The Digression Sessions - Ep. 275 - Josh & Umar

Episode Date: January 23, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their handsome selves and catch up on the past couple weeks and talk about Fyre Fest and whatnot.  And check out Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete! Click here! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Holy shit, it is so cold. Yes. But the mics are hot. Ooh, nice shirt. Are those new? Yeah, I'm wearing a tremendous athlete t-shirt.

It feels like we're doing the worst read ever. Yeah. Hey, bro, what's that cool new shirt? Oh, this? Where can I get one? Oh, you want one? I bet everybody wants one. Damn, probably.

No, these are. Brightside Boutique exclusively on the app. I'm wearing a Fashion Nova women's bra. Bro, where'd you get that Go pick one up from those whores Who work there at Brightside Boutique Great store I got a gift card

I saw that slut Josh Kedernan wearing a halter top I want the same one he has No it's my band Tremendous Athlete I got one t-shirt made by my friend Matt Aikman Of Pangea Printing I got Karen a t-shirt made by my friend matt acheman of pangea printing i got karen a t-shirt from them for christmas what uh what was on it the it's just the baltimore like ac dc kind of thing oh that's cool karen liked it yeah i got yeah i got some tight shit yeah

matt makes really good stuff so find uh pangea printing on uh on the gram dm them and they make yeah all kinds of cool stuff. So literally there's one of those. Yeah. Wow. That's so cool. So I got them to just make one just in case. See what it looks like.

Yeah. Like what the fit's like and everything too. Yeah. It's a cool shirt. Thanks, man. Yeah. I think, because yeah, this is, so I'm wearing white with like the black, but I think black with white looks cool.

On the white would look cool. Looks really cool too. But yeah, you know, we got our EP coming out in february things are moving we got shows yeah we're doing punk house comedy on the 22nd oh damn i wish i was on that one i know and fun i know so i was actually i hit up kevin uh also hi everybody welcome to the podcast dig sesh but uh yeah uh tremendous athletes playing on fe on February 22nd in DC At Songbird for Punk House Comedy We're going to play one song

Comedy show and then we close out the show And then Saturday the 23rd We're playing at Wind Up Space with Joseph And the Beasts Swole from DC and Mess Which I'm really excited about Wait that's February or January? February

It's the 23rd. All right. Yeah, yeah. So it's a while. And then the 24th, we're playing Tsunami in Annapolis. And that's with this Philly band, Gozer. Okay. So we're doing like a world tour, man.

That's crazy. Crazy world tour. I feel like I just... It doesn't matter. Book something. Book something dope. No, not dope. No. I'm good.. Book something. Book something dope. No, not dope. No.

I'm good. I booked something. It's like another corporate, or not corporate, but remember when me and Sonny Fuller did a golf club or whatever? Sort of like a private event. Yeah, that guy wants us back. He asked for me, too, which was weird, because I fucking got a bomb last time I was there. Interesting.

But he liked me. He's a comedy fan oh cool but everyone else there it was whatever but like yeah i can't imagine they're gonna like me this time you want to hear those jokes again yeah let me try again dog yeah yeah hey stuffy white people if you didn't like it the first time but that's on the 22nd so i'll be done the 23rd my man my man yeah yeah everybody come out in baltimore i'm really excited so very excited for that show and uh yeah we shot uh what i think is going to be a music video with eric de dorian over the weekend yeah we were just trying

to get an album cover and then we just ended up like shooting some stuff it looked great dude it's gonna be so cool so funny because uh paul paul Hudson, our buddy, shot it and just has really great cameras and stuff, like seeing everything in playback in slow motion, just like Eric DeDorian balling. And then we shot this thing, just kind of like random shots of Eric at Druid Park near that castle-looking thing, so you can kind of see the city and stuff. And so we're just filming Eric. And then all of a sudden he starts to take his shirt off. Oh my,

so cold. I was hoping he would do that too. Yeah. But like without any direction saying like, Hey, take your shirt off. Yeah. But when he started doing it on his own,

it felt like, like in a baseball game, when a pitcher is hitting a no hitter, you're not supposed to mention it. You're just like, Oh, what's happening? What does that say?

Look though, like, cause I, when I was chubby, I used to take my shirt off. We make these home videos you know me my friend's dad would make these home videos and he would give me candy yeah i'd have to kiss it but then yeah dude i used to wrestle with my neighbor's stepdad all the time shirtless it was so funny that is some fucking we did the same thing we built like a wrestling ring and this one guy mr jody would just wrestle he had no kids yeah sure he's not allowed the state said he couldn't

that's so fucking weird no kids yeah yeah but what does that say like because you know it'd be an automatic lap like just the that your body is a punch line yes that's what's happening in that scenario totally oh man chris farley's career yeah you know just like a guy in a little suit or jacket yeah yeah crushing the coffee table van down by the river, stripping thing. That's so funny. I don't look at him now. He died of drugs. He was a sad man.

What a... Stavros is not a guy. Stavros Farley, everybody. So, yeah, that was your go-to move was take the shirt off? There was... Yeah, we did like a... One night, it was like a shitty little camcorder. So, if we fucked fucked up we'd have to

like rewind and that guy record over it mr joe was like you make copies of those yeah and it's for sale so we just did a matrix parody now i'm just picturing a little fat umar in slow mo like and there's like some there's some there's health food flying at you instead of bullets and you're missing it carrots and celery are flying by your head i was morpheus you know and uh we did the red blue red pill blue pill scene instead it was chocolate donut and for some reason i i remember there was like some techno song that was like red pill blue or something and so we ended up playing that song during the scene i took my shirt off and i was like swinging it over my head it was so stupid and like dude

we showed this to like our parents and everyone loved it and they're like you guys should do more this is great and it was just like yeah it was so we tried to do a fast and the furious uh parody and it was not good so we quit that one was that just called Fat and Furious? Yeah. That would be a great, someone, some fat celebrity already has that title for a bio. I'm sure, yeah. The fat Jew. Yeah, it's an Instagram handle for sure. But yeah, I remember doing that. Me and my buddy, we had to do a class project.

