The Digression Sessions - Ep. 277 - Josh & Umar Hit The Showers

Episode Date: February 11, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their handsome selves and catch up on the week and discuss improper nudity. And check out Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete! Click here! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Welcome to the Ty Crescent Sessions podcast. Let's start here. One more. Look at us. We're two in a row row two weeks in a row crazy we don't have to we didn't have to delete last podcast the last week's podcast is that what happened to that podcast i don't know fbi made us take it down um yeah i don't know what have i done if i oh yeah

i've done shows and stuff since i got stories. I got shit to talk about. Yeah. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. And then just dead air for 50 minutes. Oh, I wanted to bring this up last podcast, but the last two I forgot because we had guests. But I have two stories of just people complaining. Okay. Complaining to you?

Yeah. Yeah. So I went to... Well, welcome to the complaint hour, everybody. Yeah. So this is our complaint. But it's just so funny. We talk about this all the time,

but just like how comfortable people are criticizing stand-up comedians when they're not funny or whatever. Or just being passive-aggressive to not even having to be shitty, but saying like you see somebody or they come up to you, but saying like, you see somebody or they come up to you and they're like,

you are my favorite tonight or somebody you're next to and like, you are my favorite. It's like, it doesn't have to be that. Exactly. Yeah.

But this, it's just like, I don't even think this person, it was like, like that was not, it was just either mean or this person

is just so stupid like okay and uh she might listen but i don't care it was crazy so yeah karen and i we went to brunch coming in hot on the podcast yeah but it was just like it made me it put me in such a bad mood i was like why would someone say that like that's so unreal i just love that we're starting off with, like, you know what? So I was at brunch. Yeah. And I was like, can you believe this bullshit? At Wicked Sisters, it was pricey.

But hey, you know, come on. Was it really? Yeah, because... I don't think it's... Yeah. Well, you know, you get this and that and a couple of those. Right. Right, right, right.

I'm rich, so it's whatever. You know what I mean? I get this. I get that. And I get this, too. Dude, we went to Bluebird last... On Friday. Yeah. Just of no i was like it's easy it's so easy and we went because they had happy hour but we forgot to order like the five dollar drinks let's just get regular drinks so he showed up for happy hour to not take advantage of the happy hour deals food is tight

okay yeah yeah but yeah you're it was so fucking stupid anyway what the fuck well real quick though we're gonna try the new food market asian place have you heard about that no it's it's in the alley it's called uh it's called white tiger when is it open it's open opens today oh my god and it's like they only have 16 seats but it's pretty much all carry out i don't know what's this called tiger style i keep oh are you gonna carry out or eat there oh carry out for sure we're gonna get so much food yeah you're a carry out guy and have good time it's only they only have a 16 seat shared communal table i don't want to sit at a and also it's sunday night it's cold yo let me get in bed with all that warm ass asian i just want it like warm right when it's out and i don't want to clean up um yeah it'll still be hot and cleanups whatever

i'd rather i mean to eat in my bed i'm all about that and to to have some good times going oh true true buddy their menu looks fucking sick by the way that's just like a you just have to have good times before you go out to eat it makes it so much better it really does yeah it's great and it's so funny to drive into work no i can't do it on good time i cannot do that no no but like uh it is funny karen will make fun of me because like just like on friday we were out and i was like man i love fries reminds me when we saw modest mouse oh you're like deep cuts it just seemed like a dad that was at the concert with his kids like are we digging this yeah deep cuts deep cuts all right i did a podcast this is my second podcast

i did a podcast what the fuck i think i've been trying to talk about this podcast you're just gonna flex on me like that? Like, whoa. Well, I don't think it's going to come out. It was like, it's called Chick Hood Podcast. And you watch, everyone watches a chick flick. Yeah, yeah. When we were young.

I like that concept. Yeah, and then you talk. Yeah, so then we did that. And it sucked because we were recording for like 22 minutes and she was like ah we're not recording i was like fuck that's the worst oh my god and then you want to recreate and then you can't the energy's not there it was a bummer but i think it turned out fine yeah uh but it was just so funny like doing another podcast hold on i gotta stop you we're not recording and uh and like uh um like i just tried to do it like this podcast and they would keep being like okay uh anyway and i'm like

oh there's like a point to this podcast yeah you can't just riff yeah which brings me to my first point i believe you got a story about wicked sisters Sisters. There you go. Yeah, so we went to Wicked Sisters for brunch, and the hostess knows, like, she's seen me do comedy, and she's introduced herself to me a couple times. Yeah. And so she sat us, and then she came back over and was like, hey, I have a weird question. I was like, all right, well, what's up?

And she's like, where are some places that someone can do stand up on like whatever? And I was like, oh, here, here and here. I was like, yeah, my boyfriend from Seattle is coming into town and I wanted him to go to some Mike. So if there's some like really tall guy, like pale tall guy staring at you, don't mind him. And I'm like, what the fuck? And she's like, yeah, maybe you can say hi to him i'm like all right all this is just starting off weird yeah is she trying to be funny that she's trying to be funny so uh and then so like right after that she's like they brought up she brought up the fact like yeah i would take him to your show but i don't think

it's happening when he's in town and the last time i took we were at one of your shows um you got it was like you guys were like dressed up as like old timey figures yeah and you and so we did the show at show square you did the time machine roast where like we all dress up as historical figures and roast each other yeah it was a great show yeah everyone had like not everyone obviously we're about to find out but like i thought the audience was dying we were killing and it was great and it's also with a roast too is that you can't really test those jokes out beforehand right so i mean some of it i guess you can but also it's it's sort of off the cuff in a way of like these are untested not every joke is gonna be perfect so then she goes uh and i opened that show i really opened that i crushed opening that show let me tell you so i don't know that show was ready it was prime for success yeah

and so we we uh she said we went and uh and like we didn't know we thought it was gonna be a regular stand-up show and she was like it was so bad and like she was like and she said like only you guys only you guys were just laughing at your own jokes. That's not true, though. And I was like, I know that's not true. Yeah. Yeah, she just kept saying how she said it was bad a couple times and awkward. And she said, we definitely had a group message going on about how bad the show was and should we leave and blah, blah, blah.

