The Digression Sessions - Ep. 258 - Josh & Umar!

Episode Date: July 9, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with each other and complain about stuff. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti. documentary the new season is bad uh karen and i were just watching it with the i saw a little bit of galifianakis and a little bit of chapelle yeah i just think the new season is like uh they got the best people and then like it's like john mulaney's is really bad is it they don't talk about anything in like uh and they're all fake laughing at each other the whole time uh yeah it's it's yeah it seems a little awkward um but like he did this just for netflix right yeah yeah that's crazy yeah i mean i guess it's not that well actually so i don't mean to be rude and uh correct you it's not netflix anymore it's uh with the special uh

the popularity of her special it's actually called nanette oh my god well yeah so now because you have to do comedy like her so if you have a special it's called in a netflix special yeah you know so she's dude groundbreaking louis ck is irrelevant fuck his comedy oh my god yeah yeah i still haven't watched the special so it's uh i watched i watched it i didn't pay attention the whole time yeah it's like you know when you're gonna sit in a college lecture you're not gonna pay attention the whole time like man this professor thinks she's pretty yeah i'm like uh excuse me can you repeat the last uh uh statement please i forgot to write it down in my notes it's like jesus what do we watch oh buddy we are back we're back the dig sesh is back yeah

we were missed huh wait didn't we release an episode yeah we put an episode okay so we're just doing our thing right okay i don't know how to apologize for shit yeah you're in arizona yeah i was in arizona for the first time it time. It's a dry heat out there. Oh, my God. A dry heat. Look at this motherfucker waking up. Oh, we got Eric Glazer speaking. Waking up.

Speaking of dry heat, it's Eric Glazer, everybody. That's good coffee. I feel like that's a very radio DJ, like an AM thing. A lot of pauses. Went to Arizona. It's a dry heat. You're like, man, he's good. Wow. So dramatic.

Really, they're just filling time. It wasn't that bad, the heat? No, it was definitely hot. But yeah, it wasn't like the air was thick. Most days, it was over 100. Oh, my God.

And that didn't feel bad? No. I mean, it felt hot. It wasn't like you're like, boy, gee. Could you run in 100 degrees over there if it's dry? You could. Now, another wrinkle to that, too, is that it's 5,000 feet up. Good training.

Yeah. So we did some hiking um the first two days and the second day we hiked a chick like blue bias that had like a camel pack like water thing on that was like jogging oh my god and i was like oh that's actually pretty cool i would love to do that um yeah so yeah i jogged a little bit but definitely the first day like hiking like the trail we did was like pretty easy but there were parts where it was like a slight incline or you had to like move from a couple rocks. And you're like, oh, dude, I was in New York last weekend. Oh, my God.

Talk about elevation. You've seen these buildings in New York? The worst city to be in when it's hot. Like and we took a car. Thank God. What do you mean? Like around? We drove to Brooklyn.

Oh, really? Dude, park for free everywhere. Nice. Parking in Brooklyn is so easy. We were in Bushwick, Williamsburg, all the hot spots. And we never paid to park. We never looked for parking for more than like, it was just like looking for parking in Baltimore.

It'd be funny if you guys are just racking up tickets. Like, just do your thing. I know. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and like, honestly, like getting there, yeah, you pay a lot in tolls, but still, it's not more than what two bus tickets would be. Yeah. And it was totally worth it.

But also, yeah, the price of convenience, you know what I mean? Oh, dude, we didn't spend money on Uber. We didn't have to figure out the Metro. Yeah. And we got everywhere super quick. Nice. It was great. Yeah.

It was just so, and we didn't have the car. It would be way more miserable. It was so hot, dude. Yeah. It was like, you imagine being on a bus in that shit. No. And I was thinking about living in a city like New York when it's that hot. It's just like you shower in the morning,

then you have to walk to the metro station. From the metro station, you have to walk to your... You're gross. Even the train station itself, even when you're underground, just sitting there waiting for the train. Yeah, it's musty and shit. It's hot as shit. You're just gross.

You're not never gross. Yeah. I remember thinking that one time when I stayed with my buddy Mike. We were on the platform. We had gone out and grabbed drinks, and then we were going to go back. So it's midnight in New York on this train platform, and everybody just looks like shit. Oh, my God. You can tell that they're like, and there were the the chicks too it's like i'm going out tonight yeah

makeup and look good and then they're just sitting there like hair's frizzy shit makeup's all like smushed on their face yeah melting it's funny too because like my makeup's melting when you watch like time pieces like you know like like whatever like victorian era yeah oh my god people must smell back then and now like whenever i watch videos of like movies of people in new york city i'm like oh my god everyone's so smelly probably this person has a shower since 6 a.m they would walk around in 100 degree weather yeah it's so much walking too um but yeah man yeah arizona was uh Sedona itself was cool. It was like everywhere you go, everything just looked picturesque. Yeah.

Let me show you this picture. We went to CVS and we came outside and there's just like mountains and like this like petrified rock and everything. That's just the CVS. That's a cool like scene to take like the plan B, you know. You walk into CVS, you you walk out you stare at the mountains like oh i'm totally killing this baby right now yeah like you know it wasn't god's plan a to make these mountains these were trees at one point these are petrified trees we're just like waiting for a pregnancy test outside of cvs staring at the mountains yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, Eric? Yo. Oh.

Oh, hey. Thanks, buddy. Eric just woke up. Yeah, Eric was house-sitting while we were in Arizona. I got your HDMI cable over here. This millennial piece of shit, I come home to my house, and what do I find in my fridge? A half-drunk two-liter orange crush and an HDMI cable in my TV? Wow. What were you doing with the hdmi cable eric

rap battles in my house rap battles oh my god i was just picturing you and boo just getting crunk watching uh some rap battles my poor son i'm trying to find a picture of uh this cvs here but yeah man it was just uh that's awesome it was uh it was really nice place had a uh um what'd it have had a fucking pool and then it had a hot tub so it's like we have a pool and spa i don't know what you call spa yo dude i uh i've been swimming more to get in shape and uh it's the best and it is great i've been going to druid park hill pool yeah and uh two bucks it's great yeah but the last time i'm diving in the deep end yeah the last time i went oh yeah the joke no what oh i thought you're uh uh last time i went i was looking at the water i was like man

this water is fucking green is it it was green dog and cloudy and i was standing in line to get in the pool i was talking to this girl i was like does that water look bad to you and she's like i think it's just like the reflection or something and then another girl was like ah maybe they put too much chlorine i was like no no too much chlorine will not look like this and then yeah i don't know i went swimming i went for a run i was too lazy to shower. I went to bed. Long story short, I got hepatitis B. So then I tried to go swimming the next day. The pool's closed due to water quality issues. The pool closed right after I left due to water quality issues.

