The Digression Sessions - Ep. 281 - Josh & Umar Fast & Furious

Episode Date: March 19, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down with their handsome selves and catch up on the week of shows and whatnot.  Umar released his special! Check it out -> HERE! And Josh's band, Tremendous Athlete, released a new ep entitled Progress! It's available wherever you stream music! Bandcamp link -> HERE!  Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Let's welcome the people to the show. Welcome. Welcome to the digression session, everybody. I got a cup of tea here. Chocolate mint. I know.

I didn't know. What a bummer. It's all right. It's all right. Yeah. I mean, it's still a little too hot to fully taste. Yeah. I put it in three minutes in that microwave.

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Wednesday. Oh, boy. I did a lot of shows this week. Yeah. Busy boy.

One, two. Two of them were pretty bad. Wednesday. Wednesday, I did a show, and it was like Ellicott City. And I was like, all right, whatever. It's close. And I thought it was an open mic, dude. And so I get to the show. It's not the best, but not the worst setup.

It's in a basement, which is great. Low ceiling. Low ceiling. Getting people packed in there. But it's still like all tables, and there's no no backdrop you just perform in a corner in front of a tv which always just feels shitty a tv that's on no no no no no thank god they had that part right uh and there was like well i was thinking maybe they had like a logo on it or something 20 people there which feels full yeah that's fine and then um yeah but you're just standing in this

corner and it's just like uh yeah i don't know everyone most people did not do well most people kind of bombed a couple people did well eric woodworth came through it was nice to see him he was he did really well yeah um he's a good dude i was just at his house the other day really uh that's where they do um oh the new uh lap finder yeah all right yeah friend of the show yeah. Friends of the show. Yeah, all friends of the show. Well... Dear friends.

Yeah. And then one former person. They're not on that podcast anymore. Friends. Yeah, there you go. Current friends. That's what I said. Yeah.

They're all friends. That's true. So... Talking about Tommy Zimbazo. I hate that guy. Yeah. I hate that guy. that tommy guy diabetic motherfucker well i think he beat it he did i think so wow i think diabetes might be

fighting back i don't know we'll see yeah so i thought like when this guy was booking me he he said like uh he's like yeah i was like does it pay he's like no but it's a free show i was like that's fine then i i thought it was just like an open mic situation so i show up he's like yeah i was like does it pay he's like no but it's a free show i was like that's fine then i i thought it was just like an open mic situation so i show up he's like all right you're gonna um ahead of time i knew i was gonna go last he's like all right so you know your headlinings you do 25 i'm like what yeah 25 minutes free show what the hell is this bullshit yeah and then so but i got a free meal which i didn't't take advantage of because I'm a dummy. I wanted to take it to go, but then my set went so up and down that I felt bad. It's funny to ask for more stuff.

It's like, how about that meal? It's like, ooh, that was terrible. But it wasn't my- I deserve a burger. Yeah. Everyone was just wasted. Well, not everyone. There was like a table, two tables right in front of me.

These two people were wasted. They were with two other friends who were really nice. Yeah. And then this table of like three, those young people tatted up. Like, I think they worked in like the industry. They were fucking wasted, really young, kind of trashy, like white trash. Sure. And they just would not shut the fuck up.

Like, literally just talking the whole time and they do that thing where they think they're helping to you yeah yeah or then sometimes each other they just break out funny talk about your joke that's funny like on wednesday we were having parallel lives because at ragtime we had a table of like i knew they're gonna be trouble when they plug their vape into the wall to charge and i was like oh here we go and i they i don't know what they were russ called him chatty persian so i'll just call him that so that's what it was and like they just kept saying something like hey no you got to shut the fuck up like no no we will i know

i know i'm like no no you're not doing it you really need to shut the fuck up yeah i got mean yeah because i was hosting and i was like look i don't care like i this is nothing to me but like don't fuck up other people's sets yeah and then like eventually they came around but the one girl was so drunk it's a pool door to get out of the bar like where the show is and she had been through it several times and then i watched her like the third time go up to the door and she just pushed on it so hard for like 15 seconds i'm like you've been through that door you know how it works and then i'd like pull it back she's like oh my god dude yeah so it was like yeah like every time i

was like right in the beginning there's there's one guy with really long hair and a really long beard he looks like a fucking elf or something he's like i think he has tourettes maybe i i i hope he has i hope he has tourette's some type of disorder because he's just he was such an attention whore right and like every time i was like before i i tried to address him i was like guys you gotta stop talking like this you're so chatty yeah and like uh stern but not like a dickish way it's like fyi shut the fuck up every fucking joke is just like oh yeah did you hear that blah blah blah oh he's gay and or like they're like uh like the one woman's like they'll just break out in a conversation

