

Yeah, so here in Baltimore, they opened up Earth Treks. Yeah, it's a brewery that moved to a bigger spot. So it's called the Union Collective. So it's a bunch of other things. So it's a beer brewery, Union. Whiskey distillery. Okay. Then there's...

The Charmery has just a factory there. Yeah. So it's beer, whiskey. There's a rock climbing wall and ice cream. Yeah. so it's beer, whiskey, there's a rock climbing wall, and ice cream. Yeah. Rock climbing gym. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. My buddy Mike does that in New York. I heard

though that this Earth Treks, it's not tall, so they don't have like the ropes one. It's just bouldering. Like side to side. Well, no, it's just free. It's just like, you know, bouldering is where side to side. Well, no, it's just free. It's just like, you know, bouldering is where you go without ropes. It just frees kind of like.

Oh, okay. Which is really fucking hard. Sure, sure. God. I've never rock climbed. Me either. Well, I did once at the Renaissance Fair in seventh grade, and you better believe I slayed that dragon at the top.

Yeah, it's so funny because like, like, rock climbing to me is, I never heard of it until, like, five years ago. Really? No, I've heard of it, but it's just not, like, something that, like, was in my, that, like, friends would do it. And it's just, like, after college, everyone, it's like, and I know we live in a bubble, but it's just, like, rock climbing, brunch, like, fucking, like. I like rock climbing brunch. Like fucking like.

I like rock climbing brunch. Yeah. You better climb that boulder to get to that French toast. Rock climbing brunch. What else was like a post? Like things I never knew before. Kombucha. Kombucha.

Yeah. Like just like this weird thing like people get into. Shit that you realize you care about. Yeah. Yeah. Especially like getting older older, being at that apartment complex, I was like, wow, this is really nice tile.

This is great tile. Taking a picture of it to be like, ooh, could I emulate this with my house? The luxury apartment complexes are... Dude, Baltimore is getting too many. Oh, really? They're going to build more in Medfield, I heard. They're building more by Artifact? They're building more in Medfield, I heard. They're building more by Artifact.

They're building more in Harbor East. That's fucking up traffic. It's like, who the fuck? Let them build it by Artifact, though. Give me that property value, baby. Yeah, but who the fuck? How many people are willing to pay that? They're building one right by the O's Stadium. Oh, really?

That construction right on Conway and Light Street? Yeah. Not Light. Yeah, Conway and Light. Dang. That is a luxury apartment complex. There's a bunch already in Fed Hill. Well, people want to come

to Baltimore for luxury, baby. But it's like, how many people are attracted to Baltimore? I guess people from D.C. I think that's what they think what's happening because D.C. is becoming too crazy. Right, right. Or if it's like you have a job in Pennsylvania

or something like that, it's like, ooh, I'm sort of in a big city. I saw a headline article that a six-figure salary, like $100,000, is considered lower income in San Francisco. Lower income? Oh my god. Isn't that nuts? You're not even

I don't think you're considered middle class in San Francisco. Yeah, it's like, can I use the bathroom? It's like, get out of here, you $100,000 piece of shit. Disgusting. It's like, can I use the bathroom? It's like, get out of here, you $100,000 piece of shit. Disgusting. It's like, ugh. Mom, Dad, I'm bringing somebody home. I can only afford Starbucks coffee on this salary.

Get out of my house. I have no son. Yeah. Yeah, I lucked out with my pay because it is included in D.C. locality pay. So that raises up. So I think what's included is it's like Virginia, D.C., Maryland. And so that cost of living is included in the equation. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. That's amazing. Lucked out on that for sure. That's so cool. How come school employees don't get paid the same? It makes no sense. Yeah. Yeah, no, school.

Yeah, remember when there were, like, the teachers, it was, like, a few years ago, they were like, teachers make a little too much money. Yeah. It was, like, a huge national conversation. Why was that a thing? There was, like, some issue. Oh, because teachers, there was, like, in one,

it was with Scott Walker. It was a whole thing in Wisconsin. Yeah, the teachers union and stuff. Because he was trying to take away collective bargaining. And they're like, what? These fucking, these teachers, they work nine months a year. They work eight months a year and blah, blah, blah. It's just like, wow, you don't know what a teacher does.

