The Digression Sessions - Ep. 278 - Josh & Umar Make Progress!

Episode Date: February 18, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their handsome selves and catch up on the week of shows and whatnot.  And Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete, released a new ep entitled Progress! It's available wherever you stream music! Bandcamp link -> HERE!  Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. One time, I was walking around, I think I was in Bed Hill. It was like when I first moved to the city. And I was walking wherever I was going. And this dude was like walking down the street the other way. And he like pointed at me. He's like, hey.

And I was like, hey. He's like, do you work out? And I was like, oh, my goodness. Jeez, just a random compliment. I was like, wow, yeah, a little. And he's like, well, cool, man. You really like these supplements. You want to buy some?

And I was like, damn it. I was getting a compliment. And he was just doing a grift. That's awesome. Yeah, sure. Man, 20. That was like, when did you move to the city? A long time ago.

I mean, going on eight. No, more, maybe. Nine or 10. On the eastern shore? No, before that, I lived in beautiful Arbutus. Arbutus. Yeah, put the beauty in Arbutus. Yeah, UMBC days, man. Yeah, those were the days.

And then moved into the fucking city. Tight, tight. Big sash. We're back, baby. What's up? We're back. It's President's Day. Is it?

Not yet. Oh, it will be tomorrow. Fuck, I'm not good at that. There you go. Well done. Yeah, it's Monday. We're all going to be celebrating Trump. It's President's Day. Is it? Not yet. Oh, it will be tomorrow. Fuck, I'm not good at that. There you go. Well done. Yeah, it's Monday. We're all going to be celebrating Trump. It's going to be tight.

National emergency, dude. I'm freaking out. National holiday, national emergency. It's pretty cool. It is cool. I like the logic, too. It's like, this is an emergency, so we need to come up with a plan that will take four to ten years to execute.

I didn't even think about that. Like, oh, it's an emergency, so we better build a wall as quick as possible. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Oh, man. That's cool. Yeah. It's pretty cool. So, you know, all those people disrespecting Trump.

You think you can do his job? No, I haven't. Have you done your taxes yet? I did, but I didn't hit end. I did it on TurboTax just to get a little... Because I didn't get all my 1099s from clubs yet. Yeah. I don't...

I've only... I've gotten them from like three clubs. Yeah. But I don't think every club sends it. Because I've definitely filled out W9s way more than I... I fill out a W9 every fucking time at the DC Draft House. DC Draft House, DC Improv. Every time I'm at those places. Yeah, same. W9s. then i feel out a w9 every fucking time at the dc draft house i'm like dc draft house dc improv every time i'm at those places same same w9 uh yeah like i felt that one last night the draft

house i'm like dude you guys just paid me like three weeks ago right yeah well if anything's changed like okay but i got a w9 from underground comedy oh really yeah or uh um whatever uh you Oh, really? Yeah. Damn. Or whatever. Sean's thing? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That's why I asked you. Because Sean, this booker in DC, sent me an email saying like, hey, congrats. You've made enough money from underground comedy. You got to file a W-2 or whatever. So he was like, give me your social and address.

And I just didn't think. I was like, boom, sent it off. And then I was like, oh, my God. Oh i just didn't think i was like boom sent it off and then i was like oh my god oh yeah you texted me off was that a Russian hacker oh umar good job you did underground comedy so well since social security because i listened to this podcast on like how phishing works that's how they got john podesta yeah and so like they'll make an email that looks almost exactly like it yeah and so uh like fishing with the ph for some reason like two letters to like make it look like an n when you know if it's supposed to be an end in the email those two letters together that like if you look at it

quickly it looks like an end uh-huh anyway so then i was eric glazer i was looking at sean's email to make sure no one like changed it a bit. And then like... Yeah. Yeah. But then Benji confirmed. Yeah. Oh, my God. You're like, who's Sean? What? But yeah, that is literally how they got John Podesta.

They emailed him and they're like, hey, your account has been hacked. You need to change your password at this website. And he was like, okay. Yeah. So then he just types it in and then they saw it on the other end. That's so insane. Because what probably happened was they created a whole login page. Sure.

Just like the website. He would actually change his password. Exactly. But it's just so funny. It's like, change it here. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. Because, yeah, you think like this guy almost was a part of Hillary Clinton's president.

If he didn't do that that dumb thing of like like a grandpa like falling victim to like oh yeah i have wait let go for that no he didn't get let go but that's how they got the access to all all his emails that then became wiki leaks and all that stuff oh wait that's what wiki leaks was yeah that's how the russians got into so John Podesta was the campaign manager or he was like way high up in Hillary Clinton's campaign. And so they went after him. And then they literally, since he was like,

here's my password, they're like, great. And that's how they got all these emails and stuff. Tight. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. It's essentially just like a grandpa just like, oh, I didn't know I was related to a prince in Nigeria.

I'll just send over some money now. need my banking account info great damn great so your new ep is out tremendous athlete hey now very good thanks for bringing that up umar i like you're welcome i appreciate that no yeah man five songs out there in the world itunes they're good spotify thanks man google play it's it's all over the place yeah it's really exciting man it's nice to finally get those uh things out i sent them i sent it to ryan schwab my buddy and he's like oh i'll check it out and then a few minutes go by and he goes whoa you guys sound like a real band i know i i think that's like everyone's like like oh okay they're yeah that's it's a it's a good album thank you man i've i've

ran to it a couple times oh really yeah progress is a good one well the whole thing i've ran to the whole thing oh nice yeah thanks man appreciate it yeah throw me a line really gets going too that's a great i think that's like the best chorus on the album oh thanks man chorus yeah it's so it's so catchy yeah but yeah if everybody could check that out it'd be awesome it's so catchy. But yeah, if everybody could check that out, it would be awesome. Just stream it for free. How long did it take you guys to record it? It took us two full days and then one day of mixing. Not bad.

Dude, to do five songs plus vocals in two days is a lot of work. How long were you? We did. What were the hours? We did noon to 10 p.m. Oh, my God. Was it a blast? Dude, it was so fun. Like, what were the hours? We did noon to 10 p.m. Oh, my God. Two days. Was it a blast?

