The Digression Sessions - Ep. 295 - Josh & Umar

Episode Date: August 8, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar catch up on the week, comedy, and Umar playing patriarch of the fam. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Man, I was day drinking yesterday. I'm tired. Day drinking. Karen had a improv show. Her folks were in town. And you were like, for me to make it through this, I need to say yes and to some drinks.

I was like in a... I did eight shows in four days. I did four shows on Saturday. I did two show spots at the improv lounge. I did two showcase spots at the Big Hunt. So it was cool. I got to run back and forth and they're on the same street yeah it's a good good chunk of money for four shows and absolutely i was pumped because i thought oh dude let's back this up so i well let's let's say hello to everybody hi everybody hey hey welcome to theression Sessions podcast here in Umar's beautiful kitchen here in Hamden on a relatively cooler summer day.

I do. I fucking went for a run. Yeah, it's pretty humid, but not as bad as it's been. Yeah, I think it's 76, but it's still fucking yeah i have this weird ego thing where like i did five miles and uh but i uh planned it poorly this time so i ended up i finished five miles and i walked a mile home because i was like i'm not running six miles i'm fucking tired yeah but then whenever i see someone see me walking i want to be like oh no i'm good at running i just did five miles like real fast i kind of don't care as long as I'm sweaty and I'm walking. I'm like, yeah, I did that. Yeah.

Because I walked by a couple of people that I had ran by earlier. I'm like, oh, I didn't stop. But I'm. Yeah. What you got to do is like just look at your phone and be like, damn, 22 miles. Shit. Oh, damn. Man, I fucked around and ran a marathon.

Yeah. It's like when you pretend to take a call or so yeah yeah yeah damn shit oh man i really ran far yeah they're just not even paying attention yeah yeah yeah uh no i do i met dude yeah i mean when we ran the other day when you're like all right i'm gonna go i'm like go ahead there's no way i'm keeping up it's too hot i'm not much of a runner if i get like two and a half miles, two and a half to three miles, I'm like, great. That's all you need, though. Yeah.

You don't need more than that. I'm trying to. I've been going. I do one five mile run a week now, and I try to run two to three miles every day now. Every day? Almost. Anytime I go to the gym, I finish it with a two mile, three mile run. That's a lot.

Dude, I did three miles, seven minute miles the other day is that a lot do you give you you gotta give yourself like a day of rest no i take days off i'm just saying like oh like yesterday i didn't work out okay you said like five times a week i'm you said every day i sorry i meant like every time i worked out gotcha gotcha because i used to who gives war and i can talk about our workout routine we are but i want to know how buff we are it's true you know put a little putting some stench on that workout bench i tried to i tried to bench 245 on friday how'd it go uh i got close but i was too gassed i did too much before it yeah i think i'm gonna do it on either tomorrow wednesday i'm gonna do 245 yeah that's tight my shoulder pain is coming back man oh yeah it sucks it's coming back real strong I gotta start taking uh Advil every day after a workout

yeah and don't don't push it too hard yeah I think that was the problem I was going and I think swimming I fucked up my shoulder from swimming this summer so I gotta stop doing that yeah swimming is just so many people fuck up their shoulders from swimming yeah especially if you're trying to go really fast. So we're in shape, guys. Yeah, so yeah. That's what we're trying to say. So yeah, I mean, what we're saying is we're just two cool dudes.

The summer's hot, but we're two cool dudes. Well, it's just tough because you drink, you eat like shit. So I feel like... And I'm home all day. So if I don't work out, I feel like a piece of shit. Yeah, speaking of ego, it's just like, oh my God, I didn't do anything today. I'm awful. I spent all day editing videos today.

Yeah. And I was like, holy shit, it is 3.30. I haven't done anything except for make breakfast and edit a video. Yeah. A 10-minute video I edited down to three minutes. I was like, this took way too long. Yeah, but you put the captions on. And that was really funny, by the way.

Oh, thanks, man. Umar posted on his Instagram his set from the Time Machine Roast at the Improv. Yeah, you helped me out with a couple of jokes. Chris Al did. Oh, yeah. Dude, that was great, though. It was so funny. It was a great opening, too. Yeah, it was.

Well, you know, it's funny because it was like a 10-minute set. And I was like, let me take the best of. And the best of is just like 3.30. So you're just like, I didn't bomb, but it didn't hit hit. But that's also just advertising. Yeah, true. Any comedy on social media, like you see a minute clip and you're like, that dude's a killer. Yeah.

It's literally a minute. I was very scared to post it because of my job. But I'm hoping people understand. We also, that wasn't you saying it. That was Ronald Reagan. Yeah. Yeah. Because the Jew jokes, they're pretty.

Those were yours, but Ronald Reagan told me. Yeah. But I think in the same joke, I make fun of Jewish people and Muslim people. So I hope it cancels out. Yes. That's how they're going to look at it. Yeah. You were equally offensive. Yeah. So it balances out.'s how they're going to look at it. Yeah. You were equally offensive.

Yeah. So it balances out. My Jewish boss is going to be like, all right. All right. Oh, yeah. They're going to say, oy vey. Yeah. But check that out.

It was very funny. Your opening line was great, too. Oh, thanks. Yeah. I riffed the opening. That was fun. Yeah. So, yeah.

Umar was Ronald Reagan and then said like you must wonder why i look different yeah that was good yeah thank you tell the people tell the people what you said so the punch is uh uh in hell they turn you into the thing you hate the most and uh dude it got a huge way bigger of a reaction than i thought it would it was great and then so you get the confidence and you keep riffing and the risks were killing yeah and i was like damn i am not gonna be able to follow this yeah with my jokes because they were not that strong it's fun when you open up super strong and it's just yeah you're like yeah yeah oh man people like oh i thought you were like a magical person no no okay all right oh man uh i did uh just speaking of like it being hot and saying

like oh we're cool i did the laugh finder podcast again yeah wow this is like your second one in the last four months yeah and i think it's my fourth time total but this time i was filling in for uh aaron aaron hankin that's nice i'm not i think they're on vacation but i was filling in for aaron so i was trying to do my best aaron hankin voice i'm just like and what is that like interesting have you always been a gremlin yeah i hate blacks you know just like typical aaron stuff yeah uh but uh i forget how we got started talking about it i don't think it's on this week's episode but next next week's episode, Tommy Simbazo shared a story where he was trying to hit on a girl in Ocean City when he was, I think, in high school.

And he thought that he had like a really like sick outfit, but it was it was the middle of summer. And I think he was wearing like a sport coat, like blazer. Hell yeah, dude. And the girl that he had a crush on, he was like, hey, what's up? She's like, are you hot in that? He's like, sometimes look cool. You got to be hot.

