The Digression Sessions - Ep. 272 - Josh & Umar AGAIN

Episode Date: December 10, 2018

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down and catch up on Thanksgiving bull and recent shows and whatnot. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! See them live too! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. But I guess when it was like underground, like the Miss Maisel era, maybe then it was cool. Yeah, I mean that must have been really hard because i'll do like no one could do crowd work be like hey look at this fucking guy they're like get him out of here put him in cuffs you hear his mouth meanwhile yeah people got uh he got arrested what's his name oh uh god why am i blanking on i don't know why i'm either i have his book on my i have a book of his yeah i have his book on my... I have a book of his. Yeah, I have his book, too. Oh, the guy. He's white.

Oh, Jeff Dunham. Jeff Dunham. Oh, man. Jeff Dunham is so edgy. He's so good in Marvelous Miss Maisel. Kind of. I mean, if he still has those very stereotypical characters, he's more edgy than a lot of comics now.

You know? He's not up there like, gender is a construct. He is like a fucking... He is like a tr he is a katrini fucking puppet like the racist puppet yeah it is funny to be like no he's not racist jeff dunham is edgy yeah pc gulcher has made jeff dunham edgy take that bro he's just up there doing terrorist voices he is an asian guy doesn't he oh dude he? Oh, dude, he has the terrorist, and then he has the terrorist's son, and the son is, like, blown up as well.

Like, the terrorist is a skull. That's amazing. I saw a bit where it was the terrorist, and then the terrorist, like, meeting his son for the first time, and the son hints that he's gay, and he's like, oh, God. He's like, oh, let's move on. I would love to open up for Jeff Dunham's crowd. Yeah, it's weird that him and Lena Dunham are married.

Well, they're both opposites attract. Very edgy. They say awful things. Yeah. Did you see her apology? Yeah. Did she admit it? She lied about.

Yeah, defending her friend. Oh, my God god that's so crazy where are all the people though now that like why aren't they like oh yeah i knew she'd be a cunt because girls her tv like everyone did with like louis and aziz like oh we all you can tell aziz or louis was a creep yeah yeah the same way that uh people that don't know about it where they're like you're friends with them you must have known yeah i don't know about it where they're like you're friends with them you must have known yeah i didn't know it's not like you sit down with louis and you're like hey you um you a fucking weirdo like you're a creep you know man i guess it's easy to like

believe women when you're not gonna lose a lot of money because all she was doing was protecting her tv show because he was a writer yeah he wrote for the show i like the pod the pod's been gone for about a month and we're back we're like what's with these lying bros he's fucking stupid but it is true that you you can't be like believe all women and then somebody's like hey this guy raped me and it's like all right i not believe all women because i know for a fact that he couldn't have done it and then months later she's like yeah it was totally fucking. Yeah. She was just like, how are you this feminist hero?

She's I think she's her career must be done after that. Right. Yeah. It's not getting much press, though. I don't feel like so. I don't know. She doesn't do anything. And like, she's not like, is she in the limelight right now?

She doesn't have a show. Right. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if she's making... I think she's making a movie or helping writing one about something in the Middle East, I think, or something. More like Lena Dunn Dunn. You know what I mean?

That career is over. Dunn, no thanks. Okay? No thanks. All right. Well, listen. Hey, Josh Koderna here. Sitting with my good buddy yes one month ago

we podcasted and we're like let's do it again let's do it again but you know the holidays yeah how was your uh thanksgiving uh it was good it was pretty uh it was pretty low key we had a uh spatchcock turkey now whose house your families or karen uh we went to both so we actually we sort of did both we did like uh we had like a bunch of friends go over to her parents house the night before cool so that was fun because bob and joan are very very chill like you've been over there when it was yeah they're great yeah so uh so they made stuffing the night before for uh thanksgiving but we got to snack on that we had other little snacks and shit and then we went upstairs and went outside and roasted marshmallows like i felt like we were just like fancy hobos oh yeah it was those two days were nuts yeah it was

like it was like 20 degrees but it's such like a parents thing like well i was thinking we could roast marshmallows and oh my god holy. I was like, holy shit. But, yeah, it was good, man. And then went to my aunt and uncles the next day. And, like, everything's pretty low key. So I don't relate to those posts where it's like, all right, to all those out there that are going to be stressing about being around their family, just know you're going to get through it. I'm with you.

And it's like, ah, most of my family is there, Jewish people that are now atheists we line up pretty well yeah that's awesome i uh nobody's gonna be like i voted for trump you're like yeah there wasn't too many of the i'm not going home this year posts right like you usually see in your news feed people like yeah but i was seeing it on like twitter like that type of thing trending of like hey hang in there in there. You're right. Yeah, don't see your family. Actually, my friend, he doesn't go home anymore.

Yeah. Because him and his brother disagree. His brother voted for Trump. And so he doesn't go to any holidays or anything. And I'm like, that must suck for your parents. He's like, yeah, but my brother voted for Trump. I was like, you have nieces what are you doing yeah who cares that much yeah it's like you can't even talk yeah he's your brother uh yeah

well i mean that said i don't talk to either my biological parents so it's like different way different yeah yeah yeah but i was like i was like yeah i kind of lucked out with like the step side of my family and stuff so it's's like, I get it when you do that. But it wasn't, yeah, it wasn't for voting. Yeah. Yeah. Which I would still, like, why can't you get in disagreements with the guy? Like, is it that bad?

Or just not talk about it. Right. It's so easy to not talk about politics. Yeah. You know? Well, I don't know. It's pretty easy to shoehorn it in, too, though. What do you mean?

What shoehorn? Like, basically, to pretty easy to shoehorn it in too though what do you mean well it's just like like basically to just like fit it in there like it's a little cold it's like yeah well what's with this global warming i hear about all it's just so easy to be like you know i found out that uh i had some i have some mega people in my family really yeah well my dad's uncle is like a millionaire times over oh right right right, right, right, right, right. He has like a country club and shit, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know if he owns one, but he belongs to one.

He owns multiple properties, like multiple properties in Baltimore. Like one time he was like, hey, I own this theater, this old theater near Creative Alliance. If you want to do shows there, you can rent it for free. I was like, oh, cool. But then it was just like, I don't know, whatever. So he owns a Royals Royce. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I think he grew up rich in Pakistan and then sort of like brought that wealth over. Interesting. So like as I'm leaving Thanksgiving, we had like 20 people how can you always hear the story though like somebody's a cab driver and they're like i was a doctor in my home country it's like why didn't you do that here or where's yeah well like my friends i don't know do you not make as much as a doctor over there i think because like you have to retake your boards here and for some people that's probably impossible well if they had listen i was at the country club the other day and if these people just worked hard they could pass their boards

well so that my so that that oh that's my dad's cousin and then yeah and then my dad uh my dad's brother-in-law or my uncle yeah he's a doctor he was a doctor he i think he did medical school here and everything anyway but he came from pakistan in like 98 i went to his wedding nice and he's a a trump person i think yeah and they were arguing over uh make america great again and then so my millionaire uncle is like well don't blacks want america to be great also just like yeah but the again word is the most important word in that and they're like well it's just it's you know it's to everyone's interpretation i'm like yeah god just say you're rich and you you don't like giving your money to taxes you want your tax cuts

yeah it's just like stop justifying it's so funny it was hilarious and then like everyone's arguing and like right because no one could say it's like okay when was it great give me a time period because if you're like the 50s it's like was that great for everybody but then they would say yeah they would be like well it's more about the values and i'm like values there's two separate water fountains yeah also don't give me that shit where like donald trump i mean it's stupid to go through it but it's like dude the guy's been divorced three times like he has four kids by three different women and it's just like i'm all about values like no you're not you're fucking porn stars and paying them off values i know like when he had to speak at that uh go off king yeah thank you yeah listen hot take donald trump not great hey he's not good but like when he was that that should be your take donald trump not great hey he's not good but like when he was

that should be your title donald trump not great not great not great again got him huh tom myers over here roasting him uh but yeah he had to speak at some um like uh religious college where it's basically like for all the conservatives they kind of have to go that route evangelicals and stuff oh yeah like jerry falwell's yeah yeah yeah yeah and he's just like the bible what a great book huh it's like dude you've never read it that's so cool corinthians big fan of corinthians that's like when we're like you know like there's some people who didn't read harry potter but like there you know you don't want to be left out you're like yeah uh-huh number two was dope a lot of wars in those stars i like all of them they're all good a lot of good wars in the stars i heard dumbledore was a fag

i don't know why why do they have a dumbledore shouldn't they just get a like a sliding glass door i don't know i don't know anyway I don't know. Anyway. Oh, boy. Obviously full of shit. But yeah, we don't really have any of that stuff. It's nice. We didn't either. I don't know. It's funny because it was just like there was 20 people at my house.