And it's just like, what are you doing? What is your goal right now? Right. But beyond that, too, if you didn't know it was a stand-up show that's on you because it was called the time machine roast it was sold that way and then you can't be be like expecting a regular stand-up show when that's not what it is if you're there and you're like well this sucks it's like yeah because you wanted x and it's not what that is what is it in the person to just say that to someone's face and it's even crazier because like you're at work yeah you know

and i'm trying to eat yes what the fuck are you doing yeah and also i didn't ask you for criticism yeah it's so funny yeah and the time machine rose too it's it's a silly thing like yeah playing dress up making jokes and she's like hey just so you know you and your friends are having fun and it sucked like what is this doing yeah who is this helping yeah uh i think she just wanted me to wanted to tell me that her boyfriend boyfriend is like a stand-up comedian and she's trying to get him to move here and blah blah blah and i was like yeah well if he's not moving for you that's a bad sign already you know what i mean like like that's what karen pointed out it's like why would her dude only come here and be like oh i like there's a cool open mic scene which there's not and then be like i guess i'll move here like

wouldn't you just want to move here for you yeah yeah yeah if you're moving to baltimore for comedy you're fucking up well eric to dorian what's up bro i know i know he had to move here that is funny no one like moves they're like where do i start yeah like dc i would get it dc makes sense yeah it's a great place to start yeah denver place even seattle i bet has a decent scene yeah you know so so yeah she sounds cool yeah anyway she's gonna be a guest on the podcast yeah oh my god it was so painful and then it's like i want to be mean to you but yeah then it's like then you'll feel shitty later like yeah because yeah you might really lash out but that is just a shitty thing to say

you're you're on a date you're getting something to eat and it's not like you're like oh what'd you think of the show or she's like i actually came to it like oh yeah i'd love to know what you thought yeah and that'd be different if you asked but it's just unsolicited you're like hey by the way and just awkward because she just like lingered for so long yeah i don't know you and yeah now you're just supposed to have brunch and be like oh that was good i had fun doing that fucking nuts yeah uh i haven't i don't think i've had anything like that recently of like oh man being generally shitty in that way i got an email it was hilarious you saw that should we uh read it oh we don't have to read it yeah but essentially someone was mad

for uh oh who gives a shit yeah they didn't they didn't have a good time they did not have a good time but it's it's also it's like that was one person out of oh yeah yeah that had a good time so yeah i uh let me see i was uh i was slumming it this week. Let me tell you. Let me tell you. I went to High Spire, Pennsylvania on Friday. For Champs. Yes. Champs. Was it Champs, like the Champs, or was it like a local bar named Champs?

Local bar, for sure. Oh, because there is a Champs. It's like a sports bar. It's like a chain. chain oh maybe this is the maybe it's i don't know huge tvs everywhere there yeah there were tvs but then there's like a big spot so the show was in the showroom uh crazy right but normally it seems like they have like bands in there oh okay so it's like pretty big. But was that a sarcastic post? What about the show where you're scanning?

You're like you're saying it's packed. Yes. Oh, obviously, obviously, I was like, what? Some people do that.

They'll put up a picture of an empty room and they're no, but they're not being fucking morons. Yeah, they're like posting a picture with a TV on and yeah nobody's paying attention to the comedy like another fire night like is it i can see espn in the background what are you talking about uh one two three no i but the dude gary that that booked me he was really nice about he's like yeah man like sorry i thought there's gonna be more people we're trying to get you know trying to get the show off the ground and all that stuff so all the comics that were there were were pretty

cool and pretty nice but it wasn't a lot of people and it was really funny each comic that went up maybe not eat all of them but the ones that i saw there's like three or four comics that were like man just give it up for gary you know because i'm doing stand-up because of gary and i was staying at his house blah blah blah and he made me and i was like and i got up there and i was like why are you all thanking get you should sue gary what are you doing it's like we're performing after the apocalypse like look at this shit oh my god it looked huge too it was a really big room oh that's like a bummer of a way to spend a friday night yeah i mean i got paid it was free beer free food yeah and then i got to like mess around

on say i wasn't doing anything else so it was yeah it was a little bit of a drive but it was it was still fun uh there was there was a guy there there was uh uh two older black guys they were just having like the best night like people they, they were like the type of, they weren't heckling, but they were just like interrupt just because they were so drunk and having so much fun. There was a dude that went on before me and he had weed socks on and he was wearing shorts so you could see his socks. And he was on stage for like eight or nine minutes

with his socks showing the whole time. And then finally the dude that's really drunk in the back sees it he's like he's got weed socks on he's like that killed him wait talk about the the the texts oh yeah yeah so even before before that there's a comic on stage um and uh so there's not a lot of people there and there was an open mic before that and then it bled into the showcase but the showcase was really just an open mic yeah anyway so this dude's on stage he does like a couple bits and then he goes all right fuck it i'm gonna do some new shit yo this gay shit has gone too far

that's so cool also when did he start writing that joke because like what which what broke the you know uh i don't know i think what was he talking about he might have been talking about like getting fat and like fashion or something like that i don't even think anything i think he's just like i'm working on a new bit this gay shit has gone too far was that it that was it yeah yeah and then he said zig heil and got out of it no uh no the bit was like um fuck what was he he's basically talking about one of his friends that's gay i forget the part leading up to it and then it eventually led to his dad talking about getting a prostate exam and like saying you got to get it done and then he's like yeah my friend he's like prostate exam i get those all the time i love them and then his joke was he was like yeah

he loves a prostate exam because that's a cheap date for him insurance pays for that oh my god that's fucking tight yeah did i get a laugh yeah wow that's cool yeah i mean yeah i think spread out throughout the room maybe maybe 20 people, maybe. And that includes like other comics and stuff too. So yeah, it was fun. I mean, it was like, you know, it's a bar show, like shitty out of town bar show. Damn. Yeah.

And the waitress there had the biggest boobs I've probably seen in person. Like hot? Like porn star like she had uh i was trying not to like they were just out like huge and it was so funny one of the comics was like all right give it up for your bartender and like people that were on dates were just like like very low key yeah it's so funny seeing the guys are like her the bartender with the i didn't even notice yeah why would i give it up for her i don't know trying to they're just like they're just clapping as if it's like a man bartender yeah exactly like i mean steve is that because that totally happens like if you ask people to give up for the bartender and it's a really hot girl it gets a way bigger laugh than it's just a normal bartender yeah yeah yeah so

i joked about that and then afterwards she's like i was so funny that's hilarious okay good good good good but i'm like you must crush at a sports bar in high spire pennsylvania just wow so that was friday and then saturday last night we did um an apartment show in arlington that was pretty fun yeah oh yeah i didn't know he was on it was uh it was for somebody's birthday or two dudes birthdays uh but yeah i got there and then i saw bridget and ramin cool uh in the green room which just happened to be some dude's room that's funny but yeah it was it was uh that was a fun one too so and then yeah man i got i hop with my dad this morning it's been quite the weekend nice yo i got a cheeseburger and a milkshake for