Dude, it was so fun. Yeah, it looked fun. Because, yeah, we did it at Magpie Cage Studios here in Baltimore, which I didn't really know about until Miles and Casey told me about it. But it's so sick. Nice. And, like, we were supposed to record there a while ago for our first EP, but a real band came in, and he was like, sorry, I got to bump you down. sorry i gotta bump it like totally understandable because he can probably charge them more but right but

yeah bands from all over the country uh record there like i think back in the day census fail record there wow i think that's crazy but yeah dude the room is like huge and it's exactly like what you see like on tv and stuff like it had the cool reel to reel like we recorded to tape which then fed into the computer and you could oh dude it was like it was oh man i felt so overwhelmed but like in a good way you know like like when you finally get to do like a good gig as a comedian like oh boy like a real green room yeah okay wow Did we do shows recently together? I can't remember. Because I'm picturing me and Ramin together, but maybe not. It's all blended.

Well, we've been texting a lot. That's it. Yeah. I think because me and Ramin did that house show. You did the house show. Yeah. I did a lot this week. But was that last? I don't remember.

It all blends together. When was the week where me and you showed up to Sidebar and we were being such bitches? I wasn't being a bitch. Oh, not bitches, but like... I was tired. I didn't get off stage until like 10.30. So that was not this past Monday, but like two weeks ago, I guess. At this point, yeah.

Got it. I don't know why. Yeah, no. Trying to gauge the time. It all blends together. Yeah. Especially when it's good times. Good times. But yeah, everybody check out. Yeah, no. Trying to gauge the time. It all blends together. Yeah. Especially when it's good times. Mm-hmm.

Good times. But yeah, everybody check out that EP, man. It was so cool. And then having... How many times... Like, when you're recording, so like... Yeah. How many guitar tracks are on each song on average?

It's gotta be like three, four. What do you mean? As far as like layering? Yeah. Not a lot. Like you got a lot rhythm but then there's also other stuff so like the actual parts um so there's only like a few there's definitely overdubs on some parts where maybe it's just like the chorus but or like a bridge if casey's playing rhythm but also playing a lead so you might record both of those just to like beef it up a little bit yeah but there's not too much like i did a little overlay on throw me a line and then other than

that all my stuff is pretty straightforward okay so like you pretty much just recorded like one track so no so so what we did yeah but but multiple yeah there you would go back in layers so this is what was really impressive was the way that we recorded to get the bass line was we all played together to a click except for overexposure so you have a metronome in your headphones and you're you're playing live but we basically did that just to nail the drums and the bass okay so we play i think we played literally for three hours straight of like all five songs oh my god and then you go back through and listen to the ones that are like most on beat and you can adjust like a little bit like

you can slide some stuff over with that but you can't do a lot like was that just to get like how the tempo yeah yeah exactly so then once you have the drums to a click and it's perfect then you can re-record guitars we have to so me and casey like we didn't really need to nail our parts in case you didn't play any leads and it was so it was just all rhythm just so we get the drums and the bass and pretty much they nailed it for the most part i think yeah i think uh brian had to redo a couple things but that was it miles crushed it and over exposure we didn't play with a click at all yeah which is really crazy yeah because miles fucking crushes that thing and to do and to do like a bunch of like rolls like

right right and then still be on time coming out of it because like when i play i always speed up because it'd be like you know because you're like you get excited yeah yeah but so to like be on beat that entire time he's so good it's yeah crazy yeah i'll send it to i'll send the ep to friends and like damn the drum sound great i'm like what about the rest but no they sound so good sounds so good yeah you're just like fuck yeah crazy yeah and uh a lot of that is that dude jay jay robbins the engineer and how involved he was whoo i gotta give him credit because like he has no stake in this right but he has to be there to like record it like hit

record okay oh no let's uh let's try that again all right let's do it again so you're listening to the same five songs for three hours and then you're like oh i like this so let's move this around like if i was an engineer i'd be like are you guys done playing your shit and so he's an older dude too and he's played in bands that sound like this and it's not like our bands like right it's of that genre but it's and it's a little different but it's not like groundbreaking right like he's probably heard the same type of music for like 30 years he's like wow really cool yeah it's how if he was that way i'd be like i get it that's how i feel like uh doing comedy right in front of like like vets yeah you know or like like headliners like god they all probably think i'm a hack right like oh they've seen it all before yeah it's just a math equation they're

like okay cool here's another brown guy talking about being brown who gives a fuck all right yeah that's funny was there like a part where like it was like a bitch or a? You have to take like you have to keep doing it because you kept fucking up. We have like a meltdown. It's like, fuck it. Tell the label I quit. You know what? Fuck you guys. And I have been doing coke.

Shut up. No, no. It was that was the cool part. It was so the first day was all like basically just getting the songs and then doing some overdubs here and there with like Brian's stuff and then getting. And then you pick takes, too, which is cool. So it's like we recorded that song five times. And you're like, this is the best. Here's the best three takes.

And then you're like, OK, which of the intro do we like? So then you have to listen to all three of those. And then you get to the verse and you're like, OK, which ones we like here. And then you can blend it, too, which is cool. So so do you record drums is that like pretty much the first thing that gets laid down yeah wow so is miles like listening to your so well the thing is we're all just playing together with headphones on with a metronome it's like oh and they that's what they use for the album for the drums yep there was no like separate just record drums uh we might have had to go back in but i don't think so no is that is that how they you most bands do it yeah i would think so unless

like they so or you can do what's called like a scratch track and so a guitar player can play kind of like sloppily to uh and then the drummer's listening yeah and they can they record to that or they can play together at the same time, both to a click. And the guitar, you don't really keep. And then you go in and redo that. Yeah. So that's what me and Casey had to do. And then Casey, I think Casey the first night, he did like all of his stuff.

And dude, he just fucking ripped it. Yeah, there's some solos on there, man. He ripped it. We were just sitting there on the couch on kind of good times and just like, oh, my God. Yeah. There are some fucking tight solos on that album. He's quite good. Yeah.

Yeah. Miles looked over at me. He's like, I'm going to have to quit my job. He's like, oh, my God. That's so cool. Next time you guys record, can I come and watch for a little bit? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If they're down. Yeah. We had Paul in there to record that video. That looks fun yeah like man that's tight yeah and it was really cool man it was like pretty ideal it was uh i think it was in the what end of summer so it's still really nice out and then there was like a thai place we walked to and we got dinner and we bought dinner for jay and all hung out and like shot the shit it was so cool nice and we ran into uh reed baltimore they're the dude that does the wire installations and stuff and i was like this is a cool little baltimore moment you know that's awesome it's our little low-key

nice yeah you should sign up to play uh at the hamden festivals yeah i tried i tried this last ray okay yeah he's the... Atomic books guy. Send him the EP. Just be like, hey, we're good. Yeah, I'll send it to him again. But yeah, I sent him the first one. He didn't get back to me. Wow.