Oh, wow. Which was a nightmare because my brother cooked half the meal. I cooked half the meal. Really? Oh, yeah, dude. I cooked the stuffing from scratch. I used like nice sourdough loaves. Ooh. I cooked mashed potatoes,

eight, nine pounds of mashed potatoes I made. Dang. Six pounds of sweet potatoes. I made two servings of stuffing. Were my mashed potatoes missed? They were missed. In that I made them, what, like two or three years ago? Yeah, three years ago.

And I bought a pie from dangerously delicious because i was like i'm not making a pie that's crazy i mean that's like four hours of work that's self it would take forever it still took forever yeah anyway so we go and like no one fucking ate anything i took home so much food it was crazy isn't it funny how it's so easy for five days isn't it funny just how easy you can become a lame adult just like all right guys come on eat up i don't want to take all this home come on have some it was great i was like i made so much food like yeah one of the stuffings i made I made two casserole-sized dishes of stuffing. Damn. And one of them, because 20 people, you have to do that. Right.

Because stuffing, it's a mainstay, the plate, for sure. Yeah, and there was almost one whole casserole dish left. I was like, this is nuts. I spent, like, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Stuffing's also way easier to make than I thought. Mm-hmm. I had no idea. It's just like bread and stock and the cut up celeries and whatever.

But I like fancy stuff. Karen's dad has a good recipe. It has like apples and sausage in it. Oh, mine has sausage in it. Yeah. It's really good. Onions. Yeah.

Onions. All that shit. Yeah. It is good. I made. Yeah. I got a Bon bon appetit recipe oh i fuck with yeah we've been watching the test kitchen yeah oh my god it's the best kitchen

i think i've seen every single one so we are really into uh the chick claire claire's great she's the best who makes like yeah claire makes everything from scratch i was like imagine having her like in your house or in your life. Yeah. She's like, hey, I made a Twinkie from scratch. You want to try it? And you're like, yeah, bitch. Yeah, dude.

She made Oreo cookies from scratch. Cheetos. Cheetos. Cheetos. Yeah. That was crazy. And then recently she made a top or she made instant ramen. Yeah.

I saw that. Yeah. I was like, damn, that's going to be so dope. Just the fucking the powder that she made was like damn that's gonna be so dope just the fucking the powder that she made was so cool the way you go through that where you make like you're like you need all this fancy equipment yeah you need a dehydrator yeah what the fuck is that do i do want to get like a what's that when you it's like sous vide no not sous vide it's when you sous vide like a steak oh i know what you're like that boiling water in the bag yeah and

it cooks in its own fat i saw one at target and then i was like i put it in my cart and i'm like what the fuck am i doing yeah how many times am i gonna use this yeah how much was it i don't even know i could i just you're the person at target they're like that's 500 like damn put it back i don't want it dude i went literally i went to target one day to buy detergent i spent 250 yo it's so hack but that's it happens man i got bedding i got and then karen and i were like it adds up so quick you're like we could use a new throw pillow. Yeah. It's $25. I bought bedding. I bought four new pillows. Ooh.

Oh, no. We put the pillows back, and then we went to Marshall's. We got smart. But yeah, it was like bedding and all this bullshit. I didn't know Marshall's had pillows. That's tight. Huh? I didn't know Marshall's had pillows.

Yeah, and they're so cheap. But dude, apparently you're supposed to buy pillows every year. Yeah, that's just- And windshield wipers. I did not know that. That's pillow propaganda right there that's big pillow you know putting it out there the cotton industry they've never done wrong before the cotton industry listen here boy yeah get rid of them there wouldn't be cool

if like cotton companies started over like dominoes they're like look yeah we know we made some mistakes yeah and it's the commercials where the same ones were like the walls fall down like well guess what you're at a farm people killing me like jesus christ and then so like their whole thing is is they also just uh to make it better they spray garlic butter on all their pillows. Get us out of their leg up. Look, we know slavery was a problem. We'd split up the union. We still don't pay them a decent wage, but look, we pay them now. But that is funny that all Domino's did to make their pizza better was start spraying garlic butter on the crust.

They fixed it. It is better. Yeah. I fuck with Domino's heavy. I know you fuck with it. Youino's heavy you know that with it you know that you know that yeah that's a that's a problem watching all these food shows though especially while on good times i'm like oh dude domino's had a deal where it's like half off online of all their specialty pizzas so we ordered a pizza at like 10 30 at night on a monday and i

was like god i instantly regretted it slash loved it at the same time i know i've been trying to because i ate all i mean i i fucked up during the holidays i was just eating like whatever it was crazy well listen you got to get that diarrhea again i know i know gotta get that ying to your yang i didn't get any diarrhea but i ate fries on tuesday i was trying to get karen to go to club al and she's like, no, I'm going to bed. I was like, come on, let's go. Get that cheese. Let's go.

Because last week, I wanted to get tacos, and I had two shows at Big Hunt. Not great? I fucking... I won't say I bummed, but yeah, it was just very mediocre. Those are the worst. So I did Ross Benoit's podcast, Smiley Crown, and that was a lot of fun. bum but yeah it was just like very mediocre those are those are the worst because so i did uh ross benoit's podcast smiley crown and uh that was a lot of fun people uh listen to that wherever you

get a podcast but um in the audience we just had them like ask questions because like why not it wasn't like a ton of people but they're like what's like the worst show you've ever had and i was like i don't know it didn't really like stick out the worst the things that get me are the ones where it's like not a bomb but not great like those sting the word like a bomb is almost like all right i get it yeah you know where it's like instead of getting a c minus i'd rather just be like you didn't even bear it you barely turned in a paper like yeah like you turned in five pages you tried and it's like yeah yeah like those sets where it's like i was talking a little too fast or that type of thing so because those those hurt where you're like what i actually tried like i don't know i don't even know what happened it was just like

my first set went mediocre i did some new shit the half of it killed and then half of it just tanked and then i just like I wanted to do other new stuff. Then I lost confidence and I was like reaching for old stuff. And it was just like and I was just rushing through. Everyone could tell I was pulling the rip. I was like a robot. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I fucking ate it. And then Tony Woods is there who's like an amazing legendary comic. And he was like, good job, man. And he was going on right after me. And now, yeah, man, you were good. And I was like, and then I'm like, why am I arguing with this guy he's he does he probably didn't even see my fucking set i know tony was just like he's like listen here aziz you are i like you man you got a bad rap anyway bye and he goes up and dude he fucking oh my god he's building and building and then he's just

crushing and yeah he was doing asian voices dude he was just like he had this bit i'm gonna botch it but it's so for those listening at home like tony woods is uh a dc legend i would say but also like one of like the prime like one of the main comedians of our era like he inspired chapelle yes so yeah and if you watch him you're like oh yeah yeah and he's just so good but he's like one of those like new york like seller guys too with like vos and effortlessly good at comedy yes he is just like it when you watch him it's sort of like he's just kind of floating i know that sounds lame to say but he's so fluid that it's just, oh, it's awesome. Nothing bothers him.

