The Digression Sessions - Ep. 286 - Josh Umar & Eric!

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down for with Eric Glaeser of the Live From The Studio / LFTS Podcast! This is another group hang pod and we're talking fat terrorists, Joe Biden, and more! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti. does it save it but uh so then uh so uh so then uh um then we get a group text from the owner of the house let's tell the story from the beginning oh okay welcome to digression sessions podcast everybody this is a story about alleged uh theft alleged federal uh like a federal crime to fuck with someone's male? It's open mail. Well, you just say alleged. Allegedly. This was at our old place. When we were living on our

old place. Yeah, and your roommate Bevan Bonaboo who never stole drugs or snorted cocaine. Anyway, we got a packet sent to our house uh like a year ago and uh whatever the statute of limitations is it was then when we're all in our early 20s yeah teens yeah yeah yeah seven years ago it was before 9-11 it was a different time by the way we're all like stuffy and yeah i'm gonna wipe down your mic yeah you should give it a spray i should have brought

some wind screens i made ramin uh i texted ramin i'm doing one of his winery shows and i was like hey man can you bring two mics because i don't want to get you guys sick yeah karen is dude karen is so fucked up like she is fucked up like with what just like a severe cold she got like uh i guess like a like yeah but real bad yeah she got antibiotics i went to the doctor they're like you're fine just take this damn like does your does your pussy hurt though yeah do you want us to give something for your pussy it got real bad she also got her period so she's like double but uh men are better if i really did get my period every month i would be so frustrated i would talk about it incessantly yeah i talk about my ibs all the time i mean yeah i've had allergies

for a week and i'm like god damn it this pollen won't go away like if i was in a meeting and i had my period i would use it as an excuse for sure like so i'm a little distracted it sucks i'll get mad at everyone and then just be like, oh, sorry. I'm just so fucking angry. Send out that email later like, hey, mea culpa. I have blood coming out of my dick. Sorry. We got Eric Glazer, friend of the pod, has his own pod, live from the studio. I know.

Roommate. Yeah, check it out. Lover. I like his podcast. All right. So, yeah, let's get into this this story sent to our house and it was just some girl who there's no girls who live here yeah so our buddy opened it and uh and uh allegedly allegedly opened it allegedly you know tried it on sure and uh and then like gave it to

some friend or whatever and then like a week later we got a note on our door and it's like hey did some package accidentally get mailed to your house and we're like oh fuck and we're like let's just ignore it and i was like i don't know if we can yeah it's like we have all this you know that we have like a nest well because yeah that's the wrinkle is that you have a camera on your doorbell right yeah so and it records like anytime somebody like presses it it records right yeah and then we find out she's friends with the owner of our house yeah your landlord and so we're like and they have access to that camera also have access to the nest so i'm like dude you gotta say something yeah you can't lie so then we get a group text from our landlord like hey my friend

blah blah left her stuff like accidentally mailed stuff to you did you guys find it and i'm just like all right have you got to take care of this because you opened her book because i would have fucking opened a package well also i would have just returned it what you could do too is you can be like yeah it was dropped off i saw it on the nest too but it was later stolen by somebody that's not me so uh we're like i'm just like dude would have like and i was like it's fine we'll just say we open it because we were curious we were got we got a little nervous and uh oh man fucking open it i was like trying to make a backstory like i dated a crazy girl named gina i thought it might have been her or something yeah none of this makes sense i was unaware of any of this yeah yeah i was in a rush to work and i opened it i was oh so frazzled like none of these excuses are you allowed to open mail if

your address is on it no actually i don't know let's refer to eric laser you have you have your law degree right i uh i don't believe so but also like i don't know because i've definitely like sent myself stuff with a different name on it that i've opened but i made the fake name so really why did you do that oh for uh non-drug related purposes oh definitely yeah it's just like a pound of weed and it's like not eric glazer you're like i'm clear in the clear baby definitely not that but yeah you know yeah scout definitely a couple got a couple packages my dog yeah yo i'm worried about scout the scout might have to go to rehab dog i think scout has a drug problem yeah how did he learn how to

use the internet it's like that i'm proud of him for it but i don't like what he did with it one time i left uh i had a my buddy like gave me a flask i just thought it'd be cool to have one i never used it but i left it in the glove compartment in my car oh great place for it and my dad was just like randomly decided to clean my car one day and he found it yeah i got a text from my brother he's like dude dad asked me if you have a drinking problem yeah why because at this point i didn't tell my parents i drank right but i was having a flask in your car it's not a good look yeah and uh and my dad so apparently my dad got really worried and uh and he was like did you zoom our drink like well do well, do you know anything? And he's like, I don't know, Dad. So he asked me, and I was just like, oh, it was for like a weird shooting a sketch. I don't think my dad believed it, but like if you say something,

parents just leave you alone. Right. Sketch, that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, it's prayer juice. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, so I think Evan just sent a text to our landlord that he's like, oh, yeah, I returned it to sender last week. But is that I was like, the thing is, is they're not going to call us out, but they know we're lying. Yeah. Now it's shady. It's just like makes us look like bad people.

Because even if it is true, it doesn't look good. No. Like, why would you open like. Yeah. And why did you do return to. Yeah. Like also how many days pass before they hit you guys up like a week maybe a week and a half okay we'll return to centers a little more viable like i was thinking it was like two days later they're not gonna get it yeah yeah the sender is amazon i know like yeah right yeah yeah that's not how it works um yeah i think it's a bad excuse

yeah i do too i think we should have just been honest yeah because now it's like your landlord is gonna now evan has to buy a new pair of whatever right right we were just like hey we opened it we just gave to some chick we knew and here's the money yeah really sorry about that yeah we'll pay for it we'll pay for it like we're pieces of shit yeah exactly exactly yeah we should still do that no now we can't right yeah now it's too late you're so deep yeah we're not that deep you're deep unless now we go and do that stuff and don't tell anyone fire up the laptop oh yeah let's go let's go i get uh shit delivered to my house all the time that's incorrect like so instead of packages yeah instead of 1101 i get 10 i get i get 10 11 stuff

all the time like i came home and i was like oh shit there's a big box i was like what did i get and i was like oh i never ordered a weed whacker like what the fuck like a dyslexic post worker i get yeah i get a lot of their stuff one time they tried to drop off like an entire inflatable raft like i saw a guy walking up to my house with this big ass box like he like could barely hold it and i was like is that for me he's like yep and i was like i don't think so because i had a picture on the outside that it was a raft he's like no dude this is yours and i was like no it's not and then he's like, no, dude, this is yours. And I was like, no, it's not. And then he's like, oh, shit. All right.

