The Digression Sessions - Ep. 308 - Josh & Umar

Episode Date: January 27, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar catch up on the week and talk micro penises for a while. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Tage Network. That's a Gotti. That would be a good podcast. There's just crying in the background. We should never address it. Yeah. So how's Karen doing? she's great dude she's doing really well she's thriving right now honestly she's living her best life yeah dude she's she's just a total yas queen just really going for it yeah uh my karen is doing a

bar class right now oh and so they always try to like gas up the people. To be like a bartender? No, no, no, no. Umar, you think she's trash? No, it's B-A-R-R-E. I dated a girl who took bartending classes but never did anything with it just for fun. Yeah. I dated a girl.

Yeah, Umar. Yeah, yeah. Karen, oh, a girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, never mind. Whoa. Karen. Can I talk about that thing you brought up the other day? With the guy with the scar on his head?

Well, it doesn't matter. It's just a fun story. This is going to be bad podcasting if she says no. Karen, you can't say no. Karen hooked up with a guy with a micro penis. No way. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

Well, I thought that's what's crazy. Like, I feel like if I had a micro penis i would be like hey by the way fyi right wouldn't you yeah well that's why i feel for i i feel for women though because like everything with with chicks is like as advertised pretty much you know what i mean you're like you're like yeah look at the rack on her you know what i mean well i've been with yeah where you're like yeah it's like smell like real smelly that's bad this is bad yeah but that's something you can fix micro penis you're stuck with that like it's it's not like you're like yeah i know i got a micro dick was it still enjoyable

um you know i think sure but also you didn't have much i don't know one can hear karen she's saying he had I think I had drinks in her. Sure. But also, I think he... You didn't have much... No one can hear Karen. She's saying he had... She had drinks in her, but not much penis in her. I think he overcomplicated it. He was like, real dirty talk.

Oh, and you like that? Well, okay, easy. This is getting weird. It's probably to distract. Karen said he did a lot of dirty talk. He did a lot of dirty talk he did a lot of dirty like before or during because i'm thinking you you do that as a distraction tactic you know what i mean like what's his dirty talk he's like god my dick's so adequate in there yeah you didn't

even notice yeah yeah oh yeah i'm gonna move it in a clockwise circle now i just feel like yeah like i and he like because he never addressed it at all so karen's friend uh also had sex with a dude that had a micro penis and it was another thing like he didn't address it either and it's it's a weird thing it's it's a 50 50 because you're like all right I going to ruin my chances of having sex if I say this? Yeah, if we get there, you know, it'll be what it'll be. Because I think the guy's like, I definitely want to try to close the deal. I know it's going to be a disappointing deal, but I want to do that. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Was it because of the microphone? I think she met him in a different state or something like that. It was like a friend of a friend hookup over a weekend, I think. God, that sucks. I think that I knew a girl who dated a guy with a micropenis. Dated? Besides my girlfriend, yeah. Dated?

Dated. And he was way older than her. He was like, my dick might be small, but my personality is huge, babe. I swear. He's just like a loser. And so that's why she stopped dating him. But I was wow you're a loser with a micro penis yeah he's like a little he's like a baltimore hipster guy he uh he used to do like i don't i'm not gonna say his name but no one knows who it is unless they've probably fucked him i know two chicks who've

hooked up with him so it was funny because years ago my buddy she told me she was hooking up with that she hooked up with him he has like the tiniest dick ever and then my friend told me she was dating this guy i was like oh yeah i know his dick is like super small tiniest dick ever yeah damn i gotta know what this guy's dirty talk was boo yeah omar's obsessed though now yeah yeah he was bald too i'm getting a window into your care and likes bald guys with tiny dicks i'm getting into it yeah i'm understanding your dynamic now he's like tell me that what she said babe yeah babe hey babe uh tell me the nasty shit he said yeah i mean just you know like for the podcast not for me babe right not for me babe

gross come on babe well it's just. I just think I would be... Oh, man. That's so... I mean, I'm already not self-conscious, but I know that I'm not like, well, wait until she sees this. Or like... Oh, yeah. There's nothing impressive.

This is going to be a memorable dick. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing impressive. I got this a lot. I was just like, you have a really pretty dick. I've gotten that. I've gotten that a lot.

Pretty dick. Pretty dick. Thank you. I've gotten... Yeah yeah i've been told by no yeah well it's also i mean this is the first time i've ever told umar i'm not like bro last night was pretty good she said i had a pretty dick i've had multiple girls yeah say that and then i had one girl say it's not too big and it's not too small it's perfect yeah you got that gold that goldilocks dick the only compliment we want it's big it's you know it hurts well see i don't want that see but i don't want that either because that like that would bum me out because i'm like you're lying yeah oh i've had girls say like oh it's so big and then it

takes me out of it i'm like come on let's not yeah yeah what are we doing we both know what we're doing here yeah yeah let's not make believe yeah let's not let's not yeah but you also don't want to be like damn this is so adequate baby yeah it's just like oh it's fine it's crazy it's fine yeah um hey everybody uh welcome it's the Big Sash here. Hello. Yeah, we took a week off from scheduling and all that stuff. Yeah, technically. Because, yeah, we did the Tim and Dylan app, which was a lot of fun. And then, yeah, took a week off. That was last weekend, though, right? No.

Last weekend, I was in D.C. All right. Yeah. And we took a week off. But it's all good. It's all good. So, hello, everybody. Hope you enjoyed that.

It's a very mild winter we're having this mild winter is that the podcast now we just talk about the weather yeah so how about that local sports team it's so crazy it's like it's not really ever been that cold we had like there's been two days where it was like winter i was gonna say i feel like we had like a week though like a stretch of it was like winter. I was going to say, I feel like we had like a week, though, like a stretch of it being like the high was like twenty nine. Yeah, but not like yesterday. I was like, damn, I need to go for a run. It's not cold. Yeah, we went for a walk.

We worked out and we I was like, yeah, the fuck is going on. Yeah, I'm such a pussy about running when it's cold, too. And I was like, all right, I have. It was like fifty days all day yesterday. I had to buy a thing for my phone oh yeah sleeping it looks like a little sleeping bag it's for your phone yeah keeps it warm when you run because your phone like i guess when it's really cold it uses a lot of battery very quickly it just died you could be on 80 and it'll die it turns off yeah after like a mile yeah yeah you're just like fuck yeah i think i

need to get a knee brace i'm getting old like fuck yeah i think i need to get a knee brace i'm getting old like every time i when i was running yesterday i was like damn my knee hurts yeah i had a knee brace i mean it's probably my form is probably bad too but um you know it's too late right right fix any of that shit so yeah man yeah man yeah um yeah shit was a was a yeah so yesterday yeah we just had like a yuppie day of just like we went to like trader joe's i went for a run and then i was like we were we were asleep by like nine o'clock dude we could yeah we didn't do shit yesterday we got up and uh i got mad early and uh yeah we just like ate breakfast went to the gym yeah then we like we couldn't figure out what we wanted to do karen thought she had this bridal shower this morning so we she was like i

gotta go buy like a card and wine and stuff so we did that then we went to food market yeah and had the worst meal i've ever had paid a hundred dollars for a bad meal it was it's frustrating and then it's just like do you complain i didn't want to complain but i think i'm gonna write them a letter i don't a letter now okay i was gonna say what the fuck you're gonna go get postage yeah cut to umar with like a feather quill dipping it yeah touching your tongue with it yeah by candlelight dearest food market yeah to whom it may concern i frequent your establishment yeah my meal over the morrow was yeah but it's just you don't know what to do

because like people they so they're still doing restaurant week yeah and uh the appetizer was whatever and then the entrees come and they're so they're like bad like bad bad and they asked you like hey how is everything and like i don't know there's that uncomfortableness where you just want to be like yeah this is not good i think you tell them i think you say like look we're not looking for a discount or anything but i think the kitchen should know that they're fucking the food up yeah it was bad because yeah i mean if you're not doing well like mean, if the whole restaurant's getting that food, then that's not good for them. Yeah, it sucked. It was just like such a...