And he literally kind of sways a little bit. He's a drunk. I'm saying he's, you know, in the moment. He's so fluid, like he's slurring his words. He's floating on his own spit. It's very, it's cool to um but uh he was sober these shows i think i don't know but uh he was killing and he did this asian because he was talking about being in china and he is you know he is dropping uh he's like you all speak he's like i don't

speak chinese any y'all speak chinese and he's like yeah good because it's called uh can't whatever it's called what is the language can't knees can't no maybe right oh mandarin mandarin yeah good it's called mandarin and then so he's like i was in china and i noticed they do this noise all this oh here we go and he was like and he was just like and it didn't seem like it meant anything and i was like oh i wonder if that's like when black people are talking they just out of nowhere go, and it didn't seem like it meant anything. And I was like, oh, I wonder if that's like when black people are talking. They just out of nowhere go, shit. And it would kill. And he kept doing all these like black people noises.

Oh, man. Because at first, we were all like, where is he going? Why does he keep doing Asian voices? And then he brought it around. He fucking killed. And it was amazing. And he does this interesting thing where uh someone pointed out cook where like because he's so good and he knows that he can just destroy a room yeah

he brings the energy down for like the last couple minutes of his set so he doesn't completely ruin it for the next guy wow which is can you imagine being that good at comedy yeah you it's like you have a volume knob on the right right that's crazy or yeah you're just seeing through the matrix and you're just like no i'll just put that down here move i'm gonna move that bullet dom goes up and he's hasn't he's having an amazing he's opening up for pat nozzle and maria banford he's doing all the cool big shows at kennedy center yeah so he goes up and immediately he's like man what's so wrong you guys like he was like you guys did umar dirty or something he's like you made you had him up here sweating bullets

i was like why you didn't bring it up yeah we moved on he's trashed me a couple times and i was like oh i didn't like that yeah um i think you could trash dom too i think oh yeah he's super nice he's a sweetheart he is also he's a dude that you look at too he's like ripped you're like oh man i bet this guy's like harsh as shit but he's one of the more thoughtful dudes too he's thoughtful but he his uh he definitely has that like uh i'm gonna always attack you at like you know you're like that's his like he's always trying to like burn somebody oh okay yeah we got you and so uh he doesn't do that with me i guess he respects me i don't know

yeah like yeah immediately like someone said something he's just like making fun of them and i'm like oh god and uh so he has a good set and it's a good show um lafayette's headlining he crushes but so then second show i'm like i'm like i gotta kill i'm gonna do this you know i have my new jacket on i was like come on dude i can't i got big jacket energy jacket jacket uh oh i had an interesting new jacket city with uh ashley mayo she's a black comic uh very urban and And so I'm coming. And we've worked together a bunch. She's super cool.

And we always joke around. Sorry. Now I'm just thinking of Urban Mayo. It's like a terrible like comic, like white dude. Anyway, go ahead. I think everyone likes mayonnaise. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't do black. I don't like I've never met a black person that's like, ooh, that's gross. No, definitely not. Right. Yeah. Mayo's good. And, you know, they rebranded's like, ooh, that's gross. No, definitely not. Right? Yeah, mayo's good. And they rebranded it as aioli, which is a weird- That's true.

You just rub some shit in mayonnaise. Yeah. Right, this is different. Yeah, for a while I was getting French fries with aioli. And I didn't know it was mayonnaise. Me either. I was just digging it. Because I was like, yo, what is aioli?

It's delicious. Yeah. It's fucking mayo. They're just serving it to these hipsters. Like, if I saw a guy at Hooters dipping his fries in mayo, like, look at this piece of shit. Yeah, that's so true. But I'm at a dimly lit bar. I'm like, can I get some garlic aioli?

Our friend Alex, he asked for a side of mayonnaise to dip his fries in, which I still think is kind of gross. Yeah. And, yeah, I guess I can't make fun of him anymore right it is gross but it is good at the same time but yeah okay anyway second show you and ashley aoli uh she does that when she does a white room oh i'm coming down the steps and ashley's like what's up motherfucker and i'm like i was like what's up bitch and she was like bitch and i'm like oh no did i offend her and she's facetiming because you know and uh they like facetime i didn't know they had a movie theater down there yeah so uh oh god ashley's facetiming and she's like yo this guy just called me a bitch i'm like you

called me a motherfucker like you know it's not the same motherfucker and i was like it's the same and i was like we're and then like these two white chicks are coming down the steps and ashley's like you know it's not the same i was like it's the same and i was like we're and then like these two white chicks are coming down the steps and ashley's like he called me a bitch that's not okay and i'm like uh we know each other this sounds like okay and your voice also sounds like a modern jerry seinfeld i called her a bitch i thought we were doing a thing she called me a motherfucker yeah it was and then like the girl on the other end is dying she's like i wasn't ready for that i was like for what there's nothing happening for what and then like the girl on the other end is dying she's like i wasn't ready for that i was like for what there's nothing happening and then she was just busting my balls and then she was eating crackers she's like do you want a broken cracker and i was like no i got one

waiting at home for me and then all that killed those nice and then i bombed but uh it's the second show i just love that it's like what's up motherfucker you're like hey what's up you stupid piece of shit i thought we were doing a thing so then second show ross is doing okay a little weird uh i like ashley at mayo by the way but when she's in white rooms she changes her name to ashley aoli i said that earlier that's a good one thanks anyway so then ross is doing and uh he's doing crowd back. That's a good one. Thanks. Anyway, so then Ross is doing crowd work. There's a couple on a first date. They met on Hinge or some bullshit.

So I'm going up on stage. The crowd is just talking. You know how it's like when the teacher leaves the room for a second, everyone starts talking? It's like that's what it felt like was happening. So the first words out of my mouth are like, dude, what are you doing? Stop talking. And this guy, I was like, yeah, you stop talking.

And I'm pointing at him and he looks at me and he does the wave of the hand, like do your thing. And I was just like, what? And I lost it because it's so rude. That would really piss me off. That's so dismissive too. Just like, do your little thing. Hey, clown, go ahead.

It's like, I can't do my thing if you're talking. If the first words out of your mouth are like, stop talking, I think everyone immediately hates you. Yeah, and that room is so sensitive. They're so sensitive. Yes, and this room was sensitive. And I wasn't doing the, yeah, I don't know. I was trying not to do my normal act.

And I was was like what are you doing dude like get like stop talking like and then he does a hand thing and i'm like dude what why don't wave me off like everyone paid to see a comedy show yeah you guys are facing me right now i'm holding a microphone which obviously now i'm just I'm here to entertain you stupid people. You dumb cunts. I'm on the stage. So then I completely do an audible, and I open up with my go-tos, like Darrell, Darrell, whatever. That shit bombs.

Usually it crushes. I put my closing on it. Then I do the newport's joke it bombed yeah that room's sensitive man once yeah i got them with like my big sick like bread joke and then so they i was like okay god went into a me too joke did okay yeah and then i started doing and i was like i just don't want to do my tinder like i was just like over my material yeah they could probably sense that too yeah and then so i go to do crowd work meanwhile i think i had just bombed one of my jokes so i'm like talking to this couple who's on a first date i do and um i do some crowd work with a girl that

kills because she didn't know what a dp pic was uh-huh and i was like how do you not know what a dick pic she's like oh i just didn't know the acronym and i was like oh okay so you know what they i'm like she's got tons of them she's just swiping right i don't know why the room just thought it was funny they laughed yeah and then i talk to the guy and he just sounds creepy and i'm like you're giving me serial killer vibes or something and whoo pin drop when i called him a serial killer why they just because he he said he kept saying how much he liked animals i was like oh the way you're saying that makes me sound like I'm getting serial killer vibes. Everyone hates.

Like, dude, people were like, ugh. Room's like, hey, serial killers make some of the best content of my favorite podcast. So shut up. Leave them alone. And yeah, they hated. And then so I was just like. Real quick as an aside, have you watched Bumping Mics? Yes.

