The Digression Sessions - Ep. 279 - Josh & Umar March On!

Episode Date: March 8, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their handsome selves and catch up on the week of shows and whatnot.  Umar released his special! Check it out -> HERE! And Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete, released a new ep entitled Progress! It's available wherever you stream music! Bandcamp link -> HERE!  Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Alright, let's start this fucking cast. Yeah. Coming in hot. Hot cast. We are inconsistent. Consistently inconsistent, baby. We are inconsistent.

Consistently inconsistent, baby. There you go. Man, I just walked in and Evan said he's sick. Evan's sick. Now I feel all sniffly. Oh, no. All sniffly. I asked him if he wanted to be on the pod, and he was like, no, I'm good. Yeah, well, he doesn't want his mom or dad.

Yeah, we have to delete the last one, people, because his mom heard him talking about some awful things he did as a teenager boy he was yeah he prayed too much did too much charity and his mom was like oh that's not why you do it you do it to be humble his mom is so sweet she uh you know she was sending him all these texts like why don't you do a podcast on like things you care about on like why like schools that umar works in are underfunded and it's like wow like yeah that's not funny and then she sent him another text like you should do a why don't you do a comedy podcast on homelessness yeah make that funny you can have one of them in your house you should do one on climate change and then she uh sent him a text saying that we should do a podcast on how to use the airpod headphones okay for like do it specifically for moms who can't figure it out a little tutorial yeah yeah what you do you take a

gun you put it to your head you walk yourself because you're a fucking moron that reminds me of uh when alex brislavsky friend of the pod yeah we used to do a radio show together in UMBC called Bro Chat. Yeah, yeah. And it was so dumb. They only streamed it online, which was, in a way, a good thing because then there's no... Yeah, the entire radio station was just streamed, right? Yeah, the whole radio station. You just had to get some whatever that...

Real player or whatever it was. Yeah, there's just like whatever the feed like it's a big link you gotta get copy and paste that into like your itunes and you can just start listening live oh right right like an rss feed or something weird like that yeah yeah and so it was just such a bummer to have to because like my parents wanted to listen and to try to get that to explain to them so but anyway but one one time some guy, we wanted callers. We would tell people to call in and it was just our friends listening. And we could see how many listeners we had live.

Yeah. I think the most we ever had was like 30. That's not bad. No, for a radio station, no, but it's literally just your friends. Yeah, that's hard to get to as well. Yeah. I mean, I can't even explain to my dad now how to get a podcast. Wow.

Really? You could show him and he would get it immediately. Yeah, but he'd be like, what? I mean, I was trying to show him little shortcuts on the keyboard, like copy and paste. Oh, right. Those are tough man well i was like typing and he's like oh what's like that little thing you did there like what show me how to do all that stuff i was like oh okay so uh he's like hold on let me get a pen and paper it's like yeah sure it's like all right i was like yeah so if you want to copy everything like if you just

want to take a selection and copy that control c uh if you want to get rid of it control x and he's like slow down okay okay yeah that's what it's gonna be like for us man oh my god see my dad like being really like you know my dad's a smart guy but he's getting old and he's like already slowing down so much it's like i had to explain we got in this huge argument because i was like no my my older brother rahul i was like yeah dad he's he's he's uh he's 30 years old he's like no he's 31 i was like no no he won't be 31 until september 20 whatever yeah and then like and i have this year yeah this was like in august we're having this discussion i don't even remember it was like whatever around yeah and uh and he's just like and i'm like he's

like no if he was born in 80 like that means he's and i was like no dad and i'm like it was so weird i was like how do you not understand this concept and i'm like wow ages fucking you up he's like at work or something like you have kids right how old are you like oh i told 54 and 30 something i use an age calculator at work all the time because i need to know the kid's year and month so like this kid is eight years seven months because that makes a difference sometimes when you're like scoring stuff like their cognitive ability where they should be so i show i even pull that calculator my dad's like he's like so then had to download on his phone and he had to do it himself it was just fucking crazy and i was like wow he's like you're a witch yeah i should just let him believe right he always two years you're not my real year older so dumb yeah it would have been nice if that was like

when you're older too just like no i'm 18 yeah'm 18. Yeah. I can do what I want. It's all good. Oh, but anyway, so we're doing this radio show. Yeah. And like we were so excited. We got a caller. But it was just some guy's dad who didn't know how to listen to the station. And he wanted to listen to his son's show, which was the next show after ours. So he was just accidentally listening to yours.

So dude, we go through like the painstaking steps and like honestly honestly like we like we probably take like two to three minutes yeah like you want to take that link copy and paste it and then alex turns over to me he's like should we should we he whispers he's like should we fuck with him yeah i'm like such an alex thing to say yeah exactly because yeah but he definitely had way better radio instincts than i did back then but yeah uh he and i was like sure go ahead and then alex like so you want to take that link and shove it up your ass and we just hung up on him i think we played like rage against the machine and that's how we ended our show that's pretty good

this poor dad never got to like listen to his kid's show what if he was paying attention he's like all right and shove it up wait a minute hold on looking back like i feel so bad for that guy now yeah that is so shitty he's probably like just like a far away place he just wants to connect with his child. Yeah, right. And just two dumbasses think it's funny. Yeah, he's like, I'm in Cedars-Sinai. I'm going through chemo, and I'd really like to just hear my son's radio station program. Then we got interviewed by the UMBC Retriever Weekly, the local paper that UMBC had, and we talked about that on there. Sure.

