The Digression Sessions - Ep. 297 - Kevin Tit! (@NotKevinTit)

Episode Date: September 2, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Umar and Josh are joined by DC based comedian and musician by way of Hawaii, Kevin Tit! Kevin's a hilarious comic, but he also plays in the band Chill Parents, and writes for The Hard Times! Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna and Umar Khan, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. Take a seat. Take a seat, Kevin Titt. We're podcasting. The Degression Sessions. Welcome me, Josh Kaderna. That,ar Khan, and our guest, Kevin T. Straight into it.

Straight, dude. Yeah, dude. Yeah, we go straight on this podcast unapologetically. Did I see y'all in Boston? Huh? Did I just see you guys in Boston? Yeah, we were on the floats. We were on every single float.

Oh, the straight pride parade. I was like, okay. You were there. Yeah. It was like 50 people. Yep. That's why I couldn't miss you. 50 really cool guys.

The coolest bros I've ever met. See the clown dudes? No, I haven't actually seen any coverage. I didn't either. The only reason I heard about it is because one person told me about it. Yeah, I think I saw on somebody's Instagram story or something. I was like, oh, yeah, that's happening. I thought that was just like somebody posted on Facebook.

How come there's not a fucking straight pride parade? Just, you know, don't have a counter protest. Just let them like leave them alone. Don't give them any. Just let them know like no one cares. Yeah. Also, a straight pride parade is really gay. Yeah.

It's so funny to just be like, we're going to have our own parade. It's like, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Love it. That said, I'm very excited for next year. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We're going to need new microphones because these takes are too hot. But yeah, Kevin, you are a DC.C.-based comedian by way of Hawaii.

Yes. Am I saying that correctly? No. D.C. No. Okay. All right. Oh, wait.

Which one did he say wrong? Both. Oh, okay. D.C. Washington, D.C. Yeah, there's the dots. You got to. Oh.

D.C. Dot, dot, D.C. Dot. Yeah. D.C. D.C. D.C. Hey. How old were you when you moved to D.C. Yeah. To see. See. See. How old were you when you moved to D.C. from Hawaii?

Very good pronunciation. You know, some people do that sometimes. They're like, oh, man, I had such a good time in Chile. We were in. You don't have to say it like that. 25. Wow. How old are you now?

29. 30. 30. So five years you've only been landlocked. Not landlocked. What do you call this? Wait, this? Stateside?

Mainland. The mainland. Five years mainland. Almost five. Yeah, about five. And were you born in Hawaii? I was. Dang.

Yeah. Military stuff. Gotcha. It doesn't really count. Right, right, right. You're not Hawaiian at all right right well yeah your your family is responsible for pearl harbor that's what you mean by military stuff you're japanese yeah yeah well umar don't say anything i thought you could tell yeah

yeah okay so yeah were you born on a military base yep damn wow damn okay all right so why why dc because your family's still back in hawaii right my dad is my mom's in virginia oh i just wanted to get away from hawaii so i moved in with her for a little bit right i moved into dc right right right right right cool good for you dude yeah i'm a big fan of the kevin titster i'm a big fan yeah believe me i know i'm working on it um but uh i remember i think we did a show early on i mean what wait was it a few years ago maybe like two or three years ago okay but i was like yeah i'm going to new orleans next week and you're like, I'm also going to be in New Orleans. And I was like, holy shit.

Yeah, yeah. And you got me on that show that you were doing. And I was like, this is very cool. That was a nice little kismet. And they had ice cream at that show. They did. And that show is over now. They had their last show, Night Church.

Yeah, I was going to say, I remember it being like a church something or other. Because, yeah, D.C. had the church night. They switched it. It was Night Church. Night Church. Plus ice cream. I remember it being like a church something or other because DC had the church night. Yeah. They switched it. It was night church. Night church. Plus ice cream. Ooh.

Hot shots and tots. They had ice cream though. If you want to improve anything, just add ice cream. That's all you got to do. Exactly. Exactly. So, all right. So, yeah, you've been, did you start doing standup in Hawaii?

I did. Gotcha. What's the scene out there like? Way different. Yeah. How so? Small. Different type of humor you know yeah

like uh i think i always refer to you might be from the mainland if you stuff like that yeah it's a lot of auntie uncle like joe coy is a perfect example of okay he's not but he has strong filipino roots oh he is filipino right haw And Hawaii's got a lot of big Filipino fan base. Yeah. I mean, just culture. Culturally, Hawaii's a big melting pot, so you have a lot of all sorts of people. Mm-hmm. But definitely big and Filipino.

And just in the culture, especially in comedy, a lot of it is auntie, uncle, cousin, parents be like type of shit. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. Your grandparents. Right. Yeah. You ever be at the grocery store with your auntie yeah and a lot of skits sketches you know deep-rooted hawaii uh-huh related stuff gotcha gotcha gotcha way different it's not like alt right it's like joe

coy like the biggest name from hawaii's a guy named Augie T who just came out here. Joe Coy can do arenas in Hawaii. He will sell out. He just filmed a special there. He crushes out there. He was killing and I was like, this guy

is not funny. It's a whole different brand. Right. I don't know. Interesting. Interesting. But that's like British humor, too. I remember when I was like, I feel like my comedy in, like, my comedy taste, like, started

out, like, almost like how, like, I don't know, like, just I like, like, very, like, alternative, soft, safe comedy. And so I really like this guy, Simon Amstel, like a long time ago. He just got a special on Netflix. I saw that, yeah. I was so excited because I just have a memory of loving it. Yeah. And I watched it.

I was like, oh, yeah, I don't like this kind of comedy anymore. And it's just like so. I'm just picturing your's just like, so like, I'm just picturing your smile. Just like getting smaller and smaller. Like, Oh, I can't wait.

Wait a minute. I hate this. I also have that nervous energy. Cause I was on the couch with my buddy, Evan, who I live with. Yeah. Oh dude, this guy's great.

That's a terrible feeling. And then you just keep looking at him. He's not laughing. You're like, I mean, dude, we can change it. He's like,

all right, give it time. You said this was great was great yeah i want to give it a shot you're like no i mean this might not be but his other stuff is it's really good i swear his other stuff is so good so good so we did i went to youtube and i was like this is just not good you're just you're just sweating yeah oh fuck uh that is a terrible feeling though you're like oh man you haven't seen this movie you know or oh man you haven't seen this movie you know or like oh you haven't seen shawshank let's watch it and they're like it's good right it's okay like no oh all right they pull out their phone and dick around you start to realize like while it sounds like oh this isn't as good as it's up to be and you're like i mean you can skip

through this part yeah yeah i remember uh i think one of the first specials that i saw it was when you didn't really even understand like stand-up i remember loving half-baked and it's like the half-baked guy has a comedy special and then watching killing them softly and being like oh he's a fucking genius yeah and getting to see that very early on was great i remember my brother rented i can't remember which chapelle special it was but yeah before the chapelle show and i remember probably killing them softly right yeah i'm softly yeah the hbo one at blockbuster and after school brought home and watching i was like wow this is insanely amazing yeah i love the eddie murphy too the one where he's in the red jumpsuit you ever see that

