The Digression Sessions - Ep. 280 - Josh & Umar 3:16

Episode Date: March 16, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their handsome selves and catch up on the week of shows and whatnot.  Umar released his special! Check it out -> HERE! And Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete, released a new ep entitled Progress! It's available wherever you stream music! Bandcamp link -> HERE!  Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Welcome to Bunny. Oh, Nesquik. Nesquik. Wow, I forgot about Nesquik. How could you? That was like such a part of childhood

does that still exist i must exist the whole chocolate milk uh i don't see it anymore yeah i don't see it as like a big i mean but we're not around you know the the kids that i hang out with at these on the islands when i go to millionaires yeah the kids i hang out with moved on to meth yeah if you want to be cynical you can call them pedophile islands but you know i see it as just a vacation and i don't see a lot of those kids drinking chocolate milk i don't know i don't know um yeah no i remember liking nesflix i thought the bunny was cool yeah i was a big ovaltine fan i liked it warm like better than what like anything that was like a chocolate chocolate mix

yeah i really hated the chocolate syrup that you squeezed like the hershey's yeah that everyone traditional i loved i loved hershey's i hate putting that on my ice cream i hate it interesting yeah i didn't really put it on my ice cream either i'm pretty much an ice cream purist me too dude i hate toppings actually i don't mind i was gonna say my purist when it comes to toppings like i'll go a little bit but it's i don't need it it's like a nice little treat a treat on my tree yeah no yeah let me take i like like do you think we're opening up the podcast with too many hot takes yeah dude i'm nervous we're gonna get canceled i think cereal on ice cream is strong cereal yeah what are we talking like dude frosted frosted flakes on ice cream honey bunches of oats uh i mean it's so fucking good interesting yeah that crunch the

crunch even like shredded like frosted shredded wheats whoo i mean that's basically like candy anyway yeah it's tight which i love yeah so what if you had cookie crisp throw that on oh my god boy they uh i don't like gummies and ice cream because no hard and shit get out of it i don't want that if you're an adult and you do that please kill yourself yeah just that's a hot take yeah if you're an adult that eats a sweet treat and put cereal on it stay alive yeah stay that's way different hey put some fucking uh k the what's that k special special k, that's a drug. Yeah. Put some special K on it.

What's the K cereal? No, I think that is it. I think it's the same thing. Yeah, special K. Put that on your, if you want to be an adult. No, I just think like gummies and ice cream do not. No, I don't want that chewy. It's just like it's so hard.

I don't want that chewy. I remember like in elementary school, we'd have birthday parties. Yeah. And people would bring in in ice cream and stuff. And that was a good thing. This is on the pedophile island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This was last week, bro.

Timmy's birthday party was lit. I took my plane there with Bill Clinton. The manifesto was hype. We had comet pizza on the plane. Oh, no. You got it catered? Mm-hmm. Ping pong.

Woo. All right. Most people are probably like, what are they talking about they know okay they they fuck kids most of our audience probably fucks kids yes that's why the oval teen and hershey's people want to sponsor our podcast yeah obviously yeah i'm thinking about you okan i know you fuck kids i just pick one guy who listens i know yeah he uh he hooked up uh well he didn't really hook it up but uh my pizza that he gave me uh from uh joe square that yeah stickers on it i saw that was really cool that was pretty

cute i was mad i was like i never got when he's like dude you never order pizza i was like all right yeah you're right you're right yeah i guess if you're getting pizza you're always getting it there you know it's funny uh i get all the messages that joe squared gets because i'm linked up to their like i'm a part of oh on their facebook i see every complaint oh really most of the time it's people are fine but this time someone complained about one of the bartenders at gin and jokes and it was okan they were saying he wasn't uh welcoming or polite but to his credit he has a bitch face yeah yeah he's a fucking brown face fuck from uh the middle east no um he was really sweet uh we only had one bartender we're supposed to have two

and um so he came in he had literally just left like an hour and a half ago we called him from working a full shift already yeah came back left his kid and wife just to help out at the bar and then left so like that's so funny he's probably in a bad mood he's like um he had a sourpuss on and i wasn't here for it that just like wasn't the journey that i wanted yeah i mean i get like being pleasant sure is important uh but i couldn't imagine like writing a message about the amount of times i've we've come across shitty bartenders in this town and i've never wrote a message ever ever ever ever yeah i don't i don't care for those people yeah it's uh also i showed you this but i was at mcgoobies and uh all weekend and when you're hosting you have to do the um you have to do the thing where you get people to fill out

comment cards and then you do a drawing on stage at the end of the show so it's the most one of the most insulting things you can do because so the show's over yes everyone had a great time and then you're like okay okay guys comment cards fill them out we're gonna do a drawing well and then it sucks too like you have to bring them up during the show yeah so you do your set which is like breaking the ice that already sucks like people are still looking at their menus like you can see people with like flashlights looking at like the menu like oh should we get nachos do you want to split right and then you do your time and you're like all right guys you're ready to start the show but before we do that make sure

you fill out those comment cards at the end of the show we're gonna pick to it feels so awkward it sucks i was i did it once uh he so awkward. It sucks. I did it once. I don't know what. I just did it once. But it sucks because you have to do it right before the headliner. So the feature does their closer. Oh, I do it before the feature. He told me to do it before the headliner.

Yeah, but I just feel like the headliner doesn't like it. No, I know. I even warn him. I'm always like, hey, man, I have to do this. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, anytime you're hosting, you have to do that stuff. Like DC Improv, they want you to be like, all right, you guys ready for your headliner? Well, cool.

If you check out your programs on the table, on the 24th, we have so-and-so coming. We have Brian County. Yeah, it's so dumb. And it's like, dude, just let them see the headliner. I feel like it's disrespectful. Like if our podcast, it was like, if you like this podcast, check out this other podcast.

Then there's another podcast. It's really great. It's like like just let me see the thing that i'm here to see yeah it's really dumb i mean also it doesn't people are coming and it's not for that reason yeah i think i think maybe it might be a few people that would be like oh i would see so and so but it's like if they had a great time at the club they wouldn't be like well i guess i'll never check their website but you bought a ticket so they have your email address you know what i mean but it's like if they had a great time at the club, they wouldn't be like, well, I guess I'll never check their website. But you bought a ticket, so they have your email address. You know what I mean? So it's just like... Yeah, yeah.

And also, if they had fun, they were going to come back. But so I'm drawing and I'm doing the comment cards. And sometimes, like, they have waitresses walk around collecting them. But a lot of times, you'll end up just grabbing them from people, like, who are near the front and then throw them in the basket when it gets you. Yeah, because you have to sit on stage. Oh, yeah. You have to be on stage the whole time they're filling them out it's so uncomfortable it just sucks you just don't look like a comic yeah it's and then you have to like try to talk to people yeah i just

sit in the back i was on my phone i think at one time i was just like this yeah this sucks but if it's like a good show like and also i would only do that if people were like kind of looking at me like did you have fun like yeah yeah some people are cool they talk to me and stuff yeah but uh so uh i collected the comment cards and i just got curious so i looked down and the one on top was just like uh the guy wrote a comment for every comic on the show and he said that uh i need to stop snorting into the mic yeah uh well i don't need to say the other person but then uh he kind of made fun of the other person too and then said like the headliner is hilarious it's just like yeah why do you write that no one is gonna take that it's just just it's just mean spirited yeah it's shitty because

yeah they think that you're not gonna see it too yeah i wanted to um i was so close i'm gonna read this i was gonna be like hey brett uh thanks for the nice comment asshole. But it's probably a good thing I didn't do that. Yeah, you might have been able to get away with it. You think so? Maybe. I mean, if you say it in enough of like a... Yeah, I'm sure it was some fucking guy who came alone. And like, it's just, you know, like one of those like neckbeard overlord.