You got to promote the good stuff my professor he was like yeah i show that to my wife she thought it was the funniest thing in the world that's so good yeah hopefully the guys had a good sense of humor about it i don't know we got in trouble we got with who like we lied to the paper so like we're this is another alex thing and so we're driving it's my friend she wants to be a journalist that's why she came to like school she went to college she's studying journalism and writing yeah when she got her first job or her she got hired by the retriever weekly this was her first assignment yeah and she's like hey i want to do a show i want to write an article about

your show and so like on the drive down to be interviewed alex and alex is like hey i want to do a show i want to write an article about your show and so like on the drive down to be interviewed alex and alex is like hey should we just lie should we just make up life so we just lied about everything we're like we're the number one rated show wow we said uh like bro chat stands for break righteous obedience damn like that we wanted to do this very political show but umbc wouldn't let us so we tried to we had to make this very political show, but UMBC wouldn't let us. So we had to make it an acronym and go low key. But chat didn't stand for anything. Like chicks hurt all times.

Chicks hurt at times. And that President Hrabowski was going to do our show in a couple of weeks. Just like bullshit. Like awful. He wants to do the show. I don't think we want him on yeah and then so we and then we didn't realize this but we all got called like everyone who had a radio show we got called into a meeting and it was about this article but they didn't say it directly yeah but they were like don't go to like and they kept referring to as a media and we're

like dude come on the media yeah the press yeah yeah all right guys come on fake news is tough enough as it is we don't need you to put out lies and they're like just don't lie and say like you guys they were just mad that we said they were censoring us uh because like the radio show is like hey we're like uh do whatever you want say whatever you want type of show as long as it's not hate speech so they got offended interesting so they're like fuck around but don't like make us look bad yeah they're just saying like that's not what we stand for we stand for an open uh with like dialogue open just you know whatever we're not here to censor people right so then the guy who runs a radio show he got mad and complained to the the editor or whatever someone at the paper and then my friend got in trouble for not fact checking oh yeah i know but you know what lesson learned for her that dumb bitch you should

have a fucking fact check and that's why we're in the mess we are now and trump has to clean it up right right you know that's essentially what it is that was just a little microcosm there you know yeah because you're like hey uh yeah we're putting it out there how about you do your job that's how the media fucks with you i dude. I'm an entertainer. I'm being entertaining, doing my job. There you go. You know? So, yeah, I think you could be president, man.

What are you, 37 years old? You're right in there right now. I know, right? Is that the age of 35? It might be 35, 27. Eric Glazer, how old do you have to be to become president? 35. Ooh, there we go.

There you go. I think, yeah, because AOC is too young. She's 29, right? Yeah, she shouldn't be president. No, I'm not saying that. Yeah. God, she's so hot. And smart.

She's a babe. She's a smart babe. Looking good in them glasses. Yeah. I actually wrote a piece for the Retriever. You did? No big deal. Oh, my God.

That was on the front page. For real? Yeah. Do you still have the paper? my god it was on the front page for real yeah what do you still have the paper yeah my dad does in his office right uh i was like man the radio station here sucks they're all liars bro chat it's fucking lame uh right wing conspiracies i was in a journalism class and then we had to write pieces for that and then i wrote something about uh parking at umbc okay because it's a commuter school yeah and then parking there was notoriously fucking bad it was a nightmare and then people would get tickets and shit so i wrote a piece about that and then figured out essentially the amount of students that are commuting versus the amount of available

parking spots there's a huge disparity there wow and then i got the actual income that they were making off of tickets i don't remember what it was but they were making like a huge chunk of change holy shit yeah so there's like no and they're like we're gonna build something soon a parking garage but yeah like a commuter school that doesn't have enough spots for people to commute and then tickets them funny i remember a girl coming to me on campus who was very she was like uh the stereotype of like a hippie girl in college who's like you know like a basic whatever blonde girl like crunchy then you go to college and you're like oh i'm gonna start wearing funky clothes and get a nose piercing right right

big flowing corduroy and she'd be like the one person protesting something like literally she'd be the one person somebody has to do protesting something like at UMBC, there was something called the Breezeway and that's where like everyone would set up to like hassle you. It was essentially, it's like, it's like when you're on

like North Avenue or MLK and homeless people just come constantly bombard you. Yeah. Or like with the, it's like an open market area

that you have to get through. And I just remember always going around it because I never wanted to donate to anybody's cause or fraternities or anything. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, she came up to me

and she was giving out free donuts in exchange to get my opinion on building a parking garage. She was very against it. Why? She said parking garages are, for some reason, bad for the environment. I don't remember why. She sounds like a plant.

What if it was just obviously the dean? He's like hey cool cat yeah who was also a student and you don't like parking garages either right yeah they're for the birds and i was like i don't care either way she's like well then will you sign your name i'm like sure and uh i wish i didn't now yeah it's uh well i yeah i don't know uh you know damn umar hot takes nothing like but uh i never minded i remember i always parked far away i knew because umbc is not that big of a campus no and i commuted i didn't live on campus ever uh i lived on campus for a little bit but yeah it was uh i think i only got a ticket a couple times but yeah a lot of people would i definitely got tickets um and there were real tickets too it wasn't just like yeah it's from the police yeah it was like it was like a state ticket but i remember too i did an interview with the woman that ran or was in charge of like parking and badges where you could get

like your little uh parking pass yeah little parking placard and all that stuff. So I interviewed her, and she's like, this isn't going to be in the paper, is it? And I was like, nah, nah, because it wasn't. And then my professor was like, you should submit this for the paper. I was like, sure. Did you have to go back and tell her? Wow, look at the Retriever Weekly unethical journalism.

Well, I mean, I quoted her correctly. Did she ever contact you? No. Wow. I mean, I quoted her correctly. Did she ever contact you? No. Wow. I mean, nothing happened from it. You know, it's not like the Washington Post. They like slam it down on the table. Did you read this?

Yeah. Yeah. You guys were like, you just expose a sex. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like church. Yeah. It's not like deep throat.

