The Digression Sessions - Ep. 305 - Josh & Umar

Episode Date: December 25, 2019

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar catching up on some shows and Christmas ish. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

TAGE NETWORK That's a Gotti. Tomic's nice. Tomic. Money, money. Oh, is that the one that I met? No, no. Aren't they rich too?

I think they're okay, but they like travel. Oh, watch the cord. Oh, the Roomba's trying to eat the mic cord. Man, I feel like I'm watching BattleBots. It was a very passive BattleBot. He was like, it's cool, man. I don't want to fight. Kyle, you should try to play with it.

Really? He's like, what up, bitch? What up? Let's see if what a bitch. What up? Let's see if we can get this on audio. But no, they had a, he worked for like a law firm that, um,

represented Michael Jackson. Jesus. So, so like he reviewed contracts for Michael Jackson's like tour and stuff. And he made sure all the provisions for the boys were in there. I'm just kidding. That's hearsayay there's only one boy per show wasn't two right no oh well per show in the contract oh yeah no i didn't go over his rider i don't know he's like yeah i don't know if he did it uh 90 of me says he did it, but then I'm like, maybe he is just that fucking weird.

You can put it on there. It's metal. Yeah. Umar's house is really coming together here. Oh, yeah. We got to get curtains. Something down without a coaster. Curtains.

I'm ordering them on Ikea today. Yeah. We painted upstairs. Looks tight. Yes. We got to do some finishing touches, though. Yeah. And now I want to paint in here

i tell you you're really making this house a home huh thanks bro huh looking nice looking nice thanks yeah it's cozy fucking hey man so yeah you are uh you are off until when january 2nd that's sick which sucks because no it's cool that's a thursday gin and jokes ah so the first day back gin and jokes and then i'm booked no that's february do you feel like this will be the first time in your life that you're a little unfocused at work that show's gonna take a your work is gonna take a backseat to a show yeah yeah the first time yeah for sure it'll be an adjustment period on thursday but as long as it only happens once i think it'll be okay it's so weird well they gave us off monday which we never usually have

off on the 23rd but they're like fuck it what's the point yeah and then i was like well why don't we do that for the thursday and friday i mean if we're saying fucking let's really say fuck it but i'm yeah yeah trump gave us off for christmas eve what a sweetheart i got nothing to do karen's out of town until thursday she was like do you want to come and i was like nah i'm good where'd she go georgia to her parents house oh okay which sucks because i was hanging out with my buddy yesterday i was telling my barber and he's like dude man good for you for having the ball so just tell your girlfriend no i'm not going to your parents and now you realize that didn't take balls you were just like they like no i don't want to do that like yeah did you think about it like well we got into a weird argument about it because like it

does make sense my family doesn't celebrate christmas her parents are in another state so it would make sense for us to go we're living together we're serious but my argument well i had a couple of good reasons really so one she had bought her plane ticket a while ago without talking to me about it because she assumed i didn't want to go she assumed right right but then that does set the tone where it's like if a plane ticket needs to be bought and one's bought without you now it's like are we gonna sit next to each other how much of course of course but that sets the tone for like okay he's not coming but we never had a conversation about it at thanksgiving my aunt was like hey i'm umar come over my house we're having like a dinner yeah whatever and i was just like oh god why do we have to hang out like it's not our holiday why do i have to waste it seeing you guys but sure sure i'm gonna go i love them but uh obviously yeah uh i hope to god because that

whole wedding episode i really hope no one from my family the wedding episode there's no there's no apologizing for just shitting all over my house no i mean it was a great wedding it was just these funny moments i mean it's her fault for getting that tattoo. She knew what she was doing. You know, but the family doesn't like it. Allah doesn't like it. I don't like it. I thought it was great.

But sure. Just anyway. But so my aunt invited me over and I didn't want to make plans without talking to Karen. Karen sitting next to me and I'm like,aren should i was like i don't know i mean karen i don't know what we're doing i might be in georgia karen's like what she's like uh okay so then we talked about it she's like oh i didn't think you'd want to come i bought tickets but then without asking me she thought that that was me saying i want to go she bought a ticket for her yeah her parents did so then she talked to her parents like hey can we look for a ticket

for umar oh no and i didn't know she did that and so we she i was on my way to a show she's like hey do you want to come to my family for thanksgiving and i didn't i was like uh for thanksgiving or christmas christmas sorry and i was like no i don't i just thought she's like well why'd you say that and i was like well i just thought we were supposed to talk about it a lot of assuming because we shouldn't make plans without talking about it and then she's like but if you don't want to go what's there to talk i'm like just talk like it's i don't know talk about like not i just we should talk about plans it should have just been clear like you guys are both just assuming yeah and then so she was like she was like well why don't you want to come and i was like i don't know it just seems like a lot she's like it's only four days you're off for 12 and i

was like it just seems like a lot and i was like we were just there we just saw your parents they were in town she was and i was like but also like work's been crazy i'm just super tired like i've stayed up late writing reports this whole week uh-huh and uh like 1 a.m 12 a.m jesus and uh how many different ways could you say your kids friggin though i I know. And so anyway, Karen's like, but she's like, you can't. She was like, you're going to be tired all the time. You can't say that every year, which is a good point. Yeah. She's like, work's always going to suck.

Yeah. And you're only going to get more tired as time goes on. Yes. Yeah. It's not like you're going to be like, now I'm 35. You know what? I feel pretty rested. Yeah.

I think about that. Like these reports take a lot of work and energy yeah and i'm hope like either when you get old you do get faster the more you do them but it is like especially if you can't use technology well like there's so much like you know like shortcuts you can do with like copy and pasting and all like you can just have like templates fall with pressing a button oh yeah dude it's uh i don't think old people do that i've said it on this podcast before but if i'm doing something at my dad's or there's some email or he's like confused about like is this a i don't know if this means it's confirmed or they sent me this thing i'm like all right well let me look at it and then i'm it's it's like he's watching me like i'm hacking into like the mainframe you know you watch a movie they like never touch them out he's like wow you go really fast it's not that fast and he's like well he's like i want to like do it

how i want to type how you type like like show me like the shortcuts and i was like okay cool so control a selects everything control c yeah copies everything and he just goes slow down like it's not that quick to be like control c control a but but yeah i mean i get it if you're not used to that at all you're like for sure it's a whole other language and you're like i don't know what this is it is a language because like like if we just pick up like a device that we've never used before we can figure it out like we've like oh yeah because like there are things that are very common watch the mic cord oh we got a renegade rumba rumba it is pretty like if you see like three lines on top of each other like that's the menu you know like stuff like that like our parents would just never know i think about that sometimes too fucking with apps even then i'm like

i'm like what is this shit and then yeah it doesn't say like menu it's just three lines you're like okay all right but no one but that's the the most interesting part about like the internet or technology is no one told us it's the like no one one says this is the menu. That has never, ever been said anywhere. It's just like you have to figure it out. Yeah. Shit, we should just turn this off. Yeah, the Roomba is going fucking nuts here.

