The Digression Sessions - Ep. 264 - Josh Umar & Paul Hutson!

Episode Date: August 28, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with each other and their new adult friend, musician, and talented dude, Paul Hutson! for a group hang dig sesh.  Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti What is this? Hey, Omar's got his fly open What? Oh shit, I walked here I'm just walking down the aisle with a coffee in my hand feeling great Yeah, you had a great show last night He's like, you know what? I'm gonna walking down the aisle with a coffee in my hand feeling great. Yeah, you had a great show last night. He's like, you know what?

I'm going to let my nuts hang. Literally. Got to breathe. Yeah. So, hey, everybody. After a week of one-on-ones, you know, me, I had my pod with Stav. Yeah. Stav Rose-Halkius.

You had your pod with Abby. Yeah. Rose and Quist. And then this week, Abby just released her first podcast, and Stav was a guest. Whoa. Full circle. Right? Speaking of full circle, though, me and you, we're back, baby.

We are here. Oh, my God. You were on vacation. Out of the country. I was on vacation out of the country. Crazy. Technically still the country, though, right? Yeah.

It's a territory. I mean, if you ask the trump administration they're like nah they brown we don't care about puerto rico and then they got hit with a hurricane yeah still recovering i was in puerto rico it was great man i'd never been um did the right like it i mean it was a week it was crazy we did like old san juan yeah it's a beautiful city kind of a tourist trap okay but beautiful like if you go you have to see it just you don't need to like be there for more than you should have gone to young san juan and yeah yeah and then we did like a nice beach over there um we drove like we rented a car drove like three hours

we did this insane hike it was like this like isolated middle of nowhere hike off this beach called surfers beach it's called uh it's called like survivors hike or something like survival beach hike you will die because you go through these crazy woods and the whole time there's like crystal clear blue water yes insane rock formations next to you the most amazing views i've ever seen in my life yeah and then we get to this seat it's like a secret ish beach we were the only people there it was insane nice it was crazy dude it was awesome then we drove to our hotel in like the surfer beach it was awesome uh like this were there surfers there no it's off season

so it wasn't crowded at all we were like the only it was weird we get there and it was like scary at first because yeah i was wondering if it's like you know how iceland and greenland like they named them different to like yeah like the ward off like pirates and stuff like what if surfer beach just like a bunch of accountants we got you now you got to refinance your house like god well it was scary because we were driving there and we left old san juan and if i'm in a city i feel feel safe. I'm fine. But it felt like we went through all these windy roads. It's like a bunch of hotels, but they're not like hotels like you would think. They're just like tiny, like maybe four or five hotels.

Maybe like one story, but it's like a bunch of different little buildings and stuff. Yeah, like two stories, little... Like a complex. Exactly. They're little complexes. And at first you're like, oh my God, it felt so like, almost like, I don't know, like just a bunch of townie kind of bar-ish, that vibe. Uh-huh. Because we get to the check-in place and there's this drunk, like middle-aged white dude, like

a scary drunk. And he's like, oh, what are you guys, where are you from? We're like Baltimore. And he's like oh what are you guys what are you from we're like baltimore and he's like ah cool ah yeah i came here to serve there's no fucking waves and he's just like hammer and he's like he's trying to be nice but he's so scary everything's just off season he's like ah surfer beach sucked i went to suck dick beach nobody was there yeah and i was like where are you from he's like colorado i was like oh that must be nice like yeah i got 45 acres if you're looking to buy i'm selling my house i built and i was like yeah man i'm totally at the end of my rope here buddy yeah and i was

like and he's there alone and uh well yeah when you run from the law normally you don't have more people and he's the only other dude staying in the hotel oh and i was like fuck i was like dude this guy's gonna kill us yeah it was really scary or worse hang out with you all the time that i was scared of too so there's like two bars one bar is the hotel bar and uh i was like hey let's not go there because that guy's there yeah so he went to this other bar and this bar was amazing it sits right on the beach like it like it's fucking insane yeah it was the people were so cool one of the guys his like one of his best friends he grew up with is a comic in new york uh he did a conan set wow fucking crazy like like yeah it was unreal and then um it was just

it was awesome and then from there we went to this other place again like crystal clear like dude the we stayed in a huge condo like so when you come out of a front door it's like a balcony area the rainforest you're facing the rainforest you go through the house and then the back balcony faces this insane like the nicest beach i've ever been on yeah it was nuts awesome it was awesome yeah yeah you sent me a few pictures they looked looked, they looked pretty incredible. It was all. How was Mexico? The same.

Yeah. Exactly. Like, so we stayed in Cancun. And by the way, Karen's dad was sending us articles all the time. It was like head found in the middle of the square. Why would he do that?

He like kept sending us articles about people getting murdered. Was he kidding or was he scared? Scared. Wow. wow like but more so just like keep your wits about it and then literally two days ago we've been back from mexico for like two weeks now and he sent us an article from fox news that was like bag of bones found on beach and you're like can you stop oh my god probably like they're probably like other gang members that were dumped. That's what I'm thinking, too. Like, I'm, you know, I mean, it's... I doubt they killed a tourist. It's possible, but, yeah.

And also, you could just do that with any city. Like, there's, you know, if it's like, hey, I had lunch in Baltimore today. Yeah. Have you seen the articles on Baltimore? It's like, yeah, you just try to avoid the shitty parts of any city. Yeah. Well, we stayed... The last place we stayed was really nice. And it's, again, you just try to avoid the shitty parts of any city. Well, we stayed, the last place we stayed

was really nice and it's, again, off season, so not crowded, but it's like a big, it got really fucked up during the hurricane and it,

but in Puerto Rico, it's funny because like, you'll walk around and you'll like talk to a local and you're like, oh man,

yeah, I saw that, all that shit looked fucked up, man, the hurricane was crazy and they're like, oh no, that was I saw that. All that shit looked fucked up, man. The hurricane was crazy. And they're like, oh no, that was all like that before the hurricane. I'm like, oh, okay.

Hurricane made it better. Actually fixed my roof. We stayed. The last place we stayed, there was like a bunch of like bars and shit and they were cool. And we were walking back and it was only like 7 30 but it was really dark yeah there was a federal police uh a homeland security police officer station there and i was like that's weird this yeah this thing's fine and the next night we're walking back and it like it just feels so scary like yeah it's uh super dark just straight dude there's a fucking like stray cat we walked in the middle of the

street not moving and just has a huge gash out of its neck and we're like oh my god if that is a sign damn anything we are gonna die he's hitchhiking to surfer beach yeah he's like what's up man it was crazy he's selling you land he's like i don't 45 acres yeah it was oh man it was crazy yeah our uh yeah mexico was beautiful man so we uh yeah we were in cancun it was like 25 minutes from the airport and we paid a little extra just to have i think it ended up being like 30 or 20 or 30 bucks a person to have our own shuttle to and from the airport nice and uh yeah resort was so cool we walk in and there's a spread of there's like a buffet of stuff it's like they had like hot dogs and hamburgers but then they had like desserts and other like uh homemade salsa and chips and stuff and um it's it was like right

on the water on the lagoon side yeah so. So like basically then the other side was the ocean. Two pools, like a swim up bar in one of the pools. There's a slide on one of them. Jesus. Right on the water. And it was, dude, it was incredible. So the place is a timeshare place. So it was weird.

So it's, yeah. So technically we were using a timeshare so like oh you check in over here with the timeshare people not like the hotel and this woman is like oh like you know i thought she was just gonna be like welcome to the hotel this is how it works blah blah and uh she's like oh so you guys don't have a timeshare yourselves uh tomorrow we can do a presentation on a timeshare and if you do that then we can get you one free all-inclusive day we'll just start out in the morning then we'll walk around for a little bit you say yes no good fuck that noise like so and then all-inclusive

uh was a hundred dollars a day but that covered you everywhere so they had a buffet you could also get like unlimited room service they also had like a restaurant that was a little more upscale that's included and there were three other sister resorts that if you paid for all inclusive at any of them it was good for all of them oh my god so one day we went over to the ocean side same thing like right on the beach you have a server you're in a bungalow looking at like these huge like crystal clear blue like massive wave not like massive but it's sort of like ocean city but pretty you know what i mean like yeah like five to six foot waves yeah and then like the same thing a pool that has like a built-in like sitting area and it's so nice to be at a beach and there's like no white trash yeah

yeah it's like it's like oh yeah this is what most of the world is like. Yeah, you spread out a little bit. But the woman was so pushy. Like, she was just like pushy, but in like that salesman kind of way where it wasn't overt, but it was clear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, we were all just like kind of looking at each other like, no, we're good.

Yeah. And then she was like, okay, so you're going to think about it. You can think about it. And then I'll follow up. You guys like, no you guys like no no we thought about it jesus but the amount of people that did it oh my god because that would burn a whole day because once they dollars one vacation and once they have you they're not letting you go so the next morning at the buffet uh we're eating breakfast and just all these people we saw them like couples like miserable couples sitting with somebody that has like an ipad that's like so if you come over here like nah dude jesus not having it i guess it works

they keep doing it yeah because i think people are okay one day i'm like yo i'd rather have my freedom this sucks that's that's terrible the night manager there ended up being really cool he uh speaking of like you know getting murdered i was like this guy gotta kill it like he came over uh on the first day he was like hey what's up guys uh he's like what's up you know my name is so and so and like just want to make sure you guys have a good time i'm gonna take care of you guys whatever you get you know i don't want to make sure that you know you're taking advantage of i don't want you getting like you know somebody giving you like foot powder or something when you really want the real thing i'm like no we don't

want cocaine we're good right and uh john so we went so me karen and then her friend lauren and her husband john went and john was like so where's like spots like like the locals go or like it's like oh man we got all the good spots we got spots like hard rock uh senior frogs and we're like nah i don't think people go to cancun for the most part i don't think they're like the most adventurous travelers yeah and there is stuff but i think yeah i think he just saw mexico he just saw us as like he's like i don't know like most people like like this yeah and then he was like i'll get you some weed and i was like well that's funny because when we were flying in karen saw like when we were landing into puerto rico that a hard rock they have a hard rock there by the airport and she's

like why the fuck is that still a thing yeah it's weird yeah there's a big one in cancun yeah and i didn't learn i learned from the bruce willis rose he started planning the planet hollywood's yeah that's so stupid well yeah like him arnold schwarzenegger like i mean they were big for a minute oh really yeah i think so like in the early to like lady like early 90s late 80s anyway the dude was uh yeah he was so it was like walking that line of like like when you're watching like a horror movie like is this person good or are they you know so he was like he's like yeah i can get you you know like uh all right okay it's like okay and i'm just like is he all right this is weird like i don't you know buying drugs in a foreign country yeah i would feel weird about

doing that in mexico so so it was funny so then that night we're at dinner and our server comes over and he's like, hey, our machine's not working. We can't take your card. So it just has to be cash. And I'm like, ah, it seems sketchy. This dude's just going to like pocket the cash or whatever. And Lauren had a couple to drink. And we all had.