Yeah. That was our spotlight. That was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like Mark Ruffalo is freaking freaking out could have been any of us

that's me about parking tickets i could have got a ticket you could have got a ticket they're like what shut up oh man that's so tight whoo yeah my dad still has it it's very sweet that's nice yeah my mom has a thing that got published in the ccbc paper that i wrote oh yeah you were the face of ccbc i wrote uh an article or a philosophy essay i was against the media using pictures to make a point because pictures are often misleading and i will say with the advent of uh social media i was correct yeah you ain't wrong. Because you see images and videos, and you never get the whole picture,

but images elicit emotion. Oh, wait, wait. You don't get the whole... So you want more pictures? I want more pictures. Wow, we'll be right back. You just see a white kid sitting in front of a Native American.

You never think that Native American got in that kid's face. Sure. Right? You never think yeah yeah this uh guy banging his drum in this pure white face yeah yeah exactly you never would think that a black israelite would yell something racist at white people i haven't heard that once yeah because they don't do that they're very nice if you've ever been around a black israelite you realize that uh i don't know they just they're just selling cookies like yeah they're very nice if you've ever been around a black israelite you realize that uh i don't know

they just they're just selling cookies like yeah they're very nice yeah they're so nice they don't they're not threatening how do you want to get to the local monuments we'll tell you they're not threatening at all especially to a group of kids who've probably never seen black people oh my god what if those are the first you're like wow that is the biggest injustice of the blackers you're like that is probably because they're in dc some are the first you're like wow that is the biggest injustice of the blackers you're like that is probably because they're in dc some of the first black people most people in the country come across like okay yeah they come from the south they're just black people you're like what like they they yell the craziest shit oh yeah yeah yeah um they were yelling stuff at

me once when i went to philly for they call you like they call it like literally the white devil i think i was with stav and we were going to interview joe de rosa and i had to park in like the parallel park in like the tiniest spot and they were like posted up like right there and i was like oh but yeah i eventually pulled it off but yeah they can be pretty aggressive those folks yeah but they believe in are they jewish what is that what are they i uh i don't know i think that don't they say like the white man created all that stuff like he made the devil oh i don't know but they definitely call the white man the devil right right right right then everyone's going to hell or the devil made the white guy it's like the i know they say the so-called white man yeah which is like it's like a rumor yeah that we're around at first time i came

across them i was like in college i was going to see aziz ansari and we walked past them and i was just like man yeah why are like uh i was like it's so weird that they just wear what the kkk wear but in colors did you ever notice that they're like these robes with hoods and shit sometimes oh i never saw the hoods i always thought they looked kind of like militant a little bit like more that like middle eastern kind of militant this might be weird reference but you ever see that first ever power ranger movie and of course they like they get flown to some other planet and they get those weird ninja robes that's what they look like oh yeah yeah look that shit up guys yeah look up the first power ranger movies they're in these weird ninja

robes that they got they look just like that the so-called power i remember thinking that i was like god damn somebody is not letting go of the past yeah who's who's the baddest power ranger of them all the white ranger that's some some bullshit. Hey, yeah, that's true. Were they yelling about Aziz? Like, enjoy it now. He's about to get Me Too'd in a few years. Yeah, this is nine years before the Me Too movement happened. So-called Aziz Ansari.

Like, Aziz, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Ooh. Yes. You know, you first. I was going to say, it's been two weeks. Yeah. Our bad on missing the other one, the last weeks.

We just got lazy. We didn't have schedules and meetups. Yeah, it was a bad timing thing because I had those three shows with the band Friday through Sunday. And then I had shows all weekend with Kyle Dunn again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was Kyle Dunn again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How was Kyle Dunn again? He was great.

Yeah. Thursday show, we did Thursday through Saturday, which for the DC Draft House is weird. They don't do Thursday shows, but I guess he was confident that he could sell, and boy, did he not. Yeah, sometimes they do a Thursday. I feel like Dan Soder did one, Andrew Santino, the bigger people. Yeah. How was Santino's turnout for Thursday?

Pretty good. He didn't sell out, but it was pretty packed. Yeah. So Thursday was real rough. It was like 30 people, but it was still, I would say, not the worst show. I would say Thursday was super fun. It took a minute because I'm opening. It's a two-man show.

I'm doing 20. And it's like you come out everyone's spread out i spend the first three minutes of my act just making everyone move and get to the front and like we'll all sit together and that was that takes forever and then it's just weird to transition into comedy because now i'm just like a security guard in an airport yelling at people who are going the wrong way yeah slash like camp counselor like come on god it'll it'll be fun if you commit yeah come on yeah you know you are gonna sign your own ticket to fun work makes the dream work right okay come on guys yeah also this person's gay doesn't know it yet all right and uh but it was a fun show and And then Friday. Oh man, it was whoo.

It took me so long to get there. Oh yeah. Traffic. 50 minute drive took like almost two hours. Brutal. I had to pay an insane amount of money to park. Um, and man, first show light again. I was moving everyone again.

And, uh, some guy came in late. His phone was all lit up. And I was like, all right, sir. Again, the camcounter. Okay, sir, please. Could you not? You should have left that with your mom. I don't know why she let you in here with that. I don't want to put you in timeout, but I will.

Yeah. So I just made a really innocuous joke. And I was just like, hey, man, put your phone away. I was like, I was like, they even made an announcement about it or something like you can't have your phone. I don't even remember what it was. Yeah.

And he didn't like it. And he was just like, he's like, I will when you start telling jokes. And I and then like the crowd just like the crowd hated him. And I just like and I was like, I was like, don't get crazy. And he felt that awkwardness. He was like, I'm sorry. And I was like, all right, cool, man. Oh, okay, nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he was just trying to be funny. Right, right. But came off as a real dickhead. That was a rough show. And then the second one, it was packed and also a rough show. We both were like what the fuck were they just wasted or the early show was just bunch of groupon people you know and it's dc

it's way too early so no one comes on seven o'clock and the late show was almost sold out but what's late show 9 30 9 15 9 9 okay and they And they would laugh, but they would stop immediately. And I even said that to them. And I was like, man, this is going south. And Kyle goes up. I thought Kyle did well, but he fucking hated them, too. Right. But then after the show, of course, everyone's like, you were so funny.