The Roomba is going to go all over these cords. This shark. Can I just pick it up? I feel like I'm picking up. Yeah, you can pick it up. It'll just turn off. I feel like I'm picking up like a horseshoe crab or something. Yeah, there you go.

All right. It's done, Cobb. It's dead. It's dead. Yeah, so typing up all the reports. You are also off in the summer, though, so that balances out a little bit. Oh, yeah, 100. And I get this whole whatever break.

Yeah. If you just hit dock, it'll dock itself. Oh, yeah, it'll And I get this whole whatever break. Yeah. If you just hit dock, it'll dock itself. Oh, yeah, it'll go right into my penis. Come here, shark. That's the coolest thing. This thing will clean the whole house and then dock itself on its charger. Love it. It's time to go back home.

Yeah, sometimes it takes a while. But anyway, so staying home home it was great first day was yesterday and uh man i fucking chilled yeah i met up a buddy owen for like just a hang in the morning he came over then i got lunch at uh luigi's got a nice little got a sub submarine for breakfast i was like a lunch breakfast. 12-incher. They call it brunch, I'm hearing. Brunch.

Well, I guess it was brunch, but yeah. And then I was like, I'm not eating the rest of the day because I felt gross. You felt like a big boy. Yeah. And so then... What did I do all day? I cleaned. I did laundry.

I'm having more of those days, too, where it's like work on tuesday and they're like yeah so how was the weekend i was like it was great on saturday yeah i have like no recollection yeah i did a bunch of laundry cleaned uh took a nap went for a run because it was like 50 degrees i was like fuck you oh it's still really nice out today it's the golden age of global warming i know whoa 53 degrees on Christmas Eve. Pretty nice. I remember being young and it was almost always... I feel like I remember so much snow all the time.

Sorry, I just dripped a little coffee on this chair. Bad boy. So I did that and then I went for a run and then i wanted to see star wars but i heard it's really good but you heard otherwise i've heard mixed things i've heard most people i've talked to you said they love it and real hard critics i saw jimmy merritt a comic who's like the resident nerd guy he's too much he yeah he's too deep into star wars he put up a thing that said like it looks like the credit screen, you know, it says like written and directed by.

Yeah. It said written and directed by Reddit. Ooh. So he's saying like this movie was made by committee just to like check boxes for people. So and then I've also seen that like some people say it's a little convoluted and also boring, but it could be, you know, just a couple of people. I tried to re-watch the last one yeah uh i remember enjoying it pretty long though i stopped watching i enjoyed it in the

theater i think it's cool but once i saw it i was like i don't need to see that again no it's not a great movie yeah visually some of it's cool like the red like samurai looking yeah stormtroopers that was cool but uh yeah it was whatever but anyway so yeah and then we were gonna pod and then we didn't yeah then evan was sick and then uh asked my buddy dan i was like do you want to go see star wars he's like and he's 37 or 38 he's like dude i've never seen a star wars film in my life i've never seen a star war yeah and he's like and i never want to and i was like all right he's like how about drinks i was like okay so then we i went to mount vernon marketplace and uh you know how like you make plans and then you um well we did that yesterday then we canceled yeah and like so we made plans

i got uh some good got on some good times i'm like on my couch i'm playing guitar i'm so cozy it's getting super cold outside and now it's time to leave like oh fuck that's exactly where i canceled last night i was like dude i'm already in my underwear feeling pretty good and uh would not like to go out again i was like oh fuck it though i need to be social so i was like fuck it i'll do it yeah and then so we go and it was really fun we were at the local oyster and marketplace yeah marketplace is great it's a bunch of like open shops and bars yeah and he like knows the dudes who work there so we're just chilling with them we're hanging out we're eating oysters

yeah i'm drinking three white claws just white claw my man white claw deep and the bartender was giving me so much shit and i was like bro there is nothing you you can't yeah you cannot say something that's gonna hurt your feelings like uh uh uh uh intimidate you intimidate me out of a white claw yeah like dude i like being skinny it's tight yeah it's like dude i don't know you i don't care and he had a really shitty mustache and he was making fun of this other co-worker who can't grow facial hair so then i it was so it was like this chain of like facial hair that gets better and better it was just like yeah and so i was shitting on his mustache and he was getting so bad it was hilarious like you like working with like a bunch

of black teachers that prepares you for that moment it's like i know you're not talking yeah uh-uh yeah yeah exactly yeah i can't remember what i said but it hurt his feelings it was so funny uh boy it was playful it was nice we had some more good times outside yeah a good group of us and then uh we uh my buddy and then it was so funny because while we were drinking white claws before we got any food i was like dude i'm not eating any more food today i had a sub for breakfast brunch and i don't want to eat anymore yeah and he's like okay so then we ordered oysters he's like it's light and i was like yeah that is true it's light seafood whatever i'm sure it's all fat though that's what it feels like uh-huh

yeah just gelatinous goo so then we finish there that and he's like you want to get ribs and i'm like fuck yeah dude let's get ribs yeah then... You really took a break yesterday. I know. Yeah. So then we go... You're like, that's it? I'm only eating oysters and ribs for the rest of the day. So then we go to the stable. Oh, Mount Vernon Stable.

I like that spot. It is awesome. Yeah. You know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of the bar from Horace and Pete. Yeah. Because it's old school. Neighborhood-y bar.

Neighborhood. Everyone in there is a character. Everyone's talking to everyone. Right. so it was just like i've it's so rare to have a bar experience like that in hamden anymore unless you go to like one of the scary ones well yeah and that leans too far towards like townie yeah and that exactly it's not i don't i'm sure it'd be fine but i don't want to drink with it bunch of meth heads. It doesn't feel comfortable in there. It feels like if you go into a townie bar here in Hamden, the record stops. They're like, what the fuck? What are you doing here?

And it's also like they're nice, but they're all like drug addict. Yeah. And I don't want to be around that. I've told this story out here before. I saw a guy just deck a guy for knocking on the bathroom door. That's hilarious. Because he was doing coke in the bathroom. I was walking by that bar today.

Yeah. Dude was doing blow on the steps at nine in the morning. I was going to say. I've never seen someone do blow it. This was the first time I've seen cocaine on a piece of paper. And this guy had like a whatever straw, whatever, just sucking it. I was like, let me ask you this. Was it a plastic straw? Because I'm going to get upset if it was. I do. I don't know what it was. You're like, whatever, just sucking it. I was like, 9 a.m. Let me ask you this. Was it a plastic straw?

Because I'm going to get upset if it was. I do. I don't know what it was. You're like, hey, buddy, what do you hate? The turtles? Yeah, I come back. I give him a pasta straw. Come on.