It just sucks when you spend that much money. Yeah. Because you're like, dude, we could have went to Golden West for less than half of what we just paid. And you would actually, like, enjoy it. And we would knock your dick in the dirt. Yeah, it would just be normal. It would just be food that we didn't have to cook. Right.

But I was like, I can make better steak than this. I can make better chicken than this. This is insane. This is insane that this is on your regular menu this these are 25 30 dollar entrees yeah that's crazy that is kind of the um the goal where it's like all right it doesn't have to be incredible but i shouldn't be able to do it yes yeah yeah yeah exactly like that's the whole point of eating out well not the whole point you don't have to clean yeah well yeah so paul paul came over on friday and we did some more editing on my special start to come together which is fun um and then uh and then we went out to rocket

afterwards and karen came with us and it was great it was easy like we just got i got like wimpies which is nice little tiny burgers They had pierogies, which were good. It was nice. Nice little venture out. I don't go to Rocket that much. Yeah, I hadn't been there in months, so it was cool. And then it was still in time for the happy hour, so you get those three beers for three bucks. Oh, great.

That's great. It is great. It was nice, man. What are you going to do? I'm still doing my sober month. Oh, yeah, yeah. I almost caved yesterday. Dry January, baby. I know. It's going okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. I almost caved yesterday. Dry January, baby.

I know. It's going okay. Going all right? Yeah. Not drinking is kind of easy for me. Uh-huh. But then it's like the social aspect. You're just like, what do we do?

What do we do? What do we do? If you're not drinking, do you just realize all weekends, all weekends are just, like, going out and drinking? Yeah. You don't do anything. It makes you feel like just a simpleton, too. Yeah. Because you're just like, well, if we're not drinking, what are we supposed to do?

What are we going to do if we don't booze? Because it makes it so easy. It's like, you want to hang out? Sure. Let's go grab a drink. Exactly. Like, last night at the food market, we're just like i was like this sucks i was like we should go to another bar after this but then i was like i don't want to drink but i

want to do something i don't want to just go home yeah and yeah but that's the thing if you don't if you're not drinking it's just funny it's like let's go to a second location and uh yeah what do you do i think that's let's go look at books speaking of like uh tim d Dillon, I think food becomes the thing where you're like, all right, let's get dessert somewhere else. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because you still need an activity. Yeah.

So I think it becomes like, yo, let's get some more food, you know? Oh, speaking of the bar thing, circling back with Karen, not bartending class, but it's like the new thing where you exercise with a ballet bar. Oh, wow. She was saying like in their class they have to do all that stuff of like like if you hit a milestone where it's like this is your 200th class or whatever it's like can we put you on the instagram and say you're the bad bitch of bar you know it's like you're the queen just like uh no i don't want to do that you know it's just so funny

how much they have to like gas you up oh yeah just exercise it's it's fine i know yeah you don't have to be like yas queen you are slaying the bar well they're there i see people who like every time they're in the gym they have to like post uh instagram yeah story or something yeah and it's just like did you i was like yeah it's just weird it's like why i guess if it keeps you motivated then do it. Yeah. Right. I'll do it sometimes fucking around because I like to wear like that chain. Yeah. Necklace.

They're not necklace, but like the chain thing when I do dips and stuff. And it just looks so stupid. But yeah. Yeah. Some people have to. Yeah. Where it's like rise and grind. Like, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those dumb shirts on. Uh huh. And I, I don't know i just feel like if if i i just don't what's the point of posting it what like what do you get out of posting it i mean what's the point of posting anything nothing it's all for likes that's why i told myself i'd exclude like every

now and then like i'll post like stuff out of my life but for the most part i do comedy stuff because it's just like this is weird this is i don't know if i like the whole thing is weird where it's like yeah where it's like here's a picture of my breakfast and it's like i don't know it's weird i mean sometimes i don't mind but it is funny that's like the new entertainment like i wouldn't like if you had a show where it's like me making eggs it's like i have no way am i tuning into that but on instagram like oh umar making eggs yeah yeah yeah story and then like oh this person's at the mall and then you look at that shit for like 15 minutes you're like what am i doing yeah like uh like look at this cocktail i'm like it's funny it's so funny like my brother got

off instagram for a long time and then he recently got back on and he's it's just so weird how the like just even like the trends and what you post change so like when rahil got off of instagram people were still really into posting like food pictures and drink pictures and like but like on the on the timeline on the timeline but also stories i feel like that's kind of gone away i don't see that many food pic pics or posts anymore yeah i see some but it's not like it used to be it was a lot and rye hill like all of rye hill's instagram stories are like food drink and like it's just like i'm like oh it's so weird like his instagramming is like from like five years ago yeah you know yeah it's like it's like

it's stuck in time yeah like he comes back he's just like so are we still doing like the four square check-in thing or what do we do yeah my buddy had an idea for that where it's like jesus comes back like everybody's just like you know the second coming will be here and then if jesus does come back but what if he's just like mildly annoying right and. And he's just like, man, I just found out about this new band. Oh, really? Who are they? He's like, the Strokes.

Do you like the Strokes? Yeah, we kind of know about him, dude. You don't want to be rude because it's Jesus. Yeah. Listen to this song. You're like, yeah, we got it. We got it. But it's kind of what Raheel's doing.

Yeah. Why did he come back then? I don't know. Like, it's weird to what rahul's doing you know yeah why did he come back then i don't know like it's weird to not do that stuff he posts a lot of like mirror selfies too he'll post selfies yeah that's a weird thing too uh for dudes i don't know why it is more weird for dudes it's uh is he just thirst trapping just putting it out for the girls probably that's all that's what a lot of it is yeah yeah you know he's a little thought that's okay that's like pretty much all of women comedians now it's all thirst trap in almost every city dudes are doing it too it's weird it's weird how like uh i guess

it makes sense just it's like watching behind the musics as a kid where motley crew's like yeah then we snorted ants and i've been pissing my pants for a week and i was a i almost died so now like all the bands are like okay i want to have like a green juice and i want to make sure i'm rested i feel like that happened with comedians too of like being like coked out in the 80s and everything like yeah like to be a popular comedian you need to be cool like you can't just be like there's no real schlubs that are popular no like like like and everybody's getting ripped and everybody's like being healthy yeah well i mean maybe bobby lee is the last one but like he's a sober guy agora but he tries to be in shape too and like and like him and bert have a podcast and they're like they advertise their uh thing called whoop it like measures like

how much you sleep and all types of like stuff and he's like i love it i love knowing how much sleep i have i have eight hours i feel so much more productive you know what i mean yeah but that's just society in general is trying to be healthier like yeah like you know like uh even like like like what like no one even thought like we were just watching the show uh and there's like something about like baby food in there and the guy's making like baby food from scratch it's just like all the baby food we ate had like artificial flavors and artificial coloring and oh i never even thought about it and no one gave a shit that they're feeding their kids that there was no parent in the 80s that was like well what's in this jar there's like it's baby food yeah there's like a sweet potato flavored stuff

and it's like the what do you think i'm just gonna boil a sweet you i don't have time to bake a sweet potato you asshole i'm not gonna boil a sweet potato that costs 19 cents yeah exactly what are you nuts yeah yeah i think yeah our friends do that with their dog food too like they'll buy um like big things of chicken at Costco for, like, super cheap. Just, like, a massive thing. Oh, wow. And then they'll boil it and shred it and have, like, carrots and put it in with the dog food. And you're like, yeah, that makes sense.

Like, that's another thing I never thought about either. It's like dog food is just mostly terrible shit. Yeah, I don't even know what it is. It's the shit that's left over at the factory when they're, like, making chicken nuggets. And they're like, all right, just put that in the bin. Oh, for real? I mean, I guess. I don't know.

