The Digression Sessions - Ep. 265 - Josh & Matt Bergman! (@bergmancomedy)

Episode Date: September 6, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh sits down for a one on one with comedian Matt Bergman! Matt brought Josh along to feature for him in the OBX and they discuss Matt's start and road life. Good convo! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Here we go, buddy. Are we recording? Hey, buddy boy. Hey, buddy boy. Yeah, I always love that in podcasts and they're just like are we recording it's like yeah yeah you are yeah you don't even have any headphones so it's

just how it sounds is how it sounds oh it's gonna sound good that's gonna sound yeah you just you just watch the levels and make sure it's between the 12 and the 6 you know interesting i'm a professional matthew yeah you know what you're doing. Yeah. See, I mean, we've been together a week now. You know. You know I'm a professional. You keep it real. Yeah. I really do.

The podcast that I do, we do it on this thing called Anchor, and then we just hope for the best. Yeah. And usually it ends with my buddy texting me like an hour later. He's like, half of this is unusable. Yeah. I'm going to have to chop this up. You can tell why I'm paranoid about it now.

Mm-hmm. No no it is funny like if i ever record with people that are semi-professional or either do podcasts as well like we recorded with uh this guy in baltimore aaron hankin who uh is on a radio station wypr and they got a um award, award recently, like a big one, uh, Edward R. Murrow award for the show that they do. And like, he's very professional. He got an Eddie.

Yeah, he got an Eddie. Don't want to brag, but yeah. So had him on the podcast and we basically started just like this and he was very concerned. He was like, you don't want to listen to it at all.

Or like, no, it'll be okay. He's like, I think we should check it out. Like, no, podcast or like, oh man, I guess we should check it out podcast they're like

oh man i guess i should check that out yeah exactly exactly all right well matt bergman hey buddy boy hey buddy boy just uh glue that thing to your bottom lip by the way just keep it right yeah right there yeah see yeah you've seen right now i'm seeing it all right i'm seeing it i'm seeing it i'm holding like i hold an actual mic, which is really far away from me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Normally.

Yeah. You have it out here. Yeah. Drawing them in. I know. I like that. I like that. But intense.

Me and Matt Bergman have been in the glorious outer banks of North America, of the USA, doing comedy all week, slaying them one show at a time. And we're sitting here podcasting in the lovely home we've been staying in here in North Carolina. And it's been going good, man. Today's the last day, though. And then we're headed back up, back home. Yeah. We could have just done this on the drive. I know.

I thought about that, but I was like, we're already leaving pretty late, you know? It'd be so dangerous, too. Yeah. Oh, we've done it before. Oh, have you really? Yeah, but normally it's just like on like a DC to Baltimore thing. Oh, okay. But if we're driving for like, you know, four to six hours plus like leaving late at night,

I was like, I should probably just focus on the road and not have a microphone in hand, too. Imagine being that person that drives by you guys though looks over and sees just people holding up microphones their faces yeah what is you get annoyed when you see people texting and driving i can't imagine people podcasting and driving right right either they think we're like the biggest assholes or they're like wow they must be a part of some important radio show yeah i think you'd be efficient i'd like to use that word this week. Right. Efficiency is very important to me. Yeah, I've noticed that. Yeah, we had a couple quick things where we got breakfast somewhere,

and then there was a road linking it to the movie theater we were going to, and you were very, very hype on that. It's probably the top ten moments in my life for efficiency. How close it was. Yeah, but we've been down here trying to try to stay busy as well and uh it's been good so far man the shows have been fun weather's been good we've been hitting the pool and uh napping you know it's been getting some naps and we're doing a good job today feels like it's going by i just texted buddy i'm like every minute feels like an hour the final day and he goes like it's true like every comic feels this

way on on the last show of the week especially if it's a sunday if it's saturday like yeah saturdays go by a little bit faster right but sundays drag on to the point and it's like if the audience knew yeah how comics truly felt about their sunday shows we would eliminate sunday shows they felt about most shows right he's like i wonder if penn and teller feel the same way that they just like the audience is like they're having fun it's like literally they know that penn and teller hate them and yeah i always think about that with any vegas show it's like even if you love it in the beginning you're doing that every fucking day yeah you get probably like mondays off is your dark day or whatever. Right, and then you have the Monday off in Vegas,

and you're still surrounded by like human garbage forever. Like I went to Vegas once, and you just walk that strip, and people have those fucking giant margarita things. Oh, yeah. And those like plastic tubes. And they had them hanging around their necks. There was like an apparatus. So you don't even have to hold it.

Like you're a fucking horse with your feed bag full of margarita that's like three feet. You're like, Jesus Christ. Well, that is efficient. Holy shit, that's gross. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. I need to have my hands free to buy more stuff.

Oh, I know. The worst is when you see there's a club. There's a Toledo Funny Bone. I don't think the other Funny Bones do this, but this specific location has the, what's that blue drink? They're called something specific, but it's in a fishbowl. Fishbowls, essentially. Yeah, yeah.

And there's like four straws. And there's nothing worse when you're up there trying to go into something that you've really worked hard on that kind of really goes into your soul a little more. Yeah. And you just watch a fishbowl be dropped off. And just four people suck on a straw together and smile at each other. And not even pay attention to you anymore. Nope. I don't know what I'm doing.

I've made a wrong. Yeah. Because you are just background entertainment at that point. Exactly. They're like hoping you make a fart noise up there or something. In their defense, shame on me for trying to go into the depths of my soul. You know? You knew what this was. that'll learn you matt bergman how dare you try to be artistic i can't be that mad at them true true but yeah man i appreciate you taking me down here it's been fun

um yeah you had uh max rosenblum do some shows with you uh at one point yeah and i want you to tell the story of uh why you brought max with you uh to to open for you oh yeah yeah so max was uh he was a local comic in dc and he moved out to la but uh yeah so i just want everybody to know this story yeah so some people think that you just like every now and again is that when you start to headline you get the opportunity to bring a feature or whatever yeah and a lot of the times you assume that that feature got brought along because you saw them do comedy so max was booking some shows in dc and he booked me on this one show and he popped in he was hoping for somebody at the kennedy center that night and that guy came down and did a spot on the show that i was on as well yeah so after the show that

guy walked up to max and Max is like, what? What was your description of him? 6'3", probably? 6'3", probably weighs like, I don't know, 105 pounds soaking wet, maybe. And most of that's his hair, probably. He's a jittery person, is a good way to describe him.

Yeah. Max would say another J word. We could say it. Max embr could say max embraces it yeah so i'm standing next to max like max rosenblum is a jew what what this should be called the shock podcast you say shocking things yeah yeah so i'm standing next to max and the guy walks up to him and goes hey man do you know anyone who can give me some Coke? And I realized Max is kind of like me in a lot of regards. Yeah.

And I'm like, how would I respond? And Max responded the exact way I'd expect him to respond, which was jittery, but wanting to please. Yes. So he goes, ah,

yeah, I think I might have a friend who might be able to. Yeah. So Max nervously takes out his phone and is texting and then he looks at the the headliner and very just goes do i say what should i say do i say blow like and like it made me laugh so i had to walk away from the conversation right because it was so funny to me yeah and then a couple months later, I got the opportunity to bring somebody with me to Williamsburg, the other club that this owner down here owns.