like i'm setting up a punch line and like the lady would just yell out what she thinks like i'm gonna say no she's helping yeah yeah and she's like i'm hell and i even told i was like guys stop like i have jokes i want to do my jokes just stop talking like what we're having fun i'm like you're ruining the show for everyone else i was like you you know you like they they don't want to hear you talk then they give you the uh oh yeah jokes oh and yeah she's like just go on i was like no i'll fucking go when i it was bad and the other people were on my side there was like a nice old two old dudes they were really nice and they were just like shaking their head at them the whole time it's funny to just be like man man fuck everybody all right yeah can i get that burger uh medium rare i must have stopped my 25 minute 30 minute set like 10 times right to address them

like and at one point i just threw my hands in the air and started screaming it's probably the biggest laugh of the night and i told this lady i was like just stop like do not talk i was like how did you make it this far in life without people telling you that you're rude and like i literally said like literally said that and then as i was setting up my next show she fucking said something i like couldn't believe it i like i was like oh you're just a p and i and at one point i stopped i was like guys just leave yeah there's a bar upstairs yeah you want to drink and hang out i was like go this show will be better without you or if you don't go i'm gonna go that's so funny because the table that i was dealing with the guy that was like a real problem uh who eventually

like chilled out it wasn't terrible it's just it only got to the point where it's just annoying it wasn't just like what the fuck are you doing it's just like guys and then after the show he's like hey man i just sorry about that you know so how do you get into this where's like an open mic i'm like oh now you want to get into it yeah you want to like shut the fuck yeah after the show this fucking the bearded guy was like man i always love your stuff i was like then shut the fuck up god and the woman tried to talk to me, and I even, I was just like, don't talk to me. Like, I don't, I was like, I don't care if you liked me.

Just don't fucking talk to me. Do you think this is how Ralph Cooper got, like, PTSD'd out? Yeah. And now does the one, two, three, shut the fuck up thing, or where that came from? Yeah, so there's a booker in D.C. He used to run the hottest show, like, eight, ten years ago. It would start every show with one, two, three, shut the fuck up.

And everyone would chant it. And it would go on for seven minutes longer than it needed to. Way too long. Yeah. So it went on for seven minutes. Yeah. And then it would like pick on people that weren't saying shut the fuck up. Yeah.

I saw him walk off stage. He had a cordless mic, put his arm around the guy who was talking and yelled shut the fuck up with his arm around him. It was pretty insane. Yeah. Stupid. Yeah. I'm just wondering if that's like the genesis of that.

Yeah. Well, that's just when you do a shit. The thing is, it's like you, if you put on a show and you don't put any care into like how you set it up, then that's what's going to happen. And I told the guy i was like dude you could

make this show so much better yeah dim the lights get a like a uh get some lights get some backdrops uh and police the room dude like where the fuck were you this whole time like yeah the bartender tried to do something they didn't listen and they're regulars i think so and the bartender was very apologetic afterwards but yeah that is on the host or the producer of the show to kind of go around because no one wants to be the comic either it's like shut the fuck up guys yeah no it kills your moment i kill my momentum eight times during my set yeah and i didn't care and it makes yeah i wasn't getting paid but yeah it's a throwaway kind of set but still like you don't want to be the one because it's so awkward to be like now shut the

fuck up yeah okay i have these and that's what happened yeah and i was like guys the world is too open-minded that's like literally one of my jokes now and so crazy i'm that's what it happened during that it was just like so fucking annoying right and the woman you said like i'm helping and i was like ah and then i said i stopped i was like ma'am i'm telling you yeah you're not helping i'm even close i am like literally begging you to shut your stupid fucking mouth oh my god i hope she listens to this she won't i didn't give her a card dude um no i'm sure she's a big fan yeah i'm sure that i'm sure all the cards i handed out i'm sure are in the trash can no doubt yeah no doubt i No doubt. Tuesday, I did Beer Baron. That was fun, like trying to work on the five-minute set thing.

And then I went to The Pinch afterwards, and I was like, you know what? I'll try to get another five minutes in, do another set. Yeah. It was so bad, dude. And the guy that went ahead of me, he was basically doing a Bernie Mac, mac but like a bad one like same style he's like parking spots in dc that's like hearing about bigfoot you heard about it you would never seen you know stuff like that and he was recording his set and i just wanted to go up and just do my five minutes i knew it was probably gonna suck but i just wanted to do like because it's like

it's md it was a weird vibe down there like it's was like kind of spread out and it was like very low energy it was weird best room the law the downstairs yeah i mean i guess if you're seeing like a band it's much better but probably not but yeah it's i mean probably a little better but uh so the guy recorded his set and then i get on stage and he sits down at the table right in the front and he starts watching video of himself and he just performed yeah i was like hey uh and so i just started doing his act i was just like man parking spots are wow like so like doing that and he's like why are you coming after me man and i was like you got to turn your shit off are you watching yourself he's like yeah yeah but you do you you do you and i was like

this is a fucking waste of time. Yeah. So weird. And you had to drive down there. Well, I was already down there for Beer Baron. Oh, okay. Yeah, you were texting. Sorry. FYI.