Oh, yeah, where you do like Macbeth or some bullshit? No, well, it was for Spanish class. And you had to like film Macbeth or some bullshit? No, well, it was for Spanish class, and you had to, like, film yourselves having a conversation in Spanish. Oh, God. So we just ended up doing a commercial for baked beans, and it was so fun. Oh, yeah, filming that shit was the best,

because I just remember laughing the whole time. Yeah, and we had to do the thing, because we were, like, editing in the camera, because you had the tape in there, essentially. Yeah. And then we had two VCRs. So we were recording on one VCR and then having playback on the other. So we did a scene.

Actually, Jason Schwab is in it. Yeah. We made it because Jason looks a little ethnic. So we had Jason. We had Jason walking on the beach with like rolled pants, just looking very cliche, just walking. And then it cuts to a can being washed up on the shore. It's like Bush's baked beans. And he's like, oh, almost Abbas, which means I love beans.

And he grabs the can and he jumps in the air. So when he did that, we paused it on one VCR and then let it record. So it was like recording like a freeze frame, essentially. It was fucking great. Damn, who figured all that out? I don't know. I would never know how to do that in high school. I think we just, well, I don't know.

I think Ben might have already known or maybe we're just like messing around. We're like, oh, what if you do this? Yeah. And Ben, we had him shave a bald spot in his head. Oh my God. In Spanish, we did like a Google Translate. He comes home and takes his jacket and his hat off like an old 50s sitcom or whatever, like puts it on the coat rack.

And he said, ah, another hard day in the salt mines. I sure would love some beans. It was so stupid. God. We lit the can on fire. It was good. Oh, yeah. It was good.

Hey, man, life was fun i tell you middle school high school the best you got middle school people don't like middle school i loved i was like fat no girls would ever talk to me sure uh but i had like a really solid group of friends it was great yeah i mean it was all about the sleepovers the hang yeah the sleepovers oh my god yeah i hated them though because i always fall asleep first and then that's like when everyone messes with you and i was just like i'm like what are we doing guys like what this is horrible it's not fun and then i'd wake up i'd be the first to wake up and then like i couldn't do anything yeah because everybody's still sleeping and then like i pretend to be

asleep if their parents like walking around i hate it and being the only one who's awake yeah talk to like that would be so terrible yeah as a middle schooler you're not trying to talk you're like so hi jeff yeah like make you the weird breakfast they eat yeah like scrapple yeah i don't know i'm like i'm waiting for those Dunkin' Donuts. Waiting for that red donut, blue donut. You know what I'm saying? Oh, simple times. Simple, simple times. Just, you know, we're bombing Iraq.

Now who are we bombing? Everybody? Are we bombing Syria? I don't know. We're doing something over there. I think we did do some airstrikes. Obama definitely did. I think they're bombing us now, actually.

Oh, okay. Because Trump's trying to pull them out. Oh, yeah. Without a real plan. And everybody's like, oh, okay. Yeah. We're just going to be in Iraq forever. Mm-hmm.

Well, that's what happens when you go in without a fucking plan. Yeah. Jesus, that's got to suck being there. Because then you're just like... Hot takes on the deep stuff. Yeah. You're just like, what am I... You know, it's like when you're just like hot takes on the yeah you're just like what am i you know it's like when you're in an open mic and no one's there and you're like what

am i doing here i'm like those are like soldiers are thinking right now like what the fuck chris hudson's still here god damn ian saliers oh my god worse than that is like being at the border he deployed all those people. Oh, yeah. And he deployed them. This is when they were trying to scare everybody about the caravan. Yeah. And so they sent them there before November.

So all those people had to miss Thanksgiving with their family to be at the border to do nothing. Yeah. Well, I'm sure Rob Marr went down there and sure it was worth it yeah yeah all right boys i know you miss your families but here's a murder mystery show that i was thinking about like uh uh like stav did that stavros of come town fame went and it's like seeing his act it was just but like i just wonder like what the generals are like thinking when like just like some fucking fag out on stage like but the breakfast and they're just like god damn it what the fuck are we spending money on yeah he's like you ever

eat pussy yeah what technically the government pays for that i know and it's just like pretty dope stop like talking about how bad he is at sex. A little slice of home for you boys. Enjoy. Enjoy. So how you doing, man? I'm good. I got the day off.

We had a day off last week because of snow. It's going to be great. It's not much. I had some shows. Did I have shows? Oh, we did 51st Jokes. Yeah, yeah. That was fun. That was fun. 50 had some shows. Did I have shows? Oh, we did 51st Jokes. Yeah, yeah. That was fun.

That was fun. 50 comics telling jokes. Yeah. They're newer jokes for 2019. Yeah. Yeah, that was really good. That was good. That was a good night.

Big Hunt was great. Yeah, that was a good night. I was, yeah, dude, I was pretty fried. I was like, because it was Wednesday through Saturday. Oh, yeah. You were doing so many shows. Yeah. So Thursday I had DC Improv with Esther Povitsky and Lafayette.

And that was so cool. Yeah. She sold out, right? Yeah. What is she known from? So she used to do a bunch of stuff sort of in like that dude, Brian Redband, who used to produce Joe Rogan's podcast. They had like the Death Squad and stuff.

So she used to go by Little Esther. And she was always a comedian, but I think she used to do like bits with them like film like sketches and stuff and then she had a show on hulu called oh fuck i'm blanking i just did these announcements like you know where from uh but she's also on a show called like crazy ex girlfriend and then she has a podcast called glowing up but it's pretty dope man she doesn't she doesn't have a manager. And she's, like, booking her own stuff. So she did the Philly Punchline one night.