David Tell. Oh, yeah. Like speaking of crowd work, when he's like talking to that couple's like he's like what's the name of your podcast about serial killers and the girl had like short hair with tattoos and glasses like perfect oh it's so great but what a weird thing to get sensitive about like that's so i'm not saying like that should like kill but that shouldn't make you feel weird that you joke that he looks like a serial killer. So then I just went into like, ah, like a joke. Like just an old joke did not feel like doing and it did okay. And I just got off stage on almost a bomb and whoo, it hurts, you know?

It's like, oh, this is dead air. I forgot you didn't have a microphone. Coffee, sorry. But yeah, that's what I mean about like the sets where it's's like if you had a set where it's like completely like none of this is hitting it would almost be like well fuck man i took a hot one there but when it's like you're kind of there kind of not yeah it's the blue balls of just a mediocre set oh my god it was i need to drive home an hour and then so we're're like, I'm rushing home to go to Clavel to get tacos. And we get there.

We sit down like, hey, you know, our kitchen's closed. I'm like, what? It's 11 o'clock or 1130. You guys close at 12. And they're like, ah, we changed it for the winter hours. The kitchen close at 10 on a Saturday night. That's so mad. And then, yeah, that was it.

Damn, just a total blue balls night. I know. This close to a good set. This close to tacos. We tried to go to Clavel last night. They closed early because their computer system crashed. Damn. Gotta get this shit together, man. Bro, you're having a tough... They don't know that... You're having a tough run, man.

We do a Baltimore Business Corner on this podcast, and I talk so much nice things about Clavel. That is true. I think it's the best restaurant in the city. I love it. Big for your buck.

Good cocktail. I love that cheese. The cheese, the Asuka whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. How do you say it? Asuka? Sacagawea cheese. It's very good.

Yep. Shout out to Sacagawea. She made that cheese, gave it to the settlers. And that was Thanksgiving, actually. I'm going to see that full circle that news story about that uh the missionary who got killed yeah i think that's so cool i and like uh there's like a christian some christian missionary groups are trying to they're like we want that person to be brought to justice fuck you how do you get arrest a dude who can't even like understand yeah also speak any language any other person he doesn't have laws that you have like they're their own thing like yeah that's so tight what would be great too is if the people the same

people had told that guy like not to go there told would tell those christians like yeah go go grab them yeah and these they just keep slaughtering i like that like when they went to go there would tell those Christians like, yeah, go grab them. Go get them. And they just keep slaughtering them. I like that like when they went to go check on them after the... It's all his body being dragged on the beach.

Oh, for real? Yeah. So the best part is, so yeah, the guy went like, I think he went like three times. Yeah. And one time they shot an arrow

and it hit his Bible. Yes. Which I think it would be funny if it was just like the natives were like readings gay terrible book dude yeah but harry potter bro yeah um yeah and then the guy like the guy snuck back and then i think when the authorities saw that he was missing or he's

reported missing they went to go look for him and as they're approaching the island they see they see them dragging his body on the beach and they're like well that's so cool i hope it's just kids playing with it just kicking around his head like a soccer ball you know it's crazy because if he has diseases that they uh their immune systems can't handle like not even disease, like a cold or something. Yeah, but even if they bury them, can't that... I don't know how diseases work. Maybe if they're touching them and stuff, but I don't know. Yeah, if they had to touch them and drag them.

Yeah. But then when they went to go... Apparently, after the hurricane or some tsunami, they went to go check on the island several, maybe a year or two before. Yeah. And they shot arrows at the helicopter that went to just make sure they were okay. Yeah. Get it out of here.

Is that crazy? Well, imagine. You don't know what the hell a helicopter is. I know. Like, that's what I'm saying. You just, this thing flies over. Do you remember that movie? If you saw a guy wearing pants, you'd be like, what the fuck are those?

Dude. Let alone a flying fucking. Do you remember that movie with Tim Allen, jungle to jungle do i dude we could you could do like a real life jungle you go pull a kid off this fucking island and bring him to america that'd be the dopest reality show ever oh i do imagine i'd feel so bad i would too because one is like immediately die in two weeks cause they get a fucking cold. Right. It would be great to see them turn like immediately though.

Like on real housewives. Like, Oh, this bitch isn't going to pay for brunch immediately, but that would be so cool. Just like a native walking around with their in face paint down New York. Terrified. Oh,

that'd be so cool. I think we watched the trailer for jungle to jungle. I think, uh, like a few months ago when we were in New Jersey at my buddy Mike's house, just cause, uh, terrified oh that'd be so cool i think we watched the trailer for jungle to jungle i think uh like a few months ago when we were in new jersey at my buddy mike's house just because uh we got on a a run of watching trailers on i think it was like crackle or something like that one of those like shitty sub-tier yeah uh streaming apps and so we were just looking at like trailers for all these old 90s movies and jungle jungle it's basically like tim ellen's like i mean what am i gonna do he's just like it's so funny like just how like callous

it is too and he's like all right i guess you can come to new york also i like that like oh because it's his son right yeah because i was gonna say i'm like that kid is so white right it's his son but he hasn't known about for like 13 years but i'm a businessman oh because his wife went there and just lived with the tribe what the fuck is that thing yeah so he got some because all right tim allen yeah is a big shot like broker yeah in new york city also in the trailer he does his like grunt a bunch too yeah yeah exactly it like, say hello to your son. And he has like the face paint on. I think I saw that movie in theaters. I thought it was amazing.

I definitely watched the VHS at like a sleepover or something. Oh, yeah. I love that movie. But I don't know if I like it now. But also, you know who else is in it? Yeah. Is it Martin? No.

Yeah. Martin Sheen. No, not Sheen. Short. He's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah. Martin Sheen. No, not Sheen. Short. Yeah. He's in it. Yeah. Crazy.

Yeah. And so he's some like big shot broker. He has like a nice apartment. And he has like this cunty new girlfriend that he's going to marry. Oh, right. And then like if she can't love his son, then it's like, well, maybe you're not the woman for me. And he used to be married to this like hippie dippy

like i think researcher phd yeah like yeah she wears like she's one of those like cool ones that have like wear khakis and they go out in the field and uh i think khakis are very weird zookeeper outdoorsman yeah higher because it's not breathable no if you have to run it's very difficult and i feel like they're formal yeah well but if you get the ones that are uh cargos though you got pockets on the side for tools that means your business yeah you know you got your uh notebook and other research tools yeah i used to have car i used to i think i only wore cargos in high shorts cargo shorts not a fan you never did it i mean i did but i wasn't a fan once i realized i was like oh yeah remember like painter's pants too you'd have the fucking

buckle for your one of those i don't know because you just couldn't buy i couldn't find pants without those yeah i didn't even know what it was for a hammer right yeah or whatever yeah that's why they were called painters pants oh yeah yeah that was a thing and then uh what was i talking about uh we're talking about shows and jungle to jungle jungle jungle he's a big and then so his wife i guess like they broke up she flew to this island and just lived yeah there and raised uh i don't know why she was there i think i mean i don't know she's so heartbroken or something well i don't know i think that they couldn't let her leave because you know they're all taking turns but then for

some reason his son had to come home or go well i think wanted to probably you know once you find out your dad's tim allen yeah of tool time but what a psycho lady that waited until this kid's 13 like hey you know what i'm gonna fuck up your it's time to fuck up your life yeah also why didn't tell him way before that's what i'm saying like how do they even address that in the movie it's just like we got to go back to it i think she's the bad person she's actually the cunty one you don't tell some guy for 13 years he doesn't he has a and then wait oh my god yeah we should see her side of the movie, though. Just jungle to freedom. She's like, get out of here. I'm going to hang with all these dudes.

Do ayahuasca. Dance a little bit. Kill this Christian guy. Yeah, man. I yeah, I was definitely a blast for the past. I was like, oh, yeah, I remember this movie. Yeah, I remember this. Yeah.