This is what they do in Italy. Yeah, they do blow in Italy with pasta straws. Give him a metal one. Look, we're all going to do coke, but can you do it consciously? Yeah, please don't get it wet. Oh, Russ, you don't want that up. Yeah, or you got to get a tennis shot or russ yeah you don't want that up your neck or you gotta get a tetanus shot i'm assuming you haven't had one i'm assuming you're 99 tetanus yeah um

but yeah what if that guy was just like have i done my christmas shopping no but i got a plan yeah i'm on christmas eve just snorting coke he's like i'm gonna bang all this out yeah so then we get ribs because it's rib night 11 we get ribs so fucking good and uh uh uh twice baked potato oh i love a twice baked potato his was way better than mine i was upset his had all like the spirals and shit on top it was nicely decorated oh what do you mean like chives and shit no you know like you can make it fancy with the like there's a pattern. Oh, to the potato. Yeah. Gotcha.

Mine didn't have that. I was very upset. And his had a lot more. Anyway. Well, I hope you yelped about it. Then I was like, should we get dessert? He's like, fuck yeah. So we split, me and a man split bread pudding a la mode.

And dude, they gave us like half of a... It was like this much bread pudding. Like a brick of it. Two huge scoops of ice cream. Fucking scarfed it down. While I was... It came out. They went out to go do dab hits or whatever.

Yeah. Because the guy had a little robot thing. And I was like, I'm good. Wait, he ate all that food and then dabbed he ate all the ribs dab came back and started eating the wow now that's now that's a gift that's an early christmas crazy yeah yeah and then we just everyone at the bar is talking we're like yeah we getting in our uh i was talking some chick and some dude next to me about like bill bellamy i was like he's never hosted trl there because they were trying to tell me he hosted trl no no no trl was on another show he was on a bunch of

shows but that was after his era i mean him and carson daily might have overlapped a little bit but no like that's different mtv eras yeah then i got in a conversation about like pc culture with this girl because we were both on the same side ish and then i was like this picture you're like you're a trump supporter eating all eating this like dessert you're like you know what the problem is abroad yeah i'll tell you something yeah i don't know why it came up but and then she just kept going and i was like oh i was like i don't agree with everything you're saying and then i left and she was with some dude apparently she that dude stayed went home and she stayed and kept talking to my buddy and stuff and oh boy i was like yeah it was a fun night i haven't had a night like that in a while it was nice those are the best where it like

kind of just comes together organic and it's not like we're gonna do this and we're gonna hit that yeah yeah and then you don't have to wake up early in the morning no very nice but i also i just liked it like i was home by 10 all you did was wake up early in the morning. No, it was tight. Very nice. But I also, I just liked it, like... I was home by 10. All you did was convince yourself early in the day. It's like, that's your religion. It's just, you're like, no, I went to church. I pray. I'm a religious guy.

Yeah, yeah. You're just like, I'm not eating for the rest of the day. You're like, ribs? Yeah. And bread pudding. Yeah, like, I'm sorry, Lord. You know I try to be a good Christian. I'm doing my part.

Oh, speaking of like insane hamden people driving over here there is a guy in front of the 7-eleven he had the top of the trash can off of it like on the side and then there's like trash everywhere and then he was just screaming into the trash can he's like no like openly you think his like cat was dead in there no i think he probably accidentally threw away some drugs and then tried to look for it or somebody put some in there for him to get god and it wasn't there and he was heartbroken it was like somebody died he was just screaming that's what's crazy like all these like people they're just walking you know like you see people

walk around like like they they look homeless yeah maybe they're not they have this crate it's like they're all just looking for drugs they're constantly all day constantly is looking for drugs yeah it's insane that's your purpose and how do you get money like what are you getting where you get money from just pawning off shit probably yeah like stealing shit like mike quinlan's car that got broken into that type of thing where it's like yeah we'll just steal this stuff sell it god like for let me let me just get like a hundred bucks they're always checking doors yeah like because if it's open then yeah you grab some change that type of shit yeah but no this dude was just weeping he's like no mother fuck damn

that has gotta suck this picture of the people working there like I mean what do you do that guy should be arrested

where was it 7-11 yeah you gotta be like hey man we're gonna call the cops if you don't leave I don't even think

you would understand like last night my buddy Dan handled it yeah he handles homeless people very well uh huh it's kinda rude but it's not it's

assertive so you kind of have to be that way though yeah like we were uh we were uh walking into mount vernon marketplace or standing outside and he's just like somebody some lady came up to us and he was like we're not gonna we're not giving you money it's no we're not giving you money and we just walked inside i was like that's yeah i was like that's fine there's nothing mean about that yeah it's just letting them know like it's not gonna happen yeah because she tried to talk to us she was like trying to like excuse me i and he's like and we're not we don't have money we're not yeah you don't have to get started on the whole spiel then we're sitting inside homeless dude comes in and uh it's me dan his buddy this guy he does sound for like uh nf like

baseball football and stuff and like he worked the world series and shit okay and uh real weird guy fish hat he has like this like black shirt with like really like bright green glow in the dark yeah no just like like a hippie skateboarder guy okay he has one of those skateboards where it's just like a big wheel in the middle oh that's not a skateboard that's like whatever but it's like a shape of a board skateboard yeah but it just has like the big tire in the middle like it looks like some circus shit yeah he was he was like i know it looks stupid it looks so and he's like dude it's so fun he's like it's so fun i'm sure it is but it looks real dumb it's like it's like a motorized unicycle essentially it was so funny because we're talking about i'm like i'm saying like of course you do that and you know we're just cracking jokes he's

so funny yeah he's just a character he's like Crocs. They're comfortable. You try them. Apparently, every night on... He's a regular there. Every night on rib night, he tries to talk people out of the rib special because he's like, dude, they're getting you on the sides because you only get ribs and you're going to order sides. And then the bartender's like, will you shut up about the sides every week? He's like, now what I'll tell you.

He's like, steak night. That's a deal. Comes with two sides. Now that's a night. The steak night. that's a deal. Comes with two sides. Now, that's a night. The steak night, you see? Yeah. So, some other guys at the bar, he hears us talking about this skateboard wheel thing. And he's just this, like, older, husky guy, missing a lot of teeth, has a couple in the

front, comes over. He's like, hey. Yeah, he calls us his chompers. He's like, I've seen you riding around on that thing, man. It looks fun. It looks fun. And just came over to shake his hand to tell him that, like, he he's doing is cool he's like yeah keep doing your thing man i love it but the guy i guess he's like a mechanic or something because he explained to me how it works

okay the older guy that he's like yeah was this a motors inside blah blah and i'm like i have no idea what you're talking it was just so funny that he came over just to compliment him. Like, yeah, man, that looks fun. And then he just went back to his bar stool. See, that's the problem. Because that guy, he's like, you know what? This is reinforcing my ideals. I should be riding this. But that guy who came over is like 60-something.

Big beard. He's like, I just have to let you know. Yeah, it was so weird. I think it's amazing. Yeah. Jesus. He shook his hand. like he's a politician yeah thank you so much for all shook his hand like this guy just donated money to a children's hospital

thank you for doing all that you do you're very brave you know you look like a fucking idiot i looked at my buddy dan i was like what the fuck is happening um yeah man so dabs so that guy's doing dabs is he functional after that yeah he was fine i only all both of them i only did it once on accident at um karen's friend uh lily at her house um we were hanging out and then one of her roommates came in and uh you had a bong and i did not do it but if i did um he was like passing around and i was like, sure. And then someone took a hit. And then after somebody took a hit, he was like, oh, there's dabs in there. And I was like, you should have told me before.