And then the next night did the DC Improv. Those are eight clubs. Yeah. So she's like, I just booked these, like, off nights, like a Wednesday or Thursday at a major club. And then I think gets, like, most of the door. Has, like, a pretty good deal. And then just goes home and works on the other shit. She's 30 dude i know she looks young yeah tiny yeah yeah no yeah she is uh she's like five four five yeah

and so yeah it was like an evolutionary chart with like her than me and then lafayette who's like seven foot nine nine that's jesus yeah he is how tall is he actually like six something yeah he's like six and change yeah he's tall damn yeah i mean not as you know when people see me they're like oh he's big in stature you know his comedic prowess is huge yeah i was at the lounge the weekend before at the dc improv and it was like uh it was great yeah it was just like well we it was just friday and uh both shows sold out nice and i had great sets i was hosting awesome but it's so funny like and uh it was funny because i was complaining we were complaining kind of about like i still stand by what i said about the whole promoting thing oh yeah do you like five people came that

i didn't know we're gonna come oh that's sick because i promoted the shows like one guy who follows me on twitter in your face right and he brought uh two chicks with him and then like uh this dude jay who comes to jenna jokes he was just in dc so he came awesome yeah and then some other lady yeah waved at me and i don't remember i don't know because she's the thing where she's sitting in the crowd we're standing in the back now waves at now you're stretching it like one guy made eye contact no she waved at me and i don't remember i don't know because she's the thing where she's sitting in the crowd we're standing in the back now waves at me you're stretching it like one guy made eye contact with me pretty sure he was a fan and i was just like and i looked behind me i'm like me she's like and she nodded she's like yeah and i was like and then i was too scared to talk to her after the show because like yeah what if i met her i don't remember her what you know what i mean i was just

like oh fuck well that's where you just go hey good to see you yeah yeah but now she knows i don't know who she is ah yeah really well you didn't tip your hat i don't think that's true yeah just like hey that's where you're like how are you yeah but it was cool works it works for saying that for the first time and if you've also seen yeah it was nice because that room is tough and uh yeah i had really good sets crowd work you know just riffing oh it was so fun awesome yeah yeah i kind of had a tough one on friday i was just feeling a little fried yeah like late wednesday night bad weather well yeah i was so i worked all day wednesday then drove down to dc without like going home thursday had dc again and then friday worked all day went straight from there to dc and so it was like left the house at like eight and then got home around like one

yeah yeah so it was just yeah it was just late but yeah the first show some guy i was like i'm from baltimore and this guy like this fat dude eating nachos yeah murder and it just really bothered me and i think it's just because i was like a little fried like yeah like if i was in a good mood i could have been like yeah you're really murdering those nachos you fat fuck it's yeah it's funny because when i'm in dc like i will shit on baltimore but if there is like too active of a participation then i just turn it i'm like well fuck you guys dc also fucking set you know yeah exactly yeah like what city doesn't have murder right name me one yeah so yeah but no it was it was really fun like hanging out so i felt okay about my sets this week i want to talk yeah do you want

to talk about like the oh the headliner yeah yeah yeah we can get into it all right well i just yeah it's a good story i wish i was there yeah so uh yeah we were with your buddy chris allen who is hilarious oh it was so great because that night you're having a rough set so you're texting me and then chris about like oh this happened and then chris allen is texting me separately he's like oh they hated me and i was just like that's why i texted both of you yeah yeah yeah which yeah which was funny but also like chris is jesus christ he's like it's it's like uh a hot chick that's like god i'm so fat and it's like you're not even close like he had a great set like multiple applause breaks he's like ah they hated me it's like for real and i'm like what do you do you want me to be like you're so good yeah yeah

he is really good but yeah yeah, it's interesting. I think it's just that comedic insecurity where you're like, nah, I could have been better. I could have done this. Yeah, because he wants to murder from top to bottom. Yeah, which is almost impossible. Yeah, to do 100% of the time. A full 20- minute kill is really

hard yeah he had really good sets like he did he kind of did the same thing at joe squared like he was real dude i mean applause breaks out the gate like maybe in the first 10 minutes he had two or three applause breaks yeah it was easily the loudest and he had to follow violet and he easily got the loudest laughs people love violet af People love Violet. African-American. People did. Yeah, Violet's always going to be a fan favorite. And it's hilarious. Yeah, Violet's hilarious.

I think Violet goes by she now, right? Yeah, she's hilarious. Oh, okay. I thought you said he. My bad. Oh, and it doesn't matter. She. I mean, it matters, but it's a mistake.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That's my fault. That's my fault. That's Josh Coderna. We're going to have to put a warning put a trigger warning on this fucking episode. The headliner that we're getting to, Adrienne Appaloochee.

She has a great joke about- Is that how you say it? It's not Lappaloochee? So it's an I in the beginning, but I don't think you say it. Oh, we still have an L. No, no. Because it was a capital L, it looked like. Adrienne Appaloochee.

Yeah, yeah. Wow, what a name. Because I was like, Appaloochee? She's like, Appaloochee yeah yeah because i was like appaloochee she's like appaloochee was like damn um but yeah she did sell her door on sunday after i know i heard she killed actually i believe i heard she's done it before and murders i dude so she's a good comic so good she's a great writer but she just does not back down like all of it is uh i was talking to lafayette about it and i feel the same way he's like yeah i hate to call it edgy because that sounds so lame but it's just like 9-11 jokes

mexican kids in cages jokes uh she did parkland jokes abortion jokes uh park yeah school shooting jokes like everything are they one-liners no they're uh it's sort of like one-liners like mixed in with bits like like so all right so oh uh anyway her trans joke she's like yeah when when they get mad about it or like if somebody accidentally says something wrong it's like hey you guys like you should chill like if anybody knows about a mistake it's you right like you you were born the wrong way right if anybody should be comfortable with a mistake that's really funny yeah so good so um but yeah she is yeah and then also too like if people were like getting uh not like groaning but you know how like it starts to get tense in the room

she'd be like guys this is really good you by not laughing you're really changing things she goes she's like look you paid to be here just have fun and then other stuff too like oh yeah no the mexican kids in cages joke she's like yeah you're not laughing really help they actually just let kids out good job damn but uh how was she like overall how was was she doing? Was she having good sets? Yeah. Yeah. People actually laughing? Yes, definitely. No, she was. And to be able to do that for like 50 minutes straight of material like that. No, she was really good.