And they're like, hey, you want to bring a feature? I'm like, I'm going to ask you if this Max Rosenblum's available. And so I texted him, and he's like, oh, I'd love to. He's like, do you want me to send you a tape? I'm like, no, that cocaine thing was so funny to me that I'm sure you can do 30 more minutes. Right, right. There's something in there.

Yeah, I'm just picturing. The person you're talking about has been on this show, by the way. But I guess, I think on the show they talked about that proclivity as well. But we don't have to put it out there. Right. Yeah, I was trying to. It is funny that, yeah, that I just like, hey, man, can you give me some Coke? It's like, yeah, totally.

I can do that. It's like, no, can't you just say, like, I don't, I have never done it, but I don't think I know anyone who does. Yeah, like, I can try to reach out, but it is just so funny. It's just, should I, in the text, should I be like, can I score some devil's dandruff or something? I don't know the lingo. This picture of that person's face, too, of, like, Jesus Christ.

But it was, like, a guy that, you know, I actually respected his comedy, too. So, like, if somebody, like, Jesus Christ. But it was like a guy that Max really respected his comedy, too. So if somebody, I'm just trying to think of a name that I would like. If Colin Quinn, I love Colin Quinn. Right. And I doubt he does this, but he walked up to me after the show. Give me some damn blow. Yeah, not even blow. He was like, hey, do you know anyone that can score me some heroin?

Clearly, I don't. Yeah. But we all have one friend that maybe. If I could, I'd like to chase a dragon. Yeah. As dabbled in heroin so like i'd be like oh maybe i would say maybe because i want to continue the conversation with colin quinn right right where in my mind if i just said no he'd walk away and then meet somebody else and he's like dude i like you you can give me heroin how about you come on

the road yeah you're my new best friend yeah so i understand max's dilemma if you will right right right i want to continue this conversation but i will be able to provide yes nothing more nothing nothing uh yeah but uh but yeah man so yeah i appreciate you bringing me on the road i haven't had to get you coke at all but the day is not over not yet not over we'll make the day go by faster that's true might need some for the ride up actually actually. Maybe we can get some. But no, man, it's been nice. It's been like super chill. We just like went to the ocean, went to the pool.

We did the ocean one day. I got too hot. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty hot. You run hot, though. You've been running hot. No, I'm just constantly hot.

You're a hottie, man. So, yeah. Yeah. Normally, you know, we'd get into your background, you know, where you started and stuff. But you said you had a hottie man so um yeah uh yeah normally you know we'd get into your your background you know where you started and stuff but uh you said you had a story that you were very excited to tell i can't wait to tell this so let's get into that and then we'll we'll get into where you started this made me laugh so hard i was just talking my buddy and we have a mutual friend uh who he told me this is years ago so this guy's probably is his late 40s now. So he was probably in his late 30s when he did this.

This wasn't a young person thing. This was a man that was petty and trying to ruin somebody's day. But I think this, to me, might be the greatest revenge story ever. Really? So he's dating this girl for three years, and they break up.

But this guy had all of her passwords. Oh, boy. Because, of course, he did. He's the type of guy that, of course, probably on the first date, asked for passwords to guy had all of her passwords. Oh, boy. Because of course he did. He's the type of guy that, of course, probably on the first date, asked for passwords to get that out of the way. Listen, I'm going to want all your passwords because I'm a crazy person. Yeah. Good on her for sticking around for that for three years.

Exactly. So they break up. She's now dating another guy maybe like three months later. She's now going to Hawaii with this guy. He finds out through a mutual friend they're going to Hawaii. So what's her friend do? has her american airlines password he goes online changes both their seats to middle seats 19 rows away from each other for a nine hour flight oh my god nine hours wow what a beautiful like canceling would have been extreme we'd both make that's a shitty move yeah but middle seats to hawaii yeah is so funny to me yeah and also 19 rows away is a perfect

number perfect because it's like yeah you can either also you could probably have done like maybe like five or six because you're still out of range but you're close enough but 19 is like what the how did this happen in a middle seat for a nine hour flight that's ultimate revenge right there oh wow because it doesn't hurt them but it just keeps digging yeah it's it's you know that they're miserable because sometimes when you do that shit you're like well you know if you're thinking about like uh like a person you don't talk to anymore like a x or something like that like oh i hope that i hope this sucks for them but you don't really know and you're like no i know for sure that sucked for you yeah like god damn all right

matt well uh yeah so where did you uh you started in uh in buffalo started in buffalo i was like 20 yeah worked at uh this club called Commerce Cafe. It was like... I got lucky. The guy who took over the... It was like a B, C room in Buffalo. Every now and again, they get a bigger name act. Rich Voss came through there. Jim Florentine.

This is around the time Opie and Anthony was pretty huge. So they tried to grab somebody from there. Big New York guys. Yeah. But yeah, the owner went to my college for his uh what do they call that his uh i'm a blanking uh bachelor's associates but after oh masters masters yeah uh-huh no i forgot about that it happens that's what happens when you get out calls i would tell you i would edit that out but i've done too many of these that i just i don't care anymore no you shouldn't

and i think that's fine let people know that I struggle with words sometimes. No, I think you're a normal guy. There's no struggle there, you know? So yeah, so he was going there. So he knew me like trying to do comedy at Commerce Cafe, but he would see me at lunch all the time. So of course I would just like, he'd be like, oh, come on over and sit down

because no other kid was sitting with him. He was in his 40s. I'm the only 18 year old sitting down with him. Yeah, that is as. I'm the only 18-year-old sitting down with him. Yeah, that is a weird vibe when you're on campus. Hello, other youth. Yes. So, yeah. So, no, he helped me out a bunch in the beginning.

So, he would give me, like, guest spots, and then he eventually started emceeing me there. Nice. Yeah. So, I got to home for, like, Florentine and Voss. That's awesome. All these guys I wanted to. So, then do you move into New York City from there? Yeah, I moved to New York probably I'd say three or four years later.