Then walk back to the truck. But one time I got stuff for the Philly's Best, which is like, yeah, they're 11-0-1-36. So it's a block away. So I got something for them. It was just like a little box and i was walking boo one day and i was like i'll just drop it off so i went and dropped it off at their thing i didn't steal it because i'm not a piece of shit you know and uh but uh i dropped it off and it was for one of the kids that works there like he seemed like he was in his teens maybe early 20s

and he was like oh dude thank you so thank you so much you want anything do you i'm just like no i'm good okay he's like anytime you come in you can have whatever it is and i was like okay thanks what was it i have no idea it was like maybe like that big i don't i have no idea what it was game but then yeah thank you so much like a vape bag all right yeah and so and then like a week later i guess one of our packages got delivered to them. But he decided to return it at like 10 at night on like a Tuesday. Weird. Yeah.

And so I was like freaked out because I didn't recognize him. So he was just like knocking forever. And I kind of looked through the window and he just had this intense stare. Yeah. And I was like, can I help you? He's like, I got one of your packages. I was like, okay. Just leave it there. And he's like, can I help you? He's like, I got one of your packages. I was like, okay. Just leave it there.

He's like, all right. He's like, ah. Hey, man, that meth I got in the mail really works. Do you want a sub? I'll make it right now. When I worked at Lido's Pizza as a kid, we had these two brothers that got a job there, and they were homeschooled and super sheltered.

The Menendez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You heard of them? Yeah. They went on to kill their parents, but they were homeschooled and like super sheltered the menendez yeah yeah yeah you heard of them yeah they went on to kill their parents but they're a great dishwasher anyway uh but yeah they were like church going homeschooled so like a little awkward and one time a paintball gun got delivered to litos and everybody was like what the fuck and then one of the dishwashers case like oh that like, oh, that's mine. He got a paintball gun delivered to work. Paintball was like a big thing when I was in high school with my friends. I never got into it.

I never did it. I did airsoft in like middle school. It's funny too because like I remember watching videos and stuff with them. Now when you watch them,'s like just fat white trash it's like people like dundalk it's like fat white kids from dundalk in like and one basketball shorts right diving under some like inflatable thing like in a fucking muddy field yeah hiding behind a giant tire like what is like yeah tyler go ahead get the flag tyler let's go come on they They all have warrior stripes under their eyes. I think that's what ISIS and Al-Qaeda, they show them those, like, look, white people, these are their training videos.

Yeah, these are Christian training videos. They're always ready for us. Like, oh my God. We got to hit the monkey bars, fellas. Let's go. That is so funny that like what like in what world like do you need to be like diving like what is this training that you guys need to do you also yeah desert right right a lot of the isis trade like they're blowing stuff up like never are they

like monkey barring into a cafe you know what i mean like why are they training like that it's just you know you don't need to do all that. Yeah. Just chop some heads off. I guess you got to stay in shape, you know? Yeah, I guess you got to, right? You know? I'm worse than a fat terrorist. Just to fucking... They have to buy two airplane seats to get on an airplane.

Just fucking complaining. I better be reimbursed for this. You guys are really killing your funds right now. You guys all need to get in shape. We could buy two head wraps. Fatass foreheads. You know how much Velcro we needed to buy to scrap this bomb to your fat ass?

Just some insecure fat terrorist is just like, oh, I don't think is there an HR in ISIS that I can speak to? This isn't nice. This isn't nicest. Into like the McDonald's to blow it up. He's looking at a mirror and he's just looking at his figure. He's like, oh, God. Yeah.

He's like, you know what? I am going to get that number two before I blow this up. He volunteers to blow up the McDonald's. They're like, all right, we got library. I want that one! Or he has to throw that out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, we're going to blow up a church on tuesdays

what about a dunkin donuts wouldn't be terrible right what's like the 9-11 the hijackers all went to like strip clubs and shit before they uh yeah like well while we're here we might as well see what the fuss is all about. At that point, just get a hooker. You're a virgin. Why are you going to get teased to that level? No, I think they're all married and shit probably, right? Well, some of them probably. No, I think they're young kids.

Married to the game, I mean. Oh, there you go. They're going to heaven to fuck. So maybe they don't want to like- They just want to be primed. Catch an STD or something. Well, no, they want to go to heaven With a chub already

You know Right Right Like whoa Somebody's ready They don't want like A fucking virgin in heaven Like making fun

Of their little dick Yeah Imagine 72 chicks Looking at your like Tiny ass Not chubbed up dick And they probably Don't trim at all

Just like Yeah Their dick is just so Oh But yeah It's heaven though Everyone's Cleanly shaved yeah

they don't let you in without and it doesn't itch my head doesn't itch ever my dad i don't know if this is true but he says in the crowd like uh my dad's a terrorist he says this i don't know if it's true for terrorism and i found a flask in there. Do you care to explain yourself? I was on the way to get a chub. Apparently, you're supposed to shave your pubes and underarm hair. What do you mean? That it's dirty. So I was like, Dad, you just told me you shave your pubes. Does he do his taint and butthole too?

I don't know. Let's get him on the horn. Yeah, I feel like you have to. But he was like, yeah, you're supposed to shave your pubes does he do his like taint and butthole too i don't know but i feel like let's get him on the horn yeah i feel like you have to but he was like yeah you're supposed to shave your pubic like that was the closest to the birds and bees talk i got from my dad he was like yeah you have to shave your pubic hair like quran yeah yeah but yeah a lot of that stuff like in the bible too where it's like you're not supposed to eat meat on a certain day like a lot of that stuff i think was just everybody was so gross and that if meat was out for days they're like it's not that the lord wants you to it's like that shit goes bad also we all stink so shave your

fucking pubes shave your armpit hair like lent and stuff the other day yeah like uh or like i was talking to jimmy about greek easter like the week before greek easter you're supposed to pretty much fast everything that's not like you know you're not supposed to eat meat right carbs it's pretty much like a weird fucking diet yeah like i feel like they just did that back then to keep people hot right yeah like the week before it's like you're gonna be seeing all your family all right some new people like get your shit together. Get a second cousin you can fuck. Right. Get together.