Yeah, it's possible. Or yeah, or just like a drunk affliction t-shirt camo hat guy yeah so dude what do i have him quit like snorting the mic idiot yeah it's so but for the most part it was a great weekend it was like the i did really well on every show nice we had 300 people at one show it was insane it's the best and it is like yeah it's just like you're in a theater it's tight mcgoobies yeah when mcgoobies is full it's really good it's so good it's so good it was yeah it was awesome uh yeah it was great nice man yeah i did uh i did a few yeah i did gin and jokes on the wednesday night yeah you should check it out you should check it out yeah i didn't think so man i don't know you had

a different perspective on it but like I thought Mark Norman was great. The crowd was just like, eh. Yeah. His jokes are so funny. I think it's interesting. It's just interesting what people want, you know? Right, right. So I think a crowd around here, they don't want a guy who just tells jokes.

And it sucks because I would have booked him regardless but i feel like i really sold the show and uh i i like i think he's one of the best comics but the thing is you sold the show with his clips though yeah like his late night stuff is his act and that's what he did it's not like you like you know like some commute like i'm sure if you saw dave chappelle do five minutes you'd be like that's great but you don't really get all of it yeah you know but with mark norman it's like what he's selling there is the exact same thing you're getting he's very all his jokes fit the same formula um which is not to take anything away from him yeah but it's like yeah if you don't like what he's doing, there's no shift. He's an old school set up punch guy.

Yeah. It's almost like a throwback to vaudeville. And his whole voice and his mannerisms. Right, right. And it sounds disparaging, but it is very like, it's a throwback. That's all. It's not like cliche. It's kind of like a modern classic kind of way to go about it.

Yeah. I mean, I think he is um one of the few people doing that so i i don't think you know i think it's original right right right i think no i think it's i think it's natural for him the way he's coming out like it's not doesn't seem like he's you know sometimes you'll see a comic trying to be like i'm the edgy guy or like i'm really stretching out here it's like he's just being him it's interesting because uh i would say several people told me that he was trying that uh they sent some bitterness in him and that they kind of were like um he was kind of being too preachy i didn't think he was preaching yeah i didn't either but you know i think that's like what people if if you're like

a straight white guy yeah you're telling you're towing the line with like offensive, edgy, whatever material. Yeah. And people don't get a sense of who you are. Yeah. They want to be like, we want to know you didn't vote for Trump. We want to know you support me too. You know, and I don't with him. You don't know any of that.

Right. Right. And so I think people get nervous and they're like, is this guy hateful or is he just making jokes? Yeah. It just sucks, though, that you he's literally a comedian i know and it's what really like to say because one of his great uh premises was is like you know if i hook up with a chick and then i want to leave i should be able to leave yeah like you know i did the thing already i i was funny i i was i was more interesting than the other guys at the bar i got you home i've been working so i did it yeah if you want to keep me here maybe you should work yeah you do the now

you do you do the work you make me stay and then uh yeah that felt that fell flat dude that felt completely flat well that was like a larger chunk but yeah and he got pops with him but yeah people were kind of uncomfortable and then he's like dude like motion motion cacher on his uh first album uh just came on in my car the other day you know sometimes like you turn on the car and just like a random song pops on it was uh motion cacher and he's like uh um so yeah uh if you guys are offended by any of this material that's okay um just at the end of the show, shut the fuck up. Yeah.

And then he goes, I was just kidding. And you're like, yeah. But for some people, that's not good. But you're watching a comic, not a TED Talk. And I know people get annoyed at comics because we harp on this a lot. But in my email, I even put a disclaimer. Did you write no queers allowed? I said no queers, no Jews, no blacks. Right, right.

Shirts and shoes optional. Oh, very progressive of you. It's like emotional support dogs are allowed in. But that's what all those signs mean. They just like, you know, like Power Plant Live, they have like no like tanks. It's really just like hey we don't know no do rags yeah like what do black people wear we don't want right right right because they're just they're no baggy pants that's what all those signs mean yeah unless

you're at the beach it says shirts and shoes you need but well no we know what we need but yeah what they mean by what's up hey hey hey but hey. Yeah. Who don't they be my skins? I think like Mark's whole thing is he is like pointing out these hypocrisies that exist on the left. Yeah. Like he had a like like or just with anyone like with the he had this abortion joke, which I think is one of the best jokes I've ever heard in my life. I'm not even exaggerating. Like, I wish I wrote that joke, dude. It's so quick and the joke is like

um one time i you know i kind of made some jokes about an abortionist lady came up to me after the show and she's like hey that's i've had an abortion and i don't think that's like those jokes are funny he's like whoa i just i just made a joke about it yeah what you did is worse yeah and like it got nothing yeah and i've seen him do that joke at seven different shows maybe and it crushes and it just made me so mad it's the young young hip audience because it's actually i was thinking about it's like and it's a pro-abortion joke right all right all right well i think oh no maybe it's well no it's just a joke yes it's a joke he's making yeah yeah he was punching down technically oh yeah who gives a fuck but you know it's like a. He's making fun. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he was punching down technically. Oh, yeah. Who gives a fuck? But, you know, it's like a campaign, basically, because you're like, hey, you guys should

vote for me with your laughter. Like, you should like me. They're like, I don't think I'm voting for you. I don't know if I can support your policies. Yeah. I will say, like... R.E. Abortion.

I think he... Yeah. Also, he has another joke he didn't do, but he did do some transgender stuff. And as soon as he started talking about it the air in the room was just like yeah what is he about to say and i thought he made a good point it was just kind of like just because you're a transgender person doesn't mean you're automatically a good person and he kind of had some examples caitlin jenner like has run over a person caitlin jenner is against gay marriage yeah and he used to do this thing it's like hey guys like caitlin jenner is against gay marriage yeah and he used to do this thing it's like hey guys like

caitlin jenner like she's beautiful right like yeah she's really beautiful like yeah like she looks like you and then the girl gets upset he's like whoa why are you mad yeah i thought she's beautiful and like that is like a another perfect fucking like that's so good pointing out hypocrisy yeah but it is it is funny with his his material is kind of like um statistics like i always heard like if you take that class it was always so hard because if you fuck up one thing it's just gonna fuck up other stuff yeah it all builds off of it so he's like oh i don't like the abortion stuff huh what about these trans yeah how come you can't say midget anymore yeah the crowd's like nah dude a lot of those yeah that's

the thing with new york comics like it's just joke joke so it's like take tell a joke but that's what the audience wants up there though they're like let's go let's go yeah and then like it's so funny because i was working with his friend joe list and they do a podcast together and joe's another great comic yeah but there's three birthdays in the audience at Magoobies. At one time? Yeah. Holy shit. At the early... I want to say it was the early Friday or late Friday.

