The Digression Sessions - Ep. 299 - Josh & Umar

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar catch up on the week, comedy, and edge lords. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. House. Well, almost. He's close. We're going to close soon. Unless something goes horrifically wrong, I should be owning a home soon we

tend to call our shot on this podcast though this is the last podcast we're like you know who's a good guy shane gillis let me tell you a couple days later is that our last one yeah i'm pretty sure oh yeah i was defending like we were kind of just praising him and talking about how funny he is yeah and how people how people in Philly hate him. And then like literally two days later. Two days later, yeah. Two days later, it broke that he got SNL. And then two hours later, people unearthed his podcast. Yeah.

Yeah. They Googled Shane Gillis. Yeah. Luckily, you and I will never be up for anything of merit for comedy. No. So I think we'll be okay. Well, yeah. I did because I was like, I kind of defended, I was like on the defense.

I was just like, let me just throw out this narrative. He's a good guy because I saw people on my news feed posting about him. And I'm like, you guys don't know who this guy is at all. Yeah. I just shared a little anecdote. I actually know him. I'm not like super close to them know who this guy is at all. Yeah. I just shared a little anecdote. I actually know him. I'm not super close with him, but comedy-friendly with him. Yeah.

I've worked with him a couple times, several times, and I've hung out with him a couple times. You met him at that anti-immigration rally, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were hanging out. And yeah, he was just so nice. One of the first weekends i did at a club like years ago at mcgoobies he was a feature act yeah he was so nice to me he talked to me like an equal

he was like man like i mean and you don't have to do any of this stuff in comedy and it's rare he was just like dude you're really funny like well yeah i mean say the whole quote he said you're really funny for a guy that's not white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're funny for a brown guy. I mean, you know. Yeah. You're really funny for being from one of those shit countries. Not America. Yeah.

And he was just like, yeah, he's like, you're so funny. And he's like, man, you should be featuring here. And yeah, he was just nice. He was like, I'll tell Andrew to book you more. He's always been a sweetheart. We started around the same time. and I got to, I mean, maybe we talked about this on the last podcast, but did the, like, small shows in Pennsylvania,

and then he came down to D.C. Yeah, well, his first show was in Baltimore, ever. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, he was not too far from here. So, yeah, seeing everything that went wrong with the SNL stuff was insane to see. But, yeah, his latest episode, he handled it really well.

I think so. Of his podcast, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. He was like, I'm not mad at anybody. Everybody did exactly what they were supposed to do. And I was like, yep, okay. And he did something different. Like, he didn't apologize. Well, I think he did.

I think he said, if you were actually offended uh i'm sorry which i think is fair to say because i think there's a lot of people my karen hey uh josh goddard here everybody i don't know if i said hello but uh uh my karen was like well it's it's not an apology he didn't apologize i'm like he kind of did though like saying if you're actually offended yeah because i think there are a lot of people when something like that happens so it's so excited to hop in and be like yeah i also have a take and i also think you suck yeah fuck him it's like but where you're actually really upset about it and here's my ang this is what i said over the weekend i was working shows and i got i was weird it's so weird because all right for people who don't know shane gillis is a comic he got snl

like he this year he got uh a lot of stuff he got this really big festival just for one year he moved from philly to being like one of the top dudes in the philly scene yeah to new york to not having any representation to having agents uh manager and he's with a real big company yeah yeah exactly like a real one of the best like yeah yeah but but yeah getting comedy central then getting jfl which is one of the biggest if not the biggest comedy festival three of the biggest things in one. Things in one year. Things in one year. Yeah. Exactly.

JFL, Clusterfest. And dude, like this is. And that's the funniest part. So he. So all this happened. And when you get JFL, there's a lot of industry there. Yeah. And he killed so hard.

He was apparently the talk of the town. And that's how we got the audition for SNL. Yeah. Yeah. And which is insane because this doesn't really happen anymore. Like people used to talk like this 15 years ago or yeah yeah you know what i mean like jfl person who went to jfl and immediately is on tv or like got their own show or something like that it used to be back in the day where it's like we're gonna make a whole show about you so rare like tim allen tool time roseanne that type of thing that's how funny he is yeah

that's how funny he is and he doesn't do characters or anything no like i feel like it's rare he does do a good trump not for snl sure i mean but everybody does yeah you know what you're yeah yeah trevor noah's trump is garbage what how dare you i think trevor noah is a smart young man hey he's very smart like you said he's pretty good for not a white guy yeah like you said before the mics heated up um but yeah no i refer to him as a bad south african you know he's one of the bad south african you know what i'm talking about you know what i'm talking about uh yeah um no but uh yeah all that said uh i've known shane like since i started comedy and he's always been a nice guy and yeah well respected and uh his whole take was like yeah no i get it i i get why i didn't get the show like there's a lot of stuff out there but what he's saying he was saying on shows to be funny and

fuck around so so once he got it it was so funny because i was uh i saw that uh he posted on his instagram story and he got snl yeah and he was i thought it was a joke i thought he just photoshopped it because uh a baltimore comic did that with netflix and uh people are like oh my god congrats and it was just a joke i did that with putting tom tom myers face on uh jfl it was like 21 new faces and i put tom myers on there twice so i um i googled it and i was like holy shit so i just immediately texted shane i was like hey man congrats uh you better start deleting the podcast eps now yeah he just wrote ha ha ha thanks yeah and uh and boy oh boy well two hours later, the media was a frenzy. Well, they were already ready for it.

There were people that were sitting on that stuff. Because he already did delete a lot of episodes. They deleted almost all of them. But they kept... Why would you keep any up? I mean, because I guess they weren't that bad. Or at least he told them. But either way, yeah.

They had a thing from earlier in the year, the video of it. So then people clipipped two minute segments of them doing Asian voices, dropped a slur for Asian people, and the media had a frenzy. Then another 20 minute video came out where he was referring to comics as using the word fag uh quote unquote and uh yeah so and he said white women are the least funny people on the planet yeah and uh you know all truths you know i was kidding yeah i mean i've yet to see somebody say he's wrong you know people are mad about yeah and then it became this huge thing yeah of course it was just in the national

conversation for a while. And I think people moved on. Because, yeah, it's just the outrage du jour. It's a thing now. It's like Matt from their podcast is saying it's like a religion. But to me, I think it's just like sports. You know what I mean? They were just like, yeah, yeah.