It is funny. I mean, we're Greeks. You can fuck anybody. God is just like a middle school teacher. I remember middle school because some kids didn't know they needed to wear deodorant. So they made a vague statement to the whole class like, all right, guys, I've been noticing a certain smell after gym class. So maybe some of you guys need to wear some deodorant just a stressed out ally yeah guys um could we just clean up a little bit yeah i i this

is for everybody i don't want to single anybody out oh god okay could we start pull up you don't have to pull your pants all the way down when you pee anymore yeah we're in middle school let's grow up yeah and like oh and another thing was my dad said look i don't know if these are in i'm like dad because my dad can't read arabic so he just listened to someone other uneducated person tells him that's in the quran so they're gonna just throw that in yeah another thing is like my dad said like you're supposed to sit down while you pee because it's like more clean that way you don't drip everywhere that is just yeah it's just making stuff i'm like that i just think you're ocd yeah like i don't

yeah you're stop trying to act like you're pious yeah it's like i'm a man of the lord i sit down when i pay you know god wants you to walk around your car once before you get in it you have to do that yeah check the oven 95 times. Yeah. Make Allah happy. All right. So you are, yeah, everybody's kind of sick. Like, you're sick, sick. I'm sick. I just got some allergies.

I think I'm on the tail end. I was in Nashville last week for spring break vacation. Woo! Spring break! And that's where you got sick. I started feeling sick, like, that morning. I woke up. We were leaving. And I was, like, I was coughing a little bit. And I had that little tickle in my throat ah the worst oh my god i know it's

coming because then you get on a flight too that makes it worse yeah just a fat terrorist on the flight everyone else is sick yeah yeah and uh so the first day like i'm just coughing and coughing and it's like but it's not terrible i'm maybe it's allergies. And you're just lying to yourself. And then that night, dude, it hit me. You know how you wake up and you're just like... You're drained. You're shivering. You're drained.

Yeah, you sweat all night. I'm sweating. But you're freezing at the same time. Yeah, and then Karen and I are sharing a small one-bedroom Airbnb. And it's just terrible. But then you're on vacation, so... You can't just staybedroom Airbnb. It's just, like, terrible. And then, like... But then, like, you're on vacation, so... You can't just stay in the Airbnb. You can't, like...

I can't just, like... If there were friends with us, I'd be like, you guys go. I need to just sleep all day. Yeah. And Karen... So I would keep going out with Karen every night. I would do a show.

And then I can't be like, all right, let's go home. Because, yeah, doing a show is, like, one of the most selfish things. Oh, yeah. Especially, like, you bring your girlfriend around in a nude because at least now she knows some people yeah but a new town no one's talking to her she's just standing there yep and i mean she's getting free drinks because of me but you know uh sure sure sure and uh yeah so i go out you know i i don't want her to feel like it's like lame to

drink alone so i throw down a cup just like two i don't think i ever had more than two drinks a night no maybe one night i had four or five but for her you did that for her yeah i did that for her i don't i don't toss this word around lightly you're a hero thank you well done giving boys yeah well then like you would like can i get another old-fashioned please yeah i don't want i don't want it it's for me and my girl it would be this thing of where like you're starting to feel better as the day goes on like you and then at night you feel like shit you feel like shit in the morning And then the last night we were there, dude, it fucking hit me. I thought I had the flu. It was so bad.

Like, I was cold all night. I put on a thermal, a flannel, a hoodie, a beanie, and jeans, and socks. And I was still shivering all night. Jesus Christ. How much shit did you pack for your trip? I put on a parka. Booties. I had Timberland put on a parka. Booties. I had Timberland boots on. Sleeping bag.

Sleeping bag under the covers in the bed. I cut open a horse, crawled inside of it. Dude, it was rough and I woke up. I was just drenched. I felt like shit. Then Karen was sick. I'm still sick sick but i'm not

terrible and karen is fucked up you know i feel the worst for is the people in the airplane no the people the airbnb after you i hope they do a thorough cleaning yeah yeah because that is just a cesspool of bacteria like they're like ah nashville laying on the bed there's no way they're cleaning this blanket every time no because especially if like you're checking out at like 11 then somebody's checking it three someone checked it checked out right before we got right right they might put down like fresh sheets but no way like no way yeah yeah and so uh that was a bummer and i felt so bad for the guy on the plane you You signed the guest book with your boogers. Like, great time.

There was a... I felt so bad for the guy on the plane next to us because I'm just coughing. And Karen is coughing like... Like, she is like... It's just like coming from her back. Like guttural. Yeah.

It's so bad. It's so loud. And then we celebrated her birthday two days ago. Yeah. And it was like we were just as sick And we went out to Cosima Really nice restaurant They have outdoor seating Did you know that?

I'm a big fan of outdoor seating That Thai place is getting outdoor seating too Any place that puts a table on the sidewalk I'm like what would you look at this Cosima outdoor seating is gorgeous It's right on the water You're the water it's like you're kind of like enclosed in it's so pretty you're between these two buildings that look tight and we are just hacking and like just like and like and like they're like do you guys want anything to drink with your dinner we're like can

you bring us a tea menu so we like had tea with our dinner. You have like a FEMA quarantine tent over your table. I could barely taste what I was eating. Yeah. I just felt so bad for Karen. It was probably like the worst birthday she's ever had. Yeah. Vacation into that. Vacation.

And we're still sick. It's fucking terrible. I'm sure the pollen didn't help that night. No. There's so much fucking pollen. I go out to my car and it's just yellow. And I'm like, God damn it.

And it's been raining but like they'll still be like a fresh coat of yellow every fucking day yeah it's insane north carolina was in a there was a uh a cloud you could a visible cloud of pollen they were covered in oh my god could you imagine like jesus i'm going the earth trying to kill us yeah sure oh yeah earth's had enough of us i'm sure but you need pollen that's like sperm for trees and plants right right yeah and uh but there's so much of it like do they have to bukkake everything i know yeah it's like hey chill chill chill or is it because bees are dying off yeah trees and shit have to like come further and i

will say there's a lot of bees like around my house which i'm like good but also get out of here are they are they but are they wasps are they like actual not like wood bees are they uh probably not yeah okay first of all i didn't expect to get grilled like this when i say that i had bees around okay you guys uh no yeah they're like the yeah they're like the big fatties like the the bumblebees. And then there are some of the skinny ones. But yeah, there's definitely some big fatties rolling around. It was funny because I remember I watched this documentary on bees and there was this epidemic of them dying.

Yeah. And everyone's like, what was it? What was it? Everyone's like, probably pesticides. That's exactly what it is. And that's what it is. Why was it such a giant mystery? Yeah.