I was like 24, 25. Right. I think that's a good age. You're still like young enough to like roll with the punches and be like, I'm poor, but it's all right. Like I'm doing comedy. I was very poor. I moved with a buddy of mine from cleveland and his buddy and we moved to a one bedroom apartment in astoria uh everybody either moves to like queens or astoria like all that

seems to be like all my comic buddies like they're like all right new york is way too expensive like i'm going out to queens it's the place to go it was at the time it was cheaper than it is now right right but it was it felt like enough because most guys who go out there probably on the road already are doing some road work so you could technically have a car right and you could get out of the city a lot quicker in queens than you could in manhattan right right and you're close enough to manhattan to do like spots in brooklyn and all that stuff yeah yeah i saw some friends who live in manhattan this is the thing that a lot of comics do by the way but they live in manhattan now but they came from queens so they still park their cars in queens and once a week come out and move it to the other side because you only have to do it like once a week and it's

way more worth it for them to come out grab their car and leave from god it seems like that should be like a service like dog walking just like car parking like once a week for comics yeah that could work so i'd pay 10 10 bucks yeah yeah bucks for you to go but it would just be hard to get the key right right you'd have to trust somebody you'd have you'd have to know like a queen's max rosenblum somebody that you could trust that's not going to steal your car and like drive to mexico or something you know like you know they're not going to fuck it up uh yeah okay so yeah so yeah you're in uh in astoria and then uh then what's what's happening there are you making some inroads in new york are you having the not really yeah i'll say my time in new york was fine but it was uh some things happened but i got extremely overwhelmed right away that's what it seems like yeah like every all my friends that move up there like i

say it all the time on this podcast but they always come back and they have like that 10 000 yard stare and they're like how's new york like it's hard yeah it's really hard somebody told me they're like you gotta wait at least two years before things kind of start to happen in new york you guys stick it out for about two years and then right around the two-year mark a few smidges of things start happening right right and then like even like after the first year like then you're just getting like acclimated to the city and you know like figuring out your routines and all that stuff too like just being a human being in new york oh i know and i was already doing some road stuff before so i got lucky when i first moved there my first weekend my weeks in New York were the greatest to the point where I'm like, well, look out, world.

Ah, shit. Just throw me out on Mount Rushmore of comedy. Here we go. Because I'd worked in Youngstown, Ohio, of all places. I was supposed to home in from Mike Birbiglia in Youngstown, Ohio. And then I got there. And that day, they told me, they're like, we're really sorry. He's actually bringing a feature.

We'll still pay you what we told you we would. And he said he's fine with you doing a guest spot. Because he was like, I'm not going to. Mike worked the road before. He's been there where he's got bumped. Still, that's cool. I mean, he could have said, like, thanks, but no thanks. Yeah, I don't know who this guy is.

I'm not going to let him do time on my show. And he is just starting to work on his one his one-man show sleepwalk with me too so i'm sure he didn't want some guy up there just you know he doesn't know what i do am i humping the stool i'm working youngstown ohio i can't be that good well you were working on your one-man show hump the stool exactly right so his feature was john mulaney who yeah exactly this this nobody this nobody yeah and uh so yeah we all hit it off really well and then so i moved to new york and i His feature was John Mulaney. Who? Yeah, exactly. This nobody. This nobody. Yeah. So, yeah, we all hit it off really well.

And then so I moved to New York and I hit up Mike the first week. No shit. I was just like, hey, man, I'm already overwhelmed. Yeah. Is there any advice you have? If you have, I know you're super busy, but if you have any time, sit down for coffee. Dude, I would love just to pick your brain for 30 minutes, you know? Right.

And he just sent back. He's like, yo, dude. He's like, I'm actually on the road right now but i need a i need an open on this comic central live tour next week he's like you can fly into charleston he's like i'll pay your way from there and you know this is the money for the show and so yeah and like the first week i went out and did like 4 500 seat like gym gymnasiums with burbiglia god damn so like a college thing yeah so i opened in god's pottery was also on that do you remember them at all god's pottery they were like a short lived kind of like there were two guys that like pretended to be like super religious and their

songs were about religion but it was all that kind of rings a bell yeah they were very funny yeah but i screwed that one up too i could have made so much more money on that because really i thought he was just paying for my hotel and my my food he said he'd pay for and then uh what else they say something else but like uh hookers and blow hookers but i had to stay with joe his brother his brother joe was on the tour yeah yeah because they like write together they write together yeah yeah. Yeah. And so they dropped me off in D.C. That's where we were leaving. So I was afraid of flying at the time.

I was terrified of flying. So I took a train from New York to Charleston, South Carolina, which took, I think it was 18 hours and 14 minutes, we'll say. God damn. I don't know why the 14's important. I like the we'll say. It adds to the extra, like, 18 is enough. But that extra 14 was really

difficult to get through i'm sure yeah that final countdown there like get me off this fucking turn exactly and then i i got off the train completely i think it's like five in the morning and i got a taxi ride over with this couple to the airport because that's where i'm supposed to meet him at the airport so i get to the airport like six in the morning i sleep in the lobby because he wasn't landing until like one jesus and i don't know why i did this but i think at that point i was sick and tired telling people why i didn't like to fly uh-huh because everyone will just tell you like it's the safest form of travel and then i just had to put up with that for five minutes because i know that but i was like i'm but yeah that's also like if you have a fear of something

you know it's like well not all spiders are gonna harm you it's like i don't care yeah i get it i'm afraid of them here's where we are do we need to do this conversation so yeah like thanks dr phil like that's just how it's like you shouldn't do drugs they're bad it's like well thank you for telling me now i know i just don't like people judging me you know well yeah but they're also like it's not that bad like like you haven't heard that before like oh yeah no i got it yeah so i get there and then i sleep and i'm disheveled and i wake up around noon but you know how it is if you sleep in an airport you're waking up every 12 minutes sure sure and i go and i meet him at his gate and he gets off the flight

and he goes, hey, buddy. He gives me like a hug and he's like, when did you get here? I go, dude, I just landed five minutes ago. Right? Because I don't want to have that conversation. And you literally look like a hobo. Like you've been sleeping.

Yeah. People are putting change in your cup. You're like, I just got here. I just got. So we do the run and then we're about to fly out of D.C., and I'm going to take a bus out of D.C. back to New York. So they think I'm flying home because I don't want to give away that I can't afford to fly.

And I'm going to take the Metro from Reagan to the bus station and then take like a $12 China bus home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, from Chinatown. Yeah, and then Mike on the drive goes, hey guys, the tour went so great, thank you so much. He's like, I'm going to take care of all your flights just as a thank you. He's like, so just send your receipts to me.

And I panic. Perfect, the perfect awkward moment because you're just like, he's doing such a nice thing, but now you're like god i have to fucking now i need to be like i lied or like you know what i mean yeah so what i say i go dude you don't have to thank you so much for bringing me on i told just to avoid the the awkwardness you're like well that awkwardness but now there's awkwardness between me and god's pottery who are gladly going to take the flights yeah because they were probably

taking a hit on they were starting to get some traction so they're like we're still gonna take the money like mike was kind of making fun of me he's like bergman is making it weird for you guys now huh and i'm like no man i just you know you were nice enough to bring me on the ride i don't want to take you i mean essentially probably cost me right between the bus trip and the train maybe a hundred extra dollars but i could use that a hundred extra dollars yeah definitely i mean free money absolutely regardless of like where you're at it'd be nice to have that money yeah but there's anything you learn from that just be honest with people about your fear of flying because they might they might pay for it so uh so did you work with Mike after that,

or was it just like after those two weeks, you're like, this is great, and then it's like, shoo. Like one more time in Buffalo, he came through, so he asked me if I wanted to open for him there. Nice. Yeah, he was really nice, and then, so that happened in the second week. My buddy, Jamie, Jamie Lisseau, who was already,

he's from Rochester originally. Nice, nice. He hooked me up with his management team, which is Omnipop, so they sent me to open up a couple gigs for jamie nice and once again i screwed that up because no historia is like all like 21st ave 21st street and i was getting numbers wrong so the management asked me for my address to send a check and i sent it to them and then i realized one day i was looking at our street sign i was like oh i sent them the wrong address so i sent them i'm like i am so sorry i just moved here i got the address wrong i sent them the new address and the guy's like oh don't

worry it happens whatever what a nice thing to say uh-huh and then i don't get the check for a couple other days and i sent him i still haven't gotten the check it was like a week later yeah he's like i sent it to this address and i looked and i looked at the address i sent him it was the wrong address again so now he's had to cancel two checks so i sent back i go you're not gonna believe this i good christ i've uh i've sent you the wrong address again and he just sent back. I could tell it was very passive aggressive because it wasn't like the typical like every management has like their name, the office number, the address. It was just blank.

