The Digression Sessions - Ep. 269 - Umar & Josh!

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down and catch up on the last few weeks! Umar fainted, Josh opened for J-Piv, there were some whack weddings, and Josh turns 32 on Thursday. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! See them live too! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Hey! Hey! Podcast! We're here. Again. Three weeks. We're queer. Wait. Yes. Ah, the dig sesh. I always. We're queer. Wait. Yes. The dig sesh.

I always think this is floss. Your case for your. My ear pods. Ear pods. My ear pods. Yeah. Josh really likes flossing. Yeah.

I carry it around everywhere. Yeah. I actually put my ear pods. We haven't potted in three weeks, everyone. Well, me and Josh haven't. Yeah. I did one with height. That was a lot of fun.

Nice. I love that fella. And yeah, we've just been, you know, busy. Busy boy. Or sometimes we're just like, ah. Yeah. You know, fuck it. We don't prioritize this.

Yeah, we don't make money on this. Yeah, it's fine. If we did, I would not miss this. People would say, too, it's like, maybe you'd make money if you were more regular. And it's like, hey, shut up. They're probably right. They're definitely right. They saw that we took it seriously.

Guess what, people? You're right. You got it. But here we are. We got a lot to talk about. You open up for Jeremy Piven. Oh, J. Piv, close personal friend of mine. I want to hear about that.

So, yeah, I had not heard good stories from you included. Yeah. Yeah, I got the opportunity to open for him at the uh illustrious baltimore comedy factory so weird which is which used to be a dinner theater in the best western hotel on the outskirts of baltimore it's on the edge of dundalk yeah uh but now it's funny it's a best western plus i was just joking like what what are we doing yeah like they're just like now we have beds you know but you know what's crazy uh people i work with they go they go to the comedy factory yeah i mean tickets are cheap like jeremy piven they were

doing a flash sale so tickets were 15 bucks wow i mean you saw did it sell out two item minimum uh i don't know uh thursday didn't i'd say there was like maybe like 150 maybe wow it is thursday but i would think every show for him would sell out but i guess he's kind of because a lot of people i was like dude my buddy's opening for jeremy pippen they're like who yeah yeah it's the guy from entourage they're like what yeah which guy yeah who's entourage what he's talking about? But he's huge. Is he an A-lister? I wouldn't say he's an A-lister.

He's probably like B. Yeah. His hair plugs are A, though. Oh, they're good. They're A+. They're really good. Yeah, he was on stage touching his hair and stuff. I was like, dang. Yeah, him, Joel McHale.

Joel McHale has great hair plugs. Yeah, really good. Real nice. But no, yeah, so I had heard that he's like kind of a dick and uh so then i was like oh man i want to like see this and just observe what's gonna go yeah happen and uh and i had a thought too i was like wow she's just gonna be normal and he was yeah he was just nice did you show with him in the green room a little bit nice and not not like you know i wasn't like hey hey jeremy what's up yeah it's just uh like we came in the green room they're like hello and he like got up like made it a point to like get up and shake our hands and he's like hey i'm jeremy it's like yeah i know i got it i got it but he had like

a cameraman with him with like a big camera documenting everything. And Alabama, the host, was like, is there anything you don't want us to talk about or anything you don't want us to say? And he's like, just don't make fun of me too much, I guess. Oh, that's cool. I was like, no, we're not going to. He's like, but other than that, say whatever you want, man. It's comedy. It's the last bastion of free speech. And I was like, wow.

Okay. Other than that, say whatever you want, man. It's comedy. It's the last bastion of free speech. And I was like, oh, all right. Okay. So I heard from, I won't say who, but like from somebody that when he was at a club, the guy, like a manager who's worked at the club for a long time picked him up. Yeah. And he had just bought a brand new car. And like, so Piven gets in the car with his assistant. Yeah. So he had a guy with him that was like filming everything so i don't know

if that's i don't think it was that he didn't have a camera crew with him this time oh okay and uh he didn't talk to the driver at all like at one bit which is fine he probably thought he probably didn't like you know he's probably he's just a driver yeah and uh what it's just making me think of a story about tom arnold and uh and you know nate i won't say his last name but nate the comic in dc is like can be like a little uh not uh not weird but just like uh spectrum me speed spectrum me when he picked up tom arnold for the shows and nate was on the shows like hosting because that's how the drafts house would do it yeah pick the headliner up i just thought he was like retarded and then he was a cop and he kicked him off the shows for the weekend because i think he was like uncomfortable and he's like

but dude that's a big part of comedy if like people don't like hanging out with you they don't yeah well tom arnold also has a reputation for kicking people off shows. But he's like, my contract says it's supposed to be a two-man show. And it's like, well, why does this keep happening to you? You should make that more explicit. That is crazy. So how was the show? The show was okay.

I mean, it was a Thursday night. And the crowd was very white which normally isn't there so but i think there are a lot of people there for their first comedy show just because they're like i want to see the guy on the tv you know um like it was act like it's a lot of stories i will say he was self-effacing in the beginning good like he was like uh the rock he's uh the the number one actor in the world never took an acting class and sometimes people are like are you jealous and it's like yeah i'm really fucking jealous i'm here in baltimore doing stand-up comedy that's hilarious because uh my buddy told me the one joke he told

me of pivins was that he was like yeah it was pretty cool that he acknowledged yeah it's smart yeah so and then i will say too like he his uh his his uh act is like it's a lot of stories and it's kind of like name droppy that's what he said too yeah yeah but it's it's not as like corny he's kind of doing the best way he can of just like yeah so mike tyson said like i don't know one time i was around mike tyson it's not like mike tyson said to me you know it's just like a lot of like very like Hollywood. Right, right. Kind of stories and makes fun of himself a little bit and shit like that. And he was, you know, I mean, it wasn't like amazing comedy, but he was way better than

Chris Kattan. Like you could tell like he is like crafting and he cared. Yeah. Yeah. And so when he came back, he was like, he's like, what was that? That room was just like, he's like, I just need? That room was just like, I need the low ceiling. I need people packed in. I was like, oh, yeah.

He actually kind of knows what's conducive to comedy. And there was this drunk woman. So he kind of struggled, though? No, he didn't struggle. He just thought he wasn't getting what he deserved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the same as we all do. It's like, what the fuck's that room? And that room is big mean it's like yeah dude it fits like 300 yeah and the the ceiling's high and they had a lot of lights on too

which was weird but anyway so there's like this table of like older people i'd say all in their 50s or 60s and a woman kept like kind of chiming in during my set like you know the tables where it's like they're not heckling but like they're treating it like they're a part of it like oh yeah that's so you and then it's like no you don't have to fucking tag everything jesus dude i'm so sick i've been losing my mind on audiences i almost did at the end of my set like all right thank you that's my set and you guys need to shut the fuck up like seriously you need you were gonna fuck up the rest of the show yeah because she Because she did. She yelled out. Like, he had an iced coffee on stage, and he was telling his Mike Tyson story, and it had nothing to do with drinking.

And he didn't mention drinking at all, but he went to take a sip of the coffee, and the woman's like, you're an alcoholic. Just, like, yelled it out. And he was like, hey, you know you're not watching Netflix, right? Like, I can hear you. Oh, man. Shut up. So, like, so you featured and Alabama hosted.