Does he know who you are? I don't think so. I'll send it to him. Yeah, yeah. I need you to represent me. I need to put a face to this. Speaking of, you guys are playing next weekend. Yeah, so we're playing this weekend.

This, sorry. Come on, man. guys are playing next weekend yeah so we're playing this weekend uh sorry yeah come on man uh yeah on friday we'll be at songbird in dc on the on the 22nd your show start nine uh-huh wow if i'm in dc i'll pop over yeah come through because i think dorian's gonna be yeah i think i'm gonna take him down with me that's tight yeah yeah it's kevin tits show you did it last month or the month before it was fun it was a little weird i couldn't tight yeah yeah it's kevin tits show you did it last month or yeah before it was fun it was a little weird i couldn't hear myself uh it's a tiny space but it's fun yeah well i bet the band sounded great the band actually sounded awesome nice yeah i was impressed nice well yeah and the guy had like this fucking awesome uh it wasn't a uh oh he had his he had like a mustang uh-huh mustang yeah it

looked so cool and he was ripping man it was fucking tight yeah nice well yeah i'm excited to play yeah it's small like you guys fitting everyone fitting there is gonna be tough um sounds good to me that was like a three-piece band that was there we'll make it work yeah i'm cool with that yeah i'll be fine totally fine with that uh just a quick side note i've watched um that show tales from the tour bus that i tell you about it it's just great so it's like mike judge the dude that did beavis and butthead and king of the hill he did a show about it's all about like the country outlaws and stuff and yeah tour like tales of them doing like tons of drugs and shit like that that's the first season and the second

season is all the funk bands like Parliament Funkadelic and James Brown and they're telling a story about James Brown his band asked for more money and he was like ah you're fired and then so he brought in these like young kids that were the best like James Brown cover band to be the band. And at the time, I think they're in their early 20s. So they're like, all right, we're flying you out tonight. And they're like, holy shit. He's like, so we went out on this huge stage.

Like we're used to playing like tiny bars and being packed in. He's like, so we're playing with James Brown. So all of a sudden you're in like a stadium or a dinner. That's crazy. And he's like, but we were still huddled together on the stage. He's like, it was pretty cute because Because they didn't know to spread out. So they're both just like next to the drums. James Brown's like, what are you doing?

It's like, where do you stand? I don't know. That's so cool. We used to be back then. That's insane. Yeah. You're being that talented. Oh, dude.

Yeah. And they have some footage, too. That show is so good. Also. Yeah. Tales from the Tour Bus. What's it on? Cinemax.

Nice. Did you do any stand-up this week? I did. I did Ragtime, but that was about it. Was that good? Yeah, it was decent. Yeah. Yeah, it was okay.

Who was on that? Weems was good. Yeah, it was fun. Nice. It was a decent hang, but yeah. It took me an hour and a half to get down there, and I was just in a weird mood. Yeah. Yeah.

Because then you have to set up the show. Oh be like hi on thursday i did uh i did uh reliable not yeah reliable tavern yeah and uh so it's like a newer route it's newish it's like a year and a half old a year old yeah but uh i get there and i have a weird sound system yes so this is so i get to the show oh real quick let me just say so sorry we're doing stuff before we get off topic digress too much yeah uh songbird for tremendous athlete on the 22nd dc uh wind up space on the 23rd in baltimore and then tsunami uh on the 24th in annapolis. Come out to that. Tight. And the show on Saturday has a bunch of good bands. Mess. Mess is on it from Baltimore. Joseph and the Beast

from Baltimore are really good. And then this band Swole from DC is going to be on. I think they're on Discord Records or used to be or something. Nice. So yeah. That's a lot of music. I know, man. I'm excited. It's going to be packed. Yeah. There's some knitting group or something like that that's down the street that night and uh they emailed russell and they're like what entertainment do you have

that evening and he's like we have bands playing if you want to come then he hit me up he's like should we have them like a discount i was like sure he's like he's like well yeah tell them they can come for free it's like okay so yeah so these 75 people that love to knit or whatever might be there i'm like great wow let them in for free that'd be tight just people knitting during the rock show yeah very baltimore very hip oh man uh yeah sorry all right so oh reliable tavern yeah i get it's like a it's cool it's like a basement and uh i'm sitting there i mean like uh the the host we're just shooting this shit and then so they go to do and it's it fills in and it's

valentine's day which is such a weird way to it was all these people on dates it's just like hey let's go to open mic comedy go to a free shit like yeah baby yeah it's just so it was you know what date night's on me let's go to a free open mic and then so they do mic check and the mic sounds awful it's just like bad yeah we start late and we just do the show without the mic yeah and it was like oh man i was so mad i was like we were sitting here for 30 fucking minutes dude you should have did a sound check right and so i had to like yell again for five minutes and it's hard to do like there's so many subtleties and like it's so hard to do when you're shouting you know when you're like you can't do like like noises or like or something i don't know yeah you just yell that

like but it was fine i had a good set but it was just like uh at one point like i realized at one point i'm just like i'm like just touching my beard a lot my arms are just folded well your hand you don't know what to do with your hands yeah like it's so weird when you don't have a microphone yeah well yeah it's just so natural just to hold it and then you have i don't know i gesticulate with my other hand a lot when i have the mic karen always makes fun of me she's always like what is this what do you yeah you do that a lot yeah because i'm like making a point i like flip my hand out yeah yeah now i'm just thinking of all the moves i do it's yeah yeah i move a lot you've been doing a lot of belly rubs lately one picture i just posted i'm doing that yeah yeah you do a lot of belly rubs. That's how I think. So I'm dating.

But no, reliable when the mic works. Have you been there when the mic works? Yeah, it's fun. It's fucking awkward, though. Oh, really? Did it not sound weird to you? Maybe they've been having issues lately. It was only my second time there.

