The Digression Sessions - Ep. 315 - Quarantine Sessions 4

Episode Date: April 27, 2020

Hola Digheads, on this week's episode, Josh and Umar catch up on more corona times and Zoom whoopsie doodles. Follow the podcast and Josh Kuderna, on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Josh - @JoshKuderna on Twitter and @JoshKuderna on Instagram Watch Umar's special - HERE The Pod - @DigSeshPod on Twitter The Pod's Facebook page - Dig Sesh on Facebook Thanks for listening, all! Do the pod a favor and rate and review the pod on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, Laughable, Stitcher, & Spotify plz!

Hey, what it do, 14erinos, the digression sessions, and we're back from our houses still with vengeance. Yeah. And this time it's personal. Woo-hoo! Hey, now. What's going on, my dude? Hey, man.

You know, just living life, having fun, living every day to the fullest. Yeah. That's what you're supposed to YOLO, right? Jesus said that on the mound. Oh, he did? Yeah. He played baseball? Well, yeah, he did that too.

And so there was like kind of a break. And his team, I think his team was called the Disciples. They had a softball team. They were drinking, of course. And he was like, listen, hustle up, you fucks. All right? I'm on the mound. And I'm not seeing a lot of hustle.

You guys are acting like you don't want to win. And you only live once. Me, I'm going to die and come back. I'm basically a zombie. But you guys, you're fucked. All right. Damn. Do you want to die a loser or a winner?

Well, you know, I don't know. I don't know. All right. All right. Okay. No religious takes for you, huh? I don't know anything about it. I'm not going to lie. I don't know anything about it.

It's Ramadan right now, which it's funny because my parents didn't even call me. That's how much I think they just gave up because usually they'll call me at the beginning of every ramadan and they're like oh happy ramadan and blah blah blah and yeah every every time they do they call you they're like hey i'm sure you were about to call us and say the same uh yeah yeah it's it's got to be weird you were probably dialing the phone too to say happy ramadan to us but here we are yeah every uh every week or yeah like every week or uh my mom will call and then she'll be like you know you can call us too sometimes i'm like i know i just you do it enough you're like i can all right now that i know i'm on it also we're covered we don't have like me my parents don't have like me. My parents don't have like real conversations.

You know, it's never like I don't know. It's never it's always just like, oh, you good. I'm like, yeah. How are you guys? Oh, we're good. Right. Like almost like like your co-workers. Yeah, exactly. And then like they're literally like two seconds long.

Right. And they just they like will be like, be like all right see ya and it's just awkward and it's like i think they want uh you know they want to i feel bad because i feel like i'm not meeting them halfway because i feel like i used to be like well you guys you know don't try and i think they're trying yeah but it's just it's painful to start it at 30 years old you know don't try and i think they're trying yeah but it's just it's painful to start it at 30 years old you know yeah it's it's like it's like you're starting to date your parents you know yeah like you're going on like first dates you're like so do you like stuff yeah it's like i don't trust you guys with my thoughts and feelings what do you know my fucking parents yeah it's weird

it's like i because also then like i just my parents are weird they're like well i mean i'm very much like this where you're you'll be telling me something and then i'm not listening and then i'll just say something completely else and they're like were you yeah no i i know well it's also you don't have a poker face with that either like if i'm talking especially now on like zoom too where it's like yeah you know like in person you're not always staring making eye contact but a zoom is easier like i can tell like i'll be saying something then umar will just be staring to the side i'm like oh man he is checked out oh yeah yeah. And it's weird.

I didn't notice that I don't make eye contact that much until Karen told me something. She was like, how come you don't like look, she was like, you know, you don't like look at people in the eyes when they're talking to you. And I'm like, oh, I didn't know that. I've never noticed that about you. Oh, okay. That's good. Cause then, uh, maybe it's just some people you don't feel as comfortable with.

Yeah. People who I don't think are funny or cool, I cannot look at them in the eyes when they talk to me. That's so funny. Most people are nervous. You're like, I deem you uncool and unfunny. Yeah. But I think a lot of times I get lost in my thoughts. And then I guess that's ADHD. Right, right.

Well, yeah. And it's a thing, too, of, like, trying to also be in the conversation of, like, thinking about stuff. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I want to say my part. But then it goes too far. And you're like, wait, what were we even talking about? Yeah, that shit's. Oh, it sucks too then uh especially when i'm like

on good times it's very hard to track conversations yes yeah and it's very hard even your own thoughts as you're speaking yeah like what are we talking about yeah so i think there was a the podcast that me you and ross did i was pretty gone and uh i just know that we would be talking and i completely forget what we're like dude sometimes like i literally will forget in the middle of my own sentence what the fuck we're talking about and then i'm just like but i don't want people to know that so i'm like i'm like keep talking until you bring it to something yeah i think that's that's trump's approach too he's like oh yeah i'm starting here and i have no idea where it's gonna end up i might tell people to use bleach in their body that would dude that the that was great because the i think he said it on a friday

and yeah this past thursday or friday i think and so the whole following day all his supporters oh he never said that he never said that oh well you're taking out of context and he was asking a question blah blah blah yeah and then the next day trump i think in the afternoon he did a press conference from the oval office and a reporter asked him about it and he was like oh i was being sarcastic just see what happened clearly wasn't yeah which is also what children say when they got caught saying something stupid they're like i was being sarcastic you know just like yeah and then also that's like like that's acceptable too it's like well when i was giving a briefing on the pandemic that is ravaging the world i was joking thank you yeah so i've been uh i've been trolling

my uh my dad has a millionaire uncle multi-millionaire uncle yeah we talked about him last week yeah so his girlfriend is uh trumpy and stuff and so i've just been trolling her account every time she posts anything like she posts like pro trump stuff a lot yeah so i you were saying last week well you were just for people listening last week you were saying like that she was like she'll post on facebook she's like you know i was kind of on the fence before this but now i know that we have a great leader in donald trump and i feel so safe and it's like oh now you okay yeah oh yeah and so um she posted something like san francisco it's legal and uh yeah all good she she posts they legalize good times though yeah she posted something like

uh uh he was just asking a question there's nothing wrong with that he didn't tell people to do anything which is true he did not tell people to do anything and i do think liberals are going a little too crazy it is just fucking dumb it's so it's so dumb there's so dumb and it's it should be made fun of but i do think like i think what happens is liberals like you can't. I don't think you should be able to blame him for people who actually swallow bleach like that's on them. Yes and no. But he also is the same one that's like, I only say the truth. Everything else is a lie that you hear from the media. It's all fake.