It's like rooting for the Patriots or something. Like having outrage. And being like, I'm also outraged. Or it's like basically being like, I also like fucking tom brady and other teams suck you know like how many people actually like watch more than that clip or listen to a full podcast or watch his stand-up yeah and it's just like uh yeah i don't know maybe people were actually hurt i'm sure there were some like he said like he's like if i was an asian kid and i logged into twitter and saw my face it said and and it said says slur i'd be like fuck that guy and you're like yeah no i get it yeah the media is very it makes you like being this close to something makes you really miss just have such distrust for the media i mean i don't i don't know the new york times

yeah wrote about this the washington post and it's like your your headlines drive a narrative but what do you distrust about because i because i agree with shane or it's like they did what they were gonna do like they did what they were gonna do but it doesn't mean what they did was totally fair i i don't think it was totally me and my brother were talking about this and he was like i really blame he rahul was like i blame the media because it's thousands of people on twitter talking about this and then the media is so desperate for content that's the thing i've been looking at too and i was monitoring that at the most uh because it shows you on twitter with the trending topics it tells you how many people are like saying a keyword or something like that uh at

most it was 22 000 tweets exactly 22 000 in a country of 350 million or something and then i went to his youtube video his comedy central video that's up yeah not really that many more likes not really negative comments yeah it's just like people they they see this like guy like saying it's like taking like and it's hard to it's hard to defend yes yes a hundred percent but as people are like defending i would like what's so funny about saying that slur and it's like yeah well also it's it's not uh they took it out of context yes well he was also saying it as a character of a guy in that time that is the defense but if you say it people totally will fucking try to tear you well i i compared it to basically like he should have been using like a like a plastic knife but he used a

machete instead it's like you didn't have to use that word you know what i mean like oh sure you kind of went nuclear there but the intent was to go nuclear to be so over the top that it's funny yes but and that's what's missing it's just like it's not like he was at a podium saying like you know who we we need to get rid of yeah that's not what happened um yeah then they're like yeah this isn't even that funny it's like it's a podcast but uh and that's another thing it's like it is funny to me i think they're both those clips are so funny to me i listened to them way before that stuff came out but like now here's the weird part you can't even say those clips are funny without people judging you because it's like no no listen like people like it's like you're a

a graphic designer like what and then you're just someone who read an article and you have an opinion immediately yeah but you can't like don't sum up someone's whole being. Oh, yeah. Two minutes of something. And then also don't sum up who I am because I have this shitty humor. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm saying. It's like sports.

It's like you just being like, well, actually, I kind of like the New York Jets. They're like, fuck you. The Jets suck. Yeah. All right. You're a piece of shit. All the Jets suck. Anybody that likes the

jets suck and it's just it's stupid yeah it was it's funny because like people don't understand that like you can have this sense of humor you can find outrageous like topics and like things that people say are funny and then but just not be a piece of shit yeah but people do not get that oh no people don't understand when they discover these podcasts they just think like oh they're listenership they're just all racist pieces of shit and it's like we know some of these people we've opened up for some of these people yeah like we're at shows at for some of these people yeah their fans aren't that at all They're just normal fucking comedy nerds. Yeah.

And also that's like the point of comedy as well is that you are saying outrageous things for a laugh. Yeah. Like it's the weird stage we're at where it is like comedy is supposed to be like an inspirational thing or you're taking on yeah the establishment and but it's like sometimes you just say shit because it's ridiculous yeah and then it's funny don't get it and it's like the people who tune into those podcasts their their feelings don't get hurt and yes yeah and they it but it doesn't mean they don't care about other groups of people. It's crazy. I was talking to Andy Klein about it last night, and he was saying, like our buddy Stav, he does Comptown, and their podcast is just as outrageous.

I think the difference is there are clear-cut jokes with them. It's a setup and a punch for most of the part. Or they're in a bit. Yeah. But I guess you could isolate it. Which I would they're in a bit yeah but i guess you could say that the chain yeah i guess you're right you could isolate a clip you could go to seriously any calm town episode dude you can isolate some of our clips of course it's scary any person if any fucking boop no uh but yeah i'm saying like any anything any conversation that's the weird

thing too is we were like i've always been perfect and i've never made an outrageous joke once yeah okay sure and uh you're the most boring person alive okay dav like summed up their they're like this fan base they tapped into so well uh and he was saying he was like you know when it first started happening when come town first started taking off and now they're way bigger than they were yeah um stuff was like yeah our fans are just liberals who still like saying the word retard right and i was like that is like the perfect summation or can laugh at people saying it and like not not even that they're like yes finally it'll be really good like i'm like like me like chris we talk about this a lot like my buddy chris allen

yeah and uh uh yeah like me and chris like we'll say outrageous stuff but then we have these long ass conversations about like oh man like how do we help kids in the hood like oh it sucks women have to go through this or like you know like oh it's just like man like fuck these conservatives they act like this they don't understand of course but us we joke around in our private conversation just like shane and matt did on their podcast yeah and it's like and yeah i have a whole career where i dedicate because i want to help people yeah and most people who are online they're all just trying to get famous it's like what the fuck are you doing oh yeah yeah like are you actually volunteering to change any of the thing that you want that you are complaining

about or is it just to get more likes from people that already agree with you yeah who knows that's what a lot of it is though it's just pats on the head from other people. You do a good job. I think most of it is kids. Like young, very young people. I think that's in there. But yeah, there's older people, too, for sure. Yeah, again, it's all been said before, but it's just all these people that are just up their own ass. You're not changing anybody else's mind at all they already all agree with each other you guys all agree they all agree there was most people don't know what

they're what you were even talking about right now yeah right right like what happened yeah so sorry for those people listening or people are like we know we remember you guys are edgelord that's another thing that's so fucking annoying they They're also like, yeah, yeah, that was last week. We've moved on. I was like, what is that even? What is an edgelord? Is that just someone who? It's like somebody that, so it's supposed to be like you're edgy and you're supposed to be like, yeah, I say fucked up stuff, so deal with it kind of thing.