Blah, blah, blah. Sorry. DC sucks. Everyone's uptight. Sometimes crowds. Yeah, they're just weird. Yeah, but they're so. And then Saturday. Oh, my God. Sometimes crowds, yeah, they're just weird. Yeah, but they're so... And then Saturday, oh my God, it was two sold out shows.

We crushed. Nice. Like, oh my God, it was crushing. I crushed so hard on that second show. It was insane. I was doing new shit that I just wrote in the green room. No way. Yeah, it was tight.

It was so fucking fun. That's awesome. It was awesome. Got a lot of Instagram followers. It was great. Nice. It was so fun. Yeah. Nice. And he had great sets he thought he didn't but he did he crushed yeah yeah yeah i mean it's that same thing everybody's holds themselves to a higher standard the best part about that whole weekend was like uh he's on that dating app i was telling you uh which were uh famous oh yeah yeah and he matched with a alicia silverstone hey no and i was like

uh and he was like they were he was showing me he was like it was just like a typical hot girl kind of interactions on social media because he's like he's throwing her all these jokes and just like you know like he's just being super funny witty and expressive and she'll just send back an emoji or she'll just send back like aha yeah and then that's all you got to do yeah so you're just like i'm hot you just come to me and so before he left for the trip his little tour he's like oh i'm leaving town but i'll be back here give me your number we'll plan something out and she never gave him her his number and he was like ah it sucks she's never gonna yeah and then the next day i show up she had given him her number

so we after the late show we stayed like an hour uh after trying to he's like dude help me write a text to her and i'm like all right man and it was just like i don't text hot famous people so i don't know i don't know dude i'm clueless yeah we made a bunch and i was like all right we can't make any puns based off her movies because she will hate that well also she's huge in a pita and a huge vegan she is notorious for like breastfeeding her kid way too late oh for real yeah yeah she does not they don't seem like they're gonna work out yeah if i were him i'd be like, who cares? Well, dude, he showed me some of the women that he has had relations with, and it's unreal how attractive people can be.

Yeah, he dated Sarah Silverman, but she's like nothing compared to the women he has bedded relations bedded yeah it's fucking crazy dude because he's like you know he's somebody who's in the industry he's a little famous a little he's just a teeny yeah tiniest bit famous right and uh yeah i'll uh yeah he's like he has some crazy stories he was telling me but the cool thing thing was, Kyle, I opened up for him nine years ago at the Auto Bar. Oh, yeah. It was the hardest bomb I've ever had in my life. Damn. I've been doing comedy for like five months.

Right. I invited all my coworkers. I just started a new job. Rookie move. Graduated college. Bad move. My ex-girlfriend of three years, we hadn't talked in two years, came to my show. My current girlfriend girlfriend friends from high

school your ex and your current girlfriend saw you bomb oh my god the heart to this day right the hardest bomb i've ever had and i was such a hack i didn't know how to do i was dude i had like rape jokes i made fun of kids in wheelchairs i was making fun of like people with aids like you ever be raping a kid in a wheelchair that has AIDS? Hey, come on. Come on, this homo knows what I'm talking about. And dude, I bombed. I just remember bombing.

One of my co-workers' boyfriends took the train in from DC to come to the show. Yo. Dude, I bombed so hard. Yeah, it's almost the bombing isn't as bad as seeing the people after the show too and they all have to pretend like it wasn't that bad it wasn't that bad i'm just like and those yeah i some of those people to this day still think i suck at comedy which is hilarious right yeah right right right but yeah it's it's like well of course you know i'm not just doing that every night for six or seven years oh my god i called out of work the next day dude yeah yeah that's oppressed i called out i was like i can't face these people like i can't

go to my job and like and it was what like a 10 minute set yeah yeah maybe seven so what happened just right out of the gate just well i don't because it's like when you first start it's just like sometimes it's just hit or miss like you sometimes like with the same material you do well then you don't okay so it's that early on so where it's like i don't know i just don't know what i'm doing right right yeah i was five months in is crazy yeah yeah i remember that too of being like well this has been working all the time the first time something doesn't work and you're like what yeah yeah this should be working a couple years ago i did a show where you do your first five minutes so i did some of those jokes yeah it's

so bad yeah but it's funny now doing it and i did that you can still make people laugh with it and because they get the irony of the show they know the concept but like i before even saying some of the jokes like i was wincing i was like oh fuck guys look this is almost 10 years ago right and then you go into a rape joke it's just horrific yeah still but some of them i looked back i'm like damn that is a good joke it just you can't do it today right i mean it takes so much to execute it well yeah yeah just the the subject matter oh my god i bought and then so it was nice and then oh well so after the show kyle dunnigan like he uh he fucked one of my friends and she's like a 10 dude she's years ago the show you bombed out yeah and he remembered her and you remember

that show it was so crazy we tried to her. We couldn't find her on Facebook. That's a cool full circle, though, to do well years later. Right, so then I got to do it, and he was really complimentary. He was like, dude, you should be headlining. Oh, wow, nice. Yeah, who knows if he meant it, but Saturday shows, dude. Pretty fire. The late show, I don't want to brag, but he had a hard time following me for the first 10 minutes.

Yeah, I crushed really hard. I don't know what it was. Some magic in the air. It was crazy. I mean, Saturdays are always they're kind of prime. They're the shows. Yeah. The other shows just seem like this is just something.