And so like, oh, that's a good point. People take his word as gospel and that's what he wants. Oh, but those people, I mean, come on. Of course. I'm not saying that they're not, you know, idiots. Yeah. The same people that were doing the hydroxychloroquine or whatever. And like, yeah, they were like, it's fine. I'm going to go to a fucking I'm going to go on a cruise. It's no big deal. Yeah. So I saw on her post, she posted that. Oh, no. And then she also had some post about how she's like, Trump does not mess around because he had a tweet recently where he said he's going to bomb Iran or something.

Oh, really? I didn't see that. Yeah. And so I posted what I've been doing is posting like actual just not even making fun of him. I just post what he said. I just post a video clip of what he said. Yeah. Yeah.

You can't argue and they can't argue with it. It's hilarious. So then they just don't argue with you. Yeah. And then there's one guy just like he's like, God, I just so wish Trump never said he was being sarcastic. And it's like, why? So you can keep saying. Yeah. that that's not what he said. Because that's the thing.

It's like by him coming out and taking back. He essentially took back what he said. You're making everyone who defended you look so stupid. Yep. It's great. Well, yeah, that was the thing, too. If he never said anything like, oh, like it's up for interpretation. You know, it the thing, too. If he never said anything, they're like, oh, like it's up for interpretation.

You know, it's like, no, what the great leader meant, obviously, was like, uh-huh, uh-huh. But it doesn't even matter if there's video because he'll say one thing one week and then a reporter will be like, okay, when you said this was going to go away in April, he's like, I never said that. It's like, there's video of it. It's crazy dude this is like like uh uh it's like a i don't know what like uh i don't want to say simpsons because they already made trump the president but yeah when they make a documentary about this banana like it's gonna be like the world faced one of the most uh insane challenges it has faced like in our lifetime yeah and then they're gonna play the theme song to curb and they're gonna be like and this guy was president right right right it's like and they had a leader that would take care of oh wait no it was donald trump

you know like it dude it feels like the end of time like i think this is the beginning of the end of america being the dominant power in the world well who takes who takes over china i don't know let's who knows yeah i well i mean that is the thing i guess everything gets leveled uh yeah speaking of uh parents my my dad's actually been pretty good like we we always connect pretty well but uh since he's been home and he's been on the phone he's no things are good he's oh he's been doing more bits which is great he sent me oh that's awesome he sent me a picture of uh of his fridge that was open and so it's like you know there's like a two liter of coke and then

he's got like some water in there and some tupperware and then he put a 409 disinfectant bottle and it says my new herb flavored salad is delicious oh nice hell yeah like that's a good bit that's a good bit i like that uh but he was saying there was an article about russia where like basically all their eggs are in the basket of oil and now that oil is like dirt cheap and plus they're not really doing anything about yeah they're fucked covid over there either like now we have zero cases it's like you have zero dude they were fucked before uh covid hit yes because they they went to, like the oil wars with, is it Iran or Saudi Arabia? Saudi Arabia.

Yeah. And then they both, to spite each other, just flooded the market with oil. Yeah. And then it brought the prices down. Yeah. It's like, oh, fuck me. Fuck you. So they've been losing money for like two or three months in a row yeah and then

yeah it's crazy isaac hirsch had a great post about it it was what did it uh i forget what it was that like i mean eventually oil got down to like zero but he posted something he was like oil is selling for five dollars a barrel which i don't know much about oil but that's definitely a good price for a barrel right yeah that's good well now it's at one point it got negative yeah yeah i don't even know what that means like you get paid to fill up gas yeah i don't know man um yeah so what are we in we're in like week five five week six coming up five yeah so this is week six coming up though right like the monday this comes out um yeah so it feels so much longer this is bad yeah to me it's all kind of blending together yeah same

uh but so we tried to shave our dog and uh that didn't go well and then the next day our groomer called us and our groomer is like he's i don I don't know. He's one of the weirdest people I've ever met in Baltimore. I love it. Yeah. Oh yeah. He's like a gay. I don't know. I don't, I have no idea.

Oh, do you think he listens? No, but I don't think he's gay. I don't know. He just has a weird. Oh, I thought you said he was gay. Or maybe I just assumed that from the impression you do of him. Listen, I'm going to play the audio cause he left me a voicemail. Oh hell yeah. But, uh, so uh so anyway so yeah we fucked up boo like fucked up his hair he looked like a mess

and then the next day he called and he was like hey you know if you want to get uh get his hair done it's so funny too like he's never like hello he's not like hello how are you he's like okay so here's what's going on if you want to come in he's like uh we could put all the mask and the gloves and all that and then you bring him it'll be safe and we could do his hair like okay great and wait did he see boo on your instagram no he just oh what a weird coincidence i know he just happened to call the next randomly he would call like every couple of months of like all right you gotta bring him in like okay and typically how often do you get him groomed um i would say two to three months i forget basically until it gets like too shaggy like so our dog's hair will just grow and grow like a person's hair and it'll get in like his paws and stuff so was he past the yeah it was like too much yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly

so so yeah we tried to do it we shaved his back and fucked it up and i accidentally like i actually would have been a dude it was i was just using like a beard trimmer to just like buzz oh no he's in the tub and he's like i trusted you what do you You know, it's like his mom and dad are like, yeah. And he's like, no. So also, damn, that's insane. Yeah. So the groomer calls and we're like, all right. Yeah. So and he's so funny, too.

Like, he's just he's just a unique person. I've never met anybody like him. You know, he calls me and he's like, are you could bring him in? Just let me know. And I was telling him, it's like, oh, man, that's great that you called. We actually tried to cut his hair yesterday. He just goes, okay. And he hung up on me. And so then I called him on Friday and I was like, I was like, hey, we want to bring him in tomorrow. And he was like, oh, now you talk to me. You hung up on me last time. I was like, no, you hung up on me anyway. So we brought him in and,

uh, cut his hair, which is great. And boo hates it. Like it's a nightmare for him. Like he feels like he's assaulted. He's in there for like two hours. And now I get it.

Like trying to cut his hair. It's so fucking hard. It's insane. Like you would think you could just like buzz them like a person's hair, but like, no, it's way too thick. And then like his face is weird.

I mean, he has hair growing on his dick, his ass, the whole it's a mess. Right. Oh, yeah. So how do they do it? How do you get because you're because Boo is like aggressive to people he doesn't know, let alone sticking a buzzing thing in his face. Like, how do you groom his fucking face? How do you groom his dick? You should see it. Oh, yeah. it's sculpted it looks great um so it's this guy david and then beverly

is the one that does the grooming and she's just some angel on earth i don't know how she does it but i think boo gets so freaked out he kind of just shuts down eventually yeah but it was so funny so we did the thing and like uh we had the the gloves and the mask and everything and we get boo get boo in the car and you could tell it was like he just got out of like prison or something like that he's like let's go get the fuck out of here go go go go go like he was so happy and like kissing us like let's go let's go and then we get a call from the groomer and like hey uh we forgot to express his anal glands. He was dragging his butt.

