The Digression Sessions - Ep 31 - Tommy Sinbazo - No Paleo!

Episode Date: April 7, 2012

Hola Digheads! On this week’s show comedian Tommy Sinbazo joins them Dig Sesh boys. Tommy has been in the comedy game for about 12 years.  Tommy started with improv, moved onto sketch videos, and then settled down in stand up comedy…town. We discuss a number of topics for this episode including, but not limited to: sex toys in the road, chopping wood w/ a hammer, utility work, TMNT foam pizza robbery, Catholic stories, vegetarian talk, sacrifice, Venom controversy, improv, Mob Television, robot infatuations, paleontologists, black ice air fresheners etc. and more!  And check out the brand spanking new DigressionSessions.com !! PLEASE rate, subscribe, and provide a nice comment on the iTunes!! It’ll help the podcast climb the charts!  Follow us on the Twitters:  @DigSeshPod @JKuderna @MichaelMoran10 @TommySinbazo

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good piano. Oh, oh, oh, you caught me. I'm just sitting here playing some inspirational piano music. But I might as well do a digression sessions intro. How the hell are you, digheads? I'm Josh Koderna here. On this episode, we are joined by comedian Tommy Simbazo. Listen to those ebony and ivories.

Beautiful, beautiful. Alright, enjoy the episode. We start out talking about life as a utility worker. Enjoy, dickheads. Oh, and go to digressionsessions.com. Digressionsessions.com. Also, please keep rating and subscribing on iTunes. We digression sessions.com. Also, please keep rating and subscribing on iTunes.

Really appreciate it. Now enjoy the show. Utility quest. No. Miss utility. No. Then why? AI data.

I worked for Utility Quest for two weeks once. Yo. Were you a locator? Well, I wasn't any... I would have been eventually, but I quit. What did you do? Well, it was just training. Oh.

And you were like, I'm not into this. Yeah, I mean, I was mainly doing it for my girlfriend at the time, and then she broke up with me. So I was like, eh. Why were you doing it for her? Because she wanted me to get a real job. She was into utilities. A real utility fetish. So I quit and became a comedian.

Oh, okay. Well, that seems to be working. You would have dug holes. Digging holes sucks. I thought you spray paint on the ground. We do, but then sometimes they're like, prove that it's there and tell us how deep it is. And so you have to dig a hole there with a jackhammer and air stuff. Do people yell at you a lot for walking out of their property?

No, no, no, because usually they're the people that hire us. They yell at us for not doing stuff on their property. See, with UtilaQuest, you just walk onto people's... You just walk into neighborhoods and start spraying shit. You're mainly in the right-of-ways and whatnot. Right, yeah. So, like, every day you have to deal with people being like, what the fuck, man? Don't spray that on my lawn.

Oh, so you would just go and, like, spray an X on somebody's lawn? Essentially, yeah. You find what's your... You know, you go to the neighborhood that you're locating and you figure out what is underground with your little equipment Essentially, yeah. You go to the neighborhood that you're locating, and you figure out what is underground with your little equipment, and why and how. With your little equipment.

It's adorable. You have to do it all over the neighborhood. So it's your little utility toys. I mean, there's been incidents of people getting attacked with hammers and shit. I had a homeless guy. I had to get elevations on the inside of pipes in a storm drain manhole on North Avenue. And it had asphalt on top of it. So I had to take a sledgehammer, and I was beating the shit out of this manhole.

That's what you do. You just break it up. We're going to delete the word hole there. I was beating the shit out of this man. I'm down on North hole there. I was beating the shit out of this man. I'm down on North Avenue. I'm just beating the shit out of this guy. So this homeless guy comes up. He's like, oh, man, can I use that?

I got to chop wood. And I was like, what? This is a hammer. He's like, oh, I know, I know, but I got a wedge. I got a wedge. I live out on the streets, okay? So I need that to chop wood so I can survive. And I was like, instead of telling the guy, no, get the fuck out of here. I was like, sure, where are you going to be when I'm done with this?

I'll bring it right over to you. He's like, I'm going to be right up there on that corner. Thank you, man. God bless you. And I got in the truck and just peeled wheels. He's probably still waiting there, Tommy. He was chasing me like T2. It's going to be nice and warm when I get that wood.

Oh, man. He's probably dead now. He died of hypothermia because I wouldn't give him a hammer. Wow. He would have had a nice barrel fire going. Yeah. And now nothing. Maybe that's why you're homeless because you chop wood with a hammer.

I'd hate to see the way he puts nails in things. With his dick. Like a good, honest American. Oh, boy. Should we get an official intro going here a good, honest American. Oh, boy. Should we get an official intro going here? Yes, let's. Let's do it. Oh, yeah.

Feeling that? Yeah, I am. Down in my soul. Yeah, right? Where do you keep it? Right here? In my back pocket. That's where your soul is?

In my soul is. You're sitting on your soul. Yeah. Maybe that's how you get your pain. That's for these songs, you know That's why we're black That's my soul Black is my soul

Alright, well welcome to the Digression Sessions podcast Welcome, welcome, welcome one and all I'm one half of your favorite pair of earbuds Josh Kederna here And I'm the other hair Mike Moran There he is Oh The other mumbled word Sorry That's cool I ate Burger King today pair of earbuds. Josh Kederna here. And I have the other hair. Mike Moran. There he is. Oh.

The other mumbled word. Sorry. That's cool. I ate Burger King today. Do you guys do fidelity? Like, are you in one earbud on someone's thing and then you're in the other? No, that would be good though, right? Awesome. You should work with me. How is that fidelity? Isn't that what high fidelity?

What would be high infidelity? If you're the high infidel. Right. If you're not a Muslim. There's so much worse that we could do with these words. Where did you come from, Tom? Sorry, she's always excited. No, it's fine.

When I knocked on the door. Josh is your girlfriend. Very mean, Tommy. Get out of here, woman. Where'd this bitch come from? I'm sorry about that, man. Swox of a tea and woman. Where'd this bitch come from? Sorry about that, man. Swags of a tea and cookies. Where'd a bitch come from?

Alright. So what's going on in Kajurnatown? What's going on in Kmart? Oh, what's going on in K-Town? Blue light specials. Just got back from New York. New York City or Upstate? I was in New York City. New York City or Upstate? I was in New York City New York City

The nation's big apple What were you there for? I was there for the New York City Improv Festival Oh nice Yeah yeah my troupe performed on Saturday At 11pm and we crushed Did you? Nice Yeah it was really good actually

I was worried it wasn't going to be Too many people there, but I'd say it was like 95% sold out. Really? Yeah, yeah. That's great. And the crowd was really good. Thanks, man. Yeah, it was at the Pit, the People's Improv Theater, and they have an awesome theater.

Like, the front, it could be like a standalone bar by itself, and it was really cool. And then there's two theaters. There's one upstairs, one downstairs. And we had the downstairs theater yeah how many minutes did you do uh i think 20 25 somewhere in there great and uh show yet uh it was up there it's pretty good yeah best show ever ever ever of any show of any show of any show any show than mcbeth better way better better than that one where jesus turned all the fish to wine or whatever he did and they were like we're gonna eat that fish that was i used to have a huge crush on that little robot girl oh yeah that that actually what i told this story on the air before? What little robot girl? From Small Wonder. I have no idea what Small Wonder is.

It's a sitcom in the 80s about a guy who builds a little AI daughter. I've never even heard of it. My actual... It's so hot. It's funny that you said that, Tommy. The first twinge of sexuality that I ever experienced was when I saw a commercial for Small Wonder. And I guess at the time, I didn't really watch the show. And then you got a big wonder Going on So I guess I didn't really

I wasn't that familiar With the show I saw an ad for it And it showed them Opening up her back To reveal her robotic innards And I didn't know She was a robot

A ro-boner And that was the first time I experienced any I remember like having Just like being like What the hell What is going on here Why is this That's the first time I experienced any. I remember like having just like being like, what? What the hell? What is going on here? Why is this?