Wait, what show did that happen at? The Pinch. Oh, I've never done The Pinch. See, look at you. You're not even paying attention. Unbelievable. Unbelievable, Umar. Why do you listen to the cast to hear i know i do

listen sometimes do you listen back uh now and again but not full episodes oh no jesus no no need for that yeah well he's probably never gonna go anywhere in oh no god no of course not jeez i mean it wasn't it was like a 50 year old dude just like it was just a waste of time it's just like oh can you imagine being 50 and you're like this is the time i guess break into stand he said that he was a retired cop or he's like i used to be a retired cop i'm like oh okay it used to be or god damn okay but uh no it's like yeah it just wasn't even worth it beer baron was really good that was fun but then doing that and it's just like dude you're watching your set yeah that you just did and it wasn't good there no one was laughing it's not like you should like pause i'm like all right let's hear the yeah let's hear how much laughter you got during that yeah

yeah let's get the playback damn well then but the same thing happened where i'm fucking with him and the room is so big it's long so then other people don't know what's going and there was no energy in the room no it was like 10 o'clock it's like a dive bar right uh yeah it's long so then other people don't know what's going and there was no energy in the room no it was like 10 o'clock it's like a dive bar right uh yeah it's sort of yeah but it's like a venue for like bands to play mostly and stuff like there's like a little restaurant up there and yeah like on the first floor and then the rest is in the basement oh yeah exactly it was it was not good it's like this is now i'm to be tired tomorrow, and this was for nothing. I know. Yeah.

Dude, Friday. So I did four shows on Friday. That's tight, though. Yeah. I felt real bad because a month prior, Karen, my girlfriend, was like, hey, I have a work happy hour. It's out in the county at the Guinness Brewery because it's like St. Patty's Day weekend, and her co-workers like

let's go to the genis brewery it'll be fun sure you gotta get those green beers sounds like a horrible plan what are you talking about it's saint patty's day you have fun oh that's fun and so uh and then like on wednesday we're hanging out and she's like all right so we're still gonna do on friday and i was like totally and then as i'm driving to that shitty show where i just talked about i get a text from benji and he booked me for these two like corporate-ish gigs one's for the harvard club yeah and then one is for uh a non-profit and then saturday there is the princeton club yeah and then illuminati tour so i bailed on karen sure obviously and i was like wow this is money and i don't want to hang out with your friends sure better you know what it's just like

you don't even want to go yeah you're just going to go it sounds like it's just the instagram opportunity that's all yeah well karen like just wants to like you know her i'm talking about her friend yeah get get like you know she just wants to feel like she's a part of the team and stuff. So I felt bad. I bailed. And then I booked two more shows at Big Hunt. And so I was doing four spots. I left the first show.

I was told it was at 630. Big Hunt is 8, 945. The last show is at 10. But Benji was like, I'll just throw you a blast. So I was like, perfect. This is going to be great. It's going to work out perfectly. Everything's going to go smoothly. Of course. No bumps in the road. a blast so i was like perfect this is gonna be great it's gonna work out perfectly everything's

gonna go smoothly of course no bumps in the road so then uh i leave to get to dc at 6 30 you have to leave at four o'clock yeah i left at four i did maybe 30 30 miles per hour literally the whole way there so i took two hours to get there fun as soon as i park yeah i park in dc right near like it's near like all the museums and warner theater and all that stuff i get a tech oh oh boy i parked in the some like fucking indian tourist some dude like a young dude he has a thick accent he's like hey i can't do an accent let's hear it i can't come on i can't do an accent. No, let's hear it. I can't. Come on. I can't do it. Just try it. I can't. Oh, my God.

Hey, bro. Do we have to pay? Nailed it. Do we have to pay for bargaining? And I was like, I can't do it. Oh, he was Mexican? Yeah, he was. I think it was Martin Amini who went to think about it.

Yeah. Hey, bro. Why can't I do an Indian accent? Do we have to pay for bargaining? Yeah. And so then he just, I was like, yeah, dude. And he's like, are you sure? And I was like do an indian do we have to pay for parking yeah and so then he just i was like yeah dude and he's like are you sure and i was like yeah man you gotta pay i'm like i don't live here but i'm pretty i'm paying yeah the one machine broke he's like it's broke man i think i think it's free and i was like okay well then just fucking

don't pay but i'm getting so then why did you ask me yeah so then i run across the street he follows me he's like what's what are you doing what's going on i'm like i'm paying for my parking and so i pay for my parking whatever then he and then he kills himself so then i as soon as i pay for parking i get a text from benji and he's like hey man steven the guy gave me the wrong address and i was so fucking mad and so i walked up to him chris allen this guy steven who i think he's from DC and I'm sure he's a nice guy. But that night, oh my God, I wanted me and Chris were so mad.

Like everyone hated him that night. Was he on the shows or? No, he's just, I think he used to be a comic or maybe is, but he did not perform. He works for this company that does all these weird like corporate ish bookings. So he's making a lot of money and he is fucking up a lot and just to give you so he booked you guys though he's using benji as like the booking person guy but like he's like the middleman yes exactly and i think he asked benji and so benji feels bad there's one other person who's supposed to be there two other people they're not there and i was like well it's six o'clock the show's just start 6 30 they want us so i was like what are we doing and uh just to tell you about this guy steven uh he is coming down from new york or

philly philly and he left his book bag on the train So he has no clothes for the rest of the weekend. Wow. And left all his shit on the train. That's wild. Can you imagine? I was like, well, yeah, good. I don't feel bad for him. So I was like, all right, we'll just get in my car.