I would be so mad. I was like, wow. Wow. What happened? I just got, I mean, to the person. Well, I got upset on behalf of that person. And I said, sir, that is not good practice uh i just somebody got very just uh good times it wasn't it wasn't terrible i was like okay all right i was i

was fine but yeah uh yeah i was very worried it's gonna be one of those good times where it's like you get very in your head too oh i've been i've been where i couldn't walk dude so my dad or somebody's dad at work um he had to do something with like hr or something like that and yeah speaking of i can't wait till we get called into our hr and they just play this back to us you're like you know how obvious this is hours like just hours of podcast just played back yeah it's like all right yeah uh we're gonna make a deal plot twist the good times led to bad time um but so he he had to meet with the hr woman or like she came over to his desk or something and uh he has a bunch of pot stocks that he invested in so he's checking his stocks and the woman uh was like oh what are you looking at he's like i don't want to talk

about it she's like what and he's like oh stocks and she goes pot stocks like with like a look of like pretty cool and he was like yeah how'd you know and then they get talking about it and she was like do you want a cookie i actually bring cookies to work like what wink cookies and he's like whoa not at work that's crazy yeah and uh he was telling me that story i was like yeah but you grab one for your son wouldn't you wouldn't you be like not me but my son will do so that reminds me i have honey so in in theory he he got his son one of those cookies and saturday night after doing shows wednesday through saturday i got home and i was all wired and i was like man all right i should i should chill out go to bed i only had one beer that night but i was still like really like wired from doing shows and i was like yeah, there's that theoretical cookie. And I had half of it.

And, buddy, I was on another planet. Oh, I hate that. And so I was like, I'll just do this. I'll chill out. I'll go to sleep. Yeah. And then I was trying to go to sleep. And then my ear just fixated on the sound of our fan.

And, like, I started to get crazy visuals. And I was like, oh, no. Because it was just like, whoo. Oh, my God. And then, yeah, like the can't walk thing. And then I got so cold. And I was like, all because it was just like oh my god and then yeah like the can't walk thing and then i got so cold and i was like all right but i gotta pee i'll grab socks i'm freezing and i couldn't even like walk normal i know dude i was like this that happened to me before twice and i was just like oh what if this lasts for like 12 hours i don't know how much i had like and also and then i was like this woman eats this at work crazy holy shit there's uh maybe she just nibbles but i don't

know i won't say their names but there's a a couple that pretty much go to magubi's like every weekend yeah very nice they listen to the pot i think nice shout out to them what up what up yeah he's a lawyer but always has drugs on him like weed and they're just like they uh he gave me one of these like honey sticks uh i mean just regular honey he gave your friend my friend a honey stick he gave rahil he gave rahil khan yeah i was like whoa don't that's bad don't take that yeah excuse me gave a honey stick and he's like yeah we just did like yeah he's like yeah just do the whole thing i was like i'm good and it's just like yeah uh he's like no we've done like two already and i was like how do people do this how do people just function well i think i think some people are just

built for it and then i think some people have a tolerance to it. Like, I think my dad, he's like, what did he take? I think he took something that was 30 milligrams. And he goes, I didn't even feel anything. Yeah. Nothing? I take a few. If I take five, I'm like, whoa, here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like 30 and you didn't feel anything. Yeah. Crazy. I have no idea how to function. And if I was out in public public i would have been so fucked like i was like cold i kept having crazy visuals and i was just like this is insane yeah that's nuts and i was just hoping karen didn't wake up and be like hey what's going on like i'm fine let's go to sleep but yeah luckily made it out of it and uh yeah shows shows were good they were a

lot of fun which shows oh the lounge the lounge dcm prahav was fun the lounge the lounge um yeah uh speaking of crazy guys on one of the shows there was a dude who kept going to the bathroom he went to the bathroom like eight or nine times in the lounge yeah during the show everyone's gonna notice it's a small well so yeah so there's no um green rooms all the comics have to hang out in the back where the bathrooms are was he doing drugs you think uh i think he's probably doing drugs i think it was so chris found out so it was a black dude and he would only talk to the black comics he like literally pulled them out to the lobby and uh me and winston were like how come he didn't want to talk to us yeah um but he was just like yo you gotta do your thing man you gotta you can't let nobody stop like just talking

shit to him and he's like okay chris hates that kind of shit probably yeah and the guy was like i think he was saying some shit too like he he used to like play in the NBA or something. Sure, why not? He was fat and like just as tall as me. Yeah, yeah. But at one point he was going in the bathroom and Chris was going in the bathroom. And the dude was like, you used that one. Because there's two of them.

He's like, use that one. And he's like, no, man, I'm going to use this one. He's like, man, well, fuck you, fag. It was insane. Was he kidding? No. Like I think he was very drunk and then somebody i think it was chris that said the dude was like in whatever comic he was talking to about like yeah you can't let them

like can't let anybody stop you from your dream like like my i'm married but i'm not on a date right now i told my wife i was at the gym playing basketball like oh my god so i heard him once i'm sure his wife believes him yeah because i maybe that's why he kept going in the bathroom because i heard him talking once so maybe he's like yeah let me just go in the bathroom and call and like also when you call it sounds like a bathroom he's like yeah baby we're playing basketball right now i swear to god he's like squeaking his shoes yeah he's like don't pass me the ball i'm on the phone with my wife whom i very much love oh god what a weirdo yeah awful awful awful but uh other than that everybody was uh everybody was pretty good the shows shows are great man yeah yeah it

was a lot of fun i did uh two i closed out i did i headlined j, wow. I call it close out. I hate when it's just like a weird thing. People, they bring you up on stage, you know, and they're like, yeah. They gas you up too much. They gas you up too much. And so I was doing this show in D.C. It's like a very, first of all, I was a backup. I was a replacement headliner. And I was like, just curious, who bailed? And they said John Conroy. I was like just curious who bailed and they said john

conroy i was like you went from john conroy to me like he is so good yeah he's great and i'm like i'm a good feature i don't know but feature i got listen you're a strong wednesday night headline i'm good to headline a local showcase yeah but it was interesting because it's uh and i've done their i've closed out two of their shows before they're fun i've done well yeah they are uh they it's uh fuck what is this group called it's isn't it grassroots grassroots dc super cool dudes run it uh actually and a woman uh comic who i't know. I've never met her before. She messaged me on Instagram. I didn't even know there were women comics.

Wow. She's a Hispanic lady. Oh. And might I say, very attractive. Interesante. Not that that matters, but she's insanely attractive. Dios mio. And so I got a friend request from this comic.

