The Digression Sessions - Ep. 314 - Quarantine Sessions 3

Episode Date: April 20, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar are joined by DC based comedian, Ross Benoit! It's another Zoomer and a good one! Check out Ross' podcast called, Smiley Frown! Follow Josh and Umar, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram!

I don't think there's anything wrong with pretending to be busy during quarantine yeah that is so funny yeah it was like yeah let's pot at 11 30 and our guest ross benoit uh like 20 minutes before the podcast was like actually can we do it tonight it's like yeah it's your schedule what are you doing what do you have going on you're not even working right dude i am not doing shit man this has been uh quite an interesting period of my life yeah well it's funny because so i texted ross a couple days ago and i was like hey man do you have a zoom you want to do the pod he was like yes yeah and then so we set up a time yesterday at 11 and then at 11 ross was like hey can we do later tonight and then me and Josh were like yeah totally fine and then Ross didn't hit us back until like 6.30pm

yeah that was yeah I was just gonna let that go I was like what are you doing hold on I just want to give you the director's cut on my thoughts on this because I was like this piece of shit has not texted us back it is past 6pm

what are you doing in quarantine and then he goes hey can we do it after seven it was like sure how about 7 30 and umar is like all right i'm out on a walk and then like five minutes later ross is like i'm ready it's 6 35 what what in your schedule is changing so frequently in quarantine so we right now we have an interesting uh scenario in the house where we uh we got word that one of our housemates is moving out and during a pandemic yeah yeah so they must really hate you yeah seriously uh yeah quarantine's going really well for everybody uh um yeah they're like oh you want me to do the dishes in fact i'm leaving

fuck you no i was i she found a good place she had to jump on it like uh i know she was thinking about for a minute but yeah so we've had to find somebody during this pandemic and it's like a very interesting time to so we have to we've been doing zoom interviews we have to find them quick uh and it's just been kind of like a chaotic how does the zoom interview work it's like hold up it's really weird hold up yeah hold up your negative covid results and yeah that's the first question you have to do is strip down naked and pour bleach on your body uh yeah in front of us to make sure that you're yeah you're

good to go yourself and then we'll then we'll work on it yeah no but these it's i mean i think we found somebody i think it's all solved out but today was just kind of like the the the peak this was peak week if you know what i mean okay so real quick uh ross benoit is our guest uh and uh comedian based in the dc area and uh we're zooming obviously we got umar hi karen in the background she can't she can't she can't hear you she's she's holding up a piece of paper like we're TMZ. Yeah. So, yeah. So, we got Ross on the pod.

Umar, obviously. Me, Josh Kaderna. So, yeah. So, how many people live in your house, Ross? We have five right now. That is a fucking nightmare. Me and Umar. It's like dorm living kind of.

It sounds so bad. Let me follow up again. That sounds like a real fucking nightmare. It sounds so bad, bro. As a 33-year-old, I'm like, yeesh. Dude, I turned 30. Ooh, happy birthday. Do you understand? Oh, my God, you're 30.

You seem so young. You look like a young guy. I appreciate you, man. You look great. I don't know if it's the backwards hat, but you look great. I think it's the cool, chill vibe. No, I turned 30 and I was fine about being 30. I wasn't stressed about it.

I was happy where my life was going, things were going well. And then I turned a week into the pandemic I can't go to the gym I can't do stand up I can't go to work And then it's like oh yeah by the way Now you're 30 years old I'm like cool let me file for unemployment real quick

And I'll get back to you I'll get back to you Damn you're like man I knew my 30s was going to be rough, but not this rough. Yeah, I know. Dude, it kicked off, man. Like, it can't get any worse. It can't get any worse.

Yeah, all those people that warn you, like, wait till you get in your 30s. They were 100% right. Yeah, like, how different could it be? Like, a global pandemic? Jesus Christ. Did you get unemployment? Oh, yeah, dude. pandemic jesus christ uh did you get unemployment oh yeah dude i so i went in on it quick uh because i had made the uh unfortunate mistake of putting all my eggs in one basket like thinking that

comedy would work out yeah oh boy but no i waited tables during the day so the last day that my restaurant the two worst things you can do right now, comedy and restaurant work. Oh, dude. I was a massage therapist in mass. I would actually massage 500 people at the same time. It was a rough gig. Dude, Karen used to be a massage therapist, and a lot of her friends are. I mean, that business will never be the same again. No way, dude.

Absolutely not. You know who's certified for massage therapists is Kevin Titt. No. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. Yeah.

He's got those strong hands. He's a Hawaiian chillness. Yeah, dude. A Hawaiian pothead punk rocker. I would let him rub me down to some dead Kennedys.

Yeah. That would be so funny. Yeah. You come in the room and normally it's like Enya or something. It's like, one, two, fuck you. It's like, feel free to disrobe to whatever level you'd like. Let's go. It's like, dude, I don't know if I like this.

Murder the government. But he still has waterfalls going. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm feeling a lot of tension. Best of both worlds, man. Relax. Okay, so yeah, so feeling a lot of tension. Best of both worlds, man. Relax. Okay, so yeah.

So you went to get unemployment. So I filed for unemployment the day, even before my restaurant was like, hey, we're not reopening until all this passes. Oh, smart. Yeah. Right. Like two days before, I was like, hey, I was not fucking around. Yeah, dude.

And it's very interesting getting money from your tax dollars it's very yeah yeah but you like i heard it's been a nightmare though man really it's just like but you put into the system so like you know you shouldn't yeah yeah totally uh but yeah no it's been uh it's been interesting it's been you know you just i think mean, you guys are both. Are you working? Yeah, we both are. We're working. Yeah. Josh and I are so lucky. Oh, it's insane, dude.

The I work an hour a day and I keep the same set. Same. Yeah. I'm eating the worst thing you could be eating on a podcast. I'm eating cornbread. Let me tell you this, Omar. It's all bad. You shouldn't be eating anything.

It's not like somebody's like, you know what? The best thing to eat on a podcast is apple pie. Yeah. You shouldn't be eating anything it's not like somebody's like you know what the best thing to eat on a podcast is apple pie yeah you shouldn't be eating at all yeah that is so great pod food yeah yeah that is umar's level of privilege too that he's just like yeah i'm so lucky yeah i just got a free old-fashioned when i picked up my food because you know why the bartender shay the asian lady who works at big hunt shay where was this shay works a block from my house at a barbecue joint and she hooks me up all the time oh no way yeah she's the best dude she's so tight hold on i can you guys hear this on the podcast i'm drinking the blood of the poor you guys is this picking up on the mic i'll listen go

yeah but me and josh both are employed and so we're very lucky uh yeah we can work from home so yeah but i feel like so we have been like dude like every week we we've been buying like you know we're trying to do our best to help out but uh you mean you mean like from local places yeah buying like local uh we're trying to buy as much local as possible and so uh that's why like we don't feel bad spending money for eating right now just to help people and like we're also the dude i'm like saving so much money since i don't go out i'm saving like a well i mean like i'm still getting government checks but which is the worst thing to say right now that's what's wild dude i have

a whole joke i want to do it's like everybody's talking like uh like you know it's like man this pandemic is like financially really fucking me up i'm like dude this is great like everybody i come back and be like dude this sucks i'm losing money with the economy starting back up again i'm yeah ross is like can you ross is like this is fucked up i sound like such a piece of shit i that's not the case everybody that's not the case well i'm like you're on the right i'm thinking what stocks i should buy with my stimulus money yeah dude you uh you know tim dylan said it best he's like the thing to invest now are like going to be these companies that like test like that they're going to put like

in arenas to test people walking in if you have any type of virus or anything like that oh yeah think of all the money that's going to go to an arenas to test people walking in. If you have any type of virus or anything like that. Oh yeah. Think of all the money that's going to go to now preventing this from happening again. I don't know, man. I don't know if we learn, right.

Cause I don't know either, dude. I also want to speak on it. Like I know any, like I really no idea. This is going to be, did you guys, I didn't know about the Spanish flu at all until just now.

Really? No, I never heard of it i never and i'm i have a master's degree i like i'm not like you know i'm not stupid oh okay i'm just but you're mad but if you're not looking up viruses like why should you yeah i never heard of the spanish flu have you guys heard of it yeah oh yeah yeah but all right well all right okay yeah like hey man you know about the spanish some dumb stoners just be like you know about that spanish because people are like yeah because okay a lot of people are saying like oh we're never gonna like shake hands and hug and i'm like dude we forget so quickly i think for like three days i know we're gonna be like oh this is weird and everything

will be back to normal i mean businesses will be fucked up and this is life-changing but in terms of like the shaking hands and still going to concerts and all that like i think it will all be back to baseline i think there's gonna be like a six month to a year grace period yeah i think people are gonna have ptsd for a few months then, yeah, I mean, we'll eventually get back to normal. Comedy shows are not going to be the same. No. They are going to be the same for a long time, though. No way.