All said, do not know where you live? Exclamation point, question mark, question mark, and nothing else. So that dude wasn't even going to take time to send me his information anymore because our relationship is over now. Right, right. He's like, don't contact me again. Do you not know? That's incredible. So I got it right.

Luckily, he still worked me a few other times and I've seen him since and he still brings that up to me. Yeah. Years later. Yeah, yeah. Because one time is like, we all make mistakes we all make mistakes

two times how do you not know yeah two you're just a moron who's afraid of flying right how uh how far away like that address how far away was it from your house the time like the second time you messed up um i don't it was probably about uh i'd say about three miles i i got i really got it was like 24 60 and it was like oh man i think i put like 62 40 i just really did you think about going to that house i would have done that first before i fired off another email i was too dumb to even my face be like red hot with embarrassment like hi did you get a check here for me like no get out of here psycho it was awful god man but yeah you're uh you're uh anxious guy i feel like all comics are like all like up in their head as it as it is but you have like some bits about it too which are just great talk about more on stage yeah yeah

yeah and uh yeah you got better with flying though too right because it's much better yeah because eventually you just figured out that it's like oh this is so much faster like it's terrifying but good christ i'm i'm much more excited to be here in an hour versus eight hours like i told my buddy i think i just became okay with dying in a plane more so than coming to terms with like flying. Right. Because if you think about it, there's some boring ways to die. At least in a plane crash, if it does go down.

Sure. I'll make the front page. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. It'll be good press. Yeah. If I'm flying back from somewhere, that usually means like it was a decent gig.

It's also, yeah. It's also more tragic, too. It's like, what could have been? Plane crash. If you just die, I don't know, autoerotic asphyxiation, bummer. If you died in Toledo doing that, that's not good. But if you die flying back from Toledo, jerking off in the air. Even so, coming back from Toledo is going to really lower your stock, if you will. Gotcha.

Gotcha. On the word tragedy. If you are ever flying back from Toledo and die, I'll be like, no, no, no. That was just his layover. Yeah. He was coming from Chicago. Chicago, LA. Somewhere else.

Somewhere cool. For sure. For sure. But yeah, we drove down here. We got down here at a good clip that wasn't bad yeah oh yeah so yeah we're gonna try to drive back tonight and speaking of dying tragically we're gonna try to focus up and no we don't want to know this has been a fun week but we don't want people yes did we can't have this be our final gig no it's like and then they uh left the comfort in, and they were never heard from again.

Yeah, we don't want that. No. We don't want that. No. We don't want that. This is your first big week, though. Like, not big week, but your first long week that you've had. Yeah.

This is my first, quote, unquote, like, week on the road, really. Like, you know, I'll do some stuff here and there. Because, yeah, being baltimore i can do like dc virginia pennsylvania delaware maybe even like go up to new york and do a spot out there or you know and i've been out to la but i've never done like the like hey you're you're staying somewhere for the weekend or the week just to do comedy so we've been down here we're doing wednesday to sunday and it's long man yeah i mean and you and i we're in like the best probably uh conditions really for the road like we are

staying at the the owner's house but it's very nice yes yeah exactly yeah they live right on uh what is that back there is that a river or is that what they call that i don't know i think that's a river yeah but it leads out to the sound. Right, which again... Is that a crick? Would that be more of a crick? The sound? See, is the sound a bay? I don't know.

Oh, interesting. People are like, who cares? Who gives a shit, you idiots? It's a body of water. But yeah, that said, yeah. So we're like right by the ocean, basically. And there's a fucking community pool that we can swim at. And then that's on the sound. And we've just like stayed busy went to the ocean and even still

we're like hey let's get back to our shitty lives in baltimore and dc yeah you've got me pretty busy man like more so than i've been coming down here for almost i started coming down here when i lived in new york right so that was 2007 2008 so yeah so like 10 11 years 11 years yeah so i've known these this the owners are the same after all these years yeah and most of the time we come down and there'd always be like one day to hang out at the beach but most of the time i would just kind of hang out my room for the most part the days would drag right right because you can only sleep so much yeah Yeah. Right? Yeah.

You'd be surprised what I could pull off, though. If you really get in your depression, you can pull off a good 14 of 24. That's true. That's true. It takes work. You mix masturbation there. Speaking of work, then you're out. You are out.

But no, I'm like, man, no. Even this is ideal. You and I have had fun hanging out and then even still i'm like all right let's get back to my life yeah yeah but um yeah man i can see why comics on the road are just like jesus christ yeah like i need to get out of here four four days is i mean three day weekends are the best right right because it's like right when it starts to hit you of like all right i'm ready to go that's the third day yeah my favorite are right now so i'm not i'm not doing like not like headlining like a whole lot of a rooms but like i'm starting to do like a lot of like b clubs which like yeah i have credits enough

where they can headline me yeah but a lot of these rooms only go like friday and saturday but it's so great yeah because like like i have one coming up in minnesota in uh in november it's the joke joint out there which is awesome it's right in saint paul minnesota it's a decent payday but it's like i hop on a flight friday morning i land i take a nap i do one show friday wake up the next day do two shows sat, and out on Sunday. That's great. To me, that's almost the same as doing a theater. When I hear people doing these fly-in, fly-out gigs, they sound so great to me. Yeah, and that's pretty cool to do one on Friday because it's sort of like a warm-up,

sort of like, let me get loose, get acclimated. Then Saturday, you're well-rested. Bam, two shows Sunday morning, home by Sunday afternoon. Yeah, home in time for a football game. Lovely. Yeah. Bam. Two shows Sunday morning. Home by Sunday afternoon. Yeah. Home in time for a football game. Lovely. Yeah. Lovely.

Maybe go on a log ride at the Mall of America. Yeah. You got to. We did one. My wife and I did a log ride last time we were there. She came along with me and a friend of mine lived there and it was Easter weekend. So we stayed an extra day and went to the Twins game. Nice. But we went to the Mall of America just because you have to.

Yeah. And then we're like, let's go on a roller coaster at the Mall of America. Let's go all in. Yeah. Why the fuck not? And there's a log ride. You're there? You're not going to do a log ride?

Yeah. It's like being here and not going to the ocean. Exactly. What are you going to do? Paul Bunyan was in the log ride. It was wonderful. Was he? Yeah.