And I was like, why is she friend requesting me? Then she sent me a message immediately. You know, like, babe, poor girl. She's got a bad for from this comic and i was like why is she friend requesting me then she sent me a message immediately you know like babe poor girl she's got a bad for your boy yeah well i was like this is spam right and but it was just she was like hey i run grassroots dc have i'm gonna be in philly tonight like sorry i thought you were a bot yeah exactly yeah it's all the time you're so hot i thought you were fake i thought you were a robot and then when you messaged me i was like she's definitely a robot yeah uh yeah anyway so i go and they sent out a message before like a ticket sales are kind of slow could you help also our crowd tends to run pc so just not no restrictions but just keep that in mind i was like god damn it yeah which i'm not not peace i'm not like uh i don't know i don't say terrible things but i i joke you can joke about them i have jokes that i maybe like

push the limit a little bit of course and that's what comedy is sure for some people but uh so i would it was a weird setup for a show. So we're at a venue. I won't say the name. But boy, oh boy, did they triple booked the show that night. How do you triple book? It's honestly impressive. It is so impressive. So they ended up selling a lot of tickets.

Three different times where they go, yeah, that night's free. Yeah. Three different times. Looking at the calendar, wow weird wide open this is crazy nobody has asked so yeah i get there and uh they had ended up selling a good amount of tickets everyone just standing right outside the venue door waiting to get in it's so weird it's like this this is bad because there's nothing worse than performing to a crowd that had to wait for a long time yeah you know dude on uh just a quick sidebar uh on wednesday

i hosted ragtime and uh i was there early like setting up the mic and stuff and this table of like four kids i mean maybe they're like 20 21 i don't know they look pretty young but as they're sitting down i hear one of the dudes say to the girl he's with he goes well this is maybe they're like 20, 21. I don't know. They look pretty young. But as they're sitting down, I hear one of the dudes say to the girl he's with, he goes, well, this is what they're doing tonight. And you wanted to come to Ragtime. So this is what we're doing. And I'm like, oh, this is a good comedy audience. Wow. And then I could still kind of hear them talk.

Wait. So the girl was like, let's go have a drink at Ragtime. Probably. And then the only seats were in the back. Yeah. At the comedy show. And she didn't want to seats were in the back yeah at the comedy show all this and she didn't want to once they find out it was a comedy show they didn't want to be there yeah but they're still like taking off their coats and he's like well this is what we're doing

and like oh good this is a good uh audience jesus um and uh then they're still kind of talking and another girl was talking i couldn't hear the first part but she was like oh and he's from tennessee my brother's like you'll like him he was so funny uh this is like something like nate and i was like oh she's talking about nate bargazzi yeah and then she goes yeah and he was so funny and it's like stand-up comedy is like not my thing but i like that i'm like why are you here like can you imagine showing up to like a jazz show and you sit down at the table you go jazz isn't my thing but i don't know it's like don't go to the jazz show it's the worst way but like we'll see if they're funny yeah it's like you're not gonna have fun yeah yeah it's like oh that's

like a girl going like that's literally like a because like a for a girl to have an orgasm she has to do most of the work in her like she has to be there want it gotta be yeah but if a girl if a girl just went like yeah let's see if you make me come she's not gonna come because she's not in that headspace yeah she's on instagram yeah hey hey try to make me come i was like i'm good and just so you know coming is not my thing yes so if you can if you can try to make me come fine nate bargazzi did. And coming's not even really my thing. But yeah, sorry. Go ahead.

I don't know what I was saying. Oh, you're talking about the PC audience. Oh, yeah. So I go to the show, and they're raising money for hunger relief. And it's cool to be a part of shows that are there to raise money. Yeah. that do that are like there to raise money yeah but then it's bad if you keep reminding the audience of just people dying of hunger of how bad it is too yeah just like it's brutal man they are dying on the street speaking of dying this guy's gonna kill you with comedy so we're gonna

the stage they were like yeah we're gonna do a podcast first then we're gonna do the comedy and i was like what the fuck and the show live podcast yeah we're going to do the comedy. And I was like, what the fuck? A live podcast? Yeah, we're not even in the venue yet. So I'm like, fuck this. I'm not waiting like over an hour to perform. Yeah. So I texted Andrew. I ran over to Big Hunt.

I got put on second. Nice. I did. Oh, so fun. Great. So much crowd work, new stuff, killing, killing. Nice. So fun.

And then I was like, all right. Oh, the show was great too because uh uh first like the first comic on stage kept saying the word woke and i was standing by the bar and this is why it's you got to pay attention to the audience i heard an old white dude lean over to another old white dude and go what's woke that's incredible i started with that that's awesome and just me saying that got a huge laugh right and i looked at him i was like sir woke is uh it means not funny that's awesome yeah it was so fun it's so that's such a good image of just two white guys being like what is

that woke what's woke yeah what now i felt like i was like the beginning of a sketch show or something. Uh-huh. Yeah. I did Ramin's couples therapy on Thursday, and that was a lot of fun. So that's the show where he literally asked the audience a bunch of questions. They write them down ahead of time. Yeah. So they'll write down couples will have an issue, and then you bring stand-ups on stage, and they discuss the issue and make it funny.

But Ramin, at the beginning, he's telling them what the show is.'re gonna have stand-up the q a kind of thing and he's like yeah so who i mean there's all different types of people along the relationship spectrum like what do we have couples here tonight and everybody raised their hand instead of claps which was weird it was like like the any couples and their hands went up yeah and then he's like, oh, okay, some. Because in the lounge, you can't really see. You have to say,

make some noise if you're a couple. Right. You have to say that to an audience. Or literally, like, clap. Yeah, because if you just say, like, any audience, everyone is just so,

that the whole, like, from school, it's ingrained in time. Yeah, exactly. And like, a couple people clap, but mostly if it's like hands. And he's like, oh like oh okay only a couple couples uh who's married out there same thing hands went up and a couple claps and he's like what the fuck is going on and then like

finally looked at i was like oh guys you don't have to raise your hands like please like clap when i ask a question and so like kind of riffed on that and he's like all right uh we got anybody that's divorced any divorced people out there and only one guy put his hand up and ramin didn't see him and he's like there's no one in here that's divorced no one wow okay all right that's sad so i saw that went rift on that i was like ramin you missed him the saddest guy in the room he's like i'm divorced was he alone yeah i go he's just like no one could see me i'm invisible this is carol all over again so that was fun to riff on up top but yeah he ended up being there with somebody i think he was just like confused he's like no i was divorced now i'm with her oh okay yeah but it was still

very funny to see like is anybody divorced in just one lone hand in the darkness? Yeah, so they do this podcast, and I think some of it's focusing on, they're talking about the hunger stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah. They're getting laughs, and it's entertaining, it's whatever, but it's just like, oh, man. Because if you're closing a show, everything that happens before you go on stage, you're like, ah, you're just so, like, and it was pretty packed. So then the comics start, there was a weird pattern. Like, someone would do well, someone would not do well. happens before you go on stage you're like uh you're just so like and it was pretty packed so

then uh the comics start there was a weird pattern like someone would do well someone would not do well someone would do well someone would not do well i think starting with a podcast is really bad momentum for a show and the comic they put up haywood before me and haywood is murdering i mean like i was like this should be it this should be the headline like right i'm not gonna kill this hard yeah he's a murdering and at this point the show's been going on for like over uh an hour and a half maybe uh-huh and he's doing really well i mean like people are bending over slapping their knees i'm just like damn you know and he's like he's very woke he's very uh no he is funny for those funny i know i know but earlier you very woke. He's very local reference. No, he is funny.