No. And a lot of times they're spending their own money on supplies and shit. And they're working like, they don't just it's not like a teacher shows up to school at 8 o'clock and leaves right at 3 o'clock. Are you fucking, like the amount of Hell yeah, I leave with the bell too, dog. Like the amount of

planning that goes into a lesson Grading papers and all that shit. They do it all, like after hours, weekends it's non-stop. Yeah, if you're a good teacher, you're working pretty much all the time. Because if you're staying after class to work with a student or something like that. Oh, my God. Emails all the time from kids like, go turn it in late.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Like, that was so funny. Some guy on Jon Stewart's Daily Show. Because Jon Stewart's mom was, like, a single mom, I guess, and she was a teacher. Right, right. And he was just kind of complaining and the guest was like i guess like a conservative just like saying how teachers are whining he's like really yeah it's like uh he's like my mom

was a teacher and i like never saw her yeah i i just uh yeah not to sound like the bleeding heart liberal again but i don't understand when people are like yeah we're gonna put a health care bill forward and get rid of that whole pre-existing condition rule. Yeah. And you're like, why? Yeah. And talking about teachers making, don't they make enough?

It's like, what? Yeah. It's like one of the hardest, most important. Also, shouldn't you want people who are educating your kids to make money so they're more invested in their job? They take it more seriously. They're happy. Yeah.

They're not fighting to live. It's weird. And private school teachers get paid less. Do they? Mm-hmm. Why do they take those jobs? Just because the kids are more willing to learn, supposedly? Yeah, it's just a better environment to work in.

Ew. Yeah. Ew. And it's weird. You're not willing to learn. Yeah, it's just a better environment to work in. Ew. Yeah. Ew. And it's weird. You're not in a union. You don't have protections, you know? It's fucking nuts.

What a downer podcast. Jesus Christ. Who cares? The Supreme Court of this country is going to go to hell in the next four years. Yeah, well, we're in the midst of it. I love following Joe Mandy on Instagram because everything he posts, he's just like, we live in hell. Like it's any Trump headline or something like that. Yeah. And it's good times, man.

But we'll have fun. There'll be good comedy shows. There'll be great shows. We'll eat ice cream. We're going to have sockeye salmon. I saw that Whole Foods is giving discounts to Amazon Prime members. Why? Oh, they're like their employees. They're the same dude, Bezos, right?

I thought he was a conservative for a long time. I have no idea. I don't know. He's a rich guy. Yeah. I did see there was a headline once where I think he wants to start investing in going to space like a lot like Elon Musk. of.

Yeah. And Jeff Bezos but like was quoted as saying he's like, I don't see anything more important to do with my fortune or something like that.

And meanwhile, there's like so many hungry kids and shit. And maybe he donates to charity, but it is just funny to get like that rich and that out of touch.

He's like, now I need to rule Mars. Yeah. I think it's all about like conquering with like people like that like elon like you want to be the first person to do this and you know like it's just like you want to i think people care about legacy maybe right right and uh which is so weird to me because like we're all yeah you know i think about that like with like uh like like that's the

whole you know like i was getting an argument with my friend about, like, I don't care if, like, my wife takes my last name. It doesn't mean anything. He's like, well, don't you? Yeah. So you're just going to, you're okay with your name dying? I'm like, yeah, who gives a fuck? My name dies. There's enough cons.

My name dies. Yeah. It's just, like, you don't want to leave a legacy of what? Yeah. Maybe change your last name to Pro. You know what I mean? Be positive. Umar Pro?

No more cons. Only Pros. Oh, I get it. I what I mean? Be positive. Umar Pro? No more cons. Only pros. Oh, I get it. I'm like, what? What? Umar Pro, baby. Wait. I don't give a shit what happens after I'm gone.

Yeah. And yeah, my stepdad, for all intents and purposes, is like my dad. Yeah. And I don't think he's like, no, my seed dies with me, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is a gross thing for him to say. It is weird. You know, people are like, I don't get it.

Yeah. It doesn't make sense to me. The whole thing makes me feel weird, too. Like, a weird attention. Like, even a wedding seems awkward, too. It's like, now everybody come to this location. Celebrate me and my wife. Now watch me and my wife have our first date. Like, you can eat if you want. You don't have to. location, celebrate me and my wife. Now watch me and my wife have our first date.

Like, ah, you can eat if you want. You don't have to. Yeah, weddings. I've never been to a wedding that's, like, amazing. Yeah, I went to my buddy, my buddy Ryan Cornwell, who's a dig head. Shout out to Ryan. His wedding was cool.

It was, like, in Annapolis. It was actually at, like, some, fuck, what was it? It was, like, not a water conservation, but, like, something like that. Like, it was, like, a facility during the day. But it was, they have, like, this big beach outside, big deck and stuff. Like, most people weren't wearing shoes and shit. And it was, like, super easy and nice and, like, a bunch of food. Yeah, that's cool.

So, yeah, I would want something like that, but these assholes that have destination weddings where it's like use your vacation time, spend your money, come to Jamaica for a week and celebrate me and Talon getting married. I think also have your wedding where

most of the people live. If you moved away, come back, asshole. You better fucking come back. Because you have a place to stay for free, right? Your parents, whatever. We get a fucking hotel just to eat shitty food in a suit? Go fuck yourself. Right, exactly.