That's crazy. It was nuts. But they were fine. They didn't... And we're a bachelorette party. He's like, oh, you got a birthday here? You got a birthday there? You got a birthday here?

And he's like, I can't do crowd work. And then he was just like, he's like, I hope you guys genuinely have a happy birthday. And he just went into his act. Slam. Yeah, but there's no like. Roasted. I feel like when you're in an environment like New York, you just, you like material, material, material.

Yeah, material is king. You don't really develop. Sometimes some comics don't develop like that. I don't know, like kind of endearing yourself to an audience. Yeah, more in a conversational way yeah like talking to them rather than at them yeah in a way so that's good but that's what the new york thing breeds too because when you start out there's so many the open mics you're not getting a lot of time either no so you got three minutes yeah so you gotta fucking get that shit in there yeah

it was i don't know i it sucked because i think he did well it wasn't like a bomb by any means no he got laughs throughout when he got big pops which is kind of a testament to that it's like they're not even really completely on his side but like he's still getting them yeah right yeah and um he yeah it's just funny because i honestly thought like, I was like, man, this is like people don't even know like how great this show is about to be. And like people don't like, like I felt like I was just like doing this cool thing for like a gin and jokes, the gin and jokes audience. Like I was so pumped. I was like, dude, you guys get to see one of the best comics working today. And for only $10 like that will never happen here because here if you're gonna

go see a comic at his caliber you're going to a club you're paying like at least thirty dollars per person he's normally at mcgoobies yeah yeah and uh whoo it was it was fine but i don't think people walked away feeling like blown away it's funny it's like you're like the the new stepdad yeah you know what billy's really to like? A baseball glove. Yeah. He's like, baseball kids make fun of me at school, you asshole. You're like,

I tried, I'm sorry. Yeah, but it really made me think. I just wanted to give you something nice. It made me wonder, like me and Martin were talking about that today, Martin Amini of DC.

Fame. Overachievers, whatever. Fame. like it's like a TV show of DC. And he was like, you know, I was just kind of saying like, it so funny like now that you think about it like if you ask comics to name their favorite comics for the most part they're not going to name the general public's favorite comics yeah

like a lot of people don't know who eric andre is or something yeah a lot of people yeah like david tell or uh or even like you know know, Mark and Joe or Sam Morrell. Like, they're not going to name those guys. Yeah. Or Rory Scoble. Yeah. Nate Bargatze. Yeah, exactly. And like when, like, you know, those are like comics that I strive to be.

Like, I'm never like, I need to be more like, well, you know, I don't know. Go ahead. Oh, you're like Kevin Hart. Like, I don't want to be like Kevin Hart or whatever. Right, right. Yeah, it's just so funny so now i'm like do you book do you book those comics you know because those comics are cost way more than other comics that like headliners that who have just consistently killed and crushed their whole set yeah they'll cost way less than someone like mark norman yeah i thought he was gonna do well like in a way that people kind of get that it's

tongue-in-cheek but they really just take him at his word yeah it's weird it's disappointing because i thought we like we kind of i mean whatever people are allowed to have whatever sensitivities they want i don't know about that i'm not in my house yeah but they kind of really uh or maybe it was like they, but they kind of really, or maybe it was like they enjoyed, but they were nervous to laugh. I don't know. There's a part of that too,

where some people I think are, get uptight. Like speaking of DC, there's a lot of that where they're like, not personally offended, but they're like, oh, should I be? Or what if this person sees me laughing?

And I don't know if I want to offend them. Yeah. And then like, but yeah, I don't know. Cause he did have yeah and then like but yeah i i don't know because he did have people laughing throughout so yeah i did i did seem like he did have like a little bit of an air of like he did fuck i think it like uh because i yeah and also the crowd was a little different than the usual crowd it just felt the energy was different from the beginning and i was really and

i could like i've sensed it i was like and max the guy who the whiskey guy he even was like this is weird like yeah yeah people he was like he's like no one's really buying drinks people aren't talking to each other usually it's like a party down there before the show starts and it was very everyone came down they took their seats they're quiet it was weird it was still sold out though yeah and some we let in in way too many people. We would have died if there was a fire. If a fire ever happens during Tune In Jokes, we're all dead. Yeah.

Like, half the crowd will die. Oh, sure. I said that one time, and it wasn't funny. No, crowds do not like that. No. I've done that at Ragtime. Like, damn, it is straight up a fire hazard. Yeah.

This is dope. If there's a fire, we'll probably die. And they're like, what? Yeah. Huh? dope. If there's a fire, we'll probably die. And they're like, what? Yeah. Yeah. It sucks. Because, you know, I hope it doesn't, like, affect the show. And I always just want people to have a good time, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you going to do? I mean, yeah. You seem, like, pretty beat up about it. Oh, dude. It took days.

You didn't do anything. Yeah. It took days to get over. Yeah. You're acting like you're like work for bp and there's an oil spill you're like i'm sorry i skimped out on the same thing like you booked one of the best working comics right now to be in a basement in baltimore so i know so yeah and again it wasn't like a fucking bomb no no no i think i mean i think most people

had fun so yeah and the people who didn't then uh I guess if they don't come back, it's a bummer. But maybe it's better for everyone involved. Well, listen, you talked about butt sex at this one. Oh, yeah. So they're going to come back to hear more about your other sexual exploits. Well, it's also funny because I know we're talking about the left a lot. But I was at Magoobies. And it's just so funny to see how the conservatives, they get uptight just as much now.

It's so weird. Yeah, of course. That's why the snowflake thing is so funny. Yeah. So you hate me because of my hat? Well, I hate you. Our buddy Nolan, he brought up a fun thing. He was like, dude, next time if you do a show like that to a group of conservatives and

they get uptight on something, just be like, oh, geez, I didn't know a bunch of snowflakes were going to be here. Yeah. Because, yeah, I mean, I kind of played it safe this weekend, but there was a couple times, like I riffed some like heroin stuff, and, you know,

because heroin is like big out in the counties in Maryland. I don't think people liked it. And then even Joe made some heroin joke. He's like, oh, I'm sensing I'm hitting something too close to home. Right. Like, well, we call we called oxy but yeah yeah but when you're in a club like you don't want to be so yeah yeah yeah but it's just so annoying because conservatives always give liberals so much shit like yeah oh you pussy it's like you

guys dude can't laugh trump is the only president where you walk into a venue a show a club or whatever and sometimes people ask you to avoid making trump jokes because people get too upset that is never from from my understanding from talking to older comics that has never happened to any other president yeah i mean trump himself is such a big pussy i know it's so infuriating so it's not media is not nice to me yeah it's not just liberal it's kind of like everyone right now everyone's just so hypersensitive everybody's in their feelings yeah like uh and mcgoobies i would do the baltimore accent joke yeah it was going well then i think it was just going on like too long it's like oh

a lot of people in here with that accent huh that got it yeah it's like man well no one is smart who has that accent like literally no one is smart if you have that like and i guess that's yeah i probably shouldn't lead with that uh yeah because you can have a southern accent and be a very intelligent person but there is going to be nobody with the baltimore yeah doing it that cures can't that does anything theory relativity yeah i guess wait until you see what i would look dude i if you dude, if we can find a professor who has, I will pay to take that class and sit through it every day. Yeah, he's at Hopkins.