Like her writing is incredible and like just kind of like stands there and delivers New York style. She's been on Letterman. Yeah. Yeah. So. So anyway. Yeah. she's been on letterman yeah yeah yeah so uh so anyway yeah so people kind of have to like get a rhythm for it at first when they're just like holy shit is that what this is gonna be the whole time yeah so the last show um was really fun like people were like a little drunk but it

was like the fun like good energy like late night saturday and i did i did okay up top chris allen crush with this woman that was like kind of drunk and chatty in the front and then adrian goes up and she's just murdering wow and then does her 9-11 bit which is uh she's like i live in new york and when 9-11 happened uh i thought that it would open more parking spots in the city and it didn't and then there's a joke she's like my boyfriend was a first responder and uh actually he was like i don't know out of everybody that got there got there like their team was like eighth or something so i'm like you weren't even really a first responder he calls himself a hero and i'm like i don't know i guess i'm really the hero because i have to hear about

this bullshit all the time like it's like that yeah and i'm like, I don't know. I guess I'm really the hero because I have to hear about this bullshit all the time. It's like that. And I'm not doing it justice, but that's the conceit of it. Drunk chick up front. The same one Chris destroyed with? Yeah, yeah. Gets up and starts leaving. And Adrian's, because it's a small room.

It holds like 60 people. And Adrian, she's right there, And Adrian's like, are you leaving? She's like, yeah. Yeah, honey. I don't think jokes about 9-11 first responders are funny. Oh, why would Adrian ask, though? I don't know. You got to let that one go.

Because now that lady has a... She can say whatever she wants. And now is not a cunt. Yes. And then so, of course. And then the guy she's with is like, well, I'm going to leave too. So he gets up. Oh, boy.

And then when she leaves, Adrian goes, man, I wish she died at 9-11. Did the crowd laugh? No. Well, the crowd is just like, Jesus. Just because it's like kind of tense. It's so good. So some people were on board and then uh it was just like touch and go for a bit because she was just killing and then i think it just

made people feel weird comfortable yeah but she i mean she got him after that like at tons of didn't a bunch of people leave not a bunch of people so she's like kind of gearing back up like getting them and um and i don't think she really lost them. I think they were just like, whoa, should it be weird? You know how sometimes like audiences, they're not like offended, but they're like something's a little off or maybe they should feel like it's weird. Like, oh, she was offended. Should we be offended?

Yeah. I don't know. So, but she's getting them back. And then she's like about to close. She's been on stage for like 40 minutes at this point and i think when she did her 9-11 joke she was like 15 minutes in so like a half hour later two other women get up and start to leave and and adrian's like am i losing you guys too and she goes yeah i don't like i don't like first responder jokes. And she goes, did you lose somebody at 9-11?

She goes, yeah, I did. And you're like, oh, man. I don't believe her. But then, and then so Adrian goes, well, why did you stay here for extra 30 minutes? And the woman goes, well, the drinks were good. And it's like, yo, I don't believe you at all. What? Like, if that was true, if you lost somebody.

She's just drunk. If you lost somebody in 9-11 you're like god damn it that hurts so bad but oh this dc improv cocktail is so good i have to finish it out of yeah ted who i lost loved the good cocktail so tight like what the fuck that's awesome that's such bullshit is that just like hey let's not pay for the bill. Like, you're staying the whole time. No, they make everyone pay. Okay. But it's just like, yeah, I don't believe that person.

I don't believe it either. I think she just wanted to leave and then she didn't want to feel uncomfortable or something. I don't know. Maybe she was drunk. The thing is, is you just walk out and don't respond to the comedian. And also, if you're a comedian and people are walking out, I don't know. It's weird because if you say something to that person it makes it worse it makes it worse and now the person because whatever they're saying like what comes out of that person's mouth like

it's gonna be hard for you to now shit on the person because you allowed them to speak yes you know what i mean well yeah because they didn't start it exactly because the woman up front was drunk but she didn't get up and she was like let's go like she was yeah walking out which is fine yeah she was just walking out and it's like whoa yes yeah man that's so funny i i haven't really seen anything like that before like active people like getting up but i mean if you're doing 9-11 jokes i've walked people a couple of times especially early on yeah yeah no i'm talking about like a headliner like oh yeah seeing like to that level because again that room i'm trying to think that room's pretty intimate

like if that was in the main room you might not notice yeah well after sunny fuller headlined my room some girls sent me a message saying like how she needed to like call on like trauma therapy tools to get through that show and like uh and she got mad at me because i scolded the i i called out the audience because my co-workers yeah you know these older black women were dying like laughing uh-huh and meanwhile like white people are like just being like oh we can't laugh and i was just like they i was like they're older and black and they've lived and older they're blacker yeah they're blacker than you and they've lived through so much more bullshit than you ever have in your life and they could find humor in what he was

saying yeah and then so the girl was like i found that absolutely disgusting that uh because i don't know like that that they're still allowed to be offended you know like right which is true i'm just saying it's silly look when you sit next to a black an old older black woman who's appreciating a white guy making these amazing jokes about every purse kind of person and you're just too uptight to laugh at it right it looks silly but you're allowed to have that feeling yeah and well that was adrian's point too like i'm saying she does all like abortion like you know kids in cages at the border like so many jokes about everything and then you just get mad at one yeah and it's like you can't be