But she was like, well, no. Is anybody else's table messing up? Is it just we all had but she was like well no is anybody else's table messing up is it just all is it just our table because she was like fuck that like i'm not going to be taken advantage of yeah and john's like hey hey you chill but she was right so i was like yeah no she's right so what happened so he went over he's like well let me talk to my manager and then like we saw a dude sitting by himself like pick up a walkie talkie and he goes over and talks to that guy i'm like oh this is a weird vibe i don't know like just seem weird but then he's like oh we got it figured out and like so that was like the first night it was like this seems a little weird yeah and lauren's like i just don't fucking like i don't like being taken

advantage of and then the night manager comes over and he's like, you guys want me to get you that? She's like, yeah, here's 20 bucks. I'm like, Lauren, you're just like, man, fuck this. Nobody's taking advantage of me. Oh, yeah, here's my money. Did you get stuff? So and then like I was busting her balls about. She's like, oh, my God, you're so right. Like, it was just funny. Yeah, I don't trust anybody.

Here you go, stranger. Yeah. And she's like, I don't care, man. She's like 20 bucks. Like if it happens great if it doesn't who cares 20 bucks so the uh the next night we go to the restaurant and uh he's in there and uh he comes over to the table we're like hey what's up man and uh he's like hey how you guys doing like how are you man he's like oh man crazy party last night and just like really smoothly

drops a baggie in like a nice napkin that was on the table, like a cloth napkin that was in like a little like cylinder shape and just drops it right in there. That's amazing. And we're like, dope, look at you. All right, you might just be a good guy. And then so later that night. That guy's murdered like four people. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what he means by crazy party he's like i was covered in blood so later that night we're at the room and we get room service and uh and he brings actually so we order room service and then the phone rings and karen answers it and she like has this like weird look on her face. And then she comes back. We're all out on the balcony. And she comes out. She's like, it's Renato on the phone. That's his name.

And I was like, oh, that is weird. Because again, it's like you're walking that edge like good guy slash creepy guy. Like it could be either. Yeah. So John gets on the phone. He's like, all right. Okay. All right.

And then he's like, dude, he just said like, if you guys get room service, call down, but ask for me and I'll hook you guys up. I'll take care of you. And we're like, oh, okay. And then again, walk in that line. He's like, I'll take care. What's in it for him? Does he want the tips? Yeah.

So the money would just go directly to him. Dude, good for him. I know. So then he then like a half hour later, he hustles up. He has like more beer than we had ordered and like food and you could tell he's like sweating just working hard and uh at that point uh lauren was passed out and uh renato was like hey man you guys uh you guys get that shit and they're like yeah yeah he's like where's your friend

he's talking about lauren i was like oh she's asleep he's like it's good shit right and we're like that's dope and that's that was like the turning point it's like oh you're the man that's awesome so like from then on like uh he was really cool like the pool was supposed to close at nine and he's like no no we'll just leave it open a little bit you guys want beer i'll get you a beer i'm gonna get you a pitcher damn yeah it was what a cool dude yeah before we figured it out with renato though we had uh we ordered beer from room service but you could only get it in a glass so we're like i guess we'll just get six glasses of beer and we ordered pizza and the pizza was terrible yeah it was like a pita bread with like this shitty cheese and then they had ketchup on

the side like didn't understand how pizza works so like i don't know you would think like an american be like this isn't it dude yeah yeah it's like uh yeah the food was a bummer in puerto rico it's just normal like the food was really good at the resort beyond the pizza everything was really good oh well i mean food was good it just is everything you get here there's no like like there is puerto rican food but it's not that great yeah um we tried it and it was like eh mexico had some of the best chicken i've ever had oh really that's awesome um we did uh we uh went to like some market like that was kind of touristy with like you know it's sort of like when you go to ocean city and like every t-shirt shop has like the same like five t-shirts it was kind of like that um and everybody was so aggressive like my friend come on you want

to buy my friend my friend one dude was like oh hey you dropped something in my store and i'm like i was like i respect it but no um but there was a spot like kind of off to the corner this chicken spot we got two pieces of chicken they had a grill just outside it smelled so good two pieces of chicken rice and beans for 30 pesos which was two dollars jeez i know dude like and that was another thing like food it depends where you were but like for the most part food wasn't that much cheaper but there was like these cool like hole in the wall like bakery cafes and they would have the dopest breakfast sandwiches for $2, ham, egg, cheese on like homemade bread.

Yeah. God damn. God, we ate them every day, and they're so fucking big. You save them for lunch. It was amazing. One day I tried to order in Spanish, and it was a nightmare. I was like, Karen is laughing so hard because it's just like the longest pauses i was like um uh yeah uh i'll take like i started that way and i'm like uh uno

ham on uh me con queso e don dea star i think i said con cheese and like karen just like lost her shit it was great dude yeah oh my god in cuba i always joke about it with scott but uh when we were in cuba me mike and scott we're trying to get a cab to take us to fuck who lived down there some author i'm blanking on his name it's not walt whitman i forget whatever author we're trying to go to his house and scott was trying to like explain it to the cab driver who spoke no english and of course scott doesn't speak spanish oh my god so it ended up just being english but with like the spanish accent so he's like we want to go to he's like no it helps it helps oh my god that's so funny it eventually worked though and speaking

uh homeland security he had a t-shirt on that said like department of homeland security but it looked like like one of those like ufc like um uh those like uh fuck what are they called those shirts that are like uh it's not mayhem, but you know what I mean? Yeah, like Ed Hardy-ish. Yeah, like that. But it was like Department of Homeland Security. That's so dumb. Man.

Oh, we went on, we did like a boat thing. I think that's someone at the door. Is the door open? I think so. All right, let's see. Let's text them. All right, now we're going to text them. We're going to text them.

Keep it going. We went, oh, well, we did this boat and they, you know, they take you out. Free drinks on the boat. Free food. It's like $70. Everything's included. Oh, yeah. You go for a day.

Yeah. We did that, too. We did that on a catamaran. Have you been snorkeling before? Yeah. God, I've never done it. It is the coolest thing I've ever done. It works without your glasses, too.

Yeah. Karen was worried it wouldn't, but I'm not that blind. Dude, tropical fish everywhere. We saw these huge lobsters. And Karen and I were probably the strongest swimmers. Most people seem pretty timid. And then there was a fucking bachelorette party on the boat, dude. It was a nightmare.

It was just eight to nine girls who were like they were having fun but they were obnoxious and like when the captain was trying to give directions like they kept talking and he was just and like uh and so and he's like all right who wants drinks and the girl's like shots let's do shots he's like oh my god at 10 a.m he's like it's gonna be one of those days and uh and i went on term i was like yeah man it's it's nice to know that like comics aren't the only ones who hate bachelor parties and we bonded over that because he was just roasting them all day they just sucked they were i mean they were fine they were just like annoying they were the stereotypical like yeah exactly like just terrible which made me think like girls make fun

of guys like we are less mature than women until like than women until you get in your early 20s. I don't know. I feel like I'd much rather be around early 20s dudes than women. Because, God, they were so annoying. And they just spent the whole time taking pictures. I was like, there's a coral reef over there. And fish and lobsters that are the size of half your fucking body. They're already Planning their caption.

Yeah. So take, give me, get a pic of me doing this and I'm going to write on TBT. I'm going to write, take me back. And then I heard, uh,

and this is why guys should never like or comment on any like hot girls. Pictures of them. Are you sure it works all the time? Of them like half naked. You're beautiful. I love you. Cause like, yeah,

like you could see like half their tits and all their bathing suits. It was crazy. Yeah. And, uh, I heard them like, like you could see like half their tits and all their bathing suits it was crazy yeah and uh i heard them like like ew did you see who liked that picture and commented you guys are so cute and i was just like well that's so shitty like why who gives a fuck also that's why you're doing yeah and also that's like the crazy part like uh i've been trying not to use social media i've been pretty good about like only doing comedy stuff yeah and then when you step away from it you notice like dude the whole time in any beach we're on it's just a non-stop photo shoot everyone is taking pictures of their significant other it's like for the whole time they're on the beach it was crazy yeah it's all

curated yeah it's so nuts yeah i think it's it's cool to get some pictures but not sure like okay all right now get me like okay looking this way and then like yeah like basically a full photo we saw that a mom shut that shit down like a mom was like there's like a girl like i don't know maybe like late teens but like not old enough to be by herself but like old enough to be like oh i'm over a family vacation and she was like taking pictures with her butt out her mom's like no we're not doing i couldn't hear it but you could see the motions like the arm of like no like yeah that's great dude chat jeez god oh we uh yeah we did that too we did a catamaran it was 65 bucks yeah you're gone from 10 a.m to 4 p.m get to go snorkeling food and drink is included and uh speaking of shots so this uh this dude on

the boat his name was johnny younger dude and uh he um he was uh in charge of like serving the drinks and so we're sitting there and yeah it's fucking beautiful like you're saying it's like crystal clear water uh they have music playing it's just yeah it's fucking great it's it's unreal yeah so he's like anything so cool so he's like shots tequila tequila we're like okay why not yeah sure uh four he's like what about me we're like okay he's like so five we're like sinker and it's like i don't know 10 30 11 in the morning oh yeah whatever yeah dude we were drinking every day all day yeah that's great yeah so we're on the boat doing our thing and then uh we go snorkeling and then uh do

a couple more shots and have a beer and then we stop at an island where yeah we're gonna eat yeah and it's like a beautiful like buffet yeah it's really good and then you get to hang out in the water for a little bit and we went to another island where we got to walk around and uh we get on the boat and the dude johnny's walking around again and he's like shots we're like uh sure he's like me like okay and then we're like johnny how many shots have you had he's like me 11 and then he did another one with like another group of people yeah and then he was uh in charge of uh parasailing too like he was like holding the. And he's just like blasted. That's hilarious. That's his job.

