The Digression Sessions - Ep. 274 - Josh & Umar New Yearrrrr

Episode Date: January 5, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with two inspiring comedians who are more woke than woke - THEMSELVES! HAPPY NEW YEAR! And check out the track, Brown Paper Bag, from Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete! Click here! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. What are we gonna talk about, everybody? We're gonna talk about, listen... Government shutdown. That's right. Louis C.K.'s back. Louis C.K.'s cancelled again. Uh's right. Louis C.K.'s back. Louis C.K.'s canceled again.

Uh-oh. Government canceled. The only thing I want to see on primetime is that wall getting built. That's the show I want to see. You know what I mean? Close the government. Open the wall. That's true.

Woo! 2019. Yeah. I don't know what to talk about. You can talk about whatever, man. Listen, I got my Playful Pigs calendar for 2019. Nice. I'm a know what to talk about. Talk about whatever, man. Listen, I got my playful pigs calendar for 2019. I'm a little behind on that. Forgot to order it.

But, you know, people count on me for that. How long have you been doing the pig calendar? I didn't realize, but I have them in my cubicle. And I was telling my buddy Ken that I work with. And he's like, how long have you been doing it? I was like, I don't know. And then I opened my drawer where they all were and i think i had like seven in there so this is like the eighth year that's insane and it sucks there's a lot of repeats like oh there are yeah in this in this calendar there's like eight pigs that have already been

in previous calendars damn like the pictures or the pigs you could recognize the pigs both i mean like like the like the setting yeah i'm not like oh that's that's jessica the pig right there what a cool job to have to be the photographer to do you know like yeah make this happen yeah i wonder though because some of them look pretty scared sometimes yeah i'm sure they're just like fucking be cute we're also they're also like all pigs die so oh yeah oh they shoot them right after yeah that's why they have to repeat the picture um but yeah so the playful pigs calendar i got as like a joke at um my old improv troupe gus we would do like a shitty gift white elephant the idea was to get like goofy gifts oh nice and i got that one year and i was like oh this is tight actually so i got it every year after and then i lucked out the first uh time i did the dc improv and i met

allison who owns the improv she gets the same calendar. Does she own it? Or is she the manager? I think she's the owner. Wow. I mean, majority owner? I don't know. I mean, I think she's the head honcho over there. I don't know.

We got to speak off mic about some of these posts that I've been seeing. It's like I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. But I'm just, no, Allison rules, and she has the same calendars and has been getting them for like the same amount of time. So it's like, no, Allison rules, and she has the same calendars and has been getting them for, like, the same amount of time. So it's like, ooh, that's nice. Ooh, you have a good Christmas, New Year's? Yeah, yeah, shit was good.

Did two Christmases. Did Christmas with my family and my aunt and uncles, and then Christmas with Karen's family. Nice. Yeah, it was good. We played Cards Against Humanity. That's like a... I remember when that first came out, people were like,

I play with my grandma. We had to teach her. What's when a bunch of people come on someone's face? Bukkake was. It's just like okay yeah so i so speaking of white elephant we did that at my aunt and uncles yeah the rule is to spend like 20 or less right and so the day of i didn't have anything so we went to target and they had uh cards against humanity the absurd pack right so that was one of the gifts and uh so it's like well let's just play and one

of the cards like since it's absurd one of the white cards you can draw it says uh sticking my rat dick in my rat wife's pussy and yeah like on cue like the typical cliche thing my grandma she was like in my day we played charades but yeah it was that was fun i'd never seen my uncle laugh that hard man oh that's cool yeah but then uh christmas day my dad was sick so i had to take him to uh well no actually i had to like bring him a bunch of meds and then the day after i had to take him to like urgent care what was wrong he had an upper respiratory infection and then he had like a blockage in his guts they had to do an x-ray and like essentially from like his ribs like down to his leg was like impacted shit i am i've had that yeah it was it was fucking gnarly it hurts yeah no he was in a

lot of pain. So they have to give him, do they give him like some medicine to flush it out? Yeah. I mean, they basically gave him like more prescription strength, like stool softener and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot because you left some stuff over here that's like. Oh, I did?

Yeah. You left some shit in the sink. Literal. No, you left like some type of herbal tea that's like... Oh, I did? Yeah. You left some shit in the sink. Literal. No. No, you left like some type of herbal tea that's like stool-y or something like that. It's the smooth move. That's what it is. I was told not to take it because it's a laxative. Right.

And like your body becomes dependent on them. Oh, wow. So I was told to not take laxatives. But stool softeners are not laxatives. So that's like Miralax. Yeah. When I need i need i drink it like three times a day yeah so that's what my dad's gonna have to do because yeah and also my doctor isn't crazy my body's the same as your dad's and he's like what's 50 something in uh he's 63 great even better he's 63 but yeah he uh yeah the doctor was like uh do you take miralax he's like no she's like well you're going to yeah like because he was like all right so i just take this for a week

i'm like no no she said you're taking this like all the time yeah you just take it basically like every meal you're gonna have to take this yeah i should probably just do that just so i feel fine because sometimes like like right now i feel okay, but then you just feel bloated constantly. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, they did an x-ray. Like, that is so insane to do an x-ray and be like, this is all shit. And I figured that's what they were going to do.

Or do like an ultrasound and be like, we found your baby. It's all impacted shit. So, yeah, that was, yeah, I had to like call out of work early and go over there. And then it's all it's all impacted shit so yeah that was uh yeah i had to like call out of work early and go over there and then it's it's funny at work so i had to email and be like hey i gotta go my dad's sick and then people like coming back from vacation seeing like the emails from like holiday break and like so how's your dad what was wrong i was like well he had a respiratory thing and he had a bunch of uh poop blocked yeah and they're like oh i've had to call out of work a couple times for like uh if my stomach's like hurting real bad and it just

sucks because no one believes that you're sick and then you're like you i'm not gonna tell my boss like hey i was constipated and i was in too much pain to come to work yeah so you're just like you're just like all right i guess i'll let you believe that I faked it. Right, right, right. Yeah, and it's sort of too, I guess you wouldn't make that up. People are so weird about poop. I also don't want anyone to know when I poop. If I'm hanging out with a group of, not like friends. Friends is fine.

But if I'm at a happy hour with coworkers or something, I don't want people to know I went to the bathroom to poop. So I try to make it as quick as possible. I don't know why. It just feels embarrassing. I feel like that's like a chick thing. Yeah. Like you turn the water on.

You're like, I need to shower. Or dude, like... Are you pooping? No. A couple of years ago, I went to a beach with a lady that I was seeing. And first we got to the hotel. I guess she used to shit really bad. With a lady. And, you know, I see ladies.