That's insane to me. Yeah, so Mary and Mace, friends of ours, they're getting married, and they're from Tennessee, so they're going to get married. They live here, but they're going to get married in Tennessee. Good, they should. And Mary was saying it's kind of the best of both worlds as far as invites go. So it's like we're inviting some people from Baltimore, and then some people, you know, if they can't make it

because they're flying back to Tennessee, that's fine. You know, people are like, we're not that close anyway. And then people in Tennessee they were close with but haven't talked to since they moved. So we don't have to invite them. That's perfect. So you get to weed out people from two cities. Dude, I think about that because some people have invited me to their

weddings that if I got married, like, I'm not going to invite you to my wedding. And because I know I got the invite and they were very upfront about it. Like, yo, we have an extra seat. Do you want to come? Oh, there you go. And then I think I'm like, man, I know a lot of people in this town.

And I think, I mean, not to sound like an egomaniac, but I think some people probably would be hurt that I didn't invite them. Yeah. I wouldn't want them. All right, let's start naming them. So Brian Preston. Yeah, dude, I don't care. When I don't get invited, Brian Preston. Yeah, dude. I don't care.

When I don't get invited, I'm like, great, fine. Oh, yeah, because, well, dude, if it's a wedding in Baltimore City, it's the fucking best. Yo, like, I got a last, I think I got your invite to Dave and Kelly's wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My bad. Baltimore Improv Group name. Yeah, yeah. And, oh, it was so fun.

Yeah. It was like the church is down the street. Right. Then the venue was my Whole Foods. We all went and got drinks at some place. Aaron Hinken bought me a drink. And then we just got fucking, me and Hinken got hammered. Nice.

And then it was a two-minute Uber ride home. Beautiful. The best. Yeah. But then, oh, me, Karen, like months ago, we went to a wedding in Richmond. Oh, right, right, right. And thank God her parents bought us a hotel room. And it was just like, God damn it, we're in, like, the fucking, we're in a fucking holiday inn in the middle of nowhere.

It wasn't, like, fun. Yeah. You know? It was just like annoying. Yeah, because you're like, well, I got to get dressed up and then we'll go down to this thing. I don't know many people.

You don't know anyone at the wedding. I go back to my kind of shitty room. Yeah, it's a night of small talk. And you and I don't really dance either. Don't dance at all. Like, well, maybe if we're drunk, fuck around. But even then, I'm not like,

woo, I feel free. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people love dancing that is great like it's a release for them me i'm like it's it's so funny that people tell us as comedians all the time like oh my god you're so brave that takes the most dancing is way more making yourself vulnerable so the fact that you're just dancing in a room with like hundreds of other people blows my mind. Because if everyone else stopped dancing and you are the only one, you look like a fucking idiot.

Dancing just looks stupid. It only looks good if you're a hot chick. And because the guy's like, that's what sex's like with her. But yeah, well, dancing was like the original porn. Yeah. Because that's where you can kind of get close with people. And then you can also see the moves. And chicks love a guy that can dance, too. I know. Because that's where you're like you can kind of get close with people and then you can also like see the moves and like

chicks love a guy that can dance too I know cause that's what that's the converse Evan is such a good dancer Evan is?

yeah Evan's dude he throws down okay and he also has no shame it's the best yes and he sweats

like it you wouldn't believe but chicks love that they love it he was like a star cause it's confidence it's also like putting yourself out there

and it is that thing like oh he fucks good in your brain he fucks this dude fucks he's got moves yeah he's got moves

I just but it's weird cause like you would think like you're good at music you got rhythm yeah terrible I think I'm just too up in my head

yeah to another than like yeah and that's the thing. Like, we're pussies. Karen always rags on me. Like, I'll be, like, a little buzzed. I'll be like, man, I'm really dancing.

She's like, the bottom half of your body is not moved. Never moves. Yeah, I'm the same way. My shoulder. I'll get my shoulders into it, and that's about it. It's always a bummer because I think I've, yeah, like, most girls love dancing. They do. No, I'm not.

I just really want to go dancing like yeah it seems like a waste of time huh but the one cool thing is though like like kind of the you know like the places we like the crown uh-huh it's just ugly white people everywhere oh yeah they all suck at dancing yeah yeah they look horrific and they're not trying to put themselves out there yeah speaking of putting yourself out there dancing, Karen and I ran into a friend of ours, Liz, who's a yoga instructor and, like, really cool and nice. And she's a mutual friend of our friends, Trisha and Aaron. And I think it was at Trisha's birthday party or something.