Yeah. Oh, how y'all homos doing? I'm just kidding. Let's get started. Bring up the board. He's just teaching bio 101. Mitosis. Oh, what about mitosis?

Come on, I'm just kidding, y'all. Here we go uh yeah i did uh yeah speaking of like all the the trump stuff and like audiences i did uh annapolis on uh on saturday with this dude jeff richards um it was pretty fun it was a sold out show but it was like a lot of older people so i got to make fun of them which is nice like i had like a little bit of a cheat code because i know annapolis so i got to make fun of them which is nice like i had like a little bit of a cheat code because i know annapolis so i got to make fun of them a little bit like i talked about owning a house in baltimore and i was like you know what fuck you because they weren't giving it up i was like annapolis is like look my second boat costs more than your first house yeah and that like

yeah what show was it again uh it was at ram's head. It was just a one-off on West Street with this dude, Jeff Richards. Oh, how was it? It was fun. He was cool. He was, he's, you know how it's like sometimes when you meet a headliner or whatever or like meet a comedian that you like, oh, I wouldn't normally check you out type of thing. It's like, so what are your credits? He's like, I was on SNL and I was the first person to ever be on mad tv and snl and that was what that was in 2001 holy shit and then he's like and i'm on uh

real rob on netflix which is like rob schneider show and i was okay i did not know that was a thing yeah yeah that that show that's like netflix is like we'll put it on but you have to pay for all of it really yeah how do you know that? I forget. I think I worked with somebody else that talked about that, too. Oh, that is awful. But yeah, he did a lot of impressions and stuff. Yeah, so it wasn't that great. It was okay. Did people turn up?

Like for him, or you mean like for the show? In general, how big was the audience? Oh, I think it was like 200, maybe 250. Oh, that's not bad. It was packed. It was like 10 away from being sold out. Oh, that's great. Yeah, dude, it was like 200 oh that's not bad it was it was packed it was like 10 away from being sold out oh that's great yeah dude it was so sick and like yeah a lot of people on the way they're like oh my god you're so good oh nice yeah that's the best thank you thank you

gave out a few cards and whatnot it was nice yeah and then like the asshole stuff people do like i liked you better than the other guy yeah people said that to me too like stuff but also it's like it's a different thing like that guy did an hour you know i did 10 20 whatever 25 yeah and i got some and i got to make fun of like annapolis and stuff yeah sometimes when people say it i'm like yeah yeah yeah i mean honestly that night yeah but like i'm better than joe list no fucking way you know know, Joe List is a fucking, he's a monster. Well, we had that with Nate Bargatze, remember? Oh, yeah. He's like one of the best joke writers, comics.

I don't know. I like the middle guy a little better. Yeah. And that guy was horrific. So, yeah. But no, the dude is really nice. But yeah, we talked about that too, just about audiences. And I was talking about the Trump stuff.

Even if you have an anti-Trump bit, it has to be so good. So good. Because even people that agree with you are like, oh, yeah, that fucking guy. I forgot he existed for a half hour. Yeah. Yeah. It's just people like they... I think it's just because it's just so divided right now that um yeah if it's like

people just want to know where you're coming from so i've noticed that like some of my jokes that usually wouldn't hit emma goobies hit harder this time maybe because i'm also a better comic but also more comfortable my newer jokes is kind of making fun of the left yeah and so i think they're like this guy's on our side and then i did jokes that are more i guess like if you could call what not woke but just like making fun of like racist white people and they were like more on board right so it was very interesting because you know i was making fun of like me too and i was making fun of like or not making fun of it just like lightly talking about it right and like making fun of like people how they identify as like oh yeah yeah yeah like that

joke present that joke has never crushed harder than it did in front of like finally in front of a timonium yeah yeah we knew it those guys are yeah that show crushed so hard that i even got two tags from it just from riffing oh it's awesome yeah it was so stupid i was like god these people yeah last time i was in annapolis it was right after the election i was opening with that bit i was like yeah yeah election was weird right it's like kind of scary you know like we almost had a woman president yeah and then like so that would like divided the room immediately yeah and then i was like i was like just kidding then this woman she just goes you're in annapolis honey and i was like what does that

mean yeah exactly i think annapolis is very liberal right for the most part but there's also a lot of I was like, just kidding. And this woman, she just goes, you're in Annapolis, honey. And I was like, what does that mean? Yeah, exactly. I think Annapolis is very liberal, right? For the most part. But there's also a lot of like old and new money, like have several boats. And then you have a house on the bay and all that stuff. But also, like she said it with like this like redneck accent is like, you're not who Annapolis is. Yeah. You're in Annapolis, honey.

God. Like she's driving like, this is Alabama. Like, maybe there is like a lot of like river type people in Annapolis. You know what I mean? Mud people. Yeah. Yeah. But they weren't at the show.

I mean, I think she was just like by herself. Well, dude. But yeah, after like and then talking about like people like not really understand like etiquette and stuff like that. Jeff had a chick come to the show it's actually a couple but she's like a big comedy fan and she makes quilts for comedians so he's like yeah last time i was in dc she came out with her like boyfriend and gave me this quilt it was really nice oh cool and i actually ended up doing crowd work with them and not knowing it was them and

like kind of fucking around then i went back to the green room after the show and they were in there and i was like and she introduced herself i was like oh yeah so you're the chick we were talking about earlier whatever and she was just saying stuff to jeff of just like like because she was like oh what's your instagram what's your twitter to me and it's like oh it's this she's like oh you're not verified jeff how come you're not verified on twitter you should be verified on instagram i'm just like uh god what did he say he's like i'm not famous no one gives a shit i don't think he wanted to say that but he's just like yeah yeah you're right why not wow i've never heard of that guy me either that's so crazy that

people can do a room that big that we who do comedy have never heard of. I've never heard of it. I mean, when it said it, it's like, SNL's Jeff Richards. And I was like, who? They must have papered that room. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah.

Or like super cheap tickets. But yeah, it was one show at 7 o'clock. I was home before 10. It was fucking great. Oh, that's the best. It was so nice. $150 in my pocket, and I'm out of there. Yeah, that's the coolest thing about McGoobiesies it's 10 minutes away so good decent food too which is oh yeah i

was eating those fish tacos all weekend uh hummus hey now yeah and i'm not drinking this month so it's just oh it was funny at gin and jokes um when i got off stage uh it's like because normally when i get off stage i'll grab like a beer or something just like mellow out a little bit and then i was still like kind of felt like a little like up and energized and i asked eric i was like hey do you have uh um your pen on you like a weed penner he's like ah no i only have like regular and i was like ah damn and then the guy that saw you in dc that was at the show yeah he was like hey i was eavesdropping do you want to oh my god i wish i would have known i would have took some i was like yeah please some of his favorite bible quotes i would have said sir lay down some verses so cool it was so

nice what was funny like i took actually i think it was like it was actually before i was going up and i was like ah all right i'll take a little he was like, it was actually before I was going up and I was like, ah, all right, I'll take a little. He's like, do it a lot. What are you doing? I was like, okay. He's like, take a bit. I was like, all right. Hit a lot.

I was like, all right. Hit a lot. He was great. Yeah. What was that guy's name? I was thinking it was Dan. Yeah. Shout out to Dan.

