The Digression Sessions - Ep 3. The Horizontal Polka - With Michael Normyle and Jason Schwab

Episode Date: September 15, 2011

BETTER QUALITY AUDIO. DELETE THE OLD ONE IF YOU GOT IT ALREADY. THANKS! Aw shit, you done messed up now. Jason Schwab and Mike Normyle get nasty with hosts Mike Moran and Josh Kudernas.

Macho man Randy Savage, I know you're up there relaxing on a cloud, eating as many Slim Jims as a day is long in heaven. But now that you're up there, I have to ask, who is the worst person on earth right now? And if you could put your answer in the form of a hip-hop diss track, that'd be great. Thanks. out the god's new favorite angel macho man randy savage finally taking that jerk hall kogan down a peg that coward what's up y'all out in podcast land let me hear it but i can't really hear anything actually but uh this is just a quick intro this is josh kaderna one of the co-hosts of the lovely digression sessions, but you already knew that. Mike Moran is away right now.

He didn't want me to say where he is, but I'm going to have some fun here for a second because when the cat's away getting gender reassignment surgery in Sweden, the other host will have fun. Am I right, people? Am I right?

So this episode has the lovely and talented and gorgeous guests Jason Schwab and Michael Normile. We discuss everything from Jurassic Park to boobs to Ninja Turtles to a legendary time when Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls. But that's towards the end of the conversation, so you've got to stick around for that one. Also, just to let you know, just a quick warning, this podcast was recorded a couple weeks ago when that scourge, Hurricane Irene, was making her way up the coast. And so, yeah, it's a little dated, but still good.

So, yeah, thanks for listening. Oh, special thanks to Chris Carman for being on the last episode. And thanks for his safety tips. So many people have been writing us on our new Facebook page, which you guys should check out and like. We'll be updating you on what's going on with the podcast, guests, when stuff drops. And you can write us and complain to us,

just like my girlfriend did about the dildo remarks I made in the last podcast. I've been taking some flack for that, so let me just apologize to her and all you other dildo-gate people. I don't mind if she has a dildo, all right? I don't mind. But I don't understand why I should have to buy it. That would just be silly, but it's over. We're not talking about it anymore. It's done. So Dildogate is over, people. It's over.

Another quick announcement. Man, this is going long. In celebration of Michael Moran's birth and Michael Colligan's birth. Mike is having the Micah Palooza Palooza Saturday, September 18th from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. at the Our House above Joe Squared at 135 West North Ave,

Baltimore, Maryland, 21218. There's going to be a bunch of bands, comedians, and improv, so everybody should come check this out. All right, this has gone on way too long.

Even the Macho Man diss track has ended. But you know what? It was pretty good. If you don't think it was, Patrick Swayze's got some advice for you. Back off. Watch out. Watch out. Seriously. Thank you. Thank you, thank you Oh shit, here we go Uh oh, is that what I think it is? Oh shit

It's that unnamed podcast Somebody answer the phone and don't put it on hold Uh uh Talk to him Get nasty Yeah, getting really nasty Nasty, nasty, nasty Just a couple of guys

Getting down Here we go, y'all It's getting nasty in this shit Speaking of nasty This weather, I tell you, has been something else. No, it's actually been pretty decent, but I hear that things are about to get pretty funky. Speaking of funky, my manners right now have been pretty funky. I should have said, hey, Mike Moran.

I know, really. How are you? I skipped the nasty. You know how I should have responded to your weather question? How? With one of these. I'm doing well, Josh. How are you?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I like that, too, when you say, you're welcome. Yeah. When somebody just takes something from you. Right. I think I actually kind of, I think I gave somebody one of those today, passive-aggressively. Not you're welcome, but I kind of let a car pass through the alley that I was trying to cross.

Uh-huh. Without them giving a second thought to stopping and letting me cross. Right. And so I gave the guy one of these, by all means, as he rolled by. Are you sure you didn't say? I love ya. I wouldn't say sure, but pretty sure. So what's the probability they passed you?

You got mad for a second and then you thought better of it you screamed i don't recall that happening but what if i told you that's actually you saying that earlier today really yep you were there with a recorder yeah where was i you were in that alley which one alley road right off the north half yeah all right let's move on i think Which one? Alley Road. Right off of North Ave. Yeah. I love that. All right, let's move on. I think we should. All right.

Hurricane. Hurricane Irene is about to kick the shit out of us, huh? Yeah. What are your thoughts on it? Are you excited? Are you scared? Not scared. Not excited.

I like having electricity. It gets kind of hot. Right. Also, my basement floods very easily so what are you gonna do with all the musical equipment down there uh it's up high which it shouldn't get very wet i've got some drums down there a friend of mine's but i don't really give a shit about that i don't give a shit drums and drummers replaceable right exactly machines are easily taken in place of drummers. Yeah, check this out. The drummer is becoming

to the band what the express lane is in the grocery store. It really is. Actually, let's say it's becoming the cashier to the... Right, exactly.

...self-checkout to the cashier. All right. Well, speaking of unneeded things, we have guests today. Ooh, we do? Yeah. I didn't see him sitting right here. We got some lovely guests.

Besides my dog making all that noise. I'll get that ball in a second, listeners. Your dog has a high-pitched bark. Yeah. I shouldn't have got his testicles removed. It hasn't been the same. Monta. Good girl.

Good girl. All right. Come on, Taha. Good girl. Good girl. All right. Well, when we come back, we're going to come back with known about town pizza eater Michael Normile. Don't you have some applause or something on there? Say it again. I love you. Right.

It's all good. Yeah. Do them both at the same time. It'll sound like a crowd. Okay. Okay. We got known known-about-town pizza eater Michael Norma It's all good, it's all good Calm down, guys, calm down

We have to get back to the show Oh my God, they're attacking Okay, man, we gotta settle these guys down Get off that piano Okay, sorry okay sorry sorry sorry all right and also our next our other guests i guess we're bringing them in at the same time those are my good host skills our next guest after not having the other guest on is jason come on the tool man schwab Come on, Mike. The Toolman Schwab. I love you.

I love you. I love you. There he is. There he is. We'll take a quick break and we'll be back with our guest. All right. And we're back. All right.

All right. Yeah. Yeah, we're back. All right. Yeah. Yeah, we're back. That was a good break. Sorry, that break was a little long. I know it kind of kills the momentum of the show. Yeah. All right, could you identify yourselves? We've got Mike.

Say hello to the crowd. Hello. One more time. Hello. I'm not sure if you're being recorded or not. We're going to take a quick break for technical difficulties. Smash glasses. You know, things in this world don't always go the way that we'd like them to.

For example, when I was a kid, I thought I'd be a Formula One race car driver. But instead, I work at Kmart. Sometimes computers don't go the way we want them to either. Sometimes it's really difficult to get into your email account because you don't know the password. Or maybe you know the password but the computer's telling you that you don't know the password. Sometimes that can be a real problem.

That's a technical difficulty that I have to deal with. So make sure you write down your password. And we're back. All right. Sorry about those technical difficulties. Hey, hey. All right. Sorry, we're introducing Mike Chocolover Normile.

That's me. Who is it? That's me. All right. All right. And I'm going to introduce the host, Mike Moran, who's going to introduce our next guest. Hey, this is Mike Moran. You know, we're here at Digression Trans, or whatever the hell we're called, have a thing for talented guests and artists who stop by to share their wisdom and wit.