like oh dead babies wait 9 11 that's where i draw the line like you have to you know you it's either you are offended by all of it or none of it so like after the show did she like did she say she killed herself dude no uh was she like oh i feel bad or she yeah she did say she just said she felt weird about it like yeah because she just wanted to kill well it's yeah because that was was the best crowd before she before she went up like you guys were ripping them but but yeah like before she went up she was like whoa this might be the best crowd before she before she went up like you guys are ripping them but but yeah like before she went up she was like whoa this might be the best crowd like my set was pretty good i felt i felt good about like the the crowd work and stuff but it wasn't like i was like i smashed that i

just kind of felt off all weekend actually thursday was great but um but yeah she was like excited to go up she was like oh this is gonna be that's the thing you she just wants to be funny you know yeah that's like her only goal is to be funny yeah make people laugh but also her humor is dark that's her type of humor though it doesn't seem forced and it's not done with like a wink of like aren't i so edgy it's just yeah where is like someone like jessel nick i feel like his is it's kind of forced you know yeah No, she's not up there like, I'm the bad girl of comedy. Right. Before the show, she was like, I hate the way my hair looks. Does it look frizzy up there?

It's like, you know, this isn't somebody that's like, ooh, I'm an edge lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like so dark. Damn. Tony Woods was there. He came in after. Oh, did you do a guest spot? No, I think he came in to like see Lavelle Crawford, who was in the main room.

CJ Burney features for him. Both his openers do a guest spot? No. I think he came in to see Lavelle Crawford, who was in the main room. CJ Burney features for him. Both his openers do a half an hour. Yeah. He used to bring three features with him, too. And I think it's because people show up late to his shows. Oh. Yeah. Because Chris was saying mad people were walking in late.

Yes. True. And I will tell you this. A lot of Jewish people in the audience. Wow. To see Lavelle Crawford, a big black man? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, yeah. His original name was Crawfordman. I don't know if you knew that. Was it a very black crowd? It seemed like it. Also, my man sold out eight shows that weekend. Oh, he did two Sunday? No, no, no. He did three on Saturday. Oh, my God. Three? So I think he did two Friday, three on Saturday, three on Sunday.

What's he doing? Just book a theater. I don't know. Maybe he likes it. Also, I don't know. Maybe he's making more money doing that. Maybe. It's kind of hard to believe.

But I don't know. It's also the DC improv is just so good. Yeah. And there's something about theaters, too, where they take a pretty big cut oh for once you get like a union involved too there's like fees and stuff from what i hear anyway but yeah uh if you're doing eight shows like that and i think the first show starts at like four o'clock too or something holy shit by the third show are you like did i say this already where where am i four o'clock yeah but your hour must be so good oh yeah god yeah i wish i could do that yeah you know oh totally just sell that like god eight life eight shows so he probably gets a bonus too oh yeah he probably hit He probably hit a bonus. I wonder if the DC Improv even does bonuses because they sell out their shows almost like

out of a weekend, there's going to be at least one or two sold out shows. No matter who it is. Yeah. I wonder if you get a bonus for just like selling them all out. I don't know. Some do Thursday night bonuses. So like Thursday, you can hit a bonus. Friday, Saturday, you can hit a bonus.

Yeah. And so I don't know. Yeah. Like them, it's just they're so good. Yeah. I mean, it really is one of the best clubs in the country. Oh, hit a bonus. Yeah. And so I don't know. Yeah. Like them, it's just, they're so good. Yeah. I mean, it really is one of the best clubs in the country. Oh, it's nuts. Yeah.

It was funny talking to Esther about it. She's like, why is it so good? It's like, dude, you'll see. Yeah. Low ceiling, great sound, people packed in tight. It was awesome. She was like, so what do people do here? I was like, what do you mean?

She's like, in DC. Like, what is DC? where is she from first time um new york la or like where she lives she lives in la i don't know where she grew up though what do people do here i'm like well they just run the world yeah we were joking i was like she's like so they're like senators i was like yeah that's you have 300 senators all ready to watch. What a weird question. What do people do? It's just a fucking city. Yeah. Yeah.

It is a lot of government work and contracts. It's funny. Me and Karen and I, yeah, are going to Nashville. You and your bitch. Me and my bitch are going to Nashville for my spring break. Oh, yeah? Yeah. We're just going to hang out, chill.

Got an Airbnb. Nice. Got the an Airbnb. Nice. Got the flights booked. Yeah, you should ask Mason Mary for some recs. Are they from there? Well, they're from Tennessee. Oh, shit, I will. Yeah.

They're getting married this summer, and we're going to be in Nashville. Yeah, but I ran into this guy, and I guess he's from around Nashville. He's like, oh, dude, you got to do this. And I'm like, all right, let's hear it. And he's like, well, there's this great char'm like all right let's hear it and he's like well there's this great charcuterie bar it's like yellow to black yeah there's like a great charcuterie bar down there and then you got to get a fucking uh old-fashioned from me i'm like why these are all things that i can do in my own like give me something that's nashville you know

and then you realize we all just it's all the same he. He's like, you ever had a Nashville old fashioned? Yeah. I think the only thing different, and then it's just like, like I like going to museums, but then I'm like, what am I going to a fucking museum? It's almost as if like, I think now the only unique experience you can have are like in like national parks, like see like nature that you can't. Cause like every city, you just, everyone does the same fucking bullshit. It's just the fucking same every time.

Yeah, but it is kind of cool. But it's cool to have the vibe of it because there is a different vibe. Yeah, and like New York, we went to the Guggenheim. And that's bowling, right? No. That's a museum. Bowling. I just know you like bowling and Guggenheim. What the fuck? Hey, that's bowling museum bowling i just know you like bowling and guggenheim

hey i was bowling right oh shit you guys played air hockey oh at the gook oh it was one of those new fucking exhibits so they want people to like interact with yeah yeah yeah it was a it was an internet cafe. No, yeah. It's a huge gallery, but all the art. So it's like a big sort of cylinder, and you have a walking up kind of ramp all the way around it, and then there's art. So as you either go up or come down, you see all that. Oh, tight. And the artist was okay.