So what are talking about shows and stuff that i had i mcgoobies was actually pretty good with joe mattery joe mattery frankie yeah it was really it was cool joe was so nice he put up that video like positively slamming me oh yeah that was really cool yeah he's like who's the funny guy with the good hair and i was like hey it's like this guy's checking a lot of boxes thank you but yeah he put that on his instagram which was nice and uh yeah the crowds were good some of the shows had like a mixed audience which is the best okay so when i was doing a few jokes like i let like sort of like a setup or a punch line sit and there's this black woman just had this big laugh

like in the second tier so it's like i'd say something a beat and then she'd be like and you're like and that made everybody else laugh oh it was so good that's great oh it was the best that's great i did uh oh that weekend i did uh ramin shows yeah with tim right no he bailed i didn't tell you that no tim dylan bailed uh yeah uh i know it's gonna listen to this i don't give a shit i'll tell the story he uh he uh he so he was booked to do these shows and he's texting me like oh he's like hey how do i get there that ended up being like a local showcase kind of yeah so he's right i'll just drive to you because it's in like it's in like rural virginia yeah and so fredericksburg is the one in lorton yeah so i'm featuring so his plan was he was gonna drop get to baltimore and i would drive us and then

he'd sit at the hotels there yeah so he texts me in the morning it's black friday he texts me he's like hey i got a mega bus to come to baltimore i was like dude that drops you like 40 minutes outside of the city i'm like i'm not gonna go pick him up at the megabus stop and then drive where's the megabus it's a white marsh oh and i was like you can uber to my house yeah and i was like i'm not driving i'm not picking him up fuck that it's in the opposite direction of virginia we're already driving over two hours to get to the fredericksburg yeah and so that adds round trip an hour and a half god tim is like pretty big and uh and he went down the car even though i love his comedy like i think he'd be a i think he would be uncomfortable with being in a car with someone for two

hours and i would be too you know and so and he's just ranting and telling me to quit comedy and all that stuff like trying to suck having you pull over to pull over at arby's yeah the fries are amazing and so so he's like all right i'll figure this out maybe someone can drive me and i was like why who would drive you from new york city like how much are you paying them yeah anyway so then he ends up texting me he's like hey man my mom is sick she's going to the hospital i got a bail on the shows oh and then i was like oh okay so anyway so she didn't do the shows damn sounds like he just didn't feel like yeah um so so i go to frederick bergen is in like a marriott and oh yeah yeah yeah i've done that room i've never done it before and like yeah i meet up uh

thank god like so sarom is on the show he's headlining now and then uh benji's hosting and i'm like oh sweet like yeah it's a good hang we're all hanging out we're making jokes and uh but everyone walking in are like fucking old as like just it like it's it's older white people like senior citizen night dude it looked like they were going to play bingo yeah oh my god yeah benji had a pretty good set he thought he bombed but i thought he did fine right and uh man i had a great first show set it was great it was so fun it's a good room right oh they were so fun they were so ready to laugh they were like they just wanted jokes and yep uh it was great i did crowd work

and i was like is there any pakistani people i was like well no way and then there was a woman goes woo and i was like you're not there's a pakistani woman in the audience nice how crazy is that and i bet the whole room's like they know each other yeah and then so we're like oh and i got to go up on stage like i fucking murdered my first show probably hit the best because uh some guy is from there and he was shitting all over fredericksburg oh hopping nick hopping oh he was trying out he did some joke i love nick where uh yeah he was pretty good he i think he's just trying out new stuff that night yeah guestie and uh he said something like how like fredericksburg is a place where you stop to take a shit on your way to dc or something and then uh i was like guys i'm from baltimore so uh i i stopped on i stopped

on the way here i stopped in dc to take a shit and something like the crowd went crazy yeah that's awesome like yeah you got like an applause break it was nuts and then uh yeah i was doing great it was so fun nice and the second show was light and uh yeah oh man i just did all crowd work and i was just like i kind of tanked my own set yeah like fuck it and then robin texted me he's like or called me he's like yeah man that was fine like it was fine and funny but it's like you say jesus on stage so much he was like he got he's like you said it like 50 times and i was like oh boy oh man yeah yeah yeah because that's what you got in trouble not in trouble but uh black show yeah they're like man i don't want to think about jesus yeah because i say when i'm uncomfortable and the second show was just rough because it was small

and it's a long room too. I was like, these people aren't going to like my jokes. Yeah. And then, yeah. But yeah. Yeah. One time I got heckled down there when I was doing my braces joke. It's like, yeah, they cost six grand.

This woman's like, not down here. It's like, it's a weird thing to brag about. Like, I don't know. Like, do you think I wanted to pay that much? And like the people were so nice after the first show in Fredericksburg. Like, dude. Yeah. So many people came up to me afterwards and were like, thank you think I wanted to pay that much? And, like, the people were so nice after the first show in Fredericksburg. Like, dude, so many people came up to me afterwards and were like, thank you so much for being here. Like, we don't get out much, but this is one of the few times we get out. And, like, you guys made us laugh and we really needed it.

Yeah. And this one fat Italian dude comes over and he's, like, drunk. And he's like, man, you got to – it's great. I love what you guys do. You got to make fun of everyone. everyone you know i'm italian make fun of italians i was like i don't know anything about italians yeah and then so he's like where where do italians hide their money and i was like i don't know where he's like under the soap and me and ben you're like what he's like and ben he's like oh because italians are dirty he's like yeah this guy gets it we just start making all these stupid dumb italian like racist jokes we're just talking about like rigatoni and all and he's yeah loving it right

killing himself yeah yo lasagna loving yeah it was so funny yeah like we just kept like being racist against the italians and he thought it was hilarious have you seen the key and peel sketch where it's the the comic and he's like roasting the room. Yeah. And then he gets Jordan Peele who's like burned and in a wheelchair. Oh, yeah. And he has that voice there. He's like, do me. He's like pretending he doesn't see him.

Well, they roasted a guy on Bumping Mike. Yeah. That was burned. Yeah, yeah. I thought that was great. Yeah, that was cool. That was cool. Fuck, what was I going to say?

Yeah, that's a good room down there where they're they are like excited to see you and it's not like people it's like i don't think you should say that i don't know yeah we had uh we did speechless last week at the dc draft house and pd steel was on and he said oriental in his presentation everybody would be the one that everybody was like nope nope they literally said nope well at the vibe it's just like just shut he's a oriental ah i forget what he was talking about rugs you would hope are you allowed to say are they still called oriental rugs yeah yeah uh karen and i were just driving through roland, which is like a nicer part of the city, like nicer neighborhood. And the church has a huge sign.

It's like, Oriental Rugs. Oh, my God. But what do you change it to? It's like Miso Rugs. Because ramen changed their thing, too. Because ramen, it was like chicken flavor beef flavor oriental flavor no and now they're like shrimp flavor oh they're like msg yeah and the bag says formally oriental flavor oh it's like so why what are you doing god people are so stupid

on there just like tinier font like oh all right all right so anyway you were oh fuck what was that i don't even remember i don't either good pot good damn it you were uh talking about rugs oriental oh yeah yeah and i felt bad for him because you could tell like i don't think the room was offended as much but it's like like what you had at big hunt it's like oh i think i should be offended yeah no i don't know but yeah we kind of just roasted pd a little bit after it oh really it's fine cool i was like hey man you want to build that wall right let's do it come on man come on uh we had uh i had off on wednesday oh yeah for bush yeah yeah he's dead and everyone's uh everyone's so dumb arguing about it it's like yeah dude

people are like how could you praise it's like yeah do you know the people who like disagree with you politically yeah they're the ones who are gonna praise bush when he dies why is it so surprising like he didn't do anything for aids i'm like yeah it's shitty but people think he did a lot so yeah exactly also like dude people are like i hope bush jr's next and it's like why i was fucking with the the crowd in arlington uh because it's all government people are like contractors it's like all right who had the day off today and they're like it's like damn you guys really into george bush's debt like joking you guys like hey i'm looking at you next jimmy carter you're 94 give me a three-day weekend bro let's go bro god that's so cool to get off for someone dying it's so weird like i don't know