I'll drive us there. So Stephen stayed back because there's another guy, Martin, coming. And then so we drive. It's a 15-minute drive to Georgetown. So we get to Georgetownorgetown we're walking we're looking everywhere we don't even see the address that they gave us we sit in the and so we're walking around we're asking people like there's no nowhere to be seen the other guy and steven and martin come and we're like dude what's going on like he's like i don't know this they

said no one's picking up the number so then finally he's like uh he like i guess thought to look at the event page which i don't know why he didn't before yeah and i guess maybe there's miscommunication between him and the lady at harvard so he gets the correct address we have to go back to where we were so you were at the right spot almost at the we were like a block away from the right spot i wanted to so then we have to get my car and i am like flying i am driving like a mania like chris is like freaking out because i'm in the front he's in the front he's getting scared so so yeah what's the vibe in the car it's pretty tense we're made i mean chris we're making jokes but like chris is pretty mad chris is really mad

yeah he is my spots were guest spots at the hunt so i wasn't getting paid but you still want to be there yeah you don't want to fuck anything up of course you know and then his are paid so and then the worst part was like they're like oh we're good the show's not till 7 15 we're like what the fuck are you talking about dude like we have spots at eight yeah like we're you we're not gonna if there's a host doing 15 i'm doing 15 chris is doing 15 we're not gonna make it so then uh so then we get to the spot like we part oh i felt bad too because the one guy martin has ms uh-huh so he can't walk quickly and i wasn't thinking and so like we're all talking chris is saying i'm like hey guys this is where you're like i wasn't thinking. And so we're all talking and Chris is saying, I'm like, hey, guys. This is where you're like, I wasn't thinking and I just threw him over an overpass. Yeah.

Just threw him out of the car. So I'm like, hey, guys, why don't you. It's that way. I was like, why don't you. Hey, guys, why don't we fucking hustle up a little bit? And then Chris is like, dude, I'm just walking with Martin. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I didn't even think. Like, you know, it wasn't. I was just like, we got to go in my mind. You just saw him as an equal. Yes, exactly. You don't see disabilities. That was just like, we got to go in my mind. You just saw him as an equal. Yes, exactly. You don't see disabilities. That's right. Yeah, that's your disability.

Yeah. I don't see disabilities. That's a fun statement. Sorry, I don't see disabilities. I don't. That's my disability. And I know I see that one, but I don't see others. We're all autistic.

So we get to the venue. It's in this insane, fancy building on the 13th floor like they went to harvard but now they live in dc they're alum they're harvard alum yeah so each like big city has these clubs right and they just put on dumb events so it's in like a fancy pants office building on the 13th floor i didn't think buildings had 13 floors 13 maybe the hotels don't have fucking balls yeah so it's a it's like a floor you're on it's a shitty conference room you know not shitty it's just like a nice big conference room but it's like not a place to do stand-up yeah and it's just like it looks like you're at like a like a work conference yep and uh like

fancy white tablecloths the food is just shitty conference food. But it was nice. We got fed. While we're there, the Harvard improv troupe is performing. Oh boy, oh boy, are they terrible and bombing. What? One black woman,

one of the Harvard women came up to me and she was like, we need to do this. A black woman went to Harvard? I know. I didn't believe it either. Okay. All right. Dude, so like it's 7.15.

Benji goes up. At this point chris is fuming like he is fucking he's like yelling at steven he's like you're costing me money i'm not even gonna do this i'm about to leave and steven's like dude it's okay just just do eight minutes you don't have to do 15 he's like no you cost me money, man. And he's like pissed. He's like, this show sucks. And Chris is fucking mad. And the mood has turned. And Martin wanted, or sorry, Benji wanted me to go first. And Chris is like, he's like, I have to go first. So Chris is just pointing at himself from the back of the room. Like, I got to go first.

While the host is up. While Benji's on stage, he's trying to get Benji's intention. Tell him he's first, not me. And I was like, dude dude even if he calls my name just go i don't care just go up like hey that was a miscommunication who gives a fuck right so then chris goes up and this guy i mean he is fucking mean he rips and he took out all of the frustration of the last hour on these people who had nothing to do with it and i felt god honestly like it was a bit much and later he felt bad i saw he posted on facebook said like first show too angry or something like that oh i don't yeah something like that like and then he yeah he uh oh my god he went so hardcore can you imagine being in that audience and you're

like all right i'll go to the thing it's probably gonna be lame and then you have to watch an improv troupe eat it in a conference room and then the comedian goes up and he's just an asshole for for no reason to you literally you're having a shit dinner yeah it's the average age in the room is like 50 and then oh i was picturing them younger no actually i guess that makes sense there was one young dude this bitch graduated because chris was like who who was one of the best moments of the night was like who graduated who's the oldest alum here and this woman graduated in 1962 graduated college undergrad in 1960 he's like man they were probably mean to you huh you know you're a