Yeah. And then this is so weird, too. Do you remember the DJ Stash? Do you remember that guy? No. He was on, I think he was on 98 Rock. But he's on 107 or 100.7 The Bay. Yeah. Which is like uh classic rock yeah and for some reason

alabama brought him up as like somebody to specially introduce jeremy piven and was like stash from 100.7 the bay like what and then he started to do a bit that was real bad it was like i bet the radio station uh give gave money to the club yeah because then he did like a little interview thing with him after backstage but it was so like the crowd was just like who the fuck are you and what because he's like i get to work at 3 30 in the morning and i have to smell my worker my co-worker's shit and it's it's like a prison and everybody's like what is this and then it's like anyway here's jeremy pippin did pippin make fun of him yeah he was like yeah well he tagged that into the the rock thing he's like you know rocks a fucking billionaire and i'm entertaining you people and some guy's talking about shitting in prison before that's so funny

dude god damn uh oh well anyway so when the guy picked him up pivins not talking to him yeah yeah yeah my bad yeah oh i don't care and then uh um when pivin was getting out of the car he made some sort of joke like oh thank god no one's here or like it's like no one would believe that like i rode in a car this like cheap or like that, and the guy just brought a brand new car, which I think was like $24,000, which for an average person, that's a lot of money. That's a nice car. Having a new car in general, I feel like it's rare.

It's a lot of hand-me-downs and used cars. And just the shit on this guy's fucking car. It's so fucked up. In front of him, in his car. Yeah. fucked up like in front of him in his car yeah i i looked at uh piven's uh instagram um after the show because i was just curious like how he's like promoting and stuff and his picture is uh his last picture was him getting off of a helicopter it's like baltimore just touched down let's go and it's like yo you didn't arrive in a helicopter like why are you making it that's crazy it's weird like that doesn't even make sense like that's not even a realistic thing

like even if you could arrive by helicopter why would you did you talk to matt about the rest of the shows uh yeah he said it was pretty much the same yeah yeah that it's just like yeah it's like he's like a real he's for being a year in he's good but he's not like a good comic yeah you know like it's not like whoa this guy's crazy man that's so nuts it's just so weird to be watching entourage when you're like in your early 20s and like and then your career's like not saying his is going to do but it's just like didn't he get me too so he lost his tv show remember oh did he i think so i think he lost his TV show, remember? Oh, did he? I think so. I think he had a TV show on NBC, CBS, and he lost it because of some accusations. Oh, man.

I think that happened. Yeah. I will say it seemed like he sincerely cared about stand-up, though. Yeah. Working with Chris Kattan, that dude was just out to lunch and had no idea. I've yet to work with that kind of person. I'm interested to see what that's like. The person that's like the last desperate move is like, well, I do stand-up yeah yeah yeah because i mean they make a brick of

cash so yeah let's see prison probably made a fuck ton of money i don't know though maybe he just is doing it because he wants to film that documentary yeah and oh leading up to like a netflix special could be could be dude the uh who's uh what's his name is it d ray is that his name mckinnison uh no oh the comic yeah i think davis right d ray something like that he was on conan right yeah he did uh no maybe maybe but he did fucking they're telling me like the week before he did nine show no he did eight shows in one weekend four on a saturday two on the factory yeah two they do that four four is so many insane when the last show started like one o'clock the last one started at 11 30 or something like 11 45

and the first one was at like six or like holy like i doing two sets a night i'm like did i say this already like did you guys do two on thursday no no no but i mean like like a jet like when you're featuring on like a friday or saturday i couldn't imagine like dude i saw burr last week and uh he did an hour and a half and it was um may it was the best set I've seen from a headliner and I would say in the last... Oh, so you saw Burr on Thursday? Mm-hmm. Nice.

In the last... Probably since the last time I saw like Chappelle or Louie do like live stand-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was incredible. Nice. It was unbelievable. Yeah, I heard on his podcast that he was uh he was saying he's

like ah i'm about ready to do you know be done with this hour but probably won't shoot it for like another i don't know six months or something it's unreal it's tagged up it's so good there's one part i can he need like he even was like i don't have an ending for that story but other than that it was great right right right but it was so weird, man. Baltimore cannot get the shit on time. We did the 7 o'clock show. And to be fair, the concession stand lines were outrageous. So we got into the venue right as the opener went on. Who did you have with them?

I thought it was going to be Dean Del Rey or... Verzi. Verzi, but it was a black black woman from la she was funny uh-huh but like more than half the audience was like missing right and they're just filing and the whole time she's on dude people were filing in 45 minutes into burr set and i mean piling in it was weird like people were coming in and out of the show almost, I would say, the majority, coming into the majority of the show, and it was very distracting. Jesus Christ.

It kind of took away from it. It was un- Right. The door stayed open the whole time, so the light was pouring in. It was just a shit show. And it messes with the sound, too. The door opens, and you're distracted by it. I think no one expects it when it says 7 for it to start at 7.

Right. They're like, oh, doors are at 7. It's like, no, motherfucker. Why do people think that? If it says 7, go at 7. Also, it ain't a cheap ticket. No. It was expensive as fuck.

Yeah. Well, we bought balcony. Nice. It was like $150 for three. But still, I mean, even the- That's a lot of money. I'm sure even the cheapest ones are going to be around $50. Dude. What are you you doing plus concession sir charge the service charge on those tickets are almost 20 bucks each that's wild yeah so that's what we got us on craig's list off like a guy who

just i think was desperate to get rid of them yeah yeah yeah so uh but it was great nice but uh oh so i guess since the last time we opened this podcast i uh yes oh it's been a rough one has it been a rough one josh oh just why oh i told remember that like that hate mail i got oh yeah yeah dude that fucked with me so i opened up for now i'm fine i don't know because then the next night at Gin and Jokes, I took it out on somebody. Oh. Yeah, so let's set the stage here. So I open up for Hari Kondabolu, who's like a very politically, or he's like a social justice warrior, PC.

Very PC. His audience is very uptight. Also, speaking of PC things, they're no longer called serial killers. Oh. Content creators. Oh, yeah. That is a good joke i just hate they're like do you love murder listen to this part it's like these fucking like i know i know and then like you tell like a joke and it's like you're you take like entertainment

is you listening about people's families members who are murdered yeah we make a joke that uses a word you don't like and we're animals right right right and it said ingest and it's not anyway but oh real quick making a murderer season two oh is it out yeah i try i was trying to get into it last night uh karen didn't watch the first season so like she was just kind of on her phone i was like well this isn't as fun yeah But so I was watching it. And then like they show the family's reaction to the first season. And they're like, this is disgusting. Like we lost our daughter, our sister or whatever.

And then it's like on with the show. It's like it's so surreal to be showing like what they thought of the first season in the second seat. I wonder if they got paid for it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how that works. So what's the first season in the second seat. I wonder if they got paid for it. I don't know. I don't know how that works. So what's the second season saying? That he's innocent. So there's like a new lawyer and basically that he was even more set up

and then it's all based on the coercion of Brandon, his nephew, which he definitely was coerced for sure. Oh, that guy. Yeah, for sure. For sure. So, but yes, but then they use like intellectually disabled kid.

Yeah, they and they had him for four hours. They gave him like they gave him like fill in the blank things where he just put his name. I, Brendan, killed this woman. Like, uh-huh. Okay.

All right, just put it. You ever play Mad Liz, Brendan? We got a game for you. And that's his written statement. Yeah. Stabbed her in the noun. With the. Okay.

All right. Yeah. So, yeah. You. Yeah. So, I went and like, I was just like, oh, man. Like, I have like a new five minutes for this crowd. I don't know what to do.

I'm scared to like do some of my newer jokes. And then I was crowd i don't know what to do i'm scared to like do some of my newer jokes and then i was just like you know what fuck it i've been doing this long enough it's my third time opening for him yeah so i'll open up with a bunch of woke shit throw in my more new offensive stuff in the middle it's funny to see like a set list like that it's like woke shit offensive shit yes good Dude, I was fucking crushing. I mean, I was destroying. Nice. And then I went into this joke about teachers having sex with their students.