I was like, oh, my God, I have not showered yet. Oh. Yeah. So now I got to find a new pool. So you good or? Probably. I mean, whatever. Yeah. Probably. I probably sweated most of it off when i was running the hamden one's decent yeah but there's no lap lanes yeah you know i need i just go to swim laps i don't go to hang out yeah i hear you

it sucked too because immediately when i got there like four kids recognize one kid in the locker room as a kid i counsel oh really yeah and then another uh three girls are like four kids. One kid in the locker room is a kid I counsel. Oh, really? Yeah. And then another three girls are like, what's up, Mr. Conn? And I looked over. I was like, oh, God. That's what I said. Like, well, you don't like seeing us? And I was like, no.

No, it's my summer. I was like, I'm about to take my shirt off. And you guys make fun of my hairy arms, you assholes. I don't want to be like half naked in front of you and have to see you next year. They're like, man, fuck you. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So this is the parking lot of the cvs oh my god really yeah that's insane

that's how it looks everywhere holy that's crazy yeah just like this beautiful picturesque yeah it was very rcs parking lot has like a meth head just yeah yeah it's also picturesque yeah the first day back in baltimore i was like man baltimore fucking sucks i was driving everywhere it was road work and like yeah lane closures and like fucking just junkies around it's like man fuck this shit well i that's what i don't think like uh when i was in new york this shit is ugly man new york is a fucking ugly city so is la most of. Most of it is dirty. Yeah.

Dirty as fuck. Even the nice parts of Brooklyn. I thought it'd be like clean and pristine, like the nice parts of DC or Baltimore. And you're just like, Oh my God. It like, I've never seen more mattresses on the side of the street ever.

And I was just like, gee, the way they do trash out there too. Oh yeah. They just like, just throw it. So many people in bags many people it's in bags but it's all over the sidewalk so like every building has an insane amount of people it's just

piled up it's yeah it's like you're in a third world country it's really fucking crazy yeah but it has like a nice like artisanal coffee shop yeah exactly i don't get it i don't like i it's it's a miserable place to live i think i think so too man especially as i get older oh my god i just want my patch of dirt to not be surrounded by anybody you know what i mean yeah i'm much more into being like oh i want like a yard and a fence yeah all that shit yeah and then like uh you know like we went to like a food festival and it's just so crowded. You're just like, God damn it. If that was here, it'd be more fun because it'd be way less crowded, places to sit.

We didn't have to wait so long to get shit. Right. Yeah, but whatever. It's fine. It's an experience. No, no. I mean, New York's definitely fun, but you have to be prepared to have like... It's like a constant onslaught of people all the fucking time.

I don't get how people exist. makes no sense to me yeah and it costs so much anyway baltimore is cool we have it figured out you know it's a little more spread out um but yeah man arizona was uh it was fucking cool grand canyon was cool yeah it's fucking uh this uh it's called Slippery Rock. Yeah. It's like. Did you find any Thai boys down there? Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Found them and brought one home. Put them in my carry-on. Sweet, sweet boy. But yeah, it was just like where it has like a natural like basically like water slides

within like a river and you can jump off a rock in the water. Oh, my God. Oh, I saw those pictures. That looked fun. Dude, it was really cool. That's cool. It's like a slip and slide. Yeah.

And we did it on July 4th and I was getting kind of like in my mind like kind of corny about it because there were like a lot of Mexican people. Yeah. And there were like black families there and stuff. I was like, see, this is America. Yeah. We all just want to jump in a river. You know what I mean? It was funny uh one of the families um they were posted up like across from the spot where

you jump off the rock like into the water and it's not that high it's maybe like 10 feet yeah and uh the dad of the family was going to jump but all the other family were on the other side and he was nervous and the kid was like busted his ball he's like you scared you scared the guy's like you're not my son dude i don't get how i don't i don't i would not do the whole jumping off of a cliff into water thing that shit scares me i love it man oh no because what if you hit like a rock or something well i watched a ton of other people do it yeah yeah and then you know they're like oh the touch bottom they're like nah oh, does it touch bottom? They're like, nah. Oh, my God. See, it would be so scary. Really? They'd even like 10 feet?

That ain't much. That's like the best part about the Druid Park pool. I posted it on Facebook. But it's like most people there can't swim. And you have to take a deep well test before you can get in the deep. And they suck. Everyone barely passes. Yeah, I was going to say.

They struggle so hard. Especially if you pass that. So basically, the deep end of the pool is its own separate pool with a diving board. And then you have to swim from side to side. And so, yeah, I remember I did that. And then, like, people are just like, whoa, Michael Phelps over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like a basic thing.

I just have to go from side to side and be like, I won't drown yeah and uh but then just crushing it on the diving board just oh my god backflips triple axles oh yes unreal and then barely making it to the side of the pool yeah the kids that work there yeah it's just fucking crazy yeah double backflips and the shit um yeah no i like i like that pool yeah that was great me and uh mike normale used to run drew it like run the track yeah and then go right to the pool yeah the track is closed for construction or six it's a bummer yeah what are they doing i don't know building a dam or i'm not a dam i don't know why you build a dam in a man-made lake i don't know what the fuck they're doing. Yeah, me either, man.

Me either. But yeah, they had shit out there too where it's like there's a lot of crystals and stuff out there. Oh, my God. My doctor even mentioned to me because I went and saw my doctor before I went. She's like, oh, Sedona, that's fun. They have a lot of crystals out there. I don't know if you're into that. Like energy stuff?

Yeah. Oh, dude. Speaking of, Karen and I took a Friday night. She wanted to take this couple's Thai massage class. You should have let me know. I brought a Thai kid home. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude.

It was bad. It was like I looked up the girl who's teaching. It's like a 26-year-old white girl. And it's like white women are going nuts right now. It's like you're a 26-year-old white girl, and you think you've been doing something for like a year that has like centuries in tradition. And she's like, first of all, let me just say namaste.

Yeah. Okay, you're being very rude. Yeah, we get there, and there's like five other couples, and it was in the church on Hamden, St. Luke's, the one across the charmery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, it's like very progressive. Yeah. I like Jim.

He's cool. He's a pastor there. He's very cool. Pastor Jim. Pastor Jim. Already sounds cool. And it was just so weird. It was just like this 26-year-old girl saying like, you know, very fake laugh, very fake voice.

And like, I don't know. She like gave the statistics. She's like, and this is something gross I read the other day, a sad statistic. Oh, boy. She's talking about eye contact and it's not what it used to be. Like, we don't, like, because we did this thing where it was like, all right, let's just walk around the room and see what you notice. I'm like, bitch, I just want to massage each other like and so she's wow what do you notice so frustrated what do you notice about the ground i notice uh um i'm wasting my money yeah that's what i noticed first and foremost yeah yeah and uh in the beginning of

the class you start dropping money on the floor yeah she's like what do you notice and everyone's just like and then she's like what about eye contact she's like, what do you notice? And everyone's just like, and then she's like, what about eye contact? She's like, okay, now let's make eye contact with the people that you're passing. And she said, what do you notice about eye contact? What the fuck is this? Like a Scientology seminar? I know, and that was like 10 minutes, dude. It was like 30 minutes before we did anything.