They're like the Monday and Tuesdays of comedy. Right. You just got to get through it. Right. Right. So, yeah, it's like I'm fucking exhausted. All right. Yeah. Those people, too. It's like they haven't been home yet. They went straight from get through it. Right. You hate yourself. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I'm fucking exhausted. All right. Yeah.

Those people, too, it's like they haven't been home yet. They went straight from the bar to the show. Yeah. They're not really. Because Saturday, I think his fans came out. Right. And they were pumped to be there. Yeah.

Yeah. There's like an energy. Dude, there's like a Trump. I asked the crowd, I was like, did anyone here vote for Trump? Uh-huh. And this one woman in the front row raised her hand and it was so funny i was like wow no one has like ever admitted that in dc before yeah and uh and i was like will you vote for him again and she's like oh yeah and i was like man you just want to see the world burn

it was just it was just so fun and loose and she and then but she was like a good sport it was tight man right right yeah it was nice that's awesome yeah yeah we had a we had you guys had a bunch of shows your band yeah yeah we did friday through sunday we did songbird at dc and then wind up that's a baltimore and then sunday at annapolis you have to load all that fucking equipment yeah yeah well also yeah we were supposed to like share drums on two of the shows and then that ended up not happening why uh just because one band was gonna get there late and then it was also like well fuck it like let's just bring the drums um and then the second show we were playing with a band i think they're from delaware and

they're like well can we use your stuff and it's like and then we stuff like drums and maybe like a bass cab too but um drums like minus like a snare like what they call breakables so how's that work like if you're a band is it like do you ask that ahead of time yeah well mostly it's a timing thing too because it's a pain in the ass to set up drums for everything so if you have four bands to break down a kit then build up a kit mic the kit and all that stuff so why was it annoying that they wanted to use your guys's drums um just because so typically it's like the band that's playing last uh use their kit because they're gonna go last so might as well just set their thing up you know what i mean and then you're

gonna they're gonna be there the whole show anyway so if somebody has to leave it's no big deal got it but then you bring stuff to like your snare and like a drum throne and hi-hats and stuff like that so it's still like some of your kit but it's just mostly like bass drum and the toms and stuff but yeah luckily the band that was supposed to show up on sunday didn't they're like oh we're sorry they can't make it i was like no fucking problem because the show started at 10 p.m i was like i'm ready to roll 10 p.m on a sunday yeah but it's actually pretty good there because monday most of the like bars and restaurants are closed so sunday night is like the friday night for all like the industry people oh that's interesting yeah yeah so the crowd was actually pretty good nice yeah yeah so like we made good money that show nice i mean like 135 bucks that

show and then wind up was the best show we got 200 at the door and then the bartender was like but um it's 100 for the sound guy and 80 for security like oh cool cool cool cool she's like that's 20 bucks and then me and the uh bar back we felt bad so we chipped in 20 so there's 10 bucks for each of the bands okay cool and then one of the bands is from dc so then we just gave them our 10 bucks yeah yeah fuck but that was like the that was probably one of the funner funnest shows because like a bunch of people came yeah up and uh damn i'm sorry i missed it yeah i mean i i don't know what you were doing kyle who's just crushing oh i guess yeah sure well you're really crushing missing shows wow you should be a headliner of missing show uh no yeah it was it

was so fun man it was cool like karen and all of our friends came and uh miles was like yeah when i saw them walk in i was like it's like wow it's like eight women that are like dressed really well that is such a miles miles is so easy to get down his cadence is so fun it's so easy i love miles yeah love him but yeah uh you know i just i just played my drums and these these beautiful women came in they were here to see us. It was very cool. Yeah. But yeah, no, all the bands are really good. So the first band was Joseph and the Beast.

They're a local band that opened. They're really good. And then Smalltimore, the singer slash keyboard player of that band, helped Miles with his eye when he got mugged last year. He works at Hopkins. Wow. Did Miles know that before? No. No, he just saw him he's like hey are you joey he's like oh yeah so like yeah small to more thing i'm like oh yeah when you got mugged really cornea was fucked up i helped fix that now we're playing a show together wow uh yeah they were super nice then wait their band

was called small to more no no i said like a Smalltimore moment. Got it. I was like, wow, that's very ironic. The band's called Joseph and the Beasts. And he's Joseph. Okay. And then we played and then Swole from DC played. Damn. They were good. They were really good.

It was like if Future Islands was more depressed, I guess. Yeah. A little more industrially sounding. And then Mess closed. Really good. I got to see them once, I think. Or did I? I don't remember.

Yeah, I think you saw them at Joe's Square that one time. Yeah, but I missed most of their set. But they're good. I've listened to their stuff on Bandcamp or SoundCloud or whatever. Yeah, their shit's really good. They were really cool. Friday Night was really fun at songbird we played upstairs for kevin titch show i was gonna try but i wouldn't have made it yeah yeah i think it would have been time parking is such a bitch in uh adams morgan uh yeah the show is so fun because it was

kevin's uh birthday to er Eric DeDorian was there. He was a tiny space. He was great. Yeah, and people stuck around for us too, which was nice. That's awesome. And the dude that books local bands there

for the venue downstairs, he was watching the show and he's like, you guys are really good. If you ever want to come back, just email me. We're like, yeah,

we'll email you. Yeah. Did you email him? Yeah. Nice. And he's like, all right, yeah,

I'll submit you. We asked to play with this one band in like May. Cool. So yeah, hopefully that comes together and then yeah i did stand up that night too and i was like god i feel like such a needy bitch and like and now watch my band play yeah and then here's my comedy that's cool yeah kevin's like dude was it a fun show yeah yeah they were good they're good i was in a weird, I can't really weave in stand up and music at the same time though. Like it's weird. It's a different head space.