breakfast wow yeah man that's fucked up i'm all man you know i got ice cream on friday uh wednesday i did my first ever like commercial audition that was cool yeah it's for uh i think it doesn't matter uh i can talk about it yeah there's no like nda sign but yeah it was it's for the nationals baseball team uh-huh and they're like they want to do these commercials that are targeting towards young yeah young people and they want you to think like it's more than just like a game it's like a place to hang like it's just like a night out like go to the bar yeah there's a nice bar there you can have the table side right you know like food whatever all that shit yeah and so they send you these these scripts and uh and they even said like you don't have to memorize them i was like oh fuck it i'm just gonna look at them at the right so i had to like i did not i

barely looked at these and i was like and they said like we you know those commercials are meant to be like witty and funny and sarcastic whatever and so i looked at the the script and there's no jokes it's literally just like uh like where like where would i be on a friday night with the at the best baseball park with the best food and best drinks in dc or something like that like that was it and then it was just like uh there was no humor really and i even and they were like and i that was the first thing i pointed out i was like guys i don't know like what do you want me to do to make this funny and they're like oh just like we'll we'll worry about that later just read it and try to like make it sound like upbeat and i was like all right so uh i uh i didn't i didn't even bring the scripts with me and i was i got there just in time like i left it was

gonna take an hour and a half to get there from here and then i left with enough time where i get there 10 minutes of ahead of time yeah but then i'm like driving on 95 and i realized i have like i only have 20 miles of gas left so i'm like oh fuck yeah i should have just stopped in the city no yeah i realized in the city but i was like fuck it i'll just fill up somewhere as i get closer because i i in my head thought i would make it to the exit yeah i was halfway i was like less than halfway down and i had like seven miles of gas left yeah and i hadn't even been to 4 495 yet and i was like oh my god so i just take the next exit it took forever and now like it said i was gonna get there at like 658 and i was just like fuck yeah i was like stressing and i like it gets the worst feeling too and then you

take that exit it's like the exxon is in four miles you're like where the fuck is it yeah and that's what happened to me i took the exit and i had to drive two and a half miles i was like fuck yeah last night i almost fucked up where like where uh the the highway split off so you can either head to baltimore or to dulles airport and yeah and i wasn't paying attention it's like oh shit i'm going towards dulles and then it added a half hour to my trip because you have to go there yeah turn all the way around it's like fuck that so i just pulled in the median just like i mean it was cleared out there was a road there but it said it's like for certain emergency service vehicles only and i was like nah dude i'm not going an extra half hour fuck that suck yeah and then so

i get there and uh i had to like ask them for they're like're like, do you have a chance to look at the script? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They got sent to me and they're like, okay. And do you have them on you?

And I was like, Oh no, I thought you guys would have them. So I'm like, Oh boy. Yeah. You're like, no.

Yeah. Bad start. Yeah. But I think it went okay. And I was just like, I was just like, I'm just going to read it like me. Uh huh.

And I don't know, but yeah, it felt awkward because it's four people watching you, giving you direction. Yeah. And the camera is there. Auditioning is really weird. Yeah.

Because they're going to send it to the nationals, whatever, PR people. Yeah. And they have to approve in the second rounds. But it's good money. But it would be TV and radio spots. That'd be so tight. Yeah. That's fucking killer.

But I don't. It'd just be so funny to like have them make me look like a baseball fan because it would look so stupid without any to like just people who know me yeah i think they just put a hat on you or they could just give you like a nationals fucking yeah yeah exactly and they're just like wow young brown guy perfect yeah that's yeah yeah that's pretty much all you like one of the commercials like hey i'm young and brown and you know where i like to drink at a baseball stadium one of the commercials is uh like i guess like i'm talking to the camera about like what if the the ceo or whoever is just like

i don't know we're called the nationals not the international one of the commercials is like you're on a date so like the character it's like he's uh uh like a guy just out of college yeah he lives in dc yeah he's like um like uh like he's just like dating just keeps going wrong for him or whatever so like the commercial probably because he keeps taking her on dates the baseball i think it sounds like a great date from the commercial listening please i mean come on what am i doing wrong great views great food great bar i mean come on there's a whole bud light bar in the stadium bro wow what's cooler than a bud like all fucking 20 some year olds who have money want to drink Bud Light, Josh.

You got to stay skinny, dude. Yeah, dude. I mean, I don't know. This microbrewery is just a fad. Oh, honestly. And it's like it's microbrewery, more like microaggression. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Right. I don't like that. You know, Bud Light, good hardworking people that are owned by a company in Europe somewhere. Oh, is it Europe? Yeah. Budweiser was bought. I forget. I don't know.

But yeah, it's not American anymore. Yeah. No, people, young people in D.C. don't want to go to like cool pop-ups. They want to go watch the Nationals. Yeah. No, they definitely don't like local craft beer. Yeah. Yeah.

Who does? I don't know anyone who likes baseball. Like enough to go consistently you know uh i have a couple friends that are really yeah you are wearing an oriole shirt yeah i'm not even yeah i don't even really give a shit about the the orioles it's just i like the way this shirt fits yeah let's start moving towards a little bit of a bigger shirt yeah yeah more more on the medium side i think you know this is growing up you You're filling out. Yeah, man. I'm a thick boy. I'm just too skinny for mediums.

Yeah. I think I still might. This is where the podcast gets really interesting. I mean, I'm going to vacillate between small and medium. Dude, when you watch movies from the 90s, big shirts were such a thing. Dude. Big shirts. I had huge shirts growing up.

Well, huge pants, too. Yeah, baggy pants. Baggy pants were cool. JNCOs. I would kill somebody to get pants that would be, like, two feet wide, you know? Yeah, we used to make fun of kids who did not have baggy pants. Yeah, if you had tight pants, you were a fucking nerd. But no one even had tight, tight pants.

They just had, like... Form-fitting. No, like, no one wore skinny pants. They were just, like... Well, they did, like, a pair of, like, regular Wranglers. Yeah, true, true, yeah. Just, like, a basic they're like what is this what are you poor now it's just like everyone even rappers wear fitted clothing oh yeah crazy yeah the big shirts is a kind of a thing still a little bit with yeah certain people yeah well if you look at um uh footage or pictures of like maybe the early 2000s to like mid like 2008 even maybe

yeah maybe that's too late or but yeah late 90s early 2000s if you look at like the nfl draft or nba draft the suits they have on are so fucking big oh yeah they're insane it's also it looks like the tall t of suits yeah Yeah. And I remember like our... Like me and my brother, we were like, we want to wear like... I remember telling our parents we wanted to buy baggy jeans. And they were like... They're like, yeah, okay. Like my parents just never cared.

Because they don't have like a concept in their head of like... Yeah. Well, I guess maybe they think like it's for like black people. But my parents are just like, whatever. But my friend's parents... You're like, can you get us these jeans? And she's like, sure. Wait a minute.