I mean, what do you think? It has to be, like, bones and eyeballs and, like, hooves mixed with, like, a little bit of grain. I think we buy organic dog food. You can, but I'm saying- I just fucking suck eating the same shit every goddamn day. In pellet form. Yeah.

And it's just, like, this- It's just, like like smells like shit yeah i mean they are into it but it makes you think because they i wonder if they even think it tastes good i yeah i don't know i probably not because they want our food well that's another thing too like we get mad at dogs like don't beg it's like if you had to eat fucking trash off of the floor all the time you smelled a steak you'd be like i'll i'll kill you i was thinking that too like whenever we walk him like today we walked him and uh he'll always try to eat like you know scraps like like someone left fries or like pizza or whatever that's on the ground we're like no we're like

cop no and he's just like what the fuck why are you not letting me eat yeah you're like what are you doing this is free fucking food like you're being a real dick yeah he's just like what the fuck why are you not letting me eat yeah you're like what are you doing this is free fucking food like you're being a real dick yeah he's just like what are you doing also this isn't your pizza i'm not taking it from you yeah i'm sorry did you want this crust i know it's just so funny you fucking dickhead idiot you're a dummy cop yeah he's fucking idiots boo now he eats his food so fucking fast oh wow so fast like a poor kid yeah pretty well i mean well like a fat kid on a diet yeah that's what we did so we had to put him on a diet and then we got um he's he got fat he was pretty big they told us that cob needs to lose some weight yeah no they shamed me at the vet wow uh because yeah i mean he's a fucking chihuahua yeah and if you look at old

pics he does look a little more rotund yeah but it's tough to tell when you're around him like every day but it's not like he was like insanely obese but at the vet she was like okay um i'd say okay he's about 14 pounds we'd like to see that around like i think she said 10 i'm like no way holy shit he's at he's at around like 12 now which i think is like good like you can see like his ribs and shit i'm like i'm not gonna get him down to 10 but yeah he's like well it's just important because you know he's such a little guy any extra weight is gonna be really tough on his joints i was like all right well that makes sense they're like yeah we'll do it she's like well how much do you feed him i was like like a

i don't know like a cut like not a lot she goes well i'm sure it's not a lot to you um all right lady jesus christ dude i've been putting like uh i made pot roast and i've been putting like the the beef broth or gravy or whatever on top of his food he fucking loves it that's great yeah he like won't eat until i would do it yeah he's like no no uh make it good um yeah we did that growing up do people used to leave their dogs outside like all day some people still do dog house remember dog houses i never like people used to live in a dog dog used to go in a dog house yeah no i never i mean i never liked even growing up i was like you gotta let them inside at some point right like it's weird to leave them outside i had friends who their dogs would just stay out all day and then just come

in at night yeah like in the lawn like in the yard right this dude cob does not want to be alone so if you're not outside he does not want to be outside it's really weird codependent i was just like i thought like he would just be in the backyard most of the time i'm like oh this would be fine he'll be in the backyard and uh we won't have to deal with it yeah you're just kidding you got that real immigrant mentality when it comes to dogs oh yeah we they're just like pets they're not yeah family yeah exactly like keep them outside what the fuck no my dog growing up when on sundays or like on weekends if we would make bacon we would just take the grease and just pour it in her food bowl oh you probably loved it she loved it oh yeah yeah but also i'm like oh that's so bad well you see these documentaries and uh

i'm just thinking because then when i got older it was like hey you're not allowed to pour bacon grease down the drain so i'm like imagine what it's doing to the inside of your body. I don't know, dude. I'm trying to do this all meat diet. Not all meat, but meat heavy vegetables. The carnivorous diet. I guess. So what's your cholesterol like, though, Bubby? I got to go get it checked. Yeah, because that's what people are saying.

Because they're like, this meat diet is incredible. But if you have cholesterol and heart problems, you probably know but all a ton of me all that science was apparently people are saying it was wrong god that's what's so annoying too like so like you're bad no eggs are good you gotta watch that documentary fat it's it goes through it and they cite there they show like um how we came to these like conclusions that like meat, like red meat gives you cholesterol and like this cholesterol is good, this cholesterol is bad. But really like they were making an argument that like you don't get clogged arteries from

eating fat. And I mean, they're blaming sugar yeah yeah and uh and for a while like sugar had this like for some reason they had like a strong lobby and the government was telling people to eat sugar if they were craving fat to eat sugar yeah isn't that crazy yeah and so they that's all just yeah it's all just money again so yeah like so then this guy on on this documentary he went on this uh i mean obviously it's like a handful of people but they have multiple like researchers saying the same thing that like they've done these trials and when people go on these like essentially like keto it's yeah these keto diets like you see diabetes go away you um people lose

weight they're like they're like yeah they're they're their cholesterol levels are fine like it's not a problem but the problem is that like a lot of these studied studies happened when like if it's like oh like because um heart disease like was becoming a problem. And then what some sitting president had a heart attack. And then that really put it into focus. And I can't remember. Sitting president. I don't remember.

I mean, there was a president who was in office, had a heart attack, and he had to be out for a little bit. And they blamed his diet. And he blamed his diet and that he was eating a lot of red meat but what they left out was that he was a huge smoker and then so a lot of these studies that are done like on people who had red meat and heart disease like they didn't account for the fact that like they were smokers they were sedentary they didn't eat carbs and sugar and bullshit. Yeah. So a lot of people are calling into question these old research studies that say red meat leads to cholesterol and you being more fat. Yeah. I know that Bill Clinton.

Oh, I remember that. He used to be a McDonald's head and then he had heart issues. Yeah. I don't think he had it in office, but he's like a vegan now and shit no yeah he's been he's been a vegan a while once you eat the flesh of children for so long yeah yeah yeah yeah he's a freegan when it comes to that you know people are like i mean i don't eat meat but if i'm at jeffrey epson's island i'll fucking eat them listen i'll drink the blood of the boar. It's delicious. I mean, I don't buy it, but if it's already at Jeff's Island, then yeah, I'll have some. Yeah, and another thing too is like there's so many different body types as well.

Like it's really tough to be like, here's the one thing that's going to work for everybody. For sure. But this guy went on there and he ate, he switched to an all-meat diet and vegetables, and like he got healthier. He lost weight, and he had other people do it diet and vegetables and like he got healthier he lost weight and uh he had other people do it and the same thing well you're also i mean it just makes sense too you're gonna lose weight if you're not eating carbs like carbs stick to you more like if you're just having meat and veggies that's not i mean that's a lot of stuff where it's just the protein and nutrients and it's not a lot of extra stuff but it's all it's also stuff people don't think about like

like oh so they told us he'd milk for a while like milk oh yeah there's so much sugar in milk milk is sugar it's nothing but it's nothing but it's well they also like add sugar to it as well yeah and then they and then i remember growing up like people like you got to get calcium you got it but they started at like calcium is added in milk it's not like yeah originally in milk and that's why like yeah and like most no species drink milk past infancy yeah that's why you see so many problems with uh dairy yeah because we're not supposed to be eating no yeah there's no other animal that's like sucking the the tit of you know it's like an adult bear it's like hey where's the milk at over here yeah uh gonna do um but no and then yeah you learn too that the fucking food pyramid was

was also the result of lobbying like the biggest part of the pyramid was like bread yeah you need bread to survive a lot of bread that's the biggest part yeah then they're like eggs and milk yeah and then orange juice too like cereal commercials be like it's a part of this balanced breakfast it's like a big ass thing of orange juice well they go into that part too and they go into the panel that made the food pyramid like these government panels that made the the the um you know like the nutrition um label on and how like it wasn't like that as intentional but it was it was just people kind of responding to this wave of like heart disease that was going in going on in the

country and just like i don't know like they just felt like they had to do something and a lot of like doctors and scientists pushed back and they're like there's no research to support what you guys are saying but i guess they just were like we got to do something well there also wasn't like enough research either probably at the time but um but it's a really good documentary because they go into all that and they show like they show like as it was happening they show the people who were saying there's no science behind it was it's very fascinating yeah and then just calling to question everything oh of course yeah well that's the thing, too, where it's like, then it's going to be, nothing's going to be perfect.