God damn. That's his job. Yeah. You know, it's also funny, like even though like it was so great, I was sitting on the boat and this is like when news broke that a lot of our friends got to do this like cool thing. What thing?

The Epix thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The TV show. And it was cool, but like a producer reached or somebody reached out to me so i submitted to for something for epics i don't know i don't know if it's this but i was just like man that's so cool i wish i got that like i said out loud and karen's like are you fucking serious is that what you're thinking of right now like we're on a boat in the middle of nowhere in crystal clear water just like drinking and she was like why are you thinking literally

this is why comics are miserable in paradise yeah I think that's just a human brain though yeah it gets the rocket fuel of the comedy like yeah behind it but everybody it's the same way it's like God why don't I get that yeah can I get another my time

just literally like in a perfect spot on the planet. Nothing is better than last night, buddy. Oh, yeah. We got to get into that. Is Paul at the door? No, that was actually just an Amazon thing. Oh, okay.

I said, leave that shit there. Damn. Leave that shit there. But yeah, I was actually waiting. I was hoping that Paul would would sync up with the timing. But no. Do you want to do yours, the show? Oh, did you ever find out about the Dig Sash fans?

Oh, no. I had to leave last night. Yeah. So I did Speechless last night. And there were two people in the audience for Speechless that were there from the podcast. And I was like, oh, shit. That's crazy. But how did they hear about Ben's podcast?

So I think they just stayed because I was like, because at the end of Speechless, I was like, hey, there's a free live podcast if you guys want to hang out. And then only like not a lot of people stayed and they were like right up front. That's a bummer. And so, of course, they were talking to them like, how'd you hear of it? And they're like, oh, we actually listen to Josh's podcast. And I was like, what's up? Unless you're like really famous, like a live podcast really is a good way to remind yourself that not that many people listen to your podcast.

Yeah. I mean, I know we want to do one and I think it'll be okay. But I mean, that's how you kind of have to do it. you have to keep it that's the first one he's done yeah and it's fine it's also it's a big market and there's a ton of shows like last night last night 9 30 where i was stav was in town dc improv there's always uh big hunt end of summer right before memorial day weekend so uh you know he had a lot of competition yeah yeah exactly and it's the end of summer right before Memorial Day weekend. Yeah, so he had a lot of competition. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's not in the coolest part of DC.

It's like a business park. Right, right, right. But the next one's cool. Yeah, man. I think we're on it maybe. Yes, yeah, we are. So yeah, so Speechless is the fourth Thursday of every month at the DC Draft House at 7 o'clock. Come out to that.

And then, yeah, Ross's podcast, Ross Benoit, his podcast, Smiley Frown, is going to be doing live podcasts right after our show every month. Nice. So I think the guests do like 10-minute sets, and then they do like a group panel podcast. Oh, so we do a set and then the pod. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

Yeah. At least that's how I did it last night. So stand up. Yeah, exactly. It's a hard trend. It's a hard thing to mix up like, yeah,

especially if you don't feel like you had a great set and then you have to sit up there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So,

all right, we'll, we'll get into it. We'll recap it for when Paul gets here. Okay. But, um, so, so yeah, last time Paul was on the podcast,

you had done The Crown here in Baltimore. Didn't have the best set. Yeah. Upset with yourself. For a long time. Hating your life. Yeah. It was crazy.

Yeah. And then. And then on Wednesday, I get a text from Brandy Posey, who's an LA comic, and we've worked together. She's like, hey, are you free tomorrow? Do you want to host for me and Kyle Kinane at the 930 Club? I was just like literally jumping up and down. Yeah. Holy shit.

And then I'm like so excited. I get a text yesterday. The show was yesterday. It was like early afternoon. She she's like there's only 12 tickets left this show is gonna sell out i was like oh my god this is crazy 9 30 club one of the best venues in the country yeah historic like it's like there's so much you know legacy and history and like the biggest bands in the world have performed there or like bands that we love and yeah and we grew up going there to see bands that we like and yeah and we grew up going there to see bands and we

like uh yeah and i remember like three years ago i saw pete holmes at a sold out show at the 930 club that's right and i was like god i would fucking love to like fucking do a show like that but i was gonna be like god i would wish to wish i could leave yeah yeah i used to be a really big fan and now i'm just like what the fuck i was I thinking? I remember you saying it was a good show. It was really good, but yeah. I haven't seen his stand-up in a while. It did not translate to his special. Yeah, I'm just fucking around.

Oh, I don't give a shit. I just think it's bad. No one cares. What if Pete's listening? Yeah. He's like, oh. So it was cool because I've done the Kennedy Center, which is another cool, but that show was like whatever.

It was six o'clock. It was mostly old people with memberships. They sucked. Yeah. I did the six and I with. Now I'm picturing old people listening. Yeah. And take out their ear pods.

Like, oh, we liked you. I really enjoyed the podcast. Yeah. And then I did the six and I, which is also like awesome, but it was for Hasan Minhaj and he's not like, you know calm his fans aren't like comedy fans they're like fans of him walking on eggshells and it was still fun but then like 9 30 club it was like straight up god i got there so early because i thought the show was earlier than it was starting they even push it a little more traffic and whatnot too yeah yeah so i get there at seven

the show's supposed to be like eight eight and then they're like oh we're gonna do it at 8 20 and then like oh we're gonna do it at 8 30 and i'm like okay okay and then so i'm just hanging out dude i get my there's a huge line wrapping around the venue get to cut in front of the whole line like a fucking g yeah you're like i'm gonna perform for all these people uh i get a backstage pass or, like, whatever, like a talent pass. Yeah. And so cool. I get my own green room, dude, fucking with, like, a person who waits on you, snacks, drinks.

So the cool part about the 930 Club, too, is that you get cupcakes. Yeah. All performers get, like, a 930 Club specific cupcake where the icing says 930 on it. There were tons all over backstage. And yeah, so that like it was crazy. And it's just, dude, it was so emotional. Like I was getting teary eyed. Really?

Yeah. Because it's just like this insane venue. You're sitting. People that don't know. They're just like, man, he really likes this insane venue you're sitting people that don't know they're just like man he really likes this cupcake you're sitting well you're sitting in your green room and the show is right there like if i walk if i come out of my green room make a right and go like 10 feet yeah open the curtain that's where the top balcony people are seating yeah sitting and uh you just hear like 800 people filing in waiting for a show to

start that you're on like yeah that's insane you know totally that is like un-fucking-real so exciting because yeah you can feel the energy oh my god dude it's it's fucking nuts like yeah dude i used to work with in baltimore was sitting front row i like i ran into him before the show yeah it was so cool i met his friends and like yeah uh it was just great and then so uh they're running late brandy gets there like whatever like dude and kyle is the nicest like just so fucking hey omar yeah you want a cupcake he's so funny too because he's like genuinely like thanking me for doing the show and i was like are you fucking retarded dude yeah i am fucking yeah like i would do this for free like are you crazy like that's i would say that after i got paid oh i still haven't gotten paid yet he's like i take out your word umar

but uh yeah he was like thank you so much like for doing this last minute and i was like dude i would be doing like a fucking shitty open mic right now yeah yeah dc yeah doing like five minutes yeah like ah that sucked and uh and dude i was like how much time do you want he's like ah whatever did 15 minutes perfect crush like i got like five applause what's your uh what was your opening line oh they had two stools on stage for some reason and i was like guys we got two stools on stage most comics they pretend to i was like because most comics want one that you know but kyle's like give me two i'm gonna pretend to fuck two stools nice and i did okay and it was whatever but yeah it's a little inside baseball

it's really inside it's pretty funny though and uh like just annihilated what do you open with uh i like my school psych joke about about the kid who smokes weed or whatever. And then, oh, my God, dude. One joke, I got like three applause breaks. Yeah. My Baltimore Cheesecake Factory joke. It was cool because it wasn't like, I was like, is this clapper comedy?

But they would laugh or go like, oh, and then clap. So it felt good. good oh it was unbelievable it wasn't just like yeah you're like you know what donald trump said he's stupid yeah i got applause breaks off of like crowd work uh another joke that it was fucking i it was insane were you nervous to go out were you excited i was just like so i really wasn't nervous i was just because it was like there's no way this cannot go well right if you're right decent at comedy you would i mean like that audience made me funnier than i am you know yeah like they were so sold out shows are easier so big shows are so easy yeah like if that room was like half full that

would be really fucking hard it made me think like if that room was like half full that would be really fucking hard it made me think like promoters should be like send me a video of like an audience of 20 to 30 people yeah because even 800 people chuckling sounds loud as fuck totally you know what i mean so and that room is geared for sound yes like the acoustics are supposed to be reverberating yeah and that's a cool thing like Even though it's a big venue, it's not super high ceilings like a theater. Yeah. And people are sitting right... The top tier is not too far away from the ceiling.

Yeah. It's like... I don't know. And you could basically almost touch those people if you wanted to. They're right there at the railing. It was fucking cool, man. Yeah. Brandy crushed.