Yeah. I get, I think that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Like somebody asked me recently to like, uh, do a show,

um, at union, but she wants, it's like something to raise money for like i think like suicide prevention mental health awareness and it's like an art show there's music there's art there's poetry and she's like i think it'd be great to have some comic relief and i was like yeah i don't think so i was like that's just like a weird headspace to go in yeah for me to do comedy and for the people to enjoy it whole thing is weird you're like i think

it would be great and i was like all right well i was like is this because union's huge and i was like is this gonna be in the main room or the small room big beer hall and she's like i think it's gonna be in the main room and i was like are there gonna be seats and she was like standing and i was like you know what i'm good you know what i love too is that then you're like well how long do you want me to do and they're like how long do you normally do yeah like look and they don't know and i get it like but it's so weird how people do think like comedy should exist in these places but what if you're like i normally do an hour they'd be like okay at this suicide thinking five minutes yeah yeah yeah i've had i've been offered stuff like that in annapolis too i'm like no i don't know no and it's in town but it's not worth just you would hate yourself the whole rest

of the night yeah oh and you're never gonna do you'd also be dreading it too like it's i mean it's fine to have that event but no you can't mix comedy in there too unless it paid really well sure i mean yeah then but i mean like really there's a price for everything yeah it's like hundreds of dollars to do 10 minutes if she was like we'll give you 200 bucks to do 10 minutes i'd be like sold totally but yeah i mean but not gonna work a 50 is not enough they were just like sure enough she was dead yeah and now comedy from yeah it's also like, oh, man. Yeah, my coworker, she blamed the Me Too movement for why she didn't get laid at work. Like, why the fuck? That would suck so much.

Wow, that's a real shame about your dead mom. Now, I'll tell you what's crazy. Relationships. Who's dating out there? Anybody? Suicide's crazy, but so are the things of black kids I work with say. Some days I'd rather kill myself than go to work. This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Yeah. Steal my water. Oh, shit, that's yours. Sorry. Yeah. But anyway, that would just be the weirdest headspace to be in a... You're just watching people present their art about mental illness and their poetry, and you're just like,

what the fuck am I doing here yeah yeah those those like shows where things are mixed in are always weird but there's always a comic who will agree and i'm pretty excited to see who it's gonna be oh i don't know if they're gonna ask but i told them i was like i don't think this is a good time to have a comic oh i almost uh sent you this speaking of people that uh i mean we should save this for the podcast well what do you mean where that's crazy welcome back to the show everybody yeah and you know it's interesting because like a comic posted she got a lot of backlash uh did you see that on twitter um this comic who's a writer for conan she's pretty funny i guess she headlines uh some clubs around the country right right she complained that uh stormy daniels is gonna do comedy

do you see that yeah that's like that's like the new talk right now people are mad about stormy daniels doing comedy apparently she's coming to mcgoob in August. What? Yeah. For sure. A thousand percent. I just want to see that. I want to see what that is. Yeah. Also, so people complaining. Who the fuck cares? So this her argument was

why like she said comedy is not a right. It's not like a right. You don't get a right to do comedy just because you're rich or famous and uh like you're taking away weekends from actual women comics and then it's so funny because it like she didn't even pay like this is so funny how outrage people get like did zero research right she's doing a

wednesday night at this club uh yeah and ever it backfired her tweet like everyone was against her they're like dude what the fuck are you talking like why would you bring down another woman if you were good you'd be getting booked right and also um i think that speaks to why people are so annoyed with outrage culture yeah because i can bet as soon as she saw that she was like oh my god i'm about to go viral with this tweet you know like how excited she was of the likes and the attention she was going to get for her outrage yeah probably outweighed actually her real outrage then she started like oh my god people started tagging stormy in the in like the responses oh did she clap back and uh oh yeah she got her good too so but then i saw that the woman who

originally posted it calling the the those people snitches and was blocking them and it's like okay first of all the whole no snitch culture came from came from like gang culture you fucking idiot yeah and then second like if that's what you believe in stand by it who gives a fuck well that's the thing like if you wouldn't say it to her face why are you saying it yeah online you're such a fucking idiot yeah and but this is the most annoying part of it because this happened in baltimore and i've seen it you know we like people complain like oh it's not fair they don't book x type of comic right right so people feel pressure and now they get booked so the owner the booker of that club reached out to her was like hey it's really hard to get women down here we try um but i'll submit

tapes we'll get you a weekend it's like so fucking annoying that like you get a weekend by complaining it's so fucking annoying i would feel i would feel like such a yeah you should turn that down i would feel so much pressure to to be like be like, God, I better be killing every minute. Yeah, and this doesn't go for a woman. This is for any, like, it could have been a guy who did this. It would just be shitty. Yeah. A trans comic, a black comic.

It doesn't matter. It's more of a comic thing. Yeah, it's just like, if you get a headlining weekend just because you're complaining that someone else got a headlining night, and man, you better be so fucking funny. Yeah, because that's how Carlin got started. He just complained a bunch. Yeah.

He got people to sign forms and submitted that. And she's funny. She's done Conan. She has credit. She headlined. She has a manager. So she's a writer for Conan? Yeah.

She's a writer. She's been writing for Conan for a while. I don't know if she still is. And she's a writer for conan or she okay she's a writer she's been writing for conan for a while i don't know if she still is and she's funny i i want you know but um man it's just like what the fuck what do you have to gain by that i know i also i don't really care like when they're like mick foley's doing stand-up yeah or jeremy piven or chris katan it's like if they're not good it's not gonna last yeah so it and it makes the thing is it's it's a business comics aren't making clubs money anymore really like mick foley and stormy daniels and all these like people when they go do these off nights they're making that club so much money they wouldn't have otherwise book like the instagram kids yeah and they're kind of keeping clubs alive because yeah people don't go out into droves to see comics

like the way they go out to see these people because for the most part people just want to see famous people i was gonna say the name of the game is uh name recognition yeah that's really what it is that's why we run into people all the time they're like wow you're so funny you're great but if they're not on tv or they don't have like a credit exactly he's like oh he's from that thing or that show or that movie i want to see him yeah it's so embarrassing to like be excited to open up for someone and they're like who yeah what what are they done you're like he's pretty big trust me they're one of the best like i'm so excited to have mark norman and no one could give a shit you know what i mean and he's gonna crush yeah i'm so pumped to have Mark Norman and no one could give a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, and he's going to crush.