I remember hearing about this bee epidemic since high school well yeah like bees are dying and no one knows like yeah they do they know yeah yeah the whole documentary uh we probably saw the same one on netflix yeah yeah like essentially um they were like yeah um it was like an almond orchard or something like that where basically beekeepers they can rent out their bees to pollinate all that stuff and then they were spraying pesticides during the day and that's when bees are out they're not out at night so like could you just spray pesticide at night and they're like no and so the guy's like well i just know like they're gonna pay me a ton of money for

my bees but they're gonna kill off a bunch of them so what are you gonna do like this is so stupid it's just self-inflicted but then what fucks the bees up with the pesticides is they don't die immediately they go back to the hive and then they do a dance yeah they do a dance to like where the uh like where the pollen and everything is and they're just fucked up so they're like it's this look at this and they're like jerry you sure this is a weird ass dance but okay and then they fly out there and there's nothing there and then they're too far from everything and then they die the bees are like there's been a uh there's a there's been an uptick in the number of autistic bees in the last 20 years yeah it's like i'm not sad i'm not trying to be rude but a lot of us are dying from your fucked up dances i don't know across all species autistic kids these days it's getting a vaccine

talk right yeah we gotta stop those vaccines yeah we really have to you know it's like i want more measles outbreaks yeah that's what i want die of the. Did you see that in New York? There's a measles outbreak. Yeah. In Brooklyn. In the Hasidic community. Hell yeah. They don't vaccinate their kids? I guess not.

Wow. That's crazy. I guess not. Why New York City? New York City is a cesspool. It's disgusting. You're living on top of everyone from all around the world. And there's tons of garbage in the streets.

Like everything. Yeesh. Unlike clean Baltimore. Oh, it's so clean. It's so nice. Is Nashville nice and clean? No, I would say Nashville is like, it kind of looks like, it looks like kind of like Baltimore. It's like this old blue collar town that like they're bringing up. So it's not like

the one disappointing thing about nashville is like everything's in like very little pockets so like even with baltimore like at least like you have to drive to the neighborhoods but like you can do a whole day the city's so small that it's like yeah you can do a whole day in canton walk from canton to whatever but like nashville it's not like that like there's these pockets of cool places but there's like one or two cool places in that one area yeah and then you got to drive to the other you can't like and we didn't really see many people on bikes because we wanted to rent bikes and we also wanted to do scooters yeah but literally every single uber driver we had from the first day we got there the first guy was like and guys just do me a favor don't ride those scooters i just had a guy who works at the shock trauma here he's the residence blah blah blah like the like lime scooter things the birds 14 head injuries a week from

these scooters in nashville but nashville is also like a huge drinking can you drink in the streets like new orleans okay but still yeah it's the bachelorette like century it's like the bachelorette capital of america that we saw so many bachelorette parties well this uh this week they had the nfl draft in nashville and people like bachelorettes are being like they're ruining our times like are they i feel like you guys would be perfect together like what the hell there's like what bachelorette's like oh my god you're a recent millionaire in the nfl you're ruining our good time yeah broadway's hot young kids yeah get out of here so like broadway's like the main strip that's like what you think of when you think of national like all the live music and bars yeah

music row or whatever i guess it's cool like we didn't we stay there for literally like an hour we're like all right we saw this i think yeah i feel like once you see it you're like i got it's not our scene and um it's probably like the bourbon street yeah it's real and we were there during the day and it was pretty wild but they were setting up for the draft the stage is right at the end of uh of bourbon or of broadway and uh and uh it's just a street it's pretty long and they estimated a extra 500 000 people are going to be in nashville and nashville is not that big of a city right and um uh um we talked to an uber guy and he lives downtown i was like are you dodging uh next week he's like oh yeah dude i fucking rented out my apartment four days for ten thousand dollars i'm gonna say yeah yeah insane

yeah i was hearing about like coachella basically if you live in um palm springs like when coachella is around if you airbnb your house you can be like i'm set for my mortgage for the year oh my because people would stay for like a week or two with Coachella. It's like super rich people in the industry. Right, right. So if you have like a pretty nice house, you just Airbnb that and be like, well, I'm set for the year. Thanks, Coachella.

Did you see the... They had like over a thousand herpes at Coachella. Wait, no, really? Wait, what? But you don't get herpes that quick but there's like this app called herp alert and like you send a picture of like an outbreak or something but they said they usually got 12 things a day and during coachella weekend, there was like 1,140 pictures sent in. It wasn't like new cases of herpes?

Yes. You don't get herpes that quick, right? It doesn't take like three months. You tell me. You have them. I don't know. I'm like very paranoid, so I've talked to a lot of doctors.

Yeah. And I don't think it... But maybe like because you're sweating and you're out there, it like... It could, yeah. Yeah, if you're having it like be like there it like it could yeah yeah if you're having it like be like stressed i think coachella is finally dying no no i mean there was so many

bad press this year i think people still go though yeah well like i don't know it's just so instagrammable you know like that's what all those people are about dude it's like the owners of coachella donated to like donald trump, right? Yeah, the owner of Coachella is a big Trump guy, which is hilarious. Yeah, he's like, yeah, give me all your money, you idiots, and I'll give it right back to Trump. Rich white girls want to get herpes. Yeah, yeah. It's going to always be a thing. And I'm glad it's called herpes.

Ladies deserve it. Herstory, okay? Not history. Not history. Herpes. Not his beast. Herpes. Herpes. Okay? I history. Not history. Herpes. Not his beast. Herpes. Herpes.

Okay. I'm a feminist. All right. Herpes. Heepies. Heepies. Nah, get out of here. The future is female.

Herpes, dog. All right. I said it. Dude. Oh, my God. Imagine if you went to Coachella and finally lose your virginity. Some weird sweaty tent. Yeah, like best weekend of my life.

I can't believe I only had to pay $5,000 for these tickets. I got fired from my job because I didn't show up for two weeks. I heard because of all the herpes outbreaks, they changed the name of Coachella to Fire Festival. Whoa! Yeah! Damn, that is so like i've never been to a big have you been to like a big music festival eric so last year i was actually i was at made in america because we're filming it uh it's jay-z's

music festival in philly so yeah tell us about the time you got like a labor it's a labor day weekend music festival it's like three days um i think like kendrick lamar was one of the headliners oh you're one of the dudes like in front of the barrier taking pics right yeah yeah it was like the best experience of like being a festival you had you had some wild footage some wild footage i got up and close when little b the bass god was on stage sure bless up beautiful yeah um so there's there's a mcdonald's on stage no in the in the backstage where like our media tent was right next to it was like a mcdonald's that just gave away free french fries and chicken tenders all day. That's so funny.

I lived off of it. People would take pictures of that and be like, look how cool this is. Yeah, and it's like there's McDonald's everywhere. It was weird. It was like an influencer McDonald's. That word influencer is so annoying to me. It pisses me off.