Kyle goes on stage this motherfucker is crush i mean though for he's crushing for an hour yeah and then he starts this one joke and brandy's like oh all right he's starting his 20 minute closer i was like oh my god yeah his closer unreal just every fucking line is a huge pop right ends the show he's so nice like he's just like dude he talks to you like you're a fucking just a like a like an equal it's yeah yeah nuts right right he's like yeah let's hang out uh and i was like i'm gonna go get my dick sucked outside like just like with the audience and stuff and um so we go up and like yeah i was like oh he was like how long did i do i was like i feel like you did like i think you did like almost an hour and a

half he's like oh my god i'm sorry and i was like that was great and i was like i might have went over i'm sorry he's like no who gives a shit he's like you you just got a crush and that's what you did nice the best part about that night i he stayed and watched my whole set and i could hear him dying oh yeah right on the side of the stage yeah it was fucking awesome yeah like that kind of just like yeah those chuckles on the side it was so cool because even knowing that that like that the audience is laughing feels great yeah then that's that extra shit that you hear off to the side you're like oh yeah this is fun and then fun fact the house manager yeah super dude. He's the one that I met. And he's like, where'd you come in from?

I was like, Baltimore. He's like, oh, I live in Baltimore. And I was like, oh, cool. I was like, where do you live? Fells Point and blah, blah. And he's like, I play music. He's the lead singer of Dingleberry Dynasty. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That guy's cool. Yeah. And I was like, dude, I saw you in middle school opening up for Kyle's band, Trainwreck. And he remembered the show. And then he was like, oh, my God. Kyle Gass' band. Yeah remembered the show and and then he was like oh my god kyle gas's band yeah yeah and he was like oh my god did you see did you say middle school i was like yeah i'm young yeah he's like oh fuck i mean he's not old he's like 40 something but still he's like yeah i'm gonna kill myself oh great yeah so nice dude 9 30 club they

are incredibly attentive. Like, they have the house manager. They have, like, the sound guy come and talk to you. And then they have one guy just for hospitality. Nice. That's so smart. Yeah. And there's, like...

Because normally, then, it's, like, a server. It's like, are you guys good? Are you gonna... Yeah. Paul's in the house. Yo, this motherfucker. Hey. Mickey D's.

Thank you, buddy. So, yeah, Paul was like, hey, man, I'm in the rotunda. Do you know any spots to get food? I was like, yo, Mom's has some pretty good stuff. It's veggie. It's good for you. He's like, cool, I'll get it. He rolls in with a bag of McDonald's.

All right, hold on. What's up? Let's pause to get your mic on there. Oh, cool. Probiotics for IBS people. Oh, so you got that extra strength probiotic. They're fucking great. They work.

Nice. I haven't had any problems. Good. Yeah, because for the last two months, man, I got fucked up. I couldn't eat. It would hurt because I took antibiotics and it messes up. You know how it can mess up your gut? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It fucked me up. I couldn't eat anything spicy at all. If I did, my stomach would immediately hurt. I would have diarrhea just like peeing out my butt. And this went on for two months. And I was like, oh my God, I have cancer. It was crazy. Man, if I don't take a good poop, I'm really bummed out.

Yeah, man. I'm just like, I got to make better choices. Yeah. What's up, Paul? Yeah, what's up, man? Yeah. Staying alive, pooping. Nice.

Yeah. Cool. You're Mickey D, so yeah staying alive pooping yeah cool my man mickey d so i'm so you better be pooping yeah we literally just recapped the story at 9 30 oh great good yeah fill her up again let's go for the listener at home you want to hear it twice yeah no oh this is great it was awesome he crushed it the set of my life so far which is dramatic but i don't think i've crushed it. I would say the set of my life so far. Which is dramatic, but I don't think I've crushed. It was probably the second biggest show I've ever done. But the coolest room, the coolest audience.

Just to be playing 930 Club is a huge feather in the cap. Crazy. Unreal. But you know what's funny? It's like starting to fade, that good feeling. Oh, really? Didn't even make it 24 hours. I know. but you know what's funny uh it's like starting to fade the that good feeling oh really and somebody didn't even make it 24 hours already like my friend she pointed out it's like isn't that unreal you complained about that one semi bomb you had at a show for 20 people for like

weeks yeah and you have like the best show you've ever done and it's like already fake yeah yeah well that's why it's so fun to have paul here because that was the last podcast we all did together it's like man i fucking did the crown it was good but it wasn't great and like fucking bombed in front of people that i didn't want to bomb in front of and now you're like yeah it was good what's next now like it must have not been that bad though because i forgot to tell you but i've had two separate friends come up to me completely different people come up to me and say that they saw you that oh and they're like yeah he seemed really bummed out about it he kept talking about how he's like bombing but like yeah he's doing all right yeah i think one of those dudes i ended up at a surprise birthday party for one of my friends he was there yeah yeah yeah yeah which i creepily

drove past oh that's another i've been stalking you by the way i was driving with my girlfriend back from um getting groceries and we went past whatever that beer bar is yeah bluebird bluebird oh yeah that's right i was in the german beer hall anyway um i drove by and i saw your drummer out there miles miles yeah and then i'm like looking through my rear view mirror because like i was driving by and i was like oh it looks like umar and then like turned around i was like that's not umar it was yeah uh it was a surprise party for our buddy mike nice and uh so his girlfriend texted all of us he was like go to bluebird at eight and we're like okay so me and

karen walked there from my house yeah and uh we're fucking walking down the avenue, and they're eating at the pasta bar right across the street from Bluebird outside. So Mike sees me. He's like, hey, Umar. And so I have to walk over to him, and I'm like, what's up, man? And I have to pretend like, you know. He's like, fuck you, Mike. I got to go for an unrelated reason. Happy birthday.

We're shooting the shit. And like, okay. He's like, so where are you guys headed to? He's like, we're going to Golden West. So then, because you can see from where they're sitting, you can see the entrance to the bar that we were supposed to surprise him at. They could watch you walk in. So then we have to walk all the way around, go down your alley,

and then like sneakily try to like run into the bar. And we get in there. I don't think he saw us. And then Miles was like, oh, dude, I think he already knows because his girlfriend accidentally sent him a text that was for me. And I was like, oh, God damn it. Wow. They should tell people that.

Yeah. Yeah. Should have put that out there. Which is funny. The surprise parties because I turned 30. Yeah, that's right. Happy birthday, buddy. Thank you.

On the 21st. Yeah. And so Karen, my girlfriend, took me out to dinner. And we're eating. And this weird Mexican place. It's like authentic Mexican, but it's literally downtown, right off Baltimore. It's on South Street, right off Baltimore. So right near.

It's just not a good location. South of the border street? Yeah. Thank you. All right. Thank you. And you can just near it's just not a good location south of the border street thank you and like it's gonna you can just tell it's gonna close but they've only been open for three weeks yeah no liquor license yet which is not a good sign open yeah and then so they're very pumped it's like they're like yeah we make food from this small town in from mexico where we're from we use and this but the waiter is really nice mexican dude

but like would not shut the fuck up like you know like we make everything fresh my brother blah blah blah blah and you just keep going on and on like you know like you know we try to keep it healthy because we know that people want to be healthy these days and like he does that for like literally talks to us for like four minutes meanwhile you're like just give me my fucking enchiladas yeah but he's like you know so if you could tell your friends i don't have to kill myself and close this place he came back and he does that he's like oh so you know like and we're like family so you know we don't have a liquor license yet and unfortunately like uh we don't have enough money so we don't make our own tortillas i'm like how the fuck do you not it's not that hard to make tortillas and you're authentic mexican you don't make your i was like bro have

you been to claveld they're crushing it yeah yeah yeah he's like we use uh chi chi's uh tortillas but it's like one of those like restaurants that's like old school fine dining where like people like our age is like it's just like kind of like hacked it's a little weird yeah yeah and so they have like these weird 90s couches they try to make a lounge in the middle of the restaurant he's like you know know, we're family. Once we get our liquor license, come for happy hours. You can sit and hang on our couches, watch TV, whatever you want. I was like, I have a living room, dude.

Yeah, he's like, do the stuff you would do at home, but here and pay for it. And the food was fine, but that was just funny. And then he was telling me to like like give him shout outs on social media and tell him all my friends and rate them i was like sure this is so unprofessional yeah which is fine i guess but it's just like it was and it's the opposite effect you're just talking shit on a podcast now like it's not like it's like when a guy is trying too hard right and the girl's gonna automatically be like oh my god like if he has to act like right yeah yeah desperation's never fun in any capacity but i felt bad because uh karen and i are at dinner and i retell this story of my 16th birthday uh i was a huge piece

of shit i like but so it was my 16th birthday. And at that time, Olive Garden was my favorite restaurant in the world, which is like I should kill myself. But the bottomless breadsticks. Yeah, bottomless breadsticks. Right. Yeah, I remember I did well in I think it was elementary school. I got a good report card. My parents were like, all right, any restaurant you want to go to,

you name it. And I was like, we're going to Sizzler.'re like they're like you sure you want to go there dude i've never been to a sizzler i've never even seen one but we passed one in puerto rico hell yeah so that's where they are it's like the restaurant's on the run well they're still catching up you know yeah hurricane delayed them uh so i'm so my 16th birthday i'm telling karen this story like uh so i was dating this girl at the time who like did horse shows and it was horrible because you have to wake up super early you have to drive all the way to carroll county pick up her stupid horse from there drive to pick up her stupid horse yeah throw it in the back of the car yeah stupid ass horse

and then drive to pennsylvania that's where the show is and it's like outside no air conditioning it's miserable takes all day and she wanted me to go yeah and i just remember like hating it and she was like all right you can just like so i just chilled in the car for most of it and listened to her edited enema the state cd oh and. And then she came and yelled at me. She's like, Umar, the CD was too loud. People are complaining you're scaring the horses. I was like, Jesus Christ. I didn't know Tom DeLonge was that hated.