I guess they were all dancing. Yeah. And Aaron can be pretty straightforward. So he was talking to Liz. He was like, man, you're really dancing at Trisha's thing, huh? She's like, yeah, I had a great time. He's like, I mean, like, you know, like people say dance like no one's watching. And that's how you dance.

Oh, my gosh. She's just like, Jesus, Aaron. And like, you know, you're supposed to be like, no, what I mean is he's like, I mean, because like you really, you know you're supposed to be like no what I mean is he's like I mean cause like you really you know

that's fucking dope dude she's like god damn Aaron Dan's like no one's watching cause that's a nightmare too cause you're like man I'm really feeling myself

and I'm in the moment people are like yeesh I dude I like I should take less dance lessons

I thought about it because I just feel like you would have way more fun at a wedding. Yeah. Just maybe like a bar where there's a dance floor. Yeah. It's such like, because then like so many times you're at a wedding, you're just like, I just end up like just standing and you're like, oh man, everyone.

Bobbing their heads. Yeah. Everyone's in such a good, they're having such a good time on that dance floor. Makes me so self-conscious. Yeah. But if they're like're like hey do five minutes of stand-up i'd be like ah it might be a little awkward but i'd much rather do that and you know it's also a weird thing like uh i remember i was talking to this couple and uh and she was like yeah i went to this bar it was like a dancing and like michael was dancing with a chick and which is her boyfriend i was like whoa you don't care she's like no it's just dancing i'm like boyfriend. I was like, whoa, you don't care? She's like, no, it's just dancing. I'm like, nah.

Nah. I was like, I would never in a million years be cool with my chick dancing with another dude. Even a dude she knew. It's not. No. There's no way it's not sexual. And they're like, oh, that's just like what you.

It's just like, no. It's in there. Yeah. It's the same way we're saying quitting comedy is always in the mix. If you're dancing, there's a's in there. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same way we're saying, like, quitting comedy is always in the mix. Like, if you're dancing, there's a sexual element there. Oh, for a dude, if you're a dude and you just start dancing with a strange, like, because there, you know, like, I used to go to these dance parties that the whiskey company would throw.

Yeah. And, like, you know, I'd go with my friends. Some of them are taken. Some of them are not. Whatever. Like, dudes and girls. And I just feel like every time a dude, like, is dancing with a woman that he just met that night, it's always like, oh, maybe I'll fuck this chick tonight. There's no guarantee, but it is.

The door is open. Yeah, it's always there. Which. To not even fuck, but, like, a hookup of some sort. Yes. And I guess, you know, some people do want to dance just to dance. Totally. And they shouldn't, I guess, maybe not allow, like, you know, the other person. Assume.

But also, guys are just totally different. Guys are such fucking assholes. Where women are just like, hey, how are you? It's like, whew. Yeah. Jesus. Don't flirt with me on the open, baby. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, whew. Yeah. Jesus. Don't flirt with me on the open, baby. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's funny. Chris Allen had a great point. He's like, you know, like, it's funny when men get offended when they're called, like, when women, you know, that whole, like, men are scum thing, which it's a little annoying, but he said this. He was like, okay. He's like, men get mad when women say that all men are this or all men are blah, blah.

He's like, but men never trust, like, men never trust other men around their girls. No. He's like, are you completely comfortable with, like, I don't know, like, I don't know. I can't remember what his example was. He's like, why, like, would you be completely comfortable if some dude was coming over to fix something at your house and it's just him and your wife and you're like, nope, yeah, you're right. Nope. You're not.

Nope. Yeah, and even if it you're like, nope. Yeah, you're right. Nope. You're not. Nope. Yeah, and even if it's like a friend of yours. Are you completely comfortable with your wife just getting coffee with a dude she had just met and wants to be just friends with? No. No. I don't trust that guy. Even if you trust your wife, you don't trust that guy.

Yeah, I don't trust that guy at all. Yeah. I'm way too territorial for that. And because I think 90% of the time, we're right. Yeah. I'm way too territorial for that. And because I think, like, 90% of the time, we're right. Yeah. Or maybe we're just jealous. Probably. Guys are very jealous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's way more of a thing for dudes than women. Yeah, it depends on the relationship. It is, like, Karen and I go back and forth with it, where it's like, I can get a little jealous and so can she but usually I try to have like a good head about it. I've been way less but

if I'm in a relationship, if I'm dating someone, I don't care. Yeah. You do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. It doesn't bother me. You could have had sex with someone the night before. But if you're committed. But if you're in a relationship, yeah. You're like why are you meeting with this guy? Oh, no, yeah. That would not... Why are you

texting this person? Yeah. Not on board with that. Yeah. And that's all Chris Hardwick was doing, guys. That's all I'm saying, you know? I don't think... I mean, you know, maybe I'm a bit of a nerdist, but I expect dinner when I come home. You know what I mean? I expect sex. Yeah. Or I'll yell at you!