Yeah. Especially working in video production. Right. Just because it's such a buzzword now that like marketing companies and agencies will use that to sell products to bigger companies yeah we have a lot of influencers yeah you'll get stuck doing like a video and then they'll bring in some girl that has like 50 000 followers really is this gonna influence anything we're dressing up as a fallout character i gotta get that i gotta

get it but yeah uh karen was telling me that there's like a festival inside of coachella basically that like a huge airbnb where it's just for like influencers essentially it's called like god what was it called it's like revolution or something like that where it's like they just get together in a pool and they're like yeah that was ground zero for the herpes outbreak just stewing in that pool yeah the idea of herpes fest app where you just take a picture of your herpes and send it off what do people get out of that do they map out where herpes are or something i guess i mean it like i guess it gives them a better idea of where it's happening and maybe what's causing it or and then also it gives the person the peace of mind that yes you do have herpes yeah or i guess you can get on as like a warning too if somebody's like yo i got herpes at

this location or is it are they saying they're like i got this at coachella like what is what is the app just somebody's just, yeah, that's herpes. Let me Google it. It was like, I think it's a, like you send a picture. It's probably like WebMD or something. But I don't think you send dick pics to WebMD. So it's you send your dick pic. I do.

Oh, yeah. Are you looking for diagnosis and treatment for general herpes? Herpalote provides online discreet, dependable advice. Yeah. Next time somebody's like. You get somebody's with someone on a chat yeah like i'm so sorry to tell you this yeah next time somebody's like where'd you and karen meet i'm like well throw an app it's a little embarrassing uh it's called herp alert how many there is an app for people with like stds yeah h Yeah. HIV. HIV makes sense. That's it. Yeah.

But if you both had herpes, you'd be like, great. You know? Yeah. You don't have to worry about it. And then like Joe List says herpes, his wife doesn't. And so they just don't have sex when he has an outbreak. He has an outbreak. Yeah. I would be so worried about it, though, every time.

I think if you're married, it's just like a thing where you're just like, fuck it. Yeah. I would still be like, I don't want to get herpes. It's worse for women because it's inside. Yeah. like a thing where you're just like fuck it yeah i would still be like i don't want to get hurt it's worse for women because it's inside yeah that's why they call it a herpes you know oh yeah you know oh man get it out you know yeah you got to you got to um yeah i'm going to nashville in june nice for a wedding right yeah then we're gonna stay out there for like a week afterwards i'm excited so yeah we'll be in east nashville in the uh in the five points area and stuff so the one thing that i noticed about traveling from this trip is like

uh national is cool and it was fun and but you know because of like who you are you seek out certain things and like everything every city's just the same dude yeah everything's just the fucking same everyone was like you gotta go to this taco place and we went and it's just like they were good but we have better tacos in baltimore or 10 times better than the place we are or like equivalent we're like okay this is the golden it wasn't even close gotcha but i mean like when you're like this is a cool bar but it's like a golden west of nashville and then they were like you gotta go this biscuit place they've been making biscuits for the last 80 years this way blah blah blah and and then you go and you're like yeah black sauce has

better biscuits and you're just like it's just so weird and then like like you gotta go to this bar and the bars are great but it's not an experience that you couldn't have here like we have great speakeasy type bars yeah you know like there was one speakeasy bar they're like it's cool you gotta like knock on the door and some white guy answers and And it's just like, what the? It's just like, it was all silly. Some white guy answers. They're making a speakeasy. They look at black people like, oh, you can come in here. We're speakeasy.

What? Black people in white bars in 1920s? Yeah, it's like, what's the password? Yeah, it's called the Roaring 20s. It was roaring with the N word. Yeah. What's the password? Make America great again?

Get on in here. on in let's go it's uh america's great right now wait why did you see that joe biden's trying to have his own make america great again no he's like let's go back to the good america or some weird shit buddy let's go back to the good yeah No way. Hold on. Yeah. I put it on Instagram the other day. Yeah. Somebody at work was like, yeah, I saw a weird compilation of Joe Biden smelling people's hair or smelling women's hair. And I'm like, not a good look for a candidate.

If there's a compilation of you smelling women's hair yeah there's enough times that you smelled women's hair that they could come together great on video his hands like encompass little girls oh yeah and like their backs and yeah and he kind of like he's weird at the chest too i visited karen's i feel like i know people like that i do too yeah yeah and it's like they're not doing it maliciously. And that's what people are saying about Joe Biden too. I don't think he is. He's just like, oh, it's just how he is. Like a folksy, sweet guy.

It's like, well, you got to cut it out. Yeah. I mean, you know. I think he acknowledged that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, at first he did it though. There's a thing where he like in a recent thing.

Yeah. He had a kid on stage and he was like and don't worry i asked if i could touch him yeah that's what i mean like that is awesome you gotta do that you lean into it and tell these people to go fuck themselves i mean yeah i guess that's what made people like trump it's like oh he he's a real guy did you see the recent clip of trump he was like uh they're asking about other candidates like it was joe biden running like do you think he's a little too old he's like i wouldn't know i'm young i'm very young i'm the i think he literally said i'm like the youngest person in your 70s you're

fat and in your 70s like he literally said i'm the youngest person his slogan is uh I think it's worse than Make America Great Again. It's America is coming back. Yeah. Okay. He's on to something. He put a little too much on it. America is coming, dude. That's what I want. You know what I mean?

And it's him just smelling like the Statue of Liberty's hair. That would be good. It sounds like a real shitty sequel. She's still blindfolded. Who's there? Joe, is that you you it's like creeping away america's coming back and then just like a freeze frame and his ad like an 80s movie yeah guitar riff comes out that'd be cool if it was like a buddy cop uh trailer with him and his running mate yeah what gotta be it

what is coming back coming back from what from from what i guess what the fuck yes he's gonna lose he could do he's gonna win obama be the vice president is that that's a weird thing sleeve oh that would be pretty tight no can you do that? You probably can. This country would set itself on fire. I don't know if you can do that. You probably can, right? Once you have your eight years, you can't do that. You can't be vice president, though?

I don't think so. Everyone's online news feed is all about Warren right now. She's pretty legit. I was feeling that Pete Butt budaj guy uh for a little bit but he hasn't really put forth any policies and elizabeth warren has put forth a lot and when like pete budaj his website doesn't even have his policies listed and when they ask him about he's like i don't think the american people want to get bogged down with that he's like oh my

oh yeah done better sucks man i know he does suck but i don't think he's i don't think he's done i think flash in the pan yeah yeah like he he was still riding off that like loss for senate or whatever right we're like everyone like fucking beyonce and a bunch of stars tweeted about him well she's from texas so like i'll give it still like because well because he was running for weird like yeah he was running against he was the big push too is because he was running against ted cruz who is so you have terrible terrible but then he didn't even win it i know and he's like you know what i think god wanted me to run the president yeah and also the best part is like everyone

loved him because he's like beto's so cool he said fuck yeah i wanted to do a sketch about that where it's like cool teacher yeah yeah yeah nice or it's like like a little kid get to laugh or something and then they keep trying to do it because he's just like i'm so fucking proud of you guys and they're like yeah but it's like him at starbucks to like uh coffee for better he's like you. So fucking proud of you guys. I just want to say, I know you guys learned a lot from me, but I just learned so much from you. Honestly, I learned so much from you.