Oh, yeah. I get accused of being an edgelord. I'm like, well, no, this is how I really feel. That's also a very edge lord thing to say oh my god you know you know you're like you know what i'm not even trying to be an edge lord and that's what yeah yeah yeah it's like saying like hey you're beautiful you know what i did recently you know what makes you beautiful you don't know that you're beautiful i uh saw like that greta chick uh oh yeah yeah the climate change gal super cool support her whatever but it's funny

because like people are like how could someone say these things about a child and it's like i don't know when the mega hat kid thing was happening uh so when i saw the people who were complaining about people making fun of greta i facebook searched their name mega hat kid oh buddy it took so much for me not to screenshot and post that on their comments also they're literally he's like fuck this kid i hope he gets punched in the face he knew exactly what he's doing his parents spoon fed everything but if you say that about the greta chick that she's being spoon that she's being global warming people go crazy yeah is that edge lording or is that just being a rational person i don't know i mean i i think you're being quite the edge lord dude no but again i hear you but that's just if you don't disagree then yeah or if you disagree with somebody you're like well no they're just a fucking idiot like

the uh also the comedians that went after shane like uh christopher titus was saying that his jokes are lazy and blah blah oh christopher titus made a movie oh yeah but also one of his i work with one of those guys by the way uh micah ronan who's in that movie that he pretended to be no he's real he's yeah yeah yeah yeah uh real what j? Smart guy and a great employee. But, fuck. Oh, yeah. Christopher Tite is like on his podcast. He's like, all right, we got to go over some things.

All right. Asian people cannot drive. Goes through those stereotypes and stuff. And you're like, okay. Yeah. Judy Gold. Judy Gold. Who went after Shane. She has a whole thing.

She's a New York comic Jewish lesbian. But where she was saying like the N wordword and stuff like making rap lyrics and you're like how is this any different than what shane did yeah you're just getting a rise out of outrageous shit with your white friends so shane did um but uh one of the criticisms and i don't even think it was that like much of a criticism of shane but h john benjamin tweeted a thing that got me because in shane's like first quote when john benjamin's on your side though h john benjamin who's h john but he's uh um he no you're thinking of owen benjamin oh shit you're right john benjamin does the voices for like archer and bob's burgers okay

got it oh and benjamin completely oh yeah super racist like actual actual you ever look at that guy's twitter uh no not whoa like blatant oh yeah he's insane no it's went off the deep end it's really insane it's just like well yeah of course yeah it's a little cold out today the jews and you're like whoa wow you're not even like hiding it i think he like lost it yeah and well that's it yeah he it. Yeah. He's like, that's what people say. But that's just the deep state coming after me and blah, blah. And then like weird racial shit. Anyway, but H. John Benjamin. So in Shane's apology, the first like statement that he put out was he wrote, look, I've been doing comedy for 10 years and a lot of it's not good.

A lot of misses. All right. And that's part of comedy. So H. John Benjamin was like comedian colon i have a lot of bad comedy over 10 years snl you're hired that's funny that's funny like i think she would appreciate that too like that's actually like to be like look i've done comedy for 10 years a lot of it's not good yeah that's awesome welcome to the cast damn great he'll be he'll be okay though it just sucks and again that's the thing too it's like 22 000 people were tweeting about it at like its height maybe it's more i just let's say it was double let's say it was 50 000

it's yeah even a hundred thousand like yeah not a big deal yeah yeah exactly like it's uh yeah and then also those people are just going to move on to the next thing. Yeah, and all this news overshadowed the new Blink album that dropped. Well, that's why you're offended. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not. But Shane was saying how he's like, yeah, I just didn't want to say anything because if I add to it, then it makes it worse.

Like, there's no real way to win, you know. Yeah. But he was saying that his dad. Oh, yeah. His dad, like like a local newspaper called him for comment he's like sure i'll talk about it he's like dad i don't need you out there's like my pr team to some local pennsylvania paper just like what trump's a good guy i don't know what are you what are you oh my god oh what are you gonna do but see that's a nice thing about you know house in Baltimore and regular jobs and comedy slowly dwindling away. It's not a problem. It's great.

It's not a problem. It's great. You think somebody's going to take away my show at the DC Draft House about PowerPoints? I doubt it. I doubt it. I mean, maybe, but I doubt it. Yeah, I did get scared because I was going a little hardcore defending Shane. And all it would take is like one psycho person from like this scene or just who's a crazy person who like is like an internet justice person.

Yeah. Just be like, this guy works with kids. Look, and look, he's defending a racist. And so I was like, let me go ahead and delete some videos. Just stand-up videos because I can't defend to my boss me talking about sex on stage or you know what I mean? So I was just like, let me go ahead and take these down. I deleted all my me doing reagan on as oh yeah yeah because uh i mean all you do is play on stereotypes at that thing yeah and uh make horrific like black

gay and just terrible jokes uh-huh and i was like yeah this is another thing that i am so happy i saved those videos yeah you never get anything, buddy. Yeah. Go after you. Because you could be like, well, I'm playing a character, but they're like, yeah, but. It's a racist character. But all my boss has to say or anyone has to say is, yeah, but it's you who people see as this part. Like, you know, in your job title here.

Yeah. Saying these things, it's just not good. Yeah. And could you imagine if, like, a parent saw that and then they see me at a meeting? That's what I'm saying. They're like, what the fuck? This guy was just talking about his dick. It literally takes maybe one parent, maybe two, just to be like, no, I don't want this

guy working with kids. Yeah. Or working with my kid at this school that's all it would take it would be pretty bad yeah you'd be like no but it did so well yeah yeah but you don't get i got applause you didn't hear the laughs yeah yeah that's the weird thing too is that a lot of the stuff that people are like it's disgusting it's like it was working yeah people were laughing it's funny it was uh yeah an audience of uh a varied and mixed audience yeah did you do shows this weekend uh this weekend no i had um i had my buddy's uh birthday party i went

down to uh harper's ferry and uh it was a good time yeah floated down a river down the uh the the rapids River Yeah same I'm like what is the lazy river Do you just like sit in a pond And try not to die I'll say this tubing Overrated for me

I enjoyed it It's not worth the drive It wasn't too bad It was about like an hour A little bit I don't know Everyone just builds shit up and i'm like cool this is gonna be great and then i do it and i'm like ah it's okay we stopped and got a couple beers and floated down the river yeah it was like that's what i knew it was gonna be and they had a brewery there

i don't know if you went to the same spot and we kind of went like but we had to like oh yeah so it's for my buddy's birthday which was funny we showed we showed up and we're supposed to go i'll leave at 11 and like where's blake and blake's probably listening hey buddy but we're like where's hey where's blake come look at my house blake yeah uh needs that hvac um but we're like where's blake like oh he went early because he said he had to go test it out. I'm like, test it out? Test out the water?