He was just there. Him and Ox. Nice. Yeah. That's cool. They did a guest spot that night, right? At the show. No, I just did. He didn't seem like he really knew what he was doing. Oh, right. him and ox nice yeah that's cool they did a guest spot that night right at the uh no i just said and he didn't seem like he really knew what he's doing oh right i don't need to have prop comedy

up there humping a log yeah you know you got to bring that axe everywhere you go paul right come on he's like y'all motherfuckers ever be chopping down a tree you know um yeah man it's uh yeah i can see how like it definitely eventually becomes a grind where you're like you know we Yeah, man. It's, yeah, I can see how, like, it definitely eventually becomes a grind where you're like, you know, when you hear people say, like, that they're like, they're like, I mean,

they're like, I hate the road, but I love, like, that hour that I'm performing. Like, it's all about that. Yeah. Yeah. Where, so, yeah, my first weekend, I worked with Nick Griffin, who you know. He's the best.

Yeah. So, that was my first weekend hosting. Where? At, who you know. He's the best. Yeah. So that was my first weekend hosting. Where? At Magoobies. At Magoobies? Yeah. And I was so excited. You know, like your first club weekend.

You're like, we're doing it. Yeah. And Nick was, he's like quietly just like a fucking workhorse, man. I hadn't heard of him when uh when i got booked for the weekend and i figured he must be good i mean he's working at a club so i like looked him up and stuff and he had been on letterman like 13 times and just like just one of those guys is just out there just doing stand-up just like consistently and uh and he was he wasn't like standoffish but you could tell like he was just like like he wasn't

a jerk or anything he just felt like he was polite but like didn't want to like yeah he's making he's quiet he's a quiet presence and uh yeah even like conversations and i i guess i consider nick a friend now and even our conversations are pretty quick and to the point yeah yeah so so uh like yeah i went up and uh i did did my set and then came back to the green room when the the feature was on and nick was in there and he was sitting on the couch and like he just kept kind of like rubbing the back of his neck and looking at the floor and he's like how are they and i was like they're good they're good like i had fun and i'm excited for the weekend he's like yeah okay yeah and he's trying to make small talk. And I was like, so you going anywhere after this?

You doing a run of shows? Or, you know, because I knew he's based in New York. And he's like, yeah, I'll be in Connecticut next week. And then from there, I got some other stuff. Like still kind of looking at the floor. Solid Nick Griffin impression. Very kind of like, yeah, like bassy, but still like quiet. Yeah, yeah. And he's very kind of like bassy, but still like quiet. Yeah, yeah.

And he's like kind of just rubbing his neck. And I was like, man, so how many weekends are you out on the road? And he was like, about 45, you know? Yeah. And I was like, wow, 45 weekends. That's a lot. Do you like it? And then he stops looking at the floor, stops rubbing his neck,

and just looks at me and goes i hate it i was like god damn it was just so funny like the opposite ends of the spectrum of like headliner out on the road all the time my first weekend i'm like and he's like it's killing me yeah but each night he went up he fucking crushed like he was great he's the best he's one of the best he just i almost maybe edit it out if you want to but he has a new line i won't do the full thing but he's talking about concerts it kills me like he's talking about going to concerts he has this long bit about it yeah yeah yeah and then his line in there somebody next to him goes like there's he's like there's a three minute drum solo i don't even know if it's good some guy next to me goes oh man isn't that amazing he's like i don't i don't play the

drums i don't know he's like i don't know i don't know if it's good yeah uh he's uh dude he's so funny he's um yeah but he was just really cool so it's just it was just funny to see like oh yeah this is like after a while it's just fucking it's work man to get out there you've seen baltimore you've seen like i get excited about new places or i get excited about if there's something i can check out the next time i'm there that i didn't get to check out before like when i go back to calgary uh-huh in uh march yeah there's a hockey game the night i fly in so i'll be able to catch i've wanted to see this like hockey arena since i've been there and they haven't been home last time i was there i was hoping to be in the playoffs and they weren't so right the radio station that i do they have tickets

so i can go check out a game so that'll be cool nice um how is uh morning radio you like doing that yeah no i don't yeah um yeah but some some stations are really good you know right is it the thing where they're just like uh like are they they trying to tee you up for bits and stuff like that? You know exactly what it's going to be. Right. If you go in, they're like, usually they just tape it and it's five minutes. It's going to be bad morning radio or afternoon radio. Yeah.

Because it's usually just some guy that also hates what's going on in his life. And he doesn't even do enough time to really, the reason they have to tape it, because he doesn't have 15 minute intervals, it's seven minute intervals have to tape it, because he doesn't have 15-minute intervals. It's seven-minute intervals at most. Oh, and then commercials and music and stuff? Exactly. Gotcha, gotcha. So it's just like...

Yeah. It's always the same thing. Hey, where are you from, Matt? Uh-huh. Oh, the Bills. And you just kind of do... And then before you know it, it's over. You're like, was this...

Who is going to come to a show based on this? It's such a weird old model. You know, like, all right, we got Matt Bergman in the studio. Bills aren't too good. Fart noise. And you're like, I guess that helps. I guess that helps me. And I never feel good when I walk away from it either.

You know, I'm just like, I could have been better. Yeah. But there's some shows out there that are great. Like, I just did Todd and Tyler in Omaha. Oh, I've heard of them. They're killer. They're so great. it was so much fun i should have come came out probably with a couple newer bits i do on stage now just out of conversations that we had like

when they trust you just to be funny and also trust you to be quiet for five minutes yeah that's nice when you know like i'm gonna be here for two hours if i don't feel like i can be funny about this i'm going to sit this one out yeah which is great you don't want it i would be annoying to have a guy that's constantly like yeah here's my take on it's like you can hang back on a couple of these yeah you don't have to always be sharp shooting right um yeah and that's a much better way to do i think in the in the age of podcast and stuff too like there's no need to do this like fake radio thing either where it's like clearly you're being teed up for bits and they're like all right that's matt bergman everybody it's like just talk to me like a human

being i'm fine with that early on i used to do this radio show in buffalo called shredding reagan who they've always been great to me uh-huh and i was i was just not ready for i mean it was essentially open micing on a very good radio show because i didn't do a lot of radio so but they would have me in from time to time and i remember one thing specifically i was already feeling like i wasn't very funny on that show and they didn't know they were they weren't doing this on purpose or anything but i just remember it this way like they were like hey we got matt bergman studio day what's going on matt and i'd be like hey guys and like that was that right and they were waiting for you to be like a little more a little more right so they were like all right so they did something about like the shows

and they're like hey we're stick around for the news man we're gonna do some new stuff i'm like cool yeah and typical thing of just sitting one out like yeah the second news story is uh somebody died in a house fire i was going to say it's something brutal right something brutal yeah children died in a house fire as well like family of four sure go ahead and just let that one be delivered obviously this has to be talked about on the news and stick around for maybe like some guy cuts off his penis you know well that means there's four tickets available now uh yeah those people aren't coming to show so make sure you hop on it all i said i just jumped on the mic when they said it i'm like oh my god that's terrible

and they're like comedian matt bergman over there like they just kind of but no you're just being a human being a human being but like why do i need to like yeah of course like yeah i think that's terrible there's no reason that's just me need to like, yeah, of course, like, yeah, I think that's terrible. There's no reason. That's just me need to hear my voice into the microphone. Yeah. So then. But yeah, that is like, but yeah, it's also earnest on your part because it is like a weird verbal double Dutch where you're like, all right, I got to jump in here at some point. Yeah.