And she turned the sink on the whole time she was in the bathroom. I was like, I know you're pooping. Yeah. Also, you're bringing more attention to it. Yeah. But I guess that's better than hearing sounds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. like you're bringing more attention to it yeah but i guess that's better than like hearing sounds yeah yeah yeah so yeah that was uh that was that he's kind of on the mend yeah but yeah he is like he's just a stubborn dude so the uh urgent care lady she's like all right well what does your gi say about it like your gastroenteritis one uh he doesn't have one she's in like her jaw

dropped she's like like when you're over 50 you're supposed to see one like yeah you should every once a year get a thing up your butt right well not once a year she said like every five years basically like at 50 but if you're having issues you should be seeing him more often yeah and he's like i don't have one damn i need to go back yeah yeah and so it's just yeah it's a weird thing and so i'm like well what does your primary care doctor say he's like i I don't have one. Damn, I need to go back. Yeah. And so it's just a weird thing. And so I'm like, well, what does your primary care doctor say? He's like, I don't know. One of them retired and they didn't give me a new one.

I'm like, I guarantee they sent you something. Dude, I tried looking for a primary care because I thought I was having issues. And I thought it was when I fainted and stuff. And I was having all these headaches. Yeah. Thank God it just turn into i was actually uh at a christmas party and karen's friends in uh roland park uh and one of the this what this woman was like a psychiatrist or she's you know a doctor and i was talking to her about it and she's fucking hammer dude she is like hammer town it's hilarious my professional opinion you're a fucking pussy yeah and then i was just

talking about like we're talking about anxiety and she's like i love prescribing this did you try this and i was like no i don't want any medicine she's like we'll snort this off my yeah it was crazy and i was like well you know i couldn't come she's like well have you tried this and i'm like i'm fine and then but i talked i was like oh fuck it whatever this lady's chatting me up i talked to her about my fainting and she's like how many she was like did it happen once i was like yeah she's like you're fine she's like they'll do all these tests and they won't find anything if it happens again i would go to the doctor but right now you're fine my husband he fainted the other day i was like you're good and i was like all right i was like this is great this is good i like getting advice from drunk doctors because there's so much nicer about it.

That should be a service. Like, yeah, I'm going to go see a drunk psychiatrist once a month. Yeah. Are you fucking kidding? You're fucking doing great. I feel like if she was worried, she would have told me that something's wrong, you know? Yeah. Hopefully.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe you're like Tony Soprano. You know, he fainted a lot. I was at that same party. There was another like older couple who like they were very nice and uh and uh i he knew who i was um and uh uh because he's friends with nolan straws who does uh post-sopography he does like

my shirts and stuff yeah no one rules he did my shirt and posters and uh so we were talking and um it was just weird it was like this older couple who who was like trying to be hip they're like so what podcast do you listen to yeah that is like what underground bands yeah i know it was so weird they kept like like this woman but like they kind of followed me around this party it was hilarious yeah she's nice i think they were just trying to make friends and right you know like because they don't get out much they have kids and stuff and they're really weird about like what their jobs are okay and i was like oh so you guys make like a lot of money yeah yeah yeah so you want to be like hey uh i

don't poop that much yeah what's up oh also that weekend i had an interesting thing happen i didn't want to talk about because we we had Alex on the podcast. But it's just like a story that didn't fit. But I had two shows on a Friday night in DC. Well, one in DC and one in Baltimore. DC was at Wonderland. And the Baltimore show was like a house show. And I was like, ah, whatever.

It's in Baltimore. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that should be the name of any Baltimore show. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? It's here. Who gives a shit oh boy um and so i the show at dc is called wokely woke right wokely woker than woke yeah some bullshit is that is that like a sarcastic no i don't think so really it's

supposed to be like woke okay and i asked him i was like do i have to do woke jokes he was like he said no but you know like just don't be like offensive and i was like all right that's fine yeah so i get there and i'm like nervous because he's had he i'm featuring so he has me going up second to last um uh the show is supposed to start at 7 30 it's a black show so uh i knew that wasn't gonna happen oh not not very woke there yeah i know and uh so the show probably didn't start until like 8 30 the baltimore show he was really cool he like delayed the show for me he even saved a parking spot in an alley for me because it's like a part of town vip yeah that like parking is tough so he's and uh and it was raining that night it was

such a bummer like driving there so i go to the show show we're starting late i'm getting i'm meeting all the comics and they're like very nice uh one lady uh uh oh my god what was her name oh it doesn't matter but like she's like big like sassy woman yeah uh like uh uh i don't i'm i don't know how to i don't want to be mean anyway like just like you know like talking like she had been doing comedy for like 20 years i'm like oh you've been doing it for six months yeah yeah and um she's like yeah we find me on facebook we gotta connect i'm gonna do your room and i was like okay we gotta link up yeah yeah and then so the show finally starts um the host he's doing okay but he keeps doing uh this thing where he's like woke goody woke and then they're supposed to yell woke goody woke and he did it a lot and uh he had a call and response thing you're asking for

there's only like 20 people maybe at the show yeah it's like you can maybe do that in the beginning that's still cheesy yeah like here's what we're doing but god damn that like catchphrase thing yeah what what are we doing are we at a rally i know it was weird and then the first comic goes up this so they announced like all right your first comic on stage dude is nowhere near like it he it was like a solid 40 seconds and then he's like walking the room super cocky and confident and uh he goes up on stage and uh boy oh boy did he crush now he he is bombing like bombing bombing oh yeah you've already painful you've already let the momentum drop and

like he's a new comic so whatever it was mostly on the people for booking him and putting him up first right and uh boy did he bomb and he was like the opposite awoke too because you're new you don't know how to be funny yeah and he's like he's also now at this point running the light and um he's like gay sex is and he even sees the light which lets you you know for people don't know that lets you know that you got to wrap it up you have a minute left he even sees he's like no i see the light i'm gonna finish my jokes and i was just like god damn it so then like and the show started an hour late yeah yeah and i'm just like this sucks i'm gonna miss the second show so what what is he saying

is he just like he's just like yeah he's trashing women some girl he dated who like it didn't go well he's just trashing her i don't really remember he was throwing in some ethnic jokes because she wasn't she was some ethnicity and it was it was rough and it's a dc crowd and i thought the show actually the host did make fun of it because he's like man i thought this because the guy who runs it, he's black and the show is called Wokey Woke. Right. But it was just like all white people at the venue, which is fine. Which also makes sense. Yeah.

Those are the people that show up for that type of thing. Yeah, exactly. And so it's just uncomfortable. So then there's a DJ. Where my allies at? So there's a DJ. She starts playing they tell the dj to play music so they start playing them off and he's still not getting off stage and like this whole commotion thank god it worked out because then the guy was like hey man can i i'll just put you up next i was

like thank god i don't care i'll fucking yeah i'll fucking eat it just so I can... I have to race an hour to go to the second show. So the host walks up on stage. He's still finishing his joke as a host. He's just standing on stage awkwardly with his hands crossed, looking down. Like, what are you doing, dude? And music's still playing. Music's still playing. It was rough.