What's the point of all that? Like, you get to know the person. Like, there's like a whole philosophy behind time massage it's like it's kind of like yoga you're supposed to it's like a different way to exist in the world it was bullshit gotcha and uh like we just wanted to massage you i just wanted to like get a massage you know and then and so she said he's like uh we can make eye contact but somebody's jerking me off like i don't mind looking at somebody in the eye that's fine it's a little weird and then and then so she's like it's she's like you know i heard that

if a man uh makes eye contact with you for more than a second he has other um intentions more than a second and it's just like first of all how do you have a statistic on that second who gives a fuck that's there's nothing gross about it. We all have thoughts. It's not like we act on all of them. She's like, oh, it's gross. People want to fuck me. It's like, lady, you have a...

Yeah, I don't know. No, I hear you. It was frustrating. We left and we were like, God damn it, that was a waste of money and time. Yeah, man, that's the pendulum going too far the other way oh yeah the like of the like no no no i i'm you're you're a piece of shit like yeah i still can't get over that of how like people in marginalized groups are like how dare you marginalize us and speak for us in generalities

because fuck all white people yeah well okay you're kind of doing the thing that you're complaining about or like you know like it's all men that are disgusted yeah yeah yeah yeah like if you went in there is like listen i don't want a broad to look at me for more than a second because you know if they do they're trying to fuck me understand apparently netflix uh somebody sent me an article my my five seconds right yeah so netflix made a rule that on their production i guess there's any netflix workplace like yeah you can't stare at another employee for more than five seconds like the headquarters right like what is a business meeting like awkward like you're just like okay yeah because okay you probably forget too you're like okay so the third quarter earnings oh jesus

i'm sorry uh the third court you know what mean? Also, there's other ways to sexually harass people. I would say looking at someone is like the least harmful way to sexually harass somebody. You're the wrong person to bring in for the training. You're like, look, there's other ways to do it. Watch this. You can pinch them. Look, I got my eyes closed. I'm grabbing this chick's tits right now.

Which is worse? What would you, Tiffany, what would you prefer? You know what? right fine i'm fired i'm going to hulu putting a pen in inner cleavage i'm looking away so is this okay oh what a silly world we live in yeah i mean i guess it's all a legal thing but yeah i was listening to um have you listened to that jordan peterson guy at all no who is this guy people talk about i know so joe rogan got shit for having him on his podcast i listened to the podcast with him because i've just heard that he's like this uh ted nugent on too what is rogan doing yeah he has a lot of people on that are uh pretty suspect um uh rogan if you want to come on our pod please we'd love to have you please give us

your 20 million bump yeah right it would just be oh speaking oh we'll finish this oh i mean it's not that much but it's just like i like speaking these people with like like uh philosophies and stuff and like he's like a right wing dude he he he says a lot of those guys where he's like well he's canadian too but he kind of has like an Irish accent. Okay. They say I'm all right. I'm not all right. You know, like he kind of sounds, and it's like a little high pitch.

So he is a tenured professor at a university in Canada, and I think he's a psychologist. Yeah. That's what someone said. So I was listening to some of the stuff that he says, and I was like, oh, he's not like too out there really. But fuck, he was, I forget why I brought it up, but basically he was talking about all that stuff with like Netflix and like NBC has a no hugging rule and shit like that. Right. So I don't know.

I forget why I brought it up to be honest. We were talking about how stuff can go too far. So yeah, he gets some shit for that like he was just talking about like oh that's what it was like sexual signaling and stuff doesn't he think like all women are happier married and stuff does he think that uh he doesn't think all women but he was just like he was talking about um the and i'm not even like a defender of the guy like i just never heard him speak i heard the same stuff you had like like, this guy's a fucking monster. And I do think it's weird that he does these, like, tours, and then he gives these, like, speeches, and there's, like, thousands of people there.

Dude, even on the left that exists, like, Sam Harris. Yeah. Like, I don't like him. I don't like that. You know, like, I'm an atheist, and I'm, like, you know, I'm in whatever, like, into science and intellectualism and bullshit. But, like, that guy's just a fucking snob. Right, right. Yeah, no, Peterson seems like it, too.

But I guess you kind of have to be if you're doing that shit. You have to really put it in your head. Atheists are so fucking stupid, too, man. Like, you know, there was, like, an atheist group on campus at UMBC, and they're like, Omar, you should join. You're an atheist. I'm like, why the fuck would I join a... Yeah. Like there's not we don't believe in anything what are we gonna talk about the whole idea was to not be a part of it yeah the whole idea is like we don't have to get up early on a sunday and do anything that's most of being an atheist when you're a kid you're like ah

this is dumb i don't want to go to the mosque or church or whatever you just sit around smoking cigarettes like god's not real i know right yeah it's like you want to start a group like you want to convince other people to be who gives a fuck oh yeah no no no no because they would bring in speakers and shit to like it's like who cares we don't believe in anything also why yeah you're not gonna go further no you already don't believe it there's not a next level it's like we brought in real. Yeah, but what it is is like you just want to be able to be good at arguing, right? So you want to be able to, when you get in a debate with like a religious person, you want to have points to make. Welcome to my seminar. It's called How to Be a Real Bummer at Parties.

Yeah, exactly. Because that's basically what it is. Yes. Couldn't help it over here, you discussing God. You know that's a fallacy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who the fuck are you? Yeah, but it is funny though when people are like atheists are just as annoying it's like sure maybe but they're not killing people you know like religious people kill people in the name of god or whatever the shitty beliefs they have atheists are just they give you they

yell at you with facts people are just annoying in general i mean like yeah everybody's gonna have their shit so in arizona with all the crystals and stuff we stopped at one place just to check it out and they're advertising aura photos and i was like oh shit i gotta get an aura photo because i thought it'd be like cheap and just like a funny picture yeah yeah but they're 35 dollars people are so into that different color like You should have seen these pictures. It seriously looked like it was from Windows 95 software of your face and then a color kind of around it, like a purplish green, whatever. Yeah. And then it tells you what all those colors mean and what you need to focus on.

And it's like, man, I would love to do an experiment. One week you take a picture and you're just kind of sad. And then the next week you're happy. And it's like the sad picture like so your heart chakra is a little closed and so like when they're editing the picture they're just like hit red dark red you know like what technology do you have that you can see my chakra what the fuck are you talking about that's another uh like when that girl was talking she would say shit like that all the time and i think it'd be funny to have a compilation of yoga teachers saying things and then just them being dinged every time they say something wrong.