And you're like, that's awful. They're like, yeah. Do you have anything more? Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be weird, too, because, yeah, radio is like a whole different beast, right? Yeah. Like then comedy wise. So you have anything more right yeah yeah i mean it's got to be weird too because yeah radio is like a whole different beast right like then comedy wise so you have to and then it's also guys you've never met before and you're like hey we have a rapport and yeah what are you guys into

what's the weird things we can talk about right how far can we push the the innuendos you know yeah yeah um yeah but you're uh yeah you're a pretty low-key guy though so i'm sure like yeah is going on the road like just the toughest thing just getting through the days of like it can be i've tried a little bit better to to spread it out how i kind of go about my day like i think i stay awake later at night to sleep in a little more during the day yeah and then you get through the afternoon and grab some lunch i try to go out and grab coffee. You've been doing that this week where you grab a coffee. Yeah, yeah.

It's been nice here because you can kind of if you want to. We just go to the pool and whatnot. So we've been killing time pretty well this week. Yeah, yeah. It's been good. But man, yeah, it does. It takes its toll. Yeah, it's weird because it's like, it's not bad. It's actually, it's like it's not bad it's actually it's like really

like people would like kill to trade for it but then it's insane to complain about that's why so right feel so fraudulent to complain about yeah the life that we've led this past but it is true it's like god damn so yeah you got to try to stay busy with some stuff but yeah i definitely see why people are like like develop like a drug habit or whatever. Like, definitely, like, let me drink a bunch. It's like, well, you know, idle time, you know? Yeah. Idle hands or whatever.

At most, you're going to do is an hour, you know? Like, some comics I know go, like, longer than that. But overall, once you reach the, quote, unquote, mecca of comedy, you're doing an hour a night. Yeah. For probably four nights a week. Mm-hmm. You know, even at the theater level you're probably doing some travel days or even two days a week yeah it's like that downtime it's like i

see why it's what they say with retirees like when they retire if they don't do another job they die off in like five years yeah you got to have a purpose for the moment yeah yeah you got to be doing something exactly um but uh you know it's been it's been cool to hang and like uh to go out and like be able to do shit and like uh we saw mission impossible that was fun very good perfect movie theater movie but the uh the people have been pretty fun i really enjoyed our uh experience of jolly roger we've immersed ourselves in the locals and even more you had a better experience than I had because what happened was

that guy talked to you and this is what always happens sometimes and I need to be more aware of this. Sometimes I just leave conversations mentally and physically.

Totally. I just turned away from the guy. I'm like, I'm done with that conversation. Yeah, your brain just floats away. He'll give me a summary.

Yeah, like if we were a tag team, you're like, you go. You pin him. It's fine. Exactly's fine exactly yeah we went to uh this place uh jolly roger uh sponsor the show and uh went there for breakfast just because it's so cheap and it's like a italian restaurant you can tell that has been retrofitted into a pirate breakfast place or some shit. And yeah, the breakfast has been like really cheap. It's like $3.99 or something like that.

And we were getting our breakfast and we sat at the bar because the restaurant was really packed. And even talking about the breakfast, like, man, it's really cheap. And there's like a dude already a couple beers deep at 10.30 in the morning. It's like, well, in the off season, it's really cheap you know there's like a dude already a couple beers deep at 10 30 in the morning it's like well in the off season it's 99 cents and it's like great i don't know who gives a fuck right mine's 399 i don't care it's not like i kind of cared about that it's something that was cheap food yeah i was like oh man i'm into cheap food but it's not that

much i'm not you know it's just like, you really got it made in the shade. Like, I'm fine. I don't care. But there's, yeah, there's a dude sitting next to us. Big guy, older guy, big handlebar mustache. And speaking of cheap food, we were talking about Little Caesars because there is a. It's like an ad on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I brought the NCAA tournament. Yeah, yeah. It was like a Bud Light thing because the Cleveland Browns and Bud Light, like if Cleveland wins a game, Bud Light's going to give all this free beer to Cleveland. Yeah. And then we talked about UMBC winning in the NCAA tournament

and then Little Caesars had to give away all that free pizza, which is hilarious too because we were talking about how there were lines around the block for Little Caesars, and it's like, every other day it's $5, you guys. It's okay. They're like, no, I want that free fucking shit. That was essentially 99 cent breakfast to them.

Yeah, right, right. And you're like, yeah, man, I love it. I went, and I was like, yeah. And then the guy next to us just hops in. Speaking of verbal double dutch, he's like, oh, I'm in this conversation now. Yeah, he tagged me out, and I was like, and then the guy next to us just hops in speaking of uh verbal double dutch he's like oh i'm in this conversation now yeah he tagged me out and i was like okay i'm out yeah like i'm gonna eat my hash brown but uh and he just goes uh he's like i love little caesars man yeah it's it's for what you know for what you pay it's not bad yeah i love little caesars i love

i love a pizza hut little caesars i I love eating that stuff, and I love eating pussy. They're like, here we are. Wow. Really escalated there to two strangers at 1035 in the morning. Yes. And that made me laugh, so he just kept going with it, too, and he was like, yeah, man, I tell you, I love eating that stuff, because when you get older, whew, about my tongue is the only thing that stays hard anymore jesus christ sir good god oh my god i really wish i was paying attention but maybe i'm glad i didn't because yeah what am i going to add to that conversation there wasn't there wasn't much i could do i was like oh well yeah there you go and he's like, yeah, man.

I mean, everybody talks about what happens in your body when you're younger. Nobody talks about what happens when you get older. It all just goes limp. And I'm like. I think we already knew that, sir. Yeah. Yeah. And then I just, then there were like two other drunk guys.

And one of them was like, is that a dick on your phone? And that really caught this guy's attention. Where I was like, is he just like a closeted dude? Because he was like, do you have a dick on your phone? And that really caught this guy's attention. I was like, is he just like a closeted dude? Because he was like, do you have a penis on your phone? Do you have a penis on your phone? I was like, Matt, where are we? What are we doing? And that was a $3.99 breakfast.

Imagine the trash that was out for the $0.99. My God. My God. The guy's like, I love a $0.99 breakfast. But you know what else I love? Pussy. More than anything. I like a good $0. cent breakfast, but you know what else I love? Pussy. More than anything. I like a good 99 cent breakfast, but I love eating ass.

Yeah. Good Christ. Yeah. But here we are, man. We're going to make it. We're going to make it out of here. I think we are. One more show, you know?