woman back then they're like yeah they made us wear skirts to class even in the snow and he's like wow he's like wow wow forget black history month you hear this suffering they made her wear skirts and uh which is a hilarious line but dude they hated it and one woman went like there's no reason to be misogynistic and he was like i'll say whatever i want white lady and she's like i'm hispanic he's like no you're white it was just so fucking mean he's like oddly double racist oh yeah yeah he was just roasting people like dude he went up to this one white guy and he was like he was like uh he was trying to do crowd work and the guy wasn't talking he's like you guys you guys don't talk. You don't talk.

Your energy sucks. And he just stood and stared at him for a long time without saying anything. And he's like, this is probably the longest you've ever stared into a black man's eyes, huh? What the fuck? And it was so funny, dude. What the fuck? Oh, my God. Yeah, he fucking... It was mean.

I told him later. I was like, dude, you should have... Well, the crowd just doesn't have a context for that. They did. They knew what happened. What do you mean? They knew. The woman who brought up Benji was like, they did this, and they went to this address,

and then thankfully, they made it in time. Right, but to them, it's like, okay, so you had to drive around a little bit. I went up after Chris, and I had a great set. Yeah, there you go. I'm sure they're ready to laugh. Yeah, they liked the jokes. They got a little uptight, but they were fun. They were a fun audience. chris and i had a i had a great set yeah there you go i'm sure they're ready to laugh yeah they were they wanted they like the jokes oh they got a little uptight but they were fun they were a fun audience yeah that's what i'm saying everyone else ripped it open but but yeah if you're just like so

okay you had to drive a little bit for like to them they don't understand yeah he took it out on the wrong people yeah and it was just frustrating because then i did have to like dude then i so i get off stage at like 750 i'm a 15 minute drive away and i'm going first at big plus parking yeah well because like yeah i was just like i have to take an uber i can't worry about parking yeah so and i told the guy i was like you're paying for my parking and you're paying for my uber rides to big hunt and then when i come back to get my car so i did get paid for that there you go yeah fuck him like because that's something i wouldn't have had to do if he didn't fuck everything up and if he would have told me the shows it is his fault if he told me the show that's 7 15 i would have just said i can't do it right i wouldn't have booked big hunt

right right and and i don't want i'm too way too scared to cancel on sean yeah and he let me he was really nice he gave me two guest spots on like two hot shows they were all sold out nice who was uh stav closed out oh awesome yeah and uh which i didn't even know though so that was cool yeah and uh so i get in an uber and my uber driver's like it's gonna take like 15 i was like oh my god i have to go first sean sends me a text he's like where are you i'm like oh my god i'll be there in 10 i'm just lying uh-huh and uh and i'm freaking out and like uh pearl isn't there either she's supposed to go right after me so it was either she goes first um uh oh there is a host there's a host yeah uh i'm blanking on his name not important not important so i was just saying there is a i have my uber and i'm just bitching to this fucking african guy who has a much harder life

than me well we don't know about that yeah we don't know what showcase shows he was doing well he did say like i was like what's up man how are you he's like oh well my three kids just died and my wife has aids i'm doing a feature feature spot with capital. Yeah, and I was like, dude, I'm having a rough one, too. Cool, cool, cool. I'm like, I'm running late. So, and I'm like, whatever, can you just, I was like, I don't want to be rude, but can you just please just fucking let's hit the pedal to the metal. Right. And he was like, I've never heard that saying before.

And I'm like, that makes sense. Oh, really? No, I'm kidding. I didn't say that. But I was like, can we just like really zip? And he was like, yeah, never heard that saying before. And I'm like, that makes sense. Oh, really? No, I'm kidding. I didn't say that. But I was like, can we just like really zip? And he was like, yeah, I'll do my best. So we're like, he's, dude, he's fucking, he's going nuts. It's tight.

That's awesome. Yeah. And then we're two blocks away. And I was like, all right. I was like, ah. I was like, and there's so many lights. And I was like, I'm just going to get out, dude. And he's like, are you sure?

We're pretty far. And I was like, I know where we are. I got out. And I fucking, I literally did a full on sprint. Holy shit. I mean, I was running probably. To do a five minute spot. Yeah. As fast as I could.

Holy shit. And yeah, I made it. It was great. Nice. So yeah. Like, did you make it before the show started? I made it just like you've been on stage for maybe two minutes. Nice.

So you got some time to kind of collect yourself. Yeah. I had like 10 minutes. I was like a mess. I was sweating. It was fucking, it was bad, dude. But the shows are so good. Oh, awesome.

