The Digression Sessions - Ep. 291 - Josh Umar & Eric Glaeser

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar sit down for with Eric Glaeser of the Live From The Studio / LFTS Podcast! We complain about a couple of things in the beginning, but then we break down the odyssey that was Umar's trip to New Orleans. Spoiler Alert: he should not be allowed to fly! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a goddy Your ear feels so weird Your ear? Yeah, like I had this really bad cough out of nowhere Like I've just been stuffed up, but not bad. Like all of a sudden I'll be talking. I don't have to like hawk up a huge loogie.

And then I just got out of the shower at the gym at work and it feels like my ear is stuffed up. You might have an ear infection. God damn it. I would get that looked at. Yeah. You're five years old, right? Yeah, I know.

Well, Mary, Yeah, I know. Well, Mary, whose wedding I'm going to, my friend Mary, she has an ear infection. Uh-oh. Right now, but she was... I think I see the culprit, dude. Earpods, dude. You think so? Yeah, they get dirty. Yeah, they got bacteria.

I mean, we all use... Yeah, it turns out 300 million people have ear infections. Well, I did see some article about cancer and all wireless. Oh, yeah. Bluetooth. I was like, ah, that makes sense. I don't know why, but same thing. Remember when cell phones first started being popular,

everyone's like, dude, ball cancer. Oh, yeah. Laptops, ball cancer. That's the weird thing though like parents would tell you no you have to get like a hip clip for your phone so it's not in your pocket wow i think your parents just wanted you to look autistic yeah we can't have eric being too cool yeah my son's clearly a pussy magnet we gotta pump the brakes here a little bit i can't have my son fucking all the time getting chlamydia. Hey, put a strap on your glasses

while you're at it, Eric. You know what? You don't play any sports. Let's get the athletic or breakable glasses. Let's get you some mouth gear, too. Eric has a six-pack coming in. Pretty good. Yeah, right? I don't like that. Let's get him some culinary glasses.

Yeah, I had those when I tried to play sports as a kid. The Rexpecs. Oh, those were awful. They're terrible. They're like pool goggles, but with your prescription. Oh, those are weird. Like athletic basketball. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember wanting those so bad. Why? Because they looked so bad. It was awful. The only person I ever pulled off is Horace Grant of the Chicago Bulls. Yes. I know who you're talking about. Only by face.

I would never be able to say his name. Right. I remember seeing him growing up. That guy and also any lead singer from a ska band. Oh, sure. They crush any look, though. They serve tons of looks. Yeah.

But I've had prescription glasses since I was in kindergarten. And I'm real blind. Yeah. I think i've had mine about the same time i'll go into this pre-k for me because i remember getting them and crying in pre-k me too wow i just keep going back and forth i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure when i came out of the womb they put glasses on me so i actually my mom shoved them actually in utero i had them yeah vividly remember morning pre-K. I just cried the whole time. Yeah.

This is out blind, and I'll get into this story later, but I was in New Orleans for a bachelor party, and we went to a strip club. My first time ever. Hey. We were sitting at the... And your glasses fogged up, and you're like, uh-oh. Well, the one stripper took my glasses off

and started rubbing them like on her tits and her pussy and uh that's so hot yeah and then she put them i wouldn't like i wouldn't be turned on and be like all right that's fun but could you not rub it in your pussy well it was like she had close she had a okay i thought it was like her bear i was like if she started to put them in i would be like i want those not in but like i thought it was like her bare. I was like, oh. If she started to put them in, I'd be like, I want those back. Not in, but like, I thought it was like her naked. Yeah, like, yo. She wasn't those inches away from my eyes. Completely naked.

Yeah, I'm going to get chlamydia on my nose. Yeah, I don't want gonorrhea in my eye. But so then she did that. And then she went to put them on, you know, like look sex, like put them on all sexy. And then she was like, whoa, you're so blind, like literally broke. And it was like, oh, my God, you're so blind like literally broke and was like oh my god you're so blind and she was just like look at me and squint and stuff it was so funny oh man she um put them

back on you with her tits no it just takes forever she's like hold on that drops them and she has to pick them up with her tit give me one second. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to get them. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. Josh Coderna here with my partner, Mr. Umar Khan. Hi. And we got our good buddy, Eric Glazer on the cast. Live from the studio. Live from the studio.

I wanted to say Left's podcast because I always see it as LFT. Yeah, your logo. Yeah. Like Left's. It see it as LFT. Yeah, your logo. Yeah. We see the L. It's a big L. It's a good logo. But it's a W of a podcast. A win.

Thank you. A big win of a cast. Appreciate that. From the godfathers of Baltimore podcasts. That's right, baby. Yeah. We're off to a really... Who, us?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, mostly me. Yeah. You probably were the first. Yeah, I think so. Actually, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, mostly me. Yeah. You probably were the first. Yeah, I think so. Actually, no. Sasha and Andrew, what was like right around the same time, speaking of New Orleans.

They got Bill Burr on theirs. Yeah. And it's still on YouTube. Yeah. What was it called? Do you remember? Oh, man. What was it?

But yeah, they would broadcast from Hopkins, right? Yeah. I forget what their cast. Did you do it? No, I never did it. I never did it. Alex did it. Yeah did it alex did it yeah i think they stopped when i started getting into stand-up and yeah that's whose bachelor party

was that yeah but i remember uh i think andrew was saying they had bill burr on two or three times and they're like eventually it just seemed like he just wanted to call and complain about stuff like they're just like hey bill he's like here's another fucking thing like all right it's like you're like dad calling you it's like here's a what's the deal with i heard he's very uh it's hard like it's like he's hard to like talk like he's a very dominating figure like i can see that yeah if you're just like is it is it tough dealing with political correctness be like no yeah stupid question what do you mean you're You're like, ah, I'm sorry. It's not any different. Yeah.

No, it's not. Yeah. Cause, uh, Mark, Mark Norman was saying like he was on this radio show with him and you couldn't,

there's a video of it. Like Mark Norman, Jim and Sam. Yeah. They were on Jim and Sam and Mark Norman's a great comic and very funny. He's on there a lot, but Bill Burr dropped in when he was on there and like, it just,

Mark Norman looked like a child dude. Like, and he, like he's trying. It's funny there a lot, but Bill Burr dropped in when he was on there. And, like, it just, Mark Norman looked like a child, dude. Like, and he, like, he's trying. It's funny because, like, he kind of dresses like one a little bit, too. And he has, like, the short curly hair. So I can see if he's, like, really feeling that. He's trying to, like, get jokes in and, like, no one's responding to him. It's so weird. He just, and then he talks about how he's like, God, I just feel like I bombed the whole time.

Yeah, because I feel like it's hard to get in when someone like bill burr's talking right but he likes mark right or is this yeah early on but it's just like he's in a room and he's on a radio show i guess so he's just yeah yeah there's uh i saw an interview with uh popped up in my youtube feed you know it's like all the suggested videos and stuff i was watching some bill burr stuff and then it was like bill burr awkward interview with sarah silverman have you ever seen that that was a weird interview because yeah it looked like he totally was caught off guard so he did her show what was it like i love you america or something america yeah so they sat down and and he was like hey how you doing she's like good good now bill you and i are really different and you know that right and he's like i guess i i like you she's like, hey, how you doing? She's like, good, good. Now, Bill, you and I are really different. And you know that, right?

And he's like, I guess. I like you. She's like, right. I like you, too. But you've said some things that are pretty wrong. And he's like, what is this? I thought we were friends. Yeah.