That's the first time you experienced a shame boner. You're right. You're already hard. You saw wires and like, oh, and you're still attracted to robots to this day. To this day. I tried in the early days of like Facebook and MySpace and everything. I cyber stalked her. Did you?

The woman that played her. Is she attractive now? Couldn't find any pictures. Did find she's now married in... To a robot? What is that? They got snowed. Colorado.

In Colorado, she's married, lives on a ranch. Oh, cool. Is she still an actress? No, she doesn't act anymore. She has kids. What? Little robots of her own. Aw.

Half robot, half humanoid. She loves them just the same, though. It wasn't really... How did she mature over the years? I have no idea. I think that show was the only time she was ever on television. I'm confused. Was she a robot? Like a

half robot? No, she was straight up AI. Straight up android. Okay, so she was wearing makeup half robot? No, she was straight up AI. Completely robot. Straight up android. Okay, so she was wearing makeup or something? No, she looked like a human. Yeah. But when they opened her back up, you'd see like, oh, gotcha. Yeah, you know, like an 80s android where it would just be a dude doing the robot. And she was very robotic like that, right?

She was like, my name is, what's her name? I have no idea what her name was. Was it something like that? We'll go with that. And no one noticed that she talked like that either. Yeah, not even like, well, that was before Asperger's. So. And you realize Asperger's didn't exist in the 1980s.

Then you were like, oh, I thought everyone was robots. That was when we only had Roy Rogers and Burger King. Yeah. That was before Asperger's. I'm sorry, but your son is a robot. Who have you been messing around with, honey? The dishwasher? My vibrator impregnated me.

Let me tell this story. The other day, last Friday, as a matter of fact, I was doing work in D.C. I'm walking down the side of the road, and we were going to play Dungeons & Dragons that night. So I had D&D on the mind, right? Definitely. I thought you were going to say you had your Dungeons & Dragons clothes on. No, no. That was in college.

I would go to school in a cape. Let's circle back to that. So I'm walking down the street, and I look down, and there is a small black velvet bag. And immediately my brain goes, oh, dice bag. And I pick up this little bag and there's something in it and I'm thinking to myself, oh please God, let it be someone's lucky D20. 37-sided die.

I'm like, please let it be someone's lucky D20. So I open the bag and reach in and pull out a finger-mounted vibrator. So you found a dildo. I found, yeah, I found a vibrator. I found dildos on separate occasions. Finger-mounted. When did found a dildo. Yeah, I found a vibrator. I found dildos on separate occasions. When did you find dildos?

I was doing work out in Howard County, like the back roads. And I found at least... A black velvet bag. I thought it was a really big guy. Oh, please be a really cool map or a spell. And no, we found on the side of the road in the gutter, there was this 12-inch long, like, Caucasian male dildo.

So you ran a DNA test on it? That's how you know who's dildo? No, it was white. It looked like me. It wasn't a black dildo. It was a honky dildo. It had little glasses on it and a goatee. Little mohawk.

I tasted it and I was like, this belongs to a Caucasian male. Mid-30s. I kicked it out into the street. That's where the trail went cold. I kicked it out into the street. And this car, this nice BMW, zoom and pass, hits this dildo. It flexes up and hits the car door with a loud boom. And the guy screeches to a halt

and gets out, looks at the dent in his car door, then looks down and sees this dildo with tread marks on it. And the guy was just like and just got back in his car. Can you see him calling his insurance card? Yeah, another dildo.

It happened again! Is this a hog print on your door? Oh, wow. Man, that's really funny. Yeah, that's pretty insane. So the dildo just smacked the side of the door. Yeah, just beat the shit out of his car. Like a good neighbor.

State Farm is there with a dildo repair kit. I wish I had brought the recorder so we could play the dildo prank call on this episode. We can add it later. Okay. Yeah. Oh, I mean, like, you could just then you should say, oh, well, and now listen to this. And that's exactly where it will come in. Morning, Guts.

Hey, this is Chris. How are you doing? Okay. So I need, so I just want to say I love Walmart, and I shop with you guys all the time. And, um, I just want you to help me get out of a pickle here with the cooler that I bought. It's a Coleman cooler for beverages. Okay, so, um, the... Is something wrong with it?

Yeah, there is something wrong with it, and I can't decide whether I need to return it or if it's something you guys can help me out with. Well, your best bet would be to freeze the customer service and then we'll exchange it. Part of the problem with that is I'm not sure... Well, here, let me just give you the lowdown on what's going on. So, my wife and I were packing up our trunk and when we were just about to put the ice in, she opened it up, and it was full of dildos. And this put me in a really bad situation, because she thinks I'm cheating on her, and I need you guys, I need to find out if this is something that you guys are doing. What was that again? You said you put ice in it and what?

Well, no, I opened it up to put the ice in it, and it was full of dildos. And so now I'm being accused of using dildos on various friends of ours. What in the world is dildos? No, dildos. Vibrators. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And so here, please just, can you tell her. I don't know how that could have happened because we don't even sell that kind of stuff here. I know, but I'm wondering what kind of children or hooligans that you have working for you that would put that kind of thing in there.

Because it's just making me look really bad. And we're really trying hard to work up our marriage. And it's just, it's just making me look really bad and we're really trying hard to work up our marriage and it's just not cool. So if you can just tell my wife here, Rosanna, that this might be a store-related prank. That would ease our day. We can go on vacation and we don't really want to go down there with a cooler full of dildos. It's embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. What store did you buy that? The Halthorpe. Exactly.

In Arbutus. Halthorpe. It could have been somebody on Nighttime. I'm looking at my receipt. It says 3601 Washington Boulevard. That's the correct location, right? I'm not sure. I mean, I don't even know what our address is. I mean, all I know is it's Washington Boulevard. Okay, but yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's no other Walmart around there

because that's the only Walmart that I know of in the area, right? Yeah, that's the only one in this area. Right. So you guys have no idea how these dildos got in there? Not unless somebody on nighttime had brought them in here or something, but I have no idea how they could have gotten in there. Can I have the name of the nighttime supervisor? I don't even know who the nighttime supervisor is.

Your best bet would be to hang up the call customer service and ask them to speak to a manager. They'd be the only one that can help you. So you're telling me... You know, I can't help you. There's nothing I can do for you because I have no idea where you could have come from. So you're telling me the only person that knows about dildos is the manager? No, the only person that knows about my ship manager is the manager himself.

That's fine, and I'm sure this isn't your problem. I just want to speak with someone that knows about dildos in coolers. Don't even know who it's not. It's not really funny. I don't even know who it's from. Oh, it is me. Because I don't have a clue how to help you with a problem like that because I don't know where they could have came from. I don't know what to tell you. Well, do you guys offer marriage counseling? That's pretty much where I'm at. I'm afraid not. Well, ugh. It makes Well... Ugh! And they kinda smell like sex.

You guys really need to... When we opened it, it was just disgusting. Like, fish... Not the kind of fish that I like to eat, I'll tell you that. Okay... Oh my god Wow Oh that was great Oh my god that was a good dildo tape I've heard a lot of dildo tapes in my day

But that was the best Have you ever found a dildo? Nope My girlfriend has an interesting story about a dildo that happened to her recently. Let's bring her down, Melanie Keller. I don't think she'd mind me telling it. We can edit it if she does. Oh, I think I know this story.

She gets packages delivered to her parents' house. To her parents' house. And she thought they were books. She had packages on her parents' table. And so she went to go open her books and there's a d, like, packages on her parents' table. And so she went to go open her books, and there's a dildo in one, like, while her parents are right there. And it turns out she had forgotten that she had bought a dildo for someone.