And if he keeps dragging his butt, we got to express the anal glands. And I'm like, ah, well, we'll keep an eye on it. And then I was like, well, actually, it's all the way in Canton. So it's like 25 minutes, 20 minutes from us. So it's like, fuck it. We'll just turn around. And when Boo saw that we pulled back up to the fucking dude he was so upset because it's so funny he's like he's like all right we don't have to do that

again for a couple months and then we go back drop him off and then beverly has to put a finger in his ass to express his anal glands god damn dude that's crazy yeah uh what does that mean express anal because cob has been i've been noticing uh one day he dragged his ass across the carpet and i was just like what the fuck but then uh yeah he did it on the sidewalk one time oh yeah the sidewalk dude yeah his ass was all dirty after that i was like and then he's been doing it lately like in the this last week or so yeah on the on the grass so do we have to express his anal glands yeah dude you got to put a finger in there what is that is that all you have to do apparently yeah so they're supposed to like get it out when they poop but sometimes they don't but it's like a little just

like juice that's like still in their butt oh babe we're gonna have to stick our finger in Cobb's asshole to get that juice out have you heard of that oh she's heard of it yeah she nasty hold on I want to uh I just want to see if you can hear this this is a voicemail from David do you hear that yeah a little bit all right let's see we'll circle back to it but yeah so karen turned 40 right you're karen oh yeah she turned 40 on friday it was good yeah it was uh well it was as good it was uh yeah as good as a quarantine good as it could be because we were gonna do like a big blowout at uh the local chuck's trading post

have a private part we're gonna have like a a whole pig roast a photo booth and yeah yeah uh we yeah you guys were invited and miles and like so. The whole crew. But it was going to be like, I think like 75 people. 50. And yeah. Wow. That would have been great. 50 people on the 40th birthday. But so, oh yeah, right?

Hold on. Let me try to play this real quick. See if you can hear it. God, you're always too busy to talk. I swear to God, you're worse than talking to Trump. Listen, we forgot how the face goes. Is it a clean face or is it one of them fluffy things? He's the best.

God damn, you're worse than Trump. Oh, I love that guy. One of them fluffy things. That's that guy. How old is that guy? It's tough to tell. Oh, because he probably didn't take care of himself? Well, who knows it's tough to tell like he could be oh because he probably didn't take care of himself well who knows he could be 40 he could be 65 i have no

idea yeah dude there is that meth like that meth heroin white trash where you're just like holy shit you yeah like you could be 67 years old or you're just a 40-year-old who just really fucked up in life. Yeah, you lived a rough one, you know? Yeah. Where you're like, I think your hands, like some of your hands are permanently like stained a little black. Oh, for sure. And you never thought like, well, when I retire like that, you never thought that. Oh, man, they're just w you never thought that. Oh, man.

They are just wiling out right now. These like white trash heroin addicts. Yeah. It's funny. Now, some of them are wearing masks now, but they're wet. But I'll see them wearing them like they're like around their ears, but their mouth and nose are still exposed. They have it like on their chin. And I'm like, why are you even wearing it?

But yeah, it's also funny, too, to be like, oh, man, I'm man i'm gonna go score heroin hey where's my mask i want to make sure i'm healthy oh that's so great scoring heroin with a mask on just shooting up heroin with a mask on yeah yeah where yeah if you're in like a heroin den you're like bro bro six feet come on and uh so i think like we were walking down the street today uh right in front of your block uh yeah and some white there is like one dude a white trash guy and i'm like i think he's like the leader of all these guys might be man yeah it's weird when you see the groups of them like geez yeah look at this ragtag group over here and so like she just starts yelling like or something like at that other guy and first i'm like karen was like oh shit i like what is like we're like are they gonna like rob us or something like what the fuck is happening yeah

yeah is this a signal to somebody else and then she's like is that clyde or like like you know like just like she was saying how they're Bonnie and Clyde or something I'm like oh can you imagine being like 50 years old and yelling that down the street oh sure yeah that's yeah that's where you want to be you're living life real real well at that point you know my god just you're 50 some years, 40 years old. You're just walking around outside with a kid's hoodie on trying to score drugs. Yeah. I mean, that's the life right there. Maybe it's better, dude. Maybe that life is better than having to worry about bills and like retiring and saving money.

Like they're living in the moment. Who lives in the moment more than a heroin addict? Absolutely. And it gives you purpose, which I think like, you know, a bunch of yuppie softies like us, we get existential crises. And I'd love to work outside that'd be tight yeah you get to be in the elements a little bit but no yeah like you and i are just like oh man it's just what could should i clean today should i take yeah should i take a look at the baseboards i don't know maybe i'm actually i'm a little depressed no they're like i gotta

get a heroin today and i'm gonna do it like that's gives you purpose you know yeah and then uh like also you know it's like they don't have to worry about like filing filling out taxes or like uh i don't know like that just seems kind of cool no like chores they don't have chores yeah yeah i wonder like do they grocery shop uh i mean probably whatever is that like 7-eleven or royal farms yeah yeah and there's probably some people are listening now who are gonna get like upset because yes there are those hair like it's a big deal heroin and being homeless is not fun but wow this is this is where we're at in 2020 of like okay to our heroin addict listeners out there where you apologize no but like what

i'm saying like there is there are a lot of people uh who have like brothers and sisters that aren't like that but you know they're like functional but they're on heroin because they went from pills to right shooting up yeah we're not talking about those people we're talking about like junkies junkie yeah like like like street almost homeless we don't know like they probably are technically homeless you probably crash on couches people's houses you know yeah there was uh yeah yeah but god damn dude like all i'm just thinking about all this work i gotta do this week and i was like i didn't work enough last week and i'm gonna make up for it and my ball i'm gonna get fired they don't give a shit about any of that stuff fired

they're like who cares yeah it's sure like you know you could argue that like well we get to go like visit other countries and all that but it's like you do it and it's like i bet you i bet you doing heroin is a better feeling than going to Puerto Rico, you know? Yeah. That is what they say. That's what... So... Yeah.

Picturing, like, a travel agency. They're like, yeah, Puerto Rico, it's a little expensive, but have you tried heroin? Yeah. Don't get upset, Karen. I loved our Puerto Rican trip. Yeah. But imagine if you did heroin in Puerto Rico. You know what I mean?