Maybe another burger or something. We're going to eat a lot of burgers this week. Yeah. But it's, you know, we're working it out. You had five guys for the first time. I did. I did. I had sex with five guys in the restaurant. Come on, everyone. Hey, now. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.

Speaking of five guys, five guys died in a fire recently. But yeah, man. So yeah, what do you got going on next? The grind continues because you're out there. Speaking of Nick Griffin, you're on the road what 40 weeks a year yeah throw it around there yeah dc has been a huge help to some degree because i am able to stay around more like you know with draft house you know probably a couple times a year and then uh that new room that's jumping

up in dc the dc comedy loft and usually improv is able to hook so that's been really nice yeah to have like a hub that already has some like established spots is nice right exactly um yeah i go to buffalo next week where i'm originally from and doing some shows there and yeah um i go to atlantic city at the end of the month hell yeah uh oh yeah and so yeah on the ride home too this is like where you're at now too is like we we were uh working it out together of whether you should work a club in uh in florida yeah and you're like it's 800 bucks i'm like oh that's good and you're like but i had a terrible time there yes yeah and so coca beach florida i'll even say that i mean i guess i won't say the name.

Then somebody can be like, I wasn't talking about you guys. There was another one-nighter. Yeah. And if somebody from the Cocoa Beach Club is listening 48 minutes in, God bless them. True fans. I'm going to send them out a windbreaker. No, yeah.

You helped me through that one. Yeah. It would have been perfect because I do a college in Buffalo on a wednesday and that would have been a thursday through saturday so i could have flown out my parents live near there yeah so i could have seen them but the last time i was there and i was there with a really funny feature named hannah hogan who's out of nashville she's actually uh she's dating dusty slay do you know dusty slay uh he just said kimmel and then he also did a tonight show jimmy fellon like maybe like a week ago they're both really funny they're nice a good power couple you know good young power couple there you go and i was just talking to her and just be like

she's like i miss this is awful the shows were at nine o'clock every night like late late coco beach it's like there's just not much nine o'clock you have all day yeah it's so late it was lightly attended you know yeah there's maybe like i think the most we had in there was like maybe 40 people damn how many does it hold i'd say maybe like 125 150 that's a big room then yeah yeah it just wasn't like it was when i would get off stage, like I felt I accomplished nothing. The shows were fine. Right. But I didn't try anything new because it wasn't a room

where you felt comfortable to really try a whole lot of new things. And you weren't excited. It didn't seem like conducive to. Yeah. And the days were, I didn't even have like, I didn't have a car because somebody drove me down and then Hannah was giving me a ride back to the airport so there's just like a Denny's across

the street something about eating at Denny's it can really and it was only three days you know but it's still it felt like it felt longer than this week because yeah you probably just are in the middle of nowhere too it's like what the fuck am I doing out here and you didn't get food

either which sucks like it's not paid for at the club yeah club didn't provide any food they provide i think it was like 25 off food which is just like it's a whole slap in the face i get it if the club only like this club down here rents a room from the comfort inn right so of course there's no food so it's not a standalone thing exactly but if it's a standalone club that has food yeah you gotta give it to the comedian you could go ahead and we're not gonna order steak we know how this works yeah provide like a small like a five item menu yeah the comics that's ten dollars and under yeah spaghetti and meatballs whatever burgers tenders like yeah hook a brother up right don't just be like oh yeah you

can get food uh we discount it it's like uh fuck you And I know maybe somebody's listening to this and goes like, well, you're already making 800 bucks. Just use that money for the food. It's like, no, it's just not the. Yeah, kind of. I mean, it sucks. You got to build that in where it's like, okay, 800. But then for three days, you have to eat all day.

Right. And like travel's not included for a lot of comics in this position I'm in. So like. So, yeah. Granted, the tax is right off if you want to get really technical at the end of the year. But that's still a it's it's nice it just leads to yeah you feeling better about the show and it wants you to provide a better show when he's taking care of you it is nice it's just like oh okay there's uh some respect here a little bit where it's not just like yeah just go do your you

know do your funnies up there you You don't need food, do you? Likewise. Yeah. Go up there, you fucking clown. What, the clown needs a burger? Get out of here. This is a room I did. I just say it.

When I went there the last time I was there, they go to Hannah. They're like, you'll do like 35. They're trying to like, most of the time, Headliner does 45. Feature does 30. Yeah. Right? right yeah that's how most clubs work and then obviously they go if you're having fun do a little bit longer to the headline so they i think they told her to do 35 and i immediately long feature set i told her i go because i don't think she was making anywhere near even they might not even paid 100 a show for her i hope they did but right they go to i was like just do 25 to 30 i go they're not paying you enough and then they asked me they're like and

you'll do an hour because they didn't hire like they'd mc only doing like five minutes so they're trying to get us to fill in that extra time because they weren't paying the mc it's like no no that's not how so i just told them i go i'll do 45 and if i'm having fun maybe i'll do 50 and the guy goes he's like well you, normally our headliners do an hour. I just go, well, normally headliners get food too. And he just laughed and he's like, oh, okay. That's a great line. I'm like, I'm not going to.

Good for you, man. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have to. It probably sounds cocky right now. No. You got to take care of yourself out there. Yeah.

That's where I think people like uh can go to the dark side with that stuff like once you start to move up a little bit where it's like you put up with that stuff for so long and it's it's not it does sound childish to be like well they didn't feed me but they should that should be a part of it like you know you do enough of that and you're on the road 40 weeks a year it's like no no fucking take care of me like i shouldn't be paying for yeah this is my home for the week so yeah let's try to make this and this isn't glamorous it's not like yeah so it's like i'm in fucking middle of nowhere like basically i'm on the set of mad max essentially

but in florida feed me motherfucker while i entertain you but then yeah as you move up the echelons it's like people can hold on to that it's like the dark side of the force where they're like, no, fuck you. Now I made it like, you know, I don't think I'll ever get that way. I feel like the guy I work with the most is,

uh, is John Heffron. And I feel like I see a lot of me in him, which probably scares my wife a little bit. Sure. And John will be the first time in it too. He's got his, his things that he's very specific on.

But to that said, I've never seen him really like be annoyed. Like as long as they treat him well, like he doesn't care about the hotel. Like he doesn't need

to be a five-star hotel. He just needs to be a comfortable hotel. He just has to make sure there's room for his go bag, his security camera, his tape that he puts on the door.

I worked with him at DC Improv for a weekend. And yeah, he just seems like a very specific yeah guy did he show you his tactical plan he just carries a tactical pen on him at all times he might have so funny uh yeah i just remember like watching like his like his instagram stories i don't know if it was from that weekend maybe the weekend after but it was like he's like here's

how you can make sure they're not going through your stuff at the hotel like literally like putting like you know like fail safe stuff like if this has been moved somebody's been in your room what happens when you have four days on the road with nothing to do yeah like you're just like well i'm paranoid about this let's see how deep i can get on the worst wormhole right yeah and the wheels are like internally are already still spinning and you're like oh yeah what if what if somebody is going through my stuff yeah i gotta i gotta make sure i gotta stop this shit but he's a great guy to like kind of like uh who's reached success yeah and when he had that like he still kind of was just like he had spent so many years on the road yeah he could have gone the route i mean like crazy rider and stuff like that but he just needs because he just wants to eat a burger yeah with no bun a little

bit of fries yep yep he doesn't drink yep you know yeah no it's super funny man that guy he's a killer um but yeah i i think that yeah you're too nice of a guy that to where i could that would be i i can't see you turning to the dark side being like get out of my green room to like the feature it's mine yeah yeah i'd be too paranoid that everyone would be talking about me no i want you guys all around so i can hear everything you're saying about me that's the only reason i want you in the green room yeah i get the green room to myself then you guys go in this room that i have mic'd and set up cameras to record all of your conversations. But other than that, have fun out there.