For who? Her friend. For whom? Of course. It's always for a friend. You're never like, hey, this dildo's for me. What do you suggest? No, she's pretty open about owning a dildo.

What were her parents like? I think she was able to hide it before they could tell. She palmed it? She was a smoke bomb and the dildo was gone? No. No dildo stories for me. Come on, Josh.

You've got to have at least one. Everybody has at least one. No. No dildo stories for me. Oh, come on, Josh. No, nothing. You've got to have at least one. Everybody has at least one. No, no dildo stories. I found my sister's once. Cutting out. Here we are. No, I'm sorry.

Go ahead, Tommy. You found my sister's dildo? Just once. It was a weird time. It's the weirdest thing to find in your pocket. College was nuts. My sister's dildo. Is it my cereal? Right before Jesus turned the fish into wine. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing to find in your pocket. College was nuts. My sister's dildo. That's what Cade said to Abel.

Right before Jesus turned the fish into wine. Yeah. That guy's a dick. People are like, yay, filet of fish. And it's like, ah, fried wine. Two things I don't indulge in, so it wouldn't work for me either way. Fish or wine? No. You don't like fish?

I hate fish. Why? It's my least favorite food. You way. Fish or wine? No. You don't like fish? I hate fish. Why? It's my least favorite food. You ever have a tuna steak? I don't know, but I'm sure I would hate it. What about seared tuna? I don't like fish. Pretty much tuna.

You ever have a deep fried tuna? I ate tuna when I was a kid, and I thought it was okay. Tuna fish, probably. Probably. What other kind of tuna is there? Well, I'm just saying. Tuna piano. Tuna fish, probably. Probably. What other kind of tuna is there? Well, I'm just saying. Tuna piano. Tuna bear.

Uh-huh. I'm talking about like tuna fish in a can. Tuna elk. Oh, I'll tear up. Or now they have bags of tuna. Bags of tuna. You can eat a tuna bag.

That sounds disgusting. Yeah. So what turned you off fish? I just always thought it was pretty disgusting. It's just the smell and the taste. I don't like being in a room where fish is being cooked. Yeah.

It's a very pungent smell. Yeah, it's just always been nauseating to me. Yeah, it smells like garbage. It's not even so much that it smells like garbage. It's that it smells like fish. Oh. I mean, you know, Doritos kind of smell like garbage. What about like bad pussy?

I don't eat cat either. The dog does. It just barked. Speaking of tuna steaks, though, the way that I cook them, they taste so close to chicken. It's crazy. Yeah. Why not? I'm sure they still taste so close to chicken. It's crazy. I'm sure they still taste like fish to some degree. To some degree, yeah. Why not just eat chicken?

Because I was a vegetarian for six years. And then this past summer, every summer when I could smell a grill, like a steak cooking on a grill, I was like, God, that smells so good. And then this past summer, I finally just gave in. So I had a meat month where I just ate meat for a month and then I was like, well, I still kind of want steak. So then I was still like eating steak like every two weeks. Like I'd see my dad and we'd hang out and make steaks. And then I was like,

I gotta stop this. So then I started eating fish. So tuna steak is like my methadone to my steak heroin, I guess. So, but isn't that that's like a Piscatarian? Piscatarian. Piscopalian? Yeah. I always thought it was a religion.

In my religion, we eat fruit and fish. And that's how I became a Scientologist. Now, did you get sick when you ate meat for that first time in six years? No. I was worried. You always hear stories about people like, I had a hamburger and I was vomiting forever. You kind of just feel it. I had some gas.

But other than that, no, it wasn't bad. I didn't get the sickness either. Yeah, your stomach's just like, what the hell? Are you vegetarian too? No, I was for five years. Oh. I've never had the conviction to do it. Would you want to do it?

I mean, you can see why people do it. Yeah, I can see why. But, I mean, you know uh i just can't i just love meat way too much yeah i really do too i craved it the entire time yeah like i tried doing atkins once but i i'm very active and uh i would just burn through all my calories and just right right right almost pass out yeah were you ever a fat kid no no i No. I got fat as I got older. You don't appear to be fat now. Oh, stop it. I got on the Atkins diet.

Now I'm fat as hell. Yeah. What the fuck? People are raving about this diet. All you can eat is fat kids on this diet. It's so fucked up. No, yeah. Meat smelled like bacon.

That was a big problem, too, when I worked at a restaurant. The smell of cooking bacon. Oh, my God. Now, what made you switch to being a vegetarian? The whole factory farming aspect of it and the way they're treated and pumped with hormones. But it was still the smell. You were like, oh. I can't deny that it tastes good.

You know, like you can't say, hey, put that burger down. That's not good. It's just like when I look at the dealies. Yeah. You're like, what's that taste like? Let me smell your breath. I'm just going to touch my penis while you eat. I remember fantasizing about steak and burgers and stuff when I'd be eating cheese sticks or something.

Yeah, I mean, I still eat pretty good. I think after a while, your cravings and your taste buds just change. In the beginning, when you go to the grocery store, you're like, I should grab. Oh, no, I can't do that. But now when you go to the grocery store, you just don't even think about it. I have a hard enough time not eating meat on fridays for lent because i you know is that what you do it's a christian thing uh-huh i'm not a practicing christian oh really no i i didn't know that because you know the story of jesus so well

i'm surprised yeah jebus jebus and all his homies. No, but growing up, we were devout Christians. Okay. And for Lent, we couldn't eat meat on Fridays. And so now as an adult. It's not every Friday, though. It's just for 40 days. No, it's every Friday and Lent. And how long is Lent?

40 days. 40 days. That's like the biggest stipulation to being a Catholic. And we could barely follow that. Yeah. Lent? I'm always like, oh, it's Friday. I ate a piece of bacon.

I'm going to hell. Fuck. I'm sorry, Jesus. Please. Yeah. I always like that, too. People are like, I'm giving up chocolate for Lent. So it's like, really?

Because Jesus got murdered on a cross. You're making M&M's and getting crucified. They're about the same. They're the same thing. I'm sacrificing too. He's sacrificing, so am I. I really love chocolate. I love those peanut M&M's.

I snort them. What's the metaphorical significance of giving up something for Lent? Is there some story that corresponds with that in the Bible? It's sacrifice, right? Isn't it? Like, Jesus sacrificed himself, so now. I think it's a way of absolving your sins.

So I'm getting a TBS for a month on Fridays. But the Jews, for Passover, they fast for one night or whatever, and all their sins are forgiven. Oh, yeah. I think it's like one day. I think it's sun up to sun down. I don't even think it's a full 24 hours. Yeah, see?

Yeah. Really? I'm pretty sure. Wow. The step side of my family are Jews. I think I know. I think I know. The joke to that is that the Jews will say, see, even in religion, we don't play wholesale or something.

I don't know. You know that Passover refers to... We even get our sins for cheap. Get absolved of our sins. Passover is a reference to the angel of death passing over the firstborn sons of the Jews and just murdering the Egyptian ones. And they had to put lamb's blood on the door to signify something. That's what Passover means. Something about Moses in a wicker basket.

That was a signal to not murder their children. And I think I've played that video game. God of War, I think it was. Really? Yeah. There's an exodus? There should be. There should be.

It's a secret. It's an Easter egg. An Easter, you mean a Passover. Yeah. It's a Passover egg. Whatever they do on Passover. They're like, create those leaders from Egypt. Egypt.

Egypt. That's what they used to call it. They dropped the G. That's what they wanted to call it when the Christians took over. Now the G is silent. Oh, by the way, I'm Tommy Simbazzo. Yeah, I was thinking about that. Have we not said your name yet?

No. I was like, we'll just go in and post and put it at the beginning. How the hell are you? I'm good. Good? Thanks for coming by. Thanks for having me. Yeah.