His Hispanic accent. It all looks so I just want to say muchas gracias from the bottom of my corazon. I can do a kickflip. Thank you. Yeah, it just all feels really forced.

And then all that weird shit came out. He was like this crazy bro. Did you guys see all this stuff he would say about his wife? Oh, I heard about that, but I didn't see it. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was all this misogynistic jokes and shit, which is fine. He played a circle game with his wife and always caught her

and punch her in the tits i always beat my wife in ookie cookie she had to eat it i was at a party recently and uh they played this it was like it was so weird because they're like my they're like 26 27 so they're like but they still party like college kids kind of yeah and uh i'm noticing that like that age like you're still definitely going for it now my idea of a party is like we're all just sitting around some charcuterie in the middle of the tv is probably yeah what are we watching on youtube guys yeah we're a little buzzy but not sloppy maybe the lights are dim but there's a candle or two uh scented you better believe it's scented for the scent when evan our roommate

threw that party that's what i thought it was gonna be and then i come in and it is fucking i came home after a show it's a party party it was chaos everyone is just standing everyone is standing it's dark as fuck it's loud as shit there's cups everywhere i'm like what the fuck is happening in our house yeah yeah and uh and we just moved in we just bought all this new furniture and evan's like i'm thinking about rolling up this rug and putting it upstairs and i was like yeah do it dude yeah i don't know and uh it was so funny because emin just bought this new table he literally put out coasters so he put out eight or ten coasters on the table, and there were literally like six, seven drinks on it

and none of them on the coasters. It was unreal. It was so funny. This is some real adult shit to complain about. Yeah, and I was just like, this is nuts. But also it's like those people are adults too. They should know. Yeah, no, I agree.

I 100% agree. It's like curb your enthusiasm. It's like do not respect wood. It's like, I'm sorry. too. They should know. Yeah. No, I agree. I 100% agree. It's like curb your enthusiasm. It's like, do you not respect wood? It's like, I'm sorry. It's probably not real wood anyway. Still, though. I mean, the coaster's right there. Totally real wood.

Oh, yeah. No, this is, but the coffee. But anyway. Yeah. I was at this party, and they were like, hey, do you want to take a shot? And I'm like, no, no, no. I'm good. Shots.

That's another thing, too. I'm like, why? Yeah. What are we doing? Don't understand. No, thanks. And they're like, yeah, we're doing whiskey thing too. I'm like, why? What are we doing? Don't understand. No thanks. Yeah, we're doing whiskey slap. And I was like, what's that? It's like, oh, you take a shot of whiskey and you slap the person next to you. And I was like,

what? Why? Yeah, I was like, that's just fun. And I thought... They're like, we're doing minority slaps. Kumar. I thought it was going to be this like fun, like just... Dude, these kids were wailing. I was like, if somebody hit me like that i would punch them like why would you yeah i'd immediately be pissed there's nothing cool about or fun about

also why would you mix like alcohol and then violence too like that's definitely gonna get out of hand i was just like this is bad yeah that's like some barstool sports shit yeah jesus christ i feel like you'd slap the guy who just took the shot to take the edge off. Yeah, that helps. Or do you slap each other? Do you both do a shot and then slap each other? I would do a shot. Oh, maybe.

Maybe I do a shot. No. Yeah, I think it was you do a shot. Yeah. And you slap someone. Do you get slapped and then do a shot? Well, I can't remember. But it was just slapping and shots yeah just didn't look fun just also just drink alcohol just yeah drink it and don't i don't need to be involved with you play flip cup or something that's fun yeah i do

enjoy a flip cup game that is fun ah it's all right i I'll play like, I'll do like. That's it. I haven't played it in like 12 years probably. Slap cup? Slap cup's fun. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know that either. It's like flip cup, but it's like in a circle. Ah.

It's pretty cool. Okay, okay. All right. Yeah. I like throwing the, I like cornhole. Oh, cornhole's great. Cornhole is real good. I mean, that is some shit where I'm like, man, it is nice to be basic, huh?

Yeah. I just have a cold beer. I'm like, this is fun. I like this. That's why people hate kids at breweries because they're constantly playing Cornhole. It's hilarious. And people like, I was watching adults just get mad that they couldn't play Cornhole. God damn it.

Yeah. This is my release. Yeah. I want to play. It was so funny. Damn, thinking back, I was that kid yeah i was always the kid playing like horseshoes or cornhole just ruining it for an adult and there would be adults standing by and i'd be like oh i guess they're just really invested in this game that

i'm yeah yeah it's like man this is cool we're all hanging out huh we're all on the same team this is nice yeah but it was like cookouts there There was no brewery hangs when we were young, right? No. Well, my family was in the American Legion. Yeah. So there was a family fun day there, and I'd always post up on the horseshoes. Some horseshoes, toss around shirts. Very American Legion vibes.

There's a balloon animal guy at the American Legionion family thing that we went to and i went up like too late he was like about to leave uh-huh this dude clown fucking making balloon animals he was pissed he like didn't want to make me one yeah you're like make me a giraffe with wings he's like god damn it dude my aunt came over and started hitting on the dude dude she was like rubbing up on him my aunt like seduced him into like making a balloon animal. They love entertainers.

He just makes a big purple dick. He's like, this is for you. He just makes a big egg for you. Yeah. I wanted a puppy.

No, yeah. Oh, this is for your aunt. Yeah. That's such a weird thing to get into. It's just like, what makes an adult be like, I want to learn how to make balloon animals.

Because they're specifically for kids, too. Yeah. They also didn't have sign spinning jobs back then. I feel like those really dried up balloon animal makers. You think so? Sign spinning? Yeah, dude. No, balloon, it's a totally different thing.

I mean, it's, yeah, I don't know. It's a beautiful dude. Could be, yeah. I'd be impressed with like a balloon person making a giant arrow, you know, if they merge the two. That'd be all right. It'd be hard to spin. That would be hard.