Did you... So, do we talk about this? No, I don sex. Yeah. Or I'll yell at you. Did you... So, do we talk about this? No, I don't think so. So, Chris Hardwick got accused of being, like, an abuser. Yeah. He was, like, two weeks in, he made all these rules. What was it? Emotionally abusive.

Emotionally abusive and sexual abuse. Not sexual abuse. Sexual, I guess, assault. It's assault when you're of age. Okay. So, like, saying that, like... But, like, I had this assault when you're of age. Okay. So like saying that like, but like I had this conversation with a bunch of people and it just sounded like they were in a bad relationship.

Yeah. A toxic relationship. Yes, yes. And so he released text messages. Did you see that? I heard that he did. I saw he basically released a statement that was like, she's like, yes, while we would have disagreements and we would fight, even yell at each other wasn't the best, but we would yell at each other.

Also, when we broke up, oh, I found out she cheated on me. And then when we broke up, she begged to get back together. She wanted to get married, all that stuff. Yeah. And so he released the text messages, the screenshots. And it's like he sent her this really long, nice, whatever, but just saying, like, it can't work. I don't, you know, like, I asked you to stop talking to him.

I found out you kept talking to him, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it was very, like, cordial, very nice. And who knows? You know, this is just him and then he cropped out the part where he's like I hope you die

you fucking cunt I'll kill you but then it's just this girl for months just sending texts like hey please can we talk

I want to get back together we should get married and just for months and she just never responded so it's just like yeah yeah, it just sounded like, you know. Yeah. It's just like an unhealthy relationship. Yeah.

And who hasn't been in their 20s in, like, a shitty relationship that you shouldn't have been in? You said things and did things you shouldn't have done. Like, everyone's been there. And people fight. People fight. And it's just people yell. People, you know, like, yeah, get mad. Yeah, I mean, if my

yeah, not even like in a like boyfriend girlfriend relationship, but if I'm just in like a weird mood, like, you know what I mean? If you're tired or you're not having the best day, it's very easy to be like flip out on something. Like we were talking about last time with like your parents. Would it be like,

Umar was emotionally abusive? You know what I mean? They're not going to me too you, but no. That's funny. My brother, I don't know if he listened to the podcast, but he was like, hey, man, like, why do you want to set boundaries with mom and dad? Because I had said that in front of him at the house. And he was just, like, grilling me.

And I was like, well, we never talk like this, dude. And in my head, I was trying to respond. I was like, ah, man, it's just really stressful. Were you texting? We were texting. And he just kept going. He's pretty and shouting everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he kept just going. He was like, how much longer do you think they're going to be around? And I was like, oh. He's like, dude, I just like, I want to see them. I know they mean well. I just want to see them less. And then it was weird. And then today, he just texted me. He's like, sorry, man. I was a little high. I didn't mean well. I just want to see them less. And then it was weird. And then today he just texted me.

He's like, sorry, man. I was a little high. I didn't mean to be a jerk. I was like, god damn it. I knew you were fucking stoned. I knew you were stoned. And you were thinking way too much. Way too hard about it.

Yeah. God, yeah. He's just stoned out of his skull. Ryan will get stoned. He gets weird, dude. It's easy to do that sometimes. And I don't know what it is. I never do it. I've never been that stoned where I, like, weird, dude. It's easy to do that sometimes. And I don't know what it is. I never do it.

I've never been that stone where I, like, think that deep. Sometimes it just catches me in a weird, like, almost instantly, too. What's, like, the weirdest thing? Just, yeah, it's, like, that type. It's a lot of, like, negative stuff where it's, like, I should be trying harder or, like, man, I'm being, like, so fake right now. Like, God, I should just be earnest or stuff like that. Oh, yeah. I guess I do that.

I just don't think of that as, yeah, that's interesting. But yeah, where I guess, like, so I could see that with a parent and where you're just like, why am I being shit? Like, God, I'm a fucking asshole. They're going to die soon. Yeah. But you're also not in reality at the same time either. Yeah.

But sometimes, you know, you have like, I had a great moment last night where I was stoned. And, you know, I like making popcorn. And I don't think if I wasn't high I would have done this. I was like – I like putting salt and olive oil on my popcorn. I was like, you know what? Don't you do rosemary too a little bit? Sometimes. Okay, okay.

I didn't have rosemary on me. Rosemary? Uh-huh. I was like, let me like sprinkle the bowl with olive oil and throw salt on that. Then when I throw the popcorn in there, I'll sprinkle a little more olive oil and salt. And then you mix it on the side. Sure. Amazing.