Yeah. So, Tommy Simbazazo, stand-up comedian. Stand-up guy. Stand-up guy. Stop it, you guys. How long have you been a stand-up guy? I, forever. You know.

Ever since I saved that nun. Ever since those aliens left me that secret suit. Oh. Last action hero. No, last. No, Spider-Man. You're wearing the suit That's a symbiote

What is the difference between Venom and Black Spider-Man's suit? It's the same Eddie Brock But it's the same logo The suit doesn't have lines And the eyes are weirder But Venom has the same Venom was the

symbiote suit. After Peter Parker expunged it. Then it hated Peter Parker for rejecting it. All I'm saying is that you can't tell the difference between someone wearing a suit saluting Peter Parker's black suit or Eddie Brock's black suit.

Yeah, you're right. That's true. He's got us there. Touche. But if one more person calls me Superman when I'm wearing my Superboy shirt, heads are going to roll. I'm the green goblin, not the hobgoblin. I've actually had the people say,

Hey, Superman! I had to turn around. This is red on black. This is Superboy Connor Kent. God, you suck at life. I thought I was going to I had to turn around. This is red on black. Okay. This is Superboy. Do you not know anything? God. You suck at life. I thought I was going to find a die, and I found a pocket vibrator, and now this. Worst day ever. All right?

What's with you guys? No, but I've been doing stand-up for 11, 12 years. Really? Well, I started. I did eight years improv comedy. Really? Uh-huh. Took classes out in Chicago. Okay. With what theater uh i did second city and comedy was it olympics

yeah come or olympic i think it's just the olympic yeah i think yeah uh went out to a couple um what's that uh the chicago improv festival yeah yeah that's what really hooked me into it really yeah what we I've been doing. You mean like initially hooked you into it? No, no, no. Dorian Gray, local comedian. Yeah. I went to college with him. He lives next to my mom.

He does? He does? Yeah. Oh, yeah, you've told me that. Real local comedian, huh? We went to college together. He started doing improv. And he was like, oh, you've got to come try improv.

And this was in Chicago? No, this was here. Oh, okay. So I went and tried out for his improv troupe it was awesome right and then uh we went uh after like after just after i started he stopped to do comedy and i kept doing improv and ended up taking classes in chicago and right uh came back and my troupe uh they just wanted to move on and do films so uh i did film short comedy films for a while and then just fell into stand-up. Awesome. Are any of those films on the internet?

Yeah, you can go to mobtelevision.com. I think I've seen one or two. Yeah, I'm sorry. Maybe a while ago. I'm sorry for that. I will pay you for those moments of your life that you've missed. I'm sorry. I wouldn't have done anything else.

That was valuable masturbating time in front of your computer. Oh, Mike masturbated. He masturbated. Oh, well then. Well then, you owe me. Exactly. It was valuable masturbating time. You owe me.

I get a Nicola seed. These improvisers. All right. 15 cents it is. How are these improvisers? Oh, yes and that, baby. Yes and that. Yeah, pimp them.

Pimp them. What's the game? What's the game? Yeah, baby. Yes and that. Yeah, pimp them. Pimp them. What's the game? What's the game? Yeah, baby. Find the funny. Find the funny, baby. Don't think. Don't think.

Don't think. Just the first thing they do. Well, as being improv guys, where's the worst place you've ever had to perform improv? I just got in the game about a year and a half ago. Really? That long? Yeah. As far as performing?

No, I mean as far as I started taking classes. It might be two years this fall that I started taking classes. So I've only been... Two years this fall. That's like a half a year away. Yeah. I'm four and a half. I've been doing improv for this many.

Yeah, so I've only performed in the Baltimore area, and then the first out-of-state show was just this past week, and it was awesome. So I don't really have any horror stories to report, but I've heard some people having to do corporate gigs and do improv at 11 o'clock for people. Right. Yeah, I've done stuff like that.

Yeah? Yeah. I mean, I haven't had any terrible experiences. Right. You know, stuff like that is always kind of like, eh. You know, like we did a bachelorette party. That sounds awful. How is that not a dildo story?

I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I'm perplexed. Did they like it? Yeah, for the most part. It wasn't like a rip-roaring good time. How many people were there? Probably 25.

Okay, well, that's a decent size. And why no strippers? Did they ever say, we're going to go? This is why we're not looking at naked men. There were several stripper jokes made when we came in. What are you guys, strippers? How about your strippers? How about you're strippers? And then this was the most awkward part.

The show was down south? No. Well, south Baltimore. Okay. Several women waitresses interrupted to be like, hey, would you guys like to try some of these shots? They're $2.50 downstairs. And so we had to stop the show and allow them to promote their shots

right and we thought maybe they were strippers I think we made some jokes about that so was that a bar it was upstairs from bars yeah it was some

bar restaurant you don't remember the name of it what was it it's downtown it's a popular one pickles no

there's an upstairs I think it was in Canton I don't know Looney's JD's Smokehouse No. There's an upstairs. I think it was in Canton. I don't know. Looney's. JD's Smokehouse. No.

Cosmo. He's making shit up. The Great Sleep Bar. No, no. Curly Q's. Jimmy Nipple Nuts. Roy Rogers. The Drink Place.

Watering Hole. No, because there's been a huge explosion of improv in Baltimore over the past couple years. When I was first starting out, we could never get the wind-up space. You're like, oh, the wind-up space. One time we performed at a public access gala. I think I might use the word gala too loosely. It's public access. Soiree. Event.

Gathering. We all had gold cups. And it was upstairs at the Great Blacks and Wax Museum. No way. Yes, it was. Wow. Now that sounds like a public access soiree. Yeah. That makes Museum. No way. Yes, it was. Wow. Now, that sounds like a public access soiree.

Yeah. That makes sense. And they're like, hey, here's some improv comedy. Like, please, please don't let us. You know what? I've heard that there's now improv at Zizimo's on the Avenue. What's Zizimo's? It's the last bar you would ever think would facilitate improv. Like, it's open at like 7 in the morning, I think. That makes sense.

It's very old-school Hamden. Looks like a place Dog the Bounty Hunter would drink. Yeah, if he was broke and addicted to meth. Right, right, yeah. I mean, if he wasn't rich. I mean, that type of guy. Like, you know, rednecks, I would say.

Right. Like, they had, like, a little ad in the city paper, and I guess the most attractive women they could find for it were, you know, probably dead by now from heart failure. This is, like, a couple years ago. Speak of which, did you see the ad for, they're running an ad on television for Larry Flint's Hustler Club, and they have the two most busted-looking strippers are in this ad. And it's like, it's no fantasy. Come to Larry Flint's Hustler Club, and they have the two most busted-looking strippers are in this ad. It's like, it's no fantasy. Come to Larry Flint's Hustler Club. I'm like, ew. That's the best you could do.

That woman has a C-section, Scott. Did they zoom in? They're like, come see the talent. They're both umber butter-faced. You won't have to stretch your wallet like these stretch bars. We have our summer teeth in. And we've done the Merritt Athletic Club, their cafe. Yeah, their cafe.

We got paid in meatballs. No. Yeah, we did. They have the greatest Swedish meatballs. And the guy was like, if you come and play for us, I'll give you all the meatballs you can eat. Sold. And exactly how many meatballs did you eat that day, Tommy? I ate 20 meatballs.

Exactly 20? Yeah, they were little. They were good. But right behind us were the big windows you could overlook people playing basketball and stuff. Wow. What was your improv troupe called? Mob Television. Well, it started out as Mob TV, and then we kept getting...

Or actually, it was Mob Town, but then we kept getting it confused with the Mob Town players. So then we decided to change it to Mob TV. I have no idea why there was TV in it. And then that got changed to Mob Television, which could then be shortened to Mob TV. I have no idea why there was TV in it. And then that got changed to Mob Television, which could then be shortened to Mob TV. Right. And we got the offer. We got back from Chicago.