You can't do an act when the world, like, the world will completely change. It will completely, and it's being even more divided in our country. So add that on top of just top of just like a pandemic just happening you can't use material like i can't go up on stage and be and and be like man people are uptight these days you know like yeah and then go into a joke then make fun of yeah dude we almost died yeah yeah chill out it's not like you fucking died you pussies god dude what am i everybody's my best jokes it's like hey so i got a flu shot this year i can't do that anymore yeah can't do that it's triggering yeah and it's i mean you can't even

have people in spaces like they're talking about not until 2021 can you have sports oh yeah oh yeah like and the best like the best part about a comedy show is people packed in tight yeah like it wouldn't even work if they're like okay let's have six feet in between everybody no that's what's gonna be like it's gonna be soft openings for these places where they're gonna be like they're gonna have to cut the number of people they have in the audience in half because they're gonna have to spread out the tables gonna have to spread out the chairs that will eventually go away but it's gonna be a shitty time waiting for it to go away every comedian's gonna have to bring their own microphone on the stage you'll do that do the do the handshake thing i'm not gonna be

able to watch any of the comics for the first like few months because i can't hear like we're all just gonna be trying our best to like make light of it all you know but here's the thing no i think yeah me i think i'm not gonna say shit i'm not gonna i think you write one pandemic joke you have to acknowledge it and then move on because yeah yeah like like umar and i are gonna be like man so who invested in mutual funds let me hear you you know so a lot of relatable content yeah i had to uh i did an interview uh two days ago for the washingtonian uh really not to brag just uh just throwing that out there but i had to do so during the interview that morning the guy emails me and he's just like hey could you just come with like two or three covid

jokes i'm like oh fuck you know i mean so i sat down all day and just tried to write as many covid jokes as i can and i just fired them all off to see like which ones would stick. As I'm telling this journalist, this is like a, you know, a magazine that kids could read. I'm like telling them these jokes and halfway through, I'm like, all these are way too fucking blue.

Like I can't use any of these. I just started, I started bombing with this guy one-on-one. Oh, on the phone, on the phone, started bombing with him. It was tough.

It was rough. Yeah. And then you'd like go to the old tricks. You're like, so where do you work? He's like, the Washingtonian, you asshole. Yeah. You married? You married?

He's like, this is not about me, dude. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So what were some of the jokes? Dude, yeah. Pull them up.

I'm just curious. I'm just curious. I think the top. All right. I'll tell you. I'll do it. I'll do the top three right now. You guys can say what you think

The top three Oh here we go Here we go I had the most Oh yeah One was a tweet This first one was a tweet Into it

It was It was Domino's Pizza Emailed me before My health insurance Did about COVID And that's why America's number fucking won That's pretty good

Love it It's alright It's alright Yeah The second one was The pandemic is really showing White people how much privilege we really have.

Like walking into a bank with your face completely covered and the bank teller being like, how can I help you, friend? Oh, I like that. Is that not bad? Yeah, that's good. I think that's good. Yeah. And the last one I did was like, having safe sex now means using a condom and wearing a

face mask. Like, hey, did you bring lube? No, but I brought Purell. That was the one I was like, oh. That's, yeah it can't do that and it wasn't fun that was like a throwaway that was when i was just like i hope this i just need to get to get something in there right but yeah anyway but otherwise i bombed all the rest bombed i like it though that's good yeah all right cool i appreciate it i've been insecure i've just been alone in my head about this fucking joke yeah that's why i think about people doing comedy shows

On Zoom and I'm like that seems So rough No I refuse to I refuse to do it I don't want to do it I'm doing Ramin's couples therapy on Thursday And that's going to be a little different Because you're interacting with people

So you don't have to do stand up which is nice But yeah I don't want to do standup into a vacuum that seems like a fucking nightmare like man i just have had i've done stand-up without a microphone before and it's never gone well but my awesome my my theory is too is like people are trying to take the the art form of stand-up that thrives off being performed live and they're trying to just take that same archetype and throw it onto a zoom meeting yeah it's not gonna work it's not you have to change it it has to be changed yeah you can't just do the same thing do people pretend like they're not in their room and like they're coming on stage they're like oh how we doing have you watched any have you watched any so i have oh man? So I have. No. Oh, man. I will say, so my buddy Andres is a doctor in New York City right now.

And he is also a comedian. And he has this show that actually some company got involved with and puts on. And usually they pack out the room. But some company, I don't know what they're called. But anyway, so the show is called Doctors Without Boundaries. And my buddy Andres and another doctor comedian do the show where comedians come and they interview them about some like medical issue they have had in their life, like a lifelong medical issue. And then they do stand up. And for their last one, their virtual one, I got Mark Norman to do it for them.

And I got to say, I actually was laughing. Well, I would say you're talking about one of the best comments. Yeah, that's true, too. But a couple of times it did like the jokes got fucked up because of it got fucked up in the feed. So that kind of sucked. But I will say like every joke hit but you're right he is like a great and i'm a huge fan so yeah he's a he's a one-liner yes yeah like i think a i think a one-liner can kind of survive in this era of like zoom shows but if you're a

storyteller that kind of like depends on the energy of the room. Yeah, a little building momentum. Wow. Dude, he ended his set. He's like, before I leave, I just want to say, I think Kobe knew. That's so funny. That's pretty good. I heard a story that, you guys know Blair Postman? Yeah. Yeah, she's big into the Zoom game.

Yeah, she's been doing a lot of Zoom. And Kevin Titt, to bring up Kevin Titt again, he told me he was in one. And they had a few people just watching. And they looked over, and Judah Friedlander was just watching. He was just in there watching. He wasn't even on the show. People were like, dude, is the world champ in our Zoom show right now? That's so funny.

Yeah, I think doing a zoom comedy show is like i want to yeah it looks so bad dude even every a lot of people i see a lot of people going live and you see there's like literally like six people watching you're just like what the i got it i try to stay away i try to i really just try to stay away from uh you know like i'm pretty i'm deep in twitter during all this i think this is like a fascinating time to be on twitter and see what we're doing on twitter but as far as instagram goes and people going live on instagram you're we're we have front row seats to watching each other lose it break down yeah well yeah and then also front row seats to how

needy we all are yeah too Eddie Morrison says something great to me. He goes, it's becoming clear who used this as therapy and who used this just as comedy. Yes, 100%. I was like, that's... It is probably one of the... Yeah, I'm naked filming my own sketch. I'm like, yeah, these people are fucking broken.

Jesus. First off, the video uh the one with the mask of the car very oh yeah very very very funny that was thanks dude that was good yeah on point probably one of the better ones i've seen oh thanks man yeah i'm trying to do more sketch stuff and yeah that is the funny thing too of like so i live with my fiance and i'm like oh i had this idea for a mask with like the raven's. She's like, yeah, okay, go do it. It's like, because we don't have an audience. Just leave for a minute.

Yeah, like we don't have an audience. So I'm like, what about this bit? Like running stuff by. I'm like, I'm going to be shirtless in the car. She's like, great. Just, okay, use Purell on your hands when you're done. I've been feeling myself become more annoying, though, for sure. Because, you know, i was so used for

six years of my life i did stand up every night i'm used to having i'm sure you guys know exactly what i'm talking about you're used to having that release yeah some type of outlet an outlet for it yeah so like dude i'm like calling people i haven't talked to in years i'm calling like ex-girlfriends being like hey what's up how are you they're like what are you doing yeah i'm picturing like like a loan officer with like Sally Mae. It's like, hello, Mr. Benoit. You're overdue on payments. You're like, can I run a couple of things by you?

They're like, yeah, man, whatever you got to do. I'll tell you, dude, Sally, the most I've ever had someone go after me for money. Uh-oh. Not credit cards, not uh loans student loans mattress oh casper mattress you owed money to a mattress company well i i have a kid yes yes i had yeah how did that work they're like all right but the juice is running i did a payment plan and i did like the least i could pay a month was $15 a month for the next like five years of my life i'm like you know what that that should work that

should be fine it's like a spotify account yeah oh my god how old were you when you did this this is like a year ago yeah yeah i was 29 in 300 days. That's so funny. Oh, my God. So I did this payment plan. And when it's just $15, sometimes I would forget or just be like, they can wait. You know what I mean? I was just not being useful. Wait, how much was the mattress?