Yeah. It's just weird. It's like, why am i in a museum when i like i went to an art museum when i was in cleveland and it was it's a very nice art museum but it's like just all paintings at lebron this is just all paintings that were done in europe a long time ago this doesn't tell me shit about cleveland doesn't help me get a feel of the place yeah yeah it's cool to look at that shit no it is i like looking at like a van gogh or a matisse or something i don't i like i like looking at stuff i don't know what it means but yeah yeah like yeah yeah it speaks to me you know it's nice you know i forget the name of the artist that was

at the guggenheim but so we took an elevator up and then worked our way down and it was like a lot of abstract stuff or like color studies where it's like a chromatic scale of like blue and you're like okay yeah and then when you get all the way to the bottom she had this beautiful painting that looked like a fucking photograph and it's like oh you can paint what was all that other shit like what the fuck it's like yeah okay you did a pink triangle that's cool that's so nice it's like i feel like i'm looking at a picture of a goddamn horse. Yeah, we went to, yeah. Actually, I'm going to the museum after this.

We're at the American Visionary Art Museum. It's free today because MLK Day. Oh, that's what he wanted. Yeah. He's like, I have a dream that Umar and his lady will go look at a fart exhibition. But, yeah, we're going to Nashville, and and i'm like it'll be fun but just being in nashville like that's true being on like that music strip and then like getting something to eat and seeing some so we some local play acoustic at like a bar that's true yeah yeah yeah i might

try to hit up some shows yeah you know oh also donnie i think donnie's parents move there oh so donnie you might know people yeah donnie goes down there a good bit he owes me no he doesn't fucking owes me stuttering piece of shit donnie owes me his seems like he's doing well uh yeah no but that's why traveling it's like uh i think it is really fun and everyone should do it yeah i just don't want to hear about anyone's traveling stories ever unless it's on netflix make it make it a documentary some cool slow-mo yeah or have aziz take a girl so we watched that episode that nashville when you remember he does his first date they go to nashville in season

one uh i don't know yeah so we watched that and i was like oh maybe it'll give us stuff to do and yeah okay nothing nothing really good like a honky tonk oh yeah there's good barbecue down So we watched that and I was like, oh, maybe it'll give us stuff to do. And yeah. Okay. Nothing. Nothing. Really? Maybe go to like a honky tonk. Oh, yeah. There's good barbecue down there too, I hear. See, I thought that too. And then that fucking guy I ran into from Nashville, he's like, you know, there's no

good barbecue in Nashville. And I'm like, I was like, are you a snob? Yeah. You're in the South, right? There has to be at least one. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck? I don't know what he's

talking about he was on a date so he probably had to look cool you know that does look real cool and you're like hey barbecue sucks yeah barbecue's fucking lame bitch like you know what else sucks me you're cool damn because you're fucking cool so listen man fire festival So listen, man, Fire Festival. Pretty dope, huh? Did you watch it? Yeah. Both? Yeah, we watched most of the Hulu one yesterday. Yeah. It's just unreal that people have that much money. It's insane to me that, like, I'm stressed out enough just on my basic day-to-day life,

which is, like, very basic shit where I'm like, did I get enough sleep? Oh, I'm going to be at work all day. I want to have an hour to myself to play guitar. This guy is constantly stealing money from people to pay people he's already stolen. Like in the documentary, it's like, yeah, we'd wake up and there'd be one problem and we'd solve that problem.

Then right after that, the next day is another problem. It was like, yeah, because you were committing crimes yeah it's like i would do something illegal and then i'd have to cover up that illegal thing with another illegal thing it's also it reminded me too of like when you commit to things that are so far in the future it doesn't feel real it's like all right well how can we get more people to send us money quickly oh we'll just say we have luxury sweet tents everywhere and it's just like yeah like one day you're gonna have to come and deliver on that but it just feels so like we'll figure it out by then but then that's where the other grift comes from so you're like all right now i need another fucking scam to pay for this other scam but also yeah and it was just like how did they even like get in touch with

artists management like because i feel like you have to be pretty high up to even contact them and get a response well i'm guessing you know uh jaw jaw rules uh that was also really funny too of seeing all those people being like yeah and jaw wasn't even there yeah like jaw he's like on really trying to defend himself right now but i think he's part of one of the lawsuits not by the fed but by one of uh another firm that filed a civil uh like followed filed one against him as well yeah yeah he's a part of it him being like this ain't fraud it's false advertising you're like aka i wouldn't say it's fraud more like false advertising yeah it's like aka fraud yeah he's like look it's not fraud what we did was we promised a product lied to them and stole their money that's not fraud like i i wouldn't

did they get their money back anyone who attended because they put like thousands of like over 10 grand people spent going there yeah so yeah so if you haven't watched the documentaries definitely watch it but yeah it was that really shitty festival that like fell apart like immediately but my thing was if you if you saw that ad like on your instagram yeah like the new coachella and burning man is now gonna be on this fucking right in the bahamas and there's models like why would you think that you would be a part of that? Yeah. Like, if I saw that.

Because that's all it is. Like, all those people who went there are, like, fucking rich kids, right? Yeah. And someone brought up a good point. Was it all? Yeah. On Twitter. Because I do remember hearing about Fyre Festival only after it fell apart.