We got the offer to, so one of the guys was looking for programming for public access in Baltimore. And they were like, can you supply us with content? So we made an improv movie called Apocalypse Soon. It was horrible.

It ate up three months of our lives. How long was it? It turned out to be an hour and a half once it was all edited down. It was just gratingly slow. Really? From there, we did that.

We were doing stage shows at the CAC down in South – or Brooklyn Park. Okay. There was a stage that was letting us put on shows. Okay. The first time we had a show, there was such a drag between written scenes, sketches that we had done. Right. That they decided for the second show, we were going to start – we were going to film an overarching story of how we got lost on a desert island.

Our production company replaced us with cyborgs, with robots, that were doing all the acting on the stage. With Small Wonder included in this? Yes. That's a great tie-in. Well done. We should have a tie-in.

That was a tie-in. All right, continue. I don't know. And so we filmed all this stuff. They filmed me naked with like a... Oh, Jesus. Sorry. You hit me right in the nose.

It's getting pretty violent here. I elbowed someone in the face yesterday accidentally too. Accidentally, sure. WrestleMania. Sorry, Josh. Are you okay? Yeah. Do you need a Band-Aid? You are? Yeah Do you need a band-aid?

You are bleeding No, I'm fine Are you okay? Lie down No, no, I'm potting How many fingers? Let's pot Put your hands over your head What?

Who's the president? Put your feet up No, no, I'm ready to pot Let's fucking do this Your clothing is too tight Do you need a doctor? You should remove it Let's do it

What do you want written on your grave? I'm okay Is there someone we should contact? That's right Who gets the dog? Who's your emergency contact? Gordon. This guy Gordon, I know.

The fisherman? Yep. Jeff Gordon. Trust Jeff Gordon. Jeff Gordon. Not Flash Gordon? No. He'll save every one of us.

Oh, he's hurt. Let's take him to the hospital. Not Flash Gordon? And Flash Gordon's your friend, Josh? Okay. We're cool. Yeah, he's going to call his buddy the Hawkman. I was in his top eight in MySpace.

We were pretty close. I swear. MySpace, okay. All right, let's move on. I'm sorry. You're off track. No, no, no. I want to go down the Tommy Simbazo comedy road.

Okay. So we film all these sections. We never use Road. Okay. So we film all these sections. We never use them. Okay. Because we even went away for a weekend and filmed, and it was a horrible ordeal. And this is supposed to be you on a desert island,

is that what you said? Yeah, it's supposed to be a desert island. They filmed me naked with a beach ball in front of me like Wilson. Just a whole bunch of stuff. Home improvement. Yes, Wilson, the neighbor. I had a fence over there. They put a little fisherman cap on top of my dick, and it peered over the fence.

I was like, howdy, neighbor. That's good. That's good. He's talking. But then from that, they started doing, hey, let's do this short film. Let's do this short film. Okay.

And from now, there was a time when we were pumping out a short film a month to show at the Patterson. That's pretty good. And they're still keeping it up. Like, now I'm an alumni of Mob Television. So Mob Television still exists. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Matter of fact, I'll tell them of this, and they will hear them on this podcast. Oh, my goodness. Hi, John. Hi, Wes. John Bennett? No. Oh. John Schomburg and Wes Throneberry. Ah, okay. Hi, Wes. John Bennett? No. John Schomburg

and Wes Thronberry. Ah, okay. Hey, what up, fellas? The internet just hired your name. You just explained how terrible the movie was. You're welcome. They know it's terrible. You guys know it's terrible. So they got better after that movie.

Yes, they got a whole lot better. So they're really good? What. So they're really good? What? So they're really good. Oh, they are the best. Oh, okay. The best. Everything is so funny.

Uh-huh. And yeah, it's good. So I should call out sick and just watch all those videos tomorrow. Yes. That would be a great way to lose your job.

All right. Mike, get me my phone. Why does he have to get you? I know. He's bringing it in like it's the Queen of Shiva. Remember in those old movies from the 60s, the rich guy would have his butler bring him a phone on a silver phone. Like a pillow. Yeah.

Those weird phones that have the gold in the middle and the two white. A cell phone that looks like that. It's made of ivory. Yeah, yeah. This is real ivory from South Africa. I have an ivory phone. And then your ringtone can be like, like an elephant getting shot.

No, I'd want it to be like the old-timey ring. I want an iPhone app. I think you should be able to tell Surrey, and be like, Surrey, Klondike 417. And it would dial like, remember back on the show Lassie where they had the phone with a hand crank? Yeah. And they would crank it up and the other operator would be like, oh, hey, Jude, what's up? And she's like, oh, hey, Beth, connect me to Klondike 314.

And she'd be like, okay, right away. And then she's, and then like a montage of industry would happen. It would show people in factories. The great American automobile. The cotton gin. Guys just frantically plugging in wires. Henry Ford. Soft jazz montage.

Manufacturing the protocols of the elders of Zion. Henry Ford. He believes that the modern Jew will destroy. So you got started in improv. And then so it seems like you just got into stand-up because you were just interested in comedy? Ever since I was five, I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. Really?

What happened when you were five? What happened to you? We were in first grade. My father threatened to kill me if I didn't become a stand-up comedian. You better make something of yourself. You'll be funny. We were in class, and they were like, write down what you wanted to be. And I love dinosaurs.

I love the shit out of dinosaurs. Did you say paleontologist? I couldn't spell paleontologist. You said dinosaur. What was your favorite dinosaur? I liked the stegosaurus. It was pretty cool. Herbivore, though.

Yeah, but when you're a kid... Hey, guys, guys, herbivores are pretty cool. Says the herbivore. Hey, guys. Whatever stegosaurus. Continue with the story, Tommy. That was it. I just wrote down stand-up comic.

And then I wanted to be a comedian. From that point on, you told me you couldn't be a dinosaur? Yeah, Tommy. No, that was it. I just wrote down stand-up comic. And then I wanted to be a comedian. From that point on. Were you told you couldn't be a dinosaur? Yeah, they were like, no, I couldn't spell paleontologist. Stand-up-a-tops. Yes. Stand-up-a-saurus. Comma-saurus.

So do you still kind of want to be a paleontologist? No, I've given up on that dream. I didn't even watch Terranova. Right. The show. What is it? It was about dinosaurs. Yeah, because if you would have watched that.

You'd have been well on your way. I would have been like, if only. I'd have just been drunk in a pair of tighty-whities. Was that the show with the baby dinosaur and be like, not the mama?

That was dinosaurs. No, I'm just kidding. That was good. It was some show where people went back to the past because the future was effed. I don't know why I didn't say fucked, but they...

Watch your mouth. Sorry. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. You're't know why I didn't say fucked. Watch your mouth. Sorry. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. You're not around a bunch of paleontologists. I'll have to dumb it down for you. Non-paleos. No paleo.

Hey, I like your bones. No paleo. Hey, man. I think the triceratops are pretty cool. No paleo. No paleo. No, but they went to the past and built a Jurassic Park city. You mean a Jurassic Park?

Yeah, but like a city. No. So like a Jurassic City. Yeah, in the Jurassic Age. Yeah. Or pre-Mesozoic. What, are you trying to get sued, Mike? Come on.

You can't throw city in there. There's also some cartoon called Dino Bus. No, Dinosaur Train. Also, porno should be named Dinosaur Train. Bang Dino Bus. Bang Dino Bus. So a chick just gets on the bus and there's a dinosaur. Some guy in a van pulls up to a chick.

Hey, want to make a quick 10 dollars? She climbs the back and there's just a raptor. Remember that Triceratops refused to move to the back of the dino bus? Sparked that revolution. Rosa Parkasaur. Rosa Jurassic Park. Oh, dinosaur humor. Five-year-olds are dying right now.