It was a hefty amount. I mean, it's a Casper mattress. It was up there for sure. It was money I did not have to pay in one full payment. Yeah. Come on. So it's like, yeah, so I'm paying it's a Casper mattress. It was up there for sure. It was money I did not have to pay in one full payment. Yeah. Come on. So it's like, yeah. $1,800?

No, no, no. Under $1,800. $1,800. Okay. But still a lot. $1,700? Okay. No, no, no.

It wasn't a whole lot. I was just trying to take the easiest route I could. So I just missed a few. I just missed a few. I didn't pay them whatever you know and they uh they would i think they were calling me from several different numbers five or six times a day each number like they were on it dude yeah casper's like yo i have all the voicemail saved and i'm gonna put them on a solo episode i do where i'm just gonna play

all the different you can hear the different levels of people like they're getting more and more frustrated it's a mattress aren't they are they a startup yeah yeah they're like a small kind of startup so that's probably why now they're they were a startup if you i mean now they're considered like upper edge because they started on podcasts yeah yeah that's how i bought it i was like listen to podcasts damn i don't know if i bought you know what? I was a great mattress. So totally worth the struggle. I was looking into a Ridge wallet because my wallet's fucked up.

Tim Dillon. Wow. That's so weird. That brings us to this week's sponsor. And Manscaped. Unemployment. I think I'm going to do Manscaped. Man.

Dude, they really push it with the Manscaped. Dude, I think it works. If I – Dude, that and Bluetooth. I'm at a point now where I'm like, do I need it? I don't even know. Yeah, and the Manscaped, too. Don't they call it something –

Don't they call it like the lawnmower or something like that? Dude, the names are so bro. It's so fucking bro. It's like – It's unbelievable. Dude, and they try to be like real chill about it they're like they're like dude you got to take care of your balls it's like yeah and you're like i guess my kids are right here i don't have time to just playing out loud

yeah um speaking of uh manscaping we tried to shave our dog today because uh not great not great at all it was like oh yeah i'm glad that we pay for this but like yeah his hair it gets so long and you have to try to like it gets like dreaded essentially so we would just let it go but he was looking fucking nuts and so we just tried to shave him in the tub and it did not go well at all like he was just like i trusted you people why are you doing this yeah is he one of the dogs that that get real anxious when you're doing it? Oh, 100%. Yeah. He gets anxious about everything.

But it would have gone a lot better with the Manscaped. And if you go to manscaped.com slash dig sesh. No. Yeah. It was rough. But no, I don't think I've bought anything from a podcast. I don't think. I've never.

I mean, the caster mattress was the first thing that I like. I mean, I just needed a new mattress was the first thing that i like i mean i just needed a new mattress and i wanted a good like a mattress that i'll just have for a long time yeah one that you could essentially steal the point of my story is don't piss off these mattress companies pay yeah pay them i do like that yeah i do like that you tried to ghost casper mattress that's pretty good well i just like in my head i'm like well $15 a month i can they can they'll be okay with if i miss a month or two you know they were not yeah they were not okay uh i also want to ask how have you guys been so i had an interesting experience last night what happened a few every process like i cried for four hours straight, you guys. Yeah, I needed Pedialyte. It was crazy.

Oh, God, I hate Pedialyte. I've had nothing but bad experiences with Pedialyte. First off, I've never drank Pedialyte and felt better. I think it's, like, too concentrated. I always mix it with ginger ale. I always cut it with ginger ale as a child. I thought you were going to say gin. I was like gin i was like god damn yeah dude you're going hard and you know um last night a few like everybody who lives in the house like we've all been doing a very good job quarantining wait i've been doing a very good

job of social distancing so you have four other roommates correct yeah oh one of them one of them is not here okay so it's it's made it okay. But it is kind of nice because we still have that social interaction. Yeah. If anything, it's a positive. It's not a negative. Right. But we were all out on the front yard, and then the person who lives below us was out in the front yard, too.

We were all six feet apart. We were out drinking. We were just kind of hanging out. But everybody in our neighborhood, people like sticking their heads out the window when the guys at the end of our street kept walking down and past giving us looks it's like look we're not being dumb like we're not having a party here also if you live together it kind of doesn't matter but they don't know that and i understand that uh but at the same time it's just like it really felt like we're doing something very wrong it was very it was a very eerie feeling well that is the weird thing about just going out

even for a walk or something like or if you see somebody that doesn't have a mask on you're like what the fuck are you doing fuck people who don't wear masks yeah that drives me crazy dude like uh today karen and i went to uh we went to whole, and then we went to Giant, because you don't buy everything at Whole Foods. We're not rich. And then we needed dishwashing detergent. You know what I mean. Uh-huh. I got you.

But Giant didn't have any. So then I was like, fuck it. I know Mom's Organic Market market has some which is in our neighborhood right down the street so we go and i get in line and the only things i'm ringing up at the register is one thing of dish detergent and then one big ass bottle of kombucha that karen wanted so then i so i had to tell the lady i was like like, oh. Essentials only. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I told her. I was like, fuck, you got to say something.

So I was like, man, you guys are the only place with dish detergent right now. I was like, this is the third story we've been to this today. And she was like, cool. Yeah, yeah. All right, man. Nice. Okay. All right.

I was like, God god i'm such an asshole but i had a mask totally oh there you go so you gotta wear a mask man i really like that's the one thing like just do like i like i take walks every day that's like one of the things i'm doing just to like maintain yeah yeah like sanity it's just walking like being out but i'll pass by like young families and this i live in columbia heights man i like live in the city like it's like these young families that are walking around no nothing no protection at all yeah and it's just like dude you have kids you know what i mean yeah you have kids yeah it's mind-blowing sometimes when you're just like okay you just don't care i will say in

our neighborhood though the the crackheads i don't know if it's crack or if it's more of an opioid thing this has not slowed them down at all they are there's like right on the corner outside of my house they are there every day just in their gear ready to roll ready for that drop off i think it's because for them the world has been ending for years like I think for them they're just like, yeah, cute that you guys are freaking out. You know, another, like, I don't know. We might have to edit this part out. Yeah, Ross is like, maybe the Jews made COVID. Anyway.

But I have a, like, you know, my neighborhood is kind of like a progressive neighborhood. It's like a hip neighborhood. Yeah. And so, you know, it's like we have a progressive neighborhood it's like a hip neighborhood yeah yeah so you know it's like we have a few gay gays around and they have been the most they've worn like no like i see them all the time with like no master they're ones being the most ballsy about it and i can't help but think is it like they're like hey we had to worry about like aids for so long yeah yeah hey ross i don't i don't want to lose my job during all this so uh yeah i'm sorry you can edit this out all right no wow okay there's no editing but nope i'm gonna send this podcast to the unemployment office and cast those are the first two things

i'm doing tomorrow i'm just saying dude they'll probably give me more money to be honest it was funny because like yeah i was like yeah trump's like that's a good call yeah aids think about it yeah i don't know bad j i anybody's listening i'm just joking folks uh yeah this is i mean this is what you gotta do you got you gotta throw out some jokes yeah we're doing a joke show yeah i've um yeah isn't that a Marilyn Manson song? No. Oh, dope show. Dope show. Dude, let me ask you guys this.

Let me ask you guys this. Please, go ahead. How much do you hate – no, I'm just kidding. How have you guys been being in a relationship during all this? Fine. Because I've been just single. I've just been single. I've just been – I kind of do what I want. Do you guys feel it gets ever a little stressful?

I think like been single. I've just been, I kind of do what I want. Do you guys feel it gets ever a little stressful? Uh, I think like, uh, not, no, I think it's not that stressful. Yeah. I like,

yeah, I think it's kind of great. Well, your Karen is leaving the house now and again to go to work though. Right? Yes. Yeah. Uh,

Karen and I, we've been really good, but we do get into some stuff like today we got into it a little bit yeah and so it's but it's then it's also like oh we've been in the same house together for 35 days right i think it's a real test to like any like i have a few friends who are you know at the same situation and i've heard like yeah some of my buddies who told me it's like oh it's been good some people are like we're probably gonna break up after this like i've heard some different spectrums no that's interesting man uh no i mean but i will say other i mean to only have like a couple things here and there and it's not like a

major thing where it's like well fuck you you know it's just like i think it's just you would be with anybody after a while you're like god damn this is God damn, this is a lot. You guys are also in houses. Like you can go to a different room. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I will say I, I'm really feeling for people that have kids,

especially like three or four year olds where it's like, as soon as they wake up, it's just energy all day. Like you have to be teaching. Why can't we go outside? They're like, because people are, you have to explain to them every day.