The whole thing. Like, how's the test going to go? Like, when are we going to see him? And he's like, guys, don't move. It's terrible. Or is he going to, like, flag us down and be like, it's not that. The rapids aren't that rapid-y. Like, okay.

It's just you just wanted to go early. That's all. Oh. It's like when somebody's like no i'm not sleeping i'm just resting my eyes like no you're sleeping so he just floated without the group yeah well me and me and my buddy ryan and that's so weird yeah well i think he went with some people but he was like hey we're gonna go at 11 and that's what when we got there was it was it blake's birthday it's blake's birthday. Weird. But also, he gets up, like, ass early as well.

Yeah, for his work, probably. He said he got up at 3.30. It was like, well, time to start. One kid, yeah. Yeah, and that, too. So they camped there. Huh? So that, too.

He's just used to being up. Oh, gets up early for work. Yeah. And it's like, I'm going to go to the Walmart, the 24-hour Walmart. I'm like, hey, man, do it up. But it was cool. The brewery was nice uh this uh you'll be happy to hear this this brewery made their own type of uh white heart seltzer

yeah nice yeah yeah i didn't have one i hear was too sugary though right direction for people like you and i'm into i'm i'm into the celsius dude yeah yeah yeah i think their beer companies are scared. They hear the footsteps of the Celsius. You think so? Yeah. I think beer companies are legitimately worried, and that's why they're now coming out with their super light, super like, this is our 100-calorie beer. It tastes like dog shit.

No, it's good. Is it? I like the dogfish head one. Speaking of dog shit. I think I just got too inundated with beer well you were there's like 10 breweries in baltimore it's great it's insane you were never a brewery guy or like beer guy right uh well i feel like very early on you're like dude i just like drinking old fashions there's not a lot of calories well i drink wine i started out with wine i didn't start drinking until 21 you know my first legal drink

was uh hold on let me i went to an appletini no no no worse something more masculine no well i don't know but i went to famous dave's for my 21st birthday because i love me some and you're like guys i have to go to the bathroom i'm gonna sit down to pee but when i get back i do sit down to pee now and uh all the time almost exclusively now really it's comfortable is that weird when the kids see you at school peeing and you're just ass into a urinal yeah like hey guys there's a adult bathroom i would never use a bathroom the kids use it's so gross i don't use water coolers kids use i don't trust kids or they're dirty whoa isolate that clip somebody kids are kids are dirty wow all kids are they're dirty whoa isolate that clip somebody kids are kids are dirty oh yeah all

kids are dirty yes wow wow i mean they all and yeah but uh they all matter uh black ones more than white ones but they all matter uh wow but uh yeah i i like sitting down and p i think we've had a whole discussion about this actually i mean I mean, what haven't we talked about? Yeah. You know? Yeah. Oh, here's a fun thing that just happened to me. You stood up to poop? Yeah. That would be a nightmare.

I think it would just get stuck in my hair. All that hair. Yeah, it wouldn't even hit the floor. It would not. Just, like, get caught. Like a vine in the jungle. Yeah, I have to wipe my ass like I'm picking cherries off of a tree. Yeah, white girls do it on the weekends.

You want to go pick cherries out of Omar's butt? Yeah. So my cousin, a Pakistani broad, is getting married. Now, let me think of how much I want to share. Well, we're pretty deep, and no one's going to go this deep unless they like us. Yeah. At this point, I don't think anybody's listening unless they like us. That's true.

Yeah. I just don't want someone to hear it. I know what you mean. And then be like, it's happened to me on numerous. I mean, I've gotten broken up with because of what I've said on a podcast. That's true. Does she still live around here? Yeah.

I ran into her the other day. I think I just saw her pulling out of the alley. Yeah. Red car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's her. Yeah. uh yeah she dates that giant black

guy no i'm just kidding i mean if she did it's not a problem uh right i was just wondering uh yes she lives here but uh anyway so what was i talking about oh my cousin yeah she's pakistani Yes. Is getting married. So she was married before. Yeah. And so this is like a new thing for our family. No one gets married twice. Now, was the first marriage arranged? Semi. I think they had known of each other.

Yeah. And then like you go to your families. Wait. This is the one where somebody had to huh run away or who was that didn't somebody like oh that was my mom's okay because different okay because i remember cousin yeah yeah that was my mom so this is my cousin so and we're not super close but she's a she's cool chick i. You're not close with any of your family. That is very true. Yeah.

Barely my parents and brother. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, I got to bring up this awkward family dinner we had last week. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. But let me get through this. So she's getting married again. She was like semi-arranged marriage to this Pakistani dude.

Yeah. Actually, first cousins with Hasan Minhaj. and uh always be working i like that well done yeah so networking i oh and when i open up for him uh-huh so they got divorced apparently i don't know there's some allegations of like abuse blah blah yeah wait so what is the sem how can you be semi-arranged like they already kind of knew each other and maybe they were like dating but then they go to the or like they go to their families and like hey i want to marry this person and their families all set it up so it's like semi gotcha gotcha gotcha yeah it's it's like you got to get your parents a sign of permission slip like can i marry this person right right right where there's like a line mom i really want to so my dad said i can't get married yeah you don't want to give me

the money so they got divorced it was a messy divorce um yeah it was funny because in the middle of their divorce that's when i opened up for hassan minaj and i had no idea they live here pakistan virginia okay i had no idea. They live here or Pakistan? Virginia. Okay. I had no idea. There's a Virginia in Pakistan now? Yeah. I had no idea that he was related to him. And so they were going through this divorce, and they weren't talking to each other. I think it was pretty messy.