That's a prime demo. Now, were you guys ever into dinosaurs when you were a kid? Yeah, I wanted to be a paleontologist actually. I loved dinosaurs. I think Land Before Time was my start of my love affair with dinosaurs.

I saw that movie once when I was kind of nauseous and whenever I hear someone say that whenever I think of it, I think it reminds me of being a little sick. Right. Yeah. I was way too old when that came out. Really? Yeah.

How old are you? 25. Yeah. Quarter of a century. I'm 30, and I was definitely, you know, I think I saw it in the theater. And I had, like, a little rubber puppet from Pizza Hut. Yes. My favorite Pizza Hut giveaway, I got the hanging Ninja Turtles from the Coming Out of Their Shells tour.

The hanging Ninja Turtles? Yeah. Well, they were hanging. Shredder. Just like a tree. They were hanging down. The emo turtles. Just spray paint a wall.

Turtles go home. I went and saw that. Y'all turtles got a smart mouth. I saw the turtles wall, turtles go home. I went and saw that. Y'all turtles got a smart mouth. I saw the turtles coming out of the tour too. Where they shot the foam pizzas into the crowd. Yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah, man. It was fucking awesome. I do remember the Turtles album

coming out from Pizza Hut. Yeah, that was a tie-in. I never had that. I remember the song Sewer Surfing. Changed my life. That was the soundtrack to my song. Did they surf on manholes covers? No, they would do surfboards. Manhole covers are annoying enough.

Duh. Sorry, that was stupid. That was stupid. I'm sorry. You should go surfing in the sewers. You can't use a manhole cover. Yeah, if you were going to hang ten with turds. Giant talking turtles are going to surf.

It's going to be with a surfboard. I'm an idiot. Let's move on. You're going to hang ten with turds. Giant talking turtles are going to surf. It's going to be on the surfboard. I'm an idiot. Let's move on. You're going to want subtraction. Guys, I'm sorry. You would make it a day in the sewer system. No, not one day. If you touch some radioactive goo, you would probably just get a rash.

Oh, no. I got goo on my fingers. I got radioactive goo I gotta go get a manhole and surf I do remember on the inside of the Turtles album It showed a cigarette put out in an ashtray Huh Wow

I don't remember that So when did the album come out? Early 90s? 90 or so probably Yeah 90, 91 So were they going for that whole glam rock thing? I do remember the chorus to one of the songs.

It was, oh, we're coming out of the shells. All the stuff was way surfer rock. The shredder can go to hell. Was the lead single like you could count on us or something? Like, you can count on us. I swear it was something like that. I don't know. I didn't know there was a single.

Oh, yeah. I think there was a video, too. There was a video? I'm pretty sure. Well, it must not have been hard to make a video if it's just a cartoon. These were like live action. Yeah, they were live action. Oh, again, guys, I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. How would I go to a concert? Are you sure you went to this concert? You were surfing on manhole covers.

I said foam pizza, didn't I? That's a deep cut. I don't honestly remember them doing that. Suck a dick, Tommy. Get out of my house. Did you catch a foam pizza, Josh? No, because it landed right in front of my chair, and as I went to grab it, somebody went underneath their chair and then pulled it forward.

There was a mob. They would probably have mobbed each other for those pizzas. I really fucking wanted one. I am surprised you're okay. I'm not okay. If we could talk about it for a while. Did the Turtles sing on this album? Yeah, yeah.

He just sang all the chorus. Well, I didn't know if it was the Turtles or someone else. Like some guy just takes over? Yeah. I'm sure they didn't play all the instruments on the album. I'm sure it was fully play all the instruments on the album. I dream of Ninja Turtles. Which Michael Bay in the remake.

I dream of pizza. You heard of this? Oh, he's cutting the title down to Ninja Turtles. Yeah, and not only that. People are outraged. No, not they're not.

He said that they're going to be of an alien race. Oh, yeah, that's stupid. So they're not going to be mutants. Why are they going to be aliens? Because Michael Bay is a dick ball.

Okay. A dick bag. A bag of dicks. All right, well. And they're going to like ravioli instead of pizza. Michael Bay likes you, Tommy. No. That's fine.

I didn't know. He said really good things about you the other day when we were out to tea. We interviewed him before you got here. Oh, I thought I smelled failure in this chair. Oh, boy. You do not mess with... You can fuck with the... Transformers?

Give Transformers balls. I don't care. That's what he did, too, didn't he? He gave Constructicon balls. Optimus balls. The Destructicon had balls. Destructicon. It's Decepticon.

No, when all those construction equipment came together and formed Destructicon. What? Yeah. Is this in the films? Yeah. I did not see the films. Third one. So I guess I know what I won't be getting Tommy Zimbazo for his birthday.

Yeah. Don't get me balls. A Destructicon cake. I got them. And they're not made of wrecking balls. That would be a funny cake, though. A giant transformer cake with balls. What?

Was there a penis in there? No. It was just between his legs had two wrecking balls. Yeah. And they made a big, like, rear, like,

kind of zoom in, zoom out, wacky 1960s effect. Wow. Like the spinning newspaper by the balls. Yeah, it was like,

laughing. You're like, blah, blah, blah. Talking about hanging loose. Decepticon loses his collar when he tells a bad joke.

He has a giant bow tie that spins around. It's made out of like two Lamborghinis or something. The grill of an 18-wheeler hits him in the face with a gumbar bun. So, Tommy. So, Tommy. Hey, Tommy. You're involved on the radio these days, correct? Yes, loosely. You have a good radio voice.

You do. You really do. Thank you, guys. And a good radio face. I knew that was coming. On your radio face. No, I did. I was in college radio.

Oh, do that again. What was that? was in college radio. Oh, do that again. What was that? It's all good. Oh, yeah, girl. What else you got in there? You got anything else? Nope, that's it. Oh, that's...

This is the It's All Good 2000. I was wondering why there was just one big red button on that. It's worth it. You can change pitch, though. The vibe.

I know I got your ears. What the fuck is that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, where'd you get that? Was that like some child being... No, no, no, no. Were you prodding a child here saying this hot hip-hop stuff? Say it hot.

Say you have the vibe. Come on. That's it. Some boss will be here any minute. Come on. God damn it. Oh, yeah. Did you download these samples or you make them? No, these are pre-programmed, actually.. Come on. God damn it. Oh, yeah. Did you download these samples or did you make them?

No, these are pre-programmed, actually. Into the board. You know it. Your Korg board. Oh, I dated her. Oh, yeah. She has something to say to you, Tommy. Oh, okay.

It's all good. What's all good, baby? It's all good. It's starting to sound not all good. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's all good. It's starting to sound not all good. I love that. I love that.

I love that. That's how Dorian gets ready for his Violet. All right. It's all good. It's all good. It's all good. He doesn't really do the voice, though, when he cross-dresses. He kind of, I don't want to say he lisps because he doesn't, he definitely softens does he and then uh because he'll come out there's been a couple

times when uh he when he first started doing violet on stage he'd be like yes though and he would tell a whole joke and like the crowd would be like haha and he'd be like so i'm a guy really i've never seen him do that we We were going to play The Crucible together. Really? In college? Yeah. And he played Tituba, the black slave. Really?

Is this when this all started? No. How did they break that to him? So we'd like you to play the black female slave, Dorian. You know what? I don't know how that conversation happened. You think they were like, maybe we should get the black cross-dresser to play the one black female.

I think he read. I think he read. I think he read for the part. Like, came in and... Really? He beat out all the actual real black slaves. Who did you play in The Crucible? I played Reverend Hale.