And so we go to her house and I'm like, all I'm looking forward to is this dinner at Olive Garden that my parents said they're going to take me to. Yeah. And she's just like stalling. I love it that you're like 16. You're like 16 you're like fucking blink-182 how much edited fucking horse worst day of my life yeah i got yeah not a breadstick in sight this sucks so uh so she's stalling i'm like jessica this fuck i'm so fucking hungry let's go she's like okay so we get there and i'm like uh my mom's like making all this

food i'm like what the fuck and i was like mom when are we going and and she's like, okay. So we get there, and I'm like, my mom's making all this food. I'm like, what the fuck? And I was like, mom, when are we going? And she's like, you're already here? And I was like, yeah. She's like, oh, I'm throwing you a surprise party. And I don't like surprise parties. And I got really mad. I was like, what the fuck?

I don't want a surprise party. Because also, it's just like, oh, my family. And I don't want to see my family. Ironically, though, Olive Garden, their catchphrase is when you're here, you're family. You're like, if I'm here, I'm not with my family. This sucks. I hate this. Yeah.

So then I'm like so mad. They only like because they don't know any of my friends. So they only reach out to one of my friends. He showed up and I was like, fuck this, Dave. We're going to Olive Garden. So me, my girlfriend and my friend Dave, we go to Olive Garden. That should be the Olive Garden catchphrase, by the way.

Fuck this Dave, we're going to Olive Garden. So we go to Olive Garden. I come back, like 30 people of my family members are there. Yeah. I get, my aunt gives me a car. I get all this money and my brother- I'm sorry, did you say a car? A car.

What? I am a piece of shit and like they were just waiting for me to come they were all wanting to yell surprise and waiting and my mom had to be like ah he got mad he left and I had a car all this insane money and my brother it was like when iPods

were new bought me an iPod Jesus Christ and you weren't even on MTV for all of that I was gonna say you're like worse than the sweet 16 girls My brother, it was like when iPods were new, bought me an iPod. Jesus Christ. And you weren't even on MTV for all of that. I was going to say, you're like worse than the Sweet 16 girls. Jesus. So I tell Karen this story, and then the mood of the dinner changes. And I was like.

From good to great? Well, it changes. And then we were thinking, we wanted to drink. I was like, hey, we can go to Woodbury or something and and uh and then we were thinking we're like uh we we wanted to like drink i was like hey we can go to like uh woodbury or something get drinks and dessert she's like well we are meeting people later yeah should i cancel it i was like oh no i'm uh i'm a dick and she was just like god i didn't know what to do i was she was like sitting there like mortified because she's already like a very anxious person and wants me to like yeah have a great day it was it was funny she so she messaged me and she was like hey umar's birthday is on tuesday like uh we're not doing anything big but like trying to get some people together and i was like i have a shitty show to do that night like we could get together on wednesday she's like well i'll see

if he has a shitty show on wednesday and i was like i'm sorry we're terrible yeah and uh but yeah we went to blue pit yeah a bunch of people came out oh my god i got fucking your aunt was there she's like i got you another car yeah no it's great and i got hammered and it was a great night nice i felt so bad for putting karen through that i was like oh man yeah you're just like man if somebody plans me a fucking surprise party just the beads of sweat pouring down you all right no it's the food it's the food yeah yes pablo come back here tell us how great your restaurant is should we hang out on the couch now any updates on your landlord situation uh had another altercation with him yeah he put the

camera on him this time yeah in front of his face yeah like he's a cop with a gun and i put on like my best white person voice yeah very yes sir no sir i saw some of the video the guy's like totally just such like a like baltimore oh i can't show it to me his voice is kind of high pitch too yeah yeah he starts admitting stuff to me he tells me he's got he's like i'm gay my wife's cheating on me which is fine i'm gay but it still hurts my feeling yeah i still believe in two bathrooms for trans people well three make it three black trans and white i'm complicated yeah believable yeah it's crazy he can't he like got in my face and was trying to get me to like. Kiss you.

Oh. Yeah. It was intense. Come on. I told you I'm gay. I told you, man. Come on. He like, it was so funny watching him go back and forth between pure rage and one of the

fuck you, man. And then me like, I'm on camera. He'd be like, we should be friends. Yeah. What? He like jumped out of his car and like came running up on me and i'm like all right you know like mental illness let's kill this right now like let's squash this ball i'm like yeah what are you talking about the word kill when you're mad

yeah oh my god it was crazy but yeah so i like that he was uh but but again he's just like a grizzled like old baltimore guy so he like, yeah, you didn't have to come on. You're like, look, I'm just telling you that this was not fixed. And you could tell he was so hurt. He just goes, well, why'd you call the housing authority on me? Like you guys are like best friends and you're like betrayed. He's like, why'd you have to do that, Paul? You called them.

Yeah, what it is is he's just so dumb. He doesn't know how to like express like i fucked up emotion oh yes yeah like and get vulnerable he can't be like i know i fucked up i'm sorry yeah right now he's just like fuck you yeah it's just the feeling of betrayal in his voice like why'd you have to call the housing authority on me why'd you have to do that yeah come on man so yeah and then paul has video too so paul's uh uh ceiling from like all the rain that we got was flooded and looks it looks like a bomb hit it basically there's like a huge hole in your ceiling like an acne bomb yeah and then uh two dudes came over to

fix it that your landlord hired one of them uh probably a senior citizen, right? Most definitely. Was using his cane to hold up the new drywall for the ceiling. This dude's in his 80s, and he's sitting there with his walking cane, which he found, by the way. It wasn't even his walking cane. He had lost his, found this one. And I was like, glad I found this. And he's sitting there holding up this massive sheet of drywall with his cane.

I showed it to so many people, and they they're like yeah what was that like instrument thing that he was using yeah it was like that's his fucking walking what why was he he was just like working on it and holding it he's like the guy that's that's his guy that he's like i got a roofing guy i got a floor guy right when are you getting out of there as soon as humanly possible and the best part is like all like the the ceiling is still fucked up and there's like mold in there too for sure from like all the moisture that got in the wood and what they're doing is just covering it up yeah they're like all good down as much as they could pull down with their hands literally onto my floor yeah and then when i pointed out all the

mold and everything they're like that's not mold no it I was like, yeah, no, but it is. And he's like, I'll scrape it off. Yeah, that's not going to work for me, man. And at that point, I just realized like, okay, this guy definitely is like borderline like dementia. There's no way that I'm going to get him to do anything. So I was like, all right, fuck it. Just do what you're going to do. And then I'll just wait and have the housing inspector.

Yeah. And like, hey, dick dickhead do it again but what's the over under percentage wise you think of you getting your uh security deposit definitely zero there's no chance in hell i mean at this point we're basically on the whole like let's just leave yeah like at the end of the month and i would go for i would i i you can get that back from him i mean get out of there whatever and then talk to like like the attorney no what is it the um the housing authority or whatever yeah maybe there's like a housing counseling center something like that and fuck what the good i think even maybe the good business bureau might be able to help you better business bureau better business bureau go talk to

them and they'll fucking help you yeah yeah see even that i'd be like i don't feel like dude just give me my fucking money not just for your just uh because that guy cannot do that to people and it's crazy yeah we we uh on the hamden neighbors like facebook page thing we call them out well so we we asked like we just or my girlfriend had posted something basically just saying we were having trouble we were trying to look for a place to stay or whatever yeah and uh somebody actually i think a couple people they know they commented and they're like by any chance is your landlord robert paul because we live in the like same neighborhood and have the same issue oh right because he has like 12 properties right or something yeah and like so that's his whole thing that was his big excuse

was oh i got you know all my roofs are they leaking. You guys need to all get together and make a formal complaint to the housing authority. If it's that many, it's crazy. It's his picture of him crying. He's like, why does everybody hate me? I know. He's just like, man, these fucking hipsters ruined this neighborhood. They don't understand. I worked so hard.

God. He bought this building. This building, for people listening, I live in a... It's a storefront on the first floor and an apartment on the second floor. Really nice building overall. Yeah. Except for, you know, the problems that he let get that bad. Right. It's in probably the busiest part of the neighborhood just about next to a bunch of businesses and restaurants and stuff like that.

And he bought it in 2002 for $25,000. This dude, no, like, he's paid this thing off forever ago. He's just pocketing this cash and just refusing to do anything. It's ridiculous. Does he live in Hamden still? I have no idea, honestly. Because I, me and my roommates are moving and I

looked at a home and the guy lives in Hamden. He was nice. Older Hamden dude. And, like, whatever, like, we're talking. And big Trump guy. And I had to pretend to, like, not like Trump, but just be like, yeah, I know, man. People, they're treating him rough.

Yeah. And I'm just like. He's catching a little criticism, I guess. I came up with, like, he's like, so what do you do? And I was like, I'm a psychologist. But, like, I'm gone. he's catching a little criticism i guess i came up with like he's like so what do you do and i was like i'm a psychologist uh but like i'm gone like and i you know i told him a comedian he's like oh man they're not nice to trump he's talking about michelle wolf and i was like i know dude and i'm like trying to like like just be like ah yeah it's gross and like and uh and because i'm you know

this fucking dude standing in this guy's house yeah Yeah. I'm by myself. I'm Brown. And he already hates me because I'm a hipster. He's putting together a gun. Yeah. So what do you think about Trump? And I'm like, I know he's like, the media was really unfair to him.

I was like, yeah. Yeesh. Yeah. I wonder if it's that dude. I would not be surprised. Although I don't think he's smart enough to have a conversation. Yeah.