Yeah. I heard about that weekend when it was, like, blown up. So did blown up yeah and i didn't even know it was a thing before that though yeah i might have heard about it a little bit because i saw it was on blinks tour dates but oh yeah yeah hey your boys look pretty good pulling out of the festival they were the first one that's right um and it was probably all because like they didn't wire his money yet fuck that we're not doing this yeah i'm They probably didn't even get to them, like, past their people. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But so this girl was just like, this just shows you, like, how divided even, like, the internet is, is because, like, I didn't know about Fyre Festival until this documentary. Yeah. But somehow, like, all these fucking, like, people were, were like from the get-go like what's fire festival we gotta go like what is this how is that happen because like you don't follow like the influencers like the caitlin jenner's and the habibi's or whatever like i don't know it's yeah it's yeah show she could show g yeah i think he tweeted about it yeah that's why he got killed yeah fire festival people killed kashogi joji beans yeah yeah they did uh yeah like so i didn't even know about it but it's like

there's like this group of like people on twitter it's like the exact opposite of black twitter like they just want to be like a socialite influencer live that lifestyle of like luxury and clubs and all that yeah well it's about appearances exactly it's not even the actual experience it's like yeah you want to say you were there projecting this to the world but yeah you're not gonna be a part of that like like who i just thinking like if you see that like just an average dude he's like man it's gonna be me and a bunch of models on a beach with job role and they're gonna fly me on a private jet it's like, man, it's going to be me and a bunch of models on a beach with John Rule. And they're going to fly me on a private jet.

It's like, no. Even if I had the money, I wouldn't have the self-confidence to be like, I belong there. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. And they're like, wow, all right. Yeah, you can have five grand. It's like, you're not getting that.

There's no fucking way these people want to hang out with you, some fucking slob new york like what like really like they're more stupid than people it's funny because they're the same people who would make fun of poor people who got scammed by subprime loans right right these rich people they fell for something even more dumb right yeah just fucking people you have no idea promising you these outlandish things are like oh hey you have to put five hundred dollars per day on this yeah it's a cash-free festival it's unbelievable that they like and they're like oh yeah we want to go we want to be there let's do it and then like oh god the best part is they probably had like spam email from a nigerian prince and like who falls for that? Oh, there's an email from Fyre Festival.

I need to load up my wristband. Here's 10 grand. Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. But you'll never get back. And then just like how, like, what kind of, they were like disaster relief tents. FEMA tents. Jesus.

Left over from a hurricane. That's unreal. What did they think was gonna happen like did they think they were gonna pull off a show no no i guess they just i think i think what happened was the dude didn't have insurance on the festival and i guess if you cancel people would want their money back and it's like he was so in debt to so many fucking people how do people like well that's the thing it's like how did everyone not sue because everything about it is just a big lie it's not a deserted island there's

yeah you were basically in the parking lot of a sandals resort yeah yo that's so tight dude you can see people having a good time yeah and just like the amount of money they spend like the jet skis the boats like the fucking like two million two million on booze that had a nine hundred thousand dollar tax so you essentially spent three million like why wouldn't you use that money to get any type of adequate uh like housing at all better than a fucking like air mattress and disaster relief tent that's so tight but what i'm saying is like that guy like how does he not kill himself how is he not he's a sociopath it's insane that he can function with all that like i was stressed so stressed out oh yeah you're constantly having to balance shit and rip people off he's probably on

so much coke they never never talked about it. That was weird. How did they not mention coke at all? They all look coked out. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just a bunch of rich white dudes hanging out. Sure. With Ja Rule.

Models and shit on a yacht. Yeah, models everywhere. Like, God. Oh, yeah. There had to be so many. They're so lucky no one died at that festival. Like, how did those planes not crash they look terrible yeah but another thing too is that they didn't even have any lighting so

in the documentary before it happened i was like whoa when it gets dark it's gonna get really weird because it's pitch black also they show one dude he's like yeah so what we did uh when nighttime hit it was like a free-for-all so we just ripped up all the other tents around us so nobody so nobody would be near us wow i was like why would you do that that's fucked up some people were like pissing on mattresses and stuff just like what the fuck and everything soaked because there was a big storm the night before yeah god damn there were the people that i actually feel bad for in all of it is the um local workers yeah the bahamanian the bahaman the jamaicans yeah yeah i feel bad for the cool runnings yeah me too like not only did they not get the gold medal john candy's dead come on dude

yeah exactly like dude man like you can just rip all those people off and be like people raise Did they not get the gold medal? John Candy's dead. Come on, dude. Yeah, exactly. Like, dude, man. Like, you can just rip all those people off. People raise money for that woman who lost her life savings. Oh, they did? So they got her $60,000 in a GoFundMe. Nice. All right. Well, now I feel better about it.

Isn't that cool? Yeah. But I hope those workers get paid. They didn't get paid. Yeah. She paid her people, though. That's why she didn't have money. Because that was like her restaurant or whatever. my god well it's good for her man

yeah yeah she's doing all right that's her thing was probably a big grift too yeah she's like can you believe i was talking like oh me need to do you know about the controversy with those documentaries uh-uh so like there's a controversy with everything hulu they both made them around the same time i think hulu's hulu's was released first and they called out at the end they called out netflix's documentary for like um kind of being biased because the fuck jerry people who were essential in like creating the buzz they were hired to... They were the marketing team. Yeah, they're a social media marketing team.

They did the promo and all that stuff for the festival. Yeah. They're the ones who produced the Netflix movie. Oh. And Hulu's documentary is more critical of Fuck Jerry than Netflix's documentary. Hulu's documentary is more critical of Fuck Jerry than Netflix's documentary. Yeah. Hulu's documentary, like Netflix's documentary kind of really downplays like Fuck Jerry's role in Fire Festival.

I mean, I think it shows that they were doing all that and like deleting comments and stuff like that. Like that's in there. And the better thing about Netflix's documentary is they highlighted the impact on the locals. Yes. Hulu's didn't. Yeah. And then the Hulu ethical thing is that they paid that guy to be a part of the documentary. And they paid him for footage.