Yeah. People are dying. They just don't understand. And then you're supposed to be teaching them stuff too. And you're like, I don't even fucking know. I've never heard of the Spanish flu. You know,

wow. Come on. It'll teach that. That wasn't in my US. That's one thing I think about having kids all the time. It's like, I have jokes about it. It's like,

what am I going to tell it? Like, what the fuck am I going to tell a kid? Like I owe, I owe mattress companies money. Yeah. That's what you tell them. Yeah.

If the caller ID says Casper, you don't fucking answer. Not in this house. That's crazy. All right. I really, I really respect parents. So the parents that you see that take the time to like sit down and explain to their kid,

like what's going on. I think, cause I think that takes so much patience you know yeah oh and after doing that for like eight years like i could see myself being like dude you know what fuck it figure it out man they got you this i got you yeah i don't yeah it's like i don't fucking know i have no idea but no man i mean just being so lucky yeah have space. And then also there's no child that you have to keep alive. Like our dog is enough. Yeah. Like I tried to, I traumatized him just shaving him in a tub.

I can't imagine. Oh dude. Yeah. Imagine having a kid. I'm like drinking so much and I'm drinking so much, dude. I had to, I had to tell myself, so this was the first week where, uh, told myself, I'm only going to drink Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And then so I'm going to. Yeah, just weekend.

Hey, only drinking on days that end in Y. Hey, there you go. Come on. I'm not drinking. It's not like I'm blacking out. No, no, I'm not. Not even close. But I'm definitely like a bottle of wine goes by in two nights now.

For sure. Dude, I killed a bottle. I killed a bottle of mezcal in four days alone. Jesus Christ. Yeah. No, Friday. I did a bottle of. I did a bottle.

What else are you supposed to do? I did a bottle of whiskey in a week. Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. Also, it took a quarantine for me to have as many happy hours as I'm having. Oh, yeah.

I've never done so many fucking happy hours. It's like, well, let's get together. And then like you'll do a happy hour at five. Then it's like, oh, these people, let's meet up at seven. It's like, wow, I've been drinking for six hours. I was going to say like zooming with more than three people is a mistake. Yeah. It's chaos.

It's chaos. Yeah. It's not good and especially with like comedians who everybody's like everybody's just trying to get their word out yeah i did a zoom with all comedians uh a couple days ago and it was fine but it was just like yeah this is too much there's this there's five people on the screen and they're all narcissists dude i did one like it was like 12 comedians. It was just like 10 minutes into it. I'm like, I'm done.

Fuck that. They're like, Ross, you're being quiet. I'm like, I'm being normal. Yeah, this is a time where you don't have to be near psychos. It's nice. Yeah, it's actually, I felt pretty good. I think you touched on it earlier, Ross of just like saving money you know because it's like so much especially for us we would drive down to dc a lot me and umar i haven't filled my tank in a month yeah yeah same i mean

i'm literally just buying booze and groceries like that's just all i'm buying like it's been like yeah i'm not spending money i'm not buying coffee like i'm not spending five bucks on a cup of coffee every day like i'm buying it yeah i'm buying everything in bulk now yeah i'm realizing what a piece of shit i was too i'm like god brunch was really burning a hole in my fucking coffee god damn yeah dude you know you know here's the thing too like i've i talked about this on on my podcast is i said uh the people who i see on social media that are spreading it are these you know well-off 26 year olds living in living in the city living on the waterfront i saw one girl this one girl i followed she posted they did a makeshift brunch uh where they all got together and it was like it was like

20 people they all got together and they was like it was like 20 people they all got together and they're all taking pictures like ironically social distancing that was the tag i'm like you're the problem you're the yeah yeah this is gonna go it's gonna get worse well uh i don't know dude i see it like yeah like i was uh i went for a run today oh and dude so so in our Facebook neighborhood group, Josh, are you in Hamden neighbors? No. Oh, my God. Bro. Spill the tea, sis. People are going nuts about runners.

They're like, if you're a runner and you're not wearing a mask, you're an asshole. And then, like, so somebody posted, like, every day someone's posting stuff about runners. And, like, really, like, dude, I'm a runner. I'm not going to wear a mask. I don't run around you. I'm not. I run too fast to wear a mask. There's just no way I'm going to wear a mask.

So some girl. Dude, I had a 445 during this pandemic damn no but i like i like that you're like too big to fail it's like i'm too fast to wear a mask so uh people can't even get mad they're like they're just like respect yeah every day dude people are posting in there about running like like this guy was just like like the douchiest post by the way it's like yeah this guy is like he's like listen he's like if if if you're a runner just know that someone with a dog and a couple with the dog it's a lot harder for them to move across the sidewalk than it is for you blah blah blah and it's like who are all these how many people are running by you that it's like, who are all these? How many people are running by you that it's like an issue for your life?

You know? And also, what runner has ever done that? It's just like, excuse me, dog. Elbow. Yeah. It's like, it's easier for me to go around you. There's no way. I'm going to split a family with a dog.

So some girl. You kick the dog out of the way. Yeah. Like, I'm running here. Jesus. Yeah. So a girl in the hamden that guy's running a 445 yeah yeah babe babe babe he has great time babe babe scoot

so yeah somebody like um asked a question like hey like what's the like what's what's up with like um do runners have to wear masks or something and And dude, I mean, he got tense. And then so I commented, I was like, I think you only have to wear a mask if you're slow. And I was like, I think if you're running anything less than an eight-minute mile, the CDC recommends that you wear a mask. Dude, it got like 40 likes oh nice yeah that's awesome it felt great but dude like yeah people are hating runners and then so uh some like um uh european uh like uh blog or like news website posted a graphic of like showing if you're running how far your spray particles go.

And it goes like 30 some feet or 50 feet. And what? Yeah. And apparently it's fake. It was bullshit. Like it wasn't based on anything. They just made it up. It has to be.

That doesn't even. But people believe it. So people in the Hamden Facebook group have been posting that. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, that's like sharing like an Onion article and being like, see? Dude, the Huffington Post covered. Yeah. I did like...

Did you guys see the video of all the Italian mayors freaking out on people? No. Yeah, yeah. I saw that. They're pretty great. Oh, because they're like just... Yeah. They're so mad. There was was one guy he was just like he's like why the fuck are you getting a haircut who is that for no one's

gonna fucking see you they'll see it in your casket what the and there was one met there was one mayor he was great and he's like all of a sudden everybody's a fucking triathlon runner stay home what everybody runs a fucking marathon oh god that's so good dude you know it's even more funny is watching uh here in america our governors form unions like team yeah each other yeah i mean they have to isn't that how the civil war kind of started i don't know that's is certain states teaming up with each other i don't know yeah i mean i guess ventilators are similar to slavery in a way it's like yeah we uh respect the institute yeah we we we respect the institution of ventilators here in the south awesome made

labor free we do not pay for the labor yeah exactly i like to breathe on my own personally no it's but yeah it's wild though to see our governors teaming up against our like against the president yeah well they have to they have to they have they do well it's so crazy dude well it's like uh like they explain like if every state is bidding on ventilators then that company is like okay well california is going to pay this so what do you want to pay new york and like we'll pay this yeah so that's why they have to do that to kind of say we're all going to pay yeah the same price you know but other than that trump's doing great um really happy he's in charge it's wild so my dad's uh my dad has a cousin who's like uh like a multi that works at the pentagon yeah no he's a multi's like a multi- That works at the Pentagon? Yeah, no.

He's a multi-millionaire. And so he's a Trump guy. Nice, nice. He's a Pakistani guy, Trump guy. And so his wife died several years ago, but he has a girlfriend now. She's an older white lady who has braces, which is very weird that you're like you know like in your 60s or 70s with braces but whatever i know at that point what's like what's yeah who gives a shit and uh so yeah she's like i have i'm dating a millionaire now but i want to get a billionaire with these so she like has been posting like all this pro trump stuff and it's just like so it's just like crazy it's like damn like you're

that insane that like I know it's it's like it's like I didn't she she said that I now see that Trump is the best leader for us to get through this and I just wanted to be like, are you insane? And so then Trump is the best leader. Yeah. We have 40,000 dead. And she's like, man, he's crushing it. And he's comparing his ratings to like TV shows. Dude, it was so funny. I got to find it because like it was because some lady and her were like arguing over the comment section.