It was just a talk show. Yeah. So that was the only time that I saw him being on the other side of that. I was just like, I am uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. So check that out. It was like the Rogan, like, end of the world thing. Oh, my God.

He crushed. Saratiana. Yeah. I worked with her. Really? Was it post that? Yeah. I worked with her a year later, and she brought it up on her own without me mentioning it.

She was still upset about it. Because I asked her. I was like. You brought it up on her own without me mentioning it. She was still upset about it. Because I asked her. I was like... You brought it up or no? She brought it up. Oh, okay. But then you asked. Okay. Well, no. She just wanted to... Umar was like, would you like to bring it up? Hey, Sarah. She didn't say it.

Hey, Sarah. You know like the one time the most people ever knew about you in America? Or just like more broad. It's just you getting made fun of by a man comedian yelling at you about why Michelle Obama can't be a good president. It's like, good show, huh? Good show. Sometimes you have bad podcasts, though.

What? Anything ever happen to you? Anything you want to bring up? Do like icebreakers. Ah, yeah. Good shows. What did you do over the summer? She's very nice. Did you read any good books recently?

We were pounding whiskeys before the show. Usually I don't drink, but you like... Whiskey kind of looks Auburn reddish. Kind of like a comedian's hair. Any funny stories? Ah, the Swiss redhead. This whiskey burns. You ever get burned publicly?

No, not roast battle something what kind of podcast yeah it still happened at the comedy store you're getting close again you brought it up so yeah what did she say um i was just like oh man so you live in la and you work at the comedy store like do you like um like what are what's joe rogan bill burr like and she was like honestly like like she was like i consider rogan a friend and uh and but she said that a lot of like even her and like most comics are like scared around bill burr and rogan they're like yeah the dudes and everyone knows that you know they have power and whatever and they're just like very intimidating i feel like a lot of people try to probably impress them too. So that's where you get to like, what,

what are you saying? Yeah. So another comic, Chris is this Stefano was saying, uh, on a podcast, like he was at the comedy store and Bill Burr was there and he just like, they were both backstage and he was just like,

Oh, it's like Bill. Like, man, like I'm a huge fan. Like I really, and Bill's like, Hey man,

I'm just here also telling jokes. Yeah. And then like, really and bill's like hey man i'm just here also telling jokes yeah and then like and then he's like oh okay which is like it's such a bummer because it's like this dude you love yeah just like talking to you like you're a fucking but think about on the other side too you're just like i just want to be normal like wouldn't it be so weird if you came to a green room like every time and then everybody got quiet you're like yeah it's like no just i'm like you like right right but you're a millionaire and you're quiet you're like yeah it's like no just i'm like you like right right but you're a millionaire and you're really you're the best person working right but yeah so she i was like she brought up the she was like did you see that video and i

and i hadn't yet oh really yeah and so she was explaining it to me you're like the one that has 30 million views on youtube yeah not yet she was just saying it was so unfair because like he just would never let me talk and then yeah it's true that's what i heard burt kreischer say too he's like i just felt bad for her because she said one thing and then bill was like already on fire that night and just was like oh just took off weed or something to build it just a little bit because at uh because that's the night that the bill passed to legalize weed in california which was also stupid too like oh it passed let's smoke it's like guys it doesn't go into effect right away yeah like when a bill passes it's like in six months it'd be kind of like it's legal! Bill also just made fun of Joe Rogan so well.

It's so funny. He's just like, God, I forget what Joe said to him. He was just like, Bill, you ever kill an animal? He's like, no, you psycho with your schoolboy hat or something. Or no, your newspaper boy hat. Rogan likes hunting elk, and so he hunted elk, and he gave some meat to bill and he's like hey bill like are you feeling more like you're feeling more like aggressive yeah yeah he's like no you psycho it's just meat yeah with your newspaper boy hat

oh boy well yeah how was new orleans it was besides the titties and glasses incredible yeah so uh first of all it was for a bachelor party let me say this a bachelor party thursday friday saturday sunday too long yeah way too long for a bachelor party because you're too drunk all the time like you're staying out party should just be one day i think well well at least you weren't in a city where you can drink in the streets yeah wait a minute well and i left early sunday morning thank god but some of them stayed and did brunch and shit but uh yeah should i have oh i'm so excited we dropped so much money but uh oh well okay how much money i thought you like said something where you're like we dropped so many and i was like, don't say N-words. Oh my God. Because you pointed at the recorder.

You're like, oh my God. There's going to be a video of us on a party bus just saying the N-word. I've said too many N-words. I got to get out of here. First thing Sunday morning. You guys can go to brunch. Dude, yeah. So I leave right after work.

On Thursday? Yeah, I had a layover, which is i'm never flying like a peasant again uh it was a last minute booking everything got planned last minute and this is the yuppie side of the podcast yeah yeah oh yeah oh by the way let's do a baltimore corner oh i would like this corner oh i would like that i have a positive one oh went to a pizza oh do you want to why don't you get the negative one out first went to uh went to nepenthe real bad system there it's not really i have a friend who works there i like it i had a good time it's not good so they don't like the vibe so i i enjoy it's cool it's like a beer hall kind of vibe which i'm cool with but i don't like

this new system at bars where you get funneled into a line and you have to order in a line you can't just sit at the bar and then like the bartender gets to you i have the same gripe about bluebird right because bluebird does it too i went there for the first time yeah like last saturday yeah it was like elizabeth's friends roommates birthday beautiful decor though beautiful dude walking in i was like this place is amazing it's fucking here all the time i walk up the stairs i'm like this beautiful yeah especially for our painting on the wall but it's a fucking window for our neighborhood it's dude it's nice very nice it's real nice yeah everyone's at a table

yeah everyone's already been drinking they're're already there. We got there late. I don't want to wait for someone to come order the table. So I walked to the bar, which no one's at. It's not even like a pack tonight. Right. Like there were three people at the bar not even sitting next to each other. Yeah. And I like go up.

No one's doing anything. No one's even working. And I'm like, hey, can I get a gin and tonic? And she's just like, the bartender just looks at me confused. Did she just slide you a menu? She was like, did you come from that table over there? Yeah, but I don't want to be on their tab. I just want to get one drink and close out.

Then her manager comes over, taps her on the shoulder, and he's like, I'll handle this. Yo, he had to tag her out. He's like, let me get in here. She's like, hey, don't worry. I'm going to get your drink. Like a tag team match. She's like, oh.

He's like, get out. Yeah. Don't worry. I'm still going to get your drink. Jim Ross is like, my God. Just so you know, there's a thing over there. You go to the middle table over there to order your drink there's no signs or anything and um right even though at every other bar you just order at

the bar at the bar yeah and also we're all not doing anything but at the same time that's what's the most frustrating part is because then you're in the line and this would happen to me i mean this is like talking to you like an idiot for having a system that no one knows about right right right it's like every other single bar in the world does it the same way and they've done it differently and they're like what don't you get here at bluebird it's not so bad but it's annoying that people talk to you that way yeah because it's not that crowded but at nepenthe you're standing in like it was real dumb a long line and so they had one bartender and it looked like one bar back but i think he was a bartender too and so the line just kept stacking up behind me and then the people in front of me

were taking a while because they were i think they were with like their son or something because i could hear them looking at the menu and they were like deviled egg vegan deviled egg how are they vegan you know like talking to the bartender and then they ordered cocktails so the guy had to make those beer cocktails i don't know what they are they're beer cocktails oh are they oh no but so then the dude that was the bar everybody we got to we got to but the dude that was the bar back was just washing dishes going back to the dishwasher holding up glasses to make sure they're clean i'm like bro you have 500 glasses that are clean and now you have 25 people in line i'll say every this fucking neighborhood i don't understand. No one knows customer service in this neighborhood. Fucking nobody.