one no parts like clips yeah that's the one with the ice cream joe yes ice cream yeah and then some stuff doesn't age as well either that's what i keep thinking about yeah coming back well what's i think it's gonna be very i mean imagine the pressure of having to do a special after 30 years of not doing stand-up and everyone knows how much you're making 70 million fucking dollars that is insane how much money like also he was rich to begin with too you know what i mean he's like been laying low yeah like he i don't know a part of that's like it's real he made himself kind of like a bigfoot type of thing where you never know when you'll see eddie right right you know here it comes it's gonna happen it's gonna happen uh yeah chapelle was lucky because when he did his deal with netflix

he already had two in the can yeah right so it's like okay here you go and i think they gave him what 20 million yeah and which is still insane that's so much fucking money and now it's 70 million for one special i would just be happy like i don't know like what if this what if it's just terrible my special for ten thousand dollars oh you would be like i'll give you ten thousand dollars to have this yeah please please uh uh the new chappelle special great by the way so good yeah i'm into it i'm into 70 of it oh yeah yeah telling anyone what to think yeah feel about it yeah it's funny watching people argue it over it's like bro, nobody's actually mad. No one actually gives a shit.

Right, right. I liked our friend John Conroy. Did you see what he posted on Facebook? That Anderson Cooper was in the audience and having a good time. And it's like, well, you know. Yeah, but I think the only part was the trans part. For me personally, he's not trans. Yeah.

Can I tell you? That was my favorite part. When he did the Asian thing, dude. When he did, he's not trans yeah can i tell you that's my favorite part i when he did the asian thing when he did he's like i'm tiny like that i that was i thought it was so good it was like yeah the same thing too while that bit was happening i was like like nervous and that was just a legit laugh and he was like what i'm. This is so silly. I know. And his whole point is just to be like, fuck you. I can say whatever I want, and none of you can touch me. And I thought that's pretty cool.

And I get why people don't like it. Yes, totally, totally. And the Michael Jackson shit is a little cringy. Even that, see, that part, I was like, bust. Oh, totally. I loved it, too. Me, too. I know this is bad, but holy shit. But when he goes, I was like bust. Oh, totally. Me too. I know this is bad, but holy shit.

But when he goes, how was my weekend? Suck my dick. This podcast is quickly becoming unlistenable. We're just talking about Chappelle and people are like, what the fuck? Well, watch it, everybody. It's good. It's so good. Well, fine. We don't have to talk about kevin we were just on that show together uh i don't know if you even saw me actually

you just oh no yeah uh i caught the beginning of your set oh it's all good what show i just i saw you i got there you were on stage but i met a buddy downstairs uh dude do you remember like did you talk to that audience at all did you do any like crowd work no i don't dude there was like i did not acknowledge them it's like a very small setting what what show is this where adrian rodney oh yeah yeah colony club in dc yeah yeah so uh yeah the audience is like 20 people at most it was pretty full i would say oh nice nice but yeah um it was fun they were a little uptight like little just like not super giving and i had to follow dom oh dom following there dom yeah it's tough he did big bully himself

dom rivera yeah there was this kid who said, I don't know, he was 28. Don wouldn't shut up about how he looked like he was 40. Yeah. He had some pockets of unease. Uh-huh. The crowd was loving it. Yeah. The guy left. The guy left.

So he walked that guy. Yeah. I didn't see that. I was downstairs the whole time. But I went up for the last part. I'm like, God, he is killing. And I fucking I just don't have the energy anymore. Uh-huh.

And yeah, you have to like be able to put yourself in that gear. You have to like prep yourself for it. He's a fast talker like him and Eddie are that. It's almost as if like they're nonstop. One time me and this headliner, Jason Kanter, me and Eddie were both featuring in Frederick. And, oh, I was waiting to go on, and Eddie's on stage, and the headliner just reads over and he's like, man, I do not talk this fast. Yeah.

I think about that all the time when I follow. In Lafayette, too, he's also a pretty fast talker. Lafayette, right. Very funny. Oh, yeah. A lot of pops real quick and i'm like man i'm just long build-up slow ass yeah i feel like i have a decent amount of spaced out pop but they're like just they're like

like barely any pauses yeah i went after eddie once a big hunt i think he was hosting and it was just doing a lot of crowd work but also at at that clip of like, I don't know. It was like Eddie Morrison, everybody. A lot of words, huh? A lot of words there. Yeah, but anyway, at that show, I was fucking with them and talking to them, and there was this one weird kid in the front row. He was brown, Pakistani, actually.

And he was dressed funny, and he just had weirdly just over-the-top reactions to stuff. And I was just like, man, this kid is weird. Okay. I think I know what you're looking at the crowd. Was he on the right? Yeah. So earlier came out that that guy was on a Tinder date, I think. Or he was on Tinder with I think the girl he was with.

He had just met her or something. And he just the whole time, he was loud. He was like, look at me, kind of. Yeah. This is interesting. I'm picturing him laughing like that. Like, look at me. I'm having a good time.

I didn't see any of that happen. So I'm starting out and the first jokes hit well, blah, blah, blah. Then I noticed some girls talking, so I fuck with them. And they're being tense. And then I go in. And he, I forgot what I said, but he had a reaction where he wanted attention. And I fucked up and I gave it to him. Because I was just like, let me do crowd work.

I'm tired of my jokes. And everything he would just say was just weird. Also, he had all these bracelets on his wrist, and I was like, I feel like he just got here. I don't know, like from Pakistan. Oh. We call them, like other brown people call them fobs, fresh off the boat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he felt very fobby. He had that vibe. And then I asked him at one point because I was talking about relationships like how long you guys been together because it looked like they came together and he was like I don't know I just met her tonight and I thought

he was kidding I thought they were a couple so then I go back to them and I make some joke about them and it was like oh I said like how I have some joke about coming quickly and I was like this guy knows what I'm talking about he comes quick as fuck and we dap it up and I look at her and it was like oh I said like how I have some joke about coming quickly and I was like this guy knows I'm talking about he comes quick as fuck and we dab it up and I look at her and I was like she's not disagreeing and then you know it's all getting laughs cuz everyone thought this guy's a weirdo so

how the audience was on my side but then during this he had just established he doesn't know this girl yeah and then and I was like are you guys just like seriously you don't know each other he's like no this girl. Yeah. And then I was like, are you guys serious? Like, seriously, you don't know each other? He's like, no, I just met her tonight. But then he, like, touched her face. Oh. He did this. And I was like, wait.

Like he caressed her chin? Yeah. And I was like, wait, are you guys serious? That's such a weird, aggressive move. And he was like, I just met her tonight, and I thought he was kidding. Then later on in the show, I asked her, and I was like, and you, and she said, no, I don't know him. And I was like, are you guys on like a Tinder date?

And they said no. And then I was like. Follow-up question, should I call the police? Should I call? I was like, oh, my God, dude, you can't do that. You can't touch people without their permission. I was like, what is going on here? I was picturing this guy with like a Strokes T-shirt and being like, oh my God, dude, you can't do that. You can't touch people without their permission. I was like, what is going on? I'm just picturing this guy with a Strokes t-shirt and being like, America, I get it.