Yeah. Good dude. Yeah. He came, he saw me at, in DC and he came. He's a big Mark Norman fan. Nice. Yeah. Yeah.

I was telling, I was telling i was telling karen and lauren about that about like hitting the dude's pen she's like i don't know if i could do that it'd be like i'd be like worried about like herpes it was like oh yeah i mean i'm not worried about i mean i know he definitely has herpes now so it's no big deal you're gonna have no big deal no big deal yeah we did uh uh some pretty yuppie shit, dude. I did a trampoline exercise class on Thursday. How was that? It was pretty fun.

I had a good time. Yeah? It was just me and like eight or nine other ladies. Oh, wow. Just jumping our hearts out above our house. It was fun. Was it strenuous? Yeah, but I don't think I was doing it as correctly as I could be.

Just because it's not like like choreography but it's like this move or like twisting and then oh yeah i'm too uncomfortable to do stuff like that yeah i got a good sweat out of it which i guess dancing is sort of but yeah it's like a lot of like side to side then you do like jumping jacks then you're like run and do like high knees and stuff like that and then we did some ab stuff at the end but But yeah, it was like, man, this is some real yuppie shit. And then we went and got a kale juice afterwards. It was like, hell yeah. Damn.

Yeah, it was a good time. It was a good time. Yeah, I need to get a massage, speaking of yuppie shit. Have you ever got one? Yeah. Oh, I got one. I didn't like it. She talked the whole time.

Oh, that's a big no-no. Yeah. Karen was really pissed because, well, not because you- Was that a couple's? No. because well not was that a couples no she karen does not want to do couples massages she's not into it she thinks like it's hack or lame me and my karen did it once it was pretty dope the room was big enough that we weren't like right next to each other so you don't have to be conscious of being like oh yeah or like yeah i don't know karen used to work in massage and she was just like it just won't be that good or i was

i was kind of offended because the woman yawned while she was giving me a massage. I was like, am I boring you? I'm sorry. Is my rip bod boring? Yeah. So the woman who gave me a massage, she knows who I am, I think, because she used to go to sidebar a lot because she was thinking about doing comedy. Oh.

And so like, ugh. What a relaxing time. All she talked about and she even said like i don't normally talk this much during a massage but it's your first time so i want to make you feel like eddie eddie shut the fuck up bitch i'll fucking relax and it was a cbd oil massage oh wow like you know you're feeling all tingly and shit how much was that expensive i don't i think it's like a regular massage. Yeah. They do it at... She does it at...

She's a great massage therapist. She just talked too much. Oh, God. I hope she doesn't listen to this. But she's great. Whatever. I've offended so many people from this fucking podcast. Sure, I know.

God, what a nightmare. Yeah. I've got broken up with. Friends get mad at me. Girlfriends get mad at me. I forgot about that. Yeah. The Ocean City excursion

uh but that would have been that would that would have ended anyway parents got parents fucking hate it yeah you just gotta not care yeah that is so funny i got broken up with because of a podcast yeah oh my god i forgot all about that's so funny yeah just yeah what are you gonna do you know you gotta exaggerate a little bit. You're better off now. Oh, a thousand percent. It was so funny on Wednesday night, though, when you said I had anal sex like five times. Oh, yeah. It was also because like, I can't remember what happened. People, because some people know who Karen is.

Yeah. And they looked over. I'm like, don't look. And then it was on. And then I kept saying it. Yeah. You kept like resetting the joke. And then I mentioned her coworkers are there. Yeah yeah like so i had uh anal sex with my

girlfriend and that like got a big laugh of like what the fuck yeah like no shut up all right so i had anal sex with my girlfriend get another lap resetting like four times i know it was tough and then the punchline did not pay off because of that well it's a pretty big setup though oh yeah but no it's a good bit yeah columbus thing yeah no i there's a um there's uh there's a spot in hamden right or right around the corner from uh dylan's oyster house that is nice oh mend yeah yeah i used to work there yeah yeah i went there it was cool yeah yeah i had like a weird awkward moment like not that bad not like like hj stuff but like I was filling out the paperwork and it was you know it's just like it's like have you had a massage before do

you have any other ailments anything I should be worried about or what what are you looking for um and I handed it to her she was like uh the back and I was like oh yeah my back's like a little tight like it's a little like honestly it's like kind of where my shoulder blade like meets my spot she's like no you need to fill out the back of the form yeah it's like oh okay yeah yeah uh also what's more yuppie than us complaining about massages dude we're the worst i know i don't know anyone listens this podcast i was getting a massage and so this chick this uh welcome back to the very relatable podcast yeah yeah uh she was giving me so you know i she was like tell me if i'm going too hard or whatever and uh i my back is like

fucked up like i'm super tight everywhere running fucks up your back like it's not it's really bad yeah and uh so she was like squeezing and i like wins i was like oh my god i was like yeah that's way too much and then she like made fun of me a little bit winced. I was like, oh, my God. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's way too much. And then she made fun of me a little bit. She's like, seriously? And I was like, bitch, what the fuck are you just fucking? That's so funny. And then she's just like, oh, did I hit your pussy too hard?

Yeah. Is your pussy okay? So she massaged me. So she kept going and, I guess, lightened up, but it still hurt like shit when she got like up in my like upper back. Yeah. And I was, dude, but then I got too scared to say something. So I was just like in so much pain the whole time I'm being massaged.

And I was like, this is the opposite of relaxing. Did you feel? I was wincing. Did you feel better like a couple of days later? Because sometimes people are like, oh, yeah, it hurts. I was immediately sore afterwards. And then for the next like two days, it was bad. Damn.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that sucks. I think it was looser, but just like, whew. Yeah. It's really, I think it's really hard to get like completely comfortable getting myself. Because it's just awkward. Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's so awkward. Like having a stranger feel like flip over. Yeah. Yeah. But it was nice. It was all right. Yeah. I'll do it again. Shit was expensive. because it's just awkward like having a stranger feel like flip over and yeah yeah but it's uh it wasn't it was nice it was all right i'll do it again she was expensive guys i'm brave i'll get a massage again you know what you're the hero we need i'm fucking brave dude you're a little too brave i'm i'm open to new things i'm worried about you what if you get your back what if you get more ouchies i don't know man what are you gonna do i think i'm gonna uh hit that guy's pen next time before i go his no more ouchies pen yeah so um man there's uh speaking of

running i ran two days in a row oh all right first day was good second day i was sore as hell yeah where how much did you do each day uh yesterday i did like almost three miles so not a lot like i sprinted and then walked and because i looked the last time i ran was like february yeah and then it was the first day the sun was out past 7 p.m and i was like oh my god last night yeah it was beautiful beautiful karen i went on a walk oh oh yeah went to woodburybury. Oh, yeah. Had a cocktail. Yeah, this podcast was supposed to be out yesterday. Oh, well, Karen and I, we went to her grandfather's 88th birthday. Uh-huh. And we got there late.

Get to the part where you say something more important than this podcast. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. And then we didn't start eating until way after we thought. And I left my phone in the other room. And then I was like, fuck, do I get up? I i feel like i don't know what to do i got scared because like they're like dude we have to hold hands and say a fucking um prayer prayer no way cousins kids went to etiquette

school what's like how bad is it gonna look bad if i'm like guys i just have to go i feel like you're in like a get out situation they're like umar you look so concerned are you okay they were all super cool but yeah for a little bit i was like what's the yeah i just thought you were like passed out no no no no i was like what and they all drink milk with their dinner or lunch or whatever with their lunch yeah what was lunch milk family and i was like i've never met adults i drink milk. What were they having? Like ham sandwiches? The food was good, but it was all random. Did you say lasagna? It was lasagna.