I was there with my friend Casey. And Casey's like, what is a pente, by the way? Is that like a Greek goddess? Like, yeah, it's a Greek goddess. Shitty service. Got him, man. But then the dude that was the bar back, like, eventually the manager is like, no, you got to move over. Because they have two registers, too.

He's like, no, like, move over there. And they're just like hey what's up can i help you it's like yes motherfucker i've been here for 10 minutes for one beer i would have left dude i have a new role uh at places if people talk to me like oh yeah i'm never going back to blue no i'm not even not go i just leave in that situation you can't because you're at a party yeah dude. Dude, I think we talked. Did we talk about? I think we. I won't complain, but whatever. But I went to an amazing place. Nuna's Pizza on Mount Royal. I've heard good things. Dude, best old-fashioned in town.

It's 100-proof whiskey they use. It's fucking. It's so good, dude. And my buddy works there, so we got it. 100-proof and it tastes good? It tastes. So it has to be a lot of shits. Well, I also hate. No, because I I hate sweet drinks and I like Bluebirds old

fashion. I hate and it's way too expensive for how not good it is. Like it's just not to me. It's not a great old fashion. I hear people just turning off the podcast. These three cis males complaining about service. Yeah, I was thinking about that too. I was like, no one knows.

We're just summarizing other podcasts. Yeah, welcome back to Inside Baseball. I did have a whole New Orleans, whatever. But anyway, Nuna's Pizza Go, it's amazing. It's really good pizza, really good drinks. The apps, like the start, it's just such good food. Yeah, I see Nolan posting about it on his gram all the time. Yeah, and it's just, it's really good.

It's well done, and it's not pricey. Nice. Yeah. Nice. So shout out to Nuno's. Shout out to Nuno's. Go give them your business. Nepenthe, I would have left, but my friend Casey already got his drink.

So then he was just sitting at the bar, and I'm just standing there like, oh. Yeah. They also have Prosecco on tap which is tight interesting i've never drank it before but he gave it to us for free before our dinner karen loves prosecco fucking good yeah karen's dad makes some really good drinks with prosecco like a grapefruity kind of cocktail thing so good yeah so good all right let's get back to new thursday i fly in i have a layover it's a horrible way to fly if you're poor i get it but i went i have a master's degree i don't need to live this way you know uh-huh uh the new master you saying and karen hates it that you have

a master's well like uh we were going it's funny because you're like i have so much debt i don't have to live this way yeah exactly it's just it's obviously a joke but like we were at uh because i don't make any money for having the amount of education right right but uh like we were going to the o's game and cameron's like should we take the light rail i was like are you out of your fucking mind yeah i am not taking a light rail yeah in baltimore and we should say umar doesn't wear glasses he has two monocles that's how rich he was that stripper actually took both monocles out of his eyes i do say my good man i'm not 20 years old you know and i was like let's just get an uber it's like ten dollars yes and it was ten dollars there you go and then so we're in the uber and i don like let's just get an uber it's like ten dollars yes and it was ten

dollars there you go and then so we're in the uber and i don't know we're just talking with a guy and um yeah that came up and i was like i brought up that line i said that line and he was like oh and he started laughing i was like see he's laughing and karen's like upset and he's like well you know i grew up in a trailer park i was like oh sorry oh, sorry, man. Yeah, you can't get your Uber driver. He's like, no, I got a master's degree. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I've met a fucking PC.

Umar's like, look, student Uber drivers. This peasant enjoys my highbrow humor. You really used the word peasant. Yeah, of course. Of course. Umar's bouncing a basketball off his head. He likes it. Yeah.

He's having a good time you grew up in a trailer park you add in yeah a fucking window anyway yeah i bought this on amazon prime nice like now you drive your uh job that's funny very nice i tipped him five bucks uh wow but uh because i felt bad and sure you you give back that's trickle down right there yeah that is trickle down bro there it is, that is trickle down, bro. There it is. Action. It didn't have far to trickle, though.

Do you have an umbrella in this Uber? Because it's about trickle down, dude. Be careful, bro. So we go. So whatever, layover. My flight's delayed. That sucks. Blah, blah, blah.

Dude, I get on the... So I go by Chipotle and BWI Airport. And you're flying solo. Flying solo, which I love. I love being in an airport alone because I know how to navigate airports, and I'm real good at it. Who doesn't know how to navigate an airport? When you're with someone, like Karen, she packs food. If you pack food, you get stopped and searched.

It's so annoying. No, no, no, no, no. Buy food there. It's expensive. It's garbage. But yeah, that's what it is. No, just go get snacks for the flight. That's what I'm saying. Get food there. We just got into a text argument about it.

We're going to Mexico next week. Nice. And she was like, we gotta go to Trey Joe's and get snacks. I was like, we're going to a fucking third world country, Karen. Whoa, Mexico's not a third world. No, it's not anymore. Not the bar you're going to, that's for sure. Oh no, we're going to be buying, we're going to like a

chef's table restaurant. There you go. But it's like 50 bucks. It's insane. Oh yeah, yeah. It's great. An hour and a half Uber ride we looked up to like the ruins or whatever. It's $15. Jesus Christ. Talk about ruins, huh?

Ruining my budget over here. Anyway, so then I buy Chipotle because it's dinner time, and I'm like, I'll eat it on the flight. Right, and that is their slogan, Chipotle, it's dinner time. Yeah. Right. So I meet a nice lady. We walk to Chipotle together because we both wanted to eat something healthy.

It was very nice. Yeah. Whoa, whoa. Airport date? Yeah. He's like glossing over this. She's an older lady. We both walked to this bar together.

Now to be fair, Omar does like older women. That is true. He is a type. Whoa. I really do. Omar's like, she's a little older. She's 35. No, she had like a girl in college and like a mother's son out of college.

As she kept telling you how old she is, did your boner just keep growing? She's like, here's my osteoporosis pill. And you're like, damn, girl. She was like, oh, I live in Colorado. I'm a yoga teacher now. I was like, oh my God. Just sit on my face. Jesus. She's like, I, I live in Colorado. I'm a yoga teacher now. I was like, oh, my God. Just sit on my face.

Jesus. She's like, I can. ARP, fuck. Yeah, she's getting a discount with Chipotle. Oh, girl. So we walked to Chipotle. You finger banger. You clean your fingers.

Time to order. Yeah, yeah. So it's weird because I'm trying to go and she's, I don't know. I just felt like this... We have to be with each other now until we get to the point. Okay. We got to circle back because on the podcast, we established your horrible codependency. Yeah.

And this is real bad. Yes. Especially because you just prefaced it. You're like, I love being alone. It's so good. I can navigate it. Anyway, this woman who I don't know is now holding me back. Like, why? Just cut her loose, dude. She's so good. I can navigate it. Anyway, this woman who I don't know is now holding me back. Like, why?

Just cut her loose, dude. She's a stranger. She wants to connect. She wants to talk. Right. That's your codependency. You don't know her at all. I've blown past this dumb old bitch.