The first time it was a year ago. But they should just buy their own PA system. It sounded fun when you were in the audience. Second time there. The first time it was a year ago. But they should just buy their own PA system. Like Sean. It sounded fine when you were in the audience. And then when you were on stage, it sounded like... It felt like I was on the moon in a fucking glass case. That's how I felt when I was doing Songbird. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like, does it sound fine out there? Because up here it sounds like shit. Apparently it did. Well, I hope the monitors work. Yeah. Friday I did big hunt and it took me like dude it took me two hours to get the big hunt on friday half that noise oh because you had to be there at eight i had to be there like yeah they say 7 30 right well the show's at

eight right but it was super fun like two pack shows it was great yeah two packs your core last night i had to do i got hit up by andy klein and he was like hey man do you want to do 15 minutes for like 150 bucks uh that's good pay before the princess bride movie ten dollars a minute yeah yeah and i was like oh man that sounds so bad but fuck it so much money for no work that should be the name of your special yeah it sounds so bad ah fuck it so that's mostly just stand up ah well then we find out our buddy ramin is doing it too yeah and then so i hit him up and i was like dude what was it like and i was like were there kids in the crowd and he was like oh yeah yeah princess bride yeah i didn't know

princess i've seen it i didn't think it was like a kid's movie but it's pg i looked at it yeah yeah exactly and i was like i think i think also it's a thing that parents have nostalgia for yeah because they grew up watching it and then when it's playing in the theater like all right well fuck it this is something i can bring my kid to as well and like it's not i don't have to watch like moana or you know what i mean like they can watch a movie they like and bring their kid right so then i had to fucking like uh so then i'm texting around me and i'm like how did it go were there kids he's like yeah he's like it was fine but it's a cold open so people are imagine you just go to a movie theater i don't know why people think

this is a good idea like it's so funny funny if you walk out. They're like, active shooter. What's up? I know because I did walk to the stage with a black microphone in my hand. You pull it out of your jacket. That would be funny if I stuck it in my back pocket and I started to go pull it out on stage. And frame it like a bank robbery. Look, I know you want to see the movie. This will only take a minute.

They're like, oh my God. Yeah, I'm like one of those people who like, he's like on the subway who begs you for money. Like, this will only take a minute. I got three kids. Yeah, Lamar comes out. I am homeless. Yeah.

You will be watching The Princess Bride, ladies and gentlemen. Not all of us are fortunate enough to be born into royalty, okay? I got kids. I see y'all got kids. They got to eat, okay? And I'm not embarrassed to ask for money for my kids to eat. They are outside waiting for me.

I won't let them watch Princess Bride. Oh, boy. Yeah, no, it's always a hell gig so so yeah what do you did you just mess around and say like fudge well instead of did you acknowledge the uh a little yeah so i was texting ramin and he was just like and i was like were there kids he's like yeah i was like oh my god he's like he's like i just asked the parents to take the kids out for like 10, 15 minutes. And I was like, okay. I was like, on stage? He's like, yeah, I just made it playful.

I said, all right, I'll try that. So I show up. And there weren't that many. He made it sound like there was like three or four kids. So I show up. I show up early because I was like, I want to watch the crowd walk in. Dude. Another good terrorist move. Yeah, yeah. You're just squinting at them scowling yeah yeah i'm like do you work here no i mean kind of so i'm watching people walk in and it's like

dude it's just one kid after another, like with their fucking family. I was just like, I think there was like 25 to 30 kids there. And what time did it start? The movie starts at seven. The show's at 645. Okay. But Pete, God bless Pete's heart.

He's the manager. Sure, sure. And I was so funny because they could all very clearly just see me like being super nervous about this. And I was just like, oh, my God. Right, right. And so the one waitress was like, oh, the guy last night, he just talked about his dick the whole time. It was weird. And that's what I mean.

And that was our buddy Ramin. Yeah. And I'm like, what? Because he's like, yeah. He's like, yeah, I have this new seven-minute bit on erectile dysfunction. Yeah, it's pretty great. I'm like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. So he did that. And it's pretty loud, too. He's like, yeah, I have this new seven-minute bit on erectile dysfunction. Yeah, it's pretty great. I'm like, Jesus Christ. So he did that.

And it's pretty loud, too. Oh, really? Yeah, he yells a lot. It's like him yelling at his dick. He's like, come on, you motherfucker. And he's pretending to punch it and stuff. So I'm watching, and I'm like, I can't ask these families. I can't ask, like, 30 kids to get up and walk out for like 10 minutes be so awkward so and

i was like i have to just i was like i'm gonna do a kid say the darndest things type stuff you know not the rape but the show part yeah sure pass out some uh some ghb yeah who likes quinn you all like anybody feels sleepy all right did you hear he wants to do a show from prison that that would be great he really should like the balls on him he's like i know i rape 50 women but you guys want more of me right that louis ck approach he's like i'm in prison what are you gonna do he comes out with a parkland shooting joke the thing is david hogg's a faggot jello false flag oh my god that's so tight so i would love for both guys be i'm not gonna listen no lesbian child you should be finger fucking

don't tell me about politics okay oh boy the drugs kids all right no one thinks this is funny well i hope no it's funny uh i hope so so yeah i so it'd be so awkward you couldn't ask 30 kids to leave it would take like minutes yeah it would take like five to seven minutes then they come back and they're like all right motherfucker this better be good yeah so i was like pete i was, fucking Pete, just give me the cordless mic. I'll like, if I like, I'll like walk through this audience and I'll just fucking do the Q&A. That's an interesting move.

Yeah, so I walk. It's a cult. And Pete was even like, you know what? He's like, yeah, if there's all these kids here, let's delay you starting so you only have to do like 10, 7 minutes. I was like, yes, let's do that. Always. Yeah. When it doesn't affect the pay, they're like, hey, do you mind just doing 5 instead of the 20 and we'll pay you the same?

Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. Also, so like, well, yeah. So, I'm walking. So, it's 6.50. I walk to the stage. Yeah. And I don't know that there's not...

Did they introduce you? No. You just walk to the stage with the microphone. That's so lame. Hold open. That is so lame. I know. I should have God-miked myself from the back.

Yeah. Or Pete should have. I mean, that's how they... Somebody should have done it from the booth. Did they have Pete should have. I mean, that's how they. Somebody should have done it from the booth. Do they have anybody working? No. Oh, maybe that's why. But yeah.

Or Pete should have done it with the cordless mic. And then you walk out. I didn't want to ask him. I don't want to be like a prima donna. But I was thinking that the whole time. But it's not a prima. Aren't you? It's not a prima donna thing.

You just fucking like you guys ready. All right. We're going to do comedy first. But I had to go up on stage and do all that. Or it could have just been a basic not even rev them up thing. Just like, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to the Arlington Draft House to see the Princess Bride. We have a special treat. Before the movie starts, we're going to have comedian Umar.