And the premise is just, it kind of starts out tongue in cheek. Like, oh, why is it so bad? Like, if you steal from your work, like, you should be able to steal from your work if you're underpaid right and teachers are the most underpaid so what it well it's not a big deal like a hot teacher steals virginity for under students and uh whoo that got what i thought it would but i thought i could recover so then i did the next set up line and uh that's one of those things where it's like from the premise like we're not on board yeah well they were on board with the because when i was like guys it's so that's one of those things where it's like from the premise like we're not on board yeah well they were on board with the because when i was like guys it's so that's why i do that i do the bill i'm like guys it's okay to steal from your job right oh right i was like yeah and i was like what did you steal paper clips i was like jesus your life's boring and i was trashing him that

was killing right right so you're kind of like roping them in yeah on board deliver the punchline it got like who the ooze that came over that crowd were hilarious and so i've tried i pushed them a little bit i tried to do the next line and they hated it so i was like all right guys i'm gonna i'm gonna give up on that joke and then uh another joke did not do too hot it's about it was just pretty much how like my like uh you know like i date white women i was like yeah my brother fucks black girls and they just did not like that i don't think they i i don't know why oh yeah well you can't there's some crowds like if they're very yeah you can't even be like yeah so this person's black and they're like you can't yeah so then i like close

with my like just normal clothes like yeah which is fuck black women yeah yeah yeah and you say build that wall i was like oh you guys like woke shit what and i was like yeah okay okay and then so i just did my like jokes about working with kids and then i left and then uh and then that night i got like this guy sent me a message he was like yo if uh something like he was like talking about the kids you work with isn't woke. And he called me like he was like, it's just bigoted and trashy. And he's like, like, this city isn't you to use it as a joke. And if you want to be a comic, try talking about shit from your own experience.

And it's just like, God, you go fuck yourself. Yeah. That's what's so annoying about all this stuff now about what comedy should be it's like it can be whatever you can have a fucking you can have the rock make movies and then you can have movies that win oscars yeah it doesn't matter it's still a movie it's not like this is what a movie should be it's like some like harry wants to do the pc shit whatever it doesn't mean that it would be so lame if comedy was just all woke stuff all the time. That's so stupid.

And also, it's so weird. I spent a whole portion of my set making fun of racist people. Yeah, yeah. It's just so weird to send. And if you really are concerned and you think what I'm saying on stage is damaging the reputation of the city, which it does a fine job doing it itself. Right. Yes. damaging yeah the reputation of the city which it does a fine job doing it itself right and yes and obviously you would just send a message like hey man like this is what i heard when you said those jokes like where are you coming from or like instead of just like you're a bigot you're trashy

like oh yeah what the fuck do you want me to do with that but he he probably screen capped it the same way that you did and was like look what i like sent it to his bros of like look what i did you know his dick was so hard yeah it's just it's everybody wants to be on a team and then like that's a team thing yeah he's gonna get a pat on the back from his buddies and stuff and it's like do you really feel that way and are you actually trying to inspire change yeah because if he was he would do that yeah you would send a more thoughtful message. Like, hey, man, I see where you're trying to go with it, but just maybe. Versus like, hey, fucking idiot. Oh, he also said like, just because you're brown and do some good thing sometimes doesn't give you a right to talk about. And it's just like, you're a fucking white guy.

All the language and all that. I should just be able to be like, hey, stop whitesplaining things to me. Like, you know, shut the fuck up. So then i was just like in a real bad mood that whole day i'm like in my head i'm like it's all it takes is that one person i know and then you forget like all the showers of compliments you get yeah just like just focus on this one fucking right yeah and not even like compliment like people were laughing people had fun or you know people walking by like good show and you're like that's fine but what about this fucking piece i know and then like the next day i was gin and jokes i was i was reading the message i was trashing him but in the beginning i like

gin and jokes is just your public therapy now you're like what else okay here's another thing yeah yeah so then i'm like uh and the show opened weird because like the audience was kind of rowdy. And I was like, oh, guys, you can't just yell out. And then people were like, what? What? I thought that's like, yeah, you can. That's comedy.

Like multiple people said. And I was like, no, you can't yell out. And then this guy, Juan, was just like yelling out the whole time, just being loud. And I should not have but i like i kind of started making fun of him but i shouldn't give him attention and then he just kept going because you're like you're like i don't want to do this yeah and uh he just like was one of those people like every time you tell a joke like that lady that who at your show was like always trying to comment yeah yeah yeah and so i i read after i read that

message i was like just you know sprinkling jokes tags and all that stuff like yeah message and then um i tried to do like a misdirection and boy did it bomb i was like anyways guys i hate black people and just you know because he called me a bigot in the but it it bombed i was like i'm just kidding it was just a joke and then one is yelling that was what did he say he was like he was like that was trash that was oh man that bombed so hard and i was like one i know you're like yelling it's fine for you like i was like you gotta stop man like stop yelling out and uh and i was trying to be nice and then he was like fuck you and And I would be seeing red, dude. Dude, I did.

I lost it. I was like, dude, I was like, say something else, dude. I will fucking kick you out. I was like, try me, motherfucker. Go. I was like, fucking say something. It was like, whoo. Yeah.

Room. Erupted in applause. And it was like probably 30 seconds of me just like, uh. And I was like, ah, and then like what sucked was like, all right, I was like, it's okay. I'm gonna recover. It's my fault. And then some girl was like, yup. And then that kind of laugh. And it made me more mad.

Cause like, and the audience was on his side. Like they were feeling, cause every time I would address him, they would feel bad for him. Cause I was like, keep talking. One, I have a feeling I'm going to kick you out. Right. And they're like, oh, and I'm like, what the fuck? I was like, you can't. And then when he did the fuck you i lost it right it's like you became

like the substitute teacher yeah and the class and then that girl spoke up it pissed me off and i wanted to just trash her but i didn't because i knew i lost him yeah and so it's just like me trying to figure out like i stood there for like 10 more seconds just like what do i do what do i do and i'm like all right i'm just gonna do an old joke and then fine it worked and then it was probably the best jinn and jokes i've ever had honestly i got great feedback but then that fucked me up because i'm thinking like everyone hates me they're not gonna come back yeah and then like and then so during my i was like and then like as soon as i got off stage, my brother came over to me. He's like, dude, you were the asshole in that situation.

And I was like, Rahil, you're out of here. Yeah. And I was like, what the, you don't fuck. And I was like, maybe, maybe I was, I don't know. Like I could have handled it better. I walked into it stressed. Right. And maybe you went at him a little.

I mean, I don't know exactly what you said, but I went pretty hard. I was going to say, you might've gone too hard too quick yes and therefore they're like yo chill because they're they're probably on your side and that's what happens all the time too right like that woman like you know it's like it's just like yelling so you don't be like you shut up you fucking yeah and they're just like what geez I don't even know but you have to be like hey can you stop interrupting so much yeah and I thought I did that a couple times i was like dude you gotta stop and then when you yelled fuck you i went nuts but uh yeah so then at the end of the show i was like oh i'm sorry one come back i'll i'll take care of you i'll buy you drinks and then i was like sorry i'm

gay it's like anyway black people and then uh and then i was like freaking out i was like oh god they think i'm like a bigot. Yeah. We'll see if we sell tickets this month. I'm a little worried I ruined some customers. Well, no. I might have lost some. Maybe, but there's got to be more.