I think I embarrassed him. I think he really just didn't know that that was bad. I think he thought he was being harmful and playful. Not harmful. Yeah. Everything. He thought he was being harmful. I was like, man, what do you do for a living?

He said something like swim lessons with kids and i was like oh my god dude that's like the worst job you can have you're on half naked children it was great and then he was like no no i do more of the internet side i was like jesus that sounds so bad that sounds going nuts yeah because like everything and i'm like i'm like who do you who's your employer epstein right nice timely wondering like how weird i'm just picturing weird that he would touch this girl's fuck yeah i was gonna say like after the show did he come up to you and just caress your face like you were funny good show yeah i didn't mean to embarrass him but i was just so shocked yeah it was unreal, dude. That's wild stuff. Dude, I feel uncomfortable hugging a girl on a date,

like a first date. Oh, yeah. God, man. Well, I don't know. Sounds like you're just jealous of his confidence. Yeah, that's true. How you doing, baby? He was way out of his league, too.

Well, this is also similar to his confidence. It carries him. But that show we did in Ellicott City, just outside of Baltimore, and it was pretty much all couples. And then there was the Asian couple in the back. And Umar was like, so how long have you guys been dating? It was going around the room and was like, oh, you guys are married, blah, blah, like riffing.

And then the people in the back were so uncomfortable. He's like, how long have you guys been together and they're just like he's like all right fine you don't want to talk whatever and then after the show she comes up she's like that's my dad she said it and just ran away yeah and i didn't say anything she was like that's my dad and then just left but he was dressed he was dressed like a young guy like from the yeah he looked good from afar yeah even up close up close when she said it i was like i got it i got it but it was just so funny like just like so how long you guys been dating like no no no no he caresses her face this is my daughter um yeah that's a good show

though i like adrian show colony club's a really cool spot too yeah it was really fun man oh kevin put just glue that thing to your lips there you go nice too yeah it was really fun man oh kevin put just glue that thing to your lip doodle there you go nice to yeah it was great it was like low pressure yeah get to do 30 minutes it was so great yeah and then yeah hunt before it was un unbelievably packed yeah it it always is wednesday whatever it was. Yeah. Always rely on a good crowd there. Yeah. Or at least people to be there. Yeah.

People are always there. Yeah. Are they good? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. All right.

So, Kevin, you are in D.C. five years. You got the Midnight Gardeners as well, which is the sketch group. Yeah. Damn. You do so much. You play music too? Yeah, his band played a show last night. How was that? Sidebar, right? Nice.

First time I ever played music there. Sidebar's a cool place. They have, not a lot of venues have their own backline, but they had this real big bass cab. I was very excited. The Ampeg one, right? The Ampeg.

The 8x10, baby. Yeah, yeah. Fucking locker of an amp. Yeah. And anytime I get to play on that, I get real. Oh, hell yeah, dude. I get the fuzzies. I also enjoy not lugging gear around.

It's so nice. Yeah. We loaded a little hatchback, four of us. Uh-huh. Just drove up. Everything we needed was there. That seems like the worst part about being in a band. It yeah especially as a drummer equipment oh god yeah what is it like like setting up in front of a crowd is that weird it's fine well no one's paying attention yeah it's

fine yeah most yeah most people aren't like just staring at you just like because i'd be all like sweaty and i'll be like oh all right here we go here we go i guess like you just got to set up your amp and well yeah yeah tune and all that shit but i think it's pretty standard stuff um yeah the thing with music shows is like people use that time to talk exactly they almost look forward to it yeah they're like fine fuck with your pedals and shit who cares yeah um but yeah no no, you're a busy boy. So did you start playing music first or comedy first? Music.

Yeah. Way before comedy. Same, yeah. Were you always playing like in punk bands? Punk rock stuff, yeah. Yep, since 14, 15. A 14-year-old punk rocker. Damn, dude.

Now, what are we talking? Bands like Blink-182. The Offspring, bro. Excuse me. Crazy Taxi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking about the video game. Yeah.

Okay, yeah, yeah. That's what got me into it. If I'm punk rock, yeah, I'm playing Crazy Taxi video game. Dude, I will say Crazy Taxi was a great game. It was so fun. I liked when the Simpsons did it, too. Like a similar version of that, yeah. It was nice.

They did do that, yeah. But they didn't have Offspring. Again this offspring you keep mentioning what is this like that movie yesterday where no one has ever heard of the offspring with me i've never i don't even know what you're talking about oh shit describe them yeah ah man it's uh give it to me baby okay uh-huh uh-huh you're skydiving uh-huh. Uh-huh. Imagine you're skydiving. Uh-huh. Okay. And you just, yeah, that's pretty much it. All right. Tight. The guy skydiving.

Okay. To some, uh. The lead singer is a doctor? He's a scientist. Scientist. Yeah. He's going to find the cure for AIDS? Yeah.

He also made his own hot sauce with his housekeeper. And apparently makes a ton of money off of that, his hot sauce. Yeah, he's got a lot of planes it does yeah oh yeah he's also a pilot yeah he's rich as fuck he's hella rich hella rich smart i'm not into god we gotta get him on the show i remember loving that i did buy that cd america i had that tape uh the one before that the uh was it called Smash? Smash. But yeah, the part, the song that the music stops and he's like, you stupid, dumb shit, goddamn mother. When I was in fifth grade, I was like, holy, yeah, this is great.

He's cussing a lot. This is so cool. I never really listened to him a lot growing up. But at work, they'll end up on a playlist yeah hear an old offspring song and it's always that one i was like my friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch yeah imagine writing that song exactly well i remember the second verse is a woman trashing a man yeah but i remember seeing seeing them at the HO Festival and it's like a packed stadium and the entire

stadium's like, I hate that bitch. And we're like, yeah, the 90s rule, dude. The chorus is so sing-along-y like I won't pay, I won't pay. It's such a misogynistic like...

Yeah, we're like Hell yeah dude I just imagine a bunch of dudes Imagine a bunch of dudes at a concert singing along Oh I saw it yeah A whole stadium of just like fat Shirtless white guys Yeah women suck Bitch

Bitch Yeah and just like all the emphasis Behind the bitch like the builder that bitch yeah god um all right so yeah you got the midnight gardeners sketch group uh playing in the band chill parents yeah and saffron and pilau three bands damn i don't have favorite sons oh yeah of course they're all your children they're all my sons yeah only boys yeah you wrote the show all my sons that's your show um we're gonna start a band at some point so file that away did you guys jam a little no no we hung out late last night and uh did you go to bluebird yeah yeah yeah have you been there yeah i live in this neighborhood yeah yeah of course yeah of course of course yeah i am blue i am bluebird they call

me blue uh but no yeah we hung out and then came back here and got a little sober just kidding yeah i am the dance parties here with the lights no no no we did it the old place yeah yeah but so uh karen and her friend mary love to dance in the kitchen here because it's so big and we uh we cut a rug last night light show and everything dude my light show i mean i just flick the lights on and off kevin's like yeah yep i saw it yeah i'm a little traumatized by it absolutely i went to bed so early last night i'm jealous great british baking show it's back baby but what a tease it's weekly i know what a fucking tease it's an actual like running show now oh no they're just gonna release them weekly actually it might be a netflix show i think it's

just a netflix show yeah but bake off is so good i remember milner showing it to me comedian chris milner who's british i went to his apartment once and he was watching it i was like this is the most british shit ever like like it's like you're being like a caricature of yourself like you're like milner what do you watch it's like oh this british baking show where they make lovely pies and then it's so easy to get into yeah i love so supportive i know nice yeah yeah it's pretty tight it's good good shit uh but uh yeah man so yeah it's nice to nice to have you on the pod you're busy boys so check out all of uh kevin's stuff. Umar has an offer in on a house that was accepted. Hey, congrats. Oh, thanks.