This isn't for black people, is it? Like my parents bought me FUBU and stuff. Yeah. I was going to say you're already wearing that. Not that I even know what that is. No. I think they knew it was a black brand, but they're like, whatever. This is what they want.

Yeah. Yeah. And but so my friends, like I remember their parents like would not allow them to wear baggy clothes and like would make fun of me my brother yeah you know for it was also so expensive too yeah i think like what upwards of a hundred bucks i wasn't wearing jinkos but just like whatever yeah i had some knockoff like giant i had a pair of green pants that like started skinny and then just like got bit like basically it looks like you're wearing a dress on your feet essentially yeah and so like uh i just thought that was so funny

it's like because their parents thought it made them look like black like that's the whole reason dude one time we were in a car in my friend my mom's my friend's mom yeah is like it's so funny because she's one of these like racist liberals She's very progressive but is still kind of racist. Right, right, right. If she's walking down the street, she'll move to the other side. Yeah. She sees some unsavory characters. So one time we're in the car and the Red Hot Chili Peppers came on.

And she's like, John, turn this rap music off. And it's just like. Bing dong, ding dong. California. This is what you got. You got to give it to your mama. What is he going to get put in me? Turn it off.

Turn it. There's a sunset. Who's Danny California? That does sound like a rapper though. Yeah. Danny California. And I was like, oh oh this lady's fucking racist a little bit a little bit and like uh also like remember pulling your pants down was a thing yeah like if you wore your pants i wouldn't pull them down pull them down but they would not sit on my waist like they do now no no so they'd have to be uncomfortable

they have to be like just yes at like the top of your ass yeah maybe in a little bit below that yeah so yeah my one uh same guy uh he was wearing like he didn't have a shirt on and he had shorts on and he's like just like some of his boxers stuck i was like john pull your shorts up i don't ever want to see any of your boxers and it's just like oh yeah because you don't want him like that was that was a look too though for rappers yeah to show your show your boxers yeah and it's not too cool it's not super cool to show boxer briefs i don't know i mean i think they're pretty sensible girls think who wears boxers i don't know a guy no i mean once i got a

hold of boxer briefs i was, this is where it's at. Yeah. Boxers were the worst because. Well, at first they were so freeing. You go from tighty whities to that and you're like, whoa, I'm a real man. And I went way too late to tighty whities. Oh, I think I might have told this story. Yeah.

You can tell it again. Yeah. Where I was in middle school and I went to a predominantly black. I probably went to like a 98% black middle school. And and like all my friends parents like thought it was like a ghetto school and so they didn't send their kids there yeah and uh and i remember like and this is where you just like really you look back on stuff and you're like oh my god so many more people are racist than i thought like i grew up around not maybe but like very conservative borderline racist people but they were very nice to me they were like a second family to me yeah yeah yeah but the stuff that

would come out of their mouths you're like what well so they're like i remember like the first day after sixth grade like i went to my friend's house he went to like a nicer school yeah and uh and his dad's like oh so what are they teaching you in that school how to load up uzis just like uzis yeah i guess like rappers used to have uzis i guess yeah yeah and i was just like what anyway that's not even a good to show like what are they uh showing you how to use machine guns yeah like uh yes and so uh you know it was the first time in sixth grade the first time you have to change for gym which now i think about it the only reason they don't make elementary school kids because they suck at changing like you can't trust a kid that age to be able to change fully by him or herself

put a lock on right like i bring a kid home and i'm like come out i'm gonna have to help you do this yeah you know what i mean yeah don't make me come in there and then it's just like but when i think about it i'm like i see kids at gym now and they're so sweaty they're so gross and it's just like and then they just smell dude kids when they come back in from recess it's a smell it's disgusting yeah but anyway so you change for sixth grade yeah and i'm in the locker room in like... I remember being so nervous about it. Oh, my God. I thought I was going to have to get naked. I still don't get naked in the locker room at the gym.

I used to. I got free because it was just me and a bunch of older men, rich men. Yeah. Because I went to a gym in Columbia. Well, that's nice. So you're like, Robert, how are you? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. One dude literally was naked, put his foot up on the uh on the bench and was talking to me he's like oh really so okay so that's what you're gonna do yeah once you after

you get out of grad school cool interesting interesting and uh yeah do you want to suck my cock what no never mind good luck to you that yeah that that stereotype is real. The old naked guy that wants to talk. So my gym, I go at work. We work out, guys. Yeah, we work out. We eat brunch. I'm moving on to medium shirts sometimes. So is my bro. He's giving me his small shirts.

Is he? Yeah. Dude, speaking of, I saw him in the locker room. He's looking thick. Evan said the same thing. He's looking good. Wow. I wonder what his secret is.

I don't know. He said he stopped doing cardio doing cardio he's like i don't do cardio anymore and he's just bulking up to eat a lot more yeah probably so yeah this is so funny because i was in the gym at my gym and i talked to this guy every once in a while he's a personal trainer there and uh and i was just like yeah i you know like it would be nice to get like more, more bulk and, like, put on weight. But, like, I don't know. He's like, dude, you're not doing that. He was like, because he was like, dude, like, first of all, you have to be, like, really good at, like, lifting. Like, you have to be really good at lifting weights.

You have to lift a lot. Like, really heavy. Like, you're really, like, pushing it. And then you have to eat, like, crazy, too. And it's just like, but, like like you're really like pushing it yeah and then you have to eat like crazy too and it's just like but like you're fine just work out and yeah i think what he's talking about is like some next level stuff yeah true but if you wanted to just bulk up a little bit you working out more makes you hungrier too so it would help what he's talking about is like dudes that like force like 5 000 calories a day and yeah but it was just so funny he's like you're yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway so this guy old

oh um well yeah uh so it's at work and i just feel weird getting naked around people because not all of them i i don't work with them directly but i see some people in the hall and then some people like from my office are down there and some of the dudes are like my age like i don't want to be naked around you it's weird to be like oh hey what's up darren and then see him like an hour later in a meeting and we're across the table and i saw your dick oh yeah dude that's horrific yeah so i'm boxers all the time but yeah there are old guys that are naked they're like ravens are pretty good you're like we can talk about this not naked dude also just like i used to shower in the gym because i would swim yeah and people's shower habits in a public restroom is mind-boggling like uh one guy was like so and it's like a lot of

people like don't believe me but like a lot of times it's just one big room with 25 shower heads. Women's restrooms in locker rooms, even the showers are divided in stalls. Yeah, we have six stalls, which is nice. So not every gym is like this. My gym was just one big room with shower heads. I think you're describing prison. It felt like prison and then sometimes like guys would bring their like little little daughters like three four year old maybe

five i'm like this is weird this and like yeah like his he brought his daughter through and she like he knew me because i used to work there too so he like was saying hi to me his daughter's looking at me i'm just uh mentally scarring my daughter yeah just look at me completely naked and i felt like gross i was like oh my and i and like you can't cover your because i put my hands over i'm like then it makes it weird yeah because he's like wait why do you feel weird about it's like because your fucking child is looking at me naked and you're trying to grow you're like whoa this is too exciting yeah so uh this one guy uh instead of like taking a regular size washcloth he took a towel for a washcloth and was just swinging over his and uh his back and just like scrubbing himself

down but every time he swung it the soap would would spray and hit all of us that were across him. What are you doing? I don't know what you... Did you say something? Like, sir, your fucking ass juice soap is hitting me right now. It's fucking weird. Just picture it just splattering on your face. It was so loud every time he hit himself.