Because if it was, it'd already be available. It's like, if there was the perfect diet for humans, it'd be like, here it is. This works across the board for everybody. Yeah. Because, yeah, like, if you do have, like, I don't know, maybe you don't digest meat well or whatever, you know, it's like, you can't be like, all right, I'm going to do steak and fucking veggies forever um but yeah there was a similar documentary um that nancy pelosi that demon her her daughter made i think all about just sugar and how it like got to be

in everything and like high fructose corn syrup and especially like kids cereals too and how it's like marketed like to be like overstimulate like well super healthy but then the commercials are also like look at this thing this is fun wow this is crazy i want that yeah yeah because you want to do the game on the back of the boxes the game and then like the commercials were like tons of colors and stuff like even like the fucking like honeycomb commercials like they would have like bug eyes like this is great you're like whoa and then you eat it and it's nothing but sugar so then as a kid you get hooked to it because it's like fucking cocaine essentially for a kid yeah dude i fucking love cereal me too it is a great

snack i try to try to get the low sugar yeah i'm such i don't need cereal i haven't had cereal in years oh really i'll do uh I do the Trader Joe's. Oh, for breakfast? Mm-hmm. See, I just feel gross. I just do eggs and bacon or avocado or something. See, but I'm at work, so I have my cereal there in my milk. So I'll do that. And then, yeah, I'll do a banana.

And that's nice. It's a little bit of carbs, but I'm working out in the afternoon. No big deal. I'm waiting to work every day. What are you going to do, huh? Yeah, what are you going to do? What are you going to do about it? You've got to eat breakfast. What are you going to do about it are you gonna do breakfast what are you gonna do wake up earlier no no dude i i mean i just love fucking food anyway so hey don't we all been big

in the taco salads lately speaking of tjs they got this carne asada steak it's already like pre-seasoned stuff cut that up put that on some uh some spinach and black beans salsa sour cream crush some chips in there nice dude oh onions peppers oh it's so good it's so fucking good yeah karen always gets so mad too she's like you eat everything and you don't look fat like thank you thank you thank you yeah you're you're blessed that way god yeah. I'm a straight white male in America. Hey, what are you going to do? I'm evil. Did I tell you about the hardcore show I went to in Baltimore?

Last night? No. I saw Mace, your buddy Mace. Yeah, his band played. But yeah, I went and saw him actually. He was filling in for a band. I forget what the band was called. But yeah, it was at Auto Bar bar like rock club here in baltimore and uh the the stray white guy thing made me think of

this um that at the show the bands were playing not on the stage but on like the floor normally where like people stand and stuff yeah it's kind of cool like also makes it like fill in a little bit so like you're right there where the band is there's no like barrier yeah and mace was playing drums for this band like just filling in for a couple shows all right and uh he played drums yeah yeah is that what his instrument is yeah and then his uh his regular band is called cloud buster i think they have a band camp check that shit out uh but yeah so so uh i'm like standing there i have my beer i'm like wearing my old navy jacket just like all right at the hardcore show and there's like just a ton of like gross like micah kids and shit like that but you know it's whatever but it was funny too where i was just like man look at these

hippies get a job um So the band's setting up. It's just, it's Mace on drums, then a dude on guitar, and a dude on bass. And the singer comes walking up, and she's like, I don't know how tall. A woman singer?

A lady. Like, man, like over six feet, I think. Damn. Well, like wearing boots, has like black pants, black sleeveless. Is it war sleeves war on women no black sleeveless shirt and then uh wearing a belt that's made of bullets and speaking of chains she had two chains wrapped around her neck like industrial i would be like hey uh i don't like how you're

promoting gun violence oh yeah yeah what are those bullets for yeah not peace i don't think so um and then yeah like two big chains wrapped around her neck and uh black makeup like like uh going all the way across her face just like all the way across like from like her like ears across her eyes like it's like a strip of black oh yeah yeah like a band yeah like a band of it just right over her eyes and her nose, like all the way across her face. And she grabs her parents. She's a big fan. Yeah, things have gone well.

Great. Gone great. Yeah, there's no trauma or chip on the shoulder. Hey, man, she's just a free bird. There's no residual issues. Yep. And she grabs the mic and she just goes. And she's standing like from like me to you maybe like

i'd say like maybe a little more maybe like eight to ten feet maybe maybe a little less and she just goes before we start i just want to say if you're a straight white male at this show you're probably making somebody uncomfortable be aware of your surroundings cut that shit out and then they start playing she's like swinging this fucking we're making people uncomfortable you dress like a maryland you look like maryland manson you whore i i think i was like she looks cool like it's like rock and roll like a cool singer but it was just such a funny way it's normally like hey guys thanks for coming out what's up baltimore how you guys doing we're so happy you're here you know know, it's like fuck you.

Wow. Like my old name. Like I just look like I just want to say like pretty much 99% of people who listen to hardcore music, straight white males. You should leave. That was also like the people in her band too. Yeah, it's just like what are you doing? This is your demo. You fucking idiot.

But everybody was like, yeah, and swinging those chains around and i was like she is gonna hit me with that and i like had to back up i think she would have come close like she almost hit this girl in the face too that was behind her and i was because i was just watching that thing the whole time i was like she because she's like rocking around like moving around is that the band mace is in no this is he was filling in oh that's what i meant yeah yeah yeah so he's playing so that's why i was down there i was watching so he's playing drums in that band yeah and then it's like the other dudes in the band

are straight white dudes as well and i mean i knew i know mace is i don't know it's just funny it's just like i don't know it's so funny the genre that preaches inclusivity and diversity. It's like, you're the least diverse genre. Punk rock, hardcore, it's all white kids. You guys all try to look the same. You hate people who don't look like you. That is the funny thing. You guys are conservative.

You're a conservative in your scene because you don't like anything that sounds different than whatever bullshit that you like you don't like anyone who like it's just like oh wow what is this guy wearing j crew pants what a fag yeah yeah exactly you guys are you guys are what you hate it's so right and you're doing what you you're doing something to a group that you hate being done to you. Being judged is like a stereotype. Yeah, exactly. And it's like, go straight. Yeah. And I'm just standing there like, man, I'm sorry I gave you $12.

Yeah, yeah. I paid to be here. What the fuck? You know? Like, oh, man. Oh, my God. My bad. My bad.

I want to look her up. That's so funny. But also, I'm like, as she was saying it, and then they also played, like, she played clips. She might be trans because she played, like, clips of, like, conservative talk radio talking about, like, trans stuff. And I'm just like, there's a lot going on here. And good luck. Like, I wasn't even like, hey, leave me alone. I was just like.

That's another thing. It's like your issue has to be everyone else's issue. It's like, bro, most people don't think about you. Most people don't know you exist. Most people... It's just like, how is your issue...

How is... I don't know. This world's fucked up. Does transgender have to be the number one issue? If you're trans, yeah. I know you can't say anything. You're a straight white man. It's just like guys look look where you live is in baltimore is is discrimination against

transgender people uh uh the number one issue i'm not saying it's not yeah it's just like my god people like talk about it like i don't know the number one pressing like it's like an epidemic that's happening yeah it's just weird i was like i mean for me like i again i wasn't like wow that's so offensive i was just like that's so okay like yeah like it's just funny to have somebody like hey fuck you and you're like i didn't even do anything but then i was like obviously this is coming there's something more going on here than like to get attention for it, which is part of it, too. Yeah. Which is the other funny thing as well.