And God, it's just like God, old people should just never be on twitter it's people who are still supporting trump even though he's showcased in every way i don't want to get too political here but like he's showcased everywhere yeah before you get going this is a pro trump show but we will allow you the time go ahead uh he's showcased every way possible that he's just not a leader i mean that's that's just it yeah that but it's also too like who voted for fucking biden i mean the guy can't complete sentences no his brain is that guy being like yeah he's better than bernie i don't know like i don't understand that's one thing i just i oh yeah i mean when it comes down to it i'm still gonna vote for mashed potato brain biden um because i'm just i'm just hoping

his handlers are better which i'm sure they will be but yeah it's a good crew behind him i really do i think he has a good crew behind him but i think like i mean just the guy's like mixing up his sister and his wife it's just like dude like a month before everything went down he was like vote for me for senate what what the fuck i think they have to remind him every, he was like, vote for me for Senate. And he's like, what? What the fuck? I think they have to remind him every morning. He's like, sir, it's time to wake up and run for president. He's like, I'm what?

I'm running for what? They got to remind him. He's like, listen here. Did you ever see the speech he gave about corn pop? Oh, did you ever see that? Yeah. What happened? It's become a hobby of mine watching these.

It's incredible. He was at a pool or something. And he was like, I used to lifeguard here at this pool. And there was this fella, this bad guy. His name was Corn Pop. And I said, hey, fella, you don't come around here no more. Corn Pop didn't like that. So I gave him the business.

Everybody's like, what the fuck? Yeah. They're like, what are you talking about? I think this is the same one where he was talking about how he would sit at the pool and how little black kids would come up and feel his leg hairs. And it's just like, what are you talking about, man? Yeah. What are you talking about, dude? He's like, in the water, they would go up and the kids would like to feel them.

Are you supposed to be talking about taxes? You know the handlers are just destroying the set behind i'm like we practiced all day don't tell the leg care story how yeah like just how embarrassed like the fact that obama has to fucking uh what do you call it endorse him like god it's it's all what's obama gonna do not do it i know but they're all just part of a machine it's you know yeah it's like it's like it's like uh two comics that started together and one got really good and famous and one sucked but they're still bros and he's like all right uh no he's funny check out his new special it's great i swear like he'll bomb and then the and then the actual good comic will the headliner will come out and be like, Dude, I love that guy.

I love... We go way back. Yo, Joe and I... Joe's my boy, straight up. I swear. You should have seen him back. He was crazy. It's like, all right.

Yeah, exactly. He sucks. Yo, Biden was crazy. But, you know what's saddest to me? It's like, I've watched... I never really paid attention to Biden during the Obama administration. I never really... He was always just chill there.

He didn't do anything. He was always there, but I'm like, was he always just a little off? Yeah. But I looked at videos of him from 2005. Dude, he's sharp. He's poignant. He was, yeah. His brain is just going.

It's deteriorating. Is Biden's son... One like his brain is just going it's just go it's deteriorating his biden's son one of his sons like addicted to crack yeah one of his sons died dude oh no one of his sons died from suicide right because he was like ptsd no no he had brain okay but one of his sons is i think it's addicted to crack or heroin yes well he's the one that was on the that they made the big deal about on the ukraine was uh that he worked for barisma yeah so yeah um that was hunter hunter biden and also so beau biden died he was uh yeah he was in the military and i think by all accounts he was like recognized as like a good soldier yeah did everything right and then he got brain cancer dies uh and then hunter biden crack addicted hunter fucks beau biden's wife uh um what it was widow yeah so yeah

isn't that insane yeah and then so i think he's addicted to heroin or something and so i saw like a tweet by tim dillon he's like the most interesting thing about biden this son is on crack it's just like yeah it's so funny and he used to live in dc on like 14th street too i'm pretty sure yeah it's wild man it's so wild like and it's it's like i mean honestly when it comes to family i never judge a politician based on family i mean family's family you know you can't control You can only control that so much. Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, yeah, that doesn't like... But if you got your sons fucking each other's wives...

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, woo. Good times. Good times. That's bad. But yeah, it's just insane he is the candidate, though. It's like we had four years to find somebody.

It's like, here's Joe Biden, whose brain is leaking out of his ears he's like ah listen here buddy i don't like malarkey like oh good yeah good he always looks like he's chewing beef jerky like he's got a thing of beef jerky in his pocket yeah yeah he looks that's probably where's my jerky you know that's probably what gets him excited they're like we'll give you jerky if you finish a complete sentence. Not jerky, after the press conference. He's like, fuck, I'm going to fit. All right, all right. Yeah, he looks so out of it. He looks like when you're a young person, when you're young, when you're a child,

and you run into an old person for the first time, and you realize, oh oh old people are insane like when you you're like that's what that he's like the stereotype of that that's the best reference i've ever that just that's yeah that's what he is you know with like that first moment you're just like oh my god you just we see like somebody that's like true fucking crazy yeah yeah yeah where they don't even seem like a human species at all where they're just like and then you just like realize what your future's you're like oh that sucks that sucks so much as a kid you're like why isn't that in the zoo

i don't know yeah what what is that watching that and i'm supposed to give it a hug no not to be a hack here, but have you watched it? Oh, yeah. Have you watched it? I watched it the day it came out. Yeah. Yeah. Umar, he was early on that.

So it's crazy. I was, you know, it's such a mainstream hack thing to talk about now, but it really was beyond compelling to watch because I had completely forgotten people like this exist. Oh, yeah, me too. Just in my world, the world that I live in, what I've chosen to concern myself with, I had completely forgot there are people like that in the world. Dude, the documentary of the pandemic is going to be so surreal because you know Tiger King is going to come up. It's going to be a big part of it. It's going to be a big part of it. The fact that it's going to be like Trump was – literally like Trump was president.

That's going to be most of it. This gay, drug-addicted tiger lover was like the fucking focus of the nation. Yeah, the best part will be in the history books. It's like, and at the time, he wasn't president. It took eight years after that, and then he became president. Isn't that incredible? Dude, and what was so fascinating to me Is like, they really didn't Like, the guy's He's clearly just on meth the entire time

Like, oh yeah, he's on meth Yeah, I didn't really catch that Until they brought it up, and I'm like, got it That makes sense I mean, I'm like, that is fucking methamphetamine But like, he kind of brought it down Like, the whole time he was talking, he was kind of like Yeah, I had my time with meth.

It's like your time is right now. That is the time. Yeah. And also that's just like a drug you dip in and out of. You don't casually hit meth. Yeah. Yeah. I would do meth on the weekends, but that was it.

Did you guys see the video of him? Yeah. The N-word video? Bro. Oh, yeah. They got lunch and were leaving that out. That was one of the best. Why wouldn't he be racist?

Well, let's... Yeah, yeah. That shouldn't be shocking to anybody. But yeah, Umar, tell... If the people haven't seen it, tell them what his argument is. I forgot the argument. Oh, it's if they can say it no it was like the most basic it was like if they're trying to why can't we say it yeah

yeah i'm trying to find the video but it is great because it is like we're talking about like when you go back through history like this is like the most you know like people like racist people have been saying this for years but this is the modern iteration where he's like, how come I can't say the N word? You fucking you go to YouTube and they're saying it all the time on there. But we we listen to we're hearing him more because he's in a tiger cage with a gun on his hip. That's why. Yeah. Yeah. And like his cane thing as well. And you guys see the part that really blew my mind the most was one of the most fascinating parts was when the girl got her arm bitten off. Oh, yeah.

Insane. Yeah. And within seconds, like they cut to him getting the news and then it cuts to him running over to her with an EMS jacket on. That was pretty great where he's like, oh, what happened? A medical emergency? He heard that. He's like, all right, cool. Let me run to my cabin real quick.

Let me grab my EMS jacket and then I'll go. Yo, he's like, I knew when I bought the EMS bomber on Amazon, I was going to use it. I knew it. And here we are. Someone had a great tweet about it too. Someone tweeted out like, that's like, I don't remember, but it was like commenting on how like fashion before everything else. Like, I don't know.

It was just a great capture of that moment. But also his immediate reaction was, he's like, I'm never going to financially recover from this. Yeah, yeah. Immediately. They're all narcissists. And then he goes, yeah. They're all narcissists. Right.

And then he goes out. Every single one of those characters. And then he goes out to all the people. To the people in the waiting room. He's like, as I'm sure you already heard. They're like, did you see them? They're like, what the fuck you why would we hear that what are you talking about yeah it was so fun to watch it and so carol i had a whole theory on carol baskins this is what i've been oh so i don't think here's my hot take uh-huh my hacky hot take i think she did not kill her husband i don't think she did i kill her husband. I don't think she did.