I'm like, what are you doing dude why why yeah and then and so his daughter was in there while he was doing that no another guy okay okay it's like jesus this guy's a nightmare yeah this it just is crazy one guy like i was the only one in the bathroom with my shower uh showering and an old guy pulled up next to you right next to me sure why he's making a move it's so yeah he's definitely making a move i think you're right yeah i mean if it's wide open like that yeah and you're the only one there he's like well i could get away with this maybe i'm just oh i randomly picked this yeah it was i was like what yeah fuck i should have moved over but then that's awkward that's interesting about being a human it's like if you're uncomfortable yeah it's like we we're we ride it out everyone says like

americans are assholes but i think so many times so much of our behavior is dictated by following these social norms. We don't want to make a social poofa. Poofa? Poofa? Poofer? Foopa. Foopa.

Yes. So we stick to these like... I made a social foopa. Social fat upper pussy area. We don't want to make those as a society. Yeah. pussy area we don't want to make those as a society yeah so uh i just stayed there the whole time but there is nothing wrong with me just moving over and if the guy's like what uh did i make you uncomfortable i'm like yeah it was weird i'd be like ah a little bit stood right

but yeah but we don't so then it's like we don't yeah we don't want to make him uncomfortable but uh so fuck it We'll ride it out. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Dude, another crazy one. I was in line at Starbucks. Yeah. And some late, it was me and my work friend. And she's like, she's a germaphobe.

Like, I know this from working with her. And this was so perfect. I felt like I was in a movie. It was so fun watching this play out. How awkward it was. My friend, she ordered a green tea, like one of those cold, frappy drinks. Okay. And this lady behind us, this old lady, was just like, oh, that looks good.

What does that taste like? And my friend's like trying to explain. And she's like, is that right? And my friend's like trying to explain and she's like is that right and my friend's like yeah it's really good i recommend it so she's and my friend put the straw in and like you know when you put a straw and a little bit of it comes out yeah onto the lid yeah so the old lady goes like do you mind if i just try that little bit right there my friend is just so shocked and so now she's in this moment she She puts her finger in it? She puts her, the lady. And so my friend says yes to the lady, swipes her finger across the top of this fucking girl's drink and then sips it off her fingers. Like, yeah, it's pretty good.

And then my friend was so grossed out. Oh my God. But my friend was put in a position where if she would have said no, it would have been like kind of mean. Did she get a new one? She got a new lid, but it's still the same drink. But really, it doesn't matter because it was just the lid. But still, it's weird.

It's just a weird thing to do. It's super weird. Would you say no? I think now as a 30-year-old, I would say no. Yeah. I would say no with a smile. I'd be like, no, I'm sorry. You can't do that. Yeah. I wouldn't be like, well, I never. I i'd be like no i'm sorry yeah you can't do that yeah i wouldn't

be like well i never i just be like come on yeah i'm like lady you're a fucking get your it was crazy you know maybe i'd be like get a straw and i'll like swipe it off and give you this maybe but yeah i'd be like no i would say with a smile i wouldn't be like well get out of here yeah and i just watched that and i was just like in my head i was like this is unreal this is happening it was amazing yeah but like that's the thing like even if you did that with my drink i'd be like no even if it's somebody i knew you know like the only person basically is like karen yeah you're like yeah sure another yeah i'd be like okay i could dude oh my god like uh it was so funny like but she had every right

to just say she's a germaphobe yeah which is the best because dude she would give me so much at work like if i scratch my eye she would literally like pick up purell and be like hey you have that do you know how many germs are in your eyes and i was like none none i don't know yeah it was crazy those people that purell too much did you listen to uh yeah howie mendel yeah where he did it so much that he got like broke out on his hands and like some type of weird rash yeah because yeah you need some of that shit i should probably wash my hands a lot more than i do yeah like well you don't wash your hands after you pee i don't wash my hands after i pee yeah oh man i wonder if she knew that, what she would think. Oh, probably hate you.

One time my coworker called me out on not washing my hands after I peed. Yeah. I was like, ugh. Yeah, you can always tell at work because you hear the toilet flushing and then you see somebody opening the door. Most men don't, I think. Yeah, I like washing my hands. I like the way it feels. Yeah, I don't like washing my hands.

And then they get all ashy and shit and I hate it that's literally the only reason i my pure white skin is fine so i don't mind i don't mind i don't mind no i uh but like dr drew was saying he's like really we should be washing our hands before we pee because your dick like it's not being exposed to anything it's not like unless like if you showered that more but i mean if you haven't like showered in a week or whatever it's not a mucosal surface so it's not like gross oh yeah yeah you know people i thought you said new coastal service and i was like what is that it's not like you're listening to the postal service what happened to them you know people love they're doing so sad they're doing their thing dude that was a good album it was a great album yeah you know what i'm gonna

listen to that tonight oh it's it's got some bangers it does really kind of shaped where electronic music is at now oh i would say hot take hot take i think people would agree with that though yeah but uh but yeah really like our hands are so fucking gross so we should just be washing them before i should wash them before every time i eat remember that was like a thing you have to do when you're a kid as a kid kid. You don't have to do that anymore. Yeah. You do so much more gross shit as an adult. Definitely. I try to be good about that.