It's crazy. We had the inspection yesterday. And boy, oh, boy, is it scary. It's an old house. It's not that old. How old is this house? Not too old. You know, 1901.

Yeah, so mine's 1945. Yeah, no, this is... And it's pretty original like everything like it's plaster walls which look great but are a bitch to take care of um and they pretty much were stopped using them right after my home was built like in like right after the war started doing drywall and yeah well yeah plaster sucks too because it's like it moves eventually too like yes yeah and so it cracks yeah but uh this wall is pretty solid it's in good shape there's a couple spots here and there

what are we talking the foundation we got a pour-in foundation yes nice that's a good one to have and uh anyway now, this is good pot. Young homeowners figuring out what's going on. All right. I got. Okay. So, like, I've been looking for a home for, like, two. I've been looking for a home.

No homeowner. Yeah. Looking for a house for, like, two or three months. I've been looking for a house. No homeowner. Two months. I think it started in June. And anyway, so it's just been stressful.

I was in San Francisco for for a wedding i don't think we got to talk about that yeah yeah and like while i was there i was thinking about putting an offer on this home and it's just so scary there was like a couple things that were like iffy about it and uh so i'm like in san francisco trying to have a good time and my realtor and my lender like we're on the phone, and we're talking prices, and you've got to do it now. There's other offers. You're like, hey, man, I'm just trying to have it truly and chill out. I wasn't sure, and I was like, I don't fucking know.

Yeah, that's scary, too, because you also don't know if there's other offers. They can just tell you that. Yeah. Like, oh, no, there's three in, so we've got to go. Actually, you should offer more. You know what's interesting is I make money off of all the money you put in. So I didn't put an offer on it. And I was like, fuck.

And then we just kept looking at houses. Saw this house. It's great. It's an N unit, backyard. It's all, I mean, it's not like, you know, perfect, but it's only like $211,000. That's great. Yeah, especially for this neighborhood. And it looks nice. I neighborhood and it looks nice i mean

it looks nice there's definitely some areas you gotta put some work into but i'm fine with doing that if i'm only spending this amount but yeah it'll also raise the value of the house the work i'm gonna renovate the kitchen at some point a couple of issues came up during the inspection which everyone keeps telling me is normal but like i don't know what normal is and the inspectors were really what were the issues though so they're what so like in a pouring foundation you have to seal it right yep with that paint stuff so they have to replace that paint and because there's just been uh some uh signs of previous moisture getting in yeah and gotta watch out for that mold baby boy they were like this is really common for these homes it's not a big deal um the kitchen's on fire they're like that's normal it happens are

you an idiot yes okay there's blood coming from the ceiling in the bedroom that's common for the most part like half of it's finished it looks decent yeah but the parts like you know like they have to seal all that there's uh uh i don't know just well moisture is the scariest part because they found some moisture issues upstairs but it's and it was mostly because probably how the humidity affects the plaster yes yeah so they need to re-caulk and seal all the windows because that's probably like an entry point for moisture are they going to pay for all that well so now we're in that process yeah right so they have to fix the part of a part most of the roof is great it's only 10 years they got a fixed part of the roof all the moisture stuff the windows and we have to get a plumber to come look at some stuff okay so it's just like uh roof is huge that was the only issue i had on my inspection

there was a thing my inspector too like he came in and he was like this house has good vibes and i'm like i'm paying you twenty five hundred dollars to say that like make sure this shit works but literally he would like plug stuff into an outlet and be like this outlet works i'm like okay all right great but he was uh helpful like he pointed out some stuff about my breaker box he was like oh this is double tapped but it's not a big deal basically it's like more electricity running through a breaker than there should be but he's like as long as you don't have everything on at the same time you're gonna be fine yeah um but then since it's a row home and it's so tall he couldn't get on the roof so he had to put a

camera on like this giant pole and then he just took pictures of the roof oh wow mine use a drone oh this was like a little before i guess drones like a few years ago before they were like everywhere everywhere um or maybe he's just like i bought these poles and god damn it i'm gonna use them um but so he was taking the pictures and he sent him over and was saying like i think the roof is good but i think the flashing needs to be replaced and the flashing is like what bends from the roof like into the wall so basically just seals it that's the i didn't know what it was until he told me so he's like i'd recommend maybe just updating that or replacing it and then when i was buying this house it was as is which means like

you can't make any adjustments so like normally yeah you could be like oh can you redo this or like i'd buy it if you put new tile in the kitchen or whatever so as is so and then but to do all that to like replace the flashing was a few hundred bucks and uh and i was like man i really want to do that because i don't want to fucking worry every time it rains if something's going to happen. And I told my broker about it. My broker was like, well, I don't know. They said as is and they're kind of pushing back on. They don't want to do it because as is means as is.

And I told my dad about it. My dad's like, no, just tell her fuck you means fuck you. Well, and you have that 10-day period to back out if you want. Right, right. And then my my broker was like well i'd hate to see the deal fall apart over 250 bucks it's like yeah me too so have her do it you know like because then she would have to start all over too like selling the house you know like going through that process and then she paid for it which i was fine with because that's

not like i don't like the colors fix it you know it's like dude the roof i'm not fucking around i'm not gonna buy a house that has a leaky roof get the fuck like the biggest purchase of my life no way so you know there's some issues brand new kitchen but anyway so that there's the moist there's like just history of moisture damage and uh we just want to make sure it's taken care of and it's not gonna i mean happen in the near future like you know of course with maintenance it's gonna have to happen it's gonna happen you have you know, of course, with maintenance, it's going to have to happen. It's going to happen. You have to take care of it because it's an old home and it's plaster.

Hey, man, old houses, new problems. Am I right? We'll be right back. So, yeah, we just have to get like a contractor and stuff in there and we'll see. I don't know. It looks nice. I like it. It has good vibes.