Like, oh my God, what a nightmare. I've definitely been that dude before where I'm wearing like. Drop a line. No, no, no, no. Just overdid it. Just like overdoing the outfit. And you're like, everyone's like, dude, what do you summer summer i'm like well i like i like a wool sweater in the summer yeah i always wear a beanie like you're sweating like oh no it's cool yeah i used to like carry a long sleeve

shirt or like a hoodie to every show before i started trimming my arm hair yeah because i like never wore t-shirts on stage yeah that was your nightmare yeah i like hated summer shows i was like oh they said i have to figure out a fucking way to well yeah famously we did that show where uh the day after you were like man i think i drank a little too much last night yeah i was like yeah i could tell because you uh you had uh you had your arm showing on stage you're like no i didn't yeah well i remember that place also didn't have air conditioning that was a bum it was like july yeah but i just love it like i told him like hey you killed a person like you're just like no i didn't oh man dude uh oh man get this i went home uh last week or no i was at home last week i get a phone call from my dad and he's like tell me what you would

what your response would be to this ask. I'm going to tell you right now. Call Department of Homeland Security. My dad was like, hey, what are you doing, August? Blah, blah, blah. Do you have to go back to work? And I was like, no, I'm still on summer vacation. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, I should have asked why first. And he was like, well, I might need your help to drive down to Boston. Down to Boston. Up to Boston. Sure. Because my mom's cousin's... He's like, I'm going to blow it up. My mom's cousin's daughter is going to college there.

So she flew from Pakistan. She's staying with my parents right now, which which is like what a bummer for this girl like this month of her life is gonna suck whoa hardcore just so she's staying there just before she can go to school yeah okay i don't know why they came this early that's yeah that's weird so she has orientation like august 13th 14th or something like that yeah and my parents i remember they told me this a year ago i was like guys buy plane tickets now or train tickets do something don't drive it's a terrible drive yeah and like you guys just shouldn't drive there yeah and they didn't do any planning they're like no we'll be fine we'll drive also my mom won't be doing any of the driving because she

doesn't drive on highways sure that's a big help and uh like umar nothing but country roads all the way up to boston you have to drive through two majors you have to drive through philly and new york not like through them but you know what i mean yeah you have to take some pretty major bridges too and yeah and uh so my dad's like he's like well i just might need your help uh he's like well he was like i don't know if i can get off for work those days because we have new management they're being real and work has been crazy and so you might just have to drive with your mom i was like oh my god road trip so like i felt because i have no excuse i'm home all day i don't work umar let me just tell you right now this is gonna be your script let me tell you the buddy cop or like a buddy travel movie with your

mom yeah and the new girl from pakistan who doesn't understand anything right right you're like we drove over a lot of bridges but the biggest bridge that i crossed was to you i love you dude and it was like i was the only thing i'm I'm like, oh, my God. This is going to be such, it's such a long drive. It's seven and a half hours without stops, traffic, all that stuff. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't listen to like any of the podcasts I like listening to because my mom's in the fucking, I can't listen to Comptown with my mom in the car. I would tell you to get AirPods or something, some type of Bluetooth. While I'm driving?

Just one. Yeah. Just like on the, or like your left side so she can't see it. God. And I i'm like this is i was like fine i'll do it also i was all prepared to do it so then i go home that night and my dad's like okay i got off i was like thank god i don't have to do this dude i don't talk to my parents more than two hours at a time we run out of stuff to talk about real quick let alone being stuck in a car so so then my dad's like but i have this like leg thing it's only happened twice but like sometimes when i've been

driving my leg was go completely numb if he's sitting for too long yeah and i'm like well what the fuck why did you not think about buying plane tickets when this started happening like what are you doing yeah and then so they were like, can you still come? And here's the crazy part. Yeah. I'm in San Francisco. I don't get back until Sunday. So my orientation for that girl is Monday.

My parents didn't do any. They didn't ask this girl what time her orientation is, where exactly it is. So I'm looking all this stuff up for them for her dude my parents don't the orientation i've even talked to your it's not even your cousin is it's like my second cousin or mom's cousins yeah it is yeah so then i don't even know if that's second so then i my dad my they for some reason they think orientation starts at 4 p.m no so but listen so we're doing all this like i'm like dad i don't even get home from uh san francisco on sunday until 6 p.m he's like okay we'll just come straight to

our house he's like yeah perfect we'll leave at 7 p.m and we'll just leave from i was like yeah you get off your cross-country flight and then we'll drive seven hours we'll take a break every two hours because my leg goes numb yeah your mom's gonna be crying i don't think this girl speaks english how great he's just like oh yeah that's perfect just the airport's 20 minutes away yeah i also don't buy and i hate when people do this too you tell them about an event way ahead of time like i don't know if i can get off work it's like really you don't know like you've known about this for a year yeah you could have took off work then yeah and you could have just said it's my family vacation like so

yeah so we're doing all this planning i'm like okay so i'm willing to do this because i just feel bad sure let me ask you this though where's rahil in the mix your brother i don't know rahil rahil has oh he gets a pass because he has to go to work i guess right and he's gonna drive down later when she has to start college so they're gonna rent a van drive her stuff down and get her in her dorm room. So I don't have to do that. Wait, wait, wait. So there's two separate...

This is just for orientation, and then you come back. Oh, that's stupid. It's so stupid. No, no, no, no, no. I think something's wrong. Something is wrong. I think orientation is right before school. Yeah, and the way that it works is that, yeah, you go to your dorm, get all loaded in,

and then there's orientation. I'm going to call them. Yeah, 100%. Who would do that? Well, you know what? It's already... All right, so listen. That makes zero sense.

That's what I would... I was like... Who would go to orientation and be like, all right, and now we're gone for a week. Yeah. I think they give you a week to be in the dorms and get acclimated with everybody. That's what I thought.

Because I'm pretty sure that's what happened at UMBC. I didn't stay in dorms ever. Yeah, I did. So yeah, that's how it was. They do it the two days before actual classes start. No, I think it was a little more than that because then you have a week of events and shit where it's like stand-up shows and all kinds of shit like that. It's the week before.

Dude, I got to look this up. Yeah, because she should be staying there. you should that's what i was saying yeah dude so this whole time i'm like okay i'll come over at seven if you gotta get there by four we have to leave sunday blah blah my dad's like okay come over you sleep this also depends on none of your flights being delayed at all yeah i know dude after going dude after being on a five hour flight, I have to then go sit in a car. Yeah, not even 10 hours. You got to drive. Yeah.

And drive. Yeah. So then I asked a girl. She finally gets there. She was out or something with another family member. And I was like, hey, what time's orientation? She's like, oh, 9 a.m. Which why would it be at 4 p.m.?