With milk in the middle of the day? Yeah, coleslaw. What the fuck? It was lasagna, coleslaw, and sausage. And they're like, for dinner, yeah, for dessert, we're going to have cream cheese and bagels. Yeah. What the fuck?

It was so weird. Dude, they were chugging it. Like, they had multiple glasses, like full glasses of milk. Creamy. Oh, like my stomach would be wrecked. Yeah. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, it'd be a night.

You'd be all wound up. Oh, their grandfather was so tight. Like, he's 88. Maybe that's what sustains you, all these cheesy products. It was literally like just kind of having dinner with Mark Norman because he would just make these one-liners all the time that were just so out of touch. Not out of touch, but like they're all like.

He's like broads that wear jeans are going to hell. Yeah. Now pass me some whole milk. It was all like women-based jokes, you know? Sure. And he was like, you know uh you never tell uh it's like what it was like something about like you uh you never um ask a woman's i don't know something like you don't ask women about their weight and stuff

yeah it was just like it was so funny like every time he would talk he's like oh i got i got four women yelling at me at one time. I love this guy. He's been squawking at me. Yeah. And then we ate and we're all like chit-chatting afterwards. And he's like, just out of nowhere, he's like, okay, time to go. And his family's like, what? Are you serious?

And he's like, yeah, I'm going home. And they're like, this abruptly? He's like, what did I miss? What did I miss? And it was just because he was so confused as to why that was weird but it was just like in the middle of everyone talking he's like all right let's go home oh god i wish i could do that i know that's a superpower and no one could no one called him on it all right you can either fly or you could immediately leave any social

situation you want without any detriment totally be like well that's a wrap on me yep oh my god there's been so many like there's certain people like i'll run into and i just know they don't know how to end it that i'm gonna and i'll just fuck it like i've walked into coffee shops and just left right right i don't want to talk to that person because i know it'll turn into a 20 minute 25 minute conversation i don't want to have and like it's just so it's so weird because you have these weird social anxieties that yeah grocery grocery store is the worst oh yeah dude but that's why headphones yeah i mean i still have mom but like say you like i've done this to a couple people that i know that do that i have headphones on or sometimes i don't and i

see them like hey what's up and i'm just like hey and i just keep going yeah just give them a wave you keep going yeah because sometimes you got to like, hey, what's up? And I'm just like, hey. And I just keep going. Yeah. Just give them a wave. You keep going. Because sometimes you got to cut it off. Yeah. There's certain people that I'm already friendly with that I don't mind. But it's like enough where it's like, I don't know. Yeah. I'm trying to think like there's been so like there's like there's this one dude like I'm

always trying to be like, OK. Yeah. And I'm just like, I'm like, why can't I just be like, hey, man, I got to go. Like, that shouldn't be rude if I have to go back to table well yeah i'm out of here hey let's do it i gotta eat lasagna and drink milk at home yeah goodbye dude uh so i showed up here yesterday because i thought you were sleeping or something oh no i'm so sorry oh it's okay it was nice i just walked over fuck well so yeah so i didn't want it to be like because it was like already three i was like well it's like 10 minutes away i'll walk over because i figured you're like oh we're just pulling up

and then i didn't want to be extra time of me walking but yeah eric was here and then he showed me some clips uh of snl that were great and there was one sketch that really hit home and it would hit home for you too but it was uh what was it called eric like what's that name or what's their name and it's a game show and it's john mulaney and then cecily strong were the two contestants yeah bill hater was the host and so it's like all right welcome to what's their name all right john you're up first what's this person's name and it's a it's a picture of john legend and chrissy tegan and chrissy tegan's uh faces circled and he's like for five dollars what's her name he's like uh chrissy tegan he's like correct all right cecily all right now what's this person's name and it's like another celebrity

i think it was little zan like a rapper or whatever like a soundcloud rapper it's like little zane's like great all right john now it's your turn uh your best friend mark is here with his girlfriend of four years for 250 000 what's her name oh my god that's so spot on but i just love that they go from five dollars yeah and people in your life that's so that is a great so they walk out and he's just like hey john good to see you and she's like hey john uh we've been to several weddings together been on many uh dinners he's like i know yeah it's good to see you i have never cared when someone didn't know my name unless you're like if you didn't know my name that'd be bad that'd be real bad but if you're just someone who i don't like if you're another, if you didn't know my name, that'd be bad. That'd be real bad. But if you're just someone who I don't, like if you're another comic and we only see each other at shows, I don't care if you don't know my name.

Yeah. If like you're only someone's like girlfriend or boyfriend that I hang out with, you don't know my name, I don't care. But dude, other people have fucking like given me shit for not like, I've met you like four times. I'm like, dude, who gives a fuck? Four times is nothing. Yeah. And like we met for five minutes or less five minutes would be a long time i don't know shit about who cares who gives a fuck i do feel like a dick you never think about me when i'm not in front of you yeah so why are you offended god they cover up their umar tattoo you know what i gotta get out of here yeah yeah yeah chris

d'alia did a bit about that it's like we see somebody and you're like hey uh no no we've we've met and he's like oh yeah be memorable next time oh that's funny but it's bad like uh i'm not i'm not at that point like i just i honestly forget it's not even like an important thing it's just like yeah you meet for like half a second or you're with somebody like oh and this is my friend so and so you're like hey nice to meet you i don't know and then you see them six months later and you're like we met like wow here's the thing and i i don't know why this happens like when people are like hey this is kathleen and i'm just like hey what's up but i'm never paying attention to that part zero which why goes so weird and out yeah so

quickly it's it's just like i'm kathleen and it's just like i just fucking like i lost hearing for two seconds or or yeah or my brain's just hollow that's how i look at it like it just goes like right in and then just out the other side and then it sucks because if you're like if it's like a situation which all you're around each other for like a whole night, like at a party or something. Yeah, yeah. I call everyone dude and man and that's it. Yeah. I call ladies chief.

I'm like, how you doing, chief? Yeah, at work it's a bummer because there's like some people I'm like, it's way too late to ask their name. Oh, I'm there for sure. That usually happens with neighbors too, I've noticed, especially in the city. When it snows and you're all out there shoveling and you're all talking. Oh. And everyone knows they don't know each other's name, but you're just too, you're like, God, we see. And then it reminds you of like how much we just don't get to know each other.

Yeah. Because it's like we just see each other all the time. We just say hi. And we never have been like, hey, I'm blah, hey i'm blah blah blah right all right yeah there's no like real it's i think it's pretty rare to be super friendly with your neighbors yeah but i think when i was growing up like my neighborhood like for the for the most part like the people who are out and like we all knew each other yeah yeah yeah no i mean like like at this age like nobody's like oh hey mark you want to grab a beer or you want to come over like that's

like that's rare to be like oh in your oh yeah like i don't know what neighbor i would or to talk longer than like oh how you doing good to see you and i got a neighbor that does it and it's just like yeah it's a bummer. Yeah, and mostly it's like my social anxiety too. We went to a birthday dinner, and it was at like a long table, like a la Jesus at the Last Supper kind of thing. You know how you get separated at the table? Oh, a la Jesus. Very progressive.