There's just no proof. Scientifically incorrect. Yeah. She was like, we have the most sensors in our hands. What the fuck is a sensor? What is a sensor? Do you just mean nerves? The epidermis

has the most nerves and that's everywhere that's everywhere and i would say our genitals i was gonna say we're doing a contest yeah and my dick was like yeah they're like now how does the carrot feel yeah pretty good yeah if you had me put my hands on ice or you might put my dick on ice i'm gonna say more sensors in my dick yeah or like fire i'm crying five feet away i haven't touched it yet like the most sensors it's so dumb and she would like she would you could tell she was very nervous which is fine everyone gets nervous in front of people sure but like oh it's just like i know the type of person this person is you know like i'm dating this type and then uh uh you're like she's very type a she's on lexa pro and she wants this to go well and like she had it literally

was just like it was she was very nice and i guess karen i think fifty dollars is a lot karen the course was called lexa pro amateur massage yeah it was like the open mic night of time massage because she was even workshopping her workshop right right and like we ran out of time we only got to do lower body we didn't get to upper body which is a bummer and because most people want to work on their neck and shoulders it's most massages back yeah we did just legs pretty much it was a bummer yeah man so it sounds like you and i should teach a class. Yeah, and you're supposed to massage each, like, you know, the couples, like, you take turns massaging each other. And it was, I noticed that all the guys would always be massaged on first.

No, nice. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. And then, yeah, and I was like, and then when it was like, because, and then you feel so good and you're sleepy and like, all right, let's switch. You're like, oh, fuck. God damn it yeah

like that's just how it is at home yeah yeah just you massage me for a little bit and then like i'll do and then it never happens but um yeah so they had like all that kind of like hippie dippy stuff of uh the crystals and then she was like and then uh the woman that works there she's like well if you want i can tell you about the services we offer and i was like okay what do you got what's going on and so she was telling about the aura photos and i was looking at some of the ones they had taken before and then she's like we also have um this uh laser that we uh if it comes in contact with you it just helps with blood flow you know like what do you have you have a we have a laser like what what bless you but yeah it's like just giving you that's like how i talked in fourth grade because i read like a comic book right right you're an adult woman yeah yeah and i'm it's uh

i mean some of that shit i could i wish it were true, that you could have a bunch of different rocks. That it's like, this helps with creativity. This helps you be more grounded and stuff. Apparently, there's parts in your feet that are linked to your digestion or something, people say. Yeah, like your whole body. I've seen those things. And they're like, so if you massage parts, it'll make you not constipated. I'm like, there's a secret button in my body that'll make me poop, you idiot yeah we should take a look at your feet you must have like a callus where you're

supposed to be shitting oh man um yeah so no i didn't do it i really i was gonna get an aura photo and then she's like 35 dollars and then we speak with you for 15 minutes oh my god come on man come on i've never done a psychic reading uh i've done a couple i did uh i was like 18 and i was like uh i think it was right before i was graduating high school and i was like what's my future oh what'd they say uh i don't remember it was like a lot of like generalities of like you know it's uh sometimes you worry but sometimes you don't or like stuff like that you know there's gonna worry, but sometimes you don't. Or, like, stuff like that.

There's going to be good times, there's going to be bad times. Yeah, and you're like, oh, my God, she really knows. Yeah. She fucking knows, dude. I think it would be cool to be a psychic just to convince people that they're, like, gay or trans. Yeah, all of your, like, you have a stacked deck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's, like, a skeleton with, like like a female crown, but also holding a sword. It's like, wow.

Yeah. Yeah, you're trans, huh? I'm like, what? What? Oh, man. Terror cards, huh? I've done them. Terror cards.

That's what I do. Yeah. That's for terrorists. So, Cara, you pick 9-11, Hiroshima, and Pearl Harbor. Yeah, terror cards are what ISIS does to get their future. Oh, suicide bombing. That's exciting. Very exciting.

You pick the van. Speaking of terrorism and planes, I left my fucking retainers on one of the planes. Damn. Like a goddamn child. That's a bummer. Yeah, I felt pretty dumb. terrorism and planes um i left my fucking retainers on one of the planes god damn child that's a bummer yeah i felt i felt you have to get another one made yeah i'm going uh tomorrow to get out of pocket yeah oh luckily i have i have my old ones so i could like hold those in place but those i can't talk with those i'm just like hey guys what are you doing for thumberd out of high school it's like it seriously sounds just like that because, guys, what are you doing for Thumbnail at a high school?

It seriously sounds just like that because it's this huge plastic piece. That's awesome. Oh, man. So I checked the internet yesterday. Yes. And we talk about Comptown a lot on this podcast. It's another podcast, way more popular podcast. Yeah, great.

Rightfully so. It's called Comptown, So you can imagine they're fans And someone posted my video They did? Didn't I send you the picture? You sent me a screenshot But I didn't know that you were They posted your shit on there?

Yeah I thought you saw that No, no, no Okay, so this is great, dude We'll go through the comments It's really bad Oh, no I mean, it's not really bad It's really bad. Oh, no.

I mean, it's not really bad. It's like, I think a couple of them felt bad once they knew that I was on there because I commented back. See, I couldn't tell that that was you. Yeah, no, that's me. Yeah, I see now. That's you at the improv. So there's an inside joke on the Comptown podcast that Adam, one of the dudes, always steals bits. And he just made a remark about how all girls on tinder say they like adventures yes which is such a easy premise easy observation to make

and um one of the fans uh had seen me and adam on a show together in D.C. Uh-huh. And posted, and then went to find that joke, my Tinder joke. Wow. Posted that set on the subreddit. And that set's what, like over a year old, right? Two years old. Two, wow. And that person remembered? Damn.

Well, they, I know, I had done a set very recently, maybe within the year, they saw that a year ago. Oh, okay. But I've been doing that joke for five years. Yeah. Four, no, I know, I had done a set very recently, maybe within the year. They saw that a year ago. Oh, okay. But I've been doing that joke for five years. Yeah. No, three years. Gotcha. Three years.

Gotcha. And so they posted a video and like, oh, like here's proof that Adam stole another bit. And it's just my video from the improv. Uh-huh. So now people are like, man, this guy fucking sucks. Oh, yeah. So everyone's shitting on my comedy also apparently i stole a joke from louis according to them

what's the louis one uh and i think he did it on conan so it was like not really him doing stand-up but like yeah so couch bit i mean i'm kind of glad that happened because then I just before my album came out I just told it's literally less than 30 seconds. I was like, hey, just cut that out. Oh shit, how do I get to it? I'm sure that they were all very nice.

Oh, they were. Here, let's go through the highlights of the comments. Oh man, how do I fucking get there? Oh, they were. Yeah. So here, let's go through the highlights of the comments. Oh, man. How do I fucking get there? Oh, wait. I see it on your gram here. Oh, yeah. Oh, here we go.

Jews stealing from Arabs. What else is new? Honestly, that's not a very hot take. I think all of us have noticed that trend on Tinder. The parasitic Jew is clear on this one. Just parallel thinking. It's a lazy. It's just a lazy joke and then you see who commented it just says like umar's dad 60 yeah don't ever scold the crowd for not getting a joke too many comics do this shit now we shouldn't accept it fuck you i don't care fuck you these are people who don't

do comedy of one guy does he says oh well i guess that's why i just do open mic it's like yeah dude i get paid you know like go fuck yourself um uh uh somebody said oh this guy's yeah so comedy like this is why comedy is awful since most of us since most of it is like this jesus um oh someone said uh nothing screams funny like a guy in his 30s in a plaid shirt and hoodie oh my god wow so great huh wow yeah. Yeah. Pretty good, huh? Right? Feels great, huh? Wow.