But she texted me the next day. She was like, dude, like my phone was blowing up. Everyone was like from my husband's end. He was like, that was the first time my husband and I texted in like a year. He was like, I think I'm watching your cousin on stage right now. Oh, nice. Because they were all at the show. Yeah.

Yeah, it was bizarre. Right, right. It was very bizarre. She was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Weird worlds colliding. Yeah. And I was like, holy holy hell that's insane yeah so weird right but anyway so they got they broke they got divorced and then she kind of pivoted

and just started exclusively dating like conservative white guys which is uh very like well you know like mom dad you think pakistani men are the only ones who can abuse me? You're wrong. Yo, buddy. Yeah. Take it to that next level. Yeah. So she's getting married in November. Uh-huh. So which and all this makes, I get it. It makes, you know, it's a tough thing to go through.

What do you mean? A marriage ending and, you know, dealing with issues like. Okay. Yeah. So then. Yeah. I god i'm like who cares no one's listening to this so she uh lauren michaels is like uh-huh just listening so uh she then is getting married and sends me like a whole thing and um and i go to my parents house for dinner one time and i was like oh yeah are you guys going to her wedding and they're like what no oh they didn't even know about it was like oh you didn't know and i was like she was like yeah she didn't invite your

ass better call somebody she didn't invite any of like our parents aunts uncles any of like the older people in our family and it's at a vineyard even bigger fuck you that there's alcohol there because it's all booze we don't drink and stuff right so then i get a call from her today the vineyard they're gonna pick grapes out of your ass i get a call from her today and she's like uh hey uh so i just wanted to talk to you about like the whole like social aspect of the wedding and i'm like what is good to see you evan what's up evan my roommate this is an intervention you're too you're too buff we're worried about you yeah when are you gonna when are you gonna start getting pussy bud so my cousin uh called me today and apparently i guess she caved under the pressure invited all my aunts uncles my parents

it's also so expensive like weddings yeah yeah but whatever i guess i think her husband's loaded or something who Who knows? Whatever. Okay. I guess if you choose a vineyard, whatever. Yeah. So she calls me. Sorry, I'm just in wedding planning mode.

I'm like, a vineyard? Whoa, wow. Yeah, I know. It's just insane. And also the food sounds pretty tight. I'm sure. And it's so expensive. Like beef short ribs is what I'm going to have.

Whoa. Yeah, I'm pumped. Buddy. like uh beef short ribs is what i'm gonna have whoa yeah i'm buddy pumped buddy uh so she calls me and we're not that close you know we're like we see each other like i probably haven't seen her in over a year and she calls me and she's like hey so they're coming and i just want to talk about the social aspect i was like what does it mean social i was like at first i was like i am not telling jokes because usually my family's like umar you should tell jokes or be funny and i'm

like sure fuck that yeah but what she was like yeah so you know like it's cocktail dresses for the ladies and men you know how to clean up and i'm like yeah and she's like so can you help me in telling our aunties and uncles and like your parents that like i don't want anyone to wear traditional pakistani clothing like every i want all women to wear like cocktail dresses blah blah and i'm like that is crazy that's so disrespectful yeah it's so disrespectful yeah that's tradition yeah what am i supposed to call my mom? Like, hey, mama. Yeah, you got to dress like a whore to this wedding. You're like H&M only, bitch.

Yeah. All right. Mom, show some legs. You ever heard of it? Yeah. South Moon Hunter, you dumb fucking idiot. They don't need to wear your shitty fucking Al Jazeera clothing. Yeah, you know what?

Those clothes are Taliban. Yeah. From the wedding. You understand? All right. Yeah, yeah. So? Those clothes are Taliban from the wedding. You understand? All right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's quite the thing. So she was like, can you help spread the word?

That's quite a thing to task you with. And I was just like, because I'm a pussy, and I couldn't have been like, no, that's weird. This is your wedding. How old is she, by the way? I think she's mid-30s. Okay, so yeah, she's old enough to do that. It's a weird thing, right? Yeah.

I'm not going to do it. I just lied. I'm like, yeah, sure, sure, because I don't like tension. I didn't know how to be like, no, that's weird. It's also disrespectful. I'm not going to. Well, they weren't invited in the first place. Yeah, and now you're like, hey, if you're coming, you have to wear stuff that's gonna make you uncomfortable and you probably don't like my mom doesn't own a cocktail

dress dude yeah my mom doesn't own that shit right my mom and for them like when you go to a wedding for them dressing up it's like it's almost you're doing what you your culture did to you right like you have to dress this way yeah if you don't you're a bad person or you're you're not out here right right right it's a weird thing to do to your and i'm not religious i'm wondering if they're if this is coming from the other side like yeah so i called chris and yeah and we were talking about that and i don't know i've never met this guy right right or maybe it's all in her head and she's thinking maybe maybe the guy's cool but also maybe his family's not as cool because if he's like this you're marrying this guy yeah yeah it's crazy weddings are fucking weird it's so

weird i don't i would be i would say fuck it i don't care if they're upset that you know my i'm not wearing a suit they want me to wear a suit i'm gonna wear a nice cocktail dress wear a cocktail dress yeah of course That would be hilarious. You've been working out? Yeah, if I did do that. Yeah, I helped spread the word. Hey, guys, I'm trans. Yeah, nobody make fun of me.

No. I will cancel all of you. So I texted Raheel. She didn't talk to him about it. Yeah. Weird. And they're closer than me and her are. That's very weird.

I think she might think I'm like the uh black sheep oh so it's like you're already damaged good yeah it'd be great if it's coming people already don't like you also spread the word what does that what does that mean like just you make a phone call or in an email or in your invites however people are invited say this is the attire like no i mean if that's what you want you have to put it out there but there's not like some water cooler that you guys hang out you're like hey did you hear by the way weird i'm just like dropping hints at my mom like yeah her h&m gift cards yeah yeah exactly i don't even know what my mom would wear now it's so weird yeah she's just in

like a t-shirt and jeans just like a shirt with like a big American flag. She's like, yeah, USA, okay. It's going to be weird. The whole thing's weird because you weren't invited. Yeah. Yeah. That and then like it's just going to be all these like white. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe conservative people, which is fine. They're going to be drinking. Yeah. My whole side of the family They're going to be drinking. Yeah. My whole side of the family is going to be dead sober. Yeah. They're going to be quiet. It's going to be interesting to see if there's mingling happening.