I mix them together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A la. Hey, welcome. This is my friend, a la Jesus. A la Jesus. I doo jesus i do it all alo jesus zeno um but yeah so then you get sectioned off with like just the four people around you yeah yeah and karen had to remind me because i was sitting like with my arm on the

table facing her and she's like there are people on the other end like oh yeah so you have to sit with your shoulders out and be like. Yeah, I also get this anxiety where I feel responsible for everyone's fun. So Cameron pointed it out at her place. She sent her mom a text. She's like, how did Umar do at the dinner? She's like, it was great. He was like, it was good.

He never stopped talking. Yeah, that's a codependency thing. Yeah, because I'm just like, dude, I'm up there. I am like fucking cam was like dude it was like i think she liked it because she was like it was so weird she's like like my uncle bob he never talks uh my cousin's wife she never talks you got them talking every yeah we're all just talking we're all making jokes it was great yeah but it was funny because i'm like hey man where are you from you you look like you should be like you're from la or something and like she's like what are you doing crowd she was like you were doing crowd work it was so she's like so what do you do for work and like literally that's just roping other people and they're like he does have a glass he does he does have a glass

all right sorry you go ahead you guys hey fill out your comment cards i want to know how i did stop snotting into the dinner plate right Right. You're like, fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. No, I have that too. So yeah, I have to be like, all right, I'm present. I want to be like, so where do you work? What do you do?

That shit takes energy though, man. I just feel like I have to make people laugh. Yeah. And even with my friends, if I'm in a group of friends, I feel like I have to do that. But I know that's just in my head. Yeah. Well, it feels good too. But yeah. I'll be hanging out with people and i'm like fuck are they having fun am i saying interesting things enough am i making people laugh enough it's so weird yeah

yeah that's that's stressful it's crazy yeah it's crazy town yeah definitely it's uh yeah i had an interview for a team leader job at work and karen was i texted karen after it's like wow that was quick uh went pretty well she's like really so what happened what how'd it go and i was like oh dude i got some solid laughs yeah she's like that's not what you're supposed to do in an interview yeah i don't know i got some good ones yeah i got some good laughs i think people like that i don't know i think so too i think it sets you apart a little bit. Maybe. Hopefully. I mean, there's definitely a way to go about it without being like a hacky dick about it. But yeah.

Yeah. Also, it's a needy codependent thing at the same time. But if you're good at it, who cares? Yeah. There was a couple times where like her grandfather even made fun of me. He's like, oh, look, he's trying out his act on you guys. Damn. There was one time where it was like um i definitely riffed a bit and it was that's a god him right there yeah he got me good

i riffed a bit and it fell flat but if you're in the middle of bed he's like well we're out of here so i work with these kinds of light we're done so i work with uh inner city kids i love these kids-oh, we're done. We're having a... So I work with inner city kids. I love these kids. They're like, all right, we're out of here. No, we're good. Oh, man, it was great. We're good on that.

Yeah, I kind of had that with my aunt and uncle a little bit because they came to the show and it was so nice on Saturday. Nice, at Ram's Head. Yeah, and I was talking because they live... Oh, yeah, because you guys are close. Yeah, they live like in the Annapolis area, like not too far from it. And yeah, I didn't know how to end it in the lobby. They like yeah it was great we're like chatting and stuff my aunt did crack me up though i was like thank you guys so

much for coming it really is so nice of you to come because i bought tickets and stuff and uh she's like yeah i bought tickets yesterday and i was so excited and then i woke up and i was like i don't know if i really want to go i was like dude i get that vibe oh dude whenever you make plans and then it shows up you're like ah fuck yeah i've noticed i looked at the uh the tickets for the last genin jokes uh there was like eight people who i personally know that bought tickets that did not show up which is fine yeah it's like dude you spent like 20 bucks what are you doing yeah i mean i guess i get it it's not that much money where you're not really like killing yourself about it so you're like well yeah yeah it's a lot but yeah with my aunt and uncle like love them to death but i just didn't know how to there was no like weird natural end because i was like you're like all right well

yeah if you guys want to get out of here you gotta like yeah so yeah but also like you don't want to like i don't know i don't want to be a dick but then i also i'm like am i keeping them do they want to get out because they're like yeah we don't get out much so this was fun so i didn't know if they're saying like we don't get out much now we like drinks or something yeah now let's go home or we don't get out much and that's that's this was great we're out of here funny so it's like i don't know how to read you guys oh my god this reminds me dude at after the early show on thursday whoo it was rough rough rough oh because there were 24 people in a place that was like a little over 300 yeah and the ceiling is four million feet high

oh my god so uh there is this after the show though these two dudes they're huge like um fans of this podcast called legion of skanks and so that's how they heard about the headliner joe list yeah and uh both great podcast comics and uh but the legion of skanks fans are a little weird a little gruff gruff i imagine a little autistic little uh well the whole thing of that podcast is they're like single white guys they pride themselves on like being a saying like the worst stuff yeah they in the intro literally says they're the most offensive podcast right but it is so funny it's so funny it's so good yeah now i'm not gonna give an example of one of the things they did because now we're just so yeah co-signing how much we love it so yeah i mean some of it goes too far some of it's stupid but yes yeah

sometimes i do turn it off i'm like this is just dumb male ego bullshit big j always kills me on that show though but he's the most sane one yeah 100 um so this guy he's just like i don't know if he was drunk or like maybe he had some sort of disability but then he was in the army he was in uh a translator disabilities allegiance gangsta yeah well that's true uh which is funny because i was listening to um sean joyce who's a booker in dc uh and they're talking about uh uh come town and uh the type of fan it attracts well yeah well i'll tell you more after the show okay but um they're talking about come town and uh martin the other guy on the podcast said like well it's cool

that you know that they're representing the other side of the comedy spectrum and sean's like well there's definitely is a spectrum right yeah because well sean said that um when he has booked like stav or nick or any of them yeah or or when he did go to their live podcast taping like of come town which is just another you know knee jerk offensive but very funny podcast yeah yeah it's um so smart but so stupid it's all dudes you most it's pretty much all white dudes and most of them come alone right think about that yeah that's nuts yeah that's a weird fan base mark maron used to talk about that he's like yeah my bitter days that's like all i attract oh really he's like i would go to clubs and clubs would be like we have

never sold so many single tickets for anyone ever yeah because like he was just an angry guy and then the guys be like yeah me too yeah if you do appeal to that stupid male ego yeah it's like someone who doesn't know how to be with people right it's like incels before incels exactly and uh yeah but so this guy came to after the show and he repeated he literally stayed for 20 minutes and talked to us right after she took a selfie with each one of us and he kept saying to me he's like dude i want to be like you like your crowd work that's exactly what i want to do and by the way my crowd work fucking sucked that night because no one was into it i fucking bombed my dick off and it was bad i think the people were with me because people said they had fun yeah but it didn't feel good well yeah if you have 20 people

like the energy in there it's a different he kept yeah he just kept saying the same shit over and over he was like he's like hey man what are you pakistani and then later on like he'll just be like hey you pakistani do you wait he's like do you speak arabic and i was like dude i've told you seven times already i don't speak arabic it's crazy wow and then he told the host like the world's shittiest fbi agent yeah dude he learned But then I thought he was kind of slow. But then he told me he learned Arabic in a year and a half. That's how they do it in the military.