I know, dude. Well, I bet it would have been easy to get yeah yeah uh no yeah i see them like yeah they just have one singular focus they're not like man am i doing enough do i need to it's just like nope just need to score score some h maybe yell yeah yell at some yuppies yeah that's my day see how the ravens are doing. And what I love about them, too, it's like they just don't care when other people hear them fighting. Like most people, when you're fighting and you're out in public, it's like you try to hide it. You keep cool. You're arguing.

Someone comes up to you like, hey. Oh, we're having. Hey. Yeah. There's never been a heroin related fight through grit teeth you know yeah we will talk about this later yeah yeah yeah yeah no one's ever like it's like when we we need to talk uh when we get home we need to have a talk and it's just like let me just do it now you know it's just like look when we get this abandoned building, I don't want to talk about this.

Okay. Do not embarrass me in the heroin den. Do not embarrass me. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be, that sounds like a fun life. Yeah. It's a good time, man.

It's a good, good time. But, oh, so yeah, Karen's birthday. So we could, you know, yeah, obviously. Turning 40 during a global pandemic. What a time. Yeah, it's a, well, I don't know. 40 doesn't feel, I remember throwing an over the hill party for my dad and some of my neighbors. And I remember you were just like, fuck, man, these guys are getting up there.

Oh, dude, when I was like 12, I 12 i thought an 18 year old was like a grown man who's like i can't no way oh yeah i remember going to the pool and like looking up to all these cool lifeguards and i'm like oh these are just like 17 19 year old losers yeah yeah yeah because then i became one of them and you're just anyway but uh i get it i get it i wonder if there's a kid sitting right now recording a podcast when i was a lifeguard and just thinking he'd be like yeah like we thought that guy was cool and he's like i looked him up he's just a balding retard now yeah but i mean that's because i had like hair down to my shoulders you know like yeah that was bad well this is on you for getting that website baldingretard.com

yeah that's true so yeah people can find you so easily but uh oh yeah so um oh and well oh you know what also sucked about karen's birthday falling now is so uh uh last year's birthday karen and I were, like, so fucking sick. We went to spring break in Nashville, and I got sick on the plane there. Like, I just started feeling, like, my throat doesn't feel great. Oh, right. Dude, it's, like, one of the most sick I've ever been in my life. And when we got back, I was sick for two more weeks.

It was insane. It was, I got like, like a little depressed. Cause I was just like, fuck, I have to stop being sick. And I was like freaking out.

I was like, I was called, I called like Andre's like, he's like a dot, my friend who's like a doctor and I'm in medical school. And I'm like, dude, like what is this?

And he, and then, you know, they don't fucking,'re just like yeah take some pseudofed yeah it's it sucked well yeah that's the thing too about all this stuff it's like even with coronavirus it's like it's just it's a bug you know i don't know sometimes doctors just like you're just sick i don't know yeah and so last year karen and i went to a birthday dinner and we were so sick we were like coughing and sniffling the whole time instead of having like cocktails we had hot tea yeah and we're sitting outside it's a beautiful day we went to this restaurant cosima and if you sit outside it's gorgeous sounded like you went to the restaurant covid is that what you want yeah yeah anyway so we're just i can't taste my food i'm just lying

that it tastes good and uh yeah people are then really i think it tastes a little off you're like yeah off tastes off yeah i don't like it yeah not good so then this year i got Karen like a early birthday present. It was on March 27th, I think. We were supposed to go see. We got like early access to this Japanese artist lady's, I don't know her name, but she did like a very. Yeah. Kasuma, how do you say it, babe? Kasuma. Kasuma.

Kasuma. Kasuma. Kasuma. I don't know her name, but something like that. She did Infinity Mirrors. Yeah, I know who you're talking about. Also, hi, Karen. Happy birthday. I didn't realize she was right there. Josh says happy birthday.

She can't hear you. Yeah, good. Yeah, that dumb bitch. Anyway, so I got her. I paid $100. I donated $100 to the Hirshhorn. And if you do that, you become a member and you can get, you don't have to like, you don't have to wait in line. You have a spot saved.

Right. And it's before the actual exhibit opens. So we were going to do that. And then I had booked us reservations at that French place here on Maryland Avenue. That's supposed to be like Bon Appetit. That is like top five best new restaurants in the country the country yeah i think you've been there yeah yeah and so we were gonna do that and then we couldn't do any of that and she knew it because i gave her a card and all that and then like so that was a bummer yeah no that restaurant's great man it's yeah i like yeah who knows if it's gonna make it but uh i know so

yeah but so i was like fuck i don't know what to do you know you just can't you know so but uh i was like i know she'll want cake because karen's a bit of a whore when it comes for sweets and uh that's what they call it yep they yes they don't say sweet tooth anymore they say i'm a no i'm a whore for sweets yeah no she's not a yeah she yeah so but so then so there's this local cake lady i don't know what it's like a star it's like a pop-up cake company okay they don't have like a location but they make these cakes that karen really likes and uh i don't have a location, but they make these cakes that Karen really likes I don't think she's ever eaten one, but she just follows them on Instagram I don't know, Karen only follows food things, it's insane Every day she sends me food posts from places

Sounds a lot like my Karen These Karens, they be loving food They're foodies Well, they call them cuisine whores now yeah cuisine whores uh anyway so i got the cake and then i was like yeah but they were like we can only deliver on wednesdays and saturdays i was like fuck her birthday's friday you can't do it the day after but then it won't be a surprise right i was like so then uh karen was like oh i want to get crabs from the local oyster true chesapeake you pick them up at true chesapeake and i was like oh my buddy nick owns

that place dope so i uh got the kick on wednesday dropped it off at his plate at the restaurant he's like just ring the doorbell and i had gloves on i had my a mask and i put it in a bag and i was like being very you know cautious because i was like it's so nice they're doing this and it's like because you know i'm just like an outside person i could infect their kitchen or something yeah which maybe i don't know why i'm talking about this publicly but uh yeah i think it's getting to the damn it i don't want to finish the rest of my story because never mind. Yeah, like, so I got in there. I hugged everybody.

I coughed on the food. Pretty close to that, but. No, there was no hugging, but I was just like, I can't believe they let me in their kitchen. But then it's also like delivery people have to go in their kitchen. You know, they all go home. They're seeing other. So it's like it is pretty hard to control. It's just like being in a grocery store. Like, dude, we went shopping today and there's this couple.

Dude, they were got right in between me. And I was like, I was like, I'll just back up. And you can't say anything because you're automatically an asshole. It is weird to maintain etiquette where you're like, no, would you mind back? But you're also like, hey, I don't want to be a dick, but please don't kill all of us. Could you back up six feet? Yeah. And I don't want anyone to get upset.