It's like you don't really care because of what you're actually preaching. If you actually practice that, like you're saying where it's like where it's like, if you're not this, then fuck you. It's like, well, that's not what you want to be done to you. Right. You're just saying this stuff. So other people like you can be like oh man yes that's what's up this person's so cool and also no one has ever changed anybody's mind about something at a hardcore show no one's learning at a hardcore show true no one goes to a hardcore show and leaves and is like man that chick with that shitty makeup and bullets around

her waist made some good points not only did she hit me with the straight truth she hit me in the face with a chain and i loved it yeah but yeah like yeah exactly yeah like nobody at the show it's not like some accidental like maga hat wearing person walked in was like wait a minute but even if they did nobody's mind has ever been changed by being like hey guess what you're a piece of shit the only thing you learn at a hardcore show is like maybe like up the proper way to put a patch on your jean jacket it's like how do you iron that on no but yeah like nobody nobody is learning from being like you're a fucking asshole and you fucking suck the way you think is dumb and you're a piece of shit like nobody's gonna be like you know what man you're right right tell me more about inclusivity yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah you know what i'm just a bigoted transphobic white guy yeah who just happens to love going to hardcore shows that's who i am i'm a i'm a hateful person that loves local shitty hardcore bands fronted by a transgender person and but yeah you really change my mind change my mind can i buy some of your vinyl yeah yeah that's not gonna happen but yeah it was uh kids man yeah it was funny it was you know yeah exactly yeah i don't know how old she is it's like i don't know i just thought it was funny i'm just like man i'm just getting old i guess just like okay i'm glad you kids are having fun oh yeah i think it's all going away i think it's all going away or it's gonna just be more and more segmented i think i think right i think it's gonna like it's gonna recede so it's just that block of people, not as this massive thing that everybody has to be worried about.

I'm not talking about transgender people. I'm saying like... The woke. The woke bullshit. It's not even woke. It's just like fake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's performative.

Exactly. It's literally performative. It's a person on stage... Yeah. I think that's... Telling people... Yeah. It's a person on stage telling people, you know, just like you're just yelling to people like, I hate straight white guys. I know. And like, I was talking to Karen about it and I was like, it's just so like, if you did that with any other group, you'd be such a, like if I was like, attention, black people.

You're probably making somebody uncomfortable. Hey, I just want to let Indian people know, if you're in here, you probably smell like curry, and it's making people uncomfortable. And it's making us feel sick. Yeah. One, two, three, four. Yeah. And Asians, you talk funny, all right? That would be like the hard, like, yeah, it starts out with like the hardcore crowd be like yeah yeah fuck straight white guys like as it gets more racist like i don't know yeah

i don't know about that yeah it's like uh people freaking out about joe rogan saying he was not even saying i endorse bernie might vote for bernie's like i might and people are like excuse me no bernie needs to denounce this right now. It's like, guys, nobody's fucking perfect. And also, the reach that Joe Rogan has is so much bigger. Yeah, what is Bernie? Why would he have to denounce? What do people not like about Joe Rogan?

The only thing about him that's annoying is he's not funny. That's it. I think he's funny. He's all right. Conversationally, yeah. He's a good podcaster. He's all right. Mark's fine he's all right conversationally yeah he's a good podcaster he's all right mark's doing it next week so there you go there you go um but now i speaking to trans stuff he has said some stuff that is like piss people i don't even know like yeah but what did he say he doesn't want trans women uh competing against people who are born women that's not a weird thing to say

yeah but yeah that's where people were like pretty pissed off because especially when it comes to like contact sports because i think what it was was there was a wrestler that was just yeah mma wrestler dude even track there's dude there's uh i wrote that yeah there's a trans woman who broke just destroyed the like track records in like a local uh you know high school female yeah track record it's just like that's crazy that should not be allowed yeah and then like if you say that like so we can't even say that you know that um we're just saying there's no such thing as sex anymore. Yeah. Sex is a choice now.

I mean, we don't have to get into it. No, I'm thinking about it. That's what the implication is. If trans women are women, then you get to choose your sex. But what their argument would be is that they're not saying they chose it that they were born as that as well like they've always felt that way well how would you be born that way if you're you're talking about you're talking about physically they're saying like mentally and like well that's the use to distinguish that with gender right but they're also just saying like

this got messed up is what is what it is so it's not like so it's like a weird thing how do you prove that just because you said it that's the sticky thing is like you can't yeah just because you said it somebody's like no no i was born gay i'm not choosing to be gay it's like the proof is in the the pudding of being like sexually active but it's like there's no way to prove mentally you've always thought of yourself as yeah another sex well what are you gonna do what are you gonna do what are you gonna do my thing is no one actually cares that much yeah all these people fighting on twitter what is like the statistics there's like only two percent of people on twitter are the ones uh posting the well also they're the

ones dominating the conversation even from that it's um fuck what yeah what is the stat it's weird it's something like less than eight percent of the country is actually on twitter yes of that eight percent there's two percent that are like tweet more than a certain number of times because the media they're so lazy and they're so bad at what they do now and there's they're trying to like there's so much competition yeah the media will make it seem like well this is trending on twitter so this is what everyone's saying this is this is what the country is it's like no this is what nerds and like insane people are arguing over on twitter it's just like i saw my friend

she posted a thing um an article that said like there's this new trend where women are using hashtag january and they're they're posting pics of their leg hair, armpit hair, blah, blah, blah. Did you post, you're like, hey, my hair is not your culture? Did you take that back? Are a lot of women doing this? Because I have seen zero of that in my feed. And all I see when I hit that search button on Instagram is just... Ass and titties.

Hot chicks who are, you know they have probably fake tits fake faces and i'm not seeing any hairy chicks so then i searched the hashtag only 5 000 posts using january yeah and then i looked up how many people are on instagram that are women yeah there's a about a billion people on instagram 52 are women? Yeah. So there's about a billion people on Instagram. 52% are women. So I did the math. It is 0.005% of women posting January. Right.

So how is that trending? Yeah. Why would someone write an article making how is that a popular trend making the narrative like look what all these women look at how it's just like it's this is a just a right immeasurable fraction of women that are posting hairy pics yeah so like even on twitter like yeah it's it's you know for it to be this is a trend or whatever like you're saying with like instagram yeah it's not it's not like like it's like this wave or like this revolution of people being like look at look at all the hairy women yeah like even on that like on twitter right now it's like

okay something that's trending is u.s congressman there's 8 125 tweets yeah the country has 350 million people i I know. And it's like, and I'm sure a lot of those tweets are from the same people as well. And it's, yeah, it's very annoying. Yeah. I really realized that when Shane was going through his thing, Shane Gilles, but it's like, he's trending on Twitter. It was 20,000 tweets.

Yeah. Okay. But then, but here's the thing. It's so when Shane got fired from SNL for being racist, which he's not, but that's the thing it's so when shane got fired from snl for being racist which he's not but that's what they said yeah uh because of the of how many just because those 20 000 people are on twitter we're talking about it the new york times time magazine the washington post cnn yeah fox news literally all these news outlets wrote articles about Shane, did video segments on Shane.

NPR did a morning segment where they played him saying that stuff in the morning on NPR. They have people on their way to work. Yeah. So then the news, because they have to generate all this content now 24 hours not not only is it 24 hours but when you take it to the internet you're constantly putting out bullshit so yeah it's got to come on all our feeds on twitter and the and in uh instagram and facebook so you're just published published published and you're just like all these people are like, anytime Louis C.K. does a show anywhere, it gets talked about.

It could be like the Baltimore Sun did it. It was a paragraph long thing. And it was like, disgraced comedian Louis C.K. is coming to Baltimore County. And it's just saying he was Me Too'd and he's going to be at Magoobies. That's it. It was a paragraph. That's what a great. But it's content.

And I saw it on Facebook and people want you to click on it. Yeah. But it's such a great distillation of his career. Got Me Too is playing Magoobies. I know. That was the first thing he said. He got up on stage. He was like, I used to do arenas.