That's what I thought. And it's 9 to 4. And then what i thought and it's 9 to 4 and the second day it's 9 to 5 and then i'm like well dad there's no way i can do that because you guys have to leave sunday you have to leave sunday at like sunday night at least at the latest sunday night yeah you have to leave sunday afternoon probably yeah so it's monday at 9 a.m yeah yeah and then i was like oh thank god so my dad's like all right i'll just drive and we'll hopefully it'll be fine i was like well you can't damn you better hope his leg doesn't get well so i felt bad so i bought them plane tickets holy shit so that's a lot of

money and uh i bought them spirit so it wasn't that much and i tried to not buy them bags but my dad was like umar we need bags i was like all right i don't even know why i just felt so guilty i was like i shouldn't even also you guys have no kids in your house what are you spending money on yeah yeah i had to shell out like 500 almost 600 i think on a fucking flight no 500 it was like 500 round trip round trip all three of them all three wow yeah that's not too bad not bad i hope it makes it there yeah i was uh yeah i think i talked about this on the last podcast but my cousin's having her wedding in vermont but you can't just fly to burt like it's in woodstock so she's like so you gotta fly to boston then rent a car, drive two and a half hours. Yeah.

No, dude. And then I'm not going to fly Spirit. No shade to your parents, but I'm not going to fucking fly Spirit round trip and then drive two and a half hours. No, it's not worth it. No. Well, Spirit's not terrible. Karen and I have actually have done it.

Yeah. I think it's better than Southwest, honestly. Really? Yes. You get more room on Spirit than Southwest. Southwest is really bad. I'm not doing southwest ever again interesting but it wasn't too bad but yeah a single round trip ticket was like 370 dude yeah i looked at southwest it would have been 800 right that's what i'm saying and i was like all right well fuck this dude if i didn't have to

add bags for them because every bag is 37 per person per trip yeah i it would have been like 230 dollars that would have been so sweet but yeah but they need to take shit i know i know yeah and spirit nickels and dimes like it's not even just bags it's like carry on it's still cheap no you get one free carry you get a free personal okay yeah gotcha gotcha gotcha yeah so crazy like so annoying i just felt guilt guilt. It was like, well, it almost felt like you're letting us down. I was like, all right, well, here are plane tickets. But also it's... It's all their fault.

We're at that age too where you are becoming the adult and they're becoming the kid. Dude, yeah. Yeah, because I have that with my dad. Just little stuff, like his back has been messed up. So he didn't go to work all last week and if you're out for more than three days in a row for a medical thing you need to have a doctor's yeah yeah he's like all right well they emailed me a pdf and i can't fill that out i'm like well

actually you can you you can do that i know it's a little hard he's like all right well i'm trying to print it out and every time i try to print it out, because I'm like, you can print it. Like, worst case scenario, you can print it out, fill it out, scan it, send it to them. He's like, well, every time I try to print it out, it's all messed up. It only prints half the page. I'm like, oh, you have to change the scaling on the printing to just be like fit one page. Yeah. And he goes, look, I'm not doing that. I'm not going to mess up my computer.

Okay. It's like one dropped out. I'm like, how are you going to mess it up? Like, if you put it like zoom to fit in one page he's like look i'm not gonna ruin my computer oh dude like okay all right so i've been having to like go over and like take him food and stuff which hasn't been bad but it's just like no it is crazy it's so it is funny yeah it's just yeah stuff is just turning and then so yeah going to my cousin's wedding has been a big thing because he's like josh i haven't been in an airport in like 30 years i don't know fucking that's dude my parents they don't know how to get boarding passes they don't

understand gates yeah it's fucking god forbid anything changes to like their gate on their ticket says c6 and like oh no but actually moved to d well luckily that girl with them is smart you know so she's 18 and uh i told her i was like look you're gonna fucking this is gonna be terrible for you but you have to like you're gonna be the one who has to make sure like everything happens yeah she's babysitting how you want it to happen like i even told my parents i was like let's just send her a lot like what why didn't she just go alone like she can get we drop her off she can get from the airport to her college. And then it's like, well, why would a college have orientation?

And then, I don't know. It was just silly. So I spent all this money. No, I think they're wrong in the same way. It's like orientation starts at four. It's like, what? I know. But that's what she said.

It was on her itinerary. So I got to look at it, though. Yeah, I'm sure it said nine to four. Well, these plane tickets are non-refundable so they're going hey that's the spirit yeah you call her that girl she's like technically your family you're like yeah broad this inconvenience yeah which is which she is technically no she's nice i mean nice but i'm saying but it is funny that it all falls on you. Yeah. Like, all of a sudden, you're a dad. You're like, all right, I got to get this girl to fucking orientation and college.

She had a crazy life. She was born here, so she's a U.S. citizen. Okay, so she has no excuse. Yeah. And had arranged marriage. Hold on. Ice? I got to go.

Turns out she was born here. Had an arranged marriage. So they lived in Georgia, and this this guy was like super abusive he would like lock their mom up like literally lock her in the house and would make her essentially be like a servant to his parents and she escaped one day because like a neighbor saw her and they talked through the window how old is she my mom's cousin was like early 30s. Oh, okay. So this is her mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she had these two kids. And I guess when they were nine. So mom escaped. She talked to a neighbor through a window, told her what was happening. She called the cops, blah, blah, blah. They were in the middle of a divorce trial, whatever. And the mom was like, fuck this. There's no way I'm losing my kids i'm just

getting out of here and she just took the kids and left but he has like custody so here that's like a big no-no so then the fbi yeah it's not a good case well technically she's kidnapping yes even though they're her kids yeah which is fucked up but yeah like he's a crazy person she was like i'm not dealing with this and so fuck it so she just left and the fbi like was kind of on their trail so anyway this was like long long she was the girl was nine when this all happened i like she's just treating like the dmv she's like fuck this i'm not waiting in line for this shit so then she comes back and uh as soon as the girl landed she got pulled the fbi pulled her to the side because they flagged her passport. Right.

And they were like, hey, do you want to like your father's trying to contact you? This is her number. And dude, this girl's like 18 years old alone in America. And she was like, hey, look, I'm an adult. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want his number. So this just happened. Yeah.

I don't want him to contact me. I was like, damn, I would never be able to say that now as a 30-year-old man. I would just be like, all right. I would take the number. But I would never tell an fbi agent like you can trash that i i would yeah nah dude yeah it was uh i was like damn i was like guys she just got interrogated by the fbi i think she can go to boston on her own she can handle orientation yeah and she can get ubers like so then i had to like teach so then my dad doesn't want to rent a car because he's scared to drive in boston it is a tough town to drive in yeah and uh so they're like we're just uber everywhere so then i'm teaching my dad how to use uber i'm like fucking

that's another thing with my dad he was like so how do i uber can i can i tell them just to drop me off and then wait like no no you cannot yeah no no no yeah so then i spent all that money and i was like fuck but then uh so i had all these shows yeah i did jokes then i had improv lounge on friday and then saturday i was supposed to do the lounge but then also sean asked if I could do Big Hunt. Yeah. And I was like, fuck, I don't know if I can do both because they're like competitors.