You've known her less than an hour, and you're like, well, I got to be there for her. And so we're just making conversation. Of course you are. It's nice. sure it is but then you're like hey also i don't know you and i have to go yeah so we're walking together and she and um she's like i think we gotta go this way and in my head i'm like no i'm pretty sure the lady said go this way wait you're on the uh yeah what no what is this what is this are you an old married couple you're like i don't know angela ah the man says that we go to course b i don't of course you guys have different directions no because we were at we

okay there's like a restaurant that she arrived at baltimore she's like baggage claims over there these restaurants at the same time i just wanted something cheap and healthy but this restaurant was super pricey it was like it was like 18 for like a salad or something yeah that's airport food yeah i was like i'm not and then you know and this lady she she's like an older healthy whatever she's wearing like workout clothes and she's like oh yeah i want something healthy too because we arrived at the hostess i want to circle back to ladies and workout clothes at the same time yeah please i had an epiphany on that. So we arrived at the same time, and she asked me, hearing about healthy stuff, and I was like, do you guys have a Chipotle in here?

And the woman was like, yeah. And she's like, oh, I'll do Chipotle. And then that's how it all started. And I'd be like, great. Bye. Yeah. You know, I like talking to strangers, and I had an hour and a half to kill. So I wasn't, but it just feels I just I just want you to

know you said I love traveling alone they're like I chop it up I get right in there and then you're like well I had to stick with Angela yeah like what the someone else is talking out loud yeah and also I have to walk with yes one of the most popular chains in America she's like I could do that too you're like what are the odds you like chipotle too so much in common incredible so incredible so uh whatever so we get to roll it i hear all about she gets the water she apparently she needs water to stay alive she went to college dropped out and blah blah blah and i was like she's got to go she's got to go back to college or her life's going to suck.

Well, that is your stepdaughter you're talking about. Yeah. So I get my Chipotle, whatever. And I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to wait and eat it on the plane. It'll be very satisfying. So get on the plane. Oh, dude, our plane, super full.

I mean, over capacity. They're asking people. Now, what do you got, a bowl or a burrito? I got a bowl. Okay. I mean, over capacity. They're asking people. Now, what do you got, a bowl or a burrito? I got a bowl. Okay. That should have a burrito. But I know I won't do burritos because the tortillas, I looked it up, on their own are 500 calories.

I never finish the whole thing. Especially where they fold it over. You got like a huge chunk there. Just the tortilla is 500. Do you think about how big that thing is? No. One time, yeah yeah on their website you can add up all the calories i did that for my burrito once it's over a thousand mine was over

two thousand what i got so that's like a whole that was like a whole day yes yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean that's like sour cream and the cheese and all that shit country is so fucked oh anyway yeah so uh i'm on my plane dude this plane ride is tight like we have tight oh okay i thought you meant tight like packed it yeah wait was it this one no so this is the one i don't know this is the one to your layover because you're leaving baltimore right i don't remember no my flight's going there do they have tvs jesus i don't remember dude it's been a minute but uh it's been like a week yeah anyway so uh no there was no tv but okay i uh so you had a missed connection no i didn't yeah but i'm on the flight and i'm talking about the old lady no no yeah

he thought you meant as a flight yeah so i'm on the flight and i'm like i'm not that hungry and i want to eat but then i get to the point where i i'm walking on the flight and this lady is like oh there's a hole in your bag and i was like my chipotle bag because i don't get rice i get beans and when you get beans there's all that juice oh no no no i even got double bowls because that's what they do hold the bag fork falls out so i have no fork i'm on this flight with no fork dude wow hold on you are in the midst of a black mirror episode yeah get on a flight it's just all beans like oh but what will i do yeah oh no modern society has failed me so then I'm like, you know, I got an aisle seat, thank God.

And so I tried to go back to the ladies and talk to them. And they're like, no, go to your seat. And I'm like, okay. So then I was like, I'll just wait for them to come around with a cart. I just pictured like, they're like, okay, brown guy with a beard. You have a mouthful. You have a mouthful. You're like, sit down.

Sit down. He's reaching, sit down. Sit down. He's reaching for a weapon. That's the only thing I'm talking about. I just need a weapon. So U.S. Marshal gets a gun out. Dude, so like. Sit down. So I'm on this fucking flight.

I'm so hungry at this point. Like where we get, you know, because you can't fucking do anything. I don't understand. Every flight I'm on, that whole keep your seatbelt on thing is on the whole time. like where we get you know because you can't fucking do anything i don't understand every flight i'm on that whole keep your seat belt on thing is on the whole time right i've never been on a flight where like hey it's okay to get up out of your seat i've never been on that i've been on that but yeah it's been on for a long time but yeah oh it was storming so that turbulence yeah and uh so i see them like come around with the carts. I'm like, all right, cool. I'll just ask for it now.

And I keep looking back because so one cart just goes all the way past us. And I guess they're going to meet in the middle. That's what they do. That's what they do. Dude, the lady who's I was in the back of my this lady is taking fucking forever. And I just keep turning around and turning around and looking at her. I'm sure she loves that. And she didn't notice. but I saw another guy notice. And then I realized, oh, I probably look weird because doing this.

100%. For sure. Yeah, because you're like, do I pull the bomb out now? Yeah. Should I pull the bomb out now? She close enough for me to pull the box cutter out? She close enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I slit her throat now? I'm just like, all right, fuck this. I don't want this fucking guy. You stand up. You're like, all right, fuck this i'm not gonna i don't want this fucking guy i think stand up you you're like all right fuck this does anyone have a fork i'm gonna do it now and then uh yeah so like i'm uh i uh i was like she's gotta have like a spoon or a fork on her cart just got to so finally dude it literally from when they started handing out food, it took her a half an hour to get to me. That's not too bad.

It's pretty bad for an hour flight, hour and a half flight. So I'm like, hey, I don't want anything. But it's also a packed flight. So she has to do like six people at a time, six people at a time. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, do you have a fork? And she's like, ooh, I have to go check in the back. I have to go dig for one. I was like, motherfucker. And I was like, why don't you have a fork? And she's like, ooh, I have to go check in the back. I have to go dig for one.

I was like, motherfucker. And I was like, why don't you have a fork? I was like, in my head, I'm like, on your menu, you guys have yogurt. What if someone ordered, what am I doing? Yeah, what are you, Rick? Morning. Do you have a fork? Ordered a yogurt.

Anyway, so then she's like, I have to check. So she finishes doing her also who eats yogurt with a fork or whatever spoon anything give me whatever i don't care okay so then uh they meet in the middle they go back yeah finally they bring me a fork as soon as i open it i'm also on that asshole on the plane with super smelly food i was gonna say to say. Yeah, dude. And you didn't even eat it. Yeah, straight up. That is immediately what I thought. You're like, I'm going to eat Chipotle on the plane.

I'm like, man, that's a dickhead move. Dude, it was. If you don't know what Chipotle is, it smells a little funky. It smells bad. And also, I had guac on it. And when I opened it, it's all brown. The guac went brown? Damn.

I waited like an hour and a half to eat it. The person that sat next to you is also doing a podcast. I sat next to this fucking weirdo. Would not stop twitching. This motherfucker. Dying for his fourth. So then,

as soon as I opened... Oh, also, it was leaking like a mother fucker where into into the aisle backpack and shit buddy and i spilled my coffee buddy god and i just love to be like yeah this bitch doesn't have a goddamn fork. They're like, who is this nightmare? Yeah, you're just dumping. Yeah, just dumping black. Yeah, there's bean juice.

Yeah, there's black bean juice. I don't know why. Yeah, I will not be flying this airline again. So I have a pocket full of guacamole episode. Yeah, you haven't even made it to new orleans this is my first flight i got a whole nother story this is second this is a nightmare you are awful i gotta tell you i do if i was sitting next to you i'd be pissed if i had that fork everything would have been fine you yeah that's on you though did. I didn't know there was a hole in the bag. Your old bean bag.