Hell yeah. On a completely unrelated note, here's our second guest, Jason the Tool Man Schwab. Hello. You have such a beautiful voice. I know. Thank you. I love you. And good jeans.

You're not wearing jeans. Yeah, that's true. Thank you. Sorry. That was a joke. I think it was just an observation. Yeah, I think you were being serious. Some jokes can be observations.

Like, what's the deal with only getting one sock out of the dryer? Where do they go? Two go in. They fight to the death. It's like Beyond Thunderdome. Sometimes only one goes in. Two come out. That's the weirdest.

I have a magic dryer that does that. Dino DNA. Nice. Jurassic Park. Bingo. Dino DNA. That movie was awesome. Classic.

Classic. Classic. It was just on. Yeah, I know. And Jurassic Park 3, I noticed. Oh, they skipped the second one. Yeah, in the listings that I saw. That's fine.

Yeah, people don't like the second one, right? It's terrible. People dislike the third one more than the second one. That's what I thought, too. But I'm pretty sure it was you telling me that you liked the third. I liked the third compared to the second. I think I would not go... I would say that it's a completely

declining rate of being liked by me starting with one. Yeah, but the scene in the second one where the girl does the uneven bars and kicks the dinosaur, nobody remembers. I guess I'm the only one that saw it.

You didn't dream that? No, that shit happened. The best thing about Jurassic Park is in the first one when the guy's like, shoot her. Yeah. I don't know if that's the best, though. That's one man's opinion. It's true.

They brought in a bigger dinosaur. Somebody's trying to get his own segment on the show or a spinoff. Jurassic Park. That's just one man's opinion. That's just one man's opinion. We'll be back next week with some more tips on Jurassic Park viewing. Fast and Furious, not bad. That's just one man's opinion.

Actually, Fast and Furious, not bad. That's just one man's opinion. Actually, Fast and Furious 5 was good. Is that your opinion or a collective opinion? That's a consensus. One man's? That's a consensus right there. I don't know which man's, but one man's. Okay. All right.

That's an opinion of a whole nation. How many Fast and Furious movies do you think they're going to make? I think they're done. No, at least eight, I'm going to guess. They're going to reboot it in a couple years. I'm hoping it's like the James Bond series. Yeah. We'll get different people to play Vin Diesel.

Yes. I wish they could do that in real life. Somebody just takes over the role of Vin Diesel in real life. You wish actors could be portrayed by different people. Just live on forever. It's going to be a sad day when Vin Diesel's gone. Who will play... Fuck, what was that

nanny movie he was in? It wasn't... Oh, yeah. Kindergarten Cop. No. Redo. Daddy Daycare, but it's not that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to say... What are you talking about? It's not Mr. Nanny. The Pacifier. What? I don't remember that. The poster was him

looking all tough, but he had... With a Bjorn? Yeah. He had the baby on the front. Why is that like a requisite for every action star? They have to do like a silly fish out of water comedy. Which one did Hulk Hogan do? Oh, Mr. Mom. Mr. Mom.

Yeah. Hulk Hogan. Yeah. I thought that was. He did more than one actually. You remember Urban Commando? Mr. Mom. That wasn't Hulk Hogan.

That was... Yeah, it was. That was the guy who played Batman. Michael Keaton? Yeah, Michael Keaton. That was Mr. Mom? He did something. Well, he was Mr. Nanny then or something like that, wasn't he?

He's a babysitter. I thought Michael Keaton was Mr. Mom, but what was Hulk Hogan? Hulk Hogan... Hulk Hogan was in Three Ninjas at Mega Mountain or something. That was on that that long ago. I watched that, too. I watch that too. I actually saw part of that a few years ago somehow. Yeah.

I didn't know it existed. A few years ago. You know what's lame is all those kids have the same name, but they were younger than. In the previous installment. In the previous installment. Yeah. Really? So they're all different actors?

Yeah. Oh, completely. In every one, there are different actors? Oh, I don't know. I just know that one in particular. I didn't know there was a second one. I believe there's four of them. Really? Yeah. But I just noticed

that they all got younger as the movies went on. So it was like the National Lampoon's vacation effect. Yeah. Maybe they were all prequels. I don't know. Prequels. Wasn't one of the Fast and the Furious movies

technically a prequel to another one? Oh, it was Mr. Nanny. It is Mr. Nanny? What an original concept. Is that what I said? Go to the tapes. I said Mr. Nanny. He was also the character Thunderlips in Rocky 3.

Oh yeah, I remember that one. I definitely remember that. I saw something today. They were ragging on Macho Man because in his rap about Hulk, be a man Hulk. I forget what his line was. He was saying something about Hulk's movies, how

they go straight to DVD and he was in Spider-Man. And the person that was writing about it was like, yeah, but you played a wrestler in Spider-Man and so did Hulk Hogan in Rocky III. I was like, why are you even played a wrestler in Spider-Man and so did Hulk Hogan in Rocky 3. I was like, why are you even breaking down Macho Man's raps? Macho Man does a

battle rap and he tells the fact that he is in higher quality movies than Hulk Hogan. No, not even movies. Movie. Wow. He's dead now, right? A big time.

But not in our hearts. Right. Oh, no. Yeah, I know that. Was the feud based in reality at all? Spiritually, physically. Physically, he doesn't exist anymore. I think it was all scripted.

Okay. So what did the Hulk have to say after the untimely passing of the Mach Man? I don't know. I thought he was dead already. Sorrowful stuff. Probably sorrowful. Sorrowful. He ripped his shirt in half in a sad way.

No. Just looking at his IMDb, though, he had some great names for his characters. We already touched on Thunderlips. Is this Hulk Hogan? Yes, Hulk Hogan. Okay. There was Shep Ramsey. That was in Thunder. Subur Hulk Hogan? Yes, Hulk Hogan. There was Chef Ramsay. That was in Thunder...

Suburban Commander. Suburban Commander. Chef Gordon Ramsay. This is before. He played him in a movie. He's in the Gordon Ramsay movie. Oh, brother. The biopic.

Brother. Put some cayenne pepper on it, brother. Garlic's going to drop this dish into perfection. And then he was Sean Armstrong in Mr. Nanny. And then finally in Thunder in Paradise. Thunder in Paradise. I remember that one, too. R.J. Hurricane Spencer.

Oh. Hurricane. Full circle. Bringing it 360 degrees, brother. In Thunder in Paradise 2, he's credited as Randolph J. Hurricane Spencer. So the J remains a mystery. Randolph J. Hurricane. That's amazing. Is that the movie with the speedboat?

Yeah. I remember seeing that. I have no idea why. Was that a TV show? They made it a TV show after the movie. It was so good that it inspired its own series. Right, exactly. It did.

Wow. Also starring Hulk Hogan. The TV show? Yep. Oh, I didn't know. Was it a reimagining of the movie or was it an actual continuation? This is important, Mike. Did the plot continue from the end of that movie?

Oh, yeah. That's an excellent question. It was. It got a 3.9 out of 10, if that helps. That's almost. Now, is that your opinion? That was a score from 599 users. That's several men's opinion.

Wow, 599 people have watched this movie. It's Hulk Hogan's ex-wife. I felt obligated to rate it. People need to know. We gotta get the word out. People thought this was gonna be really good. That's it, I'm writing a review, honey. You don't need to write it. No, I'm writing a review.