Yeah. So I sent Antoine a message, the manager at the improv, and I was like, hey, man, I know, like, I was like, hey, I know I'm on the showcase Saturday. I also got offered showcase at Hunt. Like, is there any way I could go first and just run over and do the shows at Hunt? Yeah. And I won't promote them, blah, blah, blah.

So I sent that. And then I was like, I don't know if I should have done that. So I asked Ramin just to get some reassurance. He's like, yikes. Oh, I didn't tell him I sent the message yet. Yeah. Like, what do you think? And I was like, hey, man, what do you think if i uh did this

and he was like oh that's always funny you've already done something like it wouldn't be fucked up like dude yes you would be a bad person dudes yeah so then i'm like i'm like so nervous i like text ramini you never overthink things so you handle that handle that with grace ramin is like i don't know man they're like they're like they're not that cool with it and blah blah blah and i'm like oh my god i'm like you know what like i mean he's like he works for them maybe he like so then i text benji i'm like hey man like what do you think about this and he's like well you want the improv to like you and i was like so fuck you're like you went to a doctor and then you have cancer You're like, I'm going to go to a different doctor.

Yeah, exactly. Nah, you're stupid. You end up at a holistic person. Yeah, so I'm so nervous. And also, Sean, I haven't responded to him, his request yet, you know, or his booking. So I responded to Sean. I was like, hey, man, I'm just waiting on Antoine

to get back to me to see if I can go first and run over and do your spots. He's like, oh, yeah, somebody might need to be in that spot. Then I would put you in then. So I'll have to let you know. So I'm like, fuck, now I just lost these shows. Right. And then I'm like freaking out. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, God, Antoine's going to kick me off the shows.

Now I'm not on the shows that hunt anymore. I'm going to lose all this fucking money. Right. Because this whole weekend is going to pay for the flight. So it just felt like I was breaking even. Yeah. Still, that's pretty cool that you did that to help out. It is nice of you.

It is nice. I did that with, so yeah, I'm not going to my cousin's wedding, but I was like, I will contribute a good amount to your honeymoon fund. Yeah. That's nice. And I'll cover my dad on that too yeah so then i'm like fuck i'm freaking out i'm like oh maybe i'll just text antoine like never mind sorry i suck but i was like no or weird but then so i did this thing so i just keep looking at the message you know like sometimes you'll stare at a message hoping people will respond you You'll see these bubbles pop up. I'm very cool.

Sometimes I'm just like, I don't even know where my phone is. Yeah. And I'm just like pacing. I'm trying to like, like work out, make food and stuff. And I'm just looking at my phone constantly. You're stressing my stressing me out. And I know that it worked out. Yeah.

So I'm just overthinking. I'm like texting Karen. I'm like texting Karen. I'm like, dude, this sucks. I'm never working in this town again. Oh my God. No, I didn't say that, but I'm like thinking that. You're overthinking.

It's so hard. And then Antoine just goes like, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, okay. And then Sean gets back to me the next day. He's like, oh, I got you. Sorry for the delay.

Yeah. I was like, yes. Yeah. And so that was great. Got paid. It was tight. Yeah. So yesterday we got Karen's show. Sorry, I show sorry i'm like hogging no no it's all good so we got karen's show and uh uh we got up in the morning we like blah blah and i'm like rushing and so then i get home and i'm

leaving for karen's show i'm like huh where's my check from the improv yeah because when i met up with philippe uh he said that you were stressing about uh yeah that you lost these messages and i was just in such a bad mood yeah that's what he said yeah he was like because we were we were joking uh because he was like yeah i'm gonna invite umar and i was like well then i'm not coming and he was like well umar said he's gonna give me a hand job and i was like well i'll fucking i'll eat your ass and then so he's like yeah i told umar i was like yeah josh is gonna come he's gonna eat my ass and umar was like i'm really stressed out right now man it's like okay no he sent some mess like so we were supposed to all meet up for drinks yeah and uh he sent me a message that day like it was kind of him his way because you know like guys they can't just be

like hey man we still on that was too vulnerable of a thing to like we were we were basically going on like a three-way date yeah and philippe he was essentially just be like hey i'm excited for tonight you still coming but he's too vulnerable he's like what up are you excited to hang out yeah so his message to see if just to check in was like hey you're uninvited or something. And I was like, LOL, what, huh? And then he sent another message, and it was like, unless you do me a favor. And I was like, huh? And then, I don't know.

It was just like, I think he could tell I was annoyed. I was like, look, man, I lost my check from the improv. Like, I'm not in a good mood. So I'm like, I'm at Karen's show now. I'm on the phone with Mom's Organic Market. I'm like hoping I lost, because I think think I might because it was in my back pocket. I put my wallet and keys in there. What a sentence.

This weekend is really insane. What a sentence. I played to my girl's improv show. Listen, I'm on the blower. I'm on the phone with Mom's Organic Market. Okay? I got them on the phone, and I am stressed. Dude, and it's just like all these things are running through my head. I'm like, fuck, all this time,

four shows for nothing, for fucking nothing. But also, let me tell you this. They would have just given you another check. I know. Karen kept saying that, but then I'm like, fuck, then that's something else I have to ask Antoine

and he's going to think I'm a fucking idiot. And here's the crazy part. I turned down a weekend in the main room it was the first weekend they offered me yeah it's not only that i turned down weekends to antoine and uh and now then i asked him for a favor yeah and now i have to ask him for another favor because i fucked up and i'm like god he's gonna fucking think i'm a nightmare how caffeinated were you this weekend because you know i drink a lot yeah i was gonna say this just seems like and then this and then i so and then karen's parents

aren't the show and they like try to give me a big hug or whatever when i came to the lobby you're like i got mom's organic market with mom's organic market can you chill out okay when i bought that suzy from produce has got to get back okay when i went to naked lunch and i got that bean bowl i might have lost a check so you can back off with that hug and i was just like fuck what i was like rushing if i wasn't rushing anyway so i'm on the phone with mom for five minutes they're like hey we don't see it but oh no she gets back on the phone and this bitch teases me she's like what was the name on the check i'm like they found it yes and i was like umar khan they're like okay one second and they're like yeah we don't have a name by that check or check