Like everyone had all of us had gloves and mask on, but it was just like weird that I was in their kitchen talking to them six feet away. Yeah. No. Yeah. It feels weird just running into people people like even seeing people like six to ten feet away too it's it almost feels like uh like i was saying like you're drinking during prohibition you know but yes but it's just hanging out where you're like don't tell anybody did you see in uh i think it was like chicago or something they had a house party and a thousand

people showed up idiots there's pictures of it idiots i think chicago a thousand people think oh but uh yeah the ripple if you google thousand people house party i'm sure it'll come up god jamie can you pull that out jamie so i've been watching a lot of rogan dude really yeah no not really just like the kurt metzger and um tim dillon tim dillon was good yeah that one was interesting because like what i thought rogan was very annoying on that one a hundred percent yeah because also too like yeah tim was like joking about stuff like he's like yeah i think like bill gates is trying to kill everybody and joe's like okay hold on hold on you don't have facts on that it's like bro chill he's like dude i'm joking and then like dude tim

had to say i'm joke no that's a joke i'm joking like three or four times yeah and it's like joe rogan you're a comedian you have a comedian on your part what the fuck why is this so it it was i was like yelling that at karen while i was it was driving me nuts yeah it almost yeah i almost couldn't listen to it i'm like okay same dude i was just and then also joe rogan making tim's site like uh where he's getting his it's yeah and it's like joe you talk out of your ass on every podcast yeah all the time uh but yeah joe rogan is doing uh he's testing uh he's getting tested himself and then testing all of his guests on his podcast too i'm like where yeah i know that rich people are getting tests but i'm like how how does that work

like you're so rich where you're like yeah i want a podcast test him like yeah the whole country can't get tests but joe rogan has access to some guy with crazy yeah and well oh dude if you thought rogan was annoying listen to tim on fight fighter and the kid or something brendan uh what's his nose guys are so people who don't know there's a podcast uh the one guy's an m these are two mega successful podcasts we're like multi yeah kind of annoying but no brendan shob sounded dude the guy doesn't listen he just talks and then he's like yeah coronavirus no big deal it's like yeah he thinks he thinks he's gonna be doing comedy shows in june right and i wanted to get mad at brendan but then I was like, oh, yeah, he was in the UFC for a long time. I'm sure his brain is mostly brown matter. You know, like he's like, OK, this guy's probably been concussed.

Wait, why? Oh, wait. Ten, twelve times. How did this come up? Oh, yeah. We're talking about like kitchens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting close. What happened?

How did we get to Rogan? Who even cares? You know, who cares? How did we get to Rogan? Who even cares? You know? Who cares? How did we get there? I don't know. We're just filling time. Listen.

Shit, why did we start talking about Rogan? Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Oh, Greg Fitzsimmons also did his podcast during quarantine. I just was listening to Greg's podcast, and Greg said that he got a lot of shit for going to rogan's podcast because that's not quarantining but did he get tested i don't think greg did but i guess other people did damn what if rogan is just lying and they're just saying people are getting tested

just so people get off their backs or what if the this doctor is full of shit he's like yeah that's true i got a test it's like it's like yeah it's like the cootie shot he's like circle circle dot dot no covid nice there you go yeah okay so anyway so i dropped off the cake yeah and uh nick's like oh i have like all these kazoos we can like sing her happy birthday with kazoos i was like oh that'll be sweet and uh yeah so i got the cake. Oh, and then I got ordered flowers to be delivered from our buddy Katie Robertson. Yeah, I ran into her and she was yeah, she was pumped about it. Yeah. Her flowers are awesome. Yeah.

It's so weird. Like, where does she get flowers? And then I'm not sure. But there's like there's retailers that will do it. Oh, OK. Yeah. But it's like because you know, each flower person is creating a like their own style and hers is like a very um different unique yeah style like in a very good way but it's just like how come other people don't just use these flowers

anyway well they might but it's also the way she puts it together the same way uh arrangements you can get paint from anywhere that doesn't mean you're gonna make a good painting you know that's true you know what i'm saying but yeah check check her stuff out it's called yarrow i'm pretty sure yes so yeah follow them on the gram um yeah get those mother day mother's day bouquets oh yeah karen thought that uh she thought that was the same bouquet that she got for her 40th she thought like katie took a picture of her bouquet, but said it was for, she was like, oh great. My that's my bouquet looks like a mother.

Like people are going to think mother's day when they look at my bouquet. Yeah. Um, we're, we're far enough in the podcast, but yeah, she was saying that that's kind of what it was. And she was like, ah, like she said, she saw you post that. And she's like, I appreciate the support, but also like chill, chill she saw you post that and she's like i appreciate the support but also like chill chill chill oh because she that is gonna be some of the mother's day stuff oh wow hey babe you were it is some of the mother's day stuff yeah

that's hilarious yeah that's so funny because i don't know if she re-shared your story but yeah she did not well i didn't make it a story oh okay but yeah that might be why because she was like hey hey come on come on that's hilarious we don't care yeah i don't give a shit of course but no like katie does make incredible arrangements so yeah we got one for uh for karen's mom nice for next week and i was like what should we write on the on the card keep on trucking it's like no don't write that but i was like all right happy uh happy mother's day uh mom slash joan that way she knows it's from both of us nice and uh yeah so those came that was nice and then so we go pick up the crabs and uh like i was picture we i just thought we were gonna like walk up and get them from out like you know they're just to hand him to us.

Everyone stayed in their cars. He got in line. It was cool. They had signs up and stuff. It was just Nick running around like crazy just by himself. I was like, why is he by himself? So, whatever. We go.

He brings the cake out. It's just him doing the kazoo, but it was still very nice, very cute. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, it was awesome. And so we're deep enough the podcast. So we get these crabs. We're very excited. And Nick texts me, and he's like, you know, I was just like, oh, thanks so much, man.

He's like, how are the crabs? He's like, how are the crabs? Please tell me the crabs are good or something like that and i was like it was just it was just uh i didn't think anything of it and then like um but i didn't i i didn't start eating yet and i was just like oh they're perfect thanks you know whatever and then we started eating them and karen's like i don't know if these are done oh and they were like they were pretty um like there's a lot of water coming out of them and uh so did you have to steam them or boil them or what'd you do well oh yeah so he said oh i never even said thanks he texted me and he said please tell me they're cooked properly and i was like oh that's a weird text and i so so karen's like eating them i hadn't started yet because we also picked up ikiben thank god we picked up some other food yeah so we are eating and they're like

there's so much water and it's just like it's uh it's like translucent and kind of slimy the meat and and i think eating raw or undercooked crabs is like really bad for you. Like you can die. Damn. Because I looked it up. But, babe, you're fine. You're still here. So here's to 40 more years.