if that's the protocol like i guess that happened with reagan but it was weird yeah it was like a day of mourning i was like okay i'll take i'll take it yeah no one mourns like you don't like yeah yeah i mean i definitely did i'm glad i had the day it was like yeah oh my god i would have loved to old georgie bush r.i.p man listen i'm trying to get george uh hw bushes i'm trying to get some of his artwork have you seen his paintings the the junior yeah yeah yeah you like it yeah well i just think it's so like i bet you could buy prints it is weird he painted like his legs in a bathtub yeah yeah like it'd be so funny to put it like a prince of that in the bathroom yeah like i just it's so weird that he's like i killed a million iraqis i know

let me paint my leg like that's what like the whole time he's painting he's probably just like oh my god i think he's just completely disconnected from it right you think nah i think it probably weighs on him you think so nah i don't know i don't know yeah i don't know because then you're just like a grandpa on the ranch you're like ah i'm gonna paint in a tub today but every like even obama like i mean way different he didn't start wars but yeah i mean well you couldn't say yemen yeah that's true the drones like they killed so many fucking in i think they drone two weddings in his administration well you gotta invite obama next yeah that's true tried to send a signal with the first one you know yeah like oh where's my invite michelle obama like i'm so annoyed with

michelle obama now really why just because it's like everyone like we shouldn't treat them like gods yeah we feel like we're putting them up on these pedestals and like so what what do you think is a what makes a marriage good michelle it's like what the fuck does she she's not an expert on anything she's like just because she's the president was the president's wife the first black lady lady i don't know it's just annoying that people automatically like look up to them like like they're these... She was. I mean, as far as a first lady goes... Like monarchs.

Yeah. But as far as a first lady goes, I think what she did was pretty cool. No, it was. For sure. But it's just like, I don't like how people are just so like, oh, did you? Oh, my God. Michelle Obama said, that shit don't work. Like when they talk about...

Slay, queen, slay. She's talking about the whole lean in thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. which lean in is stupid but it's just like people just like lose their mind when like people like cuss that they don't expect to cuss like when uh beto o'rourke yeah you good i fucking love you guys people like oh my god yeah yeah i wanted to do uh i wanted to do a sketch of beto doing that like because he got such like juice from it that he was like wow i'm just gonna keep doing like he's at starbucks so like coffee for beto he's like thank you so fucking proud of

you guys it's really great and they're like jesus chill kids bring home a good report card he's like so fucking proud of you guys really great or he just keeps getting crazier crazier because he thinks like that's what like like you what like He's like the opposite of Trump I'm so fucking proud of you guys What we did here It's almost like he's like an X game Like he's in the X games And like after he just finished his first run

Or whatever He just landed the 900 I'm so fucking stoked right now I couldn't have done it without my team You guys have been so fucking sick This whole time The state ofas is fucking rad all right when i made that kickflip over that fucking rail

no one thought we i could do it on ted cruz's head because you guys are fucking sick okay got it you guys are rad as hell because you guys believed in me, I knew I could pull off a 900. Thank you, Texas. You guys fucking rock. Oh, I'm stoked. Every fucking X Games competitor over there says stoked after their- Oh, dude, I was stoked on it, man. Yeah, I was really stoked. Really stoked on it.

Couldn't ask for a better run. Matt Hoffman's here. I'm stoked on that. Stoked to see him later. The ramps are really nice. I was fucking so stoked, man. So stoked. Ioked to see him later. You know, the ramps are really nice. Fucking so stoked, man. So stoked. I used to love the X Games.

It's wild how just the level of like has to be raised every time. Oh, my God. Like just seeing somebody on a half pipe doing shit. It's like, wow. And now with Nitro Circus, it's like, watch this dude in a wheelchair. Do like nine flips over like a pit of lava and we're like it's all right you just change the guy in the wheelchair eat it on a vert ramp yes oh my god and him calling it too so this dude yeah this dude in a wheelchair i think uh yeah he was going over like a big vert like jump thing. And he landed like on his back.

He landed. So he got to the other ramp, but he got there like he should have been, I think, much further on the ramp. So when he hit the other one, it like projected him forward. Yeah. So when he hits that, he's like, ah, shit. And you're like, oh. Oh, my God. The comments on that video.

I can only imagine, dude. Oh, my God. The comments on that video. I can only imagine, dude. Woo. So funny. People on the internet are so funny. Oh, my God. Yeah. Undefeated. But why are we talking about Weetra?

Oh, yeah. X Games. I don't know what you're talking about. We're just going off tangents. Hey, we're digressing. It's our first pod in a month. We have to shake the rust off. We got to shake it off.

It's a part of it. It's a part of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, go ahead. go ahead oh i was gonna say i got some um some gummies for good times yeah i'm gonna go pick some up too yeah yeah i'm on good time set now my man yeah my man but uh the uh the the way i was sold on i was like sounds great it's like two milligrams and all this stuff yeah and they're a dollar each yeah and i was like i'll take 50 wow he's like he's like that's what everybody keeps saying it's like yeah it's like yeah i'm only gonna buy 10 why not yeah but two come on yeah i gotta text them maybe i'll go pick them up now yeah i'm so hungry where should i eat lunch uh okay just keep eating the same shit over and over yeah there's definitely places in Hamden that I haven't gone to.

I'm such a piece of shit. I'm always like, I don't want to go to the same place. There's like six places I could try. I got Rocket the other night. I was like, yeah, this banh mi is pretty good. Yeah, I like the food market. The food market's great. Oh, my God, dude.

What? Their happy hour burger, $10, amazing. Killer. It's the best. It's my favorite. I think it's my favorite burger in the city, probably. Nice. I don't know if I agree, but.

Where's the, oh, well, Hamilton. Hamilton's really good, but I don't even know if I think Hamilton's burger is the best. Well, food market for $10. I don't think you can fuck with that. Pretty good. Yeah. The oyster place also. Oh.

They do a burger, $10. I think it's better. Whoa. An oyster house. It's a smash burger. Oh. Smash burgers are dope. place also oh they do a burger ten dollars i think it's better whoa an oyster burger oh smash burgers are dope yeah they really are watching a lot of food yeah bon appetit yeah bon appetit but then also like there's a burger show guy this fat ass dude he's so great he's yeah it sounds very shallow but he kind of grossed me out sometimes oh really how come just because he's fat kind of wow not because but it's like and him like biting like yeah yeah i don't know it all just no i mean it's not that he's it just all seems so overindulgent yeah yeah yeah hey man

you know like if it was like a sickly dude that's like sure sure this is my show about drugs i'm gonna do drugs josh is also protesting Dove soap, everyone. So, uh-oh. Yeah, listen, all right? No, I love me a goddamn cooking show. And I like Brad a lot. Brad is so cool. Karen, Mike Karen has a huge crush on him.

So does Mike Karen. Yeah, he's a lovable guy. Did you see when he went hunting? Yeah. He's so good at hunting. I'm like, God, women must love that guy. Well, he's married and has kids. I want to see what his wife looks like. I just want to see him around his kids.

I bet he's the best dad. Oh, my God, I know. The best dad. Yeah. The fucking best. Dude, he was killing the shit out of those birds. And he's so funny, too. Yeah.

I'm like, this guy has it all in. He's like the head chef for the test kitchen. Yeah, I was joking that whenever anybody's cooking something, they're cooking something like oh hey uh claire do you want to try like and they're always just trying the brilliant beautiful food that they're making and then their little like chiron pops up it's like brad manager of the test kitchen like if i was there it'd be like josh weird hanger on yeah like josh always around for some reason i'd be hovering all the time. Like, hey, do you want to try? Like, yes. Yes, I do.

It'd be so great. Yeah. That's like the coolest job. It seems like the coolest job. Because, yeah, you're getting to make all the food you want to make. Pretty much unlimited resources. Then the person next to you is also making Cheetos from scratch. And you're like, hey, do you want to try these?