Yeah, we have an active shooter. We have active shooter Umar Khan. Yeah, instead of one of the best comedians in the DMV, one of the best comedians in the dmv like one of the best active shooters in the dmv uh so i i walk up and the so the draft house is a movie theater and comedy club and it's like it's a weird setup it pretty much looks like there's office office desks with office chairs literally literally office chairs, literally. Literally office chairs. And it looks like a conference room. Right, right.

And the chairs are not stationary. They're rolly chairs. They're swivel, rolly office chairs. You can move around. But there's also a stage. And so I didn't know, because I've never performed at the Arlington Draft House. Oh, that's right. It was your first time, yeah.

I didn't know that there's not steps on both sides of the stage so i go to the left side of the stage there's no steps and there's like some curtain but it says like you can't go and i try to there's a door behind it i'm like oh boy this looks so bad and then i'm like all right if there's not steps did you say that i get a laugh though no because I didn't even have the mic turned on at this point. You just... This motherfucker. He just walked up there casually. He was like, what? Wow.

People are looking at you like, who? I know. They're like, what the fuck is this? Do you work here? And I'm just like... Like the weirdest usher. Oh, let me just... No stairs? No. i was like trying to open

this door i was like oh maybe the only way i was like start the movie loser yeah one second i thought like maybe only it's it's like from the backstage you can enter yeah and i was like all right that makes sense that there would be no steps it is a movie theater so i go the other stage and i'm like all right if there's no steps i'm gonna have to like like crawl on yeah no it's way too big it is pretty high to crawl i'm gonna grab a chair yeah and use it as a pedestal to get on that's how you start can you help me just for real quick hold on you sir no you can you help they're like who are you yeah thank god there were steps on the other side. Yeah, yeah. And so I'm like, all right.

I was like, give it up. And they were like, woo. And I'm like, oh, come on, give it up. And then they did. I'm like, all right. So I'm the comedy part that no one wanted. Oh, wow. And so I got a big laugh up front because I said, I was like, you know, they're like,

I got a call. They're like, do you want to do 15 minutes of comedy before Princess Bride? I was like, all right. Yeah, that sounds cool to talk about relationships. And then I get here and there's like 30 kids and no one told me there was going to be kids here. And I was like, I'm like a single 30 year old comedian. Yeah.

If I do my relationship jokes, like i don't want these kids thinking like love is dead and so that got a big pop oh that's awesome uh uh and then i was like so i'm just gonna talk to you guys so i did like how long have you been together and i talked to like a couple they were like 24 i was like oh you guys are gonna get divorced i was like there's no way you're making everyone's like and it was killing wow it was great i was like i talked to an older couple in the back they'd been together for like 33 years and this woman just would not shut the fuck up it was so funny but she i was like so what do you guys think your secret it's just like you gotta wait and be friends and then so i looked at the young couple i was like do you hear that

and uh and the like um the lady was just like they're just like her his girl ex-girlfriend set him up with this lady he's now married to and i was like whoa yeah i was like things were different back yeah and then i made some joke i was like how'd you guys meet tinder and the old guy was like there was no internet back then i was like yeah that was yeah that's why they all laughed sir good one yeah yeah so the lady got me talking he was like, yeah, that's why they all laughed, sir. Good one, yeah. Yeah. You got me. And so the lady kept talking. He was like, well, blah, blah, blah. And I was dating a guy at the time, and my husband didn't like the way I was treating him.

And I was like, man, I don't like the way you're treating me right now. He's like, you're not letting me talk. And that got a big laugh. So it was fine. I was like killing. And then I started talking to the kids. It was so cute. Did you talk to the kids? Yeah so it was fine i was like killing and then i started talking to the kids it was so say you talk to the kids yeah it was so cute because like i was like and you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to like it took me like three kids before one kid finally was like

all right i'll be brave yeah to them they're like what the fuck i would have been so overwhelmed you're a 12 year old you go to the movies with your fucking parents yeah some adult man child is like hey what's your name he's like why is this 12th grader talking to me leave me alone so uh yeah like i felt oh man i felt so bad there was so i talked this girl and she was 12 and i was like and i was like all right well they said talk about relationships and then so i was like sir i don't know if you want to leave or something so he got up and pretended to leave and i just go full sunny full yeah anal sex sir so i was like reese you got a boyfriend she's like i was like he was like no it's like well girlfriend it is 2019 yeah like and uh and then i was like

that's good you shouldn't until you're like 37 years old and out of college and the dad started clapping nice that was fine yeah nice man yeah so it was good it was yeah it sounds like you made the best of it of like just met like because did you try to like weave in a little material here no okay no well kind of so i oh one part one was like the biggest laugh probably was like uh i i told some kid i was like hey hey i was like dude i was like do you guys know what tinder is and like some of the kids shook their head no i was like oh go home get your mom's phone and download tinder and like that got like that was fun nice oh i told also like i was talking to some kids some mom who came with her kid i was like what's your name and she was like penelope and i was like oh penelope i don't want to i know your son's here i don't make it weird

but that name is pretty hot and then the kid was just shaking your head i was like i was like hey man your mom still got it and she turned to him she's like that's a good thing honey yeesh i'd be like man i want to kill this guy start the fucking movie it was really it was it went as well as it could that's awesome man yeah yeah no i think i think that's the way to do it because if you're just up there doing material they'd be like because also uh when there's kids in the audience the problem isn't necessarily the kids or the people it's the other people without kids feel uncomfortable like every punchline they're looking over like i don't wanna yeah yeah yeah because even the parents like no go ahead it's fine it's like dude it's not like it's awkward for everybody yeah yeah exactly yeah it

was fine yeah and then i i went and drove to Magoobie's. Magoobie's. Oh, yeah, I saw on your gram, man. Dude, I watched Miss Pat. Yeah. If you guys don't know Miss Pat, oh, my God. Go look her up. Go see her.