That's already, I think above his IQ. Got it. Damn. How does this guy have that much money to invest in these properties then i think that he just like got places at the right time got him back in the day yeah i think he just like his old hand in and like yeah i mean you can still get loans for that stuff too you know like yeah that was the other thing he kept bringing up his credits like i got a perfect credit score it's like what the fuck does that have to do with my roof i'd be like show me yeah right oh yeah dude's absolutely he's like i answer an email anytime i get it like just weird have you heard back from the the that like the people

you complain to no i think it's getting to the 30 because the whole thing is it's 30 days so once you like put the complaint he's got 30 days to make all the changes. Oh, right, right. So basically until the 30-day mark, I got nothing. His changes are completely demolishing that place. Oh, yeah. He has to rehab that whole place. It's crazy. As they were taking down the drywall, I was like,

so what are you going to do about all those beams that are clearly sagging into the middle of the apartment? And I have a 20-minute lecture on that wood is like historic wood and is far superior to like any type of wood you'll get he's like all right now listen termites live in there so you don't want the termites to have a house is that what you hate termites huh termites is like he's like see that termites won't touch that i put some like home depot wood in there termites be all through the place like what the fuck are you talking about right now so you see if i did my job bugs would eat them that's what they're gonna use to build that wall yeah all right mexican termites

stay away yeah so yeah i i guess we just wait until the 30 day mark i mean at this point i just want to get the hell out of there and just die with it but i'm so paranoid i've lived in three different places in my almost 10 years in the city, and all three places have been exactly the same. Yeah, that sucks. It's wild. I have the worst luck ever. I feel like now I'm a super dickhead when I talk to people about this. I want to move in.

It makes me be kind of shy about maybe calling them out about things about their house. It looks like there might be bugs. I'll be like, oh, so you guys got roaches here. And they'll be like, oh, no, no. We're going to have Exterminator coming. I'm like, well, there's roaches here and they're like oh no no we're gonna have like you know exterminator coming like well there's roaches so yeah bye yeah i don't pull any punches anymore good yeah i mean you're gonna be living there you also gotta be a little like discriminatory of like who owns the property right like if it's a guy like uh well yeah i had little to no choice in this one because i was the previous place i in, I had been going back and forth with them to court because they didn't actually own the building I was

living in. That was a whole other situation. Yeah. So I had to get the fuck out of there. And my girlfriend was living in the place that we're living in currently. She was like, why don't you just move in here for a month or two till you find a spot? Yeah. And the person was like, well, this is actually kind of okay.

It's working. Yeah. Right. And so then fast forward to now. Now it's like, all right, we're going to get the fuck out of here yep so dude yeah landlords in baltimore pretty terrible like a lot of them are like the the system is set up in such a way that they can get away with being super shitty for so long but then if you talk to landlords and even good ones like i've i've been pretty lucky uh i used to live with a guy who, it was his house.

And he, like, they say that all the laws are more in favor of tenants. Yeah. It's way more difficult. It's really hard to evict somebody. That's what I heard. Yeah. I think that is true.

It's hard to evict somebody. You gotta go through like a bunch of bullshit to actually evict a person. Right. You really need to like want them out of your place. Sure. But I feel like every other type of decision it's basically like well were you living in the place yeah okay well then you need to give them rent like but they didn't do their thing like well you didn't get like an official complaint or yeah right you know all these different things yeah god like why do i have to fight so hard to have a place with a decent just but then normal

yeah yeah it's not even you want great stuff you're like my hot tub's broken it's like no no i just don't want it to rain in my living room yeah well i don't know sometimes i think like like my girlfriend she lives in remington and their house is really nice for what they pay but they have like mice and stuff and some of it's like you know like smalling falling apart so she hired exterminator she's gonna try to prorate the rent but i feel a little bad for the landlord because you know he is supposed to pay yeah it's just they have such shitty neighbors and the exterminator was like oh yeah all these are coming from yeah houses next to you i've had yeah i've had that too actually the last house we were in before

this the the landlords they were really cool actually um they were great but yeah i met them yeah yeah super nice but yeah same thing we had we had bugs and uh he was like it's your neighbors man like you can see where they're coming in and like yeah and it just sucks it's because it's like well you do have to pay for like because if i owned it right so whoever does own it but it's just like yeah it's a bummer that they have to pay for your idiot neighbors right right right i think it would just be easier to be more reasonable people though like honestly if this dude had just shot us straight from the beginning and was like listen i'm not gonna lie to you all my properties are getting like fucked up right now because it's just crazy rain and everything so i'm not gonna be able to get let me be honest with you i'm a piece of shit right

if there's just any way to level with me like you know yeah if you can just hold out for like a month i promise i'm gonna be here and get this done and then yes follow through yes it's always shady you know he's not being like a human being like hey let me level with you she's like yeah i got it i got it it's insane well also what what happened the first time it was supposed to get fixed because he always he had another like go-to guy and then somebody got murdered or something yeah no it was the same guy this his name's mr pope oh sure pope comes and he's on the roof and then after our first the last podcast we did yeah there we had gotten in a fight in the alleyway then and that night he went and sent it or the next morning he sent an email to my girlfriend saying that mr pope's son

had been tragically killed in florida and he was already halfway down the coast to Florida for his kid. And then, unrelated, my landlord also had to go out of town that night and wouldn't be back for a couple of days. And he's like, I'll get back to you. Unrelated, I didn't murder anybody in Florida, but I am on the run now.

Isn't that crazy how difficult people's lives are? It's so unreal. He's making his own life difficult. Yeah, what a mess. Insane. It's like, own life difficult. Yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. That's what I mean. What a mess. Insane. It's like, whew.

Yeah. God damn. Yeah. Well. I'm trying to get lunch, you know? You know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm a good landlord. So, you know, I took care of things around here.

Got a perfect credit score. Yeah. Perfect. Oh, we all have to run our credit scores because we got this. Dude, the house we got is. Oh, you got it. Oh, yeah. Nice. Because we went to go look at this place and it's you know it's three fucking dudes in their 20s yeah 30 and hey big

so uh not you know we all look like shit and uh evan my roommate he's wearing like uh maybe wearing like these weird like tropical board, like a tank. Hell yeah. Hat on shoes, but it was raining, so we all took our shoes off. And he had no socks on. Oh. And dude, this dude is dressed up. They have food out. Like when you go, as if you're buying a house, they had snacks out for us and drinks if we wanted drinks yeah his mother was there dressed up pearls on like what are you guys going to church

you yeah i've never seen a house when you're gonna rent a house that's like shit where it's like you're showing a house to buy it's not like we have snacks but they had someone showing us the house and they were still there so we had a realtor i guess showing the house yeah you can do that having a hard time renting it because it's like $2,000 a month, but it's three of us, so it's nothing. Right. But it's all renovated, right?

It's completely... Yeah. It's fucking... Dude. Yeah. Unreal. Somebody got murdered there. Somebody got murdered there.

Yeah. And it's a corner house. Me and Eric are talking about like, oh, we got to do like a cooking channel and shit. like you know have good times cook and yeah so anyway so i'm just like cracking wise we're making jokes like yeah it was great uh and then uh i made a weed reference right before we left and sure and then i was like oh man maybe i was like dude you know what we probably look like idiots and ev Evan's like 1,000%. Yeah.

Game over. So then we follow up. And they're like, so they did like you guys. But they're waiting. Because we submitted. I had a show that night. I filled out my application credit on my phone at the show. Everything.

We paid $70 each or something crazy. For an application fee? For an application and then fees for background checks. Yeah, no, they emailed me like a pretty detailed thing that I had to fill out. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, thanks. Yeah, I trashed you, so I don't know how you got in there. So then we got stalled in the process because Eric, he just got a credit card. Like two years ago, he has no loans.

He had like no student loan, car wow and um just off the grid yeah and uh and so there they couldn't pull a credit he doesn't have it not enough history for them to even pull a report on him wow and uh and eric was like oh man like i just suck at this adult stuff i thought like not having debt and paying your bills on time is a good thing apparently it's not you have to yeah you have to play the game yeah yeah so that was a hiccup and then uh we followed up and they were like um well so evan over the weekend was like hey i was thinking we should send them a fruit basket and i was like dude no that's weird yeah and i told karen and karen also thought it was fucking stupid yeah and then so evan on monday texted the realtors like hey we just want to see where what's where it is in the process like we're

really interested blah blah blah yeah and uh and she was like well they did like you guys but they're waiting on a couple with a kid and that's more appealing than three guys sorry yeah so we're like yeah that makes sense so then what now we're looking at all these other places and not and they're fine but none of them yeah compare we even said to one person to her face she was like what do you guys think and we're like uh you know what man we saw like this baller place we're just trying to ball out this isn't it so you guys suck yo man we're just trying to pimp it out you know what i'm saying you know what i mean we're just trying to ball out in her place oh okay okay you know like i would never say

that to you shit's whack we're trying to ball out week go outie yeah. Audi. Your shit is weak. Bye. And then we ended up getting the place because a couple dropped out, I guess. When we were like, their kid died. We murdered their kid. In Florida. And yeah, so I don't know why I started that story. It's moving related.

Moving related. So you're in Hamnet still? Yeah, on Powers, on the corner the corner so what what was it powers what uh all right for those listening behind the charmory i was gonna say i yeah yeah i uh i just saw a place on powers that actually just sent a message back to yeah a realtor he he so i was asking them to drop the rent by a hundred bucks because this place like it was big but it's beat so yeah in my mind i'm like 100 bucks off the rent it was like 1400 or something like that i was like 1300 doesn't seem that unreasonable yeah he's like all right sure i can definitely do that i signed a two-year lease then we'll do that i was like whoa two years hold on what this guy sucks at haggling yeah i was like not doing that he's like give me an hj live here for

two years and you got it he texted me today he, hey, Paul, just checking in to see what you thought about the place. I was like, no. Did you tell him I'll do it one year? Yeah. Well, that's what I told him right then. I was like, well, I'll tell you what. I can nip that in the bud right now. There's no chance of me signing a two-year.