I also love that Karen's only hearing one side of a conversation because I have headphones in. But anyway, so she's eating and I'm just like, and she's like babe you gotta say something and i'm like all right because one he's you know they can make them better for other the people who haven't picked them up yet yeah you have to like no they're very expensive but it just sucks because it's like this guy just did this super sweet like right you know like he's like he let me put my cake in his fridge and he like volunteered to sing it was it's very nice he hooked me up several times in the past and i was just like i felt so bad like being like uh hey man

this is like this is no good and so i told him so the initial text he sent i just replied oh they're great they're great. They're perfect. Thanks. Without looking at them, eating them. And then I was like, fuck. So now I'm in this like, you know me. I'm just like, ah, God, do I do this?

Do I not do this? Do I just like, I don't know what to do. And Karen's like, he probably asked you that because they've been getting a lot of complaints. Yeah. You know, also just what Karen wanted for her birthday. She's like, good. Good oldfashioned umar freak out nice it kind of sucked too because in the morning i got her some breakfast and that kind of also got fucked up and karen was like i hope this isn't a sign for the rest of the day and i was like jesus it's a little pessimistic uh sure but i'm kidding babe and uh come on babe you're just like i feel like

it's funny because it's like you know how like late night shows have like their side character that they do banter with they'll give them they'll they'll kind of like playfully fuck like give them shit yeah that's like what is happening now but only i can hear it yeah like yeah you're karen is like the band leader you're're like, come on, man. I'm just chilling. Come on, I'm kidding. Come on, Jay. That's messed up.

Nah, nah, you're right. You're right. You're right. The crabs are bad. That's okay. But, yeah, so then I texted him and I said, I was like, actually, man, some of ours are a little underdone. And I sent him a picture and and he was like okay you can

bring it back uh we'll get you fresh ones or a refund and he said so so so sorry and i was like okay sorry man it's all good and i should have left it there and i should have just packed up the crabs yeah taking them back but i am such a pussy or i just want to make sure like I always want to make sure like everyone's okay like everyone's like do and I was just like so I said we can also steam them I don't want to fuck shit up for you yeah and I'm just thinking I'm just that's my way of saying like hey man you just tell me again it's okay because I feel bad about doing this you know how like you're like you're like are you sure yeah yeah we're like you're just doing that for yourself you're not doing that because you care about the other person right you do that because you want to take the guilt off of you but i shouldn't feel guilty

no yeah you feel bad that they feel bad yes right so i feel bad that he feels bad wow i had to take a long way to get to that sentence and uh so then i text him i'm yeah so i text him that steam thing i don't think he's gonna take me up on it a hundred percent it's like oh okay i owe you one so i'm like i've never steamed crabs in my life i have no idea what to do so then karen and i go get our steam pots out and we're just fucking trying to steam these crabs and we're like we steam the first batch just grab it let's see if this works oh meanwhile it's just our house is just smelling like fucking crabs and there's old bay water and shit all over my kitchen and and i'm just like upset because karen you know her birthday

dinner is like fucked up and then also i'm gonna have to clean like crazy later yeah and yeah the smell is gonna linger and i know people have lost their jobs they know people who have died because of covid those people are unsure about how they're gonna pay rent but let me this is just as bad yeah no that's a good transition you're like listen you might have lost your livelihood and that stinks but you know what else stinks steam crabs in the house yeah that also smells bad i know people i saw a facebook post about a guy who had saved up money and they were about to buy a house. But then this hit, he got laid off just as bad.

It's up there. Like owning a home and having to clean a dirty kitchen. Come on. Right. At this point you're like, I wish I was addicted to heroin on your girl. Yeah. On your girlfriend's 40th.

Uh, come on, come on now. So, so then we're just like, ah, so we, we, we steam some crabs and then we start

eating them and it's still just fucked up it's like mushy and it's like ah so we're like all right we got to steam them longer so we're seeing them longer right then karen's friends she has a zoom happy hour plan oh boy she's on zoom i'm steaming her friends are like why are you guys steaming them you put them in the oven so then i put them in the oven then we then we try eating and i'm like these are bad and then i'm like faced with this dilemma i'm like dude do i have to should i tell nick i'm like hey man it just like never worked out like this was and and i was just like i don't know but it's like it's a lot of money then he just did me this favor and I'm trying not to talk this out loud the whole time. Cause that's usually what I do.

And it's like, it's not fun to be around. It's her 40th. Yeah. You don't be like, babe, babe. Yeah. So then I'm just like freaking out. And her friend's like, why don't you just ask for your money back? You know, cause they're like moms. They don't give a't give a shit they not no not like they're bad people but it's just like

yeah you got to do what you got to do well listen so is it not the most karen thing ever to say i need to speak to the manager yeah yeah so and then karen was like no it's fine just like you he's cool you know he's got you and it's fine. Yeah. And, but then I checked my phone and, um, I got an email. Everyone got an email from them saying like, sorry, our bad. Everyone who got crabs tonight is getting a full refund. And, uh, and if you, and we're going to do this every week, next week, we promise we

will get it right. And we'll give you six, a half dozen free crabs if you order from us next week. Damn. Well, that's nice of them. So nice. But they must have took a massive hit. They're taking a bath on that one. But I'll say this.

I think the Local Oyster and True Chesapeake, that group, they're a cool group of people. And I think they're very passionate about food and like true chesapeake is an amazing restaurant local oyster is amazing they both have great reputations i just you know everyone fucks up like you come see us at a show we bomb sometimes oh sure the worst part is is like well we bomb we fuck up we still get paid they have to give the money back that sucks that is funny it's like yeah i'll send an email to the whole crowd listen i'll do 10 minutes tomorrow for free i promise yeah whatever you want yeah it's just like that's so funny i thought that because that's like when i was telling my i was talking to chris about it and he was like you know chris is like he's like yeah he's like

dude that's fine shit happens who cares and i'm like oh no i don't care but just like it's that big that feeling it's like dude they just bombed right and like well not even just bombed it cost them a lot of money yeah they bombed and it cost them like that sucks yeah yeah because it's it's not like they if it's like if you bomb and then you're like wow this bomb cost me a hundred dollars also i owe you a hundred dollars as well you know yeah and so so uh so that getting an email just like made me actually able to enjoy the night so then we're like hat like you know doing like the zoom stuff and then um one of karen's friends stopped two of karen's friends stopped by like different times, did like a dropped off packages. And, um,

her, our, her friend Jenny like decorated our porch and, um, gave us a dinosaur pinata, probably the coolest pinata I've ever seen. No way. What was in it? There's some booze and candy.

Love it. Just Karen broke it yesterday. I got a video. I'm going to post a slow-mo video. Just what every 40 year old needs. Yeah. Right there. I got a video. I'm going to post a slow-mo video of her breaking it. Just what every 40-year-old needs. Yeah. Right there. That's health and wellness.