by that name i'm like who asked the question this this check says uh mr bitch boy are you a mr bitch boy so then i'm like oh my god and i'm sitting through the show i can't enjoy any of the show because i'm just like focused on like where could i put this check maybe i'll get karen's house brain is just working over it's crazy so uh yeah so then after the show uh uh i uh i wrote karen and her family were gonna go out to lunch at clavelle and i was supposed to go with them and i was like karen i can't i don't even know if i can afford it yeah i lost the check i was like karen look i can't fucking enjoy this lunch i like i won't like i just gotta go i was like i'm gonna run to your house so i run to your house i have my sunglasses on uh-huh and so i go in the house with my sunglasses i can't see shit

uh-huh and uh so like turning on all the lights blah blah i'm like looking at her kitchen i go up to her room i move like this bookshelf because my pants are on it like maybe a foot food behind it nothing i run to my house nothing i run back to mom's i look around you can't go to lunch because you want to find the check yes okay gotcha so then i'm like fuck karen i can't find the moms again yes i'm crazy and i talk to people again yeah and uh because i didn't want to text anto i was like let me just before i so i and karen's like dude they'll just give you another check that's it's fine it happened yeah so then i'm like you're right yeah it's great because yeah antoine would be like normally comedians are very well put

together people and professional yeah this is the first time i've ever had to do this so then i texted antoine and i was like hey man uh this is zoomar sorry like um i lost a check blah blah blah yeah i can't find it and he's like okay it'll be a 35 he's like no one can handle this until wednesday but it'll be a 35 cancellation fee for that one check that will be deducted from your check and i'm like i'm surprised he knew that because this was the first time that ever happened he's like whoa okay and now i'm like piss i'm like that's almost one show yeah 50 bucks a show so mad i'm like uh and then karen calls he's like hey i know where your check is i was like where she's like it was on our kitchen table what if she was like it was in your heart the entire time she's like it was on our kitchen table jenny saw

it earlier this morning and she because she thought it was one of hers. And she opened it and it said your name on it. And I was like, oh, fuck. So I have to text Anton like, oh, hey, never mind. My girlfriend found it. Which oddly, your whole worry was about appearing professional. Yeah. And you're like, my girlfriend had it.

Sorry. Yeah. And oh, boy. So I made it to lunch. Uh-huh. Had a drink. Then we went to another place-huh had a drink then we went to another place had a drink then we went to another place had a drink so you were just like high high stress ready to finally chill out yeah and then i came i was crashing at at lunch and i was like dude i'm

fucking i'm just gonna drink i don't care just gonna ride this wave it was uh it's great because yeah you're not even like close to broke. That check is not make or break. I know, but just the work you'd put in to get that little money. I kind of do that stuff too where it's just like you build up that one little thing. You're like, if I just had that thing, then everything would be fine. Yeah, like $35, it's a lot. But it's not like in the grand scheme, it's not like it wouldn't kill me. No, not at all.

But just knowing I didn't get that whole check, would bother me yeah i hear you well yeah and more so you're just mad at yourself yeah for fucking because he's like this is such a fuck up like it's so stupid it's like why can't you just hold on to the check especially the day and age where you can deposit a check with your cell phone no but i should like in the future i'm just immediate. Oh, yeah. But I had to run to the other show. I just love you showing up to mom's sweaty. Are you sure you haven't seen it? Yeah. Where's my check?

What was the name on it? Damn. But that was fun. Eight shows in four days. I haven't done that in a long time. Yeah, you must have felt pretty sharp probably by like... It was great. Yeah.

By like the third show comedy keeps you humble because thursday yes probably the one of the best sets i've ever had in my life at gin and jokes oh yeah it was incredible great show top to bottom probably the most packed it's ever been it was awesome and uh and then so i'm like just on fire and then those lounge shows dude they're uh they can be a bummer yeah i hit up antoine because he posted uh on his uh instagram like uh it was like a boomerang of his calendar like all right comics i'm filling in the calendar and i was like okay i was like hey antoine i'm available like this date in september on he's like cool do you want to host two shows in the lounge i was like yes yes i do that's exactly what i was hoping for they're just not fun shows it's like uh it's a some like lately they've been fun so i was like i'll be fine it's just the degree of difficulty. Dude, the first show was so rough.

It was so rough. Early Friday? Yeah, it was so bad. It's not like, and this is kind of inside-y baseball, but Ramin was saying when he recorded his album there, he brought his own lights and changed it up a little bit, and he brought in tables. So where the stage is, like the front of the stage is where the tables begin

but he made it so the tables surrounded the stage so people were more packed in and then he brought in blue lights to kind of give it a little more ambience and i really think that's all that room needs because it feels very sterile yes it does and yeah so whatever but yeah just comedy keeps you humble because you're like feeling so good. Well, it's set to set. It does it. You know, like you have like one bad set. You're like, what am I doing?

Yeah. So I go to the improv. I have a good set. You're like, man, I'm a fuck it. I'm a guy. Yeah. I had a rough set. Go to Big Hunt.

Killed. And I was like, OK, I'm back. Yeah. And then go back to the improv. OK, set. Yeah. Go back to Big Hunt. Crushed even harder on the late show nice so it was uh yeah it was just like so then but you know the whole time you're in your head because when you're at these clubs you you want to impress you want to

get people to book you more and more and it's hard like i was trying to riff dude like and it was just the fucking just a nightmare crowd situation where the same jokes, I was doing Trump jokes about his tweets about Baltimore, which we should get into. But he- Wait, Trump tweeted about Baltimore? Yeah. It's not like everyone freaked out about it. I didn't even notice.

But dude, just the mere mention of those tweets at the lounge, you could feel the... The tension. But when I said it in Hunt, everyone... Because I was like, guys, I'm from Baltimore, trash city, rat infested. Big laughs in Big Hunt. People pulling back hardcore. It's funny because I feel like normally it's the opposite.

At the improv. At Big Hunt, normally, people are tense about that. And then at the improv, I was just doing crowd work. And I was like, oh, so is this your guy? And she's like, that's my dad. And the crowd was like, ugh. And I was like, guys, it's fine. Yeah.

It was just, yeah. It was just. She loves her dad. It was tough. No big deal. It was a rough one. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, the degree of difficulty is just higher from the onset. You can have good sets there, but it's like getting up this mountain is gonna be hard. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I had a pretty good week of stuff. Actually, well, so Monday I did

a jazz club here in Baltimore. Oh, yeah. It's new. It's like brand new sleek, right? Yeah, it looked club here in Baltimore. Oh, yeah. It's new. It's like brand new sleek, right? Yeah, it looked pretty nice in there. Like Harbor East is more of a, it's a less rat infested area of Baltimore. But I forget what it's called. It's something corner.