As soon as I opened the bag, dude, and I get out of the fork, we are preparing for landing. Of course. Of course. Of course. I had to eat. Captain comes on.

He's like, we are preparing to land. If there's any assholes eating Chipotle, please put it away. You've been a real dickhead. Oh, man, my stomach hurts. We had to put all our trays up. So I'm just eating Chipotle. I'm holding it in my hand.

I'm eating. I ate Chipotle in three minutes. You're like a feral animal. You're like. And then there's like they finished coming around for the trash so i just hold all my trash it was awful dude it sucked it was a bummer i felt bad to me all right and then you land in where like ohio or something uh shit i don't even know oh charlotte charlotte okay all right charlotte that's a great airport by the way yeah their chipotle is not up to part

of baltimore no definitely not but they have rocking chairs there they do have rock the All right. I landed in Charlotte. That's a great airport, by the way. Yeah. Their Chipotle is not up to par to Baltimore. No, definitely not. But they have rocking chairs there. They do have rocking chairs. The rocking chairs are sick. So I landed in Chipotle, North Charlotte. I fly back to Chipotle for a fork. And flight's delayed. Bummer.

Sure. People have been fucked because this uh was the week there's all these tornadoes in the south okay dude i talked to this woman she was in the airport for seven hours i would i mean i don't you know whatever yeah something violent but no it sucks i got delayed there coming back from cuba it was supposed to be like land here then get on a flight back to baltimore and they like, nope, it's delayed. It's like, god damn it. I just want to shit in a normal toilet or my toilet.

So we land. Oh, whatever. So we finally get on our flight. I end up sitting next to a guy. I'm in the middle this time, which is a bummer. It's the worst seat to me. At least you didn't have Chipotle when you were in the middle. No, thank God.

And that would have sucked. Yeah. And I sat next to this dude. He said hi to me. We started talking. And he's a very nice guy, older dude from Massachusetts. And immediately he was like, you a liberal? And I was like, yeah.

He's like, I can tell. You're fucking queer. He's a big conservative. And we talked the whole time on this flight. We talked politics and we debated. It was so fun. But dude, this guy was, he was a very nice guy, but just so wrong about everything. And I would like counter his argument and he would just change the subject.

Like, look, I got a brother. And I'm like, what the fuck does that have to do with anything? Right. Like, he just explains everything with these dumb little stories that are just about his life. But he works on those. That actually reminds me. My brother. No, I'm just kidding.

He's a merchant marine or something. Yeah. So he's like, he used to do like some aluminum bullshit and he so he would like grew up like being away from his kids like three months at a time and stuff and he grew up in a trailer he used to live in a trailer and he worked his way out whatever so he drives uber now and he's just like so loud he's so loud about stuff like so you met you managed to annoy two flights yes okay okay and Yeah. Okay. Dude. And it's a nighttime flight. Everyone's sleeping.

Yeah. No lights are on. No lights. It's complete. And it's like, here's the thing about the fucking Jews, dude. Dude, he kept saying blacks so loud. He's like, I got no problem with the blacks. My daughter's marrying a black.

Actually, the blacks are more racist. And I'm just like, oh my God. Get this. My daughter's fiance. A black. A black. I tell you a black. Dude. I don't know my God. Get this, my daughter's fiance. A black. A black. I tell you a black. Dude, it was.

I don't know his name. Nice fellow though, but he's black. I thought, never let him in my house, but I like him. I like him. Nice guy. It was kooky. Then he played me a YouTube video. Of what?

Off his phone. It was internet on the phone. And I'm like, dude, I think like, I was like, people, he's like people he's like ah whatever and he's like this loud ass youtube video about how they found some star that's like a billion of our sons could fit in this star and i'm like oh i thought it's gonna be like alex joe he's like they're turning the freaking frogs gay yeah and uh he's yeah he was a cool guy he was very nice uh yeah it's just one of those dudes that is the perfect example of very like, well, no, it's actually this. He's like, yeah, but what you got to worry about is. We got an argument about participation trophy.

All this shit, spanking, hitting kids, all this shit. It just sounds like he just watches Fox News. He's like, that's all it is over there. I would even bust his butt. Like, where'd you hear that Fox News? And then we would laugh. Like, it was cool. We were making fun of each other.

But one part, it was because we're talking about he brought up hitting he's like no see kids they need to be hit and i'm like you know i have like a whatever but uh you just launched do your joke you just i was gonna say you just launched in the bit no i didn't okay but round of applause yeah yeah that'd be great you keep everybody yeah you keep looking at the flight attendant for a microphone you got a microphone give up like but uh yeah so he was like god look look i'll tell one time i was out at a dinner party my friend his wife's there his wife's getting hammered and uh and then my friend my buddy's like talk to his wife's like hey let's go outside for a second and like i'm just following him out there and whatever and he's like and i just see my friend backhanding my wife and i'm like holy shit dude and i was like whoa his friend

is slapping his wife his friend slapping he's no his friend's beating up his his own wife okay the friend's wife okay i thought he was like so my friend takes my wife outside he's back in and i'm like whoa joey guy and then so i'm like i'm like what did you do he's like well i started to step in and the guy's like hey this doesn't concern you this is between me and my wife and you know what he was right and i went back in i was like what the fuck he's like well he's like let me ask you what would your father do if your mom was drunk and hanging all over other guys i was like i don't know not beat the shit out of her yeah it was so weird it was just so he backhands you yeah anyway so then i get in my uber this guy this uber guy dude i'll and i'll finish i'll we'll

get into the rest no no no i like this i like this so we get in the uber hold on so this guy's going to new orleans as well yeah he's going to work oh he goes to new orleans and then they fly a helicopter the helicopter from there takes them out to a uh whatever thing in the middle of the ocean where they get oil okay so he's still doing that he's still a merchant marine gotcha gotcha gotcha yeah nice so we get on we get there whatever and he like shows me where to go he's very nice and bob and then he introduced me his friend who's on the flight he's like oh he's a sanders guy too uh it was just it was cool whatever so then i get my uber dude my uber driver is so weird like he's just he's like it's like he's so poor oh yeah

he's a black he's like this like like like uh cool he's like a cool talking black dude, which sounds terrible. Wow. That guy had a real effect on you. Now listen, I like the blacks. This is one of those cool, you know, he's talking jive. And I like it. It's fine.

It's cool. I like jive. I'm talking about like, you know, like I was like, so how long you been down here? He's like, oh,

like seven years. I was like, what brought you down here? He's like, oh man, out of business, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, cool man. How's it going? He's like, well long you been down here he's like oh like seven years i was like what brought you down here he's like oh man out of business blah blah blah and i was like oh cool man how's it going he's like well you know 2008 stock market crash i lost it all i was like oh okay damn and uh which is a bummer but then uh he's like what do you do and i tell him i'm a school psychologist and he's

like oh man that must be tough you work in baltimore city he's from philly and i was like yeah it's crazy man he's like you know i couldn't Philly. And I was like, yeah, it's crazy, man. He's like, you know, I couldn't do it, man. And I was like, it's not that bad. He's like, no, man. I had a buddy who worked there. He's like, man, he's telling me these girls, they come to school. Oh, no. These girls, they got the bodies of women.