Yeah. I had one video on Reddit, like our comedy or like our standup or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Every negative review, I was like, oh, geez. Or even like semi, it's like, it's okay, but whatever. You're like yo fuck you fucking know me uh i don't i think someone just sent me a dm has anyone ever told you to

dress like spider-man in his street clothes i'm just saying you look like a child yeah a teenager it's like all right god well you know that's what's fun about the internet. It's a very positive. They're very nice. Comptown fans are very nice. It's a positive place. My God. Someone sent that as a DM literally just now, I think.

What a mean thing to say. Yeah. Oh, my God. Comedy, the internet. I know. It's like, wow, man, you're really trying to do stand-up huh some people were nice because i like i did post i was like you know like i post i was not defending just like me like yeah i know i suck whatever oh so you responded yeah i was like adam didn't

steal the joke it's an easy lacy premise whatever and people like dude need to chill you're fine we just want to shit on adam and then like someone fine we just want to shit on adam and then like someone else we're here to shit on adam and you got caught the cross someone else broke it down they were like uh uh he said stop being queer they said uh bro you need to chill you don't suck and we only care when adam steals jokes it's called parallel thinking when other people do it i used to enjoy a finger in the ass taste change your set was fine don't queer it up blah blah blah and then just like people are telling me about comedy it's like do you do comedy right you know it's also people that are probably like 22 year 22 years old yeah you need

to chill bro yeah yeah yeah could you imagine just getting that shit every day every time you post something yeah i don't think i could handle it no and i didn't that shit hurts yeah and i didn't realize that there i mean it makes sense that there i don't fuck with reddit so i don't yeah look at it but see but just seeing the link you sent me yesterday of like people are like oh here's some fresh uh material while we wait for an episode so like people are like posting random shit that stav has up and you're like maybe you didn't want people to really like at least thousands of people to see it you know yeah and it's also weird how people like um they care about things more than the actual people that they're fans of right so like um stav i think mentioned how like uh how people will go to people like rich voss and jim norton and all that and they'll mention stuff that they have said on open anthony like 10 years ago and they're like why the fuck are you still

thinking about this like we don't even think and they're like their lives though and they're trying to like call them out on it and shit and they think like they care so much like hey remember when like uh nick topalo said this about you and they're like no and yeah who gives a fuck you said you would never wear a collared shirt but but then in September you had one on. So why don't you just sell out fucking pussy? Yeah. And it's just like, you know, they think they know like Stav and Nick, but they don't really know them.

And I think for the most part, the fans understand that it's like a gimmick. Well, yeah. I've heard Robert Kelly talk about, because he always talks always talks about his weight, and then, like, his friends will mess with him, and then, like, he'll see people at shows, and like, what's up, fatty? And he's like, hey, man. Yeah. That is a human being. Interesting thing that people do. Like, I get that a lot, and they're like, well, like, and I know a lot of people are just trying to joke, but there are some people in my life where the only interactions we have is them, like, shitting on me.

Yeah. And they think they're being funny there's it's just like there's a dude that i don't know there's a dude that we know that uh i didn't know that it happened to you but uh i think we went to go grab a beer one time or something like that and there's a dude that works somewhere that's like every time he sees you it's a terrorist thing and it's like this is this is not a good bit no maybe like just ran into that guy at the new sushi place he did the same he didn't do a terrorist joke he's like oh you're a comedian he's like he's like hey you're a comedian right and and he's like i don't like

your stuff and he just walks away it's just like okay yeah yeah where it's like you know it would be really great if i just shit on this guy he probably loves it and i guess people think because like you make fun of yourself or you make fun of other people on stage and like oh well you can't take it and it's like i don't know man i'm not like personally insulting anybody yeah you know i'm not like saying like oh look at uh look at uh denise's fat ass over here yeah or it's like like if somebody's like in a in a band you're not like look at me a blue guitar like i don't know i'm just here to get eggs oh my god this is the reason why comedy is bad and it's also like i don't think i'm a great comedian yeah you don't walk around being like that is the scariest thing right it's like that the like you are tom myers you know like you are

a guy who has no sense of black Mirror season five people. And finds out. I remember being scared when I was opening up for Nick. I was like, God, these Comptown fans are going to think I'm like some pussy liberal fucking hack. Right. And they were nice. I had great shows and like they even got uptight on a lot of my jokes. And yeah.

And that kind of felt cool. Yeah. I think a lot of Comptown fans probably most of them are cool i think they're just fucking around and like they felt bad right also i i would never go to a subreddit of a podcast i like and then comment on a random video like yeah people like you and i that are like pretty much in the middle on stuff we're not gonna be like oh look at this fucking loser dog yeah it's like what are you doing with your time who cares yeah even like with the nanette thing like i don't i'm not i my only criticism of is not the special it's like how it's being marketed as like the greatest

comedy special to ever exist and what she said in an interview which was you should quit comedy if your only goal is to be funny which is a stupid thing to say yeah it's uh that's what people go to comedy shows for yeah it's to laugh and then also like her take like comedy is trauma blah blah blah it's like or maybe time or whatever no or maybe people just i don't know wanna it's i don't know like your perspective on comedy is not everyone's yeah experience of comedy or how everyone does it it doesn't all come from trauma right some people just want to fuck around and make people laugh yeah and the uh to to be like uh i won't be self-deprecating any oh she just told a bunch of jokes about how she's fat and looks like a dude

that's how she opened the special but yeah she's not gonna do it and they're all jokes that like that every comic especially lesbian comic has sure yeah cameron esposito makes fun of her hair everybody everybody makes fun of how they look yeah like it's you're supposed to yeah you could break down anyone's stand-up act yeah and just make them seem like such a fucking hack yeah like a paintbite numbers but it's it makes sense, though. If you're in front of a crowd and you're like, all right, you guys are assessing me. This is how I look. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're doing stand-up and you go up there and you're like, listen, I know you guys are looking at me. And yeah, I am pretty fucking cool. That's not a good show. Right, yeah. I mean, that is my new act, though. I do go up and I say, yes, yeah, I know what you're thinking. I do bench 225. It's true, all right?

It's a rumor, but I'm going to get out in front of it. It's true. Nice. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know? I do. I just keep repeating that for 20 more minutes that I bench 225.

That's four plates, Umar. There's a couple of rape jokes in this feed. In that special? No, no, no, Mark. There's a couple of rape jokes in this feed. In that special? No, no, no. In the comment section of my video. I won't tolerate self-deprecating jokes. Why would that guy send me a fucking DM? Well, because, man, you're in the game, you know?

Yeah. This guy's got to give you his opinions, baby. Got to give you their opinions, you know? Oh, man. Jesus. Yeah, no, I haven't seen her special. Watch the second season of Glow, though. What's that?