And that's the first comic? What a nightmare. So then he finally gets off stage, and then I go up. And I have a good set, given everything but it was funny you're greeted like a hero they're like yes actual bits and uh it was funny because like i got up on stage and i started talking and going and like i guess i guess like intro music is very important uh to some people like they think like everyone should have intro music and it's like so but because it was all weird and the host just brought me up on stage right away yeah uh there was no music and then so like as i'm like about to start my joke they

start playing music and i'm like you cannot do that it's okay like i don't you know it's fine i don't need my hype song yeah anyway so i do right. Anyway, so I do this. It goes fine. Then I start racing to Baltimore to do this fucking house show. And I thought I was going to... Oh, this is where I left off. So before the show started, I met this guy. He was just... I was sitting at a table and he's like, hey, do you mind if I sit here?

And I was like, yeah, sure. Go ahead, man. And we're just talking. He moved from like Ohio. And we were talking about Cleveland and stuff because I was there. And he was a nice guy. And I was like, oh, did you come to the show alone? He's like, yeah, I came to the show alone.

And I was like, oh, that's cool, man. That's nice. He's like, I just love comedy. I was like, wow, that's so crazy. Yeah. Someone loves comedy that just goes to a show alone. And he's new, so he's trying to meet people. Yeah.

I thought that was really cool. The fact that people even go in groups blows me away. And and i told him you know like i'm from baltimore and he's like oh it's a cool city but my buddy lives there whatever anyway so yeah that was cool then i go to this house show fucking it was so fun it was packed uh i got there just as the last comic before me was wrapping up fucking had had a great, it was awesome. I was roasting everyone, just like making fun of everyone. It was a bunch of young kids, like early 20s. The guy who owned the house is just like, oh my God, he's a medical student.

He's this tall, brown, good looking guy, full head of hair. He owns a house. I was roasting him and I was just making fun of how good looking he is. And I was like, God, you probably have a way better job than me and then you said he's uh he's a a a family um doctor he's a family doctor family physician um like you know he's like in um post medical school what's that called grad school no uh when you're doing your um oh your residency yeah he's a family dot like whatever resident yeah and then like someone later was like oh he

also owns his house i was like god damn it he does yeah and i was like but you can't you don't make money as a resident how the fuck does he own a house i think you do make money you make like 40 50 grand yeah i mean what you can also that's the thing that i learned when buying a house i used to think you would see a house that's four hundred thousand dollars and then i'm like i'm never gonna have four hundred thousand dollars i know that you put down the whatever yes so he could have put down like two percent yeah you don't put down 20 anymore like i thought that i know you did right i did it that's great cash money baby yeah that fucking pmi out of here my friends have like uh like 2500 mortgages i was like how the fuck do

you afford that yeah so yeah i just for yeah for me for me for me honestly i just didn't want to pay the mortgage insurance and you can get rid of it and adjust all that shit later finally yeah yeah so or yeah or you can like refinance and i was all that shit later. Yeah, once you finally, yeah. Yeah, or you can refinance. And I was like, I just don't even want to deal with that shit. No, it's stupid. Yeah. Plus, I've lost so much money in the stock market. All my shit is, this is the relatable hour of the podcast.

But all my mutual funds, since August, I've lost like 10 grand. I don't even check, dude. Yeah, because I'm not supposed to get it until i like retire but still i still check you're investing aggressively and it's long term you're probably investing aggressively so it's a little more aggressive yeah it's supposed to and then like as you get older less and less aggressive yeah mine's like insanely aggressive yeah yeah and they're like dude you're it's like it i hope it works out. Yes, exactly. Because my financial advisor guy, he's like, look, you're going to see ups and downs. It's going to be crazy.

But you have 30 years to deal with it. Exactly. So you're fine. Yeah, my dad basically says, so there's going to be dips, but it's going to trend. My dad is really worried right now. Oh, yeah? Because he wants to retire in like a year. Yeah, that's the thing.

It could be 2008 all over again but he'll be fine just like what another republican was he'll have enough and he started a little later in the game than we did so that's what sucked about when i was buying my house was it was right around the election and that's when like the stock market started to dip too yeah so that fucking sucked because i took my money out of out of there. But yeah, if you get fucked where it's like you're an old person ready to retire, you're going to lose a fuck ton of money. Yeah. I think I'm going to start another...

Who gives a fuck? What are we talking about? Guys, I'm going to open up a Roth IRA. My man. My man. I'm going to convert my 401k to a Roth and then a Roth IRA. 401, okay. Because I only have that much money, so the taxes won't kill me.

Okay, player. Yeah, listen. People listen to this podcast to hear us trash local businesses and hear about our investments. Anyway, so do the show. Great. It was so fun. it was the most fun i've been really hating my jokes and uh yeah i a house party show is fun too it's like it's liberating there's

nothing to lose yeah yeah i don't have to impress anyone i got to do one in dc once for uh the joe para tour which was which was a lot of fun and in dc at a benji himmelfarb's uh house and like yeah it's great it's really cool it's like especially like at a house party where you don't really know anybody yeah to be able to be like everybody pay attention yeah dude and then um i ran i was at a house party for new year's eve i ran into a kid who was at that party and he was like oh man you were so funny. And then he came to Gin and Jokes on Thursday. That's fucking rad.

So it was really cool. He came alone. It was so nice. That's awesome, man. Anyway, so then after I get off stage, this guy Ruben's talking to me, and I was like, Ruben? And I was like, are you from Ohio? And he's like, yeah.

Have we met? I was like, no. I just met your friend at a dc show i just did yeah he's from ohio and he's like yeah my buddy ruben lives in baltimore no way and i was like and and and like they look the same age how crazy is that i met two different dudes who are best friends in ohio one in dc had a show i did and then one in baltimore yeah we me and ruben took a picture together and sent it to him. It was so crazy.

Even if you met like a week later, that'd be wild. Yeah, but the same night and... Within like an hour. Within an hour doing sets. How crazy. I couldn't get over it. Fucking A, man. Wow, that was so nuts.