Yeah, it's okay. It's a staple of the Baltimore comedy scene for sure. And I think since you are the same host there every month and like you kind of go back and forth with the crowd yeah they're picking up on a vibe of like we're all in it together right bust umar's chops and he busts ours and they just caught you on a wrong i know because you had the harry thing so you're already feeling like i know and then i was thinking like do i sent do i say something in an email, in a post? And I was like, I don't think so.

I think, yeah. I think if you just joke about it next time. At the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a quick little aside or something like that, you know? Yeah. Ugh. Yeah.

God, it was. Dude, that shit fucked with me for like a week. It sucks because then you have to host the show too, the rest of it. I mean, luckily everybody else was really funny. They were great. And funny they were great too it's like people don't give a fuck yeah and then the coolest part was uh when dilo got up on stage uh-huh she is amazing she was like one she was like attacking him she's like say something motherfuckers say yeah when they when that skinny indian guy was on stage you were all mouth but now this big black bitch is here and she was like oh she trashed them it was great

so that was cool and the audience was losing it their minds yeah yeah but ah yeah that one hurt it's frustrating man yeah it was a bummer man yeah yeah my uh yeah i had to tell a girl to shut up at the comedy factory oh really well because i said something about like the best western i was like really it's a bold name best yeah best you can do and then she the girl i forget what she said in the front and then i repeated it and like that got a laugh and then i tried to keep going and she like kept talking i was like you can shut up now wow like did people laugh at that yeah yeah i was like you have to stop talking like you're not the star of the show yeah they're like, woo! But dude, throughout the whole show, Juan kept talking.

He kept trying to make it all about him. See, that's the dark side of crowd work, though. Yeah. Then they're like, oh, I'm a part of it. I know. Then they get that laugh. And then they're like, oh, we're in it together. You're an adult.

Just shut the fuck up. I even say, don't talk if we're not talking to you like there's no reason for you to talk right someone's not talking to you right right yeah we uh at rag time we have um i don't know if they still do but there is like meetup groups that used to come to rag time and uh there's this dude that always sat up front i probably talked to him i talked about this on the show before but he came to the show without the meetup group this past wednesday that show was great and uh he ended up being really cool but he used to be such a fucking pro like i like the type where it's like finish the joke

and they're like well yeah how about the man it's like shut up like you know or one of those people too where you just let them like give them enough rope and they just hang themselves like can't even like don't have the balls to repeat like what they said and like what'd you say and he's like i'm like okay we'll shut the fuck up then yeah yeah so like i would always kind of bust his balls but then he would start to think that it's like this is our dynamic right and i'm like no like you you can this with me, but you have to shut up the rest of the show. And then I remember one show after I showed up to the show one week and he had a neck brace on and part of his hair was shaved and he had a cut on his forehead. And I was like, oh, man, somebody fucked this guy up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it turned out that what happened was he was on a date in his car under a tree and that tree got hit with lightning and the branch fell on the car and like fucked his head up jesus christ man even god hates this guy god that's so funny but uh yeah and then one time too like he uh i think it was that night then he like apologized for the show or like he's like i'm sorry man i was just you know it's just stuff's tough right now and like i don't see my daughter that much and like jesus and i'm like ah because he's like going like splitting up with his like baby mama and i was like i bet you're trying to be the best dad he can he's like i'm not and i was like look dude i gotta get out of here i'm not here for this like but he was at the show this

wednesday and after the show he was like i just want you to know i really see what you meant by everything i'm sorry for ever interrupting i was like whoa yeah what a turn yeah and same with me like after the show a regular brought one and one apparently and as soon as well so when i got off stage for the first time i brought in the karen's friend who she did improv with, she was like, I can tell you feel bad, man, but don't. I know Juan. We took an improv class together, and he is an asshole. I don't think he's an asshole, but his friend who brought him was like,

he just kind of stays home and plays video games all day. He doesn't go out much, so he doesn't really understand how to act sometimes. He probably thinks he's funnier than he is, too. Yeah. But after the show, we talked. And he was like, I'm sorry. He's like, I thought we were just having fun. And my brothers are stand-ups.

And I get it, man. So we made up. Oh, good. It was cool. I just like, you know. Yeah. You don't want to. I just got nervous.

I was like, oh, people think I'm a dick. And they're not going to come back. But I think it'll be OK'll be okay no i mean you've been doing the show for how long now almost three years when february that's insane yeah i mean so you have a crowd and like they understand the dynamic of what's going on it's just it was just on the heels of like that shitty yeah uh message from that guy so i know fuck that guy. It's so hard when you freak out on an audience, too, and then you're just like, we're having fun, right? But I did recover, so I did kill by the end. There you go.

It was a slow build, but it came back. Yeah, it's hard. It's fucking hard. What else did I do? I went to two weddings last week on a Monday and a Sunday. So you know what tax bracket me and my friends are in? A Monday wedding, dude, is unreal. Sure.

It was the worst wedding I've ever been to, hands down. It was trash. Oh, no. It was like in Glen Burnie at a Mason Hall, like a Freemasons Hall. I'm just going to ask you this. Be honest. Was your friend Hitler in a past life? Yeah.

It was Karen's cousin's wedding. You have to get married on a Monday in Glen Burnie in a what? So I told Karen, I was like, you know I'm going to trash this wedding on my podcast. And she's like, all right. God. What a weird modern day thing. So they said that it's because they met on Columbus Day. Okay.

And so that's why they want to get married on Monday. But I think they probably just... Because if you have money and you can do a great wedding, you probably would do a great wedding. Why stop there? And we met at a Denny's, so we're going to get married at a Denny's. Yeah, exactly. So, you know.

That would be tight if everyone's meal was a Grand Slam. Ooh. That would be dope. That wouldn't be bad. It was way better than the shit they served. Oh, my God. I wanted to take a picture of everything, but I think people would have thought I was like being ironic.

Yeah. So, I didn't. It was like. Like a snarky TMZ. Yeah, exactly. Damn, look at this fettuccine alfredo serving the food it was like we were at like a vfw that was the vibe of the place and uh it was like the oldest whitest people you've ever seen were all standing behind the catering uh-huh and it was just like overcooked like beef like um brisket yeah i don't know if it was even brisket it was like roast overcooked pot roast oh yeah uh lemon chicken that was disgust like that yeah too lemony and like

green beans out of a can sure um it was bad it was all bad the bar was very limited it was like they went out to sam's club bought a couple handles yeah of course like i would be pissed if I went to somebody's house to watch football and this was what was available. Yeah, exactly. And like I know now we sound like, but... Weddings are crazy expensive. Yeah. But I should just not have went. Because I had an out, but like her whole family was there.

So it would look shitty if I bailed. And it's not too far away. No, whatever. It's still free drinks and food yeah that ain't bad and then uh it was just everything about this wedding was so awkward yeah um you know like when people do toasts like they're groomed toasted also but you don't you're not supposed to toast yourself you know and he just treated it like a stand-up set you know, and he just treated it like a standup set. You know, he, he just wanted to be funny. Was it stash from the Bay?

He was like, I get to work at three 30 in the morning. They take a shit. And they had this DJ. He was the most uncomfortable dude. It was, it was probably his first time DJing a wedding. Really?

And he would always name drop himself. Nice. And at his DJ booth, he had his banner up like advertising. Yeah. And he's like, okay, so we're going to get ready to get started. They're going to enter us in. So can you make some noise, please?

And like no one's listening. He's like, okay, come on, guys. Let's make the most energy you've ever made. That's exactly what he said. I love that. Let's make the most energy ever made. Ever made. And then like his hype voice is so bad and awkward.