The lady wrestling. I fell off that, too. Is it good? It's great. Yeah. It's really good. They do a Harvey Weinstein thing in the second season. It's pretty on the nose, but it's good.

It's very good. You get to see one of the actresses naked. Which one? Alison Brie gets naked in the first episode. Yeah, in the first season. She got real skinny for that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a nice way to start it.

Yeah, I remember Karen and I were like, oh, man, let's check out this show. Because I was like, oh, Marc Maron's on it. I want to check it out. And that's basically the opening scene. And I was i was like you know this might be a good show we should stick with this and really see where it goes that woman's uh tits which marvelous ms mazel in the first episode oh yeah that's right so hot yes she played like the hooker or something in the Kevin Spacey show. Oh, really? Yeah.

In the House of Cards? Yeah. Yeah, that was a show I fell off too. That was way too much. It got ridiculous. Yeah. It's like when President killed somebody and got away with it. Yeah.

He killed someone in public in a place where there's cameras everywhere. And he somehow got lucky that the angle didn't catch him pushing a chick into it get the fuck out right and uh yeah just being like so like soap opera dark where uh his wife whatever foundation she had she was like firing somebody and she's like well i'm i'm pregnant she's like well i don't care i hope that baby withers and dies inside you and you're like what am i she said that yeah oh my i forget the exact scene but it was like that i was like what are we doing yeah they made if they made it uh dc seemed very bleak yeah yeah yeah and then people in dc who work they're like it's not and then people because i think a lot of people watch like

oh this is what it's like yeah yeah it's exactly like how cutthroat yeah i'm sure it's not pretty but it's not like i'll fucking kill you you know yeah god damn um yeah that marvelous miss mazel show was uh yeah like we were saying i fell yeah fell off with that people now like the any tv show if it's not about a white dude. People go crazy about it, which is cool, but people talk about it so much, and then you watch and you're like, oh, this isn't good. Yeah. They just like that it's not a white dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what most of it has become. Right, and it's not really like a revolutionary show and how it's done. It's just like a basic sitcom, but with just different people in the roles. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's nothing crazy about it. Is it's just like a basic sitcom yeah exactly yeah there's nothing crazy

about it is it a true story though no because i i think it's pretty i mean maybe it might be based on based on something it's i think it's pretty fucking loose um but yeah it's cool that lenny bruce is there i had uh yeah lenny bruce's comedy like i listening to it now it's not funny but it's insane that he was getting arrested for basic stuff that everybody does. I mean, he's why people do comedy the way they do it. Yeah, but just can you imagine you just get arrested? Like, there's cops in the back, and you're like, all right, if you say fuck, we're taking you to jail.

Yeah, he made a joke about the Pope, and two cops arrested him. Yeah, he got arrested all the time. Oh, my God. My dad got me his autobiography a couple years ago for my birthday. And in the first chapter, he talks about touring and being in Baltimore. Yeah, Club Charles.

Yeah, and performing at Club Charles. It's so weird. I know, right? It's cool, though. I like that. But yeah, can you imagine? You're just like, yeah, so... Yeah, my fucking girlfriend,

they're like, all right, let's go. This is unheard of. You can't say that in the public sphere. Like, now it's like the worst stuff, you know? It's like, I put potato salad in your cunt. They're like, this guy rules. Well, I mean, even like Red Fox, he was insanely offensive on his albums. But his albums were like only just like only in the black

community you know well yeah until he got because he was popular in the black community for a while before he broke mainstream people call them party records so oh yeah yeah like sit around and listen to it that's such a weird concept to me but it's like like coming over like oh we're gonna watch the new chapelle special oh true you know it's like i got the records and i just like i'll sit around and stare at the record but it's funny because you know there are a lot of black comics that are like cat what yeah oh i know cat williams was like huge in the black community before any white mainstream people knew about him yeah his one special where he has like the sequin green thing that's like the theater is massive that he's yeah thousands of people and

he wasn't at like not mainstream at all that he's yeah thousands of people and he wasn't at like not mainstream at all but making an insane amount of money doing comedy yeah yeah so it's still kind of and it's like there's still the whole like watching that i was watching a cnn documentary on comedy yeah yeah it's all been the same you know like there's people who push boundaries and there's people who say you shouldn't talk this way in public or it's not this isn't comedy you know and so it's just like you know i think people who are freaking out on either side are stupid because it's all being recycled everything there's nothing new that happens no it's most of life is has happened before yeah yeah exactly or like the same uh tropes of of life and relationships.

Like usually the insights from a comedian or their take on it is very similar throughout the years. It's just not as like harsh, you know? Yeah, like, you know, like there's like we're railing against, I guess, like PC culture. And then people are saying there needs to be more decency in comedy. And that argument seems to have existed all the way dating back to the Lenny Bruce era. Yeah. Every generation's like, this is unbelievable.

Back in my day, that's all anything ever is, really. So, you know, that said, they're all fucking pussies. Yeah. They're all cunts. Yeah. Yeah, stop being cunts. Our bad boy comedy. Progressive bad boys of baltimore like what is progressive comedy now you know i guess because like what nanette did isn't brave

what hassan minaj does isn't brave people want to say it's brave right did we die no we're rolling we're all just checking the batteries you know like, Brave would be telling rape jokes right now. Mm-hmm. Yeah. The bravest thing you can do. There's nothing brave about going up in front of an NPR crowd. Yeah. NPR.

Dude, if you want to get NPR famous, you just have to do stories on non-white people. Yes. Like, poor black. If you do stories on poor black people or, like, Muslim immigrant right now now, oh my God, you'll be so popular. NPR crowd, they cannot get enough of that shit. Yeah, just white, some salt and pepper in the hair. You got your tote bags on the way to Whole Foods. You're like, oh wow, what an interesting story of overcoming the odds. Yeah, there's nothing brave about getting in front of an NPR crowd

and telling your immigrant struggle or your struggle with being a lesbian. I mean, I'm sure it's brave to be a survivor of abuse, and that's different. But, you know, base a special around being a minority in today's world is not brave yeah it's almost hack in the npr crowd it is kind of fetishizing it oh totally dude oh yeah so you were an immigrant and it's like basically just like beating off to it like oh we have no call we have no culture you're so cultured it's like oh my god look at how look at your hair it's wild oh yeah i yeah i don't know man maybe some people listening

to this too it's like way to go nice hot takes you cis male gender who gives a fuck i don't care fuck them yeah i don't care either but yeah that's the that's the the shitty thing and that i was talking about earlier where it's like the the groups that feel marginalized they're like shit on their way to overcome that is to shit on other groups of people yeah yeah yeah that's so weird to me that you can uh do the exact thing that you're railing against be like but no but i'm doing it because i'm oppressed so i need to even it out right the goal isn't equality the goal is is like hey we want our turn to shit on you now. Yeah.

You have to take it. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, is that the world you want to live in? Yeah. Like, the whole thing with, like, the Louis CKs and Aziz, I mean, I don't know. We can put them in the same category, because I think everyone is. But, like, you know, and, like, Chris Hardwick, like, like, and I mean, it seems like Chris Hardwick didn't even do anything at this point.