Good vibes. Like when we walked in, I was like, man, this house is fucking cool. That's how I felt when I walked in because you do. mean you looked at a couple houses with me when i yeah well when i was buying a house and we went to a few shitholes yeah most of them are yeah i mean like i mean someone could walk into my house and think it's like a shithole but i think it looks nice it has the old time character uh so we'll see yeah that's exciting yeah it's great but yeah it's nerve-wracking as shit so yeah i've been so stressed about like just like am i doing the right thing is this stupid should i wait for the recession and then like once once you do the um offer and it goes through then like you're just thinking about money and then you're just like oh my god am i gonna make money

am i like well gonna be house poor which i know i won't but it's just like all these years what my my dad told me that chilled me out a lot he's like so my god it's so much money but he's like you're not losing it like yeah it's not like you're just like well here's thousands of dollars he's like you're basically just moving it because you can sell the house and you're not going to sell the house for less than what you bought it for hopefully not that's you know there's a fear yeah sure sure but i mean to do that you would have to sell it in like the next couple years and you're not going to do that so it's like yeah the money is still there and you've just moved it yeah so so that's what got me around because i'm like this is so fucking much when i

get when i went to get the check when you go to close because you have to give them a check so i had to give them a check for tens of thousands of dollars um and i had to get it from bank of america it has to be like a i think a cashier's check or like certain type so i was getting the check for that and the woman at bank of america she was like oh did you know we do mortgages here too someone these are the same thing and i and i was just like i've already got it do you think i'm getting a check for tens of thousands of dollars and not have a mortgage like we're a little late in the process like what are you doing same thing happened to me they're like why don't you talk i was like i don't because fuck you you're fucking bank of america yeah

fucking ruin this country yeah yeah well yeah speaking of evil people uh i got mine with like a local lender and then a week later wells fargo bought it and there's nothing you can do like now that's what happens to everybody now my mortgage is through wells fargo one of the most evil banks yeah that's what these lenders they don't care these lenders don't care if you can or cannot pay them back because these lenders ain't loyal immediately sure sure sure sure yeah i hope wells fargo buys mine because i'm doing an fha and you have when you raise your equity they'll let you they'll forgive they'll stop doing the uh yeah what do you call that oh mortgage insurance yeah yeah yeah that's some real shit so we have plans to you know so if we buy it anyway but so i'm featuring the ceo of wells

fargo listening he's like no you're not yeah i don't think so umar we have uh you know i'm a dig head i've just been stressing and then like i had just signed a year lease like the tick oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah about it but it was just so stressful and then like it sucks because i live with three two other dudes and i just brag they would keep staying at our place and they would just replace me on the lease and then when i said i was gonna you know i told them like hey guys this i might be moving out as early as november and then my buddy evan was like well i don't want to live here anymore either i'm just gonna live on my own so then it fucked our other roommate because he doesn't want to move he's they should

have just let you go month to month your well landlord like we don't know if that's an option but if it was it would cost more and so we were just we got nervous um that like they were gonna be like no fuck it we're not doing month to month and work right right right but they're being really cool about it they're gonna give us our deposits back when the time comes yeah but it just sucks because i've my roommates are in like a weird period we're like should we look for places we don't know when yeah and so i feel bad yeah but they knew you were looking for a house yeah but i just dude i haven't been able to sleep i'm just thinking about like fuck like should i do it should i do it fuck fuck and then uh so there was one night uh we had i was uh i was

picturing like evan or eric walking by your room and you're like shit fuck should i do it should i do it should i do it like is he gonna murder somebody one night i'm just like fucking uh i made dinner karen's over we're just chilling and i'm like this is one of the first nights i've just chilled i didn't have to deal with any like i mean i dealt with house stuff earlier in the day like just you always have to like there's always something you have to like fill out send it's so fucking i know i'm no sorry kevin i was just so boring but i'll be really quick i love this shit so this is adult shit man i'm sitting on my couch i'm so relaxed i'm so like in a good mood i was about to you know have some good times you know what what I mean? Uh-huh. Read the Bible.

I get it. I know what you're talking about. I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. And I was like, it said... Was it your number neighbor? It was my number neighbor. It said... So I had seen that I had sent me... So it so it was 807 this person sent me a text like

hey man um just wondering uh when you'll just running when you'll be here just come straight to the green room when you're back when you're uh back oh and then the text from last week said hey it's justin just get there by 8 30. And I have, I can't remember who this is. Wow. Is this a DC show, Baltimore show, Virginia? And I'm like, I'm just sitting there and Karen's like, what's going on? And I'm like, I forgot about a show. And I'm just staring and I'm like trying to think so hard.

I'm like, what fucking show is this? How do I respond? Who is this person? Yeah, who is Justin? And then it comes back to me. Last week, I was, thank God, it's a Baltimore show. Yeah. Yeah, because if it's DC, it's like, dude, it's not happening.

Yeah, and I would have to make up some, I've made up some crazy lies before to get out of shows. Yeah. Did they work shows. Yeah, but so did they work? I mean, but they probably know I'm lying. What's your best one? Do you remember death in the family? I've definitely used like I kind of had

like a family emergency that way. It's vague and they were not going to ask you right right. It kind of makes them a dick being like, well, what emergency? Yeah, actually you're going gonna ask me what my family emergency is so i like i i was the week prior i went to like a baltimore improv group show and this one guy was like oh man like i want you to do my show like and he's been asking me for a while and i just like we just haven't been able to do it and i was like fucking man when's

the next one he's like oh, we have an opening next week. I was like, cool. I'm there. I was like, just text me. Yeah. He just texted, hey, Justin, just get there by 830. He didn't say like for big or whatever it was. Yeah.

And then, dude, I was just like, and I figured out what it was. And I was like, all right, now do I not go or do I go? And I was like, I can't bail. But I was, dude, i was like yelling because i was i was just like fuck fuck i just wanted to chill i've been so stressed and karen's like uh yeah like but i had to like clean the kitchen because i just cooked i had to do dishes i just threw all the dishes in the sink i just left got there by 8 30 and i did the show and i was just so fucking bummed oh boy i gotta love comedy i know yeah there's no other thing where i've been like i love doing

this but like i could totally bail on this almost every time really you don't think that way about music no because i love playing yeah i have so much more fun it's so different it's so different yeah there's just less pressure i mean yeah you feel like a pressure to play well but it's also like the songs are the songs you know like a joke can do i mean we all know like a joke can do one thing one night the next night it's like what the fuck happened you know you flip a guitar like you miss a fret you're off beat whatever the song is hiccup. Right. And it's like you don't have to try so hard to bring a good vibe. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure it helps. But you can't change the mood. Maybe if we play it in a higher key, it'll bring the crowd down. Yeah. Right, right, right. It'll fucking drop down. Yeah. What if I do a little crowd work?

Hey, guys. This crowd feels a little metal. Yeah, let's go drop D on this one. Drop D. Let's go. Come on. One, two, right. Those fucking drop downs. Yeah. What if I do a little crowd work? Hey, guys. This crowd feels a little metal. Yeah, let's go drop D on this one. Drop D. Let's go. Come on. Yeah. Not in the standard tuning.

All right. Okay. All right. That's okay. That's okay. You're on T. Miller's Read the Room podcast. Yeah. Band.

Yeah. Anyway, we noticed a lot of choke collars. Yeah. Yeah. And studs. Yeah. So it was weird. Normally, where I sing the chorus i just did

crowd work it was like you know i just had to go use the song about not being able to fuck people yeah one two three four what do you do for a living are you uh you want to be on a date what's going on but i love comedy but i do there's so are so many... I guess it's just because it's all driving related. Somebody... I've been watching a lot of NoFX videos because I watched... Backstage Passport. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love seeing touring band stuff, documentary stuff. I don't even care who it is. Yeah, same, same. But yeah, they're good too, but the drummer, they're like, what's your favorite part of the show? He's like, the end. He's like, I know that sounds so weird, but he's like, it's such a good too. But the drummer, they're like, what's your favorite part of the show? He's like, the end.