And he was like, I mean, he was reasonable. He was like, okay, I mean, I can see what I can do, but it's going to be a tough sell to drop it $100 and not have a two-year commitment. And I was like, who in the fuck is going to do that? Yeah. I guess to them, that's like losing uh twelve hundred dollars a year right right right right but i don't know if you have good tenants yeah that's true so you know the place would be way too big for us it's me my girlfriend and a dog and it was like yeah four bedrooms plus a

basement yeah i mean shit is going up yeah it, it's great. Thank God. Thank God. Yeah, and this is like a neighborhood that will retain its value even if a crash happens. Yeah, knock on fake wood. I mean, it'll go down, but it'll go back up. I mean, all that shit happens. And then when it goes down, I'm looking to buy another one. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

The other night, Karen and I were talking about uh like kids in college and like kind of like joking around and stuff and she's like well i mean i don't know i was like yeah you just sent him to community college for two years like well i would want my kid to go to uh like to a university for four years i'm like look i'm trying to buy a house i can't have this fucker taking money out of my pocket already dude the world's not like that anymore i i really think the four years at the university thing four year thing like you cannot take on that kind of debt oh yeah you know it makes no sense it makes two years you're probably just dicking around anyway well you're getting all the same stuff like english

101 it doesn't mean you did that right you went to ccbc or whatever uh yeah i did um yeah so i did anne arundel community college and then chesapeake over on the Eastern Shore. Oh, shit. I didn't know you lived on the Eastern Shore that long. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, for most of it. And then I went to UMBC when I was like 19 or 20. Right. Yeah. And it's so much

cheaper. It's so much cheaper. And the best part was my GPA started over. So when I transferred, you have a zero. Yeah. And then it just goes up from there. So when I transferred, you have a zero. Yeah. And then it just goes up from there. So I graduated. All your credit. Yeah.

I graduated summa cum laude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was getting fucked around for the first two years. I mean, my grades weren't bad, but you know. I mean, they have to do something about college because you can't have a middle class with this much debt.

The bottom will fall out at some point yeah the country's gonna be fucked like it just doesn't work that yeah i mean i only had i think i had like 10 grand in loans and then i think with interest it's gonna end up being like 13 grand and i'm still paying that off because i'm paying the minimum i can't imagine having 50 60 80 grand dude i have a lot from I have 45 from grad school. Yeah, getting your master's. Yeah. But I needed to do it to make money.

Right. That's the worst part is that you go through your first year, your undergrad and everything, and then it's like, all right, you made it. Now you got to go take on another $40,000. Yeah. More mountain to climb. Yeah, and I think that whole notion of college is where you find yourself and you learn how to live. I'm like now just figuring myself.

Yeah. But that is like such a false narrative. Like, yeah, college kids are pieces of shit. You don't learn shit in college in terms of like real life stuff. Like you get smart. Yeah. You do, you know, like hopefully become a better citizen because you like if you get a liberal arts education but yeah in terms of like real life like day-to-day shit

it doesn't prepare you for shit it's a bubble you're living in a bubble yeah and like unless you're super rich no way in the world uh do you get to wake up and get food served to you by a poor black person you know what i mean like every day right like that's crazy that doesn't happen well paul's coming from mcdonald's so he's not but um no yeah and also like i feel like culturally college now like everybody's so young still like yeah not just age but like a mindset like when i was in delaying life so yeah dude so i was in college and now it's like, what, 10 years ago, which is crazy to think about. But we had to get together our dorm, our floor.

We had to get together in the common area the first day and do like icebreakers. And I'm like, what are we doing? Like what? And we had to go around the circle and say like our favorite movie. Yeah. And it got to one kid and he was like earnestly thinking about it. He's like, I don't know. So I'm like, what is he going to say?

Some, I don't know, indie film or European something. And he's just like, oh, man, I guess if I had to say Aladdin, I'd say. But earnestly, I'm like, what are we doing? Well, we did go to a really dorky school. Yeah, I know. But I'm like, you're 19 years old? Aladdin is your favorite? Imagine your favorite 60s and 70s college was like a place for like free thinkers like these fucking yeah like smoking pipes and

like talking about like i don't know like crazy i just feel like there were adults already in there it's just like more like you're in like 13th grade basically yeah yeah you're the pioneers of like eating ass it's crazy i thought you were gonna say acid no ass bro eating that ass yeah well i so speaking of like icebreakers i was a ta my senior year of college for the honors college kids yeah and uh so the all honors college kids have to take this like honors forum and it's like some bullshit class made up to like teach you. It's like trains you for like college level seminars, which is bullshit because it's like if anyone's smart, you figure it out. You sit in class, you listen, you take notes, you write papers. Hold on.

Let me write this down. So but the crazy part was, dude, like these kids who go into the honor, like I was in the honors college, but I never was like a smart kid in high school. I did really well in college yeah so the most of like the kids that i ta were better writers than me like ways smarter than me and uh so i would have to like edit their papers and i had no idea like one girl was a genius and i just remember writing notes i was like i remember one time i just wrote i was like yeah i i you're smarter than me but yeah your notes on the site you're like underlying you're just like damn so uh but all that said fucking nerds like insane yeah fucking most of them were homeschooled oh crazy most i would say like half my kids were homeschooled jesus christ out of like 10 that really fucks your kids up oh yeah like really stunts them religious oof yeah like that's a twofer good at school you know

and uh discipline whatever yeah so well if you think you're going to go to hell, if you don't, you know, the stakes is high. But so we did icebreakers on the first day and we did never have I ever. Uh-huh. And so one kid. He's like made eye contact with another human being. All the hands go up. This kid, he's so sweet, so smart, so quiet, and nerdy. And he was like, it was like, never have I ever kissed a girl.

And one girl, there was one hot girl there. And she was like, that's sad. And I was like, Jesus Christ. And then another girl. Easy, hot girl. Another girl goes, never um had a date to prom and i was like oh my god why not and she just looked at me she's like because i'm socially awkward i was like well at least you know well you should kiss this guy

it was uh whoo it was it was a rough year man because uh and like there was a couple of them like they were just so rude to me. Oh, no. And one bitch fucking answered her cell phone in the middle of my discussion. Oy. Yeah. And I was just like, what the fuck? And I couldn't say anything because they had way more on me than... Because I was like a piece of shit.

Sure. Yeah. This is when... I won't tell that story on mic. But so, yeah, it was just... It was not fun. Was she trashing you on the phone? She's like, no, I won't tell that story on mic, but so yeah, it was just, it was not fun. Was she trashing you on the phone? She's like, no, I can talk. No, it's just some homo up front trying to teach me some bullshit.

Yeah. It was just so, I just have to facilitate a conversation and it's so dumb. Like that class, like it's just so much of a waste. So much of college is a waste of time. Because it's not really preparing you for the actual thing. It's like this isn't how it works. Yeah. Every week you just, it was like a new topic and you have to read a bunch and write like these papers on that topic.

Right. I grade you. What the fuck? Right. I don't know shit about anything. It's crazy. You're writing that on the chalkboard. I don't know shit.

One of the weeks was because this is around 2000. This was like 2009. So 2008, the crash happened and the recession. And so they played like the amazing This American Life episode about like explaining the whole financial crises. Right. Of subprime loans. Yeah. like explaining the whole financial crises right of subprime loans yeah and uh someone in their essay and like a lot of these kids are also like rich so the rich college girl she wrote in her essay uh like i don't really get like what the big deal

is you know like it like i still have like a house and like oh like and i don't really get what the big deal is. I still have a house. She's talking about having a house and a horse and all this stuff. Something crazy. My horse has a house. And I think my comment was, you need to step outside of your world and see that just because you're doing okay. Doesn't mean everyone is. Doesn't mean everyone is. But to have to write that to someone who's in college and get straight A's, unreal.

Yeah. I feel like college should just be like you're thrown into real life. You have no money whatsoever. You get a college dorm provided to you, so you at least get some shitty shelter. But it's not nice. It's not nice at all. You have to go work a job. You got to go find your job on the campus.

It's just like a series of jobs. You're just applying for things and trying to make it work. And if you can't pay your rent on your dorm, they kick you out on the streets of the campus. You're not on the real streets, but you're on the campus streets. You figure it out, man. That would be so funny to see a group of homeless co-ed in the quad. But isn't that funny?

Didn't get a job job huh like i was listening to a podcast of comics and they were talking about like um they're like yeah when we were growing up no one knew none of our parents knew where we were we'd be outside all day and and uh everyone would yell at you they were allowed to people would like hate you and and now kids are like have it so easy and it's like and i grew up that way too like the way the comics yeah i'm not like dude i was like my parents had no idea where i was we'd be outside all day come home yeah go back outside right get into trouble but uh but and then like i guess like every generation will just look back and think the one before them is soft because i

was like the way you're talking about kids maybe your kids but like i didn't grow up that way oh oh yeah yeah yeah well then there's also like an over class thing too yeah and there's like an over correction too where it's like all right well i don't want to treat my kids that way but yeah the same way that those people are like the comics are like man it was so gritty like people that were in like world war ii like their grandparents like you're a fucking pussy are you kidding me but it's it's got like we have to be the generation to end that because we did also have it easy i don't know oh my god college was not like it was so easy not easy in terms of like your life wasn't it just like uh i don't know it just felt like very cookie cutter when i was in college oh yeah

you know like i hope i'm not older i'm like oh these pussies they don't know how to get through blah blah yeah i don't know you know yeah i just feel like i i just got good at college i like i didn't necessarily learn anything i just got good at like managing hangovers and remembering just enough of what they were talking about in class. I was a straight edge in college. I crushed college. I got a 4.0. What? Nominated valedictorian at UMBC. Unbelievable.

Holy shit. I know. I didn't get it. That's a lot coming from UMBC. I feel like people... I went to Towson where they could give a fuck about school. Really? I think Towson's a good university. I just hate the kids there, but I think it's considered a good university. Oh, no. I think the university is fine.