And also, you're still making minimum wage. Yeah. Barely. Yeah, you don't get tipped by kids. Kids don't have money. No, definitely not. Well, once we get some universal income from Andrew Yang. Yeah, he's an awkward job.

Is that his thing? Oh, yeah. He was on Rogan. I didn't listen to him yet, too. No. No, I just know that universal income is his thing. Yeah. Which sounds tight.

It does sound tight. Yeah. I mean, sure. Go for it. I mean, how much is everybody going to get? I think it's just like a thousand bucks. A month? A mean, sure. Go for it. How much is everybody going to get? Just like a thousand bucks. A month? A month, yeah.

Even if you have a job, you get it? Yeah, yeah, everyone. Once you turn 18, everyone gets it. It's 18-year-olds, dude, buying so many Pokemon cards and Siggy's. Oh, dude, hell yeah. You got to get some vape juice, too, for sure. So does no one like Bernie anymore? I i like i like bernie too yeah i think he's great i think for me like i feel there's a weird like distaste in some people's mouths for burning yeah because no one

wants to see an old white guy right now but all of his policies like he pushed everybody to the left like so hard just adopting his like Medicare for All, he said that shit. And then, like, Free College, he said that shit, too. I don't feel like all the shit Warren's doing now is basically just based on Bernie. And I don't think there would be, like, an AOC or a Brown if it wasn't for Bernie pushing the party. Exactly. In that direction. Like, he really inspired young people, you know, like, to be more progressive and be more involved.

I think he did. I don't know. I think so, definitely. Here's the thing. I don't know anyone's policies, besides like the headlines i read yeah you know but uh oh he's he's i i feel like he like it's it's gonna come down to him and biden biden's gonna win and then we're gonna lose no man you think biden's gonna win yeah i don't know he didn't raise that much money i mean i don't

know what type of indicator obama runoff dude yeah the swag juice running i know but he has so much shit in his past too of like the anita hill stuff voting for the iraq war like he has a lot of not good uh policies in the past but yeah and that's all he had so all those memes dude so many memes uncle joe sniffing hair it's it's obama having all those funny conversations oh those two bffs yeah uh but once they start having debates and shit then it's gonna be much more clear too like right now it's just all out in the open you know like what is elizabeth warren invited to the cookout yeah are you sure you think so well i don't know well i think she fucked up with that native american thing i was so that was so dumb just let that go let that go she was trying to prove a point and the point she proved was now you're just yeah but also

she should have got another win for trump she should have got the results and be like throw those in the trash and show those to no one like why go public with it like i did it see what was it it was like point it was like 1 32nd or something like that yeah yeah not not good um i don't know to the cookout maybe maybe p budaj i think was good i saw him on the breakfast club he was pretty good i like bernie on the breakfast club too i thought he was great i just appreciate that bernie doesn't do the fucking like um well i don't have my hot sauce on me so i can't have you know yeah he's like who did that hillary hillary clinton hot sauce in my bag like yeah it was really bad they're like you know an aide told her to say yeah because they're like

what's one thing you can't live without and she's like oh hot sauce like no dude you're from arkansas you don't know shit about flavor i mean i guess that is the south pepper first right also it's like you're an old lady. It's like, it gets me into judgment. I love it. I really love it. I like that Bernie Sanders fell down. Also, your bag. You wear a pantsuit.

You have pockets, you stupid bitch. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you probably haven't carried a purse in years. There's like somebody. He wears a pool of hot socks. Right. He pulls out a wallet fatter than any of us have. Just a gold bar.

Oh, man. But yeah, did you see Bernie Sanders fell down in the shower no and he had to get his head yeah like it was just like a very grandpa thing like he had a he had a big bandage on his forehead he's like this will not stop the uh campaign holy shit dude he's so old he's like 76 right is he i mean he seems he's pretty he's pretty spry yeah i mean trump is like 72 or 73 next to like a 70 year old huh he's gonna be fine till his mid-80s i think so like he seems sharp like he went on fox news and did a town hall and just dunked on him it was great dude they must have regretted that so much. Hard. Hard. Hard.

Yeah. No, I thought he did great. Yeah. It's cool. Like, he seems, like, pretty with it. So, yeah, I'd vote for him. I'd vote for Warren, this Pete Buttigieg guy. I'm on the fence about it.

I like him. Everyone makes fun of Pete Buttigieg. I don't know. I've never... I don't even know what he looks like. Oh, he's gay. Oh, he's gay. Yeah, he's the gay one. You cannot throw up a gay candidate.

His dog has an Instagram. Yeah, no, he's a gay Rhodes Scholar Afghanistan veteran. Wow. And a mayor in Indiana. So it's like, he's pretty interesting. Got a little something for those white racist people. I mean, he can get like a Netflix half hour a netflix that fucking diversity but i don't know let's see how his hour is versus trump's that's what they should do just netflix

specials for everybody actually maybe a 15 minute yeah yeah instead of uh because don't they call it like the stand-ups yeah they just call it the candidates they're all doing 15 that would be yeah people just like the whole 15 talking about his dog yeah he's just like well Don't they call it the stand-ups? They just call it the candidates. They're all doing 15. That would be sick. He spends a whole 15 talking about his dog. He's just like, well, you know, I'm gay. What the heck? Go off, queen. Yes.

Yes. Dude, I'm kind of, honestly, I'm kind of excited to see the new material Trump has for his next tour. I think it's going to be a lot of the hits. I feel like it's going to be some hits. Yeah. But I want to know the new nicknames. I want to know the new nickn has for his next tour i think it's gonna be a lot of the hits i feel like it's gonna be some hits yeah but i feel i want to know the new nicknames i don't know yeah uh oh he already has one for uh um he calls elizabeth warren pocahontas yeah that is the best that is so good dude that is so good one time he like totally just bricked it he's talking about uh nancy pelosi he's like nancy pelosi or as i call her nancy and yeah okay that's what we call her too nancy like how you'd call a guy though did you hear what i said like she's a gay guy is what i'm saying does everybody get that or

no you don't get it yeah uh it's oh it's gonna be a nightmare though i just hope democrats can pull together enough to not like rip each other apart just because of like one thing against them like uh-uh i don't think so it's like nobody's perfect guys yeah i feel like i kind of saw that already with the buddha judge guy i feel like some like anti-buddha judge memes on twitter the other day yeah it was like just you know pics of quotes yeah like you know when because they're trying to say he's like a centrist and like a basic gentrifier right right right we're all gentrifiers if you don't want to be like it's that was the one thing you want did you know that's his campaign slogan yeah we're all