He's like, I know that sounds so weird, but he's like, it's such a good feeling. Like, you feel that accomplishment. And you're like, yeah. And that's kind of how I feel about stand-up. Like, I love doing it. But once it's done, you're like, ah. And now I can enjoy my life. Yes.

But it is one of those things. It's really hard. Or maybe I'm just not at that level yet. But for me, it happens sometimes like i i have fun on stage of course yeah it's really hard to really enjoy it like you do like once you come off stage and you know you had a great set you really enjoy that like you enjoy that feeling but like it's hard to have that same feeling while you're doing it because you're so in the zone like you don't have time to stop and appreciate the response it because you're so in the zone like you don't have

time to stop and appreciate the response yeah yeah yeah that's why i think like videos are so helpful because then you can kind of relive it revisit it but it's not the same because you're in such a fucking you're just so in the moment in the zone that well also the back your mind is still working you're like okay that worked oh i did crowd irky or maybe i can call that weird thing that guy said back later yeah yeah yeah so yeah no yeah i love doing it but yeah the dread though especially driving to dc like god damn it like an hour you're like i hope it goes well but see i think for bands it's worse because you have to drive and lug equipment but but there's like a weird camaraderie there is yeah you're with other people with oh yeah yeah and you kind of don't mind it it's like yeah i'll grab your shit you

grab some of my stuff yeah you have other people to like live it through and hang with true yeah i think that would be fine then yeah like the only reason i kind of focused on comedy is because i was tired of relying on other people to do band stuff oh yeah they're alive same i had what am i gonna do i guess i'll go do this thing i can do by myself right that you don't have to bring equipment either it's like i just show up yep you do it yep and uh hopefully you feel good after it yeah and if you don't then you're like oh fuck yeah yeah well on that for another day god that dread though of being like hey man show up or like when are you going to be here like at what what are you talking about yeah

it was it's just like those moments it's like and it was like a it i didn't have to do my act which added like another pressure for me because it was like so it's an improv show it's i forgot what it's called but a kaleidoscope so essentially um i go out and the audience will yell words and based on those words whatever i have to tell a true story based on those words it's like what ucb does it's called ass cat what they do up there yeah it has to be like a true story and um yeah i did it i had to do it twice for two troops and the first first time I did it, they yelled out like dragon, sweet potatoes, and I don't know, something else. And I was like, I have literally nothing.

Yeah, like sweet potatoes. Interesting. That makes me think of my job. I'm a school counselor and just launching your bids. That's nothing to do with sweet potatoes. Hey, who spanks? Hey, guys. Yeah, I got spanked as a kid. And every time I got spanked, I yeah i got spanked as a kid every time i got spanked i said sweet potatoes now well the first story is mostly true but it was such a roundabout way and i made up some of it and i embellished a lot of course fucking i gotta give these people a show yeah yeah and yeah it was fun but it was just like i don't care i just don't want to do this right now right all right but no i mean there are worse things though i thought i thought

you're gonna tell me the text was like your broker was like the deal fell through or something like when you're like i got this text message like can't only the person that can back out as me they can't back out right right but i'm just saying like i thought it was something like catastrophic because you're like i'm chilling out and i get this fucking text message and i was like oh no it was just such a nightmare i was just like i don't want to get up yeah and i just been back to work and i don't work in the summer so i know like that it's not gonna make any people feel sorry for me people are crying at home is he okay yeah oh no man and they're so bad no that is so stressful though yeah oh my god speaking of stressful i was hosting uh the dc improv open mic i think i told you this oh yeah oh real quick uh

speaking of like the stress of like going into shows dc improv always plays the same song to open a show the flashlight song and we were out at a bar on friday night and they played that song and like i felt my adrenaline starting like just like a response of like ah like pavlov's dog who's like flashlight and that's like normally when they're like ladies and gentlemen i'm like ah so like uh uh the dc you forget like because you've been doing it for a while like i i went into the i'm hosting and okay so we on the podcast i told like a 10 minute story about how i have this like weird i uh just have like this weird relationship with the manager antoine what's all in my head where i think he hates me and we always have just like it's completely one-sided yeah it's all one-sided where i'm like i feel

like i always do the wrong thing right right and um like i had lost the check yeah like hit him up i think i think i lost it never mind i found it turning down a weekend and like whatever so anyway but then he asked me if i wanted to host the open mic and i was like yeah sure how much does it pay and he was like oh well it normally doesn't pay but i'll give you x amount i was like all right cool and then i was like, yeah, sure. How much does it pay? And he was like, oh, well, it normally doesn't pay, but I'll give you X amount. And I was like, all right, cool. And then I was like, fuck, is that? God, they're going to think I'm like a bad person to deal with.

They're just going to be like, Umar's difficult. He's so needy. And then, but I was like, you know what? Fuck them. I'm like, I'm driving. I'm hosting a show at a fucking venue that's holding at least 200 people. I should get something yeah it's an established place yeah so fuck yeah so then i was like yeah i should get paid because initially when

i texted up my buddy chris about it he was like he was like dude they get you money all the time you can't do one freebie no no no no no actually you're right you're right yeah because it made me mad i was like and then i was like questioning if I did the right thing. Anyway, so I go to this open mic, and it's a lot of comics I've never seen before, which is cool. It's like then I get to watch new comics. Yeah. But the vibe in the green room, like everyone is – you forget. Because I was like, you're so nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's almost like watching people who are waiting to audition for American Idol or something. Right. That level of nervous. Or they're going to war. Have you done it? The open mic? Yeah. Were you super nervous about it?

For a different, because it was around the whole JFL thing. And I kind of get on improv open mic forever. And then randomly, I hear about the JFL thing. And then I get the offer to do the open mic there So I was already in my head about Okay this is the first time they're letting me on the stage And I also have I can't look shitty on the stage Because I have this JFL thing

That they selected me for For some fucking reason So I just went in Tried to not think about it I was definitely nervous but yeah also so your first time out was in the lounge in the main room so he did the mic first oh you did the mic yeah so the mic yeah the mic's in the yeah yeah a week later i went back how did the mic uh go it was good nice yeah it's such a cool feeling like it's surreal the first time i did the mic i was like oh

whoa you're on stage with the dc improv it's a whole different feeling than any other club i've ever done well yeah because the people are right there the ceiling's so low like yeah it's yeah and i've done some cool clubs but like the dc improv there's something way different about it oh yeah yeah and then even just having the banner behind you that says dc improv is like it's cool yeah yeah the all black all black microphone like even hilarity's is not as cool like hilarity is like a well-respected club but it's just like yeah it's just yeah burke kreischer wanted to do his special there but they were gonna have to move like to get cameras in there they'd have to move a bunch of people and then improv yeah and he was like oh i don't want to do that yeah so so i'm in the uh oh so like oh how'd the jfl one go oh that was i mean it was fun i didn't none of us did jfl so none of us got no one from dc

interesting to watch that set because there's like sorts of people. Some people I didn't even know. Yeah. And just for reference, JFL is like a big... Just for laughs, the biggest comedy festival in the world. On the planet. So people from D.C. got to audition for it, and we were some of the lucky ones that got to. Yeah. Yeah.