I really like his wrestling, but he let me down at this movie. This movie's so bad, they made a TV show about it. Alright, let me ask you guys this. We touched on the Macho Man CD. Have you heard the This movie is so bad they made a TV show about it. Let me ask you guys this. We touched on the Macho Man CD. Have you heard the Hulk Hogan album? No.

I'm familiar with I'm a Real American. I've just given you a gift wrapped in a beautiful bow. It will entertain you beyond your belief. It is the most ridiculous album I've ever heard. Wait, wait, wait. You haven't heard the Macho Man album. That's very true. But this one, okay, Macho Man came out when?

2000s? Somewhere in there. Really? That late? Yeah, it might have been late 90s. Early aughts. Late 90s. All right, let's listen to it right now. And it sounded like contemporary music.

Pull it up on the computer okay like the album it sounded like it was made like 1983 and when we looked at it it wasn't it made 95 and it's just it's timeless it's like so like like just the most generic heavy metal and like i thought you thought you were going to say timeless. And power ballads you've ever heard. Oh, was this NWO influenced? No, I don't believe Dr. Dre or any of those guys were on the album at all. No. And NWO was great because he had his black beard, but then the part that he grew out was bleach blonde. Yeah.

What? His bleach blonde hair, too. That's how you know he's badass. What was this NWO thing all about? Whoa, you're not familiar with the New World Order? I was not a big wrestling fan. I do remember seeing different incarnations of the Hulk. Yeah, this is when he was a bad guy.

But he was so bad, he was good. Well, it became popular to be the bad guy in the 90s, if I remember correctly. Called Heels. Ah, yes. But he was like a heel that you kind of liked. Like a cool heel. Yeah. Like Steve Alston.

Yeah. Yeah. Or a rock. The rock was a heel. And now look at him. Now he's Dwayne Johnson. Uh-huh. He was just Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

He said, drop that part. Yeah. And give me a tight t-shirt and I'll be in Fast and Furious 9. Fast 5. Fast 5. Do you remember the Wyclef Jean song with the rock in it? No. I'll be in fast and furious five do you remember the uh why he left john song with the rock in it no i'll be gone until you smell what i'm cooking uh no actually it was uh it doesn't matter it doesn't matter what the poontang pie smells like

what does to me like is that is that a lyric hold on no he frequently brought up there was a rock yeah there was a time when I was watching, when I was a big fan of the WWF before it became the WWE. Yeah. And I asked my aunt what Punteng Pie was. And she said she thought it had a sexual connotation. I was like, no way. The Rock talks about it.

It can't have a sexual connotation. The Rock doesn't have sex. He's a wrestler. Turns out I was wrong. It can't have a sexual relationship. The rock doesn't have sex. He's a rustler. Turns out I was wrong. His testicles are probably the size of raisins. I was going to say ravens. Those are big boys. Go, ravens.

Go. They're migratory birds, are they not? Ravens? Or testicles? Are you saying ravens or raisins, to be clear. Testicles? Don't you think it's weird that our football team is named after a gothic poem? Yeah, that's a little strange.

We're hanging on to the past. Yeah. Don't have a whole lot going on for us right now. Yeah, exactly. What were we going to do? I think we already had. All he did was die here. That's pretty much it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think he wrote that here No no no He barely lived in Baltimore Barely Well they're not even sure If he died here right Didn't you say there's

How the fuck did we get No he died here Oh he did How do we claim him Because he died here Just like alright We get Yeah that's it

I mean he had some relationship With Baltimore during his life But it was very limited I think he like had relatives That he visited sometimes And maybe Maybe here briefly a couple of times. His cousin wife? His 16-year-old cousin. Cousin wife.

He was banging and marrying. But he lived here the last few months of his life and died outside of the horse you come in on. The horse you came in on in Fells Point. In Fells Point, yeah. Well, he didn't die. They found him outside. He died in a hospital. He drank a ton, right?

More like the street. Yeah, that was that died in a hospital. He drank a ton, right? More like the street. Yeah, that was that instance where Edgar Allen Poe drank a ton. That one time. It's a shame, too, that one time he died. It's always the last time, you know? It's always the last place you look. Whenever you die, it's always the last time you drink too much. Just throw in a bunch of old folksy things.

Why would you continue looking after you found it? Yeah, exactly. How could it not be the last place you look? That was the joke. I don't get it. That's always embarrassing when you try to sound smart

and point something out and then everybody's like, oh, we were just kidding. I already know that. Yeah, when people are just kidding, I think, no, no, no. Was that the instance

right there that just happened? Yeah, kind of. To me? Yeah. I thought it To me? Yeah. I thought it was me talking about him drinking too much. But then I, yeah. Let's take a break. I love you.

All right, we're back. Things got a little tense, but we took some time. Yeah, we're okay now. You guys did some yoga together. I'm not okay. Let's take a break. And we're back. Everything's good now.

Mike, you all right? I'm sorry, Michael Norma. We got two mics in the house. Uh-oh. Actually, we got four mics. Am I right? Six, if you're really going to count. Yeah, because...

Oh, six mics. Yeah. It's like one of those things where they're like, how many triangles are there? I like how you asked Mike if he was all right, and then we just didn't wait for him to answer. Just moving on. Domini won't wait. For the podcast listeners He waved his head yes emphatically

Let's take a break You are not the fucking host You are not the fucking host of this show Start calling breaks whenever you want Fucking asshole Cut his mic This isn't one man's opinion Let's take a break though

I love these breaks. And we're back. And now more One Man's Opinion. Mike, you're on. Michael Normile. What did I talk about? Oh, so One Man's Opinion. Turns out the synopsis for Thunder Paradise ran off J. Hurricane Spencer.

He is a ex-Navy SEAL slash confirmed bachelor. And that sounds like a great way to describe someone. I want to be a confirmed bachelor. Ex-Navy SEAL and bachelor. That implies that you're gay, right? Confirmed bachelor means you're gay. Like, oh, fuck. What was that one guy's name?

Uncle. John Waters. Uncle Jesse. Mr. Belvedere? Not Uncle Jesse. What was the other one? Dave Coulier? Dave Coulier.

What was his name? Joey Gladstone? Joey. Uncle Joey, yeah. Confirmed Bachelor. Do you notice how Jesse's name, his last name switched? Like earlier in the seasons, it was Cochran, and then it changed to Cazopolis. I didn't.

Mike, my dog is sniffing your pocket. You got hot dogs in there? I was watching The Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror, and Homer is running away from the dogs from Ned Flanders' re-Neducation program. And the dogs were chasing him. He pulled out these sausages. He's like, I know. These sausages will give me the energy I need to run away. I don't remember that one.

Was that like an extra scene or something? It might be. I think on the DVD they include some extra stuff on the DVDs. Well, there's at least one scene in every show that was shown during the normal broadcast that was snipped for syndication. Right. Yeah. All right.

Let's take a break. And we're back. And we are back. All right, everybody. All right. I think we were talking weather first. Yeah. We got into a bit of a hurricane.