Was he the one who was crushed by rocks? No. No. He was like the demon hunter. At least I played him asale. Was he the one who was crushed by rocks? No. No. He was like the demon hunter. At least I played him as a demon hunter. Came in with tattered clothes and an awesome crossbow. I came in as Dante from Devil May Cry. This town's full of witches.

So wait, what were we talking about? Oh, you're on the radio? You do radio work? Yeah, you got to ask Cosby a question. It made him laugh, didn't it? Oh, yeah. I think it was more of a polite chuckle, but I'll take it.

Do tell. Let's hear this story. I got to go on 98 Rock. Okay. Like, sit in. On the morning show? Mickey, a million spiegel. Yeah, which anybody

who's listening to this, if you're going to go on there and it's your first time, be aggressive. I know you're going to think that you're interrupting him. That is because you are. They can and will do the show without you.

B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-I-V-E. Yes. Aggressive. Hey, hey. Josh and I have actually already been on the show. Be aggressive. Oh, did you get? Good.

But we weren't on the morning show. Oh, who'd you do? Everybody. Earlier that day? Oh, come on. We'll take a break. You like that, Kirk? And we're back.

Is Kirk still around? What about Ock? Yeah, Bird. Bird in the morning. People from like 20 years ago. I don't remember Bird. I remember Kirk, Mark, and Lopez. It was originally Bird, Mark, and Lopez. Bird? Just a really close sounding name to replace him.

They were like, let's get a black guy. Kirk Markin Lopez. Nothing's changed. All the intros used to be Bird Markin Lopez. And now Kirk Markin Lopez. Mr. Black. No, but now I do. Unfortunately, because Kirk's black.

I sat in with Matt Davis. I know what you were doing. I sat in. I booked the Noise in the Basement after party. Oh, right. I know what you were doing. I booked the Noise in the Basement after party. Oh, right, right. Which you performed at. Yes. Oh, okay. Your band performed, and then you got to do stand-up.

Correct. Yeah, Mike's a superstar. How'd you like that? It was fine. It was like midnight on a Monday. Yeah, I know it's a rough room. You don't have to. But, no, I had a good time.

Yeah. Yeah. And what'd you think of Matt? Did you get to meet Matt Davis? Yeah, he's super, super nice. Super cool. Really cool. Really great guy.

Did you know he's a hypnotist? Yeah, he does like a magic show, right? He does hypnotism. I mean, really? He does hypnotism, right? It's the magic of the mind. Yes. You didn't let me finish.

He shoots out phone pizzas. He does magic of the mind, right? Yeah. You almost got one of his phone pizzas. I was so close, but the guy in the seat in front of me. Did you take your girlfriend from Canada that we haven't met before? Who? Cheryl Wall?

Is that who you're talking about? Yeah, yeah. She's real. Cheryl Wall. Her name's Peacock Wall Dressing? Susan B. Ceiling Fan? Laptop mirror.

Is that who you're talking about? No, I mean shattered sand dollar. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's cool. She couldn't handle my big cock, so we broke up. Oh, yeah. You guys know how that goes, right? Let's take a break.

And we're back. Welcome back to Cock Talk. Cock Talk. Tip and tap the tap- Welcome back to Cock Talk. Cock Talk. Tip and tap the tap-it brothers on Cock Talk. Any more sound effects on this podcast? All good. We need classic radio ones. I mean, there's got to be a way you can get more, right?

You can go to Korg's website and be like. Yeah, you can upload your own, actually. You can record your own. But you haven't. Tommy, when I go on your podcast, I'm going to have all kinds of edits for you. Okay. Hey, look, I am just loving everything you're doing here. Okay, great.

I just have questions about. Let's take a break. I'm just the guy asking questions doing here. Okay, great. I just have questions about... Let's take a break. I'm just the guy asking questions. Yeah. Let's take a break. I'm not saying anything's wrong. And we're back. And we are back.

Things are getting heated in the studio. I now have a black eye. That's right. Is that Kirk over there? Yeah. Got Kirk on your eye? Oh, my favorite air freshener in my car is the, it's called Black Ice.

But if you say it too fast, you're like, ah, my car smells like black ice. If you're like, I don't want to get in there. Like, why? What? It's like really fresh black ice.

Yeah. I just bought them. I just bought them. You get to sit in your car, it's like, mmm, black ice. It's my favorite. Smells like my sister's room.

All right, so let's get back to this Cosby story. Oh, so anyway, I'm on there. They're talking to Cosby. Okay, Kirk, Mark, and Lopez. They're talking to Cosby. So I'm like, Bird, let me ask you a question. I'll field this one, Bird. So I asked Mickey. I had to raise my hand So I'm like, Bird, let me ask you a question. I'll field this one, Bird. So I asked Mickey.

I had to raise my hand. He was like, yeah. So he got to me. And a million people were in the studio. Like five. Five people. And everyone had asked him a question. So I was like, Mr. Cosby, this is comedian Tommy Simbazzo.

And he was like, how'd you get in there? And I was like, the window was open. Don't let anybody in. And he was like, ha'd you get in there? And I was like, oh, the window was open. Don't let anybody in. And he was like, ha, ha, ha. That's how he laughed, though? He got a genuine chuckle out of him.

He really was. Good. I mean, it was quick, you know? I came in through the window, bam. Yeah. And then it's the first person I've ever talked to

that people actually congratulate me for having talked to him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Cosby's... No one's ever congratulated you for talking to me.

No. That's all about the change. No. It's more like you made it through it. Good for you. Well, I'm going to be like, they'll be like, did you talk to Cosby?

I'll be like, yes, but I was also on your guys' podcast. Right. Right. So you can quit answering the Cosby questions. Yeah. Now you can answer the digression sessions. Yes.

There's got to be a lot. There will be. Like, how much that cost you. What was it like sitting on the mic? They'll be like, Now you can answer the digression sessions. Yes. There's got to be a lot. There will be. Like, how much that cost you. What was it like sitting at the mic? They were like, did you watch Modern Family? And I'm like, no. I was at digression sessions.

Right. And they were like, why? What does the cord machine look like? For those who don't know, it is beautiful. Can I push a button? Push a button. What if I? Not that button.

Okay, wait. Tommy. That one? Sure. Oh, no. That one's not going? Push a button. What if I... Not that button. Okay, wait. Tommy. That one? Sure. Oh, no, that one's not going to make a noise. These will make noises, and these will make noises. Why don't you just erase Josh's hard drive? Delete all your porn.

Ah, that... It's a hi-hat. I wasted it. You only got one. I'm sorry. I never pressed a button. That's all the time we have for button pushing. We got to take a break. I got a high hat.

A closed one, too. I got a high hat. He sounded like Jimmy Stewart. I just got a high hat. I was on the digression session. Let me push another button. We should make a shirt. We should make shirts.

I was on the digression sessions, and all I got was a high hat. All I got was a high hat. That's it. That was my big moment. Wow. So, Cosby story, high hat. What's next? Let's get out of here.

I'm hoping to get into, what is that, Laughing Devil Festival? Okay. Where is that? New York. Nice. Do they do comedy up there? I've heard. I've heard there's one or two clubs.

Good luck. I think they're hungry for a market of comedy. If I go up there, I won't get lost in a sea of comedians. I don't know. Which I always, I don't know. Break it down. Got a lot of guys moving. Right.

A lot of good buddies moving to New York. Local Baltimore people are making an exodus. Moving to L.A., to New York and stuff. They always change their names when they get to Ellis Island. Right, like Dan changed his name to Dan Ellis Island. Dan Statue of Liberty guy. That's his name. It's a new Larry the Cable guy.

But I haven't heard of anyone really... Because you get lost. The market is so watered down out there. Right. Schlegel, Justin, Ian Daniels, said you need a gimmick to even get noticed. Right. And I don't want to be a gimmick guy. No.