He's like, all right, welcome. And he's like, welcome, like Mr. and Mrs. Smith. And it's just like so terrible. Yeah, with like a question mark. So then he's like, okay, so we're about to start food service. They're going to be calling. And he's like, I'm going to be coming around with a clipboard, taking your song request. It's like, while we we're eating and so he came to our table he's like do you guys have any songs you uh like me to play it's just like no dude just fucking

play your shit and if they don't walk up to you yeah that's how it works yeah right like i've never seen a dj walk around with a clipboard yeah and i think he in his head is probably like i'm on some new shit i'm gonna be a dj like no one else is straight the clipboard yeah and i think he in his head is probably like i'm on some new shit i'm gonna be a dj like no one else is straight to the people yeah and nobody at a wedding is like yeah this is i'm here for the dj it's like dude just play the fucking hits keep the vibe going it was like he was hosting the wedding right so then like when the the the um after dinner and we were doing the toast he was like he was like okay so we're gonna have a we're gonna start it's time to do the toast everyone yeah it's just like i've never seen

a dj do that i just see people kind of like get up and it's like yeah no dj yeah you should just be like in the background yeah unless and then when you're trying to get everybody to dance then you can be like come on come no one dance right um dude so the the the maid of honor it was fine it was just like whatever yeah the the best man oh my god this guy bombed for 10 and like every time i thought he was gonna rap he kept going dude he bombed for 10 minutes you give him the light yeah and then at one point he was getting some jokes and he was getting laughs i was like cool end it dude end it yeah kept going started making fun of the groom because he uh it took him three more years to finish high school

whoa and he just kept making all these jokes about him like failing high school having to get a ged and no one's laughing and then i realized i was like oh my god he was probably like in special education yeah because if you're in special ed you can be in school until 21 yeah your iep lets you do that and i was like yeah he's like that's three more years he's like brendan dassey from making a murderer yes yeah and then i kind of put it together because when he was, I just remember like, yeah, it was very weird. Like the groom was a little weird. Yeah, the groom's like, I just want to go home and watch WrestleMania. Oh, my God.

Why? And then it was dead silence. And then he ended on silence. He's like, folks, what I'm saying is he's retarded yeah we got it it was mind-boggling dude it was horrible brutal and then sunday the wedding was karen's friends at their house a two-story house like you know when those houses you walk and you either go up or down split level house split level i hate those houses me too i don't like that vibe of that it's yeah it's very county it feels very 90s to me just because that's the first time i encountered these house yeah i hate those i'm like

the two levels flow of the house is so weird to me it's like i either have to be in the basement or not no they did decorate it very well they cleared out all their shit yeah and i was like you cleared out where is it right now right how much does that cost how much work just book a fucking venue you can book a venue probably for like 500 bucks well maybe it's in like the basement or something no because they use both the basement was where the ceremony was gotcha and at the end they cleared it out made it into a dance floor gotcha they had they brought in chairs there's a caterer so yeah they paid to have like a storage unit or something i don't yeah i guess weird but the house is like it was i mean really beautifully

decorated everything is just so expensive about a wedding yeah but i'm sure that a venue was definitely more than the storage facility. Because that's how you end up at the VFW at fucking. I know. But then I look at it as like the effort that you're, you know. Yeah. But I guess probably still cheaper hiring people to move all your stuff. I don't think we really understand how expensive all that stuff is. I've been to weddings where I'm like, this is okay.

And then you're like, oh, you spent $40, yeah i would never i will never spend that much money on one night completely nuts yeah it's like buy a home you can buy it put down on a mortgage oh yeah no you could buy a home yeah like like maybe not twenty percent but that's like ten percent on some homes that are decent that's fucking huge yeah no i mean it's it's insane for one day too and like what do you do like you're like man you were fucked up at the wedding like that cost you 40 grand my friend dude her uh her like so her group of friends like you know they like i guess they're like partiers or whatever yeah and they she just got married like two years ago but like she's in her mid-30s and like she said like and she so drunk, like she doesn't remember any of her wedding.

And it was like to the point where like even like my friend and her mom even got invited to the wedding because they were like close family. And her mom was just like so just like, I guess like mad and embarrassed for her. Yeah. Like she just looked terrible right yeah on your wedding day yeah she was like she had to be like um like she had to be carried out of her own wedding wow could you imagine being that drunk that's pretty embarrassing yeah i mean yeah it's super embarrassing to do that on like a friday night with like two or three people your whole family and your groom's family

are there speaking of embarrassing so we get to this wedding oh and this bitch this is the house wedding yeah so this is the sunday so yeah so we so we go to her house and she wanted a black tie event i'm like you can't have a wedding at your house and then dictate people wear a suit like go fuck yourself yeah like could you imagine i'm like hey guys uh we're gonna go out to olive garden and you all have to wear suits yeah yeah it's like for my birthday walking to my split level home yeah i don't see a tie you get the fuck up so uh so i'm not really i didn't feel like drinking so i'm not drinking i'm just drinking water but i hadn't eaten really all day i've been kind of stressed uh-huh had some good times uh right when we parked at the wedding and is this the sunday or the monday this is a sunday when you were gonna maybe pod with dan

soda oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's right so karen and me got in a little argument about that because i was like in a bad mood already because i was like i don't want to go to this wedding i'm running around so i have to like cook a lot in the morning so i could go to the weddings to meal prep yeah for the week yeah and then she was like what's going on i was like i want to podcast with dan so i know i know and then uh she was like well just go umar and i was like really and she's like if you want to if you want to go go and i know that means don't go but it's still shitty because i don't think i would have left but if you were podcasting with him i would have very much i would have caught it great dude he would have been

totally down i would have caught an uber to my goobies from glenn bernie just to do it dang yeah it would have been sick but yeah speaking of like blacking out shane gillis who was featuring for him he got he's like yeah, I blacked out real hard. That's like the drunkest I've been in a long time. Was that Saturday night? Because I texted him on Friday. I'm like, hey, would you want to do the pod when you're in Baltimore? He's like, yeah, just let me talk to Soder.

And then so when I followed up with him on Sunday, I was like, hey, are we good to go? He's like, no, dude, I've got like the drunkest I've ever been. Or like one of the drunkest times he's ever had. He's like, I'm literally going to got like the drunkest I've ever been or like one of like the drunkest times he's ever had. He's like, I'm literally going to sleep until like five minutes before the show. And I was like, all right. Is he his opener on the road? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it's it's.

Did you catch the show? Yeah. So I got to see them on on Thursday, the Thursday before that, because I was at the draft house. Yeah, I was at the draft house for Jamie. No, me and Tim did Speechless. Me and Tim Miller, we did Speechless for the Washington Nationals sales team. So it was like a corporate event. Yeah.

And we were done. Like, it started at four, and we were done around six. And then Dan and Shane had their first show at seven i was like oh this is awesome so it's cool i got to see those guys and like hang out with them how was the show it was good nice they're really good shane was it was great seeing him and then uh dan was really funny and like awesome super sweet they're good they're talking about uh this bit that they do where they're uh like i think they're at a casino and uh there's like a homeless kind of looking guy who's like kind of a cigarette and they're just joking like what if i do one better

and then i just grab the back of his hair and just start making out with him shane's just like yeah what if he's like telling people he's like yeah dude soda does this thing on the road where he fucking makes out with homeless guys we just would riff it on that for a while it's so funny just like homeless guys like what do you who are you oh my that's so cool yeah so we're driving to the wedding and uh i'm like bummed about that anyway so then yeah yeah times we park yeah uh in their cul-de-sac whatever bullshit and there was like they invited 70 people to like a two level split, you know, home. That's a lot. I don't think there was that many.