I had a hot first set. Oh my God. The second show was good. This set wasn't as great but still packed hot it was great then i ran dude and then uh was funny because uh was like pearl was there and i told her everything that happened i was like yeah i had to fucking sprint here she's like well that's i mean you're you're pretty fast i was like yeah i know yeah and then and then she made fun of me later she's like man you're fucking cocky i was like i wasn't thinking i was just yeah i know i

thought you were like, well, good. And I'm just agreeing with you. Yeah, I'm great. I know. We all know. And then the last show, I get the address and I'm walking. It's a 10 minute walk from the big hunt. Yeah.

And I walk up and it's a fucking church. And I'm like, God damn it. But I get in there. Dude, there's like 60, 80 people. It's packed perfect setup just chairs rows everyone like what is the show it's just the other club some non-profit they work with homeless people and some of the homeless people are in the show and they're like having a ball the audience dude the audience it's like one of those audiences where it felt like you put in cheat codes and you can say anything.

Right, right, right. And they're erupting. Yeah. I got to go last and Benji's like, do whatever you want. I probably did almost 30 minutes. That's awesome. Just crushing. Yeah.

Just crushing. Like setups were getting laughs. It was unbelievable. Nice. So it made it all worth it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's super nice. All my cards got handed out that I brought. Awesome, man. That was nice. unbelievable nice it was so i made it all worth it yeah yeah yeah everyone's super nice i had all

my cards got you know handed out that i brought awesome man that's nice smart smart smart yeah so yeah having those cards is nice yeah it feels a little weird followers but what are you gonna do hey more than you had before you left yeah that's true and yeah it gets your name out there you don't know like i mean they might show up to something i try to only give it to people who come up afterwards oh yeah no i don't i it to people who come up afterwards and say hi. Oh, yeah. I know some people. Unsolicited is whack. People unsolicited stand outside of venue doors, ask people, just hand.

And I'm like, I don't know. I think it's a waste of beer. If somebody's like, hey, good set. Or like, oh, that was great. You're like, oh, cool. Thanks. Check me out online. That's all I do.

So, yeah. If you're trying to force it in there, it's weird. Yeah, but that was a running around four spots. That's fun, though, man. It was fun. It was cool to do with some, like, cool people like Benji and Chris. We were just cracking jokes the whole time. Yeah, bounce around.

Yeah. That's the best. It's so fun. And so, but, man, it was, God, that fucking, just that first. I know that feeling. Especially in it was just like i was so mad because parking is a whole like just getting there is a nightmare and then parking's a whole other level yeah we got lucky we found parking and the second time i parked with a guy in my car i was like dude you pay for this yeah yeah you got this but yeah sometimes it's better to have

that stress of just getting there versus thinking about the show yeah sometimes you're so distracted with the other stuff then you're just clear-headed yeah i mean it's not like it was like a huge thing where i'm sure you were nervous but sometimes it's great because it like makes you more present yeah yeah yeah you just and like you yeah you don't care anymore you're just like fuck it yeah like i just need to get there and then yeah oh everything else is gravy so it was fine but god i never want to i don't want to do that again it's like four is a lot three is doable four is a lot four is a lot yeah i think chris did five damn so he did one before he did the one with us he did two at hunt yeah he did attack of the comics and then the hunt

mike gotcha gotcha gotcha yeah which is what do you need that fifth one for you know yeah i mean unless you're working on like completely new stuff but he's staying in dc because he lives in charlotte so it's like fuck it i'm fucking i'm out all night having fun smart well friday i went to the new nordstrom rack so we both had stuff going on. It's not that great for guys. Karen and I wanted to go. Oh, we went. It's okay, but it's not as great.

But the women's stuff is fabulous. Oh, all right. They had like a lot of ladies stuff. And then the dudes stuff, it was like a lot of like collared shirts, but sort of like those like golf kind of shirts. You know what I'm talking about? It was like a lot of that type of stuff. And then rvca like clothes and shit that i don't really fuck with maybe it'll get better yeah i got uh yeah i'm gonna film psa about it like yeah well this is

our business corner yeah nordstrom rack it'll get better it always does um no i got a tight bonobo shirt that's like uh like hawaiianically thing. It's like red, which is nice. It was like $60 marked down to $18. I'll take it. Nice. Go ahead. I was just saying we're going to Nashville in June. Are you?

Get the fuck out of here. I'm going. Oh, you told me that. Yeah, for Mason Mary's wedding. So we're going to be there for like a week. What nights are you there? Like a Friday through Wednesday. When's the wedding? Saturday. Saturday. gonna be there for like a week what nights are you there uh like a friday through wednesday sitch when's the wedding saturday saturday i can uh i'll talk to this guy on friday i heard he runs

good shows and they pay so i'm doing three paid spots when i'm down there that's sick yeah yeah yeah so i would like to squeeze in a couple for sure i'm doing uh if you get there wednesday you can do the comedy club we're leaving wednesday because the wedding's saturday oh right right right so i'm gonna get there friday saturday then have like sunday through yeah tuesday nice man have you been no i've never been i'm very excited me either very excited and like i said i got this shirt to wear this shirt to wear poolside so yeah very into it yeah i want to get some fun summer shit yeah i want to get some fun summer shit. I literally was like, ooh, I'm going to wear this unbuttoned with my swim trunks.