I think, yeah, I just think what, what, uh. Well, do you know his, three of his ex-girlfriends came out and said he was great. Yeah. Uh, he released those text messages. Yeah. Where he was basically like, yo, uh, you cheated on me. And then you're still talking to that guy after you cheated on him. And it was a very thoughtful, you know, and, uh.

Long text and then text after text. She saying for months for seven months can we get back together i want to get married shit like that so yeah i think and maybe he did was like shitty at a party but i don't feel like that's abuse to be like listen uh you just i'm gonna stay at the party you go home you know like that's just not a good relationship right that's but the the grossest thing about all this when like when someone gets i guess it's called me too now yeah he's like people it's over so happy to see people like fuck that guy i never liked him i never thought he was funny he seemed like a piece of shit and they're so happy they're so gleeful and seeing like someone's

life being ruined and it's also funny because for the most part these are very liberal people who believe who have these weird not weird where like uh you know we i i would say your average liberal believes that uh that instead of punishing criminals, it's more important to rehabilitate. Yeah. And that we should provide second chances for murderers and violent crime offenders. Right.

But Louis C.K. should never work again. There's no rehabilitation for him and for Chris Hardwick. It's just a weird thing. Why not these these people these are white dudes they're weird they're against the death penalty yeah but they're for killing your career yeah yeah because yeah it's it's scary and it's not to say that it's you can't um say that you believe these women but everybody's supposed to get their day in court like yeah i mean once an accusation cut that's some scary shit let's say a guy is even guilty and it's going back to like the npr npr gets npr people get such a hard on when they hear about stories like to harker brothers ice cream because they hire uh uh you know i'm picturing them

pitching that way it's like i'm terry gross this is fresh air but first the story you're gonna get a real hard yeah you know it's like any business that hires like uh past offenders and stuff oh gotcha and like people who went to jail and they can't get jobs elsewhere so now they get hired so they can have a job yeah resume yeah and like hey we i think that's awesome that's what society should do. You fuck up, you got to go to a place, get better, come back out, be a better productive citizen. But for these people, it's like, fuck them.

They should never have a career ever again. Ever, ever. These are two competing thoughts that liberals are seeming to have right now. Yeah, well, that's the problem with it too is that it's not uh i mean you know we're not the first this is not a hot take to be like uh i think most of them are full of shit yeah it's like they don't really want to uh educate a person like if they're more gleeful like if if uh somebody overheard talking, one of these people would be so excited to post on their Facebook about the toxic masculinity that they heard, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, why don't you try to talk to that person?

Maybe like a stranger is bad because I don't know if I would do that. But like a friend, right? Like say we had like somebody we were like kind of close with but not like hang out one-on-one. Like they would post something and be like, why don't you just pull me aside yeah not my job to educate i don't have a response but but you have a responsibility just to like ruin someone's life but you're also so excited to post something on facebook and get all the likes from people that agree with you and they're like yes queen go off yeah even when people do something like uh i have a friend and you know she's involved in like activism and stuff.

And she posted a couple statuses. She was like, once you went to go vote, I guess Marilyn Mosby was there. And she said, while others were asking for pictures, I asked why she wouldn't release blah, blah, blah, who's an innocent man. It's like, did you need to throw in while others were getting? You're just like, I'm the better person. Go fuck yourself. That's exactly what fuck yourself talking about yeah you just want a pat on the back like everyone else yep yep and yeah like the wheels are probably

turning like oh my god i'm gonna post this and get so many likes oh yeah i should make it public so people can share it too this is gonna go crazy like yeah that's all it is and if you actually mean well then great but you're not really walking the walk. I know. And then when those pussies on the comments like, can I share this? It's like, yes, you asshole. They post it on Facebook. It's a public forum. Fucking share it.

Who gives a fuck? If the share button's there, share it. Stop asking because now you want pats on the back like, I agree with your woke thinking. Look at me. Do I have permission to share? Oh, my god like did you see that video of that dude uh it was like they were at a pool and a black there was one black woman there yeah and uh they he asked for her id which is fucked up it's a fucked up thing to

single out a black woman i should not have done it yes probably is prejudiced a thousand percent that guy got fired from his job but what good does it come from being fired you know whereas like if we sat that guy down and we're like hey man this is why you can't say that yeah it makes people feel this way it's it you know it uh it is hard though because there has to be repercussions so i don't know what do you do suspend the guy then or you know what i mean not fire him but i don't know can you change it like i think you can i think you can reach people and tell them you know like this is why yeah what you did is hurtful and it's like systemic oppression and maybe he won't believe it who knows right but

yeah firing the guy now he's just gonna be like ah some black woman got me fired from my job and now he's on the you know and just gonna like other people who agree with him are gonna reach out to him and give him money and reinforce it yeah yeah i mean when you yeah when you get shit on like that it makes you want to dig in yeah yeah i mean i've had that shit with like liberal friends that are just like it's not not my job, but you want to fight. It's like, okay. Like what if you actually are like an activist when you like trying to make it better? Like it's not my job to educate.

Like I bet you wish you did now that Trump is president. You fucking idiot. You're like, it's my job to shit on. Okay. All right. It's my job to be better than you essentially yeah it's my job to get people fired but yeah i mean like the chris hardwick thing they fucking uh did he lose everything yeah do you lose his nbc show probably yeah i know uh he was supposed to do comic-Con, and he had an AMC show that was essentially...

That got canceled. Yeah, it was essentially just like talking with Chris Hardwick because he was doing like Talking Dead and all that shit. But yeah, it was basically like a live interview show and like done. Nerdist, he sold Nerdist years ago, but then they took him off of like all of their stuff online. Did you change the name of the podcast to Idiot or something?

ID 10T. Yeah. That is really dumb. Yeah. I stopped listening to the podcast anyway. But yeah, it just sucks that it's like you can believe somebody about what happened, but then to like overreact and like overcorrect so far that... Because if it was the other way around with like a woman or something,

like a guy's like, she did this, this, and this. Be this be like all right well you know let's let's hear the facts before but like they're just like well he probably deserved it yeah never liked him anyway he's not funny but it's also funny too because people and i think this is like a thing in baltimore especially yeah people say like oh well even if like it was wrong who cares he's a millionaire it's like okay who gives it he he still has feelings and he lost yeah like his rep like reputation mean a lot to most i would say almost everyone reputation means something yes and it's his is tarnished and it's like who cares if he's a white straight guy in the public sphere it's not like he was like a loner living in a log cabin they're like old man Hardwick's a real bastard.

He's like, I don't care. I live off the grid. This guy, he's in the public, so that's his life. Yeah. How people choose to hand out their sympathy is very interesting. Uh-huh. Well, yeah. If you're a rich white millionaire, it's like, well, fuck you anyway.

Yeah. Okay. That's a It's like, oh, okay. That's a pretty progressive thought. Yeah, sure. Who cares? Yeah, sure. Who cares? Oh, my God. It's going to be great when Trump is president again.