Kerfuffle. Kerfuffle. first. Yeah. We got into a bit of a hurricane. Kerfuffle. Kerfuffle. We have chosen the wrong place to live. You think so? No, I'm just kidding. We're actually pretty fortunate with our lack of natural disasters. Yeah. Although this week, man, earthquake, hurricane,

and frogs. What? Yeah, it's gonna rain frogs. Really? No, I'm just kidding. I thought you bought a frog or something. I thought maybe they were just like a natural breeding. No, I'm just making it all up. You just found out about frogs this week?

There actually was fucking things called frogs. So there was not an earthquake? Hold on. Somebody... I have to raise my hand. Did you guys see the thing about the three-foot rat in Brooklyn that got killed? A three-foot rat? Yeah, the house. Are you talking about like a merchant who told on the mob?

No. What do I? Or it's three feet big? Let me ask you this. Was it a chupacabra? No. The chupacabra. You're asking me that three feet?

Yeah. Four. No. The. That's not a big deal. It was in the. Let's shut down the podcast and drive to New York. You've been at three feet before. Let's shut down the podcast and drive to New York. It was in the Marcy Projects where Jay-Z lived, and they have three-foot-long rats there.

Three-foot-long from head to tail or head to butt? Are you talking about three singularly-foot-long rats? No, no, one foot. One rat that is three feet long. I don't understand. Jay-Z. Wait a minute. That was Jay-Z's rat? That was Jay-Z's pet rat

has a three foot rat tail. That's exactly. He's bringing back the rat tail? Yep. Master Splinter? Yep. And Kanye. Watching the throne.

Wait. Kanye is Master Splinter? Yep. Secret of the Ooze, man. Yep. What about the Rat King? I like that.? Yep. Secret of the Ooze, man. Yep. What about the Rat King? Rat King. Secret of the Ooze, man.

I want to say Timon and Pumbaa, but I know that's not right. No. What were those two other? Ninja Turtles? The bad guys? Bebop and Rocksteady? Yeah. Bebop.

They were different in the movie, though. They were like something else. The Lion King somehow made it in there. Remember in the movie, though? That is kind of an apt pairing, though, Bebop and Rocksteady. I think Bebop was a pig, right? I don't know which one was what. Rocksteady was the rhinoceros.

Okay. Okay. Those are great films. I own them all on VHS. I did, too. I had the Ninja Turtles. Guys, excuse me. One through three?

Bebop and Rocksteady were not in any of the films. What you're referring to are two other mutants in part two. A turtle and a goat. It was a dog. Or a wolf or something like that. Yeah. They have different names. They were in the cartoons and they were in the video games, though.

Bebop and Rocksteady. Yeah. And I think everyone was kind of like, why aren't they just Bebop and Rocksteady when the second one came out? Yeah, yeah. I like that. They made up pretty much. Let's have the the second one came out? Yeah, yeah. I like that. They made up, they made up, let's have a snapping turtle

instead. Like, oh yeah, good idea. That first movie was freaking awesome when we were kids, so it wasn't. You don't think the second one was?

The second and third, the third was horrible. The third was horrible. The one where they go back in time? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They're making a new one, you know that, right? Really? Yeah. They may just have one, but it was animated, right? Yeah, a few years ago they had like a CGI.

No, but this one's like live action. Really? I saw some of the makeup. I mean, it's pretty dark looking. I don't know what the actual movie's going to be like. Is it going to be like a continuation of the series? That I don't know either. I haven't really looked into it because I don't care that much.

Right. Apparently the CGI one was a part of the old series. I'm surprised they even know this much. Yeah. That's what I've heard. I remember having all the Ninja Turtle toys. All of them? Literally all of them.

I had to carry them in case. I was the product of divorce, so they tried to buy my love with toys. There's no way you had the entire line of Ninja Turtle toys. That's true. Every single one. Every single one. That'd be like over 100 toys. Yeah.

For one week, I had the van that broke down. I had missiles shoot out of it. I had the blimp. Ninja Turtles blimp. I should have been friends with you. Except for I'm five years older than you. That would have been weird.

Hey Josh, do you want to play Ninja Turtles? You're driving. You can drive over to your house. Pick you up. You want me to get cigarettes for you? Yeah. Pick you up after school. I'm going to work a shift at the plant.

I'll be by later. My emphysema's not kicking in. We can play Ghostbusters maybe And run around or something You ever seen Boobs? Boobs? Nevermind What was your first experience seeing Boobs?

I remember seeing my neighbors He was my best friend And neighbors Moms Boobs I remember seeing my neighbor's, he's my best friend and neighbor's mom's boobs. That was the first time I saw real life boobs. I was picturing there's something about Mary's situation or something where you think you're looking at boobs and then you scan up a little bit more and it's somebody else. Remember when he, isn't there something about Mary? When he gets the roommates. Dylan. What's his name? Matt Dylan?

Yeah, he thinks he's going to look at Cameron Diaz get naked and then he flashes back for a second. It's the really old lady's boobs. Oh, the wrinkly ones. Yeah. I don't remember that for some reason. They're very tan, too. Very wrinkly, very tan. Saggy. I came immediately.

Gross. I blew the front end of my pants. My dick got so hard so fast. It was like confetti. Wait, your pants or your dick? Be honest. Both. It was the pants.

But I had mad rug burn on the tip of my dick. That's from rubbing it on the rug before you went to the movie? I said, whatever will let me put it on it. That's slutty-ass karma. It was shag. You know the April O'Neil action figure is worth a lot of money these days? The original? I had one.

Do you still have it? No. What did you do with all your old toys? Sell them at a yard sale? No. They got left to my parents. Then my dad had them and just got lost through the sands of time. It's a shame. Why is that one particular toy worth more than... I don't know. I'm just repeating

a fact that I heard maybe 15 years ago. It's because of her sweet yellow jumpsuit. She had a camera too. That was her thing that came with her. Why would you buy the April O'Neil action figure? Because you have to save somebody. Remember that every action

figure line had one toy that just made no sense for it to be an action figure form? Like that one toy line. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Other than what we're talking about. I don't really remember having toys. What?

You probably had some. Yeah. You had to have some. I had Jurassic Park, I had Ghostbusters, and I had Ninja Turtles. Oh, you had the Jurassic Park toys? Yeah. What were the Jurassic Park toys? Oh, I had the compound, I had dinosaurs.

Ooh. Yeah, they were like adult, like they were the action figures and the dinosaurs, right? Yeah. It was like a duel. But I actually had the compound. You had the fence. Did it have a real electric fence? It was real.

Wow. You had to be careful. Yeah. Wow. That was probably like for 12 and up. Were the dinosaurs real? Yeah. I thought you liked Komodo dragons and stuff.

Alligators. Komodo dragons are terrifying. They really are. I don't know. I'm not that scared of them. There's a plot of one of the Jurassic parks where they... Oh, no, wait. The first one, it's, like, every dinosaur is female because they use frog DNA.

No, not frog. It was, like, an insect. No, it was frog. No, it was frog. They extracted the DNA from a mosquito. But they filled in the gaps in the DNA. But the frogs could change gender or something. Right, there are certain species that could actually...

Is that it? Brilliant. That's just one man's opinion. It's real. It can really happen. there's a brilliant plot twist there are animals that can like switch their sacks look out for Mike's

spin off podcast plot twist clownfish guys clownfish clownfish can do it plot twist how do we feel about plot twists

I hate them very popular in the last 15 years or so I just I like to know what's going on from the beginning I like to figure it out

like the sixth sense. Sixth sense, I feel like you sparked the whole twist craze. I think M. Night Shyamalan's been chasing that dragon, the twist dragon, for a long time. Yeah, it's never going to feel the same as that first one. No. The elevator movie was good. Didn't see it.