Yeah. Now I'm at Magoobies. It was so good, dude. I mean, it fucking killed. it was surreal to see a legend. Yeah, I love that club name. I mean, I love the club, but it's so easy to make fun of that name. Oh, yeah. Because it's just like if you tell anybody, it's just like,

yeah, I'm actually going to be at Laugh Boston, and then I'm going to be at Magoobie. It just sounds like such a terrible club name. That was the best. We were hanging out with Tim Dillon, who's super funny. If you don't know him, you should check him out. He's been on, like, Joe Rogan,

and he has a popular podcast. And if you like this podcast, he was on it. Oh, he was on it. But he called, we went to go see him, and he called it, well, he kept making fun of Timonium. He calls it, like, a rest stop, blah, blah. He's like, you know, like, he's like,

he said, he was like, sex traffickers would get depressed by this. He's like, sure, yeah's like he said uh um he's like sex traffickers would would get depressed by this like sure yeah let's go somewhere else we gotta keep moving depressing yeah he was so funny man it was great um yeah dude it's yeah i mean i think that's just uh like you're saying i think that's hopefully gonna go away too and now people are getting more perspective on stuff and it's just like maybe not everybody gives a fuck about this and just it's also weird too it's like because 20 000 people feel away like it used to just be like okay well thank you dude the crazy thing is like even if you you know like sometimes like people would be like i don't care what you do do whatever you want even that's a

wrong response so like if someone was like yeah you hate trans trans people? And I'm like, oh, I don't give a shit at all. And they're like, you got to care. Why don't you care? And it's just like, I don't give a shit. You can't make me care. I'm not a bad person for not caring. I just want to pay my mortgage, not be fat, and do comedy. That's literally all I care about.

And you're not going to make me care about anything else. And I'm not a bad person i'm probably a better person than that chick i'm saying i'm a better person who knows who knows but yeah it's also also yeah yeah as i get older too i'm like uh it's just so funny like i just see myself just becoming more of a yuppie and oh sure i got my car washed and then the next day there was just bird shit all over it like it looked like birds just like god oh yeah it looked like they like got chipotle and they're like should we hang out here yeah just like a night like i was more mad about that than her being like fuck white people yeah that's fun i'm like oh i just got it

clean yeah like now i'm like parking like to avoid trees because now that like you're older and you see like a art school person yelling fuck straight white people you're like oh this person's poor they don't know anything yeah or or they live in a bubble right and you're also trying to get uh pats on the back from people in the scene already yeah i think that's what makes it so transparent and gross is that it's like do you actually care about this thing or you're just doing it for clout in your own i know little bubble well i heard uh recently from somebody that uh i guess some people who work at like this baltimore city public school headquarters i heard they were taught like some people like talk shit about me because i'm like oh my god can you believe the stuff he says on stage and he posts and it's just

like i'm like dude fuck you like you guys say way worse shit but you're too scared to say it in public yeah so like who actually means what they're saying and right isn't cosby like the best example of maybe who you are okay i thought you're about to go into a Cosby defense you're like maybe yeah he was touring those yeah and because he did bad stuff doesn't mean he didn't help their career shouldn't Cosby be like a great example of maybe I just leave it there yeah anyway uh that's all the time he's a great example he's a great example follow us on instagram yeah of at cosby defender 821 of maybe you're not who you are on stage off stage like you can people adults are can compartmentalize stuff well it's also always the the people that are like clean on stage like and make it a thing

of being like i'm clean yeah are always the worst off stage oh yeah and the people the same way that it's like yeah if you're saying fucked up things like most of the time you're a good person you're not you're not that person yeah stage because you're also getting it out and you're fucking around and you're saying stuff you're not bottling it up and being like i'm a good boy i'm the goodest boy i've never done a bad thing ever i'm perfect oh right i gotta tell you something about uh about that related to that person cosby or not cosby person now who's like woke and then i think people are people are talking about him and somebody recently made a vague tweet about it and it's about him i like that we're just like man twitter's bullshit's bullshit. You're like, somebody tweeted something. No, but it's another comic that we know.

Oh, okay. That we know of. Yeah. I think all that shit is just like, again, it's just like, oh, you're having fun playing make-believe. Where you're just like, yeah, I'm woke. You need to be woke. I'm actually great. It's like, don't do that.

Who's this for? Why are you putting it out there so much? Why are you doing an ad campaign, like a propaganda campaign to be like, I'm fucking great. You're trash. I don't know. People are. Who's this for?

But, you know, like they can't all be good people like us. No, that's true. Some of the best people around. That's true, man. You know what I mean? We're just. Yeah, I saw. Good taxpayers.

I saw somebody yesterday. One of my friends was in uh in hamden and he he was like he went into this old bar that's been there since like the 40s or 30s frazier's and he was like he's like oh since when did new hamden start hanging out in frazier's on a saturday night to you no he just made an instagram story and i was like bro you're new hamden to a lot of people like all the blue collar yeah i who lived here irish uh no casey was telling me that they're from like west virginia i don't know what it was okay well whatever all these white blue collar people yeah that were living in this neighborhood when factories were open and their parents worked there and

and then art kids started moving in. So who's New Hamden? You're New Hamden. Yeah. And then there's Newer Hamden. Well, it's also... It's all so stupid. Just let people live where they want to live.

Well, yeah. And when things are cool, people are going to go there. Yeah. What are you just... People are not going to go to a place because they're like, oh, let's leave it for the hipsters. Yeah. Well, also, it's like, man, it really sucks that property values are going up get out of here yeah yeah yeah i'm sorry sorry making the neighborhood better i don't know it's weird i know i yeah

because as a real piece of shit uh straight white male i'm like i'm like is gentrifying that bad i don't know if it is or not but what i I will say is the people who are the loudest about it, they contribute towards it. Yes, obviously. So I saw another girl who made a post about she's like, oh, I'm just sick of all these people coming to the city and gentrifying it and blah, blah. I'm like, you're that person. You moved here from Frederick. You went to art school here, and you frequent all the places that help this city gentrify.

I was going to say, where were you hanging out? You can't go to a cool taco spot in an old blue-collar neighborhood. That's gentrification. Yeah, where were you hanging out to get your cocktails beforehand? Yeah. Where did you go before Clavel existed? If you care that much, then stay in the county, go to Cheesecake Factory, and shut the fuck up. But no one will do that.

No, of course not. Yeah, that's the annoying thing, too. It's just like you are the thing you're complaining about. Really what you're complaining about is that the place you like to go to is crowded now. Yeah. That's what you're complaining about. Yeah. It's like to go to is crowded now yeah that's what you're complaining about yeah it's like yeah i always like that too it's like yeah it's like it's always kind of like dead in there i love it it's like so you just love that a business isn't doing well why wouldn't why is that bad or like why is that good you know there's so many people that come to this business doesn't think every group it's like they don't

care they just care about only things that affect them yeah yeah that's it thing. Every group, it's like they don't care. They just care about only things that affect them. Yeah. That's it. You'll never. Why are. Can't sound hateful, but you know, like you'll never hear a group be like, hey, you know what else is fucked up? This thing. Poverty.

Yeah. Right. Feminists aren't talking about poverty. Yeah. Like the thing that's most fucked up that i'm worried about has nothing to do with me but i can empathize like you're not really getting yeah it's like the issue that's your thing is right right and then it's like fuck you if you don't care about it's like what issues outside of your life do you care about that much or are you an activist

for yeah but you know this world isn't going to be a great place for women to live in until we get more women directors nominated for oscars josh that's how you fix it that's how you fix that's how you fix it i'm gonna boycott the oscars yeah imagine being such a loser that when the oscar nominations come out you post about like i have a problem with it i've seen multiple posts like like this is not okay and it's just like god shut the fuck up what are you doing who cares that the joker was nominated oh that's great yeah i love all those pieces too where it's just like uh listen this movie is not good for america it promotes a dangerous storyline

i have not seen it but i have to assume it's like okay yeah yeah so many people have an opinion about that have not seen it either it's like no one watches this and they're like yeah this is going well for this guy it's about a person that is breaking down mentally like if anything it's almost like a liberal um story in a way where because have you seen it no we almost watched it last night but we were like it's great and was already sad and i was like all right we're not watching this yeah yeah i mean it's not like a movie we're like this is uplifting it's done really well it's really good i saw it twice um but the main conceit of it is that like it's a guy that is like falling apart but he's trying and then he's on a medication he's on a medication

from like a city program they don't say what it is and then the city program goes away and he can't get his meds so it's like if there was a safety net in there like if anything it's like a liberal thing it's like bernie sanders would be like there would be no joker if he just got his medication you know like yeah he that would be his stance. Like, we need to fix Gotham and get rid of the Jokers. Yeah, it's really weird. Like, all, like, these liberals are, like, everyone's like a little Nancy Reagan. Like, oh, you can't say bad words.