He's still funny. I know, I know. But earlier you said woke means not funny. Oh, sorry. I'm just calling that back. He does like a lot of, it's pretty much all black, white jokes. Yeah. It's all local references.

And he's just murdering. Certain neighborhoods and parts of DC. And then I'm like god fuck so then i got a little bit of a saving grace because i forgot some girl who does the podcast wanted to do stand-up but the people who organize the show who are real comedians they were like why we're not gonna let you do stand-up she's like so apparently she begged these people like we'll give you one minute. So she was a little palate cleanser. Palate. And I was like, thank fucking God.

Yeah. What do you get with sushi that you're supposed to cleanse your palate with? Oh, pickled ginger. Yeah. So a little bit of ginger up there. Pickled ginger. So she goes up and she talks about how like, yeah, she only has a minute and she it was all about her being single and she had like she made a poster and someone was holding it and nothing was working the only

line that got a laugh was like yeah i really thought this was gonna be funny when i was writing it and uh now i can see it's not and i was like that's pretty much just comedy in a nutshell yeah anyway so she bombed it was terrible She even made the audience fake laugh on purpose so she could put it up for the gram or something. It was pretty bad. Oh. Oh, that's heartbreaking. So then I go up. And you know when a show goes on too long, most of the people are gone?

Yeah. So that's what happened to me. Because... And the energy from the room was gone. Oh, yeah. The audience is like, no, we've crescendoed. Yeah. That's it.

And they did. They saw a great show. And they don't need me. And it just feels natural to be like, all right, well, that's it, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then, oh, because a girl, I realized like, I would say she brought like 15 people. And right after she got off stage, they all went to the lobby to talk to her.

Yeah. And be like, dude, that was so great. Yeah. That was so good. my god i go up on stage and i'm like kind of like i start off with saying like baltimore i have these like dumb trump joke like the him calling us a rat infested city and some guy was from baltimore and he thought like i was gonna shit on baltimore and i was playfully like he made it weird right it's like's like, come on, man. Yeah. And then so, like, right off the bat, it was just like a weird. And I was like, okay.

So then I slowly got into jokes are doing okay, okay. And there was just kind of one of those sets where it was like up and down. Yeah. Up and down. Yeah. Never really getting momentum. Yeah. Killing with the black people in the room.

Thank God. That's the best. But, yeah, it was just so up and down. But then it was one of those shows afterwards where, like, a handful like you were so funny fuck them you're this is like that's not the crowd dc sucks and you're just like i guess yeah but also i like i get it it was like it was a weird spot and haywood was better than me and uh so anyway after the show that girl who did one minute yeah i was trying to get paid so i could get out of there she was talking to uh the dude who put it on yeah and uh very nice guy and i felt i felt bad for him because i feel like she put him him in an uncomfortable position but also me

so she she was like arguing with him that she wanted to host the show next time and he's like well why would you like no you got to go to open mics you got to get funnier like you can't just you literally just bombed yeah doing a minute she's like yeah but because it's only a minute like no one can be funny in a minute which is true but it's like you trust me you won't be funny even in five right also did people know it was her first time yeah so like people are like rooting for you too like yeah no way then she asked me oh they were arguing over whether she should get paid or not oh no and he was like well you're like a guest like you just you know it doesn't work that way so we didn't plan on having you on the show so then she asked me

she was like do you think it's unfair that everyone gets painted on me and i was like no you don't and i i was like you don't i literally i was like you don't deserve to be paid i was like you have you have you walked onto a show with no merits yeah you did one minute you asked to be be on the show like you dude i was like we've all been doing comedy for so long and they're like well how long until you got your first paid gig i was like probably like three years or four years in you know like and uh and she was like well i don't want to do that i was like well then you're not gonna be a comedian she's like what about my podcast that was funny i was like it was decent but you're not it's different and i was like you gotta go to open

mic she's like i don't want to do that and i was like well then you're not gonna be a comedian it was just like you have such a weird entitled she has such a profound misunderstanding of i know this where it's like if you think you're gonna make money doing this i know are you nuts yeah the amount of people that make a living like a comfortable living doing stand-up is so small compared to the general population i think she just thought it was like wrong that everyone got paid and she didn't it's but it's it's like well yes if you look at it in a vacuum that way it's like okay if these people got paid to do the thing that i did i should get paid it's like but it's not that That's not it. You didn't.

You weren't supposed to be a part of the show. You didn't do well. Like, yeah, you were never marketed on the show. She's like, well, I'm part of the organization. I'm like, yeah, but you're not a comedian. And she's like, well, I tried to host. I was like, that's the hardest job. You should not do that.

Yeah, yeah. I think it was like she was getting frustrated. There was a reality check for her. She just wanted to be validated. Like, no, like, I'm right. I'm like, uh getting frustrated. There was a reality check for her. She just wanted to be validated. Like, no. Like, I'm right. I'm like, uh-uh. Oh, yeah.

Uh-uh. Dude, I have to take a piss so bad. Can we pause? Yeah, absolutely. I'm like fucking. And we're back. And we're back. Feeling better.

Cleaning it out. Oh, that felt so good. All that ribs and the. Oh, the bread pudding. Alamo. Woo. Get out of there. Yeah. Get out of there. Yeah.

Get out of there. Yeah, man. So you're just hanging then, huh? Yeah. Not bad. This is nice. Not bad. I think I'm going to go see Star Wars today.

Uh-huh. Have you seen Parasite yet? No. Should we see that? I'd rather see that. I'll see that with you. You want to see that? Yeah. All right. Let's do it. Let's see where it's playing. All right. I don't know what time i have to go to karen's parents but yeah let's do it let's do it all right and uh there's some hitler movie

that alex said was really good but then people on the pod cast that i listen to don't like it yeah it's called hitler was right yes i can see why i'm talking about yeah jojo the rap is yeah is that have you heard good things i've loved it i have heard good things and he has pretty good taste i yeah he also loved parasite yeah i've heard no one bad mouth parasite still out yeah probably because it's fucking crushing all right yeah let's take a look i need to go to the gym yeah but that's all i gotta do today bro me too actually well i don't know but i did i did some push-ups this morning we can go to my gym if you want yeah that's true that's true yeah let me see

what the timeline is today for uh going to karen's parents but uh but no i would love to see that i want to see let's do it let's have some yeah let's do some dabs uh oh so oh i have another story about a show but do you have something uh probably but i forget but i just want to say i really want to see uncut gems too what's that the adam sandler movie you haven't you haven't heard of it oh he's like theaters or netflix uh i think it is produced by netflix i think but it's in theaters dude that's how you know netflix is fucking killing it did you see the uh marriage chappelle's joke during eddie murphy's monologue where it was like him chris rock tracy morgan uh eddie murphy eddie murphy and keenan thompson keenan doesn't have a special but it's still funny he was like you're looking at half of

netflix's budget right so also i love when like the white dude tried to come that was so good especially because the way that he said it he said chris rock's full name he's like you said it chris rock now i and they're like all right we're good we're good that was great oh man oh so that was yeah so yeah what's this movie about? Oh, Uncut Gems. The Gems. What's this movie, The Gems? Excuse me? Yeah, What's Woke? Cobb, are you... Cobb's sleeping.