Because when you're grabbing it from the bowl, you're scooping it. You're dragging it across all the goodness. This is why you get high. This is it, dude. I was like, and I just remember thinking, I'm like, I'm a fucking genius. Elon Musk, get the fuck out of here. Meet your new innovator. We're going to space.

We're going to put olive oil on Mars, dude. We're doing it, baby. But I don't think I would have Ever thought to do that If I was sober Yeah Yeah The food innovation When you're high

I know Is pretty incredible Absolutely You're just like What if I put an egg on it Yeah Shit Shit

Well and then Yeah cause when I I remember I think we talked about Like when I went to that Waffle place I was like Dude you know what would be great

Yeah Fucking charmery Oh yeah But then they do that already. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Why wouldn't they fucking do that? That's probably what they thought, like, immediately. They were like, we should tell them.

We should fucking tell them. Yeah. But then it gets to a point where, like, last night I didn't have chips, so I was dipping. I had cheese, like, you know, just cheddar cheese. And I was like, I had tortillas. Uh-huh. Like, corn tortillas know, just cheddar cheese. And I was like, I had tortillas, like corn tortillas. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I was putting, I was like, put the cheese on the tortillas and I was dipping it into guacamole.

I like that. It was great. I mean, that's like basically a deconstructed nacho. It is. It's weird. You feel like a piece of shit doing, like if someone saw me doing. Because it's cold cheese, yeah. It's cold cheese, cold tortilla. If someone just saw me,

like, and I'm like standing over my counter just eating. I do that a lot. Yeah, me too. I come home from shows and I'm so hungry. Oh, yeah,

you eat in the fridge. I eat the weirdest shit. Yeah, it's like, all right, we have 14 chips left. I'm going to eat all those. Yeah. I'm going to get in the hummus.

Yeah. Maybe some fruit snacks. Karen got these fruit snacks that have probiotics in them. Ooh. Yeah, and like vitamin A and shit. That's fucking cool. And if she's listening, I haven't been eating them.

Nice. Yeah, man. But yeah, I like the sweet spot of where you can get high and get like a little sit. Like you're still, yeah, I have to like make it an effort to be outward and then not go like like inward yeah i really rarely go in i'm mostly like if i'm out with people i get i'm goofy it's fun yeah yeah yeah yeah so i have to i have to watch it though like we karen and i

yeah saturday was great so we did uh um your band played yeah uh. Tremendous Athlete played a festival in Eastport. Yeah, that looked really fun. It was cool, man. It was a good time. Yeah, I want to see you guys in a setting like that. Yeah, it was cool. It was like we had a nice... Yeah, it wasn't raining.

We started... You just don't want to drive to Annapolis. Yeah, that's totally fair. But the community around there, like it's in Eastport, technically. I don't know that. It's like just... It's literally like east of Annapolis. Okay. So it's in Eastport, technically. I don't know that. It's literally east of Annapolis, so it's right on the water. These houses are incredible, probably millions of dollars. Oh, shit.

Been there for years. I mean, not every single one of them. But this was an outdoor festival for that community? Right behind us was a pier with a bunch of boats. You could see the Bay Bridge. It's beautiful. The water was amazing. Yeah, yeah.

So it's like this sort of like, not hippie thing, but very like folky kind of festival. But it was so cool, man. They had free food for the bands. Free kegs. Two kegs. They had a keg of yingling and I think Bud Light, which is not great, but still. Not bad. Free yingling.

Yingling? Yeah. It was dope. It was a dope day. Then we came home that's considered an import in some states yeah right

now speaking of food innovation we bought a whole chicken from Giant you know you get those like roasted chickens yeah and it was honey glazed which is awesome

oh yeah yeah yeah and we brought that whole thing this was some piece of shit savagery but we brought that whole thing in bed got thing in bed. Got high. In bed?

Yeah. Oh, my God. And got barbecue sauce. Just squirted that on the side, and we're just ripping the chicken with our hands. That's awesome. Dipping it right to the dough. That's great. It was so good.

That's fucking dope. It was so good. Yo, people do not value rotisserie chickens at the market enough. Because, dude, $8, you get a whole bird at Whole Foods. Go to Whole Foods. It's that free-range bullshit. Who knows what it is? But I'm sure it's some kind of better for you than giant.

It tastes way better. Dude, you can fucking make quesadillas, nachos. I made fucking chicken salad with that shit, with tahini, so it was healthy. Or you can just pick at it with your hands. Pick at it. Yeah. I think I'm going to just start buying one every week until I get sick of it. That's a good one, too, where you come home and you're like, let me just grab a chunk of this thing.

Oh, my God. It was so great. It felt like a fucking savage, though. I'm like, God, we're destroying this bird, huh? Did you eat all of it? Yeah. God, that's a lot a fucking savage. I'm like, God, we're destroying this bird. Did you eat all of it? Yeah. God, that's a lot of fucking meat. I'd say probably like 75, 80% of it for sure.