She crushed so hard. It was unreal. Yeah, her story, too, is insane. Listen to her on Burt Krereischer's podcast yeah and uh ari shafir's podcast it's this black woman she grew up in the hood drug dealer been shot like all this yeah i think she had her first kid at 16 13 13 that's right yeah the guy was married in her act in her new hour she talks about like uh how she's raising it's almost like bernie where he's raising like yeah she was like she was she uh is raising her like cousins

her crack she calls them crack baby because they are they're all crack babies right and she's like it's like this she was like she was like this is my third go go around race and other people's crack babies it was like and like you just kept calling them like what you want crack baby but and then like at the end it made it very sweet and tied a really good message into it she and it was we're at mcgoobies yeah there's a lot of you know it's a lot of conservatives come out and she was like who voted for trump where my white people voted for trump like that's okay i live in indianapolis yeah and it's another one confederate flags and trump stickers and i don't get sad when i see confederate flag because when i see confederate flag all i see is a cleveland brown fan nice just people

who it's a group of people who are used to losing right yeah also what you have the confederate flag in india that's the north what are you doing yeah so anyway i'll wrap the south all the way up here in indiana yeah and she was and it was cool because she was like all i'm saying is like if like you got to step outside of yourself if you're different you know like she was talking about like free lunches how like people were um because one of the things like Trump tried to get passed in one of his bills was no more free lunches for kids or something. I don't know why. But they were going to take away funds from it.

Yeah. And so she was like, I grew up poor. Sometimes it was the only time I ate. I'd be so excited. And she was like saying how like, I don't know why you want to take food out of people's mouths. It's like these crack babies, it's not their fault. They were born that way. It was just so powerful coming from someone who lived through it

is so funny and you know on the other side of it too yeah it was great and to not say like to be like hey i get it you voted this way but let me just tell you yeah here's my without being like you pieces of shit you know and she was like we all gotta talk to each other you know like not every black guy's a thug not every mexican uh is coming over a wall killing people and not every white man all right she can't be right about everything i guess and then well she ended on like and not every white man murders his wife nice that's awesome that really brings it home yeah it was so good see but that's the type of comedy where you would qualify that as woke, right? But it's not done in a cheesy way. So many things she says are not woke.

I know, but that's what I'm saying. It's like, that's the way to do it. Yes. And to get laughs out of it. Yeah. And it's something that is natural in her. It's not forced to be like now listen up everybody you know it's not like a clapper thing yeah it was so good dude that's

awesome yeah she um i got to see her once uh when she was at the dc improv uh one weekend i guess it was the thursday you open for her no russ did but she came over to science club and did like 10 minutes that's awesome she was with russ because i got he hosted that night so he was probably like hey you want to do this my corner so she came out and did that and uh and then she's like i'm done russ grab my back russ grab my bag oh dude he was like all right dude she she has she roasted the shit out of her feature act who uh i heard did not do well i didn't make it in time for him oh because i rushed from arlington to vault magubi's who was it uh no it wasn't a local guy oh she brought him oh yeah and karen just told me uh he apparently like told some joke where he said the word retarded and then started sound you know doing

a stereotypical impression of uh what people do when they do that yeah she was like we've all heard what trump supporters sound like hey come on guys come on uh and that's so she was like that's what he did and it was horrible but anyway so um she has him while she's wrapping up bring three shirts on stage to hand her that's her merch and she was just like give it up for whatever like look at him in his church clothes because he was wearing like a silly like loose button he looked like like loose button down black pants he looked like like a 90s black guy i was gonna say like formal but trying to look cool at the same time and then she was like man if you look at dion's facebook page it's nothing but black lives matter blah blah blah yeah and then she was like she was

like and all he fuck is white woman white women and it got like a huge and his girlfriend was there with him it It was so funny. And she's white? Yes. And he was like, she was just calling. He was like, man, he's a poser. That's awesome. It was so funny, dude.

Yeah. She's crushed. Dude. Yeah, her story is so, God, she's so funny. Yeah. She's like, yeah, my nipple shot off at 16. Like, what? Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, her baby daddy shot her nipple shot off at 16 like what yeah that was awesome yeah their

baby daddy shot her nipple off i think like jesus christ yeah man 16 when magupies is packed it is it's great it's like a fucking stadium but when it's not yeah no when it's and it's so much easier too oh like when it's like 300 people, it's like... Yeah. It just feels great. I know. Love that place. That would be like a great room to record. If you could sell that place out and you record there, it would sound monstrous. I'm interested.

Sonny never put his thing out, but the weekend I did with him, I was like, dude... Was it sold out? Not... He had, I think, maybe like... I think the early Saturday show was. But I think there's enough to cut up to have something good. Yeah. Dude, I bet it sounds fucking great.

Because he crushed that weekend. The only thing that would stop me from recording there is like, it's such a silly background. It would look so, I would not want like my special. To have that big McGoobies thing. Yeah. But even the audio, I think, would sound sick. The audio would be great. Yeah. And he's related. He's the champ. think, would sound sick. The audio would be great. Yeah.

And he's related. He's the champ. No, not the champ. The ledge. The ledge. He's a legend, dude. I like that. He's the ledge.

Speaking of the Arlington Draft House and your first time doing it, it made me think of the first time I did it is when I was hosting for Chris Kattan years ago. And I'd had no experience with that place right and then showing up super late after he was in the hotel i because you have to pick him up and i had never done the room before i think i've told this story before on the podcast but fuck it i'll tell it i mean it's like years ago yeah but yeah of you have to pick up the headliner so i'm picking up chris katan and i'm like all right so i'm getting through all that fucking traffic to get down to arlington on a friday night get to the hotel the show is at 7 45 and i get to the hotel at like 7 15 or something like that and it's 15 minutes down the road so it's

like it's gotta like let's go let's go and i was prepared for him to be like a little late and then he was so fucking late wow like they had to call up to his room a few times and in fact i went up to the the guy at the um concierge or whatever and it's like yeah hi i'm here to pick up one of the guests of the hotel he's like okay who and it's like uh chris katan and before i could even finish saying katan he like rolled his eyes he's like yeah he set um or he had a wake up call like three different wake up calls and he didn't answer any of them yeah so they had to send somebody into his room and then eventually he's on the phone he's just like yeah who are you okay yeah i'll be there nobody told me what time the show was oh my such a lie god so like i had to

get this asshole in the car and like he's just treating me like shit because he thinks that i just like work for the club or something like no i'm hosting he's like oh well whatever it's my show i'm like okay so we get there like as soon as i get in the green room they're like all right you ready to start because we were late yeah like i hadn't even seen what the room looked like it's like ladies and gentlemen josh but it actually worked out better it's one of those gentlemen josh cadora like your host and it's like ah but it actually worked out better it's one of those things like where you couldn't think about it and i was so pissed off at him and then i had a had a great set but yeah it's a weird room it's

really it's weird i i yeah i don't know i i just hate the whole like it just sucks to do comedy like people who are eating i hate that whole club thing with that like it's just it feels weird yeah especially when you're hosting when you're first up and then you can see like the iphone flashlights like looking at the menu like do we want to get mod sticks i there's just something about like like even when you like uh if like like featuring at a club like they're done eating whatever they're just they are still staring at you but it's just it i don't it's nice to look at a crowd they're all sitting together they're facing you there's no tables between them yeah it's so much better it is yeah it does kind of have like more of that jester feel and like people are just like yes man entertain me because i eat my chat

sometimes like oh you guys aren't even here for comedy. It's so weird. Just go out to a nice restaurant. You'll spend almost the same amount of money. Macubi's has delicious food. Their food is pretty good. That's a good burger. They got some fish tacos. Oh, the tacos. I love that.