Yeah. And then the cake from, dude, Bramble Baking. Everyone at Baltimore, check these chicks. Bramble Bakes. Check these chicks out. Their cakes look amazing. I think they do cookies and donuts. And you can pick them up at Bird in Hand or they're doing some deliveries.

Dude, this cake, pretty pricey, but very worth it. Worth it. Yeah, worth it. We got some food from Woodbury. Oh, yeah, we did too. We're going to eat some tonight. Nice. But, yeah, we got some cookies from them.

And they forgot to include it in the order. And they're like, oh, we're so sorry. We'll drop them off. And this is what a piece of shit I was. I was laying on the couch on Friday. I had a blanket on me laying on the couch. And it was like a teenager that was dropping them off. He came on the porch and I saw it like he looked in the window and he had the bag.

And I didn't even get up. I just pointed down like drop it off on the porch oh no i just went oh my god i pointed down and then just gave him a thumbs up i bet you that dude is like it's like that motherfucker thinks he's so he lives in a town house it's not even like a mansion yeah but i own a move you can do in a mansion you know just like matt i own it look i don't want your teenage so funny drop it off thank you for your service so uh yeah so we also let me just say we tip 20 at least on stuff so oh yeah yeah i've been going but it's also like if it was any other time i would open the door and be like thank

you but you know you can't make contact but it's just like l it was any other time, I would open the door and be like, thank you. But, you know, you can't make contact. But it's just like lends itself to being an asshole. Like, no, no, no. Drop it off. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah. So then we did some Zoom stuff. And I got to say, Zoom, more than three people is not worth it. It is not fun. Chaos. Everyone talks over each other and um like karen has like one friend who uh she talks a lot a lot and all the whole group of friends gives her shit about it and uh it was funny because they kept muting her yeah i was gonna say thank god for that mute

button thank god the mute button is pretty tight and then uh oh here's a thing we're have you are you on that app uh that party app or something house party yep yeah so the first couple times i did it was kind of weird and not fun but we did it last night with uh some of karen's friends it was so fun dude it was like yeah it is kind of fun i we the first night that i did it i was like me and a bunch of people from ken island and i was just in such a good mood i ended up hanging out with those guys for a while and then i was doing gin and tonics and like i ended up staying up to like six in the morning and i was like oh this is bad holy shit yeah dude yeah like so we did that last night.

And so here's like a thing. Like, you know, like, I'm like the new person to the group. So there's all this stuff they know about each other that I don't know about each other. Yeah. I'm just cracking jokes. Inside jokes that they have with each other and stuff. Yeah. Inside jokes.

And I guess like, i don't know the story okay so at one point during the thing like they're all hold like they're holding up some like mask with like a maryland flag on it and then a t-shirt with like a panda it's like a panda shape face it's all black and the shape it It's like a Maryland panda face shape. Gotcha. And I was just like, so, you know, they're like, oh, that's so nice. And I was like, oh, man, I was like, dude, people are just going to think you're really gay for Maryland. And apparently, so Karen's like best friend's brother died two years ago and he was like 30 years old or something.

And that has something that was related to that. And I didn't know that. Well, so let me just say immediately after the Zoom, you emailed everybody like that's on me. You get free jokes. I got free jokes for you tomorrow. Anybody that got jokes tonight, I have free jokes tomorrow. And, but so Karen and I were in different rooms because I was doing dishes and stuff. And she comes over and she tries to say something to me.

And I'm like, what? And then so I go out to her and she's like, I think, you know, and then I was like so embarrassed. Should I just like go? Because one, you're like, do I say something now? Because they move past it real quick. Of course. Yeah, they're not going to dwell on that. I even woke up this morning thinking about it.

I was like, God, that sucks. But hopefully they know I don't know. I got to say, kudos to you. You haven't done stand-up in six weeks, and you're still bombing. I know, dude. I was bombing pretty hard yo covid can't stop me i'll bomb my house no it's not great oh god yeah no it's i mean that's tough as it is with people like you kind of don't know and it's not like you're trying to impress them

but you also want to be like we're cool you know yeah you want to make a good impression but not like just also bombing with a homophobic joke too pretty good pretty good oh god nothing makes you uh yeah just like want to kill yourself more than you just like really like you're just like god because then you're just like oh my everyone's like can you believe he said that yeah i didn't know i had that with uh let's say her brother didn't die yeah and that but that guy just was into maryland flags i that dumb that's dumb okay all right now there's a sentimental value so that's great but if you're just a guy wearing maryland flag paraphernalia that's weird yeah paraphernalia is drugs right uh it doesn't have to be oh it means like just related to a subject i think karen said no yeah yeah it's paraphernalia

paraphernalia what's no pedophilia is the thing you're into oh okay yeah you love pedophilia paraphernalia yeah that's your that's your thing baby uh yeah i haven't i haven't had too much stuff like bomb but i'm not really like putting it out there we did have a zoom happy hour with some of our friends and uh our friend uh sylvia who's like a friend of a friend kinda and uh they were talking about we were like riffing on bats or something like that of course saying like bats caused this whole thing like just joking around and then somehow the conversation got moved to drake and it was like well how do we feel about drake like didn't he do us he did a song with chris brown and they're like talking about that and like i don't i don't i don't like

obviously i don't like chris brown after what he did and in that with rihanna in that car and i was like you you guys, I heard it wasn't even Chris Brown driving. I heard a bat was driving the car with Rihanna. And they're like, Josh, we know you're trying to joke, but like now's not the time.

Like, uh, domestic abuse is not like something. What? And I was like, all right, I'm going to go pee. I'm going to take a break.

Wait, who were these people? Who were they? Like friends of friends. And I get, I get what they were saying too. And I like all right it's it's all my that is so uncomfortable no it wasn't that bad it was just like like it got a smile but it was like okay we're not right i don't know it's a pretty good bit pretty funny visual of a bat driving a car you know forget it fine yeah that's tough yeah it's tough yeah yeah but you know what are you

gonna do you gotta throw out you gotta throw out some jokes you gotta i feel like everyone i i don't know why but it does feel like you're allowed to make chris brown jokes you mean about the incident yeah well i don't know no i think i'm just i did you know what's crazy dude dude? It's like I think I have like not blocked out, but I just don't hang. I think I don't hang out with anybody who would be bothered by a Chris Brown. Yeah. And it wasn't like they were pissed. I think also once. And it's a happy hour, too.