Ooh, nice. That's a good look. Sunglasses, trunks, yes. You know it. Maybe pull one of these where I put my shades down my nose a little bit. I need to get some good trunks. Where do people buy trunks? I got some good ones.

I got some cool plain ones. I got some dark blue ones. It's going to go well with this shirt. It's bright red. Now, do you do board shorts or do you like the mesh uh growing up only mesh was a thing yeah i hated that came out when we were like in high school yeah those were those are those were revelation yeah all that sand you get then you're in it then it's weird because then you're in water with boxers which is a bad mix essentially yeah right unless you don't wear boxers but then you're

kind of just like hanging out there you know no no no yeah so i started wearing uh uh like the gym we call them i don't know what everyone calls it we call them jammers they're like speedos but they're like biker shorts they're like a banana hammock is that what you're talking about yeah yeah we just call them jammers i think i know it's i know you're talking about where they're like a little tighter and yeah they look like shorts like briefs essentially yeah and so i wear that under because they're waterproof they're speedo material yeah that's a little oh okay that's yeah and then so that way they dry quicker than boxers you don't feel and if i want to swim laps i just take my board shorts off i'm ready to go you're basically just

in your undies yeah well that's Well, that's what you swim in. Yeah. You're for swimming. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Excuse me. I didn't know you were a professional swimmer. Well, you know.

I did summer swim team. Yeah. No big deal. No big deal. Damn. All right. I got to go to this rack. But yeah, I don't know if they had any swim trunks or anything.

Shoes were okay. But yeah, it was like, because i had shit going on like tuesday through thursday so i took friday off and then yeah it was good we did nornstrom rack little like low-key date night it was fucking friday night that's nice it was nice i wish i did that it was good weather and then uh saturday i went and saw shane gillis and big j yeah how was that i saw him on thursday uh it was great yeah big j's insane he's nuts he i man i almost feel like it's weird i feel like he went like a little too hard on some spots oh really but i know i don't know just from like a vibe standpoint like what well like it was just uh like it was immediate when we watched i don't know now

now i feel like that's too heavy to say too much, but it was stuff where you're like, Jesus Christ. Was it all crowd work? Pretty much. I'd say he probably did five or six jokes. He does that one story with Armageddon, where he takes that chick to the movies, the white trash chick.

Oh, I don't even think he told that. Wow. He didn't even tell that. He did that when I saw him at the Improv and Magoobies on thursday he no he had some like incredible moments though because immediately he just comes out like wasn't even like trying to do a bit he was just like oh all right so what do you got here how do you guys know each other like immediately yeah and that that was pretty good and then he went to a table um and he's like you look fucking miserable man what is your problem and she's like or somewhere like are you having fun he's like you look fucking miserable man what is your problem and she's like or

somewhere like are you having fun he's like yeah i just you know i don't i don't really like people or something and he's like well what do you do for a living it's like i work with children he's like those are people and then he's like all right is this your guy here what is what do you do sir he's like uh i load trucks for a living he's like you must be fucking miserable the two of you come home and just hate everybody. But you're with this couple. It looks like they're smiling and having a good time. He's like, sir, what do you do?

He's like, I'm a funeral director. It was like, wow. The guy that deals with death all day is having fun. And he's like, oh, is this your chick? And he's like, yeah. He's like, how'd you meet her? She was a coroner. And he's like, did you know her before? He's like, yeah, you meet her? She was a coroner. And he's like, did you know her before?

And he's like, yeah, we went to high school together. So it's like, what is this like Wes Anderson story where it's like this dude had a crush on a girl. And then he becomes a funeral director. Years later, she's a coroner bringing a dead body. He's like, Denise, is that you? She's like, thank God you brought this dead body. That's all I was thinking. So Jay was like, so you ever look at any dicks?

You look at the dicks? And he's like, no. He's like, you never look at the dicks or the dead bodies. You never do? All right. What about bush? Is there a lot of bush? And he's like, yeah, I'd say like 70% have bush.

Wow. And he's like, well, I guess that makes sense. Yeah, generational. And Jay, well, Jay like did a little act out. He's like well i guess that makes sense yeah and jay well jay like did a little act out he's like pretending to like shave he's like what are you doing he's like oh this this is for the funeral nobody knows like gonna shave their puss before they die um yeah he's great but yeah he's with one table um and it was a brother and a sister, and they both had their husbands and wives.

And he's like, damn, you're just sitting with the brother, huh? I bet this guy probably puts his fingers in your face, and it's like, you smell that? That's your sister's pussy. Stuff like that where you're like, Jesus. Yeah, he's really blue. Like right out of the gate. Yeah.