Ah, fuck. It's like Kimpton Corner or something like that. A car just drove by in a very tiny alley next to Omar's's house but uh speeding yeah this dude uh but this dude mike that runs shows uh called cry baby in dc was like hey man do you want to do a show at uh at this jazz club in baltimore 10 p.m on monday 12 minutes 40 bucks and i was like yeah sure why not whatever easy you know it's like 10 10 minutes away from the house and i was home before 10 30 which was nice it's like 10, 10 minutes away from the house.

And I was home before 1030, which was nice. It's like had a set, had a beer, got paid and I was out of there. But I'd never heard of this place and I didn't look to see where it was. And then when I saw it was in Harbor East, I was like, oh, thank God. Yeah. Because when you hear like jazz club, like I don't know where jazz clubs are in Baltimore. I don't know where I'm going. You know, and when you told me I knew it was that one oh really yeah because that's because it uh i've seen advertising for it gotcha i googled

it and it was like this spring jazz club coming to harbor east and i was like nice yeah yeah nice um you know and uh but so i forgot about it and then at like 8 30 mike texted me it was like hey man i'm excited for the show tonight he's like yeah me too yeah yeah yeah 100 i'm not just in my underwear being like i could go to bed soon um so yeah we i show up there's like 12 people in the audience and it's a pretty nice restaurant like it looks very how's it set up for a show is it set up for a comedy show no so here's here's the kicker too is that there's no mention of comedy oh ambush yes surprise comedy the worst type of comedy like you literally saw because we had to tell the manager to go up and be like and now comedy because like most people just don't understand

like they just think it's like music or just like you just go up there and do your thing it's like no dude you gotta set the table for the audience so it was funny you could see people like the the jazz duo finished up and then the manager is like all right give it up for so and so oh so there's music first yes literally so that's all that's all that's advertised is just jazz. Oh my God. Jazz at nine o'clock and there's nothing else on the, like when you walk in, they have the calendar and it just said like Monday night, jazz, nine o'clock, whatever duo it was. So people watched an hour of jazz.

Had no idea. And then they were like. So you saw the manager on stage. He's like, all right, give it up for Hobo Jones or whatever. And then you could see the people clapping and he's like all right give it up for uh hobo jones or whatever and then like and then you could see the people clapping and he's like all right thank you guys for coming you could see them like going to get up to be like all right that's our night like and now comedy oh my god people were like halfway out that where i'm like i don't care it could be i hadn't i did not fucking care at all i know but those 10 minutes and gigs like that can feel

i know eternity so the funny thing was mike was like all we have to do between us is just 20 minutes so i'll do like eight you do 12 and i was like cool mike goes up there does maybe three jokes and i don't know it's like three minutes he's like all right now josh and he kept building me up to like a joke wouldn't hit and none of the jokes should people were not there for comedy or anything and at this point they all want to leave yeah and they're like and again it's a big ass place uh so they have like a restaurant and then they have like a really nice stage yeah and then there's people in front of the stage at tables but it's only like 12 people right so it's like very tiny so when they're like okay it's over

let's get it now now it's comedy and so the best part was mike goes up he's like hey how you guys doing we're gonna do comedy fyi it's gonna be good like what is what a setup and then uh it is fucked up and so he like had bits and he has bits that work like i did a show with him on wednesday after in dc and they worked but it was like they just weren't getting much because it's not a comedy audience it's surprise comedy and then so he'd be like all right josh is coming up josh better comic than me you guys are gonna have a lot of fun he's really good i'm like dude he was being nice but now you're like teeing it up that i'm gonna be like right you know gonna smash it and before we went up the manager was saying he's like we're so lucky or we're so thankful you guys are doing comedy here this is the first comedy night we're doing this club actually used to exist in san francisco in the 70s and it was kind of a staple of san

francisco and comedians would come through and we're trying to like get that going again and i was like oh what people get sentimental about like this dumb shit like right and i was like oh like what type of comedians would come through and he's like you know like robin williams like yeah me and mike are really carrying the torch really carrying the torch fucking robin williams tonight so yeah so i went up there and i was just like i did a couple bits and i was like all right we got to do crowd work yeah it was just i mean there's no there's nothing cool about it they're just like oh you're just a guy on stage now yeah so i just fucked around it actually like ended up going well for what it was like there was

one guy in the front of us like oh what do you do and he's like oh i uh i brew at home i'm a home brewer i was like oh you could just say unemployed you don't have to say that that's a good joke yeah yeah that was fun yeah and then it turned out that he brewed mead and then there's a family behind him a family yeah a family that was on like vacation which is even funnier kids yeah but they were older yeah yeah so it was like a mom uh her two kids and then one of the kids uh wife okay so they were in like they're like mid-20s yeah um and uh he worked at medieval times he was like the announcer right sure so it's like oh can you do a little bit of it and he's like no i don't want that it's like come on do it and he's like oh

here you hear this guy's heckling kick him out of here kick him out oh that's cool yeah so it was fine i was like yeah see that's fine because you didn't drive yes there's been times where you'll drive. I remember I drove almost two hours to headline a brewery in Loudoun. I've never heard of Loudoun. Loudoun County is a pretty wealthy but it's newly developed county in Virginia. Dom Rivera lives there. A lot of noise complaints there. Loudoun folks? There were like nine people at this show damn this close to double digits it was brutal dude it was and i did i had

to do 45 minutes i did 40 minutes i did literally i think i did all crowd work you have to and uh it went pretty well but it was like not worth it. I mean, you have to. I made 50 bucks. Dude, yeah. I drove to Carlisle and did a gig. That was actually ended up being pretty fun at that. It was like a wine place.

What up, Evan? And it was just a bunch of like older people. And I just riffed around with them, which ended up being fun. But it's like, this isn't bad. 100 bucks. Drove about like an hour. Fine. But if you know what it is going into it and you don't have to drive too far and the money can even it out it's fine yeah like so that's why i was like this jazz plays whatever it's 10 minutes from my house this is gonna be a nightmare but it's fine yeah

you did it yeah it was great and then uh wednesday did um did adrian rodney's Colony Club in D.C. Oh, that's fun. That was really cool. I was closing that out. And during my set, I heard Adrian pop a bottle, like a champagne bottle. And I was like, Adrian, what are you... Like, speaking of small rooms, that room holds like 20 people, I think. And I was like, Adrian, what are you doing?

Like, popping bottles during my set? And then it turned out he was. He got a bottle of champagne. He's like,'s just celebrate your engagement i was like dude that's so nice so so yeah i'm like what are you popping bottles asshole and he's like yeah for you what the fuck but he was trying to do it as a surprise and it was cool and then he had plastic cups so like the audience all like cheers oh that's great it was really sweet that's cool man it was so fun nice you know how adrian is just like super laid back so laid back i was like dude that's great it was really sweet that's cool man it was so fun nice you know how adrian is just like super laid back so laid back i was like dude that's so nice he's like you know man you've

always been the homie you know so i want to do something nice and i was like thank you and then so after the show he was hanging out there's a bar um uh on the first floor of the the colony club he's like yeah i'm gonna hang out these chicks you know they wanted to they've been in the show before and they came back and i'm like all right let me see what's up you know you haven't seen me in my hoe phase or something like that or like when i was a hoe and so we were just like joking around and then i came down and it was just really funny because the chick was like oh you can buy me a glass of wine adrian's like yeah it's funny just like these chicks are into it she's like like, you gotta buy me one.