I just think the population there is like... It's party. Yeah, the emphasis ain't like, let's study. Right, exactly. Oh, for sure. No, dude, I TA'd... So when I was in grad school,

I TA'd a class. Easy as fucking class. All you have to do is read the book. You don't even have to sit through the lectures and uh the first time i graded the exams i had to grade them by hand and i was like d's d's e e e d d d c couple c's there's two a's out of 75 people like a couple b's most of them were c's and d's yeah and i graded them twice i was like oh my god i fucked up yeah like no way are they this bad and uh and that's how it was every year i ta

that class two semesters in a row and that's how it is like kids just uh they don't uh and i think it was this way too when i was in college i don't know but i was surrounded by like nerdy kids yeah and uh no one like puts an effort in like one girl showed up to my office hour she's like i just don't get like what i'm doing wrong and i was like do you read the textbook she was like no do i have to and i was like are you fucking insane yeah also what did these people do in high school like how did no that's unreal to me mean put it this way i my freshman year first semester or second semester uh took a class called logic because that's a great class though so i apparently for people who actually go to it uh i took this class called logic uh because my roommate who is

uh was a math major and like total brain yeah i was like it's easy it's nothing like it's super cool the guys really like it's a philosophy class right essentially yeah well it turns into math like quick right i i go and i take this class i walk in the teacher's like listen you know i'm mr so-and-so here's the deal if you want to show up great if you don't i don't care you already you were out the door before you finished the sentence you're like bye it was like if you want to be here you can be here if you don't want I don't care. You were out the door before you finished the sentence. You're like, bye. It was like, if you want to be here, you can be here. If you don't want to be here, if you literally show up for the two test days that we have or three test days and you get A's on all three tests, you get an A.

Congratulations. So he doesn't grade attendance. No attendance. No homework. He assigns homework, but could give a shit if you do it or not. And it's like, I give you homework for you. If you get the A's on the test. And that's how it should be.

Right, right. He literally put the ball in our court from day one. He's like, I'm not your babysitter. I'm your teacher. If you get the A's on the test. That's how it should be. Right, right. He literally put the ball in our court from day one. He's like, I'm not your babysitter. I'm your teacher. If you want to learn, great. If not, that means nothing to me. Right. So I took that as like, all right, sweet.

So then he goes, so this is an example of what we're going to learn. So he says, he writes on the board. If P, then Q. Right, right. Well, no, he writes up, Socrates is man. Man is mortal. Therefore, Socrates is man. Man is mortal. Therefore, Socrates is mortal. I was like, fuck, yeah, this is awesome.

I can pass this class. But it gets so crazy. I didn't show up for like three weeks. And the next time I showed up to class, it was like the review for the first test. And he's like, all right, everybody, we're going to start with blah, blah, blah. And he writes a bunch of shit on the board I've never seen in my life. Like plus and minus. It's like squiggly lines over random fractions he's literally like okay now we're going to enter the matrix and you're like what it would be great if paul like if like a

kindergartner approached school the same way paul did like he's like oh yeah that's a that's b that's c ah fuck this i don't need to come back back I was back in second grade. It's like, what the fuck is reading? Wait a minute. There's 26 letters? What are we doing? You all make a sound? You put them together? What?

Seems a little excessive, guys. And then, of course, he's asking questions, and everybody's hand goes up in class. Like, oh, yeah, that one's easy. I'm like, what? Are you even talking? Just sweating. Do you know what it's like to take a test where you genuinely don't even begin to comprehend? Jesus. I would have had a better chance of passing a Japanese test. What did you do? You know what it's like to take a test where you genuinely don't even begin to comprehend. I would have had a better chance of passing a Japanese test. What did you do?

I guessed. I just put in random shit. I completely failed and ate my dick for the first two tests. Did you withdraw? No, because I was too dumb to even do that. So I was like, I can make it. I can pull this off. I cannot believe.

It's unreal to me that people like you. Ride that out. In that form exist. I was like, dude, I'm withdrawing. I'm out of here. I think if I got a B in college, I would have cried. Oh, no. I got one B.

Damn. One B. That was the first class I ever failed. Damn. My whole quote from that semester. Because every time I would. So it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault I didn't go to class.

I actually got up and would go towards class. Yeah. I just never made it to class. I would always have to go across. You had the best of intentions. Right. I would go. I'd have my books with me and everything.

And I feel like every single, it was right around springtime, so it was getting to be nice outside. So everybody's out and laying out and stuff like that. Yeah. And there's this one kid that I kind of peripherally knew through friends who at the time was on like a three week long binge of just nothing but ecstasy like every time i saw him the dude was rolling so yeah he's just like hanging out he's just a towson tiger dude he's like you know how like the rave thing like the dancing like that the ball yeah yeah yeah invisible no yeah yeah yeah so what year is this this is like 2007 oh yeah you're

already right right right so so he's like out there just tripping his fucking face off yeah i would stop every day like what's up man and like would sit there so i end up dicking around with this kid for an entire semester you guys are throwing the ball back and forth right right so uh yeah at the end of the semester i get my uh my grades back and my roommate greg is like hey so do you uh you finally pass logic i was like nope i failed but i can fucking read yeah and that because that should be an honorary degree i think because so much of like the the whole experience part of college is emphasized, people are like, oh, my God. I remember my high school teachers told me that college are the best years of your life.

Which is a real bummer. And it's like, if you're a fucking loser in life, then it is. But last night, amazing. Fucking amazing. I got to play a sold-out show nothing i did in college came close no party that anyone ever came right right close to that right right not only is it like you get to do it but like the level of achievement that you have to do to get to a show like that like i don't know like yeah but also i mean college put you in a spot where it's like you're

off during the summer you know so that made it easier you have income it's not like oh fuck i need to show well i really need the 50 bucks or whatever like late gratification yeah it's not yeah because college it was fun but it wasn't i wasn't like partying because i was working fridays and saturdays from 6 p.m to 4 a.m yeah and then had crazy amounts of work to do during the week and then i remember i was working at a sam goody and i was taking a women's studies course and i had my women's studies notes at the register next to me and yeah he made fun of me like oh you post you're taking a women's studies course i'm like you're buying a cd at sam goody go fuck yourself yeah it's like nineteen dollars yeah it's like $19 a CD. Yeah, it's... Oh, fuck. I had a... Who gives a fuck?

I had another thing. I can't remember. Well, we got to wrap up anyway. What do we do? Should we make this a two-parter? It's an hour and a half. Oh, we're fine. So, yeah.

We're like right in there. Thanks for coming. Glad to be here. Dude, yeah. Never. Yeah, what'd you get for McDonald's? I got a little McDouble McChicken fry action. Oh, no.

Cold, man. Oh, it's going to be frigid. I'm sorry. It's okay. I just figured having this the entire time would be a not good look. Oh, totally fine. Yeah. It's not like people are listening to this or anything.

Oh, people are just dying. Let's plug some dates. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. You got yours off the top of the doom? Let me pull up the calendar. Okay, August 30th, Baltimore Comedy Festival at Joe's Square, and I'm hosting the night okay august 30th baltimore comedy festival at joe squared i'm hosting the night come uh september 6th is gin and joke september 8th oh some show

somewhere near silver spring or arlington somewhere yep oh dude get this last night as i'm driving to the sold out 9 30 show booked a headlining show nice he's pretty well where september 28th uh somewhere in virginia nice so cool hell yeah dude you figure it out yeah yeah if you're a real umar head uh yeah so i uh yeah next week i will be in uh north carolina and the outer banks doing shows at the kill devil hills comedy club wait when is this Labor Day weekend or next week? Next week. But this will come out on Monday. Oh, right.

Kids don't go back to school. We do. Okay, I thought this was Labor Day weekend because I have to go to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, all right. Yeah. So, yeah, next Wednesday, the 29th through the 2nd, I'll be in OBX, bro. Doing comedy out there.

That's awesome. Dude, it doing comedy out there that's awesome dude it's beautiful have you done shows there no no i knew they had a club out there but uh so yeah matt bergman's headlining and he's bringing me along so i'm like yeah i mean it's it's a lot of time down there though so that's but that's awesome you get to work yeah exactly work and you were gonna be like right on the beach that's great basically no it's gonna be fucking awesome very excited for that well that's funny because a local comic he got to be like the resident host at ocean city club oh yeah and uh i was at sidebar he was at sidebar too and he he performed and he had a bunch of like salisbury jokes sure and uh then uh a comic goes up after

him ian actually he kind of roasted him pretty good he was like oh man yeah you really got uh that salisbury chunk together after hosting ocean city yeah that's fucking hilarious yeah exactly because i'm sure it's killing down there oh yeah anybody does something too it's like would you go to salisbury university yeah yeah uh so yeah so that's uh that's next week and then uh the 27th is speechless and then yeah i'm doing a headlining And then the 27th is Speechless. And then, yeah, I'm doing a headlining show on the 6th in Lancaster, PA. Nice. Where?

If you're a real Katerna head, you'll know. I'll keep people updated. It's not till October. It's not till October. I'm excited about it, though. Yeah, and then find us on the Internet. I'm at Josh Katerna on Twitter and Instagram. And then we have a Dig Sesh has a page, a Twitter page, and we us on the internet. I'm at Josh Caderno on Twitter and Instagram. And then we have a Dig Sesh has a page, a Twitter page, and we're on the book.

And yeah, it's nice. Oh, August 28th, I'm in the Tyson's Beer Garden. So those two dig heads, if you live in D.C., come out. Yeah, get out there. Paul? Let's see. September 14th, I'm at the D.C. Improv. Headlining. Headlining.

Headlining? Yeah. Whoa. Boston Comedy Club the next day. What? Oh, my God. Doing a couple spots. No big deal.

Oh, speaking of stuff, I have a story for you guys off mic. Oh, nice. I hate when podcasts do that. I know, but the manager at the 930 Club told me a cool story about, like, this shitty artist that was there. And, yeah, it was a good story. Nice. Damn, he called Kyle Canaan a shitty artist. Alright, thank you

everybody for listening and David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you. Oh yeah, oh yeah