Devil? Still, I heard Panic Room. Die Hard? No. Speed? Speed 2? Charlie and the Chocolate Vagabond? heard Panic Room. Die Hard. No. Speed. Speed 2. Charlie and the Childhood Vagina. Oh, Point Break.

Point Break. Mike said Point Break. Was it Point Break? I don't think so. Devil. All right. Is that what it was? Yeah, it was Devil.

I thought it was just called Elevator. It was a good thing there was a dog right there. It sounds like the new trend of movies, like cowboys and aliens, people in elevator. I don't think that's that uncommon. What's that, cowboy and aliens? No, no, if it were called elevator, that doesn't sound like that. No, I don't think it was that. Like the bridge.

Was it the devil? I don't think it was the devil. It was just called devil, yeah. So is there a movie already called The Devil? And that's why they went with devil? Probably, but that's probably not why they went with it i don't yeah it'd be a lot of name movies like the same as other movies yeah i think it'd be a little misleading is the devil in the movie i don't know i never saw it oh you just told us yeah i thought you did too yeah then i said i heard that the star of point break was in the Devil's Advocate. Yeah. That movie was not that good either.

Al Pacino was not in Point Break, Mike. Wasn't Charlize Theron in there too? Theron? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That bitch got naked, right? You get to see her uterus ripped out, dog. That was the first time I ever saw a uterus.

What's that one with Elizabeth Hurley and Brendan Fraser? Ooh, Bedazzled. I mean, I don't know. I don't fucking know. You don't know. I like Bedazzled a lot. I mean, the last one in the past was good. The whole issue of that movie would have been totally solved if he was just more specific with his wishes.

Like, after the first one, he should have known that. How was he supposed to figure it out after five times? How? I don't know. She just really fucked it really bad After the first one, he should have known that. How was he supposed to figure it out after five times? How? I don't know. She just really fucked it really bad. After the first one, she'd be like, I want to be a really popular athlete

who was straight. And it came out. And then it would have been like, he just left his movie where it's like Disney movies, but in real life. Okay, we're having two different conversations on the podcast.

No, it's not. Welcome to the annoying podcast. Let's focus on bedazzling, guys. Hello? No, I'm doing a podcast. I'm doing a podcast. You're going to have to call annoying podcast. Let's focus on bedazzling, guys. Hello? No, I'm doing a podcast. I'm doing a podcast. You're going to have to tell that later. Sorry.

Okay. I'm doing a podcast. I was eating. Let's take a break. All right. And we're back. Josh is so adamant about his breaks being pure. They need to be.

Why else would we take a fucking break then? Let's take a break. Josh holds his breaks in such high esteem. Yeah, I do. I do. All right? This is a professional talk on mic. Can I say what I was trying to say during the break?

Okay, and we're back. You can ask Josh. He's being a fucking... Hostess Josh. Wow. Do you think that sl... Hostess Josh. Wow. Do you think that slid by? Fucking dick ass. So what I was trying to say earlier

was that while we're talking about point break, it's great that we have a dog here because we can reenact the scene where we throw a dog at somebody. Is that what you're going to do if you... And that's just one man's opinion. So if you do something scandalous and you have to get out real quick,

just toss a dog. Or I'll just say that's one man's opinion. Didn't Anthony Kiedis shoot himself in the foot in that movie? Yes. I think behind a door. He was an awesome actor in that movie. He said, because we're going to fuck you up.

I've never really seen it either. Hey, War Child. that movie. He said because we're going to fuck you up. Hey, War Child. Whatever happened to Anthony Kiedis and Flea appearing in movies? What was Flea? Flea was in a couple things, wasn't it? Flea was in Back to the Future 2. That's right, he was in Back to the Future. And what was the movie with

Flea and Anthony Kiedis and they're driving a van or something? Is there a tour documentary for the Red Hot Chili Peppers? No, no, no. Dumb and Dumber? No. Speed 2. It doesn't matter.

I'm on a boat. Billingshead 3 I hear they're working on. Yeah, I've heard that too. Yeah, they've pretty much confirmed it Keanu Reeves is for Speed 3 no no no

no for Bill and Ted oh that sounds fun even with the the other guy that isn't famous anymore yeah yeah

I think he was like clamoring for it he's like please he's like I wrote this script either this or Lost Boys 2 I wrote it 25 years ago it's like we're older now. The first movie was in theaters.

Really? I don't know. Vaguely. It was like second grade or something. I remember this kid in my Boy Scouts wanted us to go see it together. Why don't you leave us some pins and needles? Did you see it? I did not see the first one in the theater.

I did, however, see the second one in the theater in sixth grade or fifth grade with the closing song of God Gave Rock and Roll to You Too by Kiss, with the video for which featured clips of them from the 70s and their makeup and inspired me to draw a pencil drawing of the band. That's a nice story. Since Bono has done so much for humanity, do you think that's why God gave you two rock and roll um yes is the

short answer uh the long answer can be found in Leviticus 14 12 it's mainly because of his sunglass collection which is very extensive. It really is. Really. That guy has red, blue, everything.

Let me ask you guys this. How come celebrities and rock stars don't really get past the age of, like, 45? I think they definitely. You mean in looks-wise? Yeah, they look like the same. No. Once they get all their plastic surgery and everything, they just look very, very disturbing.

My question is, your average rock star, who you wouldn't think would get plastic surgery, but they still look like they've had their face lifted. Give me an example. Who are you thinking of? Like the sex pistols or something. Uh-huh. Like you wouldn't think that they'd be the type of people to get Botox and facelifts.

Do they? They don't look like they're in their 50s. I don't think British people really do that, though. What, the Botox thing? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, because they're so proper they just take like a thousand times what it doesn't do anything homo as Moses

no no no home homogeneous no homeopathy homeopathic remedies. Very popular in Europe despite the fact that it doesn't work. Very popular among the sex pistols. It's all about the homeopathic remedies. Rawr. God save the homeopathic remedies. Western medicine is the devil. Rawr. Okay, that was the sex pistols new song. Let's take a break. Western medicine is the devil Roll it Okay that was the Sex Pistols new song

Let's take a break I think we're going to power through Let's power through on this one Time for power through Power Through Time to power Through

So who else were you thinking? I was thinking of Gene Simmons. Yeah, I didn't mean the Sex Pistols as like a... I'm saying virtually any celebrity in the public eye, even like punk rock, even like people you wouldn't suspect, when they get into their 50s, they don't look like normal people in their 50s. Oh, okay.

I thought you were saying they still look young. That's because 50s are the new 40. That's because 50 is the new 40. That's a good point. Well, it is for... That's proven. Yeah, well, 40 is not that great anyway. Can I make a brief digression? Are you 40 years old?

I think that's what we do here at the Dilt. Very good. The very good. Digress fest. I just wanted to say, once this podcast really picks up, you should have the power through. How dare you, sir? How dare you? Now you're just rubbing it in.

You should have a sponsor for the power through session. Like a power bar? That's a perfect idea. Power through with Powerade. Yeah, we could talk to those guys. I think so. I'm sure they'd love it. You still talk to Jim over at Powerade? Jim Powerade.