Yeah. Really like you guys a lot. Also, sell my merch after the show. Thank you. Is that your most, I won't even say like diva, but like is that your like on the road? Is the Cocoa Beach one of the more definitive times where you've had to draw the line and be like no like yeah that's one of the few times i probably spoke up and just i'm like yeah after i said it i just

want to be like i should apologize like i thought about for three days about him like that was rude you know he's just trying to tell yeah he's not even the main guy he's just working for the people he's just relaying that that's what they said about the nazis at the camps matt you know just do it feeding them yeah like look man i've been working all day can i get i know you're just a cog in the machine um but yeah man i it's been great i really appreciate you bringing me down here and stuff so like you've been doing great too man it's always nice thank you i mean you know what you're doing you know this is not the easiest uh i mean i'll be the first say and les would be the first day too it's not the easiest they go up there and start the show but essentially the feature down here is hosting kind of hosting as well you kind of take what they've kind of said they ask that people celebrate

anything and you can kind of you still have to use your first three to five minutes just getting them warmed up breaking the the jokes and you're used to doing that so much that yeah transitions very nicely thanks man no and the crowds have been uh they've been good they've been a little older but they've been fun like a fun older like because it's just people on vacation that are like yeah let's let's let's cut loose you know yeah yeah it's like it's not and then there'll be some young people but the same thing like everybody's on vacation so for the most part they all just want to like cut loose you know yeah it's like it's not and then there'll be some young people but the same thing like everybody's on vacation so for the most part they all just want to like cut loose you know yeah it's not your normal comic club situation but overall they've made it like decent where you

don't feel like yeah well this is weird right you know right exactly exactly so yeah man i i appreciate you bringing me down and uh let's uh let's do some more stuff, you know? We went to Bonkers that one time, actually. Or no, yeah, Bonkers in the casino in Maryland. Yeah, you already came up with that one. You got to see me and my casino friends. Oh, my God. That's dangerous, by the way. You want to talk about if you have a lot of time on your hands,

throw me in a casino with nothing else to do. Yeah, yeah. So we got, I think I got like 50 bucks or something because it was my first time at the casino. Because I get to start with 50, right? Remember? Yeah, you got a rewards card. That's right.

And if you get a rewards card, you spin a wheel, which you can win up to five to like $500 in free play, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone always gets five. Maybe sometimes people get 10. You somehow spun this wheel, because it's like a digital wheel. It's not like a main wheel where you have a shot. it's like you know what's gonna happen and you got 50 bucks

yeah the bat and i it was so funny i was like oh i'll just cash that out and they're like no no you can't you have to play with it and i was like okay all right once you lose 50 dollars whatever you're left with from what you've won is what you can cash exactly exactly because i was like man i'm ready to just call it right there like 50 bucks that sounds good but yeah no you were you're showing me all the ropes and you're just like no no press this this this and then like you were doing really well and then uh it's just funny like we talked about it on uh earlier but like um the shit that you care about when you're playing uh fucking the slots yeah it's like all right man if we get

three more golden penguins then whoo buddy we're gonna be back up all right i know we're down now but i know we're due for a fucking golden penguin and like so yeah i think we did well that night and then uh went to bed like relatively late i wake up around i don't know maybe like nine something i see i have texts from you and you're like hey man come down i'm already in the casino and i was like jesus matt yeah i did blackjack and i was sitting at a machine and i won like 120 yeah you text me you're like hey man i want 120 bucks fucking it's 9 13 i think overall i went through the roller coaster i think i walked out with 50 bucks which it could have been way worse i think think at one point I was probably down 200.

No, I was impressed. I was like, God damn, man. That was a fun one. And that was another one where it was... Should have been a disaster, but it wasn't. Wasn't, wasn't. Good show, good show. We only had one weird lady at the end.

I might have talked about it on the podcast before. Yeah, just because a lot of it's like recapping like shows we've done and shit and uh yeah that one weird woman where it was like okay you know those conversations where people just linger a little too long and like the the evolution like we've already we're done you know like yeah it's like oh are you really from dc yep okay yeah then it's like okay Just, uh, I live in whatever town or I grew up near there. It's like, okay. And it's like, are you really from there? Yep. I live at so-and-so. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's nice. Then she goes, yeah, it's nice, but, uh, a lot of Asians there. And it's like, just get out of here. I don't like where this

is going. You didn't have to add the racism at the end. Just like, oh, we both live in similar places. Thanks for coming to the show. And if she just stopped there, but it's the way she put it, like, yes, there are. It's like that Bill Burr bit. It's like, no, that's not racist.

There are a lot of Asians. Right. That said, the way you're going with this, I don't think the thing that's going to follow up that. And I love it. Former statement. Yeah, exactly. A lot of Asians there, and they're great for the community.

Exactly. I can't get enough Chinese food. Oh, fantastic. Yeah. No, that's not happening. Not happening. All right, man. Well, yeah, I'm going to get this out maybe tomorrow,

and I appreciate you doing the pod and bringing me down, man. All right. And how much am I getting paid for this? Oh, you're getting 25% off your meal. And your meal is a dollar. Yeah. Do you want to plug anything? Plug your Twitters and Instagrams?

And you got an album out? Yeah. Just Twitter, Berkman Comedy. And then Instagram, Berkman Comedy. And then Industry Darlings is the podcast that myself and Josh Potter. Yeah, that's right. That's fucking great, man. Yeah, you guys recorded yesterday.

Yeah. Yeah, the thing where it's like you do a whole episode, and you're like, that wasn't that good. Yeah. Let's do it again. And we recorded an episode, yeah. We've done that, I think, twice now, where both of us just kind of agree at the end.

We're like, I don't think that went well at all. Nothing was really interesting. Even the stuff we talked about, like care you know like it just cares yeah yeah i mean that's that's most podcasts you know it's like who cares i know people are out there yeah god bless them good for them god bless them they listened they definitely listened so uh yeah man um yeah check out matt's stuff it's uh quite good, quite good. And yeah, check out the podcast on iTunes and Google Play and Stitcher and Laughable and all that stuff. Follow me, I'm at Josh Katerna on Twitter and Instagram. My co-host Umar is on there as well.

And yeah, we'll talk to you guys next time. David Koechner, take us out. Take Russian Sessions, come on to an end. and uh yeah we'll talk to you guys next time david keckner take us out Thank you. Bye.