That's so funny, dude. He's like, all right. Jesus. But yeah, man, it was a solid week. It was nice. It was nice. Yeah. I hung out with Karen's fam for her birthday on Saturday.

Got some good dinner in Baltimore. It was great. Did you guys talk Trump? A little bit we more talked like the uh the democrats like yeah who's gonna who's gonna be the one who do you think i don't know i hope it's not joe biden i think it's gonna be why i don't want him to i don't understand how like he has bombed yeah actually you're right he has been by and didn't he say like biden go to biden 30 30.com or something it made no sense he goes and that's why like he was trying to talk about some policy thing and he's like and that's why you go to joe 3033 oh and

you're like what are you even talking about and yeah you're like oh you're you're really old like it it almost feels bad that he's like getting beat up on like you're like oh you're you're really old like it it almost feels bad that he's like getting beat up on like you're beating up on grandpa yeah but kamala kamala harris got hers too man because she was fucking yeah really taking a uh i don't know it's like dude you put so many black people in jail for weed go fuck yourself yeah and be like i smoke weed yeah call him biden racist what i don't like about her is that like even that moment where she was telling that story about busing and she was like telling me like there was a girl in oakland california that grew up in a black neighborhood

and she was bused and she was lucky to get bused that girl is me. Yeah. But immediately after she said that, her Twitter was like, that girl was me t-shirts. It's all pre-planned. Yeah, but that's just gross. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I hate that shit. I like...

And talking about being old, I like Bernie, though, man. He's 77. He's sharp as fuck. Bernie's good. Do you know how old Elizabethizabeth warren is no guess 68 70 but you only guessed that because i was like she's older but i thought she was like 60 damn dude why they're getting old huh yeah i mean trump's 74 yeah i think so i mean he's gonna win but i don't know i think he will i think if they ran bernie last time he would have got it ah i don't know because he talks about the same stuff that

trump talks about but he actually has substance to it you know people are i don't think no i don't know i don't try i don't have faith in most people in this country but again like trump didn't win by that much i don't know the electoral college is still gonna fuck us yeah uh still gonna make it tough but but yeah there's nothing like i don't know there's just no substance to what he says and then bernie too when he started out like had zero people and then by the end of it he was was filling stadiums, or not stadiums, but like arenas. Yeah, who was the last one-term president, Bush Sr.? Yes. Yeah, so it went Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama.

Mm-hmm. Maybe he will be a one-term. We'll see. Yeah. I don't think so, though. I don't know. I think the Electoral College is going to fuck it up. Also, I mean, there's so many.

Maybe people will actually come out and vote this time. Well, that was the thing, too, is that we put up somebody nobody liked and also just like assumed was like going to win anyway. Yeah. So like Trump won Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania by 70,000 votes combined. So that's three states with 70, votes yeah exactly so i don't know it depends if like trump's gonna have more people turn out this time yeah um but yeah it's also weird too that trump is like and and people in his orbit are like yeah i think we're actually gonna be going this is gonna be our strategy going forward. It's like, oh, just being racist.

Well, it works, dude. Just openly racist. That's why I wish people would just ignore. Dude, like the whole Baltimore tweets. It's like, dude, if an ugly person called you ugly, would you give a shit? Everyone's like so. It's just like, dude, this is what happens. He's so smart.

He tweets something insane and controversial and he knows it and then it gets all this attention because he gets all this backlash and his name's in the media because of the backlash then his supporters see his name in the media shitting on like liberals and black people and they love it and it's just like gets more attention people like oh yeah that's our dude this is our dude this is our guy yeah it makes i think it makes his base more empowered right right but i think i don't think that base grows it sure makes them more empowered but yeah it's yeah and it's so insane though it's like yeah like we're just like yeah no racism is working for him like that's so fucking gross nuts it's disgusting man yeah like and then everybody to

be like all right we don't need to politicize the shootings like okay yeah no not at all his tweets about baltimore funny because it's like we all have to pretend like some of it wasn't true yeah but also that's like every city no for sure for sure like do you see like a local news uh they went to out on went they were like uh doing like uh the whole story on on trump's tweets and saying like how it's not a rat infested city and in the background a rat ran across the street like that shit is funny yeah you also can't say it like we literally like baltimore and rats it's yeah we had a documentary about we have yeah we have ratscape as a festival oh yeah it's no accident um yeah no i just what drives me nuts is like i don't know some people are like yeah he does it on purpose and like maybe a little bit but i just he's so fucking dumb i think he does i think he's i think he's smart enough to know what to say. Did you see today he was reading from a teleprompter?

No. And it said El Paso and Daytona. And you guys are like, real shame about Toledo. Like, what? That was right. It was words in front of you. Yeah. But yeah, what's just so infuriating is like, it is exactly what you're saying, where it's

like, he knows he can just basically toss out red meat and they'll go nuts. Yeah. But like, nobody sees the hypocrisy. where it's like he knows he can just basically toss out red yes and they'll go nuts yeah but like nobody sees the hypocrisy like literally a week before he's like if you four broads don't like america you want to shit talk america get out then a week they love it then a week later he's like baltimore sucks i know what is it dude because no one gives because i think his base feels like they're being forgotten and like there there's like an attack on like their way of life that's why i think that bernie can actually speak to that

he's actually like no i want to help workers you know yeah i think like it has a plan yeah but it's you know even like but there's fucking idiots because like but like baltimore is like a city that's it has the same problems that rural white america has right so we're like a steel we were like a factory town a blue collar factory shut down drugs come in neighborhoods sure it's like and it fucked up neighborhoods to this day yeah and then like well then conservatives like well you know you got to pull yourself up from your bootstraps but then they're like we got it our jobs are being taken away yeah exactly there's no more coal miner forever and then there's there's heroin ruining our kids and it's just like okay motherfucker like how different are you than the

people you hate there's uh have you ever seen the um black jeopardy sketch on snl no with tom hanks no i don't think so it's so good because it's like black jeopardy and so like the host is black and then like our first contestant steve jones just like black person black person and then it's and then it's tom hanks as a trump supporter like he just looks like this like he has like a flannel on and a make america great again hat and then like because black jeopardy too yeah but every answer he gives is something a redneck would say but it is also relatable to the black experience and they're like they're like uh uh i gotta figure what it was but it's like voting the experience

of voting and was like the clue or something and he's like and he brings in they're like uh yeah jeff and he's like oh uh no never vote the system's rigged and they're like oh that's correct yeah that's correct yeah which was great because showing it's just like yeah there's more commonalities there than yeah one would be oh dude yeah dude like poor people don't put their money in banks they don't trust banks it's crazy yeah i love the people that i'm just not gonna vote like okay cool yeah alex that's that helps i don't see how you can expect anything to change you're like no i'll vote yeah i'll vote okay yeah we'll see man yeah there's there's a

lot of time a lot of time but yeah i mean i wouldn't be surprised if it happened if yeah no but it's uh there's so much fucking time. I mean, we still have people like fucking Marianne Williamson is on the debate stage. She's the one that's like, love is going to conquer all. You haven't seen her? Uh-uh. She's like a- I don't watch any of the debates.