Yeah. That was great. I was like, wow, this is nuts. Yeah, I think maybe it was that night. It might have been when you were in uh in new york but i yeah i did a show in uh in dc at this place called the flash it's like a club or something like that oh i saw you posting yeah it was uh it was pretty weird it was fun but it was uh speaking of making money there's this comic uh dominic river. He posted on Facebook for everybody listening this long thing of like,

look, I don't care what you say about me or my prowess on the mic. Fuck you. I make $150,000 a year. So I was busting his balls. I was like, look, man, when I told everybody you make $149,000 a year, I was just kidding. And then he's like, man, fuck you. But yeah yeah the show

was fun but i was worried about uh so some of the comics like going up first were uh it's it's sort of like people that do improv that want to get into stand-up yeah and then in the beginning and it was like right around the holidays so there were people like back in town um for that and the guy went up and he was like yeah i'm from la i was just at the comedy store and i was like whoa this is pretty cool and then all the bits that he did were not good and i was like there's no way you do the comic because he was like yeah after people just lie yeah and he was like yeah after my set uh my agent said uh you do really great impressions but no no one talks like that. Yeah. No one who has an agent just like my agent, you know? Yeah.

And then then he started doing his impressions and one of them was like Scooby Doo and Robert De Niro and stuff. And I was like, what the fuck? I know. It's fucking nuts. What the fuck? But yeah, it ended up being a really fun show. And then when we were getting paid, they're like, yeah, so we don't pay you.

The club pays you. So I'll have to work on that. And I was like, well, we're not getting paid they're like yeah so we don't pay you the club pays you so i'll have to work on that and i was like well what we're not getting paid wait what yeah so then uh but it actually happened a few days later and i had to be the one to be like hey still nothing in my paypal yeah and dominic was like i'm glad you said something not so i'm like the angry black guy being like hey where's my money especially after like you announce that you make so much money yeah and it's like i'm not hurting for the 75 either but like give me my money seeing that both like god 150 000 what do you you don't need this yeah but yeah i think it's dope though yeah i mean i feel the same way you and i are both

fine oh yeah i mean i could do better, but I'm fine. Couldn't we all? We could all. We could all do a little better. No, it's great. It's nice making money doing comedy. Fuck it, eh? Oh, yeah.

I was in New York. Yeah, with Grapefruit Simmons. With Greg Grape. Oh, yeah, yeah. He didn't sell those shirts. I wanted to buy one. Yeah. He doesn't sell them anymore.

He says no one buys them, so he's like, it's too much of a hassle bringing them on the road. Yeah. So he's like, if people order them online, online i'll ship it but i'm not fucking around with that anymore yeah yeah i wouldn't bring them but can't you like ship them uh ahead of time like you can have them shipped to the club he says it's not worth it because you ship them to the club then you have to figure out a way to ship them back it costs money it's stupid it's a hassle because i have to go pick it up it's like hundreds hundreds of dollars. Yeah. He's like, I'm not. He's not famous enough to go get someone.

Right. To pick them up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it was cool. It was a fun weekend. We were in upstate New York.

Nyack. Yeah. Small town. It's very rich. Apparently, like Rosie O'Donnell lives in that town. Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Lauren Hill. They all have homes. And like there's like a there's like a community.

It's like very affluent black celebrities. And they all have homes right near each other. That'd be so funny to get a house there. Like if I got a house there, they'd be like, there goes the neighborhood. Look at my little dog. Yeah, it was cool.

It was fun. Some of the shows, like the first night, I did fine. And I didn fine. Yeah. And I didn't end strong. And so one of the shits, I was like, oh, boy, that didn't work out. And then I was just like, oh, what do I do? And I was like, I'm gay. And then that got a big laugh and I just got off stage. And Greg thought that was like so weird.

Just like, I'm gay. Yeah, they like the crowd. It was a different crowd. They're just like, at least he knows. he knows it was interesting saturday shows were great like i fucking had such good sets on saturday early saturday show was dude i like that's always it felt like i was on like fire like everything i was doing was hitting from start to close and then afterwards you sold out of i'm gay t-shirts that's true yeah still got them though still got the mugs and keychains i'm gay yeah and then uh yeah it was the crowd work was on fire there but i had to like take out i had to take out 10 minutes of

my set from i was like on friday yeah and i was like this is not gonna fly here so i put in like all my bullshit like i put in the airport story. And I put in the black room story. And that shit crushed. I opened up with the whole terrorist bit. And they fucking love that bullshit. Were the crowds black, too? No.

It was pretty mixed. But it was mostly older, white. Yeah. Probably like moderate to conservative well to do well yeah and uh and then smattering of blank people some jews his banks geez and you performed for those people i was like gross wow yeah it was great man and uh sunday show not that great for me but yeah i started okay took a huge, and then I killed for the last five minutes.

Nice. Which, thank God, because that's the only thing Greg watches. So I got off stage, and he was like, great job. And I was like, oh, thanks. Yeah, I crushed that whole time. Pedal to the metal, bro. But the opener was this guy, Brandon Sagalow. Yeah.

And he is famous because Amy Schumer interrupted his headlining set at a club in new york yeah caroline's yeah and he was a really nice guy very funny does a lot of crowd work kind of hard to follow because i'm like i don't want to do crowd work yeah as a host you shouldn't be doing too much of that yeah and he's like very rapid fire like it goes in out in out and i'm like he's good well yeah that's that new york style yeah and it's very new york and i was just like god damn it should i do that and i was like i know greg hates that so i'm just like all right i guess what he doesn't he wants like he doesn't like crowd work he wants you know to you to do jokes yeah which i get well yeah as a headliner you want to have

some meat on the bone yeah like you don't want everybody to already be talked to and like if if you're like so what's with you two you guys dates like yeah we already know they're fucking married having their first get like it's like all right dude he had a uh he had this insane moment like where i was just like he does he'll do this thing where he like digs holes on purpose yeah and i've learned a lot from just watching him like and even karen pointing out she's like umar like you you gotta like because when if a joke doesn't fall flat i'm like i acknowledge it i'm like oh that didn't do well and she's like you have to just keep moving no one everyone is still with you they're all smiling they're all watching you yeah just keep going like stop stopping your set and saying it's not because it makes it worse yeah she's like now

everyone's like uh uh-oh. Especially if you keep doing it. Like, yeah, the crowd doesn't want to feel like you don't have control. Yeah. And they want you to succeed because they may succeed. Right. But you don't want them to feel tense. Right.

Like, now they're like, okay, well, now he feels weird. God, I hope the next one works. Oh, fuck. Here we go. And so, and Greg, a lot of times, like, he has some jokes where, like, it's always, like, ooh, and he just doesn't break. Well, Bill Burr does that, too. I think a lot of those guys, once they get to that, like, Jedi ninja level of stand-up. Yeah, and he's so crazy comfortable. And they've been doing it for 30 years yeah so so this

you want that challenge kind of or you want to like the same way that we're like all right let's open up with a new bit it's like let me say something awful yeah and and that's like yeah he and that's the thing you have to like remind yourself too it's like because then you know you go up even when you have a good set yeah and then the headliner goes up and it's just like, ah, like the whole time. And you feel so, you're like, I guess I didn't. But then you're like, oh, yeah, this guy has 20 years on me. Right. You know?