So like people are boozing and they're like, no. I live in a bubble is what I'm saying yeah you know like i i live in a bubble that's what i'm saying yeah yeah hey i live in a i i've created a nihilistic hate bubble that i hate filled bubble which is uh the new no no hope allowed nope uh hate filled bubble is going to be our new podcast that's gonna be their new name yeah i guess there's like about the problematic people on the left. And Nick Mullen and Stav are part of the problematic left from Comptown. That's so funny. Isn't that hilarious? Also, it's like, guys, who fucking cares?

So there's years ago. So Nick Mullen, he's the host of this podcast called Comptown. And they're very popular. They make like thousands and thousands of dollars a month. But years ago, he was like a Baltimore, D.C. comic, and then he moved to New York or whatever. So he had lived in L.A., and when he was in L.A., he met this guy who was just kind of like a weirdo guy that everyone in the scene hated. And Nick is just like a internet troll and he created a fake okay cupid account account where he pretended to be a young girl like with down syndrome and he ended up matching with this comic in la who's like an

adult yeah nicole mullen was yeah no that was something different that was a blog post yeah anyway so right and so he matched with this comedian they start chatting back and forth it's very clear you know that he even says i have down syndrome and the comic's like that's okay i don't mind i think that's sweet and then he's he's like, even like, yeah, but like, you know, like I live with my grandma. He's like, he's like, well, where do you live? I can come over and she's sleeping. We'll be very quiet. It's just like, yeah, so gross.

So then Nick, like, you know, found this pedophile and outed him and, you know, whatever. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is an altruistic thing but it's so it's also a very weird thing like on his part yeah like yeah because he's a good dude he is a good dude he's just a sense of humor but anyways somebody somebody recently a girl recently posted a tweet saying how like mullen out of this pedophile yeah victimizer and he's like and it's like but also which makes him seem like a good guy but then you remember mullen's the type

of guy who makes a fake account of a girl with down syndrome and it's like all right that's i can see why that's a problem yeah but that's another thing too it's like i had that that is my problem i mean i'm left as it fucking goes but like when people are like yeah it's good however this is bad it's like come on also no one's perfect and this guy this guy's on your side on 99 of things i'm sure and you know then they're like no cancel him he's the worst. All right. Yeah. All right. So. All right. But yeah, cancel.

I was listening. Cancel Nick Mullen. I'm with Umar. He should be murdered in a public square. No. No, that's what Umar said. Let's round it up here. No, no, no. He wants the dead.

It's hard to defend. Yeah. I don't. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it. But I mean. Because who are you hurting? Well, pedophiles, I guess. Yeah. And we don't think there's anything wrong with it. Because who are you hurting? Well, pedophiles, I guess. Yeah, and we don't care about them.

Not on this podcast. Not on this podcast. All right, let's wrap this baby up. Hey, you got anything to plug? Come on, we're having fun. Just watch my special. It's free on YouTube. It's called Umar Khan, live in Baltimore.

Live in Baltimore. Oh, yeah, I did couples therapy. We didn't talkar Khan. Live in Baltimore. Live in Baltimore. Oh, yeah. I did couples therapy. We didn't talk about that. That was fun. Oh, yeah. Shit. Ramin's show.

Speaking of bombing on Zoom. No, but it was actually pretty good. I think if I'm going to do a Zoom-related or Zoom comedy-related show, I would like it to be like this where it's not like you're just doing stand-up in a vacuum so ramin our good buddy he hosts a show called couples therapy and uh he did the first one on zoom and it was me and paris sashay were the comedian slash guest therapists and people zoomed in um i think that yeah there was like i think they sold nearly 300 tickets or something like that and then there were uh like 250 people in the zoom and it was cool it was cool so it was a way so me ramin and paris could all talk to each other and like riff and

so people submitted questions then we got to riff on that and it was cool it was it was pretty fun that is cool yeah because it's nice because you're getting like a reaction in real time but yeah then the other like 250 people you're like i guess they like it there was a yeah there was a chat thing open which i like kind of checked in on sometimes and like seeing what people were saying and it was pretty cool got some got some instagram followers so that's great yeah it was uh it was fun somebody posted something they're like wow josh found the blandest place in baltimore or something like the blandest room and i was like what fuck off it's just a blue wall all right how dare you yeah that is uh uh the i think that's the

way to go if you're doing like do a show don't your act. No one needs to hear comedy through a screen. Yeah. Like that. Yeah, exactly. Like, it's weird to just be like, and then I said, I don't know. Should he be wearing pants? And it's like, do you pause for laughs? You know, it's fucking stupid.

Right, right. Unless you could hear them. Yeah, but then that would get weird too because I'm sure people would be talking and stuff. But yeah, some of the questions were pretty fun. It was like, my husband keeps wearing the same pair of sweatpants. How do I tell him to wear a different pair? It's like, first of all, you should commend him on just wearing pants at all.

So we riffed on stuff like that. And there's some women being like, so I'm with my boyfriend and he's never seen my vagina not shaved and I'm not able to go get a wax. What do I do? Oh, that's a good question. Yeah, and I was like, nobody cares.

It's like you should uh grow up yeah grow your hair you should you know i'm like i'm like man people two thousand people are dying a day lady yeah and let your boyfriend see your hairy vagina also if the guy's a piece of shit if he cares i mean he'll run out and get covet on purpose after he sees it but of course but yeah and he wasn't the one you'll have blood on your hands and hair on your puss yeah um but yeah overall it was cool it was it was a good time so nice man that sounds fun i want to do it yeah i'm sure you will i think he's gonna make it like a monthly thing um nice so yeah it was like a benefit for the dc improv too which is cool kill kill kill and uh yeah all right man well this was a nice little uh catch up hope

everybody enjoyed it um yeah we're gonna try to post every week try to get some more people on the show too the episode with ross was fun so that was really fun i would like to do more oh yeah uh dan perlman wants he wants to do our pod okay and uh he has a usb microphone and then uh yeah we might be able to get a Nicole Mullen. We'll see. We should try to get. We should get Mike Racine. Yeah.

Dude, I'm going to reach out to Ari Shafir and see if he'll do it. I feel like he would do it. Oh, Maryland's own. Yeah, I think that'd be fun. All right. All right, everybody. Follow us on the ground. Oh, the only thing I have to promote is Jack jack coleman from capital laughs which is like a comedy what do you call that not a conglomerate

but they put on shows in dc normally and uh in um in quarantine obviously you can't do stand-up so they're putting together like a weekly show of clips of comics oh nice yeah so this wednesday he put together like a clip show of some of the sketches i've been doing on instagram and it's gonna like intro them and all that stuff so so yeah i'll show you nice yeah i'll share that link so check that out that'll be on youtube follow me on instagram at josh kaderna same as twitter and all that stuff um but yeah man that's it we'll talk. I'm sure we'll text after this, Umar. Yes. All right.

Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. We'll see you next time.