Probably some, but not anything beyond like, so it's nice out today. Yeah. Very nice. I wonder if, I don't know if it's coming from the others. I feel like if you marry someone. Yeah. But maybe not. I don't know. it's coming from the other side. I feel like if you marry someone. Yeah. But maybe not. I don't know.

No idea. Crazy. Yeah, maybe I'll text her and just be like, hey, I don't feel comfortable doing this. Well, yeah, we're kind of going through that. Oh, yeah. How's that going? It's going pretty good. We might do it at a spot in Canton, but I'm just learning that just weddings are just fucking highway robbery.

Yeah. I mean, that's all it is. There's like venues are like, oh, want to oh yeah yeah it's three thousand dollars like oh what do we get with that like oh that opens the door like oh well what about like tables or chairs like oh you wanted a table okay i didn't realize you were i didn't realize you were royalty holy shit yeah okay well that's another four grand you're like what like you can get up to 10 grand which is being like the most basic like it could be like 200 dollars a head if you want to have an open bar and food that's crazy you gotta talk to someone who did a wedding on the cheap oh yeah i mean so we're um i mean yeah so karen doesn't want that

either we're also not going to be doing like now it's the bride and groom's first dance. Oh, that shit is so lame. Or like the daddy-daughter dance, which is such a weird thing. Oh, it's so weird. It's like this is my last chance I get to be with my girl before someone puts a dick in her. I'm done fucking her. You can fuck her. It's so weird.

Oh, my daughter's not pure anymore. I'm not going to dance with her after she's a fucking slut. Yeah, just like this weird traditional handout because then you do with the mom too it's like all right he's yours now like weird yeah i mean like i love my mommy the last wedding i went to uh the mom was pretty fucking hot and when he was dancing with her karen was like if somebody walked in here they would just think this is the bride and groom dancing yeah oh my god that's really oh yeah when i saw it i was like holy shit that's his mom it's like all those bad porn yeah yeah it's like damn dude yeah um but no yeah so we're

looking to just basically just have a party and there's a spot um in canton that we looked at that's on the water that's a restaurant so we might rent um just like sort of the outdoor part of it don't even tell them it's for a wedding it's too late but also so i don't know how long this place is going to be open but yeah i mean the food that they're offering so for around,000, you can get shit like lobster roll, prime rib, crab cake sliders, all kinds of shit. But you're, no one, you know. I understand. $10,000 is so much. It's so much fucking money.

Everyone's like, but it's so cheap. That's so cheap. I know. But that's also the open bar too. Like that includes open bar. Sometimes open bar is just $4,000 open bar, too. That includes open bar. Sometimes open bar is just four grand. Oh, exactly. So with this place, too, the rental fee includes food, which is nice.

Not bad. So, yeah. And it would be on the water. It would be like four hours. And, yeah, it's... Yeah, dude, I'm learning that every... Like, just basic venues that just have, like, walls. They're just like, okay, it's four grand.

And then we can work from there. And you're like, holy shit shit you haven't even contacted a food vendor yet i mean food food and drink alone is like three to four grand that's insane yeah it's fucking nuts it's insane so it's like why not just take that money and just invest it in something or yeah keep it you know or like i'm so cool with not having a wedding god damn i'm so cool with not doing it well yeah so it's funny karen's as like just a lope and i'm like yeah but i would like to have a party though like i would like to have i think it'd be fun to have like everybody around i guess yeah yeah for sure like that's i don't want the whole thing of just like you know everybody's like stuffy in a tux be like cool let's eat some food and you know have drinks and celebrate like yeah low-key thing but then it gets into that family thing of like all right you gotta invite these certain people my my side of the family is like

very chill yeah um but karen like her uncle is like a hardcore gun guy, like way, like super far to the right guy. And he wants to come. Karen's like, I don't even fucking barely talk to this guy. Oh, really? He wants, well, I mean, whatever. Just let him come, I guess. But then you're like, that's $200. $400.

Right, right. So we'll see. But so I met him when we were last easter in indiana like just outside of uh chicago and uh and uh he sells guns for a living and we're at the easter table or we're having easter dinner and i'm a little hungover from the night before and then somehow we get started talking about like ar-15s and he's like you ever hold one i'm like no i haven't ever he's like i got one in the basement if you want like okay and it's fucking easter we're in the basement i'm like holding an ar-15 he's like it's a lot

lighter than you thought it would like yeah you're like i've never thought about it at all actually yeah and i'm like it is pretty cool but it was just wild and i'm just like yeah it's just like and the lord was risen now pick up the gun make sure the magazine's out like okay damn dude my mom wants 300 people at my wedding you know how expensive that would be dude our wedding we're looking to do 75 people and even that is like like when i went to like my cousin's wedding like before it was like because they'll rent out like a huge like like they'll go to a place like a marriott or like a fucking you know whatever like yeah uh those kind of and rent out like a conference room ball room yeah and it's so gaudy so boring well it's like gaudy and sterile at the

same time yeah and i think those places are a little cheaper now than like like of course because they suck because you don't have any windows yeah like creative alliance could be a venue and i'm like yeah what do they charge not they're the cheapest so far uh i forget how much it actually was but yeah wasn't crazy see you bro where you going game night you better go get some pussy yeah actually i know a couple who's gonna get married there yeah it seemed very doable but i'm like all right if we're gonna do it like i'd like it to be nice yeah have a window you know all right where would it be in creative lines uh i think it would be in the theater like in the main part and then you could have a little bit of stuff out front too so there are windows but yeah it's just like i don't know you're right at like a bus stop so you're like all right if i

spend an extra two grand or whatever if we split then you can have the harbor right there yeah that's i don't know worth it to me that is nice yeah exactly it's a it's a nice spot so you know we'll see cool man yeah karen's do you guys have a date no well it might be may or june of uh of next year cool so yeah we were looking at 2021 but we don't know if this place will be open in 2021 uh because it's it's a really nice spot it's big and like this seems like a lot to maintain because it's right on the water so so yeah i don't know man should be cool and like we're not gonna have uh a band so that's like that's gonna save money it's like dude just a spotify playlist fucking yeah and how could people not figure this out a dj is so dumb to like do like all right an elder bride and groom are walking in like all

right let's do the chicken dance everybody in the middle of the dance floor. Let's go. No, no, no. This place has games, though. They had a cornhole. What place is it? Truly Cornhole. It's called the Raw Bar.