She is, she's like one of those like self-helpy guru crystals kind of hippie thing that's so terrible he's never been in politics at all but she has enough money and donors to be like yeah you can be on the debate stage yeah dude who's that hot indian chick what's her name uh she's like a surfer and mindy kaling no uh um is she's the one who really went after kamala harris oh is that tulsi gabbard yeah yeah she's a cutie there you go i like to see her go far oh yeah she's good looking and sure nice to watch her in the debates sure this is how the election's gonna go yeah i want the hot that's what it is it's just like it's dude how much different is it than short like you gotta be a full package well it's also just

a popularity contest yeah that's what i'm saying people have to like you yeah and then also measuring it based on digs as well just like oh did you hear kamala clap back at joe biden it's like okay what's her actual health care plan like i don't know but yeah really put him in his place but i'll vote for i want to vote for bernie but like man he does not seem like a dude i want to hang out with you know like at like a family reunion he's just a guy like he's always ranting it's like bro i'm just trying to chill all right i think he could chill a little bit you probably bust his balls i don't know man he must be a weirdo bernie suck 99 of my dick. But he seems to be the guy who's been the most consistent throughout his whole life.

I feel like everyone else. Warren, too. Every other politician. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they're true to their word, and they seem genuine. Whereas, like, other people, like, even Obama's and, you know, especially the Clintons, like, they kind of go with the times, and they're like. I don't know. the clintons like they kind of go with the times and they're like obama was like pretty good on

stuff as far as like the iraq war and yeah gay rights and stuff okay yeah was he for gay rights was he i thought uh it might have like evolved a little bit but i don't think it was uh yeah people always say that too like that always drives me nuts too and they're just like why does a politician think the same thing no they don't but it just kind of shows like you do what you got to do to get elected yeah like with this thing dude obama took money from epstein well after he was charged oh tons of democrats yeah because he's a billion they're like yeah they know and they're like uh everyone knows and they're like someone sat sat Obama down.

Like, listen, dude, you fuck it. This dude has so much money. Sure. Does it? And it's just like, sure. They're all part of the same. Right. But there's video of him partying with Trump.

And they're like, nah, they were never that close. Yeah. Well, I don't know. There can be like you can. I've partied with people I'm not close with. I get it. Yeah. But I mean, Clinton, he was on his plane 27 times right right but i'm saying like he was a guest at mar-a-lago all the time there's like video like it's not like he was like yeah

we're not close at all no but yeah but they're all it's all the same i don't know man it's gonna be fun to see what happens with epstein i hope the clintons go to jail that'd be so tight dude what if they came out of bill clinton fucked a kid on his plane uh i mean he's uh pretty much a sexual predator for sure yeah did you ever listen to there's a podcast called um i think it's called the burn yes i listened to it was great the first season was nixon and then the second was clinton yeah it was just what a dirt bag he was yeah like would literally have i think when he was governor would have a limo and then have like his uh security detail or was it cops i don't know but basically be like oh i'm gonna drop chelsea off at school in the morning and the limo like would drop her off then have

a chick come in the limo and like blow him like in the parking lot of his daughter's elementary school yeah he's a he's a psycho oh for sure like uh i think like some real crazy like uh conspiracy theory people think that like uh epstein was like higher or is like a pawn kind of well they, they say to get dirt on people. Not only to... Yeah. You get them in compromising situations. And then be like, hey, you just fucked a 16-year-old girl. Right.

Now you got to do every... And I'm... Dude, I fucking... I believe it because if you're a fucking governor or like a mayor... Did you see what... Like in Ohio, the governor was speaking and he's like, oh, it's a tragedy. But everyone's chanting, something do something and it's like how do you look uh hundreds of people in the face like after and you just know you're not going to do anything they all they all do though because

they all take money from these people from nra and they can't do anything because if they do then they're not gonna to be elected again. Yeah. Because these people pretty much have so much power. They can pick and choose who they want to be in these places. Oh, sure. It's insanity. Yeah.

I mean, that's what the Koch brothers do, too. Yeah. I mean, it's nothing that hasn't been said before, but all the money involved in politics is what's so insane. I'm watching the uh the showtime show on roger ailes the founder and creator of fox news oh yeah wow that's dark oh really oh yeah of course like he basically from the onset was like yeah this is gonna be propaganda but like he believes it so he's like this is what the american people want and like tons of sexual harassment and it is it is a tv show but it's based off a what the american people want and like tons of sexual harassment and it is

it is a tv show but it's based off a book and there were real events like he did get sued for sexual harassment oh yeah by gretchen carlson and oh boy it's dark really dark like literally on the phone of like with roger stone and being like yeah we'll put trump on he just needs to play ball like do you want him to win the election we'll tell him to quit talking shit and we'll make it happen. Wow. Same thing with like Dick Cheney and be like, you guys want to go to fucking Iraq? All right. Play ball.

Yeah, dude. It's it's nuts. And yeah, it's yeah. Let's go out on that high note. Yeah. 2020. Good things are going to happen, baby. Baby.

Yeah. Anything to promote here? I can't think of anything. Just go ahead. Show Square, Gin and Jokes every first Thursday. In Baltimore. Pow, pow, pow. Let's see.

This Saturday the 10th, my band is playing at the Big Bats Cafe in Kent Island. No big deal. Huh? And then, yeah, we're playing the 24th at the Metropolitan in Annapolis. Excited for that. I'll be doing the Comedy Shuffle on the 26th at the Beer Baron slash, what is that called?

The Comedy Loft in the basement of the Comedy Loft in D.C. on the 26th, and then September 13th and 14th, I'll be hosting at the aforementioned DC and problem. Follow me on the gram and everything else at Josh Cadernas. And, uh, yeah, we'll talk to you guys next time.

David Koechner. Take us out. Dick Russian sessions. Come on to an end. Thank you. We'll see you next time.