Yeah. I'm so pumped. God, I'm a little nervous because that guy fucking loves to cancel on shit. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Interesting. So when he sent me a text and it was like, good news, bad news.

I was like, oh, well, here it goes. He's canceling. He's canceling, yeah. And he wasn't, thank God. Yeah. I'm very nervous. Did you follow up at all like yesterday or today like hey i'm gonna text him tomorrow and just be like who are you bringing

how do you want to be paid and be like you're still doing this please to god still do this i don't know what to do it's the most expensive ten dollars but it's the most expensive gin and jokes ticket we've had yeah so it would be in your shoulder right sold out we sold out two weeks ago hell yeah it would just be a bummer. And you're sold out, right? Sold out. We sold out two weeks ago. Hell yeah. It would just be a bummer to. Totally. I don't know what I would do. You know? Colin, I don't know.

Joe, I would get Joe List to come in. Interesting. He's going to be at McGoovy's anyway. We just couldn't tell anybody. Yeah. I don't know. He might come in anyway. Oh, wow.

He texts. They said on the pod, he's like, maybe I'll come down early with you. That would be wild. Yeah, that would be tight. Okay. Well, at least on the pod, he said he was going to come down. See, there's another part. Mark Norman and Joe List are two comics.

They're amazing. They have a podcast called Tuesdays with Stories. Yeah. And Mark's doing my show on Wednesday. This, in a couple days, Josh is on it. And then I'm opening up for Joe List and Magoobie Thursday through Saturday. And Joe texted Chris Allen, my buddy, because Chris is cool with Mark and Joe.

Yeah. And Joe was like, who's the Sumar Khan guy? Is he funny? He's like, is he a good dude? Is he funny? Is he going to bury me?

That's just the comic mind. Who is he? Is he funny? Or is he too funny? Does he suck? How much does he suck? Is he better than me? But yeah, so I should be good.

I'm pumped. But yeah, that was just a frustrating thing to read. It's like, God, who gives a fuck? Yeah. Well, it's, I mean, it's just like, again, it's that whole outrage culture thing where it's, I don't really think, is she actually trying to make that point? Because if she was, she would see it's on a Wednesday. And any comic would be like, fucking take a Wednesday.

Who gives a fuck? Yeah, exactly. Like, us hardworking Wednesday night acts. Like, that's not like. Even if it's on a Saturday, just because you're a comic, you don't have a right to be booked. Just like, just because you're famous and you're rich, you don't have a right to be booked. No. It's just, if you move tickets, that's literally all it is.

Are you moving tickets? Yeah. Then we'll have you. If you're not moving tickets, we might have you, but you're not going to get booked often. And that's what it is, too. This isn't also going to be the launch pad for Stormy Daniels' comedy career, probably. She got sued by the president for hundreds of thousands of dollars just pretty sure she has to make money yeah she has to pay all she has to pay

his legal fees too and i'm sure that's a lot of fucking money yeah also if you're if you imagine trying to sue the this is how dope trump is dude he had an affair with you paid you to cover it up got caught and you still she signed an nda dude are giving him money yeah and his lawyers too because then you're like you took him to court and he's like all right well here we go and then because i mean life must suck for her legally she signed an nda so she broke the nda and the judge is like yeah you legally aren't allowed to do that so yeah you can't say this and what you did say is technically breaking that therefore if you broke it you have to pay the penalty of that you also have to pay his legal fees wow and i guess she was hoping it was just like such a big thing that maybe it would pay off

but and then because yeah and that people i thought some people were like i remember some celebrities were saying like hey we'll pay the nda fine if you just oh yeah maybe that happened but i know that she was um touring not not stand up but uh doing some strip clubs yeah she was torn her tits she took her tits out on the road uh but yeah i mean last time she was in baltimore she was at the gold club remember yeah yeah so yeah i know people who were who like went oh really yeah they were like pumped they're like oh my god it's like you hate trump that much yeah you go beat off yeah also i'm part of the resistance probably jizzed all over those tits and face oh you know oh god which doesn't make her gross no but i don't want to see those titties no i'm kidding i mean i've seen i've seen i've seen her porn yeah sure sure um

but yeah i'm sure if she was just like all right i'm what in my 40s now? I don't feel like... I think she has kids too. It's like if you would rather make a brick of cash stripping and being ogled by like the gnarliest dudes all over the country night in, night out, or I can bomb at stand up for like 45 minutes and get 10 grand or whatever. Yeah, she's probably getting 100% of the door. Well, she probably has a deal.

Like I'm guessing... Well, maybe. I'm guessing she gets getting 100 of the door though she probably has a deal like i'm guessing well maybe i'm guessing she gets 100 of the door so she's walking away with at least 10 grand if not more yeah it's pot once you get to like those bigger acts so you get that guarantee you know i think there's a guarantee of the door you might get a bonus it goes above yeah you get the bonus yeah yeah she's making an insane amount of money. She's probably making at least 10 grand. That's what that's my thought. Yeah. For one night.

Yes. So why the fuck would she not do that? I would do that. Even if she bombs, it doesn't. And she won't. That's the thing. It's going to be set up for her to not bomb. It's going to be really hard.

An hour is going to be hard. She'll probably do a half an hour. Right. And then a Q&A. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. And then have like two local openers or something. Yeah.