Right. Yeah. We feel like our seven out of ten. We're like, the scale only goes to seven. Yeah. No, no, no. There's way more. Yeah.

But he was talking to this lady and he was just like asking her like about her family and stuff. And she was like, oh, no, no, both my parents are dead. Oh, she was like, my mom's dead. He's like, oh. Yeah. And then he's like, well, where's your dad? He's like, he was never around. He left.

And he's like, oh. And he was like, he kept he just kept going. And he was like, well, you know, you're married to this to this guy right you got a good and you got kids and she was like we're not married he's like oh and then like and then it was just getting super sad and yeah and then like and then they were talking and like i guess it came out that she has cancer or something jesus and then right it was like he's just like he was like, he was leading it. He was like, what kind? Wow. He kept going, but then he saved it.

And it was, I forgot how, but it was just amazing. Yeah. We were just laughing about it. He was like, what kind? Why would I ask that? What kind? Yeah. It was so great. Because then it's just so funny that you were doing crowd work with the worst person.

Like, you know what I mean? Just like so much bad news. And then he made fun of the club because like up front, it was just all like divorce, cancer. The whole front row was sad. Everyone he talked to was so sad. It was so fucking funny, dude. It was so funny. Jesus Christ.

It was funny. A couple of people came up to me. One guy was so nice. He came up to me and he kind of was like, he was like,. Jesus Christ. It was funny. A couple of people came up to me. One guy was so nice. He came up to me, and he kind of was like, he was like, hey, man, you did so well. I loved your set. But then it got to that point. It always takes a little turn. And I know I could see on your face that when some of the jokes didn't go as well.

But, man, we were still with you. We loved it. And you got to just get through that point and i know my girlfriend told me and then karen's right there and he's like oh you told him that oh good for you that's great it's just like who is this good for you this is my joke coach showed up yeah he's like you took some good swings out there i don't want you to get sad you know we all strike out yeah and then like the people who enjoyed me the most this this couple, they were really nice. They were like young because I was doing, I was just doing like, I was like, hey, what's

there to do in this town? Me, me, my girl. And then like, yeah, one person said like, watch football. And I was like, well, I can do that anyway. And then I can do that right now. Some woman yelled leave. And I was like, oh my God, that was so mean. And I didn't want to be mean. So I just kept going and i would mention it over and over i'm like ah this woman

wants me to leave and after the show it was them like we didn't want you to we're just saying it's so boring you should leave like get out and like uh they're like this really nice young couple like uh her husband's is uh he's from denmark his name. Sure. And she's like this hot, hip girl. She's wearing a coat that Kanye would wear where the buttons are all the way over on the side. It's kind of ripped up. It's not ripped up. It's homeless chic. Yeah.

And it's all off-center and shit. And it's huge. It's green and shiny. Sven's like, yeah, we want you to leave. Come to our house yeah yeah yeah they were really nice and i was just like yeah this is these fucking liberal hipsters are like the ones who would enjoy right me the most uh doug benson has a really good story about that about like misconstruing something somebody says uh it's a bit on one of his albums but he's

like uh it's like one time i asked the crowd like all right uh what do you want me to talk about and somebody in the back was like you're gay and he was just like oh what oh i'm gay you know how you know that i'm gay because you were backstage sucking my cock and you were like whoa i didn't know doug likes to get his car like did a whole thing about it and then he's like, after the show, he's like, after the show, uh, I was in the lobby,

like signing stuff. And the guy came up to him was like, Hey, I'm that guy that yelled out. And he was like, Oh, uh, all right.

And he's like, I said your day as in, tell us about your day. Just going off on the guy. Oh, I'm gay you know that's tight oh man my uh my favorite story though is the at the dc improv of like that open mic that went terribly wrong of like speaking like the guy that just like ignored the light and

like wow holy shit that was such a bad night damn that's funny oh yeah he had to get like literally dragged off stage same thing yeah like music yeah so this dude came out to to host the open mic and it's packed at the dc improv because i think it's free except like a two item minimum and uh and it's it's called an open mic but it's like pretty prestigious as far as like comedians that get to go on yeah it's one it's called an open mic, but it's, like, pretty prestigious as far as, like, comedians that get to go on it. It's literally one of the best clubs in the country, if not, like, some people think the best. Yeah. And so to go up there, and it's a pretty big deal, even for the open mic.

And then this dude goes up, and he has, like, his intro music playing, and it's going like way too long and then like he kind of like comes out very slowly to the mic and then like leans in he's like how are thou and that got a reaction i guess just because it was like so slow and yeah it's like oh maybe he knows what he's doing with like tension and a push pull of like timing and then from there it was just like whoa real bad just kind of like meandering about like his check and like how he spends it really. He's like, and then you're at Chipotle and you're like, what? We're at Guacamole. Like, I forgot, you know.

And it's just going so long. They're like lighting him from the back. Yeah. Then Allison has to like go to the front and was like holding like a longer light, like a weird like, looked like a thing for like traffic signaling or something. it was like five feet from the stage waving it they turned his mic off at one point and he still didn't get off the stage that's nuts in saying do that at a club my god but like that guy will never work there ever again well the thing was too he was a server there yeah that's bad yeah i mean this was years ago but

i think he just got like too drunk yeah so damn yeah i get fired i mean i would quit i would i would be so embarrassed move like like i can't be in this city anymore god damn dude yeah that is nuts yeah that's like one of the worst bombs I've ever seen. And then another comic bombed even harder. Well, not even harder, but also bombed. But he was telling the story. That night? Yeah. Oh, God.

Yeah. Right. Did he go up right after? No. So they brought in Russ Green to replace the host. Yeah. Because I was first up after this. Very funny local black comic.

Yeah. So Russ had to go and shake his hand and be like, nope, that's it. And the whole crowd was like, all right. And he had to kind of shepherd him off stage. And then I went up right after that. And I went up and I was like, how art thou? But yeah. So then another comic goes, like six or seven and he starts his set by saying

um like uh i want to like have a good set tonight or you guys look like a good crowd i bombed before i'm not gonna bomb tonight like one time i bombed so bad that a woman just stood up and was like what is happening and that got a reaction he's like so that's not gonna happen tonight and oh god yeah and he's that is setting yourself up he basically gave the audience a loaded gun it was like don't shoot me so so then he's doing his set and uh does like a jay-z impression and then does another bit and then does the jay-z thing again like repeats a joke within like a six or seven he forgot he said the jay-z oh boy and the sets are what seven minutes at the most maybe five he's doing five that's insane to repeat a joke maybe during like a 25, 30 minute set.

Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. But open mic where it's like five minutes, seven at the most. That's rough, dog. Yeah. So he repeated it. And then the crowd got a little weird because he just said this.

And then he just kind of sat on the stool and he goes, you guys know who Tony Woods is? He's going to be here in December. And then a dude stands up and he goes, what is going on? And the whole crowd was like, yeah, like applause break. I would cry. Because the dude like, yeah. So it was like the dude did a callback to like you bombing.

Yeah. It was like. Oh, my God. That's to like you bombing. Yeah, it was like. Oh, my God. That's like some TV shit. Yeah. In a movie. Yeah, yeah. So, and it was perfect.

The guy was right. Like the whole crowd was like, what the fuck? I hope that guy was reprimanded. Yes. That's crazy. You shouldn't do that. That's mean. I get he was trying to be funny, but that is mean.

He might have been. Yeah, I don't know. But it was another situation. He was kind of running the line, too. What is going on? That's funny if the club planted somebody. They're like, here, put these... Yeah. Or they slip a note to an audience member.

Please, we'll give you two free tickets to an upcoming show. Just say. But yeah, if you tell the audience in the beginning, you're like, here's what somebody heckled me with once. You're basically saying, you can heckle me. I got into it with an audience member after the show at Gin and Jokes. This most recent show? Yeah, we were yelling at each other.

Buddy, every month you're kind of having a thing. I mean, I guess your last one was like two months ago. Yeah, it was off, but it wasn't on stage. I'm going to grab coffee. I'm listening. Yeah, so like this guy was sitting at the bar, and he was talking the whole show, and I had to shush him multiple times.

He's talking. Even Jimmy, the bartender, told him he needs to be quiet. And then my buddy Frank, I tell him to shut up all the time because he talks loud. He gets drunk. He doesn't know how to whisper. And I got Frank in. This guy sucks. Yeah, Frank got in for free, and he was really nice.

He was taking pics for me, which was awesome because he's a great photographer. And Chris Allen, who's headlining he was doing his last joke he was doing his closer and frank and this dude are just fucking talking so loud yeah it's sounding like a normal conversation twice and i think they like ignored me or my head i thought that so then i was just like shut the fuck up and uh that stopped him from talking and then after the show i was like oh that was too mean so i went over them to apologize like guys i'm sorry like i didn't i shouldn't have said shut the fuck up i just thought you guys were ignoring me and i didn't you know i shouldn't have said it and then

the guy like was like he was like yeah you should be sorry and that's not a real apology and i was like what and he was like uh what did he say he was just saying it's not a real apology you're you're making excuses for what you said and And I was like, I just said sorry. He was like, and then you took it back. You got defensive. And I was like, hey, man, stop yelling. He's like, I'm not yelling. And I'm like, whoa.

And I was like, all right, man, I tried to apologize. And then he's just like, I'm a regular. And I was like, all right, man, I don't care, man. And he's like, you should care. And I was like, why? He's like, well, I'm a regular. And I was like, dude, I don't want you on my show if you act like this. If you feel justified in your behavior, I apologize.

And he's like, I'm a regular. Also, if you're a regular, you should know not to talk. You should know better. You should know not to talk. And then I was just like, and I was, I got heated. I was like, you know what? Fuck you, dude. Don't come back.

I don't give a fuck. I don't need your business. And then I went outside. And then he's like talking to Karen. He's like aggressively talking to her. I come downstairs. And you know who that guy was? Conan O'Brien.

You just don't give a shit. You burned all the and i tried talking to him again i was like what's your name dude he's like i'm john i'm like john i said sorry he's like no you didn't you took it back and i was like well in your head i might have been but is he drunk because yeah he was hammering this just sounds like drunk guy like bro why'd you do and i was completely sober i didn't have one sip of alcohol and uh and then like karen and max they were like just don't talk to him like whatever and yeah and he was a crazy person and like yeah i shouldn't have said that and i tried to apologize for it and like he was and we were just yelling it and i was just like all right this is on the street you guys are

yelling this is inside but everyone had gone left thank god some people probably saw it yeah but uh it's just crazy like he even said when he was talking to karen he said that i called him a dickhead i didn't i did tell him to go fuck off like a lot and then um yeah he's like well he didn't actually say that and and like it's just like i don't like being shushed and like like jimmy shushed me earlier but he's my friend it's like okay so you already just admitted you were being loud before. You're hitting on some girl who's not your girlfriend. And you're, so I don't get it. Like, you're just embarrassed that someone should.

You're an adult. You should know how to act. And like, once I heard that, because I didn't know that, I just felt bad for even Apollo. I mean, I should have apologized, but like, God. Yeah. I'm just, i'm so sick of these people fuck him yeah man that's uh and if that guy's not at my show fuck him it will be better if like if i lost 20 audience members every month who acted like that i would not give a fuck

yeah yeah yeah i mean it it is funny that like it keeps happening but yeah it is such a small people just are it happened at in nyack uh like i was just saying like people just feel weird like just so compelled to yell out at the weirdest times like i'm like i'm a psychologist and and like uh this lady was like my daughter the psych i'm like who gives a fuck yeah who cares it was so weird what do you want me to say lady yeah like are you just supposed to be like all right let's bring the house lights up who said that oh really where did she go to school interesting it was so nuts that's great that's really cool yeah uh yeah i don't know i don't know if it's a thing of maybe it's just a mix of alcohol plus i think so comedy is so prevalent now that it's a thing of maybe it's just a mix of alcohol plus. I think so.

Comedy is so prevalent now that it's like you're just used to like they just treat it like watching Netflix or it's like. Yeah. And then they also kind of don't respect it. Yeah. And I think they people still think that like it's a part of the show and that we like it. They're really help. But he was just talking to this girl at the bar the whole time. And then he was talking to Frank and it was just too much.

Yeah. And basically the bar is like right next to the stage. Apparently he's like a Joe Squared regular. So I don't know. I don't give a fuck. Fuck him. He sounds like a regular. If you're listening, John, you can fuck yourself.

Sounds like a regular old dickhead. Yeah. Don't come back. And thanks for your money, asshole. Thank you. Thank you. But otherwise, the show was great. That's awesome. Yeah, don't come back. And thanks for your money, asshole. Thank you. Thank you. But otherwise, the show was great. That's awesome.

Dude, it was nuts. Chris Allen fucking, he thinks he didn't, he fucking murdered. There was a couple dips, but I felt like it was all controlled. Everyone was with him. He had huge pops. His riffs were insane. His riffs were insane. His riffs were crazy. Yeah.