I would rather just build our own scene here in Baltimore. And I think we're well on our way. I think we are. We've got all the precursors are in place. All the tools. All the tools come right here to the dressing session. That's right. That's because I missed the roast on Sunday.

Oh, did you? Yeah. How did it go? I didn't hear about it. Apparently it went well. I didn't get to go because I was camping. I must the roast on Sunday. Oh, did you? Yeah. How did it go? I didn't hear about it. Apparently it went well. I didn't get to go because I was camping. I must have eaten something bad. I was all sick.

I went LARPing last weekend. Live action role playing. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I had a great time. You're a LARPer. I feel like I'm constantly LARPing.

I mean, my whole life is just live action role playing. Right. You go to work, you collect life points. Well, no, I'm just saying, you know, isn't that what life is? Pretending. Maybe for you, Mike. Yeah. Let's edit this part.

Just be who you is. Just be who you is. It's all good. Is there anything worse than when you try to introduce a new idea to people around you and they just stare at you and you have to just keep trailing on with it? You just tell them what? It was a fart. It was a fart that sounded like a bad idea. Apparently that happened to, who is the chick that's the daughter of the Mamas and the Papas guy?

Like she was banging. Carney Wilson? Yeah. Apparently when she was on Oprah, she was like, the only reason that I'm coming forward is because I know there's a lot of people out there that are just like me and have been in this position, the same position. The crowd was just like. That wasn't Carney Wilson, by the way, before we get sued by Carney Wilson. She's a big fan. Yeah, I was like, how do you know?

I thought it was like. No, this was a big story, though. I know what you're talking about. She was raped by her father. No, she had consensual. Well had consensual sex with her dad. You can have that? It went on for like 10 years. Granted, I'm sure it wasn't consensual

the first couple times, but she didn't tell anybody. That's still child rape. Yes, she is fucked up. For sure. That's consensual. And she said they had a good time. Wanted to have sex with her.

No, he did. Apparently her dad just offered her up to him. Right. Who is this? Who? Who is the woman? Who is the, I don't know. One of the.

It's not Carney Wilson. No, it was on the other side. Carney Wilson was a Beach Boys kid. Uh-huh. Oh, really? Yeah, one of the, the Phillips and Wilson Phillips was a mama and papa. It's confusing because Carney looks so much like the fat woman in Mamas and Papas.

That is what I was picturing, actually. Mama Katz. Isn't that her name? Mama Katz. Whatever. Mama Katz. I gotta get going, guys. It's Kathy Carson's street name, by the way. Mama Katz. If she gets fat,

we can call her that. She used to be, apparently. Really? Like high school? Yeah, high school. Really? I think she got a thyroid thing. She's hot these days. Mackenzie Phillips. Mackenzie Phillips.

Mackenzie Phillips. Yes. John Phillips was banging out Mackenzie Phillips. Mackenzie Phillips. Mackenzie Phillips. Mackenzie Phillips. Yes. John Phillips was banging out Mackenzie Phillips. Nice. Especially if you're a celebrity rock star. Yeah, you could do so much better. You had other daughters, right? Yeah.

It's not your only daughter. Yeah, it's not like any of the groupies are coming to you with world best dad shirts. Not that I'm a fan of making fun of rape or molestation or anything like that. When you picture the guy who molested his daughter, it's usually because there's no other options. He's not usually like, well, I've got all these groupies lined out.

It's not like he was like, she seduced me. She gave me a macaroni picture. Oh my god. Alright. You didn't see that world's greatest dad coffee mug she got me, you sons of bitches. Don't you judge. She looks so hot picking up that styrofoam pizza.

Don't you judge me. All right, let's take a break, and then we'll wrap this thing up. Sounds good. Let's wrap it up. Wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up, wrap it up. Here we go, everybody. Digression sessions. Girl, you are the one.

Give me macaroni art. When I took you into bed at night, I climbed right in and slipped my finger. It's so, so tight. Oh, my God. Went a little far there. All right. And we're wrapping it up. We're wrapping it up.

What do you got going on, Tommy Simbazo? This will drop Monday, April 2nd. Oh, well, then everything I have is already passed. Oh, great. I'll be at Noise in the Basement after party at midnight. Okay, Monday the 2nd? Yes. I wish you had told me.

I would have looked all my stuff up. Oh, I'm sorry. Can you come back to me? Sure. Tommy, what do you got going on? Talk to one of your other guests. Dave Mustaine, what do you have coming up? Condoleezza Rice, where can people find you?

You want to throw out a Twitter? Okay, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. I'll be at High Tops on Sunday, but this drops Monday. So Monday night, you can catch me at midnight at the Noise in the Basement after party at the Baltimore Soundstage on the corners of Market and Lombard. And then on Tuesday, you can listen to me on the J&J Show podcast. Oh, wow. Then I'll be at the

12th of April. I'll be at Dave & Buster's performing for a private party, so chances are you won't be there. None of our listeners are that prestigious to get invited to a Dave & Buster's party. Oh, but the 26th, I'm taking motorcycle lessons.

Alright, everybody show up for that. Be there, big heads. Please don't hit me. Cheer Tommy on. And really just don't hit him anytime. No, ever. With a car. Yeah, I mean, hit him with a bat. Club him. Or a dildo. Find a dildo on the road and smack him. Just toss it to me.

I'll catch it like I'm Ed Too Tall Jones. Especially if you're that BMW guy. Mean Joe Green, throw me your dildo. Hey, kid. Hey, kid. No thanks, Mean Joe. What the fuck was that?

Mike Moran, you got anything coming up? We have a show scheduled for the Copycat building, a stand-up show on the 5th. Really?

Apparently, that has to be moved somewhere. And I've heard whisperings of, I think, The Strand instead. Okay. So I don't know. Is that the yarn place? It used to be Yarn Factory? What's that? The cork shop?

Isn't it? All right. I might be making that. Tommy Zambazzo performing at the Yarn Factory. Come on out, bring your cats The old court factory Other than that, I don't think there's anything coming up What about you, Josh?

I think my troupe Gus will be performing April 14th and the 28th at Mob Town Theater Awesome But that's a little ways out Other than that, everybody please check out digressionsessions.com We'll have t-shirts soon. Yes, we will hopefully have t-shirts soon for everybody. They'll probably be super cheap or

we can give them away. I say get them printed on tuxedos. Tommy's right. It's a good idea. Get a t-shirt printed on a tuxedo? Yes. Just a picture of a t-shirt with nothing on it on the back of it. Make a t-shirt printed on a tuxedo? Yes. Just a picture of a t-shirt with nothing on it on the back of a tuxedo. Make a t-shirt printed tuxedo. Alright,

look out for those t-shirt printed tuxedos coming out soon. Yeah, so please go to digressionsessions.com It's really cool. It's got a forum and all the episodes are there. And yeah, I think that's it. Alright. Thank you so much, Tommy. No, thanks for having me. Wait, Tommy, I think that's it. All right. All right, yeah. Thank you so much, Tommy.

This was great. No, thanks for having me. Wait, Tommy, do you have a Twitter you want to throw out there? I do. It's at TommyCimbalzo.com, and I promise to never – it's at TommyCimbalzo. That's my answer. Okay. Not.com.

But I never use my Twitter. Just hit me up on Facebook. Tommy, S-I-N-B-A-Z-O. All right. Cool. And you're at MichaelMoran10. I'm at JayCoderna. And we're at DigSeshPod as well. All right. And. And you're at Michael Moran 10. I'm at Jake Coderna. And we're at Dig Sesh Pod as well.

And enjoy your taco. Thank you, everybody. Rock and roll. Yeah. Keep on trucking. I'm getting the last one. Out of the shelves. We should play that song.

Okay. I think we'll find it. Yeah, really. All right. Okay I think we'll find it Yeah really Does your girlfriend Want a kitten? No And neither does my fiance