I'm talking about like 14, 15-year-old girls. And they come out on tour. I'm like, I couldn't do it, man. What? Yeah. Because, yeah, it's like you think he's coming from the side. He's like, emotionally, that must be tough. Because you want to fuck all the children.

I thought he was going to be like, oh, so much trauma. Right. He's like, oh, dude, I want to fuck everybody. I would traumatize that ass. You know what I'm saying? And then, so I'm like, oh. Got the metal detector going off every morning from my big heart. Yeah.

My big heart is metal. And then he keeps bringing like he like literally like five minutes later like i couldn't work in those schools man i'm talking these girls and they and they be my friend he works there and like he tells me like they are coming on to him they come on to him and i just couldn't do it i'm like my friend yeah he shares pictures with me on the dark web and i just man, man, I cannot. And I'm just like, okay, dude. And then he was telling me how he used to be a cop. And I was like, oh, wow, what was that like?

And he's like, oh, man, I tell you. He's like, I don't know what it is about serving the public, but, man, you are swimming in pussy. What? He's like, man, yeah, you show up at a house for, like, a domestic and girls be hitting on you. I'm like, after girls just got done being abused or hitting on you? Wow. And he's like, this is great. Super horny guy.

Yeah. And he lost his business. Not because of the stock market. No. Because of his horny business. Yeah. He definitely got me too. A hundred percent.

Yeah. It's like, look, I know your husband just beat you up, but I'll dick you down. So then like we're getting closer to the place and he's just like, oh, what'd you hear for him? Like a bachelor party. He's like, oh, man, that's going to be great. There's plenty of women here, too. There's a conference, I think. I've been dropping off a bunch of women.

And I was like, oh, yeah, I got a girlfriend. He's like, oh, I bet she's mad. I'm like, no, she's cool. She's like, uh-uh, women don't like bachelor parties. And she's like, all right, OK. He's just like this old school. But yeah, you also hear bachelor parties. It's like nothing right okay he's just like that like this old school but yeah you also hear bachelor parties like nothing but strippers the whole fucking time and then so so uh i'm like no i'm gonna be good and blah blah and so uh we're just driving and um some like super

hot chick was standing on the corner he pointed her out i was like yeah she's hot and then he's like he's like man she's probably i bet she bet she's – there's a lot of women who travel all over the world, man, to sell pussy. And I'm like, all right. He's like, yeah, I'm telling you, they're good looking too, man. I mean, girls are like 13, 14, 15 years old. At this point, I'd be like, am I on a prank show? Am I on some type of news show? Because it just seems like he's't tell man it just seems like

he's baiting you and to be like yes i think 13s are all hot too like you're on camera i i almost tried to record him and i got too scared i was like oh you could have done it would have been such a good video dude recorded uber drivers before like just weird i was like well listen i've been married five times you're like oh okay all right it was such a weird uber and i'm the only one in the car and i'm just like yeah and the thing that you can't just be like hey man that's it's weird why you keep you're just like yeah yeah oh that's crazy 13 year old hot chicks all right yeah yeah no you can't be like that's disgusting yeah well he picked you up he was probably like a bit you know he might have a child bride or two back maybe i can relate to someone finally about my hobbies i mean at least a couple child brides

right yeah it was so funny dude jesus man that didn't even that's just the that's just getting there we'll do part two later no No, we can get into it. We got like another 15, 20 minutes here. Oh, boy. So, yeah. Any other highlights? Yeah. The one highlight is the Gator Tour, dude.

It's so fun, right? I mean, I think the Gator Tour we got is just... Insane. Way different than anyone else uh because we bought a private one and uh it's so much money it was like over a hundred dollars per person yeah yeah and uh but i would do it in a heartbeat again if we and if we got this yeah just being on a fan boat is really fucking cool amazing yeah bring booze uh i didn't you know the first two days i only had two drinks it was in it was uh i was trying to be good yeah when i did it we did it like 8 30 in the morning though

so i was like we didn't do that i was pretty hungover yeah it was fucking wrecked dude uh yeah so we go and uh we go to our boat and um we meet this guy and he uh uh you know like he he's definitely like a New Orleans swamp-looking guy. He's really cool. Does he have the accent? He's like, that damn gator, get on the boat. Oh, yeah. Not super bad, but yeah.

Yeah. So we come up, and he's like, oh, what are you guys here for? Like, oh, it's a bachelor party. He's like, oh, okay. And I don't know. Something came up with strip clubs, and I made a joke. I was like, yeah, I fell in love on Bourbon Street. And then immediately the guy's name is Paul.

He's like, oh, with a dude? Like this guy is so cool. Right, right. And he did not, dude, he did not disappoint. It was insane. He was like, look, I like talking. Please talk. I hate when people come on here and don't talk.

Yeah. Tip, you know, it's appreciated. And like, he's like, i like talking please talk i hate when people come on here and don't talk yeah uh tip uh you know it's appreciated and like he's like just ask questions we'll make it fun you know yeah and uh so we're riding and like we're just you know we're just making jokes and like just it's uh to give a setting of this bachelor party it's me a pakistani guy there's another guy who's half pakistani half indian there's my buddy atif who's uh half black oh atif was there yes half black muslim uh and uh a chinese guy and then my buddy andrew who's super white but very diverse bachelor party which i even commented i was like wow andrew like you probably have the the most diverse bachelor party in new orleans right now yeah he's like well that's funny you bring that up because there is a second one in Nashville

that my white friends plan, and it's all white dudes. I'm like, that is so funny. And in Nashville, too. That's so good. Anyway, so we go. We're going to boot scoot and boogie over there. Once we get out in the clear where he can drive, this guy, I mean, he fucking is driving. He's ripping it.

He's ripping, but also like, we're fucking. Skillfully. Yeah, and we're hitting air. We're like, he's going crazy. Like carving up turns and stuff. Oh, yeah. And like, he's like, he's fucking with us. It's so like very, I think he was just like, these dudes seem fun.

I'm just going to have fun and fuck with them. Because he like, this is his life. Like he grew up on a swamp. He didn't step foot onto concrete, concrete he said until he was 10 years old yeah our guy was like that too he's like yeah you get in the water you swim with him and stuff he's like i wrestle with him you know it's just like this is how i got this because i wrestled with one of them like holy shit so ours was a wrestler a gator wrestler too yeah so the first place we park there's gator you know

they throw out marshmallows and they're swimming up to us yeah he pulls one he pulls one up out of the boat it's like a three foot one uh-huh and uh and he like let us we were touching his teeth and shit it was awesome whoa and then so he he like literally chucks it back into the swamp and it does like a double flip and i'm like and i was like dude has anyone ever like yelled at you for being mean to them like like a liberal or something and then uh uh he was like he was like well ask me if i give a fuck sir do you go to response whenever you ask him like a question like that like is that okay he's like hey guys we're adults that's awesome yeah and uh and then my one buddy basil he was like he was like yeah man oh fucking libtards out here and he thought

paul thought that was so fun we just kept making liberal jokes the whole time he was loving it dude you know he's so into fucking info wars no i don't he seemed like a nice guy but i don't know i i don't know like i like yeah not like that maybe he just likes fucking around sense of humor like exactly like dude he kept calling my but he doesn't know what kind of asian my buddy is yeah he was like what's up china why are you so quiet damn wow we loved it yeah it was so fun so many people would be offended by that somebody has a question about like uh hey are there warthogs here he's like what what he's like yeah he's like oh i thought you were being funny

i thought you were making like a african joke and you pointed to a tiff and then later because there are no warthogs they have a different kind of pig yeah he went into it i can't remember but right but then later on i was like a tiff almost wore sweatpants on the fan boat like you know those cool yeah taper at your ankle. And I even pointed at, we were like, because we were talking about, we look so dumb. Everyone else wore normal clothes. We all look like we were going to the beach. And I was like, dude, I told Paul, I was like, yeah, Tiff was going to wear sweatpants.