It was like 30 people all together in D.C. Yeah. And it was funny. Who's the dude that runs it? What's his name? Jeff Singer. Jeff Singer. Like when he talked to... The hat man yeah hatman uh when he talked to us at the end

when he was just like this is great saw a lot of talent a really impressive especially because i haven't been here in a long time and blown away by all the talent i've been seeing this week but uh if you want to be serious about comedy you got to move to new york or la yeah and i was like not happening pretty much everyone they picked is probably living in those two it makes sense so yeah i mean i get it industry is not like who do they have in dc it's like just go to la or new york yeah well because they also want to put up people on the show that are like closer to some sort of success so they can be like look we're the launching pad right right right right right yeah yeah sam talent got on he's like a denver dude nice and i know uh someone i know from austin texas got on the unrep thing last year oh wow yeah nick mullen got it

when he was in texas oh right right right all right maybe we just suck yeah that's it we fucking suck did you feel like your audition went well? Because some people did not like their audition crowds. The crowd was whatever. Yeah, I didn't do the worst. I feel good about that. I was like, I definitely did not suck. No one's going to remember me sucking. They'll remember these fucking times. But I remember K-Song Crush.

And one of the things they said was, like, don't do crowd work. But he still did crowd work. But it was fucking crushing yeah like well i'm there's no way they're gonna but then there was a dude who closed out at the end i can't remember his fucking name but he wrote just some really great jokes yeah and i wish i could fucking remember who he was because he was so fucking funny jerry jerry sign was older black like okay jerry seinfeld desi alexander yeah no i don't know He was so fucking funny. Jerry Seinfeld? Older black, like in his 40s. Jerry Seinfeld. Desi Alexander? Yeah.

No. I don't know. I don't think so. I think he's from like Virginia Beach, possibly. Okay. And he drove up for that. Or maybe he's from Philly. I can't remember.

Anyway. He was great. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nerve-wracking experience, especially if you're... Some of these comics are doing it for a year, maybe months. And it's one of the best clubs in the country.

And yeah, to get on that stage is a big deal. And there's some vets on the show, like Denise and Lafayette and Benji. Yeah. And so the green room vibe is just so not fun. It's tense. Everyone's so nervous. And I'm kind of nervous, too, because I haven't performed in two weeks right at that point wow i was on vacation and i was just dealing with house buying stuff yeah i was just like i was all over the place anyway so i had an okay set uh but a lot

of new people that i didn't recognize and like i was so nervous so i kept asking like people right before like what's your name how do you pronounce it what's your name what's your name because so i asked this kid i was like i literally asked this kid three times i was like what's your name he's like james kerrigan and i was like what's your name james kerrigan i go up on stage and i don't nancy kerrigan everybody i totally blank i'm like give it for your next comic. Nathan Cavalier! And he just looked at me like, what? And I was like, get up here! Nathan, you old son of a bitch.

Get up here. And he just ran up to me like, uh, I'm James Kerrigan. And I was like, wow, I'm never working at this club. Yeah, you weren't even in the ballpark. Oh my god. You had the confidence.

This is his thing. He's crazy. I knew it was wrong. I remember on the sheet of paper I had a moment that there wasn't Nathan. It was Nathan Bluff. I don't know. I think Cavalier came like the caragin.

Cara, Cava, caragin. Bro, I've never wanted to kill myself more than like, I don't know if, and I was like, I was like, fuck, should I say sorry to like Antoine and Allison? Definitely him. And the worst part is he had a good set, but I fucked up his video. No, it's fine. Well, they usually cut out the, no, they don't. No, they don't. And a lot of bookers want to see you because they don't want to see any ed they want to see it you're set

starting yeah that's i mean that's fine with him being like that's not my name i felt so you know his family and friends are right and it's a huge moment yeah did that get a laugh when he was like that's not oh and he yeah he wasn't He's too new to even like play it off. Make fun of me. Right. I mean, he just wanted he just said his name and one of his jokes. And he did well. But damn, that sucks.

I was so embarrassed. Like I just sat on the stool and everyone back in the green room. Oh, yeah. And it's dark right there, too, because it's like a long, dark corridor. So you're just sitting on a stool in the dark. Yeah. I'm texting you. Yeah.

Fucking everyone else. I'm just like, please, someone tell me this is OK. That's why I refuse to host now, because I always mess up people's names. Yeah. And I was running the passenger all the time. Weekly, I would mess people's names. Even at Punk House. Yeah.

Last one, messed up someone's name. Yeah. It's hard enough. Oh, go ahead ahead there was one more comic left and i forgot and i was like give it up for everyone you've seen that's the show and then the guy was like waiting to go up and i was like just kidding give it up and i said his last name wrong right i was like ah fuck yeah that's the end of our show is what i'll be saying after this next comic yeah man that should happen oh god but i'm like they're never gonna book me well yeah it's hard enough doing it with just like two people you know like host feature headliner if you're like okay what were their credits what is this thing and then if you do it with a show where you have like how many people on the mic they ended up it ended up being like i think 15 that's a lot of names to remember just kept adding people and

adding people yeah then what happened is people come back and like antoine said i'm supposed to go next and i'm like oh oh yeah like squeeze this person in for eight minutes they're gonna go after all these curveballs and like and going up 15 times and be like all right let's start clapping let's get some energy it's all you just feel like the audience fucking hates times and be like all right let's start clapping let's get some energy you just feel like the audience fucking hates you and you don't but you just feel that way because you're always trying to make them clap you're like all right let's do it yeah it's just and then you just get so phony like i'm like i'm asking this kid i was like what's your name he's like i'm like i don't know like jake tapper jake black jake black yeah he's good and uh jack black's you know i just meet this

kid and i'm like oh charlie ross and i know charlie i've seen him around but i didn't know his name and so i'm like yeah and he's like oh charlie ross and i'm like this next one man i love this guy that's enough you're just trying to be different yeah say different stuff one of my favorites yeah one of my. You look at your hand. I'm all over. Yeah. I love this guy. He's a...

And I'm like, do people know I'm... People must know, right? Sure. Sure. But yeah, of course. You're like, man, this guy... What are the odds that 15 of his favorite comics are on this mic? And I was like, man, I am so being underpaid for this right now.

Hosting. Straight up, hosting just sucks. It's thankless, too. It's terrible. Yeah, yeah. Unless you do it at your own. Like, Jinnah Jokes is fine. I love it.

Sure, yeah. It's your show. They're coming to you. You're not coming for me. I know that. They know it's just usually a good lineup. But they're still happy that they're there. So they're easy.

There's no need to really get them going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've thought about this a lot. I really just... I know I should, but I really... Losing the desire to try to win over an audience. I'm wrestling with that too. I'm kind of like you're with me or you're not.