That's my go-to. What's up? That's a good spot. That's a good spot, man. I'll be there in a couple weeks, everyone. Oh, yeah. With who? It's going to be a great week.

I'm going to do... We're doing mark norman on you wednesday we're gonna fuck him uh yeah march 6th and uh yeah if you haven't seen him he's really funny go check out all his like he's been on conan like six times fallon twice yeah he's been on colbert the other guy i don't know his name uh Gordon. Gordon. Yeah. He was on Gordon Ramsay's show. Yeah. Wow. Kitchen Nightmare. Oh, boy.

Gordon thinks my food is undercut. All right. And then so Mark on Wednesday, Gin and Jokes. We moved to Wednesday just for March. Just for March. Just for March. March. So we can pay Mark Norman a lot of money to come do comedy.

Yeah. And then Joe List that Thursday through Saturday. Yeah. I'm so pumped. pay mark norman a lot of money to come do comedy yeah and uh and then joe list that thursday through saturday hey now yeah i'm so pumped it's like two like through the ninth the best working comics yeah one of the best podcasts tuesdays with stories yeah if they don't talk about you on the podcast oh they at least got to mention you they probably will they have before oh nice oh yeah they told this uh mark told this whole story about how like i had to emergency host for him and stuff and then like joe list is like go umar all right umar and then they ended the podcast by saying my name like they mentioned my name like

six times oh that's awesome they always on the podcast was saying praise allah so mark norman was like praise allah norman's like praise Allah Norman's like Omar podcast ended oh that's great yeah because we all went out to the diner and we got like we almost oh that's right that's right he told that story yeah tight man yeah we almost got in a fight with some randos yeah yeah because we got shushed at it yeah no I'm really looking forward to that are you just gonna do one show though with mark norman yeah probably i can't imagine because it's a thursday wednesday a wednesday and the show's already at nine so we'd have to have a seven o'clock it's too early yeah seven's too early seven's way too early people would be rushing so no if it was a weekend yeah

like a friday yeah yeah yeah it's going to be fucking sick. I'm so pumped, man. It's going to be sick, man. But yeah, I'm so pumped. So what is the show? Me, you? Me, you, his feature, and him. Damn.

Yeah. That's so sick. I know. It's going to be tight. And he's headed back to New York that night, you think? Oh, 1,000%. Well, let's try to at least podcast with Joe List. I think we could pull that off, right?

Yeah, and his wife. She'll be featuring for him. Oh, cool. I feel like it'd be weird to say, hey, let's just pod with you, Joe. Well, once we tell Joe and whatever her name is. Sarah Talamash. Who cares? If we tell them about our strict no broads policy.

Yeah, that's true. I didn't choose it. It's our policy in the podcast. No, that would be great. That would be awesome. Cool. But yeah, I think we can probably swing that's true. I didn't choose it. It's our policy. No, that would be great. That would be awesome. Cool. But yeah, I think we can probably swing that. Yeah.

Let's see. What else? Let's get your hot takes on abortion. I love it. Saved my life. Nice. Yeah, that's where I stand. progressive i'm so progressive i'm into it i am into it no oh actually we can end uh on this uh nice uh white trashy hamden okay so for those listening hamden is uh it's like a hipstery kind of neighborhood, but there's grizzled white trash as well, like where their stoop was essentially built around them, you know?

And so there's that weird convergence of like hip restaurants and stuff. And then people are like, oh, yo, give Fog and Ball, you know, like a weird mix of that. So like one of my favorite stories is me and Casey were eating at this place called The Avenue with outdoor seating on the sidewalk. And it's like this beautiful little day and we're eating our fish tacos. And there's a bunch of people on the street eating and hanging out and stuff. And this guy comes walking down the street. He's like, Jay, Jay, you fucking bitch.

Don't touch my shit, Jay. And he's now walking by all of us eating we're like what the fuck and he looks at he's like oh sorry here the pesto is amazing jenny you fucking bitch so it's like this weird like evolved white trash kind of thing you're being like it was like a prank and they're just i have no i maybe i don't know we used to do stuff like that the guy really looked the part though that's so cool i hear the pesto he said something like that you're like okay all right uh but last night uh me mason uh paul we were uh we were hanging on the avenue it's like frijoles went to dylan's got some cheesecake we're headed back and i stopped at royal farms now we come out of royal

farms and these two like drunk white trash guys one guy he's wearing like a beat-up baltimore fire department hat too like this like white guy in his i don't know like 40s or 50s he's like leaning on the trash can and we come walking out he goes look at these fucking n-word and he says the n-word we both just start like all of us are like what we're like just start laughing because it's so ridiculous we're like what and he goes now to fucking laugh at him he's called you guys that's so tight me and two other white guys wow look at these four like whoa and they say not a fucking laugh at me it's like oh cool that's hilarious what a good night oh valentine's day everybody yeah you guys do anything fun oh dude it was great we had a super

super low-key night where we just uh we got shake shack and carry out and ate it in bed yeah you know what's funny uh it seems like everyone that i know at least on face like on face social media seems like we all did celebrate val at least on Facebook, like on Facebook, social media, it seems like we all did celebrate Valentine's Day. But I do remember like, didn't everyone like, didn't like, I feel like so many people are like Valentine's Day is stupid. We don't sell it. Like, it's just like a made up bullshit holiday.