And Paul was like, why would he do that? I was like, you know how warthogs are. It was the funniest thing in the world. He's like, I do, I do. So then, so he throws that one back in the water, dude. Yeah.

And he's like, oh man, this fucking thing got me all dirty. So he sits down on the boat, puts his feet in the water, is washing them off. A fucking like six foot gator is swimming up to him. And I'm like,

we're freaking out. We're like, we don't know if he sees it or not. Cause he just talking to us. Yeah. There's a, there's a gator coming he just keeps talking he's ignoring us and it's just like he's doing a bit yeah he's doing a show yeah i learned i realized that very quickly i was like this because oh he was driving the fan boat all crazy we would go through super narrow trees where it just didn't look like we could fit and i turn around he's on his cell phone right right

right right right texting and fan boating dude it was wild so the gator swimming up and it's like i'm like dude there's a gator coming and then now it's inches away from his foot and oh shit and then he just lifts his foot up and fucking smacks it on the nose and the gator just swims away right yeah and i'm like this guy is nuts also he's probably done that a million times so then we go to another part of the swamp yeah and uh he pulls up uh i have a picture of it i got to hold it i think it was like a four to five foot gator puts it on her boat and just he's like you want to hold you guys want to hold it and everyone's like no i was like fuck it i'll hold it yeah so i hold it by the tail and he made it look so easy yeah i'm holding it he's like oh yeah be careful that that tail will literally

break your ankle if it if it can yeah and i was like and it's so heavy yes so heavy it's so strong i mean you're holding a dinosaur i know yeah i'm like why and then he just goes to the back of the boat and he's like hey i gotta take a call i'm just like what is going that is wild yeah and its mouth isn't taped or anything no because even if it like flails and like whips you it wasn't it was trying to get away from us uh-huh in back into the uh yeah so this is back in the water this one was probably like 300 pounds no maybe this one was 250 he said and uh 50 yeah and you were holding it up just the tail oh oh okay gotcha i thought you were holding the whole thing i was like oh my god no fuck no gotcha just by the tail and then i'm like holding it and i'm not like it's he made it look so easy but he's

like dude you got to keep the back legs up because if you don't it'll turn around and bite you right and i keep dropping it because i can't fucking hold i'm like buddy and get this fucking thing buddy and then i got like all these awesome pictures and a tiff wanted one and uh and so so he pulls up another one he pulls up a even bigger one and this one is fucking pissed huge and fucking it's hissing yeah and when he pulled it up yeah so he hands it to tiff a tiff immediately drops it yes skater turns around it's terrifying dude i swear to god yeah i was like i ran to the back of the boat and i was like i will jump in this swamp yeah to get away from you right so scary yeah yeah you have a you have a killer in the boat

dude it was one of the coolest yeah it was the coolest experience of my life it was one it was top five coolest things i've ever done yeah because it's so unique close to an alligator right and it's just such a unique experience to be in the swamp on a fan boat yeah um but tiff never got a picture uh-huh so we all just kept like we didn't see you hold a gator like no and then that was like the running joke that's awesome yeah when i did it we just got to hold like a little baby one which was cool and we got like close to regular ones and like you know the marshmallow thing but when he first did it he showed us a regular one

and we got to hold it and even just like looking in its eye you're like whoa this thing is insane looking yeah um but we had a we had a mixed group on ours so it wasn't like a private thing um and i think the woman was polish but the guy did like a bit where he had a fake gator and like pretended to like poke her with it in the arm of like the teeth she was like why would you do that to me it was so funny he did that because our buddy baz was really scared he didn't want to go anywhere neither near them yeah and he's like come on man just touch it the the little one he pulled up it was like three foot because yeah he was rubbing his teeth yeah i have a picture he was just holding it with his mouth shut that's great touching the teeth on the side okay that's how i was wondering how you did that

gotcha and uh uh and as soon as baz went to go touch it he went even i got yeah yeah that's a tense fucking moment jesus christ i mean this guy could get fucking sued a hundred percent also we were driving in illegal parts of the swamp like they were clearly blocked off and he just didn't he was just like i'm gonna show you guys the coolest parts of the swamp i bet this guy was hammered too i don't know but he was fucking he was we tipped him $100. That's awesome. Yeah, he was so cool. He was so nice.

Did he tell you about gators and stuff too? So he knows so much about them. Yeah. Also, studied oceanography. He studied bachelor's degree. That's awesome. Which is great. We would have never, I would have never. Yeah, our guy was so informative.

And he's like, did you know, like, we don't know why alligators die like whoa that's insane like they could ascend like live forever yeah he was telling us how they don't really have nerves like we do yeah so he's like so when like he's like you know when i kicked it it's like it's it's way different than if i kicked you yeah it like shocks it but it doesn't hurt it yeah he uh yeah he showed us so he's a gator wrestler and he's also wrestled crocodiles like he's like yeah i guess like a world champion gator he has scars all over his body damn he showed us a picture of him wrestling uh an 11 foot gator yo dude its head was three feet just its head and that means it has to be so old too if it's that big oh dude yeah and he's oh he's wrestling it in the swamp right it's nuts god and he like he was telling us you

get like style points if you come from under it pick it up throw it uh-huh uh-huh i'm like this is insane yeah yeah but that was that was a hands down the coolest part of the trip yeah it's such a weird thing looking at them too. You're like, what are you? Oh, there's also, I thought there were like endangered. There's 2 million of them in the bayou in Louisiana. And what fucks them up is they eat their young too, right? That's the big problem.

He said all they do is they eat and have sex. That's it. Yeah. That's all they do. They're machines. Right, right. But yeah, basically. And they never die. They don't. They live a long time. they eat and have sex that's it yeah that's all they do they're machines right right but yeah basically never die they don't they live a long unless they like get fucked up by other gators or

what yeah yeah exactly exactly and then he was telling us too that like a lot of people are afraid that like alligators like oh i don't want to get eaten by an alligator it's like they won't try to kill anything that's bigger than them really that's what that's what he was saying he was like so when you see that like people like kids get got when they're like or like if people are doing like a barbecue or something like that and then they go over to the water to put like their feet in or something they're splashing around they just see that part of you and they're like oh they're tiny i can eat them and that's why but like if they saw like they wouldn't try to go at you you know what i mean they'd be like all right yeah but don't maybe those are crocodiles that eat zebra

and shit yeah he's talking about alligators yeah well some girl or uber driver told us that she was like oh yeah we we would go swimming in the bayou and there'd be alligators there and they wouldn't bother us i was like what because that's what the guy was saying he's like parenting yes exactly but yeah he was saying like if you're bigger than them i mean they might try to fuck with you a little bit but he's like they wouldn't attack you like no way i would get in the water no no fucking yeah just seeing it swim up to the boat with its head sticking out is terrifying it's teeth yeah yeah everything else that shows you its teeth is like trying to warn you that yeah fuck you up

yeah 100 yeah 100 uh and how how was the rest of the trip it was great we did strip clubs not a fan what do you guys think of strip clubs have you been uh i'm not a pussy like you but that's the time that we have uh no i'm just kidding no i uh i don't i don't like them yeah it's it yeah and karen uh i thought i talked to Karen about it, and then when she found out I went to one, I think she was like, she didn't get mad, but she just felt weird about it, which makes sense. It's essentially, you're just seeing a naked chick.