Oh, my coworkers did happy hour there last Friday. It's pretty nice. Nice. Cool, man. Yeah, so we'll see. We'll see we'll see i heard they have really good trim salad no well listen i might add it to the menu we'll see i might add it to the menu nice we'll see but uh yeah other than that like weddings are just a

pain in the ass yeah and very expensive they sound terrible yeah i think karen's family's gonna help out a little bit or a a lot. I don't know. It kind of hasn't been discussed. But it seems like Karen's mom is into it and her dad is like, just elope. Who cares? Yeah. Seems like the right move. I'm kind of with you.

Just have like a nice brunch afterward. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? Come on. Damn. Yeah, man. So, yeah.

Cool. So, yeah. We'll see i did uh this is a weird transition but i did a weekend at big hunt oh yeah yeah and uh it was fun um it was fun you just you know you just realize you're getting older you're just like one of the oldest people in the room you're one of the oldest people alive and uh so it just gets weird because all the people like they're all doing their own show so like your friends aren't really there and it's like yeah the hangs aren't as fun yeah it's a new crop of comics new yeah that you don't know it's

not that they're bad or i just don't know them right and uh so but anyway so there was most of it was really good there was one show that was so fun and it was like man there was just like i was like in the zone right killing right and uh there was this really fun group in the front they're australians uh-huh and uh australians are always fun so fun there's like the most laid-back people fucking hot and yeah super hot chicks yeah and so i had this i have this new joke involving ass eating and uh and like they got a real quick i've ever told you you're an artist hey man you know i don't want to i know you don't want to say it i don't want you're an artist hero artist what are you going to do same thing to me right two sides of the same coin. Absolutely.

But so I did this ass eating joke. And the crowd got like a little uptight. They liked it, but they got a little uptight. And then so I was just like, I pointed at one of the chicks. And I forgot they were like Australian or something. I didn't know at this time, actually. So I pointed at the chick. I was like, oh, come on.

You've had your ass eaten. And she just looks mortified. And then the crowd got uptight because she's not having fun. She's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I got annoyed. I was like, oh, shut the fuck up. Stop. I'm so tired of everyone in DC pretending like their boss is here.

And she's like, my boss is right there. And the place went nuts. It was awesome. Because it's so relatable, too, because I'm sure there's been so many people who to happy hour yeah so her boss was with their boss yeah and i was like hey and then i started riffing with him i was like dude you got to give her some extra oh it was a guy yeah and i was like an older dude super hot young chick yeah and i was like dude you got to give her like an extra 10 minutes at lunch so you can go get her ass eaten and i was like productivity will go up and uh this is a nice preview of what the set you're gonna do at your cousin's wedding yeah 10 minutes at lunch so you can go get her ass eaten. And I was like, productivity will go up.

And this is a nice preview of what the set you're going to do at your cousin's wedding. Yeah. And I had some great like, oh, man, I was just fucking riffing, riffing. And I was like, you'll save money on toilet paper. And it was just like, yeah, it was great. Nice. It was like it was like comedy gods just like shining. Right, right, right, right. Damn, this is insane. Yeah. It's like I love doing this. It's fun. great nice it was like it was like comedy gods just like shining right right right right like

damn this is insane yeah it's like i love doing this it's fun after the show that was the late show and it was so funny because uh i was like i'm just gonna go home after my set but i did so well i was like i'm gonna hang out that is funny whenever you're like you're like god i'm the man huh yeah yeah yeah i just probably let this ride yeah yeah and uh so then i stayed afterwards and the i found out these they're from somebody in the crowd was like my dad died from getting his ass piece of shit bork norman said he got some like virus or something from eating a girl's ass oh really a lot oh where poop comes out of he got sick from that you don't say he was like uh on the road he ate some chick's

ass of course what the fuck are you talking about jesus christ like got uh he uh was having anal sex unprotected with the chick and he got like uh his in a bacterial thing in his dick he had to take antibiotics again it's a good thing i'm sitting down i'm blown away yeah but uh anyway so after the show i found out their flight attendants from australia oh which for summer i'm like man i've never been on a plane where it's plane where it's super young super hot flight attendants and they're like oh it's great stop you right there all women are beautiful yeah all women you're right no no that's how i feel but not you that's okay good some are better than others uh wow my girlfriend's the best but some are better than others and uh so the one girl that i was riffing with yeah hammer i mean like

hammer hammer town and she's just like i can't do an australian accent but she's like she's like oh oh come here come here she's like grabbing by the hand and pulling me over and she's like oh i really love your jokes my sister's muslim oh this is when you're off yeah this is after the show she's like my sister's muslim and like so i really identified with your sister's muslim yeah her apparently her sister like married a muslim guy and converted and uh just great it was so weird it was so aggressive i was trying to get away from her and i was like, oh, my God. I feel like I'm going to get raped. And she's like, oh, no.

You have to worry about that. I'm like, I know. That's what I just said. Because I'm going to rape you. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm going to rape you? What the fuck? And then her friends are trying to pull away.

They're so embarrassed. It was just like, yeah. I'm going to rape you? Yeah, yeah. it was i'm gonna rape you yeah yeah there was um uh when i did the dc improv lounge uh there were two blonde chicks that came in like towards it was the second show on saturday yeah and it was gonna start in like two minutes and they came in like hey like because you know how the lounge is so small you see everybody come in and i was like oh god they're gonna be a problem like all the comics were like jesus they're gonna be mess. But they ended up being so fun.

Oh, nice. Like I riffed with them. It's like, oh, yeah, the drunk chicks are having a good time. We're not drunk. We're pretty drunk. I'm like, they're just cool about it. And at the end of the show, the chick is like, I'm going to see you again. And it's like, okay.