Like with that show, I was like, oh, you guys are going to be like that. And I just kept going more and more. Which one? The Colony Club show? Yeah. And then eventually it was nice. And I had a couple of, you know, I pretty much steadily did well, but it wasn't like killing.

And I was like, and I kept like, oh, and I was just like, I just don't think I care anymore. Well, yeah. Sometimes I'm winning people over. I get in a loop too, where it's just like, I don't want to have to fucking prove myself to people. I think that's it. It's a bad attitude to have. It's not great. It's not great.

It's not great. Yeah. I wonder if that's the thing that just comes after doing it for a while and then like you've been doing it but then you like go back to life like how stuff yeah i think it's that i really think it's that then you go back it's like what am i i got this going on right yeah yeah you know what a thousand percent it yeah i yeah i have that too i'm like oh i'm an adult i'm like doing adult stuff. You know, like I don't need this.

Yeah. It was funny because Michael Summers, who is like, you know, like he's, I don't know how young he is, but he's in his twenties probably still. I think he's a waiter and he's just really comedy is what he's focusing on. Right. So I remember, you know, we were sitting at the bench, and we were talking about it. And he was like, yeah, because that's just comic stuff to do is buy homes. And it's just kind of like, because I had said I hadn't done stand-up in a week. And he's like, yeah, well, why would you?

It's not like most comics buy homes and shit. And I was like, yeah, you're right. That's why. And no, it's not a dig it's just like a it's like a dream dying which is a constant yeah on this podcast yeah more and more but yeah it's weird too i when i bought my house too i wanted to talk about it on stage but i'm like is this relatable at all to anybody i have jokes but they're pretty like mean not mean but they're like i think they're more like edgy.

Right. Yeah. I have some, I mostly, mine is just like saying I own a house in Baltimore and people are never like, cool. Like fuck you DC. Assholes.

But yeah, no, it just feels weird to be like, man, what's the deal with home inspectors? You know what I'm talking about? They're like, what?

Well, I just have like this idea of like when you like buying a home is it's like, so the opposite of how I find a partner, you know, like, Oh idea of like when you like buying a home, it's like so the opposite of how I find a partner, you know? Oh, yeah. Like when you're with the home, like the realtor is like, oh, look at the outside. I'm like, who cares about the inside? Or who cares about the outside?

Well, let's look at the inside. Right. Oh, that's good. The exact opposite. I'm like, I'm like, I'm never like, oh, she's really hot. But can she like, let's go in and see if she can hold all my insecurities or something stupid like that, you know? And then I have a joke about like if House Hunters, if the show House Hunters, they did that with like trying to find a partner. You're just like, you're like, all right, so what did you think?

And you sit down and talk them out. Oh, that's good. Well, Nancy, I feel like it's kind of reached her peak already and i don't know if there's much more that can be done but right karen is like you know she's a work in progress you put some uh you know knock down some fat cell walls blah blah blah so it's me but uh it's it's worked a couple of times yeah and i think i could sell her and probably make some money and then another like part i don't know how to work this but i thought one idea was funny where it's like and then uh oh the danielle's a recent flip she used to be dan oh that's great

that's great the last one yeah yeah she's been on the market for 60 days and she's looking to close yeah nice i like that uh that's good that's good uh all right let's uh let's wrap it up here uh kevin where can uh where can the people find you on the internet or if they want to see you in person let them know just look up punk house comedy punk house the internet punk house comedy it's at a songbird in dc or a house if they'll let me do it there or or a punk house they'll let you do it there um and then you're what not kevin tit on the ground on the gram baby pow pow pow umar uh this thursday gin and jokes yes uh brian parisi headlines also von michaels on the show and brus green and bridget gearing gearing yeah so i think

fuck up the name come on baby all right your next guy that would be the best and then keep it going for nathan everybody on saturday september 7th i'm doing a show in silver spring it's like comedy as a second language. It's at some like – I'll post about it. Okay, cool. Oh, October. This is far away, but I was just – because I bought a home, and now I'm like, you know what? Oh, wait.

You bought a house? Or I'm like trying to buy a home, and then I'm like – Oh, I hadn't heard. And I'm just like, I got to fucking start going out on the doing like way more shows. So I just started messaging everybody. And so I'm going to be doing the second Saturday shit show in November featuring for my boy Chris Al. Nice. But October 24th, I'm at McGuby's opening up for Gilbert Godfrey.

Nice. And then that Friday and Saturday, I'm going to be opening for and working clean for Steve-O. So come visit me. That's awesome. I got to work with both of those guys. And Steve-O, sweetheart. Real sweetheart of a guy. It's funny I have to work clean and I can't

pronounce his biggest credit. Right, right, right. And I don't think you have to be too clean. No, I know know that's why i took the gig i can do it yeah does he still close out by doing like a stunt uh years ago when i when i saw him he did a thing where he like laid flat on a table had a cup of water and basically like does like a slow motion flip essentially without spilling the water but i don't know if he closed on that and it is funny too that you have to be clean he like tells his stories like yeah so jack

ass when we were in europe we were doing that uh like gumball race thing they did he's like so we're driving everywhere and uh we're doing uh we have a a bet to see who can jerk off the most in the car chris ponny and shoots a load on the window i and like yeah i'm glad i was clean for this like what the fuck it's all right so it's his loads on the window that sucks like i wonder why he wants you to be clean i think he's just afraid of having somebody go out and be like what's up motherfuckers how you doing like look at this lady i think that's all it is yeah does he have a feature act or is it two-person show uh when we did it was a two-person show i would actually know it was it was three i was the feature oh okay um so yeah i don't know i'm hosting maybe there is a feature yeah maybe

he's bringing somebody i don't know i don't know nice guy and then i got some other stuff and i can't remember it that's awesome i'll get a text at gilbert godfrey i think he he must do like the same day to mcgoobies every year around the same time this motherfucker takes the bolt bus yeah i saw his documentary thing and he like keeps all the uh the like receipts and stuff receipts but like when he goes to hotels like the mini bottle shampoos he has like a whole storage thing full of them. Yeah. That is insane. You must be rich, right? He has to be okay. But yeah, he's just like.

Problem child. He is a problem child. No, but when you see him, it's funny. It's just like this tiny little Jewish man. He's like, oh, hello. And like very nice. And then he's on stage. He's like, hickory dickory dock.

Did you just do? Yeah, he does. He does dice man's material. He does all the dice. What's in the bowl? Yeah, they had him on bumping mics. Yeah, yeah. I was like, damn, he is fucking old. Yeah, when you see him, you're like, oh, you're a little tiny.

He's brittle. I can't even imagine. I'm surprised he doesn't break when the ball bust runs over like a fucking bump dude yeah i felt bad like shaking his hand like okay like a little grandpa hi gilbert hi hi yeah so i think those will be fun shows yeah probably be packed oh definitely yeah definitely uh yeah and i will be at the aforementioned dc improv hosting in the lounge on uh the 14th and 15th. Come out to that. Lineups are very good.

At Josh Goderna on all social media stuff. Thank you guys for listening. Kevin, thanks for doing the show. Thanks for having me. All right. Hey, fresh and clean. Ready to pod. All right.

David Koechner, take us out. Digression Sessions, coming to an end. We'll see you next time. Bye.