Yeah, because if Karen had the similar story, she's like, yeah, this guy knocked my glasses off with his dick and then tried to put them on me with his dick. He was like, oh, I don't like that. No, I don't know. No, the last time I went to a strip club, with his dick. He was like, I don't like that. I don't know. The last time I went to a strip club, I was 18. It was in Montreal.

We went to Montreal when we were 18. When was the first time? That might have been the first two, I guess. First and last, but we went to a few, but I just didn't like it. Just the vibe is gross. There's guys there who...

They just look sad. Dude, how much money. I saw a woman stripping to Metallica's Sad But True. And she was like gyrating to the bass drum. It's like sad but true. It's like, oh, this is depressing. And they had porn on the TVs. Yeah.

And a woman was like just jacking off two dudes onto her face. So the guys I were with, they're big strip club guys. Really? They love them. I don't get it. i don't get it i don't get it i don't love them because they're like god damn i can't wait to go home and jerk off after i spent 200 i don't think it's that they i don't know dude like the one guy disappeared i mean he bought himself so many lap dances yeah the other guy guess how much money, I won't say his name, but one dude dropped the first night.

We stayed out till four in the morning. How much money would you say? I'd say Andrew probably spent a thousand dollars. No. 400? 500? $600. Wow.

One night. And he just kept saying, he was like, don't regret it. He was like, it's the best decision I've ever made. He kept saying that over and over. It was so funny, dude. Did he like snort coke off of her ass or something? He would just stare at me and be fanning money at the strippers. Like, it was crazy.

That's such a waste to me. I know, but he was just having fun. He was living it up. No, no, no. I'm saying like $600 is so much money. Yeah. And he went through it. It's got to be fun to like fan it out a little bit.

But if I was like, best decision I ever made. He has a joint account with his girlfriend. Oh, my God. Sure. Sure. $600. And that was the first strip club. Yeah, that's one night.

Yeah. If I spent $600 over six days at strip clubs, I'd be like, what is my problem dude i i spent i took out 40 bucks that's how much i spent the first night well drinks are just so expensive drinks are actually cheap were they for one yeah really oh the drinks in new orleans is nuts we went to a nice part of town it kind of looked like hamden we got dinner at this amazing place uh which part the uh what fuck what is that called uh magazine street uh the bywater is that what you want i don't know bywater is cool yeah bywater is sweet yeah pizza delicious no i don't know what it is but i then we went to oh sorry oh i was just gonna say uh well this is a little bit of a longer story but in the bywater we ended up at a bar just like a random bar like day drinking of course and uh

guy next to his hat at maryland hat on it was like oh we're from maryland because i was like kind of drunk and chat he's like oh we're from maryland he's like oh yeah me too what part is like oh we live in baltimore he's like is your family from there we got to like chatting and um he's like oh yeah i went there i went to university of maryland i was like oh my dad did too he's like oh what year is like i don't know sometime in the 70s i played the cross he's like oh yeah i went there i went to university of maryland i was like oh my dad did too he's like oh what year is like i don't know sometime in the 70s i played lacrosse he's like i played lacrosse at maryland i was like do you know matt swerdloff he's like oh yeah and his brother johnny and i was like what the fuck that's crazy out at just a random and it wasn't like you know you have to go

to this bar it's just a random neighborhood bar and he knew my dad that's crazy when i was because something happened to me like that really when we were in line hold on real quick i was drunk and i called my dad so you know the fucking you know the fucking guy he's like you fucking play yeah i'm just like blasting that you fucking play lacrosse and he was like oh yeah i remember him it's like this isn't blowing your mind i gotta go like he wasn't even he's like oh yeah I was like it's so weird that I ran into this guy two gin and jokes fans no way and I was like holy shit the one guy I mean I know and yeah yeah I won't say his name but uh uh Barack Obama he was at a strip club also but uh yeah that was so cool it's so weird he's fanning out like yeah. But yeah, that was so cool. That's so weird.

He's fanning out. Hey, Omar. Yeah. I was like, wow, that's so nice. It made me look so cool to everyone else. Of course. Of course. Oh, but anyway, so we went to that restaurant. We went to a bar in that restaurant to watch the Raptors game.

Yeah. Dude, I've never really watched basketball. It was really fun. And then I tried to watch the last game. I'll just say all sports in the playoffs or the finals are fun to watch yeah so we go to the bar we get an old-fashioned a whiskey soda two craft beers how much do you think that was uh it's 60 dollars 22 dollars and it was a great old-fashioned that's crazy crazy because everything that i hear about strip clubs is just like no that

wasn't the strip club but still drink prices at a nice bar yeah weird that is weird it was great nice yeah all right well let's uh all right well i want to splice that plane story we should put that up uh yeah we can for sure for sure i didn't think it would be that long it was yeah i was like that was a journey dude that was a journey, dude. That was a saga. I just loved the prelude of the meeting of two souls. Yeah, yeah. You fell in love. In line.

BWI became BW me and her. Ooh. You know what I mean? BWS. All right. Well, that's the podcast for this week. Just a nice New Orleans recap. Lesson time for Ice Cream Truck. Hey, now.

Eric, anything you want to plug? Yeah, live from the studio. Hey, now. LDS podcast across all platforms. We're doing cool stuff over there. Yeah, absolutely. And then Top Secret every second Wednesday at the Crown. Ooh.

Every fourth Wednesday at the Crown, we're doing hot set the i like that for show yeah yeah so that's a stand-up show where you have to eat a hot pepper yes correct interesting all right all right yeah 100 do you have to eat it you have to eat some stuff dude i did it it's fun you should do it yeah no i saw you were like dying uh the next day was worse oh on the other end fuck i'm sure it's just my yeah i was shitting like a maniac at work nice yeah i would love to do that that sounds like that sounds like a good time no top secret any of that shit let me know uh umar uh i got uh this weekend i'm featuring for mark Mark Norman at the DC Draft House. So that's 21st, 22nd, 7 and 9 p.m. each night.

It's going to be super fun. And then July 17th, I'm doing the Time Machine Roast at the DC Improv. We're supposed to do that show in Ellicott City, I think, with Mike Quinlan that night. I think that's the 18th. Is it? Okay. I don't know. Hold on. I'm looking at my calendar. One pays more. Yeah. But one is

way less work. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. You're right. That's the 18th. Okay. Yeah. So, the 18th, me and you are co-headlining a show in Ellicott City somewhere. Yeah, I don't know. More details to come. I just have Ellicott City gig in my... And then the 19th, 20th, and 21st i'm uh opening for uh

taylor williamson at the dc comedy loft that's a good week get into it very nice i will be in nashville this weekend and i'll be at zany's on uh yeah on saturday i'm gonna do uh yeah donnie hooked it up i'm gonna be doing zany's Brunch Show, 2 p.m. in Nashville. Should be awesome. I don't have anything else booked down there for now. Let me see if we're getting into July. Yeah, we got that Ellicott City gig on the 18th. More details to come there.

And then on the 21st of July, I'll be featuring in Frederick at the Cellar Door forar door for uh andy haynes who's very funny um but yeah thank you to everybody for listening eric thanks again for being on the podcast follow us on uh on the gram and twitter i'm at josh kaderna umar what's your umar con 821 on instagram get eric glazer hell yeah there it is there it is all right everybody thanks for listening david keckner take us us out. Daycrashing Sessions. Coming to an end. Thank you. Bye.