But so anyway, so we go to the ceremony. I'm like, I go have more good times. To combat the bad times. So then we're downstairs watching like the first dance or whatever. And because they like had to make room because we were all just standing in the on the floor the chairs were cleared and then they're like hey we got to make room so like me and karen got split up so i'm with one of karen's friends but she's really cool we're just like riffing jokes the whole time and karen's back there

yeah and i'm like pretty i'm pretty like i'm pretty feeling uh the good times you feel good and then i just feel this like rush of like tingleness come over my body and i'm like turn i'm like dude i think i'm like really fucked up and then so i walk over to karen i'm like she's like are you she's like can you hold this i have to go to the bathroom like no i can't hold anything right now like i don't feel good and she's like are you okay and i was like i don't know what's wrong and then i just remember like i remember like uh it going black and i couldn't hear anything and i like stumbled into this girl and then the next thing i know uh i like you're like i'm married yeah married i just remember this girl's horrified look oh and then i

like i it feels like i'm like laying down i'm like super comfortable and i just hear people like are you okay are you okay and i wake up dude i fucking fainted yeah during their first dance and the whole room is looking at me dude oh my god in the basement of a split level house right in a cul-de-sac it's like so yeah what the fuck so the first thing i hear dude first thing i see is like karen like are you okay yeah and then i hear it's like is there a doctor in the house and i'm like i have no idea what's going on i just like i'm so and i'm like slowly realizing like, oh, my God, you passed out. Like my head is fucking hurting. Were you just so high and like dehydrated? I mean, are so good times?

I don't know. Have you ever fainted before? Never. Have you? No. I felt close where like, yeah, where you like it starts to like your vision just like the black like creeps in and collapses. There's nowhere to go.

Like I should have just ran upstairs and sat down on the couch or something well i mean even if you run you would yeah like once it's happening it's happening it's not like you can just like run up the stairs i did there was like a good like minute where i was like something is wrong i should have sat down and dude it was so then some fucking lady is like making a scene out of it oh man um she i guess is a paramedic uh-huh and so she's just like she's like she's like she's like taking my balls and like it's like and people are like you know whoa she's like shoving food she's like have you eaten how long were you out i i was told like 15 seconds wow okay yeah and uh so she's like shoving food. She's like, have you eaten? How long were you out? I was told like 15 seconds. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. So she's like shoving food in my mouth. They gave me orange juice because they're like, your blood sugar is probably low. They're like, are you diabetic? Like, do you get anxious around people? And I was like, no. And it was, whoo, man. And Karen was like really pissed, not at me, but just at that woman. Because she was like and karen was like really pissed not at me but just at that woman

because she was like dude just like relax like you're making it a huge like deal like it's a big deal but it's not like you don't have to take his pulse like you don't have to like also you're conscious again yes like you didn't fall and hit your head and you know yeah karen caught me for the most part yeah but she said i like i did hit like my head and i've like dude it was crazy yeah it was so embarrassing because everyone thought i was fucked up and like i just i don't i wasn't i wasn't drinking yeah and but now like everyone care and i was like telling karen i was like oh my god like while i'm on the ground like everyone probably thinks i'm drunk and karen's like yeah and then And then everyone else is like, no, they don't think that.

They don't think that. And Karen's like, they probably do. They're like, they think you're a bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Juan's there trashing you. Yeah. So then, like, I get on the couch and, like, her friends are just all like, they're being really nice.

They're all moms. So they're, like, taking care of me. Right, right, right. And Karen's like, well, what do you want to do? Do you want to stay? And I was like, I don't want to stay here you can't stay there yeah well yeah because every single person you know you're gonna walk into the kitchen to grab a soda and they're like you okay yeah or they're just gonna be like oh yeah yeah it's it's both

sides of are you okay it's like are you okay are you good man and i just felt so and i was like um god like that dance sucks so hard yeah i passed out right first dance last dance yeah so then i went to the doctor a couple days later yeah because like on monday i felt so woozy but i think it was just like my head hurt still and i was just like tired yeah and uh and then i felt bad karen left her phone at the wedding so we got all the way home karen realized and it's like a 45 minute drive damn the next day i went and picked up her phone for her right after work but i should not have because i still was feeling weird really and then on the drive home i was like i almost had i think it was the closest i've come to having a panic attack oh my god because i was like i was hot and i was really dude when

you wake up from fainting you're just sweating like i was sweating it was weird and then i was freezing it was weird and did you go to the doctor after all this on tuesday i did tuesday tuesday what did they say so nothing there's like everything's okay don't touch my floss by the way the doctor made fun of me she was like look maybe we just not for you and then i texted chris allen i was like that she said that he's like dude she just called you gay yeah totally i told i didn't use the word gay but i told the doctor i was like yeah my friend said you were a bitch she was like yeah pretty much yeah really funny he said pretty much yeah you can't hang yeah yeah she's going over your chart our results show that you're a huge bitch yeah it was like a black doctor

mom's age it was so funny medically speaking use a bitch yeah it was hilarious but yeah they did my blood work and the results they get results there oh so they're like nothing came up in your blood work your heart apparently was like i had my heart checked out like three four years ago and they're like your heart is very healthy so i think it was just a fluke interesting well yeah i mean it can come from uh like dehydration yeah yeah so i i just hadn't been drinking or eating that day right i only had breakfast and that was it and then yeah combined with then yeah if you're like brain kind of goes into overdrive of like thinking when you're sometimes on good times yeah so damn dude that was a bummer that is wild right it's so embarrassing you're on a roll lately god i know it's been a a bad three weeks i mean just like yeah little stuff like that yeah

you're just like fuck can i catch a fucking break right but i think yeah you and i are very similar in that when that stuff happens it's like god damn it just sticks with you it's like what the fuck did i you know yeah relatively everything else is going really well but it's like those little things i felt bad karen had to miss like one of her best friends weddings you know so yeah it was a bummer yeah i mean rarely do you ever want anybody looking like if that happened in a restaurant it'd be like oh you feel yeah that's the thing but i wouldn't give a shit as much i just like okay who gives a fuck well but then you can also go and it's no big deal but i would still feel weird about it i never want to see those people ever again right you did it at the first dance hopefully they were wrapped up i don't remember i really don't know well i'm sure they wrapped

it up when you wrapped it up yeah god it was and then like that girl that woman's face i just i can still i can like that is like ingrained in my memory. Her just like, like this fucking drunk asshole falling on me. Right. Right. Cause yeah, it's the same movement where you're like, whoa. Yeah. I just remember being, I couldn't like my, it was weird. Well, yeah, yeah.

It's yeah. You just can't control it if you're going to do that. God. Yeah, man. Just don't be such a bitch. Fuck Sunday weddings. Don't be a bitch no more. I know. I'm a bitch i know i'm a

bitch damn dog uh yeah i what have i had i haven't had anything to uh i don't think i've had anything really like embarrassing really but yeah shit's uh shit's been uh pretty good actually oh actually uh uh when we did that uh that speechless gig that was pretty fun because it's like we just host really just bring people up on stage and kind of make fun of them and then let them do it nice and uh got 200 bucks for that nice and then your boy went out and bought a surround sound system with that holy shit that's dope yeah $200 surround sound system yeah so it's a sound bar a subwoofer and uh two satellites nice where'd you go uh sam's club hell yeah yeah it was supposed to be on sale for like 173 but then it was 199

when i got there the best like comedy money just feels like fake money yeah yeah i just like fuck her like i'm just like ah well right let me just do whatever i want with this yeah and then when i was in line uh this woman had four kids and uh i just put my big like the big box of all the shit like on the conveyor belt and cookies that i was buying my dad and the woman was like whoa look at this the woman in front of me and it's like yeah yeah it's pretty cool she's like oh is it on sale and it's like nah she's like how much is it and i was like two hundred dollars and she just gave me like a look like like basically like nose down like eyebrows up like can i ask you something and i was like yeah she's like you

must not have kids i was like no i do not yeah that is crazy i was talking to my co-worker today and uh she's like yeah my whole last paycheck just went to all my kids bullshit yeah stuff mortgage everything everything man i don't. Everything. I couldn't imagine. I don't know. Yeah. I can't imagine kids on my salary, but people do it. Yeah. I mean, you can.