Oh, no. Oh, we can't depict any imagery that's disturbing to people. It's like, since when in history has silencing artists ever been a good thing if you're silencing people who you like and that's another thing the people who are the the the first people to say like you gotta support art and art expression yeah they're the first people to tear stuff down talk about how much bullshit this stuff is these people are posers it's like you don't care about art. Yeah.

You just think you're good at it, and you're mad that your stuff isn't popular. Like that. Because you gained a skill that can make you no money, and you fucked your life up. Right, right. You're like, wait a minute. I should be getting an Oscar. Yeah. You're like, well, my band doesn't get any accolades.

It's like, yeah, because you fucking decided to play music that appeals to four people in art school right why no one gives a shit about you dude yeah that's a crazy part it's like i'm so sick of everyone's like you gotta support local art and artist expression it's like well then stop telling people what they can and can't say well i think that's what is so annoying too is that it's it's all under the guise of being liberal. But you're so liberal, you are now. You're a Nancy Reagan. Well, yeah, you are now conservative.

Yeah. Because it's like, listen, I'm the most liberal person, but you can't say this. You can't do that. I can't catch you here. If you're doing this, then fuck you. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like if you're liberal, you should be like, hey, that's not for me, but this is what I like. Yeah.

Like being conservative, it was a way to silence people like that's what it is yeah a trigger warning is a parental advisory sticker that's what that is you guys are such fucking idiots yeah like that is crazy to me so and then i i will say too that the whole thing that we're talking about like the kind of not hypocrisy but the funny thing is like the stuff that gets us so mad. I think that's such a small part of society. Oh, for sure. But it's a big enough part where you have to deal with it. Yeah.

You know where it's so frustrating. Because, yeah, it does get picked up where it's like this is trending on Instagram. It's like, yeah, it is. But who's actually doing it? Yeah. trending on on instagram it's like yeah it is but who's actually doing it yeah i'm fine with society's sensibilities changing and us yeah it's all this stuff is good yeah we're going in the right direction it's in and i want to go in that direction yeah i just don't want to see people lose their livelihoods and jobs and be like you know ousted from society for having like an opinion

that doesn't align with some 22 year olds with a septum piercing and half a shaved head and their parents have always paid for everything yeah and they're rich parents so yeah i was listening to moshe kasher talk about this and he's like yeah it's it's interesting because it's like it's sort of like like prison in a way where it's like well and we're also in like this era of like so now we're over correcting for everything so but hopefully it's gonna like come back to the middle weinstein's free is gonna keep just ruining third world countries you guys are doing a great thing also weinstein of just being like i couldn't have raped i need a walker now the tennis balls on my walker what a move yeah what a move um well they do that in the sopranos too right oh yeah yeah with uh uh junior yeah yeah and he's like what um no it's uh

fuck was i guess oh yeah so it's like when you when you do that when you're like this person's canceled it's like okay so now they can't make money and now they've been shunned by everybody it's like you're not really gonna make it better like yes these people need to be held accountable in some way but it's like sending somebody to prison and then they get out and then it's like all right now you have to say on a form if you want to get hired like were you a felon are you going to hire that person probably not so now further isolates them it limits their opportunities what they can do to make their lives better same thing where it's like hey fuck you you're canceled it's like right okay but when can i do stuff again you know you kind of should be allowed to like like hold on we got to talk to

our panel burlesque dancers to let us know when you can come re-enter society yeah we we talked to miss diamond silk and she thinks you're still canceled yeah it's it's it's just a weird thing where it's like yeah no fuck that person's like right right they definitely fucked it and there's degrees of it too which is gets lost as well where it's like somebody like shane gillis is and louis ck are just as bad as harvey weinstein you're like crazy or like kevin spacey who's probably like killed people and oh my god i think that yeah dude his accusers are dropping dead well and he releases videos the day after no the day before day before crazy is he still living here did you know he lived he owns property here that first video he made it in baltimore oh really

that's what somebody told me yeah somebody who worked with him but yeah i guess he had property because he owns something in fells or harbor east harbor east makes sense yeah but yeah he probably i mean probably when they were filming here all the time for uh was it cards house cards card when he was doing cards against humanity for uh netflix just a guy that just doesn't pay attention that's funny card uh that bridal shower karen was gonna go to or whatever it was bring a bridal shower yeah she uh you know they had like this registry on amazon and uh they had cart like it's just weird like some of the stuff people put on there it's like really dumb like stuff you don't need like a wine aerator you know when you open a bottle of wine it's like yeah who just put the cork back in you whore what are you doing

they wanted like a cheese board that like has like that cheese cutter thing so that's what karen got them and it's just like who needs that yeah who needs like the wire thing to cut the the cheese uh my friend ryan was was bitching about that of just like when he got married they had a registry and he was like yeah i want to like he was like oh i'm excited like i'm getting free stuff and then like uh his wife beth just like filled out most of it and he's like there's stuff like silverware he's like we have silverware what do we do it's like i haven't been waiting my whole life to get married so i could get free silverware it's like oh no more eating with my hands now i think the best thing is just have people pay for your honeymoon yes that's all we're that's all we're gonna do just do people

donate just contribute yeah because now everyone that whole shit came before people live together you'd buy your home when that's what it was like you're gonna need a toaster yeah so people would help you with all that shit yeah it's like now we got that man like you have if you're an adult and you're asking for silver like what are you doing yeah well and it what and then it's silly too because it's like well we need nicer silver it's like don't worry about that get yeah let pay for your trip to like fucking barcelona you know yeah but it also came from a generation who liked things our generation likes experiences yeah we don't like you know like we're we're doing this trend of moving back into like like people would rather

pay for like an expensive ass small apartment than like move out of a city and live in a big home yeah have a yard have a yard because people just want to live and experience city life yeah you want to be close to shops yeah because you want to have i don't know you don't want to drive to starbucks to get a fucking coffee can you imagine we did go to starbucks this morning oh we had fifty dollars i have fifty dollars in starbucks gift cards oh nice and you just put it all on the app it's amazing oh i meant to bring this up earlier uh we're at the end of the podcast actually two things i wanted two things i want to circle back to the uh micro penis thing oh please what what would you what would you do if you had a

micro penis well mine's pretty small already definitely uh not that small but uh not micro i guess i would um kill my no that's kind of the question would you i would look into surgery i don't think you can do it i think i would have to tell the girls like listen yeah i have a micro penis but i am gonna pay for dinner had a micro penis i think he just had a really small penis a micro penis is like no karen's friend was saying yeah like that yeah i think the one the guy karen hooked up with had a little bigger penis it might have been like an inch or so i don't know but yeah very tiny what do you do did their friend let him yeah i well i think he fuck i think he like went down on her more too because you kind of have to do that to compensate yeah but uh yeah yeah no that would be very i would i i would be very depressed a lot

like yeah damn because there's like no fixing that like imagine being like you're a horny teenager too and you're like oh no you know what i mean like as you get older you're like well at least it's gonna get bigger you couldn't have sex with any girl in your high school because they would tell you're done everybody even college too like especially in the in social media age and like how connected everybody is fucking a oh i don't know what i would do i dude i, go to support group. That sucks, yeah. That's rough, real rough.