And we're watching this dumb, dumb show on Netflix called, it's a new cooking challenge show. But the whole conceitedness of it. You're high. You're cooking with weed. They put weed in it. I couldn't get through it. It's so bad. Remember the one guy? He's like 30. He's like, I've never eaten fish before. They put weed in it. I couldn't get through it. It's so bad. Remember the one guy?

He's like 30. He's like, I've never eaten fish before. Yeah. What? Yeah. You're like, yeah. And yeah, they're like, and tonight we got a comedian on the show. And I didn't know.

Who was it? I knew. They have comedians on every show. They're the judges. Oh, I didn't know any of the comics. Oh, I did the first episode. I knew one. I was a black dude.

I know. Yeah, I knew maybe like two of them. But then they just have some insane people on. Like this one guy's name is Mod Sun. And it just seems like this annoying white dude that's like super over the top. Yeah, weed culture. And the show is so low rent that they're always like, and we got two judges. Also, the host, I love.

I don't know what his deal is, but it's like the classic like, what's up? It's your boy, Josh Baylor. And you're like, I've never heard of you. And he's like, all right. I can't believe Netflix picked that shit up. Well, each, it seems so cheap because I think there's only one setup. There's maybe like two setups where it's like they have the kitchen and they do the interviews. And also they have a rotation of six judges, I think. Oh my god.

So you see the same, or not judges, I mean six chefs. Yeah. So, yeah, it was just so bad. But when we were high eating chicken, it was a good time. There's YouTube video, there's YouTube cooking channels that are better than that. Oh! Like the production quality. A million percent.

Is insanely better. And they cook better. It's cool. There's a YouTube series that you should watch. It's like insanely better, and they cook better. It's cool. There's a YouTube series that you should watch. It's like they get a celebrity and a real chef, and can the celebrity keep up with the chef? So they have their backs to each other at their own cooking stations, and then the chef will verbalize what you're supposed to do,

and then at the end they turn around and they show their dishes to each other, and it's never what, you know. But Natalie Portman did one. Yeah, it's pretty good. That's cool. There's one show on Netflix I like a lot. It's a baking challenge show. It's called Nailed It.

Oh, okay. And I think the new season comes out the 29th, so it will have been out. So, yeah, if you need something to watch that's like a challenge show but it's intentionally bad, it's these three, like, amateur bakers. And they're only given a recipe. And they're like, all right, you got to make it. And then they show them, like, before they start, they show them what it's supposed to look like. And then you have these three people make it.

And it never looks like it. And they always just have people. So you're supposed to take the thing off the top. And're like nailed it and it looks real bad like they had a guy from new jersey like a retired cop and it's just like what's up i'm alfonso i like to bake and like just this like middle-aged big new jersey guy and the recipe called for melted chocolate and he didn't even like you're supposed to use an ipad and he didn't even, like, you're supposed to use an iPad. And he didn't even like to read the instructions. So he was just like, oh, all right.

And I just said, okay, he's got some chocolate on. I'll make some chocolate. He just took a bunch of Kit Kat bars, put them in the microwave. In a bowl and melted those. Like, no one can be that dumb, right? The producers must be like, hey, just act really stupid. No one can be that dumb, right? No. The producers must be like, hey, just act really stupid. He seemed pretty earnest.

God. Yeah. I just think he might have been nervous, too, or whatever. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes I can't believe. Gordon Ramsay has a new show. It's like Kitchen Nightmares, but on crack.

Yeah. Where he has to. I think they plant a lot of that. So he's like, there's blood in the bagels. Yeah. Why is there blood? Exactly. I think they plant, like there was like a dead mouse in the toaster.

Yeah, of course. And it's just like, was that there? Yeah, like a customer is about to eat a BLT that has a tail hanging out of it. And so the whole, the shtick of this show,

it's just like Kitchen Nightmares, except he has to turn around the restaurant in 24 hours. That's so dumb. And it's so stupid. I hate it. The first one was this Italian restaurant, and the dude who owns it was so over the top, screaming all the time. It's just like, it doesn't seem real.

Yeah, he's like, I raped a woman here. We got to cut that out. He's like, I don't know. And so it was so dramatic. Gordon, yeah, yeah. We got to cut that out. He's like, I don't know. And, like, so, like, it was so dramatic. Like, Gordon Ramsay now, like, goes undercover. So he dressed up as, like, an old dude. I hate that. He gets served dinner.

I hate that. And then, like, he ripped it off, and he, like, revealed who he was. And then he's like, everyone, stop eating. And so, like, everyone's at the restaurant. It's like, oh. It's like, they all knew. They all probably got, like, invites to to come and they all knew what was happening. That's why I hate that show, Undercover Boss.