Go a while. I would fucking love to open up for her. Tommy already asked. Tommy Sabazo already asked to go locally. Damn, he's smart. But yeah, I didn't know that she was touring. I just saw that it was in that random place because everybody kept sharing that same like screen cap.

Dude, we should try getting her on the pod on the pod oh yeah welcome to the resistance you know be like hey uh remember when you fucked the president that's so now you're really you're getting back at him now yeah i mean i'm hoping that uh somebody paid her legal fees because that shit would not be cheap no she owes him like four hundred thousand dollars it's insane it's nearly half a million dollars i mean it is kind of shitty what she did like all right you fucked a married guy and the it was all built on that like the money he used was campaign money technically because it was during a campaign but it's basically any money you spend has to be um allocated and like explained like money that you spend so because he was it was money during the like he didn't take it from a fund of the campaign but any money you spend that

directly impacts the campaign is technically campaign spending. But Cohen paid it. And then he paid back Cohen. Right. So they found a loophole. Kinda. I mean, it was so clear. Like the shell company that they made and all that shit. And the Trump Foundation closed. Oh, no.

I think. All the good work that they were doing. Yeah. Because it was just like a way for him to hide money. Those poor kids. Yeah, sure. And then siphon money out of it and shit. It's so crazy we get away with when you're rich. Oh, yeah. Dude, he used most of it, too siphon money out of it and shit so crazy we get

away with you're rich oh yeah dude he used most of it too to get like paintings of himself and shit like that that's so cool there's uh um he's gonna win well uh i don't know what who somebody else like said they're running for president today too from the democrats i think they're up to like almost 20 people running hey what's up with everyone hating bernie now uh we love bernie and now it's like before it was he lost because the democratic national committee they didn't support him yeah and now everyone's saying he lost because he didn't do a good job reaching out to the black voters yeah some people i think people just don't like losers uh people were saying that during the campaign too though okay but being like well

why do i have to vote for him like what does he do for me everyone's like he should i was at a party and this kid oh my god it was so annoying this kid was trying to inject trump into every conversation i'm like cool yeah i'd be like man it's kind of it's kind of a bummer that they left all the lights on it kills a vibe he's like hey you know what else is a bummer and kills a vibe hell yeah trump it was literally like like dude i'm not like exaggerating horning it in there literally kept doing it and at one point i was just like dude you just want it like no one like all right go ahead talk about trump dude go ahead yeah also we all agree we're not fans and then he was like bern Bernie should step aside.

He's just an old white man. I'm like, why? It's America. He has every right to run. Yeah. Also, a lot of his- And he has the most chance so far. He's the front runner.

He said that Bernie's disrupting the process, and my buddy Owen was like, how, dude? He's the front runner. He is it right now. Also, all of his policies policies his super left policies are what everybody is about now like he moved the whole party to the left yeah like everybody has to take a stance on medicare for all because of him yeah i guess like people like i didn't know that he took money from the nra i didn't know any of that stuff well in vermont people like guns people love guns he represents the state of vermont and uh i don't know shit about guns um

but i list they're pretty cool they do seem fun like my buddy uh like chris he has a bunch of guns well yeah and he was like yeah like you never shot a gun never i would like to it's really fun there's a there's a shooting range right next to mcgoobies oh right continental arms um maybe i'll see if joe wants to do that yeah hey i know we just met you want to shoot guns you want to shoot guns live rounds i'm a big fan joe i would i would never kill you uh no as soon as you shoot a gun you're like oh i get it yeah it feels it feels cool i mean it's it's pretty scary though like i'm sure it's insane when you're like wow like just pulling this like i could fuck some shit up yeah yeah evan keeps the shotgun under his bed just in case because you know you can just buy a shot like we could go to walmart right now and

buy a shotgun without any permits right that was um that was in what fahrenheit no bowling for columbine uh where they go to kmart and walmart yeah like bullets and stuff he bought it for the he has like a whole apocalypse uh uh kit ready yeah he has like a bag with everything he will need a little bit go bag yeah he has that yeah shotgun interesting it does i'm not gonna lie dude it's funny because i do feel safer knowing that we have a shotgun in our house i don't know how to use it. That's such a big gun. I know. I don't know how to use it.

Bill Burr has that great bit, though. I think just to threaten someone. Because I feel like if someone breaks into your house, for the most part, they're not going to have a gun. Yeah. And they're just like junkies who want to steal stuff. Yeah. If you just fucking show them a shotgun, I think they would just run out of your house. Yeah.

It just gets scary if they have a weapon too. Oh, then I would pee my foot. I would shit myself. Awesome. Well, Bill Burr has a great bit about it too. He's like, okay, so you have a gun. It's in the middle of the night. You can't see shit.

Yeah. And they're not just going to stand there. And it's like, so I don't know. Do you just shoot through the wall and kill your neighbor? Yeah. Also, he's like, you shoot it and it's so fucking loud so he's like he does the act out of shooting the gun he's like and then like shoots it then it's just like and then it's just because your ears are just ringing you don't know what the fuck's going on I well and like I never

want to own a gun but I don't know it does. I remember when he told me that, I was like, all right. And then every time where I think, because I have these weird paranoid thoughts sometimes. I think everyone has that where you wake up in the middle of the night, you're like, is there someone in the house? Dude, Karen is so freaked out. But I get that a lot more than most people, I think. Really? One time, this is going to make me sound terrible.

I thought someone was in my house. I thought I heard gunshots, and I was so scared. I just got up, and I locked my room, and thought someone was in my house. I thought I heard gunshots and I was so scared. I just got up and I locked my room and then just, I got under my covers. I was like, well,

if I die, I die. Who gives a shit? I'll die doing what I love. This was, this was, Dick Russian Sessions coming to an end. Thank you.