That's all you do for eight hours a day for a year. So he was in the military. Interesting. Yeah, they still are. Oh, wow. His other buddy was really nice. He was just standing back and like, I think he knew his friend was annoying us. Yeah.

Maybe he was just drunk. But the kicker was he turned to Sydneyney who is the manager and very nice girl and she's uh like an attractive uh she's like 23 she's she's cute uh and uh he was like he's like man he's like like whoa you're you're uh you're a good looking girl from maryland for maryland like uh for a maryland girl you're a good looking girl from a for a chick from maryland like, whoa, dude, that's not a cool thing. He's like, no, I'm not from. When I came to Maryland, I was just like, oh, my God. But you, yeah.

He's like, you're top notch, Maryland. I was like, wow, dude. I was like, that's not a compliment. I like that he corrected you, though. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. What I'm saying is nice. Yeah, he doubled down. He's like, listen, I know English isn't your first language.

Yeah. You speak Arabic. I'm going to explain this to you to you okay i'm complimenting this bro yeah it was just so funny dude it was hilarious yeah just like the lack of just any etiquette or like social cues which is a bummer because usually those are the only people that want to hang out yeah it's so weird only the weirdos want to say hi and hang out i had a drunk like a table full of like drunk like 20 something year olds and then i said you're great man where you gonna be where you gonna be next and i was like uh i think the next thing i have is dc i think or something yeah i was like yeah i'll be in dc at the end of the month and i said oh how much time you doing

it's like oh it's a quick show so just like five minutes and he is like five you just did 25 there man you should be doing an hour why are you doing five i was like that's what this show is i don't know what to tell you it's like you gotta fix that i was like okay yeah it's also insulting my co-workers i'll ask like wait so what are you doing like are you hosting i'm like yeah like so you just you doing 10 i'm like yeah it's like ah when are you gonna do like an hour we'll come out for that i'm like i don't yeah i've had people say are you uh you hosting a performance like yeah same thing same same thing fam same it doesn't feel the same to them i guess yeah yeah so i was like yeah i'll be in dc but yeah it's uh it's a weird thing because you want to talk to people and be like yeah thank

you so much but yeah it's you have to ultimately just be like all right unless people like know how to get out of there no headline i've ever worked with actually wants to talk to people that should tell unless they're selling stuff yeah yeah but that's not them wanting to talk no no no no no yeah transaction yeah so it's like uh like i remember even joe he's like are we done are we done with this and i was like yeah man we i don't we don't have to do with this ever and then um are we done with this and then uh like mark i remember when he was at mcgoobies he was like he would finish the show we'd be in the green room he's like all right let's go do the worst part of comedy we're just talking to people because he is do people say fucked up shit to you like yeah for for the amount of like compliments

you get you get more people saying fucked up shit to you right something they don't even think yeah is a dig or they're just like hey i saw you do that last time so many times at mcgoobies i liked you better last time but like i'm still a fan dude yeah or if you're hosting they're like you were good too yeah this girl's like you get a hug too because i couldn't go up there i'm like bitch fuck you you're so brave you're so brave yeah when i when i was hosting my goobies my favorite thing was like do my set get off stage bring the feature up then you're watching the feature like off to the side kind of like in the lobby but you can see oh yeah then people come around the corner and they make eye contact and they're coming towards me and i'm like oh boy here comes the compliment train pulling into the station they're just like where's the

bathroom yeah because i think you work there yeah i made sure to stand nowhere near there so i didn't want to do that it's like also how hard is it to figure out ain't that hard where bathroom is in a public place not hard hard at all. Giant sign, too. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? But, yeah, overall, it was good, though, man. I had a good couple shows.

So, yeah, thanks for having me on, Jen and Joe. Yeah, of course, dude. You crushed. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah, and then speaking of just Mark Norman being reluctant and stuff, I didn't really say anything to him until like the end of the show like yeah saying i was buzzed like and it was great like great to meet you great to watch you and he just goes all right comedy yeah he doesn't want to talk

to people it's like okay yeah yeah he's he's a weird one yeah i was like okay but yeah i could see he was already like in a shitty i think he felt like he didn't do well yeah i think he was kind of like over it too yeah and uh who opened for him what was his name he was really funny oh yeah yeah doug key doug yeah that's what i thought yeah i thought he people were like not giving it up as well like he was fine he i he got like four applause oh good yeah he had some really strong jokes yeah really good but yeah um when you were on stage he was like uh he's like so what do they call is it baltimore or is it baltimore city and i was like wait what do you what do you mean he's like because he just said the city and i was like oh we have like the county and the city and he's like yeah yeah and then he went on stage like baltimore

it's like a real city like you don't hear good things like we came driving in and saw like skyscrapers and stuff that's awesome that's so tight but yeah it was good times good good time wrap it up let's bring this baby into the station here plug all of our our shite yeah let's see let's see here um, you want to go? No. Okay. Not ready. All right, yeah. I'll be hosting at Ragtime this Wednesday. I don't even know if those will be out by then. Let's see.

I got Speechless on... Oh, no. What do I have next? I have Magoobies, actually. Oh, cool. Speaking of, I'll be there the 22nd and the 23rd with Eric Griffin. Nice. He's so funny. Who seems really funny and really cool. Actually, I'll be there the 22nd and the 23rd with Eric Griffin. Nice.

He's so funny. He seems really funny and really cool. He was Montez on Workaholics, so I'm excited for that. So, yeah, I'll be doing that. And then I got Speechless at the DC Draft House on the 28th. I'm doing Somewhere on Kent Island with Donnie Sendstack on the 29th. And then DC Improv on the 30th. Cool. I'll be at the DC Improv on the 29th and then DC improv on the 30th. Oh, I'll be the DC improv on the 30th.

I am doing a show at hysteria brewing company in Columbia, Maryland. Hey now, uh, March 18th. Um, Oh boy. I booked a couple other dates. I don't remember.

I think March 12th, March 13th. I'm featuring at the DC comedy loft. Um, that's all I can remember. Gin and Jokes every first Thursday. Fuck yeah. All right.

Who do you have as a headliner next? Mia Jackson. She's a crusher. She is so funny. Yeah. I've been trying to get her for a long time, and she is between here and Atlanta, and this finally worked out, so I'm pretty pumped. Yeah.

Yeah. And then Martin Amini. Nice. Vaughn Michael. Liz is going to be on the show. Hannah. Wait, sorry. What's your stage name?

Elizabeth Norman will be on the show. Yeah. Comedian Elizabeth Danger Norman. It's Comedian. Yeah. Comedian. Comedian. Ladies love that. Yeah. yeah and then uh one other

piece of shit i don't care about matt brown no no matt brown's gonna be on the show hell yeah and i think it's gonna be good yeah me is great she's on the come up for sure oh my god she just filmed a half hour she was on tour all year with amy schumer crazy crushing it all right well yeah thanks uh thanks everybody for listening follow us on all our social media and all of our other needy shit that we feel like we have to entertain you on as well uh david kechner take us out digression sessions come on to an end Thank you.