like like in national just shows a native american crime these two people at this one like fancy cocktail bars club uh yeah it was we were paying 18 for drinks and uh these two people are like oh yeah these fucking all these like people moving to nashville the route they're you know they're gentrifying this town they're ruining it i'm like okay well you're sipping a 20 drink dude like yeah if you you're contributing to it why don't you fucking stay in the county and drink a miller light if you like right complain about gentrification like yeah the bar this bar should be called the gentrification yeah we're all assholes oh yeah just it makes your city better it's you know yeah i was passing um a bar in hamden that uh used to be a real shithole dimitri's yeah and they're

turning into a taco spot and i was walking by it last night i was like looks pretty nice in there all right yeah i am that gentrifying force though i'm like great let's get some more taco spots that's nice oh with some uh uh like uh edison bulbs yeah hang them let's do it you're gonna update those posters though stop selling drugs outside of poppies yeah they're not just gonna stop selling drugs no yeah stop vaping outside of poppies stop it the people are gonna watch us going in there and be so upset it used to be like their fucking dive yeah white trash haunt they still have a few though they'll be they'll be yeah they have the bloody bucket no big deal i drive past that pretty much every morning and it's just so sad every morning there are people already drinking there yeah they have happy hour that starts at 6 a.m yeah in the morning and they're there they are fucking there

because yeah i used to see him i would drop karen off at the um uh light rail going down there so i'm like oh good like oh nice yeah yeah pretty good i like it when you get in there in the morning do you go for the bucket still yeah yeah the bucket of miller lights you'd be a fool not to same people who sit in those bars are the same people who call like millennials like lazy and they want everything handed to them and it's just like god dude you've been living off disability yeah it's like every, God, dude. You've been living off disabilities for eight years. Every generation has fuck-ups. And guess what?

You're one of them. Oh, yeah. You're doing meth. You ruined your life. You're more of a drain on society than anybody else. You're making fun of someone who studied English in college. You just did meth through your whole 20s, and now you're complaining about how your life sucks.

Go kill yourself. Yeah. Like, by the way, do you take disability checks here or dude at that casino that we did there is a guy in line behind me and uh really nice fella's name's pork chop um and uh we're at the bar and he's like yeah last time i was up at the bar i asked for a i asked the bartender i said let me get two dilly dillies and she didn't know what i was talking about and i was like oh man that is a bummer like i hate that their campaign worked you know like bud light like saying dilly it's so fucking lame like it just seems like i didn't realize that's what that was that's what it's for yeah bud light has

a campaign where they just say dilly dilly like he was like yeah i made up this drink called the dilly no no you didn't even know what it was no it's it's bud light that's their slogan it's like yeah i don't like that is that for like the game of thrones shit they've been doing yeah exactly yeah it's like i say dilly dilly they're like yeah dilly dilly like what the fuck man i can't wait to fuck the nearest Dilly Dilly. God, don't you miss when you could talk like a retard in public and everyone knew what you were talking about? It's just some guy's like, Dilly Dilly. All these college kids and their fancy words for beer. You don't even want to say Bud Light.

Yeah. Dilly Dilly. They're like, okay, I got you. Yeah, sure. Make my Dilly Dilly cold, please. Thank you. Yeah, I don't my dilly dilly cold, please. Thank you. Yeah, I don't think advertising like that can work anymore. There's not going to be like another like, what's up?

Yeah. Everyone was saying that. Who had what's up? Budweiser, Bud Light. Yeah, Bud Light, same people. And the Frogs. The Frogs were good. The Budweiser Frogs.

But yeah, like dilly dilly. It's just so like a Mad Men style like Jon Hamm. Like Dilly Dilly. What if we made that work? And it did. It really did for all these rednecks out there. I guess. Yeah, they're the only ones that watch TV.

Yeah. I mean, I've seen the ads. They're terrible. I mean, they were on like a lot during football and stuff. So anyway, you guys want to get out here and get a couple dilly dillies yeah hell yeah football you don't like football no i don't fuck with that damn dog cte bro come on man get woke what's wrong with it will smith right will smith oh yeah tell the truth yeah stop lying or what does he say please do not watch football after this. It is not good.

Oh, my God. Did he have an accent like that? Yeah. South African guy. Yeah. Well, the movie was about him getting hit in the head and then, you know, starting to use that accent. West Philadelphia, born and raised. He switches bodies with the linebacker all right should we get out of here yeah let's wrap this thingy up all right

yeah thanks for having me lots of bits lots of bits eric yeah you stayed the whole hour yeah you know i forgot that i had to go yeah well you're just having such a good time well like blink 182 says, work sucks. I know. There you go. One of these people. One time I was... We live on an end unit and there's a lot of windows. Alley access.

And so people are walking out. I was almost naked, just scratching my ass in my kitchen. Hell yeah, dude. And just a whole group of people walked by. I don't know if they saw me i was like wow this is this was because you're eye level with them and you're yeah god this is bad yeah i'll do that where i'm um like in the morning just getting up naked and then going to open the curtains in my bedroom and i'm just like fully exposing myself like ah whoops, sorry. I got a second set of curtains. Just a tiny one just for my dick.

Good morning. Hello. You got any plugs, Eric? Eric. Yeah, live from the studio. Get into it. LFTS podcast on all social media. Oh, hell yeah.

And then Zismo's, there's been a grand uprising. They're starting to do comedy shows, like stand-ups. At Zismo's? Oh, they got this cool-looking stage in Curtin. Yeah, they got a dope new stage. Wait, upstairs still? Yeah, they got all renovated. Oh, okay.

Michael Furze taking over for doing the stand-up nights. Interesting. I think I'm there for the first early and late show on June 7th. Awesome. Check that out. Nice, man. Awesome. With Olga, Jordan Levine, and Beth Aiden.

Cool. Good deal, man. Good show. Umar? Jitten Jokes, May 2nd. Mike Kaplan is headlining. He's been on everything you can think of stand-up wise. And then Brian Parisi, who is a writer for John Oliver's show last week.

Is that what it's called? Last week tonight, yeah. Last week tonight. He's going to be featuring, so that's going to be tight. And he is hilarious. He's so funny. And he's going to come back and headline in September, and he's headlined before.

And then buy my special on amazon or vimeo and that's it hey now um let's see what do i got i just want to plug so my band is playing uh on the 18th at uh joe squared here in baltimore come out to that and then uh let's see i got some other stand-up stuff but uh i don't remember where it is so yeah like i have bethesda with matt bergman on the 10th don't know where that is but i will follow me on the gram and i will i'll tell you at josh caderno on there and uh all right thank you guys for doing the podcast and we'll talk to you next week david kechner take us out digression sessions come Coming to an end! Thank you. We'll see you next time.