Yeah. It's like you're not going to be getting the best meals all the time. But also, that's why going out is a fucking luxury. I know. I mean, I do it too much. The average, compared to the average, we go out a lot. So much. I'm trying to.

I've curbed it for a while. Yeah. But. I told my dad about it. He's like, you're just like wasting your money. I was like, but it tastes good. It's yummy. But also, what else are you going to do with it?

Yeah. Right. He's like, I don't know. Save it. Me and Evan were talking about this. Like, if you're not going out having fun and if you're not like going out and eating, like hanging out, having fun, like what else are you doing? Right.

Right. Right. Yeah. And if you can afford it, I not doing like yeah stupid shit but uh yeah but then i do have co-workers who make more money than me and don't have kids but they're always like making those jokes about how like they don't pay their bills on time and that's wild and i'm like why i was like all my bills come out automatically like oh no i do not do that i gotta make sure i got sometimes i I don't pay some months.

I'm like, you make good money. What are you doing? How is that possible? Yeah. And then I was joking with the woman, too. I was like, well, I'm going to be damned if my kids are going to watch Bob the Builder and it's not in surround sound. I'm going to hear that hammer throughout the room.

Yeah. God damn it. Well, like, we moved... Well, yeah. I also moved since the last podcast. Yeah, I know. So much the last podcast so much our house is sick i know i know and uh so i bought like a i bought a couch two armchairs oh you pulled the uh pulled the trigger on the uh the couch yeah i didn't buy a 1500 couch oh you didn't get the

ikea one or no because i would have they didn't have it damn so uh but i got a nice one we went to value city dude actually it was out of even like the most i love value city stuff great couch yeah they delivered it for too much money right 140 for delivery which is bullshit but way better than me having to get a u-haul and do it myself yeah and then if they fuck it up then yeah yeah no it's a certain like that type of thing like you're paying for the convenience and it's great and then like so it's just nice like and even with that like yeah we don't have kids so like me and evan just been splurging on house shit it's been great yeah it's yeah our living room is fucking sick yeah that's why when we moved in here i was like i want this shit to be nice yeah and then i was like i remember like coming home and then seeing you on the couch all

nestled up like watching TV. I'm like, pay for all this shit. Umar's just enjoying it. Can't wait till he gets his own house and buys this shit. But no, isn't it nice having all like that good shit? It's great. Yeah. It's such a fun.

Everything we have is like nice. Yeah. It's a fun yuppie thing to be like, this stuff's nice. It's cool. Our living room looks like an adult living room. And we were living in a garbage place before yeah yeah but then you save money so then you can like pay for that shit and our rent mortgage or our rent isn't that much yeah what is it it's like it's like two thousand but split three so it's like six hundred sixty ain't bad six bucks oh rock and roll and then eric has a whole basement to himself never sharing up there we got a bidet whoa in our bathroom so sick uh our buddy paul he won a free bidet on some instagram contest

or something like that yeah it's like one of those instagram contests where it's like share this picture and tag us so they picked him he gets a free bidet and they pay one month of his rent. Damn. And then they messed up and they shipped two bidets. Did he keep them? Yeah. So he's like, now each bathroom is going to have its own bidet. That's great. Dude, I honestly don't understand why they didn't take off.

Why aren't they just a very normal thing now? I don't know. It seems fucking great. I would love that. It's great. great yeah you combine that with a wipe you never felt cleaner the one thing is is weed arbita doesn't have a like a dryer like some bidets have like a blow dryer oh that's wild because you do get really wet i was gonna say so you have to kind of wipe it still you still wipe so like it's um it's something i feel like I use more toilet paper because it takes a lot to like toilet paper is not good for drying. Right. And I'm like.

Yeah. Especially if there's some hair involved. Yeah. And you can't like, I mean, Evan are both hairy dudes. Right. Right. Yeah. We live in large, man.

It's great. Yeah. I saw a pic of your kitchen where Evan posted. I think it was Evan posted something on Instagram. instagram it was like we're fruit in the bowl in the kitchen people now yeah but yeah no i saw the uh the island and i was like damn i want one of those yeah you should get one you can buy them at like um ikea yeah not one that gets installed but you can buy one that moves around it still looks great yeah i know it's so big i know i want to get one but yeah i'm in talks to possibly renovate maybe this winter so that's our living room oh dude that looks fucking dope yeah nice chairs hell yeah

there's a sex swing but it's classy right no that looks looks very nice yeah it's great i like it yeah dude it's such a good feeling walking in and being like oh i know shit but we were just like it sucked that like none of neither of us own it what do you mean the house oh yeah yeah that would be cooler yeah now we have the building blocks oh yeah exactly you just take that shit with you and oh he bought it he got a table made oh uh it was only 450 bucks a guy who lives in hamden made it out of reclaimed wood and a bench gorgeous yo hook me up with that guy yeah i will and it was funny he's like man you guys call me a good time i'm jacking my price because if you get that table i drove easily 1300 oh easily and we're like well how much he's like probably like by 100 i'm like give a fuck yeah right yeah oh and he delivered it for free set it up for free it's great wow no yeah seriously yeah i will text him

because he did it all okay yeah yeah because we would get a dope coffee table that would be nice no his coffee tables are nice i think like i feel like dining room table his dining tables are better okay okay yeah okay uh yeah so yeah let's let's wrap up pretty soon but but that just made me think of um on saturday we went to uh like i said uh her friend lily she launched a plant shop called rewild oh cool is that the dinosaur thing uh yeah but it's yeah it's like a whole plant shop and it's like plants and pots and all kinds of cool stuff right there in shaw it literally they share a wall with warby parker oh my god what is the rent on that place it's got to be wild she has like some investor that's going to georgetown or something like that that make money with poker so that's how you do it and i'm like i

don't i don't understand but we were joking too it's like one of the perfect places to launder through where it's like we just sold a pot for 600 so i don't know what it is but how does laundering work because i what did you watch ozark uh i watched most of the first season you didn't like finish it oh i liked it it's just dark oh man we got hooked yeah no i thought the the first two episodes were really good they were great very dark yeah no but so and karen's not watching the show so i'm just watching by myself and i like finished like two in a row and i was like i feel depressed yeah it's a hard show to watch karen like uh she gets very nervous and like she can't watch violence she

can't like yeah it's uncomfortable so she'd cover her eyes so much yeah she's like let's watch the shining and then she's like on her phone and i'm like how did you know Kubrick that's how I wanted you to watch his film you playing solitaire she's like I can't this is just like too much yeah um but uh no so yeah laundering it's it's basically saying like you sell something for $20 but you write it on the books that you sold it for $220 this way you can take that money and then put that into your business cleanly like that's how you like so it's like let's say like the cartel like they give you like a hundred thousand dollars and so like you're like oh i like we sold it so you sell them but then you so it still it looks like on the books that you did get all that yeah yeah yeah exactly