Are you not impressed with our podcast, Cobb? I think he wants to be on. Damn. He was very sweet when I came over today. Yeah. I like his enthusiasm. He's a little attention whore. You attention whore.

You whore. So I think he is a... Adam sandler plays like a diamond salesman in like 2012 he's like one of those dudes that like rappers and uh athletes go to to get like a chain made so he's one of those guys but he gets in trouble with betting so he like is a gambling addict and somehow kevin garnett former basketball, is a pivotal part of the movie. And I've heard nothing but good things. They say the entire movie is just really tense. Like Adam Sandler just keeps fucking up, gets out of one thing, keeps fucking up.

And just it's very tense. All right. Nice. Yeah. It comes out on Christmas. Dude, he's doing a little tour again. What? Stand up? Yeah. Like music, jokes, whatever. Yeah, music jokes whatever yeah yeah yeah i would like

i would like to go see that yeah i liked his special i loved his special yeah probably the best one that came out that year oh what was it 2018 yeah who had did did chapelle have 2018 no 2017 okay okay no well he must have done this year then. Must have done 17 and 19 then. Yeah. He did 2017. I think 2018 he took a time off and then 2019 he came out with it. Yeah. He had that one over the summer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This year feels really long. I'm like, how, when? All right. Hidden gems. Yeah.

Yeah. Hidden gems? No. Uncut gems. Uncut gems. Man, you're going to be a terrible old guy. I know i know what's this now the jeweler is the name of the movie he sells jewels he sells he plays uh folk singer jewel it's a biopic you're telling me he sells jewels what's interesting about that well that's not interesting all right yeah yeah

but my uncle's a vacuum sales cleaner why don't you make a movie about him huh it's not interesting all right yeah yeah but my uncle's a vacuum sales cleaner why don't you make a movie about him huh it's called it sucks folks all right what happened at this show what uh what what's salacious thing no what's this movie about i just told you he just gets he's like a gambling addict oh this is adam sandler movie what is another movie my bad no i just talked about a random one god what happened up there i took a shit out your brain probably bro i would love to go check that turlet up there interesting is that out comes out on christmas so manana manana oh yeah uh oh yeah so i did a show in on thursday the next night after the benefit show i was headlining a show in bel-air maryland oh yeah that looked like a nightmare oh buddy yeah so

it was good money uh and um uh yeah so i fucked up like kind of fucked up and i didn't realize how i i felt like bell i just struggled to put my glasses on yeah that was tough my beanie on uh i leave my beanie on like all the time now because like it just feels so cozy yeah because your hair it's cold yeah yeah it's hilarious yeah uh so bel-air i came home it was another long day i had to go i had to go straight the night before i stayed up really late writing a report i had to write another report that was due the next day so went to went home went straight to a bar start typing away and uh i thought bel-air for some reason was like 20 minutes away it's an hour dude it's an hour away yeah so i because you're basically in pennsylvania at that point really yeah bel-air is like pretty far north isn't it yeah so uh he was like guys if everyone

could just be there by seven the show starts at 7 30 and i was like i don't want to get there at seven i'm closing out i'll just leave at like seven and then uh thank god i checked the time at like 6 45 see how long and i was like holy shit so i get my car and i'm like driving over yeah the timeline still kind of works though it still works i got there plenty of time but right it's in bel-air at this place called the main tower or something and it's just like a seafood restaurant uh-huh and it's like old school not like old but it's just like a a regular ass restaurant like where they're trying to be fancy but there's nothing fancy about it right so i just go to the so i go and i walk straight it's like this long hallway and there's like tables on side it's almost like like uh uh

i don't know like it looks like a chain restaurant kind of yeah and in the back it's just a bunch of tables and there's probably like 40 people there but they're all sitting at like tables so it doesn't look like it just looks like a dining room yeah it looks like it looks like somebody started doing stand-up in the middle of dinner somewhere yeah exactly yeah so i walked in comic on stage is doing okay and uh and i was like god this is gonna be a nightmare and it's all like old white people yeah and this old white dude went on before me and his first joke was and he was like kind of one of these like old white guys who thinks he's like tough uh-huh he's like a trump supporter white guys who thinks he's tough. He's a Trump supporter.

I love that. He wears Facebook t-shirts. His whole act was making fun of liberals. It was so funny. He's like, you ever been on the road and you see one of these people who they text and drive? He's like, look at their bumper. It's always an Obama or Hillary bumper sticker. Never Trump or Bush.

Swear. I swear. Next time, look. Yeah. Look for these people. And that was the whole joke. I was just like, I was laughing so hard. He did 15 minutes.

He was supposed to do like seven. Oh, wow. Well, yeah. I mean, when you're killing that hard, you give the crowd what they want. And oh, boy, he was real bad. And he was bombing. Oh, wow. Yeah.

I'm picturing with one of those shirts uh where it's like yes i'm a coal miner yes i was born in may and you don't fuck with me because i'm a libra he had on like one of those like old like 50s like red sweater with the shirt uh collared shirt under oh looking just real republican like kind of like grandpa republican yeah he's old yeah he's like i couldn't be a people say you should be a pop should be a politician i can i just you know i like to speak freely and it's just like shut the fuck he's like the thing about that is i like to say the n-word without impunity yeah i like to say slurs you know what i mean yeah it's just like god dude i was like it's funny but you're not being funny it's fine if you're funny but you're not being funny be funny that's it just be funny right and it's a second

time apparently but yeah it's just so weird like it's if you're gonna go after people you have to be so funny oh yeah of course you have to be funny and it was bad so then it's my turn and i'm like all right i'm gonna fucking bomb so hard right now because they're gonna hate me yeah dude i i fucking cry i mean like yeah crushed some of those shows are the best because you go into it with such low expectations and you feel free enough to fuck around because you're like this doesn't matter at all so it actually puts you like in the best headspace for comedy where you're like oh i'm just gonna have fun there's no stakes and i don't care i did not care yeah no stakes that was two whiskeys in okay that helps too yeah dude the first joke i went up it fucking just

murdered real quick now by the way do you when you go up to the bar, you're like, do you have any White Claw? And they say no. And you move on to whiskey. That's pretty good. Oh, I didn't ask for white. I just asked for whiskey right away. That's how bad it was. No, no.

I just, I had a whiskey at the bar. And then when I drove over there, I was like, I'll just have a whiskey. I didn't even think White Claw. I didn't think they would have. They did not have a White Claw. I know. That's what I was picturing. Just like this place.