Like, yeah, that sounds good. And somebody else is making a smash burger like the next station down. Yeah they probably hate it though you think so well yeah yeah i don't know it's pretty good pretty good gig i think uh clark burger very good uh where is that next to the senator theater oh okay yeah yeah yeah and if you're a fan of... What's that Canadian shit? Poutine. Respect. Being gracious. Yeah, and Clark Burger never locks their doors.

Oh, I like that. They don't have to. They don't have to. Yeah, they don't have to at all. No, Clark Burger is so good. I got Postmates for the first time. What's that? Postmates is like Uber Eats, essentially. They deliver the food for you.

Uh, so we got Postmates of Shake Shack. Ooh. Yo. That was so tight. How do they keep it warm? Cause that's a pretty big drive. It wasn't bad actually. And it was warm.

So I think they have like a similar thing, you know, like what like Pizza's has for the pizzas they have that just for the food do you remember the commercials the fries traveled well too and we got a vanilla shake malted you dip a fry in there oh yeah times buddy that's a speedball let me tell you whoo damn the salt the sugar it's a perfect bite damn i want a burger i'm gonna be in dc tonight maybe i'll go shake shack oh what are you doing i'm just watching stuff. Oh, cool. Cool. I'll be at the D.C. Improv. I'll try to come through. Yeah, my buddy Chris Allen just texted

me. He asked me if I'm going to be in D.C. So I will, Chris, and he won't know. I'm only saying it on the pod. He doesn't listen to. Hey now. All right. You're in D.C. You're doing the D.C. Improv. I'm on the shows with Chris Allen. The Lounge.

Yes, sir. In the Lounge. Two shows hosting. Hosting. Yeah. I just found out that I have a bunch of sets from the D.C. Improv in my Dropbox that I didn't know about because they film all the sets. Oh, fuck.

I didn't give them my email address. So, yeah. Yeah. You should do it. I just did the fucking mic. Yeah. Hit them up. Because, yeah. So didn't give them my email address. So, yeah, yeah. You should do it. I just did the fucking mic. Yeah. Hit them up. Because, yeah, so they have those TVs.

So that, like, that they use for the crowd. But while they're using those cameras. So that same feed that's on the TVs, they will upload that for you. Yeah, they used to make you pay for the videos. Yeah. So, yeah, but this one I had a bunch. I was like, oh, sick. I have, like, a tape that i can never submit

um yeah joe matter is he was like so what are you gonna do you're gonna you're gonna move as like no i'm gonna i'm gonna continue to be a medium fish in a small pond wait where does he live uh he's in new york but he was saying like for a comedy like what are you gonna do you're gonna go to new york or la and like i don't think so oh to you to me it's me yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what are you gonna do man you know i'm i'm content me too a little little podcast getting some good gigs here and there there you go that's life that's life isn't it yeah because then i've been seeing the statuses of uh people who have moved you know to and i i mean everyone like has to try if you if that's what you want to do yeah uh but like uh man just like how no one can afford

anything like uh someone made a status they were like uh looking for um uh like a bedroom in la pretty much i'll live anywhere i don't know neighborhood i don't care it doesn't really bother me i'll pee in a jar i don't need a bath yeah like he it's something who's like would preferably like my own bathroom for eight hundred dollars i was like eight hundred dollars like you are dreaming if it has mold that's fine yeah i don't care it just seems horrible i can't live like that you know yeah i don't know but just seems horrible i can't live like that you know yeah i don't know but i'm like a domesticated animal i'm like i'm not going back out in the wild yeah you kidding me dude fuck that like uh i got i got flat screen tvs in a house yeah well

yeah and so uh uh what are you gonna do i forgot what forgot what I was going to say. Oh, well, yeah. And also, yeah, just like the prospect of like starting over and appreciating yourself in a new scene. But it's cool that he likes you. So maybe he'll take you on the road. What was funny, me and Frankie like yelled that. And he was like, there are no gigs to bring you to. He's like, he like said that from the stage.

He was like, I don't really have any gigs, so I don't know. Oh, my God. Is he struggling a little bit? No, I just don't think it's not. I don't think he's at the point where it's like he can afford to bring people with him. Yeah. It's weird, though, because now the whole featuring thing at clubs is gone. They just features do local comics yeah but like you used to be able to tour as a feature sometimes right

and you probably still can it's just harder but if i was a headliner and i could bring somebody or if i was like hey if you pay your way there like yeah you can do it i do that makes so much more sense to tour with like a buddy than i mean not like maybe it doesn't make sense like monetarily but if you can afford it and you can bring a friend with you that would make it way better yeah well like mark norman gets chris allen to open for him and um yeah i think he just tells the club like i'm gonna my features but then chris does all the travel on his own right right so that's what i'm saying like i think some clubs don't like it or even like headliners like sometimes mark gets a little like weird uh-huh curse of like hey man i see you can

i open for you here he's like hey well why don't you just call the club and ask it's like well he can't do that because they don't know him yeah club is just gonna be like oh okay yeah that might be mark's way of saying like nah yeah i think so yeah Because he would. He'd be like, yeah, I'll get you. No, I think he also gets annoyed of him having to make calls and stuff because he just doesn't feel like finding the manager, calling the manager. Yeah. Also, yeah, it's like, dude, I'm worried about my headlining set. Yeah, and he's worried about his own career. He doesn't want to keep working clubs.

He's sick of it. Right. Right. Yeah, that's the thing about comedy, too. It's just such a fucking grind. Even when it's going well for people they hate it yeah it's crazy yeah i like hate it you start like you do it so much it takes so long to get good at it by the time you get good at it you're like uh you're old yeah me and rameen we're all hanging out i'm sorry am i boring you no sorry i'm just tired me and rameen we're all hanging out. I'm sorry, Omar. Am I boring you? No, sorry. I'm just tired. Me and Ramin, we're hanging out.

We're just like, we're both like, yeah, we don't want to be here right now. Yeah. It's a holiday weekend. Everyone's in town. Yeah. I had to leave my house at five o'clock to go do fucking shows. I went to. In Fredericksburg.

Yeah. I got paid. Yeah. Actually, I haven't gotten paid. Hit them up. I haven't been paid. I haven't been paid on the other two shows. Oh, better Venmo me for them other ones. I went to the Wednesday mic here in Baltimore at Motor House.

I was going to go. Fuck, I should have went. Let me finish. Okay. I show up. Me and Kern were watching The Final Table or whatever on Netflix. It's a hard show to get into. Which also it's like, bro, this is cooking.

Have anybody seen this show? Oh, my God. It's like they're making these chefs like gods. It looks like it's like a cooking show crossed with fucking Hunger Games. They're like, represent your country. It's like a Who Wants to Be Millionaire type stage with the lighting yeah and the drama all the time and the final episode the guy that won they had all these lights come down and then coalesce to like one chair at the table it's like you can now sit at the final like he's a god like the final table you just made it up there's

no lore there's no respect for it's just right who gives me a joke about that like a guy's like yeah of course yeah i have three michelin stars in my own restaurant but i want to see it at the final table yeah or like that's how you like bill your restaurant like you know he was at the final table the host is the worst god anyway yeah it's all yeah it's all really weird you're at motor house oh at motor house wednesday wednesday night and uh wednesday yes and i got rocket no last week last week last week because i had rag time uh this wednesday but um uh yeah i i think this is a symbol of a growth though because i i walked in and the flyer that garrett put up the the host of it it

said like doors at 7 30 show at 8 yeah and i got there at 9 so i was like you know what i can probably just sneak on to the end of this and i got there like show hadn't hadn't even started yeah it wasn't starting until 9 30 garrett put up like the wrong flyer and the only they were like maybe do that every time by the way right like you get there and you're like so when we started like i will wait like an hour i'm like what yeah and there were like four people there that weren't comedians and i was like i'm gonna go home like god yeah man sorry no shade to you guys but it's just it's honestly not worth it like to like i gotta work in the morning it's not worth it to wait around and then try these premises no for losing the edge for nobody i feel the same