I don't think she did either. I think she was in on it the whole time. I think the family that he left for her was going after him legally, like hard. I don't think they covered how hard that, because you saw those three women. They were like, they had death in there. They were like, we want that guy to die. So I think they were going after him. they were trying to take everything he had i think he went to carol it was like hey keep it all here's all this you help me get out of here and leave yeah well he

probably i mean that could be i think she helped him get out and that was that well because he uh they were saying how much like he fucking loved pu and stuff. He's like, you know what? I'm just going to go down there. You keep these fucking tigers. That's what I think, yeah. I think he was trying to get away from it all. Yeah. Because she was too chill.

Even for a sociopath. She was too chill. She really wasn't defending it. She's like, I didn't fucking kill them. Yeah. I mean, like you were saying, Ross, too, about just these people existing. It is funny because it reminds me of just comics. You know, it's like normal, like most people, even if you see somebody like that is on Netflix or somebody that's like a household name.

Chances are we know somebody that kind of knows them or I worked with them once. You know, it's our world. That was our world. Yeah, that was. Yeah. So it's their world. So that's why it was funny to see those people like a dude in a rocking chair with a monkey in his shirt and he's just like joe exotic's a fucking dick who are these people yeah but that's the thing it's like who are these people that even it was a whole scene dude no but yeah it's a scene that's what i mean go to the museum

like what level of trash do you have to be to take your fucking family to like a backyard redneck museum where like it's just thin wire cages yeah and then we had one clip they had one clip at doc doc ansel was also very compelling to me because that guy was truly – he was the smartest one. Yeah. Is he the one with the sex cult or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a cult. But they interviewed one guy.

They were just talking to people who were at the park, and it was just this white trash dude. He's like, yeah, we're on our vacation. This is our fourth time here this week. We just love it so much. It's like, oh, my're on our vacation. This is our fourth time here this week. We just love it. It's like, oh my God. And it's expensive. It's like $500 to feed the tigers. But yeah, also imagine having a family and seeing a billboard with Joe Exotic.

I'd be like, Saturday, we're going. Hey, my kid's got to see that. He's got to. I want him to be well-rounded. He's got to see that. Did you guys watch to. I want him to be well-rounded. He's got to see that. Did you guys watch the new episode? No. Where is it?

What? It's on Netflix. Do you have to go to... Is it under Tiger King? Yeah, it's on the same thing. So it's like... You know how... If you're watching Ozark or whatever, it's like new episodes. Wait, they have a new episode of Tiger King?

They have like... Yes. So it's like a reunion show I couldn't watch it Joe McHale is the host, right? Yeah, and it's He's the host? Yeah, and it's weird because it's like what we're doing now

They're just zooming to people And the first one they interview is the dude with the really long hair Not really long, but like the head like keeper, right? Yeah. The one that kind of turned on Joe Exotic. And they they interview him first. And like he looks just bad, man. And it's not even funny. It's just like so that must have really hurt your feelings.

He's like, yes, before I would kill kill the tigers i could see the look in their eye that they trusted me and i betrayed that trust when i would murder them like well i'm good on this all right that so the guy you're talking about too like i could tell he was in bad shape because when they were doing the interview when when the whole thing got shut down they were waiting yeah they every interview they had with that guy in his house like in a different location there was a smirnoff bottle in the background in every room you're like oh that guy's not oh yeah yeah he lives in a trailer good and he lived in a trailer i think oh yeah which is fine just fine yeah yeah yeah but yeah so that's what the new episode is like a reunion

where they like oh i'm gonna watch this interview interviews people wait to watch this yeah i want to watch that tonight yeah it's uh oh dude i've been watching i've never watched community before and i'm going i just i'm binging it right now dude it is brilliant it's brilliant stuff dude it's insane how good that show is it is so fucking good man dan harman baby he's a genius man he's crazy yeah but he's great i listen to his podcast oh i've never listened to his podcast he was he was so funny he was just on uh duncan trussell's podcast uh we're like friends yeah yeah i'm kidding but no you call him dunk you call him duncan You call him Dunkin Donuts. You guys are very close. Yeah.

But yeah, he was just on Dunkin Truss's podcast and it's phenomenal. So here like he just I mean, it's like Dan Harmon's take on the pandemic and it's like brilliant. So fun to hear. All right. Recommend it to anybody who wants to. Yeah, he's a good he's a good Instagram follow, too. I'll throw that out there.

Wait. So, Ross, did you guys did you guys get a roommate? Yeah, we got one. Wow. Dude, when I was first looking to move out of my parents' house, I went to this house in the neighborhood that I live in, and it was so weird. It was like there was like three people living there one was

like a couple and what was another person they're just showing me around and i was like the house was really nice it was like a craigslist thing and then i was like yeah it's really nice and she's like okay so like also like we don't like like we're having issues with the current roommate who you're gonna replace like yeah he just like dropped the n-word the other day and like we weren't cool with that and it's like so we just want to know like and i was like yeah no yeah and he's like yeah he would really make like make inappropriate jokes that were like not good i'm gonna say it only in my room yeah and they're never say it in a shared space our last guy was really weird he took care of tigers for a while yeah yeah and it was just like and i was like oh god she's like describing me and then so i was just like fuck and then so and then so then i'm uh i'm driving home and i

get a text and it was like oh hey so yeah we liked you so you passed the first round and i was like what the fuck is the first round it's like you're on a reality show. Then they invited me to a dinner for the second round with all the other candidates. And I was going to be a potluck. Dude, I would have not gone. I would have been like, I'm not doing that.

I'm not doing that. That's that is so fucking narcissistic and weird. Like what? Like we, we've kept it pretty simple. Like we've, yeah, I did not go like

yeah but i should i should have went for the story dude you should have gone and just dropped the n-word the entire time yeah which one of you n-words brought sweet potatoes oh god yeah why is why do we attract these people They don't know It's like fucking That would be great Dude yeah We kept it simple though man We had

I think the person we found Like she's You know I wanted to keep it I wanted to go another comedian To be honest Like this has been a comedian Oh who'd you get No we didn't go another

I mean I put the word out there Yeah what if ross was like louis ck crazy he's looking for a place yeah it's tough times but he uh no we you know i put the word out there i think winston uh hodges was planning to move to the city oh uh but the time frame just was like two months off oh shit yeah that would be fun though yeah he just got so laid off yeah is he yeah i mean he's public about it well yeah because he was a teacher so oh yeah yeah no i don't think he's a teacher because teachers are employed still uh i think he's a teacher unless you work for like a private school or something but he did I think he did work for private. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. He did my podcast. Yeah, yeah. He works for private. Yeah, he was 100% a teacher. Special education for a private school. Oh, okay. Yeah, then he's laid off.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, hopefully he'll get that sweet unemployment money. Dude, it's been interesting to me to see the people who have been weird about that. Who have been kind of like... I mean also like, uh, I forget that everybody's a comedian,

doesn't have a filter, but some people like I've brought it up to, and they kind of look at me like, uh, it's not appropriate to talk about. I'm like, what are you talking about? Talk about,

talk about what thing to talk about right now? Like just about getting unemployment, employment, filing for unemployment, not like not having your job. It's not your fault. You lost your job. Who said that?

Yeah. A few people are just weird about, mean i get it i said people weird about finances i understand i don't talk about finance a lot but this is more of like a like there's millions of people going through the same i was gonna say literally it's it's you and 22 yeah there's 22 yeah it's not like you fucked up like you dumb idiot like it's like no you we're all it's pretty common knowledge That most people are experiencing this in one way or another It's out of my control I've learned

Not to just fire it off Like it's no big deal You know what's another weird part of this pandemic Is that Louis CK was like The time is right Now's the time I mean that special was so so goddamn good i thought it was good yeah i liked it i didn't i didn't think it was great but i did think it was good i think

it was the best he could have done for how he did it and and the circumstances that were what sucks is i saw him live a couple months ago yeah and it was so good it was so much better he left out so many bits and i understand why he left them out but like dude oh god some of the bits so we saw bill burr when he when he he he was in dc a week before he filmed his black and white special or the one no the one after that because the one after that it's always stinker. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, a bunch of, we saw it live here in D.C. And it was fun. It was incredible.

But he dropped a bunch of stuff. And it makes you think like, well, he should have just filmed it here. Yeah, I think he did it in front of a not a very smart crowd. Yeah. I also think, yeah. I think the crowd wasn't very smart. I think they weren't all boring. He was yelling a lot at the top, too.