Like if I come home when I'm putting away groceries, I try to wash my hands before I do that. Like when I'm touching my produce and shit. That's right. Every time like I tell like the, I remember my friend, we worked out. He was like, he was like a jock. And so he knew his way around the gym. And now he's like super buff. But so he took me to the gym and he was just kind of showing me around. It was like my he was like a jock and so he knew his way around the gym and now now he's like super

buff but so he took me to the gym and he was just kind of showing me around it was like my first time ever going yeah it's like when we were talking about alex broslovsky yeah and when we were driving home he's like the first thing you always do when you come home after the gym is wash your hands yes and i was like wow i will never wash that yeah and wash your hands there too yeah and now i always try to p.r.l on the way out yeah so yeah what i do yeah after i'm done working on i get back in the locker room i just wash my hands before i go to my locker yeah which i guess probably a lot of people aren't doing so then i touch my locker and shit it's like well fucking cares yeah yeah damn there probably has to be so much fucking fecal matter oh my and also like the things people do i worked at the gym and like

the things people do to those towels oh my so far up their ass it's insane light those on fire like you see like fucking shit stains on towels no thanks no thanks uh people use them i use towels at the gym still it's so convenient. I bring my own towel. They don't give towels for us. Well, yeah, it's at your job. But so last night when we did that house party, it was at a dude's house and he's a bachelor, just kind of like a young comic that's just like not very clean.

I mean, it was okay, but like laundry everywhere. And then the green room was his bedroom. So he's like, yeah, you guys can sit on the bed. It bed it's like sit on you know how much cum is probably on that thing so we were like joking about that and then we got started talking about like jerk off habits when we were younger and uh cory was saying he was like he was saying that he would jerk off in a napkin like a tissue and then just throw it behind his bed and leave it there. What? And I was like, you left it there?

That's crazy. And he was like, what? And I was like, I don't know. But Ramin was saying when he grew up, when he was jerking off, he would do it in bed. And he thought like that it like cum just disappeared. Like once it dried, it was gone is what he thought. Because he's like, yeah, it just gets on you and then you just like wipe it and come just disappeared like once it dried it was gone is what he thought because he's like yeah it just gets on you and then you just like wipe it and then it'd be gone so he just assumed it would disappear so he would masturbate in bed and the wall would be next to it

and he would just shoot on the wall and then just go to bed and i guess did this for years and then when his family was moving out and i think he was a teenager, so they were moving. So he's like, yeah, I pull back the bed and it just looks like a crime scene. There's years of gum. So he moves the wall and he's like, oh my God. That's so crazy, dude. Oh my God.

That's so crazy. I was going to say that on tuesdays with stories with mark norman and joe list mark norman did the same exact thing because he thought it would just disappear he was just squirting it all over his wall right next to his bed yeah so yeah it was rami and was doing that oh my god he said one time um i think he was in like the bathroom or something like that like uh i think he was like masturbating or like being weird his dad like walked in the bathroom was like oh oh sorry or whatever like just like a small awkward they like didn't really catch him but it was awkward enough didn't evan say that happened to him what his dad saw him masturbating? I don't know. Probably. I doubt Evan wants us talking about it. Didn't Evan say his dad used to jack him off?

Yeah. They were both snorting coke off of each other's tits. They jerked each other off. Well, his mom filmed it, right? Yeah. I think they cut that coke with some Xanax. Well, it was stolen, so why not? Yeah, I mean, TBS, what are filmed it, right? Yeah. I think they cut that coke with some Xanax. Well, it was stolen, so why not? Yeah, I mean, TBS, what are you going to do?

What the fuck? They had a hookup by her. You got to live. Cut loose. You go to New Jersey? What the fuck are you supposed to do? Read the Bible? This is only funny to us.

Yeah. Well, we're deep in the game. So if you listen to the podcast and you saw that one got cut, you'll know. But Ramin said he's like one of the worst things. He's like not even that his mom was shaming him, but just in such a mom way, just like really bummed him out. So after that, I guess his dad told his mom or something like that. And then he was coming downstairs and Ramin's mom was like knitting. And she goes, oh, is my son lonely?

And he was like, shut up. Yo, that's so cool. Is my son lonely? I'm so glad I never got caught or ever had to talk about that with my parents. Yeah. Who knows? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I came.

It was very close once, but I didn't get caught. But it was very close once but i didn't get caught but it was very awkward that's so funny i was like ah damn uh uh oh what the fuck oh i never told the the the boxer we do you know how far removed we got oh well that's this is the dig session that's why we digress digression session. That's our hook. Is that we are bad conversationalists? That's our hook. So, boxers. Oh, yeah.

So, I went to a predominantly black middle school. All right. And so, we had to change. And I was like one of the only kids who had whitey tighties on. Other kids all had boxers tighties on other kids yeah all had boxers i'm sure they were wearing boxers from a very young age right and uh so this one kid was just like he was kind of a bully and he would always and then he would make fun of me all the time he'd be like but he thought i had a bald cut and i guess my eyes are close together i don't

know i was pudgy he thought i was uh chinese and he just always called me a chinese kid that's the best yeah he was like he must have just like just one time somebody was like oh yeah they're chinese like all right well yeah just all people that generally look like chinese yeah it's just like god damn it how could you think i'm and then yeah so then i started wearing boxers yeah but it was weird because i also remember thinking like i don't want this kid to know that i got boxers just because he was making fun of me right so you announce it in his face yeah yeah like listen here i like boxers long time you know affect me. Oh, man.

It was so funny. I just love that he called me like a Chinese kid all the time. Yeah. And that's another thing of being like, this makes me uncomfortable, but okay. Yeah. I'll roll with that. And another thing is like, it would be such a bummer to be a gym teacher in middle because you have to stand in the locker room to make sure like no fights happen. But it's just like, you're just in a room with a bunch of kids with their clothes off like

so awkward so you don't want to give them a complex either you're like jesus yeah but you don't want to be accused of no oh my god dude i went to a basketball camp at the naval academy and i remember we had to do that thing like the group shower thing and uh i think what was i like 12 or 13 and one of the instructors like came in and then was showering with all it was so fucking weird that's weird it was like joking or like was like throwing the soap at us and stuff was he completely naked yeah oh my god it's like what we talked about on the sense deleted podcast where you're like i've seen psas about this yeah more like if this happens don't do that you know and he's like all right boys they're like that's so funny god that's so funny

yeah i remember being 12 or 13 being like this is wrong right yeah and also like who i don't trust a guy who's that comfortable you know we're just like like in his head like i hope it's like the worst part of his job he's like all right they want me they said i have to be in the showers and supervise i all right i gotta die i don't want to do. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Toss the soap around. Yeah, but this guy is so into it. He's making games up. He's giving kids nookies. Oh, look at Brian. He doesn't have any hair down there, guys.

Whoever comes last is a rotten egg. Like, oh, geez. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Better hurry up. You're the best, Mr. Sandusky. I don't even like basketball.