way i was gonna go to motor house and i was like what am i doing i went and watched uh the new comics and mcgoobies the competition yeah i got to hang out with mike finazzo that was great love the naz man hang out with sunny fuller dude sunny kills me kills me so uh so mcgoobies clubs will and maybe we should wrap on this yeah but they do these uh yeah i'm trying to find the exact quote oh did he send that to you yeah so like they oh that's what i was doing too so sunny uh he's a guy he's a great comic i like him he's a legend dude we've had him on here before had him on friend of the pod uh he's very he's old school he's just offensive but he's not like trying to

be offensive it's just the things that are funny to him and right he grew up in the hood and so he has a half black son yeah anyway so he talks a lot about race and all that stuff and yeah i guess he's like you know a lot of people who are getting into comedy now are very like woke hip feminist whatever which is fine nope not dogging it but But they're not people who like Sonny Fuller's comedy. And so I guess he's on stage. So at these new competitions, everyone's friends and family come to watch them and do well in a competition so they can move on

and whatever, work at a club. Most of the time, it's like comedians that have been doing it like less than a year, pretty much on average. Some of them might be like their first time. and you have to bring you have to bring like four or five people and yeah oh man the bombs yeah but honestly so many people did so well it was great to watch nice yeah yeah um but so sunny the week before he told me he's like he's like oh so i see him he's like oh you should have seen me last week these dykes were in here it's like hey oh, so I see him. He's like, oh, you should have seen me last week. These dykes were in here.

Hey, man. These dykes with their shaved head. And they got offended at some, I guess they were booing him, telling him to get off stage. And he's like a racist. It's great. But what do you have to give the quote? Yeah.

So then someone left a Yelp review about his set. And I just want to say Sonny is such a sweetheart, but that is his humor. It's like that old school ball busty, like who gives a shit? Like, let's just make some jokes. Yep. When I was featuring for him, when he had his headlining weekend, he was like, hey, man, can I ask you for a favor? And this is the only thing I'll ever ask for you. There's my cousins in the audience.

She's a midget can you not make fun of it's like sunny you think i was gonna do that it just shows like our different styles economy he knows that he totally would if he saw that yeah yeah it is like it is like i was like oh dude i would never then it's like oh is that her with the butt like he's like yeah man she parties does coke and shit uh nice image all right so yeah uh sonny was hosting and so this review is left on yelp uh i'm gonna cut in in the middle here uh my partner i attended last night's comedy showcase and how do you spell this train wreck magubi the amateur talent was just that a talented and diverse group of aspiring comedians compete competing for a spot in the finals so that's what we're talking about where it's like people know now to be like a little more like yes we

want diverse backgrounds yeah exactly sunny fuller however the host the engineer who drove the train off the cliff and then this next part i was like oh sonny you just got your new bio fuller is a racist misogynistic anti-semitic homophobe with delusions of grandeur and then i was there when sonny first read that yeah and he started laughing so hard yeah it's like he was like how can one person be all those things and then he goes delusions of grandeur he's like oh the whole like legend they probably really think i think i'm a legend yeah yeah and then she's then she follows it up but he should not be on stage he should not be on any stage anywhere i love that she took the time to write that and then, oh, God, we get to enjoy it.

Like, she doesn't have any clue, like, how much people read that and just, like, trash her. Yeah. And just be like, oh, Sonny sounds fucking cool and shit. And also, he's not any of those things. No, he's not. People are annoying. Yeah. But their friend will probably quit doing, statistically, their friend will probably quit doing statistically yeah their friend will probably

quit doing comedy within the next three months and then she complained about the two item minimum too oh you're a dumb bitch who's never been to a comedy club and also you can get two coffees or two water yeah she was like and the cocktails were 14 it's like nobody put a gun to your head to make you get that someone who should go to comedy shows yeah yeah so yeah andrew responded the owner magubi's he just wrote back you seem like a fun person andrew is the fucking that's so cool best i love him so much man that's like cool people yeah people shit on andrew and like think that he's like me like dude he's one of the nicest guys like he goes to bat well because he's somebody that people want things from right but he

also like from running his own business and like i've seen him with his kids, he's great with his... Yeah. He's super supportive of his son, Oliver, who plays bass and stuff. And he'll film him at shows. And he's like, Oliver, playing with so-and-so. And it's just so cool to see him hype it up. But it's great because he is an independent business owner.

So he doesn't have to take that shit. If somebody sucks, he doesn't have to be like, oh, well, what can we do for you? Would you blah, blah, blah? Because those aren't customers you want coming back, so it's like, well, go fuck yourself. Yeah. Well, speaking of that, that's one of my favorite Andrew memories

is this one table. I think they were getting kicked out or something like that, or they were just being really shitty. And Andrew and the staff were trying to them like out the door during the show and andrew doesn't look like the owner of the club like he was just wearing like a blue polo and jeans and uh he's like all right let's go let's go and the woman's like no they're going back and forth and she's like what's your name he goes fuck you that's my name that's so tight because she was saying that like because like i'm gonna call the owner what's your name what is your name yeah fuck you that's my name oh boy and there's and he runs the club that's great there's nothing you could do i wish we could treat everyone like that and then people

are like and i agree but like like my brother and Ramin are like, hey, look, you just have to be nice to people who talk. Yeah. And I was like, all right. It depends. It's gross. Well, you do and you don't because if they keep going, like at first you have to be a little diplomatic about it because it's really bothering you, but the rest of the room might not

even hear it so if you're like and that's what happens almost every time so if you're like hey man you need to shut the fuck up the rest of the room's like yeah what is your problem yeah but if you're like hey you're just talking over here i don't want to ruin the show and then they keep going then the crowd will hate hate them too people just get like uh whatever what are you gonna do all right let's do dates i gotta get lunch and let going to do? All right, let's do dates. Get out of here. I got to get lunch and work out. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's see here.

On the 12th, I will be at the DuPont Underground doing stand-up down there. And then on, what is it? The 27th, I have Speechless at the DC Draft House. And then some other stuff popping up here and there. All right. Follow me on the social medias at Josh Cadernas. The 12th, I will be at the DC Improv doing the Time Machine Roast. Start writing for that.

It's a lot of work. I do a lot of research. Yeah. Because it's not only your own shit. You got to make fun of other people. Yeah. And so come to that. Do the obvious jokes 14th i am uh doing a show called woke at the sounds perfect for you wonderland

ballroom perfect for you and then i'm doing a house show in baltimore after that oh yeah at arda's house arda yeah middle eastern name Isn't the show called, like, Beat Me Up at My House or something? Yes, it's called Beat Me Up at My House. Anyone can come. So if you want to come, just message me. Fuck them up. Because people at Gin and Jokes keep asking me if I perform anywhere else. And it hurts my feelings.

Yeah. This girl was so drunk. She's like, do you, like, do comedy ever anywhere else and i was like she's like because i want to see more i want to like i i want to see like she's like what because they were like when are you going to not be the host like meaning we want to do like a real set yeah yeah i was like yeah dude i just got uh cards made like business oh nice which i feel kind of hack about but at the same time when people do that shit, you just be like, just follow me and I'll post about it. Yeah, whatever, dude.

Who gives a shit? Yeah. Also, my last name's a nightmare. And then the, I don't know. There's some other shows, but the 28th through 30th, if you live in upstate New York, I will be at Levity Live. That's right. With the old great stuff.

Grapefruit Simmons. Grapefruit Simmons. I heard it's very close to Magooby, like the similar vibes of Magooby. So let's hope I can do the feature slot there. You can. Yeah, I'll be fine. You'll be fine.

We're going to get a Karen's coming. We're going to get an Airbnb. We're going to do it up. Vacation. Nice little weekend right there. Yeah, because I'm off from work anyway, so I'm getting paid anyway from work and I'll make money off comedy. Life is great. Double dip. Double dip. All right. Thank you everybody for listening and yeah, sorry

for the delay, but you know, we're back and we'll put out another episode, maybe like six months. I don't know. I don't know. David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, come on to an end. Thank you.