Yeah. What? You need to tell me the person with a camera crew and the big fake glasses was our boss? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What tipped you off? Maybe the first season you don't know. Right. But you're still not ever going to get like, yo, like if you came to me, if you were like,

hey, if a camera crew was following me at my job. Yes. I would never act the way I actually act without those crews being there. Or even if I was your coworker and I was not the subject of the documentary, I'd be cognizant of the fact that there are cameras there. And I'd be like, I'm working very diligently. Yeah. And you're like, I'm going to take my break when I'm supposed to.

Like, you wouldn't be like, hey, man, do you want to do some blow in the bathroom? Yeah. You're like, I was the boss the whole time. Like, ah! Dude, the Tilt-A-Kilt was great. What is that? That one. Tilt-A-Kilt is like a restaurant.

It's like Hooters, but it's Irish steam. So it's girls. They wear really short kilts and shit. Jesus Christ. It's called Tilt-A-Kilt, meaning like look under a girl's fucking skirt. Yeah. Like, that's all that. It's called tilt it, like meaning like look under a girl's fucking skirt. Like that's all that. It's a fucking

stupid euphemism. It's not even a euphemism. It's really just sexual harassment on the title of a restaurant. Yeah, it's like, hey, if you've been

to a sexual abuso, it's a really good new spot. I guess the CEO goes undercover and he's just like, you know, there's one girl who's like really slutty and is very flirty and is always making innuendos.

And they cut to his one-on-one interview. And it's just like, oh, you know, this is unacceptable. We run a family business. A family? A family business. What family? A family business. I guess.

No one who is taking their family. Those kids are growing up to. Well, I was going to say the only family is like a divorced dad. Yeah. That's taking his son on his custody weekends. Like, you want to get some wings? He's like, we run off. Like, she was doing shots with the dudes.

And it's just like, yeah, she is good at her job. And those dudes will come back because they think she'll fuck them. Yes. That's what you want, right? Yeah, she's a step below a stripper. Yeah, exactly. And that's what they do, too. Like, hey, babe, good to see you again.

Yeah. But it was just so funny. It's like, oh, she's not like. This isn't the tilt-a-kilt that I know. And then there's, like, another sweet woman there who, like, has a kid and is trying to, like, work her way through college. It's just like, ah, this is fake. Oh, all of it. A family business. That blew my mind.

I was like, this guy is such a fucking idiot. Yeah, definitely. It sounds like a nice family place. Do you think we could get them to advertise on the show? I would love to. I've never been to... I think there's one in White Marsh. I've never even heard. I've never even heard. I've never even heard.

There might be one downtown. Really? In Baltimore? No, that's Dick's, where people are mean to you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you been to one of those? No. I went to one in Ocean City, and it was like...

They weren't even good at being mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they have one in the hotel we stayed at in Vegas. I want to go to one, because I want to be mean back. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

To me, the whole thing just seems like a waste of time. It's like this is so fake. Like a gimmick. I'm sure the food's not good either. But yeah, we're like, hey, what's up, fathead? You want some food, you fucking retard? Yeah, America's so stupid, dude, because every downtown in any city is always chains. But it's like if...

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm a dumbass, and I didn't see that the batteries died. I'm not sure where the conversation cut off. I know. But we suck. Doesn't it feel weird? Because it does feel like, ah, we just wasted. Yeah.

It's like we're having a conversation, which is fine, but then it feels like a waste. Yeah, if we're having a conversation for ourselves, who the fuck cares? Yeah. I could have been eating. Now I have to talk to your dumb ass. Yeah. If a tree falls in the forest and it doesn't podcast it, who gives a shit? I want to hear the story.

Yeah. So the podcast cut off. I'm really sorry. I got to get a charger, dude. Yeah. But yeah, those are fresh batteries, too. So I don't know what the fuck happened. But yeah, come see us do stand up.

I'll be at the Beer Baron on the 13th. It's hard to do when you just did it. Just did it on the 13th at DC at 8 o'clock. And my band, Tremendous Athlete, does a show at Wind Up Space on the 17th in Baltimore. And that will be at 8 o'clock, too. Nice. Just coming to Gin and Jokes next Thursday, July 5th. Noah Gardenshort's Comedy Central Conan.

He writes for Marvelous Miss Maisel. He's funny. And, you know, whatever. Fucking get into that shit. Yeah. Have a good July 4th. And listen, I'm sorry the podcast isn't professional, but fuck you. Yeah.

It's free. Yeah, it's free. Fuck you. And David Tecna. Thank you so much. podcast isn't professional but fuck you yeah you it's free yeah it's free fuck you and uh thank you you