So it's kind of shitty that you're paying a con man for his misgiving. Right. It's just kind of gross. Did you really need him in the doc? Yeah. And that's what Netflix said. They were like, yeah, we refuse to pay to pay him yeah there's so much footage and he tried to like be like well hulu's giving me this much so if you give me this much i'll do yours and then like

you know so he's trying to yeah we're fine just like now we're good i like i like to yeah i'd like being like yeah i'll give you footage like there's already so much footage yeah well because all those people have all that b-roll and they're probably yeah got offered money for it and like yeah fuck this guy my favorite was when he gets busted for the fire fire festival thing the fraud all of it and gets indicted but then he gets bailed for 300 000 he's living in that penthouse and then decides to do more crimes and has a film crew film him doing it. Yeah, that's like the weird thing about rich people I don't get. It's like even after you lose all your money, how are you –

you still keep this luxury – like how are you in a penthouse? I think his girlfriend is rich and paying for it. Probably, but yeah, then also just stealing money from other people too. But why would you invite that camera crew to film you doing more because he's a psychopath he's a fucking crazy person dude there's a documentary on netflix uh it's about uh um like teen prostitution like you know um like the sex trade trafficking and it's two guys from Baltimore, these two pimps. And they film themselves doing this because they thought, like, one day they were going to be, like, stars.

So, so much of the documentary is their own footage of them, like, finding girls, picking them up, talking to them, showing, like, you know, then kind of, like, manipulating them. Right. And they're just talking about how, like, you know, like, just how stupid they are. Right, right. And and it's nuts like these guys are so fucking crazy they are like we're so good at this people are gonna think we're great so yes that's how you become a star yeah that old tried and true way to become a star as you film yourself being a low-level pimp yeah and after that it's hollywood baby yeah um that said i'm hoping for

fire festival 2019 man i'm there maybe we'll get a new documentary out of it you know yeah but people also said like i was reading an article that like the documentary really highlighted just like coachella and all these festivals yeah they're just for rich people like like who can afford like all that shit that was another thing when they're like you know and people are like i want to be at the next burning man the next and it's like i don't want to go to any of that no but all that shit sounds like dude i've met people who go who've been to i've met a whole group of friends uh uh who gives a fuck who went to burning man and it's like all these it's not who you would think anymore it's not like well it's like hundreds of thousands of people tech bros like a lot of like

like uh san francisco like they all go to when i was in burning man people are san francisco people are talking about it like these all these people uh these this group of friends in baltimore they're all these like weird rich tech bros who all like go to burning man yeah and then like two mushrooms for the week yeah they started out being this thing for like hippies yeah and then yeah and you know what my one of my favorite things like the owner of coachella is a huge trump supporter sure and he donates money to trump's campaign incredible to trump and uh i think that's so great that like all these fucking like woke liberal ass like hippie dippy whatever kids are like giving their money to this guy just to turn around and give it to

trump yeah that is so tight especially because you know there's bands that are playing they're like fuck trump and they're like yeah and he's just fucking laughing his ass off yeah he's like have fun at coachella really great he's just i'll enjoy the money yeah have fun amigos making fun of me uh meanwhile we're like boycotting i don't know what are we boycotting yeah what is there anything we're mad at now i don't i don't think so right louie um uber uber are we mad at uber still no i use uber i'm a Lyft boy. For real? Yeah. I do Uber. I like Lyft.

Or I'll do either, whoever's cheap. Yeah. Lyft, I feel like their drivers are worse. I don't know. I've had pretty good drivers. The last one I had, he was telling me about his four marriages. It was a good time. Oh, was he a brown guy?

Wow. Unbelievable. No, he was white. Oh, okay. How old? Four marriages. He was 25. Yeah, I don't know. oh was he a brown guy wow unbelievable no he was white oh okay how old for marriage he's like 25 yeah uh yeah i don't know he's like 50 something or i don't know it's weird when you meet people and they're like yeah i'm divorced you're like you're 26 it's like yeah i got my it's like just don't say you're who gives it does not count right it does it's like having also you want to be like good for you yeah it's like having a girlfriend in middle school it just don't count that oh okay

well fine i guess i've never had a girlfriend you had sex with her yeah you better believe i did yeah i was 28 at the time damn whoa delete this yeah all right uh wrap it up let's wrap it up here let's see what do we What do we got going on? This week, come down to Speechless at the DC Draft House on Thursday at 7 o'clock. Andrew Santino is performing there at 845. His show is after ours. So I'm hoping that maybe he'll do our show. I doubt it, though.

But it would be would be very cool what night is that uh that is the 24th cool 24th of january oh and i'm also doing a dominic's mic on tuesday uh the 22nd at the comedy loft and then here in baltimore on the 30th i'm doing eric glazer's show at the crown i'm on that too called top secret what was the one before you plugged uh dom's thing on uh dom rivera's mic oh the tuesday now yeah yeah yeah that's on the 22nd and then the 30th here in baltimore is top secret at the crown and that's where comedians go on stage and they don't find out the topic of their set until they go up there yeah maybe i'll try to do as mike on tuesday too yeah come through man uh like which is tomorrow uh yeah

oh i'll send him a message fucking a uh all right 24th i am at the dc improv lounge oh wait that show sold out who gives a fuck uh you demand 25 I am at. Is that on the 25th? Punk House Comedy. Kevin Titt. Hell yeah. It is at the Songbird Cafe in D.C. It's five bucks. I think they're.

So it's like a band. And then like four comics. I think I'm closing out the show. Nice. So that'll be fun. I'm on that show. Josh just talked about. And I don't know what else I'm doing

Gin and Jokes every first Thursday Abby Rosenquist is headlining Fucking tight And uh yeah you know that's it Awesome uh well yeah Follow us on the gram find the digression sessions And find us individually On Facebook the gram Twitter

At Josh Kaderna for me And uh Umar you wanna plug it Umar Khan, 821. Hey now. All right. Hey. David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. We'll see you next time.