And then when I was leaving, they were waiting for their Uber. And I was like trying to just walk by. She's like, told you I'd see you again like okay all right bye nice bye the lounge is fun man it was uh uh i was hosting so it's like not as fun as it could be but um the lineup was really cool there's this dude yedoya travis yeah i've heard of him from new york he was really funny is he oh my god someone sent him my name. Yeah, you should have him down. You think so?

Yeah, yeah. Did he headline? He did 15. He did 20. 20, all right. He's great. Yeah, he's got a Comedy Central thing, I think, like a Comedy Central Up Next thing that he had. Dude, he was great.

He was really good. Yeah, Tom Rhodes wants to do my show. Interesting. Which is good and bad yeah that's that's another thing about comedy that's like uh where it's yeah where it's like oh that's kind of exciting but it's also kind of depressing it's very depressing but i'll book him yeah i wonder how he's gonna do that i do get worried about that because there's all these killers i think it's gonna be a little bit of a divide i know tons of people respect him but i wonder if it's just because

he's been in the game a while yeah and it is troubling like you're not really yeah whatever we don't talk about this here what do you mean well like why are you doing my show oh yeah yeah well i mean i don't know maybe he's like fuck it i could make more money doing this than like yeah the thing is my crowd does not like old guys old white guys yeah i mean they didn't like mark norman because he's a throwback you know yeah they want someone they're kind of similar to big hunt in the sense that they want to know you're a good person they want to see that like they don't want to just see polished act in person. They want to see that, like, you're... They don't want to just see a polished act in a way. They want to see that, like, you're a hip person being like, this is who I am and this is what I believe.

Yeah, but they want interaction. They want you to go, like... Yeah. You know, they want, like... They need a... Like, they like comics who can, like, be present, not just, like, deliver an act. Right.

Yeah, they want to see the person versus the performance yes aspect of it yeah which is very big hunt also yeah dc as well totally oh yeah i don't know i because new york and la is different oh they're like perform motherfucker let's go um but yeah tom i watched his special this was like years ago so i. So I don't know if he's put anything out since then, but I was like, hmm. Oh, well, maybe I won't. It was like, it was a joke. It was like, I saw my friend on Facebook was saying he's contemplating suicide. So I poked him.

It was like when the Facebook poke was around. Yeah. And that was a whole joke. Oh. Or like said, like, he's like thinking about jumping or something. Yeah. So I poked him. But was he on like Marin's podcast or?

Well, him and Marin were buddies. Yeah. He was on his podcast. I mean, because Tom Rose has been around since the 80s. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like they started together. He had a crazy story where he, I think he was living in.

Because he traveled a lot. He traveled a lot. And then he also, he was like the David Letterman of Amsterdam. Like had his own show. Oh, shit. I didn had his own show in like the 90s and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, yeah, he has that pedigree. But then it's like, okay, is that going to translate to like 20-somethings in Baltimore in a basement? It's tough, man.

Yeah. Or it's like, dude, I bet you're a killer or were a killer in your day. But, you know, just because he's like a balding white guy with his sleeves pushed up they're like get the fuck yeah yeah it was great he was super funny i i liked joking around with him that was a lot of fun nice he's like one of those dudes you mean you're like oh yeah you're a good dude yeah okay cool yeah we went to shake shack got a burger nice i was like yeah i think i'm gonna get a beer i don't know and then i got a burger and then i didn't get a beer and he had one and it's like oh you got a beer he's like yeah you said we were gonna get it i was like ah sorry

i didn't know that my bad all right cool uh him and von michael though uh von also very funny but they were we were hanging on the back and they were talking about dragon ball z and i was like guys i'm not a fucking nerd i never watched wow and they, no, you're a nerd because you never watched it. It's cool. And I'm like, what is happening? That's funny. A lot of black guys got into Dragon Ball Z. I know.

And I'm like, I never thought I'd be in this situation. Bro, in my middle school, black kids are drawing Dragon Ball Z pictures all the time. They fucking love it. Yeah. My middle school was like 99% black. But if I was in high school and was like, I love Dragon Ball Z, I'd be like, you fucking nerd. Yeah. No, because you were on the eastern shore yeah yeah so there i can see it being like oh you're gay you like this right my friend we were everyone liked it even when you were growing

up yeah really yeah it was i mean my friend ryan was all about like for christmas got dragon ball z video games it was like yeah you're not gonna see me it was huge black kids white kids asian kids everyone liked it yeah just like i tried watching it i just hate anime it's so corny i'm like goku and that big pink guy yeah it's dumb also someone made a great point when this whole shane thing was happening he's like it was a black comic he's like yo but for real like asians are super racist towards black people it's like have you seen the way they draw black guys in anime it's horrific yeah that i can't speak to i think all cultures are great me too let's go out on all right cool uh dates uh yeah yeah uh let's see if

this comes out tomorrow thursday i'm speechless at uh the draft house at 7 p.m on uh on the 26th on the 28th this saturday i will be at the uh comedy loft in dc at 8 p.m hosting the saturday night five which should be a local showcase should be a lot of fun uh maddie litw's on it, Tim Miller. Going to be a good show. Speaking of Tim Miller, on the 17th of October, I will be with him in the lounge of the DC Improv. He's doing a crowd work show, like a monthly show. Nice. I'll be doing that. And then on the 4th,

sorry, of October, I'm going backwards, I will be at the Arlington Draft House hosting the Daily Show Writers Tour, I think. Nice. So yeah, I'll be doing all that stuff you can find i post about my dates on my instagram and facebook at josh kaderna on twitter as well october 3rd gin and jokes pow pow pow joe squared uh that's next week uh october 19th uh fuck i forgot where it is.

I'm doing some show in D.C. Thanks to you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then October 24th, I'm opening for Gilbert Godfrey at Magoobies. Magoobies. Joke House in Timonium. Timonium.

And then that also weekend, October 25th and 26th, I am opening for Steve-O from Jackass. Gotta work clean, which is kind of annoying. Yeah, you won't have to be that clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, shit, I had some stuff in November, and I can't remember. Who cares?

All right. That's it. All right, everybody. Thank you for listening. David Koechner, take us out. Daygrashing Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. Bye.