Yeah, he was a little upset. President of Powerade. It's a family business. He really hates Chuck Powerbar. His father hates that guy. He's kind of an asshole, though. They had a falling out. They went to high school together.

Stole his prom date. I hate that Powerbar. Powerbar. I'm trying to help you guys monetize the podcast. Anyway, that was my brief digression. He's a big money guy. Yeah, really. Jason, do you have a digression you'd like to make?

I do not. Great. Okay. Let's take a break. Well, that was the Power Through section of the podcast. If you want to power through just like these boys did, you can only power through with a Powerade. Never attempt to power through with just a power bar because you won't

power through at all. Powerade, an official sponsor of the Digression Sessions podcast. Powerade does not officially sponsor this podcast. And we're back talking about moolah. Cash money. I'm not really familiar with that. Yeah. It's what I would say to money.

Why don't you say it? I'm kind of scared of that. Oh, yeah. I love you. It's what I would say to money. I love you. Why don't you say it? I'm kind of scared of American dollars. You got something against U.S. presidents? No, it's commitment. I don't know. You got something against slave owners? I don't know.

I can't hate my own people. Old white landowners? No, not as a whole. Maybe a couple. You know, the original saying was the pursuit of life, liberty, and land. Yep. And they changed it because they were like,

let's not promise everyone land. You guys can't all have land. Only we can have land. And that allows us to vote. We don't want everyone to vote. There's actually a racial slur in the Constitution as well regarding Native Americans as savages. They're referred to as savages.

Does it just say savages? I think there's an adjective connected to that too. Dirty savages. Not dirty, but like the dirty butt savages. The dirty butt savages don't look like they're in their 50s either. Those guys still rock.

All right. Take a break. Oh, my God. Time for a break. I'm fading a little bit. I love you. And we'll be right back. You can have a successful podcast just like this one.

As long as you mention Point Break. Yeah, you mentioned Point Break. I know, but as long as it's still included. Back off, War Child. Well, if you just say it enough, it's going to have to be in there. You guys will be talking about that at point break. This segment is brought to you by Point Break. It's impossible to edit. I'll just go,

ahhh! Yeah, it's because you want to shoot something, but you can't, so you got to go, ahhh! Because you love it too much. You know what, Mike? You never miss. So two things happened. Either you're scared, or you're getting too close to your surfer buddies. And I don't think you're scared. I wasn't scared.

I was too close to my surfer buddies. I'm going to leave the room really mad. Huh? No, Gary Busey. Oh, yeah. No, you're right. It is Gary Busey. I was about to say, it's Nick Nolte.

And that guy from Scrubs. Which guy? The doctor, the mean doctor. Oh, yeah, that's right. He's a bank robber, right? No, he's the captain. He's the captain. He's the FBI.

He gets to play the stereotypical captain of action movies in the late 80s. Man, he really is. The one that's always pissed off about something. Talk about a fall from grace. Because somebody goes... He doesn't follow the rules. The rules don't apply to you, Johnny Utah. Oh, Johnny Utah.

So you go from being head cop in Point Break to being a supporting doctor. Well, he was technically a supporting actor in Point Break. But he's got those sweet residual checks. And he has that sweet line in Point Break. He's like, I don't like it.

You're young, dumb. You're young, dumb. You're young, dumb, and full of cum. What? That's what all people from West Point are. Yep. Young, young. Johnny Utah was fresh out of West Point.

And full of cum. Because it's difficult to get laid there. I don't know. Yep. Young. Johnny Utah was fresh out of West Point. Oh, yeah. And will have come. Because it's difficult to get laid there. I don't know. Yeah. It was weird. His character refused to masturbate. Refused.

Really? Yeah. He made a point to... I don't masturbate. Nah. That's what he says. That's a lie. That's why he shot his gun in the air.

Because of frustration. Sexual frustration. Hmm. Oh. Hmm. Interesting. What's the longest you've ever gone without masturbating? Like a week? 11 years. Yeah.

After that. 7 or 8 hours. How long do I work? Half of that time. When's my first bathroom break? So I work eight hours a day. We'll be right back. We're going to take a quick masturbation break.

And we're back. We're all pros. We handled ourselves. We all masturbated very quickly there. During break. Went well. I think. Not the first time. I was masturbating in public.

I liked how we all finished at the same time. That's cute. I'll tell you what, I contributed most to that, though. There's cute. I'll tell you what, I contributed most to that, though. I thought there was more. Excuse me? He's just gloating. No, I'm saying I did.

Of that pot, I was the biggest contributor. And now the dog enjoys it. Now the dog's going to get pregnant with a human baby. Half dog, half human. When I was a kid, I thought that could happen. I don't understand why it can't. Just genetically,

most species can't. Maybe they have a different number of chromosomes. Maybe you're not trying hard enough. Donkeys exist. You know that Neanderthals, we had sex with them, and that's where they all went. I saw something today that was saying that really helped our immune system.

Really? Yeah. Doing it with Neanderthals? Yep. Good. So instead of taking Airborne next time, just have sex with a Neanderthal. That's why I keep one in the basement. No, it was a mystery.

You sneeze. Honey, is the Neanderthal around? Oh, good job. Check the downstairs bathroom. Ananthols. It was a mystery for centuries what happened to the ananthols, and it turns out we had sex with them. And we are, though. We fucked them to death?

Essentially, yeah. They were weeded out into human existence. Go humans. Go humans. Isn't that what Steve Urkel called it? He said that on TGIF? I definitely remember hearing that. I'm pretty certain.

I definitely got that from like ABC sitcoms. Yeah. That was like the only acceptable way to say anything sexually related on like family sitcoms. What did Stefan call it? Horizontal hip hop.

I knew it sounded familiar. I think Stefan was like Horizontal hip hop. It's horizontal hip hop. Yeah. I mean, I don't remember, really. Stefan was not really...

He wasn't my guy. I'm more... The robot Steve was good, too. What about when they got trunked to the size of ants? I don't remember that. Are you confusing Stefan with Rick Moranis? Oh, good question, Mike. No, there was an episode of Family Matters very late in the show, in the run of the show,

where Carl and Urkel were shrunk to the size of ants and had to run around the counter. How and why? Something that Urkel created, I think, some device. Let me ask you this. Was Carl mad when he got shrunk? Oh, you better believe it. That guy. He always seems to be in a tip. The big guy wasn't so big anymore.

At least for an episode. The odd couple they were. Carl. Remember how Carl killed someone? No. And die hard? No, I swear. He killed someone. He was a cop in that too.

He's a cop in everything he's ever been in. Yeah. There's like three movies he's been in. Really? I only know Diehard. Diehard. No, he popped up in something else, too, and he was a cop. He is in Diehard, too, actually, for a second.

Is that it? I don't know. Yeah, he was the president in West Wing. You can't say shit that's not true. President Carl. That would be awesome. That would be good. Okay, so what were you saying?

I mean, I don't know. We were saying the movie is a... I know he popped up in another movie where he was a cop. Wasn't it Airheads? Was he not in Airheads? No. No, that was the same guy from Congo that was the cop in Airheads. Oh, guys.

Did you see the movie Anaconda? The guy. I'm sorry. Never seen it. There's a great part with John Voight where someone doesn't believe in anacondas or something. He points at this giant scar on his face and he's like, anacondas don't eat people. We can edit that part out. I just want you guys to know that you should all see Anaconda.