Yeah. Keep it going, baby. Dude, it's mind-blowing. How many people are going to fucking have to step down from his administration? Everybody. mind-blowing how many people are gonna fucking have to step down from his administration uh everybody um this uh finazzo sent me something of uh he was at a rally trump and i didn't want to believe that it was real but this is what he said on the fifth in montana he said i've broken more elton john records he seems to have a lot of records and i by the way i don't have the music musical instrument i don't have a guitar or an organ no organ elton has an organ lots of other

people helping now we've broken a lot of records we've broken virtually i don't get the elton john thing i don't either why is he talking about he's maybe elton john like shit on him on twitter or something okay but he's comparing elton john playing music and records he's like yeah he breaks records i broke a lot of records sue uh let me skip this let's see here uh and then he compares it to sports for basketball for hockey and all the sports they need a lot of room we don't need it we have people in that space so we break all these records really we do without like musical instruments this is the only musical instrument the mouth now hopefully the brain is attached to the mouth right what is what he's saying to a crowd of people this is the president then he goes the brain more important than the mouth is the

brain the brain is much more important dude you imagine if obama did that like what is he having a stroke i know god damn but people like it they love it you know just that off the cuff straight shooter yeah can have a beer well it's funny because like uh conservatives they like a present like oh i could have a beer with that guy yeah and then like like what's a liberal equivalent because like liberal we have like a stupid yeah you know um i could see myself probably going to farmer's market with this yeah i could see myself in a book club with that guy god i could see myself probably going to a farmer's market with this candidate. Yeah, I could see myself in a book club with that guy. God, I could see myself making, I don't know, two, three seconds of eye contact with that guy. Just nothing more than that, really.

I mean, you know, something. Maybe a cold brew here and there. I don't know. I could see myself going to a storytelling night with that guy. You know, me and Bernie would definitely have fun at the Moth. Yeah. I think we would have a lot of fun. I used to listen to the Moth.

I can't listen to it anymore. Yeah, I never did. I'm just like, ah, man, fuck these people. I just feel like they make up most of the story. Like, you can't remember that much in detail. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. From like 20 years ago. They lie.

Right, right. like yeah it was fifth grade and uh who was it i think it was steven spicoli and i were on our way to the water park it was warm that morning yeah you remember all that shit yeah yeah and the bar set so low for like what is funny in that setting oh god absolutely damn like the wait wait don't tell me crowds yeah god how do people listen to that shit? It's so unfunny Just like a really basic pun Oh my god, he made fun of Trump again

Go off, queen Oh shit Alright, well let's wrap up I think we've talked about how cool guys are Yeah This is an alt-right dudes podcast We're a white nationalist podcast now Let's wrap up. I think we've talked about how cool guys are. Yeah. You know? This is an alt-right dudes podcast. That's right.

We're a white nationalist podcast now. Yeah. I'm into it. Very into it. Yeah. Digression sessions. We're going to make the... Trump 2020.

Yeah. We're going to make the two S's in sessions look like SS. Nice. That'll look cool. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, you know, hopefully next week we'll have Jordan Peterson on to really break everything down. I love that. You think he would do it? No.

You think Joe Rogan pays people to do his podcast? I wonder because he makes a lot of money on that. Because Comptown pays people, I think. Yeah, they probably should. I know Ari Shaffir does. I don't think he gives them a lot. Like a hundred bucks. But that's fucking cool. Yeah. I mean, if you're making like six grand on your fucking uh podcast oh my god like all

those guys i think um like literally like every episode i think mark maron makes like six to ten thousand dollars a podcast or something like that for advertising unbelievable yeah unbelievable that he makes way less money than Joe Rogan. He might make, I don't know. He must make more. I read an article a while ago basically of all that stuff.

We should start, now that I got this Comptown fame, we should start a Patreon. Oh, I like that. Andrew, my buddy, was texting me. He's like,

you should start like a Patreon and then a podcast where you just shit on like Tom Myers and Adam the whole time. Yeah, I like that. That could be, uh,

yeah, we should do, uh, no, but that's a scary thing. Like to some of these people, I'm like the new Tom Myers, you know,

they're like, look at this fucking hack. Right. He's just trying to like cash in on Aziz. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's not even Actually brown Look at this guy in his 30s I was 27 When I was doing those jokes In that video Well yeah You can hear more about it On our Patreon For our new podcast

Jizzville Yeah And we'll talk about it then But yeah Let's wrap this shit up Oh let's do the plugs Let's do the Plug a plug a plug

Plug a plug a plug Plugs So yeah I had a show It was supposed to be on the 13th in uh dc at beer baron that got moved to august 3rd oh my god i'm on that show oh nice uh dominic show yeah nice cool oh did i tell you what he said about us no what do you say so dominic shows a black room oh okay and uh we knew you did that show together, right? And I think we were some of the favorites on the comment cards. Oh, awesome.

He was like, yeah, black crowds like you guys. I was like, oh, damn, that's so nice. I love them. They're the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The best. Yeah. Oh, awesome.

I like that. Fuck you, Comptown fans. All right, you white pieces of shit. White pieces of shit. White pieces of shit. Black people love me. Oh, my band has a show here in D.C. Here in D.C. Wow, guys.

Whoa. Oh, boy. Edit that out. We know what you're saying. Edit that out. Edit that out. I love Baltimore. Baltimore.

Josh just pretends like he lives in D.C. Yeah, yeah. Here, I'm in the nation's capital. I got a cool apartment in Shaw, dude. I live in Shaw. You guys ever fuck around in Shaw? No, you're going to be at Wind Up. Going to be at Wind Up Space with the band on the 17th.

Oh, that'll be fun. I'll be there. That's a Tuesday. Yeah, come out. I'm excited for that one. Yeah, and the EP coming out soon still. So, yeah, that's all I a plug right now yeah i have oh my god i need to keep a calendar all right 19 to the 21st i will be uh hosting for kurt metzger

oh right yeah goobies joke house josh will be uh at artscape on that saturday right yeah the 21st yeah i'm not trying to be there too we'll see um and i had a couple other shows i'm supposed to be opening up for i think i'm featuring for day dan saint germain at the auto bar and i don't know when that is but it's happening that'll be fun i don't know if anyone's going yeah i was supposed to be on that original show but then it got canceled he said that you can't do the new date oh that's right that's right yeah got canceled because he got a writing gig. But it's upstairs, which is interesting. Yeah, it'll be fine.

Yeah, it'll be fine. Any gig in Baltimore, I'm fine with. Oh, yeah, yeah. Doesn't even have to pay anymore. No, no. You're just like, who gives a fuck? Right. All right.

Well, I have to poop so bad. Yeah, me too, actually. Can I poop down here? Yeah, poop. I'm going to go upstairs. Nice. That's how you podcast. I've been holding in almost the whole podcast.

I was like, God damn. What a professional you are. What a professional. All right, speaking of professionals, David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. I'm going to go get some food. Oh yeah, oh yeah