You're like, yeah, can I get can I get a white claw like a what now you're like all right just a whiskey yeah yeah oh this guy is tough yeah from like one yeah it was great I mean crowd work just yeah all my all like literally all my jokes worked nice it was a hilarious like even my like talk I have this joke about toxic masculinity yeah like I don't know if they would know what it is but they do because they hated the gillette commercial so much oh my god i was like have you guys heard toxic masculinity this old white lady is like yeah it's bullshit and then i just got in her face i was like shut the fuck up lady and i killed i was like yeah there goes your toxic masculinity and it's just like that's awesome it was great yeah i found out like uh because i kept fucking with her a lot

during the show yeah she is the minority whip for maryland for them so she's a republican that's like in the house of delegates or something i guess something like that yeah the minority whip or whatever i was like whoa that's so weird and uh the show before me she was saying the n-word a lot, apparently, because some black comic said she could say it and she just went ham. Could you imagine if someone had a video of her publicly saying the N-word? It sounds like she would win. Yeah.

I mean, it sounds like she represents people that are into that. Yeah. And then it was nice. Yeah, it was cool. I did very well. It was a super fun show. Yeah. It was just nice it

was just nice to like not have to think about anything and you're just murdering yeah and uh yeah and people were really nice afterwards this group of women came these uh women these broads came up to me like oh i'm so glad that you were here i was just so sick of all these like bad comics bad like white like because apparently there's like a couple of uh like trump they're like it was just nice to bring to bel-air like some diversity because i guess they were like kind of liberal woke older women okay and uh yeah they were nice and it was funny because during the show the whole time i thought i was in perry hall which apparently are two different things. Yes. Which is Perry Hall not in Bel Air?

I think they're just separate towns. Okay. I did not know that. And apparently there's like a rivalry. Of course. High school, whatever. It's always two shitholes that are like, man, fuck the other shithole. So I kept saying like, oh, it's nice to be in Perry Hall.

I didn't think it was going to. So I said Perry Hall like three times during my set. And finally, that old white lady was like, you in bel-air and i was like oh really and then i don't know why but i was just like oh i saw carrabbas i was like i guess i'm in perry hall and they thought that was so funny oh the rich people eat their carrabbas like oh we do have a carrabba pasta girl yeah it was great that's awesome man yeah i love when that and like something like that like yeah unexpected times yeah where it does feel uh sounds lame but like communal where it's like you are comfortable like talking to them and like having them say

shit and riff on it yeah bust on them and stuff i love that which you don't get that much in dc it's very rare yeah that's uh yeah where something is like yeah everything feels like it's a little bit raised up in dc like it's always more formal yes and if people do talk they'll say like one word and then shut up it's not like you'll have a flowing and then like because then what happens is is like you try to this crowd work or conversation with them and they're just like not giving you anything so then it's just awkward yeah fucking speak yeah it's fine talk well they're like well they're like okay i don't want to be made fun of that i don't want to offend anybody here i don't want to be

think i'm offensive you know what yeah just go ahead yeah that's yeah that's why ramin show is so fun like just riffing with the audience because that's essentially what it is yeah somebody was asking about they had a it was about like queefs or something like that and there happened to be a whole family uh table i think it was like 11 people that were family and they were from i think they were iranian i think and so i don't know but so uh so we were talking to them and then he was like queefs uh Queefs, do you guys know what a queef is? To the family table. He's like, how do you say that in Farsi or something?

I was like talking about farts. And he's like, how do you say that in Farsi? I'm like, I'm pretty sure it's fartsy and pussy fartsy, actually. So it felt fun to just say stupid shit like that all night. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Who was the other person? Candice. Candice Saunders. Yeah, night. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. Who was the other person? Candice.

Candice Saunders. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the show was so good, man. It was a blast. It was a nice week of stuff. It was like back-to-back, like crazy, busy weeks. Yeah, it's nice when it's like that. Yeah, and then be like, ooh, now I can earn my lazy.

And you get a break. And you get a break. Speaking of a break, let's take a break right now. God, we did it. We made it, huh? Listen, thank you everybody for listening. We hope you're having a wonderful Christmas and no other

holidays. Just Christmas. It is. Yeah. Listen here. Follow me on the gram and Chris Allen kept getting pissed when I kept saying the gram. He told me. He's like, dude, Josh, I'm gonna get so hard. Yeah, he kept being like, I'm going to get so hard. Dude, he was so funny this weekend.

Oh, really? Nice. He was great. He was so good. Yeah, there was one point in one show where it was like 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. And he did 20 and I had to follow and I was like, ugh. Ah, yeah, that's tough.

He crushed. He's hard to follow because he's just so big and loud especially with 20 minutes and you're like all right now i got 10 i know yeah i mean it ended up being okay but it was not like the level that he was crushing uh yeah let's see stuff to promote i'll be at uh the beer baron the comedy club the comedy loft on the 8th doing a perfect liars club and then on the 17th somewhere here in baltimore i'll get more details on it but it's some like warehouse show or something uh and i don't know brian preston asked me about it it's i don't know it's uh fuck what is the name of the place it's like just outside of canton they

have a bunch of like lofts and like workspaces, and they're going to do a show over there or something. Yeah, so yeah, I'll have more details on that if you follow me. On the gram, at Josh Kaderna. That really is Baltimore in a nutshell. It's just like, let's make comedy more difficult. Yeah, the place probably has a name. I hope it does.

But yeah, and then I'll be featuring at Magoobies at the end of the month. For who? I forget. Some lady. But that's going to be January 31st through February 1st. But yeah, I'll look it up right now. And yeah, that's all I'm doing right now. Cool.

I got December 31st, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and I will be in Lorton, Virginia at the Workhouse Arts Center hosting a New Year's Eve show for Ramin. That's going to be so fun. January 2nd,

for some reason, we're doing gin and jokes, so for the love of God, please come. Get those emails out. fucked up and then uh uh there's some other dates that i'm uh fucking up january 11th i yeah i don't know yet that's not set in stone but february uh seven uh well february 6th another Gin and Jokes, February 7, 8, 9 I'm featuring at the DC Comedy Loft please come, it probably won't exist by then

no, it's a great club, it won't exist it's so nice they booked it thrice and then, oh this is exciting 13, 14, 15th I'm featuring for Mark Norman in February in St. Louis Helium Comedy Club Road Dog I'm featuring for Mark Norman in February in St. Louis. Yeah.

Helium Comedy Club. Road Dog. Road Dog. Hell yeah. Dude, I got round trip tickets to St. Louis. $170. That's amazing. Fucking tight. St. Louis is a really cheap city, too.

I heard. Yeah. Shout out to Karen for getting those tickets. And then the 22nd, I'll be hosting at... What's Kurt Shackelford's room called? The Post... Positano. Positano.

So come look out for all that. Yeah. If you know people in St. Louis, tell them to go to Helium. Yeah. Get out there, Jon Hamm. Yeah. All right, guys. Thanks for listening.

Yeah. Merry Christmas and all that stuff. And we'll talk to you next time. David Koechner, take us out. Dick Russian Sessions, coming to an end. Thank you. Bye.