I think we just found the beginning to every show. Anacondas don't eat people. Of all the things that we've said and not said in this, that's the one that you're feeling secure about. But no, who is the black? But you what? Who is the black Ghostbuster? No, no, no, no, stop. But you.? Who is the black Ghostbuster? No, no, no, stop

But you Carl Winslow You said something The Digress? Yes From what Mike just said I do

Actually, I think I'm moving past what Mike just said I digress I progress Do you know what digress means? Not entirely I doubt you say it like you're like Pulling like a We'll take a physical challenge.

It's like your card, your ace in the hole. I digress. I digress. That gets you out of the conversation. It's like the Spartacus moment. I digress. Anyway. I digress.

Winston? Ernie Hudson. Ernie Hudson, yes. He was in Airheads. He's the cop in Airheads. Along with Chris Farley. Okay. Mike, are you looking up Carl Winslow right now?

No, I'm not. Oh. When you get a second. Did you know that he was on Perfect Strangers first? Like the Carl Winslow character. And Family Matters spun off of that. Really? Swear to God, yeah.

Yeah, he was like a cop who like works security in their building or something. There it is. Cop there. With Belky or... What was his name? Belky Batacamos. I used to watch that show.

Cousin Gordon. Cousin. Cousin? Cousin? Cousin? I think that's what it was. That was a fun show. Yeah.

It was perfect. Mike, do you know about Mr. Belvedere's bells? Is that the thing where he sat on his testicles? Yeah. Then yes. I think that should be shared for the podcast audience. Yeah.

Whoever that is. The story goes. It's going to be Josh right before he deletes it. Doug Benson was living with somebody that was on Mr. Belvedere. He was an actor on that show. But Josh digresses. I do. Sorry. Thank you, Jason.

Double dare. And Doug Benson was living with this actor. I forget his name, but he was on Mr. Belvedere And the actor came home earlier than usual And Doug Benson said What are you doing home so early? He said, oh, Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls And we all got to go home

Apparently When you got out of school for that The principal was sitting on his balls He's going to announce what's in the morning. Hello. Oh! Have the buses left yet?

Oh! Dude, Mr. Fredrickson sitting on his testicles. Class is going to be dismissed early. Just hear somebody take over the mic from him. Children, children.

It's okay. It's okay. We're just being early dismissal. He's just like, oh, my boy! V okay, it's okay. We're just being early dismissal. Vacate the premises at once. My roommate was telling me how in middle school once over the announcements they were like,

three mice had their balls stolen from the library. In reference to like computer mice. Oh, they said mics. I'm sorry. Three mice and their balls. This picture of the PTA. It's like angry parents. Where are all these mouse balls going? Do I pay for these mouse balls?

Think about the children. What good are these mice If they have no balls It's unsanitary So yeah that's the legend Mr. Belvedere sat on his fucking balls And then Wait so we're allowed to curse on this

What does that say about our culture I thought they were But apparently it's not even a legend Other legends are like, you know, the Odyssey or like Atlantis. I think it's... Belvedere's balls. It's Belvedere's balls.

Historians will work for years. Homer wrote that episode. There once was a man that could sit on his balls. And one day he did. It's like we make statues of Mr. Belvedere. Just giant granite nuts. Carved into the side of a mountain. Like a Mount Rushmore or something.

The most important part of that sculpture would be the expression on his face, though. To show the pain and surprise. Yeah, if there's a strong wind it'll make a noise it'll be like oh oh man we have got to carve this into a mountain Doug Benson said that was not the end of the Belvedere Balls saga. Later he was in a play a Peter Pan play where he had

to be in a harness to fly around and one time the harness broke and he landed right on his balls again. I didn't know there was a second episode in the Belvedere Balls saga. Yeah, I just heard it today actually. He was on Jay Moore's podcast because Jay Moore actually wrote about the Belvedere story incorrectly, Doug Benson brought up, that in Jay Moore's book,

he said that Adam Sandler was there, but Adam Sandler was never there. So Doug Benson thinks... You don't want to make mistakes like that. Bleep the trilogy. Belvedere's dead. Is he? Yeah, but that doesn't mean there can't be more. There's other stories out there.

Maybe a prequel? No, he's in heaven and that's what thunder is when Mr. Belvedere sits on his balls. That's what thunder is. It didn't exist before 2004 when he died. I vaguely remember any weather patterns whatsoever. I thought you were going to go say thunder lips. That would have been a really good callback. We'll edit this in post.

We can pretend like this never happened and delete it and then start again. The entire thing? Nobody ever say a goddamn word to anyone about this. I swear to God, anyone who opens their mouth. Don't anyone. We must swear right here. Alright. Let's take a break. We'll be right back.

And we're back. Let's take another break because We'll be right back. And we're back. Let's take another break. It's been a while since we took a break. I think so, too. We'll be right back. I remember when elephant Titus was a popular thing. Really? To talk about.

Elephant Titus was popular. To talk about. You got that title. Elephant Titus was popular. You got that title. Elephant Titus. Mike's just trying to say he had Elephant Titus. Remember when it was real big and everybody had Elephant Titus? Back when I was in middle school. Pictures of people with Elephant Titus.

That's why MC Hammer wore those pants. Because he had Elephant Titus. But that's just one man's opinion Exactly Let's take a break You can't call the brakes Get your fucking hands off the Korg

You can't touch the Korg Stop That's like someone Let's go take the Mercedes out for a spin Don't touch the Korg. Yeah. Yeah, Mike's right, Jason. Again, that's one man's opinion.

Let's drive a car, but don't touch the Korg. Is there anything more condescending than when someone starts a sentence towards you with again? Well, again, I just really think you shouldn't touch the board. If you listen to what I said earlier, I'm going to have to repeat myself. I'm telling you for a second, possibly even a third time. Once again. Yeah. Or clearly.

Somehow. Clearly you're not listening. Clearly. No offense. Which you mean offense. But I'm about to tear your heart. I'm about to say something real fucked up to you. You're a fucking idiot.

I meant it the nicest way possible. You're the stupidest person on the face of the earth and don't deserve to live. No offense. The nicest way possible. Something I don't care for that I frequently hear from my boss at work is I'm going to have you

and then it's something that she wants me to do instead of being like, would you do this? What about, do you want to do this? You want to take those papers for me? Yeah. No, I don't want to. No, I don't, but I will, because I get paid to. Do you want an honest answer?

Because I'll just tell you no right now. In fact, I'm going to go home if you're going to ask me what I want to do. I have done that at work, when they're like, do you want to do this workload? And I was like, no, but I will. And they're like, okay. As long as you do it, I don't give a fuck what you really want to do.

They're like, well, good, because I don't fucking care. As long as it's getting done. And you're being honest, which is good. What about when someone says let's when they mean you? Yeah. I get that all the time.

Let's not do that. Oh, yeah. Let's go ahead and work on that. Yeah. It's usually let's do something, and then they show me what to do, and then they, oh, I got to take this phone call. And they just never come back. That's right.

I hate it when people put so at the end of sentences, which means so. Dot, dot, dot. The onus is on you to do this. My boss will come. We need to. Could you not? Yeah. We have some edits, so.