When we did the lounge, when he was closing out those shows, he was so good, man. He was doing crowd work with a couple in the front that had been dating like a week. And the guy was like from Jordan or something like that. And he goes, Jordan, huh? I only know about the shoes and that that killed me because he's talking about like air jordan like it was just oh so good yeah but no he correct same thing that he got off stage he's like i was all right yeah it's pretty much impossible to kill for an entire set like i don't know for for a half hour it's um it's easier to do. But listening to Louis' leaked set, like even like 20 minutes in. And, you know, it's not like he's putting it out to be like, this is my newest thing.

But it's like even, yeah, even when you're working on new stuff, even people that like, regardless of how you feel about Louis, one of the best to ever do it. Yeah. And then 20 minutes in it's like just a dip in energy and he had some real weak the only bits that i thought were stupid were like his prank bits yo yeah well but he's just having fun on stage well yeah a lot of the things too you could tell he's like i don't have a punch line so i'm gonna say retard exactly you just saw a lot of filler yeah yeah it was a lot of like shock stuff of like line so i'm gonna say retard exactly you just saw a lot of filler yeah yeah it was a lot of like shock stuff of like ah now i'm gonna say faggot you know it's like yeah but

i'm not gonna lie when he called his doctor uh uh that word yeah uh man i fucking me and karen listened to it in the car we fucking like i laughed so hard like so hard yeah and and like i laughed so hard like so hard yeah and and like yeah we talked about it last podcast like i do we uh no not that sad but about like louis and like i definitely still feel like guy's a piece of shit for sure but like oh yeah um the uh to put anybody's stand up because there were all these articles to to be like here here's the transcript of what he said. It's like, dude, he wasn't at a podium being like, don't feel for the Parkland kids. Yeah. Like he doesn't.

And also he doesn't actually think that. Yes. He's telling jokes in a comedy club. So the craziest thing is it's like, it's to shock too. It's like, do you want Louis to be up there being like, yeah, I think what happened was terrible. But by listening, you're kind of like inviting yourself to something that you didn't buy tickets to.

And he's not yelling this on the street. He's not putting in a manifesto. It's like, you only heard it because you sought it out. So you sought something out from a guy you don't like because you think he's it's like you only heard it because you sought it out so you sought something out from a guy you don't like because you think he's offensive because just the previous week the whole n-word stuff came out so you did this to yourself if you were offended yeah everyone who went to that show it was a pre-announced show that they sold tickets for that day they're all fans yeah that's why in the video he was killing oh yeah he was killing listen to

the audio but yeah people are laughing well sorry well i don't know there's only audio but he was killing yeah yeah and uh it's just so weird when people are like like someone said this like to do we talk about this a lot like to review comedy is so silly yeah because there's an audience there yeah the audience was dying so why is there any review of need to happen you're just trying to shame some guy that you don't like because you said something that you think is offensive which is fine you're allowed to think something's offensive but he's allowed to say it yeah at the same time also you weren't gonna be a fan yeah and that's the thing like you're if if people are like well he he has no right to perform it's like he does this is america this is you want to live in a country where this is allowed you're allowed to say shitty things yeah you don't want to live

in saudi arabia where hassan minaj's fucking netflix show episode had to be taken off netflix that's not where you want to live no yeah it's uh yeah you can hate him for saying it but you can't hate that he gets to say as long as he's not in jail he has a right to do comedy well also he's sold tickets and that's the thing there's a a lot of people he will he if he wanted it sounded like he would sell out theaters right now maybe even arenas in some parts of the country maybe not the coast anymore but definitely like other places like the midwest and all that stuff alt-right hero louis yeah and and uh and if if people want to see him and he wants to do stand-up they're gonna go they're gonna go and if his stand-up bothers you yeah don't go see him and if you want better comedy go see those comics and support those comics yeah that you like and you

think are doing the right thing or you think that are promoting an agenda or uh i don't know promoting like um well you know uh i don't know what the right word is. But like values that you share. The values that you share, right. So I don't understand like why a guy can't do comedy if people want to see him do comedy. Yeah. That whole like you're just being, you sound immature. Right.

And it's part of the like outrage is an identity. And then it's also. It is. And it's a way to kind of say... But people are making money off of it. All those videos people post of Louis said and then talk about it, they're making money. All those times you tweet about bullshit and it gets retweeted,

you're getting attention and likes and all that. It's a whole industry built on outrage. It's the same way with Donald Trump. Like speaking of podcasts that like save america pod save america is making so much money yeah because trump is president dude did you see the whole like um kevin hart and uh ellen generous thing so i didn't watch the clip but i didn't watch it i read the article yeah kevin went on uh kevin like i know him uh kevin hart yo my boy my main man kev little kevin little kev my man kevin my man uh he went on ellen and then i guess like sort of apologized and then she said she was saying you already

apologized you apologized again you've changed i can tell that you've changed and i contacted the academy who you know run the and ellen said she said you guys should stop being so fucking gay about yeah yeah she's like you guys are acting like some real queens over there and and not dope ones and uh and so she contacted the academy and said like i the oscars need kevin uh-huh and uh and then people went on twitter and it's just like uh oh that's yeah that's people went on twitter and they're like d ray mckennison was one of them and he's like i thought like she was better than this and how dare she really yeah i don't hear good things about that guy he's a fucking cunt and uh he like you know and all these people it's just like why do you guys get angry at someone for forgiving these are values like you want to like have in your culture right and also

he kevin's thing it's not new like it's already been done where you dig up tweets yeah you know and then like yeah they're from like 10 years ago yeah he hasn't if it was if it was from this year last year maybe you have an argument that he still holds certain animosities toward this yeah or isn't like evolved or isn't you know yeah and d-ray had a tweet that someone had a brilliant response to d-ray was like how hard is it to not be homophobic and then a black guy tweeted he was like actually very hard like i had to go to a lot of therapy like i grew up with my father was you know you know he grew up like i grew up in like a with a father who's very homophobic it was instilled in like the community where i grew up in yeah so it took a long time for me to rework yeah how i look at things and i was like wow yeah and that's true

like i see it dude there is an art assistant teacher in my school and he's gay and he's very like um you know he's feminine he talks yeah his voice is very high yeah third graders and up call this guy a fag to his face like to his face call him a fag a faggot get out of my face you sound like a girl you suck dick all this stuff so like imagine this is a third grader, a fucking third grader. And, and, and, and that's, you know,

and it's no, it's not a secret that in, especially in black communities, communities that being gay is not super accepted. I'm not saying every black person by large. There's a history there. I mean, even like I was rewatching the Sopranos,

a whole story arc of a season as they find out a guy's gay and they're like we gotta kill him you know and you're like jesus christ and that's yeah and so it's the same thing like those kids they're getting it from their parents yeah their parents and like everybody else too it is wild for a third grader to have like a spider-man shirt on. He's like, yo, you gay. Yeah, it is crazy. It's nuts. Just like a little kid who like, I don't know, probably still believes in Santa. He's like, you man, you're gay.