And then he's like, oh, okay, so you yeah um and then uh he's like oh okay so like you guys knew each other so i don't know you were in high school but before you did you ever date any black guys and uh she just goes no comment he's like i was teeing you up to be a hero you're supposed to say no now it's gonna get awkwardly yeah so it's like a lot of that stuff yeah i mean he was he's a fucking master of crowd work it's crazy it's so weird like he's just just doing crowd work right now yeah to build yeah that's nuts he's he's really good it's a sold out show yeah it was packed so we had to watch it from the sound you go with uh me and mace went nice so yeah and then shane destroyed he was so good i gotta get him but i'm a little scared now

i don't i he kind of plays both sides well yeah well yeah i get yeah with your audience we'll wait a little bit get another guy like that i think he'll be really good man i don't know i definitely can't book uh that one woman you guys work with in D.C. Adrian. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. She had people walk out over 9-11 material.

That's so funny. Maybe, though, they like it because it's coming from a woman. I don't know. It's possible. But it's not worth the risk. Well, she walked women, too. I mean, she also said she was doing jokes uh the stuff at the border and keeping kids in cages and stuff people groan she's like oh your groans are really helping they just opened five

more cages like so it's good she just kind of didn't give a shit yeah um but dude yeah they were so good then i had to go talk to andrew too because i saw ramin post he was like yeah and i was like you are what happened there and andrew's like so sorry i fucked up and i was like, yeah, I was like, you are what happened there? And Andrew's like, so sorry, I fucked up. And I was like, yeah, switch it back. Let's go. Is he gonna? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, cool. Cool. Yeah. I would be fine with it. But it was like, dude, you booked me on March. No. If someone books you, you got booked. Exactly.

Exactly. And then so he's going to give Rob me in another date, too. Yeah. But yeah. So it was funny, though. So I was with Mace because we were going to go to my dad's to watch the pay-per-view boxing thing afterward. I forget who's fighting.

Oh yeah, the dude's name was Errol Smith. Yeah, just to like jump forward a little bit. The one of the dudes name is Errol Smith and they kept interviewing like other boxers about it and it was kind of high. I was on good times and I didn't know his name was Errol Smith and I thought they just kept talking about arrow smith yeah he's like so arrow smith gotta do i think it's their fight to lose because arrow smith comes out strong like what are we watching what is that he's waiting for steve tyler to come out in boxing heroine arms yeah um but yeah so yeah i got that worked out so yeah i'll be there this weekend nice eric griffin

it's just friday saturday right yeah yeah yeah he's doing because there's the new talent con yeah competition thing nice yeah man it should be good because i'm excited to get some longer sets this month to get that shit in order but yeah so and then when we went went to see the pay-per-view, I met this fella that so my dad, who's my stepdad, I met his son from his first wife. Wow. It's not biological son, his other stepson. This dude's like 43 now. Wow. So Matt told me about him before, but this guy recently found Matt a couple months ago.

Wow. And was like, I just really want you in my life, and blah, blah. Really want to meet Josh. And I was like, I don't know about that. How did he know about you? Because Matt told him. They caught up. Wow.

Well, I think first the dude Jeremy found Matt's brother and sister-in-law. Yeah. And contacted them and found out where matt was so but he was so cool he was so nice like yeah a little older 43 but we were both wearing the exact same nike jacket it was really crazy it was weird it was like of all i mean it's pretty common but i haven't seen anybody else with it it's just like a basic black like this one right here. Wow. So yeah, it was an interesting night. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Sweet.

It was good though. All right. Should we wrap it up? Yeah, let's wrap it up. All right. I gotta get out of here soon. Dates, plugs? Dates, plugs. Like I said, I won't be at my goobies. Yeah, that's gonna be fun. I'll try to come by and watch, man. Yeah. I hear he's a really nice guy, too,

Eric Griffin. He is Montez from Workaholics, that fella. Yeah, so I will be at Magoobies on the 22nd and the 23rd. The next Thursday I have Speechless on the 28th at the DC Drafts House

at 7 p.m. and then on the 29th I'll be on Ken Island at the Yacht Club, which is going to be weird. We had Donnie Sendstack. Oh, right. He's headlining, right? Yeah. So I'm doing that with him.

And then on the 30th, I'll be at the DC Improv in the Lounge at 7.30. Cool. On the 27th, I'll be at Big Hunt For the Underground Comedy Festival That's 8 o'clock That's an 8 o'clock show It's also an audition for Comedy Central's Clusterfest

On the 30th I will also be at the DC Lounge Improv Lounge at 7.30 The JFL audition Just for Laughs New Faces audition, which is insane that we get to audition for it. April 4th, Mia Jackson, who just finished filming her Conway Central half hour

and just got done touring with Amy Schumer. She will be headlining Jen and Jokes at Joe Squared on April 4th. Hit her. Oh, and I forgot about this. This Thursday, if this comes out on March 21st, this guy Dave Stone is doing a show at Joe Squared. I'm hosting, and Kyle Kinane is the secret guest I'm not allowed to post about. So if you're a fan of Kyle Kinane, who's super funny,

you want to see kyle canane he will be like 15 minutes of stand-up uh yeah buy tickets to that yeah and probably probably be able to say hi to him yeah i guess i'm not the email all right all right all right thanks everybody for listening and david kechner take us out digression sessions comma to an end. Thank you. Bye.