I come to the camp for the showers. Oh, my God. Yeah, nothing happened, but it was enough to be like, this is so awkward. Yeah, I wonder if I've been close to being molested. I'm trying to think. Well, there's a few minutes left in the podcast you might get lucky did you watch abducted yet no not yet you gotta watch it karen's been watching uh shocker a ton of vanderpump rules oh i don't know it's still happening she's re-watching episode

because she's doing a vanderpump rules trivia so i'll come in and that's on the tv and i'm like do we have to watch she's like i'm studying like what is this is where is the trivia uh somewhere in baltimore i don't know but that's like the new thing it's like like the office trivia and stuff like that and god and then i think it costs a good bit of money too but it includes like a dinner and all that stuff yeah i cannot get into trivia it's like uh every time i've done it i'm like this will be fun i'm like i don't like this yeah it sucks to feel like a dummy yeah too it's like i don't know but we had a team at autobar and we won that was a lot of fun that's great

dude one time though so at the autobar it was free and it was like usually just general kind of trivia um so though but if you missed the night you could go to their other trivia nights on the weekend and that would be theme stuff and they did a theme trivia once at mcgoobies that we had to do for a makeup thing and it was all disney related i've never seen mcgoob more packed. Like the main room? The main room. Holy shit. Up to the fucking top. Like 300 people there to do fucking Disney trivia. How do they do it? Is it electronic?

And talk about deep cuts. No, it was all on paper. So you had to wait for all that shit to make its way down. And then the judges were on the stage. And people were taking that shit so seriously. I would never in a million years do that. Those are people that like those people weird me out more than like the guy in the shower wow adults that are into disney bum me i don't

get it it's crazy bum me out is it nostalgia is it i guess yeah i think that's the thing too it's like are you you're just really wrapped up in the culture of children or yeah i like that i'm not too deep into anything yeah you know yeah like i don't like it's it is like even like all like uh our horror movie like yeah that's also like also it's just such a like well maybe not just like the movie part but just like uh so much like the way they dress it just looks like there's a lot of effort put into it and i'm just like man i love just wearing a hoodie and jeans right right yeah i don't have to like sew patches on my clothing and find cool buttons and oh it's a lot of effort yeah and then i always have like a crazy haircut and yeah and high school makeup is out of control speaking of like giant jeans i was

spiking my hair up with like gel and shit yeah it was a lot of i remember i did i think everyone did gel for a little bit oh i mean like individual spikes and stuff i was doing that in like middle school i was doing that shit too yeah it was a bit much nice much yeah did get voted best hair once you did no big deal yeah in seventh grade when you had like a mohawk or something no i yeah i would do like gel it up and do like spikes and shit like that no big deal hilarious no big deal i peaked in seventh grade we had a kid in high school he would like always have like a mohawk and it was like always different colors he had like crazy like twists everywhere yeah yeah and i remember one time like in my head i was like this guy just wants attention his name was fucking landon yeah and uh he was like a he was just like a rich kid, like a rich. Landon sounds

like a rich kid name. Yes. And I remember one time I would just never comment on his hair. And one time he had like a really crazy haircut and he was like he made, he brought up the fact that I didn't comment on his hair. I was like, God, dude,

you're such a fucking piece of shit. Because that's, yeah, he really wants to satisfy. Yeah, like you, like I don't, yeah, where you're such a fucking because that's it yeah he really wants to satisfy yeah like you like like i don't yeah where you're like aren't i so crazy yeah like well who are you doing this for yeah obviously not yourself man it's so funny um this just made me think i might have told this story on the podcast before but speaking like on the topic of being uncomfortable but not saying anything uh seventh grade made me think of this uh in science class a mr haberline's class a girl got her period in the class oh my god and she didn't know it so she had to we didn't know either so she used to kind of dress like a tomboy a little bit too and so she had like a big t-shirt on oh my and uh went up to

the board to like fill in a problem or whatever equation because we're going over the homework so like who wants to do it she raised her hand goes up there filling it out and when she lifts up her arm to right on the chalkboard her shirt goes up too and it goes like just above like where her badges is it like like where the pants meet right there lifts her hand up and there's just blood like in the back you could see it and so she goes up and the whole class just it was like just a knee jerk reaction like nobody was even trying to be rude but she lifts her shirt up. Everybody just goes, oh, what is that girl doing right now? Blood things didn't go well. I don't know.

Oh, really? Yeah, for real. Well, I'm from like social media stuff from like years ago. It's like a little rough, but so then the science teacher goes pretty, pretty. Hold on. Hold on. What was that? What was that on hold on what was that what was that what is what was that and nobody said anything because we didn't know we're like

because i don't think we really understood what period you just saw blood yeah you're like so i think somebody said like oh her t-shirt is weird or something because when it's never happened to you you never like you know the first time like you don't know and when you're a kid you spend most of your day in school oh my god yeah i think she had like a whole podcast called my first period and just interview a woman every day every week about like what happened what happened yeah that'd be fucking fascinating tina fey had a really funny story uh in her book about it when she got her period she got freaked out because it wasn't blue because in all the

commercials they would show like a blue liquid so she was like what's wrong with me that's hilarious but yeah so nobody said anything i think we got in trouble why well because he was like no that's not what what what was it we're like so nobody wanted to say anything at least no one was that no that's not what what what was it we're like so nobody wanted to say anything at least no one was that like that much of a bully yeah well i think we were kind of freaked out too we're like what the fuck is that wow and i don't think it's till it's like later that day it's like oh she got a period wow because yeah you're in seventh grade you're what 11 12 yeah exactly wow dude that's crazy yeah oh man i don't think i ever

that never happened you never got your period in the class i'm trying to think i peed my pants one time when i was in second grade i peed my pants a lot when i was younger really yeah in school uh yeah it was it was uh yeah in school but it was mostly like a daycare situation in the summer when i was in elementary school and then it was it was at the school but it also had older kids too so the the daycare was anywhere from like elementary school to middle school kids and the middle school kids were cussing wow and i just thought it was the funniest thing ever that they could just cuss and it killed me i remember i was i laughed so hard i pissed my pants like legit and i remember i was wearing like tiger shorts

or something like tiger stripe shorts i love the f word brings you that much it killed me when they're like man fuck this stupid shit you're like you're not allowed to say that why are you saying come on and i was sitting on the on the sidewalk and then i got up and there's just like a wet stain and one of the the like uh um not teachers but whoever the adults are that are there they're like uh josh did you have an accident i was like no that was there when i sat down they're like no it wasn did you have an accident? I was like, no, that was when I sat down. They're like, no, it wasn't. I was like, ah, yeah. Oh, man.

I remember like, I don't know what happened. I was like, we were rollerblading or something and I had to pee so bad. I was at my friend's house. I was like 13. Well, you're probably drinking Surge. Yeah. Rollerblading. 13, 14.

Being hardcore. And I don't know what happened. I didn't get my pants off in time. And there's like, pee just started spraying all over his like, bathroom and bathroom floor. And I was like, what happened. Like, I didn't get my pants off in time. And there's, like, pee just started spraying all over his, like, bathroom and bathroom floor. And I was like, oh, my God. And I would, like, squeeze it. And then, like, somehow, like, when I thought it was going to go on the toilet, it just, like, went straight sideways. Like a 90 degree.