Could you not do that? So are you the one who's been doing Blank blank blank Could you not Somebody has been replacing the staples You wouldn't know anything about that Pubes Pubic hairs You wouldn't know anything about that

It happens at our office all the time Who put pubes in the stapler Again It jams it Who has that much pubic hair? To do this every day. Everybody show us

your pube patch. If it's bald, we know it. I thought we called it the pube patch. Well, I think we'd have to discuss pubes every... All right, yeah,

you're right. Mike has a lot to say on the subject. I do. Welcome to the pube patch. There you go. Oh, what if you're right Mike has a lot to say on the subject welcome to Pew Patch there you go oh what if you're like welcome to the Pew Patch another fun episode

about to hatch on the Pew Patch he's all about things are gonna get hairy in tonight's episode Pew Patch you got two segments already there's so many good

one man's opinion and a Pew Patch wow we got a whole podcast network. Also, Power Thrill. Power Thrill, yeah. Sponsored by... You got several names. Jim Powerade sponsoring Power Thrill.

What about the Gator Cast? Sponsored by Gatorade. The Gator? Are we talking about Gators? I don't think Powerade and Gatorade would sponsor the same show. No. What? No, it would be different shows. The Gatorade would sponsor the same show. No. No, they'd be different shows.

The Gator cast will be its own podcast. I don't know if they want to be involved, though. Yeah. Why not? Mike, you're having too much fun? Well, you know, if the one podcast is sponsored by Powerade and then the same family of podcasts, they probably won't want to sponsor it. It's a conflict of interest.

You ever seen TV? They have all kinds of sponsors that's a good point yeah exactly touche and it'll make them want to fight more because obviously people are gonna listen more of a reader TV radio telepathy let's only listen to NPR. Telepathy. Let's go back to another one man's opinion. I'm going to let Jason take this one. Guest host Jason Schwab on one man's opinion. Thanks, Jason. All right.

That was a little bit controversial. We don't do a lot of political stuff on the podcast. I just want to remind everyone that the thoughts expressed by Jason Schwab do not necessarily. You don't have to use my full name. Jason Lee Schwab, social security number 21495. It's 218. Sorry. 218.

Nine. No. Eight. One. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Eight. One. Seven. Six. Five. Four.

Three. Two. Warmer. 2182. Colder. No. Guessing people's social security numbers. The podcast is in trouble.

Keep going. The person's downloading the episode like, this episode's three hours long? Great. What if we just call random people Like, this episode's three hours long? Great. What if we just call random people and try to guess their social security numbers? We're going to guess your social security number. What if we start with a one? No. Two?

Just go through every line. I'm going to hang up now. Just go one through nine. Let's make a prank phone call. Okay. It's called PII. Someone give me a phone number. It's called pii someone give me a phone personably identical identical identifiable somebody randomly texted me today okay um they're just begging for it

i said hey could you podcast with them all day for a while uh we'll be right back hey guys sorry about that a little technical difficulties with the prank phone call but i tell you what as soon as mike gets, we'll get a good one going. But until then, as my good friend Johnny Utah says. Hey, guys. It's Josh again, just checking in. I just, you know, when will this episode end is what you must be thinking, but I just wanted to apologize. We're going to get a good prank phone call going. Oh, what's this? My phone's ringing.

Hello? What's happening? Hello? Uh, hello? is ringing. Hello? Hello? Hello? Mr. Mr. Thompson. This is Josh. Josh Koderna. Is that who you're trying to reach? Oh, wait a minute this isn't this isn't mr thompson who is this oh come on i have a sneaking suspicion that's uh that's the other co-host is that you, Mike Moran? Oh, man. I got you. You got me. You got me. You were like, what?

Oh, my God. This big shot should take my life. I thought I was in some real trouble there for a second. But when you get back, buddy, you're going to be in trouble. We're going to grill you for that one for years. Oh, come on. Come on. You're all like, ooh. trouble oh come on come on i was too i was oh dude dude uh look for me on the wall because you just nailed me to it man you got me you got me you got me oh sure sure come on man well listen while go viral with that one. Oh, sure, sure.

Come on, man. Well, listen, while I got you on the phone, you mind if I ask you a couple questions? Mike? Mike? Hey. Hey, Mike? Yeah.

Hey. So this was a great episode we did with Michael Normile and Jason Schwab, huh? I would agree. I had a good time tonight. Yeah, yeah, it went went pretty good I tell you what We got some great episodes coming up We got one banked with Local comedian Alex Broflovsky

And Can't wait to talk to him Yep, yep, that'll be fun, huh? And then Yeah, sure Definitely And we got Can I vlog my birthday? Yeah, sure. Definitely. And we got... What's that?

Well, yeah, sure, sure. I mean, I was just going to say we also have the Mike Bowen, the owner of the auto bar coming over as well. Oh, I forgot that he was going to come over. Yeah, he's going to come over in the future. He definitely already hasn't come over.

Yeah, yeah. All right, but Mike, do you have anything else to say to the fans besides your undying love? I would like to say thank you for listening, and so I'm going to say it. Thank you for listening. Oh, that'm going to say it. Yeah. Thank you for listening. Oh, that was nice. That was very nice.

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the fans. Oh. Oh. You realize the word fan is short for fanatic, right? What's that? You realize the word fan is short for fanatic, right? Yeah. I think of all our fans as fanatics.

We've got to think of a... You're suggesting that people are fanatical about the aggression right? Yeah, I think of all our fans as fanatics. We've got to think of a... You're suggesting that people are fanatical about digression sessions? Yeah, I've seen it. The whole world's talking about it. All right. We've got to think of a name for our fans, by the way. Something like digression... Dickheads.

What? Did you say dickheads or digheads? Dickheads. That's right. Thank you. All right. This goes out to all the digheads out there. I hope you're enjoying your time away, Mike.

Thank you. I am. It's beautiful out here. All right, great. You're going to come back a whole new person. Yeah, yeah. I might even have to change my name, which means I'll have to change the podcast title.

I don't know if this is going to be difficult. Well, I think the digheads have stuck by us for so long. They'll stick by us no matter what changes. The digheads will be there. They're like the juggalos. Yeah, the digheads are juggalos. They're like the zombies. Yeah, okay. The more attractive juggalos.

The dig heads. Alright, well you sound busy. Go rest up. Put some ice on it. I'm on my birthday party. Yeah, I plugged it in the beginning. You want to plug it again? You can plug it.

Because the last thing I'd want is for that show to go unplugged. Oh, I see what you did there. Thank you. Hey, Mike, it was good talking to you. Likewise. Except for Josh, not Mike.

Right. I was going to to you. Likewise. Except for Josh, not Mike. Right. Right. Okay. Okay. I was going to correct you there, but you know what? I love you, and I'll see you soon, okay? All right. I love you, too.

All right. See you, Mike. Talk to you later. We're now entering the bonus round with special guest Scott Macklin. Alright, we got a popular, popular man in the NFL. Oh, he handles microphones a lot. You can tell by the way he just bumped into one. I love him. He's an amazing man.

He's pretty good at fantasy football picks. And here to tell us all about it with his picks, Scott Mackler. That wasn't the song I requested. I'm very disappointed in you. No, I hear that. I love ya. I love ya. This is getting awkward now, guys.

I get it. He loves you. I love ya. It's all good. Thank you. you you you you you This podcast will never end.