I think he didn't really leave himself space either, like energy wise. Like, I think he started at a 10 and then it's just like, OK. Yeah, I think the one he did in the UK was great, though. I also think that. Oh, Paper Tiger King. You know, it's funny. You know, it's funny. Like my I liked it.

I did think it was one of his i didn't think it was one of his i still think it's one of his weaker ones i did like it a lot but yeah a lot of people like like my brother said he didn't like it my brother's a big bill burr fan and interesting karen didn't like it and she likes bill burr a lot too and they were both just like yeah it was just like him yelling the whole time and like it wasn't really and it was just like rye hill rye hill i like rye hill's like dude he's just like i'm just so over comedians complaining about uh cancel culture and i was like it's so i think it's i think it's getting a little played out and i think you have to be someone like bill burr or dave chappelle to really address it and have any like respect behind it yeah right because yeah we get

it we suck we can't we can't say what you want i mean to this day one of my favorite specials that's come out in the past year past two years uh is tennessee kid nate bargat i love that's i mean he's probably my favorite comedian oh okay and that special was just like like yeah nate's a clean yeah well for people to, he's a clean comic. I was actually watching it the other day. I really do like Nate, but none of his jokes ever make me like explode the way like a Bill Burr or Chappelle joke does. Yeah. Yeah.

For sure. Right. I see that. Yeah. I think what it is for me is that i enjoy the imagery he creates i enjoy the fact that he is a he puts you in his shoes of like look how dumb i can be like because that's kind of like what i i mean that goes along the lines of what i joke about but i think to me that's very very funny i mean like the whole thing about him coming out of the uh the magic trick where the hot girl

disappears and then it's him he walks out and they're like is this did you guys do this trick backwards like that's so fucking great yeah yeah no he's he's super funny man yeah um yeah i don't know there's only a few specials that i'll finish really like it yeah i know it takes it takes a chapelle or a burr to be like all right i'm committed for the whole hour and it doesn't feel long yeah i have not uh i've not been able to watch comedy during this uh during this time because oh wow i get too sad i get too sad i can't oh man watch it i can't watch it and not like just like miss it not get like emotional oh me emotional but you know what i mean like well no it's very tough i gotta say like i think i've said this on the pod before but like uh i uh i don't know if i miss comedy like i'm

fine with not doing it only because only because i know no one else is doing it so then it just makes it easier it makes it yeah it's just like. Like, this is cool to have a break. It's nice. I mean, definitely, I think I'm going to come into, I mean, if comedy even goes back into what it once was, I think I'm definitely going to come into it with a different perspective, you know? Yeah. I think, dude. I never thought I'd take the time off like this. Dude.

I never thought this would be. I think one thing is, is, like, a lot of people are going to have to quit. Like in New York who are barely scraping by with comedy. They're going to have to quit. These people who are barely hosts. These people who are barely features. Everybody's going to have to take a step back. And then, dude, I was listening to the podcast called Legion of Skanks. For people who don't know.

But they're like New York comics. They've been living there forever. And a lot of them were talking about like yeah maybe like i'm gonna move out of the city because like i have a kid and and this is like making me realize like this place sucks for a kid yeah dude i think because like you can't do anything so like you're stuck with a kid in a super like 800 square foot apartment yeah i think it's also too it's i think it's not healthy to need comedy i really i really believe that uh but unfortunately like i've realized about myself like oh i need comedy like that's like the big catch-22 yeah but so like it's like a thing of like yeah i definitely see it like for i get it too like people are gonna step back from this and

i think a lot of people are gonna realize like oh i don't i don't need you know what i mean like that is that shit kind of sucked you know yeah or that you don't know like yeah i mean um yeah if you have a family for sure i'm sure that put that in perspective too of like oh i could like your life i could be on track more if you have a good light like things are going well you know what i mean yeah i've just realized how comedy has affected me in like all these negative ways like during this time like i'm saving money i'm not around toxic people every night uh right right you know what i mean yeah you're getting my family every day like it's it's good it's good oh yeah i remember one time uh andrew unger the owner of mcgoobies yeah when i told him what i did and he's like so you make

good money i was like yeah and he's like oh well you're never gonna make it i was like what he's like he's like you're too comfortable i was like oh yeah you're probably right yeah i think that's stupid i think that's dumb i think that's silly well we did joke about it too i was like did joke about it, too. I was like, well, it's kind of nice, too, because then you're comfortable. Like, it's not a stressful thing. Like, this whole idea that you have to struggle to be an artist. I know. I think that's so dumb. I mean, unfortunately, that's what I have to do sometimes just because I can't manage both.

Yeah, because also you'll find that a lot of people in comedy come from money. Yeah, yeah. I'm starting to learn that, man. I'm starting to see that. Yeah, it's kind of cool that Nick Kroll was born a billionaire. Is that true? I had no idea. Yeah, John Mulaney's parents are huge lawyers in Chicago.

His dad's from represented Bill Clinton. They're millionaires. So these guys got floated well I'm just saying it's easier to go to New York and take a chance with your life you're working with a net essentially so you're like if this fails fine

but that said they are very funny Chris D'Elia is pretty open about growing up yeah he grew up rich as shit right his dad's like a producer directing like 90210 or Melrose Place and about growing up. Yeah, he grew up rich as shit, right? His dad's like a producer. Yeah, producer, director. Directing like 90210 and shit. Yeah.

Or Melrose Place or something. Whatever in the 90s. Aziz's dad's a doctor. Like, so, I mean. I like that we're ending this podcast. Like, so if we don't make it, it's because we weren't fucking millionaires. I mean, Nick Kroll and John Mulaney

actually are like geniuses so yeah i mean they took advantage of their opportunities yeah they're good they're fucking smart i mean like well they made one of the mentalists yeah that makes sense and uh living with four people right now uh so but like you know they make but they made like one of the best shows i would say in the last decade like big like big mouth is amazing yeah oh yeah and oh hello on broadway was fucking great but yeah but i just think like after all of this like like so many people who were like making money off comedy will not be able to make money off comedy so they're gonna have to get a real job and they're just gonna be like fucking i'm done yeah i do i mean for sure i think i was

talking to cook about this and like he's the one who brought up to me he's like a lot of people who just broke into featuring for work a lot of people who might have just uh broke into headlining for work everybody's gonna have to take a step it's gonna be pushed back because now those spots aren't going to be as available as they were before so the people who are already established are going to be in the front of those lines right yeah so it's like yeah it sucks i mean like in the end like i think in the end the most important thing is like it's just being able to still do it that's my that's what i am hoping for i i just hope half these clubs are still open i hope right people are still willing to go out

uh to comedy shows and laugh you know we'll see we'll see you were thinking about moving to new york right i was in the process of before all this yeah i had a few months i had a few i think i was gonna take off at the end of summer. And I. So, yeah, I mean, I was pretty lucky to anybody. But yeah, I know. I think we had like talked about it. I think I brought up to a few of you being like, hey, this is what I'm going to.

I didn't want to make a thing about it, but I. Right, right, right. But I'm saying you're lucky that that did not happen. I know a few comedians who were literally supposed to move during this time like i know a few who did move uh i know one who moved i know one who was supposed to move now and that's all fucked up and like that is like to me like i mean they must be going through something i couldn't imagine like that's your whole life is just pushed back but like i can't i can't imagine myself moving even within a year to the place that's

one of the most infected places yeah i mean yeah unless there's like a vaccine or something like yeah something monumental has to change between now and then and it's also gonna be crazy moving there too because like as i said before it's just the spots are gonna be more competitive it's gonna be more competitive than it was before right Right. Like, what the fuck? I'm going to come in here being like, hey, I got some cum jokes. Well, you know what? You know what?

I mean, this is getting so, I guess, like, what do you call it? Inside baseball. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it to esoteric. No, it's fine. I was listening to Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast and Dave Attell was on. Yeah. Yeah, I listened to that, too. That was a goodic. I was listening to Greg Fitzsimmons' podcast and Dave Attell was on.

Yeah. Yeah, I listened to that too. That was a good one. That was really awesome. It was so good. And Attell was saying, he was like, you know what? I don't know if mics are the way to go anymore. He's like, I don't think anyone's going and grinding mics and making out of open mics anymore.