Yeah. Oh, my God. And I couldn't, like, I was, like, pinching it, letting, you know, trying to push. And it just kept. And I just pretty much, like, peed all over this bathroom, and I didn't know what to do. I got so freaked out. I just left. I was like, guys, I'm going to go home.

Like, you don't want to. My brother's like, why don't you just don't wait? Mom's going to pick us up in like an hour. I was like, I'm just going to go now. I'm like, are you okay? You just jumped through the window. Yeah, I got homework or something. And then I remember like a couple weeks later, they're like, why did you leave so early?

Like, I think everyone knew what happened. Yeah yeah and no one ever just talked about it it was so embarrassing they had to know yeah i think i tried to wipe as much as i could and then i was like god i hope they blame it on the dog they're just like hey that uh that little brown boy's not allowed to come over anymore he's just pissed all over oh man i because what would you think you'd be like what why did he do this yeah one time i was at my uh this was so embarrassing we were playing in like my friend's backyard uh-huh am i uh i don't remember this happening but like or my friend's dad opened the door came out like hey umar, Umar, next time you pee, wipe up after yourself. I just have to clean it off the toilet.

He was like holding like a spray bottle. I was just like, that's so. I was like, okay. It was like so embarrassing. Then I've embarrassed me. You pissed your pants. Yeah. I think I was like 10 years old.

Just like stay out the window. And you just did. And I'm like um all right it's like a you sloppy bitch like yeah i was just like wow that's i remember even as a kid i remember thinking that's a fucked up thing for an adult to do right yeah could you imagine embarrassing a 10 year old that way i remember like i think the friend's mom got really mad at him well that's good yeah at least there's a sane adult a racist lady oh yeah well you know she's got a redeeming quality you know everyone's complex josh she's like you leave that little chinese boy alone

yeah all right that yeah oh that was so embarrassing it's just like so many moments like that in life yeah for some reason just when you're showering, just flash. Uh-huh. Why is that? Like, randomly, that'll just pop in my head. It'll make me audibly go like, Jesus. What do you mean? When you're in the shower?

Yeah, I'm showering. You just have like embarrassing thoughts from your childhood just pop up. Yeah, the shower is a good meditative area. Yeah. You know, where your mind can. I remember one time like uh i was at a dinner park like we were having dinner at my friend's house and uh uh um somebody like spilled milk and this lady just yelled at him so much for spilling milk by accident he started crying

and then i just remember thinking like i would never yell at a kid for accidentally spilling milk yeah crazy like crazy yeah yeah i mean like all her kids are fucked up so that she was well yeah there you go there you go yeah right that worked out and now they cry every time they see milk yeah i don't know why i just remember thinking like jesus man this lady's fucking crazy she's like one of those moms that um she would just uh she used to uh have like a little tv she spent her whole day in the kitchen just had a little tv in the kitchen would watch that as she cooked and stuff i thought those people were weird yeah it was like such an old school mom thing right right right and they would have like the news on or whatever, like Good Morning America. The TV was always on.

I guess I always have podcasts in my head. Dude, it's getting so hard for me to just do stuff in silence. Like if I'm like, oh, I'll just do the dishes. Okay, time to put on a podcast. Or if I'm parking the car listening to a podcast i immediately put my earbuds in and listen to that podcast and walk the feet to my door it's nuts like i i have to listen to it as i sleep yeah i'm doing that now too yeah where i have to wake up in the morning be like all right where the fuck are my earpods yeah what oh it's bad yeah i'm really dependent on just having shit

in my ears all the time. Like some type of stimuli. How did this come up? I don't know. Yeah. What are you going to do? We should probably end it there. All right. Let's do it.

Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Plugs. Let's see here. So I'll be doing Gin and Jokes in March and that's going to be the first Wednesday. Yeah. In March instead of Thursday.

I'm going to be 7th through 9th opening up for Joe List at Magoobie's. Oh, that's awesome, man. Very nice. Yeah. I remember Milner featured for him, I guess, what, two years ago? And he said he was hilarious. Joe List is awesome. That'll be cool to watch him work.

I think his wife is going to feature for him. Nice. Yeah. Nice. So, yeah, what do we got here? I'll be at the Beer Baron on the 21st um let's see pasitano and bethesda on the 2nd of march and then yeah gin and jokes on the on the 6th for right now so oh and uh speechless that's gonna be in february tight that's the last thursday so

speechless at the uh Draft House on February 28th at 7pm. Come out to that. It's like five bucks. Yeah. February this Saturday, this February 16th, I will be at Broad Run Virginia at the Farmer's Brewery. So if that is where

you are. If that is a thing and you know where that thing is. I think it pays decent. Nice. February 22nd. I don't know. I think it's a private gig. where you are if that is a thing and you know where that thing is pays decent nice uh february 22nd i don't know i think that's a private gig uh oh this is a cool yeah headliner for march 6th mark norman no way yeah wow today wow yeah okay so it's gonna be a crazy week i get to open up from mark norman and jo List, two of my favorite. I would say that right now they're in my top five favorite comics. Tuesdays with Umar.

Yeah, right? Yeah. So that's going to be a cool week. That's fucking sick, man. We should try to get him on the podcast. But I guess he's going to leave that night, head back. Yeah. If he gets there early, maybe podcast in the basement before

anyone gets there okay i'll try to take off early because that's when i'll let you know let's we'll figure it out yeah yeah because i don't want you to and then we don't but yeah it's a big get fucking a yeah yeah that's a lot of money so that's hey so please come no that'll be awesome if i can sell it out real quick and at an early show. That would be cool. Yeah. I think you probably should, right? We'll see.

We're going to get it up tomorrow. I'm going to promote the shit out of it. Yeah. I would say, aside from Judah, he's the biggest name. Definitely. So that'll be cool. That's awesome, man. Yeah.

And then, listen, you got cool stuff. Well, my band is putting out an album soon so uh yeah we're gonna release uh one song called progress on the 15th hopefully and then the ep which is also titled progress on the 22nd and we're playing shows that whole weekend we'll be doing punk house at songbird in dc on the 22nd 23rd will be at the wind-up space in baltimore and the 24th will be at tsunami in annapolis cool in Baltimore and the 24th will be at Tsunami in Annapolis. Cool.

So that should be really good. Find us online. I'm at Josh Coderna and all that stuff. The band's Tremendous Athlete.

Umar Khan's got all his stuff. And David Keckner, take us out. Digression Sessions coming to an end. 🎵 Thank you.