Do you think there is micropenis support? I bet you there's a subreddit. 100%. Dude, I got to go to this micropenis subreddit. You know, it's actually a pretty big thread. I wonder how many incels have micropenises. I bet you way more. Interesting.

Yeah. Interesting. Probably a good amount. So, and then, yeah speaking of uh of going out um my credit card gives you like a spend analyzer oh yeah this is crazy dude like it's like you spent like this much on gas and this much when it said restaurants oh that was a bitty pretty big piece of the pie buddy for 2019 that's insane are you trying to cut that back yeah i mean i am so it's but so it counts it as like restaurants it counts as like

like going to anywhere from like uh like a alma cocina to going to starbucks sure dunkin donuts all restaurants yeah but all that shit adds up yeah so it was eleven thousand dollars which isn't insane it's about like 30 bucks a day a little more than 30 bucks but still wow crazy wow wow wow wow wow i was like wow because you know it's a lot but i'm also like holy fuck yeah i gotta get that in and get that in line yeah i mean that's why last night when we had that shitty meal it sucked it was that's like do we each spent like we split it thank god but it was like six with tip yeah it was sixty dollars each yeah it's nice you to still tip 20 yeah it's not their fault yeah exactly but i think a lot of people do that too

it's like well food was bad yeah they're not cooking we're not cunts but yeah it's just you're just like fuck yeah we've been trying to cut back but last weekend we went out to eat too and uh we went to the new true chesapeake place yeah you gotta go it's so good you're the second person i heard that said it was good great ambiance good food it's it's definitely like woodberry prices yeah uh i think it was do you like oysters not really karen does though well they have entrees they're small though but they're in they're expensive like well you know what was good i should have got rahul got the uh he got whatever the rib something the platter like their entree that will look pretty big i mean not for what it's still

it's like 30 but it's not like huge but it's filling but yeah just it's a great restaurant great ambiance great and dude we got hooked up we got free champagne my buddy owns like he's like a co-owner or something and he hooked us up very nice uh so that was nice but yeah uh yeah we just spent a lot of money then and i'm just like fuck god we eat out so much yeah but i know i enjoy it though i do enjoy and it's like we don't have kids and yeah exactly i was talking to my friend she's uh he's 42 and she has like a toddler she had a kid at 38 uh-huh and uh damn you know everyone's like oh you're living with your girlfriend you're gonna get married have kids i'm like i don't know i don't know if i want kids and yeah she's like

yeah you could just not i'm like yeah but then what do you do and she's like you just keep doing what you're doing you know you just yeah you can go out all the time you can travel vacation you can do whatever you want yeah i'm like i know yeah but it's a weird trade-off i think it's a grass is always weird. It does get old. Are you going to regret it? You don't know. And the people, there's no good reason to have a kid.

No one wants a kid for an unselfish reason. We're programmed to have kids. Yeah. Well, it's also like what you're saying, too. It's like, well, I want to have something to do. Yeah. That's why I think I would adopt if we do it. But she said she was like unless she's like

if you really don't want kids don't do it because it's so much work yeah man casey tells me some stories everybody that i know that has kids is just like it's non-stop yeah because it's not even like a dog where it's like all right you go sleep in the corner you know it's like 24 hours they're like yo what's up? I need this thing. I'm going to almost fall into this thing. Make sure I don't die. Well, I always think about like after work, I leave and I get mad if I get stuck at work for like an hour.

And because I'm like, fuck, I'm going to go to the gym, but I don't want to get out of the gym. And it's like seven o'clock. Yeah. And then because it's all me, like after work, I can do whatever I want. I couldn't imagine having to leave work go to your kids then take them to sports then cook them dinner then get them make sure they do their homework then get them ready for bed and then it's just like when do you get to just work out chill do whatever you want i'm like man why do people have kids it's crazy yeah it's uh it's a lot that's why i'm like, I'm 50-50 now.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what I want. Yeah. But then you're just like, you can't. What, are you just going to go to brunch every weekend? I mean, that doesn't sound terrible. It sounds, yeah, but there's something. I don't want to be those people because there are those people that you see around here.

They're like older, single. They're perpetually single, perpetually dating, complaining about being single. And it's like, well, you're probably part of the problem. A hundred percent. You're probably difficult to be with. Yeah. Otherwise, you would have found somebody. Yeah.

Yeah. You got to find somebody that's just as crazy as you. Yeah. I think if you're in your 30s and you're perpetually dating and single, it's just as crazy as you i yeah i think like once if you're like in your like 30s and you're perpetually dating and single it's just like you're doing something wrong especially if you're like man i just can't meet on the right people everybody sucks not me it's like what's the common denominator exactly yeah but you see those people and you're like like those social like social social lights that you say it?

Socialites. Socialites. Social media-lites. Social media-lites. And you're just like, I don't know why, and maybe this is backwards thinking, but there's something sad about seeing people in their 40s and 50s at places like The Crown, where it's like a shitty dance club for 20-year-olds and college kids. You don't want to be that person either. Definitely. like places like the crown you know where it's like a like a shitty dance club for like 20 year olds and college kids yeah you don't want to be that person either definitely not right but i

think i think you can always like level up to like you shouldn't be doing that shit that's the equivalent of like going back to high school or your college and be like what's up this weekend like yeah you did that like you got to find the next iteration of that true true you know like i think there are still like places you can go out without being like, yeah, we got to buy a boat dude. Yeah, we got to get a got to get a bow new frontier my life. Yeah, I'm going to get off land. Yeah, it's up in the water.

You know what I mean? We have boat parties. Hell yeah. All right, let's wrap. Let's wrap busy week for your boy. I will be at the Colony Club this Wednesday in D.C. Closing that out. I think the show starts at 8 most likely. Colony Club in D.C.

Check that out. Thursday, I'm in Baltimore at the Elk Room. Speaking of having a boat, that's in Harbor East in Baltimore. Who does that show? It's a one-off. It might be a private show for the rich Illuminati. I don't know. How did you get booked on that?

Matt Bergman is headlining, and I'm going to be opening forums. When is that? I might come by and watch. Yeah, it's at the Elk Room on Thursday. What time? I think 8. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'll come by.

Cool. And then I will be at Magoobies on Friday and Saturday featuring for Leanne Morgan. Hell yeah. And then Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday, I will be back in D.C. doing Mimos Haas at the Wonderland Ballroom. And I think that starts at like, I think it's like noon or two. Oh, wow. I forgot the Sunday's the Super Bowl. Yeah.

So this show is like a brunch show, speaking of. So if you don't have kids and you have disposable income, come out to the Wonderland Ballroom. And then I'm on Twitter and Instagram. Nice. At Josh Coderna. I'm not doing shit this week, but the first week is packed. Oh, actually, let me go to Instagram.

I have all my dates there. February. February 5thth i'm doing ragtime in arlington featuring you know february 6th gin and jokes at joe's squared isabel hagan super funny she's headlining she just did just for laughs and uh she's super funny uh february 7th through 9th i think that's friday Saturday, Sunday. I'm featuring downstairs at the DC Comedy Loft, or hopefully I am if that place could be on fire.

They wouldn't tell you. That would be nice if it was on fire. They could make money. Probably. But I still sell more tickets. February 13th through the 15th, I'm featuring for Mark Norman in St. Louis. St. Louis. Helium Comedy Club. Pretty pumped. I asked Mark, 13th through the 15th i'm featuring for mark norman and saint louis saint louis helium comedy

club pretty pumped i asked mark uh i shouldn't share that it doesn't matter i'll tell you and then uh february 22nd i'm at uh pasitano's how you say it pasitano pasitano's pasitano's but that's uh i think ramin's headlining that show so nice that'll be fun a lot of shows fucking a man fuck yeah all right thank you everybody for uh for listening and uh we'll talk to you next time and um we'll see you at brunch david keckner take us out digression sessions Coming to an end. Thank you. Bye.