so it's like whoa our monthly sales were crazy at the bar this month wow yeah and so you just have to make sure that it looks real too of all that damn that's so interesting all that stuff so that's why we were joking it's like oh man i sold a fucking eucalyptus tree for four thousand dollars yeah i always think like b willow in town i'm like are they making rent probably yeah but yeah that's kind of what her shop is but like a little bigger but really nice but so there was uh they had a couple of those like kind of reclaim wood tables where it looks basically like you like cut a tree in half and then like filleted and then so it's got like the weird edge on it so he does those yeah it looks really cool yeah but uh uh we were with our buddy sean and uh he had a some wine when he opened it like a little

bit spilled and uh we're cleaning up and this girl comes out of nowhere and she's like i saw what you guys did like uh what she's like what are you guys up to it's like we're just cleaning this up that's all like nothing she's like who do you know here it's like did she work there no it turned out that her boyfriend is a part of the shop or something it's like this is a fucking opening party where it's like we're here because we're we fuck the dj like shut up get out of here can't talk to i would just i'd be like lady get away from me yeah because i'm like i don't have to answer your questions well my boyfriend works well then tell his dumb ass yeah to come here and ask also we're'll tell him. Also, we're cleaning up.

It's not like we spilled. We're like, bug it. Jesus. It's like a public event, too. She's like, who do you know here? God, that's crazy. This isn't your house party, you idiot. I love openings.

Karen and I also, since last time, we went to Philly. Oh, yeah. That's why we couldn't pod that one weekend. Yeah, that's right. That's right. One of the many reasons. We did an art walk. Oh, my God.

We got hammered for free, dude. Oh, really? Every place we went to had free booze everywhere. Right. And we met the cool... You would think Philly people are assholes. They were so nice. Cary was like, why are people here nicer than they are in Baltimore?

Yeah. I mean, there's some nice people in Baltimore and shitty people in Philly. Yeah. And Fishtown in Philly is like Hamden on crack. It's very hipster, but it's very like you can tell developers came in and it's so curated, but it's fucking gorgeous. I mean, I think doing a weekend, like a first Friday weekend in Fishtown is great. We might go back this month. Oh, awesome. Yeah. like doing a weekend, like a first Friday weekend in Fishtown is great. We might go back this month.

Oh, awesome. Yeah. We went to like. So they do it the first Friday of every month. We went to a restaurant called Soraya. It's like this sick fucking. It's apparently like it's considered like one of the most like up and coming restaurants in the country. That's right.

It was awesome, man. But we got hammer. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So Thursdayursday your boy turns the big three two and uh we're going to bar vasquez here in baltimore and it's in like harbor east harbor point yes it's uh but yeah it's like for my birthday i just want a big ass steak and potatoes and mushroom just like very sort of americana but i think it has like a spanish vibe to it as well but they have like huge oh dude i'm so excited dude that's

fucking cool sorry i was just saying like as far as like up and coming like food like restaurants and stuff i also want to go to have you been to uh wit and wisdom yeah rules it's in the four seasons i know i haven't been to the four seasons for anything you can that's the cool thing about the four season you can just go like go grab a cocktail there. It's nice. Is it good? Yeah. I mean, it's expensive.

You're at the four seasons, but it's like 15 bucks. Yeah. I was going to say like 13 to 17, depending on what you get. One of my funner experiences at a. Yeah. This motherfucker said funner. More fun. Most fun.

The stupidest. More fun experiences was um in baltimore they did uh the wind jammer fest which was future islands beach house oh yeah and yeah and uh why am i blanking on paul's uh bond street district but yeah it was cool so it was all like bigger like baltimore bands playing the pavilion and then you could walk over to the four seasons oh boy so we saw all that music and we're just like kind of drunk and then like other people from the show were at four seasons and it went in wisdom they just have out like a bowl of fruit like like you're saying like nice people do just like look at this basket of fruit and ryan schwab he was like you want to

see me rip that in half and i was like what he just ripped an apple and you're like this beautiful bar in the four seasons we got to get out of here dude oh speaking of cool places have you been to truckster on no you told me about that though oh yeah Oh, yeah. It's so cool. They have, you know, like bars used to have nuts out for free. Yeah. They have like, they make them. They make like, they like, you know, caramelized or candied nuts in-house. And they have them out at the bar. It's amazing.

Sick. Whole bowl of nuts for free. Just eat those. Yeah. All right. Plugs. Beyond those nuts. Yeah, we got some plugs, baby.

We got plugs. I will be at the let's see so yeah this Thursday is speechless I won't be there because I'm taking the day off for my birthday nice but yeah that's October 25th at the DC Draft House go to that it's a killer lineup Benji Himmelfarb Denise Taylor Shelly Kim Ross Ben Benoit, Blair Postman. Tim's going to host. Tim Miller. He's hilarious. Go to that.

And then on Saturday, I will be at the Stitches Comedy Club in Pennsylvania. Nice. Featuring with Matt Bergman. So that'll be fun. And then at the end of the month, November, on the 24th and 25th, I'll be featuring at Magoobies for Joe Matariz. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I'm excited.

What you got? What you got? I got... Break it down. October 24th, I'm going to be, I guess, headlining a show at Capital Lounge on Pennsylvania Avenue. There you go. If you're not scared of the hood, it is the hood, hood, hood. That's fine. I'm doing an apartment show with Nice. It is the hood, hood, hood. That's funny.

I'm doing an apartment show with Ramin on Wednesday. Oh, that's hilarious. So we're both like, you know, doing similar stuff. Yeah, right. November. Oh, October 26th and 7th. I'm featuring at the DC Comedy Loft. I think it's in the cellar, which is downstairs.

Uh-huh. For Dina Heschman. She's really funny. Awesome. November 1st, Jenin Jokes. Hey now. Cool. And she's really funny. Awesome. November 1st, Jenin Jokes. Hey now. Cool.

And that's about it. Yeah. That dude Winston's going to be on that, right? Yeah. So I'm having Winston, Frankie, Eddie Morrison, and the headliner is, oh boy. Very funny. Uh-huh. Dude, my brain is stupid. Here we go.

We just did Martin's show together. Not K-Son. Black gentleman. Mm-hmm. Lives out in Virginia. Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. What?

Doesn't matter, but he's great. All right. Go see that unknown or unnamed black headline. Why am I blanking on his name? That is killing me. I'll vamp for you for a little. Eddie's really funny. Frankie, obviously, really funny as well.

We talked about them. But that dude, Winston Hodges, I just met him at Ragtime last week, and he was super funny. Yeah, nice. So it's going to be a stacked lineup. Sarome Russell. Hey, now. Shout out to Sarome, baby. Oh, I'm an idiot.

Yeah, it's all good. Yeah. Oh, and then December, dude, I'm featuring for Greg Fitzsimmons at Levity Live. I saw that on your calendar. I'm so pumped. That's great. It's considered like a good club. Yeah.

It's huge. Yeah. It's one of the biggest malls in America. Really? But Nyack, New York is supposed to be really cute. So Karen. That shit's supposed to be mad cute, though. That's where it is.

I know. I know. And then so Karen's coming with me. We're going to make it a whole like weekend. And I'm off that week anyway. Oh, there you go. you go yeah i'm so pumped that's nice how that worked out well hell yeah um well uh let's see here so i think that's all i got oh november 16th my band is playing in annapolis at the metropolitan oh sweet so come to that and uh yeah we recorded five new songs hopefully they'll be out soon. Nice. Very excited for that.

And thank you guys for listening. Find us on the Instagrams and Facebooks and Twitters and all that stuff. Say hello. And David Koechner, take us out. Daygrass Sensations, coming to an end. Thank you.