Yeah, that is true. Yeah, that's funny. But going back to it, outrage is sort of like the nerds football team. They're like, sports are stupid but sports is the same way like you have like a common ground or commonality of like hey the ravens look good you know and then their thing is like i'm also upset with the thing that was said it's like me too and it's a way to gain points socially almost yeah and also like what are you guys doing like you're taking down louis ck yeah well if you want to go after corporations and politics,

oh, wait, but you can't because you don't have real power. And also, you don't really care. You don't. You're just doing it for a pat on the back from other people to be like, No one's weekend is ruined because they heard those Louis C.K. jokes. No one's even thinking about it right now. I mean, maybe the Parkland people, I can see if you're a parent, straight up, and we're also saying they are offensive jokes. about it right now i mean maybe you see it people like i can see if you're a parent like no one can

straight up and we're also saying they are offensive jokes yes but his intent was to be like shocking and maybe the bit is not exactly where he wants it to be and so it's not like he released it and was like hey everybody i'm back yeah this is me like releasing a leaked set is pretty shitty to do yeah because it takes a while to fix that stuff. It's so funny how, like, everyone also, like, analyzes material. Yeah. You know, like, well, this is how he feels. He's blah, blah, blah.

It's like, okay, well. No. Cosby. Yeah. Fucking all he did was, like, family material and clean, and he raped over 50 women. And also, when those allegations were out, mad people were still seeing him. He was on a theater tour yeah it's still coming out if they're just jokes god yeah and jokes can hurt people's feelings and

uh totally it's okay yeah like it's okay to have your feelings hurt yeah and it's um it always goes to show too that it is the ones that are the uh these like arbiters of social justice and these sweethearts and stuff and they're like like you know what society should be doing is x and it's like yeah they always turn out to be the worst people yeah exactly i was talking to paul uh about it last night about uh because it's like jim norton jim norton's a dude it's like probably one of the most depraved like human beings sexually who seems to actually like be a sweetheart by all accounts but he puts all that stuff out there yeah you know yeah and it's funny i saw some article some woman was like louis is is selfish and he like um he only thinks about himself i'm like yeah well first of all

everyone at his level does. Also, everyone does. Everyone does. He's people. He clawed his way to the top. It's very hard. He did it by being talented. Maybe being white helped. Who knows?

Sure. But he is talented, and there's nothing wrong with putting yourself first. There just isn't anything wrong. And then she said he he never has like done anything for other people and like that's so false it's like where do you even like when he made a million dollars in five days from his five dollar special he released he gave a lot of he gave a lot of money away and he put out tig special and he put out take natar nataro special and the whole north carolina um bathroom stuff was happening with the transgender

stuff yeah where they try to ban trans people from going to the bathroom of whatever they're choosing yeah a lot of people backed out like musical artists like we're not going to perform in north carolina springsteen yeah louis said he contacted like bruce springsteen and stuff so like that's a wrong thing to do we should go there we should like raise money and donate it to like the lgbtq community there yeah he did that and didn't tell anyone but he donated his all his whole earnings from that show and gave over a hundred thousand dollars to that without telling anyone right crazy right well yeah so it just goes to show like you can do that stuff and still be a piece of shit too yes there's none or you can just be like a uh a complicated person yeah

blue aprons are here blue apron delivery hey hey hey karen's just getting back from her bar class yeah Yeah. Anyway, we're alt-right. Yeah, that's right. Emphasis on right. You know, I ain't alt-wrong. I'm all right. I'm all right. I don't care. The sassy black woman that's all right.

I ain't alt-wrong. I'm all right. Okay. Okay, girl. Oh, boy. How long are we done? We just hit an hour. Nice.

A hot hour right there. We did it. Hot takes. Nice. A hot hour right there. We did it. Hot takes. Stories. A new hot year. A new hot cast. Yeah, let's promote some shit. Okay, I'm ready.

And then we'll close this bad boy out. Yeah, speaking of your boy, Chris Allen, who is hilarious. Oh, yeah. You guys are on a show together. Yeah. So on the 17th, I'll be in the main room of the improv hosting for Esther Povitsky, formerly the artist known as Little Esther. And Lafayette Wright's going to feature and crush. And then on the 18th and 19th, I'm in the Lounge of the Improv hosting for Adrian

Iapalucci. Iapalucci. I think that's how you say it. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to get her Virginia jokes. I know who that is. Oh, awesome. She's funny. Yeah. Yeah, I'll mention it. So Chris Allen's featuring on those shows. So 17th through the 19th, I'll be at the Improv. And then on the 24th, we have Speechless

at the DC Drafthouse, which I'm excited for. I'm trying to feature for Andrew Santino at the end of the month but I think he might be bringing a feature so I'll keep you posted on that. I am January 11th which

is next Friday. This Friday I will be hosting two shows at the DC Improv Lounge. January 24th, I'm doing the DC Improv Lounge again for Ramin, Friend of the Pod, Most of Favi's show, Couples Therapy. And that's sold out. Oh, shit. That's sold out.

You're right. No, that's still... I mean, that's fucking tight, though. But yeah, go... We're supposed to promote before shows sell out. Nah, it still sounds cool. And it... What? It's monthly or... It's monthly, I think. sell out. Nah, it still sounds cool. And it's monthly or bi-monthly? Monthly, so yeah.

So go to Rami and show. And then the 25th, I'm doing a show in D.C. for Kevin Titt. It's called... Punk House Comedy. Punk House Comedy. It is at Songbird, Friday the 25th. In Adams Morgan. Oh, no, that's how much I get paid i was like this is expensive show um i don't know how much it costs probably not more than like five or ten bucks but yeah go to songbird yeah actually so uh in february my band tremendous athlete

we are trying to put out uh our ep and we're gonna be we're gonna be the band for punk house comedy on february 22nd sweet you guys should do a couple like cool punk covers oh like a misfits or something yeah we got some time misfit songs are pretty easy yeah that's like yeah yeah that'd be tight so yeah i'm gonna do stand up and then the band's gonna play and uh yeah it's gonna be a lot of a lot of fun and then the ep should be coming out soon it's gonna be called progress very excited for that and i think that's it man cool um yeah all right oh gin and jokes is every first thursday come to that and that's it karen you got anything to say got any plugs yeah karen any plugs damn damn all right karen's schedule is a little light but we'll get back to you on that Got any plugs? Yeah. Karen, any plugs? Damn. Damn. All right.

Karen's schedule is a little light, but we'll get back to you on that. She's going to be bringing in a blue apron every Saturday for the rest of the month. Thank you for listening, everybody. David Koechner, take us out. Digression Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you.