Yeah. Yeah. But it seems like now everyone, like when you are like in your late 20s and early 30s, you just embrace it. You're like, fuck it. It's fun. Why not? Yeah. But I don't know. Yeah. are like in your late 20s and early 30s you just embrace it you're like fuck it it's fun why not yeah but i don't know yeah i don't mind it because uh karen's not expecting like a ton of shit like

and also we got shake shack it wasn't like you're taking me out to dinner dude i need this i need some jewelry right i surprised her with flowers but i wonder if there are people i wonder if there are people like who make it a big deal. I guarantee it, yeah. God, could you imagine being married to somebody like that? Even dating somebody where they expect it's like, you're taking me out. Yeah. You're paying for everything.

Oh, my God, yeah. Omar is so pissed he's knocking over chairs. What the fuck happened? He keeps saying, these broads have gone too far, damn it. Yeah, and Karen got me flowers from uh our buddy katie that we know uh she's a florist at a shop downtown and uh i was like oh thank you and i messaged katie or like i posted i was like hey nice flowers she's like yeah i thought it was very progressive that karen got you flowers i was like well listen i uh and she's like the flowers i gave you were considered

quote-unquote masculine i was like thank you. Thank you. I took out Karen on Tuesday because she had improv class on Thursday. She took me out on Wednesday. What a modern romance. Yeah. And then, yeah. So she took me out on Wednesday. And then me and Karen had like Friday and Saturday plans. But on Friday.

Your mistress stand up came calling. Yeah. On Friday, I get a text from Andy Klein to do the Drafthouse gig. Yeah. And then so I text Karen. I'm like, hey, babe, I just got offered a gig like I cannot turn down. Yeah. And she was like, yeah, it's okay. I don't care.

150 bucks? Yeah. And then like three hours hours later i get a text from sean he's like do you want to do two shows tonight uh at um big hunt big hunt yeah or maybe this was on thursday i don't know whatever but like yeah this was on thursday on valentine's day i'm canceling all our plans for the weekend yeah so on thursday so at first i canceled saturday plans and friday yeah i feel so bad i'm like and i have spots in dc yeah and so we were supposed to hang out after her class and i was like oh sorry i took spots and so uh but so i like i was like oh man what do i do so i like rushed over to b willow bought her a nice plant, had a card for her.

There you go. So it was nice. I surprised her at her house. Yeah. I think she thought I had this planned all along, but it was from guilt, but a good place. She'll never lose this. You don't think she's going to make it to the end? No.

She doesn't live here with my guests. Okay. Yeah. But I did want to do something to make it to the end? No. She doesn't listen to the podcast. Okay. Yeah. But I did want to do something for her. I was sitting here. I was trying to get a report done for work because I was like, I'm so behind. And Ev's like, dude, you got to do something. You had to.

I was like, yeah, I should. Right. Even if girls think that it's stupid, they'll tell you, like, it's stupid. If you do something, they're like, oh. Yeah. But Karen was like, I do want a little something. Right, right. Yeah, but she's like, it doesn't have to be crazy. Yeah, yeah.

No, no. Yeah, thank God that it's not like you're going to take me out to a five-star restaurant. Oof. I can't. Oh, my God. If you take out your chick to a... Yeah, that is lame. If you're on Valentine's Day, because they know that you dress up also restaurants can

just gouge you too yeah it's like oh you suck dude yeah they know that you're gonna be forking over some money for sure excuse to eat shitty food or something yeah i yeah and there are girls like that i used to work with a girl like that she's like yeah i mean i'm not paying for anything like oh my even when like first dating people like like a first date. Oh, fuck that. Yeah. Oh, boy. You know. All right.

Should we do dates and get the fuck out of here? Yeah. I mean, I guess, yeah, I already plugged some shit. Let's see. Yeah, my big thing this week, let's see, is all of the music stuff, but I will be down in D.C. on Thursday. Let me just pull that up.

So on Thursday, I'm doing the My Funny Valentine show at the I.A. and A. at the Hillier. The Hillier? H-I-L-L-Y-E-R. I don't know what it is, but it's a show put together through the DC Comedy Loft. It's going to be me, Bridget Gearan, Brittany Carney, Benji Himmelfarb, and our buddy Ramin. Yeah, it's going to be pretty sick. It looks pretty legit. So I'm excited for that on Thursday.

That's going to be at 8 in DC. Oh, no, sorry, 6.30 to 8. I will post all the details on my Instagram. You can follow me at Josh Coderna. And then I'll be in DC again, but with the band, like I said, it's Songbird on the

22nd. Tight. That's at 9pm. Doors at 8.30. The 23rd, I'll be here in Baltimore at the Wind Up Space playing with the band. Come out to that at 8 o'clock. And then Sunday, we'll be in in Baltimore at the wind up space playing with the band come out that eight o'clock and then Sunday will be in Annapolis at tsunami and that show I think is a late show that starts at like nine or ten so so come on out to that all right this week I'm in Ellicott City, I think on the 19th or the 20th. I don't remember. And then I am at the Draft House, DC Draft House.

Hey now. Opening up for Kyle Dunn again, if he doesn't bring an opener. Yeah. But it sounds like he's not. That's awesome, man. That'll be Thursday through Saturday, so just look out to see if I'm doing those. And then March 6th is gin and jokes with Mark

Norman March 7th through 9th. I will be at my goobies and definitely get the Mark Norman sold out yet. No, because I haven't sent the emails out yet. Oh, yeah, that'll

definitely sell out. Hopefully. So yeah. Oh, I mean, yeah, it will 100 so get in get in on that shit early and often and uh yeah check out uh my band's ep it's called progress it's available wherever maybe i'll play a song of it right now maybe i'll play a fucking song right now There's no difference, blood is blood

Nobody is innocent, all is love If this is a war Or a call to arms of Mr. Garporn Wrecking ball, runaway train Collect my partner, run it on for grave I don't wanna live in your life But I don't wanna die Progress, progress, progress, progress

Progress, progress, progress, progress Sticks and stones, the closet bones Inviting eyes into your homes Oh, anything but this What's left of these are the kids But a pot of piss on a sinking ship A pilot meets new and ends on a plot of land I don't wanna live in your lies But I don't wanna die

Progress, progress, progress, progress Progress, progress, progress, progress What was it? I'm gonna put it in a digital stain Don't put that thing in my face Don't do that thing in my name I don't think we're ever gonna feel the same So, say I'm a personal state No, I don't think we're ever gonna feel the same So, say I'm a person of fate No, I don't wanna need to be saved No!

Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! No! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! Progress! No progress, progress, progress, progress, progress, progress, progress, progress!