He's like, I think you kind of just build a following and become a headliner. Yeah. Yeah, but... i think that whole model well i think what they're saying is is like i think the the model right now is less stage time put more into your online presence build up that following that allows you to like go on tour so you mean like your twitter do some sketches yeah exactly twitter instagram all that shit and that because like they're like i mean like who's really benefiting from open mics like no one really yeah yeah i think uh i think open mics are more of a sentimental part just that whole like uh of like and like also just like uh noah garden shorts who's like a very funny comic said it on the underground podcast he's like you know like he's like honestly like i think like the best you can do is not do comedy all the time

and it's like i think once you can once you figure out how to do comedy like and i'm not saying i'm i'm there yet but like i just don't think i don't know like that whole thing of like just going out every day and it's like i don't know if that necessary. I just think that's the thing we're all told. And then we all get nervous and then we all just are competing. I think it's, yeah, I think it's so dependent on the individual. Like it's all what it all is.

What works best for you. Right. I, if you're somebody who enjoys, like I enjoyed, I enjoy like being in the, in the, in enjoy being in the pits of hell sometimes. Like I enjoy being out every night, but I know for other people that's not what works best for them. And like for some people it's super beneficial for them to not do that.

For me it's beneficial. I mean that's how I like to try. I love that for Ross. I love that Ross calls the pits of hell bombing at a comedy show in D.C. Meanwhile, there's children who are in fucking sex cages. Sex trafficking. That is funny. It's like, I was in the ninth circle of hell.

They had a TV on with a baseball game. Hell on earth. Dude dude they didn't cry laugh at my joke yeah that's what hell is that's what yeah it's like i'm in the pits of hell meanwhile there's like a child making an iphone yeah exactly that you own like not getting paid to make an iphone yeah a child made the iphone that's recording your bombing yeah exactly yeah dude this bit about gays it wasn't they didn't laugh yeah yeah this is fucked this is fucked up the shit that i put myself through yeah i spent five minutes on an uber working on that joke like yeah yeah this is fucking hell. No, some of the best sets that I've had,

like if you get booked on like a showcase or a club or something, is if you am like, oh, I haven't done comedy at all this week. Yeah, and you don't care. Yeah, but it almost, it feels better though because it's not as repetitive.

It's like, oh, this is fresh again and you're in the moment. Yeah, but that's the thing. I've had it both ways. I've had it both ways. I've had it be great and I've had it be, oh've had it be oh i don't feel sharp right right right right i i think it's just like weird because it's like how do you go out anymore like after the pandemic i can't just be like so uh i'm a school psychologist or i used to be like he's just like

like you're winking at the crowd they're like like, yeah, dude, we know what's going on. Yeah, the entire crowd is in gas masks. Dude, so things are a little different, huh? Right. That's another weird thing. It's like, we're going to have to get used to seeing people in masks. We have to get used to people seeing in masks. And we might make a policy, if you're sick, you have to wear a mask.

Or not come to the show. And we might make a policy if you're sick, you have to wear a mask. Because that's why Asian people wear masks when they're sick to not spread it. Because they're being respected. It's not to protect themselves. And it used to be like, look at this fucking weirdo on the airplane. What a weird culture they have. Yeah, you would see an Asian person wearing a mask. You're like, what an idiot. It's just like, God, they're being yeah you would see an asian person wearing a mask you're like what an idiot it's just like god they're so paranoid yeah as i'm like sneezing into my hands i'm like oh what a pussy

we're like hey this is american air it's fresh bitch american airlines have you guys seen anybody out like i so i i've said this before like oh you're breaking up people who are rocking the quarantine look like they look cool as shit oh the quarantine that you know what i mean that's that's been one of the things that has bothered me the most of how quickly capitalism was like okay that's what's up like all of my all of my instagram ads are like cool dudes with masks on that have like ripped jeans. And they're like, get an LA mask. Yeah. What is this?

Dude, I saw this couple. I saw this couple of giants the other day. They were head to toe. It was like designer quarantine gear. It was like supreme, this shit. And I couldn't see any bit of this couple. But I looked at them. I'm like, that couple fucks, dude.

Like, I just. Oh, yeah. But it's been interesting to see. I definitely think this will start fashion trends for sure. No. of this couple but i looked at him i'm like that couple fucks dude like i just oh yeah but yeah interesting to see i definitely think this will start uh fashion trends for sure no it's gonna be like a thing dude yeah i mean i don't know yeah you gotta look cool in a mask i do think it would be hot to see i think it'd be hot to see a girl in a bikini with a mask on. That's pretty hot. I could dig that. I could dig that. Very BDS Emmy. Very BDS Emmy.

Her name's Emmy. Beattie. Hey, what up, Beattie? Hey, girl. Let's wrap this up. We're like an hour 20 in. I could keep going. This was very fun.

Yeah, this is great. Oh, no problem. Yeah, and Ross talks about his podcast a couple times, but I don't know if we mentioned the title. It's Smiley Frown. Smiley Frown on iTunes. Smiley Frown. Check it out.

Yeah, yeah. Umar and I have both been on the pod, so yeah, definitely check it out. Two big episodes here. You guys had high numbers. Oh, I felt bad. I felt like I was boring. I mean, because you wanted me to talk about my job. And I was like, I can't talk about my job.

No, Omar, yours was great because we talked like you really got into it. Like you definitely covered stuff that was like just. Oh, cool. Oh, Josh, I'll tell you this. I even listen to Omar's and I said, this is great. Do you guys ever have people Come up to you and be like Hey I just want to let you know

I'm not I don't listen to the podcast You ever have people do that? No I've actually It's like I don't care Like okay cool

I've never had someone say that But I've been very I start grabbing my chest And I fall to the ground When people tell me that And you're like oh no I'm surprised There's been a couple times

When people tell me They listen to my podcast And You're like, oh, no. I'm surprised. There's been a couple of times when people tell me they listen to my podcast and I'm like blown away. I know. I get surprised. People are like, hey, I love you. Dude, I was like in line at... Trader Joe's, right? Yeah.

TJ. Oh, yeah. It was Trader Joe's. I was in line at Trader Joe's and the guy, yeah, he told me he listened to our podcast. I was just like, what the? Well, he recognized you from your voice. Yeah.

He recognized my voice. No way, dude. Yeah. And he was like, I listened to the progression set. I was like, that is insane. That's wild. Yeah. No, it's, yeah.

Whenever I meet anybody that listens to the podcast, I'm like, holy shit. Okay. I know. Cool. But yeah, no no check out ross's ross uh does uh does some solo podcasts which i'm like that's awesome i don't know if i could do it no i could not they uh like i'm not i wouldn't say i'm like i'm a secure about them but i do them yeah oh no i think i think it's awesome yeah i'm like you know it's like it's fun it's awesome. Yeah, I'm like, you know, it's like lifting a lot of weight without a spotter. I'm like, damn, he's ripped.

Good for him. Oh, dude, speaking of people like recognizing you, like so the last time I opened up for Kyle Kinane was in Baltimore. But before that, I opened up for him at the 930 Club in D.C., which was like 850 people. And so I guess I met this these people there they started following me and they listened to the podcast and then they saw me open up for him in uh baltimore and this guy was like hey man like we're big fans we listen to your pod we saw you in dc blah blah

it's like we run a show at like sully's i don't know if you ever heard of it i'm like yeah i've heard of it like yeah we'd like i don't know if you would come but like he's like yeah like i mean i can't like pay you like a thousand dollars but like you know it's like this guy thought like i he thought i made a thousand dollars that night i made 150 dollars this is like yeah yeah so funny yeah then it's like yeah then you're like you're like listen bro if you want to pay me 900 like even like kind of like taking a step back like oh you can't a thousand dollars i was like bro if i got paid if i oh god that'd be insane this dude thinks i'm making a thousand dollars a night oh yeah it's like i wouldn't be a fucking school psychologist yeah what are you nuts waiting tables at sonoma restaurant if i was getting paid a thousand dollars it was very sweet and I was just like I

mean yeah but you'll work something out you know yeah yeah I'm like even like even like 500 is just like I dude I know I know that's so funny I'd be like well just email my people and you give them the email it's like is this your email it's my people's email too yeah I am ross benoit at gmail.com yeah i don't have management at gmail.com all right let's get out of here all right this is great ross thanks so much for joining us man appreciate it again uh if you guys want to down the road if we're still locked up uh do the reverse and do it from mine sure yeah i was i was gonna say if you wanted to release this on your feed too as like a swap cast if you want i could yeah do it do that fuck it yeah absolutely 100 just you guys edit how you do it and then i'll i'll just i can put it on my pod bean cool okay it out all right all right guys goodbye all right guys see ya bye oh yeah follow us on social media

see ya See ya. Bye. Oh yeah, follow us on social media. Bye bye. See ya.